It's 25 years since Father Ted was on the telly. That's a long time. I mean, it's nearly 26 years. So the lads in on cost are releasing a set of four commemorative lamps. We can get them at our post office or up on post.com. Father Ted, send them to people. You know why we just had lunch. Oh, right. They're actually stamps. Yeah. A great bunch of stops and laughs and fun sundlun unposed for your world.
What's up? Well, that's good. Sam, we are so excited for today, today is going to be a little bit different than our typical answer does, because we have a very special guest on the podcast today. She's actually been on the podcast before and we haven't had many come on twice. So this is super special. Before I totally introduce her, I want to get to talk to you about something fun we're doing over on the sister app.
So we're actually about to start our very first ever book club. We have thousands of girls who are joining this study together and we are actually going through Jenny Allen's books. A little hint, hint. Do we have get out of your head on Ella's sister. This is on the app. Don't forget, you can go to Elsasser dot com for more details, and it's going to start September the 1st. So all of you to join dive into this amazing book.
It has so much truth. Before we even get to that, we are actually going to get to interview Jenny Allen herself with some of the questions that you have sent into the deep end.
So we'll go again to the Let's Go podcast. Oh, this is so fun, girl, I love hanging out with you so but I love it and I'm so excited for this moment because, you know, I feel really special and honored just to even be your friend, have your number. Go on trips with you to where I can ask you some of these hard life questions I'm facing. Right.
Like, any time I have a Bible question or I thought, like, I know I have access to call you and talk to you about it. And that's such a gift in my life. And so I'm really excited now because now we're kind of opening that up to a lot of different girls and guys who have really stands to our live original or whether that's good podcast, Instagram page. And people have honestly asked some pretty tough questions. You can really read through these deanne's that people are really going through some stuff and seeking wisdom and advice.
So we're just going to jump right in. One of the first questions that we got was, did your history of anxiety and fear ever impact your relationship with your husband or your boyfriend? If so, how did you overcome it? When is the right balance of talking about anxiety with your partner and not overwhelming them? Oh, it's such a good question.
And first of all, I just want to say to everybody listening this word, this huge word, anxiety, I know it's super familiar to everybody right now. We are in the midst of a crazy season and we're all feeling that. So I think there's this universal anxiety right now that even people that don't typically feel it have felt just because what anxiety is, is a fear of the unknown.
It's a fear of what could happen. Yeah.
And so that's that's I mean, if there's ever been a definition for this moment, it's that we have a lot of unknowns and a lot of things we cannot control. And so, you know, of course, this is the enemy we're fighting right now.
So yay for the person that asked this, because we have to know how. Well, first of all, we have to know that it is going to affect our relationships 100 percent. Yeah, it is. You think that your thoughts are invisible to people, but honestly, your thoughts probably wouldn't surprise people because. Oh, true. It always comes out in some form or fashion. And what I found is if I use my words and say, hey, this is how I'm feeling today, what I garner in that comment is a lot of empathy.
Mhm. So the minute that I admit now what's hard, hardest about that is so many of us don't even know we're feeling that so many of us don't even wear uncomfortable. We're not having a good day, we're cranky, we're edgy, you know, but we don't ever call it what it is, which is really we're worried about something.
We're anxious about something. Yeah. And so I think the first step we all have to take is just diagnosing it ourselves and knowing, you know what? This is what I'm feeling. It's good. I think where we can get in a mess with relationships is if we dump without wanting to change, without wanting help, that's good. And so that's where, you know, there's certainly times where I tell my husband, hey, I just need you to listen.
Like, can we just sit down for 30 minutes? I don't want you to give me any advice. I just want you to listen. There are times for that, but you better set it up that way. Yeah. And I would say what you're doing is you're providing input. Right? Like, that's why you tell somebody is you're you're inviting relationship, you're inviting their thoughts back into yours. And so we can't be so afraid of welcoming other people's thoughts that we're just basically constantly venting.
I think that's where relationships can get unhealthy. It's good if you think the answer is just dump all of your concerns on somebody else and don't you ever allow them to speak into it and help you and to get the help you need. That's going to be constant. It's never going to heal. You're just going to keep being hurt. You're going to keep dragging that person down. But I would say the the healthiest relationships I have are the friendships I can speak and say, hey, this is where I am.
Yeah. And then I can say to them, what do you think? What do you think I need to do? What do you think I need to see that I'm not seeing? What do you think? You know, God thinks about this and invite them to bring truth into that situation. And yeah, I think we sometimes have too high of expectations on people to just listen perfectly sure. And to be the perfect, empathetic listener. And it's like, you know what?
We really have to help people do that. Well, so you have to say this is what I need right now.
And if it goes poorly, you kind of need to say, OK, so that was thank you so much for listening. What I really need right now is advice or what I really need right now is just for you to listen. Yeah. And don't be too hard on the other person because all of us are a little bit of a mess. And I think healthy relationships are those that can communicate your own needs and then also realize it may or may not extend past your boyfriend or husband's ability to deal with it.
Right. So certainly my husband has not been the end all be all. There have been times I've needed a pull and a counselor, a mentor, a friend, a girlfriend. You know, sometimes it's like, you know, he doesn't need to listen to our. Version, but I need to tell the hour long version, so, you know, I go hang out with a girlfriend, and so I think it's just knowing knowing your audience, you know you know who you're talking to.
