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Welcome, welcome, welcome to the first episode of 2021, brand new year, happy new Year. Happy New Year to you, Monica.


Of course, you're listening to armchair expert and I'm still Dan Rather. And you're still Maximus Maximus.


That's right. So far, so the say. So far, so the same. We have a friend on today. An old friend. That's right. Her name is Jackie Tony.


You heard her on our very first Christmas special because she's an incredible singer and songwriter. But you also probably know her as Melrose on Glow, which is on Netflix. And she's a new show called The Best Leftovers Ever, which is out right now on Netflix.


So I hope everyone checks that out. Can you hear the toilet running in the background of this intro? Possibly. Well, that's fun.


We'll try to keep that as a tradition in 2021. Oh, that's lovely. The year of the running toilet.


OK, please enjoy Jackie Tone. We are supported by me under the under the under the Myung d. We had a very Mundy's holiday.


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He's in charged. We haven't sat in this orientation in 11 months. You know, I I'm so thrilled, like we're we're used to staring at the stupid desk now we've become accustomed to.


I miss the desk and you guys got the note from my reps.


Don't look at my eyes. Right. Make no eye contact with me anyway, right?


Yes. OK, so we'll be looking at a computer screen anyway, the front of your face. That's correct.


We'll be running face time, real time on mute. So we'll hear it.


Yeah. What a lovely opportunity that a member of the pod also has a show to promote. Exactly.


Which gives rise to an in-person Real-Time interview.


Boy, starting off the year with a real person interview, I treat a member of the pod on the pod.


Oh, did you miss a pod member on the pod?


Bad news, Jacqui. Your shoes weren't nearly as clean as you thought. Look under your look at this. Oh, my God.


I got news for you. Oh, wait. We need to get forensics in here. I was here when I came.


I swear there was already a huge shit pad of blood under the cell phone, directly under my shoes and real dark like it's wet like as well.


So there's two pieces of bad news. You had an existing standing here. B, there's a water leak that's made that moist. So so a lot going on, going on and all pointing to.


I definitely soiled your robe with my wet mud boots, but I don't think I did. I swear to God damn it.


Yeah, but we don't need to point out all the little issues in the attic. We got a lot. We got a pickup. We got some dirt.


Oh, yeah. Yeah. So the first thing that you notice, Jackie, was there seems to be a cup of urine on my desk and it doesn't even seem to be a cup of urine.


It is clearly 100 percent conclusively a cup of urine.


How many days old do you think that you're honest? I'm going to go eleven to fourteen.


Oh, wow. I think it's about eight days old. It was last week. So we had to bring up to speed, which was I had well, you tell Amany.


So as everyone remembers from last year, way long ago, way, way long. Twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty the year we will never speak out. Oh no, no, no. Different decade.


Different decade. Welcome to the new decade.


Say, can I just throw a controversial sort of opinion in there. I love twenty twenty.


I thought that. Well that's kind of it. It was a phenomenal twenty twenty for me. In addition to having two surgeries relapsing, being in quarantine, spending ten months straight with my kids.


But I'm not letting those things cloud the entire.


It's like such a great year for me also. And it had a bunch of challenges.


I guess that's I would describe mine exactly the same way. All the specifics are different other than Glo getting canceled or Renou reversed, because that's a term I didn't know was even a thing.


Wait, what's for a new reverse?


We shot half the season. Get the fuck out of here is wild.


That was one of the massive gut punches of other than, you know, twenty, twenty one being a garbage fire.


Had you shot half then Korona happened. You guys shut down production, you were going to resume and they said, you know, let's not resume.


That's right. We took a two week break like everyone else. We start actually we only shot two and a half episodes and we're a ten episode order.


So but we all the costumes were fit. Our characters were everything was there, all the scripts were written, everyone was ready.


Everyone was so much money. And that is what can I ask you, a greedy monster question. And you know what I did and it's fabulous.


Oh, that part of. Yeah, good. Jackie got paid still. Yes. They picked up your season. So you got paid. Correct. We took a two week break and then we just didn't go back and that just that wasn't even an option in anyone's mind.


It was more just a matter of like, when are we going to go back. Oh got pushed again. OK, covid. Oh other shows are picking back up my friends making Suwat. That's like an in your face.


People on each other tackling other people getting arrested. Larry breathy. There is so much breathing, screaming, screaming and breathing you know, I mean respiratory particle's USA but it says that's what SWOP means.


Check it out guys. Also watch Glow. I don't know. So it was just wild.


We kept just like waiting to find out when we were going to pick back up.


And then that's all they were like, we're not I know there were some girls on the show who were a little less heartbroken than others just because so much time had passed.


Yeah, and with TV, a wild thing is I'm in first position at Glow for as long as it takes to make season four if it takes two years. Tough, tough shit. A lot of the girls were like, it's a massive bummer. We wanted to make love more than anything.


But if we were just going to keep being on hold for six month increments and can't do other work and I don't want to get too much into how the sausage is made, but I do think this is fascinating and this does have to evolve.


This is one of my complaints. So traditionally you did movies, people did movies, and you're contractually obligated to them for three months while they make the movie and maybe three weeks built in your contract of reshoots. So, you know, worst case scenario, you're off the market for four months. Correct.


And then the other option was you were on a network television show which generally shot for nine months of the year and you were exclusive to them. Now you had. I asked him if he could do a movie in the summer, they would give you the right to do that, but again, you were employed for nine months of the year.


Now, in this new world of streaming and small shows, you're only shooting fucking seven, eight weeks a year to make your eight episodes of your ten episodes. And then they hold you for 48 fucking.


And it's not like the old days where you would go do a movie in that period because there are no movies to go do. So really what you want to be able to do is go do more limited run TV shows. This is where I think Saige needs to get their shit together and go. There's no fucking exclusive TV stuff anymore, just like there was no exclusive movie stuff. Well, you did a Disney movie this year, so you will not do a universal movie this year that never existed.


But that's kind of what's happening in television and that's horseshit.


I am going to take that sound bite and play it for people because that is exactly what it's not. Right. Well, the whole time, you know, it's also a tricky one because being in this cool position that I'm in right now, I find it challenging to say complaint's out loud ever about what I find to be the, I don't know, quote unquote injustices with this business, because I'm just so fucking psyched that anyone is taking any time to even look in this direction.


Four minutes.


Yeah, but then all that said, you get to a certain place and you're like, wow, we are shooting for two and a half months and for nine and a half months.


Ten months, which like you look at and like that people go like, wow, actors get paid so well that one fee is great.


But then the other girls that were talking about it were like, listen, when that work for four months, becomes a year, becomes a year and a half, becomes two years, it's two dollars an hour, it's correct.


And besides that, you know, as actors and performers and wanting to capitalize on momentum and keep that, well, that's where I'm going.


From your point of view, if I were you, that would be the single most frustrating thing. It wouldn't have anything actually to do with the money I was losing.


It would be like I've been out here for twenty five fucking years. Finally, people want me to be in shit and I can't.


My manager for season two of Glo, who I am, who I fired mostly for this, but for a lot of things, told me not to do Glow Season two because he was like, you know, if you turn it down, that's how you have the negotiating leverage leverage.


And I was like, you realize that I'm thirty five and no one's hired me until now.


Right. And this is the sound of my speaking voice. You know, the you know, I got a specific thing, right. You know, I'm selling just this right. And they're buying it. Well, this is why you do have to get back to the party.


At some point we're going to get back to the peak. But, yeah, we were on the wild in person right here on Zune. You got to keep it more linear because, you know, the communication is so challenging. Sure.


And is this computer in front of my face distracting? You guys really know about how it's made your lighting perfect?


Perfect. OK, so you and I connect so often. We always have. Over the years we know each other because you and Christine are friends. How how did you guys become friends? You were crazy.


So Kristen and I met in 2003, OK, which is a minute ago. That's eight years ago now.


Cuckoo crazy.


So and we met because Andy McMinn, the famed and jolly mother who we love so much director directed her in a 99 seat theater production of a show called Snow and directed me in a 1998 theater blackbox production of a show called Utopia o Utopia.


So Andy was directing both of our little shows and Kristen came to Utopia.


I went to snow and we were the only women of our girls actually were kids, girls of our age. And and I said to Andy, who is that background? Snow? I just loved her. And he's like, you know, it's so weird. I should give you guys each other's numbers.


She said the same thing about you and Utopia.


And I think she just moved here from New York and she didn't like know a super tone of people. And I don't if I can say this, those were the Kevin days.


Oh, God, yeah. Oh, no. I talk about Kevin Madden. He's a wonderful guy. He's beautiful stuff to say about them. And that's because he's ex-boyfriend. Yeah.


And it's a feather in the cap of Kristen and anyone who's dated Kevin, that wonderful, handsome as a motherfucking handsome as a motherfucker, a delightful guy.


I never met him. Well, you'd like him. You've missed out.


What if you started dating Christine's married.


I've already looked into it while then you would be officially Kristen's stepdaughter in some weird way. I love that. Yeah, I don't know how that would work, but somehow it would.


Yeah, you'd be whatever title you put on, it would be. Right.


So if she if I was her I guess her then. Although that makes no sense because you're marrying Kevin, he's not adopting you. That was a misfire. And if he did adopt her but have nothing to do with it so it wouldn't matter.


But if she is my stepmother, the baby is her step grandchild. Grandchild with her husband. Oh, my. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.


I'm really sorry. I just because. Ding, ding, ding. Uh huh. Maybe that'll be our second time, baby. Oh, my goodness. You're going to have to pee in there as well.


