Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dan Sheppard. I'm joined by Mrs. Mouse.

Happy Valentine's Day a couple of days ago.

Happy Valentine's Day a couple of days ago. This is the Valentine's Day disaster episode.

Yeah, this is a fun one.

It really is fun. If you listened yesterday, we already said, congrats on six years. We'll say it again.

Congrats on six years.

Congrats on six years.

We have housekeeping.

Oh, yes.

In this episode, we mention Liz a couple of times. We say, Oh, it's scary. Like Liz.

Yeah, and you scream every time. That's why I always say it.

And you say, Liz.

It's a pop-out every time I say it. Liz.

It is. And then I say in it, We got to explain Liz. And then you say we're going to, and then we forget. Okay. So we've talked about this before. Some of the armcherries will know, but some won't. And the ones who don't will definitely think we're talking about Liz Plank, and we're not.

We're not talking about Liz Plank. If you're an OA, you know this. But Monica and I were one time watching a Dateland, and there was a scary woman, Liz, who was a murderer. And then Monica got back to her apartment.

No. This is one of those fun moments where our memories are different. Okay.

I think they might work together, but go ahead.

I didn't go back to my apartment. It was COVID. And Anna, me and you were watching Dateland. We all lived together at your house during COVID. Okay. And it was when you had broken your arm or your hand, whatever We had broken. Who knows that day. So you were in the guest bedroom. Anna was in the kids bedroom. Kristen had COVID. She didn't, but we thought she had COVID. Oh, it was that night?

Yes. Was it a bunch of food at the end of the hallway?

She thought she had COVID, so she was sequestered.

What comedy was happening? Oh, my God. This is like three's company.

Yeah. The three of us put on this dateland. We didn't even know Anna that well at the time, too, which is also weird and funny. Scary, scary lady named Liz. She was evil, and she popped out, and she had a dog. There was a dog in this episode that looked exactly like Frank, your dog. Right.

And you became concerned it was the same dog.

Yes, because Frank is a rescue.

And Liz is MIA.

Exactly. And so we watched this episode. I'm getting very worked up internally about my fears. And then I am sleeping on the couch in the movie room, and And I go in there and I hear her. Liz. She knocked. She knocked, and I freaked out. And then I texted you and Anna, and I said, Help, it's scary out here. And then you both slowly came out.

To clear the room for Liz. Yeah. I have a totally different memory, but I don't think it's either or. I totally believe that that was the full roll out of Liz. But I remember you going back to your apartment. I remember you being at your apartment and texting, I'm super scared. I heard a noise outside. And I said, I know it's Liz. And then you said, No, don't say Liz. And I said, She's out there, Liz. I know there was a moment where you were scared in your apartment, and I kept telling you it was Liz.

Are you sure it wasn't just me being scared in the room? It might have been that, because I heard a knock or a weird sound.

No, I remember me introducing the notion that Liz was at your apartment. You already thought it was Liz in the living room version. I think they both happened. I wish we could... Because you were afraid of Liz for months.

I'm still afraid of her.

Right. And so many times over the last four years, I have tried to scare you that Liz is outside your apartment.

Yeah, she comes around.

She's a nasty lady.

Anyway, so when we say that, we say it in that tone, it's not... I don't want people to think... We love Liz. Yeah, it's all complicated.

Liz Plank. Not Liz Plank.

We love Liz Plank. We don't like Liz Frank.

Liz and Frank.

Liz Liz Frank and Liz Plank? What if Liz Plank is Liz Frank?

With a haircut. Because she just showed up after we-Out of nowhere. Now, I guess we're reversing our position. Sometimes she wears banks. We're reversing our position. In fact, it is about Liz Plank. That's what you should know. I'm glad we did this. Oh, my God. We landed right where it's the modest mouse lair.

I'm supposed to hang out with her this week.

If you go straight long enough, you'll end up right where you were. Oh, God, you got to bring a weapon.

To dinner, yeah.

I know what you could do. Bring Frank and see if he runs to her and feels reunited. Okay, that's a good idea. Okay, perfect. We got a test. Please enjoy Valentine's Disastres.

All times, come and go. Good times, take them slow. My life, I had them both.

But for one thing, you got to know, I'm going to keep them shiny.

All All right, we're ready for-Emma.Valentine's.

Day with Emma.Valentine's.Oh.

Valentine's.love.

Day.saint.

Valentine.

Massacre, blood, death, destruction.So it's your anniversary.It's our anniversary. It's our anniversary.

Hello.

Hello.

Oh, and are you English?

No, I'm from New Zealand.

Oh, a Kiwi. Because you immediately reminded me of the actress in the original office. When I first saw your face.

Oh, that's funny. My husband will like that. He loves her. He loves the office.

She's so lovable. Emma, you're calling from New Zealand? Mm-hmm.

Oh, no. What time is it? It's okay.

It's 7:30 in the morning, but it's tomorrow.

I love this. I always ask David this, what happens today? What happens on Thursday? Is it a good day? Friday.

What happens on Friday?

Well, no, it's 7:30 in the morning, Friday. So I'm wondering what happened on Thursday.

That makes perfect sense. My apologies.

Was it a A good day?

Yeah, it's a great day.

Okay, good.

I guess I wouldn't have even assumed you guys celebrate Valentine's Day. I don't even know if that's an internationally recognized event. Is it big in New Zealand?

It's definitely not as big as it is in America. We still celebrate it. It's still a thing, like jewelry stores still have sales and stuff. But it's the same as Halloween, and nothing's as big as it is in America.

Yeah, sorry for that. Except for Guy Fox Day. I've been in New Zealand for Guy Fox Day, and that was spectacular.

Yeah, we do love that.

All right, so you have a Valentine's Day disaster, which we cannot wait to hear.

So this happened in 2009. I was 16. So the day was February 14th. It was Valentine's Day, which happened to be a Saturday night that year. And my boyfriend, Lucas and I, we were going to a high school house party. It's like someone's birthday. My mom had agreed that she'd drop us off and pick us up, and Lucas could stay the night, but strictly in separate rooms.

Oh, this is very exciting, though. I want to applaud your mother's progressiveness.

