Transcribe your podcast

Lots of guys would like to views the podcast where Jason and I hang out kind of like a stepson, stepfather, duo kind of thing.


But no one gets stuck in the washing machine. You know what I mean? In Jesus. Bro, cool off the sex references, sorry, bro, you're the one that talks about jerking off fucking to 35 percent of every podcast, I throw down some music.


Jason Carroll. Jason, you can play Jason, you know, just go ahead, Jason. Yeah, I would love that. You can call me whatever you want.


So, Jason, you think not going to be have you heard of the news that tick tock going to be canceled?


I love the wind up. My daughter is in flames about it. Yeah, I was working on the other day and I my phone kept ringing. I thought somebody, you know, something was wrong.


You say Terry Jeffrey Wright talks big cats, you know, like the likes got take it away for like an hour or so during that time. It's happening. So the lights are going. What? Can't take it away?


Well, for maybe like a couple hours on Thursday, all the lights in page views got taken away on ticktock on air like Charlie Domingo's views were gone.


And so she was like, it's happening. She's like, it's starting. Oh, that's so funny, because the night before the article came out that the U.S. might shut it down. So, yeah, her and her friend were like, I just feel like they wouldn't write. I feel like it's like a pretty tough thing to do. Not tough, but I feel like it's like a pretty like people are going to be outraged. Yeah.


Like, it's it's like I know it sounds ridiculous. I'm talking about Tic-Tac, but like it is outrageous. What's the argument. Sorry, I don't understand it that China is stealing our info because OK, there was this an article that came out that Amazon employees. Did you see that. Yeah. If you're an Amazon employee, you have to delete Tic-Tac off your phone.


That was said to be false later, like a couple hours later after we all said that the group chat. Oh, that's not true. OK, so Amazon employees just keep it because right when I got that article, this woman, this girl pulled up. She's a 20 year old. She's an Amazon delivery girl. Yeah. And I like you here.


You have to delete Tecktonik off your phone and she goes off she goes, I love to talk. And I go, I know. I'm not sure if I can just hide it. I probably scared her for the rest of the day, spreading false information.


The article I just read just said that basically it's really about influence. Oh, that's what I think it is.


It's it's just about, you know, controlling, sending out certain things that the United States government doesn't want. And it's actually really not about the data at all. And that the data is really not that great, that. Well, that's great.


That's the Internet today is everyone has power now, right. Like, there's no such thing as like the top seven percent or the top seven people in the world control the media. Like it's not like that anymore. Like even when people go, like, are you not watching what the media shows you? I don't even know what they're talking about because I mean, like. Do you mean my take talks like it's the only thing I consume is like Tic Tacs.


So it's not like I'm not watching NBC or anything. I'm on Twitter and I'm on Tic-Tac. It is pretty.


And those are both pretty well, as far as I know, like uncontrollable things for like our government standpoint. Right. And yeah, there are some of the things on Tic-Tac are really not great, like what my kids consume. What are they just outand out lies. Oh yeah. Like my daughter will be like is Howie Mandel OK?


And I'm like a fucking scam. He's OK.


I don't know man yarbro.


That's but there's a huge conspiracy going on and Howie Mandel is not OK. Trust me, I know I've been texting. I'm like, oh yeah, yeah. There's a huge conspiracy going on. I mean, I don't I hope he is. I don't know what to think about it.


I honestly, I would I, I want to be honest with you. Yeah. Not returning any of my calls. Really. Yeah. And when I when I call him, I just get a dial tone, really?


Yeah, I mean, I'm part of the problem on whether you want to talk because I'm over spreading misinformation.


I don't know. I just think I think it's I think it's just such a bizarre thing to like.


And I think it's really about. They fucked up his rally. Oh, yeah.


That's what it is. Yeah, right. That's what they fucked up Trump's rally. He's always had a bug up his ass about China anyway. So now he can easily just roll that into all the other bad things he said about what has he said, who started this tick tock thing.


Well, the Trump come out and tweet like, tick tock, tick tock.


Pompeo came out and said he's looking into it, OK? And and which is he's wanted he's in Trump's cabinet. So, yeah, I mean, they probably are fucking pissed, like, fuck, ticktock. What are the steps to take down and how does Congress have to vote?


I have no idea. And just try to get to say something on behalf of us.


Like if she a she she's just sitting in the car with her hand on the Bible.


Have you been speaking to China?


Charly's like I'm just here to dance with the sweetest girl ever, the most scrutinized like interrogation setting ever. Because toxifying.


Yeah, I don't know. I think it's I think it's a I think it's a very scary thing for what you do. Do it. You know, you've really you've really taken the tick tock that's like your thing.


