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Lock the gate. All right, let's do this, how are you? What the fuck is what the fuck buddies? What the fuck tactics? How's that one? I don't know if I have ever used that. What the fuck tactics? What the fuck applets? I don't fucking know. How's it going? I'm Mark O'Mara and this is my podcast, WTF. Welcome to it. Chris Fairbanks.


Is on the show today, he's a comedian. He was actually on a live WTF back in 2010, but we have actually never done a full talk. And he's a funny, quirky, odd guy. He's got a new comedy special out now. Chris Fairbanks, Rescue Cactus is what it's called. You can rent it or buy it at Chris Fairbanks comedy special dot com.


I've been trying to watch specials, speaking of new specials, my old friend, not that old a friend, but she's been on the show and I like her.


Esther Povitsky, she has a new special just released it. It's on Comedy Central. Esther Povitsky, Hot for my name. It's available on demand and you can stream it for free at


Yeah, little Esther. So spiraling, I don't know, man, I guess it's rational. I don't think I'm being irrational.


Because cases are spiking here in Los Angeles, I talk to my friends in New York and because of their responsible behavior, things have leveled off a bit.


Nothing is normal. But there's not more trucks in the streets, I'm not seeing that here either, but I live in a neighborhood.


All I can do is look at the numbers and feel like I'm surrounded by it. And it's kind of terrifying.


I don't want to get it. I don't know what it does. I don't want to go to the hospital. I don't want to be intubated. Don't want to be on a ventilator, it's terrifying and it's and it's happening a lot. People are dying in the hospital, intubated, and I don't know if I don't I know I would count myself among. The more empathetic people around, maybe I know I'm self-centered, I know that I'm insensitive to a degree.


But to try to wrap your brain around the number of people that are dying of this fucking disease. Because of irresponsibility, faulty, shitty, morally bankrupt leadership. Thousands of people are dying and. You don't want to get numb to that number, so we know exactly what's going on, I don't know that that people conceive of it or if it's easy to conceive of. But I'm haunted by it. I have to go get a fucking checkup, I'm afraid to go I guess they're still doing those.


Are they still doing those? I guess I'm a little out of the loop, but all I know is I'm haunted. This idea of ventilator's, like, you know, you just saw it on a ventilator, do you know what that means? Like to be intubated? Look, I don't want to bring this up.


But I've got an image in my head that will never go away. On top of. Just the grief I'm experiencing now, as I've discussed. Yeah, I don't know how long this goes on for it, but it's different now. I've talked about it the other day. I'm through that that the the shock and trauma of my girlfriend, Lynn Shelton, dying suddenly, really, and now there's just the loss. The foundation of Los. Has been established.


In my heart. But some of you know that when she did pass away, I was told. That I could go down there, I was told, in the middle of the night. By the doctor at the ICU. That I could come down and spend some time with her. Body. Can't really hang out in hospitals anymore, but for some reason at that hour was not in covid ICU. He said, we can I can get you in.


And after some personal struggle, I decided to go down there and I went down there.


And she had passed. And I got there. I walk in, it was dark, it was quiet, and she was there. Her body was there. And they couldn't remove the tubes. They had to leave all that stuff in and she had been intubated. And it was devastating. This is not just a mask. You know, they run a tube. Down your throat. And then someone has to keep an eye on that to. So you don't drown in your own phlegm, this horrible reality of what's going on for thousands and thousands of people in this country alone there.


In the hospital, thousands and thousands more. Will happen, and thousands and thousands and thousands were unnecessary.


Faulty leadership, morally bankrupt. Governance. And I'm haunted by it. I'm haunted by the fear of it. I'm haunted by knowing what the reality of that is. And didn't die of covid. But some of the symptoms that she had were similar to some of the things that happened with that in the sort of positive area of life right now, there has been a a grant was established in Lynn Shelton's name called the Lynn Shelton of a certain age grant.


It was established by the Northwest Film Forum, along with the Duplass Brothers Productions to to honor Lynn.


And it's a twenty five thousand dollar. Unrestricted cash grant that will be awarded each year to US based woman or non binary filmmaker, age 39 or older, who has yet to direct a narrative feature, you can find out more about it if you are interested in it. It's at the NYU Film Forum, dawg student Shelton of a certain age grant.


A group of us are chipping in and I think it's a beautiful thing because we live in a country where a country, a world is worse for women, but for a lot of people, you know, they think that.


You get to a certain age and you're you're finished. But actually, you get to a certain age and you should just be starting I mean, what the fuck do you really know when you're in your 20s? You're speculating, you're creating a fiction of a reality. You think that exists emotionally.


I mean, we need to talk about that a lot, is that, you know, when you get older, you have some resource to draw from emotional resource experience, vision, you know, some of your time has run out.


So there's an urgency.


And I think that's a beautiful thing that they that some of her friends came up with that idea and made it a reality. That Grant. I think it'll help. It'll help somebody. Realize their artistic dream. What is your artistic dream? Does it matter what the fuck matters?




Wow, man, I got you know, I mean, I'm going in and out of fear, anger, sadness. For a lot of different reasons and it becomes difficult to compartmentalize, I have to compartmentalize.


Are you able to compartmentalize or like when you wake up, does your entire world fall to shit because of one fucking viral news story that enters your fucking brain, destroys everything in its path in terms of hope, faith, good feelings of any kind, and then destroys all your visions of the future and then destroys your present by creating symptoms of panic and and fucking pain and then goes down and infects your heart and makes that sort of tight, creates a tightness in your chest and then an inability to make yourself fucking breakfast.


How many breakfasts are being ruined by infectious news stories revealing the truth of what the fuck is going on right now?


How many breakfasts, how many children are seeing a sad, wrenched face of a parent trying to look like everything's OK for them, but they just read that infectious news story.


And it just ruined their face. Can't tap into the heart, can't make the brain think positive thoughts. Sadly, serving pancakes. God damn it. So Chris Fairbanks, as I mentioned, his new special is Chris Fairbanks, Rescue Cactus. You can rent it or buy it at Chris Fairbanks comedy special dot com. He also has a podcast.


Do you need a ride that he co-hosts with Karen Kilgariff?


And this is me and Chris Fairbanks coming up.


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I got got a little six feet here. I feel like I'm back, I'm back far enough. We've got the new plexiglass boundary and it's not bothering me. Yeah, it does feel like we're you know, you're I'm visiting you in prison a little. Yeah.


Yeah. Have you heard back from the lawyer? I yeah, it's well, a friend.


That's what I what makes me nervous is a friend of mine who's a fireman. So they just test them at work. Yes. He's also a skateboarder.


We've reached a point in the world where there's firemen that skateboard. Sure.


But he had zero symptoms. Yeah, totally. And he had it. Yeah, he had it.


Never had a fever. Never had any.


And why they why they just test him as a regular caution. So how many of those people are walking around?


Who knows where anyone can get exposed to it.


Yeah, I've been a little sloppy, but I'm not you know, I'm not at the beach. I'm not going to bars. I don't have that many friends. Yeah.


I don't think I'm being sloppy. I get food brought to my house. That's a way to get it.


I sure. But I am not. I don't go anywhere, man.


You live alone. Yeah. Yeah right. Yeah that it is.


I talk to myself a lot. I react to movies audibly.


I'm like, oh she seems nice and I'm not, there's no one there.


I mean there's just plants I know do like, you know, I'm like trying to fight the the impulse to talk to my dead girlfriend. Yeah. It's pretty fresh and I get I've got some of her stuff around, you know. But but that if I start doing that now that that could be the rest of my life.


I talked my mom past a couple of years ago. It was a long ten year Alzheimer's thing, but. Oh really. I talk to her.


