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[00:00:00]

What's the guys, both of you, we're going to do a no sex podcast today. No, I was actually going to ask you the microphone. Yeah, a microphone. Yeah.

[00:00:14]

And you tried to put anything in your ass. Come on, Jay. No, I'm just saying, though, have you ever tried. Let's roll the music.

[00:00:31]

I don't know if you know this about me, but I'm a healthy guy now. Yes. I guess how far I ran four point five miles, seven. Shut the fuck up. I ran to the 405 from here down. Ventura. Yeah, DUMITRU. No, you did it, dude. Only, you know, L.A. and no one else knew what I meant when I said I ran to the 405. And you're dumb. And TerraPass Grandville.

[00:00:51]

It sounds like a punch line. I ran to the 405. Yeah.

[00:00:55]

Pick you up and you run back. This is what happened. I told Taylor to pick me up at Chappellet, which is two point four miles away, and I planned it. I was like, OK, she won't pick me up two and a half miles away. And then I got to Chipotle and I'm like, Oh, I'm not tired. I could I could run for for a long time. And then I ran another, like, two miles and I was like, fuck, I have no way of contacting her because I don't I didn't have anything on me.

[00:01:14]

All I had was my apple watch from my apple watches and have 4G. So I had her phone number. So now I I'm running into stores asking people to borrow their phone so I can call to you and pick me up because I because I'm like, I'm going to turn around. I want to keep going. You know her number I had on my Apple Watch. Oh, good. I just couldn't. Yeah. I could dial this guy gives me as phone.

[00:01:31]

I'm dialing in and his phone dies in my hands. It's like fuck. So then I ran another mile and then I got to like a fat cells or like something. I don't know what it was. And the cashier there gave me her phone. I call Taylor, my Taylor pick me up and she's like, I'm at the Chipotle. And I'm like, no, no, no. Drive past the Chipotle. Like, go far. I ran further, I ran further.

[00:01:50]

And then another like a mile or two goes by. And she's that comment like, I don't know where the fuck she is. So to find another guy at another store and I'm like, can I use your phone? So I call Taylor again until is like, where are you? And I'm like, just drive towards the fucking ocean. Just keep driving till you see me. You're like, and I'm running like in the middle of the road because I'm like, I need her to see me because I'm fucking stranded.

[00:02:10]

And I just kept thinking to myself deeper in the hole because I kept running further and further. And that's how I ended up seven miles away because she took so long.

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I just stopped where you were. Start running back. It's running so weird. Once you, like, figure it out, you can just do it forever. Yeah. Like you could just not stop.

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And it's and it's like the only thing that hurts is like when your bones start to like, hurt. I ran so much I ran my hip out.

[00:02:30]

Yeah. That's the only that's like that's when you fuck up is when your body actually starts to break.

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That was when that was how I used to hide when I was married. I'd go on like Nine Mile runs.

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Really. So you were in shape because you hated your wife?

[00:02:44]

Yeah. Yeah. Wow. So you must love your wife now. She's great. Yeah. I don't have to, you know, I can tell but I a hip out. Yeah. That sucks.

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It's like that scene in forty year. This is forty where he keeps going to the bathroom and hiding. Have you ever seen that.

[00:03:00]

No. So true. What happened. What happened with earlier. Speaking of running fast yesterday, we're here.

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I don't know if it was yesterday we were here the house and like you talk about her accent and we talk about that has a weird accent. I don't know what it is. It fucking it is so crazy. And then it's only on like us, like words like us or fast or hot words with an egg.

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As I say, in a British way, it's like seven different accents. Yeah. It's a mixture of a lot of it. It's a lot of accents. Yeah that's right. Yeah. You could have like a really deep side.

[00:03:29]

You can't figure it out so you don't know what you want to be. It just does sneak up on you, it does sneak up on you. And every time I realize I say it because people will look at me and I'll be like, oh sorry. Can't never mind. Yes you are here the house and I think you called earlier, like we're on here. And this is like a really loud helicopter. So we all ran outside and we like to go through the helicopter looking at the helicopter and we're all like joking about it, like, oh, who are they looking for?

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Yeah. And then it was like like it's really weird. I don't really like joking about like, oh, what do you do. And he gets really weird and we like you. What did you do.

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And he's like, oh I think I'm like yeah. Why are you afraid of the helicopter coming to catch you. He's like, no, nothing, nothing. And he starts going through and walking around and then I'm like, yeah, seriously. And then he goes. Could they come look for you for reckless driving? They're not going to search for you in a helicopter because you were driving a Lamborghini really fast on the freeway. It was. Yeah.

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You thought they were coming for you. Yeah.

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They were like looking for the car that was driving really fast. This is also a day after I was driving the car.

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So when you hear the helicopters, everything went through your brain like, oh, my God, they're here. I'll be softeners. Why is there a helicopter? But I was down at Zain and I see I see a chopper.