Read the room. Yeah. Don't be terribly disappointed in them. If they don't quite hit the mark that your mom did when you were in seventh grade and you came home with your problems.
That is so true. Funny story. This literally played out like two weeks ago, me and Christian and I love at UCLA. Sometimes you just have to, like, tell people this is what I need right now, like I'm about to vent or I'm about to like say I'm going to say and like, I don't want this to end of any actually actually want you to encourage me.
I actually want you to challenge me. And when we don't set that up, it can go wrong. Like the incursion the other day we were coming home and I find like whenever I get really busy, I have a lot more anxious thoughts because whenever I'm not so busy, I feel it and kind of fight those a little bit better. I'm kind of more and notice more. But when my life gets busy, like I kind of get lazy with my thoughts.
Right. And we were on our way home from like another trip. We have been driving so many places because it's crazy right now, Akhavan and we're still trying to do a lot of things that we had scheduled through driving. We are getting home. And I just had this moment where I was like about to have a panic attack and I felt like this car was following me and I was like tokers.
And I'm like, I feel like this car is following me.
I'm getting really freaked out about it and blah, blah. And I just need to tell you. And he responds like, oh no, like, OK, then let's go to your parents house.
And I was like, no, you're supposed to tell me I'm being crazy and the car is not following me. And it was is funny because he was like trying to help me, saying like, oh, well, if you're scaring the Isabella and you go to your parents house. But I want him to tell me, like, you're being crazy. That's just anxiety talking and the car is not following. You go home, you're fine. But it's very like you have to give people the invitation to speak truth in your life.
And sometimes you have to tell them like, hey, look, I want you to tell me when my fear is irrational, like, I want you to tell me and challenge me when I know it's crazy. And I think for me, like saying, Steve, it's not that I really think that. It's just that I need to just, like, get it out. I just need to tell somebody this is what I'm thinking. I know it's irrational.
I need you to be with me and say, yeah, that's kind of crazy, but I still love you. And so it was funny because that totally played out for us the other day in a really funny way.
The next discussion somebody sent in was, have you ever had to cut people out that you love out of your life because they were toxic to you? How did you end that relationship and do it in a way that still honors them and can be done in love?
Wow. This is such a tough one. I know. Yes. Yes, I have had to do that before.
And I think we've got to be really careful to put someone in that category because, you know, we really are called to love people in the midst of difficult circumstances. And so one of the grids I have for is this a relationship that I need to press through this conflict and really fight for, or is this a friendship that really probably needs to kind of fade away? Yeah, the first question I ask is how many times have I tried in love to speak the truth?
Yeah. How many times have I tried to reconcile and how has that gone in the past? So have they been humble? Have they wanted to change? Have they wanted to reconcile. Yeah. And then on their side, have they been clear communicators about what is difficult for them? And I think there are people that you have done that with three, four or five, six times, and it's still not changing at all.
All relationships are broken, all relationships are full of two centers.
So you can't have this unrealistic expectation of somebody. But if you just feel like, you know what, we are not getting anywhere, I also have another role. So that's the first thing is how many times have you confronted this? The second thing is, is this somebody that you need or is this somebody that needs you? If someone doesn't fall in one of those categories for me, I probably am not going to spend energy and time with them.
Yeah, I'm not saying they're not a worthy individual on Earth and like, yeah, hopefully they have those people that need them and they need and there's just a lot of relationships that kind of fall in this peripheral. That's kind of, I would call it more than an acquaintance, but they're really not required in our lives and they're really not somebody that you're really investing in or that. And I think when that level of person starts costing you a lot of energy.
Yeah. You know, that's somebody that you're like, you know what? I'm just going to kind of back up. I'm not going to call as much. I'm not going to spend as much time with them. And then you get into do you return their calls or what do you say to them? I am so direct. That is the way I'm wired. I say think of it pretty matter of factly. And so, you know, a lot of those people we've had pretty direct conversations about our friendship and just been like, you know what, this isn't working anymore.
Yeah. And so that's really hard to do. Yeah, I prefer just kind of distancing a little. But then here's another situation where it gets complicated. Sometimes people think you're distancing from them and you're not, you know, so that's true. That's where I'm a fan of direct communication. I think you just say. Agree? Say it. And then you tell your friends because said you were busy, like we are traveling, we are doing the next thing.
And so people can think that we don't value them anymore, we don't need them anymore. And and that's not true. And so I've just told my closest friends, the people in those two categories, hey, by the way, I'm going to go through seasons where I feel distant. That's not me quitting you. Yes. If anything were to happen, I'll be direct and I'll tell you. Yeah. So I think I'm going to side with on that one direct communication.
I just think it always is because two, maybe they could grow from it. And you know what? There's a lot of immature people out there that are going to punish you for that, that are just going to talk bad about you. They're going to gossip. And you know what?
You live. You'll live. Yeah, it's OK. People can be mad at you. You can disappoint people. They can gossip about you and you can be OK through that.
You will love. I love that. That's so good, Jenny. I agree. One hundred percent for direct communication. And like you said, it is so hard and your stomach will want to drop right before you go into this conversation. It will drop right before you go into this conversation. But it's always so worth it, even if the end of that conversation means you both kind of agree to say we're in different places and that's OK. And we were friends for a time and for you in a different way now a little bit further away.