Do you know about pee baby? I don't think you know. So Monika's. Is just across the street, and we were there during it and I peed in the toilet. It turns out the water was shut off, so it just sat there and then, I don't know, two weeks later, Monica said I had to pee on top of your pee because what else was I going to do?


And then we figured out we discovered that we had made a baby who now lives in that toilet.


And it's our child, the throat. Oh, is it actually is it actually like a thing of it? So it's a it's a child.


It's a baby. Yeah. It's a beautiful baby because it is our child.


So, you know, you're right. And I just want to say about a couple of seconds ago when I said that, that was going to make me obviously throw up because that's a normal response. I want to apologize for that based on both of your facial expressions that I was way out. We love this baby a lot.


OK, baby. And she it's a she. And we worry about her because she's lonely and she lives in a toilet and there's no no other babies to be friends with.


Right. No brethren. No.


Well and oh Monica. That I could never make it brother. OK, so you imbo became really good buddies.




And then of course thirteen years ago, 13 1/2 years ago I started dating BHEL. When. Thirteen years ago.


Yeah. A little more, a little more weight. That's crazy.


When, when I feel longer or shorter. I can't tell in the moment that you said that. I feel like I've known you my whole life. But in that moment I was like that felt longer than it had been. Because I also remember sitting on the bench outside her house in the valley and you guys had briefly broken up.


And I went over there and there were dogs everywhere and I was just being homey and it was not great. And then it was great when you got back together.


So I'm trying to get to the point where you and I share so much similarities. I think in so many I'll label them for myself is mostly my character defects.


But like we see each other. Yeah, that's deeply true. We'll all be in a circle and someone say something and she knows that the worst part of me just went like, fuck this guy. This fucking guy wants all the attention. He thinks he's got a fucking clever story.


And I'll just look over and he's like watching it all register, OK? Now he's jealous, now he's mad. Now he's this.


I'm feeling similar things of like, oh, this guy can tone it down and maybe give someone else a little bit of a time and then we'll make eye contact.


But I think in our older age, like, we've both gotten pretty good at biting our tongues and just having some self-esteem.


Yeah, some fucking self-esteem. But I believe this is why you and I relate so much is that I like you.


You just mentioned you were thirty five and got on your show me and I was acting since I was nine. Yes. And I was out here for ten fucking years and I was in the Grayling's and I'm watching all these people work and all these people make money. It's just slowly killing me and I'm like the options are.


It feels like the options at that time are either acknowledge I'm worse than them or acknowledge there's something. And just and once you've decided, it's just I resent people.


Sure. I've found it. And this talk about the worst parts of myself and my character defects, I found it difficult.


And you know, what's weird is I think Kristen was always somehow an outlier where you weren't jealous of that because she's my best friend and you're her daughter and you're her step up step daughter, PBB, and you're her husband.


But like, I just never was that way with her. You know, actually, interestingly, I never saw her talk about insecurities and self-esteem.


I don't know that I ever really believed that level of grandiosity for myself. So when she had it, I was like, oh, cool. Like my movie star mogul, best friend. And then it was really my friends who got the episode of Castle I tried out for.


Yeah, it was that that was hard to be because that was within my reach that I went in on and ninety nine point seven, eight times out of 100 it was me.


And then I also think you and I share that like you're either into this or you're not. Well, I'll speak for me. I'm not very good if you plug me into just anything. Yeah, I can do a couple of things pretty uniquely. I think that's what I'm writing on. And so the smaller end of the game, the beginning steps of the game are really flexibility. And being able to get plugged into things, I guess was not good at that.


And you know what else was wild and you're both going to cackle at me.


I didn't know I was specific, but I also think this is all compounded by the fact that you were out here when you were nine and you had deals, you had stuff like I was in New York when I was nine.


Oh, just out here.


Well, shit. I could have fact checked you later. I blew it. What if it was the first time ever there was to fact check?


So we had our fact check and then psych you and I had a back and then we found the mirror in the. Or in the mirror, but when you moved out to L.A., you were 17, 17 and you were working a lot, right? Well, I started acting when I was nine and I did random things, whatever I could get. The only real job I got, I was on the nanny a couple times and played two different characters.


Oh, Fran Drescher and Fran Drescher. Yes. No. Yes. Wait, really? Oh, my God. Mary Fran Drescher for Young. Fran Drescher.


I can't imagine anyone in the world being better at playing young Fran Drescher than you many. And yours. Oh, my God. And my character once was Francene.


And then I think the other time, Tiffiny. But I was Fran's cousin. Oh, it's definitely my second cousin.


Twice removed my.


Oh, my God. I told you. I'm Fran Drescher.


Star. No, give it or give it to me. Right. Oh, my God. Ding, ding, ding. Other weird overlap. So I went to some party that I shouldn't have gotten into.


It was like some after party for some movie or some shit. And then I ended up on the dance floor with Fran Drescher and I was much younger than her at the time. I'm like twenty seven then. She already had her big show and everything. I'm dancing with her all night long. I'm going to go out on a limb and say she really dug me and she said she smokes show. I was into it and she gave me her number and she got mine and she said, I want to call you in first stuff.


And I was like, oh, this is reverse happening.


Like, we're kind of powerful. Man meets a young girl. And then and again, I'm not saying she had any serious plans, but I went and auditioned for her show based on that having dance with her. And I never got called back because I probably was.


Oh, man, did you audition for large Fran Drescher? Yeah, I just ran one more time. Oh, Mr. Sheffield. Anastasia. I don't sound like Jerry Lee Lewis, because you really have to. The crazy thing about Brannigan's, she is she just saw something she can't erase.


If you plug your nose while doing Fran, you can't do it because the sound's completely coming at him. Oh, wow. The sound is coming out of your nasal.


Oh, my God. There was so much pressure going into the auditions. So I'm like she's kind of like, I got to stop you. I got to suck to not get this. And I didn't get it.


Well, I think a lot of the time, too, when I speak for myself, another overlap.


When I had nothing going on, it was almost impossible to get a job because every opportunity meant so much to me.


They could see that little seed of neede in your eye. You walk in the door and they're just like, oh, she wants this way, too bad.


You're like, do you think you're doing better? What is it? Oh, that's all the meter maid spoke about. Cause someone you're not even doing jokes, you're just being loud and fast.


Oh OK. So in case Fran Drescher here, I was so interested in her.


Oh she was my hero. Yeah. Yeah. My entire life. Yeah. There was nothing negative about that whole story.


I loved her. She was my hero. And then obviously I was legitimately a mini friend. And then I got on that show and I was like, this is the coolest shit ever.


But to your question, Monica, I started when I was a kid and I got whatever little things I could, which were very, very few and far between.


And for a large part of my childhood, elementary, middle and high school, my mom was taking me to New York City to go on auditions.


And when I graduated from high school, I went to the University of Delaware for a single semester and I was planning on going back because I at that point, you have to keep in mind, had been acting a decade. And I was like, all right, it didn't quite pan out.


Maybe I'll go to college, be like a normal kid for a little bit. I went and then Delaware has this speak with Keepa. I keep saying many had this, many mester. So they stopped December 15th, didn't go back till February 15th so kids could get all these extra credits.


On that break, I went with my mom and my agent, Aggy Goldar Fresh Faces Agency of Baldwin Long Island.


Hold on. Aggy got a Fresh Faces agency from Baldwin Long Island.


Oh, Fresh Faces Agency. I miss the fuckin agent of agents. This woman, she would just cold call Andrew Lloyd Webber.


You'll never hear from me again if you don't like this girl.


I deal only in fresh faces.


Tell from what? What? What's funny is she only she started her career because she always only repping redheads because she like gave herself a niche.


So anyone that needed redheads. So to her love and she did only kids then only that it only right to the kids that only one redheaded kid, she put Tatyana Ali on Fresh Prince.


She had Joanna Garcia back in the day.


And she was she was like this tiny agent out of her, like Backhouse in Long Island.


And she was a killer. Oh, sure.


So then I moved out here when I was 18.


And I think it was a fairly big error when I moved to L.A. I never told her this, but here we go. People were like, you have a little tiny agent who works out of her house on Long Island, like get one of these big L.A. agents.


And I did. And I was better off with the woman who looked up, who created Roseanne and was like, those are Jackie sensibilities and called them until they answered the phone and would meet me. Yeah, like like some 1950 shit, like just calling MGM.


I'm calling all people say and just like kept did that until they met me. Yeah. And it happened.


I would meet people, I would bring a boombox and sing to karaoke tracks in like the lobby of a hotel. She'd be like, I've got this big producer coming to meet you.


And then we would go I would go sing to rent to karaoke tracks in the lobby of a hotel owner, go to the Doubletree, which we lied and said I was staying in.


Oh, we're staying at a hostel by the airport called the Adventurer Hotel. It was the adventure hostel. And when she called people and they asked where we were staying, she would say, La Advantra.


Oh my God, I want to read a biography about her issue with us still.


She's with us. She's incredible. I'm I'm starting to write something about this wild ass story, and she's a big player.


Oh, my God. I would have come here and I have low self-esteem and I'm concerned. Everyone thinks I'm a piece of shit and nobody. Oh, my God, I have this embarrassing agent. I got to be with one of these ones that says I'm great. I would have done the same thing.


I went and met a manager at one point when I first got here, and I wasn't even embarrassed by her. I just sort of was like small potatoes. Let me get someone bigger.