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I'm down at Zaid's and I see a chopper in your motherfucking backyard. It was like, dude, this is in somebody's fucking came and something bad went out or whatever. Got killed.

[00:05:10]

David got killed is what I thought, you know. And then and I was freaking out. I was like, I can't tell you he's so cute. And I'm like, I'm like, there's a fucking helicopter above your fucking house. We talk about like, what is going on is like, everybody, OK, he's a hook. And then he fucking comes out and then I can see him and we see Jason from him down the hill.

[00:05:35]

Anyway, it was really funny. And then it was like all Piera like actually asking questions like, OK, but like, can they come from you?

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You know, it's crazy. It's like from helicopters, they can like, measure your speed, like when it says like enforced by aircraft, like they can actually measure your speed from. Yes. Yes. I've gotten speeding tickets from airplanes.

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You have. Yeah. So literally no one else in the world but you. I was driving. I don't see a cop. I'm in the middle of nowhere. I drive for like there's no cars around and a cop just comes over and pulls me over out of nowhere comes on the highway and there's like, we got you on the plane. We got you on the plane. Yeah, that's fucking crazy the same way, why did you bring this up?

[00:06:16]

So I got high. I was down at Jeff's and I was doing a sketch, whatever, with the note boys. Right. And fucking you know, when you're in a sketch and you're like, trying to be funny. Yeah. So you'll do anything to fucking get a laugh. So they handed me a joint and I was like thinking it would be nothing. It was one hit shit man.

[00:06:33]

I took one hit David we were talking about because there was a helicopter flying above the house. Oh, how the fuck did you forget that? That was like 30 seconds. Like I said, I smoke with no boys.

[00:06:42]

You literally are you just trying to brag about you? Fuck you up and.

[00:06:46]

No, I'm not trying to brag. I'm just saying.

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But but you're sorry I'm off. I'm a little hard. You just asked me.

[00:06:51]

You just asked me why we're talking about it. Yes. I mean, it was the reason we were talking about it. Which was what?

[00:06:59]

I don't I'm lost. I don't even know we're talking about it as if I was like, how a Six Flags?

[00:07:04]

And you're like, oh, is good. I was like, are you scared of roller coasters?

[00:07:06]

And then you and then you'd be like, well, wait, why are we talking about roller coasters? It's exactly how that was like so high. I forgot what we were talking about, how we got on that subject. How could you be that high? A little before the podcast, you were totally fine. He did come in here and be like I was.

[00:07:20]

I literally came in here and I was like, l I'm really worried about this podcast because I'm really she's like, it'll be good. Everybody be chill.

[00:07:27]

Hey, today I found out another kink I have that I didn't you know, at last podcast we talked about, like, weird things that we do. Yes. And so I found another one. Sometimes when I go to when I go to the fridge to grab a water bottle, they'll be one like that's like ready for the taking. That's like the next one, like in the shelf. But I'll purposely go for one that's further back because I always think that maybe someone trying to poison me and I was meant to grab that one.

[00:07:51]

Have you ever thought about that one? I do that just because it's colder in the back.

[00:07:55]

Oh, no, I just do it.

[00:07:56]

Especially one of these guys you think would poison you, Natalie? No, no one in here. But I'm just saying someone comes in here, nobody. And also with water bottles, I'm really careful most of the time before I open them.

[00:08:05]

I like to squeeze them to see if there's holes punctured in the top just because you never know, because you never know who's going on grocery stores, just punching holes and in water bottles and injecting them with fucking poison.

[00:08:17]

Yeah, that's that's something you think about. Yeah, I don't know really. I mean, I don't do a lot, I don't, I don't flip water bottles a lot but sometimes I do.

[00:08:26]

And I also always always wipe the top off a Coca-Cola can because my mom always says that, that there's like rat shit and poison at the factory so you can die if you don't wipe the top of the can.

[00:08:38]

Someone told me there's rat pooping, honey, that Cheerios once and I never eat them again. Someone said that they go, you know, Nut Cheerios is fucking wrapup all over it. And they say, yeah, they had a huge problem.

[00:08:49]

I can't remember anymore anymore. That's crazy.

[00:08:51]

Like one thing can happen. I remember everyone remembers that thing for like. Well, yeah. Remember Wendy's when Wendy's had like the finger in the chili. Yes. Like even like now I'll be with like a random person and I'll be like going to Wendy's to get chilling. Are you sure you want that? It was like fingers. You know, I guess if it happens like once a week, that's the worst age.

[00:09:11]

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[00:09:35]

You wait a few seconds as how many searches for coupons you can find for that site and it finally finds a working coupon. It'll automatically apply and the prices drop. I mean, Honey's great bro. It's little free money, Jay. You use it. I use it. We probably combined save millions.

[00:09:49]

I think I've saved something around like a one point five million dollars.

