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Welcome. Welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dan Rather and I'm joined by Mr. Mouse.


Go ahead and turn off this episode right now. You can't listen to any of them.


Yeah, don't even listen to intro. You might puke in the intro. Well, we were going to try to get it so that the last one was the grossest, but I don't think it is.


But they're all bad. Yeah, I mean, look, except the first one.


The topic, of course, is piercing and tattoos. If you let your imagination run wild.


You'Ll come to oh, these are rough. I mean, they're really good. But seriously, do not eat while no listening.


No, I don't think you should do any or dry. Just lay down where you're not free to dry heave a little bit without interrupting what else you're doing. Right. Is that a good yeah, again? Yeah, you can listen to the first one and then shut it right off. Yeah. And I don't even know if tune in ever again, to be honest. These were great. I fucking love yeah, they were. Yeah. Please enjoy piercing and tattoo stories. Hard times come and go good times take them slow my life ahead of one thing you gotta know I'm gonna keep on shining.


Wow. I've gotten 1111 three days in a row and that's good luck.


Oh, three days in a row? What do you mean three days?


Three days in a row. I look at my phone at 1111. Okay, you've looked good luck. You make a wish.


Piercing and tattoos.


Oh, God. This one's going to be hard. Oh, God. Hello?


Am I talking to Sid?




Hi, Sid. Nice to meet you. You know what's stupid is despite this being a piercing and tattoo prompt, it didn't cross my mind that when I signed on, I'd be talking to someone heavily tattooed and pierced, but duh.


Yes. And I'm a tattooer.


Oh, you are?




I'm calling from the bathroom of my tattoo shop.


Oh, no shit. Now you would call yourself a tattooer, not a tattoo artist or a tattooist.


I like tattooer because you don't say painter artist or sculptor artist.


That's a good point. And it's very unpretentious as well.


I try.


Okay, so this is great. So my assumption now is that you're going to have a story about giving a tattoo as opposed to receiving.


I do.


Oh, please tell us.


I've been tattooing for almost twelve years and this was in my first couple of years. So it was probably I can't math that it was a while ago. So I worked at a very walk in heavy shop and didn't have a lot of my own clientele. We just had a lot of people coming in off the street. This man came in and it was my turn to do the next tattoo. And the girl was talking to him and he had said that his wife had been in Germany and she got a tattoo for him, and he wanted to get one that matched to surprise her for when she got home. And he showed me the tattoo, and it was on her ankle as a name. It said Clifford. And he said, So I need to find a font that matches that. So at that shop, we had a big book full of fonts. So we gave him the book, and he's going through it. And in the meantime, he had filled out his paperwork, and we got his ID. His name was Dave or something, john something.


Very not Clifford.


Not Clifford. And so he picked out a font, and we typed up, and he's like, yeah, that's perfect, but the F's need to come down some more. And I was like, okay. So typed up Clifford. I printed it out. I drew in to bring the F down some more. He's perfect. And then we resized it three or four times the perfect size. And then he comes to the back to my station, and we put the Stencil on. It was going on the back of his shoulder. We moved the Stencil three or four times, so it'd be in the perfect spot. I do the tattoo, takes, like, ten minutes. It's just a little name. And he looks at it in the mirror and he goes, what the fuck? And he's like, I just got my own name tattooed on myself.


Wait, what?


Apparently he goes by Clifford. And in his anxiety of getting this tattoo, he ended up getting his own name instead of having me change it to Catherine.


Wait, what?


Well, I know why. Because he brought in the photo of Clifford and he got myopically obsessed with the font, and it looking correct. And he didn't think wait. I'm not getting Clifford. I'm getting her name.


How could any wait, no, the fact.


That you did three stencils, though, he should have at that point.


Oh, yeah, he saw it a dozen times.


Oh, this person deserves that.


He was screaming at me to where my boss had to come over and see what was going on. Our front receptionary was very separate, so I ran back up front, and I was talking to our receptionist. I was like, that's not my fault, right? 100% not my fault. She's like, no. So I ran back to my station. My boss had calmed the guy down. He had finally was laughing at himself.




But we ended up adding, Love's, Catherine underneath.


Oh, that's a great solution.


Whose idea was that? That's a great fix.


I think mine. I don't remember. I can't imagine it was his. He clearly was not very smart.




It's very stressful, especially as a woman being yelled at by this man. He was older than me, and it was very scary for a minute, but then he was fine.


The moment of him looking at it, oh, my God.


Realizing, oh, fuck. I mean, I'm not going to say I haven't done stuff equally as stupid.


I have never done something like that.


I haven't tattooed the wrong name on myself, but I have done several things that once it occurred to me, I'm like, how could I have possibly missed that? Or what on earth was I thinking? I was asleep there or something.


I totally got how it happened, but it was a shit show for a minute.


Now, did he get the other two words for free because of his own mistake, or did we? He did.


Yeah. I didn't charge him.




No. That's so unfair. You put in your time and effort. You got yelled at.


And I don't remember if he tipped me. It's been too long.


I can't imagine. He did tip. Oh, Clifford slash Dave, who loves Catherine?


He does. I hope they're still together and very happy.


I don't know.


I have low expectations. I don't know why I do. Catherine's has got to be like, oh, boy, what happened, Clifford?


That would be enough for me to end a relationship.


Hilarious story. From then on, it'd be fun.


My God, that's a good point.


That's a good point.


Well, you're very glass half full, and.


I'm all about silly tattoos. I'm covered in them.


How is your body from doing it? Because every time I'm getting a tattoo, I'm overly aware of how unergonomic it is to give one. And I know how pained dental hygienists are. They sometimes have ribs removed is common. They have all this repetitive stress disorder. Are you fucked up from it at all?


My shoulders and neck are pretty terrible. I hunch like this.




I have a client waiting right now. I told her we had to take a quick break so I could go hide in the bathroom and talk to you guys.


What's the longest tattoo session you've ever had?


On myself, 8 hours, which I can't do anymore. I did that when I was much younger, but doing them, I kind of top it out at four because I get tired.




And then what's the most amount of hours in a day? You can do it. So if you did four and then you took a break, would you return or you're done at four, period?


I usually work 8 hours a day.




Four days a week.


That's so tedious.


I own my own shop, so I can make my own hours and do what I want.


Oh, that's great.


And there's a steady supply of customers there in Des Moines.


Oh, yeah. I'm booked out into mid January right now.