Yeah. We've been dating for three months, and we'd gotten pretty hot and heavy, but we'd never had sex. Neither of us had ever had sex. So we decided it's Valentine's Day. This is the perfect opportunity to lose our vaginities. All we had to do was come home from this party, wait until my mom went to sleep, and then he would sneak up to my room. Oh, yeah. Sexy. Yeah. Here we go. So we had a in place. We were excited, bit nervous, but we both were pretty ready for it. So random bit of backstory, in New Zealand at the time, there were these popular like RTD drinks that I won't name, but they were always like a standard 5 % alcohol, like a beer. Around this time in 2009, they'd released this 8 % can in a 12 pack, which is stronger than wine, but really easy to drink. Also, I feel like I should say in New Zealand, the drinking age is 18. So it's a bit more normal for us to be having a supervised party at 16. Yeah. My mom, bless her, she'd never drunk these before. So when she went out and bought us a couple and she didn't notice the change in strength or the change in packaging, so she just grabbed the first thing she saw, which was a big twelve-pack.

She dropped us off at this party, she gave us the entire twelve pack and said, Okay, have fun. Stick to two each.

You shouldn't say stick to two each and then give twelve.

It's confusing. Mix messages. Yeah.

She was testing you. Yeah, I think so.

I failed. So we got there. We were having fun. I felt like I look good. Everything was going well. But about an hour in, I was starting to get really nervous. I'm going to have sex tonight. Everything is going through my head. What if it doesn't work? What if I suck at it? What if he sucks at it? What if he's not the one? Yeah. So scary. Naturally, I'm trying to calm my nerves, trying to get a bit of a buzz going. So I just start pounding back these drinks, which is obviously the worst thing that I could have done.

Can I ask really Really quick, did you know they were a higher alcohol content, or was that realized later?

I feel like I probably did and was just like, score, let's not tell mom. Got it. So cut to a bit later. I'm having a good time. I find Lucas, and he's figured out at this point that I'm about six drinks deep and I'm absolutely toasted. I'm really, really drunk. So I tell him he must come to the bathroom with me. I'm busting. I have to pee. We try and head inside, but there's a big line to the bathroom. And there's just no way I'm going to make it. This house had a pretty big property, and it had a big bank going down the side of the driveway with a small wooden area. And I decided, yes, wooded area, perfect spot for an outdoor evening Bushwee. I love it. We're going there. I dragged Lucas across this property over to the spot, and I'm like, okay, just wait there. I'll go behind this tree and pee. And he was really good. He just stood there waiting for me, keeping a look out while I was trying to drunkenly keep myself upright, squatting in a bush. But then I heard this weird noise, and I was like, who's mowing their lawns right now?

It's dark. It's late. That's such a crazy thing to be doing. And then I was still peeing in this bush, and I found a bit of pain. And I was like, oh, no, I'm swaying so badly that I've fallen over without realizing it and landed in a prickle bush. That's what's heard. I've sat on a prickle.

Oh, boy. Okay.

Wait for it, Monica. But then Two things happened at once. The pain that I felt suddenly went from zero to 100, like one prickle to a thousand prickles. It was agony. At the same time, Lucas starts screaming. He just starts yelling and yelling for me to run while he himself is just sprinting down this hill away from me. And that's when I realized I'm squatting and peeing directly onto a wasps nest.

No, no, no, no, no, Fuck.

And I was there for way too long. Once I realized, I pulled up my underwear and I sprinted back to this house, and I was instantly sober from the pain. And I got our friend's parents to call my mom. I was distraught, and I just sat there and cried.

Oh, my God.

My mom picked us up and took us back. We got home, and I was in so much pain. My mom just thought that I had a wasp thing or bee sting. And she was like, You're being a wasp. Let me look. And I don't know if you were the same at 16, but it took me a lot to get everything off and let her have a look. Oh, sure.

Yeah, no way.

I was justified, though, when she looked at it and all she said was, oh, my God, get in the car. We're going to the hospital. Oh, no.

Oh, wow. Oh, wow, wow, wow.

It turns out it probably because I was so drunk and I'd squatted there for so long without realizing what was happening, that I had been stung. I was red and swollen right from the back of my thighs, all up my butt cheeks, in my butt crack and all over my lady bits. It got the vulva, the majora, the menorah, all of it.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Were you able to get a good look at it? Did they give you a mirror or anything?

I should have. I think I was just too upset.

Did you reach down and feel it? I know baseball is not a big game in your country, but I just imagine it might have turned into a catcher's mess.

I was really swollen. Peeing It was not fun for a few days after that. It was pretty bad.

I'm so glad you're still with us. You could have my girl didn't died. Sure. Because of the shock.

I know. That's why because there were so many stings, it was like hundreds. Oh my God. My mom took me to the emergency room and I had to spend the night there making sure I didn't go into anaphylactic shock and died. Luckily, I was fine, obviously, but it is safe to say that I didn't get to have sex that night. Valentine's Day was officially ruined.

Did you end up staying with that guy long enough to finally do it? Eventually, yeah. Once everything returned to a healthy status quo?

Returned to a normal size, yeah.

Holy cow. It was itchy as hell because when I've been stung and it gets red like that with the histamines, it gets itchy.

The feeling was a bitch as well. It was so itchy, and I still actually have scars from it and stuff as well. Yeah, I'm sure. Really?

Oh, my God. What a disaster.

That is a textbook disaster. I was assuming there'd be some mix up with the transfer from the boy to the room in the middle of the night. Maybe he went into mom's room on accident.

It was almost a red herring that you were drunk. I mean, I understand it's what got you in this position in the first place, but yeah, I thought it was going to be a messy hookup. But this is way worse and way better.

Yeah, I thought that would throw you.

What a story.

Thank you. Emma, I'm so glad you lived to tell the tale. That is gnarly.

Thank you so much for having me, you guys. It's really nice to meet you both.

We're so flattered you're listening down in New Zealand. We're not too esoteric? You're getting everything. Do you ever feel like, I don't know what the fuck they're talking about?

No, we love you. You guys don't know this, but we've been friends for four or five years by now. Oh, good.

That's so lovely. Well, we're going to come down because we're going to join David Farrier at some point. Oh, please do. Well, nice meeting you, Emma. Thank you so much for telling us that.

Bye, guys. Thank you. Bye.

So I was in therapy to bring everyone in. I was in therapy, and then all of a sudden, I heard the door, someone was opening the door because I do my therapy inside the attic. I had to put my pants back on in a hurry. God, He insists that I have them off for vulnerability's sake.

The door was locked, thank God. Good idea.

Yeah. Then I peaked out the window to see who had just tried to barge in. My assumption is you and Rob know that it's therapy.

I mean, I guess in theory, I know, but not really. But you didn't even know what day it was. It's not on my calendar or anything.

You didn't even probably know what day it was when you were trying to come in.

I don't know what day it is. Yeah, it's morning. But I was like, Oh, no, it's locked. And then I went, I got my key out. I didn't even know if I had a key, but I had a key. I was glad I had a key. Okay. I started putting it in, and then I could hear a. I didn't hear what you said. I just heard the tone of your voice.