[00:09:53]

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[00:10:04]

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[00:10:17]

You know where it popped up for me the other day where I was buying a whitewater rafting trip online? Yeah, in Utah. And it popped up my honey. Holy shit. And it saved me money. Go get it, guys. Let's join honey dotcom slash fuse. I've been doing this discovery show. Right. I've been on the new Ershad announces I'm the new host of Dodgeball Thunderdome.

[00:10:37]

Congrats on Discovery. It's really sick. Thank you. Thank you, guys. Thank you, everybody. We shoot in the middle of the desert. Basically, I have two trailers, right? There's one trailer and they both have my name on it. They both have a bathroom in it. It says David Dowrick in one trailer and David are back on another trailer. It's fucking great. It's amazing. Then when I leave the trailer for first of all, they'll be what I'm trying to get at is there's people working on the set all fucking day in the hot sun, like camera guys, you know, working all day.

[00:11:08]

I only come out of my trailer when. They call me when they go, David, we need you and they need me for 20 minutes at a time, and then I take like an hour and a half break and I come and do my part and I go back in the trailer. But cameras are out there the entire fucking time. Yeah, like the entire time. And then when I do leave my trailer, there's a woman who meets me right outside my trailer and holds an umbrella above my head and walks with me to where I need to go.

[00:11:28]

So to protect me from the sunlight. Right. I just think it's fucking insane that like that, that I'm treated that way like it's insane that there's a camera guys that are busting their fucking ass.

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And I'm like, like like even when I'm like I'm waiting to like, do my scene or whatever. And like, I'm watching the camera guys do the thing and I'm standing there with an umbrella, like in my hand over my head. And I just feel like such an asshole. And it's so crazy because there is an actor somewhere at some point that made that the standard for every other actor. Do you I mean, like some actor was like, no, I need to be treated this way.

[00:12:03]

And then every other actor from there on out took note and it just became an industry standard.

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I don't think it's like that at all. I think the the quality what's on camera is so important that it's just like you want the best you that you can get. If there's like a ten, Dave, I can get or a nine. Dave, I want to do everything I can to get ten. Dave Like there's no energy exerted. There's no there's an umbrella there. So you're not all sweaty so you're not all hot. So you're your head is clear.

[00:12:32]

That's so crazy though isn't it. I guess you're right if you put it that way, like even when like Zane comes over and like I need a vlog. Right.

[00:12:38]

Like I'll have Taylor start pouring the shots and I have, like, you know, like his favorite music playing the extranet. Exact same thing. You're right. You're right.

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You're sort of, you know, really fucked up really well.

[00:12:51]

How that girl go that you deemed that she has not responded yet far.

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She really doesn't have any service, right? I don't think so.

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There's been three days. I've seen her only been a day. You want me to Deamer? Sure. Hey, I think you're cute.

[00:13:09]

Hey, my friend thinks you're cute. No, I'm going to the gym or. Hey, my friend thinks you're cute. Elliot loves the girls. Really likes. It's so funny. It's so I could point them out from fucking threesome.

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You want know I had the same type. Jason, you want to know what I said there. What.

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Well actually it wasn't really me talking. It was David talking because like I got really excited about I said David over like David did I say.

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You go say hello and then like three minutes later, he goes say, say, I'm so excited to talk to you. Yeah, and he sent it and no response.

[00:13:46]

Yes. But she hasn't been I mean, she hasn't been on Instagram.

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Why do you say that? I maybe. What. Let me see. Let me see. I can tell you she's been on. I'm excited to talk to you. Oh, no. Wow. She hasn't been on Instagram since he sent the D.M.. She's really trying to avoid you, man.

[00:14:04]

Yeah. You know what I love about Jason? What I like and I love Jason because he's down for anything you like. Like like David can be like Jason.

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Let's go drink kerosene, OK? Sure.

[00:14:20]

You're like I like you have to appreciate the shit out of it because, like, you can't find anybody like that. Yeah, that does. Right. I mean, he is real desperate. Thank you.

[00:14:32]

It's it's a mix of desperation and also like also to like that the chance, the prospect of a good piece of footage I like makes me like so happy. That's the thing. If he told me not to go out like. Yeah. Like I still love hanging out with him, but when he had the camera and it was like it was work and then you could actually and I could like me, had a chance to get in the vlog with something doing something funny, like that's like I like I remember when we were go on vlog graphic and like there would be like it'd be like super late.

[00:15:02]

And I remember like I mean, yeah, it was just like eleven o'clock at night and I was just like, let's go see, let's go one more time, let's go, let's go to Sunset Boulevard and just see if we can find something unbelievable.

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And like twenty five percent of the time or seventy five percent of the time we wouldn't find anything. Right. But like the twenty five percent time that we would find something would make up for all those times that we never did. Yeah, it feels so it'd be like catching a big fish. It'd be like, it'd be like wow thank God we fucking got this.

