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[00:00:00]

So I think personally that Jeremy looks 14, exactly 14 times hotter in a hat.

[00:00:08]

Roll the intro music. Ready? Yep, let's go. Hey, guys, we'll get back to While Till Nine, our weekly podcast. I kind of wish that we got to hear the music because it's such a pop.

[00:00:29]

There's something about it that brings me energy. Yeah, we might be the only ones who think that in any minute.

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Is that it? I know that. Yeah, that was it. Yeah. That was a rendition of it. The remix.

[00:00:42]

The remix for all seven of you that are still with us. Hi, guys. Welcome back and super excited to be here. Let me take this time to say stop, drop, roll, rate the podcast. And also should I tack on download and subscribe and follow. Follow. Yeah, that one, too.

[00:00:56]

And follow on your podcast streaming platform of choice.

[00:01:01]

So after you've gotten back from stopping, dropping, rolling, following, subscribing, like all those things, I want to hop into what I think is a conversation starter. OK, so should people enter parties and ask this question? Like a dinner date intro or like when you're trying to break the ice with someone, why don't we get to the end of the answer and then we can go back and figure out whether or not this is appropriate to start a party conversation with that.

[00:01:24]

Sounds like a no. Go ahead. Would you rather and I do mean you don't speak, would you rather I I think I have a love hate relationship with the whole would you rather a situation and I need you to answer this 100 percent honestly, knowing that my feelings will get hurt.

[00:01:39]

OK, so would you rather. Hook up with a porn star. Or a wet noodle, wet noodle like wet noodle energy or like literal wet limp noodle dick.

[00:01:53]

No, no, no, no, no. Hardik Wet Noodle Energy.

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Thank you so much for that. Any other specific questions? No, that's it. I think you've got it covered. Would I rather hook up with a porn star or a limp noodle? I mean, OK, I think there's to wait and why?

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I think there's two different scenarios here.

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I think Scenario A is that it's your first time hooking up with someone or your newly single or you haven't hooked up with someone in a while or you're just in the mood.

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You know, you're feeling a little freaky. And that was for you an a. Yeah. OK, freaky with a frat, I think. I don't think I can say it again anyways. I think it's scenario A I would take the porn star. OK, but there is a scenario B, a second world that exists where I don't think I'd want to date the porn star and have porn star sex every single day.

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That's weird. We'll go back to that.

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But keep going. Not to say that you are not a porn star.

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You can click off Gnomon, you go. But I just, like, don't think I could keep up the enthusiasm and the energy because sometimes you need to just have like some some six minute missionary's sex once a week, you know what I mean? Like, because you go through phases, I feel like depending on, like your job and your moods and the seasons and what moonface in or whatever, but I feel like you're not going to always want to have porn star sex.

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And I think I think that the wet noodle could probably learn a little bit to be less limp.

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Snootily in my ideal scenario. Be here.

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Got it. Well I will say anyone who's got porn star energy like the the OBD probably doesn't want to hold back the the limp noodle might be able to give a little bit more. I agree. I think the limp noodle would be a better lover.

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Well, now I disagree. You know what, I think that it would be a red flag for me if I hooked up with a guy multiple times and they wanted to have porn star crazy hookups every single time, I'd be like, I can't get down with this forever.

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I'm sorry. This is fun the first few times. But this is not something that I would like to pursue.

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And I mean, if they're looking for a relationship, I just don't think that I could, like, set myself up for that because I can't perform at those standards and levels every single time. Once again, I feel like that's what it's OK. We can move on.

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Did we just depict like a really accurate version of what our sex is like or just like and we're boring? That's a long term relationships look like.

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Well, it's online sex included.

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There's nothing wrong with eight thirty PM sex. Oh, my God, there's nothing wrong with that. I want to move on to the next topic so that I don't feel bad about myself, OK.

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All right. I think one of the most requested conversation topics that I've seen requested of us thus far has been red flags. So red flag number one is that they want to have porn star sex. All this is just for me. For me. Let's take it a step back. Red flags. What what can red flags be? What can I find it exciting for?

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For my perspective, what red flags are and for you, very different things. Like what are red flags?

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I mean, I think it depends what you're looking for. Like if you're just looking to have fun, there's a whole different set of red flags, a yellow flag, the, um.

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I think it's still a red flag. Yellow would be. I mean, I think yellow flags exist in both in all scenarios, you know, proceed with caution. And and then I think the red flags for a relationship are on a totally different level. It's like different different things. You looking for different things, you know.

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OK, so there's there can be red flags for you for hookups that are very different than relationships. Absolutely. Absolutely.

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And I am living proof that I was able to kind of go through all of those without any red flags on both sides.

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I would say that you were a big yellow flag for me and at some point you went green. So congratulations.

[00:05:45]

You know, I feel I'm satisfied with that, you know, but one of the biggest red flags I feel like that I encountered in my single days, my single territory.

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Seventeen of all, 17 of them all seventeen days. I'm a I'm a ridiculous serial dater. We'd get in it not by choice. That's that's a whole other podcast episode.

[00:06:07]

But when I was single, one of the red flags that I ran into on one of my very first dates, like back into single dating, was the inability for that person to talk about themselves and in turn made me over talk about myself.

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OK, so basically I made the just the worst mistake here of going on a breakfast date and there's no breakfast date.

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You went to a breakfast? I went with a Tinder's wife. I literally was a Tinder swipe. I'm not even kidding genders, not for breakfast. Tinder is to come back to that, but go on anyways.

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Anyway, so this you'd want to go for breakfast. And so I was like, I mean, I like breakfast, but I just was so new to dating that I forgot. When you go for any type of meal, you're confined to that date until you're done eating. And the bill has been paid. And there's other factors in this scenario that are dependent on like the kitchen, how fast the kitchen brings up the food and your server bringing the bill.

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And there's just like so many outside factors to you being confined to a place if things are going poorly, which they were. So anyways, go on this breakfast date with this dude, and he ended up being so damn quiet and I'm sure that he was just nervous and shy.

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So me as anyone would be meeting you, my love, I hate you.

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So I start panic talking, I just start panic talking and spewing and like, I'm I'm a talkative person, but I'm not like I'm not like crazy social or anything.