And and now to this day, if I ever get another manager, the number one thing I will want is that they be small potatoes and that I be their client, that they are just like figuring out the puzzle pieces of what is the next step for this person, as opposed to just like a giant company where even where I'm at now, you just get what kind of loss?


Yeah. You know, I had a period of like. Four years or something where I had three movies fail and I was getting really scared and I thought I was never going to work again, and I was so on my agents and I was so resentful at my agents and about, I don't know, two or three years ago, I called my old agent and I said, hey, I just want to apologize to you. I was really scared and I didn't think I was ever going to work again.


And I was assuming you guys had way more power than you do. And I was putting it all on you. And I'm sorry. And I recognize you can't make me work. You can't it doesn't work that way.


But in my frustration and fear, I started thinking, I bet they send in Will Arnett to that thing.


I bet they're sending someone.


So there I bet you wanted someone to point the finger to me because, again, it's either like it feels like the options on the table are I suck or there's some thing afoot.


Something's broken. There is a fail happening somewhere. So I either need it, it's me. And then if it's me, I got to quit. I got to retire because if it's me, then we got bigger problem.


No, what I think is the really, really scary truth of deciding to be in this business.


It's none of those fucking things. Yeah.


It's like I don't know that anyone was really doing anything wrong. Right.


I remember you asking me and I think about it all the time because I don't know how it didn't occur to me.


But when we did the Christmas special many years ago, you were like, you know, I've often wondered when we were friends for all those years and it wasn't happening for you, like why you were still doing it and that there is something that we also relate on.


There's like a little part of you that's like a little sick that you will get back up everything you're told.


No one not not nine hundred ninety nine times out of a thousand one thousand times out of a thousand for you for for 20 something years.


Then you get up the next day and you're like, maybe this one will be it. It's delusional. We all know. Yeah. Yeah.


That that journey is not for everyone. Oh no, no, no.


Well the healthy people. Right. That's what I'm saying. Like you have to be a little sick.


And I think my interest in that question specifically for you isn't so much like not why do you keep doing this?


You know, I think you're crazy talented and I always have. And I've been very vocal about that. But the toll it took on me, I mean, I would have been an addict no matter what, but most certainly I needed so much relief from that experience. I needed to go check out a lot. It was just so hard just feeling like a failure for a decade.


What sucks, too, is like I want to tell actors coming up, don't do it, but don't feel that way. You're not a failure. Yeah, but when I was not working, it's like, well, objectively, yeah, you are.


Everyone around you is killing it and you're not. And you're seemingly doing the same things a lot of the time. You're working way harder, writing way more, doing more standup, showing up for you like trying any possible way you can. It's just not you sometimes.


Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You sang and performed, you did college tours, you got into stand up, you took stand up workshop like you kept pursuing every single conceivable route.


That is the difference between someone that's experiencing what you did and I did.


That doesn't get over the hurdle. It's because that is part of it. I couldn't agree more what ended up happening when I did start really doing all the things you said, because in my 20s, I didn't really I told some jokes occasionally, but I wasn't like a club comic or I was like touring and trying to really do stand up and musical comedy and get out. In my 20s, I wasn't writing. I wasn't really making my own stuff.


I wasn't hustling, I wasn't. And so then in my early thirties is when I really was like, I need to be doing more standup. And it was that I was all these other avenues that made me talk about self-esteem feel so much better about myself because I was getting validation.


When you're reminded why you want to correct this, because you forget it's all about the result of getting hired at some point. Yeah, that's all you're thinking about. And you literally forget like, oh, I like entertaining people so good.


It made these auditions not the only thing in my life. Yes. Yes. I would go on there and be like, I don't get this. There's nothing I like. I just was like a crazed person.


And I got to a point with auditions where my and I'd been acting, as I said, since I was a kid in my thirties, my hands started shaking on auditions and I started getting really because I guess I reached a critical mass of not being able to take it in.


My nervous system was like, yeah, yo, we're out.


And then I was like, I would have to keep, like, press my feet into the ground or somebody.


And I'd only been acting twenty one years at that point. So you'd understand that. Were you hip to Japan and all. Yeah. Am now baby you are OK because of cabi. Right about. Yes. And I imagine that would have been super helpful.


Kristen told me about beta blockers and that helped massively combo that with doing stand up and getting out there, starting to tour and then starting to earn some. Money, when I went on an audition and I met producers, you weren't my God anymore because, like, OK, it is what it is. I have a show at the Improv tonight. I'm opening for Garland next week, blah, blah, blah, dropping it, you know, like I'm feeling a little bit like my shit doesn't stink.


And I'm on the comedy. I'm doing shows and feeling good.


So it's like but you bring that energy into a room, you're like, oh, who's that bitch?


It's a mindfuck. It's kind of the opposite of the secret is like I don't I don't know. From what I understand about the secret is like you.


What is it you believe you're going to get it. You manifest it. This is almost the opposite. It's like you convince yourself you don't want anything and it comes pouring.


Oh, no, no, no, that's not you can't convince yourself that's the deal. You really have to be there, which is why the stand up and the things you weren't just like trying to tell yourself, I don't care, you really didn't because you really had something to do it. You can't fake it. Yeah. It's like if you go into these meetings, like, I will and I would. Yeah, I would like sit there.


I mean, this gets a little sad. I would sit outside the thing and I would try it makes me kind of want to cry. I would try and sit there and to calm my mind and make my fucking hands and feet stop shaking.


And I would sit out there and all my friends are successful and everybody's killing it. And I'm on an audition for a ten liner for Castle and just sitting out there pressing my hands into my lap, just trying to stop shaking.


And and here's what's wild. I didn't feel nervous. I wasn't like, oh, God, those people in there, they I just everybody keeps asking. Everybody kept the score.


Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare.


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OK, so essentialism, have you read that? Oh, OK, so what you were just talking about the agent in the book, he says that having boundaries actually makes people drawn to you.


What it tells them is this person values themselves. They know their value and having like boundaries. I'm not going to work on the weekends. I'm not going to do this and that. It's like all counterintuitive. I want to work around because I want to work with this person.


That's been a massive issue in my whole life, from my parents to my relationships, to my reps, to everyone. I am a boundaryless person because I want to be liked and I want to be cool.


Yeah. And I think that's I mean, I'm sort of realizing that now. Obviously, I didn't ever have a real light on that until more recently.


But I really I've never been a boundary person because I was like not like I'm going with like I'm I'll do whatever and I'm cool and.


Well, your sex stories are always the most amusing of all Kristen's friends.


Thank you so much.


Some of those are wild, but those boundaries were more obviously. I know you're joking, but those were my choice.


That wasn't like me letting dudes do anything more emotionally.


When I see a moment where, like, I should put my foot down and you need to get the fuck out because this isn't OK and you'd respect me if I did that, I'll just like revert to childhood and sit quietly and not say anything and then be grumpy or be sad or be passive aggressive.


But don't you think to in that state, going through that for a couple of decades, that it can put an abnormal pressure on relationships because like now this relationship you're in has to basically fulfill everything that's going on in your life and nurture all these wounds that exist. Enter my 20s, where two things.


One, I wasn't doing other stuff. I was just saying, OK, I got reps. I hope I get jobs. Wish me luck. Fingers crossed.


And the other thing was, I was so wrapped up in my relationships in my 20s that I focused so hard on the dudes that I would say one for two years, three years, two years, three years.


And I was a serial monogamist and I would always have a boyfriend I would watch them skyrocket to. Yeah.


And I would be so rough. I mean, over and over and over and over again.


I mean, you're like a talent scout. Yeah, I'm my pussy is. So you really should be a manager.


This is Jackie Towne calling from Pussy. This is Pussy Town calling from Boise. I am. Yeah, I'm writing that movie too.


Does that manager only like redheads then? Manager Yes. Only like fire project. Yeah.


My magical plus movie, my writing partner Rachel and I just finished it and we're going to pitch. Yeah, we're going to go out. Wait we've blurred into reality.


You've written about movie. We had like a fun joke about your pussy being a manager.


And then now, now I'm learning for the first time you actually have a project.


I've said that my boss is a talent scout for. Oh, I don't know. This is why we're friends. OK, definitely never said this to you.


That's sort of been like a thing and a movie idea I've always had in my head and just gone like, you know, there's a story in here completely for my 20s.


Every dude I dated skyrocketed to fame. I mean, just crazy Emmy winners, Grammy winners, show runners, directors.


And when we dated, we were arguing about whose turn it was to buy the almond milk. Was it that you were seeking out people who could get proximity to that? They had nothing going on. I hate you with my theory on this years ago.


I don't know if you remember it. I'm sure I do. Let's hear it. You said I can't date someone who's not really funny. Yes. And I said, are you sure it's not that you can't date someone whose approval of you means something, meaning this person's a comedic genius.


So if I can make them laugh, that approval will feel better if I make Joe taxicab driver laugh. Big fucking deal.


So it's not unrelated because she was attracted to people who are hyper talented. Yeah, because their approval felt really good. And of course, hyper talented people do end up working. Yeah. So it's like it's not unrelated. No, it's not unrelated.


You know, as we've talked about a million times, there's a ton of hyper talent that nothing ever happens to A and B with these particular set of staples, this stable of Jentz Parum.


I mean, one was Broecker then the next I mean, one lived on a couch in his friend's studio on Franklin.




And then became like a millionaire, a multi multimillionaire. Wow. Pop star. Like crazy. Yeah. It's just wild now, Jason Moran.


It is what it is.


