Welcome, welcome, welcome to armchair expert. I'm DAX Shepard. I'm joined by Monica Mouse. Hello, Heller. David Franco, guys, Dave Francos here. Dave Franco is an actor, writer, producer and director and I would argue has the cutest smile I've ever looked at in real life.
It's a disarming. It is.
He could be murdering you and you would just be absolutely charmed by the whole experience. I think it's true. I hope I get murdered by him. David, you listen to this episode. Please murder me.
You have an invitation to murder. You know him from the disaster artist. Now you see me neighbors, the little hours. If Beale Street could talk and he has written and directed a movie starring his beautiful bride, Allison Aubrey, called The Rental, which is out now.
So please find the rental.
It is a very tasty premise, so please enjoy.
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He's not sure. My God. So cute. Can you hear us well. I can hear you. Oh my God. The smile. It's like a fine ask me. I'm going to objectify the shit out. Lezley big star. Oh, my God.
I'd pay top dollar just to watch you and your wife snuggle.
I really wanna keep going. That's basically how cute you are. I don't need to say a word.
I'm happy to listen to you guys. Yeah.
We'll just tell you about your career. It's gonna be like a retrospective. You'll love it. How are you doing? How are you guys doing in corn, Teno?
We're doing okay. UPS and downs, but mainly just feeling lucky that we like our home and we like each other.
Yeah, that's a big benefit. It's not. It's not nothing.
We've hit the skids a couple times. Bellin I.
There's something really disheartening about being in this for four months now and it feeling worse than ever where at one point it was like, it felt like we were actually going in the right direction and now it just feels all for nothing. So I guess we're just trying to figure out the things we can control and keep our heads down and try to be productive.
Now, is your movie the rental coming out in theaters? Yes.
Weirdly enough, we're coming out and a bunch of drive ins and then select theaters throughout the country like standard theaters.
Someone who has spent two years of my life a couple times making movies. Yeah. I can't imagine do two years and then the finish line. No one can go see a movie.
So, yeah, I have a lot to say about this. I mean, it feels like a uniquely penalizing to you.
Well, OK, so the end of the story is I think it's all good. So I'm just going to start off with that. But, you know, we're obviously living in a different world. People are finding new ways to release their films. And I do feel really lucky that I paired up with IFC, who really has been thinking outside the box, and they've been really agile. And for example, we did our premiere at a drive in which they told me no one had ever done that before.
So no matter what happens with the film, we always got that under our belt.
You've made history. Exactly. You know, just a quick side story.
And so, as you can imagine, I was I was a little anxious already leading up to like the first public screening of the film. And the night before the drive in, I went out to the location to do like a sound and picture check.
And so it was just me and my car and the movie. A lot of it takes place at night. And the way we colored it, it's all inherently a little bit dark.
And so on an outdoor screen with all the ambient light is damn near pitch black in certain scenes. And I started to have a fucking heart attack.
And so I'm sitting in my car just freaking out. And the movie ends. And so we finish the movie at like twelve, thirty a.m. and I go up to the people working there and I'm like, I can't show that tomorrow. Like, I refuse to show that version of the film.
You don't you don't even know what's happening. Sure.
It's so I just start e-mailing everyone, the distributors, the financiers and just telling him what's going on and telling them we got to cancel. I don't know what else to do. So everyone's already asleep. Everyone who is in New York, they wake up early. We all get on the phone. And I'm begging them, you gotta cancel this event. And so they're like, we can't. It's too late. We sold too many tickets. And so we're like, OK, we got to do this.
The only solution is to try to make a completely new, slightly brighter version of the film in like half a day, which usually takes like at least 48 hours. And that's if everyone's hustling.
Yes. Because you have to render the entire movie. Yes. At this point. Exactly. And so, you know, just to jump ahead. I'm freaking out all day. I'm just waiting for updates.
Basically, we get it done and to the drive in an hour before the screening.
We don't even have time to check it. There might be technical issues, but I figure it can't be worse than what I saw the night before.
And what I will say here is it was definitely bettered to the degree that I at least didn't want to light myself on fire.
But, you know, as you're saying, it's like you kill yourself for these projects for so long.
And I'm such a perfectionist, dude.
Just hearing this story, like, reconfirms that I never want to direct. Amazing.
Get all of that being said, thanks to Allison, who knows my neuroses and knows how to calm me down. But when you're at a Drive-In, no one really cares about that stuff. It's more about the experience. And like it ended up being like a really unique special events. You know, standard premieres make me a little anxious. Sit with the red carpet, all the cameras in your face. And this felt like genuinely it felt really relaxed and fun and it didn't feel like there was a spotlight on me or the cast.
It was more like this communal experience where it was just a bunch of people who had been cooped up in their homes and everyone else coming together to have a joint experience, which is a rare thing these days. Yeah. Right. You're right. I'm sure the experience transcended all the other things that you would have freaked out about now before Cornton started, did you do test screenings?
Yes, we did a few of these test screenings and our movie.
It's kind of a high concept, but it's still like not your traditional thriller or horror film. And so I knew that this wasn't the type of film that would get those, like, scores that are through the roof. Yeah, but, you know, it's just part of the process. And we definitely did learn things from these screenings. But I remember one in particular where, you know, you do the kind of scorecards afterwards, which are these questions about what you thought.
And one of the questions was, do you enjoy thrillers or horrors? And you. Do you typically seek them out? 75 percent of the audience said no. I hate them. Like, what are we doing here?
We're taking advice now from this audience who despises this type of.
Oh, my God, that's beautiful. I once was in this movie is a thorough and I got to go to some of those test screens. Right. And I saw this unique thing happen where they had the focus group at the end. They're kind of going through there what they loved and hated about it. But several of the parents thought I was too scary for their kids. Right. And then their kids were there. So the guy would say, like, OK, what part was too scary?
And the parents go, Johnny. What was the thing that every time I'm not kidding. It happened like 10 times. The kid would go, Oh, yeah, I'd like that part when the monster came out. So the kid would recite the memory as I liked it every time. But the parent, they thought the kid had been too scared. But kids like being scared. The biggest takeaway is you look at the cards and you see what is like overwhelmingly on multiple cards and concerned.
Yes, yes, yes.
But I do think about, you know, you hear stories about projects like Danny McBride's foot fist way, which tested like shit.
You almost understand it because it is this outside the box project that people didn't even know what they're thinking when they're watching it because it feels so unique. Yes. Or Idiocracy.
I don't think I ever broke a 30 like the like three times. And it wasn't you couldn't even get to 50.
And that's your perspective as being an actor in it who is there for probably a couple of months. Right. And let you think about Mike Judge. And now, like now that I've been on the other side, the camera where it's like, oh, my God, making the movie is so insane.
And like, you really put everything into it and you you hope it works. My movie's coming out this week and I feel so vulnerable all those years. And like, obviously, I wanted to work for personal reasons, but I also just really thinking about everyone else involved. All these people who, like, trusted me and believed in me and I wanted to work for them.
I mean, dude, I made a movie for a million bucks, hit and run, and I had literally taken money from a human being in Palm Springs where I'm like a real human paid for this. Yeah. I guess the thing I hope you're thinking about a lot that has helped me. I was so depressed after chips and I had a meeting with Kevin Smith about something completely unrelated, but we just started talking about that experience and he said, listen, man, the thing I recommend is imagine going to yourself on the playground in fifth grade, like Dave Franco, fifth grade.
