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Let's go back to view Dave, who's the most impressive person here in this room right now, the most impressive person, Gov.. You won, oh, are not so much music.


Our friend Correna tweeted the other day, she's like, the funniest thing happened to me, I wish I had a podcast to tell it on. And I immediately texted her and I was like, Dude, dude, on our podcast. So is now here has really hyped up the story because it's you know, she tweeted about it and then she she even called me yesterday before we did in the podcast, Jay. And she goes, You're going to laugh so much.


She said, no. Yes. You said no. I did. Yes. Now I'm all there is. And my heart's racing scared by what happened. That be OK? It's not OK now. You really. No, I'm kidding. It's not going to be good.


How can you start with something? She has some great stories. In the past she has had a three way story or something else. OK, you want me to start. Yeah, I just got a new car. It's an Aston Martin. It's beautiful. Thank you. Congrats SA.


You owe it to her.


Yesterday I went to the place to get the car and I told the dealer I was like, hey man, is there any way I could buy it. Like just for three months. Like a plug. You guys on Instagram I'll pay you also for the three months but I just don't want the car for I'm going to get bored of it. I know I'm gonna get bored of it. And he goes, I can't do that because that's literally our business.


Like everybody here gets bored of those sports cars. Like that's why, you know, sports cars, owners, they have their cars for like something three months. I'm going to get a new one. And and then and then there was a guy there that I think watched my videos or he's seen something from me and he got my number. I talked to him a little bit like he's like, let's let's do something soon. He told me about his company, whatever.


And then he text me the next day and he goes, Hey, you want me to just buy the car and I'll just lease the car? I'll just lease the car out to you for like three months. And I was like, OK, so he bought the car, the car, you know, the car I have now, the Aston Martin, he purchased the entire car and I'm just paying the lease for the three months that I want it.


And he's like, if you want it longer, just you can pay longer.


What who is in that car? Is he he owns like he owns a company. Can you imagine the fucking chances of that was that's insane. It was the only guy in the dealership and he was buying himself a Lamborghini.


And he just overheard like I told them, I told him I was like, yeah, I want this car, but I just want for three months, I'm probably I can do it. He was a customer.


Wow. What do you do? Can I get his number?


He's like, I've been wanting to start like a car rental company. So this will just be my first car was like, OK, cool. So he really bought it and he brought it over the next day.


And that fucking insane. Fucking real. Your luck. The craziest human like. Congratulations once again.


Congratulations for meeting this guy, eating your turkey bit longer than.


No, I'm not going to be the longer I love the fucking car, but I'm a sports car is not it doesn't make any sense to me.


That's that's really crazy, actually, if you had any good experiences in it, so far as you take it, you took Natalie out. Now she's been looking at me. Oh yeah.


Yeah. And we're driving. I'm just like staring at him and drooling the whole time. Yeah. Fuck in front seat it's soaked.


We went for like Oh yeah. That's not what I meant.


Speaking of sucks, Karinna, what happened with you. I know. OK, first of all, I wish I didn't know. It's a sex story. It is a sex story. So I've been trying to post my take talks and I'm really bad at it.


But I saw that. Ticktock, Ranglin.


Good at Tic-Tac. I haven't seen. Oh, I just do like the easiest shit. Sit down, David. Guilty.


No, I'm so I'm like always trying to find like the easiest ones to do because I'm just like not creative. So I'll just do the stupid Cringely or like, you know, fuck girl like whatever, you know, I'm talking about. Right.


Like I mean, that's not bad though. That's what make like thirty percent of Tic-Tac is like pretty people looking pretty like that. It's a cool thing to watch.


There's no there's no talent there. I mean it's just like me just a little look into the camera. It's like whatever. Yeah. But you were born with talent. It's called beauty.


Oh thank you. Oh you called me twice today.


You got a Ferrari. That's fine. Can I drive it.


So I saw the have you seen the trend where they like put cream cheese into a help, you know, pepper and then they put talkies in it.


Yes. Yes. So like, oh I can do this one and it sounds fucking delicious.


So I did it and I filmed it a couple of times and it's actually really good. Right. And then I like tried different variations. I saw that video, by the way, and you kept referring to the cream cheese. A sour cream.


I know. I know. I have no talent. I was watching the video, but she had the cream cheese in the. I didn't want that she had the cream cheese in the pepper or whatever, and the cream cheese like container was sitting right next to it. So everything was in the shot. And she's like, so you put the sour cream in and I want to eat it. I immediately went to the comments and everyone was like, it's not fucking sour cream, come out OK.


The reason I thought was because I bought sour cream, because I make this like sour cream dip. It doesn't matter what sour cream is that. OK, besides the sorry, I started doing different variations of it and like the actual one I posted was I put it into like I like spicy.