It's just like it's just wild. Like, it just was there was a time of my life and I started to like, sort of write the seeds of the movie. And then because of the pandemic, my writing partner and I finished it.


Called Magical Bus. Oh, my God, I love this. Are you still in touch with any of these people? Are you a person who does that hernreich your friends?


Oh, just Ricky. Yes, Ricky. OK.


OK, but most others. No, yeah. Not none of the others. I mean, my wilki, my ex Kyle, who I love, but I haven't spoken to him and God I have no idea.


Years. You're probably five years.


They maybe we exchanged a text three years ago but it's been ok. You know we don't talk.


You're so supportive of him that I assumed you guys talk because I've recently discovered what a genius Kyle Dunnigan piled on again on Instagram, who I think is he's unbelievably funny and I keep telling you about it.


And you're like, oh, I know. I'm so glad you're into him.


You should Instagram. So you're so supportive and you want him to receive praise that I assumed you guys were you know, there's no bad blood.


It's just like, you know, you realize at a certain point, like someone isn't your person and like you move on. And I still think they're super crazy talented. And now I think it's easier for me to because we're all doing well ish.


Yeah. That it's not like me on the sidelines like it used to be being like if I could get a morsel of any of the things that you have going on, you know, sort of vibes.


And Ricky knows this, but like I remember him when he was classman Rick Glass, who also is incorrect.


You are a wonderful talent scout. Thank you so much. Yeah, I so does Bree. You know, Brees has been just got promoted to he's the head of Marwell television now.


And she met him and he was doing behind the scenes videography on Iron Man. Yes.


He Brad Brad is now the president of Marvel fucking television, which I'm so happy for both of them. Kratovil she got in on the ground floor.


I mean, I was a fucking loser drug addict making eight grand a year. And then Brad was doing videography and good for her. She picked him.




When Ricky would, like, come home from Undateable and have a totally reasonable gripe about your job, I would want to make a Jackie shaped hole in the wall and fucking escape through concrete any way I could.


Yes. And by the way, same thing would happen when I was on. I would come home and their job from my leotard, I was like literally the zipper was digging into my back all day and I was wrestling and it was hurting. And I was like, it hurts. I can't touch my back.


I can't sit back, just whatever the natural gripe was. But if you're talking to your partner who doesn't have a job and can't get a job and like he would come home and be like, oh, I don't know about this dialogue or whatever, I couldn't sympathize. I couldn't be a partner to him. Yeah. Like, I couldn't sit there and rub his back because I was like, I would fucking kill.


I would kill for what you're complaining about.


Right? Yeah. Yeah. And again, just to make sure like, I'm not putting him in a bad light. These weren't.


No, he wasn't a prima donna. No. He, by the way, mean like bitching about regular work stuff.


And I hear it when people wonder why Bri and I broke up if it was because of having an open relationship. And I'm like, no, no, that really wasn't it. There were many things. But one of the bigger ones was all of a sudden I started making all this money and we bought thermostatic valves at whatever the high end Home Depot, you as one does a Home Depot.


So I and it was above Lowe's, even though it was a I don't know, it doesn't matter.


The thermostatic valves are the fucking valves that are behind the knob. You turn in the shower and I had bought six thousand five hundred dollars with them to remodel the house. And I was very upset to spend sixty five hundred dollars on something you don't even see. And I was complaining about it for a good twenty five minutes.


We were in the car and she finally goes, you fucking are going to make a million dollars this year. You fucking shut up about the 6500.


Oh now I'm like yeah. From her point of view fucking get over it. Yeah.


Why do I have to shoulder your sixty five hundred. And you know I went from making eight grand to making a million dollars and she's still making whatever and yeah it must have been maddening. We're both right.


Like I was trying to say that because I was saying it's that was starting to sound like you were discounting your experience which also is totally valid.


I don't want to know. And I've been broke my whole life, so it seems crazy.


The same I still save and I still don't spend it.


We talk about this because I don't have that issue and I try to tell Jack, you just get what she wants.


I know I'll text Monica to be like, can I? She's like, Hello.


Well, I once saw her in these really gorgeous shoes. These just like and they were just a booty like they weren't excessive. And I was like, what are we doing with those booties?


And she was like, there Stella McCartney. And I wanted them and I bought them for myself. And I was like, Teach me the fucking way.


OK, so someone who knows both of you, I did so as an objective outsider. I do think somewhere in the middle of you two is probably the.


Yeah, that's right. Because we we have had Monica and I have say I'm sorry.


Sorry. Well, how much was the price of that lamp? I oh boy. Am I ever, ever, ever in a position where I'm like, oh fuck, I have no money.


I spent the money on that lamp and I shouldn't have no right to be realistic about my life. Yeah. And about what things cost for me and how much I have. You buy lamps and shoes, I think you're doing. No children. The big thing is your parents were hustlers. My mom was a hustler. Money was my parents. Gym teacher's right.


So money was on our mind all 18 years. And Monica's parents were a little more comfortable. Engineer and a computer programmer. I think I grew up around a lot more fear of financial insecurity.


My parents are immigrant parents who did not go a day without telling me. You make sure that you pick something safe and that you have enough money. It was not not an issue.


Right. My mom is an immigrant as well, and the child of Holocaust survivors.


And so our house growing up, you couldn't throw out a chip you could throw at a chicken. There be nothing left on the. Don't throw that out.


I'm using the ball and is in the fucking bones for my.


And she would sometimes eat the marrow stock I'm making, you know, making stock.


No one's making you not a chef guy.


The Jewish guy, Fiete, like don't throw that everything was like there was looking through the garbage that happened to me. And if you threw out cereal, there was always.


But then on the flip side of that, we had everything we wanted.


There wasn't one sugar cereal in the house. There were six like there was an abundance. It wasn't like we sat there and had nothing.


My parents always took super care of us. They both did. You know, we were like fully middle class in Long Island and like we weren't we wanted for nothing. But it was more what was infused with fear.


It's a palpable fear that you can get passed on to what we would have the family meeting, I don't know, every other month where my home we go, we don't have enough this month. So we're going to go to the grocery store and we're going to get meat and we're going to get bread and we're not going to pick out a cereal and we're not going to get blank. And that was once every couple months.


We yeah, that that's real. We didn't have any, but they were almost trying to convince me that we did that we were right. Actuation when I knew we were not. Yeah. It backfired on them big time because they were trying to instill fear. But I could see that we were in no problem there.


We weren't in the danger zone now. And I'm like, this is a waste. This is a waste of energy. And now you reject it. Look, I'm not going to be afraid of. Yeah.


And it's funny you said that about the opposite because like because my mom was an immigrant and her family went through such just insanity and turmoil.


There was a big piece of her that, like a lot of immigrant parents that were like, my kid will have everything. Oh, sure, my kids will have.


My parents were in what are called shtetls, which are like hovels in get outdoor ghettos. They were living and running from for their lives and hearing those stories her whole life and growing up in a little tiny apartment in Brooklyn with her entire five person family when they were finally able to get sponsored to even get into the United States.


Because for all the history we all know about, we weren't trying to let Jews into the United States, even into the forties. And so especially after World War Two.


Yeah, people discount how ubiquitous anti-Semitism was prior to World War two, 100 percent. Yeah. And then post that Holocaust, we were like, oh, we're going to not do that.


Yeah, that looked that looked bad.


But so I think my mom, a big part of her identity was like, my kids are going to have what you know, a lot of immigrant parents feel like a lot of parents period.


Yeah. Yeah. But especially like you have, you know, how many motorized vehicles Lincoln has. I, you know, want one of them. She got more motorized vehicles. And I don't believe me. She loves cars, believe me.


But so my mom, you know, she gave up a lot of her working life to take me on auditions and to make it so my dreams can come true and make it so I could.


Because when you're a kid actor, it's 20 percent about you as the kid who's taken you. Exactly.


What do you. Yeah. You know who's on in your lines with you, who's all of it.


And then I also have to give credit where it's due that all that said, she wasn't a stage mother. I was the one begging to do it. She wasn't like, put on your fancy dress.


You've shown us this video of you at your bar mitzvah. You know, were you wearing a tuxedo and you're just bossing everyone around. You're you're telling people to sit down and you shut up and you make a speech and then you wakering off the kisses of Holocaust survivors.


I your lips are very wet, grandma wiping off.


You were you were baby boss. You were baby boss monster. Yeah. And you acknowledge that you own it, you move past it. And that's exactly why I love you.


If nothing else, we have to see ourselves. Yeah. Because I think that is what separates the assholes from the non right. Like yeah. We're all assholes. Yes. Yeah.


Aware self-awareness to go like that was like it's funny because I actually didn't see my bar mitzvah video again and probably until my 20s I was mortified.


I didn't. Know what to do, I told my mom, like, make sure no one ever sees that, like I was genuinely terrified and then I wrote a comedy show about it. And then I was like, wait a minute, I'm sorry, am I sitting on solid gold?


I'm just like, sit down. Wait a minute. Stop sweating, wiping. Just like masti nasty.


I grabbed the mic from the deejay so loud it makes a noise because it's like a scene from a movie.


I love it. Like it would be normally like a billionaire spoiled kid. Yes. Yes. It's. Great.


Who enabled that behavior?


Well, that's the price of being super cute and funny and talented. You can get away with. Damn right. Yeah. Delta. Yeah. Oh yeah.


Delta can pull that. And we'd all be like, look at this little fuckin military.


She said the other day like it was take care of everyone. Like Yeah, it's time for my kid.


