Welcome, welcome, welcome to armchair expert I'm Dan Shepherd, I'm joined by Manicka Padman. Hi, Don Shepperd. How are you doing? Great.

Today we have a huge star, big old old friend of mine, Melissa McCarthy. I don't even need to tell you what she's from, but I will anyways. You know her, of course, from Gilmore Girls, Mike and Molly Bridesmaids, identity theft spy, Ghostbusters live at the party. Can you ever forgive me? The kitchen.

She is one to prime time Emmys.

She's been nominated for two Academy Awards, two Golden Globes. You know, she's just a bad mother.

She really is. She's in the zeitgeist. She's in the line, guys.

She's also the most lovely person. And as you will learn, she was the leader of our group. She's Alpha. That's right. Yeah. She's a bad ass.

So please enjoy Miss Melissa McCarthy. We are supported by Squarespace.

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He's in our chat. Melissa McCarthy, yes, Jack Shepard, God, I love you right back at you, but we're both from the Midwest and I do wonder so I think my wife in particular, she's a very good person.

The best person. More good than me. Yeah. Oh, my God. By a landslide. Yes. And I like you a lot. I like you a lot. But sometimes I think she's so good that I'm like, in the end, are we going to find out she's super shady because it just seems too good.

I couldn't agree more. That bitch has secrets for sure, because, you know, I'm never shocked when it's the guy like, you know, like Bill Cosby, where I'm like, of course, the guy was going around telling people they can't swear doing stand up and shaming Lisa Monet for doing nudity. Yes, that makes sense.

And the sweaters, I never trusted the sweaters. They can't be trusted.

But OK, so Christian stocks the house with very responsible cleaning and grading.

I know. I actually knew I was like, if I say pine sol, I feel like Kristen's going to kind of text me and be like, you know, there's all these. I'm like, I use vinegar too. But today I just hit it hard and like, you know what? I want everybody all day to be like, God, she really clean that bathroom.

Yes, exactly.

So I wanted a little proof. Yes. I couldn't agree more person. I have this silly thing that happened where I cut myself like in the afternoon and then I had to use toilet paper to get rid of all the blood. And then I, I purposely put the toilet paper like on top of the trash cans so that when she got home she'd be like, oh my goodness, what happened to you? But then someone threw something else out in there.

And then I found ways of rearranging the toilet paper so the blood would be on top just so I could get attention.

That's so great. And they just walk in limping, are like holding your wrists, like, oh, this is fine.

Of course, I tried to play it off like. Yeah, like I can't believe she found that I was trying to hide it. And then I came clean.

I guess that you told her to. That's why you're that's why you're lovable. The weirdness plus the honesty is like a wonderful combo. Yes.

Scumbag. And then apologetic about it.

I always feel like Ben is Christian and I'm you and we're all doing fine. But Ben's a much, much better human, a better person than I will ever be. And most people that know us as Juju are like, yeah, that's that's pretty accurate. Yeah.

And I'm glad you brought it up because I think that and I was like, you know, I don't know if I bring that up. So, you know, it'll be met with open arms.

But yeah, I would say that's a really good idea where each other were each other.

Why in what way is he better than you? I'd like him to prove it. He's super patient and I'm always like, hot, cold, cold.

I mean, anything. I'm like, that's a righteous people.

And he's like, well, let's figure out a way to help them. But I've got to take seven laps around the house going, what's going on?

Who would somebody had to do something. And meanwhile, by the time I'm done ranting, he's like, so I called and do this. It can really help.

So I did that and I'm like, oh, all I've been doing is outside swearing and like, he just does it and like does it better. And I'm like, oh great. He has great intentions. The process is not always wonderful, efficient, OK, but OK in our defense.

So I know Ben's dad, he's the sweetest, calmest, most patient man.

My mom is a tornado of productivity and excitement, you know, so I feel like I inherited it honestly.

Are your parents cool and calm? Is Ben's dad.

They're both really sweet and funny, but my mom's much more quiet and just kind of like, hey, you want to go count pennies today?

Oh. Huh, yeah. Oh yeah. OK, I like pennies. Anything you say. She's just like, oh well yeah we want to clean the bathroom. She was just here. She left yesterday. My mom and dad stay with us for the winters and I left to go do a job and my dad went home to fish in the Illinois and my mom stayed an extra week to see me when I got home from a job and she got stuck here because she won't fly.

So she's been with me the last 50 days and we literally just put her on an RV yesterday to go back. And I'm like, it's like, you know, thirty five hours. And she's like, I'll do my puzzles.

Oh, my God. But my dad's like my sister did the best description. She's like our dad is like a two year old Yosemite Sam.

He's just he's like a hundred miles and now he's super funny, super sweet. But he's like up at five o'clock and like comes in and it's like, you want coffee, let's go.

And I'm like, what time is it. Nine o'clock. Like he lies about the time.

It's because he just wants to get like be social and but it's a party. So the two of them together I'm like, well this is what you get. This is the product of that. Yeah.

We've known each other for I don't know, twenty years, 20 minutes.

Yeah. And so there's a couple of things I didn't know about you that I discovered in reading about you. Feels funny to read about someone you've known for twenty years, but at any rate I did it. Did you actually grow up on a farm?

Was it a real farm? Yeah. Corn and soybean, my dad wasn't a farmer, he worked in Chicago for a railroad company his whole career. But we moved out there and I grew up there my whole life.

And all I ask so I was like, can we please? I always wanted to move to like a subdivision in Joliet. And my parents were like, what? Which is like Joliet, sorry, Joliet. But it's not like what a beautiful I shot there.

I'm sure you have. Did you do that as you did your crazy drives?

I did. I drove to that shoot. We were staying in Bolingbrook and we shot every day at the prison in Joliet. And yeah, the notion of you wanting to live there is funny.

Yeah, they would just laugh at me. I drove by the prison every day to high school because we took, like, the country roads and every time there'd be all the prisoners out of Statesville and my mom was like, don't look at them.

I'm like going forty five miles an hour. Like, what's going to happen? She's like, go look at them, don't write them up. And I'm like this.

They're a hundred feet away. But she's like, don't rile them. I'm like, I'm not like flashing them.

Well that's what I'm wondering. Was her fear that like they'd be so sexually engaged by sharing a glance with you that they would explode or were they going to run at you like Terminator two style and just want to murder you?

I think the second I think the second one, I don't think she was worried that I was so alluring. That was not the danger zone. I think it was just like if you lock eyes, it's going to be like a rabid animal and they're just going to be like like charging the car.

In her defense, they could imprint you on their mind. And when they got out, they could be like they could have the singular goal of tracking down that young lady they saw going to the Catholic school driving by the Chevy celebrity.

Well, first of all, great vehicle six front wheel drive.

Now, you were you were going to a Catholic school. So were you in the outfit?

Yeah, white shirt, plaid skirt. But then, like the last two years, I was pretty gothic. So it was like from here to here was Catholic school.

And then from here up was like Kisu and Robert Smith business from the neck down and party from the neck up.

And so you so I could see one of these felons looking at you, this young girl, and she's in this outfit and she could represent like salvation to him the nothing sexual, just like, oh, that's a pure creature. And if I could find and get close to that pure creature when I get out of here, I could absorb her kindness.

So I don't know. Good morning. I think who knows? It's not over yet.

Now, having known you for twenty years, I can't picture you in Catholic school. Was that confining to you or restrictive or did you dig it?

No, I didn't dig it at all, but I had done it since first grade, the time I was really irritated.

But we would have religion classes. But if you asked a question like we had our first, like, world religion classes and it's like I grew up on an Illinois farm, I was not the most cultured person.

So I was like, what's there's Buddhists all I thought it was so kind of exciting. And just to to know all these different religions. And I asked one of the nuns, they said, well, how did you know to to become a nun? Like, why are you Catholic? And she's like, because God would tell me if I was wrong and I was in fourth grade and I was like, yeah, but there's all these different religions.

So billions of other people, there's billions of other people and pretty much sounds like we're all doing the same thing. You put in a different name on it, which did not go over well. And then I said, why wouldn't God tell everybody else that he's wrong or that she's wrong? But he didn't tell you. And she was like, you're nothing like your sister. And I get into office.

And I was like, well, I was like, it's world religion. She's like, you don't need to be asking questions.

I'm like, cool, you're here to receive information, not challenge it. That's for a Jesuit school.

You're in the wrong school. Yes, I was in the wrong school.