You heard Monica.

I'm definitely coming in now. No, but I was like, Oh, fuck. I was like, Oh, yes. Therapy. Oh, no. Because I was trying to be a very good employee. Okay. I had a work meeting with Spotify, and then we had this, Armchair Anonymous, and they were back to back. Back to back. I thought, Oh, no. I can't be late to armchair anonymous. Everyone will be upset. So I'll go early, and then I'll do it here. I'll be ready. And then I thought it was sometimes the best laid plans. And I am of my senior of men.

This is very true. So then I signed off. I was right at the end. Then I quickly peaked out the window to see who it was, and I saw you walking, or what I thought was you walking. You saw a scurry? I saw a scurry, and then I text you. Hey, I was in there. Was that you knocking? Yeah. And then I didn't hear from you. And then I couldn't see you anywhere. And I'm like, What has happened?

Did you think I was like an apparition?

I had a lot of thoughts. I was like, She got really mad. The door was like, and she went home. Now she won't respond to me. She's angry.

Also, did you see me? Okay, because when I went to the guest house, I was closing the door and you were coming out of the attic, which then I was like, Oh, should I just go? Whatever.

I scanned the driveway first, and then I scanned the yard because you sometimes will sit out by the... And then you were just gone. You're an apparition.

I thought you saw that I was in the guest house, and then you kept walking. So then I thought maybe you were mad.

Oh, interesting. A lot of baggage. A lot of baggage. A lot of scars. Okay, let's go to Jackson. Hello. Hi. Oh, my God, Jackson, you're wearing a shirt as a hat. This is the first time I've ever seen this. Yeah.

The closet's cramped, but I'm making it work.

Oh, thank you. You sound great.

This is wonderful.

Thank you. I did my best to get as insulated as possible for you guys.

You're my first Jackson, I'm meeting. I mean, I guess I've met a J-A-C-K-S-O-N, but not a J-A-X-O-N.

Oh, wow. Yeah, I'm a substitute teacher's favorite. It always comes up when they call the name.

I bet. Where are you at in the country? Please be Jacksonville, Florida or Jackson, Mississippi.

It is Gainesville, Florida, so close to Jacksonville.

Oh, okay. I know a lot about Gainesville, but I'm not going to say anything about it.

I know a lot about Gainesville, and I will say- Give it a shot. Because that's where the Georgia, Florida the game happens. It's our quote, neutral territory. So I've spent a couple nights there.

I want to get to one of those games soon.

Yeah, they're fun.

How old are you? We suck right now, so I can't really go.

I'm 24. Okay, 24. For just a youthful young man at the beginning of your life, and yet you've already had a Valentine's Day disaster.

Yes, I have. So a little bit of backstory. I lived with my girlfriend at the time, now my fiance. She worked at a hospital She was the morning sister. She'd get up about 5:45 to get everything ready, get her coffee, get prepared for the day. The plan was after she got off of her shift, we were going to go get dinner at 8:00. It would have been hard, but we were up for the challenge. We were like, get up, ready, make her coffee. And then the fire alarm is going on. So I was like, What could possibly be happening? I'm thinking she's burnt her coffee so bad that this place is in a blaze and we need to get out. I find out that it's not that somebody has just pulled the fire alarm So we get our dog, go outside, wait. She's fully in her scrubs, ready to go to work, supposed to leave in 10 minutes. I lived in a college off-campus apartment complex, so it wasn't out of the norm for someone to just pull a fire alarm just to inconvenience the others.

And that's all fine and dandy, but not at five. I mean, that's an ultra dick move. That goes from being a prank to just a total declaration of your dickness.

Well, the crazy thing was it had happened before in a different apartment complex at three in the morning. I was grateful it was six, so I got some more sleep.

Yeah, but now you're starting to look like the most viable suspect because if it's happened in two of the places-Multiple locations. Yes. Maybe I sleep walking. Nightcare.

We have to wait for the fire department to come. They pull up two trucks, full sirens because they think this apartment complex is on fire. They find out it's not. They check all the rooms. They say, Okay, it's good to go back in. I go in with my dogs. My girlfriend goes to work. And that door, where the control panel is to turn off the alarms is right outside of my apartment. So I'm hearing thuds. I think I go back to sleep for 10 or 15 minutes and I hear just a huge banging on my door. I'm thinking the fire department has somehow messed something up and needs to get into my apartment to somehow fix this alarm situation. Turns out it is a girl that I had never seen with obvious smoke coming from the ground. So I open the door to see what I can only describe as a self-kindled fire made of leaves, twigs, and a textbook.

Oh my... And it's where she has a textbook wide open and she's made this little wad of kindling on there and it lit it ablaze?

Yeah, it's a good size fire. What?

I'm sorry to play into the stereotype, but welcome to Florida. Yes, exactly.

What's crazy is I thought she was helping me out. I was like, Oh, my God.

You're so generous.

What if you stumbled upon in front of my door? Thanks for helping me out. No, I go, Are you okay? What's going on? She's Where is she? I was like, What do you mean, where is she? Before I can say, Who is she? She has kicked the fire onto my feet and into my apartment. No.

What? This is like out of a horror movie.

This is like Liz, that scary Girl.

So at this point, I go into survival mode. I didn't even know I had a fire extinguisher, but I found it and it was open and I put the fire out and I'm on the phone with 911. What feels like 15 seconds, it was probably longer, but I felt like I did it pretty quickly.

Can I pause It allows you for half a second? It's been always a great fantasy of mine to be able to deploy a fire extinguisher. Had you been waiting your whole life like me to do that? And was it so thrilling?

It was something I wish I could have done under less stressful terms, but it was exciting.

Yes, it is.

Let it rip. It was a lot messier than I thought it would be.

Yeah, it's very messy.

There's powder everywhere.

Yeah. Wait, can you tell us about the girl? What does she look like?

How old is she? I also want to know what the subject of the textbook was.

Oh, sure.

That could be a big clue.

I didn't look at that.

I bet it was psychology, but continue.

Probably. She was, I would say, 22, about 5'4, Hispanic descent. Okay. Had very colorful hair, like red, green hair.

Feisty.

I was about to say that.

Yeah. I'm now in my doorway, and she's still there. She didn't go into my apartment, which was weird. I figured if somebody was in there, she'd want to get in quick, but she didn't. She stayed at my door, and I'm like, Okay, the cops are coming. Now's your chance to leave. Let's part ways. I'll deal with this mess, unfortunately. And she was like, No, I don't care about going to jail. I was like, Oh, what?