Thank you. So if you're ever in Des Moines, you got to come get tattooed at Liquid Swords Tattoo in Des Moines, Iowa.


Wow. Okay.


Could you hide a cherry in this next client's body? Would you feel ethically compromised if we just hid a cherry in there?


Probably not the one I'm doing right now. That wouldn't really be easy to hide. I'm doing a big leafy wrap around her lower leg.


Oh, wow.


Okay. Yeah, it's not going to work.


I'm sure I can in some tattoos somewhere. I should get a cherry.


Yeah, why not? What's your policy on doing genitals and faces?


Faces I'll do all day long. I got a bunch of face tatoos.


Okay, great.


But genitals? I used to joke that I had $1,000 handling fee, but then I got scared of who would take me up on, and so now I just won't do it. If it was a good friend, I might or like my husband, someone you trust, but other than that, no, I don't want to tattoo the kind of person who would want me to tattoo.


Their yeah, that's really fair. And you're much smarter than Clifford Dave.


Well, I'll tattoo butts and boobs and stuff all day long.


Okay, that's fair. Well, Sid, this has been wonderful getting to meet you.


Awesome to meet you guys. I've been listening since day one, and my husband listens.


Will you ever subject your clients to it? Will you ever play it out loud while you're tattooing?


I don't because I also have four coworkers right now. I can hear there's some death tones happening out there. Okay. Podcasts don't seem tattoo shop friendly.


People need some music, but we love mixed messages.


I could try it.


Can you imagine, though, you're getting a tattoo, you're so excited. You've dreamt of this for however long, and then you're listening to one of our very emotional ones about abuse in a relationship, and you're just like, oh, boy, this isn't the experience I was after.


I could play my favorite one. My favorite's been tillid Kwali. I could play him that early days.


Early, early.


I know. I loved him, though. My dream would be killer. Mike if you guys could get Killer Mike on there, I would shit my pants, and then I could call in for a shit your pants aren't sharing.


Well, I want you to know I have gone as far as writing him an email and a text. I got his number at one point, so I very much would love to interview Killer Mike. He's just not been receptive thus far. All right, well, Sid, good luck with the wraparound leafy tattoo on the leg today, and it's great to meet you.


You too. Thank you so much. It's great to meet you guys. All right, take care. I love it.


We don't generally meet armchairs that are all tattooed and pierced up.


Well, this is a ding ding ding. A SIM. Okay, dad, I told you yesterday, but I'll pretend like you haven't heard it. Oh, I was at Cara a couple nights ago.


Oh, you went to car. I got to really pretend like I haven't heard it.


Yeah, I already told you, so the other day I went to Cara.


Oh, my gosh, you love that place.


Yeah, I do.


I do.


It was good. I went with Anna and armchair came up.


A boy or a girl?


Girl. Her name is Peyton.


Shout out and then shout out.


Peyton has a tattoo of cherries for this show.


Now, the first time you told me the story, I only heard cherry. There's multiple cherries.


Well, two. Oh, you can't just have one cherry.


I have many. One cherries.


Oh, yeah, you can have I can, but Peyton can't. I mean, that's because it's all in one scape.


But if you it's raining cherry also.


You're right. You can do whatever you want.




But she had two.




Yeah, the textbook two.




It was, like, from the early sweatshirts.


It was like an outline red. It was really cute. It was behind her ear.


Oh, behind her ear. Oh, fuck. Should I get one behind my ear?






Anyway, it was a SIM.


SIM. Sid.


Oh, my God.


SIM. Alex.




Still connecting. Still connecting. It's so stressful, I think.


Is it us? Because the last connection was bad, too.


No, this is her audio connecting from her computer.


Okay. Wouldn't it be funny if people were not in a closet, but they wanted to follow the rules? Like, they didn't have a closet, so they'd made it look like a closet, but it wasn't.


Like, on construction paper, they drew clothes hanging and stuff.




Hi. Can you hear me? Good job.






Certainly not your fault.


Oh, it was no, it's just too hard.


Where are you? At Alex. Other than a closet, I am in.


Virginia, and sorry, my dog just slammed into the door, so he's on the other side.


Is he a big boy or a tiny boy?


He is a 102 pound German shepherd.


Oh, my Lord. That's a big German shepherd.


Oh, yeah, he's huge.




My husband's in the military, so he did two deployments, and I was like, I'm getting a dog while you're gone.




That's big enough to snuggle like a real human.


Yeah, right. He got back from deployment and was like, oh, who's sleeping in the bed now?


So were you the receiver or the giver of a piercing or a tattoo?


I was a receiver. I got my rook pierced.


Your what?


Pierced my rook.


What the fuck?


Other than in chess, the castle.


So the rook is like the hard cartilage that's right in the middle of your ear, and they basically just shove a bar through it.


The doodad right here?




It's kind of like at a slant, but this thick cartilage. Like, right here, that's your bro.


Not the doodad. The big, big crease in the middle of your ear. Yeah, the fold. The convolution. That right there.


That ridge.


That makes sense that they got to come straight down on it. Okay, real quick, what encouraged you to get that in the first place?


I had my earlobes pierced, and then I had two cartilage piercings, and I thought I was being edgy. At 18?




Are you not still 18?


No, I'm 28. So this was about ten years ago. Okay, so, like, all good stories, this one starts at the Jersey Shore.


Oh, perfect.


Are you from New Jersey? Originally?


Yes, I'm from New Jersey. So after prom, a bunch of my friends and I, my senior year of high school rented a house down the Jersey Shore. But it was about eight months after Hurricane Sandy, so a lot of destruction and not many businesses were open. And the boardwalk was, like, kind of open, so there wasn't much to do other than drink and go get an ear piercing.


But Alex, ten years ago, aren't we in the thick of Jersey Shore the show? Or is that longer ago?


I think it was, like, wrapping up, but it wasn't the same area. I think that's in Seaside Heights. We were, like, a little bit north of there.




Which is classier. No? Okay, perfect.


So go ahead and go get my rook. Pierce again, thought I was being edgy. Thought I was so cool, like, going to get a Pierce with a couple of my friends. The week goes by, I go home and I'm like, this is kind of infected. And I showed my mom, and she's.


Like, It's all good.


Put a hot compress on it. Just clean it. You're good.


Drink some juice.


Yeah. She's like, so not worried. So I'm not worried.




