Welcome, welcome, grand armchair expert, I'm Buck Rogers and I'm joined by Space Galaxy champion Monica Brand Brand.
Oh, my God. Another champion. Another champion. I wanted you label me a state champion the other day, and you're just not going to do it now because you aren't right. That's a good reason. I can't.
My good. My new buddy. I should say not my goodbye. My new buddy, Rob Corddry is here. That's right. He and I are on Top Gear America together.
And we were in Sedona, Arizona, and we captured him with a net, drag him to the house side.
And we had our first in person.
It was so fun. We haven't had in person in months and it really felt nice. Yeah.
Boy, it was really nice to be able to look someone in the eyes why we're chat with them at a different energy.
Back to the energy I love. Yeah. Oge and Ojisan Ogee. Yeah. It's kind of a play at double get it short for energy but it's also a letter. Oh my gosh. It's so smart.
Okay, well, listen, you know Rob Corddry from The Daily Show with Jon Stewart Children's Hospital show he created and produced Ballers Hot Tub Time Machine.
And he and I and Jethro Bovingdon will be on Top Gear America soon. So look for that. And please enjoy Rob Corddry.
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Did you know more people are dating now than they were before the Corona virus lockdown started. We know a couple born out of Corona.
Now with all of this alone time at home, people around the world are looking to connect with each other and they're doing it on the dating app.
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A whopping 93 percent of people on OK Cupid are virtually dating right now. So it's a great time to download the OK Cupid app. It's free and you can meet someone interesting on OK Cupid without having to leave your couch. I just got hit up a couple days ago by Nate. Pedro, right. He said, Hey, DAX Shepard met my wife on OK Cupid about 10 years ago.
I said, right on Nate. And then Rachel Dueto popped in and she said met mine there nine years ago as well.
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He's not sure. I'm going to run you real lot of trouble. I need a lot of traffic. Well, you want trouble? I'd long for bait. You want some bass? Bass, please. Brace. Brace slugs put sprinkles.
Wolfgang this is a fun impromptu recording with the ever talented, beautiful, handsome, strong, generous WAB Cordery carved Warby Cordery.
You know what's exciting about this is we all work together. Yeah, I'd count you as a friend. Yeah, I know very little about you.
Oh, because we're new into our friendship. Yes, that's true. Right. Yeah. Like, what do you know about me? Anything I might even know more about you than you know about me. Because of the Samsung commercials.
Cause of all the Samsung ese, which I call them. I met you a couple times and you don't remember meeting me.
Oh, that's the kind of Hollywood had me wish.
Tell me. Tell me. I'm calling whether weather shit already. The first time.
There's no reason you would remember me. Okay. It was nineteen ninety five an hour. Oh no. No. No, no. No sex.
No love. Yes.
So I was a, you know, Shakespearean actor in New York. By the way, learn this yesterday.
Monica was so thrilled. And we're going to make him do a line of Shakespeare that's earmarked.
I was in a shitty Shakespeare in New York making zero money, like paying to do these shows. And I had a friend, Larry Norton. All right.
Shimon Tiro, as she was maybe called back then, and me and my roommate Mike in New York at the time, we were all friends from college. We went to L.A. just to see what the other had, how the other half was shot. Right. And we went to a Groundlings show.
I went to Larry's Groundlings shows and I met DACs outside.
And Laurie was smitten with you.
She was dating Steve Agee at the time, who we love, who we love. Agee's the best guy on the planet.
So she was like, you have to meet Danny.
This is not pie. And I was like, hard time. Oh, my God. Dad guy named DAX a robot. And he you look exactly like you did Baghdad and you were all jacked up like statues everywhere. Or she was like she was like, he's the coolest guy in the.
Oh, my God.
Oh, me and Mike were like, oh, shit. We got to go to the store. So we were immediately intimidated. No.
And in love with you now. And and I was like, this guy's gonna be my best friend someday.
You will do. Yeah. And it was I kind. Yes.
You are a great guy. Good, good, good, good. Oh, you know. Absolutely.
I don't have a bad story about you before you remember me. Okay. Thank you. Because every time, you know, you go through these stories in life. And by the way, I do it to a ton of guests because I've met a lot of the guests we have on and they don't remember. And they're waiting with bated breath to find out if the punch line is in. They were an asshole. As do I.
If I hear. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm really pleased that I wasn't a diva next to you when we got Top Gear. Yes. And I was like, I am so psyched that you are doing this too.
And you're like, yeah man. Basically what you gave me was you remembered meeting me because we also met at Wet Dog Moon Lieke.
And it was you and Kristin and I was just sitting there by myself, as I always have. Right. And I was like, Hey, guys. And Kristen was like, hey, you're the best. I love you. This is DAX.
And I was like, I met you before. And you were like, no, you have it.
Like I said now. That's right. Because you're famous.