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And this basically felt like I could have been interviewing him for some kind of like a personal assistant job. Like I was asking him so many life questions. Give me one. And just I don't know, like, what do you do? Do you have siblings? Where are you from?

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Where was your last trip? Like, one step above. How's the weather? Like, literally, literally that that probably was one of my questions. I just like blacked out in panic and also, like, I'm a pretty quick eater. And also, once I got the sense that this date wasn't going well, I have never eaten so fast. There is a professional hotdog eater with the last name Kobayashi and fun fact. My middle name is Kobayashi.

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I channeled speed eating into myself so hard on that breakfast date.

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Yeah, but then when you're done with your food and have the ability to talk even more and all he's doing is eating and trying to answer your question, that's even harder to do.

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But it was even more awkward. Oh, my God, no. There was just regret coming from all angles on this breakfast date. So anyway, so after I'd finished playing forty five questions with him, I went to the bathroom. To go try and think of more questions I literally asked all your friends, I texted all my friends, I was sitting on the toilet with my phone on Google being like questions to ask on a first date. And I was like, I've asked all of these questions.

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I got nothing left.

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I wish the waxing, but I didn't know. But going into dating you, I wish that I had had a general sense of that. I was actually going on a first date with like a half a dozen girls, and they all are just updated hour by hour throughout the process, like I think back into the things that are probably said about me. Oh, yeah. Or it was everyone's input.

[00:09:17]

You know what I feel like in my friend group, what we do is that we expect either a thumbs up or thumbs down, just as a general consensus of how the date is going. And then we get the full rundown, obviously, at the end of the night. But like mid date, everyone in the front group expects like some kind of emoji to depict how the date is going.

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So we just have like a little an idea, a little sprinkle of, like, how the night is going for them so we can get excited or be scared for them or like, you know, like fake a phone call to come pick them up or something.

[00:09:46]

Right. Yeah. Or send a search squad. Right. Or squad. OK, exactly. So yeah.

[00:09:50]

So I ended up being just like so aggressive and he said, oh my God, this was so embarrassing. He made a comment of just being like I think he actually may have said something about feeling like an interview. And he was like, I'm sorry, I'm so shy. This feels like an interview or something. I was like so like self-aware enough to know that it's not going well.

[00:10:08]

Right. Not capable of fixing it. Totally. Totally. I'm not sure that's any better. I know. And we actually ended up having, like, a mutual friend and still like could not could not muster a conversation even around the mutual friend. And then after the day he texted me being like, I'm sorry, I'm so I was so shy. Like, he apologized for not talking at all. And because I think he felt bad that I felt the need to just, like, overcompensate for his silence.

[00:10:32]

I love his story, in case you're wondering. Yes, she is Canadian. I got it. I had somewhat of the opposite experience, but at the same time, kind of the same. OK, I am not shy on first dates or really in any kind. I don't mind talking. I can find somebody to talk to somebody about most of the time.

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You love hearing the sound of your own voice.

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OK, but anyway, and I remember we maybe had had like the first drink was there kind of thing. It wasn't even we had really gotten into the date and I noticed she was. Completely and utterly and transparently reading from a list of prepared questions that know what the weird part about it was, they started like the normal ones, right where it was. It was things that I guess anyone could ask. But then it just got it was as if there was like a one to one hundred things.

[00:11:27]

You can ask someone to really figure out who they are in the last like 30 really, really deep were really. Yeah. Like oddly deep. And would you adopt a kid and this and that. And I was just like, I have an answer for this. And it's the last thing that I want to talk about is just like, why are we talking about these specific things that you don't really want to get to to like date four or five?

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Anyway, I have so many questions.

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OK, first question, was it on her like iPhone notes or was it a piece of like physical paper?

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It was iPhone, OK, it was iPhone. OK, interesting. Interesting.

[00:11:59]

What she crossing them often anyway. I was asking them no but you could see like in her head like yeah ok. OK, I like that like that answer. OK, and when I say it was so transparent she even got to the point she's like ok, ok.

[00:12:10]

Oh my God. And I, you know I made a comment very much so um am I getting the prepared questions here. And she's like, yeah, I love this. I do this all the time.

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Oh, my God, I like I partially there's like a small, tiny piece of me that sympathizes with her just because, like, I have been desperate for questions before, but I just feel like there wasn't a struggle here. It's like I feel like you don't bust out your list of questions until you're struggling and reaching for conversation. Also, another question, did like none of these thought provoking questions, not sparked a conversation that eventually put you on a tangent away from the list of questions.

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It did. But the problem wasn't this is the weird part. Have we call it question 14? Right. And I answer and she goes, oh, that makes me think of something that they got. And we went on a tangent. And yet somehow at the end of that tangent, 15, I didn't have a number.

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But I mean, that was the level of energy I was getting in this.

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Did she intro the fact that you were going into this pop quiz session? No. And I needed to have done that.

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If she had just said, I have the weirdest thing that I want to do.

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This is going to be so weird to be so weird. And I would have been like, what is it?

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I would I just want to go through these, like, random questions that I printed out. You know, I get nervous sometimes, but I would love to know the answers to these and then go into it. I would have been like, OK, weird, but OK, let's talk about it. That the fact that I had to find out, like, are you OK? We're doing this weird shininess. What does she need?

[00:13:43]

A half dozen friends at home checking in on her, telling her to not do that.

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True. OK, so was that a red flag? Did you not go on another date when I was going to play with her? A girl just wanted to be prepared, baby, she was paired, sometimes it's OK to be A, B or C student. I mean, OK, sure. But like, I appreciate the effort. I feel like it could have been delivered. Her execution could have been smoother. But I do I do see that as as a first date red flag.

[00:14:10]

The only problem was it read to me whether she got this sister herself or she made it or not. It read to me that that she was like looking for something that was specific from these answers that she would circle back on on like whether it hit these boxes for her. Right. And that's the least natural thing in the world, not it?

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Well, she was probably looking for a husband. She was looking to be wifey.

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And there's another reason I'm assuming maybe, you know, trying to be a husband in the future. Only to you. Good answer. Good answer, Mr. Lewis. Good answer.

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Yes. No, that's definitely that's definitely like red flag material. I think also just like being on your phone and generally it so awkward that instead of making eye contact, she would like had her phone like her eyes glued to her phone and was like scrolling through questions like, that's so awkward.

