Let's look at the views, so Jonah just moved out of his parents house. Yeah, and he was 25 years old. Yes, he did. And he just texted me.
You'll call me right now. I live alone now. We can throw arranger's now. No parents.
That's what he said. As if as if not every single other person in our friend group has been living with our parents the last five years.
Yo, yo, good news. No parents anymore. Oh, Jason. He's a parent rather than try music.
I have an announcement to make on the podcast exclusively here on The View's podcast, I'm officially putting my house up for sale. What?
Exclusive. Exclusive. Wow. Do we have the exclusive belt up?
Here it is. Exclusive with the podcast podcast. Inside scoop with David and. Damn, I was not so long. That's OK. Anyway, yeah, I'm putting the house up for sale and the way I figure it out. I haven't found a new house. But the way I've thought about it is once this house sells.
Yeah, I'll just be forced to move somewhere off the street. I'll be out there somewhere.
I don't care if it's a motel or hotel. There needs to be a safer place than continuing to live here because people are coming to the door and it's getting so bad.
And the worst is like they were driving up and there are these kids in the car, like three different cars full of kids. Right.
And and I pull up and like, they all look at me. They're also happy that day.
And I'm like, I'm never like, mean because it's just, you know, you're so nice, right? There's no point. But they can just see how disappointed I am in my face.
And like, they go from like, I'm sorry, man. Listen, we're for more than just one picture and everyone goes quiet in the car like everybody's like like right before.
And then we pull up in the middle and only one person talks like the guy who was like who? You know, they decided before I was going to talk in case they got into that situation. Right. And then, you know, it's usually that that I was like, listen, I'm sorry.
No, we're not supposed to be here. Kids want a picture. It's so it's so closed. So, yeah, I'm putting this up for. So do you want it? I would love it. OK, let's work something out. Like what?
I don't know. I take your percentage of the news podcast for the next 50 years.
It probably. Yeah, it's a good investment, maybe. I to keep offering to me. I don't know if you know, I've seen your home and I hate it so much. I will. I'm going to give you this one for free. Just please move out of there. Poor kids, your kids, eight feet tall. He lives in a little shack. Your kid is huge. And that doorway that you just run through is fucking so tiny.
They're kids. They're stupid. They don't get it. They don't understand how stupid it is, you know. You know, they're not stupid, but they're like you said, you know, when your kids are stupid.
This is the title of the podcast. That's fine. Is it? Yeah, sure. Jason's kids are stupid. Can I change the word to idiots, Jason? Because that's fine. People will read it and think it's you saying, you know, OK, let it be known that Jason said it first. Jason, kids are stupid. It's not. You know what I'm to do in the title. I'm going to go Jason's. And then in parentheses, my kids are stupid.
Like, it's either they're stupid. It's like, you know, when you're a kid, you don't really know the difference.
Like, no, I grew up in a but I'm getting your house is cool, bro. I grew up in a one bedroom apartment and like my mom was like, oh yeah. You have like and I loved it. Your kids.
Yeah. I shared a room with my room but my siblings shared shared a room of three, like three siblings in one room, a bunk bed in another room, and then they had two guinea pigs in the same room. Yeah, I know. Trust me, your kids have like your kids have like the craziest living situation ever. I'm trying to bust your balls and trying to sell this place quick.
How much? Three million. One. Oh yeah.
Would you get it appraised. No, I appraised myself. I said this means a lot to me. I need three million.
It's a great time to put a house on the market. You know what I thought about?
Because I'm I'm selling the house. Right. So I thought who would buy it? Like just for the price I want no negotiating.
Just whatever for I'm selling for three million dollars. I thought if I was going to buy Mr. Beest should buy it. Yeah. Because when you buy a three million dollar house you only put you're only putting down like the downpayment money. So we're not actually saying, yeah, you're paying twenty five percent down.
And I think he can, you know, it'll be a nice piece of real estate and he'll make it one good video. I feel like he already spends ten million dollars a video. So why the fuck not.
So Mr. Beast, if you're listening to this you have full blown permission to come to my house at any moment without telling me, with lawyers and whatever you need and take over the rights to my house. So just come in. If you want to buy my house, it's all fucking yours 100 percent. Just show up to my door and don't tell me when you're coming. So you get my reaction. OK, see you soon.
I lost my airports around hills and I had to buy fucking wired headphones. Yeah, I watch porn with them, like with the wired headphones. It was the worst thing ever.
Like the fucking wiring I gave you right here in the bedroom right next to the bedroom. Yeah. OK, yeah. And the like wiring like wrap around my dick and like oh what in.