But I don't know how you're going to get to sex from this story either. What happened to a hole or busted into service like. Tick tock. Would you fuck you first put that sour cream, cream cheese on my fucking cock? Just wait. Go, go. So the one I ended up liking and posting was like I did a sweet pepper with with cream cheese and hot Cheetos. It's actually better. I like spicy, but it was just it was just really fucking good.




Fast forward I go and play a game on my computer. I have one of my friends staying in my house and I was really horny. So I was like, hey, you want to fuck in the kitchen? Because I have never really fucked in my kitchen.


There we go. Perks up. Yeah. And then what? Well, you probably put the cream cheese to the side. Who's your friend? We play video games together. I basically I have this really good friend. Oh, yeah.


I thought he was a really good friend and we actually are friends. And I took his virginity.


So he's like very I took his virginity so not used to fuck me in the kitchen whenever I asked. Oh, it's part of the story. So, like, he comes really quick.


Oh, like the first time we had sex. I mean, he doesn't care about his version of sex. It was like ten seconds, like literally. Wow, that is impressive. But like every other time the longest thing he's ever gone is like I'm in it like there's no problem with whatever it's whatever he's going to. He sounds like he knows I see this.


I've gross him all the time. We always him. But he's going to hear this. Or maybe it isn't.


Listen, I don't think but so we are fucking in the kitchen and it's like really quick. He ended up like coming on the floor, which was this really weird place to come after he came on the floor.




After he came, I was like, oh my God, I'm so wet right now. So I take my fingers and I like, rub my pussy to like show him how wet I am.


And as I'm doing so, I feel something and I'm like, what the fuck is that?


And I didn't want to here because I don't want to be like gross and be like, oh, there's something in my vagina. Right? So I like, look, and it's a hollow pepper.


Oh. Oh my God.


And I'm like, oh my God, look at this. She's like, what is that? I'm like, it's a hollow pepper like seed. And he's like, holy fuck. And I was just sitting there. I was like, oh, it's whatever like whatever, dude.


The next thing I know, my vagina is on like the worst pain I have ever felt in my whole entire life. I was freaking out.


I started taking paper towels and like soaking them in water and just like shoving them in my pants, like just like what do I do? Like like it was the exact pain you have in your mouth.


Was it like your vagina? Is it like a delicious pain? Like you were like, I could still take my pepper. I can I can still feel like right now talking about it, my whole body is getting like, you know, that like weird hot like feeling when you eat something spicy.


I feel that right now. So I'm like freaking I'm like, what do I do.


Like, like what the fuck do I do in a situation like my vagina is literally burning. So I'm like stuffing my pants. Nothing's working. I'm like, I need to go sit in a bath. I'm like sprinting down the stairs screaming. He's laughing, he's laughing. I go in the bathtub and I go, I need you to give me all my milk.


He's like, What? I'm like, get me all the books I like. Fill the bathtub up like an inch inch tall. He gives me like a thing. I'm like I'm like pouring this on my vagina in the bathtub. I'm sitting in this like thing of all. And like he's like I have there's more only milk upstairs. We're going to get it. He's this is all in your tick tock.


No. Is why why the reason why there hollow people in my pussy, you could have just said is because.


Well, because that's the come on, OK, I mean, yeah, you're having sex in the kitchen, the whole opinion.


But it was like two hours later, it had been stuck under my fingernail. I was under your fingernails. There was a hollow seat under my fingernail and that's how it got in my pussy.


Oh, too much time on your.


Oh, I'm sitting in the bathtub full of literally like four cartons of almond milk. And then my vagina is like, I'm not kidding. I sat in the bath for like 20, 30 minutes, like throbbing pain.


Damn. My first thought would have been to grab the cream cheese IBMs.


You know what's funny is I really thought about it. I thought about smearing cream cheese in there to, like, dilute the pain.


I wonder what this tastes like with cream cheese. Dude, it was Fox.


That's so funny. And did the album work all in pain or did the opposition's nervous?


Oh, did you did your own vagina, did you not. I mean you obviously needed because almond milk but like did you finish stirring the thing.


Yeah, I was pouring on like my vagina and actually really helped.


I did well and and then. Well there you have a joke to answer your question from earlier. You also have something burning on your penis. Just pour almond milk on it.


Thank you. I described you the pain. Imagine somebody putting like jalapenos, eating your in your peephole. Yeah. That was that's bad. Like forked. Yeah. And like you can't do anything like it's just burning.


I also had like a really cool three way the other day.


You have a freeway. I just, I don't know if this is like only you would just toss that off. I actually get this too. Is this too bad.


I would ask her about the three way so I don't look like a pervert. Okay, so what was the three like?


Oh, David, come on. I don't wanna get too far.


I already talked too much about my stuff.


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You know, I just I just has Karinna off off the podcast. I asked her and how much to like, have sex with Jason, like dead ass, like a real number and she goes, one hundred thousand dollars. Can I can I tell you why though? Why it's not because I'm like, oh Jason.