Yeah. And I didn't feel, you know. Yeah.


And I'm not a person that prays or I've never been a spiritual person. I'm not even raised that way.


And I, I pray. I don't think it's great. Yeah I do now too.


It's where I don't know what I'm praying to but I got trained to pray when I got sober and you know, I'm still not a God guy really. Sure.


But but to do it, it's kind of feels good to do it. Do you know what I mean. Yeah.


Yeah. I talked to someone.


Yeah, I call them Craig. I don't know who I am, but yeah, I talk, I talk to someone too. Yeah. Yeah.


I don't know, I guess I, I do it, I do it now because like and I imagine it's the same reason anyone does it when you feel powerless over whatever and you don't know really what to do, you know, just sort of like vocalize it or ask for help or you know, guidance.


Yeah. Even if it's from the air, at least your your the feelings are. There in you, and they're out, right, right, yeah, and I feel like even if no one's listening, it's almost on the therapy level at least I'm vocalizing that.


But yeah, my buddy believes a prayer is even if you don't believe there's such a deep groove in the in the global or, you know, the spirit realm for everybody, that the act of it is ancient.


Yeah. So it connects you to that.


Yeah. That's fine with me man. Yeah.


I don't wanna get too mystical because you know, I'm like I'm always, you know, just, you know, two websites away from believing Kuhnen.


So I can't you know, I've always thought I am, I am right. I am exactly what I Scientologists like the stress test. Yeah. I, I don't I think that I could easily get swayed into any cult if someone's nice enough and what they say makes sense.


Yeah. Actually you seem happy. I like your shoes. I like your purple Nike. So I'll go with you. Yeah.


Yeah. I a little worried that I'm, I have you. Yeah.


I'm not my I, I don't, I'm not a searcher.


I don't find it. I'm going on a quest for answers. Yeah but but you know, mystical bullshit. You know, in my past I've, I've been suckered by mystical bullshit.


Yeah. Because you know, why not. Yeah I know.


And then you know all of a sudden you got no control your brain anymore and you're in fucking trouble and you're hanging around people you don't really like or know. Yeah. Yeah. And they're looking at you funny.


Yeah. Yeah. There's too much judgment in that. Well I had a dad that said nothing. Yeah. You just die and that's it. I'm like, oh OK.


Is that romantic. Yeah. But I don't think he really believes that anymore either. He's around. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. I want to go see him. Where'd you grow up. Montana.


Like like in a city or on a piece of land. A little of both. I mean we were in the middle of a small piece of land. It's like Missoula is the river runs through it.


Yeah. Oh yeah. Right. Yeah. That's a movie reference, right. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.


Well who's in that movie. What the fuck was that. Brad Pitt. Oh yeah. Yeah. Tom Skerritt. That's right. That's right.


Some guy that looks like Josh Brolin but isn't you go to watch the movie the Oelrich.


Was it Skeet Ulrich. Oh no, no it was.


Oh no. I know who you're talking about. That was the brother, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What happened to that guy? I don't know. Hmm. Yeah.


I seem to be getting that movie confused with the golf movie in my head. Caddyshack. No Bhagavan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know why is that.


A Montana movie I know has the same.


What if you said Legends of the Fall. I would have been like, oh yeah, everyone does that. It's another Brad Pitt.


Yeah. Yeah. And that's sort of. Yeah. Anthony Hopkins. Sure. The Legends of the Fall. Guilty pleasure. Good movie. Not a bad movie. I like that movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah I like that. I like that last shot where the the older you know more Harry Brad Pitt just gets into it with the bear and that's like you just that's how it went. Yeah.


Yeah. Oh God. I love a good bear fight. Oh man. Human versus bear. How about that revenant and the. Yeah that was the I think that's the best of all bear fights. Yeah it is. Now that is that has to be the best bear. Oh my God. I want to watch it right now.


And growing up in Montana that was such a fear is being mauled by a bear. That's true. Yeah. Yeah. Because it can happen.


So Missoula is a town of how many. Sixty five.


I think it stays steady there and so small. Yeah.


And it'll get up to 80 when people are in school. But it's a liberal arts college so.


Well which the University of Montana. Yeah. Yeah. So like how many high schools. Three. That's it. Yeah. So everyone kind of knew each other. Sure. How you, how did your family get to Montana. You come from cowboys. What is it.


My dad. Yeah they are from his, my mom and dad are both from there but I was born in Monterey. My dad was a radio guy there. Really.


Yeah. Morning. Yeah. Yeah I, I morning drive time.


I don't know if it was. I wish that I he has these reel to reel of of.


Oh you got digitize that. Yeah. I really want to.


Does he have a real to real player. No. We just take his word for it huh.


Yeah. You could probably bring that somewhere. I would.


I mean every year my sister and I talk about it being the best gift ever, but he doesn't seem that interested in listening to it. But I certainly am.


Well, yeah, well I would think. Yeah, yeah. I think you get to a certain point where, like, think about you. It's like if someone said, hey, I've got your first appearance on TV or you want to see it, I don't know.


I don't want to see my appearance this year. I have a special out and I haven't watched all of it. I can't watch it. There's parts I can watch. But then I'll be I'll watch a joke. I'm like, yeah, I know where this goes. I can't watch. I thought I I remember I remember the exact response that got on that night. Yeah, yeah. And I don't want to watch it.


I've gotten over the fact that I have a Nazel the Muppet kind of voice like that doesn't bother me anymore. But yes, some of my material is just the worst from the old days or the new stuff.


Oh, that's true. We got to sell this record. Yeah. Oh I stuff. I left all that stuff out on rescue cactus.




It's, it's, well it's hard due at the end of the special.


I just tried to tell the I think my last joke kind of fell flat and I just was telling the audience about my mom and how she passed and I got a little money and help pay for this special. So I want to thank my mom. I just went to say that. But instead I started crying and then I stifled it. And I'm like, well, that was weird that I didn't.


You felt it come up. Yeah. Grief's fucked, isn't it?


Yeah. It hadn't come up like that. Certainly not. I could talk to another person. How long ago she died. It's been two years. Yeah.


But it's like it just sneaks up on you. Yeah.


Yeah. And at the weird because one on one I'll talk about it. Yeah. I'm a damn cowboy. Right. And then once there was a I think after you go through a whole set of stand up in your pretending to have all these emotions, it opens you up to actually being emotional. Maybe that's what happened.


But yeah. But also by that point, you developed a relationship with this audience. Yeah. You know, you kind of know him and I liked them.


You are a great audience there. You trusted them. That's what did it. Yeah.


There are people I mean, what are you going to do?


I mean, you know, one on one I'm having a hard time with, you know, with the crying with strangers because I only have a few friends. Yeah, but if anyone asked me about it, my neighbors, I'm just like, how are you doing in my. Don't know. Yeah. And they just stand there. Yeah. And they take it because they're human and humans are I think built to take it. You don't really know what to do but you know.


Yeah I, I, I, I can take it when someone's crying. It's, it's, I think it's weird when there's someone that can't take it, they're grown up and it's like you can't be around someone crying.


Yeah. I just think, I think people can be around them but I don't know that they know they, they've just got to let you do it. Yeah. You know what I mean.


I don't know if they think like they're supposed to be like, oh my God, are you OK? Or, you know, you're going to be all right.


It makes people uncomfortable because I feel like they need to say the right thing in the moment.


And some people, most of them have just kind of stood there. Sure. And then I dismiss them. Yeah. You know, stand there.


I cry like, alright, I've got what I need out of you. Hit the bricks. Thank you for helping me through this little chunk of grief. Yeah.