And you go, Hey, Dave, it's me, Dave. So when you grow up, you're gonna be in movies and you're gonna fucking make one. Mm hmm. In fifth grade, Dave Frank would be like, get the fuck. I'm gonna make a movie fifth grade.
Dave Franco is debilitatingly shy.
OK, right in any world. Fifth grade. Dave Franco goes. How much did it make, Dave?
I would ever be on your radar. No, I know.
I know. And here's here's what I will say is, again, obviously, I hope people like it. Obviously, I hope people see it. But what I take comfort in is that the final product is pretty damn close to what I initially conceived and what I initially was pitching. And so I got to just be happy with the fact that I made the movie I wanted to make. And I had people around me who let me make that movie and who let me take big swings and try to do something within the genre that felt a little different.
Yeah. You know, as fucked up as this whole pandemic has been, like one silver lining is that these smaller films actually are getting a little bit more of a spotlight for a couple of reasons. We're not having to compete with these giant blockbusters that are all having to push till later in the year. And so people just need new content. And so I feel like there's also this tendency right now and maybe I'm just speaking for myself. Is that like my standards have also been lowered during this time?
We've run it. Yeah. We went through all the a material show isn't as good. Just anything new.
Feels exciting. Yeah. Well we'll take any extra little boost we can if we can get at this point.
Now back to the fifth grade. Dave Franco. So you're from. Palo Alto. You have a very interesting childhood in that mom is a poet and an editor. Dad is busy. I don't know if he owned a business or he ran a business, but both met at Stamford. Yeah, your dad's mom is a published writer of young adult fiction right now. That's my mom. Oh, that's your mom? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My mom is a writer.
OK. And then grandma owned a gallery in Cleeve. Yes. Yeah. Art gallery. So this is like smart people culture. Interesting. And it seems immediately like, oh man, that's advantageous. But was that at all daunting? Like if you're both your parents go to Stamford, are you not expected to go to Stamford?
No, I think I think it was actually the opposite where I felt lucky that I had parents and just an extended family who were working in the arts. And they encouraged me to go down this path. And I know a lot of parents don't do that. Yeah.
And so, like, we've always been that kind of strange, artsy family where, you know, at Thanksgiving, you look around the table and people are doing sculptures with their mashed potatoes, you know, at Christmas time where we're going up and down the street and singing made up Christmas carols.
And it's actually a really kind of encouraging environment.
Subconsciously, we all do kind of push each other and try to make each other better. Yeah.
To me, it it a little bit answered, even though I'm friends with your brother. I was always curious, like, what is the root of him being a professor in the midst of all of his acting success?
Mm hmm. The fact that he's prioritizing and finding time to both be in college a lot and then teaching college and all the stuff. And then I think, oh, well, also now that I know this background like, it kind of makes a little more sense. I mean, I think I shouldn't be for him. But I guess, you know, I think he first went back to school because he was working on these projects where he was doing what we were talking about.
He was really killing himself. He was putting everything he could into these roles. And then they would come out and they just weren't what he hoped they would be. Yeah. So he just felt a little helpless. And I think maybe going back to school, he just felt like he had a little bit more control.
But on top of that, and I only say this because, you know, I think he would say, too, is that he was a workaholic. He absolutely was. And he would rather just keep himself busy than have to sit idly and just kind of figure out what to do with himself.
Yeah. Boy, I can relate to that big. Yeah. And I got to say, that's kind of what happened and covered for me is like as much as I think I'm over this notion of defining myself by my work output or productivity. I really thought I was kind of over that. And yet, until I returned to work like three weeks ago now, all of a sudden I'm noticeably happier. So I can only conclude, oh, I'm still getting quite a bit of my self esteem in my mood altering from work.
Yeah. I'm just so much happier if I can go be productive for even if it's like twenty five hours a week.
And I was, I was just talking to my friend the other day about this and I hope it doesn't sound too pretentious, but like he was kind of talking about how right now you still like needs some sort of mission, you need something to work towards or else you're just kind of floundering.
You just feel kind of worthless. And so I totally understand that mindset.
And like, I used to be so good with downtime, like I was the best at doing nothing where, like, I would do a job and I would be like, I earned this time off and I'm going to do nothing.
Yeah. And now I don't have that anymore.
And I hate myself for it because I just like feel like there's always something to do. And I think it's good in certain ways, but I do think it's unhealthy in other ways.
OK. Now back to. So you were shy. Now in my town in Michigan, I've talked about this a lot on here. Any time there were three brothers, the third was fucking nuts. I mean, he was the one that would jump the creek on the bicycle. He was the one that jump off the roof. The bar was so high for that third kid. Did you fall at all into that paradigm?
I feel like you have all these theories about me and I want to give you one.
But it's not true. So I've never been happier than when theories are not. You're making Monika's that you're breaking my heart. But Monika's more and more with you now.
So my brothers are five and seven years older than me. And so when we were young, that's a pretty significant gap. And I feel like they actually did me a favor where they kind of like took the brunt of the parenting. And by the time I came along, my parents were just tired. They just didn't want to deal with me.
And I think because of that, I almost didn't feel the need to rebel. And so, like, I was a pretty good kid compared to them. And, you know, in high school, I would drink and I would go out and party, but I wasn't doing any hard drugs or I wasn't getting arrested or anything like that.
Yeah. And what kind of kid were you in school besides unbelievably adorable. Not shatteringly adorable in middle school, I probably said like cumulative like nine words throughout all of middle school.
Wow. Is that Pollyanna? And like in high school it was. Until maybe even junior year that I really came out of my shell. And I mean, the fact that I'm doing anything that I'm doing right now. I had zero intention of performing in any way when I came down to L.A. originally to go to school. I went to USC and once I was in L.A., my brother's manager basically forced me into this acting class.
And I had never performed before in any way. And I remember sitting in that class the first day and the first people on stage, they start screaming and hitting each other.
And I'm like, fuck this.
Looking back on it, I think part of the reason I stuck it out was partially because it did bring me out of my shell and forced me to open up and do things that made me uncomfortable. But it took a long time before I really enjoyed acting because I was just so nervous and anxious. And I remember at a certain point I just like, you know what? I got to change my mindset if I'm going to keep doing this because it's not fun.
And so I was able to just kind of let go and start to have a good time with it.
Well, how did you do that? Like, did you have a montre? Did you have a therapist? How did you, like, put that thought into action? Like, I gotta flip the page here. I mean, if I'm remembering correctly, I do first.
I mean, I got laid exactly if I remember correctly.
I do remember talking to my brother about it. And this is a super fucking snobby answer because I know I'm lucky to have even this kind of access. But I remember my brother had just worked with Catherine Keener. So I'm complaining about this mindset about acting. And he's like, you should e-mail Catherine. And I was like, no, I'm not going to fucking unload my issues on Catherine Keener authorizer Dagley.
And he's like, no, no, no, she's the greatest. Just do it. And so I remember writing this email and just kind of sending it out into the void, not expecting anything back. And not only did she write back, but she wrote this like very sweet, heartfelt message. And I swear to God that, like, gave me new life. I've met her one time since then. And I remember seeing her from across the room and going up to her.
And like before we even spoke, any words, I just hugged her and she just like instinctually just held on.
Knowing that I needed nurture do. Oh, my God. Can I have her e-mail address right? Absolutely. I feel like this is a resource I need in my life now.
Okay. So I have a brother who's five years older than me as well, and I just wanted his approval until about 14. I'm like, I think I'm going to look elsewhere for all this approval.