I'm 18. I could take care of myself. So graduate, go to the graduation party. And my mom's like, you should ask Dr. A about your ear. She's another friend's dad. And I'm like, Dr. A is a dentist.


Oh, my God.


Your mom is just like me. Anytime I meet anyone even remotely connected.


If anyone's had organic chemistry, you're, like, diagnosed me.


Check this out.


Exactly. My mom's like, Just go ask him, and he'll know what to do. And Dr. A goes. You need to go to Urgent Care immediately. Oh, at this point, I have full blown cauliflower ears. Like, it is just so badly infected. And I was, like, kind of covering it up with my hair because I had blonde, blonde hair, and I could do that.


Was it painful or just visually fucked at this point?


It wasn't painful. It was just visually like, wow, that looks really not good.




Are you getting Monica?




Yeah, Monica. I've heard your story, and I relate to you so much. She went to Dr. S. So go to Urgent Care. And Urgent Care is like, okay, we're going to try and take it out. I'll let you guys know. My mom and I tried to take it out. We were on YouTube. We couldn't figure out how to get it off because it was a bar. It wasn't, like, a regular piercing fuck.


And it was probably so swollen around the bar.


Yeah, not good. So go to urgent care. Urgent Care is like, okay, can't get it out. They're like, let's try giving you some antibiotics to make the swelling go down and come back, and we'll try and get it out. The swelling doesn't go down.




I go back, and there's a doctor there that's able to get it out, but they had to pin me to the table and take a tool to get it out. And at this point, I'm so anxious. I'm so overwhelmed. I'm scared, I'm in pain. And my mom's like, you're fine. All's good. I'm, like, literally sweating from my kneecaps. I'm so anxious. It is just the worst. So they get it out and they're like, okay, go take some antibiotics. If it's not better, you need to go see an ENT, which is an ear, nose, and throat doctor. Take the antibiotics. Doesn't get any better. So at this point, it's like the end of June, and it's been, like a month, and it is getting worse.


It's getting discolored, gangrenous.


It was, like, purple.


Oh, my God. Even with the antibiotics, wow.


They're only so powerful.


Modern medicine is not where it should be.


Modern medicine is not helping. And I go to the ENT, and he's like, you need to have surgery immediately. We need to cut the infection out. He didn't want to scare me, but he was like, there's a chance we have to cut your ear off.


No. My God.


Oh, my God. You're going to be Van Gogh. We got to give you the Van Gogh.


But he's like, they make prosthetic ears. I am, like, six or seven weeks from going to my freshman year of college.


Oh, my God.


I'm like, my life's over. I can't go to college with one ear.


Oh, my God. What? This is traumatic.


So I go the next day to surgery. They cut out the infection. Thank goodness they didn't have to cut out my ear. Thank God they admit me to the hospital because they want to keep me overnight. And they put me in the children's so my mom could stay with me, which was really nice. Yeah, the doctor was really nice. All the nurses were really great. Come back the next day, and they're like, the infection looks good. We think we got it all. You look great. However, now you have a staph infection.




So you have to stay in the hospital for another four to five days because they wouldn't let me go home. So at this point, it's like 4 July, and I can't tell you I had the most wonderful experience in the hospital. The nurses were fabulous. They painted my nails. They played cards with me. They opened up all the windows so I could watch all the fireworks. They felt so bad for me.


Oh, wow.


That's really sweet.


Yeah. So my head is wrapped up like I had brain surgery. My mom has taken so many pictures of me, and I look like a crazy person. And so on the last day, I'm there the doctor, who at this point was so nice. I saw him every day. He comes in, he goes, okay, you can go home. Before I take the they put a tube in my ear to help drain some of the swelling and infection. Before you go, can I ask a favor? And I was like, sure. He's like, Could I take a picture of your ear so I could use you as the poster child for why you shouldn't get piercings? If you do, why? You should really take good care of them.




Oh, my God.


Do they even theorize in that situation? How the infection started? Like, was it from the artist? Was it from the post? Was it something not sterilized? Did you not clean it? Well, we don't know.


They don't know. I also went in the ocean, and after Hurricane Sandy, the ocean was like.


So could have had some duty in there.


Yeah, I didn't take care of it for a while.


You were hammered at 18, probably lots of ways.


Yeah, I was having fun 18 and almost lost my ear.


Not to shit on the Jersey Shore, but that sounds like a perfect Jersey Shore story. That feels, like, very par for the course.


100%. And I had friends whose younger siblings, after prom, did the same thing and run to the house, and my picture of my ear was floated around saying, don't get piercings. Like, this is what happened.




Do you have that picture?


I do, yeah. I sent it.


I need to see it. Of course.




Oh, Rob has it.


It's not for the week. Stomach.


I can print it.


Text it to me, or text me, too.


Was there any photos taken at Pinnacle infection?




All right, here we go.




For people who are trying to imagine what this looks like, imagine you put a very good sized grape.


Look at the next one. Oh, my alex, this is horrifying.


Whoa, girl. That's it after surgery with the tube.


The one with the tube? Yeah, that's the one.


After surgery, it does not look any better.


I understand why they were like, we might have to cut off your ear. This looks beyond repair.


Look how silly she looks with that big fucking head wrap.


Oh, my God.


I know. I looked like I had brain surgery.


How is it now?


Now it's totally fine. It took, like, six months, but I have some numbness and very minimal hearing loss.


Minimal hearing loss?




It's, like, shriveled up, so I can try. And I don't think I sent a picture of what it looks like now, but it's totally fine.


Oh, yeah.


I was worried about, like, the color.


I'd like to see you give it another shot. Get back up on that horse. Get that thing pierced.


No more piercing.


Learned your lesson?


Oh, yes.


Did your mom ever make an official amends? She was first on the scene and said don't worry about it. Does she carry any guilt for that?


That's true. This is her fault.




I was 18. My whole life, she's been like, you got it.


You're good.


Actually, this is a cautionary tale for you.


Absolutely. If I don't see the bone sticking out of the skin, it's time to get back on the skateboard.


Yeah, no, there was no blood, no vomit, no fever. My mom's like, Go on your merry way.


That's rational. Well, Alex, this was wonderful. I mean, I'm sorry you went through that, but what a gross story. We sure like gross.


Oh, my gosh. I'm such a big fan of you, too. It's so nice to meet you both. And if I could give a quick shout out to my Uncle Scott and my cousin Haley. They're big armchairs shout out. They were the first people I called when I got the email from Emma.