Yes it would do it. Yes it would. Why would you be like in the way I'd be like how would people ever do what you watch with headphones when I wouldn't he.
Yeah. Why wouldn't you. Because you don't know if anybody's coming. It's the worst in my fucking bathroom door is locked. I know, but what if I'm banging on it.
Oh that's right. All I hear is I'm not fucking somebody. Yeah.
But like still I don't know man. When he's in the bathroom you don't go in there.
And I never watch porn with headphones on ever. My bedroom. No one hears you. Yeah. Well if I do jerk off I keep the door open so I can.
So I know when people, when people are coming OK, you live in a house with tons of people rolling around. I'm just saying jerk off.
Have you ever have you just like, left your home if you're just left the living room and like, gone and jerked off and that doesn't know and then come back. Yeah. Yeah.
What do you mean why is that weird. I mean that's pretty weird. Like a morning me out of context. I do a lot shit we're back to talking about.
Oh I don't do it a lot easier to talk about jerking off. Yeah. Oh my God. We're talking about jerking off again. Fuck. What started as a story about headphones. They said a tangled around his dick.
Where are you supposed to go with that? First of all, how does that happen?
We need we need somebody to come in here and talk. What are you doing? A dance as you're masturbating. How the fuck are headphones getting tangled around your dick? What do you mean?
I'm kind of like reclining a little bit and, you know, the fucking the wire, like, let me let me change the subject a little bit. Do you ever sit on the toilet and rest here? No, it's this isn't jerking off. This is just poop related. You ever you ever sit on the toilet and rest your back, like on the back of the toilet while you're pooping?
You know, it's so weird. I do. I'm jerking off. No, I do what you do. I take a little break.
Look what I've done it like three times in my life.
And I think front of me, like, get back, support all your pooping. You do that. You just hunch over.
I mean. Yeah, I mean, I'm supposed to sit up, right? No, I mean, not even when I'm there. I'm just sitting on the toilet.
I'm just gonna stand up and say, you know, you put your you put your back. I mean, I'm sure I have, yeah, yeah, but you do that normally you put your back up to the little backboard. No, but I mean, I have. Well, now it looks like you're back pedaling because we're all making fun of you.
No, I mean, I'm sure like. Yeah, I guess like Jamie, you made a sex tape. Have you ever had sex with your mom? What. Sorry. Got that.
That's what I was at that moment that you just said. That's where one guy goes. OK, I'm done with this.
That's where that's where one listener went like, OK, I've had enough. Yeah. That's where I listen. It was like I'm not I'm not coming back to this podcast. Yeah. OK, thanks a lot. No, no, no. We lost on five. Let's talk about something else. No, no more. No more sex. The first person that talks about sex gets a spanking. That's a good daddy. Yes. OK, let's talk about something else.
You know, we were flying back from from Virgin Hills the other week.
I noticed David doesn't recline his fucking chair in the airplane.
And it's the most bizarre thing. He puts his backpack that's on the dinner tray and then he sleeps forward on the backpack and it like first class, but like like reclines a lot.
Yeah. I don't need to recline. I want fully down or not recline at all. Honestly, I don't recline because I feel bad for the people behind me.
And I just kind of built into like a habit. Like the one time I did recline recently was because Suzy was sitting right behind me. She's just like my friends is like, fuck, and I'll send this bitch back because I have tiny legs. So you could go as far as glass, so just keep going.
Yeah, I feel bad.
Like I don't wanna have like an awkward encounter with the person behind me, like, excuse me, because those seats recline far sometimes.
I mean, excuse me. Excuse me for what did you fucking walk up to. Anybody. Can you please fucking. It's the rules say recline.
It's, it goes back your five minutes. It really you can't say anything. I don't know. I always think it's kind of weird.
What was someone going to say. Hey, don't recline. Hey can you not recline a lot.
I've just been, I've been having a tough day and like it's just really hot here. No one's ever said that to me.
No, not at all. And I've ridden coach quite. I've heard it next to me.
Really? Yeah, I've heard of it next to me. Like, can you put your seat back a little bit, please? I'm just saying that I'm trying to work on my computer. That would be insane. Yeah, but but some people think that like not think but some people, you know, have important things to get done on their flight over and they're really stressed and you just don't want to be in their space. I don't know.
Navigating young adulthood can be a wild ride. So it's something I know it.
I have a fourteen year old. It takes very long showers, something social media icon Addison Ray couldn't do without her mom, Sherry and Nicole and Mama knows best for Spotify original from precast, Addison goes to her mama for advice on all things growing up, getting real about relationship, friends and family life. New episodes every Monday take you beyond.