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And I feel like especially just like our generation is so addicted to our phones, it's like our safety blanket.

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So when things aren't going, well, conversational, you're like, what's going on on Twitter?

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I mean, it's the same reason that you hop onto their phone in the middle of an elevator. You know, they have no service and I know or it rings halfway through the mic.

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Oh, gosh. Well, so that's the call. Like, no, you're not fooling anybody.

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I mean, I actually haven't ever been on a date where someone was, like, glued to their phone, but I would take that as a red flag if I couldn't have your attention for forty five minutes or however long our breakfast date was going to be. Actually know the guy from the breakfast was not on his phone. He was too busy being interrogated by me.

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You know, the breakfast we can come back. But I think that that would be a red flag where I would be so offended that I'm meeting this person for the first time. And whatever they were doing on their phone couldn't wait until after our interaction was finished, not to mention it.

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At what point in time did you think that you were going to try and say that you had something better to do? I get the vibe it gives off to me. Right? Right is like it makes me cringe.

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It just means that like this right here, my little device is more important than you, but also not being self-aware enough to know that.

[00:16:02]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It's it's such an ugly look. It's such an ugly look.

[00:16:06]

I dated someone who was so addicted to their phone and like I knew their friend Circle. Obviously, we were dating and I was like, there is no one fucking texting. You get off your phone. So my parents, like my parents and I are like very into, like, family dinner and like hanging out as a family. I'm an only child and my parent and I are super, super tight. So we would have these family dinners. And I mean, I just like feeling during dinner I wasn't really allowed to have my phone.

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And also I grew up like not literally having a phone. So there wasn't the option. So family dinner was just like a time where you just like leave your phone on the island and you just hang out and chat. And I feel like as a significant other to when you're with your girlfriend or boyfriend's parents like you were on your best behavior, I mean, especially until they come to learn your quirks, if right of OK, he's like that.

[00:16:53]

But he he he cares. He shows up. Right. But there's one thing that people are going to have their quirks. They don't realize they do. It is possible to leave this in the other room.

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That's not a work being on your phone. Right. During like family or girlfriend.

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Boyfriend is like very, very possible to not allow yourself to have a phone at dinner.

[00:17:11]

Absolutely. Absolutely. And so they would be having my you know, my parents would be having a conversation at them. My parents, honestly, are so easy to get along with. They're so easy to talk to. And this guy just like couldn't get off his damn phone. And literally, like years into the relationship, I was like, I just like we would have the conversation after to be like, hey, this is really important to me because I know it's important to my parents as well that like you give.

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Even 98 percent of your attention, as long as your like sitting there with your eyeballs looking in the general direction of my parents, that is better than being on your damn phone.

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Also, assuming you're not a brain surgeon on call and might have to leave, it's it's almost worse when one is fucking texting you.

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There is nothing going on on Twitter. You have six followers on Instagram. No one is texting you like you don't need to be on your phone. And it made me I rate. Oh my God.

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I have heard this story six times and my parents would get pissed off too, like they would pull me aside eventually. And like being in the middle of that was just like a weird, like ground that I didn't want to be in anyway.

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I didn't say that was a fat red flag that like, I did not know how to navigate because I was like, is this worthy of, like, breaking up with this person? You're like, well, like. Right.

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But I also feel very strongly that there's a clear delineation between at some point in time, if there's a pet peeve that you have that needs to be addressed, especially when it's like my parents are going to be upset about this. Right. It's on the other person to decide, am I able to get over my habit or at least try my best to get over my habit for X amount of hours when we're together? Or is it a non-starter for me?

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And if it's not non-starter, fine. I don't know. But if you agree that it's not a non-starter, figure it out.

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I mean. Yeah, and I think it's like this is honestly like tough territory to define what's a red flag and like when you're allowed to say something about it because like, oh, if, like, you chew with your mouth open and on day one I shit on you for it and I'm like, you are chewing like a horse. I can't deal with this. Go sit across the room until you're done your dinner. Like, that's just rude.

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Like that's just I should have done that to you but yeah. You eat with your mouth open.

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Don't even come to me but OK, when do you make the switch from putting up with someone because they were maybe just like a little bit of a hook up and that little thing they do is and whatever. And if you eat with your fork like that one more time, I'm going to be a murder.

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Right. You would like the fork, like with the fist on the end of it. I mean, you are know I mean, I think it's so hard because, again, it's like you have to decide what's actually a non-starter, but like it's not even worth bringing up if you know that like it's not going past is hooking up with someone, you know, sexy time number three after that, after a time number three, you're like, OK, is this going in the direction of, like dating or is this going to go to sexy time number four?

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And how many dates for you with sexy time number three have been just so we can.

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So anyways, back to how I hold my fork. No, but I think I think it's really difficult because if it's something like if someone is if someone smokes cigarettes, you know what I mean?

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On the first day, you're like, obviously you can't be like, hey, I've just met you, but can you quit this lifelong habit that you've got going on? It's bad for your health.

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Like they're like no shit you like, but it's like, when is it OK to bring that kind of stuff up?

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Sexy time or three. OK, so that's the real sex time number three. Right.

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So is that just the unspoken rule where things become more serious, a sexy time? Number three, because I have dating experiences where after a sexy time, number three, I didn't go in the direction of, like, the direction I wanted it to go.

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Right. So you said that's a bit about it. I did say so.

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OK, so this brings us to another read. This is probably the biggest red flag in my dating history that I ignored for so long. And it ended up revealing itself over and over and over again.

[00:21:05]

I actually didn't realize you're going with this.

[00:21:07]

So it's just that I got is that I started talking to this guy and he wanted to be everything that a girlfriend and boyfriend is except for the title, which was so interesting. I feel like you never hear versions of this because he wanted to hold hands. He wanted to go on dates. He wanted to pay for the dates. He wanted to have sleepovers. He wanted to fall asleep on FaceTime. He wanted to meet the parents. He wanted to hang out with friends.

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He wanted to do like group travel. He wanted to. Oh, my God. Like, literally, I can't even think of something relation, really relationship related that he didn't want to do except be your boyfriend, except for add a title to it.

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And it was so. Oh, oh. The biggest thing is that he didn't even want to hook up with the people, like it was exclusive, it was exclusively only hooking up with each other. So we were literally in a relationship except for the title.