She's a good friend. OK, so let's talk.


Well first of all, everyone, thank you for your patience. The cup full of urine. So it was the middle of a weekday. I had gotten inexplicably tired, I think, cause I'm working out so much. And I was on the lazy boy in the middle of the afternoon. Monica stopped by to grab something to drop off a present from Danny Ricardo.


Oh, that's right. Oh, man. That could be another tangent.


But she said, Are you OK and are you OK?


Was very reminiscent of when I was taking opiates and she would ask that. So I was like, yeah, I'm just tired.


But then later that night I said, hey, I think I detected that you probably were worried I was high and I'm not. And, you know, I'd be happy to take a drug test. And she said, no, you don't have to take a drug test. And then I went to Rite Aid and I got the most expensive drug test.


They test for four different things and peed in it and slosh it around.


He wasn't on drugs, but he does have chlamydia. Well, of course, that's the least of my concerns down there.


The funny part was so to Lyons's is negative.


So for the cocaine, the negative, the opiates, which is our main concern, negative and marijuana negative. But for methamphetamine, I'm not positive.


But basically it says right on there, even a faint line counts. But it was really faint. And I was like, this is really weird.


I would not describe why I'm sleeping in the middle. Well, certainly that was not the outcome of doing meth, but I was like, that's weird. That that line was faint. It still counts, but why is it faint?


And then I was swirling around for like fifteen minutes, like, what could I be doing? And all of a sudden it's like, oh my God, I've been taking Zyrtec D for four days with my first one.


It's going to be Advil, cold and sinus or Sudafed.


Yeah, it was Zyrtec D So I think that little bit of Sudafed is what made it a faint lawwell. Well, it is meth.


It is. It is the. Anyway, so so thanks for sharing with us. If you if it's driving you crazy about the drug test.


OK, now you have a new show. I have a new show. What is the new show and what is it on. Is it on Netflix. Yes. OK, ok.


It's called I'm so excited and I'm extra excited because this past weekend I watched them all OK.


And I'm really excited and that is wonderful. Yeah. Know it's terrifying. Terrifying.


So the show is called Best Leftovers Ever and it is a cooking competition series that's going to be coming out well.


Well, this is coming out January 4th of twenty twenty.


OK, stop it. God forbid. Anyway, thanks guys so much for having me.


All episodes streaming on Netflix as of December 30th 20/20. And I would describe it as like Pee wee's Playhouse meets nailed. It meets Chopped like it's whack a do.


OK, so the contestants enter through a massive Chinese food takeout container with enormous chopsticks next to it. And me and my fellow judges, I'm the host and I judge.


And then we have restaurant tours and culinary influencer. David, so to my right and cookbook author and world renowned chef Rosemary Schwager to my left. And they are ridiculous.


How did that decision get made? So it's magical elves. They do Top Chef and Project Runway and sort of like best in class for reality competition shows.


So I met with them in September of twenty nineteen.


I just got an email from my agent. I was like, Hey, the magical elves want to meet you about this cooking show. Didn't even say it was about leftovers. They were looking for Netflix talent and obviously glow. So I was like a cool let's let's go do it.


So I go in and I meet a couple of these execs and then the third dude that introduces himself to me looks familiar. We look at each other back and forth a couple of times. He gives me a huge bear hug. He's a get in here, Jack. And it turns out that the guy at the time that runs magical elves, a guy named Toby Gorman, who was a low level.


Segment producer when I was on American Idol a decade ago, 2008 was 13 years. That's correct. Oh, my.


Also, Jacqui was on American Idol. Yeah. Spoiler alert if you're if you're going through the back catalog of American Idol. How far did you get?


Top 36. Season six. Renee, I wish I had brought this up when we were talking about this just repetitive spin cycle. You were in where you're so talented, yet the people around you are going up to the stratosphere.


So what a literal example of that, of being on American Idol and then like the people you became buddies with that you were drawn to in that experience, then make it to the top.


Yup. I remember Paula Abdul did like Leno and they asked her who her favorite contestants were that season. And she was like, I can't say, but I love that Jackie tone.


And I was like, I'm gonna win this one. Yeah, yeah. I was about 100 percent literally had to return the yacht. I went into Idol the next day.


I went home. I was like, oh, it's wild how they how they do that show. But anyway, so I go into this room, what it turned out had happened.


You want to talk about wild ass career things? One hundred and fifty million things in my career had to happen exactly as they did for this to happen, as it did so.


A list of Netflix talent, funny women. They wanted a woman and Netflix and funny. This list passes Tobey Gorman desk and I'm nowhere near the top.


And he looks through it and he goes, Let's see Jackie Tone first. And he's telling the story in the meeting. I did not know this.


And he goes, and I brought you in because I remember when we were on Idol, we were like, what do we do with this girl? Oh, this is a singing competition.


And she should have her like it was very kind. And he was like, and she should have her own show.


Like, people need to hear this wise asseri coming out of this kid and like, yeah, but we obviously couldn't capitalize on that.


You're on a singing competition now. So he's telling the story and he's like and I've always just wondered what would happen with her. And then she was on glow and I was like, someone finally gave Jorgito tonight a chance. And then your name came across my desk and I was like, she is the host of this show.


I mean, see, that's we're like, again, back to like your agent can't do that. Correct? It's like you're a good person on set.


You're friendly. You get along with people, you show your real personality, not an audition. Someone falls in love with you later. That person is the president. Awesome.


It's crazy. You can't script it 12 years later, by the time I met him.


And the premise of the show is what people there's a bunch of leftovers in the fridge and they've got to prepare something outstanding.


That's absolutely right. So in round one, the three chefs have fridges behind them. And in those fridges, they have all they all have the same leftovers. So every episode is different. So one episode, it's like last night was date night. So you got chocolate covered strawberries.


You've got, you know, whatever sexy food is in the fridge. And we need you to turn that into flavor.


Bam brunch. Right. And so you need to turn it into or like you need to turn that into a wild dessert. So one of the ones that was my favorite is like, so you haven't been feeling well for the last week. So the leftovers in your fridge are matzo ball soup, rice, a couple of pieces of dry toast, the Brat Diet, a couple of bananas, 100 percent.


And like, that's what's in your fridge.


And we need you to turn that into a decadent dessert.


So isn't that awesome when you go down and you actually taste the shit and it's incredible.


It's incredible. There was very, very few times like I can think of one time I was like, that is not an egg that I'm going to I even set it on the show.


They, like, cut to me and I just go, it looks like a boogie, which is not nice.


I wish I didn't.


But also it was gross. You're in a little bit of a tricky situation, are you not? Because I watch American Idol and I don't fucking like when you blow smoke up someone's face, you don't actually help them. But also you don't wanna be a dick.


No, there's a very thin line. But I think also the other judges, since one of them is a chef and the other one is sort of a culinary, you offer a little bit.


I am.


It is a little ironic that you're the host of a cooking show because of these many things I know about you being a chef is not my.


That's correct. Well, I have I have a personal chef and I don't know how she finds the time. Good old Kristen Bell. I mean, I still come over here and I'm just like, what is for lunch?


And there is the kids are running around and all the stuff is going on in. The phone's ringing and there's press and there's and she's just like I could do like life sausages in the pan with like peppers and onions. Really quick, do you need me to do rice? Are you fine? I'm like, no, no, no rice.


And she's like cooking and. Yeah, and then you're like, I don't like peppers. And she's like, just try it and then you love it.


Oh, everything I hate. She cooks and I like. Yeah. Makes no sense. I'm like no mushrooms. She's like don't worry, just try every love him. Yeah. But then round to my fridge comes out.


My fridge is sort of like a character on the show. She's shy. Sometimes we need to coax her out, sometimes we need to. To your fridge. Fridge you get it. Yeah. My fridge comes out and it's whatever takeout I got the night before.


So one night it'll be it's Mexican, French, Italian, Greek, a different genre, ethnicity every day. And you can't take Italian and keep it Italian.


Oh so you can't take Thai and keep it tight. Correct. I mean, some of the transformations like, oh, one of the foods that I had as my take out was like diner food. So one person got a hamburger and fries, one person got chicken tenders and fries, and one person got a fried fish sandwich. Oh, and the girl with the fried fish sandwich made an incredible curry. Oh.


With gnocchi.


Oh, and she turned the French fries into the Nyako and then was able to cover up all those flavors by by adding in the coconut milk and the curry powder. It was wild.


So the contestants themselves must have some deep cooking back. Oh absolutely.


Are varying degrees. Every episode we tried to cast people on the same level. So it either be like three restaurant owners or three home cooks or three like it wasn't just like people crazy out of their league.


Is that like, nailed it where they're literally just a person?


No, no, no, no. They never drove to the studio that day.


And then we give them the ten thousand dollar prize in a casserole dish.


That's a casserole. Tons and tons of dead jokes like more than I can count.


Can't wait. I can't wait. That sounds so bad. I think another thing that really, like, pumped me up about it, not to hearken back Suhad to our mutual best friend, but like, there's so much food waste that goes on.


And I know that that's something that doesn't really happen to crazy at this house because everything's turned into something else. Like she's constantly like whatever's in the fridge, throw it in a pan. And that's what best leftovers ever is. And I the last thing is that that round, too, they have to take whatever they've gotten for the takeout leftovers and turn it into high end cuisine. So we're talking plating, we're talking drizzles.


We're talking.


Yeah, it's a real presentation, 100 percent matter, Accouterment, because sometimes if you're making an arroz campoy, no matter how delicious it is, that's looking like a pie will rise. Oh, yeah. America.