[00:15:29]

There is one day, one day I just relax, take me forever to get done like forever. And there's one day Illia landed and Illia at the time was like I was like every time I was here I always get footage. So I was kind of excited. I just post to my blog. It was Friday. I posted it like five p.m. It landed. And we and right when we right when he got here, we went to in and out and in and out.

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I got a bit I got this big pit where these two girls cut us in line and I paid for everybody's meal and it was a huge thing. I was like, holy fuck, this is like a minute forty of my vlog already done. And I just posted my last one. So then we go meet up with Scott and the guys that we go tell them and then Scott goes, Yo Dave, I'm going get my nipples pierced. And I was like, Are you fucking serious on the same day?

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And then Scott's like, OK, I'm like, Yeah, let's fucking do it. Scott gets his nipples pierced. I'm like, this is fucking incredible.

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And then cut ten minutes later, Scott gets the fuck you go bloody fight with the guy outside in the bar like fucking face bashed and he's bleeding. Are you fucking serious. It's not even midnight and I have all this shit like I like that was the that's like the craziest experience. I remember three bits done at the same time. I posted a blog. It's never gone that easy for me. I felt so I rested that next Saturday I was like, I'm not going to take a day off.

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And it's like kind of hang out because I got my entire Vologda.

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That was the way you set it up to. You set it up like that where it's like you had to wait for something to happen. So that's what it was.

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And it's tough to say. Like, it was tough to tell people that you're working because because work just involved the waiting, like you just had to wait for the right moment. Like, that's all it was.

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Like you used to beg me. You would beg me. Like it would be like 1:00 in the morning, like Jay, Jay, stay stay forty five minutes.

[00:17:11]

Just say five minutes and like do you and I can't fucking do. Oh my God. Yeah, I remember that like when people were over and stuff and I was like maybe got Zanes about to get to that place. There's got to be funny. Yeah. Like, like just stay. And just yesterday I can't, I can't fucking do bro. It was, it was crazy blogging. It was a different world. I'm telling you, I don't I can never get back to that.

[00:17:32]

I can never get back to that. And really. Yeah. The energy was three a week. I'm talking about like three a week when we do three a week like that was fucking maddening.

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That was that dude. That was so much fun though. I don't know, I it's so much fun. You had so many opportunities to like. Do something and I don't know. It was just more like, I don't know, just go, go. And it was crazy like that. I was doing the blogs, like sometimes we were traveling so we'd land in Chicago and I'd be like I'd stay up till 9:00 in the morning editing and then I'd wake up at noon and then we do it all over again because there's a vlog doing a day and a half.

[00:18:06]

Yeah, that was fucking crazy. And I would plan my trips so I'd land in Chicago on posting days so I could I most and I could and I'd be out of Chicago for my next vlog so I wouldn't have to logs in a row in Chicago. It's like every trip and everything was planned around like the vlog and like and like I want I made it's like very specific to land on weekends because I had an extra day. The weekends gave me an extra day from Friday to Monday to like film.

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I don't know, do the three week. I genuinely, genuinely think that three a week the blogs will be the hardest job I ever have. That's sure that I will ever have in my entire life. I don't think any job will ever be as difficult in the entertainment world. Yeah, that that is as difficult as that was a crusher man.

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It was fucking taxing.

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You don't feel like a human. You know what I like about you, Illia?

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You're just so fucking in a good mood and just happy go lucky all the time.

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You're like, never ever mad at anything. Oh, yes, yes, yes.

[00:19:07]

Around me is. Oh, no. He gets pissed. I see you pissed about oh. Today I was yelling at Elliot because he was watching me. Yeah. He's been working douchebag lately. Has been mad at I'm the douche bag and walk around. Elliot's been walking around, he's been working out a lot. And today like we all noticed he was like walking out with his arms to the side.

[00:19:25]

No, I was like he was, I was not I was walking normally like he had biceps the size of a fucking watermelon. Like that's how he was walking around. Yeah. And we were all like, dude, what the fuck is wrong with this guy? Is he on like something like is he on steroids right now? Why is he walking on a living room like you can't do anything past David. Natalie, they make so much fun of me.

[00:19:43]

Yeah. Literally anything I do. And then what happened? Nothing. I was just like, yeah, I was like, if I could try to like, come hit me. And I was like, be careful, bro. When people squeeze through the fucking door, I'm an alien. Fucking got even more mad. And then I'm like, I want to punch you. And I'm like, I know you almost punch me just walking by me with this big fat ass.

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I'm so glad it's getting more and more mad. I'm making fun of them for having big biceps. What a funny thing for someone to get pissed about. Like, Oh, you're too strong pussy. Like yeah.

[00:20:15]

I mean I was getting pissed that were you doing that earlier where you make a bigger fat ass. I was not even flexing a little bit. No, I don't think he was flexing. I just think that's how I'm telling this. What I'm telling you. I'm like, Illia, stop working out, bro. You like the best body right now. Do not get, like, super buff. Right. Like then you're because right now, like, Ilya has like this cool like like, uh, like next door boy next door charm.