So gross. It would take a hundred thousand for him to fuck me. But just like I know it's going to be everywhere, it's going to be on your dick talk or YouTube or whatever.


It's going to be on his ticket. Jason, I at least will be like, OK, well, I got a hundred thousand dollars out of it. Right. That's why I'm a Natalie here. One hundred dollars. And she goes, that's not that much.


I mean, and I think the most offensive thing I mean, I understand Jason is old, but like Malhi, one hundred four thousand dollars that much mental. Like Ari, like you. You got to keep in mind Jason is a human. No, he's a dog. It's not like it's not like I'm going current. How much for this fucking ogre to fuck you?


No, I'm saying that, OK, I get what you're saying. But I also like I don't know, I just feel like that's not that.


If it's a hundred grand. OK, how much how much minute am I that grow no bigger. And if I was any other person and we had a different relationship, I would say, is this crazy. It's not that much. Jesus, how much. Just because I think it would be weird.


OK, ok. OK. Oh oh I see. Like you it was another old guy of course. One hundred thousand. Yeah. No I see what she's saying. No fucking the price for Jason. How much. And D'états like seriously. Like if he worked it out right now you'd be like ok I'll get reaction. Like I'm not that fast you know.


But like yeah. Like real and I don't know.


Give me a number for J go to have sex with Jason. I would probably charge him a careful Todd might kill himself to sleep tonight.


Why photography chorusing. Oh now I'm like feel sad for you.


So I want to hurt my feelings. That old man answer this in a way you were lying. If you're going to say more than half thousand here, hold on that.


Answer this in a way where when you tell me the number, if I was up to it, I would go to Jason. I'd be like, here, I'm transferring this to your bank account. Good luck.


Like what I'm saying, that's a really scary thought for me. I want to be. A realistic one hundred percent number like real number. There's no way if David goes, here's one hundred thousand dollars I have to do is he doesn't last more than five minutes. You're done.


How do you know Kirino is down from Charin idea for her to give you a good offer?


Well, I wouldn't fuck you for 100 grand. Good. I'm all right, I guess.


I guess probably like 200, 250.


There's no way. OK, that's not horrible. I'm literally willing to do 50 Crenna. You don't know how long it lasts. OK, no idea what's going on downstairs with me. And I've been around for a long time. I've seen some shit of your downstairs buddy. This is no time for you to hype yourself up. OK, well things happened with that knowledge. I charge you a million dollars seen Iron Man. Yeah. You could bring your dick to my favorite superhero.


Yeah, that's right. That's a 250.


Yeah. If I was like, blindfolded, maybe a hundred. Wow. Blindfolded. So close your eyes. They put a paper bag over your head so she likes OK, so she likes it to be kinky, she wants a blindfold and a whip and she'll go down hundred.


That's crazy. How much I would, I would, I would, it would take for me to fuck you.


What would it take for you to have sex with me here. Not I would pay you 20 grand. Really. Yeah. Oh you wouldn't do take it right now. OK, not something I'm. But right now if you said you show me a pay stub for twenty thousand dollars, I quit my job and I come work for you right now.


Also you probably pay five thousand dollars to fuck you.


Just because I want to see what it's like, I'll double it. I mean, it's pretty crazy that you won't fuck her enough for five grand.


He won't fuck me for free. Come on, that's crazy. I mean. Yeah, but it's crazy. A girl wants to fucking you dudes are always horny.


And he was like, no, I don't want to fuck now.


And I just got back from we went to America's Got Talent. Yeah. Howie called and he's like, hey, for the finals. Like we want to do like a segment with you. It's like a fun three minute segment and it's a common we'll figure something out and he's like, you know, have to do it if you don't to know whatever. That sounds fun. So there's no one on the universal lot. It was just us and like part of the Emmys.


So it's really nice because they let us do whatever we want on the lot and we got there and how his idea was for me to get my ghillie suit and to scare like people on the crew and to scare the judges. Like I scared Heidi and the suit.


We look like a Bush base. Yeah, I look like a bush. That's a suit. So I hit by a bush. I pretended I was a bush. And I jumped out and scared Heidi and I would scare Terry. And it was just it was fun. And I was like, what, 30 people on set? It was everyone was wearing masks, you know, it was the whole cover thing. And then at the end of it, like, I scared Terry after, you know, they went through hair and makeup.


And how do you want your hair and makeup? I scared Heidi. And then, like, OK, well, that's a wrap.


And I found out that they only came to shoot that part. Oh, wow. Everybody, the entire set was only there for you and your stupid.


The Amazon suit that the only SAT was the entire set was there just so I could jump out and scare Terry Crews and Heidi Klum with my Bush suit, like Heidi Klum stopped her Sunday with her kids.