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And did you tell him that you needed to have this title or else or how did you get across to that?

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Oh, my God. Well, I got so sucked into it because I was like, I mean, this is great. Everything is so good. Like, we're having so much fun. We're so compatible in so many ways. But, like, he just won't call me his girlfriend. And eventually it came to the point where I was basically an ultimatum where it was like, either we are going to do this for real or like, I don't want to do this at all because, like, there's obviously some kind of commitment issue here.

[00:22:31]

And it's like he just didn't want to take on the responsibility of whatever comes with being called a boyfriend. So I don't know if he was just, like, scared of having to, like, buy. A card on Valentine's Day, like because he was doing all of the boyfriend checklist thing, I can tell you right now, this is the biggest piece of advice I'm going to ever say on this show ever. Everything is downhill from here, OK?

[00:22:52]

All right. Wow. This is going to be really insightful way. Oh, my God. I feel it. Does it need a drum roll or something? Like, I'm I'm. Are you about to change my life?

[00:23:00]

I'm going to say something you already know, but that everyone needs a reminder of, especially anyone who's in the middle of of of do I like this guy? Does he like you invite any of that shit? OK, lay it on us. The only thing the guys are consistent with. If we want something in the form of a woman. We will do what we need to do to at least try to get that, that is so damn true and it makes me so angry with myself at how many times I ignored knowing that if someone wants to talk to you, they will say someone wants to hang out with you.

[00:23:30]

They find time.

[00:23:31]

Guys, we are we can put anything off that's important for the longest at times. But when we actually like a girl, we don't stick around and play games.

[00:23:41]

Well, sometimes stick around, but we get to it at the end of the day. Like if they want to spend time, there will always be time. Right. And if they are interested in a relationship, I assure you they will be moving towards a relationship. They might not know how to get there, but you can you'll be able to tell that they want that, right, 100 percent.

[00:23:56]

I mean, so circling back on my really unfortunate situation is that I ended up basically serving up an ultimatum, which is not a healthy ground to start your relationship on, of being like either we're going to do this for real or like I don't want to I don't want to do this.

[00:24:11]

I don't do this anymore. And in my head, I was like, OK, either way I get to go either one way or the other, I get to start moving on, which is going to lead to a healthier mindset, which I probably should have done honestly, or we end up doing it. But you start a relationship on like weird grounds.

[00:24:26]

Also, at any point in time, you for somebody into a feeling or what they're going to be comfortable with, that's that's never a good option.

[00:24:33]

Also, just like a huge red flag in the entire world. Didn't want to be my boyfriend. Like you dumb idiot Lauren Lake. They didn't want to be your boyfriend. Why did you force them to be your boyfriend anyways?

[00:24:44]

So we ended up dating and then this whole, like, commitment issue and like going through the phases of like what the relationship would grow to be every single little milestone, I guess that you would consider that you kind of hit in a relationship was it could have been ultimate.

[00:25:01]

I could have made an ultimatum out of every single milestone that a relationship faces.

[00:25:07]

What's crazy is I think back in all of the girls that I've actually dated. I knew so quickly into date one, two, three that it could lead there, and it wasn't that I didn't think that of the other girls I ended up actually dating. It was just this. Just middle part oasis of I mean, it's fun, I guess it's whatever like it's never been like, oh I know. It's like I'm interested in Tiger or neutral.

[00:25:36]

Wait, you wait, hang on, wait, wait, hang on, hang on. Girl brain processing floating.

[00:25:43]

Um, it was either yes or middle. Well, and if I went on a date with a girl and it was a terrible date, it would was done. I guess my my point is any date that wasn't a bad date where it was like I could see them again. I knew date two or three that that I guess I didn't know. Let me rephrase that, every girl I ended up dating, I knew so quickly and to date one, two or three that I wanted to actually date them.

[00:26:09]

Right? Right, right.

[00:26:10]

I never was a hidden. I don't know, maybe I hear these stories of people that are best friends for nine years. And one day we decided we liked each other. That is the farthest thing from from my personal perspective, OK? When I when I knew, I knew.

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I say I mean, I've never been in the situation where I've dated a friend that I was friends with for years, double checking and my.

[00:26:33]

Yeah, no, no, no.

[00:26:34]

I never it's always been like a random person because yeah. I feel the same way. It's like I feel like once I meet someone I'm like, oh I want to date you.

[00:26:42]

Right. I can't I put them in that category. Right, right, right, right, right. A red flag that I feel like is so common. But I personally have never encountered, which I consider myself to be very lucky, is that I've never been with someone who would be considered like a selfish lover. What do you mean?

[00:26:58]

Like, I've never been with someone who's just like me, me, me, me, me, me, me. Oh, good.

[00:27:05]

You know, like I've never been with someone who doesn't want to also make sure everyone involved is having a good time. I love talking about my my past sex life with you.

[00:27:19]

You know, my past sex life there. Just there is no past. It just it started the day I met you. Those are the lies I like to hear and know, but I feel I feel really lucky because I feel like so many of my friends have hooked up with just like a guy who is just. And you know what?

[00:27:36]

I feel like you've actually mentioned this before is that when you were like 16 years old, 16, like, my gosh, I don't know what I mean, what who's whose book of notes or how to be a selfish sack of shit. I read it was like that. That's it. That's I don't know.

[00:27:56]

And also, I don't know why I was so interested in in sex or girls in the first place, but all I wanted to be was about me anyway. Well, I mean, I feel like I'm just really, really glad to hear that everyone was a generous lover with you. I just feel as if I feel like any of the last two questions of answers that I could give I'd love to avoid.

[00:28:23]

No, but I feel the way I feel like the way that you've described yourself as a lover from ages 16 to probably, what, like 21 was very selfish.

[00:28:33]

Twenty four. So twenty four.

[00:28:36]

Twenty four. OK, great. I love that for me, but yeah, I feel like it's a maturity thing on a guy's part for sure. And then, and then also just like a douche bag or part for some guys as well. It is.

[00:28:48]

And I'm not going to try and cover up any that the only piece that I'll add to that is I think that there are many guys that have this idea of what they're supposed to be in in bed. And it has nothing to do with what a girl actually wants. And we almost block that out. And we'd rather be rather be known for this porn star of a lover that no one got any pleasure out of than being some limp noodle that actually gives an orgasm.