[00:20:39]

And then I think I'll lose it if he's like bodybuilder and like I think that's what he's trying to do. I'm not trying to be he's trying to look like fucking I'm like, dude, you look like Ryan Reynolds right now.

[00:20:47]

Stop right here is the perfect place I can see that you're going to it's not going to fit. It's not going to fit your face. Totally making this dude get really big. Like, I'm not trying to say you're short, like, fucking fuck.

[00:21:02]

Yes, bro. Your age taller than me. No. How do you have any room to talk? But you are trying to get a bodybuilder. But I'm not trying to get a bodybuilder boxing. Where can we go back to how tiny it is. I mean, he genuinely like dude when he stands against man when he stands next to people. It's so funny cause he's so cute. It's like you like you'll see a picture of him and like something like actual adults, you just want to hug him because he's just like standing there like oh my gosh, it's like, it's like, it looks like take your fucking child to Workday any time he said that.

[00:21:32]

Anybody in a suit. How tall are you.

[00:21:33]

I'm five. Eight. That's short. Yeah. How tall are you. Five nine. You know he's that he's a size nine.

[00:21:41]

Is that five eight. He's five for eighteen quarters. He's like really tiny. He looks like he's big but he's really tiny when you see him and everything.

[00:21:50]

Give you. I'm five. Ten. Yeah bro. Fuck off. I'm five five ten.

[00:21:54]

Jae how tall are you. Just under six. Yeah.

[00:21:57]

I mean you know I know guy like it's life is good. Like we see things from a good perspective. When we're koczela we could see the bad ten is the. I could see the stage. Yeah. Five ten is like five ten. The perfect height. Five eight. You know what I saw today. There's a store called from four four four men, five eight and under. And I was like, oh I love this shit. There's an actual store in fucking Ventura now.

[00:22:20]

He's actually oh now he was not talking.

[00:22:24]

OK, see you are going to with you. I got big. I got beef with you David.

[00:22:28]

Yeah. What's up. OK, I order from my favorite place Luna Grill. Yeah. Yeah. Other night it sits here it comes. Hella brings it, it puts it down and you go oh smells like dog shit.

[00:22:41]

A cesspool of garbage. Garbage. Yeah, I think you said dog shit, yeah, whatever, it smells like shit. Then guess what? I get a text from Taylor the next day. What's that? Order from Luna Grill to talk shit.

[00:22:54]

Oh, stop. And then you ordered the next day. It smells. It's so lame. It smells disgusting. But it was I told you on the spot. It was delicious.

[00:23:02]

Yeah, but why do you have to say that is gross? Because it smelled it was in the bag and it came out. I didn't even smell gross. Taylor stuck to it literally smelled like garbage I think was just some mixture of all the smells.

[00:23:16]

Yeah.

[00:23:16]

I was just not good. I don't understand how you can still eat it. It smells eylea. What's wrong. Nothing. I hate when you get this pouty bro.

[00:23:25]

What are you fucking six years old.

[00:23:27]

This is like Paudie, stop fucking calling me bro. Does it bother you?

[00:23:35]

No, I love it. Yeah, especially when you said on the podcast in the best, such a fucking short fuse.

[00:23:45]

Well, you guys want to hear a crazy story really quick. Yeah, David was in a meeting today and he was on the phone or whatever, and Casey and I were like in the back room. Right. And so we were whispering to each other something. And Casey walks into Natalie's room to find like a box of Kaido fucking cereal or whatever.

[00:24:04]

And he looks at me like, what the fuck is this? I'm like, I have no idea. And the brand is Magic Spoon or something like that.

[00:24:10]

I love the story already because it involves Natalie snacking.

[00:24:14]

And so five minutes passed by and we're just sitting there on our phones waiting for David get off the meeting and Casey turns his phone and it's a fucking ad for Magic Spoon.

[00:24:24]

He goes, Dude, I've never had an ad for this before. And I wish there was the ad on Instagram was I was like, what the fuck? And you fucking listening. That's crazy. That's fuckin insane.

[00:24:40]

You I don't think they're listening, bro. That's I don't know if they're listening, but that's in somebody sitting there listening. They're not. But I like a computer is listening. I feel like I feel like I did a story with it in the morning.

[00:24:51]

Then why wouldn't they tell people that like why is it that public information like why would they not admit the only thing? Cause I think it's cool. Like, isn't that cool thing to be like Instagram learns what you like. We listen to you.

[00:25:01]

I'm sure that's like in their fucking privacy policy or whatever.

[00:25:04]

I guess until, you know, you know, because no one's no one's ever proved that.

[00:25:08]

Everyone always just says, have you not seen all those tech talks of like girls taking their boyfriends phone and like saying stuff like engagement, engagement, engagement, ring, ring.

[00:25:18]

Got a baby inside me, baby, don't listen to them and then gives them ads or stuff like that.