This is fucking crazy. We're reading an ad for Addisons podcast and her mom.
That's sick. Yeah. Adulations guy. Congrats to you guys. First of all, I want to say this. I love Addison and her mom. I genuinely think they're such sweet people.
So I mean, from what I've seen so far, I've known her for like, what, probably five months now.
And she's she's one of the I hate saying this because it just sounds like I'm making it up, especially because we got paid to talk about her. Right. But she is one of the sweetest people.
She's so nice to Charlie. She literally goes out here and we would have done this for free. So I got you Spotify originals. We just stole your fucking money because we were going to promote this anyway. But they're going to open up on topics like living with your parents as an adult and the arguments that that causes the then and now of dating norms and how apps have changed the game. Guys, if you if you want to know more about Addison or you just want to know more about what it's like growing up in the whole social media scene, not growing up or exploding in the social media scene, I should say.
Follow the Spotify original from podcast Mama Knows Best free and exclusively on Spotify, if you like. Mama knows best. You can check out more podcast shows on Spotify by searching for podcast in the Spotify search bar or go to Spotify dotcom slash podcast Arostegui Nihonmatsu in the mail.
It's really nice. I wore it cost me a little over ten thousand dollars, which I know sounds fucking insane, but it comes to the stand. So, you know, even when I'm not wearing him or being Iron Man, I could just put it up like in my house and look cool and like I had to get every measurement. So they measured my my neck, my face, my eyes, my torso.
Every part of me was measured so I could fit in this Iron Man suit that lights up and glows in the dark and shit like a real iron man.
It was cool and he would send me pictures.
It was like a guy in like a different country, like welding it together, like the real Iron Man. Like, I think it was probably the same guy in the movie. And yeah, he was putting it together and it came three months later and allocate any weight. Did it fit. Yeah, fit. Fit. He said I had like a couple of inches of like leeway. So even if I did gain a little bit of weight, it was fine.
How long it take to put on.
Oh my God, it took so long to put on realistically was like 45 minutes, but like it was a pain in the ass. I had Alan Taylor helping me and like we had to unscrew the legs and screw them back on me. Yeah. It was like fucking it was hell.
And I was sweating so much I was soaked when I took the entire thing off, it stopped working. The lights stopped. Working because I was so wet from sweating so like the map, the head wasn't removing and closing and opening properly because I was just so sweaty.
But other than that, it was it was a really, really good. Do you think you'll wear it on dates and stuff? Yeah.
I mean, I, yeah, I, I'm being asked to change my profile picture on my dating apps to me, the Ironman suit.
I just think that maybe people like a guy who's heroic.
So all you guys out there stop buying David's merch so he doesn't fucking keep buying things like this. Oh, please.
I'm fucking out of money. I'm out of money. I haven't posted in a while. I think you're in a good spot. Right. You made it this far. You made a lot of money just kick off next year. Yeah.
I want to live, though. You don't understand.
I want to live where I do like it. No, I like life. I really do. I have my kids. Like your life specifically.
Yeah. Yeah. It's not like watching other people's both. I mean, I love living vicariously through other people and so that makes my life kind of fun too.
Yeah. I saw a picture of your kid the other day. Yes. He's getting tall. He's taller than me, but he's taller. Taller. I know, I know he was taller than you. But now he's like he's kind of like a like a Hilton, like the size of a Hilton hotel.
The hotel I used to joke about the room in my house was a garage that I converted. Yeah, I used to joke about how like dated he fucking walked out today, fucking slammed his head like he can't hold the door of it. He has to like duck down. Wow. And he's like, oh is it OK if I go to Jackson.
He reminds me of like the gentle giant. Yes. Like he's just like this huge guy who's like who can kill anybody with his bare hands. But he just thinks that, like, you know, he's like delicate with butterflies. But when he finally gets picked on, you're just like, wow, what the fuck? You can crush these kids. How are they picking on you?
I'm waiting for him to show like some sort of like microaggression or something, but he's just like.
So, yeah, bro, I'm waiting on your and your kids to freak out on you for the last I mean, waiting. I'm like, something's got to go wrong. Yeah. It's like they have to turn into teenagers or something. Like one of them has to find drugs, especially in L.A.. I talk. Are they so good? I don't know.
I told them, I said, you want to do drugs, go ahead. Well, they say they don't want to do drugs. It's like, OK, great, if you want to go, I'm doing a reverse psychology with them.
So what your parents did they tell you don't do drugs? Did they did your parents come to you and tell you don't do drugs before you even thinking about doing drugs? No, no, no.