Your brother is so fucking charismatic. My goodness. It looks effortless for him to be an extrovert. So was any of your apprehension about it? Like a little bit compounded by the fact that you do have this brother people know? Is that in the stew at all?
I don't know. I mean, I just hate talking about your brother. Let's start there. I wouldn't say I interviewed Beeny. Right. And of course, you get to talk about Jonah. Of course, her relationship with that astounds me. I'm like, wow, she's a bigger person. What's your take on it? She's just always just loved Jonah.
Felt flattered to be associated with him. And then the only time it ever got dicey was within her own movie, Superbad vs. Books. Wow. Call it the super what I did. I made the mistake of saying, like, oh, it's kind of this version of Superbad. And understandably, she's like, no, no, no, this is my thing. And it was her thing. And it's so original. But that's the only place where for her, it got tricky.
And I totally understood.
Yeah. So when I first started acting, I made a conscious choice to distance myself from him workwise because I didn't want to be referenced as James Franco's little brother for the rest of my life. And I really was just trying to do my own thing, go down my own path. But people can't help themselves. And so for 10 years, no matter how hard I tried to get away from him in the work world, every interview shows everything that he was the number one thing anyone wanted to talk about.
And all that being said, I get it. I understand that. Yeah, but there was this, like, weird kind of extra pressure where, you know, most actors, when they're first starting, you're learning in the room. So you go in and audition, you're fall on your face. It doesn't matter. You know, you leave. No one remembers. But for me, because I was his little brother.
Everyone was like, all right, let's see what this kid can do. Oh, ha, ha.
And so they like that did me to succeed in this business where it's very hard to succeed. Oh, yeah. Possible.
And so I don't want to complain. I do want to complain because like, also there were benefits, you know, like he introduced me to his manager, which I don't take for granted. That's a huge thing. I think the first time I saw you act, you guys did some kind of viral video together for Funny or Die. So naturally, I'm doing that, by the way. You're not imagining that as. Let's just say I'm the casting director in that moment.
I'm like, let's see what this kid's got here.
But my God, I was like, oh, my God, what are the odds that they're both hyper talented? Like immediately the verdict was in. Oh, this motherfucker fucker is everything that James is in, even at times more for me and different things. So I appreciate you and truly, truly.
And then I saw neighbors and I was like, oh, man. There's a level of believability in this heightened character that is truly unique to you and that your Superbad. So I just think you're gangbusters talented. Thank you. That means a lot. It's been an interesting path. And so basically, after like 10 years, my brother came to me with disaster artist and it finally felt like the right timing.
It felt like the right project and kind of right dynamic for us to act opposite each other.
And I knew we would have fun and that we would work well together because we do have similar sensibilities. And it ended up being one of the most rewarding experiences I've had.
You know, as an actor, because can I just be narcissistic for a second? I have the same thing with my wife when I have put her in things I've directed. I've done it with this great fear that people are going to go, oh, she had to do her husband this favor of being in this movie. And she's bigger than this movie. And that was a huge voice in my head. And then I just had to keep measuring it against the joy of the experience of working with.
Sure. And then ultimately just going like, oh, fucking shut up about the other thing. You love working with this person. Do it.
Yeah. I mean, not to get too heady about it, but it's like the people who know you guys best. They know what's going on. They know that you guys are equals. Sure.
And I'm like we get we get all the numbers still rolling. We have they.
Hold on. Hold on. Yes, they are. That was stressful. Everything has been good. That's the perfect that's the perfect day.
So what I will say and just I guess to transition back to this movie I just directed is yet because you did the same thing with Alison.
Yes, exactly. From the beginning, I actually didn't intend on directing this film. Oh, really? I wrote it with a friend, but at that time I was going to act in it. And as much as I wanted Alison to be a part of it, it felt a little awkward because if we were both in it together, she would've been playing my sister in law. So that felt weird.
Oh. But when I decided to direct it, I thought I would be smart just to focus on everything behind the camera.
Good time for a voice crack. Just knowing how much I felt really good about it. I thought I not nothing Freudian about it.
So obviously when I was in acting in it anymore, Alison was the first person I went to and I'm so happy it played out the way it did because like I've always known how good of an actress she is. But like when I was in that position where I was able to just kind of like watch her intently for five straight weeks, I just realized how special she is, where she has this this ability to balance like heavy drama with moments of levity, sometimes within a single scene.
And just like watching her seamlessly navigate back and forth between these conflicting emotions, it's like only a handful of people can do it as smoothly as she can. I honestly could not have done this without her. And like people during this press junket, like a lot of people have been a little tentative asking, like, you know, how was it working with your wife? I think that's more of a reflection of them thinking about working with their significant other thousand members.
Yeah, yeah. You know, we had acted together before and we knew that we got along well on the set. And so I felt optimistic going into this experience, even though we were we were working in it in a slightly different capacity. But the best thing was the comfort of having her there at the end of the day, where you can imagine as a first time director, there was moments where I would get my head and I would start to doubt myself, and she would always be there just to build me up and give me confidence and remind me we were doing good work.
And so it really was invaluable.
That's so sweet. Yeah. The pride you can have. Right. I had the same experience with Belle and hit Runway. It was like she had to cry and then pivot and make a joke and then yeah I was like, oh, and I could ask her to sing now at the end of this and this bitch could do it.
Like exactly. Holy freight train. We are both married to these unicorns. Yes. Do you guys help each other with auditions. Oh, we do. We do. It's not our favorite thing to do. Well, you're at your most insecure, right? Yeah.
And I guess auditioning is just not exciting for me in general. And like, putting myself on tape is one of my least favorite things because I'm such a perfectionist and I will keep going and going and going. I just be like, no, no, no, no. That little breath, that little moment, that wasn't quite right. We can do it better. And thank God she's patient with me again. She knows how my crazy brain works at this point.
And so she just rolls with the punch.
Now, are you that way on on set, like on other people's movies?
I am in in the way that I'm preparing, like, once once I'm on set, like I'm not that annoying neurotic person. But I will say, like, I did feel more at ease on this set when I was a director than I've ever felt as an actor. And I've been trying to kind of figure out why that is. And I think part of it is that, you know, I was able to surround myself with all the people that I wanted to be there.
And just to go on a little tangent. One of the smarter things I did was I really vetted the crew in an extensive way. Well, I wanted three glowing reviews about each person before they came on board. So smart. I wanted people who were really talented, but it was just as important to me that they were very nice and that they were going to work their asses off. Yeah, because, again, as a first timer, like, I just needed people whose number one priority was the quality of this film, as opposed to some people who have been in the business for a while and maybe would just look at it as a job.
And they're looking at their watch and they're just waiting to go home and watch the basketball games.
So that's got to your job as a director is to kind of re romanticize the experience for them, right? Yes.
After you've done 20 movies like, it's hard to get it up for the enthusiasm. That's weirdly kind of your job, right. In that situation is like, no, no, this one's gonna count again. This is special. Definitely.
And like, again, like, even though it took a long time to put the crew together, in the end, I just looked around and I was just surrounded by all these really happy people who were excited to be there. And they were so good that I didn't feel like I had to micromanage anyone.
I felt like my main job was just to be a cheerleader and discouraged them to do what I know they're great at. And going back to what we were saying at the beginning of this interview, it's like, I want a. Succeed for them. Stay tuned for more armchair experts, if you dare.
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OK, so the disaster artist, really quick for people who haven't seen the disaster artists. There's this very famous room by Tommy Wise, so we were obsessed with that as well.