So when we met, what's your memory of it? Because mine is of becoming fast friends. I adored you the second I met you. I think so too.

And I remember like you. And then I would take like weird long walks. Constitutionals. Yeah, yes.

And like, we just kind of hit it off right away. We did. You remember how of Floyd?

Absolutely. I remember House, a comedy group that we we tried and it was like I kind of kept thinking of it as math. I'm like, OK, there's twelve of us. And if all twelve of us, like I was that girl, I was like the girl.

Nobody wanted to be in charge. And I was like, I wasn't in charge except in my own brain.

No, no, no. You were I was going to say you were the leader of our group. I'm going to make a hole. I'm going to make a whole observation about you. Ultimately, they'll be like an overachiever, you know? Yes, yes, yes.

Because I need people to know. I need people to know, like you're insanely talented, like freak of nature, talented. You've always been. But that's that's not where it ends. You're not just insanely talented. And then people knock at your door like you, the leader of the group. You were the most engaged, you were the most industrious. You made sure the flyers got to everyone. You had a checklist. We all had to invite ten people.

And if we did, we'd fill this theater, which was never full, didn't stop. You knew game plan. Next time you were the leader and you were the most engaged and you worked the hardest to get hired. So that's also in your recipe. People should know.

It's like sometimes they look at my hands. To them, like they are my dad's Irish hands, these things were put on the ends of my arms to pull potatoes from the ground like I'm supposed to be, I'm a doer. Point me at something and let me do it. It's like my Midwest basic roots of like a better in motion and better doing something. And so right or wrong, I just keep charging ahead. And usually it's probably kind of irritating.

But you are also this wonderful duality, which is and I wonder if the Catholic school has anything to do with it, your punk rock kind of by nature. And you also like to party, you like to cut loose. You were super responsible, but you like to go hard in all directions. So there was a little bit of a duality.

Would you agree? I do.

I don't think I have a great middle not I don't think extreme extreme makes it seem more interesting. But yeah, I tend to like if I go, I go with whatever it is going out, doing a show, doing like painting, cleaning and things like it's all or nothing.

And I just think, God, it must be nice to just be like I clock in it like a five and a half six.

I'm my a negative two or a 45. I couldn't agree with you more.

And I watch Kristen during this quarantine just kind of plod around the house working at like 30 percent capacity. But all day. And here's what I can do. I can go like gangbusters for one hour. That's it.

And then I'm going to sit for 15 of the remaining hours.

So when you're sitting, what's going on when you're just sitting quarantined in a house with the babies running around and Kristen, just slow but steady?

Well, it's not consistent. I can tell you that. At the same time, I'm terrified it's going to end and I'm terrified it's never going to end. Both things are happening all the time.

Yeah. And sometimes I'm like, oh, that's awful. That in one way I'm kind of enjoying this quarantine, which I know is I don't say that in a glib way at all, but, you know, I work a lot. So it is just kind of weird. I'm I'm Giorgis geometry teacher, and I just we just made sock puppets, but we spent like four hours doing instead of like, OK, we got 20 minutes tonight. We've been working on it.

So all of that kind of nerdy stuff I'm loving. And then, you know, when I'm like, I'm going to put on masks and waiters to go get the groceries. Yeah, that's not as charming.

Anyways, back to us in our twenties. Yes. You were the leader. OK, you are also like you were with me your last to leave the bar.

It's true. Me, you and Ben usually.

Yeah, the rest would fall off and we would really hunker down into the experience. If it's fun, I never want it to end, which is not a great thing if you're talking about drinks at a bar. But it was like my college because I didn't go to college.

To me it was just so fun. And I just couldn't believe I think again, from being from such a small town, sitting somewhere with you who's like your crazy mind, you're crazy funny.

And it could be like, Jim, it's just all these people.

How did I find twenty five weirdos that I'm so crazy about and I never know what's going to come out of their mouths.

And to me, just I think coming from such a small background, I never got over just being like, look at where I am.

Look at what he just said. Look what she said, my god, everybody's crazy. So I just always was like, this is going to go away and I don't want it to, which just really caused us to have a lot of drinks.

Sure.

That's such a great point, because when I was in high school, I would enter my class like a beginning of the year and I'd be like scanning the classroom, like, who's weird in here that I can think it would be like Rich Deaver. Right.

And we would just have this friendship in that fifth our class, because we were both the weirdos when I moved here. And then I went to the Groundlings and I and everyone there, everyone was Rich Deaver. Every single person was a weirdo. Oh, this is amazing. I can land in any seat and I'll be having fun.

I loved it. I didn't know what I was doing, but it didn't really matter. I would have stayed there for I mean, I think I was there like thirteen years. I think I would have just if I hadn't have gotten work. You know, I'm so grateful. I have I, I'd still be there doing shows and people like how much did you make?

I'm like, no, no way.

No. You paid me there. Like, I mean, how much did it cost you? How much did it cost me?

And yeah, there's always going to be weird politics. Any I mean, it's what I'm still phobic of email because of the Grambling's.

I worked, you know, two or three jobs every day and I would get home and it was kind of when we were first, which makes me seem a hundred.

But it was kind of an email was it was relatively new, so to speak. And I would get home and there'd be like 230 emails from people on Groundlings. And it's like nobody have a lab coat.

Your mother, everything was a secret. It's like, yeah, loved you. Go to your mom's bed and it would be like fifty five, respond all. And then at some point like about, about email thirty eight someone's like, you know my mother passed away and I don't appreciate.

And then it would turn into an actual fight and I was like, wait, I just worked sixteen hours.

One day if I went through all these emails, it would be another four hours of work and it made me so like I was just like stop using words like, what does it reply all? I was like, yes, stop it. And like, then now you're fighting. And it started. Is it like ask your mother joke? I was like, this is about a lab coat. And to this day people are like, how can you not use email?

And I'm like, because I find it crushing. It crushes my soul. It's one way to just I'm going to disappoint you. And when people start like I was just doing a whole thing and everybody starts piling on and everybody has to respond with a great idea. I hear you. You bet.

Let me know. And I get full sweats. I get super clammy sometimes. I also am like, can they see me? Do they know when I'm gone?

Oh, by the way, no worse email chain to be on than, you know, 40 people have moved across the country to get attention. And if that's not the group, you want to be a 40 person email show.

And I was like, am I the only one with the job? It was like Ben was working at CPK. I was like a nanny and working at Starbucks.

And I think at one point is working at the Y would piss me off because I'm like I am barely paying for my rent, which I'm like, I'm sleeping in the kitchen in a studio with my friend.

I just thought, there's no one else work. Is it is it me? And like two other people work like animals and everybody else is just home all day, like, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick on the computer.

I'm like and I realize I have to stop looking at it because I'm starting to like, hate people just because I just wanted to call and be like, what do you do all day?

How do you wish your money come from? Yes, I yeah, I haven't had a fresh vegetable in six weeks. You seem you seem fine.

Well, thank God we weren't in it during the Instagram era because we would have been watching people like eat at nice restaurants and stuff going what is happening, why aren't they broke like me?

And also just all of my 20s.

I think thank God that there's no proof of any of it, no recourse other than me. I'm a liability to you, really. I'm probably a liability.

Yes, but I guess he saw this group so. So it was very full. It had a bunch of names. Right? It was very funny. It was House of Floyd. Yeah, it was. But I got to say, the most like, surreal moment I had was the year you got nominated for Bridesmaids and Jim and Nat got nominated. Yeah. And Octavia was nominated and Kristen and Annie, it was all like, what the hell is going on?

People that usually are catering it.

You were 50 percent of the nominees. It was crazy. And I remember Jim and that when they won walking down and I just like burst out crying and I couldn't figure out, like, what the hell was happening. I was like, we're not the ones like we're doing this weird thing. I was like, wait, they're walking down the aisle and like who they were passing. I just I could not fully get my head around what was happening.

You're supposed to all be watching it together to then write sketches for Wednesday that will make fun of the whole thing. Right.

Just the whole process was like, oh, my God. And I just remember it like it was two emotions for me. One was, oh, my God, this is amazing. This is a miracle. And I'm so happy for everyone.

It's so beautiful that all these little people came together and they tried really hard and then and then they're here. So that was a real big part of it. But then the other part that was a little bit perception's shattering was, oh, all those heroes I had were just people like me. Like there was also something that got disillusioned by the process.

You know, I'm saying I was like, oh, all those people I had been watching for twenty years. We're just like everyone.