Now, to your point about food waste. The bulk of my holiday break has been because we have the new house that we can't sleeping's. We didn't get the occupancy permit. We failed that.


But we're trying to spend time there and then in ordered way too much food.


So we have all this food at the old house and then we bring it all the way over to the new house and then people come over and then they eat it. And then we bring it back to the old house for when we want to eat. And then we bring it over to Eric and Molly's house in case they want to eat. And then we bring it back and then we bring it back to this all happened. I have I have put the same meal in and out of her car probably twelve times.


If I have seven time bag one more time, I will. It's incredible.


Last night I was reloading it up and I was like, I think this is my ninth time, but I get fucking bugs. I love it so. But there's no way. No way. Oh my gosh.


You should have Carly on the show. She's kind of the master. There's nothing in the fridge.


Her No. One is leftovers. Yes.


Taking the scraped off junk out of the squirrel and then she turns it into like a cheese crisp.


You're like, what did you do? Yeah. Yeah.


With a hot sauce. Somehow I think I am going to come eat at the house used and used in the crab carving. I was going to cook for us over.


So what's it called again. It's called best leftovers ever. Best leftovers ever. And by the time you're hearing this, it is on Netflix. Best leftovers ever. Please watch all of them immediately.


Were you shooting it during covid? No, actually.


Oh, we're super lucky. So we shot November twenty nineteen. And these cooking shows, they're so incredible. We shot eight episodes in two weeks. Yes. Shot four in one week, four in the next week. It's the dream, this massive burst of energy. And then we were done.


Oh yeah. Yeah it's a journey.


I'm just going to say at the risk of making people's expectations too high, it is a comedy cooking show.


OK, man, it's a comedy. It's a comedy cooking show.


It's a wacky it's like when I heard about comedy horror movies, I was like, how could that possibly work?


And then you're like, that works. Well, Marnie and I, we're going to binge the shit out of this. I guarantee it.


So everyone check it out. Jackie Chan, Jackie Town.


I love you. I love you guys. I'm so glad. I'm so glad you were our first in person. Oh, my God. Janik in almost a year. Wow. The New Year.


Yeah. I love you guys. Follow me on Instagram at Georgetown. Yeah. Do it like that.


But spell tone to know your first you said Jackie Chan now universalistic Jacky's Chewiness Jacky's Barsac and now you've spelt my name wrong.


Let me handle that not give me a hand. I'm very good at it.


I'm also not good. I'm remedial reading. That's another thing we have in common. Yeah yeah yeah. And big chip on our shoulders.


And so I will prove to you with my volume somehow that I'm smart and didn't work in the absence of facts.


I will give you volume at Jackie tone. Jackie just getting screaming it t o h n. I knew there was a fucking. There is a hundred percent. Yes t o h an ok great like John but with a t I love you guys.


Love you guys. You let's go eat by. Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare. We are supported by better help online counseling. The New Year can be a good time for a mental health check in. If you have always wanted to try therapy or you'd like to try it again, or you just need to talk some things out. Better Help offers online licensed professional therapists who are trained to listen in to help with issues including anxiety, depression, stress, trauma, anger, grief and more.


Now, I think there couldn't be a better New Year's resolution.


I was just going to say, guys, this is the time. Get on it.


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We are supported by McQuery at the start of the New Year.


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And now my favorite part of the show, the fact check with my soulmate Monica Padman. Welcome to the first fact check of twenty twenty one.


Welcome. Happy New Year. It's so nice to be joined by you. I'm excited to jump in to this refreshment of a year before you give us the facts. Shall we do a recap of last year's resolutions and then make. Absolutely. OK, you remember yours. I remember mine. Shit, what was it two years ago that you were going to stop saying your bitch? Yeah, that was two years ago. What was mine for this year?


I remember mine and mine actually work. OK, tell me.


I committed to stop telling people I have a hard time sleeping or that I'm an insomniac and I have slept incredibly this year.


I don't even get nervous now when I go to sleep. Wow.


But I still use sleep aids. But even last year when I used sleep aids, I still didn't fall asleep. Like I would listen to my book on tape for a half hour. But now I can barely get like five minutes into my game. Gascón audible Awesome.


Yeah, I sleep like a little baby now. And I remember I woke I started waking up early this year, which is I didn't think was possible for me last year was hard to do anything correctly.


You know, like if you made a resolution to cut down on alcohol, like you probably didn't do that.


It wasn't that wasn't the year for it.


You know, it makes me think of the Mike Tyson quote. He may have taken it from someone else, but he said everyone has a plan for their fight until they get punched in the face. There's a similar one in the military, which is like there's a plan until contact with the enemy.


So I feel like what anyone's plan was once Marchette, they were like, wait, what the fuck was my plan?


I can't remember.


I just also think it's so bizarre that I mean, it just feels so simulation ask that it was the year, the year from essentially beginning to end with all the craziness. And as soon as the year and hit we are coming out of it. We had the vaccine like it's bizarre.


It is bizarre. Very simulation.


What are you twenty simulation. I was here for Christmas. These are updates I guess I was here for Christmas and I didn't spend the night on Christmas Eve and people were wondering, you won't do it.


Well, what happened is, is it fair to say you learned a lesson that you lived with us for a couple of months in quarantine and it was just too much? You get the hell out of there.


No, that's not all. Actually the opposite. I thought it would be good for me to live in my reality, OK, which is I live in an apartment by myself and that's my reality. So and also part of my reality is having best friends who live close by who I get to see all the time and spend the day with. But it seemed like maybe the reality of my life is I go to home and I look at my house and I wake up by myself and that's OK.


And I make my moccia and then I go over to my friend's house.


I feel you I can I don't like it, of course, selfishly, but I understand the goal.


I just think not running away from, like, the reality of my life. Right, right. Right.


Well, that's a that's an interesting point, because when I lived alone, I certainly got lonely. But I also came to love my little routine that was not impeded by anyone else. So it's like if you got to be lonely, you better reap all the benefits of it.


Would you like I'm hungry right now. I'm going to eat right now. I'm going to eat whatever the fuck I want. It's not going to be a conversation. I'm not going to compromise. Yes. I won't go here right now, stand up and walk out the door and go to the hardware store. No one's going to say a damn thing about it.


And you can just it can be messy. It can be clean. But I like the other night you spent upwards of five hours on a YouTube rabbit hole. Exactly.


And if you're in a relationship, that person be like, honey, what are you doing? What do you you've been on YouTube for five. I actually had this exact thought while I was doing it. I was on it for for real four hours watching cooking videos. Yeah, yeah.


And I thought, like, oh my God, I'm so happy right now. And I would not be able to do this if there was somebody else in this bed. So I, I had gratitude, especially if you had a boyfriend like me that was needy as hell.


And I would like need your attention at least every couple hours. You'd have to give me, like, ten uninterrupted minutes of attention and approval. At first I'd be like, oh, it's so cute.


Are you going to make one of those things? Then two hours later, I'd be like, not. Is there one you haven't seen yet? And then we get progressively more passive aggressive. And then and then ultimately, I'd be so resentful at you, I'd be like, you're never going to make any of those foods.




No, I wouldn't be this bad. But I'm just playing the potential role.


See, this makes me feel like I want to be by myself because I like going on rabbit holes up like once a year.


Well, maybe you'll take on a lover in twenty twenty one who visits for lovemaking, but it doesn't get in the way your rabbit holes.


OK, I mean, I also don't want to be in hole holes a lot because as we learn it's not good. I did also did not that I know of KQ Anand ok I might of.


Now listen it's just occurring to me that. Maybe cooking videos are one of the only things that can't root you to some political point of view because they're so non-political.


No, I bet it could because like, depending on the ones you go to, maybe in some air, like a Southern cooking class, but and then there's you can like Confederate flag. OK, OK, sure.


I was watching videos from one woman, Alison Román. She did videos for New York Times cooking and I just stumbled upon one a zedi zedi was that oh a baked baked z.


A big zedi unless the joli of pound sausage.


I'm trying to think what. Oh I know, I know. I know exactly how it happened. OK, these are the steps you got to trace.


So I went on goup to actually go shopping. Oh sure. When I pulled it up there was a cooking thing popped up and so then I thought, oh, I wonder if there's cooking videos on here.


So then it was a video, a cooking video with Kate Hudson. Oh, OK. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. And Oliver Hudson. Oh, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. And they were making some cocktail and holiday snacks. Oh, OK. And I had already seen this video was from last year. Oh. Recycled. And I thought, oh I wonder if there's new videos because you liked that one.


I did. OK, so then I went scouring on goup for cooking videos. I watched like two but there weren't very many so I thought I want to watch more. And then I went to YouTube, OK, and I thought I'll just type in New York Times. Oh, trusted brand. Very trusted brand. See.


But even that is political, right. Yeah, it's left. Wow.


Yeah. I got Kunhardt. Oh my God.


You got left Kuhnen. So anyway this Bogside it looked delicious.


I looked so good and then there was another one by her. So I watch that for hour and two of them were half hour ones which I was thrilled by.


It was cooking for Passover and also big Thanksgiving in a little kitchen. Mm.


Well you know, now that you're telling it, I'm realizing I kind of did do that thing, which is I was texting with you for a minute.


Oh. In the middle of it. And we're in the middle of an actual exchange when you go.


I've got to go, I got to go back to my YouTube rabbit hole. And then as that ended, I was like, could that possibly be what she's doing?


Oh, no. Yeah.