It's known as the best, worst movie ever made. And it is truly that it is like the most thrilling thing to watch. It's more rewarding in weird ways than even your favorite movie. Cause there's it's like you're laughing at it. Yet there's something so triumphant about it. But I also like them totally respecting this person's engagement in their dream.
Well, what's so special about it is that Tommy, the writer, director, star, producer and financier.
So he he had this money, six million dollars that to this day, no one knows where the money came from. But what that did for him is it allowed him to be a dictator on set where he didn't have to collaborate or hear anyone else's opinions. And so that movie is this singular vision from this guy who refers to himself as a vampire.
And so it's like no one was like raining. I mean, he got to do whatever he wants and might be the purest product an artist has ever made other than a painting. Exactly. And so, yeah, it was this like uncompromising vision from this guy who is very out there. Yeah. It feels very earnest. And like his original intention was, he was making a serious drama that was going to contend for awards. Yeah. There was a podium picture.
Exactly. And then when the whole perception of it changed, where it became more of this like Rocky Horror Picture thing, where everyone would go to these screenings and laugh at it. After all of that, he changed his tune and he said that it was always intended to be a comedy artist is about the making of the room.
It's a comedy. Yeah, that's right. You and your brother plays Tommy and you play Greg Stero. So you I would argue you have the hardest role in the movie in that Greg was clearly aware of what an insane experience it was. Yeah, he was also a producer on the movie. So he's got one foot in both worlds. Right. And sanity and insanity.
Well, first off, I appreciate you continuing to put me on a higher pedestal than my brother.
Yeah, I didn't think a killer smile existed until I saw you. But I do appreciate everything you're saying.
And yet his role is clearly the more showy kind of crazy role. And he's unbelievable in the movie. Yeah. You know, my role was difficult in the way that I basically am like the Tommy apologist throughout the movie, where I need to kind of justify all of his crazy actions to everyone else and almost like, believe it myself. So like you said, I kind of have a toe in both sides of it where I am on Tommy side because he's my partner and we're making this thing together.
But also, I'm the one kind of really keeping the whole production together.
And so did you become chummy with Greg in real life? Yeah.
We definitely met and talked several times. I just wanted to pick his brain about everything and just hear everything from his perspective. And over the years now we do stay in touch, mainly just texting about warriors basketball.
But Greg. Greg has a sweetheart. And the main thing I was really picking his brain about was what we're talking about.
It's like, why did you stick around when things got so crazy? Yeah, it's admirable.
And so for him, the whole journey has has become this unique thing where when they first made the movie, he was a struggling actor and he was really excited about this opportunity to be the lead in a movie that was actually getting made. Yeah. And then the movie came out and it became what it did where people all over the world were shitting audit and saying this is the worst movie ever. Right. So it became this thing that just started following him around for the rest of his life.
And he was trying to get rid of it, but he couldn't. And then he wrote this book. And what that did for him is it just allowed him to kind of take ownership over the whole yang and kind of like show everything from his perspective. And it was really sweet because after we made the movie, which was again, another like stepping stone for him of like understanding what this all is, after we made the movie, he kind of started to see Tommy again through a different light and started to almost sympathize with him.
And they started making movies together after we made disaster artists like this very early wheat story. Yeah.
Oh, my God. Well, I got my hands on the apartment or the complex. What was their sitcom name or was it just Tommy?
Oh, I think it was actually called Neighbors. Oh, yeah. And Tommy's catch phrase was no other day.
That sounds about right. Right. He says it like seven or eight times. That's kind of his like. What are you talking about, Willis?
Totally like the magic. The magic isn't there because he. When he was making that, when he was now aware that he was trying to do something, I mean. Oh, it's awesome, man. It's kind of like remember when Johnny Depp made that movie? Yeah. I love that movie. Me too. I like those people because there's a ton of people who probably have the capacity to make something amazing and they don't they don't ever do it.
So I can't say I respect the person who's maybe innately talented and never does anything over the person who maybe shouldn't be doing it yet, does it? I don't know. There's something really beautiful about it.
So we're actually doing an anthology, TV show where we were thinking about how many insane productions have been made over the years. And we were like, let's do a show where each season we're looking, we're doing another kind of behind the scenes look at one of these crazy productions. And what's really fun about it is that you can have one season where it's an insane production that leads to a really shitty movie like the room. Yeah. And then the next season, you have a really crazy production that leads to a masterpiece like Apocalypse.
Yeah. And what you get to see is that like there's more similarities between someone like Tommy Wiseau and Coppola, where they are these uncompromising artists who are going to get their way no matter what. Yes, just one happens to be a genius and the other is kind of a vampire.
Yeah, he's from some country that we've not discovered yet. Right. Right. In Eastern Europe.
But how I would delineate those two because I just showed Monaca hearts of darkness. She never seen it. One of the best. What a documentary. But I would say the main differences and I was shocked to hear it is to hear Francis the whole time going.
I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I don't know what I've made. I can't imagine this is going to add up to it. Like, I think the saving grace is humility. I think that's maybe the defining thing that you can get. A great project while still being insane as long as you have the humility. You know what I'm saying?
Well, you absolutely. And I think that's why disaster artist is so relatable, because even for people who have never even heard of the movie The Room, you can latch onto that idea of where Tommy. It was like when you're making anything. You gotta give a hundred percent. And like for me.
And this is for every project I've ever worked on and will ever work on. There are those moments where you're like, is what I'm doing any good? Or is this a total fucking mess? But regardless, I got to give myself over to it 100 percent.
Of course, man, it's a harrowing ride. There's, um, one other topic I want to go over with you is that we live now in a business that is niche driven, and that's great, because that wasn't really an option for a lot of years. So what's really sad and you in particular, I have to say this is affected, which is you have a fuckin stellar run like neighbors. Now you see me these like modest budget movies that are working on a tremendous level.
And then just the floor kind of goes out of those movies in five seconds.
Right. Right. I think you paid the ultimate price in that transition. Or maybe I'm done. I don't know anything about what's happening going forward, but I just in general, write movies have really disappeared, especially the mid budget ones. Right. Really dried up.
And that aspect, it's really sad. Yet you've just made a movie that will find a home because there's a million platforms now and that's gone of, I guess, the silver lining. What are your thoughts on how things have evolved in the last eight years?
I mean, what is sad is that for whatever reason, people aren't going to the movies to see these studio comedies anymore. I'm curious what your take is on comedies, because I don't quite understand it. And it feels like people need that kind of relief. But I don't know why some of them haven't haven't worked the way that people have wanted them to recently.
Here's my theory. It's very easy to see where the 40 million dollar drama went. It's on TV and it's phenomenal.
There's Ray shows I fucking love that are filling up my need for drama. Completely. I don't have to leave the house to get that itch scratched.
Now, comedy, I can scroll through Instagram and I can see a guy crash a tractor through his garage door.
And then I can see a guy and I only jump a pickup truck over a fountain and I can laugh like 20, 30 times a day in this really tiny, concise. So what are you people are getting their comedy thing scratched a bit by social media. That makes sense. Yeah, I don't mean for me specifically. I do think most people know me from the comedies that I've acted in. But I guess in my own mind, that's not really how I have defined myself in the projects that I am most attracted to are the ones that are at least attempting to do something new and original.
And regardless of what the genre is, it doesn't have to be, you know, reinventing the wheel every time.
But like even in small ways where I did this very small movie for Netflix where I played a heroin addict and it's like, yes, we've seen movies about that before. But why this felt different is it was based on the director and her brother. And so I was I was playing her brother. And he was just a normal guy. Like, he got hurt playing basketball, started taking pills for the pain. And it's just like, you know.