I mean, it's funny because you're like, oh, if they're like my friends, big deal kind of.

But also that there's some kind of magic like, oh, maybe there's a magic thing that that's how you get there. And yes, there's a million different ways to finally get jobs or get to do what you love. But I find sure people get lucky. But I don't really have those friends. I have friends like you worked your butt off. I worked my butt. You know, it's like everybody I know, they're like, yeah, we're doing six free shows.

We're going to class for doing this. We're self submitting for every single thing.

We're not getting any theaters we can't afford.

Oh, do you remember the one one of the shows we did an eight in the ten because I was like, not only can we fill a theater, we'll fill it twice a night.

I don't know. I thought we were like Springsteen or something, but I kept just saying the math works. I was like, the math works.

If we all invite 25 people and one guy showed up and I had to go out and be like, I'm so sorry, but we we just can't do a show for one person. And we rented I think it was the Tanon. So it was like a 400 seat theater. They were just trying to get a hundred people, so we had, like, roped it off, so one guy secured four seats and he got mad at me. And I remember I was like, please come back.

We'll refund your money and come back with friends.

You can hang with us in our seats.

And he was like, I showed up. And you're not even going to bother to do this.

He got so mad at me and I was like, it will be, I guarantee you, more awkward for you than it will even be for us. And it's going to be awful for us.

We can't do a show for one person.

But he was just he was so maybe it was an impulse impulse ticket by for him. Who knows, maybe I need a play. I think maybe I just need to get out of the elements. Maybe it was like windy or something. And he just sat there because nobody claimed him.

Also, everybody in groups like we have no idea. We have no idea that I get him out. I'm like, somebody knows him.

Well, yeah. I think Ben sent me like a picture of that flyer. He found it recently and he's like, oh, my God, you remember this? This is the show where one person showed up.

OK, so I'm going to tell you about your life from the outside, OK?

Yeah, OK. But you were the first person among us that got full time employment. You were a regular on a TV show, which was the Gilmore Girls. Yeah. And it was so thrilling. I mean, it was really, really thrilling for all of us. It was like, oh my God. So, wow, this really then happens or it could really happen.

But then for me, it transferred for years where I was like, man, this is tricky because she's got gainful employment. I'm so happy for her. And yet I know she's Bill Murray and she's not getting to be Bill Murray. It felt crazy to me. That was like I was like, oh, it's kind of a gilded cage in that she's got employment, but she's not doing this thing she can do. And everyone needs to see this thing.

And for me, it was this years of that until bridesmaids and when that happened in America was like, oh, my God, she can do that. I'm like, yes, she's been able to do that for twenty five years. Yes, that's what she does. In fact, that's what she does first and foremost. And the other thing that's impressive she can do. But no, the things she can do is this. And so for me I just remember thinking, oh my God, there's justice in the world.

You got to show this thing you could do. But for me on the outside, I was just like, yeah, she's great, great. But no, she's great. Great. When does she get to show that?

And I just wonder what your ride was like over that period where it was like you knew you had this gear that you weren't really engaging.

I was just so shocked to have an actual job. That's the first time when someone's like, what do you do?

I actually said, I'm an actress, which I remember there's like probably a good six months where it was kind of like when you first get married and then you have to say, like fiance say and you feel like you're suddenly saying like a crazy word or your husband.

And I remember really struggling with it. It's like when a person is like, I'd like a croissant, like, don't do that.

But I just remember the first time actually being able to say, like, I'm an actress because I always thought. It wasn't I'm trying to be, but I shouldn't say that because you don't get to say that until you really are.

And it was while because I learned so much on that show, but I still did shows every single weekend at Groundlings because I think I was like, I love doing this job, but it's I didn't feel like it was a way to express myself or even comment on the world because I was like, yeah, they're really good scripts, but I think I enjoy not being the butt of it. I don't know.

I think I just like stranger people know, swinging for the fences, like, you know, there is like a thrill to going to the line and see me pull it off, you know.

Yeah. And to play somebody that you're like, yeah, on the surface they're kind of awful, but I kind of love them.

I don't know. I have a real weird thing with characters. I fall in love with them quite a bit. Yeah. And if somebody is like, oh, they're so, you know, abrasive or it's like I wait for somebody to be like, but I really liked her.

It's somehow like a person removed that I'm like, I like her too. She's obnoxious but she's like got such a good heart and I really feel completely responsible for them.

So playing someone more middle of the road, like on a Gilmore, I was like just kind of no stakes. And there's no way to push that boundary of you're either going to leave hating this person and myself by proxy or because of me or I can try to turn you.

And I think that's the whole fun of it.

And also, I finally stop because bend's like, you're going to you're going to get in trouble.

But I'm such a weird people watcher that I used to go to that there was a big lots on Vine that was like, that's good.

Going right on Vine by over towards endless fields. And I would just that was like my therapy. I would go three times a week and just literally push a cart around there because there was always like a woman in there and all purple and leopard.

And she was like, I need batteries, batteries. And I was like, OK. And I would just follow I would follow people for like 45 minutes. And then if they leave, I just somebody else would be amazing in there. And I'm like, let's go.

Benn's like, oh, you were mining characters at Big Lots, not even intentionally.

I just actually like I loved them so much because I love anybody who's like kind of like forget this is what it is.

I wear purple and I'm going to throw down four batteries. I was like I just it was like, I don't know. I think it's what would other people feel about sports? They just want to watch it. I just want to watch those people. And I, I literally love them. Like, I, I'm so smitten with them. And then when I became a little more recognizable, I couldn't do it because people recognized me.

Oh, my God, what do I do now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well my heart yeah.

I remember I had an exact moment in my life where I was at a Fuddruckers in Austin.

butI mediocracy and I just slowly realized that many of the patrons were staring at me. And I just remember thinking, no, no, that's what I do.

I stare at you, you know, I know me.

Yeah. You can't look at me because I can't look at you also. Now, that movie doesn't even seem like that.

So like played under now I remember like, it's so insane. And now I'm like, it's all real. And now it's like, oh, please, that's not the worst of it.

I remember even you and I had a sketch that Frido from Idiocracy was in and you said cheese at the store and I like was a bagger at the store. And we fell in love in the scene and I felt butterflies from the scene like I was so happy Frido was finding someone to not be lonely. I actually would like somehow take in that those love butterflies.

I love that you were back. You were the bagger. I was the bagger.

And I wanted to play a card for you in my truck. Really bad CD player.

I did. I just it's like that's the exact thing I'm talking about that character you did. You're not making fun of him, which is a really fine line. You love him. You make the audience love him by the end. So much more watchable. You realize how boring so many people are.

You watch Frido for like I can watch Fredo for like seven hours a day, but I was like minority.

But I could do. But I mean, somebody else.

It's like doing all the right things just like more by the book and like it makes me always be like, God, some people are really boring.

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So I was wondering, as I was thinking of your life in totality, I went to the Groundlings solely to be on Saturday Night Live. I feel like that was your objective, too, wasn't it? No.

You know, I was in New York for six years. It started with stand up. And it wasn't the room for me. I just didn't I didn't like the combative quality also. Like, how many times a night can almost the same guy go shows?

You don't take your shirt off every single over the top. But I'm not kidding.

Every single time I was like, are you the same guy or is it just one guy or is it I'm like, do you think what you're saying is original? Are you sitting at a table alone?

Do you wonder why maybe there's a 21 year old woman walks up on stage and you screamed from the back from your solo table, take off your scarf.

But I mean, I'm not kidding. Like every single club, even when I was it like the duplex is this you realize this is like a gay club, right?

If you ever win the Mark Twain Prize, which you certainly will, I'm going there and I'm going to fucking scream with a megaphone.

Hit me with those. I mean, it's that loud sister that I would be like, wow, what a no, no.

I went there.

My sisters sent me, like, because I didn't know anything about L.A. I just realized I was doing all this theater. I was always I'm putting on a new play and, you know, hauling folding chairs up two flights of stairs because the math works.

I can fill it with enough people.

You know, the math. You're the value that you're I think I can show it to you later. The math does work out.

It just doesn't connect to humans.

We can get 600 people a night, I guarantee you, but easy. But I was like, I can't figure out the business of it.

So I did six years of so many plays, so much like acting classes and stuff. I think it was so busy doing stuff that I didn't quite know how to play the game of getting a you know, it's just that wasn't my thing. So I moved to L.A., OK, there's so much more work here. It's surely something will happen. But I had never been there. I just like, bought a cheap ticket and went and my sister sent me one page.