Well, we're so delighted that all three of you are listening, and it was really nice to meet you.


Yeah, thanks for chatting.


We talk about you guys at our family gathering.


Oh, my God.


Hope you guys have a great day. Have a good Thanksgiving.


Okay, you too.


Bye, Alex. Oh.


Happy Thanksgiving. We're there. We get to say that now, right?


Okay, now I'm looking at pictures of that piercing, and it is cute.


Oh, you mean like non infected version?




You just looked up the hook. What was it?




The rook.


It's cute.


Rook to c four.


I can't do it. Obviously. My ears don't take to it.


Hers either. That's good company to be in, because.


Even my third hole regular feels funny now, third hole. Let's move on to the next person.


John's not here yet.


My third hole doesn't look great, either, to be honest with you. It's kind of a mess.


You have a third hole?


Yeah, I have my mouth.


Oh, your mouth.


You're counting in a sexual situation. The third hole is yeah, I guess.


I more imagine, like I'm thinking about women's bodies, I guess.


How many holes do you have?


Well, we have two holes down there and a butthole.


What's your mouth keyhole?


Yeah, urethra, I wasn't counting that.


Thank you for pointing that out.


Oh, boy.


Then your asshole, and then I guess we're counting mouth. So, Thor, if you want to count belly button, because at one point, it was at one point, it was it was a hole that gets tied off.


Two nostrils, two ears, a mouth, that's five. Your eye sockets, that's seven. Just on the head. If you're counting eye sockets, though, you got to count belly button. Thank you for your rationality hole. It's a divot.


It was a hole that they tied out.


No, it's a tube.


It had a tube going into a hole.


You have an innny. It's a shallow hole if you can.


Put something in it's. A hole. Yeah. That's the definition of a hole.


I've not heard of that.


Kink I'm sure it exists.


Of a belly button.


People fucking belly buttons?




And also, like kissing belly buttons and putting your tongue in and stuff.


But do you have to be able to fuck it for it to be qualified as a hole? I think so, yeah.


It's like a nostril.


You're not really doing that.


Or ear hole.


If you have a slender enough peepee.


You could get it in there.


Can't be comfortable for anyone. I have such stretchy, big nostrils. You could get a fair size dinger in there. No, look at both these fingers fit up there. Perfect.


I know. The penis would have to be look.


At I'm sure many penises are that.


Smaller than a micro penis.


No, that's kind of girthy.


Put it this way.


Let's be honest here. Let's get real.




If someone's fingering you with two fingers, that's plenty of pressure.


Yeah, but you're not doing it in your nose the way you would. Oh, well, do it. Do it.


Look at that. I'm in there. That's better than a micro penis.


No, but only you're only putting that.


It'S a little damp from my snot.


You're only putting that much in.


Well, my nose is only so deep.


Well, that's what I mean. So this would not go all the way up your nose. Like, that wouldn't fit. And that's what feels good. Decent sized vagina.


That's fine. That'd be fine. You're not suicidal over that.


I know, but that's because you have this part.


This part.


If this was the part the whole way. That's not great. I mean, it's great. It's great.


Whatever penis you have, it's perfect.




Open up a bunch of new doors to you. Nostril fucking belly button. Fucking ear hole. Fucking.


That's true.




There are pros and cons to all things.






Oh, by.




How are you guys doing?


Wonderful. My goodness. It looks like you're flying the Millennial Falcon or something. What's happening around you?


Well, this is a little Ford I made because I actually don't have a closet, so I had to follow the rules.


You did a great job.


And you have so many soft blankets in your possession. The one behind you.


Yeah. It looks comfy.


Soft surroundings. Highly recommend.


Oh, great brand, it looks like.


Oh, that's the brand. Oh, my God. It's also very descriptive. Soft surroundings. Where are you at?


I am in Brooklyn, New York. I've lived here for about nine years.


Where did you move to Brooklyn from?


Grew up in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.


Oh, beautiful.


Love. The Midwest. And went to school in Omaha, Nebraska.




Wow. So you moved directly from college to Brooklyn?




Okay, so you're roughly, what, 32, 30 on the dot.


Big three.




So you have a piercing and or tattoo story.


Yes. So to preface this story, number one, I am beyond ashamed of the poor decisions that I made personally and that we all made throughout. This night. And the tattoo is actually just one aspect of the story.




So excited.


So went to an all boys Jesuit high school. You can imagine it was just a sea of testosterone and immaturity.


But can I add that we've had a few guests on that had the Jesuit education, and I found all of them to be uniquely analytical and like Socratic method arguers in a great way. I'm not for religious schools, but that one seems to be pretty good.


Yeah. I went to Catholic school for ten years in my childhood and I really didn't want to do it. But the Jesuits have a different I went to school with atheists, Jewish kids, Muslim, all the above, because they didn't care. Their philosophy was, we're just going to teach you how to be a good person.


Oh, I love it. All right. We're pro Jesuit. This is three for three, I think.




Awesome. The Jesuits, they whipped us into shape. By senior year. You start out realizing I have no girls to impress. This is awesome. I can be as dumb as I want to. This story takes place after my senior year. This is right after graduation. My school puts on a big trip to Ireland, where 30 of us go to Ireland for eleven days, just do a tour around the country. And our teacher, who I'm going to call him Mr. O'Doyle, I'm going to change a couple of names throughout this.




Great. He is about as Irish as an Irish American could be. He loves going to Ireland. He loves teaching about everything in Ireland. He's an encyclopedia, basically for the country. And so he leads this trip every year. He set a very, very strict schedule for us, including the fact that if we were late for the bus any day, we were left behind. Period, end of story. Oh, no wiggle room there. So he was incredibly strict alongside me. The main character of this story I'm going to call Scott. And Scott is one of those guys who in high school was just effortlessly cool.


A Monica Padman type.


Exactly. Monica Padman type.




State champion of cheerleading, all that. He was funny, charismatic, everything. I actually started smoking because of him.




I saw him with a cigarette and I'm like, man, he looks cool.


Yeah. Scott is that what we said?


Scotts of the world. Really get people smoking.


So we land in Dublin, day one, immediately hit the road. We hit a bunch of small towns around the south of Ireland, just kind of going to pubs, sipping Guinness, all that stuff.


The teacher doesn't mind that because it's legal age there and he's not monitoring that.