Yeah. When I went down that path.
But he was the kind of guy who had a job, who was working in a law office. And then at lunch she would go to Skid Row and he would he would shoot up and then he'd go back to work. He was a functioning heroin addict. Yeah. It just felt like we haven't really seen that of like, you know, when we picture a heroin addict, we picture someone who's really strung out and laying on the side of the road.
But it's like, no, no, no, this can happen to anyone. And so that's like a long way of saying, like, that was the way into that movie that felt different. I totally agree with you. I'm you know, I'm in a for 16 years and I see dudes who ran enormous businesses while shooting dope in their bathroom. Yeah. Right. The notion we have the Hollywood Junkie is a lot broader than that. Yeah.
OK, we had Alison on and Monica and I were floating on a cloud of love butterfly. Your story.
Your New Orleans. I mean, Dave. I would've fallen in love with you. Yeah, it was a crazy one.
I mean, what can I say that she hasn't said I could give you my perspective. I really love your verse back. I would love your verse. I do. I'm sure there's gonna be a lot of crossover, but maybe there'll be some new tidbits.
So I had been working in New Orleans for a while. And Mardi Gras is coming up. And so I had the week off and I was like, you know what? I've had my fix of New Orleans. I just need to go home and rest during Mardi Gras.
So I actually came back to L.A. and like a day later my buddy texted me and he's like, hey, man, is it still OK if I stay with you for Mardi Gras? And I was like, Oh, fuck.
I told him months ago that we would have this, like, big Mardi Gras adventure. And so I was like, you know what? OK, I'll go back. I'll meet you back out.
Oh, what a good friend. What are your front door sacrifice?
Hey, when Franco makes you a promise, by God, he's going to deliver.
So I go to L.A. X and I see my friend Jules and she comes over and she's like, Hey, what are you doing?
I was like, oh, you know, I'm going back for Mardi Gras. And working out there for a while. And she's like, I mean, my friends are going out to. And Allison was one of her friends.
And so she was like, you know, you should come to dinner with us tonight. And I was like, you know, I'd love to. But I already told my friend he got us parade tickets, so I feel bad canceling on him. But, you know, maybe maybe later in the week.
So there's not a lot. That was the truth. No, I believe you. Interesting thing to buy. Totally. As like buying tickets to be in a line. Exactly.
That's a good point.
We we land back in New Orleans and it's pouring rain. So all the parades are canceled. So I'm like, okay, yeah. Let's go to dinner then. But there was it Uber or Lyft at the time.
And so all of the taxis were being used. I couldn't get a taxi. So I'm in the lobby of this apartment building I'm staying in where there's only one other unit. And I'm in the lobby trying to get a taxi. And the guys in the other unit who I've never even met. They come out and they're like, hey, do you need a ride somewhere? Oh, what?
I was like Monica's face. Have you remember her, Justin? Long story. But over time here, those. Right actually heard that story. Yeah. It can go real south in a hurry.
So I was like, no, no, no, I don't I don't want to put you guys out. It's pouring rain. It's across town and they're like, oh, we don't mind.
And so I was like, all right, let's do it. I don't think I would do that today, but I know there was something driving me at the time. So. So I get to dinner and I'm like an hour late and they've all been drinking. And so they've set aside a plate for me and they have me catch up and I'm taking, you know, just just pounding shots and doing everything. And at one point I was sitting next to Jewelz, our mutual friend, and Alison was across the table.
And Jules shows me this text under the table. She'd been texting with Alison and she had basically told Alison, you should make out with David tonight.
And Alison was like, I was like, sure.
And so Jules tells me she's like, do not tell her I showed you that text.
And I was like, cool, cool. So little do I know. They end up in the bathroom. Ten minutes later, she's like, all right.
I showed him the taxi and let's go. So Jules manipulated the whole situation. And about 30 minutes later, both of us know it's on now.
And it really kind of comforting way where it was like, all right, consent abounds.
So about 30 minutes later, she reveals that she has Somali. And when I look back, it might have actually been my first time doing.
Oh, good for you. And so there was just something about her. I was just comforted by the whole thing and I just didn't even hesitate. No, I was like, let's go.
Well, as there is, serendipity is in the air. The neighbors you've never met drive you there.
I wasn't even supposed to be in New Orleans. Yeah. There. So, yes, so we basically had this crazy two days in Mardi Gras that were not real life. You know, we were we were inebriated the entire time. So when she left, we both recognize we were like, OK, I know that that wasn't real life. But there there was clearly some kind of connection here. Yes. So we slowly started texting and then we started calling.
So I was stuck in New Orleans for like another month before the movie was going to take me to New York. And so during that month, it was just like kind of an old school courtship where we were just really getting to know each other over the phone. Yeah. And I told her I was like, you know, you should come meet me in New York. And so I was really, really excited because everything had been going so great over the phone.
But I was really nervous because I'm like, you know, we've never been sober in front of your car. So now you're coming out all this way and who knows what's going to happen. Yeah. And so I remember, though, opening the door of my hotel room and immediately being like, oh, this is good.
And so in New York, though, you know, I had all this PDM from the movie. And so I was able to kind of like wine and diner and and do things that I probably typically couldn't do.
And it was going so well.
She was there for about a week and was going so well that by the end of the week I started thinking ahead. And I'm like, OK, the movie is taking me to Paris next. And so what would that look like? And so I, I remember the morning that she was going to leave. I had to get up to go to work. And I had just written a little note, basically said, like, meet me in Paris.
And I put it in her boot. And I had she was still in bed. She was still sleeping.
Monica's goose bumps. Sorry. But yeah. Yeah, I just looked over and I actually physically see goosebumps. And we've got a physiological response. Okay. Happens in you.
I was supposed to go to set and I wanted her to get to the note before I left.
So I started kind of shaking her, like waking her up and being like, you know, I don't I feel like you should probably get up and get going in, like a really nice way to start.
So she puts you on. She found the note. And I basically said, you know, I know. I know there's a lot of implications with a Paris invite, but it just happens to be where I'm going next.
And, you know, I would love for you to come out.
And so, you know, a week later, we were we were in Paris together.
And you don't you don't really come back from Paris.
Oui. Oui. Now, what is funny is there's like incremental steps, if I'm being honest, back to reality. So it starts on Molly. That's really hard to replicate. But then it's a baby step into lots of PDM and getting wined and dined. And then it's kind of another step up to Molly territory to go to Paris together. Definitely. So we're still you know, no one's back in L.A. unemployed yet.
That's a really good point.
We still haven't really touched down to reality quite yet.
Yeah, with Paris, we were really flying high, too. We're like I just finished the movie. I was staying in a friend's place.
And like, he this is embarrassing, but like, we were really in it and like, there's this bridge in and there's that maybe, you know, about wherever and put, like, locks on it and like, that's not a thing anymore.
You guys got in before. I know, because I think that the bridge was getting too heavy. You had. Yeah. Yeah.
So like I asked the guy who I was staying with, he had like a lock to his locker at the gym and he let me use that lock and we put our lock on the bridge. So but then when we got back. Yeah, it's a whole different thing. Yeah. And it was definitely an adjustment. I mean, like you said, it's like, all right, we're back in reality now where we're both unemployed.
Hey, I want to introduce this side of myself where I think I'll never work again. Exactly.