I was ripped out of people or something, and it was like there was a tiny blurb about Groundlings. And I literally was like, oh, this sounds fun. And so I went there. I think I lived in Santa Monica and I took a bus and saw Kathy Griffin, Mike McDonald, Patrick Bristo, and I couldn't figure out how it was in written. Yeah, they're saying it's improvised, but clearly it's not.

So I was like, what's the.

But then somebody would do something or somebody from the audience would yell it out and it felt like everybody was like, I don't know, on something you read all and everybody got like a weird pill going. And this seems crazy, but I'm watching it happen and they just loved it. Really quick.

You're hitting on something we have in common. Just a nice dose of cynicism, right? So it's like I'm the same way I am. Someone finds me a video that's really funny. Someone fall in like, I don't know. Do they really felt like I'm just kind of the first stop in my mind is a dick kind of.

And I'm wondering, is your sister older? She's three years older.

OK, so I was always getting outsmarted by my brother who was five years older than me and like, tricked out of the box of cereal. I picked out, you name it. I was just he rang me up and down the flagpole. He outsmarted me. And I think that's where it comes from, where I'm always like, you're not no one's getting over anything on me now.

Or I think it's a little bit of like if I'm always doing something weird and trying to convince someone, I'm assuming everyone else is as shady as I am.

That's another order, you know, making me somebody in my family think I was really her and being like Gogia, you know, when they're like it's really upsetting is like I drove home from work because you made this whole thing up.

Like, that's not funny. And I'm like, oh, God, I'm really sorry.

I didn't really think it through. OK, so you didn't really know you weren't set on SNL then? I never audition.

And then it's funny when I started doing it, I've done it, you know, I think I've done it. Six, five or six times, and it was funny because now they're like, did you not do a lot of shows there? I'm like, no, I was there like for 13 years. I said, you guys just start seeing everybody because I mean nothing. I would have gotten picked.

But I'm like in 13 years, they're like, we saw everybody there.

I'm like, I did almost every show for 13 years like an idiot in the ghetto.

Novich you didn't really like Maya went right out of Sun Company, right. When were you in the Sun company with her?

I was in Sun Company when she got it. And I was like, oh, my God. Like, because that's the first person I knew that was going. I mean, I knew other people before us. It can't happen in real time.

Right. Happen to somebody I know that's like a peer crazy. Yeah. Peer. I was just like, oh my God.

Well, so my assumption was, oh, it must have been because you were on Gilmore Girls that they never asked you because you are in a contract. But that wasn't the case.

No, I never got an audition. I just didn't. And I can't say that. I mean, who knows?

I can I can say it for you. You would have been on and you would have been like Will Ferrell.

So, yeah, I remember when Kristen Wiig got in the Groundlings and I just remember everybody's like, yeah, you know, hopefully she'll do shows.

And I was like, you guys. She's she's not going to do shows and they're like she's going to get in and not to show them, like she's going to be on SNL within four and a half minutes. She'll never really do a show here.

I can't believe she got through Sunday company and they were like, she's going to do shows here.

And I was like, and I think it was within the beginning of her very first show that she came back was like, guys are going to leave for New York tomorrow.

I'm like, not surprising, as I remember some people being like, I don't know.

You never know who they're going to want.

I'm like, I guarantee you, I don't know a lot. But I know that that lady is not sticking around here for more than three minutes.

Because you were how long were you on Gilmore Girls? A good like six, seven, seven years.

In that time, you developed a hobby that I've tracked that has stayed with you, which is you bought this really cute house by what was then Mayfair Market, which is now Goossens Yellow House, right? Yeah, I went to I was like, oh my God, our friend owns a home. This is not possible. Someone owns a home in Los Angeles. And then you made the home so fucking cute. You you're such a great sense of style.

And then you sold that house. It was like a project and then you sold it and then you did well.

And then you bought another house and you redid that house like I know you just you love that and you're great at it.

I love it.

Well, thanks. I love it in a way that's so all encompassing. Ben is just always like, hey, we're done. You go get something, get something, redo it and sell it.

And that can all just be somewhere else. Because all I want to do is like, oh, what if that wall comes out?

Do you think I feel like my one superpower is, which Ben is like it's not super that I just look at walls and I look through a house and all of it goes away and I see possibilities.

He's like, yeah, but every time we open a wall, it's like, oh, you're the studs are made of Styrofoam and we got to take it down. Like it's it's a really bad.

I've never gotten the call where they're like we just opened up the ceiling and the fucking truss looks great. We're not going have to do a thing that calls never come in.

My first the first house in those feliz it was like, oh, I knocked down a weird plywood wall and I'm like, did you know there was a beautiful mold?

Like, mold it out, casement there.

They're like, OK, that's not what happens.

And it turns out I pulled up the carpet and like there are beautiful Douglas fir like they're original. And my contractor, I came home one day. He was such a nice guy.

And I remember I he was like, I have a surprise for you. I hope it's OK. And he came in and he's like, I just thought your bedroom needed molding. It was the only room in the house. It didn't have it. And they put in like beautiful molding is like a like a surprise.

And literally people that had gone through it were like, you suck. But I had such a good experience the first time and then every other house since then it's just been a shit show like, oh yeah, I was say it's like shit.

You basically won on your first trip to Vegas and then you just can't stop going back. Yeah, OK. Now you went from several TV shows where you weren't doing the thing that we know you're capable of. Had you at that point just before bridesmaids, had you readjusted your expectations or were you just as hellbent on being like a comedic lead of movies, or were you starting to settle into like, OK, well, I made a living at this and that's great.

And I should be grateful. Like, where were you up mentally when that came out?

Boy, I mean, for someone who struggled as long as I did and I didn't grow up, you know, having that kind of stuff easy, like we didn't grow up with a lot of money at all. And so just having a regular job where I didn't have a steady job, I should say, where I didn't have to call, you know, as hard as I worked in as many jobs. It's that thing of like if your engine blows on your 1972 square back and you have rent, I never had any extra.

And to have a job where I'm like, I don't have to call my parents anymore, like, yeah, every four months, just being like, I'm so sorry.

I swear to God, I just I need like seventy two dollars. And they were always so nice about it and you know, they didn't have a lot but it's like they were like it's fine, it's fine. We know how hard you're working.

But there's also a time where I just remember I paid like my cable bill or something and I was like, I, I don't remember how much it was. Oh, right, right, right, right.

I wrote a check and I'm sure it was like forty two dollars. It wasn't like whoa oh I gave it away thousands but before I don't know I may have thirty eight in the bank.

I don't know if I have forty two and I just like wrote the check for forty two dollars because I had a steady job for the first time and I was like holy God.

Like is this how this works. Yeah.

I remember when Annie and Kristen called me to come in for it, I almost didn't go because it was such a big deal that they were doing like they were writing a movie for Judd. Yeah. Oh my God. Like finding out a friend, Glos, you were just like this possible, like, I really just remember being like, oh, I don't even know what to say. I don't know how to, like, say enough. I was so nervous I was going to go in and do something stupid and it would reflect poorly on them because they wrote it for you.

Right. So like, no, no, no, no. I think they'd been like seeing people a bunch and they were. But I think you're about to, like, get rid of the part.

And I was kind of like one of the last ones to come in. There's like, do you want to come in? I was like, I don't want to ruin this for you.

And I and I had always thought if I could get a line in a Paul Feig or a Judd Apatow thing, like just one, if I could do the one thing where I'm like coffee, sir, now I've made it because I always thought that camp it was so funny, but it was all kind of grounded and like seems so much more my style. Yeah.

They they were also very somberly as opposed to like the traditional here's here's your comedic star. Everyone else is going to support this person's moment to be funny. Yeah, it was very collaborative, which is very totally sketch comedy.

Yeah. When I went in and I thought I tanked it like on the way home, I was like, oh God, you idiot, idiot.

I'm talking about like I had like a sexual encounter underwater with a dolphin and I literally was driving home just like you dummy, you dummy.

You embarrass Kristen and Annie. What the hell were you talking about? First of all, like you can't have sex with. I'm like, oh, my God.

I never I never thought in a million years I was going to get it.

And then you did. And then, oh, my gosh, overnight you're going to get to be the lead of movies like Crazy in the way that Sandler and all these people, you know, that we looked up to that happened.

Yeah, Ben and I are always like, you know, we start a new movie or if we, you know, sell something, if there's still a look like afterwards, we're like, what the hell just happened?