Honestly, that's one of the reasons why he does it. Because we're 18 years old, he wants to teach us just about drinking, I guess. And we just graduated, so the school had no liability.




That's nice.


Which is really good. After this story, really quick.


When I was in Southern Ireland, I started drinking Guinness. But of course, I quickly discovered Beamish. Did you ever have Beamish on draft there?


I never had beamish. I had Murphy's.


Yeah, Murphy's is beautiful. Creamy, creamy, creamy.


Yeah. So we did that for a few days, and then we ended up in Galway, which is the first city that we went to. There was a really good nightlife there. So Mr. O'Doyle took us around during the day and showed us some historical landmarks, taught us about the history of Galway. And it was a really great day. Then the sun set, we were let loose, and we started the night out. Just having a few beers, horsing around. And then we ended up at a nightclub, and we thought it was a genius idea to take Jaeger bombs. Have you guys had Jaeger bombs?


Oh, yeah. Know them well?




Let's go, let's go.


So we each had ten.


My God.


The Red Bull is really keeping us awake at this point and keeping us a little bit wild. And so we were going wild in this club, trying and failing to pick up girls. It was a mess. And so 01:00 a.m. Hit our very strict curfew. And Mr. O'Doyle was sitting outside the hostel smoking cigarettes, watching everybody go in, taking note of who was late. And so we went in. He just told us to go to bed, and we went into our room, and we thought, I kind of still want to go out.


Sure. Got all those Jaeger bombs burning a hole in your gut.


We can't go to bed right now. So how are we going to get out? Well, front door is guarded by Mr. Doyle. Can't do that. There's no back door that we can go through, so all right, we just got to climb out the window. Hammered we're on the third story. Hammered on the third story. And there was a fence at the bottom right before the sidewalk. We started shimmying down, and the first guys got down far enough, put 1ft on the fence, and just sort of jumped on the sidewalk. And then third guy goes down. Basically, at the second story, he decides this great idea just to jump. He jumps, he goes over the fence, lands right on the pavement. He ended up breaking his foot, but he didn't realize it at the time. He found out the next morning.


Sure. Did anyone bring up the notion that you're going to have to get back to the third floor at some point?


We did not think that through whatsoever.




All right, now, great. Even though the Jesuits taught us how to think for ourselves, we did not.


Think that you threw that Jesuit training right out the window.


Exactly after the fifth Jaeger bomb. So Scott climbs out the window, and he slips right away. Oh, he falls down, hits the fence.


Right here in your armpit, basically, yeah.


In the ribs, and he tumbles onto the sidewalk.




He sort of slowly gets up, and we're all thinking like, dude, that was a nasty fall. He gets up and say, okay. I think I'm okay. We're like, you should probably go back to bed. But he know I'm going to charge on.


Scott. Scott. He fires up a dart and keeps it moving.




Scott's too cool to go to bed.


That's right. Or to be hurt.


He was so cool about it. We all made the terrible decision to let him.


This is stressing me out.


So we went out to a couple more bars and then ended up at the tattoo parlor where everyone got matching shamrock tattoos on their chest.






It was our 100th shamrock tattoo the guy had given out that day.


Exactly. Some drunk asshole from the Midwest. It's like another one of these.


Do you have the Lucky Charms Leprechaun? I'd like to get that on my ankle.


That's a good one. I should have thought of that, but I chickened out because I was a little bit nervous about getting tattoos. I've since warmed up to it, but I didn't think they were going to give it to me anyways because I threw up on the sidewalk right before I went in.




I'm shocked that the other guys were able to get it. Everyone got their tattoos all red on the chest. And we go out, have a couple more drinks. 02:30 a.m. We go back to the hostel, and of course, Mr. Doyle is standing right outside, still smoking cigarettes, and he gives us the look of death. Just shaking his head. We got a little bit of a tongue lashing, but then he just sent us inside. So he went in, fell on top of our beds, knowing that the real punishment was coming the next day. So wake up the next day. I, of course, have the worst hangover I've ever had to this day. I started sniffing, and then it was the undeniable smell of poop. I'm like, all right, what's going on? And so we're all looking like, where's the smell coming from?


I need to say to the listener, you have a very vibe. So when people are hearing this story, I need them to kind of imagine Ike is telling the story.


I'm incredibly flattered.


You should be. He's spectacular.


So we're all looking around, and then suddenly I look over, and one of my friends, who was not with us the night before, opens his suitcase and finds a gigantic creamy turd wow.


In the suitcase. Okay.


All over his clothes. And he's having a full on panic attack. I tried to calm him down, and this is not the first panic attack. This guy had a whole nother story. We got in a very tricky situation, and I just slap him out of it.




I get him to calm down. And I said, okay, we're going to go to a Laundromat that's nearby. We looked one up. I help him out, I'm bringing his clothes and I'm thinking like, man, I'm being a good friend. I was a bad friend last night. I'm going to build up some karma. This is great. Once I got him set up, I went back to the hostel and going right to the bathroom, like, I need his bathroom, I'm probably going to throw up. This is terrible. Walk in the bathroom and there are a bunch of guys huddled around the shower. First thought is, all right, somebody shit in the shower. Obviously another poop incident. And then suddenly I see Scott on the floor in the fetal position.


Oh no.


His skin as pale as can be, even greenish. I mean, it was bad. Mr. O'Doyle already saw it and he had an ambulance on the mean. This guy looked like he was on the brink of death. And of course at this point I'm having my own internal panic attack because I'm thinking like, oh God, I did this. Yeah.


Part of this.


He gets in the ambulance, mr. O'Doyle hopped in the ambulance with him. They rush to the hospital and we're all freaking out, piecing together in the night. Was it the fall? Obviously it was the yeah, yeah. There's no question. But we were trying to convince ourselves that it might not have been.




And as it turns out, upon hitting the fence, he shattered multiple ribs and those pieces ruptured his spleen.




And he lost three liters of blood internally overnight.




He went to bed with that injury.


He's so lucky I even looked it up.


Apparently if you lose between two and a half to four liters, it can very easily kill you.




Your blood pressure drops.




And on top of that, his tattoo was probably infected, so that didn't really help.


Oh my God.