And I assume I'd remember meeting a famous person, but of course. But I wouldn't either be famous.
Neither either of the times. That's not true.
Not true. They'll allow what Don Moon like. I was already an enormous fan of a hot tub time machine, which I'm sure I told you about when you did that.
Yeah, I did. That was where it like I had all kinds of knowledge of you. I was aware of you. I knew you were a great comedian, but I didn't watch a ton of The Daily Show. Right. Not because it wasn't a perfect show, but I guess political comedy wasn't I? Who knows?
You know full well political comedy is not for everybody, right? Once I got off that show, I not only didn't watch The Daily Show, but I didn't watch 24 hour news channels. Yeah, I didn't watch the news at all. I was done. I've read the Sunday New York Times and that was it. Yeah.
You're like, if it was important enough, it'll continue into the Sunday edition. I'll find out what was. I like John Oliver's show the best. Makes me feel good. Yes. Somehow I don't know how he does it, but it makes me feel good.
That's our favorite show. We call it church. I have that. I'm like, I'm gonna do a half hour of politics a week and it's going to come from John Oliver. So if anything else happened, I'll never know. But it's got such a fun spin that I like it.
Well, he worked so hard. He don't work so hard. The writing on that show is just unparalleled. Yeah, well, his head writer, Tim Carvelle, was one of the head writers on The Daily Show, and he's my favorite writer ever. He's special. He's so special.
He and John Oliver together because John Oliver was also on The Daily Show, like I got on the show before they were hiring correspondents as writers. Is that what ended up happening?
Go Pooh-pooh. Monica. Oh, oh.
For the acoustics, I have to just point out that this is our first human interaction episode since quarantine started.
Yeah, Robin, I am room. We're in the same room. Not only that, you're laying on a bed in Monica's, laying on a bed while she's got flit. Maryland.
We're laying on different beds, by the way. No one get down. Yes. Rob Snively married two beautiful children. Two beautiful, talented children.
Yeah. Now, the only thing I would say above that you have your years wrong. So I totally believe that that story happened. I want to mention, too. I love Laurie. She's so fantastic. And I'm now remembering she's super Boston, right? Oh, yeah. Yes. Super. She's from in Gloucester. I do. Glass that. Yeah. She's from up Gloucester. And she's got like 17 brothers. Yeah. They finally got it back.
Dude, dude, I know you think your joke and all the fuckin semi tiro boys. Yeah. Yeah. Fame is in glossop fucking guy's fucking shit. Steve Orbin and Jay. I fucking got beat down in the pocky. Dude, I'm afraid of all those kids. Yeah.
Any time a family had more than two brothers. Watch the fuck out in my town. The third one was always what would cut. Yeah. Would would slice your neck.
Yeah. I'm afraid of families.
I'm afraid of high school kids even to this day. Ya you are from Boston like. Yeah.
Do you know Ben and Matt. No. I now, who would be the closest to knowing I have a one way feud with Ben Affleck?
I would have guessed that. Oh yeah. Can you tell us? Yes, I can tell you this story.
So I posted the GQ Man of the Year awards one year. You did a great job, by the way. No, I didn't.
It was in the front table. Was Ben Affleck. Leonardo DiCaprio. Al Gore. Oh, what a table.
And literally to bring it back. Tim Carvelle, the head writer of The Daily Show at the time, wrote the jokes with me.
OK. And so we had some great jokes and it was me, Tim. And then my wife was back there and we got a ride to the place.
We got like, you know, first class all the way, first class, all the water bottle, water and sack. And I got up there, I start my job was to start roasting people.
Wow. They did. They excitedly tell you that? Oh, yes. OK, that's what they said.
And so I started roasting Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner was behind him, sort of cuddling him.
She was looking at me. Oh, the sweetest person. They were looking at me, shaking her head. Don't do it.
Don't do it. Don't do it.
And I said, Ben Affleck is here, as you do in a Rosa situation for Ben Affleck is here.
You know, Ben Affleck and I have a lot in common, except only one of us drives a Maserati for both of us have called out Jennifer Garner's name during climax.
Bonnie. And you could say it's pretty funny. Yes.
And Jen and Jennifer Garner just went just shaking her head going, no, no, no.
And he was just staring. He didn't find it funny.
He did not find it funny, didn't he? He have sensitive so that I laid it to Leonardo DiCaprio. I later, everybody. And then in the side room, this is where they put Will Ferrell laughing at everything. I said, there's nothing better than.
Things aren't work because he was he was doing it to make me feel better. And because he was thrilled that I was fail.
Yeah. Well, it's the mirror neurons, right? We all live in fear of that moment in comedy. Yeah. It's delicious when it's not baby.
Him and my wife were the back just with the one hand on this side of their face, like, oh, dear, oh, dear.