I was like a running game of we expect somebody to be like, oh, my God, we just figured out who you got to go.

Sorry, you guys have got to we you know, your ID got switched with someone else's.

But we're onto you now and we we've got some phone calls to make. We got to tell some other presidents of studios that this is a big clerical error.

They should have never been let in.

I kind of always think that I'm like, I've had such a fun ride. I'm like, when it happens, I'm going to be like, you got it, you got it. What is to clean up our snacks or you just get out, OK?

Can I take my chair back? No. OK, is it so nice that you guys have been on the ride from day one together. Like that's so cool that you kind of also can't really get away with anything because he's a part of your history, not just like the Melissa McCarthy.

Melissa McCarthy.

Yeah, it's like the best. That's how we met, you know. I mean, we met being stupid and doing these crazy characters. And he was my favorite person to write with. So it's like I know so many people are always like, oh. You know, what's it like spending all day with with your husband then coming home and like, well, I kind of married someone I'm crazy about.

So it's kind of awesome now.

Did you feel the pressure of, like, when you came out of bridesmaids, like, oh, shit, now I got to shoot. Like, it's such a shift in thinking, like, I just want to be in this stuff and now all of a sudden, like, oh, I got to choose responsibly.

I was funny. I was just talking about this. Bateman called me Jason last. We called him like wanted to talk about something.

And I was like, oh, is this like who is this really like?

Oh, I just there's a there's a thing, you know, it's written for two guys, but I thought you and I could do it. You want to meet for lunch and I'm like. This is Todd just I couldn't quite process, but I was like, it sounds like Bateman. Yeah. Going and listening to someone be like, here's a great idea. What do you think? Yeah. You know, I was used to like, you know, us doing stuff.

We all talk about it and but it wasn't used to someone so established and successful being like, what do you think it was a moment of like? Because at that moment I was like, I may only get one more.

Yeah. Yeah. Because, I mean, how many people, you know, you're one and done or two and done. You know, Ben and I talked about it. He seems nice. It seems like it'll be kind of silly and fun.

It's not that I overthought it at all. I was just like my supposed to be doing, like, pros. And is there a graph I'm supposed to be making? I was like, he seems really fun.

Are you doing your due diligence? I didn't even know how to do that. Like, yeah, I didn't know what I was doing. Of course not. I my main thing was like, are you against a red curly wig?

That was kind of because I'm going to have to get my props in order, because the show when we start, I'm going to have to go to the Salvation Army and pick out.

I did kind of think like, you know, I have some red wigs there. Like, we we will have someone do it.

I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, I know. I know. I knew that identity theft and you guys were so great together just worked. Here's what I'm curious about.

I have come through this whole thing with some knowledge now at forty five that I could have used when I was twenty eight. God yes, I wanted money and I wanted to be recognized and I wanted all these things. And I was certain that if I got those things I was going to feel a certain way, that it was going to fill a certain hole in me. And then I was lucky enough to get a lot of those things and discover, oh, shit, that they didn't really do the thing I was expecting.

And I'm just wondering if you've had that experience as well.

I mean, I think for me, I always think of it as staying steady. And they've stayed steady with my friends, I've stayed steady with Ben. I don't live any differently than that. I would have if I still was at Groundlings and still, you know, being a P.A. or doing other other jobs.

I love what I do, but I think as I got it so much later, I was already like, I'm kind of fully cooked this, right? This is what you're going to get.

And I spent so many years trying to even get an agent trying to get got one one commercial commercials just hated my guts. And I was like, you know, I was told, I don't I don't come off as a neighbor. That was a comment I got once. And I'm like, I am a neighbor.

I am currently and actually a neighbor. And they're like, she just doesn't seem like a neighbor, a mike, because they had me like, what does that mean?

I seem crazy or like I live in a dungeon.

Now this person lives in a car. They're no they're no one's neighbor.

Maybe someone parks I guess temporarily they're neighbors.

But I think I went through all those kind of if I was this, maybe it would work or if I was taller or younger, prettier, you know, maybe I need to be be harsher. I remember for a day I was doing something and someone who is just very, very difficult, just kind of got everything handed to them. And I literally tried it for a day. And other than literally getting like weird rashes and I felt awful.

Ben came to set that day and he was so grossed out, he was like being a total asshole. What is the matter with you?

And I'm like, well, I'm just trying to stake my claim because it works for so-and-so. And he's like, you just snapped at somebody about coffee and you did it to someone that, like you really, really like. And I was like, no, I'm trying something out now.

And I literally spent like the rest of the day. I did it for probably four hours until Ben was like, you're disgusting.

And you're like, I don't know who you are. And then the rest of the day it was like crying and like telling people like, oh, no, I'm trying something.

I'm very comfortable with it. And like, I went through all of it. And then especially having Ben see it, it's like, oh, it's just awful.

I was like, I'm all right with it. I'm who I am. I've gone through the you know, everybody has like such, you know, we all have weird insecurities.

I've seen you as the leader on the set of the movie. You got greenlit because Kristen was in it and I got to see you. And you're just a beautiful kind patient. You're going to be a nicer, more benevolent person role.

What you've done brilliantly is like Mallory still writes, you're in direct stuff. You're in. You seem to have recognized. No, the gift of this is like doing it in this group.

And then it's just Joy, I have to say that, like, when we go to work, there's all these people that we've been doing this for so long and like, you came to do something and it's like you do just start to I think really early on I thought, like, you can never break into these things because it's all like these clicks, blah, blah, blah.

And I realize, yeah, when you get like twenty five people that are just absolutely wonderful and they're great at what they do and they're beautiful, lovely human beings, why would you not go back to the same. Well and then of course each time you bring in new people but like it's such a nice thing, like I love going to work but you do have to set it up. So it's not like, oh, by the way, you know, you're going to spend four months with someone who's a screamer.

I'm like, nope, yeah. Sometimes at work. I just think this is my job.

Like, I'm I'm literally doing what I did it like three years old, like I'm pretending to be an old lady.

Somehow I feel like I'm conning everybody. I still play make believe and it's like stupid bits for your friends. And that's our professional job.

Like Octavia and I just did something together and we had these insane superhero suits on where I have huge boot, like it was all like the suits had gone wrong, was shaking up and down, trying to see what body parts we could make bounce in front of the camera.

And I was like, we are being completely professional right now.

This is like a very, very professional behavior. But we're standing there trying to see, like, what parts of your body can you make bounds?

And we're like, yeah, this is the job. Yeah. The notion that you're like you're delivering what the boss is wanted by doing the thing you got in trouble for in school is what a what a sensation.

I've directed a couple of car chases things and have cops watch me do a stunt in a crowded downtown area and then give me the thumbs up as I drive by. I'm like, oh my God, how they figure out how to get in this situation. This is just incredible.

It is. It's like a fever dream.

So the only person that you've really got to be with that I'm. Still in deep jealousy of is, of course, Bill Murray crazy, I guess, for me is just the number one of all no ones.

He's like a unicorn. What was it like? We got along really well. I was so nervous to meet him.

I was like, Jesus, do I say like I got jacked up with like, do I just say, Bill, you know, just walk in and say, hi, Bill. So I was like, Mr. Murray and I was like, practicing hello, Bill Murray.

And it kept getting more and more. It was getting sharper and stranger sounding. And I was I was revving up. I was getting sweaty. And I literally was like, hey, hey, memory. And I'm like, you don't call a Murray. So I'm like, what do you. But I'm not on a sports team together.

No, I was like, and all of a sudden I had lost any ability to just be like, Hi, nice to meet you. I was like I was in the hair and makeup trailer and he walked in and I just remember I like really super hot, sweaty. And I just locked up and I didn't look. And then finally I looked over and he walked down to me and I did a very awkward like, maybe I'll shake your hand.

But it was a little at a weird height. Yeah.

So he just started he started to he turned me around a couple of times. He's like pretty good height, OK.

And he was checking me out like a car and then at one point he pulled up my feet and was like kind of adjusting my foot almost like he was showing me.

And then he bit like a pulled up a knee and like kind of bent my leg out and was like, OK, that seems to be working.

And I think, one, he is just such a wonderfully weird, incredibly talented, cool guy. But I, I also think, like, when you see people like I was doing when they see him for the first time, people's wiring goes weird. I got the feeling instead of making me stumble through my memory.

Mr. Bill Murray. Mr. Murray. Bill.