But so that part I haven't listened to though of my spot that it's hard for me to watch. I didn't want to leave that in there.


You didn't leave it and I did leave it at. But where you got choked up. Yeah. And I, I felt like, wow, people are going to think this as a stunt or something. Really. I don't know.


Yeah. I'd have to be a really good actor to pull off that. Yeah.


There's a lot, I mean there's, it seems like this are difficult time to lose people. Certainly, I guess any time is difficult. But the weird kind of even just to have conversations, you know, you walk up to my house, I put my mask on, you got your mask on.


I'm like, all right, OK, let's go do the thing.


Yeah, he has a plexiglass thing. I just got this. Yeah, it's nice. It's very professional. That's as nice as that. The bank. Yeah.


I mean, Plexiglas, it's a it's a booming business right now. I don't know what it's ultimately going to do, but I think we're OK. Yeah. I think it does provide something. Oh yeah.


We're as far as I know it, we're only supposed to worry about flying particles of spit, right.


Yeah. Yeah. So we're good on that. Yeah. Good. But all right. So Majola three high schools. Your dad does what?


He was a radio guy and that's where we worked.


So so OK, let's let's go broadcasting. So you're going to be the guy who at some point is going to walk into a place with a box of reel to reel tapes and say, like, do you have a thing where we can make this another thing?


Can you put this on the computer in Missoula, Montana?


I'm sure they have someone that does that out here.


Dude, you got to bring them out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could do it out here if anything ever starts up again, I would definitely think you could do it here.


I'm going to drive up there to see my dad. I think that's the safest way to do it. And I'll come back with those reels.


How many are there and take them to lightning Dub's or what?


Where did I used to go to get VHS reels made? Oh, lightning, don't lightning. Do you remember that?


Where a booming business, it was cheap and you can get a bunch of fucking real quick video clips. Yeah I'd go get a box.


Yeah. And send them to Rich Miller and try and get booked.


Fucking Rich Miller can't get me in to ask me. Yeah. Got rich.


Rich, was was he ever mad at you? I sometimes yeah, you know, I miss morning radio once.


I think you never know when you're going to cross a million. I think I got a great thing.


I think I was banned, but I see him now and or I was in Portland and he just went there because he likes Dana Gold and he just went to watch Dana Gold Night.


That alone surprised me. I'm like, oh, after all these years, you like a comic and want to watch a comic? Yeah. And he laughed so hard. I just watched him watching Dana Gold because I actually hadn't seen Dana do stand up live before his old material.


And, you know, when am I ever on a show with him.


Yeah, no, he's a good one to watch. Yeah. It's like watching the history of modern comedy. Yeah. You watch Dana Gould, he can do everything. He really sings dance mimics. Yeah.


He's a full on guy as a Mike Tarsa. Yeah. Yeah. To punctuate a statement.


He's very he's great. He's, he's really a unique thing. I like to, I like knowing that Rich Miller goes out of his way to to watch Dana go.


He's like he's my favorite comic. That's why fucking I maybe had other business in Portland. I think he has something to do with helium.


But yeah, he's one of the guys where he shows up. It's like, do you do a thing? He's got a little piece of everything. I don't know.




So your dad was a jock and morning radio. Yeah. Yeah.


Funny guy. He's very funny. Yeah. And he's an artist as well. He's a painter.


Yeah. Hayner. Yeah. I feel like my whole life I've kind of tried to be him. Yeah. And in retrospect that's a good choice. But nice guy.


He is a nice guy, a morally sound guy without the religion.


Did he ever draw a job. Yeah that was the thing.


I think he had kids and he was doing radio and making furniture and painting and furniture to a Polster.


Yeah, I have some of his pieces in my house like Redwood really. Berle's that are sliced. You know, these are the table. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're nice. Yeah. They're always admiring my furniture that my dad made in the sixties.


In the sixties he made it. Yeah. Yeah. And there or maybe it was 70s uh but then once he had kids and it was hard to be an artist for a living, he moved back to Montana and got a government job appraising properties.


Oh yeah. Got him outside. Yeah.


He still does it sometimes. What's your what did your mom do.


She she worked for the city sewer billing. That sounds like a made up job, but you, you know, there's someone that that gauges how much you owe for your sewer usage and that was your mom's gig.




And there's some people that aren't hooked up to sewer and they got septic tank or they burn it.


There was a lady she was called the witch lady. I remember her house was this this is a real person. Her house was spray painted and she used to ride around town on a bicycle. All in all, black with a black veil. Oh, my God.


And there was all these stories that, you know, children would get their fingers hit with a horse. And of course, she wasn't. My mom was kind of friends with her through the sewer billing.


She would show up and say, I got billed for the sewer and I I put my I put my excrement in the fireplace and burn it. So, you know, I'm not hooked up to the sewer.


And my mom with a straight face would be like, oh, I'll just pick you up this bill, the fireplace. That's a yeah.


Do you do it like every time you do it or does you wait in.


Yeah. Did she leave it outside until there is another turn. Yeah. Yeah. And then it lights up busy.


I don't know. Yeah it's hard. I don't know.


She chewed her brain about it but she did consider her friend who was a woman who lived in my old building in Queens who used to walk around in a black veil and outfit and she eventually jumped out the window.


Yeah, yeah. I mean it seems a little different type of I don't know what ended up happening to her.


I do know that it was a one story house, so. Oh, that wouldn't have happened.


Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'd have to come up with another. She was the scary lady though. Everyone knew her as the scary lady.


You would see her riding around as a child. It was so very vivid.


But generally in the after school specials, those ladies turn out to be nice and have something to offer.


Exactly. If you're writing a script about her, she brings in sight. And it's a nice lady. So your mother, this wasn't her dream job.


It was just what she did. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And how many siblings you got?


I have one older sister. How she doing. She's doing great. Yeah. She in Montana. She's in Spokane, Washington.


What were you guys close to Spokane.




It's like three and a half hours away from Missoula because like I didn't know what to expect when I went up there. But I really it's like you want that city to do well because it's so cute, you know, and there's that old mill building and there's a waterfall.


Yeah. Riverfront park. Yeah, yeah, it's oh, it's so beautiful and but, you know, there is there's a darkness to it, you know, it's a combination of meth, darkness and Nazis not too far away.


Yeah, there's Nazis. Langrish Yeah. Heyden like that panhandle of Idaho. There's a lot of hate.


Yeah. And it's parades. Yeah.


And I, you know, I just didn't like because there was part of me thought like, well this is close to Seattle. People are probably going to, you know, really build this up someday.


I don't know. I don't know if that's going to happen now, but I.


I enjoyed the club. Yeah.


Yeah. I haven't been there yet. Oh, you haven't. Yeah. Huh. I would've thought you would've went there. Yeah I know. One went why what's what's why no one's doing nothing now I.


Yeah. Yeah I know. It's funny, I just had gotten a guy that was going to help me do just small theaters and stuff.


He does a lot of bands. Yeah. And and then this happened and it's like, well I guess we're going to cancel this lot our entire life.


But Spokane, so what she do there, she moved there to be a news person, an on air news person.


She did like journalism.


What she say about the joint she married over there? Yeah.


And that's how I know about the darkness. It's her husband, the fireman. So he's constantly a first responder to the dark side of it.


But really like the math side. Yeah, sure. Oh, so he's got the stories. Yeah.


So I've heard those stories. Lab fires and not sure. Sure. Just lots of.


But I did a t shirt design because I do illustration outside and and it was an illustration of the the whatever present or division he was in. Yeah. That station was like called the Zone. Yeah. So it was a drawing of trailers and fires and hollowed out cameras with plants growing out. LAHOOD Oh my God baby.