And then I had to introduce Al Gore. I introduced Al Gore. I said the you know, Al Gore is going to come up here and say some things and he gets up. There he goes. Well, we have survived the barbs of Rob Korder, Roy.
And during this time, while he's talking, I don't know what he's saying.
I go back to Tim and my wife and I go, start the fucking car. I have to go back on and do five more minutes. And I have the five minutes written out. I'm going to and I have jokes about the Jackass crew. Oh, boy. Who are also there as GQ Men of the Year cause. And I said this is not going to go well.
Right. Right. So I'm going to say good night, everybody. Thank you. And I'm going to walk offstage. I'm going to walk into my car and I'm going to get the fuck out. And they were. I gotcha. Sandy, my wife was like, I'm gone. I'm in the car. I've got all your stuff. I Tim's like, I'm going to stand here. I'm going to watch you. Good luck. Godspeed. And I get up there and I say something about the jackass guys.
And Stevo goes, Sit down, you shit ass. Oh, no. Why?
I never thought that my Daily Show KRED would have any were with Jackass guys who everybody loves. Well, Steve was great. Steve was great. He's a wonderful guy. I love all those guys. And I still have no ill will.
Tory party vote.
He was deep into heroin and cocaine and alcohol and he was at another event and he was yelling at I have no I have no ill will towards the have.
What if Al Gore had gotten up there and said, well, I'd like to thank Mr. Cauterise for cooling the environment down with that cold delivery of SUB-STANDARD comedy that was chilling.
Can I be your agent for this gig?
Yeah, go ahead, Robby. Tough guy. What's up, man? Hey, when I met you, do you remember what you told me? Yeah. You said vertical integration. You said that.
And you also said that you wanted. Work with Leonardo DiCaprio. That's Ben Affleck. True. Jennifer Garner. Yeah. Remember? Yeah. Well, I made it happen, big guy. What? You're going to go on Friday night now and you're going to take a shit on all of them.
OK, and they will never want to work with you again. But you'll have worked with them technically. Yin Yang guy.
Yeah. How much does that pay?
Oh, it's great. It's great. They're going to 40 grand. They're going to give 10 grand to your favorite charity. And you're a dick if you don't do that. And if you want the money instead of giving to charity or deha.
Geez. Well, you described the perfect situation.
Perfect. Listen. I'm totally in. Great. There'll be water in the car and a car that never stops running.
Oh yeah. We'll tell the driver. So what I do know about you is you are from Boston. How far out from downtown Boston?
About fifteen, 10, 15 minutes from the highest point in Weymouth, Massachusetts. You can see the skyline of Boston.
OK. Yeah. And what did Dad and mom do? My dad worked for Massport. What's mass? Massport runs the airport. Oh. Bridges. It's like a semi public. Massachusetts or goods like Triboro or whatever.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it's a semi public organization. And he was in charge of pollution control.
Oh really? Yeah. I think that's a great thing. Yeah. Right. But Greenpeace showed up at our house one day and they were like, we would like you guys to sign this pamphlet to clean up Boston Harbor. And my dad, the sweetest guy in the world, by the way, said, well, I can't sign this because it's a conflict of interest. See, for my job, I pollute Boston Harbor.
It's true. His job was not to make sure Boston Harbor was unpolluted.
Patty, you just had to cover all the pollution that they were putting in.
You want to pack that harbor with as many boats as possible dumping their village in there. Now, he didn't even care about that. You just want to keep track of all that dirt going into the harbor now.
He took no position on the dirt and he just loved it. He was like he really dined out on that. Yeah. Like, you won't believe what happened here at the front door.
Well, it is. I recall. So I did a movie in Boston and I had this great driver, Jimmy. We became really good. But Boston Teamster.
Yeah. And he had just showed he had gotten out of prison four months ago. Yeah. I had him for twelve years and he was from Charleston. Yeah.
I fucking loved him but he was breaking down the whole kind of longshoreman thing in Boston, which is very still the long Germany union.
It's not I want to say it's mobbed up, but it's very low.
It's mobbed up. You say that it's mobbed. OK. So it was mob has never left Boston. Mm hmm. And it's basically like, yeah, all my fuckin my uncle Gary.
He had me working on two shifts. Of course, I'm not even there. Right. I'm in the park. I got two shifts payment in there for retirement. None of these guys work. They just had like jobs and stuff. Yeah. So did your dad deal with that kind of circus along now?
Not really. Like, Massport was pretty protected from all that stuff. He didn't have to deal with the mob or anything. Oh, that's good. Yeah.
And what about Mom? Mom was just kind of, I think, a frustrated artist.
Okay. You know, she didn't know what she wanted to do. She was a house, my house, a mother.
You basically salesperson person, a house person, a jeweler.
I don't know. Thank you. Stay had a stay at home person. Was I. What was I trying to say with how you did it.
One house. House. House. Yeah. Yeah. I had no idea she was a stay at home mom, but she was completely unfulfilled.