Okay.

And her eyes could only be described as the widest I've ever seen anybody's eyes. So then I start to assess the situation. She is looking at me saying, I know someone's in your apartment. I'm going to find her. And I've noticed that she is holding the glass pane that covers the fire alarms. So I'm like, okay, she's pulled the fire alarm and for some reason has come back to my apartment because she didn't get a big enough thing. I don't really know what it was.

I'm going to add it's 6:00 AM. She hasn't woken up early for this. She's been up all night. We're seeing her at the end of a long day.

In my head, I'm like, okay, this girl is crazy. I got to figure something out to get her out of here. She insisted and was like, I know she's in there. I'm going to find her. I'm like, Who is she? And she says some name I've never heard before. And I was like, Look, I don't know who you are. I don't know who she is. I think we have a misidentity type of thing. I'm not the person you're looking for.

You're being so calm and patient and kind. I got to say, if someone chucked a textbook that was on fire in my house, I'd have to remind myself I don't hit girls.

Well, my voice was definitely raised, but it was mostly, Let me see if I can get somebody else out here. And luckily, the smoke from the fire had the alarms going off again. Yeah, of course. The neighbors are out and they're seeing just this girl arguing with a guy on Valentine's Day morning saying, I know she's in there. I'm like, they think that some girl is in my apartment. I'm cheating on somebody somebody. I was like, Does anybody know this person? Because I certainly don't. And I don't want anybody to think I do know her because this is crazy. Everyone's like, No, we don't know her. But luckily, they're filming. So I felt a little bit of comfort in that because I was like, If anything happens, it's on film.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She continues this. I know she's in there. I say, I don't know who she is. Please stop. Please leave. She then tries to get in. And I'm a big dude. I'm about 6 to 195, 200 pounds. In my head, I'm like, okay, let's say I do decide to defend myself. I can't close the door because there's smoking there and I'm going to get some smoking relations thing. So let's say I do defend myself. All the cops are going to see me, a really big guy over this smaller girl. I don't want any creative imagination to make this seem like I did something wrong. I just was like, Okay, I'm going to push her out. Leave it at this. Keep pushing her out. I start to hear the police siren. I'm like, Okay, they're getting close. I continue to push her out. She's still like, I know she's in there. Where is she? I was like, She's not here. Please just leave. And then I'm thinking this girl is crazy. And I made the cardinal sin of being like, you are acting crazy right now. Yeah.

All right.

A sight in her eye came out and I see her jump up, right-hand raised. And that glass is now smashed onto my arm with a force.

God. Wow. Feisty was an understatement.

I was shocked for sure. But I'm standing there and I'm like, I should be in some pain. So I look at my arm And there's a good size cut, but I think the guy in me was like, This is fine. I don't even need stitches for this. I looked down at a worse cut in my arm, and I'm seeing fatty tissue. My bicep is moving in it. It is a good size cut. This is going to need to be addressed. I'm about to get my first ever stitches for this.

Yeah, you're going to be leaving the apartment in an ambulance here in a minute. Fuck.

Well, after I get stabbed, then I'm like, Okay, She can look for this person that doesn't exist in my apartment. There's nobody I need to protect in here. Hopefully, my dog's good. I'm going to step aside. So I do. And then she comes out crawling on all fours. It was really weird. I don't know what she was going through, but she's all fours and just looks at me and she's like, Sorry, she wasn't in there. Cops come. I point her out because she didn't run at all. She just stayed outside of my apartment. I'm like, That's her. I then am getting fixed up by the fire department and an ambulance driver comes up and is like, We're here to take care of you. Do you need us to call someone? I was like, Yeah, let me call my girlfriend at the time, if you know what I'm saying now. I called her. I was like, Hey, you aren't going to believe this story.

Since you left 15 minutes ago. Oh, my God. Our apartment's been on fire and I've been assaulted and stabbed.

Exactly. I'd say from her building to the parking lot to our house is probably a 15 to 20 minute drive. And she got there in five minutes. I don't know how she did it.

I went to the ambulance driver's.

I was like, You know what? I'm not going to foot this bill for the ambulance because I'm not bleeding anything crazy. I can move my arm. I'm just going to go to the hospital. So it's a lot cheaper. They're like, Okay, we'll take this girl that is insisting on going in the ambulance because she cut her hand from smashing the glass on me. I was like, Oh, yeah, for sure. Take her. Yeah.

Right. She's not too worried about any bill she's racking up. In fact, she's not worried about almost any repercussions for anything right now.

So get to the hospital. Cops come. I give my statement, and I get 25 stitches. And then they say, We'll be in contact so you can talk to the district attorney. And I was like, Okay, because at this point, I'm thinking, this crazy person is showing up to my house. Why are there people showing up to my house and stabbing me? I don't know if it's some organization that has decided my apartment number, stab them every time you see them. I don't know what's going on. So I meet with them about a week later, and they're like, Yeah, we figured out why she did it. I was like, Is it because she's crazy? And they're like, Well, a little bit. The weeks prior to you being stabbed, she was at and she would see a car go by and say, Now's my time to run. So she would just sprint out of her job. She took a road trip to Arkansas for no reason.

So she was in a probably bipolar ramp up.

I was like, So what happened my day? And they were like, Do you have anybody that lives with you? I was like, Yeah, I live with my girlfriend. And they're like, Was she getting ready for work or something? Were there lights going on? I was like, She was in the bathroom, turned the lights on and off. They go, Okay, when this person saw the lights going on and off, she took that as a sign from her friend that she was being human trafficked.

This is like a schizophrane.

And decided that she needed saving.

Oh, wow.

Oh, poor girl. I mean, poor you the most, but poor girl. Does that mean she was a neighbor if she was seeing this light from her place?

I know she lived in the complex. I don't know how close she could have been on a stroll. She could have been in her room and been like, These lights are going off a little too crazy. That friend's being trafficked.

That's what's sad is the people that do these in schizophrenia episodes, they think they're being killed. Exactly. Of course, anyone is worth hurting to save yourself. Fuck.

Wow. That's a crazy story.

Were you able to get a table at Applebee's? No.

I spent the night cleaning up my apartment because what I didn't know is that when things happen in your apartment like a crime, you are responsible for cleaning it out. So I got to clean up the extinguisher. She was in my apartment. She like, smeared blood on the walls.

Oh, my God.

So I got to deal with all of this on my Valentine's Day.

Oh, my gosh. So what happened with her?