[00:25:21]

Oh, that's fucking. Yeah dude that shit was so weird. That is bizarre. So weird.

[00:25:26]

It was like a random object that you fucking picked up and then you of like an add but also Magic's boonie the advertise on Instagram and they sent me some cereal too.

[00:25:33]

Yeah. It's really bizarre. There was an earthquake last night. I'll talk about this God as we're thirty men.

[00:25:39]

It was awful. At four thirty in the morning it struck. I woke up, I woke up and I like kind of the best way to describe it is it is it felt like someone threw a yoga ball at my bed. Like it was like very rubbery, like the way it felt, really.

[00:25:52]

I woke up and then all I hear in the other room is, yo, yo, yo, the other fucking flip it shit. This is like I think this is only the first earthquake. Yeah. I lost my virginity last night. I wasn't it was great.

[00:26:07]

I was it was rocky. What would you think about trying to make jokes about. It was rocky. Very rocky is what I think it was a big earthquake. It was really scary. I think it was the biggest one I've ever felt like you tell it like it like really did some damage. What did you think?

[00:26:24]

Oh, well, I mean, I was sleeping in the like, dude, I've never been so scared my fucking life. J this was me. Yeah. I'm laying down on the couch right. Sleeping and my legs are up on like where you put your heart in your bed.

[00:26:37]

I just like sleeping on the couch. The couch is really comfortable and dema slept over last night. Do so there are earthquakes happening and it was like out of a fucking movie like happened.

[00:26:46]

I woke up, I was like what the fuck. What the book like I was freaking the fuck out and I didn't know what was going on, you know what I mean?

[00:26:55]

Fucking whole house is shaking. It is such a crazy crazy. Yeah, it's crazy that it exists.

[00:27:01]

I was asleep in my bed and and I fucking woke up and just heard it sounded like a T-Rex.

[00:27:08]

I put his foot down, you know, I go and I woke up and I was like like that and I ran upstairs and I was so cloudy and so groggy. I thought someone was in the house.

[00:27:20]

You live by yourself too, right? I know. And I live by myself. So I'm like, who's there? Who's here? Who's here? I'm in my underwear. Who's here and how tall are you?

[00:27:31]

And I run upstairs.

[00:27:33]

I get in my car in my underwear. Oh, bullshit. I swear to God. And I start driving away. I oh, you know, I swear to God I started driving away.

[00:27:41]

I get down to like the end of my street and I'm like, like, why am I going to do like maybe I go sleep at David's house, like I don't want to wake them. And in my mind, I'm like, someone's in the house.

[00:27:51]

You know, my first thought in the bed was, is this an earthquake? I completely forgot that for five minutes. Then I'm sitting in the Tesla you bought me. I go back to my house. Thank you. Thank you.

[00:28:02]

And I'm sitting in the Tesla and I'm like, and as I was leaving, there was an aftershock.

[00:28:06]

So I heard something else when I was upstairs. My house. My bedrooms are downstairs. Yeah. And I heard a car like that. So I got the fuck out of there. And then I'm just sitting there, you know, like somebody stuck it in there. I know someone's in there. And then I was like, oh, earthquake.

[00:28:17]

And then I used the I don't even have my phone with me. And it said on I use Twitter.

[00:28:23]

That's where you find out. That is Twitter. That's my favorite. After earthquakes, I look up the earthquake and then you see every celebrity tweeting about earthquake because they all live within like a five mile radius of where it happened. Yeah, that's always the best. I was still scared to go back inside.

[00:28:37]

I was like, maybe it's an earthquake and somebody trying to. But you have to do it when there's another. You have to leave the house. My kids weren't with me. But is that the thing? Like, you have to leave when? When. I always choose to leave the house because of where I live on a hill, I'm like, I don't know if that thing's fucking going down or what. What happens if you just go into the middle of the street, could have a tree fall on you?

[00:28:53]

Yeah, I mean, but like, if there's nothing surrounding you, like, you just shake it.

[00:28:57]

I mean, I've heard to go out of the house or stand in a doorway, but I have a waterbed, so I can't even stand.

[00:29:04]

How did you not get out of bed and, like, come over to the living room, make sure that was OK? I was so tired that we got out of bed. Todd came over. They probably fucking cuddle. Yeah. Like I wanted to come and cuddle you. Elias Elias said earlier I was like, dude, I totally wish I could cuddle someone after that because I was so scared.

[00:29:20]

I thought, it's not even that scary. It's like it's like the weirdest thing to like have to feel the need to cuddle somebody.

[00:29:26]

I just wanted to like, you know, it's comforting really. I'm going to cuddle. What are you scared of? The Earth is gonna eat you. Yeah. It's like you could be dying like this could be. Yeah. You you could be like dying. Who cares.

[00:29:38]

I know there's a chance when you have one that there's another one coming. But it didn't. It was always.