But for you, that conversation or it ends up resulting in and something that you all had actually just needed to talk about and you mend a relationship. I think direct conversation can go one of two ways and both normally end up good.
If it doesn't, like you said, you will live. What I realized is that like when we spend too much time on those relationships that just are toxic, you don't realize how much that affects your relationships that are healthy, like. That's right. You don't realize that, like when you are so invested in a toxic relationship and it's taking so much energy and thought and her out of you, that's what you're bringing into other relationships. I remember I walked through that for a few years and my friend did too.
And we were like we were struggling with our friendship not because we were off, but because of other people. We were just allowing to just we were constantly giving more time to that than truly just the friendship that was right in front of us, that was over the law, that was so encouraging. That was so awesome. And so I think that, you know, in order to do justice to yourself and the people around you that you love, it is important that you have this direct conversations that you need to have and know when it's time to, like you said, not just leave somebody high and dry, but walk away in a noble way.
Well, and I'm thinking of a great story of a friend of mine that was she said to this group of friends that she kind of always felt like we're upset with her and disappointed in her. And she just said, you know what? I don't think I'm supposed to be in this group of friends because I think you all have higher expectations for each other than I can ever meet. Well, and I care about you, but I'm just I'm going to kind of go ahead in this different direction because I don't want to keep disappointing you.
Well, that was a really strong, bold way to kind of drop out off saying, hey, I don't want to keep disappointing you. I don't want to put you in that position. So I'm going to back up from this.
That is so good. Well, I love that. I feel like that's going to help a lot of people right now, because I can think about, like three friends right now that I've been having this conversation with that that right there is really going to help out. Another girl said this, and I think this is something so many people struggle with. But she said, how can I overcome thinking poorly of myself, such a big one. And with thoughts in the whole get out of your head thing, I feel like this is huge.
Yeah, I got to sit up for this one. First of all, what great questions. My gosh, I love every one of them. And and I do think your team pick the right ones because I know these are the ones I bet you're hearing all the time Sady because I hear these all the time. Yeah. These are the categories. Right. So how we view ourselves, I'm just going to take people through the process here because I think it's so helpful.
The first thing you've got to understand is how are you viewing yourself? I think, again, we walk through life with these feelings of insecurity and insignificance and we'd never give it a name. Yeah, and we never say this is what I'm feeling. We just have all these thoughts that run wild in our mind. Yeah. My son, the other day, his enemy is rejection. So when he feels rejection, even in a small way, you know, he's twelve years old.
So that happens a lot when you're twelve.
Yeah, I know. Rejection a daily occurrence.
So when he feels any rejection, no matter how small it is, he reacts so dramatically. And so what we've been praying against is the spirit of rejection that he constantly feels and lives with. He was adopted. And so that rejection is so deep and it came from such a young age. Yeah.
And the reason I tell that story is I think we've got to realize that these passing thoughts in our head are coming from pretty deep places. Yeah. That feeling of what you just said, that you don't value yourself. This person that wrote in the question, the first thing is that is in direct opposition from the truth. Yep. That the Bible is clear about that. God designed you. Informed you and knows every hair on your head and he set you apart for purposes that he created in advance for you to do so.
So the value in the worth and the dignity, not to mention he since Jesus Christ die for you, so you're worth your value, who you are is so significant that the God of the universe would be brokenhearted at that because it's so not true. It's a alive from the enemy. So so we got to decide what lie is it. People don't just feel in general bad about themselves. Yeah. They have a bad body image. Well, that can come from a perfectionistic father that was critical of you, that come from being surrounded constantly by people that talk about their physical appearance.
So so I think just narrowing down what it is that haunts you. Now, what's interesting about the enemy, his favorite thing to do is whatever that thing is to get my son to admit that he feels rejection. That's very hard for him to do, actually. Yeah. That thing is you're actually so embarrassed about that thing that you never want to say it out loud. Wow. So you work harder to cover that thing up, even though that thing, whatever it is, is somewhat universal.
So rarely have I heard or have I said a lie or a fear or a sin that I didn't get head nods pretty quickly from other people. Sure. That's what the enemy, though, is so good at, because what a shame does is shame will have you say a general thing like I have a bad self-esteem where what you really feel is rejection from your father or rejection from. So your friendships or rejection from guys, maybe a specific guy that was critical of you.
Well, that's the thing that's hard to say. You know, that's the thing that takes so much vulnerability. Now, why am I going so deep here? Because if we don't dig out the root of where that thing came from and how is God supposed to heal it?
Well, if we can't name it, if we don't know what it is and I think most of us know what it is, but we're afraid to say it because shame has attached itself so tightly to it that we hide it so true.
And then the enemy has one. This is my story. You know, I struggled with doubt for so long. I mean, eight months of a season of doubt where it grew and grew and grew.
And I was losing my faith, literally losing my faith. And then I say it out loud. And almost the moment I said it out loud, there was this power that was released from it where I wasn't alone in the dark anymore with the devil, where he could tell me whatever he wanted. Yeah. So my prayer and my hope is that we're good friends to each other, that we ask the hard questions that we don't stop at.
You don't feel good about yourself, but we really go, why, yeah. Why? If you don't know if your friend is sharing something with you or you want to be a good friend, the greatest question you can ask is why it's so good.