Exactly. And there was there was a transition period. And in that period, there was my infamous surprise party where we had been together about three months at that point. And she decided to do a surprise party for me, knowing that that never happened. But there was a reason that has never happened because I'm a very private person and my ideal birthday is like just me and her in the middle of nowhere, not seeing anyone.
Yeah. So this surprise party was really strange because she hadn't met a lot of the people in my life. And so she was basically leaning on like two friends of mine who she had met to create this invite list that might not have been the best gatekeepers.
Oh, it was it was something else. And so, I mean, long story short, as possible, the people who ended up there were like my manager's assistant, Sisters' best friend Paul.
And like so I, I had my first panic attack.
It was codependents nightmare. Yes.
So it got so out of hands to the point where my mom was actually there. So she drove down from Palo Alto and she was at the one to one cafe the next morning. And the waiter came up to her and was like, hey, I know this is weird, but are you are you Betsy Franco? And she's like, Yeah. And he's like, oh, yes, sorry. I just I almost watch your son surprise party last night.
I just want to say hi to the waiter at the one to one cafe was almost there.
So we are we always say we we got through my surprise party. We can get through anything. Oh, that's wonderful. OK. Now, the rental. The rental. It is a thriller slash horror.
So I was inspired by my own paranoia about the concept of home sharing.
And just thinking about how, you know, the country is as divided as it's ever been and no one trusts each other yet. We trust staying in the home of the stranger simply because of a few positive reviews online.
Oh, that's a tasty idea.
And like the reality is, like while we were filming the movie. There were articles coming out every week about homeowners with hidden cameras in their place.
Oh, do we rent houses so much? Yes, exactly. And like on the flip side, you don't know who you're renting to. So what's keeping someone from renting a place, making copies of the key and coming back at a later date?
And so it's all these things that we're aware of. But like that being said, I still use all of the home sharing apps. And in fact, I was staying in an RV and while filming this movie. Shah. And I guess it was like just trying to understand that disconnect where it's like, why why do we subject ourselves to these situations knowing that we're potentially putting ourselves in harm's way? And I think it's because we even though we know the risks, we don't actually think anything bad is going to happen to us.
It's all costs benefit. All of us know that your odds of dying in a car crash are certainly higher than certain viruses we would write. Right.
But A, we like driving in a car. I don't want to walk across town. It's like, well, if I like it and I've deemed that I need to do this, then I really just file all the risk in another compartment of my head.
Definitely. Definitely. And what I will say is, since filming the movie, my paranoia has reached new peaks where when I stay in a rental home now, I'm not thinking. Are there cameras here? I'm thinking I know there are cameras here and it's just about whether or not I'm going to find them. Oh, wow.
Have you ever found one? I have not.
OK. But what we have stayed in places where, you know, it was the middle of nowhere and there was an abandoned car on on the property with lube and tissues inside.
And like also at that scene, at that same house, lube runs using good bye.
I'd find a condom and lube at that same house.
There was like this private Wi-Fi network. And again, we were in the middle of nowhere.
And we asked the homeowner, we're like, what's the password to this account? And she was like, I don't know what that account is.
And so it's just all these things. I know it's probably irrational fears, but I just kind of expect the worst in those situations.
We rented a house two years ago. This house was insanely huge.
And then the downstairs was forbidden. Oh. And it was a dungeon. It was like brick and wine cellars and shit. And then Monica and Ryan Hanson got drunk and they're like, wow. Yeah, we did.
Well, what are you exactly was you do or that you're a drunk. So they're like, fuck this. We're gonna find out what's happening in the dungeon. It's so scary.
I mean, we didn't find anything, but there was a lot of locked doors. Yes. Yeah. Could have been a parasite situation.
Someone could have literally been living in the house the whole time we were there and seemed likely on someone. Oh, and then another amazing thing was the neighbors had these enormous wolfs. I mean, I know a kind of dog or they look just like Dyar wolves, and I guess they were used to coming in and out of the house. And again, Monica was drunk with our friend Jazz 3:00 in the morning in the living room, and they look up and there's fuckin wolves in the room.
This is not a joke. There's to you a hundred pound wolves in the living room. And then what?
And they were just the neighbor's dogs that are used to prowling through the house and probably wearing a camera on their collar. I didn't know.
But have you guys had any, like, full on nightmare experiences at Air Beebe's or hotels?
No, I in fact, I love renting houses. I'm not obsessing the entire time. I'm there about what needs to be fixed. I love it. But yes, you're right. I'd say especially for Kristen and I who walk around naked and there's cameras. It's pretty IRI's.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've been fucking these places, Dave.
Sometimes we walk in these place.
Of course, I've been asked about like if I have any nightmare stories during this press store and I don't have any SBB ones. But I one time was staying in a hotel while I was shooting a movie and it was pretty dingy, but I didn't want to be pretentious actor who forced them to move me to a new place.
But one day the housecleaning came in. They changed everything over and. I went to sleep and then I woke up and there was a splotch of dried blood next to my face and I checked my whole body and I was not bleeding.
And so that that was the final straw.
So I told production, you know, I draw the line at just like next to my knife.
That was like the quote unquote, clean sheet that they had put on my bed that day.
Okay. Now I. Okay. So while you just remind me of some and I one time went to Hawaii. We had been at the beach all day. We come back to our room and I go into the closet to like get something other than my swim shorts. And I notice, oh, there's a there's all these clothes in my closet. And then I look at the bed and there's like eight baby dolls all arranged on the thing.
Literally the last thing you want to find. Yes. So I thought, OK, someone's moved into our room and they had someone had moved into our room. And then I guess they went to the beach. But I don't know why they weren't troubled by the fact that, like all of her toilet were just so basically it was this. We were with another family in the same room and we called in like, we've got it sorted out, obviously.
But there was hours where this other family just moved in and put stuff in drawers and just disregarded all of our stuff.
Incredible. I'm picturing a horror, horror baby dolls with their heads cut off.
OK. So I definitely want to see the rental. That's a very juicy concept. And now, given the drive in release, will there also be a shortened window before it gets on on demand?
So what IFC does is they do a video on demand and drive ins and whatever standard theaters are open all at the same time.
Oh, wonderful. So on July 24th, people can start renting it. Exactly. I'm gonna make you a real life promise and I'm going to keep it. Not unlike your promise to party on Mardi Gras with your friend. We will be watching this movie. Yeah, I'm excited. Amazing. I'm very excited. And you're so cute. And we really love Alison. Alison is standing two feet away from me because she's about to jump on an interview as well.
Hi, my best friend is just my best buds, and we hang out in Addicks together all the time very fondly and I think it's almost criminal that the four of us were really the five of us should all go on a date.
It might be a long time, but let's let's stay put.
On the count one eight twenty two absolute get together and break.
What if Dave the only thing he asked us to cut out of this interview is him agreeing to go on a double date because he doesn't want to be stuck in. Yeah. You know, I think I'm actually busy in 2022. Yeah, I think so.
Oh, we adore you guys. And tons of luck on the rental. We're gonna see it. We can't wait. And we love you. Thank you guys so much. As you know, we're huge fans of the podcast. It feels really special to be on with you guys. Fuckin charm, charm, charm.
Those smiles, I gather. Oh, my God. When I pressure people to procreate.
But I'll just give it some thought. I'll baby sit that baby. We gotta go.
All right, guys. Bye. Thanks, guys. Bye.
Stay tuned for more armchair experts if you dare.
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And now my favorite part of the show, the fact check with my soulmate Monica Padman Heller Heller. I'm going to tell people about a product.