Like next to a syringe. It was a very detailed it was for the department. And did they wear. Oh sure.


Yeah. They were just around the the station I think not out of the vents and stuff. It might offend people at events like a ribbon cutting memorial ceremony. Yeah.


Did you go to college in Montana. I did see you went through you went through high school and then you did the whole state school thing.


Yeah. Yeah. And stayed in my dad's basement and did for years.


And then your folks were split up. Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. Deal with that. Yeah.


But you know that was when it happened. I was like fourteen. Oh yeah that's right.


You're conscious and you're aware and but I pretty quickly thought I was a good decision for them to not be together. Yeah. Yeah. I think I figured that out pretty early. This wasn't work it out. Yeah. Yeah I get it. You both seem happy now but yeah I live with my mom and then once college happened I live in the basement.


Yeah. Yeah. So you guys working on our projects together and we did. Yeah there was because the, the art side of school I went, I was painting and drawing, I was an art major really that would be kind of demanding hourly.


They wanted you to spend a lot of time in the studio painting. And I had the rest of my credits, which were just math and things like that, that crippled me.


Yeah, I can't. I can I never could handle it was really hard for me. So there were a few times and I shouldn't even admit this, but my dad would paint something and I'd turn it in. Wow. Is this the first time that's the book.


And that is the the only dishonest thing he was ever involved with is he's like, we paint the same. I taught you how to paint. It's kind of like an extension of you painting. Yeah.


You're part of me. You're like my brush. Yeah, yeah, yeah.


Well, I mean, he would always bring up that, you know, there's guys like Picasso who would have a you know, a team of guys that would paint like on a conveyor belt. And then he'd look at it and he's like, yeah, I like that. And he'd sign it like he didn't actually firsthand.


So you so this. Yeah, but he was also making millions of dollars. Right. Right.


I understand it's a good rationalization. Well, yes. So then if I was making money it would have been OK.


Yeah. No, no I get it. No but but you were doing your thing. You just had to be similar to your dad.


Maybe he wasn't involved with the scandal. I did. I needed to turn in six paintings. I'd like four. Done. And you just did you just. Yeah, I painted on top of one of my dad's paintings and painted over 1978, the year he was in art school.


And I think they saw through it.


Did they? Why.


Yeah, it was reflected in my grade. Oh really bad. Yeah. Yeah. That was the only time I got a bad grade.


And so at school what. I mean, yeah. If it was an old painting you could tell from the surface I would think that. Right anyway.


Well oftentimes you reuse a canvas, you read gesso and then from the back it'd look like. Was this figurative abstract realist? What do you what? Oh, yeah, I don't brush stroke realism like close up, maybe kind of abstract, but then you get further.


Oh, right. Right. That's how impressionistic is. Sure. I think those are the best guys. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.


We're just like you just when you look close you're like, oh my God. Far away. Looks like a house. Now that's always what I want now because it's smudgy. Yeah. Yeah exactly.


And we were good at it. I don't know how good. I'm a good illustrator. I do a lot of art for people, comics stuff.


Yeah. Yeah. I got more comfortable with close up work.


Do you or do you have any heroes of illustration.


Not necessarily of my you because I know guys who do that, they're like that guy's great at lines, you know, it's got a good line. Yeah. Giving Christi's right now. He's got great lines. Yeah.


He's a good guy. Dave Clark. I'm sure they all have guys that they look up to and I oddly have kind of a comic book style with my illustration. I've never owned a comic book. I don't really.


Really. Yeah. It's weird that I never got into that world comic books, never had a comic book and I got into him late.


Not not young. Well, what was your thing. Music?


I was mostly skateboarding.


I thought that you do can you do like the pools and stuff. I, I got my hip replaced. Oh my gosh.


Like three years ago now and I am from a childhood injury or newest gift from God. The just the doctor said you don't have cartilage.


That's why you scream when you, when you walk and you're drinking a lot of whiskey, it may be even hurt. Back when I first met you, like when I'm in 03 and we'd go that dirty Ramata basement. Oh my God. That's when I first met you. Yeah. And I remember his gig. Yeah, yeah.


And oh boy, they sent me to that. Did you ever do the Palms. Yeah, I ate it with Courtney and Paul.




I really I've never done that poorly as a comedian first I did very bad.


Yeah. I mean the fucking I, I was so embarrassed in a way that was such a hard time for me. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.


Because I'm coming in, you know, to this town, you know, knowing that like I've been added a long time. Right. But I want to establish myself at these alt venues because that's what people were doing. Yep. And then, you know, like my wife at the time or I wasn't married to you.


Remember me? Yes, I do.


This is right. When we moved to L.A. at the same time that 2002 three is when I.


Oh, OK. Yeah. You know, and I just like I had to dig in and figure out how to, you know, get, you know, into it, you know, coming, you know.


And I had already been at it in New York for years. Yeah. TV credits and everything, but it didn't make a difference. And at that time, these rooms are so important. I go to that Ramada.


It was the worst fucking place to do comedy.


Yeah, really was. It was haunted with no laughs.


It was because there was no audience, never. It would just be comics. And then you get people from the hotel. Yeah.


To come down against their will. But like oddly I generated material there.


I don't know how, but I, I feel that way too. I look back on it now as a place where I, you know, it was important, it was pivotal in me, in me adjusting to Los Angeles. But you were always there and and I knew you because I remembered you had like the shirt you wore on some.


Oh, like a pearl snap kind of way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like oh yeah. He's like I have the cool shirt. Yeah.


On something. Yeah.


I found her when the war on Letterman but I did wear it on my HBO special. I wear black you know cowboy pearl button shirt. Yeah. Yeah.


I used to wear those shirts. Me too. Yeah. Yeah we have. And now in the last time I haven't seen you for a while but we both were doing denim on denim with a denim shirt.


That's right. You did the Canadian tuxedo. That's right, yeah. I picture you like that and we. I did that. Sure. Sure. So that was when we met. So OK, so you would you graduate college, your painting degree.


Yeah. And immediately moved to Austin to follow a girlfriend.


I thought you always associated you with Texas. Why.


Yeah, it because that's where comedy wise I started. And so I always said when I moved here I'm like I'm from Austin because we're talking about comedy right now. If you want to talk about me as a human, I'm from Montana, you know what I mean? Sure.


So you moved to Austin with for the girl. Yeah. And how that panned out. She married Bill Hader. They were. But I think that they definitely. Yeah, yeah. It's a shame. But she has kids with Haider and they got divorced and she's a talented, you know, director, filmmaker. Oh, really?


Yeah. How'd she meet Bill Hader?


He's not from Texas, is you know, that was when we first moved to L.A. We were kind of amicably splitting up and flipping coins for the bed and splitting up things.


Oh, wow. And and then they started dating and I thought he was a nice guy and I signed off on it.


Yeah. Yeah, it was I wish all breakups could be like that.


I think he is a nice guy and he's a funny guy. They had two kids, I think. Right. Or maybe one, three three kids knocked him out. Yeah. Are you friends with her still?


I talked to her when I heard of their split. We I was in Boise where she's from. So I was like, hey, here's your old high school.


Like being funny. Yeah. How about. Yeah. I'm always good for a laugh. Yeah, that's about it. You know. What's up.


Remember me. Yeah. Yeah. You want to cry. I'll stand here but that's about it.


So you go to Austin and who's on the scene. What was that.


That was I moved there in nine. Maggie and I were in an improv group in Austin and we ended up going to some improv festival there. And around that time she got into UT for film school.


And so I went I followed her there and then accidentally started going to open mics. So it wasn't necessarily my plan.