I have really take it to it and I'm going to shout out one of my favorite creators right now. His his name is Max. His name is Max Taylor. Yeah. Yeah. You sent me him today. Yeah, I've seen him. I think it's great. Really great. And he sent me this Max. Sorry, I'm reading your DMI loud, but I just thought I was really sweet.


He said, hey dude, if maybe like really sad. He goes, hey dude, if this app could shut down. I just wanted to take this opportunity to say thanks. You do it in that milk video a couple of months ago started a series of events that definitely changed my life for the better forever grateful brother.


That's the fucking that was like the sweetest thing I've ever heard and like, so sad. Like, this is like fucking this is livlihood. Like, Hey, man, I may not ever be able to talk to you, but this is goodbye.


Like, as if he's on a sinking ship and he's like, yeah, captain just said that we're going down. He'll be fine. No, he's OK.


First of all, you guys should go to check out Max Taylor on Tic-Tac, because I think he's I think forgive me if there's a lot more people, but he's in my top top three. Top three of my favorite Tic TAC as I like to turn Tony to to him.


No, I have, but I'll look into it.


I love like I love going through. I love I love like like little tick.


I like Ben because he reminds me of Vine and he reminds me of like, like Nathan Fielder and like Puma. But yeah I hope Tic-Tac doesn't get taken away. And if, if it does go Flomax. Taylor on Instagram I see people now lives now just basically saying like guys government Instagram right now I think this thing is going down.


I know it's it's really scary. It's so scary when Vine went down. Yeah.


You know, I don't remember one vine went down, to be honest. What do you mean what did you do? You were like a big vine and you're old. So I felt like that could have been every one of the most humiliating moments of my life. Wait, really? Yeah. What was that like. So humiliating. Like I woke up. I hadn't met you yet. I was like I had no money and Vine was like definitely declining.


And then my movie came out. It didn't do well the first day, the same day my movie came out, it didn't do well. I woke up and Vine was gone. Oh, no. They were like they're basically like, get all your shit off Vine, download all your videos because you got about a week left or whatever. And I called a friend of ours and I was like, what the fuck? And he was like, Yeah, dude, we all knew this was coming.


Yeah. And I was like, what do you mean? So the same day your movie tanked is when they took away your livelihood. Yeah.


You think that maybe you had something to do with them taking away the whole life because your movie sucks so much.


I never thought of that.


The production company, the production company was like, where do you come from? Okay, let's let's strip the whole thing. Trump shut it down. Could have been. It could have been. Yeah.


No, all I remember is like I don't remember it. Well when, when Vine got taken away it wasn't as big as it used to be. Right. Vine wasn't like yeah. The problem with Vine and that Ticktock has fixed is that Vine is Vine got to the point where it became it became YouTube, it became your top 40 creators are putting out like seventy percent of the content on the app and that's what it was. And you are seeing the same content from the same type of creators that were huge.


And they were a lot of them are huge because they had a very like younger audience that were watching them. And then the older audience hated it and they kind of like turned against them. But what Tic-Tac does is like you could still follow your favorite people. But my home my home feed on Tic-Tac is maybe five percent of people. I know 95 percent of new people I've never seen me to. And that's why it's the fucking best, because a new person with a new job can be heard and seen.


And it's it's always so fresh. The fucking crazy. I want to talk today. The best part about it is like the algorithm, the algorithms crazy, right? Like it's like it shows you the funniest videos and the best videos. And I think it's so wild. I was watching a tick tock where this guy bought a Jacuzzi for his balls. Have you seen that? No. You could get a Jacuzzi for your testicles. You dip your you dip your me.


Yeah. You dip your balls into it like a little Jacuzzi. That's a tiny Jacuzzi and you just dip your balls into it like and like it blows bubbles and stuff.


And and then I scroll. And the next tick tock is this father who learn sign language for his for his daughter's wedding and for the dance. He's doing the sign language like he's signing the song.


And I'm fucking crying like. Like, I don't know, I don't know, like six, six seconds after I was watching this guy put his balls in a Jacuzzi, I'm over here crying at this at this amazing, like act from this father. And it's just that's why the app is so good. And that's what I've always tried to do with my videos. Right. That's like always been like. Like what? Like when I put together a video, I was like, I want you to be disgusted and the beginning of the video and then I want you to feel something at the end of the video.




And Tic-Tac does it fucking over and over again for fucking hours. It is so crazy.


And the algorithm is so quick to like sometimes. So sometimes I'll be like going through like videos and I'll like a couple of duty video. Like once one in every ten video, I'll get a video from Call of Duty, like people playing the video game and I like it. And then I'll just keep scrolling and I'll notice that more Call of Duty videos popped up just because I like this one. So now four out of ten videos are called duty videos.