She, from what I understand, is now in a mental institution. Getting help. But from what I understand, she's going to be there until she's able to stand trial. Oh, okay. Wow. Because not only did she assault me, she also assaulted a police officer on the way to the car. So even if I would be like, You know what? Bygones be bygones, the cop is still. Bygones are not bygones for him, I guess.

Yes. Oh, wow. And sadly, you do need a record of someone's behavior so that you have some leverage to monitor it.

She can't control her behavior, and it's dangerous.

It's a Sapolsky thing. You shouldn't be judgmental of it. And also you should keep dangerous people off the street. Yeah, exactly. Was this last Valentine's Day? You didn't say what year this was.

It was a year ago.

Oh, my God. Oh, your anniversary is coming up.

Yeah. I always forget it's on Valentine's Day. So when my fiance was like, Oh, this Valentine's Day disaster, you have one. I was like, I thought we've had some pretty good Valentine's Day. What did I do? And she's like, You got stabbed on Valentine's Day. I was like, Oh, yeah, by the arsonist.

Do you have Venmo? I do. Will you give it to me?

I can, yeah.

Yeah. Rob, will you write it down? Put it in the chat. I'm buying you and your fiance Valentine's dinner.

That's nice.

Oh, thank you. We need a good one.

I want you to go to the nicest place in town.

Let's get the stabbing out of the- Yeah, we'll a reset.

Well, Jackson, what a pleasure meeting you. Yes.

Thank you for sharing.

Crazy fucking story. I loved it.

Yeah. Hopefully this Valentine's Day isn't eventful.

We're going to make sure you're at least dining in style, okay?

Yeah. I don't know if you guys want to see the pictures. Of course. Let me see if I can find them. I have the scars now. I don't know if you can see it.

Oh, my God.

Mama mia. Oh, my God. It's like a plantain size on the shoulder and a banana size on the bicep. Wow. Also, you're a keloi scar like me.

It did help with the one scar on my bicep because it was like a piece of skin hanging off, and there would have been a big chunk missing. But since it keloided, it's filled in. So this is the one on my shoulder.

Oh my God.

You are not... Dude, you were brutally- You really were stacked. Yeah, it's like a fucking Dateland episode. This is the fatty tissue one. Oh, my Lord, guys. It looks like when they open your abdomen up to take out in Oregon.

Got me good.

I'm pretty I'm shocked you didn't take the ambulance right now. I know. I see that your entire arm was opened up.

They were upset. They were like, We're here for you. I was like, But my fianza got here so quickly.

And did she take you to her hospital? Did she drive right back to her? Yes.

Funny story, I had applied to work at that hospital, and while I was in the ER, I got a call from them and they were like, Oh, how are you doing? I was like, I'm doing good. Okay, we're here to offer you the job. I was like, Sweet. I'm actually in your ER right now if you want to give me paperwork. Oh, wow.

Look at that. That's sim.

You're like in a Coen Brothers movie or something. You're living in some weird movie.

I would tell people this story. They're like, Okay, what stupid things did you to actually cut your arm off? I was like, No, this person showed up. Arsonist showed up and stabbed me. I don't know what you're going to say.

Arsonist showed up and turned into a slasher. Oh, Jackson, that was a barn burner. Yeah, thanks for sharing that. Thanks a million.

Thank you, guys. I appreciate it.

All right, take care, brother. Bye. Guys, that arm was as opened up as you can imagine. That was much worse than I was imagined. Me too.

I thought stabbing was just a funny word for it, but it's worse than stabbing.

I wouldn't even thought that a butcher knife could do that much. Liz. That's so scary. Fuck. Now, listen. Maybe it's not you're worth it. I would have kicked her in the chest a long time before that happened. If she started to come forward, I would have just kicked her in the chest and got her. You can't let someone come into your person.

You don't have to kick her in the chest, though.

You don't want to get your hands involved. She's holding glass. If someone has a knife or something, your leg is longer than your arm.

She has a mental...

I know, it's heartbreaking. But also, you can't let someone...

No, you can't.

Curve you up like that.

Liz, I feel like we have to- This will be the- We have to remind people about Liz the way.

We will.

Hello. Hello. Alicia? Yes.

Oh, my God, Alicia. Hold on. Don't even tell me- I'm recording. Yeah. Okay. Record. Cute glasses. I'm trying to put together your environment, but don't tell us.

I think car.

No.

Under a coffee table?

Oh, that's a great guess. Under a coffee table. I give up. Where are you?

I am under my sewing desk in my basement with couch cushions behind me.

Monica, you have stressed up these armchairs so much. They're tearing their houses apart.

That's what we need. I don't know. Yes, it is.

I have a perfectly beautiful, wonderful closet. However, it's nap time, and my two-year-old, almost three-year-old, is upstairs right now being very vocal. Got it.

Sure. That makes a ton of sense. Alicia, where are in the country?

I'm in Virginia.

Oh, wonderful. What am I reading that was set largely- Poison with Bible? Oh, no, I'm getting confused with us having just talked to Henry Louis Gates. That was West Virginia and Maryland border. So sorry.

I travel through that line all the time. So we're in the Blue Ridge Mountain area of Virginia.

Oh, the most beautiful chunk of the country. I know what it is, too. We just interviewed a guy about presidents, and they were talking about Jefferson started University of Virginia. Uva. Did you attend UVA?

Oh, that's very ironic you ask that because This story actually takes place at Virginia Tech, which is the rival of the UVA.

Okay, the stakes are high.

So you went to Virginia Tech? I did. Wow. Very good school.

Very esteemed.

Very, very good school. Do you hate that when people hear it, they have that association with the shooting?

Oh, I didn't even think of that.

I think that people who are not associated with Virginia Tech do think that. But people who live in the area and all the students, we don't think that. Okay, good. I'm not a student anymore. It just happened a decade ago. Alumni and all that, we don't associate with that whatsoever.

I didn't think that.

I was in college then, so it was a big deal.

Really seared. I was in high school when that happened. I went there in 2009. That was 2007, so it was pretty soon after.

Okay, who? Clean the slate. When does this story take place? '09, '10, '11?

The precursor to this story is Valentine's Day, 2011. I had been seeing this guy for a couple of months, and I I had never had a Valentine before, never had a boyfriend during the time, and I was so excited. He gave me this beautiful bouquet of red roses. We weren't like boyfriend, girlfriend. We had just been seeing each other. Then a few weeks later, he turned out to be not such a great guy. It was really tainted. That's a precursor to this story. February 2012, just a couple of weeks after Valentine's Day, I meet my boyfriend who this story is about. It's right after Valentine's Day. Of course, Valentine's Day gets brought up, and I'm like, Oh, my gosh. Yeah, last year, I just had this awful... I mean, it was really tainted and really bad taste in my mouth.