You think? Well, I don't know. I just was like, what what is could be this pressing that these YouTube videos could be a very bad excuse if although in this case, correct it.


Well, that's why I'm saying that it had to be real because that would be too dumb of an excuse.


Well, let's face now, it would work forever. So you bought yourself like a totally plausible.


Yeah, well, I do once a year. Like I said, do this. And it's funny because Anthony, my old roommate, is very privy to this with me. He knows about this, OK? And before I went to group shopping, I was texting with Anthony like, what are some good books? He's really knowledgeable about books. Well read of the year. Very well read. And he said one or two and we were talking about books and I was like, OK, I'm going to go I'm going to go to Audible, I'm going to download, I'm going to start doing that.


And then the next morning I texted him, I said, well, I got five minutes in to a little life. And then I went down a rabbit hole watching cooking videos. He said, There's our girl.


Yeah, there she is. I got scared for a minute.


Yeah. That you're going to read one of these books you bought. Yeah. He didn't like that. Yeah, it would be so operand if I read a book. Yeah. Yeah.


So what to do any who.


And then you made and I made a Schallert Posta and you and it was what do you give it out of ten because you said you're going to do a little, I'm going to do some tweaking only because OK, I hesitate to tell you this.


I'm going to make it for the group. The Pod. Yes. I'm scared to tell you this because there's an ingredient in it that I think is going to scare you.


Oh, yes. Quail eggs? No, it's a pretty simple pasta, sardines, CLO's, anchovies.


Yeah. Oh, wow, I got it in three. That was good. But also scares me that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you didn't have it in your first go around. I did, but I got nervous that it was. Does it taste fishy. So normally. No, like they don't they melt into like, you know, Caesar salad, Caesar dressing has anchovy. It lots of things do it just in reaches the taste with fish.


No, no. It just gives it like a good taste.


So like a maritime stuff into maritime.


So this is my fear. OK, so this particular schallert pasta requires an entire tinner.


Oh my goodness. And according to the daily catch. Exactly. So but I love Chaillot so maybe the Shaltiel drowned out some daily catch, but they melt away.


The anchovies just melt. They're gone. They're gone. Sayonara sucker is gone.


But when I put them in and I was barksdale's like this smell a little fishy. Yeah.


You put a whole can of fish, but it's not supposed to, it's not supposed to smell a little fishy. OK, that's fine. And then when I ate it I was like, I can taste it a little and I was fine with it. You love I don't fish. I don't mind maritime taste. Yeah.


You like a nice how the briny something real running like a barnacle barnacle toes.


I'm fine with it but I thought when I make this for the group he is going to taste this fish and he is not going to like it.


Well, well you're right, I wouldn't like it, but odds are I would just swallow that. But I don't want you to just pretend you like it. I want to make something you like.


What if you cut it in half? I'm going to plant I'm going half have the anchovies and I'm going to do extra schallert.


Oh, wow, this is exciting. OK, well, we're on this topic. We got sent from Aaron Geiger's Smith, who we had on Aaron Geiger Smith, who's so lovely.


She sent us a present. Thank you, Aaron, so much. Wabi WAB Monica and I got a box from my square or Emily more affectionately known Berger, which is you've you know us, you know, we like Emily Berger.


So yesterday I got after four double decker burgers for you. Just you and I. Yeah. Yeah.


Bunch of people over, none of them eat hamburgers and I tore that kitchen up. I've never sat in a home. Yeah. And ate something that was that restaurant. Exactly.


So you can get by these boxes that are burger tip pro tip over fucking butter those pretzel roll buns.


I slathered that shit in butter so the whole sandwich was just fucking greasy as hell. And it oh my God, I wanted to get on it right now.




And we, we ate two of them yesterday with four patties are so good. And they said she I mean magic. I had low expectations coming out of a box. Yeah. This is not an ad for Emmies. We got we are not in the rack with them. We wish. Yeah.


We'd love to get in the rack with them and we're grateful, so grateful that we. For Aaron and for Emily. Yeah. And for your cooking videos.


OK, so we can't remember specifically your New Year's resolution, but.


But I assume it worked. I'm going to assume it didn't work because I can't remember and I probably didn't put enough effort in. Oh, I know, I know. One I hate. I don't want to bring this up because I didn't do it.


OK, tell me you were going to eat like vegan ish several days a week, and you did a great job for a little bit.


I did.


But once that covid, he said, fuck this, if I'm going to die this year, I'm going to eat whatever the hell I want.


I did it perfectly and I had all those things. No, it was like one day I could do vegetarian. One day I could do add so many caveats. It was a little disruptive to my life. But yes, since you and I eat the exact same thing every meal, it was a little disruptive.


But then we went to Vienna in February, the girls and I and I said, I'm not going to do that on this trip and be silly. It would be not fair to the girls to have restrictions. And then I had my seizure. Well, you also had to Emily Berger's dignity, but that was on the trip, the trip.


I was like, I'm going to take this trip off of that, but I'm going to I'm going to resume. Yeah. Yeah. But then I had my seizure. I came home. I was like, I can't deal with dealing with that. You moved into our house, moved into your house, couldn't really deal with picking out my food, the stress of being with mom and dad during school.


And I had you run for the hills and then covid immediately.


And you. You're right. I failed. Yeah. I mean, you did it for a bit. Yeah.


But I think that's generally how New Year's resolutions goes. You know what it might have been, if I'm being honest, it might have been a hair too ambitious.


What if you just said Monday going to be meatless Monday this.


Oh yeah. I know that doesn't sound ambitious enough for you, but it might be it might yield a better result at the end of the year for the star.


I know you do. You're ambitious. Yeah.


You're a winner. Well, oh, that's another thing. The state champion, Monica won a Spades tournament. This right within the pod. We had a spade's tournament. Yeah. And I know the victor did leave victorious. That's right. Yeah. It was really fun. And I was partnered with the birthday boy. Yeah. Matt, the best part we had to draw for our partners and and then there was money presented for the winner. We were it was announced that there was going to be money for the winner.


A good deal of money. Yes. And as soon as it was announced that Matt and I were partners, everyone was like, oh, great, OK, they're going to walk with all the money.


Might as well the money now. In fact, I think it was when when it was announced you guys were partners. I think that's when I said, hey, should we break a grand out of that for number two?


Oh, I was like, we should give somebody else a shot at. Yeah.


Yeah, well, so we were the favorite to win.


Now, that is not a good place to be if anyone's ever like me being a state champ, cheerleader, you know, Michael Jordan, you know, if anyone's ever been Michael Jordan or a state champion cheerleader, you know, it's better to be an underdog.


Sure. Yeah. Less pressure. Unfortunately, we were favorites, favorites. And the first game we played, we got murdered.


Oh, my God. I knew what was going to happen down by hundreds. It was really bad. And I knew it. It was like, you know, we're set up to fail right now. And then we did. But then I turned it around in my head up. Well, now we're the underdog. So that's guy. You can climb the mountain and we.


Yeah, we did. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.


There's Pliss Bay. Oh my gosh, what a game we are. We are obsessed. It's all we fucking do. Literally every single day is planned around. When are we playing space. It's really fun.


Thank you Jess. He brought to our lives. Absolutely made our lives much better. Grateful.


OK, wait but what is your now resolution.


Oh oh right. Because I did twenty twenty one. I'm going to try to work on my codependency this year. That's good.


Yeah I'm going to try. In fact I might read the Elhanan book or even go to an airline meeting or something.


Yeah. I need some tools because I, I allow myself to be way too affected and make myself way too important in other people's disappointment, sadness, whatever it is. Yeah.


I obsess about other people who are not at a better in my life that I love. Yeah.


And I gotta just let people be how they are and let them work through their stuff however they choose to and stop making it about me. Yeah, I mean, this is interesting. Let's talk about co-dependency a little bit, because I don't know that people fully understand it.


Yeah, I don't know that we do, but continue. Right. I loved when we had by the way, if you want a real masterclass on codependency, when we had Whitney Cummings on, she knows that backward and forward.


Yes. Well, after your relapse, yeah. There was another incident, not not incident at all. But I got very emotional after that. Again, about your vein vaping. Oh, right. Right, right. And I thought, like, this is so unhealthy for me. He gets to make his own decisions and I can't let my emotions be affected by his decisions. I have no control over. Right. Which is co-dependency.


Yeah. And I speaking of buying books and not reading them, yeah. I did purchase an Alan on book, but there was it was hard to know which one. There are multiples anyway. And I started listening to it and I thought it was helpful. Did you identify with what they were saying.


Yeah, a lot of it. It's it's so complicated because like I think if I'm involved, like if me and you are in a business. Well, yeah. Business or but I'm saying if me and you are in a fight and it's about us or something, I can't then be like, well he had my emotions can't be tied to this.


Like he has to deal with himself because I'm involved in that.


Well, sadly, though, I do think the remedy for that is that you would have boundaries, you know what I'm saying? Like, if we had some repetitive thing we were fighting and it was upsetting you. I think the solution probably would be some kind of boundary before we get to that point.


Right. Right. But you and I have a good we've had really healthy sit downs, check ins.


I feel this way. I feel this way. Great. I can adjust. And then we've had bad, really bad ones that are just like I'm hurt, you're hurt and it's not productive. And it's just. Yeah, it's terrible. Yeah.


Probably like if we had the tools, I think maybe we'd be able to identify when it's going down the path that is just not productive and is our own baggage.


Like I identified this year, I've been recognizing that if you're not happy, particularly with anything regarding the show, I am distraught.