[00:29:17]

Oh, no, I thought that line was that. Yeah, OK. I mean, that makes sense.

[00:29:24]

So you do think that there's a small defense for a select group of guys who are over performing because they're worried about like their ego, I would say, overexerting about saying they're overbooked for overexerting and being overenthusiastic in ways that aren't pleasurable for anybody.

[00:29:40]

Anybody. Right, right. OK, I mean, that makes sense. That's really interesting.

[00:29:43]

I feel like guys take on that that I've never thought of. Yeah, I don't know. Have you ever maybe I don't want to hear the answer to this question, but I'm going to ask you. No, no, no, no, let's go ahead. But the question I guess, will end and we have to go back to our night.

[00:29:57]

Have you ever been with someone and I feel like this again is a red flag.

[00:30:02]

If they just like like a screamer or someone who just like really like the way that you see things in porn, I feel like it's not actually the volume level at which things naturally happen at.

[00:30:13]

No, that's definitely not the worst. Is not the screamers. The worst is the name callers. I say, I'm so uncomfortable, I shouldn't have asked this question that we can no, let's go down and here's why I really dislike it.

[00:30:27]

I I didn't always love my name.

[00:30:29]

Jeremy is so long. It's awkward to say I'm not going to lie. OK, we'll come back to that.

[00:30:34]

I'm not even going to I'm not kidding Draymond. I went on our first date and I think at some point I was like, you know most of Jeremy I know are big douchebags.

[00:30:41]

All the Jeremy douche bag. Sorry everyone. Yeah. Jeremy. Yeah. No I am. There's something about the name Jeremy that is inherently not sexy. When screamed and sex it just so many syllables.

[00:30:52]

Right. I mean it is the nearest boner killer of anything. I could just. Jeremy, I'm sure there are some names out there that none of them really American. I like Alfonzo probably great pure one little French. Spanish. Absolutely right. American names like Mark. Not interested. Jonathan. No good. OK, so what's the name. Colors.

[00:31:13]

I mean, that's weird. Oh my God. Have you ever had someone say the wrong name? No. I have a friend who had her boyfriend say the wrong name and they were dating. It wasn't even a hookup. It was it was like within a relationship type of OK.

[00:31:26]

And here's the deal that that guy fucked up at any point in time that he is like in a fight that he's winning. And the girl goes, remember that time you called me Samantha? Like he's still fucked. Yeah, but I almost think I'm not sympathizing with this guy.

[00:31:42]

That guy sucks. I almost think that's more natural because it came off just like, you know, he didn't want to say that. That's the most naturally that came out of his fucking head. That is not natural. No, because if you're saying someone's name and there's 14 syllables, it's like you're going out of your way to pronounce Jeremy, Jeremy, Jeremy. That's not what's coming out of your fucking head, that you're just you're trying to do that.

[00:32:01]

No, I think that means that he's thinking about Samantha, right.

[00:32:03]

Well, whether I'm right or wrong, that's going to be the motive that she's going to go with. So I get it. But that's just my one explanation for Nanana.

[00:32:12]

He he Gianni is the about Samantha and Johnny is wrong. And he will never live that down relationship because Johnny might never have sex again. Johnny may never have it. He should probably just leave that relationship and go back to Samantha.

[00:32:22]

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[00:34:54]

Yeah.

[00:34:55]

Yeah for sure. Have you ever had a like like a loud guy. Seems like this is a harder question to answer than I anticipated. I'm just I'm just confirming and I want to tell any lies, you know, truth and truth only. No, I would say mostly guys that I've been with, to be honest, are like fairly quiet and sullen, not sullen. That's not the right word about reserved. Reserved. Yeah, maybe.

[00:35:19]

I mean, no one's ever no one's ever been legally allowed fregoli and just like screaming the entire time, I think that I would be like, there's just no world where I could get into that and not snap out of it for a moment, be like, what the actual fuck is going on right now, you know what I mean? Like that that's not so. They were generous, but quiet.

[00:35:34]

Sure. So I think people are going to be initially uncomfortable by how comfortable we are sometimes talking about these things. Yeah, maybe. Welcome you.

[00:35:47]

Welcome to our relationship. Well, OK, but this is a complete separate tangent. OK, here's a red flag for me. OK, there are I think it's a red flag. Obviously when people talk about their exes and to the point of just like everything reminds them of that they always find a way to bring it up in conversation no matter what it's like. You know, if it's a big issue, a small issue, it always turns back to that.

[00:36:12]

And I like to draw on that, but I also think it's really, really weird when you're on a first, second, third date or third or fourth date and there are certain topics that people completely stay so, so, so far away from. And not because, like, it's a traumatic experience. I'm not ready to share. It's like, oh, you haven't figured that part out yet. Like, that's like the no no box with a lock on it and you're embarrassed of it or something.

[00:36:35]

And it's just like everything shut down. You never hear about it. And it's just like this forbidden fruit and you don't know why.

[00:36:41]

I feel like those situations get even weirder as time continues, especially if you end up dating and there's still like a weird closed off area of their mind that you're not allowed to have any insight. Absolutely. And like, whether or not it affects you, it's still it's still subconsciously does, obviously, because it's a part of them. And it might be a part of like how they act in a relationship. And you're just like, well, don't know what that is like.

[00:37:05]

I've had girlfriends in the past who have been on the side of sharing that. I wish that they definitely didn't share that much in me. It's not you. And and I've been on the side of sharing where I would find out things that I didn't think were weird or that if they were told to me or I feel like things that I should know at some point from a friend or family member, this or that, that I would bring back to him, but I didn't know this.

[00:37:29]

And then, like, it gets weird, weird response.

[00:37:33]

And it made me feel like, well, well, I feel like that a little like a sentiment where you're like, why?

[00:37:39]

Like, why are you hiding that, like, sketchy, almost like you're like that was so normal of a thing is there's something deeper of why you're hot and maybe that's just me being paranoid. But like that would that would trigger a red flag for me. Absolutely.