They never mentioned it. I imagine until like they're like I made jokes about my parents, like like I feel like I would make a joke about weed. Yeah. And like, they would be like they wouldn't even believe it. Yeah. There's no fucking way this loser got a hold of me. Like that's how my parents looked at it. I think it's like a couple of times I did like say I came home. Hi. My mom just kind of left and but like I was definitely high.
But where did you find weed?
In Vernon Hills. There's a dealer. What was his name? I can't say, because I think he still deals and still deals out of the same house today. And I got in the fight because I said he was dumb and he goes, no, I really think you're dumber than me.
And I go, no, you're probably one of the stupidest people I know. And then we got in a fight about who's dumber. And then he got he got so mad during the hike, he hiked in front of me the entire time and just didn't talk to me until we got back to the car. And he's like, well, you wanted your space, so you got it. And then we got we got back in the car and I was like, Don't you ever fucking do that again.
What did you six years old.
I saw a tick tock of you guys trying to park hiking.
And some some girl is like, we still David Space.
Oh, my God. Yeah. This girl saw this girl saw our spot not really stole, but she parked before us.
And like I like I drove by and I went, fuck you for stealing our spotlight as a joke. Right. But I was like, I saw her filming and I was like, great zoom. You taken out of context. So she didn't catch that part. But like, I don't even think she heard me say it. But I was like, trying to be funny. Like, I'm like like really pissed about the spot, but yeah, that's funny.
And you to talk about about her taking responsibility for me, there was a there was a comment to it was like he's so mad and I was like five times.
Oh yeah. I was mad. I'm not mad at all. He's like looking for another space.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Parking in general is just really tough out this hike. We were looking for parking for like thirty minutes, not thirty minutes like four minutes.
But you know, I felt like one time and, and we got to this one guy and he's like parking and he's like a Mini Cooper almost. It's like a smaller car and he's like fitting in a small spot.
And I don't know, I, I felt the need to comment, but I rolled my window down.
I go lucky that your car is so small that you can thin the spots like that's what I said. And the guy was foreign, he was Russian. And he goes, What?
And I go, lucky that your car is so small you could fit in. He just didn't make any like I was trying to make conversation. I just to be like a fun dude like like, hey, I'm Dave and I'm out for a hike.
I'm going to have a good day. And the guy just didn't understand what I was saying. And and he was getting almost angry because I think he thought I was saying that he has a small. He's a pussy like that's that's how it looked like he was taking it, and after my third try, I tried three different times. I just drove away. I drove away and I was like, I'm four. I drove away so embarrassed, like like I rolled the window up and I go, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck in my car because I was so embarrassed this guy didn't understand me.
And then and then I'm still looking for a spot.
And he came out of his car, walked right up to my car and he goes, Oh yes, I have a small car.
It's a lot easier. It's going to be tough with your car. And I was like, oh my God, he couldn't fucking understand me.
I was. So I had to use Google Translate because that's what you were saying.
I was so fucking scared.
Have you ever been a situation where you're about to compliment somebody on their smell and you go, hey, you smell and, you know, for a second they're going to be scared? Like because the sentence, hey, you smell really, really good. Yeah.
Like for a second there's fright in peoples. So like there are situations like this was the same thing like me going your car small. Like that was a moment where I was like I was like, I hope he lets me finish. So he understands that I'm not being mean.
And like that that'll happen a lot with like wow, you really smell good. You've never done that. You've never said that to somebody. And you go, I hope they let me finish and don't get scared that I'm I've been on the end of someone starting a sentence with you smell.
And I'm like, oh my God, here comes. Yeah. You out of anybody you know. Yeah. Like yeah.
Or like or like. Oh this is my favorite. Like when like I'm talking to somebody and their gum is delicious and I go your breath smells so good but like it sounds so scary and almost makes your stomach like turn stink.
Like it's like what the fuck is wrong with my breath. Like those are the sentences that always scare me. Yeah.
Anyway, so your friendliness has is off putting my friend. Yeah. What do you mean.
Like when I first started hanging out with you, like you're so friendly and so like, like a kid, like maybe with your like you say maybe with you.
I was being sarcastic.
No I'm talking about more like when you would just roll up on strangers like you're such a kid that's like been out of his parents house for the first time. Oh yeah.
I love talking to love talking about I love interacting with people.
And I and I remember like first hanging out with you, being like people are going to receive this. Well, they're going to think he's being a dick, but he's actually really, really nice. Yeah.
I'd be the worst Uber driver because I would just fucking feel the need to, like, conversation with everybody, just turn around and be like, hey, you really smell good back there.