Bill. I think he was like, I am just going to totally be myself, but also be weird enough that you don't have to do anything.

Yeah, it was it was like a four minute thing that by the time I was done, I was laughing so hard. We just did an introduction, but so weird and so funny and also working with him. I have to say, he's tethered in a in a way that I don't think I can explain. Like for is loose and that ethereal almost as he can be.

There's something so rooted to the ground. Yeah. You feel it.

You really, really feel it. And it's it's amazing.

Well, he said something when he was being interviewed by Letterman. Letterman's like, you know, you recognize that you've created an entire genre of comedy like starting with you. You can trace all these movies currently to you. He's like, what's the secret? And Bill goes, you know, Dave, I just tried to breathe and be calm and know that it'll all happen. And I'm like, oh, my God, isn't that the fucking best advice ever?

Just like, you're good, you'll be funny, you'll be great. Just trust that that'll just arrive and show up.

Yeah, I remember him saying something kind of when we were doing the St Vincent of like we just don't want to be trying to do something right.

Meanwhile, like I was up all night working on this, but only because I was always like I got to show up ready for Bill. But yeah, there was always a sense of it'll be whatever it is. Right. The biggest presence about him, I would say, is his energy in a calm way. Somehow it's infectious without ever losing energy or his intention. He's like a tree in my head. He's just so tethered in the ground. There's something to it.

Yeah, that's phenomenal. He's also so weird and I say that very complimentary and very lovingly also. I don't think that's new information. I would just find myself doing things that are like we what were we doing?

There's literally a picture of him and I were screaming into each other's mouths and just all of a sudden I don't know what started it, but I have this whole series of pictures where our mouths are as wide as they could be. And he's got a big bandage from the movie on his head.

And for some reason, somebody saying, how did that start? I'm like, I don't know. I don't know.

But we were just screaming into each other's faces that I'm like, OK, I could stop working now.

And I just had the greatest day. So, yeah. OK, my last question. What is your thoughts about the film business? Like the notion that I mean, do you have gratitude of like, oh wow, I got to do it right when you could still do it? It's just the fact that comedy in general comedy features has been so hard for any of them to really thrive.

I guess I can't get my head around it because I don't know what we would do. I don't know what I would do without comedies. And when I like meet people and stuff, they're like, you know, keep doing what you're doing. My God, we need to laugh now more than ever. But somehow, is it just because people keep saying comedies don't work if it's like. Like mom jeans are so out right now. I like a mom jeans because I don't think as humans people don't want comedies.

My God, if that's the case, Jesus, the pandemic's is just the beginning to say that, like, I don't want to laugh. I don't want people that it's like, oh, Christ, that's me.

Or that someone I know like you want to be able to just release that there's something cathartic. And I think why comedy work is like you either are the person that's being the ass or you're very close to the person that's being in. There's always something relatable. Yeah. And I think that collective feeling when you're in a theater and you're laughing with all these people, it does remind you like we all are this person, we're all the same thing.

And I don't know, I think it's just become I also think it's not apples to apples. I think people keep saying, like, you know, the comedies don't work like the action stuff. I'm like, well, the comedy got 30 million to make, which yes, that seems crazy, but it's really like fourteen dollars to make a movie.

And you're comparing it to a movie that costs a hundred and fifty million dollars and had seven huge people in it and like music and special effects. And you go in the Ferrari, if they were both the same price, it seems like people want the Ferrari.

I'm like, yeah, it's not the same thing.

Let's go further. So the product itself and I think one fifty is your short. So every one of these movies is like two to three hundred million. That's only half of the equation. So the other part is what are they going to spend to promote it? Well, they'll spend three hundred million to protect their 300 million dollar investment, but they're not going to spend three hundred million to protect their 30 million dollar investment. So you're not even in the same realm of advertising either.

I would be heartbroken if that went away because there's so much there's so much dark stuff and there's so much dark stuff that I think certainly how people consume entertainment now.

Yeah, they're just they're guzzling it. Yeah. So much of it there. And it's so much of it is so dark.

And I think it has a cumulative effect.

I don't think everything has to be comedy.

I love a lot of weird dark stuff. Yeah. But I can't only watch that. And I worry that, you know, everything's cyclical. I'm sure it will, it will come back around. But I think everybody who has a voice that's listened to has to stop saying that reviewers and I'm not so like bashes reviewers, but it's like every single Marvel movie.

God bless them, I'm available.

Every single Marvel movie is like one hundred percent. Yeah, every single one. Like, I love a lot of them.

Like not a ninety they're. Yeah. And then anything that's a comedy they're like, oh I give it like a thirty mike.

Well the thing I particularly bristle about in Danny McBride and I had a nice bitch session about it is the total failure to recognize how hard it is to make a comedy work versus I can push in a camera and I can play Peter Gabriel. And guess what? You're going to feel an emotion. There's no cheating in comedy. And for them to not even acknowledge that is frustrating. Like you could go, oh, it wasn't my brand of comedy, but I could see that it's well-made and I could see everyone's laughing around me.

Like the unwillingness to even recognize the architecture of it and respect it is what I find offensive. Now, you don't have to like something, but as a reviewer, you should be knowledgeable enough to recognize the mechanics of it.

Yes, it is. Sometimes I'm just like, you can't be a food critic if you're like I only like peanut butter and white bread. Everything else is terrible. You, my friend, should get a different job.

Like if you're if you're saying I can look at everything with an open opinion and it doesn't have to be my thing, but this is very good or this was done. Well, I think people will like it.

But I also think a little bit of it is like Instagram, like you scroll, scroll through Instagram, you see the guy like a firework in his ass and you kind of chuckle, right? You get a little chuckle. You can scratch your comedy, but you can't really scratch your drama itch. You're not going to really see something in a 30 second video that fulfills you and that that desire for drama. So part of it is like I feel like we're competing with this immediate thing.

But the thing that scares me is the thing you just mentioned, which is that aside, the shared experience of being at Wedding Crashers opening night was so profound compared to if you watched it on my phone. And that's a hard thing to convince younger people of, that maybe don't have those fond memories of going to see the Bill Murray movie when it came out in that shared like, oh, we all were with that audience who just roll and that laughter would happen.

You do you leave with a bit more of, like humanity, not just to laugh, but you're like, I got in a room with a bunch of strangers, which God knows when that'll happen again. And we had this, like, shared experience. You feel it energized someone to be like didn't affect me at all.

And it translucent. You could be sitting next to a guy from Texas with a cowboy hat on. You could be sitting next to a rabbi to your left when only. Wilson says we only use 10 percent of our heart to see all of us laugh, you're like, oh, there's some unifying beauty to this thing.

Yeah, it does. It brings people together that would never normally, you're right. Be in the same room, have the same opinion on something.

Yeah, there's a power to it. Yeah. I just feel like it's verbally it's fallen out of fashion. But when people like the comments I get, I get more people just being like please keep making the movies you make because we need it. I need to go home at the end of the day and laugh. And that's not everything you're doing is great. I just mean, like that's the comment I get all the time. It's like just keep it up because we need something.

Yeah, but then I don't feel like that sentiment gets through maybe to the people kind of choosing and commenting on the brass.

Yeah.

OK, well listen, America, I was on the outside and I saw the beginning.

I'm not Ben, but I'm the next best thing you're going to hear from is that this gal I was around for most of the ride and I saw her at the pinnacle on the bus and she was kind I'd even say you're kinder than you were when we were at the Groundlings. I wasn't giving you math equations.

You weren't telling me about the volume versus ticket price.

I'm just so happy that it all went the way it went that America got to see the thing. I had been seen for free for years. It's just one of my happiest examples that I've been around in the fact that you stayed so beautiful and nice and kind and generous and you stayed in your pod. You're real as fuck. That's my conclusion. The real your real, real reality.

MACCARTHY Well, you're as sweet as you ever were.

I hope a little better. You're even better that way. You're even better than you always were, which is is saying something. All right.

Well, I adore you and I look forward to seeing being over in us to go for a swim in your pool den.

All right. OK, bye. Love you. Bye, guys.

Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare.

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And now my favorite part of the show, the fact check with my soulmate Monica Padman. Facture, I wish I could sign your yearbook. What would you have written pages?

I wrote pages in people's yearbooks.

We would mark pages for people saying, yeah, yeah. Mine says saved for Aaron. Yeah, yeah.

And, you know, it really broke my heart to the seventh grade page that was saved was a full page. It was so beautiful. And then eighth grade at the end of eighth grade, we were starting to break up Aaron and I.