Keep asking it. And when they say the answer to that, say, but why again. Yeah, keep digging. You know, just keep going because there's probably a deeper reason that that came from. And before you know it, that person will be crying. I can I could tell you because I've done this too many people. Yes, they will start crying because at some point you'll strike the thing they don't want to say, yeah, when you strike it, they'll probably cry.
And this is how we find each other, guys, while we go to the deep, dark place where the devil is holding us hostage. He say it out loud. Yeah. So back to the view of ourselves. All of us have believe that life just so that person listening knows it is not just you.
You're not alone. It is not just you. We have all bought that lie in some form or fashion to where our significance has eroded from what God put in us as human beings on earth that he designs. Yeah, so you're not alone and that means you can say it out loud and that somebody else can help you process that because we need people beside us to fight for us to help us believe the truth. That day that I shared, you know, my deep, dark thing, I was with two friends and they began to speak truth over me.
They fasted, they prayed for me. They fought for me as much as any two people could fight for me. And that was the beginning of healing for me.
It's amazing. And I think we've got to realize the enemies involved. We can't just make this just about our thought lives, you know, and that's where my bad reviews have come in is this isn't just about your thought lives. You all this is about Jesus and the Bible and the devil, you know. Yeah, because that's where the war is being fought in second Corinthians. Ten says that says don't fight the spirit with fleshly weapons, fight spirit with spirit because it's good we're at war with spirit.
And so that y that you believe that possibly was even planted by your father, the enemy has built that up and taken that to a place where it's grown and grown and grown and grown. And the best example I have of this is I grew up with a dad that was critical and I struggle with an eating disorder in college.
And then really until I was a young mom, I struggled with it and it was very consuming.
I wanted out. I didn't know how to get out and I didn't know how to view myself rightly. Yeah.
And I remember one day specifically going to my dad and I'd written all of these. I really worked through it and found a lot of healing because of Jesus and counseling and all that on the other side of that. So I take to my dad, you know, I want a strong relationship with him so and so, I take to him how it felt to be around him, where I always felt like there were arrows pointed at me and and I didn't feel safe.
Yeah. So I expected him to either, one, affirm this negative view I had of myself. Like, yes, I was critical of you, which would be hard to hear because I kind of wanted to hope that he didn't mean all that, you know. Yeah. Or he would say I didn't say any of that or I didn't mean any of that. And then it would not validate anything I'd been through. I was so scared to take it to him.
Right. But I knew it was obedience and I wanted to lift that anchor in my life. I didn't want to stay with this heavy thing in my life. And so so I taken this letter and I read it to him at six pages long. And the thing I never could have dreamed and some of you, your dad's will never say this to you. But the thing I never could have dreamed is that he cried well, and he said, Jenny, it wasn't you.
It was me.
Well, and he owned his struggles and talked about his life growing up and how he was raised. Well, and it just it was a thing I never saw coming. And I think even if your dad or somebody you love doesn't have the maturity to be able to say that I love my dad so much for saying that and recognizing that that's true, like because I don't think it's always as simple as just us in our heads alone thinking negative thoughts about ourselves.
I think they came from somewhere first and wherever they came from. Just remember, that person was broken too, and somebody was critical of them. And maybe this isn't about you. Maybe this is about them.
Well, a man, what a crazy, beautiful story. I know. I hate to say beautiful because I know so hard to walk through that for so many years, but beautiful redeeming story.
And now y'all. My dad is my biggest fan. Come on. He has grown so much in that I think it broke his heart more than it broke mine and. Yeah. And that reconciliation has just been better than I could have ever dreamed that.
I mean, a lot of you out there.
I bet you I bet you say a lot of people are going to go have an important conversation with a relative and force.
And I can promise it'll go so well. But I can promise you that God will use it and God enough for you even if it goes poorly.
So true. So just to encourage everybody listening, like actually think about that kind of like this is me saying to you why, like why and keep going a little bit deeper with the why you and feeling the way that you've been feeling because you don't need to spend another day having those toxic thoughts about yourself or thinking you're the only one struggling with that. So why why are you thinking those things about yourself? And if you can pinpoint that and be able to have the conversations that you need to have, like breakthrough is going to happen and get a little different than Jenny's story.
And it's going to be different than my story, but it's going to be God. And your story. I remember I had a similar thing happen to me. And it's funny because I struggled to with eating disorder in a way, my was having all kinds of crazy thoughts and I kind of pinpointed it back to this guy I was dating and some of the things that he spoke over me. And this also doesn't always happen.
But we were able to have a conversation a year and a half after we broke up and he apologized and he said the same thing. He was like it was me where I was at in that time. I was struggling so much with insecurity and I saw what I was doing in your life. And it was just my way of like bringing you down a little bit, you know, and it's crazy because, like, I would have not ever thought that he would have said that.
Right. And then I struggled for so long from being the recipient of all of those things. But and so that's what happens. You know, somebody speaks something and then they're sharing it and now you're struggling and then you go years of struggle, whatever.
Really, we just have to stop that thought. We have to ask yourself why Jenny said uproot those things so that God's able to heal it.