[00:37:51]

I also I'm like, I'm sympathizing a lot tonight. I also think that there's like and I don't know if it's it's date when you get into a pact and you decide that, OK, after this many sexy times in this many dates and you opened all the car doors and shut this and been a gentleman or whatever on date thirteen, we're going to sit down with a couple bottles of wine and we're going to get it all out there. And if we can get to the end of that and we still want to do with each other, great, we have some honesty.

[00:38:17]

It would be better almost if there was a forced conversation of this is what we're going to talk about it, because the more you put it off on either side of it, the more reasons that you get in your own head for why. What if they know this? They'll never love me again.

[00:38:28]

Right, right, right, right. I mean, I think also, too, like circling back on people who talk about their exes too much. Right. It's it's so off-putting because it's like, are you not over them? Are you using me to rebound? Is there still trauma here that you are processing? And I'm part of your healing process. And there's just like so many reasons and like potential red flags of why that person is so stuck on their ex.

[00:38:55]

Yeah.

[00:38:55]

And the feelings and emotions that are tied to things that they would do that somehow carried over and just reflected back on you. Right.

[00:39:02]

And I think it's totally fine and healthy, honestly, when you're able to talk about your ex isn't like like a learning perspective, been like, oh, yeah, like that happened once. And here's how it went at it at a diner. And you're able to tie it back. But it's not like like there's like a very neutral sentiment around it versus it being, like, heated. And you can see it like dragging emotions and people just turn into like a totally different person when they're speaking about their experience, obviously, like dragging up like old feelings.

[00:39:27]

But also, if you want someone to not do something that an ex did right, you need to be able to share that once or twice in her mind. Like this really triggered me. This is upsetting for me. This has some emotional baggage for me.

[00:39:40]

One time one time I walked downstairs, hung over and got a water bottle out of a fridge and I just, like, crushed it. And I, like, put it to my face and just like, drank the whole thing. Like, very honestly, I probably look disgusting because I was hung over and we just I just it was just not a pretty scene whatsoever. But I crushed this water bottle because I was hung over and dehydrated. And Jeremy looked at me like I was the ugliest turd on the face of the earth and was like I used to date someone who used to do something similar.

[00:40:11]

And it was discussing and I need you to never do that again.

[00:40:14]

I did. I did. I did it. But it just, you know, every time it's like my it's fine when I have, like, my regular water bottle. But like, if it's one of the the plastic, like recyclable ones, I'm so conscious every time I pick up that water bottle to make sure that I, like, put my lips on a specific, like, dainty way, because I don't want to remind you of whatever feeling it triggered, though.

[00:40:37]

What's funny is you've done such a good job of that. I forgot that. I hate that until you just said, well, thank you guys.

[00:40:42]

I have been so conscious about it since that day. So probably for the last like a year in three months. I think about it every single time my lips touch a recyclable water bottle.

[00:40:51]

Wow. That's all I have to say on that to fuck.

[00:40:59]

I don't know if guys deal with this more than girls, vice versa, or what it is. I'm sure it's all over. The place is is very situational.

[00:41:05]

But what are your. Feelings and thoughts towards clinginess. Oh, um hmm. OK, so I am pretty independent, I would say as a girlfriend, I've I know you're not, but, you know, like I'm like clingy in the sense that, like, I like cuddling.

[00:41:28]

And I I mean, actually, I don't think I am very clingy, to be honest. You're I would say 80-20, clingy, not clingy or not clingy, clingy.

[00:41:39]

I was about to say, you think of 80 percent clinginess, I'll kill you right here, right now. Anyway, it's just the 20 percent that you are clingy.

[00:41:46]

It's really clingy. It's really, really make up for it.

[00:41:49]

Right. Right.

[00:41:49]

Like, if I'm feeling clingy and Jeremy is like working in his office and I'll just go stand behind him and hug him like an annoying piece of shit for, for, at or even just stand there, which is even when I'm ready, I'll go and sit in mousses dog bed and Wojtek talks and feel like just to be near you.

[00:42:06]

And I know that you're doing it because you wanna be near me making that choice. Yeah, that's adorable. It is probably something sweet there. I just can't hear it over the fucking ticktock sound.

[00:42:13]

I mean, that's adorable and I'm going to stick with it. So anyways, I'm a really independent girlfriend for the most part. Like I think being in a long distance relationship at one point really trained me to actually when I was in college too. So it forced me to not have a safety blanket person to cling to like parties, and taught me and forced me to be very social in a new setting and make friends and at a party, whatever drink and all that fun stuff you do in college.

[00:42:40]

So I've always been pretty independent. And then I think in other relationships I've disliked the person at times and resent them. And I'm like, OK, well, like I'm going to go do me and hang out with my friends, do what I want to do, travel on the trips that I want to go on because I resented that person and probably very healthy way to do it.

[00:43:01]

Probably should have just left the relationship. But I think I've been independent because I was in a long term relationship and also independent because I was unhappy and I didn't want to be near that person. So, I mean, it's trained me. You're welcome. Honestly, you are welcome for all of that, because now I'm I'm independent because I've grown my own business, ultimate form, ultimate form, thriving.

[00:43:24]

But I mean, I think it's tough. I think my ultimate fear is always like annoying someone and asking for too much. I'm an accommodator and I hate asking people for help. So being clingy is like a massive fear of mine. So when I start talking to someone new, I'm never that person to double text like, yeah, I get offended so easily. Not like offended, but I get scared that I've offended them so easily. So I'm never the person to like, double text or be really aggressive.

[00:43:52]

I kind of let them come to me. And you know what, I'm actually looking back, that's actually not the worst play on my part, because if someone like me, they would text me and they would text me back really quickly as per my last point, if someone likes you, they will text you.

[00:44:06]

I mean, and trust me, I was not going into that thinking that I was going to that being like, oh, my God, I don't want to be annoying.

[00:44:12]

Like, I'm not hot enough to be annoying because some girls can probably get away with that.

[00:44:17]

I think you're not annoying and you are hot enough to be annoying. If you were to be annoying, that doesn't mean you should get any ideas.

[00:44:24]

But you see the bullshit that you can spew from his mouth on you.

[00:44:30]

You can look at the camera and tell me if I'm anything that comes in my mouth. So like when we first started dating, I was 10x the communicator that you were. I was always initiating these first conversation. Oh my God, I was responding.

[00:44:41]

I almost was like not freaked out, but I was like, oh my God, this guy texts back at lightning speed and I'm so confused.