Yeah. And went to work just so I could scare her, thinking she was probably going to do something serious for the show. Yeah. And that's the thing they had no idea to. And the craziest part is this is to my surprise with Natalie, you can attest to this. How good sports, Heidi and Terry, or it was fucking really bizarre.


Heidi was like obsessed with the thing. Heidi was so excited, like we wrapped and but Heidi was like, no, no, no, let's do more. Let's do more. I don't know I don't know how to accept. And then we brought extra suits. So she got in one of the suits and she's like, let's go to sneak in and let's go sneak it to the Emmys and get an Emmy. And we can we can steal Nemi because the show doesn't have it.


I mean, so they can try everybody together. So yeah, everybody. So the camera crew is like, OK, fine, like let's go fucking. So they gave us golf carts and we drove to the lot where the Emmys were. And Heidi and Howie were like wearing Majilis suits and we were like and luckily the red carpet at the Emmys was lined in like this like and like this screen wall.


Yeah, it was like a green wall made out of shrubs. So like we blended in perfectly and it was so funny.


And they're like they're yelling at Howie. They're like, you need to leave. And now he's like, no, I'm going to stay. I'm going to stay. And how he, like, takes off his mask and he's like, it's me, Howie Mandel. I mean, like, we don't care. You need to leave the fucking Emmys or whatever. You need to leave, sir, please.


He's good like that. He's like a big star, but he's just still like, kind of. Oh, my God, he's so funny. But you have no idea. Heidi was such a good sport. Like she was rolling around the floor like like pretending to be a shrub and she would not give it up. And we did it. We were supposed to be there for like forty five minutes.


We ended up being there for like two hours. It was so I was so shocked at how much like how much they wanted to be a part of it. I thought that was interesting. I was like, they must have gotten paid like a million dollars just to be there.


Yeah bro, that's what I going to say. And I think you get paid a lot. Yeah, I was like, there's no fucking goof around with you. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, there's no way Terry was a fucking puppet here right now. I've never seen this I. Never seen this man this more more excited in his life, he was so young and that was great when you saw something like this. So you want to see my second Bentley.


So you must be getting paid a fucking over quarter of a million dollars just for the 20 minutes here. But no, it was great. There are such good sports and my car is such a big hit. Oh my God.


We pulled it. Oh, we pulled into to Universal and people love that car. I don't know what it is. The the woman at Universal, like the security guard that opens the gate that lets you and she goes, oh, you drop in my car for me. Like, maybe like one of those cheesy jokes and then we're driving to the lot and we don't go we don't go more than 100 feet. And the guy goes, oh, perfect.


To dropping my car off it go fucking crazy. Everyone was making the same joke and people loved it.


It was Terry's dream car. And I don't you just buy it from the base. You just use the money today. I'll sell you it, for fuck's sake. But no, it was I'm glad I got that car, too. It's a really big hit with it's a big hit with the adult community. Like it's a very like it's like what are you what do you call those people with the silver hair, that silver fox?


It's a very silver fox car. So a lot of like like very like gentlemen, like hot Hollywood man. We're like really break their necks looking at the Aston Martin. And it's not like a reaction you get when you're driving in a Ferrari or a Lamborghini.


So it's a really interesting it's a different it's got an old man vibe to it. It's a total different person that like and it's perfect for me because I'm like, you're kind of like an old man. No, because I'm like I'm like this, like goofy you tuber.


So it balances it out where like makes you more serious. But but back to me, being goofy to be like we were on set, like running around Universal Studios, the back lot and like around the Emmys. And I was so fucking terrified. I was like, let's go back. And Heidi and Howie were like, let's go, let's go, let's go, try again.


And they were calling security and more security was appearing and they were coming to like, escort us out of there. And Heidi was like, what are they going to do, arrest us?


I was like, no, fucking get out of here. I have a demis for Project Runway. You can go fuck themselves.


But no, I was just so surprised to like how fun they were and how fucking like I was the YouTube. I was supposed to be the dumb one that was like fucking burning down the studio. But they were like even the lawyers had to come out and the lawyers had to approve what we could what we did and so we wouldn't get in trouble. It was it was a really, really funny and how he's the best how is the best person to do anything with.


He's like it's like it's like being with like an uncle.


He's like he's obviously so funny. Really funny.


Hey, Jay, what interferes with your happiness? Fucking ask me this every week, man. The same joke every time. What is it.


Well it's really myself better helplessness those needs and that's you with your own licensed professional therapist. You come as a person, you could connect to the safe and private online environment and you try to change.


Shut the fuck up this point.


I don't know if I can do anything else and you can start communicating under 24 hours. That's crazy. It's not self-help. It's professional counseling. You can send a message to your counselor any time and you'll get timely and thoughtful responses. Plus you get a weekly video or phone sessions, all without ever having to sit in uncomfortable waiting room. Better help is committed to facilitating great therapeutic matches. There's a broad range of expertise available and it's more affordable than traditional counseling.