And I'm like, OK, this is too many for me. So the next call of duty videos I see, I swipe through really quick and tick tock already is learning that I am over those videos.


Maybe you should speak in front of Congress and they don't see him again. Yeah, just some guys that changed my life. And on behalf of me, Max Taylor and Charlie Dubberly, I want to know.


But I think I think I think it's such a it's such an interesting thing. And also, like, it's just brought like a new level of, like celebrity to the world. Like, I think it's. Yeah, like the the like of all those kids that live together and like like there's like five different houses. Yeah. And it's just and it's the most entertaining thing to watch whether if you're watching it because you hate them or you're watching it because you love them, you're you're doing the same thing.


You're just watching it because you enjoy it. Jay, what interferes with your happiness?


My ex-wife controlling my life. Well, better help will assess your needs and match you with your own life as a professional therapist. You're always the best person to ask that question.


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I went to the DMV. The woman there just sucks. The woman that was working that it's a tough job.


It's I get it. I mean, you just dealing with every single person, but here it is, here it is, like this is this is my my my whole philosophy on it. I went on it. She the second she found out I wasn't a citizen, she was pissed off at it. She was like, I'm not fucking dealing with this shit. Yeah. She's like, what's your status? And I'm like, Dacca. She's like, OK, 60 braches.


And she's like, this is going to be a lot harder.


And a man.


And then I was like, and then I she needed to like my work permit because like, when you're Dacca, you're basically not a I mean, you're not a citizen. So you have to show me your work permit. And I just had copies of my work permit and I was like, can you just scan my phone? And this was after. She's already been giving me so much attitude. She's like, you need to come back a different day.


I'm like, No, I just got here, like, let's figure this out. And I was like, just scan scanned my phone. Like, you can scan it because there's literally in the emails they send you the barcode so you could scan it. Right. And I was showing her, I was just scanned that she's like, I'm not scanning that, I'm not scanning your phone. And I'm like, can you just try? She's like, no.


And I'm like, they do it at airports.


And she's like, You're not at an airport, bro. She was so mean. And then like and then like my my car ride home, like this is all I kept thinking about was like what I should have said, oh, in that moment, like that was a perfect example. I don't usually do that. But this time I was like, you're not smart enough to work at an airport.


No, no, no. Like this is what I want to say. Like, if I if I could go back in that moment, I should have been like, man and so polite, just like, you know, killing people with kindness is the best way to kill people.


Yeah, it's yeah. But like, hey, listen, I hate this place. You hate this place. Everybody here hates this place. Now you have the power to really make someone's day. You work in hell.


Now imagine if you're the like the little spark, a little spark of energy that's in hell where someone can go.


I went to hell. It wasn't that bad. I met somebody like I wish like something would be in a movie.


She's like she has the opportunity to really make people's days and she's not. And yeah. And she's in the best position to do so because everyone's expecting nothing of her. Right. Because people, people at the DMV are so fucking everyone's just pissed. Everyone's fucking pissed.


And, and yeah. I just want to be like just hey, you didn't get your license. No, I didn't get my license renewed.


And I want to be I just wanted to be like, you can you can really make so many people's days if you just nicer. Just nicer. And this is from the second I walked up, she was pissed and then I told her I wasn't a citizen. And fucking all respect went out the window. She said, I'm not fucking dealing with this immigrant.


You I have a question for you. Yeah, I me you live you live by this rule of dead ass, yeah. Right in here. Explain to everybody what it is.


If you say something and then you say d'états after it means you've got to follow through. Right. Or it also can be used as like are you telling the truth. Yeah. That yeah. OK, got it. I think everybody knows.


I think you're just a little older. That's fine. OK. I don't know. I have to bring up my age because it's obvious, you know, because you're old. Well because when you ask questions like what's a cell phone, I have to go. It's probably because of your fucking age.


What is a cell phone? It's this thing. What is so I see written here in the House Rules of engagement for dead ass. Right? What does that mean?


As of six, 14, 20, 20, a dead horse cannot negatively impact a previously agreed upon work or personal agreement solely for personal pleasure or release of anger. Frustration. Yeah.


Now they made a dead saying, if you don't come on the hike with us, I'm just going to use your credit card and buy everyone a trip to Hawaii.


And that was like a really weird that was that was a really weird way to to use it. That asked me that rule where she can't use anything like that just because she was angry.


And, you know, that's that's that's going against our agreements.