These new father, Ted Stamps from on post are fantastic. You can use them to send anything. I'm going to send for Mr. Benson back as whistle Oh, no. I just keep I could send a letter to Father Larry. You can never get him on the phone. No, wait. I've got to attend a Father's Day card to Bishop Brennan. He'd love that. Send laughs and phone send off with Father Ted Stamps from your post office or on post.com attack on post for your world.
So good, I want to ask two are things I know we're asking real kind of heavy stuff, but at the same time, when do you ever get to sit down with Danielle and have an amazing conversation? Someone who knows the word of God, has kids herself, loves this generation. Like this is a rare moment. So asking all the hard questions because I love it. Like you said, these are questions I get all the time. And sometimes I don't know what to say, honestly, because sometimes I'm so battling them, you know?
And so this is like the things I'm asking people.
But this one particularly, I've gotten a lot. And this one is it says, how do you deal with intrusive thoughts, specifically impure thoughts? And I think this is another one of those things that you kind of said. It's like, you know, the minute you say something, you realize like you're not the only one because somebody will head, nod or be like, oh, I've struggled with that, too. And recently we have actually gotten a ton of DM's from girls about struggling with pornography, masturbation and impure thoughts.
And it's one of those things where every one of them thinks you're the only one. And I think it's because actually we talk about guys struggling with that a lot, don't really talk about girls during. It's like a more shameful, again, the word shame thing to admit that you struggle with. But the amount of DNA and the amount of people that comment online, I just first want everybody to know that we get a lot. You're not the only one.
That doesn't mean it's OK. You know, just like fear. Fear still not. We still don't want to struggle with anxiety, even though everybody pretty much shows the anxiety. We still want to fight that. But you're not alone. And so, Jenny, what are some of that advice that you give to people who are just struggling with those impure thoughts that just keep coming up or that addiction? They feel like they're stuck. They're the only one.
Well, the first thing is the fact that they're asking out loud is so great. True. That shows two things. Number one, it shows that they don't have a comfortable relationship. But that said, they wanted to change right through. And that's huge. And then, too, they're not in so much shame that they won't reach out. And so, yeah, my thing with this is it is just like anything else, one of my best friends, this is her story and she talks about it all the time.
In fact, she talked about said the word masturbation from the gathering stage years ago and it was so powerful. And you cannot believe the hundreds of messages she got and she got from girls saying exactly this. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for saying it out loud, because so many girls are struggling with it. So that is a big fat lie that you're the only one that is not true at all. So many girls, in fact, most girls in this generation are going to struggle with it.
And the reason why is because we live in such a sexualized culture. Right. So it is everywhere. I don't even mean to see stuff and I see it online. So true. You can't escape it. And so that's real. However, we can fight it and we can fight it really good. And I know that in our house we have really open conversations about absolutely everything in our house. And I would expect that from Caroline looks at me the other day.
And, you know, we're just talking through all these kind of things every day. And so she's asking me, like, what would you do if I told you Blake? And, you know, of course, immediately I'm like, well, tell me, you know. Yeah. Is this your roundabout way of telling me? I said, it really doesn't matter what you tell me the same answer. If it's you know, I just named everything I hear girls.
Right, abortion, whatever. I just name it all. Yeah. I was like, whatever it is, we just don't want you to be alone. Like, we want to go through it with you. Yeah. And so certainly if you're in high school and middle school, I would tell a mentor, a parent, somebody that is older, if you just tell your peers they do not know what to do with it. Right. So true.
I can't promise you your parents or your mentor will either. But keep telling somebody until somebody doesn't overreact and can help you because it's good. There are a lot of people that have walked through this that are ahead of you. And so you want to find those people also. Yeah. If you're in college, same thing goes. You want to find somebody above you to share this with.
The beauty is, you know, I'm going to go on down in Second Corinthians ten because it says that we have divine weapons that have the power to destroy strongholds. OK, so this has certainly become a stronghold in a lot of people's lives. This has become an addiction for sure, and a stronghold. And the way we fight strongholds and addictions are a little bit different than a negative thought, although it's not that different.
We've got to be able to name it and fight it right. And bring people around it and all of that. But I do think that there are ways to fight this that are more drastic. And I think I go back to the verse that says, if your eyes cause you to stumble, you know, coffee right now, I'm not going to say I'm not, but I'm going to say we take it that seriously. Yes, we really protect ourselves.
So you get the software that you need to protect your computer. You don't go see movies. I control my input so much. So my struggle with doubt, which was what the enemy used to just run rampant in my mind. And that grew. If I always expose myself to cynical people, I had to cut out Twitter. I had to. Out movies that were really dark. Yeah, those would affect me for days and I had to cut out a lot of news and things that were secular because it just made me struggle with that.
And they made me feel like I was dumb for believing all this. And and so it kind of reinforced some of those lies. Same things go with anything you're addicted to. If it's alcohol, if it's unhealthy relationships like you've just got to draw those boundaries and be really protective with those. So but it's not fun and it's not sexy. Right. Like nobody wants to say, OK, I'm struggling with alcohol and I'm never going to drink again because I might be an alcoholic.
Nobody wants to say that. That's a bummer. You know, you won't be able to say, oh, I don't have that big of a struggle with it. I socially drink or I know you might need to never have another drink of alcohol and you may need very strict software on your computer and your phone. And, you know, it's OK.