I've talked about it once before. This is not a sponsor. I know I'm not an investor in this, but I use these intake breathing.
Oh, my God. We've already advices about it.
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OK, well, if we're talking about brands, I like Pinga.
Yes, you do. You own, I think every single color they make. It's a sweat suit, Larry. Sustainable. Yeah. That suit company. You would have remodeled your house by now, but instead you have 26 sweatsuits in every color under the rainbow.
Worth it. Worth that. You look really good at. Thank you, Raicu.
And then say especially pair nice with your Jordis. Oh, my new Jordans. So I have some bad news. Okay. Well I like bad. We say bad news. Yeah, we will.
I was doing real time fact check haha. And there was no facts. I think it's just because there were no facts. It could be because I got lost in conversation and I forgot to pay attention to hear for facts.
So you were pretty mesmerized by his smile. Every time he even flashed me that smile, I'd look over at you and I'd see how you were taking that smile and you were taken it.
Well, what's not to take? It's an incredible smile. Yeah. Is a beautiful, beautiful he and his brother, they but their eyes smile as well.
It's a whole face changes. Oh, it's true.
They have to give weekly has which is he's got this cute fucking smile no matter how naughty he was b and everyone just loved him because he would smile. What a superpower. It's a good one. You have a very nice smile.
I always compliment you on how white and straight your teeth are. Thank you. But it would never get you out of trouble.
I know I don't look at that smile and go like, oh, that's a innocent little bird. I go, that's a MACV is Fanjul.
My smile gives me away. Yeah. Teddy trouble. Roma Sheriff Kelly. That's not true at all.
I'm very innocent. Well, now my smile doesn't get me out. Anything right here. I'll smile. Yeah, you're right.
Well, that looks scary.
Like tobacco positive. Back your eyes, guy. He. Yeah. So I found a new emoji yesterday. Oh, right. It's a moon and it has a face in it. Yeah. It's pretty cool. I sent it to you and I said this is a moon Akure. Yeah. I said it looks like me. And then I also sent it to Jess and he didn't like it. Oh. On what grounds.
He said it looked racist. No, I said he was right.
So that makes sense. He was. Whatever. I don't even know what he said. Yeah. But it was definitely racist.
He said it looks sinister. Oh, OK. And I said, well, I'm sinister. Fair. Yes. Fair. Fair. And then you said, you are not gray. OK. The man is gray ish black. Then I called him racist because of. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Any who I guess ought to say the moon AKQA has this kind of sly smile.
And I don't like the Mona Lisa says. Right. So you see, my smile is like Monica, Lisa or Monica.
Oh, smile at me. Let's see. Really the smile Monica just gave me.
Looks like she just eight six cotton candy at an amusement park and is about to explode.
This is my final. You look nice. You look earnest. Thank you. That's, I think, nice. That means a sincere smile. Yeah. Were there other times got umbrage.
That's a dangerous word to use. It is. I don't know. Whenever, you know, whenever I use it, I'm just like, boy, hope. That was the right use of that. Well, let me let you never hear umbrage. You hear Professor Ambridge from Harry Potter. You used it correctly. Most certainly. I'm just saying, you never hear it.
So when you hear, you're like, oh, we. And I hope that was right.
Take umbrage. It's actually take on Brage. Feel resentment. Take offense. Yeah, that's right.
That explains how you feel about it. Yeah. You're resentful. There is no facts. No. Oh. Where are you taking umbrage with. Or um. Brage is using this expression features one of the rare surviving uses of umbrage which now means resentment. But it comes from the Latin umbra for shade presumably alludes to the shadow of displeasure.
So shade is an old Åsane. No shade like an umbrella. Oh, OK.
I got while I heard resentful and I heard shade and I think of modern colloquial for shade is to disrespect or cast some kind of aspersion charges.
Oh my God. Look, I mean stop. But for. Cause, you know, shade casts a shadow.
I want to give someone a shout out.
Oh, my gosh. Okay. But first I tell you why I take umbrage. Okay. Because I think my smile to get manison. Oh, bad.
I see where on your smile. So I thought you were talking about the facts. Okay. So you're mad that I don't think your smile will get you out of my smile is not good enough. Okay.
Well, all right. I don't know what to tell you. Don't think.
Okay. Yes. I just. I want to give one shout out. Can I. Yeah. I don't regularly do it, but it's an arm cherry and I love her and I communicate with her all the time. And her name is Tanya and she's so sweet. That's all I want to say.
Tanya, we love you and we love all the armchair. We love all the armed cherries.
But I just I really like Tanya a lot. And she and I communicate on D.M. quite often. And she's got a really handsome, full grown son. And she came to see us in New York with her husband. She drug her husband. And I just think that was really nice. And she's a nice woman.
That's nice. Hi. Hi. I think people are now going to be upset that you're not damning with them. But that's another issue for another day, I guess.
Okay. Well, what they should take from that is that I might end up damning them, but they'll take umbrage if you don't. OK, well, everyone just stole your umbrage for one second. And let's see how this thing plays out.
I wonder if Professor Ambridge from Harry Potter is based on the word umbrage. She's a bit. Oh, she is a huge bitch. A huge B..
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
I really wish you knew more about Harry Potter. It's one of the things about you that I wish. Yeah. I could pick up my interest. I certainly like the first few movies. I just. There was what? Savinova eight of them or so. Well, a movie. Seven books. Okay. Yes. So it just was a got cumbersome for me. The books are stuck. Yeah. It's like we went on three great dates. You know, bad analogy.
Okay. I don't know what it was.
You didn't really go on three great dates. If you just watched the movies, you kind of just like skipped straight till the facts, I guess. No, you didn't.
I think I may know why. Okay. I saw the first one. I loved it. Saw the second one. I loved it. And then I started getting nervous that all the characters were gonna become teenagers and get awkward. And I didn't want to. I'm sorry you farted big time. Oh, my God. Oh, geez. Oh, geez. I don't smoke. You must. But I'm right where.
One foot away from each other. And it's terrible. It's very early. That's not a sulfur smell. Very Psaltery. Oh, God, it's bad. Oh, I don't. It's Maggie. It's so Aggie. You don't smell that. What about Kova? Oh, my God. You have covered. Oh, my God. I just saved your life by farting in front of you. Oh, no. You saved my life. But now we know.
I literally do not smell anything.
Well, listen, I had popped a couple earlier in the day and there was no smell, so I was feeling a little cocky confidence. And now I realize it's time to shut this whole thing down. OK, well, I appreciate that you can't smell it.
I'm scared. What were we talking about? Oh, I was nervous that the characters were gonna have an awkward phase as a lot of teen actors do, and I didn't want to embarrass them by watching them.
Okay. Well, so I think it was an act of generosity on my part. Wow.
If you read the books, you're not going to get that awkward feeling. I mean, it's sort of I know from the book because I would just keep imagining they were babes. Yeah. I just want to read the books. OK. I mean, they're big books, right?
Oh, well, I've heard one of them out loud because we were in a car trip and we were playing it out loud for the girls.
And it's good about kind of like you to read it with your eyes. OK, that's a big request. I know you are one of my golden tickets for that. OK. I mean, maybe that would be a birthday present. Your birthday is right around the corner. Knock, knock, motherfucker.
But I want like more Jordan turkey turkey tree. Come on atcha. I know. What a boring birthday.
No, I like it cause there's two of the one things you know I love. I love pears. I love even stuff.
So 60 is a great number. It adds up to six.