Do you think that you may be used that as a little too much? You take it a little too seriously. Yeah, but I mean, it's only as serious as you make it. Right. And it's like that's. Do you think you'll be fifty using the word terrasse? Yeah, of course. You going to keep that as a whole your whole life that Asamoah to try. You don't you don't have a word like that. US. Well we used to say keep your word.


Or are you telling the truth? Yeah, but you know, you know you know what the problem with that is like in school we used to do shit like swear to God, and then some fucker would go, I'm not I'm not Christian.


And it'd be like, fuck you, go fuck yourself. Or like somebody would be like, I swear to my mom. And then I'd be like, my mom's dead and like some stupid shit like that. Like, that's why dead ass is like has no connection to it. Right. Other than how powerful that word is itself. Because, no, it's not connected to some religion or a family member. It's just a strong word on its own.


And that's why it's so important.


Have you ever lied on a dead ass? No, never. Never. Even if you were, like, involved in a prank and someone goes dead ass. No, you've never you never lie on it. No, if you if you ask me if you're being prank during a dead ass. Yeah. I'd either tell you to go fuck yourself or like you, you'd know. What I would say is do don't ask me that right now. That's what I would say.


Okay. Good to know because I can't I can't know. I've never lied on a Dada's. That's what I like. Zane. Zane sometimes will be like Zane will be like, dude, you know, like, you know, the San Andreas Fault is about to rupture, is going to be huge earthquake in California.


And I'll go that ice dude, fuck you. Like, why can't you just go with it for a little bit? Like it's not even funny anymore because that fucking word. So yeah, he's lied on that last one. So I don't Joona lied on the last ones. Yeah. I no longer talk to him about that word. Once you want you get one strike and you're out. If you lie on that word, it's like I'm being honest, I'm being serious.


Like I know it sounds like a goof, but you got to you got to you got to respect it at all times. That ass. Yes.


Oh. How was your weekend in Chicago? Oh, my God. Thank you for asking. Tell me. You know, Charlie said, where's David?


I go, he's in Chicago playing video games. She goes over a brand deal.


And I go, oh, just to play video games. I think first, yes, you just do that at home.


His friends like, yeah, but they're all together. Play video games. She's like, oh yeah.


We my friends he gave his last night friends actually kind of surprised us with this.


They put all the TVs downstairs in the living room. Oh wow. So there are six TVs down in the living room and we each were manning one and where we were playing and it was fucking horrible.


It was the worst time ever. Why. Because when we play in separate houses we can talk on the mic so we could hear each other. But when you're in person, there's a delay on the mic and you could hear the person in the same room. So you hear Michael, he's on your left.


He's on your left like like you hear him twice. And it's fucking real. It's the worst I like we can play at all. And if you took the mikes off and you couldn't hear each other because we were just the right amount of distance where it was hard to hear each other, but like but also like just learning about this as well as annoying to hear each other. So, yeah, it wasn't as fun, but it looked really cool and like it was the thought that counted.


But yeah, it's not always nice being back food and stuff. Oh my God. Yeah. I've heard you guys went nuts every time I go there. I mean I tell us tell if you're on vacation.


Calories do not count. Right.


OK, it's your old mother from Wyoming. Where did you get you know, the food in Chicago is the best.


What did I get? I don't even remember what I got. I don't even say Córdova.


Oh, I got famous Dave's. I definitely got. Did Taylor go with you? Yeah, Taylor was there. You took Taylor. Let me get this straight. You took your assistant, Taylor, to Chicago to play video game to watch you play video games with your high school friends. OK, yes.


Because I remember this conversation. I remember being like it was like you think, should we bring Taylor? Which we did. OK, Taylor wanted to go. Oh, right, right. Yeah, yeah. She's a maniac. Of course, Taylor, like, really wanted to go.


And I was like, OK, I don't know if this is like crossing some work boundaries, so I like talk to you about it.


I was like, I don't know if this is like the right thing to do that really what you said in your mature conversation. Yeah, I told her.


I told Taylor, can you step out of my room? I'm having mature conversation with you know, I was just wondering. I was like, can she come with us on this thing like that? Then she's just going to be like, yeah, because like because I felt I felt like it's going to be like it's July 4th. You should be like not working. But I'm like, if she comes, she's going to be working and that's going to suck.


And you like that apparently.


Well I would think you would know by now. Well, no, I know, I know. But I'm just saying to the to the people listening, I don't think I don't think people listening, like, work as much as you do.


It's a it's a very bizarre job. They say, why find a job where you have fun?


So anyway, I brought her and we were I was there with my friends. That reminds me of that show.


Kimmy Schmidt. I like someone that was held captive. Oh, gosh.