[00:44:49]

Like, it was so polarizing, how highly communicative you were. And I was like, literally what is going on? And you know what? It almost put me in a situation that I didn't know how to handle this.

[00:45:01]

I was like, should I be waiting more time between responses? I don't know what to do.

[00:45:06]

You then found out later. I just have my messages up on one of my fourteen displays at work and I just like hit them like the messages.

[00:45:13]

Like on the flip side, if you have fourteen screens up, like my screen is like our text, our text conversation might be on screen number eleven and you've got thirteen others to look at. So I feel like I was talking to thirteen other girls just as high horse but OK, so like my biggest fear is being clingy.

[00:45:30]

But I think there are a lot of girls who after especially they go on a few dates and it goes well and they want to like pursue that person. They start getting clearer and clearer and clearer. And I feel like it's something that females fear is being clingy because like. Right, like society has painted. Girls always be like, oh my God, she's a stage ten clinger. And guys just want to be like single players and like get with everyone.

[00:45:51]

And girls want to like, lock one down.

[00:45:53]

And there obviously are situations where that's flipped. But I agree. I don't think I ever had a conversation with any of my guy friends who were like, I just feel like I'm being a little clingy right now. Dude, I'm since I'm a singer. Yeah, well, actually, I think I have had a few of those, but I'd like her back. But that's just not something that we fear as much, and I think that wait.

[00:46:14]

So why is that? I don't know, I'm sure it's for the guy, it's something primal and simple and for the girl probably have been very complicated. Do you think it's because guys want to keep their options open? So I feel like there's been a lot of guys that I've just witnessed from the outside of a friend's relationship or a friend's hookup where the guy thinks that he can do better.

[00:46:35]

And so he doesn't want to commit to that one person because something better might come along.

[00:46:39]

I think there's a type of guy that's like that, I think. Right. But I think most guys are inherently lazy and are very much I want to be able to have control over this current thing. But if I have if I show too much in, like, this hand too much, I don't have another one going back and forth. And also, I think there are some guys who don't want to make a girl feel like they're too connected.

[00:47:00]

So that way, if something does come up, not because they're going, I'm pursuing it, but if something does fall into their lap, they don't want to be like they don't want to miss. You'll be worth anything like the amount of time I ask a guy like, oh, you're so you're spending more time with her. Are you are you guys just going to deliver? What is I talking. Yeah, they get defensive. And my question is, does she think that.

[00:47:16]

Right. Right. Always. Always, always.

[00:47:17]

Oh especially the the the guys that are the two to three drinks in become a new person guy.

[00:47:24]

Oh my God. When guy you know what this is. I don't want to stereotype and say that guys get catty, but I feel like people can get more chatty when they start drinking ab.

[00:47:36]

So I mean I think that there and I do think this is on either side of the issue.

[00:47:41]

It's not just guys, it's not just guys.

[00:47:43]

And I think it's because some people are they're they're I get nervous and awkward that that thing goes down when they drink. That's me. That's definitely you know, let's go back into that in a moment. I think there's that for some folks. And then there are some who just get so excited and have more energy and are willing to be a bigger version of whatever it is not necessarily like. And we can go into whether we think that like the drunk drunk thoughts, drunk actions or sober thoughts or not.

[00:48:09]

But I think that there's people get in that headspace for very different reasons.

[00:48:13]

Right, right. Right. Like, I think some people turn into like a true form of themselves, like all of their filters come off and they become just like whatever their true form is sometimes not always well.

[00:48:23]

But then there's the people that are always get angry when they're drunk.

[00:48:26]

Oh my God. The amount of in high school, the mount of girlfriends that I had that were drunk. Cryer's Oh oh my God. The amount of nights that I ended up in a bathroom on the floor with some girl patting her back as she cried because she was too drunk. Every guy hates that girl more than anything.

[00:48:41]

No, no, no.

[00:48:42]

I hate that girl more than anything because I'm the one patting their back and you get a generous guy outside that was wanting to take you home that couldn't because I was back patting. Right.

[00:48:52]

So let me set the stage for everybody else. So Lauren is pretty awkward in her first encounters when she's not drunk. Fortunately, there is about a six ounce difference of wine between tipsy Lauren and nonvote Lauren. And the the shift is clear as day and go.

[00:49:13]

It's like a switch flipped for me.

[00:49:15]

It is a flirty, fun, horny difference between these two is one glass away and the questions and the things that she's comfortable with, with one, it's not even creepier or whatever. It's just like you have more fun in all capacities. One wine later.

[00:49:30]

I just want to advise everyone to indulge in legal alcohol consumption safely in safe environments in just I distinctly remember believe it was our second date when we definitely had more drinks than you probably should have the switch when I really did learn that craft girl wanted to fuck.

[00:49:52]

Oh my God.

[00:49:54]

Oh my God. Let's talk about any and everyone else. No, no, no. I definitely I'm the type of person that like when I and I don't I don't think this is a red flag.

[00:50:11]

I feel like you're you're stuttering a little bit here. I don't think this is a red flag.

[00:50:15]

But like, when I become tipsy, I would say my filter just comes off and I'm more carefree because I like to control the fun way to describe that I'm such a control freak in my day to day life.

[00:50:27]

Like I'm so type A and I'm so just like get shit done that like when I'm tipsy, I think less about my to do list and focus more on having fun. And I'm a good drunk. Like I would say I'm a very fun happy drunk and I can't say the same for everyone else. Unfortunately, I wish that everyone could be the drunk that I am because it's a great time. It's always a good time. But I do think and I've had friends, girls specifically who get cheated when they start drinking because they get more confident.

[00:50:57]

I don't think it's girls specifically. There are people that get more cheat when you're right.

[00:51:00]

You're right. You're right. Yeah. I heard gender stereotype at all. I take that back. But it's the liquid courage of being, you know, feeling like they're not themselves and it puts them into a different mindset. And I again, I think we could talk about for. Ours, about like where it comes from, where the motivation to actually cheat comes from, and I think it's a whole skew of different reasons and motivations, Lou. Again, what did I say?