OK, you know, that's what we do. That's what the cutting the I out that's causing you to stumble means is that you you do radical things to protect yourself so that it doesn't enslave you.
And let me give you the reason why, because it's not actually that you're going to get massively punished by God, although there is a road to sin and death and a road to life and peace. And we want to avoid the road to sin and death because it causes even if we're going to be saved eternally, it causes sin and death and destruction in our lives through any sin that we walk in doubt did. For me, it caused fear of death and anxiety and all these things grew the road.
A sin and death will always lead that direction.
It's because we want to be on the road to life and peace.
I mean, that's the real thing, is like rather than feeling like, you know what, this road, I just can't go down it. I can't go down.
It's like no build a vision of a healthy marriage where you're not constantly distracted by lust. Yeah. Outside of your marriage. Like, imagine that and fight for that. It's worth it's good. That's so great.
That's what kept me more pure. I certainly had my share of falling off the rails when it came to me. But but what helped me the most was actually a vision of peace and life and joy and walking with God following his way and a better road than the road that I was on with impunity. That's so true.
Oh, my gosh. That is so good. I'm so excited for people to listen to that even for me. Like, that was so helpful. That was so helpful. And I can say the same thing. And I have talked about this since incursions been open about his story before we met. One of the things we talked about, as I said, what help me with purity, even the same kind of went off the rails every now and then.
It wasn't perfect. But what helped me with that to keep purity of mind was I had this idea of what it would look like to just be with my husband in that piece, in that love and just get to share that. And when Christian, I thought he was like, that's so cool that you thought about that. Like you thought about me. You thought about our future kids. And he was sharing like I never thought about that. Like I didn't consider my wife.
I didn't even think that because I was in high school, you know? And I think, you know, if you're in high school as it is or you're in middle school or you're in college, I consider your wife, consider your husband, consider your life and your relationship with God, consider your peace of mind when you go to sleep at night. If it's like anxiety and fear, consider your peace of mind when you go to sleep at night.
If it's dull, like that's for me. I cannot watch anything dark now movie. No TV show. I can't listen to anything dark. Like I'm so sensitive to what I watch or what I listen to because I know I'm exchanging it for a piece of mind. And so just consider those things. Whatever you're putting in or whatever you're looking at, whatever you're listening to and how they're going to affect your future or your tonight or tomorrow morning because they will have an effect for sure.
That was so good.
This last question, and this is also a big one, but again, something so many people are asking.
It's not shocking that they're asking because we are living in the year 2020 and it is cray cray. But a lot of people have questions about the end times and this is how this girl phrases it. So I read it like her. She said, I have anxiety and fear over the end times and what is happening in her world right now. I know I shouldn't fear the end, but I do exclamation point. And I think that that's so real for so many people.
So many people are asking questions. It feels like the end times is the end times. What do I do? All the thoughts. And so I would love for you to just give some peace to people who are having those overwhelming thoughts about the end times and just the state of the world that we're in right now.
OK, well, first of all, I would say I kind of feel excited by it all.
I do. I feel really excited. I want to be alive when the wild things start happening. Right, because we want our lives to count.
And so I think, you know, the crazier gets, the more like some of my friends and I are kind of like, OK, like, game on, let's go. So I think maybe we could just shift our view of it because it's really an honor if in our generation this began to unfold. So I think we need to not be afraid of it. I think we need to be prepared for it and we need to realize that it's not easy.
And what scripture tells us is this is going to get worse and worse and worse. And, you know, I always look at my kids and I think, is it going to get worse and worse and worse and y'all are going to be the ones that get to usher in. The kingdom, you know, and I know I'll get to you, too, because, I mean, I know I'll be part of it, but to be alive on Earth when Jesus comes back, to be alive on Earth for the tribulation, like those kind of things, that's where I think everybody's thinking and talking.
I think that would be an incredible honor and hard to, you know, depending on where you fall on the rapture. And that time, I'd always like to think we're going to get I'm always a pre rapture person, not because necessarily I don't see the evidence for it in scripture, but I'm like, might as well miss the tribulation. Like, if I'm going to have to pick what to leave, I'm like I might as well Gaza.
But no matter where you fall on that, that we're in the middle of the tribulation, that we are about to start it or that it's coming and will be raptured first, I do think that things are certainly growing in their intensity. Yeah, and we can't deny that. I remember Chris Cain told me we were talking about this and I asked her, I was like, what's your gut? You know, with her prophetic gifts? And she said, well, I know when you're pregnant and your contractions get this close together.
Yeah. That it probably means the baby's about to come. And I think we all I think every generation, including the disciples, are supposed to live to as if it's in our generation.
I think that's actually our downfall if we don't consider that.
So I don't think we're melodramatic to be like this could be coming to an end. Yeah. And how do we live because of that?
Because, again, even the first generation of the church thought that way. So so let's think that way, you know, and then school and then how does that make us live that we shouldn't fear it. We should be excited for that because our God at that point is going to make things right. True. That's ultimately what's coming. He's going to make things right. He's going to take us home. We're going to be with him.
Now, the other side, the flip side of that is who's coming and who's not. And what a great place for us to be in this conversation, Sady, because there's nothing that matters more than giving Jesus away to our generation. True.
And in light of everything we've talked about, this is ultimately why we've got to be free, right?