Like ten years and then came out. She really is like that. Yeah.


Sometimes it feels like I'm holding her captive and she is and she has no you know, she just likes me.


What does that called like Stockholm syndrome. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's where she just like falls in love with her captor. It's kind of what I found so scary. Please do not paint me like that. You know, I just don't know what the truth is, is you you struggle with Gail Taylor.


I was called you Gayler. Yeah. You struggle with Taylor.


She's like, amazing. No, Taylor is. The best the fact that she wants to be with you in Chicago. Yeah, she's she's the best and do like when I like when I leave, she's like like the one person I'm thinking about. You know why? Because she's taken the role on as my mother.


Oh, I know you were saying this in Utah was so funny, Taylor, who said, I want to get back home to Taylor before I could lie in bed.


That's what I did. I hung out with Mom and like, OK, so I was we were hanging out with my friends and Taylor was there and and I told her to go get us food. And Taylor left. And my friends were like, fucking so confused.


They're like, dude, why? Like, why are you doing that? Why are you doing that for us? I said, well, she's working as a job. Like, we'll look at the food like. And every time I would ask her to do something like you would hear either John Taylor, do you do remember this 100 percent?


They'd be like, no, no, no, no. You sit down and you sit down. You need a break. Yeah. Or like or like you'd hear like, John laugh, like, you know, when I ask her to do things now and like John's on my head, we're playing video games. John laughs because he cannot understand like that, like about love having an assistant like working for me. And there is one time there was one time they were all trying to get her to drink.


And I was like, no, she can't.


She's on the job. And like, Mike was like, come on to be a fucking pussy Taylor drink.


And I'm like, I'm like, no, she can't. Taylor is like denying it, denying it. And like, Mike's like really trying to peer pressure to take a shot. Yeah.


Did you I think later she shot. Did you drink later.


Not until it was like three thirty a.m. and I made Illia take a shot with me. We were done for the night. Yeah he did. I was like, you know, I was told that oh it's nice to you stay or you stay at the Hilton.


Oh, somewhere we stay where we stay.


That's our I stay. Oh, I'm sorry. You know, this was actually a lot nicer, I think, than where I stay, but I like where I stay.


Where do you stay? I stayed at the Holiday Inn. OK, yeah, it's pretty great. And then Dave comes by in the caravan, picks me up in the morning to do the podcast and it's a completely different Dave. That's so funny. Yeah, the car's always a mess.


Oh, you know what you did for one of the days? She hung out with my mom for two hours so my mom could teach her recipes that my mom would make.


Wow. So Taylor learned a new recipe that she can use here and she learned how to perfect this like a rice that my mom would make. And I've had it six days in a row. And I have to take Taylor back to Fernholz more. I'm sorry about Taylor Dot my mom's accent, but tell her you need to start talking like her, OK? And learn Hungarian and Slovak.


OK, you know, she listens to this podcast.


It's really I just want her to turn to my mom. I think that's what's going on here. Yeah, great.


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And I've always been like, hell, yeah. They love about it. And I just and I just found out I was talking to him and I was like, how are your parents? And then he goes, you know, you know how they are just fucking Republicans. Like he's like pissed that his parents. Right.


And I'm like, why? And I'm like and he's like and and he's like, yeah.


You didn't notice the Obama toilet paper? We had one of the rooms and I go, holy fuck. I've been looking at it completely wrong.


I had because first of all, I haven't taken a poop there, so I haven't like, actually wipe my ass with that shower. So I haven't been like, really putting it together. I've kind of just saw it as a novelty. I'm like, oh, cool.


Obama toilet paper. But but these fuckers don't like Obama. Yeah, because because I thought to myself and I told my friend I was I told my friend I was like, hey dude. Like I would put Mirch as toilet paper. Like I put my face on toilet paper and he's like, yeah, but do you think that president would want to go, holy shit, you're right, I.


I cannot believe I've been tricked into this. I can't believe you're still holding on to their they have enough, Obama told the paper left over that they're still using it. Exactly. That you have to run out or just let it go.


That's what I'm saying. Like, where do they keep buying the Obama toilet paper?


So maybe they don't use it because they just like it, does it soft. I didn't. I remember. Used to I don't know.


Interesting. Is it like is it like a real picture of him or is like a cartoon or.


It's a cartoon picture of him. Oh my God.


But it's like I don't know, I've seen Trump's face on it and I never for some reason I still never thought, I thought I was like, oh, look, I have all the Trump memorabilia.


I have a Trump action figure, Trump toilet paper. Like, I just didn't know that that was like a sign of God. And thank God I learned this. Now, like, you know, someone like tries to sell me toilet paper with my face on it. I know this is sick. Thank God.