Yeah, I'm over that holiday.

Right, exactly. He was like, Oh, well, I do Valentine's Day great. I love Valentine's Day, and I was like, Okay, thinking like, Well, we got a ways to go. We are still together, Valentine's Day, 2013. I wake up that morning to several texts from him that I realize are every hour on the hour, starting at midnight. That he has obviously pre-programmed his phone.

Virginia Tech, he knows how to do this. Right.

They're anything from I love your smile to sexual things to long, deep paragraphs of how much I've changed his life. I was really impressed.

Really quick, did you take it all with lots of gratitude and butterfly feelings? Did it tip at any into feeling smothered?

No, I was eating it up. We probably went out to dinner somewhere. He probably got me like, chocolate flowers. I don't remember. I got text all the way up till midnight. I'm just feeling so cared about and thought about.

The most loved girl in the world.

Yes. This is a special guy, obviously.

What a champ.

Well, cut to a year or two later. I don't remember the exact timeline. We're still together. For some reason, I'm on his computer. All good stories start when I was on his computer.

It's never a great idea for anyone to be on anyone's computer.

Well, I think he had asked me to look up something in his email. He had asked me to be on his computer.

Never do that.

Sure. He's really playing with fire.

I mean, we've been together like two, three years at this point. I see a folder that says something along the lines of Valentine's Day, something very obvious. I open it up. There's all text he sent me in a separate email to himself. I'm thinking, Okay, well, he probably just thought about this a lot ahead of time, typed it out in an email because it's easier to type on the computer than text it on your phone. Then somehow he got it to a text, I read them, and And in place of my name, is his ex's name.

Okay, so he was recycling his homework. Fuck.

He absolutely was recycling. So that did not go over well.

And they were exactly the same.

Literally to the worst. Well, here's what happened. I'm going to defend this undefendable guy. No, don't defend him. I'm going to defend this indefensible act. He did put in the time the first year, and it worked so well. I bet the ex-girlfriend felt so great. And he's like, Well, I want to repeat that activity. I need to do that again.

I just don't want to put in any thought or effort into it.

Hold on, Monica. So he's like, I'm going to do this again. And then he said, I should look at the thing. And then he was like, Well, those worked perfectly. I'm going to just swab her name out.

Rough. Bye.

Oh, jeez. Hold on. They're still together.

No, they were still together at that point.

Oh, okay.

Oh, we're still together. Today? I'm saying we're still together at that point. That's what I- That's what I- Emails, obviously.

Back to you being right.

Remember that I had met him 11 days after Valentine's Day? Right. So he had used that literally 11 days. I met him right after the breakup.

Which is why he said, I love Valentine's Day because he had just nailed it 11 days before. But how?

He didn't nail it.

But then they broke Exactly.

He obviously didn't mail it 11 days later.

Anyways, I see all these. I am just heartbroken. I mean, all these- This is a betrayal. Really graphic sexual things. Her name or the You've changed my life. I'm a better person. It's her name. I bring this up to him thinking, This is a great guy. He is going to be like, I screwed up. That was a pattern in the relationship was I screwed up.

But anyway.

He doubled What? What Dax said of, It worked so well. It's like going to a restaurant that you love. Why wouldn't you go with the next girlfriend to the restaurant that you love?

Interesting analogy.

This gift worked so well. He doubled down. And so, yeah, that was a little bit of a disaster. Nostrous Valentine's Day.

Oh, my Lord. How much longer were you guys together? Did that spell the beginning of the end?

Well, do you want to meet him? No.

Yes. Hold on, though. Hold on. Hold on. Before we meet him- I have to get my head right before he comes in. Monica is upset. I have been sent pictures of girls, sexy pictures, that I am under no illusion weren't sent to other boys. They finally got a picture of themselves they thought was really pretty or sexy, and they've sent it to me, but I'm not naive. It was probably sent to a previous boy. It's like they probably have a few they feel comfortable with.

That is not even close to the same.

But we had been together a year when this Valentine's Day occurred.

Let Let me start by saying, I think it's very shitty he did this. I'm not pretending this is okay. I'm only starting with one that's adjacent to it that weirdly I can't accept, which is like, okay, this person has found four pictures they think are really sexy of themselves, and they sent it to me, and they probably sent it to four other previous boyfriends.

That's about you. This is a picture of me, not what I'm saying about you.

Great point.

If somebody sent... Yeah, absolutely not, especially the sexual text.

Fuck that.

If I saw that it was exact... No, no.

It was really rough. So anyways, we've been together since that day. In 2012, we have two kids. Oh, my God.

How did you get over it? I like that you got over. If you love the guy and you're together and it worked out great.

Truly, we've been through so much. He's 10 years sober. Actually, I haven't told him. Yeah, congratulations.

I didn't tell him it was his birthday yet.

I haven't said congratulations yet. So, yeah, congratulations. He just passed 10 years. With that in mind, We had a lot bigger problems going on 10 years ago than some recycled text. There were way bigger fires to put out and a lot of couples therapy.

Nice. Okay, I like that.

Hold on. I'm going to give you my...

Oh, no.

Yeah, you knew it. He's handsome, right? Is that what you're saying? Hi.

Oh, no. Hi.

How's it going?

We're so mad at you.

Hold on. Listen, I just want you to know what you're walking into. Monica is very, very upset at you. I think what you did is shitty, but I guess I'm more leaning towards understanding. I wonder why. So that's what you're walking into.

At least I didn't just give her a card that 7,000 other women got that day.

Well, I would argue that it's- Only one other woman got those checks.

Oh, you're still standing by it.

He's tripling down. He's tripling down.

Yeah, we talked about this last night, and he was like, I'm still tripling down on this.

This is a good idea.

I need your name, sir. Ryan. Ryan, first of all, congratulations on 10 years. That's fucking epic, dude. A decade is impossible. Thank you. Well, let's not talk about your indiscretion for a second. Can you imagine having been told something by somebody that meant so much to you, even if it was a mentor, and they said, I've never really seen writing like this. I didn't know you had it in you. I think you should pursue this. And then you found out that mentor had told that to seven other kids in the class. Can you at least identify and associate the feeling of, Oh, that thing meant nothing that I allowed to move me so much?

Absolutely.

Yeah.

I I truly understand the feeling of, I felt so special when I read these the first time with my name in them. Then the complete upside-down feeling that she had when she read them intended for someone else.

Okay, well, that's some ownership.

To know that I didn't inspire them. You know what I mean? Like somebody else did.