But yeah, Robert Downey Jr. held a six year old boy who saved his sister from a dog attack as a rock star and promised him a special birthday surprise.
David, I know. I wish I could have saved my sister from a dog. I know that kid is lucky. That kid is lucky. He's a hero. He's definitely brave.
I'm going to give a dog to attack my sister so. So I can jump in. I can jump in and get that dog out of shit. Right. I mean, it could be. Hey, Robert, did you see what I did to the six year old to know that's sick?
I fucking love. I love that. I love when superheroes I call. That's the coolest thing in the world. When a superhero calls like a kid that's been like hurt, injured in the hospital or anything.
Like, how empowering is that when fucking Captain America Iron Man is on the phone, they're going, Hey, bud, you're going to be OK. I'm watching over you like a fucking roberton. He called me right now and told me my life was going to be OK, and he had the suit on and he goes, Don't worry, I got your back.
I feel fucking invincible. And I'm twenty three.
If Robert Downey Jr. came over here to, like, meet you for, like, a business meeting or something. Yeah. Just show him the suit.
Well, I open the door on the suit. Oh you would. Yeah. Yeah.
I mean I'd imagine he had a suit close by too. I doubt he goes very far without a suit. It's one of those crime.
What if Robert Downey Jr. put his hand on your shoulder in the suit and went, hey, it's just a movie?
Oh, my God, that broke my heart because I don't think he'd do that. I don't think you do that. It's just a movie. You're being really fucking weird.
Yeah, man, it is weird.
Is it weird how much I like Iron Man or is it normal? I think it's I think it's I feel like I'd like a super healthy amount. I do definitely like I got the suit that's a little excessive. But like I, I don't feel like I'm set for Halloween. Right. I don't feel like it's an unhealthy like obsession. Like some people are like commenting and they're going, well, Dave, you've got to calm down like some people are scared for me.
I think it's pretty cool. Yeah. I thought was pretty cool. I just love the idea of having my Halloween costume. I set my family. That's suit. Yeah. The video of me in the suit.
My dad goes bad with the crying emoji. I was like, fuck, is it this bad? Jay, what are you doing in your free time?
Pay-out my kids, you know, the correct answer is playing blasphemes. Fuck those kids. And if you're not playing the finds that you should be, it's hours of fun you can enjoy any time. Guys, the best part of my best friends is it updates the game monthly with new levels and events so never gets old and it doesn't require know it's a place you could literally play at anywhere. You're on a road trip.
No problem. I had of that part. I ad libbed that part where I went. That's no problem.
It wasn't in the script. You went off script off. Oh, shit, I was not. Oh, my God, there are plenty of fun and cute characters to collect, which makes the game even more exciting. Plus, there are always monthly themed challenges in the game, which keeps best fans feel like a new game. Every time you play off script again, blasphemes has thousands of levels already.
Holy shit. Thousands of levels. That was off script came with new levels of offensive characters added every month.
It's hours of fun and right at your fingertips and you can even play offline with over 100 million downloads and tons of five star reviews. Breastfeeds is a must play best free on the Apple App Store or Google Play. That's friends without the best fiends.
Marty came over and looked at my house with her boyfriend today. Oh, that must be embarrassing. They were outside and they came in and the place was really messy. Foxes, you know, they were coming. No, I made a really dumb move of like she was in the doorway picking up Charlie. And I was like, oh, I got you guys a bottle of wine. She was like, Oh, that's really nice. That's unlike you.
And I was like, OK, well, I mean, nice. And I went upstairs and then he was there and I was like, You guys want to come in and see the place? And they were like, Yeah, sure. She's never seen it.
No, she's seen it, but he hasn't seen it. So then he came in and the place was just, oh my God, it was such a mess. It was just like I can't imagine what he thought. He must have just thought, this guy's really fucking going nowhere. Then we came outside and he looked at the view and he was like, this is really nice. And I was like, anything I say is awkward. I go, Yeah, well, I got it for The View.
Yeah. Say, yeah, you are awkward. I mean what you say. Yeah that's like. I know. I understand. I'm awkward. Yeah I know. But I can imagine you in that situation. I would just be fucking dying.
Like why invited in. Why. Why. That's my thing. Like why invite that. Why not just say OK, take Charlie and go.
Does he think you're like a loser. Genuinely. Honestly.
What does he actually think of. You know, I don't think he thinks that. I don't know what he thinks. I don't know what I think I will after he left. I think I don't have anything in common. That body like. I know. I mean. Yeah, yeah, I know. He doesn't come close. I mean, maybe.