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How did you get so drunk the other night?


Drove drunk. Someone still drunk driving down. And I went. So we went to Joe and I went to dinner last night and I was like, Joe, you want to get fucked up and just show up to Dave's house just like so unlike just like hammered. And he's like, dude, no, wait, I never drink. And I was like, I whatever.


So then we order, I order tomatoes for him and I and he just takes a sip of wine and I have both. Right, because he doesn't drink a river. So then we come back here and Joe, I want to sleep over at Joe's house because it's so fucking hot in this goddamn house.


So I plan to do that. I left to his house and we get to Joe's house and I'm like, Joe, let's take a shot. And he's he's like, OK. Like, he feels comfortable, right? Because he's at his house now and he's got analysts there.


And Elise is like kind of watching us do our thing.


Whatever, Bobby, his son, Bobby, he's like he's in a he's in a safe environment now. So he's like, OK, so he's loosened up. And so we take it. I pour. I'm not getting each shot that I poured him was like a triple shot.


Oh, he fucking gulps it down and he probably doesn't know that it's a triple shot.


Well no, no, he I mean, like he he said he used to drink so like he understands. Like he understands.


Like a 28 year old man I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He gets what he gets what he's doing.


But but he's just gulping these shots down like fucking one after the other and like. Before you know it, we're both just fucking hammered in his kitchen like we're drinking for like an hour with Analise in his kitchen, like it was like me, him and Annalise. And we were just taking shots. And like the funny part is he didn't have any chaser. So, like, for a whole bottle of of kettle one vodka, we had like one cream soda.


And then they ended up going to the bar.


And I just thought, I really don't like going out at all. And I was like, yeah, you shouldn't go out or just stand like what's you know, people go out and eat and like, I just don't like doing that. And Joe's always like the one to tell me, but like now don't go out especially and go to a bar like that's just not the best look. Just get to the bar like 11 o'clock and 11, 27 after all month telling me never to go out.


He texted me. He takes me run to Seattle. Maybe I'll get a tick tock. I'm drunk. It would be fun. It's like seeing your boss on a Friday. Come on, please just come to Seattle. I mean, I don't respond in a minute later he goes, no, I don't. And then I go, I can't come. And he goes, it would be cool though. Fuck, are you sure, man?


That's what he said.


Just read the read the text that he sent you. Dude, I was I was honestly like at the house last night. I was trying to impress Annalise, like, for some reason, you know, because like I don't really know. And at least that well, I was trying to be like, you know, smooth or whatever.


But like instead of doing that, I got both of them drunk and I was drunk, too.


Yeah, he was texting everybody because Scott has messages too that he was reading last night and actually texted me.


I'm drunk, Illia. Don't be drunk. Sorry, I got to go. You're a dog's friend. Good.


Braund Pasterick.


So he tried to say good friend dog spread and then he tried to correct it and wrote good freude.


See, in the end, I love you, dude. Put these on a billboard. David, thanks for being there. No. Did I say hi? He'll know what it means.


No worries.


He'll do by the end of the night in the kitchen, he was taking swings from the bottle like he was going to stop hugging from the bottle.


Yeah, I got a text the other day that says that I've interacted with somebody sexually that has possibly tested positive for us. Right, right. And I've gotten those sex before so I knew was a prank.


He had sex with anybody. So I mean. Right.


Well, let me get let me get this saying there's no girls coming in and out of here for, you know, that night. And I don't mean but the point what you do, Jane, I'm so confused. How did you derail this attack here? You're not going to let pussy. Yeah. Are you bitches? Because I thought it was funny to tell you that you're not getting any pussy.


Yeah, I know, but it was just so off color, does it? Yeah. I think either way he goes, that's true. And there's a laugh or be like, no, you guys are like, no, actually he's killing it. And then I find out something I didn't know. No, you're right. You're right.


You're right. But I was just. Well how do you know he's right? No, I'm saying he's right. He's like he's right. Those are the two options that could have been funny for that. But but it was just coming from Jesus. It's how you how you approached with that joke.


OK, how should I have done it? You tell me master comedy.


I thought it was weird. Hey, my hide in the bush is very famous. It sucks because I don't even invent that dad. I'm like, no, no, that's not singing.


I was like, you've accomplished so much on YouTube, so many creative things. I know it boils down to you and a fucking ghillie suit. I'm going around fucking a gag from the 70s that's been around basically. But that's OK. OK, so what happened? I'm sorry. So you have herpes. Yeah.


Bottom line of herpes. He knows what people are talking to yourself. He gave it to himself. Now that's a funny joke now.