And it was not as. Oh, yeah.

It's kind of a heartbreaking archaeological record of it. That's you probably don't go back and look at it very often.

So it's OK. Are you being funny? Yes.

The big joke about Aaron and I, especially when we drank six nights a week that your book was out, you read those, we would get drunk and just get those yearbooks out and just read all the things from all the different people and look at kids from our class.

We are obsessed with junior high. We just love to relive it. That yearbook. Wow.

Yeah. Cal and I would do a rough draft. Oh, you would. Yeah. Oh, wow. I want to read it. I think I have some of them here. I've been slowly trying to bring them over from my parents house, but they're so heavy. Those high school ones are like, oh fuck, high school.

Yeah, those are too big. I never even got one. I don't own a single high school one. I like those.

Yeah, but that's where you are most popular. If you're the most popular in junior high, you probably have your junior high.

I have those too. I love those. Oh those are those are thin.

They're much thinner. Yeah. Like one fifth the size.

Now for the listener, I know that they, I like to have a mental image in my head when I'm listening to people talk and you're wearing this wonderful palette of soft gray today. I am top and bottom.

I'm wearing a Mickey Mouse shirt.

Sure. Not Miniature Mouse, but Mickey Mouse couldn't find a Minnie Mouse shirt.

That's of my liking in the right palette. Yeah. And a good palette. Yeah. You got to get that nice palette.

This one's a nice light gray, as you said. And the pants match. Yeah, it's incredible. That is incredible. Well done. Thank you. Yeah. Now I'm inclined to get out my yearbook. Oh. What is the worst school picture you've ever had.

Probably my eighth grade year one is bad. I had a shaved head. Oh.

And acne and my nose is starting to get but it was just not it really went downhill from seventh or eighth grade.

I went from like a nine to a six.

Now I know I wasn't a nine and eight to a six year. My goodness.

What's your worst year? That picture of you as a baby in the white dress. You look pretty ugly.

I was like three. Oh, you're so cute. That's why I can make that joke.

There's one year that I had a mushroom cut. Mm. My mom made. Oh my God. My mom is cutting hair now and the quarantine. Oh she is. Yes.

She cut my dad's hair and she was bragging about it and then she cut her sister's hair and she is bragging about it so much she's just watching YouTube videos to learn and she's like layering quote layering unquote normal.

And I have something more to add bond about because we're both beautician's. You both love to cut hair. We both have to cut hair. By the way, did you get any feedback from the Today Show that aired today?

It aired today, yes. I did a very small thing on the Today show and aired this morning.

I'm so proud of you. I said, how excited are your parents that you're going to be on the Today show? And you said, why didn't tell them?

And I said, What is wrong with you?

So I texted your mother. Yeah, your baby daughter is going to be on the Today show and she's a jerk. And your mom was appreciative. Yeah. And then she, like, got mad at me. Good.

No, not good. Look, tell me you make me sound like a brat a lot on here and now I'm self-conscious about. Oh, I'm sorry.

And I don't think that's a readiness. I think that's insecurity. Yeah, it is. So it shouldn't be pinned. Is this thing I did to them, like I didn't do anything to them. It was a three minute thing on the Today show.

On The Today show, you were on television, on the Today show being asked your opinion on stuff that's so wonderful.

It is. I'm grateful for it. It's very nice. But I didn't think I did a great job and I didn't really want anyone to see it.

Yeah, I relate.

I never invited anyone I knew when I did stand up, people would come and I'd be mad. Right.

So I relate. OK, yeah, I'm with you. I'm on both sides. I'm on your mom's side and your side.

I wasn't nervous.

And then as soon as we started, I got kind of nervous and then I felt surprised that I was all the pressure that can take you by surprise sometimes and then that I think that maybe a little more in my head or something.

So that I was like, oh, no, this isn't going well because I must be visibly nervous.

Were you, like, shook by the technical limitations of the experience? Oh, no. It wasn't that like a delay thing. We're like, oh fuck, I can't just talk.

No, it wasn't that. I think it was, oh, this is going to be more of a. Than I was expecting because it was short. Yeah, it was very short and I knew it was going to even get cut down even more. Mm hmm. And, you know, he was a pro. Craig Craig was my interviewer. Craig was really charming and cool.

But but, like, he was moving really quick because he knew you move quick.

Yeah. And I was like, oh, fuck. Like, there's no time to, like, be cute and chatty. Like, I kind of have to get to the point, but I still want to be cute. Yes.

So that you don't want to feel like a motoring through. Exactly like just telling because I was giving my opinion of podcasts that I'm listening to and there were different categories. So I felt like, yeah, I don't want to just like be listing them and then saying one thing about why I liked it. Like I wanted to get a little Bandelier. Yeah.

Yeah. That feels a little improv. Exactly. And so I got a little in my head that that was a happening. And anyhow but a few people texted me this morning they had caught it.

Oh yeah.

Do you remember last summer I hosted the Today Show with Jenna Bush.

So I had been there in that studio as the person getting asked the question several times what a fucking experience it is to be the on the other side. Oh, I bet. Because I only had to worry about my segment. But you have that experience 12 times over the course of an hour where it's so accelerated.

Like I felt like real time. It took 11 minutes to record that hour. Yeah.

So that was this morning. But was I going to say before that, oh, your mom is giving haircuts.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And you love to give haircuts.

Yeah, I've given I gave Erica a haircut. Yes. Really nice one I'd say. Yeah.

You get a nice haircut. This is very hard to cook so curly. I've never hair that curly. Oh. And it's hard to pull it up to see the length because all the top pieces just curl over your fingers.

It's really hard to get a sense on a man. Yeah, I bet on a woman.

That's less of a problem because the hair's longer still as you're moving your hands down to pull it out. You want to see if there's any you know, you want to be straight ish, but it's just all folded over. You don't know if this piece is this long. You'd have a hard time with mine then.

No, I could pull years out really wavy. I know wavy is fine.

It's when it actually curls over 360 your fingertip. I see. You got to basically pull each hair up. It's impossible.

Oh, I bet my mom thinks she'd be able to handle it. She's very arrogant about our hair cutting skills.

You know, now that I think about it, I guess the move would have been to pull all the way up in the cut from the bottom, which I've never done. But that actually is how I. Anyways, fuck, now I'm realizing how OK, maybe watch some YouTube videos like my mom.

I don't. I'm a skilled beautician.

OK, Melissa. Melissa. So well this part is confusing because she wasn't recording at the very, very, very top because we were just bantering. But then she mentions Pine Sol, OK? And I just wanted people to know we were talking about her cleaning her bathroom with Pine Sol before we started gardening.

OK, so when she brings up the bathroom cleaning and Pine saw it was in reference to something we had spoken about a call about earlier.

It was a callback, OK, and then she said when her dad or dad would wake up at five and then tell everyone it was nine.

Oh, and then I just made me wonder, like, if you had your druthers, what time would you wake up?

I left to my own. I would I would go to sleep at 1:00 AM and wake up at nine. That would be the perfect schedule for me. Wow, that's weird.

Like at one, I actually want to fall asleep and at nine I want to get up like I'm ready to get up.

Yeah. Like any other hours I'm forcing myself to go to sleep and I'm forcing myself to wake up.

Yeah I see that. OK, well we should say I'm not going to do that as much.

Bless this mess got canceled today. I'm so sorry. Yeah. I feel sad for everyone that's worked so hard on it over the last couple of years, you know, like and Liz and the cast. And it's a great show.

It's a great show. It's really funny. I love watching it with the girls, but I talk to everyone. Everyone seemed pretty good about it. Good spirit. Yeah. No one seems suicidal or anything. That's good.

I'm sad because it was fun to go there and do fact check. That was kind of fun. It was fun.

I always grab a cookie from the one. Yeah. Bring in the cookie to wow. I'm sorry.

Went in. I can one on all the time your Georgia buddy. Maybe you'll do another project with her. OK, I hope you never know.

She, she said email was kind of relatively new and she was at the Groundlings.

So I'm going to give you a timeline about email in a way.

Yeah. OK.

Nineteen seventy one. Oh Jesus. Yep.

OK, Ray Tomlinson, a computer engineer working for Bolt, Beranek and Newman in Cambridge, Massachusetts, developed a system for sending messages between computers that use the. Symbol to identify addresses he now can't remember the first message he sent or the exact date he sent it, Tomlins system gained popularity by linking up users on ARPANET, the US Department of Defense system that became the basis for the Internet. OK, so that's nineteen seventy one.