Ryan.

Well, they had been together We were together for years.

We were together for a couple of years.

Yeah. I think it almost would have been worse had this been a girlfriend that was four months or something. They had been together years.

I think it's worse. Oh, wow. I think it's worse for you and for the original girlfriend that her text then just got shuffled over.

Well, she should feel flattered, like, Oh, I inspired these. Well, I don't know. I don't want to make a case for her.

Oh, wow. This was great. I'm glad you showed your face.

Not all 24 texts were word for word. There were few that made no sense that I changed.

No. Yes. He said that, and I recall everything that I read was word for word.

Wow, wow, wow. Okay, and I'm assuming his handsomeness, it really helped in you getting over this. You've exploited your handsomeness, Ryan. It's not fair. I guess that's what one should do with the gifts they were given. Here's my curiosity in 2013 or '14, whenever this happened. How brazen of you to invite your girlfriend to be on your computer sniffing around your emails and stuff. How were you that reckless?

He I was drunk.

At that point, I don't think I was. Well, 13.

At the point where you recycled it, you were not sober. I was, correct. January 2014.

Oh, I see. I see exactly what happened. So you were actually now a good boy, and you were like, I actually don't have anything to hide, which I was hiding so much for so long, and now I'm clean and I've made some amends in life's golden. Look through my shit. Oh, fuck. Wait, I forgot about that.

Damn past me.

You're again to haunt me. Oh, you guys, this was the most fun thing ever.

You have only seen him from the chin up. If you could only see him from the chin down. Very similar to Dax, like tattoos and works out.

Oh, my God. Should he and I date? Could you send me those text? I want to see if they rile me up. I can forward them to you. Yeah, I think I still have them.

You still have a folder?

Just in case I need them in the future. You never know.

You got to always have a backup plan.

All right. Well, it was really nice to meet you.

Yeah, really nice meeting you. I'm so glad we got to talk.

So nice to meet you, too. Have a great day. Bye-bye.

Oh, my God. That was fun. Hello. Hi. How are you? Is this Amanda? Yes. Where are you, Amanda?

I am in my closet in not-so- sunny San Diego.

Us, too. It's a deluge outside. It's raining. It's a whole new climate we live in. Yeah. So what year does this Valentine's Day disaster occur?

So it takes place in 2016. It was in Salt Lake City, Utah.

I can make some guesses already, but I guess I won't.

We don't need to.

Tattoos and piercings. You can squash your assumptions. Okay. I, at the time, I was a retail store manager, and I had scheduled myself to close on Valentine's Day. To thank my team for being there on a holiday, I decided to make treats, which I was known for, like cookies, cupcakes, brownies. I made some cupcakes, decorated them all cute and fancy for Valentine's Day, and went into work feeling great.

Can I ask really quick, did you have a partner at that time? Were you not participating in your Valentines with a lover?

I We had a husband, but we were on year four of marriage, so we're over it.

Yeah, those days are behind us.

The year prior, we came to San Diego for Valentine's, and that's how we decided to move out here. So it was like, That was so magical. I'll just use this gear to work. So I go into work feeling great, just weigh my cupcakes, clock in. And within 10 minutes of being there, I'm hit with this urge, I'm going to shit myself.

Oh, wonderful. Okay. I mean, not for you, but I get sad when we have a prompt that I think there'll be no booty. Sure. We're happy to have it. So this is a big relief.

It felt like a relief in the moment when I ran into the bathroom and was like, Where did this come from? I sit down. I think you'd say, Honestria. Okay, great.

Honest.

So sudden, so violent. So as you do, you check, What is the damage? What just happened here? I looked down and pure red in the toilet. Oh, oh, oh. Not just a trace of blood in my stool. This is so scary.

No one can listen.

I've had this.

Monica, I thought about warning, and then I was like, I think this is okay, but as we say it, I understand.

And just so I know if this is the exact same experience I had, would you describe it as Hawaiian punch color? It's too bright. It's not like the blood you normally see. It's like, whoa, that's bright.

Exactly. Curious how you've experienced this as well.

I had a seizure one time, and it was crazy. And I filled the whole fucking toilet with blood. And I was like, whoa, that's Hawaiian punch color.

I didn't have enough time to calculate what that could have been. Also, I'm a woman. Generally, that color isn't... It was just a whole different experience.

Although perfectly time for Valentine's Day, that is the official color of the holiday. That's true. Very romantic.

Immediately, I'm like, I have to go to urgent care because I'm bleeding out of my rectum violently. Now I'm feeling like I have a little bit of a tummy ache, but I can't place where this came from. It just felt so sudden. I go out, tell my manager who was supposed to be off soon. Hey, I know you opened the store. I'm going to have to go. I'm bleeding out of my rectum, but that's all I can share. Oh, my God. I drive to urgent care. I call my husband and I'm like, Hey, can you meet me at urgent care? I think I'm dying. I'm kidding, but I'm not kidding.

It's very scary. You think you have internal bleeding and you're dying, you're bleeding out.

Did I fall so heavily on something in my abdomen, then forget about it. You're just going through every irrational thought as to what could be happening. We get there. The doctor does the normal, How are you feeling? What did you do today? What have you eaten?

Is he skirting around the implication that anal sex had been had?

I I don't know if I would have been privy enough to think that at the time. Okay. Maybe he was. He says, What did you eat today? And I'm cataloging, I had a croissant for breakfast. I made these cupcakes for my team. And at that point, I had been thinking, So they were red velvet cupcakes. Uh-oh. Okay. And I thought to myself because I eat the batter, and I'm like, Could it be? So I tell him, I have a feeling it's probably red velvet cupcake batter. And he was like, No. This morning you did it? That's not how digestion works. It doesn't just go through you like a cartoon. Yeah.

30 minutes later.

And so I'm like, Okay, well, then I don't know what to tell you. So he's like, okay, get undressed. We're going to need to collect a sample. And at this point, my husband's with me and I'm like, okay, what does that entail? In my mind's eye, I don't know if it was this dramatic, but I remember him snapping on a glove. Sure. We have to do it manually. Oh, okay. And so he steps out of the room and I get undressed. And I'm like, I think he has to put his finger in my bud. And my husband goes, do you I should offer to do it?

Oh, wow. What a helpful partner.

He's taking the opportunity when he can. Good for him.

And I'm like, of all times and places, I think it might be this doctor's job.

I would love to see the tableau of the doctor overseeing your husband do this and him standing there.