Now you're in the Bush league from there. So what happened. Someone anyways, I got a text and I fuck you. Was that cut all the tests, the texts. I get a text. I ignore the times of like this is obviously a fucking joke. And our friend Mike from home calls me. He goes, yo, did you did you get that text? I was like, fuck it was you. And he's like, yeah.


And and and like two weeks ago goes by and Mike calls me again.


He's like, Dude, you won't believe what happened. I'm like, what happened? He sent the text to another one of our friends and that friend went and got tested and he didn't know about it. Like Mike didn't know that he went got tested. He accidentally found out because they were golfing and like his friend, that he sent the text. It was like, yeah, bro, I got this weird text about like HIV testing.


I'm like, that's not bad, though. I didn't test positive. Yeah, no, I thought you were going to say that he went and got tested for something he did. Oh. What's his friend.


Yeah, Mike sent it to me I didn't fall for but his other friend, our other friend did faultlessly positive for he didn't get he's not positive. He just got tested. Oh that's fine.


Yeah. Oh yeah. People get tested all the time. Yeah. But now he's away and you won't believe what happened. He went. I tested it. What a fucking idiot! You're doing OK. Said I'm not getting laid. Hey, listen, man, I don't think it's weird that he got tested.


I just I think it's funny that he fell for it and like, I don't know, maybe it's not that funny, but I tried it.


No, it's funny. I mean, how are you not getting these? You're pathetic as I am. I know. How pathetic fuck are you doing?


I'm so. So you're right. Why are you lying to me? You're trying to buy. Your body is rocking. I see you in the gym. You didn't stop fucking doing that. That is you shit. Don't fucking do that. I want to have Jason around anymore. That's cool. Yeah. You are so mean to him all the time. I'm not doing your fucking bro fucking good. I'm glad I brought you to be friends with that piece of shit covered in dirt when he comes home from work.


Fuck you just because I'm a pussy. No, seriously, you're a good looking guy, you know.


Do you have any girls in your life is where I'm headed with it. Mm. I'm sorry. What are you asking these guys if you're getting laid. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.


But not if I fucking not like daily. Hey you know what I found out is you don't tell me about that kind of stuff. Yeah. You don't tell me either. Yeah. Well no. Yeah well yeah. I mean like I don't think it's necessary to tell you. You don't tell me. I don't like if you were to ask I'd be like yeah sure. I just don't get laid literally either. Meaning like a dope.


Hey speaking of sex, San Francisco police interrupts sex parties involving dwarves, emus and a fountain of sperm, 71 arrests.


The San Francisco Police Department interrupted extremely lewd party early this morning in luxurious residence of Presidio Heights neighborhood, arresting 71 people and seizing 71 doors, seizing two horse to boars.


Oh, it's like, who are the horse? They're seventy one. Dorsainvil just two of them got branded as horse police arrived.


They described the scene as a mix of between an orgy and a circus freak show and immediately call for backup.


Why? Hold on. Why is that illegal to condoms? Why is it illegal? I found.


And also what is a found of semen. Yeah, I don't know.


Where did they get it? What I would imagine is it's just like a fondue fountain, but instead of filling up a chocolate, everyone just comes in and then it just keeps regenerating and well, not regenerating.


I oh like yeah I like recycling the recycled stuff. Yeah.


Well they had to catch all the wild animals that were there. It was extremely delicate operation. Hundreds of naked people trying to flee with emus and boars.


You mouth. Are you kidding.


It was a very chaotic scene. Oh that's really funny. I hope this is a real story. What's the article who posted this joke? My mom sent it to me.


You know, it's on you know what?


It's on one of those websites that I've never heard before, The Onion World News Daily report. Maybe the found his was just one dude just shooting a ton of ropes.


That's what I thought. I thought that, too. I was like, there must I think they found a sperm that must be one of the guy's nicknames. Like, you must be just one dude who's like he was like, oh, yeah, that's Mitchell.


He's about to do. The finals is coming tonight, Mitchell at midnight when it strikes midnight after he gets done fucking the boar he will shoot out of found the sperm.


Jesus. I mean that's what it is.


That's Natalie. I'm just reading stories where we are a news podcast and we like to yeah.


We like to report on the most important current events.


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I have a funny story, so about a month ago, Todd bought a vibrator for me and oh, Natalie and I got very comfortable with us.


I mean, it's like we were like I saw it.


What? Oh, yeah. Is this cool? No, no.


Joe is in Todd's room and he's like tried to grab the he grabbed the vibrator and he was like joking around.


He's like he was going to put in his mouth. And Todd's like, don't do that. We used it. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, it's only a month ago, Todd, no, like fucking around on Amazon and we got one of those, like, pocket things, whatever it has, like a remote.


Yeah, you got that for me. Whatever way that pocket things.


Yeah, there is a remote. Oh, it's for the girl. For me.


Oh yeah. And you put it inside the girl and then your significant other can control the remote.