I know that's. No, try this out. I show my my magic tricks when we're back home. Yeah, bro. She was so she was so pissed at me. She's like she got like really serious.


She's like, I'm your mother, I'm your mother. And you can't tell me how that works. You can't show me how it works.


And you tell your you had to either go put the card in the car. No, no. I was just like guessing her card every time I was getting really pissed. And then I had David Blaine face time, me and my hometown friends. Yeah.


And he, like, ran through a trick and just fucking blew my hometown friends of mine. Really. Yeah. He was like the was crazy. Crazy and it's going to sound like I'm like it's going to sound like I'm not setting it up properly. But he, he told us to grab a deck and he deck we had in our house. Yeah. And he told me to not look at the deck, put four cards at the bottom, three cards at the top and he kept like having me rearrange the deck and then he had John pick a card, then he had John pick five cards out of the deck.


And then I had to hold the cards face down and John picked one of the five cards. Yeah. And then over face time, David, guess the car that was in John's hand. No fucking way. We had no fucking idea, bro. They all lost their minds. They all lost their minds. It was crazy.


What's going on? What kind of day is going on in this house?


I'm well, I'm on a paleo diet. Do you even know what a paleo diet.


Yeah. What? I mean, tell me tell me in five words what five words.


Taylor and I don't ten.


We're pale.


Yeah. We status. We're on the paleo diet or paleo. Honestly, we're paleo as fuck.


If I was your dad I'd tell you to go to your room. You are now he's on some weird fucking diet. Willia Willetton and I started.


That is all Todd talks about. Miskito Quito's Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay, my dog. My dog. Now he's on a seafood diet. She sees food, she eats it.


That's normally the kind of vegan diet in the past two weeks, with the exception of Fourth of July, Saturday and Sunday, whatever.


I have been on Akito diet and it's like you you eat no carbs, no sugar is OK. And like I am a carb for breakfast, lunch and dinner.


You know, it's about Natalie being on this diet is it's turned her into like it's gotten her really creative and now she's making cakes.


I'm a fucking kid, OK? Yeah. I mean, like I've made dinners and everything and she wanted to survival mode.


Yeah. How the fuck do I make a cake and I can still do what I gotta do. It's like, it's like the best. It's like she's like panicking. Yeah.


Because you make make it with almond flour or something like flour and you can still have like creams and stevia. You stevia is sugar.


Yeah. So she can't have carbs but you should see the sugar cane sugar all not having sugar.


She doesn't get my soda. My tzvia soda. Oh so good. Wait, wait, wait, wait. That's a soda.


I had you try. You can't have sugar. I haven't been having sugar in three days. You see the board.


OK, I know you want to keep making this about you, but other people in this house, including myself, have been thinking a lot more sacrifices than you have.


OK, Natalie, I'm literally going Quito. You're making cakes. You just came out and declared you're done with Quito, OK, because I'm so fucking over it. How many days to do it? I've done it for like eight days, OK? It's pretty good, so. So over the Fourth of July, over the holiday, you did it OK, which is impressive.


No, I took a break for some not eight days. She's done. So you did it for two days before Fourth of July and two days after. I'm like, how?


Explain to me how I'm not. Please explain to me, because now it's pissing me off, OK?


Yeah. You're eating, right? Yeah. No sugar, no big thing. No no carbs. What are you. Oh I said no carbs and you know, it's no sugar.


Are you meant to say no and no sugar. Whatever. OK, there's carbs and rice but it's so small, it's so much smaller.


There's no grains. No nothing, no beans. No that's a stupid diet. Obviously no one should be doing that.


But the reason why you do it is because once your body goes into ketosis, you're not having carbs. Once your body goes into ketosis, it starts eating your fat cells for energy because you don't have cars. Carbs is what you use for energy. How long can you go to ketosis?


Well, it depends for each person.


So for someone like me that has carbs every fucking second of every fucking day, it takes a clearly takes a long time to really get things moving to another center.


This ketosis like it's like is that like reaching nirvana of the diet world? Like is that the same thing kind of when you and do you wake up one day and you go, this is no, no, no.


Like you measure like sugar. So there's not a moment that's flips in your in your body.


But like people there's like some serious I mean, you're like a 300 pound person. You do the karaoke today and I've no. A friend that has done this, you can lose like one hundred pounds.


Like obviously I'm not in that shit so easily. You just lose a hundred pounds. Just give up Starburst.


Why. It's like it takes like a year. I, I'm listening to what you're saying and it does make sense because when I got really thin that, that, that stuff is what happened.