Yeah, I mean, I don't have I don't know. He left and I was like, yeah, Saturday night. I wonder what they think I'm going to go do. Right. And I guess I come here right. For the podcast. I mean, is he tall? He's my height, OK? He's really handsome. I imagine my six foot four, he's just he's an actor. He's a actor, handsome. This is he does he, like, touch my in front of you?
I mean, I haven't seen him do that, but I'm sure he touches. Are you? I mean, he definitely touches her, but I mean, maybe he has. I've only I mean, how does he see color babe in front of you?
No, but one time I went over there to get them and and they when I went to get the kids, we were like I was like watching the Oscars with them or something. And then the food came for them. They had ordered food and then like the food was like all wrong and like, oh, the soup had like dumped over and it dumped out in the bag. And then like I saw I saw her like go into like, you know, like panic mode.
And then he had to go over and like, deal with the soup when it used to be my job to go over and deal with the soup. And I just watched him do it. And it was so fucking weird. That is really funny. He was like, he's like he's like, it's OK.
He's fine. Well, you know, we'll clean it up and there's still some there so we can share what's left. And she was like, I know, but I wanted it to be nice.
And they just had this whole fucking bizarro land conversation in the same kitchen that I used to, like, stand in and do the same thing. But it's OK.
We can share it, you know, so fucking bizarre just sitting there on our couch with a smirk on your face like, oh my God, I part of me was like, glad it didn't have to deal with it.
And the other part of me was like, oh my God, I get the fuck out of here. Like, I can't watch this.
Right. That is so bizarre.
I think just probably the type of guy that's probably just ready for a woman to come in and clean house. Oh, yeah. And I don't I don't I don't say that.
I mean, oh, if I go on in here and change the fucking whatever she wanted me, I don't care if she wants to change me into a fucking ballerina like I'll do I'll do whatever.
Like a girl came in and was like, hey, all your awards, they're like a little tacky in the front of the room, OK, if we just put em in the garage. Yeah, 100 percent something I my sure use words for sure. Oh yeah.
I'd let a girl definitely do whatever she wants. No, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm really good about that. I would never been, I would never be dating a girl that would do that to me.
Oh my God. Right. I can't wait. I can't fucking wait to watch until you get married. It is going to be you know. Yeah. Oh yeah. No, we're two girls. Not to each other way. To who. I can't wait to watch you guys get girlfriends, get married and then watch how how much things will change. Oh I don't know.
I can't wait to get married. I'm so excited Dave. And I said that we have to have kids at the same time so he gets a girl pregnant. I have to hurry up and do my thing. Yeah, she's going to be a lot of pressure.
That's my my best friend. And I you know what I'm really scared about what's going to really suck out their friends ill when one of us gets a girlfriend, it's going to be really sad.
US it's going to be so sad.
It's going to be the worst to be so bad as I know how you are with girls. And, you know, it's like the shittiest thing. And that's the same way I am with girls, too.
Let's vow to not get a girlfriend for like another four years. No, I'm fucked up, bro.
I'll pick one tomorrow. Oh, don't mind.
I don't. I mean, it's going to be bad. It's going to be so bad. I will lose my friend. I know I'm going to end up, you know, and and I'm going to hate her too.
I'm not going to like her. I'm going to go fuck her. And like in like you're going to be like you're jealous. I'm like, no, I'm not. And that's what that's what's going to come down to.
It's like Jason with his kids, you know, he I say I'm not jealous, but I really am.
I know I seem like I would get a girlfriend before you, but I don't think so. No, I don't think so. Oh, fuck.
It's usually the person who says that. I guess the girlfriend before I think maybe will get a girlfriend before you. Really? Yeah, I think so too. Because you're just like you're ossifying, man.
You really are. What does that mean? You just been out on this vine for a while, like big tomato like fuck, I need a girl. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think so too.
It's probably the one thing but yeah. What am I going to do with Helio when I get a girlfriend.
You know what I could, I could, I could. You're so good at like massaging situations that I could see you being like and it is going to come to that, you know what I mean.
But I have a feeling is not going along. I wouldn't want to do that.
Yeah, well what do you mean I'm not into that unless you're into it now that can be great.
Like if you have a good morning. I had a friend like that. Dienstag Like I'm outdate the girl.
I'll date the girl. Your girlfriend's friend. Yeah. No matter if I like her. And I was just fucking dating once you guys married, she's forty eight.
So you have a friend. Yeah. She's like a little older.
You are a pen pal in a retirement home.
OK, I'll fuck you are the type of guys that have married twins. Yeah. Oh wow. That be really fun.