Have some fun. You guys aren't going anywhere on public land. I don't know that right across the living room when they're sitting across from Zaim just to see if they can notice.


So that happened. It wasn't anything great. So like whatever, they didn't want to use it anymore. Yeah. And then my girlfriends were here just the other week and apparently Todd asked and he was like, I want to get Natoli like a really special gift. What should I get her? And I had no idea this had happened.


And one of my friends after she left, she was like, hey, hint, hint, Todd's getting you something really special.


And I was like, oh, cool. And she was like, me tell you what it is. I was like, no, keep this surprise. Like, I want to be surprised.


Hinton Who does that? Hinton surprises coming.


You know, she says she cannot keep secrets.


Hey, Natalie. Don't want to ruin everything, but it's going to use a. And so I'm really excited because I'm like, what could it be? And like, if my friends are in on it, it's going to be like something good.


And so then like two weeks ago, he texted me and he's like, hey, your gift came in.


I was like, oh, my gift was my gift. Like acting all like I have no idea what's happening. And he comes over and brings it to me and it's another vibrator.


And I was like, I got it. And I thought. And he's like something. And like there's a little box and they unwrap it. Yeah, a little like Carteris or is I think it was another vibrator. And I was like I was just like a good one though.


Yeah. Yeah. I mean it must have been like like a hundred dollars for my vagina.


This one's for your eyes. And so I was like I opened it and I was like and I was thinking I was me something else. My reaction was kind of like, oh yeah. And he was like super embarrassed.


He's like, oh, like, you know, like you don't have to take, you know, whatever and take it back. And was like, no, it's great. So bouba. And then last week he said, I have an actual gift for you and he got me. It was a purse. But it was so funny because I texted my girlfriend. I was just like, I think I got Todd's gift.


And she was like, You think you would know if you got it? And I was just like, what was it? And I was like a pink vibrator. And she was like, No, no, it's not a big vibrator.


It's actually something good. And then it was a purse. You just got me to vibrator is not a thing that was in the purse. There was a library. I just thought it was so funny and I had no idea.


It is really funny. Why is it hot outside the window right now looking in with a remote control?


I walked in on Nalley. Make it so often is fucking was.


Yeah. And now you know that right away I walk in. They just totally getting. No, no I do.


I walk around, you make like two or three times probably when and I just like I sleep well. So what I have is I'll knock on the door and I'll just forget about yourself. Well, I'll knock on the door and I'll start opening and you will.


But like your wave away is already when I am seeing you. Really? Yeah. It's always so late and I never say anything. But she was naked and then I just closed the door. But it's happened like three times.


I know, because you just you just barge in. Oh well no. Knock, knock. Doesn't do any camera in there man.


No, no know because you'll have the door like you won't have it closed and you'll have it like crack. Yeah. You'll have it like crack.


Yeah. That's so weird. I think the same thing. Yeah. You'll have a crater like that too. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.


And I know you walk open and like, like you'll think it's open so I'll push it a little like my knock already kind of pushes it because I'm knocking and it's getting pushed and then, and then I see you then you go all the way and you're like you won hands over your tit and the other's like looking for a shoe.


And I'm like, that's happened like three times. It's not a big deal.


And I don't think anything of it. It's just like seeing my sister naked. So you like my boobs as a sister comment after that.


After what you just said. No, but that is funny.


Well, I just assumed that, like, nobody is going to, like, come into my room. So, like, sometimes I'll, like, quickly change the door, like wide open.


Right. I think that's what it is. I think every time you're changing, coincidentally, I happen to be right there. Yeah. Coincidentally so.


So Jo got me a Gucci watch. He surprised me with a good. She was. Yeah I see it. That's pretty dope. But there's a there's a story behind it. First off, we were in line at the grocery store on Rodeo Drive and we all had our masks on, whatever we were like, second to go into the store and these group of girls, like, passed by us. Right. And they recognize me. Yeah. And I'm like, oh, boy, here we go.


Because, like, I'm in a line for, like, a really, really nice designer store. Yeah, right. So like, the people like that are also online.


I don't want them to like I don't want to bring any attention is what I'm trying to say right here.


So these girls, they start like freaking out. They're like panicking, whatever they like, walk up to me. They're like, oh like this. I screaming like, oh my God, oh my God. And like all these people in line are like fucking staring at me. I'm like, God damn it.


And she's like, oh my God, are you are you, are you David's friend?


And it's like, yep, that's me. And she's like, oh my God, can we get a photo? And like, I took a photo or whatever, but I was like, wow, that was really fucking embarrassing.


I like all that, all that, all that fucking hype for that.


And I'm like, are you that guy? You do that that hangs out with David like you were in his car, right?


Yeah. That's the guy back. You swear? I saw him in the car, he says in the back seat.