[00:51:25]

Skewed. Daniel, why are you saying that? Eliscu of reasons. I am going to purchase it. I will say that they're for my friends in my perspective, I see more guys who it's not even about them being drunk. They allowed themselves to get in a circumstance, get into certain circumstances when they're drunk, that when they see an opportunity for someone to make them feel wanted presents itself. Right. Normally they would just say, oh, I'm uncomfortable with that for a variety of reasons.

[00:51:54]

And when they're drunk, for whatever reason, they're very much on the page of me. Right, right. Right, right.

[00:52:00]

Well, I think so much of cheating actually stems from insecurities. Is that them not feeling wanted in, you know, their day to day relationship. They're like their only relationship. And then when they end up in a situation, they find themselves and maybe they're drinking, maybe they're even not drinking, you know, and it makes them cheat because they feel wanted. And that might be a foreign feeling and it makes them feel secure in something that they haven't been feeling in their current relationship, which is just an overall red flag for A, yourself and B, your relationship that you should probably work through.

[00:52:31]

But, yeah, I think I think, again, it stems from so many different reasons and motivations. But a big ol red flag in my book, would you say that you practice safe sex?

[00:52:47]

What do you mean? Do I have cars? I practice safe sex. So if we were to take a survey and I'm just asking a simple question, if you looked back at your partners, which were all very generous that we learned earlier, would you say there was more often or not that you used a condom?

[00:53:08]

Can you make it through the door in question? I'll just take a shot right now. I mean, I think that I have the one way where I did something better than the one to truly know.

[00:53:19]

OK, here's the thing. Here's I would like to.

[00:53:22]

I can't. What? I now know how you feel. OK. Mm hmm. Where where do I start here? I ninety nine point nine percent of times have been and that's not actually the percentage, but majority majority of times I have been in a committed relationship and I am on birth control. Did you want to answer the question? Oh, my God, Mom, please exit this podcast right now. I'm sweating right now, things I never thought I'd be talking about.

[00:54:02]

So, no, no, the answer is the answer is no is that there were a few casual partners that I did. Because you always should, Jeremy. She loves to use the phrase, I use two condoms and then orgasm in the next zip code. And that's how he practiced safe sex.

[00:54:20]

So if anyone needs any tips and tricks and advice for practicing safe sex, that's that's got to kind of be actually scientific with science would say that using condoms actually is a better chance of getting pregnant because of friction thing. But yes, I always I've always said that. And I didn't actually wear two condoms. No, I didn't. OK, got it. Got it. Got it. But I always mean not always the vast, vast, vast majority condom.

[00:54:46]

And I don't know if it's because my birth mother had me at 15 and there's been a lot of out of wedlock births in my family and I because I do feel that I was reckless in some ways as a teenager, not any more than any other kid. But I checked the reckless boxes in a lot of things. That was not one from the day one that I was willing to really mess with.

[00:55:06]

Right. I'm sure there's a deeper meaning there. But yeah, that was the one that I checked on the safe side.

[00:55:12]

Well, I'm just glad there's no little Jeremy is running around the world that we don't know about. Well, we don't know about him. Oh, God, that was that was good.

[00:55:23]

Oh, my God. Anyways, practice safe sex, but practice safe sex. But also it's not if the guy or the girl loan job. No, no. Comes come with contraception. You need to come prepared and guys stop fucking sitting on them in your wallets. That is not a condom. That is a piece of plastic.

[00:55:42]

That's a warm balloon. A warm balloon with a hole in it. You know, when I was single, I absolutely had condoms in my purse every time, but. Go on. OK, how do I get roasted for coming prepared and also simultaneously roasted for not being prepared? You had a little thing of maturity with you. No, no, no. Not those later on. Later on in life. Later in life. Better yet. No, no, no, no, no.

[00:56:07]

Anyways, yeah, as a single person, you know, hey, this package is good.

[00:56:14]

So don't I think it's going uphill really. Because I'm really for everyone that stuck with us. You're the real one. Get you know, I came prepared when I was single in L.A. I absolutely. But I also feel more scared of of the cities in L.A. than I think than I did in Canada. I don't know. They just seem. Oh, yes. Here. Yes, yes.

[00:56:31]

Seems like a different scene here. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. But also, girls don't let boys men. Forced you into having any kind of any kind of unprotected situation that you are not comfortable with, a real man would never force. He's a little boy trying to be a man, and she's a little bitch as a little bit. And also there's that's a red flag. Yeah, right.

[00:56:56]

Like the most red flag of the red flags, the red flag. And my opinion on why that is, it's not even about the sex itself. You want to have so much control over the experience, big guy. You think that you need you need to say you don't want a condom and that the experience itself with the condoms not worth it. No. Fuck you. You're being immature.

[00:57:15]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, on that note, now that we've just yelled at everyone to practice safe sex, which I don't take back, honestly, I think that's a good place to put a pin in it.

[00:57:27]

Stop, drop, roll, rate the podcast, download and subscribe. Follow all the things.

[00:57:31]

I feel like we probably should've done this at the beginning. People are being so nice. Thank you. Oh my God. Gay people are being so honest. I feel like Jimmy was scared that people were going to shit on him. But everyone has been so nice. Feel like I, I was scared people were just going to be. Yeah, very much. Fuck that kid. Fuck that kid. Fuck that. Yeah. Yeah. That guy sucks.

[00:57:48]

Yeah. And to be nice everything's so nice. It's like knock on wood because I want it to continue because we're having fun and I think this is great and we're talking to a lot of things and hopefully people are getting Jeremy is a symbol for the fans getting something.

[00:57:59]

People just people be nice I guess. Yeah. No, no, no.

[00:58:03]

I mean there's so much negativity on the Internet. It's so refreshing to see so many positive comments, like, I genuinely don't have any blacklist word filters on the YouTube channel.

[00:58:11]

Oh, well, for a while. Yeah. Here we go. Here we go. But yeah, I've been so nice. Thank you so much for that. We really, really appreciate it. It makes you and me very happy. Yeah.

[00:58:19]

I think I put up my shield of of the people are going to be mean to me and that's just how it's going to be. And people have just been super nice, super nice.

[00:58:25]

So thank you guys for that. We appreciate it. Yeah. Jeremy, as I said, for the fans and we love that for him anyway. I hope you guys enjoyed this episode a while till nine. We will catch you next week. Stop, drop, roll rate podcast, download, follow, subscribe all those things and we'll see you next week.

[00:58:39]

But.