How do you accidentally. You mean you just I mean, one day I realized I wanted to that wasn't my reason for moving. Oh, ok. OK. Yeah. Who was it that I was going to do improv comedy there. OK, but then quickly preferred standup.


Who is who was on the scene when I moved there.


There was a lot of like that guy was good. He's a painter now that guy is named Tater Salad. He, he dressed like Ron White. Hadn't had his resurgence yet. When I moved there, he he was hanging out in a straw hat.


They call them tater tots. Yeah. Yeah. The old name still. Yeah. Yeah. That's hilarious. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't really. That is resurgence. Right.


That that came with whatever WB blue collar.


Who else was Tyshawn there too.


I just, I would go to Houston to watch the Shannon Christmas show so I that's the Saudis to do that right now. Just the Shannon brother like Charlie Shannon and T Sean.


And what happened at Shannon Kisa around? We I when I was working for this network fuel TV, he he was always obsessed with bears.


There is the masturbating bear that was the we did a skateboarding bear sketch together and and I went downtown to that hot zone and have a masturbating bear.


Yes. I think he was responsible for that bear. Yeah, of course. He wrote on Conan O'Brien.


And then there's bears doing things on Saturday Night Live. Anything bear based is Taishan. It's Taishan. Yeah. And I don't know where he's been.


I have not heard of him in a long time. Yeah. So. So you're in Austin. Ninety nine starred in open mikes and you're seeing you're going to Houston occasionally. Yeah. Were you who are you guys there. Did you know who. The people starting out in Austin. That I would.


No I yeah. I mean Howard Kramer and Chip Pope had already left but they were like a duo and they would come and perform together.


Well, they were on weren't they, on some sort of weird MTV show, Austin stories. Yeah. Yeah.


And so what was that woman's name? Laura Sawhorse. Yeah.


Yeah, yeah. Right. Yeah, those were and and those were the people I knew that had made it out of Austin. Right. But they would come and visit but they were already gone when I moved there.


You know Matt Bearden I bearden's a very good friend of mine. Yeah. He's a good guy. Yeah. He's a great radio guy.


He keeps getting better and better. Yeah.


The like terrestrial radio in Texas is still.


Well you got more if you got drive time show you can still hang in there. You want to know what's going on, on the road. Totally. Yeah.


And those guys once Bearden got added to Bob and Dudley, it got lighter and more fun. I enjoyed doing that radio show.


A couple of good crews I like doing radio with. You know, I kind of remember them, but there's some there's some people that I when I'm in certain cities, I'll go do them.


I like morning radio. I do, too.


I mean, I used to do I used to host morning radio and and if you're in with a good bunch and they're jamming. Right. It's great. Yeah, it's really fun.


I had always brought my anxiety when they were like, OK, what does he say to cue the five jokes you're going to tell.


I'm like, can we not do that? Were you sitting there waiting? Or like, can you give him five things? He said, I don't mind doing it.


Like, sometimes it's better in some ways if that's the way they're going to work and they're just going to throw it to me and I just going to kill. Great.


Yeah. It's not as fun is like getting into a groove with people that know how to talk.


Yeah, but in terms of delivering the goods. Yeah, to maybe sell a ticket or two. Yeah, I guess, you know, to me it serves its part, especially when you're on for five, ten minutes. Yeah. It's like, how do I land this?


I'm all you trying to do is sell, you know, ten tickets. Yeah. But sometimes if you really fucking kill like people come.


Yeah, yeah.


I mean there was one, there was one week where I was working with Paul Tompkins and Ostende and we took a poll every now how is it came.


Because of all of the radio. Yeah. And not one hand and not one hand.


Yeah. How many people were coming generally speaking. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe that was the issue. Yeah. Maybe there's a reason Paul doesn't do stand up anymore. I don't know.


Why did he stop. I just every time I see. Yeah yeah yeah. He does things at Largo and like Radio Hour. He's an impresario of some kind.


Yes. Yes. So I love hearing a word and then pretending I know what it means. That's what I just did. But I want this to be honest.


I want, I want I want it to happen. So I might have fucking you know. No, hey, that's not what I was doing. No, no, I know.


But I'm like I like you like to to do what you just did. But sometimes I use words. I don't know what they mean and I use them wrong.


It's crazy in in my forties to find out.


I've been saying using a word incorrectly, my whole person who organizes and often finances concert plays or operas, a manager of a musical, theatrical or operatic.


You nailed the use of that.


We're trying to he seems like oftentimes at Largo in Los Angeles, that's just part of the God damn it.


So it doesn't sound like the relationship went sour. So you stayed out there for, what, two years? Yeah, until she graduate. Ninety nine to four.


Yeah. Oh, three. Sorry. Yeah. And then and then you're like, we're doing it. Yeah. We're going to L.A. and you're going to leave me. I came here. Really has to star.


I felt like maybe we did both know that was happening. Oh really. Yeah.


I mean I haven't asked her that but she already started talking to him.


No, no I don't think there is ever any overlap. Or if there was, I don't know that I care.


No, you don't want to. Yeah. Don't go digging.


I just know that when we split everything up, oftentimes I she we would wear those same shirts are she is roughly my height and.




And I do remember they were at a party and he was wearing one of my shirts.


That was the only time that one of the shirts that was hers that I used to wear and he was wearing it, that was the only time where I was like, hey, I used to wear that shirt. Did you.


Well, and that was that was the tone and feeling you had. I, I have I find that hard to believe. I have to assume that this made you fucking just eat your guts out for a little while.


No I do. You get angry.


I feel like yeah. I'm riddled with anger. Yeah it's and but it didn't surface then.


But you have a Midwestern cap on it. I'm lousy with anger. Yeah yeah yeah. Yeah. I keep it capped. Yeah. But it's there, it's always there.


I try to just destroying your insides. You just keep it. Yeah. I let it percolate. Shift around a bubble. Good. Good.


I guess I like you know stylistically I can kind of feel it in the, the quirkiness.




Then I'm asking some kind of the quick paced like just right underneath it.


It's just a shit show of fucking fury.


Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. It's, it's always sitting there but I really keep an eye on it.


Oh yeah. Yeah. To not do it. Yeah. I don't get it upset. So what happens out here.


You were, you were doing the fucking Ramada so where'd you end up.


Oh yeah. I immediately I were in a crew. You had guys, you had friends. You were running with some folks.


Not really. Not not really.


Yeah I was, I was on the road I think I was working with Tig. That's what it was when we were splitting up. I was working with Tig, we were like co headlining somewhere.


You and Tig. Yeah. And I said, I'm going through a break. And she said, I'm moving out of a place. And she said, I'm having fun with you this week, let's live together. And I live with Tig for like seven years.


Yeah, we were almost recognized by the state, I think we could have gotten like a tax.


I don't know that California I remember this now. I remember it now. I remember that was the thing.


Yeah, I remember she featured for me in Tampa and we dress and the same.


That was always our joke. It's like we we kind of wear the same money.


I was going to come with the joke that you and I dressed the same. Well, maybe may tough. And I have a lot of BTIG sweaters. Yeah. See, every time I wear a cardigan with an animal on it, people are like nice BTIG sweater and I'm like, this is my sweater.


See, I don't wear cardigans, but it's the bell bottoms I think was what started it in the shoes we wear.


Yeah, yeah, yeah.


But I always describe her as somebody who has her own time zone, that there's always these pauses and B3 like am I connecting, are we having a conversation with.


And I learned from her and someone like, like Todd Barry uses pauses comedically.


I always felt like I needed to just keep talking, fill that air. Yeah. With manic quirkiness. Just fill the air.