Yeah. So Scott's dad got on the next flight to Ireland from Milwaukee. Once he was on the plane, Mr. O'Doyle got us all onto the charter bus and we went on our way and we're thinking like, jesus Christ, we just left Scott behind. His dad is going to watch over him. Our first stop, ironically enough, was an old cemetery. And O'Doyle got us all into church. Sat down in the pews and we're thinking like, we're going to get the biggest tongue lashing of all time. But then he gave us this amazing speech about what it means to be a man for others, which is the big Jesuit phrase, and how to be respectful and take care of all of your friends and those closest to you. And we're thinking like, we really deserve much more than this. So that really hit us hard.


The soft touch can be the most evil touch at times.




I felt so much worse, so impressed by Mr. O'Doyle.


Me too. This poor guy, he's got like twelve fucking teenage coyotes with him.




Just one guy, 30?


No wonder he smokes.


Scott had our back. He did not blame anybody. He didn't point fingers. We were all banded together, but we all felt that internal guilt. He survived.




Thank God.


Just to make sure everybody knows. And he not only recovered enough to get out of the hospital in a week, but I swear to God, he met up with us in Dublin for our last night and went out to the bars with us.




What a champion.


Scott, with his wonderful he also probably.


Had some pain pills.


We were smoking Cuban cigars. I don't think he drank that much because his dad was kind of monitoring it.


Yeah. Also, like internal bleeding. You shouldn't have.


Although, Guinness, they give you Guinness in the hospital. It's got a lot of iron.


That's what you think. We looked it up. That's not real. No, it is.


I was just in awe of this guy's. Tenacity. And needless to say, not only him, but we were all very lucky to have survived that trip. There were a thousand instances like this one, but this was by far the worst.


Wow. Where's Scott living now?


He still lives in Milwaukee.




I have not talked to a lot of these guys since high school. And I reached out to him on Instagram just to make sure. Hey, is it okay if I tell this story? But he didn't respond. So change his name.




Don't want to throw him under the bus, but anyone who went on the trip knows exactly what I'm talking about.


Does he still look radical when you were looking at him on Instagram?


Oh, my God.


Yeah, he's still cool.


He's only gotten better looking.




That's very rare.


Yeah, but cool is cool. You can't shake cool.


Yeah. It's just that flawless nature.


Yeah. There's something in the DNA, I think.


Oh, boy. Wow. What a story.


That was incredible, guys.


Just to say, y'all are even more gorgeous in zoom than I could have ever imagined. Once I got the email, my girlfriend and I were looking at pictures, and we're like, God, DAX is so hot. She wanted me to tell you that you're hot.


Oh, God bless her.


I was like, how gorgeous is Monica? She's like, oh, yeah, definitely.


Well, that's just so nice.


All right, well, great meeting you, and.


Thanks so much for that great story.


Wonderful to meet y'all.


Okay, take care.




So, Ike, I gotta turn the air on. I'm sitting right in a blast furnace of light. Thought he was gonna tell us he was on that shit in that suitcase.


That he was.


Shit in it. Do we think it was Scott? You're right. That was totally left untied. That was just one of those red herrings. Hi, can you hear us?


I can.


Can you hear me?


Oh, beautifully. You have that awesome at T headset on.


Yeah, I look lovely.


Yeah, it looks like we're going to question you about our bill. We saw a charge on there. We're a little curious. What is this charge?


It's my work headset, so I get that.


What are we going to call you?


I'm going to go by Taylor.


Taylor. Ding ding ding swift?


Yeah. This story is a little illegal. It's not illegal. It's a little risque. And so I'd like to avoid any bosses or future bosses knowing who I am.


Wonderful. Taylor. It'll be so where?


You don't have to tell us.


I can say where I'm okay, great. I'm in Vancouver, Canada.


And does this story take place in the Great North?


It does.


I'll get us started.


So this was in 2016. I was 21 years old, and I had just gone through this major breakup. I had just gotten through a three year long relationship. He was my high school boyfriend.


So it was like one of those.


Relationships you kind of like, change for them a little bit. It was not great, but that's okay.


And did college intervene? Is that what happened? Did you go to college?


I didn't. I took a gap year and took some time, and this was actually like heading into me going to college.




So I was like getting my life together. The relationship ended, but I wanted to have one wild summer. And so I cut my hair, dyed my hair, your typical breakup stuff. But I decided to push it a little bit further, and I also got my nipples pierced.


Oh, wow. You were going to enter into a whole new sexual revolution as well.


Maybe. Yeah.


It was like owning it. I was ready to be single. Also, I know my dad's going to listen to this, so he's going to want to plug his ears. But I was ready to be myself, and I was always kind of wild and out there. It wasn't too out of the realm of possibility.


And had you tamped down your personality for the boyfriend? Yeah, he was controlling and jealous.




Isolated myself, cut off some. It's just not great. So it was the summer of me. I was, like, embracing it. And the piercing itself nothing bad. I'm a bit of an adrenaline junkie. The pain I have a high pain tolerance. That wasn't the problem.


Can I ask you some pervy questions?


Go for it.


You can't pierce a flaccid nipple, I'm presuming. So your nipples have to be erect. What strategy do they employ to do is there ice on hand?


No ice. I just think it's like, kind of cold.


Well, also, I'm sure they're holding it in a certain way in order to.


They use those prongs because they need to get behind the actual nipple.






It was an OD experience because they also have to do one at a time. So they do, like, the first one, and the adrenaline covers the pain of that one and then the second one you know what the pain is going to be. So it is actually worse.


Yeah, that makes sense.


But I still didn't find it too bad, luckily.


And is it a man or a woman giving the piercing?


It was a man.


That's fine. Or you're?


It was fine with me.


Did it feel just kind of clinical, though? Like it's routine?


Yeah, it felt like he's probably seen this a thousand times and he's unbothered. I don't know. And I had my girlfriends with me. They came and just witnessed the whole thing. We made a day of it. It was like, not a big deal. So the piercing itself wasn't that bad. It was like the series of unfortunate events that occurred after. So to start out, the piercing was totally fine. I was like, living my best life very single, having fun, probably doing things that are not recommended to the healing of a piercing. I will admit it was a dumb mistake on my behalf. But about two months in, I started to notice that it was definitely irritated. Like I was having issues with it. I have a few piercings, like, I have in my nose pierced. I have lots of cartilage piercings in my ear. So I had good experience with healing piercings. And this I had never really experienced before. About two months in, I woke up one morning. All I can describe is like, the interior side of my left breast was rock hard. Oh, and whoa, bright red.


Whoa, whoa.