That's very even you know, I always find a way to make the number. I do something you like, which I hope she may have. We told people about my weird. Yes, but we can tell me again. OK, so I have a superstition against odd numbers. And so you could say this is either convenient or inconvenient. So I was born on an odd year, but the way it works out is I'm always turning in even years old when the New Year comes because my birthday's the second.
So, for instance, right now we're in 2020. Love it. I mean, it's a disaster.
But I love the number. It's an unequivocal, yes. Unmitigated disaster now. But I'm forty five, which is a bad number, although divisible by nine and five, which I like. The point is, is it's a bad number, so I just ignore that. I'm forty five this year and I focus on the fact that it's twenty, twenty and even year and then next year it will go to twenty twenty one which I fucking hate. I don't think you can divide that by anything.
And then but I'll be forty six which is great. I don't know what that's divisible by. Yeah.
You find a way to make it something good and I like that. I just focus on whatever the even number is in this case. Thirty three. That's two odds. Make an even.
Yeah. Which is great. In the more than that you have a pair which is delightful. That's right. So settling that only happens a couple times in your life. Well 10. If you're lucky.
If you're lucky. If you're lucky. Oh, I hosted a party in height and not in high school. I never threw a party in high school. I threw a party in junior high, as you would expect, chair. And I threw it because it was on 88.
And that was a whole exciting for me for a kiss in one day, I had to have a party about it.
In fact, this story's deeper than that. I had what's called in school detention, right?
Sure. I assess. Oh, no, that's in school suspension. OK, then you could call it that to whatever. I guess that's more accurate because it wasn't detention. I didn't have to stay after school. I had to spend the entire day in a cinder block box behind my assistant principal at Ismar Montaigne's office. And I was not allowed to leave except for to get lunch and to go pee pee. Right. But I had finally made the flyers for my big party, eight, eight, 88, and I had to hand them out and I left the box to hand out the invites to my party, to all the people I wanted to come.
And I got fucking busted and then I got a real suspension or I call.
Yeah. Oh my God.
Your bar Montanti. I could tell he liked me, but I was I was such a troublemaker. I mean I know I feel sorry for him.
I do too because I could tell he didn't want to punish me.
He was the type of person that he enjoyed a free spirit say or he respected a free spirit and he had a good sense of humor. But at the end of the day, the buck stops with him and he had to discipline me. Yeah. And he put me this is a testament to how lenient he was with me. Oh, no, I'm thinking of high school. No one in high school ended up on something called double double.
Final notice is like because they put me on final notice and then they put me on double final notice in eleventh grade. And then I was still a good student. So I don't that they just didn't have the appetite to fire me. What are you doing? So they put me on double double final notice, which just seemed absurd.
But what was I doing?
Well, first of all, you're mixed messages because you do tell me a lot that you were nice. I was nice. And how were you on double double final notice O.S.S.?
I said, okay, I got busted. More than once leaving school at lunch to go out to eat. You're not. You were not allowed to do that. OK. Most of these things were vehicular related, as you might guess.
Another one was I always put on a spectacular show leaving the high school parking lot and my 84 Mustang G.T..
I would get fuckin dead sideways. I'd grab second, I'd run that out. Another couple tanks Laboris back and forth, and then I'd straighten out right before the streetlight. And I did this every day, put on a show. One time I came out of the parking lot hot now was sideways and I went in front of a bus now. Oh, by by my estimation. Well, no, the facts are in my favor. The bus didn't hit me, so apparently the bus driver thought it was way too close and then reported me and I was already on final notice.
I think that's what put me on double final notice. And then I had a lot of, you know, like I could do my dad's voice perfectly.
So most mornings I'd call and go, hey, this Dave Shepard, Dex's run a little bit behind. This morning, he should be there around nine. Mingo Okay. Thanks, Mrs. Shepard. And then I would just walk in and then sign in. And I didn't get my tardies. I had a lot of racket's going. Sounds like.
But I wasn't mean. Oh, I also got caught smoking. So these things piled up and a couple fights always defending myself.
Those ones aren't nice.
Okay. Catizone about 88. Yeah. I was not even one year old.
I know. Almost though all Malas birthday coming up.
The big are 16 days away from being one years old. Wow. Fast man.
18, 19 time. One, two, three, four.
Carol checked my math. My co-pilot. I checked your math on my fingers. Yeah. OK, so I do have one fact, which is surprising since I just said I had no facts. You're negating yourself. Please proceed.
But it's not actually a fact about hiring.
You're a hub.
You're in a glass house throwing rocks. Now, like painting yourself into a corner. You're saying there's no facts, but then you're saying there's a fact. But then you're saying it's not, in fact, a fact. Yes, less than one.
OK. OK. It's a fact to check. But it's not a fact to check that. Dave said listen to this e-mail. Hey, Monica, after eavesdropping on most of your conversation today with Dave, I noticed a discrepancy in the quote. Meet me in Paris. Note finding portion of our love story. I told you guys I found the note in the hood of my sweatshirt on the cab ride home, and he said he hit it in my boot.
And I found it while still with him in the hotel room. After a lengthy discussion, we came to the conclusion that and I hate to admit this, Dave, is in fact, correct. He hid the note in my boot. And I found it while I was with him. But the reason for my conclusion was that he had hidden something else in the hood of my sweatshirt over the course of our week together in New York City. I had become very fond of one of his T-shirts and he'd been wearing it to sleep every night.
That is what he hid in my sweatshirt so that I would have a little piece of him until we met again in Paris. Just needed you to have all the facts.
Allison Aubrey Larson. These two. What a couple of lovebirds.
Yeah. And do you see what I was saying? I don't know why you said it's not a fact.
It is a fact. But it is not. It was either in the SHU or in the hoodie. And in fact, it was in the shoe.
No, no, no. You I said it wasn't a fact check for Dave. Oh, OK. He was correct. It's actually an old fact check from Alice Aubrey that never got check.
OK, back like a go. Oh. Goes to facts past.
Well, I would argue though that he stated a fact. You checked it. Fact check. Turns out he was right.
So does it have to always be that you check a fact and it's wrong? You could check effect and say it's right. Sometimes you'll do that.
You'll to me, which I kind of know, you'll go, you were right about and I won't do that anymore.
OK. So I'm sending you to Bart, Montana.
I hope somehow someone who knows Bart Montanti is listening so they can relate to him how much I adored him, even though he was someone who had to drop a law.
Me quite often. Yeah. Do you think he's still with us?
Well, let's do some math. Well, here's the thing is, I think you and I are both, as are all people, so wrong about the age of their teachers at that age.
Like when I think back in my head, I'd say, oh, Bart was probably 40, 45. But, you know, he could have been 30. I don't know. Yeah. Okay. So he was 30. I was twelve. Forty five. That's that's 33 years plus his thirty. So sixty three. Okay. Worst case scenario is he was 45. He might be 75.
All right. He's he's hopefully still with us. Yeah.
Yeah. Well he took incredible care of his physique.
I can't imagine he didn't go the long haul. Good for him. You know, Aaron and I regularly got sent together. To his office. And he would chew us out. And I would just smile at him and Aaron would cry. And then I get mad at Bart for making Aaron cry. And then I'd copping out to with Bart and I'd be real hard on Bart.
Jesus. Yeah. I again, feel bad for Bart. You don't feel bad for Aaron.
You're not proud of me for sticking up for Aaron two times in this conversation. Aaron has done something with this face to get out of trouble.
And do you think I can't do anything with my face to get out of trouble? So no.
OK. All right. That's all. That's everything. OK. Love you to pieces.