This is why we cannot be drained and an unhealthy, toxic relationships. This is why we have to fight our anxiety and not live in our minds in an unhealthy way. This is why we have to be able to name our son and fight it.
I mean, we've really covered like like a lot of parts of life where where the enemy gets us and and gets unhealthy. And and the ultimate reason why we don't want to be bound. We don't want to be stuck in these places that we don't want to be in bondage. The ultimate reason is because we've got a job to do. Yeah. You know, it's like we will be made if you believe in Jesus Christ, you're not working for your salvation.
You're not working for him to be pleased with you. You're working because you want to spend your life well for the glory of God, because this life is so short. It's great. So that is the most motivating reason to be free and delivery and to to be pure and to pursue holiness is because I don't want to waste my life. I want it to count. I want people to see my God through me. I want people to be able to go into the kingdom because I was showing them hope and that road to life and peace rather than the road to sin and death.
So it's great. You know, that's the ultimate motivation. And I think I don't know, I truly get giddy and giggly about it.
I'm like, let's go. Like, something in me is like, let's go to war.
Let's go fight. We are. And whatever generation it comes in, it matters. It's true. And we are ushering our generation into the kingdom. Even if the end times is ten generations from now, it will come so far and the work we do in our generation will matter for eternity.
A man, somebody quote that that is so good. You remind me so much of a security guard at one time is a favorite security guard ever. His Eric. He has been with me on so many tours and every time we go on tour, he meets with the whole tour and he always tells everybody the same thing every time he said disremember. If there's ever a situation happening, if I run in one direction. You're on the other hand, because he says, I'm going to be running towards the problem.
And I think of you and I hear that because you're like, just remember, whatever happens, I'm over. You're running towards the fight like you're in it. You're excited by it. And and it hell, it's my faith as a believer. I'm like, yes, I should be, too. Like, I need to have that confidence and that courage to be excited about those times. And yes, what better thing than to be here when Jesus comes back like that would be an honor, like you said.
And so I hope that encourages so many of you out there. I know we talked about some stuff that I think all of you need to hear. I'm not even going to say it was hard. It was heavy because it's what we're going through. Like it's real. Yeah. And so I hope you guys are. So encourage your mind to listen to this again. Take some notes, ask yourself the why. And like she said, even practically think about your future, draw yourself visions actually take what we're saying and apply it to your life, because I believe if you do, there's so much wisdom in that and you're going to come out as so much stronger in your faith, so much stronger as a person and your relationships, and you're truly be set free by the power of God that he has a real life.
And so, Ginia. Excited, I cannot wait for people to listen to this, so thank you so much for all of your wisdom and just being so well with us.
Hey, and I want to say one more thing. I want to say, those of you that are listening. So this little book club that Sadie's doing its war right. Like this is what you dream of for your community safety. Yeah.
And that's why I'm here. That's why I said yes, because I'm like, let's go fight for these people that love God and want to follow women. And I think you need people that will fight for you. So you guys go join that like. Yeah, and I'm not talking about for my book. I'm talking about that community because it's going to be right now it's this book, but it's going to be ongoing community for you to have people speaking truth over you and fighting for you, a man seriously enjoying it.
I mean, like Jenny said, it's not just about her book or our app. It's about y'all. And having a community like where we get these questions, we get them from the D.A. is what we are talking about. These things on our sister, like girls and their community groups are discussing the things that they're walking through and helping one another out. Just like Jenny said, go find a friend. Here's a good place to start. I obviously want you to have in-person friends, too, but it's a great place, like she said, to open the conversation, ask an initial question.
We have so many women and girls that we trust pouring into you with answers and wisdom and the biblical truth. And so go join the book club. Don't forget sister dot com or go to the App Store and get the sister. Hey, hey, guys, welcome back to the Whoa, that's good podcast with a very special guest with us today from LYNETTA Sally Robertson. Now she say to Rob Hough, thanks for joining us today.
Well, thanks for having me on your podcast. Well, that's good. That's such a great concept.
Yeah, it's great. I was doing this Q&A one time and my mother in law said, well, that's good. And I said, I should totally start the podcast.
Wow. Wow. Stories are so similar.
That's crazy. It's really blown up. It's awesome. Check it out.
He said you joined up, I guess, today.
So say our friends there only to ask you some questions. Okay. Be careful who you trust. Salt and sugar look the same.
Oh, that's good. That is good advice. Yeah, sometimes you could do the same. But I'm telling you, if you put salt in my tea, it would be disgusting.
Yeah, but you brush my teeth. Yeah, I love that actually. That's really good advice. Be careful who you trust. And it's also it takes a certain but sometimes you don't know about the bad everything about somebody. So give it time. You know, sometimes it's not like as prominent. I saw it being in your teeth. Sometimes it takes a few sips to realize that somebody might not be a trustworthy person. But when you find out, put the drink down for lack of a better term, walk away, be kind, be honorable, but know who the people are that you can tell you things to and who the people are.
You might just want to be a friend to and not have to give your heart to you. Well, that's really good.
Yeah, I think so too. I think you definitely to be careful with who you trust. And when I first saw that, I thought of the verse in the Gospels where it says that they believed in Jesus because of the signs and they said he did not trust himself to them. Yeah. Just so profound that, like, even Jesus like, you know, if you're wondering if you can't trust that when Jesus didn't trust people and he was on earth.