So your cleavage and just the interior side of my cleavage. It wasn't the whole breast, it was just the inside part of my boob. I started panicking, but I was also embarrassed because I was like, oh no, what have I done to myself?


Yeah, you have some kind of shame all of a sudden, right? Like, I brought this upon myself.


Yeah, exactly. And I also started to be like, oh, I can fix this. And so I was like, on the internet looking up things that I could do to fix the situation, and nothing was really working. And then three days later, it had gotten so inflamed. Essentially, a nipple barbell is like, two balls and like a small bar in between and one of the balls on the one side because it had gotten so inflamed, it sucked inside the piercing hole.


No. Okay.


Oh my God.


And at that point, I'm like, I have to go to a hospital.




I don't have a choice here. And so I called one of my friends. I'm like, we have to go. She's like, okay, I'll come with you. We wait at the hospital for about 2 hours. And the doctor finally sees me and the vibe is immediately off with the doctor, like, not very kind, just seemed in a rush. It was busy. She made me feel kind of dumb. And I was like, I get it. This wasn't the greatest choice, but I'm here now, and I need medical care.




And so I knew going into that I was likely going to need antibiotics, hopefully oral, and I was likely going to have to remove this piercing. Those things did happen, however. I needed IV antibiotics. She also said that it was just a small abscess, so they were going to do an ultrasound, and they'd likely maybe need to drain if it got worse or the antibiotics would do its job. And then she also had to remove the piercing, and she didn't gently remove the piercing like I had assumed she would. She quite literally pulled the other side of the barbell and ripped it out.


And drugged the fat end of it through.


Oh, my God. Ill. What?


Although what option did she have? She can't grab the other side.


I thought maybe she'd push the other side back out.




That's what I had envisioned. That's not what happened. I feel like I blacked out. Like, I don't remember the pain at all. And she kind of just, like, gave me IV antibiotics and sent me on my way. And then I had to face, because I lived with my dad at this point, I was like, I have to tell him because I have an IV in my hand now. I don't have a choice. And the only adult that knew in my life was my stepmom. And so I called her, and I was like, you have to tell dad. I can't talk to my dad about my nipples. Like, I just can't be faced with this at all.




And so she called him for me while I was on my drive home. I get home, and I face the silent treatment for, like, a good couple of hours, which felt fair. And then finally, I believe the only words he said to me that night were, you're an idiot.


Okay. Very, dad.


I strongly agreed. I wasn't upset by that. But to throw a twist into all this, a day later, I was supposed to leave for vacation with my entire family. Like, my grandparents, my brother, his girlfriend, my dad, my stepmom, my stepsiblings. We were all supposed to go down to Lake Tahoe for two weeks altogether.


Oh, wow. Summertime trip or a ski trip?


It was summertime trip. It was like a family tradition. Like, we went every summer, and it was like, my first time going as adult. I was very excited, but that suddenly changed. I basically said to my dad, I was like, okay, I'll do a couple days of IV antibiotics. When that's done, I'll fly down to Reno. You can pick me up, and then I'll spend the rest of the vacation. We're like, Great plan. So I send my family off. I'm like, I'm good. Have a great time.




And that was a mistake.


Oh, no.


My friends stayed with me. And one particular friend, I'll call her Julie for the sake of the story, because she's heavily involved in this next bit. But she had been driving me back and forth from the hospital because trying to drive with the IV in my hand was super painful. So she was just being a really good friend. And I could tell that it wasn't getting better, even with IV antibiotics. Finally, on the fourth day of IV antibiotics, I said to the nurse, I'm like, I need to see someone again. This is not doing well. During the night, I would wake up in, like all I can describe it is, like, searing pain. It was just brutal. And I was exhausted.


Was it a hot pain?




Oh, God.




And so I flagged that to her, and she's like, great. Have you had your ultrasound yet? I was like, no. She's like, okay, we'll rush you upstairs to get an ultrasound. They do the ultrasound. They put me in the waiting room. And finally a doctor comes up to me, and he goes, have you eaten this morning? And so I look at Julie, and I'm like, I'm going under.




She goes, no, you're not. I'm like, I have watched enough doctor shows and Grey's Anatomy to know that I'm going under. And I've never had a proper surgery before. And my family's all in California, and I'm freaking out. Finally, the surgeon comes, and he's like, you're going under. I need you to sign waivers. And I had to call my dad and tell him that not only is your child at home by herself, but she also has to go into a surgery now. And he started freaking out. Luckily, Julie's parents called him and were like, we've got her. Don't come home from your vacation. You're going to rush home for her to just be recovering on the couch. Like, we've got it handled. Don't worry. So forever indebted to this family. We're sitting there. I'm a little high on morphine. And around three quarters through the first act is what we call the explosion, because there's no other way to describe it. Essentially, what was my boob tore? This is where people are not going to want to listen.


Hold on, hold on, hold on. The skin itself, perforated after the barbell.


Had been sitting, started splitting open.




Not the cleavage, but the areola nipple area.




And then all of the pus that was in my body began to drip down my side.


Oh, I kind of love wait, down meaning just it was covering.




At this point, because things had gotten worse, it was more than just the inner part of my boob. It had kind of moved more to the center.


Oh, got it. Okay.


And so when it ripped, everything just kind of started dripping down my side.


Did you get that incredible sense of relief you get when you pop a pimple?


Oh, wow.


And I was also high on the perfect timing. I felt this release, and then I was totally out of it. And then Julie starts panicking because she's seeing this go on. She starts cleaning me up and calling nurses and being like, she needs another gown. It was a lot. There was two gown changes. It was an obscene amount of liquid to come out of a human's body.


Oh, my God.


How many ounces would you guess? So you're on the metric system up there. Do you do ounces?


I don't think I could guess it, to be honest with you. I think I was just so out of it at that point.


But do you think it was a tube of toothpaste or a can of soup?


A can of soup.




That was my hunch. Okay, so 1012 ounces.




Did you have the impulse to start squeezing your breast and getting it all out like you would a pimple?


Of course. But then I was like, am I making this worse if I start doing this? Also, this surgery still has to happen because there's all these other things going on. I don't know what's still left in there.


But does it my hunch would be like, oh, it did.


It did.


Okay, slow down.