Yeah. But then obviously there's always one harder time and that would be a century. Yes there is, there's always one hundred twenty to but it's always one hundred twin. They're twins. No no no. There's always one twin that's hotter. You know this now. It's true.
Every twin has had a tough time in like Playboy when they have twins they both. Oh you have to look there's one of them that's not really. Yeah.
You have twins in your school. Yes. Was was one hotter than the other.
Yeah, for sure. They have and I always talk about like him wanting this like, you know, fucking beautiful wife, beautiful girl, whatever, but her like coming in, getting to know me and liking me instead.
We've never talked about this. You've talked about this once because we always talk about this. You brought that up once. Whatever you call, is this your goal? No, but I can see it happening. Wait, what? Like, OK, so like so like David, you know, like a girl or whatever, but like she actually likes me more than him and like ends up marrying me. I've been pretty fucked up. Yeah, we fucked.
I'm not saying I wouldn't do that, bro. Why should you? Yes, you would. I would. Yeah, you. But you would realize that you two are good together, right? Right.
Why do you keep bringing up this scenario? Yeah. He keeps bringing up like he's like like. Like what do you mean I keep bringing it up.
This is first of all, this is said this is the fourth time you've said this and I haven't. No, sorry I lied. I like I like this is the second time.
It's the second time you've said this and I've never brought it up and you just brought it up like you've been thinking about it for a while.
Have it anyway. You literally said you literally said, you literally said, yo, Dave. And I always say we never always say what you said in one. That makes me think that you think about all the time. Are you going to steal the fucking next girl? I fucking steal anybody. I'm not like that. But like if she likes me and you realize it and you allow it.
Oh, my God, I'm I'm already upset at you. This doesn't exist yet. I'm going to be so pissed if you take your girlfriend. You guys aren't the type of guys you know. I mean. No, no, I dude.
OK, Jay. Even like if we like the same girl, if he likes her more than I do or if he just likes her and I like her because you can have her like she's all yours. All right.
I don't think one time we like to go out the same time and we played rock, paper scissors to see who could talk to her one me.
And then what happened? I didn't go out and she thinks that stupid ass should have been me. Yeah, whatever. I mean, like you think you're better with girls and David.
No, no, it's way better with girls. They were like, well, girls and like anybody I know. Really. Wow.
I've been really good. Thank you so much. I'm serious.
It's fucking it's an art man and he's really good at it.
I mean, that means a lot. Why do you say that? I never heard you say that. Nice.
Oh, I don't know. Yeah. I've seen you be really good with girls where you're like, keep them guessing and you're like really. You're like entertaining and seem like you don't care. And then. Yeah. And then you keep them guessing where they go and then maybe he's gay and then you bring it back around to make it clear that you're not gay. What? No, I don't keep girls guessing. I'm very forward.
No, but but like it's nothing is. Yeah. You keep them guessing. Like you like you keep them entertained where it's like it's not it's you're pretty clear. Like you're saying all different things and you're very like rapid fire and.
Oh right. Right. I'm not saying you play games like David so good to girls. They so good with girls that like I was learn from him.
What have you learned from David in terms of like what girl have I interacted with you like that? I like I like you interact with one girl.
Have I like all the girls are like, I'm just trying to steal them.
No, but like what girl is the girl specifically. That was one specific. Oh just like when we were out power. Yeah. And like someone's talking to us.
OK, ok. Yeah.
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I was here today just buying stuff for Charlie. She loves Urban Outfitters. Oh, Charlie's story here. It's my life, David. All right. All right. The other podcast and I got that with the real life. All right. I'll make it quick. I got it right. I got the mask on. Hey, man, I listen to the podcast. It sounds like you guys are fast forward.
And Jason's part is that editing or is is Jason talking really fast?
Internet. OK, so what happened? He had a mask on. Yeah.
And then the security guard comes over. He's like above the. No, sir.
Oh, you are one of those but below the nose people. OK, that's fine. Yes, I'm on your side. I think I you dude I don't fucking get that at all.
It falls. It falls. Dude, you want me to pick it up. You know how I knew you. You know. You know how I knew you're like below the nose guy. Ha.
Because I love how there's like like imagine this conversation. Yeah. Like eight months ago.
What are they talking. Oh they wear their masks and masks. No, but like just the way your pants sag and how like you can't control like. Yeah. What level of butt crack is coming out of your pants.
Yeah. Just makes me believe that you have no control over your mask either.
Well that's because my weight fluctuates. So some days I really should have a belt.