Who wasn't even born yet? No, nineteen seventy two.

Larry Roberts, also at work on ARPANET, writes the first email management program that develops the ability to list, select forward and respond to messages.

Oh OK. Nineteen seventy six. Queen Elizabeth. The second sends an email message on ARPANET, becoming the first head of state to do so. Hmm.

Nineteen eighty eight. Steve Dorner invents Eudora, an application that gives a popular face to email by providing a graphical user interface for email management. Mm hmm. Nineteen eighty nine. The first release of Lotus Notes email software. Thirty five thousand copies are sold in the first year 96.

OK, Microsoft releases Internet Mail and News 1.0, a feature of its third release of Internet Explorer. This is later renamed Outlook.

Mm. It love Bill Gates. So I love that one.

I'm so glad you watched that documentary. And you love them now like I have, because I've been on my own for like the last seven months, having seen it and wanting you to be as interested in him as I am. Yeah. And you're finally here.

I love it and I love following. El-Mahdi is a best follow on Instagram because he always does these cute stories about the books he's reading.

Oh he reads seven books and God, he has an assistant whose full time job is to stack his book bag.

I know it's so heavy in everything he's reading this hardback.

Kind of nervous about his back. Yeah it's he's or I'm excited about how strong he must be. He's carrying around thirty pounds of books everywhere he goes.

Yeah, that's true.

And how about how many fucking Diet Cokes he drinks when they show him at his desk. At his lake house. It's like seven empties on the counter.

Eric and I have been saying if the smartest man in the world drinks, I mean, what do we have? You know, that's a good point.

Yeah. Ninety seven about ten million users worldwide have free web mail accounts. Were you a Groundlings in ninety seven. Yeah, yeah. I moved to Santa Barbara.

Ninety five to L.A. in ninety six and definitely within the first year I was there I had to start at the ground. OK, so.

All right. Yeah. Ninety eight Microsoft buys Hotmail for four hundred million dollars.

Two thousand and one email celebrates its 30th anniversary with virtually every business in the developed world signed on.

Oh wow. Congratulations email. I know.

I just wish I could be a person that, like, invents email.

Do you? Yeah, I totally disagree.

Like when if you're just picking skill set, like you're going to be out and about in public and at parties and have friends and to be the person who invented email versus the person who's like a fun, provocative conversationalist, I'm never picking that accomplishment like this is DACs. He invented email and then I just shut the fuck up for the next three hours. I got a ride on that. I'd pick your skill set.

Well, thank you, but I'm saying I could be me and also invent email. Well, now you just your eyes are bigger than your stomach. You can't you can't be everything. You want to be a comedian and invent email. Yeah. And be Michael Jordan. Yeah. OK, well, I'm going to do all those things. All right.

OK, you said that you two had a sketch that Fredo was in from. But, you know, I don't know that you made it clear that Fredo is from Idiocracy.

He's the character you played in Idiocracy. But people people don't know is in lots of these movies. They take existing characters. So that was a character you had in the Groundlings.

And then you brought to that, truth be told, one that I had in high school there in weekly that I then took to the Groundlings, that then I honed and then took to write.

But I mean, like lots of characterization. SNL are characters that people have created in the Groundlings or UCB sketch shows, and then they move those characters over to these platforms.

Yeah, I don't think I tell you something really even deeper dive on that, which is interesting. This is one of the reasons when I was in the gremlins that I liked.

It is. So if you do it on Saturday Night Live, there's some no, I think if you do a character twice or three times, then Lorne owns the character. And so if you want to go make a movie night at the Roxbury, he owns those characters right now.

You invented it even though you invented it. And so I know that Mike Myers had saved a couple characters like he did them, wants to workshop them on the show, but didn't do them the second time so that he would on.

But anyways, this exists in the comedy theater world as well. So Second City they pay you.

Yeah. To to perform there. But what they get for that is they own your shit too.

And Groundlings they don't pay you but you own everything you create. Right.

And dcb. So I always was like, oh, I'd rather all my shit not make money, and they probably don't pay very much for a per show. No, I mean, you think you can live you can live as a bricklayer. Yes.

That can be your full time job, huh? Any hope so. That's just some background fun background. So she said she's done SNL five or six times.

She's hosted five times and been nominated five times, five times as well as every time.

But I don't know, is that counting like when she comes on as Spicer?

I don't think so. So I think she's done like probably another five or six appearances. I tried a few times. And how many times as Melissa McCarthy on SNL, it just comes up with her hosting. Sure.

You have to go to our IMDB page and then go to the SNL thing and see how many times I will quit real time. Well, also, it should be noted, while I'm looking this up, people should know we've been trying to get Melissa on since day two of this podcast. Yeah. And she's the busiest person I've come across.

And it's been impossible until but never you never quit fighting.

And I want to applaud you publicly for keeping up the good fight.

Thank you. Yeah. Thank you. I would have given up long before.

OK, Saturday Night Live. So she was Sean Spicer three times.

Okay. Now. But maybe she was played. Sean Spicer when she hosted it, maybe.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, because it says here Sean Spicer, Jimmy Fallon Slash Harry Styles, Sean Spicer, Alec Baldwin slash Ed Sheeran, Kristen Stewart, slash classic car.

So minimally, eight times she's been on the show right through her hosting duties and her Sean Spicer.

Exactly. I wonder if Lorne I'm sure he looks back on some people especially like her and is just like I fucked up.

Lauren Michaels was a producer on Baby Momma. Right. And we were doing reshoots. And I'm sitting there talking to Lorne and we got along really well. And at one point he goes, I'm sad that we never got you to serve your time on the show.

It's a good job.

See, that was such a silver lining here, considering I had only been trying to get on that show for eight years of my life.

Yeah, yeah. So I have been wanting that for eight years, never getting it. And that the have the Godfathers say, we wish you had served your time on Saturday Night Live.

I felt really awesome. Yeah. It's the closest I could get to not feeling like I failed at that goal. Yeah.

That's so interesting because by then you had you were done caring, right.

Or did you still it was still a thing I had literally dedicated like I was going to become a doctor. Oh yeah.

You know, like the most significant chunk of my life I've ever pursuing something.

Yeah. And not getting it. Yeah. Yeah.

It always kind of smarted. So that's it. Yeah. That's kind of funny because I feel like those things tend to come to fruition once you stop caring.

At that point, I wouldn't have preferred to be on SNL because I was making like good money and I was traveling for movies and I was having these fun. I was doing Baby Mama working with Tina and Amy.

Yeah, I'm doing I'm living the dream.

I'm in a two hour long sketch with those two. Exactly.

So in that way, I didn't want to at that point joined the cast and make a tenth of the amount of money and be there for seven years.

But it does it is this a residual scab or injury and just felt very nice to have the person who I was dying to notice me say that to me.

Yeah. Yeah, it helped. I'm glad you got that. It helped. Yeah. And even if you didn't mean it, I thank him for saying it because it helped.

I'm sure he meant it. Why would he say it if he didn't mean it.

But back to what you're asking.

I doubt he thinks that because there's so many that get away, like the volume of people over the last 40 years of him producing that show.

Yeah.

The people that have just become huge, like Jim Carrey. Is he mad he didn't get Jim Carrey? There's been so many that have found their way. Well, not so many. Not so many, actually.

That's the thing like I bet he does because his identity is based around his legacy. Find the funniest people on Earth. He did for forty years. He has found the funniest people.

Yeah, for the most part. And so if a few like Melissa is he, who is she? So she's not if she catches that she's so funny. She's so meant to be on SNL, she's so character sketch comedy. She would have been Will Ferrell.

Exactly. Yeah. So I agree with you. And so to miss on someone like that I think probably hurts him. We should ask him. Well, I would love to have him on anyhow.

Well, that's all. That's all less.

Well, I love her. You know, we should say, because Kristen brings it up every time. And I think it's worth repeating because it just happened in a in a vacuum is a few years back, I went and did an improv show at the Groundlings. I was terrible. That's a side note. But I was in a two hand scene with Melissa and the suggestion was, where are these people? And they said on a first date, a blind date.

And we go, great. And then the lights come up and Melissa goes immediately. Her first line was a couple of things you need to know about me.

I'm six months pregnant and I am between jobs would be on a first date, six months pregnant scray, and I am between jobs.

All right. Well, I love you. Love you. Great gray on gray.