You were burn before I knew you a long time ago. Somewhere I live somewhere else. Oh bro. You know Taylor and Joe surprised me with pillows.


No, they surprised me with a pillow that's made in Singapore that I've been wanting for a while. Yeah. And I asked Taylor to order it. So I thought they just got me what I ordered. Like, I was just like, oh, so you got me the thing I ordered, like and they surprised me because that's such a Joe thing to do. Like to like wait outside and wait for the Amazon guy to come and then take her and surprise me with the thing I put it in order for.


But it wasn't that they spent their own money on these pillows. How much were the pillow. Four hundred dollars apiece. Two pillows.


How good are they? They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good.


They're good. What's so special about them? I don't know. So my friend, I said cool. My friend Anton said he's a big D.J., huge D.J. He travels the world and he and he's and he has like a really good bed set up in his room. So he knows his you know, it's like everything is custom, his bed frame, his mattress, the linens, everything. And he's like the best pillows from all my traveling have been these pills I found in Singapore.


Here's the link.


And I ordered them well on them. Yet I have slept on it. I put them between my legs.


No longer OK. Between your legs. Yeah. Why do you put them between your legs?


That's how just how I sleep. Like I have to sleep on your show. Do you like your pillow firm or. Yeah, like a fishy. OK, I like a Ferman mushy. Jay, what are you doing in your free time Pay-out.


My kids. You know the correct answer is playing blasphemes those kids and if you're not playing the best finds that you should be. It's hours of fun you can enjoy any time. Guys, the best part of my best friends is it updates the game monthly with new levels and events so never gets old and it doesn't require I. It's a place you could literally play it anywhere. You're on a road trip.


No problem. I had of that part. I ad libbed that part where I went.


That's no problem. It wasn't in the script. You went off script. Aronofsky Oh shit.


I was not. Oh my God. There are plenty of fun and cute characters to collect, which makes the game even more exciting. Plus there always monthly team challenges in the game, which keeps best fans feel like a new game. Every time you play off script again, blasphemes has thousands of levels already.


Holy shit. Thousands of levels. That was off script came with new levels of offensive characters added every month. It's hours of fun and right at your fingertips and you can even play offline with over 100 million downloads and tons of five star reviews. Breastfeeds is a must play best free on the Apple App Store or Google Play. That's friends without the best fiends.


I just walked in here and he has this. This is a thing you got to kind of see. It's like a visual game waiting all night for the surprise.


We've been waiting for like three hours for the surprise that he has and the surprises. He tattooed my middle name, which I hate.


Oh, it's it's Juliann.


And he tattooed it on to the right under his belly button.


It's not under the left of his belly. It's like a tramp stamp on his on his, like, groovy train to his balls and penis.


Oh, what the fuck. Oh, it's great.


I'm being you're going to love it in like three months.


I'm big dead ass right now. Am I being fat ass. I'm so upset with you. Do you know so mad. Oh it's fine. I feel like you're fucking small. It's so small. Why is it right there. Do that's such a weird spot. Ifeoma. I consulted with Al. She said she loved it before I got it, but you don't understand. I initially told you to get in a different place where we discussed the leg.


Yeah. And then we discussed the back.


And then I said and I like that the tattoo is like, send me the photos like I do in there.


You understand how that just looks so dumb, you know, when it would have been a good idea to do that if David was dead? Yes, bro. If I was dead. You know, I know if Dana was dead, I'd get it, too, right there.


I was thinking of doing it closer, like down here. No, bro, you put it like it looks like a cat lover. You're crazy.


You out of the fucking you know, as a guy like a guy like me who's like like weird, stupid, extravagant shit because he's a you tuber like you think that I'd be like, that's the best tattoo.


Oh no. I was I was expecting this reaction. You expect I wasn't expecting dude. Holy shit. That's so cool. Like really. Yeah.


Because when Scott got my face tattooed on his arm, I was like, that's cool. Okay, well, that's different.


You're in really good shape and you have a really nice body and you think you fucked yourself hard enough.


No, no, it's not that bad. Yeah. Juliar like Jay.


It kind of looks good. Yeah. Looks good. You look so good. Yeah. Look strangely. The name Julian. Yeah. Listen, that's the fucking game.


I'm going to get the lie detector guy in here tomorrow. Is there something going on between the two of you.


Maybe you'll see tomorrow. I'm busy tomorrow actually. Yeah, we're going out of town. Why don't you like about it? OK, this is crazy. Really. Yeah, that crazy.


It's just it's really bizarre. No, I if if you didn't tell me, like, if I just met you on the street and you were at the beach, I'd be like, oh cool. Kotetsu, who's Julian? Yeah. I'd be like, and what would you say? I'd be like it's my best friend.