Mask the anger. Yeah. And keep talking. But I learned from her that you can just be silent and and off of the awkwardness of that moment that other people are laughing.


I saw her do it and she's like she's a master of it. Seem to be her life's work was to drag that pause out as long as she could.


And I've learned from I occasionally resort to that now.


I never would have that chair, but is just an experiment in pauses. Oh yeah. Yeah, totally. That's funny. Yeah. So it's the famous chair because. Yeah. It's like Buster Keaton. Yeah. No, no, she's great.


And you know, she seems good on the guy. How many kids they got now.


She is doing great. Yeah.


I mean two two little guys. Yeah.


Did you open for her like so you opened for, for her period of time or how'd that work. Or you just were, you just were friends you know.


Yeah. Just that one week we had so much fun laughing and, and being ridiculous together that we were like I can't let this person down by the beach somewhere.


Where was. Yeah, I was always I was in Venice for six years. I just moved to Echo Park. I feel like I'm part of the city now.


You were in Venice for six years? Yeah. Were you friends with Zack?


I did see that. I was. Did you ever when you were in recovery and talking about you were eating a lot of candy and stuff where you also did you have a nicotine thing? Where you doing OK? So you and me and Zack are the only people that are privately.


I still dabble. Well, I got off and then I had the lozenges.


You were getting these nicotine patches now with no, it's there white. So for some reason that makes it think I'm being healthy.


Are they still tobacco in them?


Oh, really? Well, that's why I was on the candy. Yeah, I loved it, but he did.


I saw him recently or it was I was going to like he's a pro dipper. I we, I saw him, he had his kids in a double stroller.


Yeah. And he had a big fucking day and we pulled out and we both had some mint grizzly or some kind of disgusting grizzly I guess the cheap stuff. Yeah. Like do you could get the best you could get.


Top of the line Kopenhagen man. Hey the extra four bucks. Copenhagen's strong but yeah.


And then he saw me walk into a bar method studio that after I got my hip fixed, I started going to bar method and I was the only dude so I just wouldn't make eye contact. But the little leg squats and it was exactly what I needed help.


Oh it. Yeah, that's what the doctor told you to do. I'm the doctor told me, go to some physical therapy, Elizabeth Taylor Aquatic Center and swim around with these old people. And I right away I was like, this isn't for me and I'm going to physical therapy.


But I was seeing a girl that did bar method and she said, you have to go to this class. Everything you're doing, you can do it in a class or you're not. And that was it. Yeah, it.


And he saw me go in there. He's like, have fun in your ballet class.


And everyone's like that. That guy from the movie, I'm like, no, it's just some guy that he choose from.


Yeah, but you choose like he grew up you and you grow up, you and I.


Yeah. He's like from North Carolina. I grew up around it. And that's one of those things where it's like, oh, that's for rednecks. I would never do that. And then at some point, almost as a joke, I put it in my mouth, it's the best thing ever, or it's how I got a lot of comics in Austin.


I guess because of Bill Hicks, they all smoke. And I started smoking a lot. And that's how I got off cigarettes is dip, dip, dippin.


And then I went off and on the nicotine in all different forms for so long. And, you know, like I did the news for a long time and I used to get it from from Sweden.


That's up the nose right now. No, that's pouch that. It's a pouch, but it's your upper lip. Yeah. There's this idea that, like, it doesn't hurt.


It's like when you had your fucking mundanes. They're almost identical lips because it was Swedish. Yeah, yeah, it had weird names and I was so, you know, so addicted, I get really strong shit. I go to sleep with it in my mouth. Oh, God. And then when I got on the lozenges, I got through cigars.


I just never went back to cigarettes. I never went back to cigarettes after I quit them in '99 or whatever.


Yeah. Maybe I one or two cigarettes one with Keith Richards and one of my divorce went through.


Yeah. If Keith Richards had a cigarette smoke, sure. But I knew I wasn't going to start again because I had the lozenges but I got off of those August.


I've been nicotine free since fucking August.


Yeah, but Barguti he fucking dips. Yeah. Yeah he was the other, the other.


And like, you know, he, he, he, he would do like four six of those Skold pouches, the skull extras. Yeah.


And I remember he gave me like he gave me a ten like he opened for me at Carnegie Hall.


I say I always fuck his name up. It's spaghetti right. Yeah I Bergonzi I get Barguti. Yeah. I'm such an idiot because it comes and goes but he's a good friend of mine. Yeah.


Yeah. But he opened it. That's so then when he ever said his last name. Yeah I know. Yeah. Barguti but I used to fuck it up. Yeah but Carnegie Hall he opened for me and then afterwards I was like yeah. Because I want to stay away from it because I don't want to get involved with it. Because it's no good. Yeah it's no good.


Yeah of course. But it's so great. Yeah. And after, after Carnegie Hall you gave me a fuckin pouch and he just gave me the ten and like this is the best this better than the show.


Yeah. Yeah. A little reward.


That's, that's why I don't know if it's that I have an addictive personality or that I just like little rewards like I remember but I love being on that shit.


Yeah. I mean yeah the rewards one thing but eventually just doing it all the time. You have no vices now. Right now. But I'm working in somehow. No I don't do anything. But I wasn't drinking coffee, I was drinking tea for a while.


Now I'm just fucking Jack in the car. I got that when, when she passed away and you know, and now, like, you know, what am I doing?


You know, he said, you know you know, we had a good thing going and we started having sex and stuff.


Yeah. It's like I had nothing going on. I'm quarantine's like I never once I get that feeling like I need a what what can I just make another cup of coffee until I'm fucking nauseous on a much less traumatic level.


I was seeing someone that I loved and she had disappeared at the beginning of quarantine. She's just like, this isn't working. So same thing. It's like, well now what do I.


Yeah, you and I find I am impressed. I thought I wouldn't be able to handle it, but I'm kind of having fun.


I think that's whole. The fact that nothing is expected. Yeah. Of me. Oh it's great.


And also no one else is doing anything right. I didn't realize how competitive or how I was always looking at me like look what that guy has. Oh yeah. Now that I'm watching Stephen Colbert and a messy kitchen doing a TV show with a confused look on his face, it's like, oh, we're all it's even playing field. Exactly. It's shit for everyone. This is great. Yeah, it's great. Yeah. We were like, I don't know.


I think it may be unhealthy that that brings me comfort. But no, I've been I talked about that right at the beginning of Mike. There's none of that like, hey, that guy. No. Yeah. Not doing anything either really.


And it's relaxing because we're whether you're actively competitive or not, it's hard not to judge yourself in relation to other people. And now that we're all on the same page, I mean, it's not like, you know, we're still going to go. If we ever get to go back to our lives, that's going to look the same. But we might as well enjoy the reprieve. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of that. Yeah, I'm enjoying it.




But and I've gotten another time, I'm like making dollhouses and drawing and I mean the miniatures. I've always on a not on.


I don't play with dolls but I've always wanted to make Wallace and Gromit little worlds.


OK, so how do you, how do you differentiate between playing with dolls and I call it I call it miniature houses.


OK, yeah. Yeah I train, I leave the word doll out of most my conversations.


I realized when I brought this up I said dollhouses. Yeah it's great. Yeah. With these. Yeah.


But I meant to say I've been getting into miniatures since I am like a craftsman and and I'm like a train guy.


What does that entail. The order stuff online. Do you have the paints. And I did do a little painting. It's the furniture is just like little IKEA furniture or more confusing, there's no text. I had to look online, you know, YouTube videos of 15 year olds putting together this stuff, but you just see it and it's tiny woodworking. Then I had to make all these little books for the shelves.


Do you mind, from a kid or.