So, like, that's how that is how celebrity is, huh? It's fucking weird. Joe likes surprising people because, like, it's like a fun video for him. Yeah. And and I always assume he's like, you need anything for your house. Like Tupperware.


Yeah. Like kitchen kitchen utensils.


Like maybe some towels because he just doesn't surprise me in random shit. So like if I ever need anything like kind of small, like a microwave, like he's the guy to go to. But I need a microwave and part of the price tomorrow like I needed I needed, I wanted the TV over my bathtub. I just had an idea. Yeah. I mean he overheard it and he goes, what if you were wrapped up in the next day?


There was a TV mounted on my wall over my bab. So he's he's the guy to go to when you need things fixed around your house. Yeah, the other day he's he's like, yo, what would be cool if I surprise you with a bathtub? I was like, I'm not like, would it be cool if I surprised you with a hot tub? I was like, yeah, it would be cool if you didn't tell me about it.


Did you ever hear about how people think Starbucks is like misspelling their names on cups on purpose? No, you've never heard that theory. They always spell Jason, right?


Yeah, but like like, you know, the thing I Starbucks misspelled names, right? Yeah. People say that it's like a marketing scheme, which I completely disagree with.


I think there's no fucking way. OK, so why would that help their company? Because people talk about it. I think they take photos or take photos of the cup like I mean, just for the same reason.


You know, we know that we all know the story of Starbucks misspelling names.


I'm like, no fucking way. Maybe is a brand smart enough to do that?


A lot of people just don't know how to spell names. Totally. That's what I think about. A name like Esther spelled my sister's name Natalie, honestly, so it can tell you how to spell e e r e e e r t e r. Oh, it's not not like that. We really do not know.


It's Esther Stapper. OK, I agree. But her sister, my sister, my sister spelled with an H.


No. Does she change it. No, it's not Esther Dobek, I've seen her on Tic-Tac, let's call her, tell her her. Call your sister. Put her on the phone. Because she's in my contacts, a sister. Sister number one, what are you. Are you crying no. OK, you're on my podcast.


We're having an argument. I think your name is spelled e s t h e r. Nathalie's saying it's ETR. Are you joking? I told you that you're stupid as hell.


E t h o h when was OK? Is that was that a recent change that you made or has it been like that for a while? David is your dad. You're such a dick man. How could you not.


No I'm kidding. I knew just trying to make something funny for the podcast. Put your dad on. I'll see you later. You got to find your psychology. Hey, tell our parents that I called you because they'll be really happy about it, OK? Oh, no. Just let them know. Let them know that I tell my ass a lot of questions and. And I tell them. I tell them. I said I miss I miss you guys and say I tried calling Sarah but you didn't pick up.


You know, it's not true. I don't have her number saved. But just tell me, OK, just let them all know how. OK, ok. I'll miss I miss you. Bye. Someone from Tick Tock texted me.


Our safety team thinks that your brother is under the age of of thirteen. Is there any way you could prove that he is not and he's eleven. But I just responded. I responded. He's fourteen, I swear. Yeah.


They've been like hounding us to give Toby's really. And I go, is it like proof is like an idea you can send me. So I took a piece of paper and from it's like a benchwarmers joke I wrote he's fourteen with one hundred dollar bill and I sent a picture to her the other day I was here and I was doing Dr. Phil and I'm not getting high anymore.


I want to let you know that. Yeah, I know. I can't.


You say let me don't let me touch weed. Last time I touch weed you said softly often.


But every time, like every time I convinced Jason to smoke weed every every time, like Jason's around and he's doing something like he was dressed up as Dr. Phil the other day. And I was like, oh, it'd be funny if you took a hit on the bong, which is really funny. Yeah, it's funny. It is funny.


And I was like, he's probably to say no because he doesn't want that to ruin his entire day because then he won't be funny.


But media is like, yeah, I'm down and like he's always down to smoke weed.


And then and then after like literally ten minutes it's always like on a timer he starts going, oh man, why you make me smile when I say that I'm I'm before today I shouldn't have smoked at my luggage like, oh my God, I'm like Jason at least like have a positive attitude about this. Like maybe you'll be able to overcome this. But fucking negative, Nancy comes out of nowhere just bitching about smoking.


So I'm truly like not myself. I can't think of I know.


It's so funny. Jason said he got so high as Dr. Phil that the next morning he woke up to take his son to school and he started talking to him as Dr. Phil because he still couldn't lose the voice. She was so high from the microphone as the guy guys, this all the time for today's podcast.


Thank you guys for listening. Shout out to my new co-host, Jason Ash. Thank you for trying him out this this episode. I really think we're going to keep you around. Great.


Send the contracts over and ready to be a part of the team. How? Wait a minute. I've done forty four hundred of these. How does two percent sound? I heard the last guy got thirty.


We're making some changes. I will see you guys later. My name is Jeff by.