[00:29:43]

Yeah. You came for. I only felt to I didn't come to the living room to answer your question because you were just being really loud and I was really tired and you're scared. And I was like, I can't go over there because he's being so loud.

[00:29:57]

I'm sorry. That's OK. It's just an earthquake. You know, I have a question for for Taylor and Ella.

[00:30:06]

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[00:30:08]

The question is what happens? And I know this happens, so not tonight. What happens when you need to poop and you're at work?

[00:30:17]

Oh, my God. The poop situation is the worst here. The worst certainly is the worst. Right. So. Oh, I have you pooped in my house.

[00:30:25]

Yeah. Where do you go? Poop like you go outside in the morning to get here when you have. What if you don't have to tell you I have to leave and I'm like I have plans, no plans.

[00:30:36]

I just go home to when I'm like I have a dinner at like 8:00 p.m..

[00:30:42]

I really got to have you done that. Have you told us you had a dinner? I was always like, yeah, I'm going to have my friends.

[00:30:48]

I'm like, you just moved here about three weeks ago. You have two friends.

[00:30:55]

But I mean, I'll leave earlier than I probably need to so I can go, wow, that's crazy.

[00:31:01]

What do you do? I just go outside. Oh, you guys can use my restroom whenever you want. I won't judge you. That's a lot of pressure.

[00:31:11]

You realize you're like masturbating all the time in your room. I'm that way. Why?

[00:31:17]

What do you want? How does that relate it towards you and from pooping to jerking off. What do you mean? I'm masturbating half the time when I shower and then the showers and then you just like back there.

[00:31:30]

There's no way I'm using your toilet. What do you fucking mean? How do you know he's masturbating? How do you know masturbating when I'm talking to you, any time he's gone, he's just in the bathroom with the shower on.

[00:31:40]

Oh, I mean, sometimes the whole time.

[00:31:43]

But it's really a question if other work environments I have pooped. But in this one, in the first week I was told how fucking weird it is the girls shit that we take it back.

[00:31:58]

So weird that people poop in his house. If you guys are hot, can you please raise your hand?

[00:32:03]

I'm not. I'm ok. OK, so everyone but you two are fucking. It's a little warm, but I like what's wrong with you, dude, you have a fucking problem, you know, you should see in the trailer he keeps a trailer 92 degrees, and we're sitting in the middle of a desert and we're fucking coming back from our Runyon workout.

[00:32:22]

We read fucking for miles and he's fucking he turns the AC off the windows up and fucking puts his seat warmer on, bro.

[00:32:30]

What the fuck is that about? Sauna. I don't want to get to a fucking song after I run for miles.

[00:32:35]

I want to get into an air conditioned home.

[00:32:37]

Why would you want that? You just get cold. You catch a cold. Let's say you catch cold. Oh, it's not ok. OK, fine, fine, fine.

[00:32:43]

I agree. Fine. What about the fucking house. It's always above 75. It's hot as shit. I can't fucking sleep.

[00:32:50]

That's probably why I'm fucking yelling. When there's an earthquake, it's the best inside warm weather.

[00:32:54]

It feels like you're in fucking like the Middle East, like Saudi Arabia, like you're in like you're in a blackout has something to say.

[00:32:59]

You know, he knows about the shit. It's actually so bad for you to sleep in warm weather and your body really says you're sleeping. Yeah, you should be. You should want to be cold.

[00:33:07]

Really. Oh, great. Here we go.

[00:33:10]

Now, we got him like sleeping in the cold makes your metabolism, but it's fucking 62 degrees tonight. I heard from him so happy.

[00:33:19]

Yeah. I'm going to fuck with you guys tonight and turn up the one hundred.

[00:33:25]

Yo bro, the funniest thing J we have we talked about this so we fight about who who like fucking plays at the air like I like every morning we'll be like who the fuck touched the air. And I'll be like, it's not me, it's not me. And one one literally three days ago I walk out at like one thirty in the morning to like change the year to make it warmer.

[00:33:46]

And all of a sudden I hear a voice from the couch and it's earlier and he goes, it is you know, we just start we both just started tying up like like he was waiting for me here, like, you know.

[00:34:03]

Yeah, yeah.

[00:34:04]

I watched him turn it up and then I watched him go back to his room like a little click, something like that. You just hear his voice, like coming from the darkness of the couch. I just got so scared.

[00:34:14]

My heart sank and I was like, oh, my God, have you guys ever gotten physical? This is great. You too, David. And yeah, one time I slammed the door in his face on purpose.

[00:34:24]

Yeah. Oh, God. I slammed. I slam my door. He came in to my room and he was like he had been asking me for about four or five hours to go to Chicago. And I said, no, I can't go, I can't go. And I was like I was like in like a bipolar state. Like I was, like, so tired from working with him.

[00:34:41]

No, Jay, you had to recreate it right now so people can know how much you're slamming the door.