I just. Oh nice. But you're fucking you know, I think I feel like I like the placement of your other tattoos other than that weird shark bite that you have underneath.


But like everything else makes sense. That's just such a this makes total sense. OK, time out. Time out, time out. Maybe I don't hate it. Are you going to do the rest of your chest. Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah.


It's not just this. It's going to be like something down here. It's going to be like, oh, you're going to be like fully Tabit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh then it's cool. Yeah. I thought I was like the only one.


No, no, no. OK, so your abs and like everything to be tattooed, maybe your ribcage. Yes. Yes. OK, it's not as weird I can say David and Bobrick right on both. OK, it's not that weird.


It's just weird because it's not. What do you think about it.


I'm just maybe you could have like called or texted before you went ahead and tattooed your body permanently. But you want your name next.


So you're saying no, no, no, no, you're get no. Well, on my face, under my right eye, I feel like the Mars isn't that you know.


Yeah, that's crazy.


That's it. Would you get my name tattooed on you. Yeah.


That's what this is about really. I think I'm saving my tattoos for like when someone dies, when you die, I will get ok. Actually I don't think I could leave such a weird name.


I just feel very guilty. L l l l i l i. And the weather looks like Illinois. Yeah, when people ask me where I'm from. No, I would. But Ilya Alea told me this is where we got into an argument about it earlier, said that in the future, he thinks that there's going to be a machine where you can hop into it with, like, your significant other and it will tell you your percentage of compatibility.


So he he goes so he goes, you can take a girl that you just met at a bar. You both hop in the machine and it goes 75 percent compatible. Like that's how that's how successful of a relationship you're going to have. He thinks that will exist. Like he thinks that this would be a machine that will predict the success of your relationship and marriage and accurately, accurately.


And he and he was asking me, like, what I what I use it. And I was like, fuck, no, I'd never use it. And he goes, Are you dumb? That's like the first thing I would hop into with any girl. Right.


And I think that's crazy. So it's a straight out of a black mayor episode.


Why would you do that is my question, because I don't want to waste my time. Why would you not do that? I agree. You what do you do? What are you talking about?


But you understand that like your own mind, your own brain is far more powerful than any piece of technology.


No, no, no. Let's not put that aside. Put that aside after I can actually pretend this can literally one hundred percent tell you accurately what your relationship is going to be like with this person. If I was to hop into that machine well, with Liza, who I really liked, I really liked, period. And it said two years, I'd go, well, OK, all right.


Two years. No, I guess, like, what the fuck?


But no, those two years were the fucking best. That makes no sense.


That machine is this lot. But this is how I'm looking at as I'm looking at it, as the question is, are you going to be happy for those fifteen years that you're with that person? And if you are, then great. Yeah, I, I wouldn't happen. Oh, wait, I agree with David. You're right. I wouldn't jump in.


Well in that same person wouldn't you. You're right.


No that's circumstantial because the machine tells you that it's a bad relationship, you know, and you shouldn't be in the relationship with this person then it works to your advantage. In your case with Liza was a relationship.


What have you learned from it? You learn from bad relationship.


Fifteen years of a relationship. You're about to get married to somebody that's your fault, that you're with somebody for fifteen years. If you don't like them, year three, that's your fault. It's not like you're a slave to this fifteen year thing.


Well, you kind of are. Some people are slaves to their own fucking marriage.


OK, that's that's a completely different argument. I'm saying I would not want to know what my relationship is like, period. I mean, it can't believe you would want to know that. Imagine if you had all these ideas. You're a businessman. Imagine if every business idea you had, you can hop into a machine and it would tell you.


It would tell you. Will this be successful or not? It's not. It is the way it takes away. Why love is love. It takes away the importance of like growing with somebody.


It takes away the the most beautiful part of a successful business is you fucking made it because you tried like trial and error. It's the destination. It's the journey. As my mom would say.


I can't believe I can't believe you out of all people. What happened to that machine? It makes no sense about a business I would never happen to.


But what what about about a woman? A hundred percent. If I if I knew if I knew whether or not my marriage is going to last. Fuck.


Yeah, you sound like a lunatic. You're crazy when you're crazy. Go fuck off EYLEA. What if I got you. I'm getting this fucking tattoo removed. You. I'll drive you. Let's go. All right, guys, this whole time we have for today's podcast. Thank you guys for listening. Go follow Illia Natalie Jackson on the social media as that's the first time you ever shouted me out in like anything.


All right. Don't fall. Now, if I want to follow you off this podcast, I don't get excited. I will see you guys later. This podcast is.