Yeah, it is a kit and some of it was easy to make, but then there's a little chandelier with these tiny wires and you have to wire this lamp through.


Yeah, it was it was a lot of work. Are you in that world now?


I mean, I think once you once you're in you. Check it out. Yeah, I'm looking at my next doll, how many at your house? I think I might go greenhouse.


You're going to make a greenhouse. Yeah, well, I got there's different areas of my apartment. I put the bookstore on the bookshelf. I thought that was fitting. And now I have I have my plants that I talk to because I don't have pets and right thing. I put a little green house next to them.


And then I did this weird thing in my apartment where I put up wallpaper, uh, like a snowy mountain in my bedroom.


Yeah. And after I did that, I'm like, well, I have to make my bedroom look like a cabin.


So I have lanterns and snowshoes, really.


And yeah, everyone thought I was being a weirdo, but right when I finished it, we're in lock in and no one can go outside and it's like, well, who's laughing now? I wake up and look at a snowy mountain every day.


It's virtual outdoorsy. And that's. So this is the world you're living in. Yeah. Yeah. What's and what you're going to do. A greenhouse miniature next.


Well, I have a tropical living room I got there. It's like these wall mirror like photo murals. Yeah. And it's like palm trees in my own living room.


So that's where you can do the miniature. Yeah. Yeah. That's the next project. Yeah. This is your third one.


No it'll it'll be my second. Yeah. The second one. Yeah. After the bookstore. Yeah.


OK now and eventually I want to make little a little clay guy and do some stop motion animation. I've always wanted to get into that.


Well that seems easy. Do that with your phone. No. Yeah I think you're right. There's no there's no miniature people involved. Yeah not yet. Oh mayday people. Oh.


Now are you going to do that from the kid. Are you going to do your own thing.


Yeah, I'll make a little guy on my own order some clay. Yeah. Or some of that plasticine stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Polymer. Yeah, yeah. Someone made me a a my dead cat.


Oh yeah. That's impressive work. It's a handmade. There's only one of those. Yeah. That's great.


That's my cat with my cats colors and my cats. Weird. Two different color eyes and I think you're right.


It is. Wow. Yeah. That's really cool. Yeah. I think you're right. It is easy. Let's just make a little guy, you move him a little, take a picture, move him a little more.


I don't think you can make him out of this. You're gonna have to make him out of something that's valuable. Yeah, right. Yeah. I got a good it's like it sounds like you got your work cut out for you.


I it's but what else am I going to do. I've been doing cooking videos have been, I've been cooking drawing and. Yeah, yeah I did learn, I didn't know how to cook anything.


And how's that going. Yeah it's very enjoyable. Good.


Yeah. You're growing up. Yeah. Just lock me in an apartment and I become a man. We're talking about cats coming up now.


You don't have a cat now there's a cat that's been coming.


What does this mean when this cat has a collar. So I'm not just going to snatch him up, but he I started saying hi to him outside my kitchen.


Like, when I'm washing dishes, he comes and he just stares there, but he meows like he's in pain or something is wrong or the way a cat is loudly meowing pregnant or something.


Right. Like what's going on. And he's kind of skinny. Yeah. But lives next door. Yeah.


But I, I said hi and he figured he jumped on the roof, walked across the apartment and ended up in front of my door. So they figured out. Yeah. Where my front door was. Right. I've decided he's smart. Yeah. So that's all I want. Out of a cat. Yeah. And but I, I didn't start feeding him. Once you start feeding a cat.


No, they never go away again. And then and then like yeah. I've had cats at the old house that would come around I think with other people's cats. Yeah. I actually had to put one down. I don't know if it was someone else's cat or not. Yeah, yeah, yeah.


When I live with Tig there is a cat, two cats, Sid and Nancy, that lived under my Mustang and I, I would put food under the car, I forget, but then take just start feeding these cats right on the porch. I'm like, you know, we have cats now, right.


If you're feed and there are some possums, they'd all line up. Oh yeah.


Possums, skunks, everything. Fucking raccoons, everything. Alley cat food.


Yeah, yeah. They and so that's how I got my. It's funny when you see the cat and the other animals out there together, just kind of like it was cat possum.


Cat possum. A lot of people don't know possums and cats are totally cool together. Yeah. They'll eat the same dish.


They don't judge are fucking too much. Yeah. They're really not. There's times if you squint or if they're young they're kind of cute but boy no they don't age well. It gets rough. They get their teeth, their baby ones are cute. Yeah. They're very ratt like I think it's the tail is the reason I toss them in the fucking hands.


Oh man. The fucking teeth.


They're worse than my thumbs.


I used to do a bit about it. I can't remember what the bit was, but it was a long, big rabbit comes about how ugly possums are. Yeah. But then in Raccoon's are just bearly. There was a family reaction to using caffeine. It was like it was chaos when they'd come on to the deck. Oh, yes. Oh, Rakeem, a raccoon. I'll kick your cats ass the family.


It's a whole family and they're fat. And you're like, how much are they eating? They have zero fear.


They will come. They'll take something out of your hand and then stare at you. Like what took you so long? They have real hair.


Yeah, little black hands, but little thumb. It's a little tiny.


Yeah. Howler monkey hands.


So but you know, cat four now you think this cat is sick. Is that what you're concerned? I'm just keeping my eye on. I talked to the owner has a no no.


I have to every time I've tried to get close to the cat. Why are you meowing at my door when I open it to you? You run away. So, you know, I'm not going to try.


It's hard to understand, man, but pain sounds like pain, and you know what I mean. Yeah, this cat's in pain. Oh, really?


I of some kind. Yeah. Or did you mean my pain?


No, I mean it's like you would know, I mean, you know, cats wanting food. Yeah. But you know howling you know, it's like a separate thing. Yeah.


And I'm no cat specialist. No.


But I had a few, I, I've always prided myself or been proud of prided. Yeah. On being able to whisper cats. I'm pretty good. I can pick up a feral cat. I mean that's not nice to brag about but cats trust me like a real feral.


You can pick them up. Oh yeah. There. Austin is riddled with stray cats. They don't care about cats. Yeah. Texas and no offense if you're from Texas, some people just see cats like they're they're rats.


Yeah. They're just as fucking annoying animal.


And I think certain parts of the country, they think that more. Yeah. That for sport. Yeah.


And I've picked up cats that are out street cats. Yeah. Yeah. I like cats. Yeah. Why don't you get a cat.


Because I was on the road a lot and I'm like even my plants are dead when I go home. Yeah. I have to have someone. Right. And which can be arranged and I could do that. So no I don't know why I don't have cats.


Yeah. I mean they're all over. You just go pick one up. Yeah. And during this whole quarantine thing it would have been nice. I thought, well it's not over.


You might have a few months, you could really dig in with a cat and wait. So now the the new album is available.


It's a yeah it's it's actually a special it's on Vimeo on demand.


Oh yeah. It's like video. Yeah. It's very well produced. I really am proud of it.


Vimeo on Demand or there's a website called Wern Gnarly. We're Narwee.


It was the guy that produced it for me is an old friend and he's a talented filmmaker and he just had this you rl already starting around from like the early snowboarding days. He used to make snowboard videos. Okay. And I used to snowboard a lot, so I knew him back then.


So you're in the board community? I well, I am a member of the board, yeah.


When did you break your hip. You're not doing that shit now.


I am again. And I feel great. And the doctor said this thing's bulletproof.


I it's the only part of your body that is. Oh they replaced the hip. Yeah.


It's just ah it's a helmet on top of my femur and then another piece of metal in the socket lubricated by I guess my own body. It's amazing that it works.