I don't think that's it. It is. I'm losing weight. Oh. And I have 36 is that should be thirty five. But I. But. Even when you were like at your biggest, your crack was out maybe even more than it is now? Well, that's because if you're too heavy, then your crack comes out. So you really can't win, you know? Well, if so, above the hills. Above the hills like that.
And you just like I hate people that wear masks and that that don't have it. They don't have the muscle or anything. When you fucking told to put it on your nose, you know why it's so fucking easy.
Just put it above your nose. So I understand David's right. Like, just put up your nose like someone said it on the plane.
When I'm sitting next to Dave and I got so mad inside. I got so mad, man. Good. What do you mean good. Fuck you for not having it above your nose.
I was so mad at you at the airport for it kept slipping below his nose and I could see it like the way he was talking was he was opening his like drop wider.
So, so like purposefully fall but blow his nose.
And I was just getting so fucking frustrated I was to put the mask above your nose like it's so, so simple.
Like not only is it like good, you know, to be safe and healthy, like conscious of others, but like we don't get dirty looks. That's the most important part is people don't look at us like we're fucking you know, we just escaped prison.
I put it above your nose.
I have a big fucking nose, dude, huge nose, which is why I think it'd be fucking anchor today, which is which is why I think you're fucking big nose should be acting like a fucking jagged mountain holding like a big canopy.
On top of that, Dave went to the gym today with us and he he takes the weights outside. And Taylor was with him and I was inside the gym.
And all of a sudden I see Taylor coming right back with the weights I gave up trying to do, just like I was trying to balance the weights. And I was like, look, can you remember we're talking about the gym. Yeah, yeah. They were like they were like they were. So I mean, this guy who's fucked up, it's got to bring him back.
You need to make sure take the back seat belts in the fucking hotel before you feel her bicep right that strong.
Now I know that you have you put them in the mouth. So there's more to this, you know. Oh, yes. You girl than the mouse. How hard it is to get into that house. Dave, your birthday's coming up pretty soon.
Oh, yeah, bro. I was just wanting to make this clear. I'm glad you're here early. I know you're like one of my closest friends that I know. You possibly may be planning something. Here we go. And I already hear you and I already talked to Taylor about this. I know a lot of people during their birthday say that they don't want anything right. And like, they don't want to be surprised. But that kind of low key want to be surprised.
Right. I'm dead ass saying this right now, dead ass. All I want to do is just hang out here at the house. OK, OK.
Yeah, no, I'm being serious. Yeah, but whatever you want, I'm being serious.
Taylor, cancel the private jet to Miami police. Definitely don't do that. Oh, now you're fucking interested. No, not at all.
I know he said definitely don't fucking listen reading me wrong. I mean, I'll give Taylor the snowmachine is back on. Get the snow cones. No, no, seriously. Nothing, nothing. Nothing.
Right, right. Right. You want. I don't know.
It's so hard. My parents texted me, my parents texted me and they go, we sent you your birthday present record. Your reaction. I'm so excited because I can't imagine what they come up with. That's fun. Yeah, that's fun.
No, I don't know what I was going to be for sure, but it's going you know what it's going to be it's going to be a shirt with some kind of customization on it.
My parents just recently, like a year or two ago, I found out that they can customize their own T springs.
And it's like and it's like kind of cool. But also, like, I'm pretty close with my merch company.
We can just create whatever you want. But it's really funny when they, like, create their own stuff and it's like the bricks or whatever. Yeah, yeah. I like making custom calendars, so I think it's got to be something along the lines of that.
I don't know. I'm excited.
I'm excited to see about the record. My reaction. I love it.
It'll be like your birthday. You celebrate it. No, no. I'm on the same page with David. I mean like if someone threw me a party, like, OK, cool, I wouldn't bitch about it. Like, he would I would bitch about it either.
You throw me a party I like even after right now telling you, please do not throw me a party.
If you do if you do throw me a party, I'm going to go like this is fucking sick. You thank you. But like at the same time, like, just don't do it because you don't need to.
There's nothing else to do though.
Not saying I'm going to do it now. Do whatever you are.
I don't care. Pretty limited. Just what I'm just saying. I want you to lock you in your fucking mind.
I want you to pressure off you and just go, dude, I'm going to be dead ass. So happy with no pressure, no pressure, no pressure in the zone.
Yeah. I guess. Well, that's all the time we have for today. Thank you guys for listening. It's been another Views podcast. Thank you to my lovely co-host, Jackson Jackson.
Jake, Jason, thank you to my lovely colleagues, Jason Nash, Social Media.
Yes. We'll see you guys later. My name is Jeff. We'll go go buy my new merch. My name's Jeff.