Yeah, giving him direction. No, not that way, this way. And so the doctor comes back in. It's just this very solemn vibe in the room, and he's like, Okay, I need you to lay on your side and curl up into a fetal position. I made the mistake of laying on my side so I could see into my husband's eyes. He was just sitting on the chair in front of me. I feel like I should have turned around and kept some anonymity. But I roll over, lay on my side, pull up my legs, and just, whoop, right in to collect a sample. And I feel like my eyes just did these cartoon eyes to my husband, who then looks at me and also has the same cartoon eye reaction. We're both walked in on the least romantic moment of any Valentine's Day ever.

Stranger Fingers' wife.

Yeah, the headlines were even stranger. This big toll. I don't remember if he was handsome or not. This big doctor who's getting up in there collecting a sample. I feel like that was so invasive for just that little amount they needed. He goes, Okay, we're going to go test this to see if there's blood in your stool and see if we can figure out what's going on, and I'll be back in a few minutes. I remember just sitting up and having to settle back into myself. Did that just happen? In. This is what we're doing on Valentine's. I'm very empathetic. This poor doctor had to put his finger in someone's butt on Valentine's day. Again, I guess it could have been worse. You're right.

You point out something really good. We only think about how much we don't want a finger in our butt. We don't think about the poor person who's got to put their finger up your butt. That's a great perspective. And get poop out. Yeah, and retrieve some poody.

Yeah. Just thinking of them. We sit there and wait, and he comes in and throws his arms off in the air and goes, It was cupcakes.

No, I was like, What? Hey, really?

He was like, Well, it wasn't blood, so I guess it was cupcakes.

Wow.

Weird.

I guess you just had a stomach bug of some sort that just made everything go through you so fast. And if you feel like you ate enough, which you don't realize when you're scooping it out and then you're cleaning that bowl.

You brought back memories. Have you had this, Monica? Where I've pounded a few of those red velvet, and I have seen that my stool was red velvet color. Really? Have you ever had that? No, I've never had that. Yeah, that's happened to me as well.

Try it on valetaine steak. Don't be alarmed. Yeah. I guess it's like when you eat a lot of beets, which I've never done.

Well, it's just that red dye that's in the red velvet. It's powerful dye. It dyes your whole everything in your stomach.

But I'm surprised it was bright red because the red velvet is like a darker... It's dark.

It's more of a dark, rich mix with the chocolate. But think about the dye, it's bright as hell.

And then I had to call my job and say, Hey, I can't come back.

Ever again.

Like, ever. I feel like a dog with its tail between its legs. I'm okay. I think I have a stomach bug, but I, more than anything, just can't face society. So I'm going to go have the rest of my least romantic Valentine's Eve. You're going to have to cancel your plans.

Oh, boy. That's funny. Well, God bless that other manager that worked at then Double, I suppose.

We are best friends now. I actually I texted her last night to see what year it was, and she was like, It was right before we came best friends. I remember thinking, This poor girl, I just felt so bad. I would have worked for you anyways, but now we're best friends.

Oh, it all came out.

It is romantic.

It is. Romantic. It is very romantic.

Shout out to Hannah for covering my shift.

Oh, wow. That was good. Well, Amanda, I loved that.

We needed a poody without a poody.

It was a happy ending, too, because I was expecting a fissure. Because let me tell you, if you get one of those, they're nearly impossible to heal because it's a cut inside. And then every day you're going to poop again and stress out that cut.

I think the bright red is good because that means it's on the outside and not internal.

Yeah, if it's dark, it's actually bad.

Okay, so you're looking for that nice pop of Hawaiian punch.

Yeah, I think the stars. It was a very temporary thing, but I did think I was dying. So that was how my Valentine's ended.

Wow, thanks for sharing that.

That was great. Very vulnerable. Yeah, it's very vulnerable.

I can't think of a more vulnerable in my life than walking eyes with my husband and getting a nice, gentle, not so gentle poke. Oh, man. Can I bring him in to say hi? Yes, of course. Because he was the reason I started listening to you guys, going through some postpartum sadness. I needed some sunshine.

Hello.

Hello.

We know so much about you already. Yeah, you do. She's having a hard time remembering exactly what the doctor looked like. I bet you remember precisely what he looked like. He was not tall. He definitely wasn't handsome.

He was just a very average dude.

But if it makes her feel better to imagine it as a tall, handsome guy, we'll have to give it to her.

Sure. Tall stud, why not? He got more action than I did that.

Yeah, 100%.

Let's let him have it. Tom Selleck, big, huge mustache and a great smile. Oh, man. Well, it's very nice to meet you, and we're very proud of Amanda for telling that quite vulnerable story. Absolutely. We thank you for turning her on to the show.

I've loved listening to you guys ever since the beginning, man. Since 2018, I've been listening.

Wow, the early days.

Well, this is our six-year anniversary, this glorious holiday. It's amazing.

Well, thank you both for what you do. We're going to continue listening, and hopefully, we'll get to go to a live show soon.

Oh, wonderful. Great meeting both of you guys.

Wait, I want to say bye. Wait, they're my friends. One more shout out to our son who's been listening to you since Fetus. In vitro? He's four and a half. His name's Hendrix. Shout out. And he thinks every website ends with. Com/dax. Oh, my. Because he hears the app.

She thinks the internet is...

It's just. Com/dax. And every so often, he'll say, Tap the banner to learn more.

Well, thank you so much. That's so adorable. Ziprecruiter will be very happy to hear that. It's so nice meeting both of you guys, and happy Valentine's Day. I hope it goes better this year.

Thank you so much. Nice to meet you. Okay, bye-bye.

Oh, that was great. This was a great episode. Yeah, it really was. It was some really strong stories.

Based on what we heard, it's like, you could only have a better one than these, right?

Yeah, it can only go up from here. It lowers the bar. Have you had a bad one?

I can't remember. I think I say this every year on Valentine's Day. My favorite thing about Valentine's Day is walking into a flower shop and watching 26 men standing perfectly still looking down at their feet, paralyzed with what to eat. Not knowing what to do. They don't know what to do. The people at the floor is, It's okay, yeah. What's your price range? What's a lot? Or what's a good amount? Should I spend 100 or 200?

What'd that guy buy? I'll take what that guy bought.

What look good? Is his wife happy? All right. That was great.

Happy anniversary.

Happy anniversary.

It's six years.

Let's go, girl. Let's go. That's one-six of your life. Wow.

Good fast math. You still got it.

Thank you. Love you.

Love you. Do you want to sing a tune or something? We know a theme song.

Okay, great. We don't have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go. We're going to ask some random questions, and with the help of our cherries, we'll get some suggestions. On the fly, I rindish, on the fly, I rindish. Enjoy.