Yeah. So then you give yourself that freedom. If someone gives you bad vibes or whatever, they give you this bad feeling.
So Millennial, you don't necessarily have to. You're on my podcast right now. You don't necessarily have to trust them, but, you know, use wisdom and you do want to get people to tap into the darkness.
The time get. Now, don't cross me, OK? It's better to ask for forgiveness than permission.
Horrible. Yeah, I know like that. I mean, if it's not detrimental to anything.
Yes, but if that's your motive, I mean, that should not be here.
But there are times you're like, OK, OK, no, I'm better not. I'm in there. I realized I am in the hot seat. Yes. Don't do that as your permission is. Then you won't have to ask her forgiveness.
There you go. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. OK.
I feel like this is the problem. There is somebody in this room right now. Her name is stuff. She's my friend. I keep looking at her. She knows I do that like I do stuff. And now I'm like, it's better to ask for forgiveness, but Zeus's I feel I would not be truthful to the people myself or my friend is. I have not done that. That's true.
But I also think it can be like a sneaky kind of thing. Oh yeah. You know, like in other words, like I'm not going to like. No. Yeah. That was my first. This is not dead if it's undeterminable bad advice. But yes, bad for those listening. My guest today is my wife.
This person is asking you again, this is not your bike as is. This is my bike.
I said we are one is I guess this one asking the questions. I have the questions. Thank you. I'm sure this is a question about life. Maybe not necessarily running well is about life. This is life. Life's a marathon, not a sprint.
Yes, life is a marathon life. Well, unless, like you would know, life is a that these are hard to see.
Yes, I did think super deep about it. But you had to bring it that to actually the question. You're like, OK, I see. Yes, life is a marathon, not a sprint. And the grand scheme of things, yes, we are like vapor. It's fast, but we also have to take life as a marathon and like take breaks every now and then. Go slow, speed up. Sometimes you can't just go full speed ahead.
You will literally crash.
Yeah. Yeah. It's a marathon, not a sprint. Yeah, for sure. I think you're going to like this one. I see some clips of you just from some different things falling down as an accident, staying down as a choice.
I feel like sometimes I see you fall, you just kind of become clumsy.
Sometimes it's enough for oh my gosh, a great quote. I saw the video of you speaking at the Global Leadership Conference. That's really good. But you said something about falling down in public. Can you. Yeah. Can you tell our guys that you're such a great interviewer?
I was a it on and I read this thing one time and it said, for those who fall down in public, they get hit twice as fast. And it's true.
I mean, think about physically falling when you fall in love, you get you get up quick and your whole knee is bleeding. It gave you a bruise left or right. You get out and you're like that. You're fine. I'm really fine, really.
As a Sam, when you fall emotionally or spiritually at times, like if you fall in public, it's important that you get up. And a lot of times when it is public, you'll get up twice as fast, even though it's embarrassing and it's hard. Cash helps you recover a little bit faster. But yeah, I love that falling down is not an accident. Yeah, I was really good and I talked about that the other day. I think unforgiveness can have something to do with keeping us down a lot of times.
And I talked about how like someone like getting the wind knocked out of you and how somebody said something to me one time where I just physically felt the wind get knocked down on me even though nobody touched me. My I didn't get punched, but I felt all that took my breath away when that person said something so hurtful. And I feel like kind of face planted. Right. You're on the ground. It's in those moments where you have a choice.
You can stay on the ground, you can wallow in it, and you can get bitter and you can live your life in that same place or you can get back up. And that getting back up has to do with forgiving the person that spoke that over you and letting out that bitterness in your heart and letting out the seeds that they planted in your heart so it doesn't keep you on the ground and you just got to move on. I mean, you just got to keep going because again, life is a marathon, not a sprint.
But it's definitely some sort of running. Right. You got to keep going. You know, you can't just sit on the sidelines and watch it go by where you can, but it's not a way to live the only life you've been given.
Yeah, that's awesome. You should have my job. It's crazy. Oh, OK. All right. Wrap this question just because it's a treat. We have you in the house today. Always say what you are thinking.
No, there is wisdom in not speaking about talks about being slow to speak quick. Listen, what does it say? So to speak, quick to listen and sort to become angry.
Yeah. So yeah. Yeah. You know, I think it's wise to always say what you're thinking for sure. Yeah. In the Bible talks about our tongue. Yeah. Yeah. It's hard life and death for sure. Well it was a treat having you here today. Thank you for being here. You are awesome. And we love you. Thank you so much for listening to the Verdasco podcast. I have so much fun doing this. I hope you'll have fun listening.
And don't forget to follow me on Instagram at Leggate City, Rob, and follow the podcast atwo. That's good podcast. I don't know where to live. Original and dotcom to see when I'm in a city near you or visit live original blog on our online store, which carries my exclusive words by City Rob line. Also, be sure to subscribe to our podcast and leave comment so we can hear what you're loving. Also want to give a special shout out to my audio engineer, Marcus Cipolla, the whole team, United Talent Agency and my live original team.
You guys are awesome and so are all of you, too.
Thanks so much for listening. Hello. Hi, it's Helen from the dry cleaners here, and we found something in the pocket of the trousers you brought in.
Oh, really? Well, what was it, another pair of trousers. Oh, how do they get in there?
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