No, I've seen it before. My dad used to put those in. Oh really. Yeah. He's an orthopedic surgeon. Used to be, yeah. So I've actually seen those out of the body. Sure. On his desk. Yeah. Yeah.


And I held one in my hand. I'm like this is going in me. Yeah. And it's the best decision I ever made.


But now you're back on the fucking board. Yeah. He said I can't damage said go ahead. What about the other hip dummy. Yeah it's not feeling great and I know I have to get that one fix.


But you didn't shatter this one. It was just worn out. Yeah. Interesting. It's been bothering me since my teen years, so nothing I did is the reason that my cartilage has been wearing away. So he didn't blame skateboarding.


OK, I it just hurts to land on. So how do you wear ridiculous padded pants. 45. Yeah. I mean, you know, just don't go crazy.


I mean we're breakable now. Yes I know. I can't tell you how many fucking you know.


Fifty to sixty year old people man. I see a mountain bikes up there. Yeah. Just cranking away in their little outfits and I'm like all right. And then a buddy of mine, he's a little older than me after on his mountain bike broke his fucking hip.


Yeah. But I've had plenty of injuries. I've broken both and I it's worth it in a weird way.


OK, maybe I'm just being a pussy because I don't you know, I'll do that shit. I'm a hiker. I run. Oh.


And I've always been cautious.


I've never been even when I was young, I wasn't like, let's, you know, you weren't you weren't flying in the air out of pools once.


I was good enough to do it. I was. Yeah, but I, I made sure that fundamentally I was able to do that stuff. And so I had friends that were that progressed before me.


But I, I went over there pictures of. You in the air, like on the Internet, I think, though, just in general, do they exist of you holding the board in the air?


You know, like maybe maybe somewhere in there? I was never really on camera a lot. You just have to take my word for it.


OK, I believe you. I yeah. I want proof, man. I know I'm not buying it.


I had a cousin that was a pro snowboarder and I just kind of would follow him around to different ski towns.


And snowboarding is different.


Yeah, I tried it. I grew up skiing and I just missed it. I missed the you got grew up doing the snowboard or you got to ski.


I think you're right. And I know a lot of kids now are skiing. There's skiing is popular again. Oh yeah. Yeah.


It's it's most kids are skiing now because my ex was, you know, came up snowboarding and she just snowboards. Yeah. I tried it when when I went skiing at Mammoth once it was OK.


But, you know, it's a whole different set of you know, you got to relearn what's good.


Learn first. Yeah. You have to effective edges. It makes more sense. Yeah.


But your body is more like skateboarding with the snowboard. Yeah. Yeah.


That's, I mean that's why I started doing it. Sure.


So you've been doing stand up now for twenty years. Jesus Christ.


And I remember you went through a lot of different outfits. Hair configurations. Yeah. Yeah. There was a while there.


I thought like is he doing an old Western character.


I, I found that when I had a mustache the audience took me more seriously.


Like even police officers, I'd pull up next to a cop and he'd not at make sure you're one of us. Yeah.


Or at least I work for the city or something.


But but they it it did, you know, like I always struggled with confidence on stage and and and when you have a mustache, people are like, oh, I'll listen to this guy. I don't know how I discovered that. I just noticed a difference when I grew one for fun. But you worked you like you're always out there.


I mean, you've worked hard, right? I mean, yeah, I've been around for a long time.


A long time on stage. Yeah.


I spend a lot of time on stage and like now do you have have you a massive following through podcasting.


Suddenly there is an audience and I don't I don't think I think a lot of these it's mostly women that we watch podcast. Do you, do you need a ride.


It's called. And Karen Kilgariff.


So now how do you know Kilgariff? How did that come to be? When I worked for I had a TV writing job and and her husband at the time was one of the camera guys and they had like a party at their house.


And I've heard from Jimmy Pardo and other people at the beginning before everyone had a podcast.


People always said you should do a podcast with Karen Kilgariff, who I knew of but didn't know her well. And then they all decided I maybe something in the way I talk.


They saw that we we because we do mesh conversationally and figured that out right away.


And I was at her house and and I said, we should do a podcast.


She's like a huge podcast her. And before that she had a podcast with me and then started this murder, my favorite murder podcast. And that immediately blew up. And but she continued to do do you need a ride with me? And so now gradually these these murderousness are going to my shows. And a lot of times I don't think they've ever even seen standup before.


Yeah, I found that, like at the beginning of podcasting, I had a lot of people coming to shows. Like, we were like, you should go support.


Yeah. Support. Mark, I'm like, I've been doing this since I was twenty. You know, I they still think I know how to do. Yeah. I appreciate you're going to come support me. Yeah. Just come be part of the audience and not say it like I need fucking help.


It's great though. I'll take it. And and a lot of times you can tell it's a podcast audience because they're quiet, they're used to listening to these shows at work and they've they laugh out loud. They might get in trouble from their boss or so they're just silently smiling. And I'm like, OK, I can get used to this. They're enjoying themselves. They're just not the most vocal.


But but it's interesting that I used to take it so personally and I don't know, it doesn't seem like you did like his. I, I, I've always been a comic. Yeah. And the podcast was something that sort of came out of desperation. And this idea that no one knew me as a comic for for a couple of years. It's just a knife in my side.


Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been doing that my whole life. Yeah. And you know, but now everybody now I don't care where they come from, you know, they've everybody's into it. Great. Yeah but so you're saying mostly women.


Yeah. That's and they're kind people. Sweet they say only supportive things.


They're not. And I've seen friends of mine that have a following through standup or through a TV show or. You know, as open in Firtash for a while, I don't know, I like David tell a lot. I'm a big fan of Doug Stanhope and it's a crowd of drunken dudes that heckle and don't go out and alcoholics.


Oh, yeah.


You just said and I'm and I'm just there to meet gift bearing women come to my shows.


It's the best. Yeah, it's the best.


They're sweet people. Yeah. And what were they like, kids. Yeah.


I think that when I was opening for him a lot, it was bigger venues like Vegas and it was just. Yeah. People that liked to 2.0.


Like 22 year olds. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. And it tells us what kind of guys at the end of their rope. Yeah.


I remember he was getting sober and I was opening for him somewhere and just people handing him Yagami my as he was using Yagur Maistre as a catch phrase. Yeah. It's like you can kind of figure out how that might backfire and hope just has these radical weirdos.


Yeah. It's the graters.


Yeah, yeah, yeah.


And oh man I've, I've all of them make me nervous like a room of dudes. Makes me nervous I think. Oh yeah. Yeah.


And that's usually if you're here because if you're not like you know, if you don't want to be a leader somewhere like if you don't have that in you, it's like I can take these dudes where they need to go.


Yeah. Yeah. I don't want to be in that. I don't want to be one of those dudes. I don't want to lead those dudes. Yeah, yeah. I mean I just want regular people who are a little sensitive, little nervous or angry and I'm getting that now and I love it.


Yeah. Yeah. Well congratulations.


Thanks. Thanks man. Maybe they'll be there when we get out of this fucking shit show.


Yeah. That well that's the thing we can still podcast so it's just keeping them at bay.


Yeah. How often do you do that. One McCarren week. Every other week. OK, I think my favorite murders a couple of times a week for her so. OK, mine is biweekly. It's great seeing you again. Oh yeah.


Great to see you too. Good talking to you. Thanks. That was Chris Fairbanks, he's a nice guy, and he braved it and we both braved it out, we talked through the Plexiglas six feet away, didn't touch each other, had the windows open and got out. Here's a little distorted guitar for you. Boomer lives. Don't forget people Ben and Jerry's three new nondairy frozen desserts are a new twist on vegan euphoria. The Ben and Jerry's flavor gurus have taken a big leap.


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