I can't accept that. And I, through going back to therapy after the relapse, recognize that surprise, surprise. You, like Kristen, are very much like my mother. I like you guys. You're very, very smart. You're very, very driven. You're very ambitious. You're very engaged in a lot of things. And so all of that familiar connective tissue has me respond to you guys quite often the way I would respond to my mom.


And it's not fair for either of you because neither of you are my mom. I get the unhealthy level of emotion and concern and take things personal. Resent you guys, you know, as a result of just unresolved stuff with my mother. Yeah. I mean, look, it's complicated.


I've been working on this with my therapist for a long time, too, and I do think it's gotten a little better towards the end of this year. But yeah, boundaries and for us, for all of us, it's hard. All the personal relationships and the professional ones are all in a blender and it's really hard to dissect what is what. And so for you, if there's something professional going on, you sometimes take it personally in our personal realm.


Right, right. Right. And yeah, if I'm upset about something professionally. Yeah. And then we go play spades. Yeah. It's Yeah. It's very hard to then. Just like that. Yeah. Like yes it I make my brain evaluate that other thing while.


Yes it is.


And so it's incredibly, I think it's more challenging than I, I think I underestimated it. Yeah. I assume a lot of people underestimate it, like if they're really good friends and they get into business together. Yeah. I have to imagine it's rife with this kind of stuff.


So if we're at your house and we're playing spades, there's no power dynamic. It's just we're friends. If you say I'm an asshole and I say you're an asshole, it's just all equal. And then if we get into something on the show, there's this very dicey, implied power imbalance. It's too dangerous. No, it's not.


I think it's important to have these conversations. Well, and I think that was my big mistake this year. I also think, boy, it's very blurry. Part of it is I think I think I'm the elected leader.


Yeah. Yeah, of the team, then I start treating you and Rob like as I just apologize to you recently, like I went out and hired you, which is not the case.


You and I came up with an idea together and then you and I made this thing. Yeah, yeah. And it's yours and it's also mine.


Yeah. Yeah. As much as we don't want there to be a power differential, there is only in the way that I can't say to you we're talking about politics. I mean, I probably would say that.


All right, I really want to. And we should. Yeah. Yeah. But I can't say to you you're fired or you're getting this amount of money this year or you are like you make those business decisions when it comes to me, we make all the rest of the business decisions together. But you get to make the ones that that are about me. Yeah.


I don't fault you or me for having a hard time navigating this because it's really hard. And I'm proud of us for still sitting here. Yeah. You know, and and like knowing that it's hard and knowing that just because it's not the easiest doesn't mean it's not worth it. Yes, yes, yes, yes.


But again, that's where the the codependency and the personal stuff got very cloudy for me, which is like I interpret any legitimate conversation you want to have is you're unhappy. Yeah. I've somehow let you down. You're my mom. I try to be a perfect boy. And now you're upset with me and then I'm just in another space entirely at that point.


Yeah. And again, it's so tricky. Like, just for context, I told you at the end of the year that I was burnt out. Yes. Yes. In a personal setting, I was just like, oh man. I am done with done with the year I'm done. I don't want to do anything. I'm burnt out. And I was saying it very flippantly because I was just telling you, my friend, like, I am done for the year.


Yeah. And you heard that in a professional.


Right, like I have work with someone who got burnt out. I got to figure out how to not have them burnt out. Right.


Then you approached me about it and when side was as bad as it could go.


So this is hard.


It's hard. It's hard. It is. But I think it is less hard because we're both working on ourselves and we're also in a bizarre year. Yeah. Again, I think I do think everyone constantly, myself included, keeps underestimating the year in itself. Yeah. You know, even like when I do my investigation as to why relapse, I certainly have probably ninety five percent of those reasons. But I also think maybe five percent of the reason was just quarantine.


I think it might have been like a tipping point or who knows. Right.


And so you and I didn't have this issue last year.


The year before is still a great year and everything else we had issues.


But, you know, who's to say what percentage of the challenge wasn't also just as bizarre?


Yeah, I'm sure was at it. I think last year everything bubbled to the surface across the board. Yeah. And I think that's a good thing because it forced people to see the thing that was under the surface and address it. Yeah, I'm glad we addressed it. Yeah, me too. And that will keep addressing it. Yeah. But that was a great resolution.


Mind codependents. Oh yeah. Yeah. What are you going to do that too.


You're going to want to go to the defendant about your go to. Yeah yeah yeah.


Whatever you want to codependents. You're admitting they're codependent or get it together, fix their co-dependency with each other.


Stay tuned for the stunning result of this experiment.


OK, so we're so happy we had Jackie. Me too. We love Jackie.


OK. Oh my God. Ding, ding, ding. Boundary's oh. Because you mentioned that essentialism talks about boundaries.


Mostly professional, but. Yeah but. Well yeah that's true. That's true.


This is the gist of essentialism. Boundaries, nonessentials tend to think of boundaries as constraints or limits. Things that get in the way of their hyper productive life to a non essential setting. Boundaries is evidence of weakness. If they are strong enough, they think they don't need boundaries. They can cope with it all. They can do it all, but without limits. They eventually become spread so thin that getting anything done, but they get burnt out in impossible.


Essentialists, on the other hand, see boundaries as empowering. They recognize that boundaries protect their time from being hijacked and often freed them from the burden of having to say no to things. That further others objectives instead of their own, they know that clear boundaries allow them to proactively eliminate the demands and encumbrances from others that distract them from the true essentials.


It's a good book.


Again, I didn't feel like I needed to read it, although I just said I'm and work on my codependents. I actually think I have boundaries. Yeah, generally, yeah. Oh, they're super easy for me to have with men.


I if I'm being dead honest, they're harder for me to have with women than boundaries. Yeah. Yeah. Are they easier for you to have with women than men.


Hmm. That's a good question. I don't think so. Yeah. I think it's the level of connection I have with someone. It's harder. It is.


Yeah, yeah, yeah. That makes sense. But I can still have them. Yeah. Like I know I would be able to say something there and weekly that I would be nervous about to say to you. Yeah. You know, I wish you would. I know. But you know. Yeah, yeah.


We're working on this. It's only the second day. Third day. We can't even talk about the fact that I just got really old either because we just we've talked so much.


You turn forty six and tell us how you're feeling. Well. If I don't think about the fact I turned forty six, I feel awesome. I feel incredible. Yeah. All right. Thank you. I feel bright. Yeah.


I feel physically great. Yeah.


And it's wonderful if I start thinking about that, like in four years I'll be 50. It's a little troublesome, you know, like I'm not ready to be 50.


That's a ways away in the thing is and I'm I'm smart enough to know this, but I can't I can't emotionally feel it, which is so generic. But my only evaluation of anything should be how do I feel exactly. I feel fantastic. If I feel like this when I'm 50, I don't know. I'm going to be bombed. Eric's 50. Hey, looks awesome. And we don't think it's not like I'm not thinking about like Eric's old.


I know when I'm 50, he'll still be in your 30s. It's going to be a little bit of a drag. You were like, oh, my buddy, he's half a century old, so we probably can't take him to the park because it's a little bit uphill from where you park. No, no, no.


We got to eat at eleven. We can't you cannot plan lunch at two because he'll be eating dinner at three thirty and we got it already happening.


I'm going to bed earlier. I'm waking up earlier.


Oh, you're just taking care of yourself so that you last one and a half centuries. Well, I will say I'm entering this year of life with way more optimism about my longevity than I've ever had based on my colonoscopy and my heart scars. So, yeah.




So all things I used to think like best case scenario, I hit seventy, but now I'm starting to think that I might, I might, I might hit ninety.


Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um OK. What is the high end Home Depot. I still don't know what you are talking about. Are you talking about Ace Hardware.


No, no, no, no, no. Maybe it was called HQ.


Oh sorry. Let me see.


That's all right. I just want to know what it was and I, I how could I look it up if I didn't know. You know.


Exactly. It's almost impossible to figure out Home Depot Expo. Yep. Really. That's what it was. Oh my God. It was fancy.


So it was it's still Home Depot but it was called Home Depot Expo. OK, like Armani versus Armani Exchange. This case, Home Depot's Armani Exchange. And then there was Armani. Oh, wow.


All right. Well, I'm glad we figured that out. Oh, really important fact I have to check is when Jackie is talking about the boots that I wore, that she was like, oh, my gosh. Like, she has fancy boots on. She said they were Stella McCartney. They were they weren't there. YSL, YSL. OK, that's Yves Saint Laurent. That's right.


OK, OK. And then real quick, because we just touched on it for two seconds, Danny Riccardo's sent us a Christmas present.


Oh. And we love him. We love him.


He sent us and Danny, beautiful helmets. And you're going to date Monica. It's just that simple because now we don't have to.


Danny, don't get like your gun. It's not that you have to. You're gonna.


Anyway, Danny, we really appreciate the Christmas gifts that were tiny, many really cute and they weren't cheap.


They're a real helmet made to size.


Like if you're a squirrel or something, nothing would work in a high impact. Yes. Yeah. That the helmet is really cool because he is a very fancy helmet.


That's his own design. Yeah. Signature Danny Riccardo design.


And it's so cute. It's really cute. Anyway, see in Austin, we love you and we love you. Arm Cherrie's. We hope you had a beautiful holiday.


We do. We hope that your New Year's resolutions are achievable. Not too ambitious. So Meatless Monday maybe.


Just think about it. All right. Love you. Bye. Love you.