[00:34:46]

Like, go to it was like it was like, oh, fuck, yeah. And he was like, OK, it was crazy, bro.

[00:34:59]

I was having a bipolar moment. I was one time he blindfolded me and I had a bipolar moment. What happened when you were like trying to give me a laptop? But it was really early on and I didn't understand that. They were like good things to me.

[00:35:14]

Like I didn't know that. So he was like trying to blame me for, like a really long time. And I was like, I don't want to take my medication or whatever. And I got really upset and then I felt really bad at the end. He's like, here, I ordered groceries the other day, you know?

[00:35:30]

And so my neighbor calls me. He goes, Did you order a bunch of groceries a couple hours ago?

[00:35:34]

And I go, Yeah, and he's sick. And he's like, I like, Oh, man, I'm sorry. I go, it's OK.

[00:35:41]

Just leave it, leave it at your door.

[00:35:42]

I'll grab it. I'll be home in a second. He's like, No, no, I had to throw it out. He's like, my my wife's been watching Court TV and she thought someone was trying to poison us.

[00:35:53]

Well she really. Yeah. And mean, how do you save these stories. Yeah. How did you feel like this is the I would have called you after this moment and be like I have a story for the podcast.

[00:36:01]

I'm waiting, I'm waiting for the right time or you're like feeding us like little I'm trying, I'm trying to weave it in like little doses. And then you go should have opened with a story. It's fine.

[00:36:10]

And I think it was that funny when he told you that he threw everything out. Did you, like, freak out at him?

[00:36:15]

Not at all. No, no, no. Because I your neighbors, you can't switch your neighbors. So I made him feel bad telling the story in the podcast.

[00:36:24]

Roger, if you're listening, I love you. You know what I mean? But your neighbors are very important. Like, I'm not leaving that fuckin house. I mean, really. Roger, Roger.

[00:36:32]

Yeah, he does stand up comedy. And he was he he does he opens for a lot of TV shows. He was like a big stand up comic and he got tired of the road. So he basically just he opens, you know, when you go to a sitcom, there's a guy there like, OK, you're going to.

[00:36:45]

Yeah. Tell some jokes. Like, I remember it, Fallon, there's a guy that doesn't work on the show. Yeah. It's warm up.

[00:36:49]

That's sick. Yeah, it's pretty great. But yeah, he's he's a nice guy. He also fucking God, he starts banging early on his house, which is annoying, but I love your age. And then there's my other neighbor, Simon, who told me covid would be over in a couple of weeks and it was like. And he talked me into it, too. He's like he's like he's British, you think he's like he's got these things in Africa.

[00:37:14]

I think that's an Australian accent. Sorry. He's like he's like he's from my son in zinc, in the, you know, the malaria drug. Take it right out. And was. Oh, sweet. So it's not gonna be that bad. You're fucking wrong, Simon. They do do David.

[00:37:31]

And he's playing video games. She was imitating you before.

[00:37:34]

It was really funny because we were listening to you in there and I love hearing you say like John, go back.

[00:37:41]

No, John, no.

[00:37:42]

The fuck it's like in the helicopter. Can the helicopter and then it's Joe. Joe, don't fucking crash. Joe. Joe, you're wanted right now.

[00:37:51]

The problem with David is that, like, once he makes fun of you, he won't let it go, you know what I mean?

[00:37:57]

Like, he'll he'll bash me for, like, 30 seconds, you fucking idiot.

[00:38:05]

You're the dumbest person I know. You're the dumbest. Like, I can't I can't even believe your fucking mom gave birth to you. He got so dumb, so dumb, so dumb. You call me today.

[00:38:20]

My first thought is when he called me, I went and I thought to myself, I haven't posted anything today, so I'm good for you.

[00:38:32]

But I was like any stories before I picked it up. I was like, OK, do any stories. That's what's up.

[00:38:40]

How are you? How are your hometown friends? Oh, they're so good. They just came by. I mean, now they laugh, but they're sad they're gone.

[00:38:45]

Yeah. I love when they're here man.

[00:38:47]

They bring like a different energy. They bring everyone into reality.

[00:38:51]

It's funny how they're like, yeah, it's really funny talking to John John's the past man. John's my favorite Holmes. I think if I all my hometown friends actually now, are you going to have Taylor go get the food?

[00:39:01]

We can go get it. It's not how it works, John. Yeah, that is fucking funny.

[00:39:12]

And by the end of it, John was like medium rare.

[00:39:18]

Yes, yes, I saw him, but I started telling you how to make mistakes. Okay, so at. That was crazy. Oh, my God.

[00:39:32]

I go, OK, I'm going to go outside and he just goes, OK, I'm medium rare.

[00:39:40]

He was like, he really wanted that steak. That night was so bizarre. I remember seeing him that demanding like I this whole time. We have for today's podcast. Thank you guys for listening. Jason, thank you for being here with me today. We'll see you guys later. Bye.

[00:39:52]

My name is.