So they took me up to the surgery room. Surgery goes on. It's totally fine. I wake up in the recovery room. I'm like, a little bit out of it. I explained to the nurses that my family's not there, but my friend's in the hallway. I think it's against hospital rules, but they're like, hey, we'll let her in. You're alone, and you're 20. And so my friend comes in, something seems a little bit off, and I'm like, maybe I've traumatized Julie a little bit, and I feel really bad that I did this to her, but I'm fine now. And so then they tell me that I have to stay a couple days. This isn't like a infection where I get to just go home. And I had to have way more rounds of really high level antibiotics. I had friends coming in on shifts, watching me and keeping me entertained. And I just noticed Julie and Julie's mom in particular, every time they came in, they were, like, quite somber. Julie's mom always had, like, tears in her eyes. Oh, my God, I'm alive. I feel so much better now.


Has the doctor said anything to you at this point? Not yet.


So this is where things get interesting. I haven't seen the doctor for, like, four days. And so finally Julie gets up, and she goes to the nurse's station, and she goes, she needs to talk to the doctor immediately. And I'm like, what's all this seriousness about? And so the doctor comes down. He's talking to me. He's like, Let me see the incision. I'll let you know if you can go home today. I'm like, oh, that's great. I show him the incision. He's like it looks great. We can definitely send you home. Can I just look at. Your other breast? And I'm like, yeah, sure. And he looks at me, he goes, yeah, it's about a five to 10% difference. And I was like, what do you mean? And he was like, we definitely had to remove five to 10% of your breast because it was a flesh eating disease.


Oh, my God. Whoa.


So the tissue around it had been so damaged from the infection that they had to remove parts of my breast.


Oh, my all the necrotic tissue?


Yeah, I just said no. I was like, okay, that's fine. Five to 10% boobs are already different sizes. I'm pretty sure it was my bigger one. Anyways, going in with five to 10%, he leaves the room, and my friend Julie just lets out this sigh like a shudder. I don't know how else I would describe it, but I look at her, I'm like, what's going on? He's like, when you were in the recovery room, he told me he had removed 50% of your breath, and she had been living with that for four days. And the only person she had told was her mother. And that's why they had been staring at me.


And the mom was like, oh, this poor 19 year old girl.


Exactly. With so much pity. So that's basically what happened. Like, the rest of the recovery itself was pretty smooth.


Did you have to have a pick line like I had? Did you, for a month or two, have to shoot antibiotics?


Yeah, it was a long process while I was starting college, too, so I was at school with a full bandage. I was trying to hide it from people because they just didn't want to get into it. They also had to keep the incision open because they wanted to make sure it filled from the inside first before. But the nurses were super friendly, and they're like, you healed impeccably well. And I'm like that's. Great. It's like a pretty normal scar. My friends do call me Franken Titty now. They wanted to make sure I said that. That's my fun little nickname.


So do you notice the difference?




Oh, great.


I will say the only thing is I'm quite pale, but the areola is there, and there's like a small crescent moon of like you can tell it's my actual skin versus areola skin. That's the only difference, truly. The other weird part, I will say, is that nothing ever happened to the other piercing you left it in.


Oh, my Lord. I don't think you were rightly. Shamed by anybody for the first go round. But I will say, if something happened to the second one, I do think your dad would deserve to go, you're a fucking idiot.




Most of the nurses, too, were like, It's weird. Usually they go at the same time, but the other one looks super healthy and totally fine. And I was like, great. And, yeah, I've just kept it.




So do we think this is common nipple piercing infections?


I think so.


I don't know if they're like to the level that yours had experienced, but.


Yeah, if she said they go at the same time, that means often they've.


Seen it's definitely a piercing. I think that because of where it's located. It's located near, like, milk ducks. There's other things going on that have actual bodily usage that I think they tend to go wrong.




Taylor, that was a harrowing tale. I mean, yikes.


Yeah, that was good. I'm glad it all resolved itself.


I'm glad it's the last one in the episode, too.


Yeah, sure.


Because it's going to be the hardest for people eating lunch to hear.


I think it's a hard listen.


Well, Taylor, thank you so much. That's a banger of a piercing story. And I say hi to your dad who's listening. If he made it through that, God bless him.


Yes, exactly. Well, thank you so much. It was great meeting you both.


Yes, you too. Take care.




I'm now waving, so I'm going to have to rescind my thank you. My teasing you.


You said I had a stupid hand and now you have a stupid hand. Yes. Yeah. Those are doozies. Stuff can go way wrong when there's needles and metal.


Just the notion of a breast size pimple so wild. I obviously don't want any of that experience, but the moment that it breaks, I feel like I'm envious of because again, when I was a kid and you'd have that terrible pimple and then you went for it and it worked and you got the relief. Boy, those are some highlights of my life.


Wow, what a life. She said it had that relief. And also because I'm sure there was just so much pressure, so that makes sense. But it's also scary. It's like, what the fuck?


It is scary.


But there's this I'm rotting.


I don't know if this is unique to me or a very human experience, which is like anytime you get something out of your body, there's this weird sense of relief. I think it's even why pooping is so enjoyable, because you're like, oh, good, I got that out of that shouldn't have been inside me.


Sure, yeah. I mean, like when you cut my earring out, that was awesome. You definitely enjoyed it more than me.


You didn't get a gush of relief.


I felt relief because it was hurting.




So that was good. That's like, oh, that's gone bad, I guess. Yeah, it's what you're saying, but it wasn't this like rush of endorphins or anything. No.


Makes me want to find the video.


Carly has it. I was thinking we should post it, but we're definitely never posting that.




You didn't want that to be posted.


No, I don't want that to be posted. It's so tempting. I keep wanting you still want it. That was my second time.




And I want a third.


Try this is drugs repeating the same thing and expecting a different result. The definition of insanity.


I know, but it looks so good.


Does it?




I don't even notice.


I don't know if boys notice.


It looked good when my players got a hold of it and I snipped it out.


It's healed so well.


Let's do it again. I could look, it just means I'll get to cut one out again. And I certainly enjoyed it the first time.


And, you know, people get these big.


Bumps on the back right where it was.




You don't have that.


Not up top.


Oh, that's nice.


Anyway, wow.


Well, I love you. That was gruesome and wonderful.


Yeah. Good times.


Good times. Do you want to sing a tune or something?


Going to a theme song.


Okay, great. We don't have a song for this new show, so here I go. Go. We're going to ask some random questions, and with the help of Arm Jerry's, book it's. Suggestions? On the fly rhyme dish. On the fly rhyme dish. Enjoy.