She was a struggling artist, like she did a bunch of stuff.
She actually gave me on my forty ninth birthday a crocheted kitty cat that she started on the day of my birth.
I started crocheting this kitty cat 40, and it looks a lot like the kitty cat I had growing up.
No. And so this is a 50 year old kitty cat. Was brochette kid Happies Street. And now it's a tiny, tiny little.
It would fit you and you for loop can hook or something.
I don't know why did it take about a day or two. Jan, there is not a hard thing to do. So your mom's a house guy who does loop in his loop hook?
I don't know. It allows, but it was a thrill to get in brothers and sisters. I have a brother who's an act. You're right. We just I just went over the jet yesterday. And he had done The Daily Show. That's right. He'll be live on Studio 60. He was on studio. Right? Loved studios. Did you real?
I really did. I told him not even my brother like studio. I loved it. And I wouldn't watch it.
It's one of the best pilots ever produced. So good. And then it was just like straight downhill from there. They he was out of York all the way, I guess.
He said, shit, I never met my brother before. Brother, I was like, oh, God, I'm involved in garbage.
And Aaron Sorkin has made it. And Tommy Shlomi's shooting it. And it's just shit.
I didn't watch it. I did not. Of course you didn't. Right. So that was garbage.
I might. It might. I think it holds up. I don't think it holds onto lives.
When do you realize you're funny? What? What age? Oh, this is actually a good question because I was a really, really, really young. OK. I don't think my brother was born. We're six years apart.
So I was at least five is my. I don't think my mother's pregnant, so I pray four or five.
And we are hanging out with a cousin that we had just discovered we had.
Mm hmm. Because there's weirdness. You know, it's a New England family, like we had just discovered that we had this other family that no one ever talked about.
All like a secret side. I like that side of the family.
That is just shameful. Okay. And hold on. You told me why you put a blanket on me. Oh, I don't want this.
I don't want this. He's trying to make you really come here. TT's are right in my face.
You're getting a little echo from that wall.
And I think the high court will Millars Well into this. So controlling he's not he's howling like that at all.
I demand hike. I thought you were putting a blanket on your shoulders like that. You cause you thought I was cold.
I would do that, though, for sure, if I saw you, like, shivering and don't right now. Yeah.
No one's cold and no fucking way any of us are cold. You don't. Yeah. So five years old in oh. New five years old.
And we're hanging out with our talk. Are there. Sure. That's why they're both dead.
Oh, great. Well, if they're not, they're not going to like. Okay.
And so my mother was tanning as part of her art.
Unreliable Asian purr. Unrealized. Ah.
And so she's tanning and she's in a bathing suit and she takes her shoulder straps and she puts them down so she's not going to get.
Headlights on her shoulders. And I said as a three or four year old daddy, mommy's ready. Oh.
Oh. Terry, one of my long lost cousins just burst into laughter.
Yeah, like that was like crying snot. Laughter Oh, yeah. And I was five star Joe Shit.
I'm funny is how we pause for a second so I can pee. Of course. Yeah. Yeah, I've seen him.
Are you getting to an age yet where it's it's hard to start the flow. Yeah. Yep.
Bingo. I compulsively think I have to pee at night before I'm going to beg. I don't wanna wake up in the middle of the night. And so like the last 30 minutes I'm awake. I will be six times in, like the sixth time. I'm I'm just bearing down on my my vows, deference and whatever else is going on in there to try to get a few drops out.
And it's excruciating. I keep wondering if I'm jamma g my prostate.
Yeah. Peeing to me has become a nightmare. Like I'll wake up in the middle of the night and I'll have to pay and I'll just I'll just start to deny it.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And I now know. You know you don't. You do not. Not on my watch.
Not on my wife. Panetta just sit there awake like hi. I'd like. Oh, God.
You gotta get up and try and do it and they'll just be like tanco tackle, tackle, tackle to go tank. I think tank tank popped a tank key too and then a big blast and.
Yeah, here we are. Here you go. I made you feel like a teenager again and then it shuts off for no reason. No, not for no reason.
You feel the reason you're back. Your thighs have almost cramped.
Oh my. From straining I can ramp up so much.
I lean on the wall and behind the toilet I put an arm up and I physically I mean you do that and I feel Samso weird when I'm doing it.
I'm like, I don't want any of my family. I feel like.
I know. I know.
I feel like if I lean up against that relieves a lot of the rest of my muscles. I agree. And it gives me. Sure. So, sir. Sir. But I do always think I'm clearly taking one step closer to the I have to sit down like a woman MP because I just can't do it. And I think that this is where I want to end up. I don't know. I mean, is that even going to be easier?
No, we'll probably be bent over, like with our head between our knees sitting on the toilet just begging for some relief.
OK, Sir Ian, it's really hard. Oh, you never understand. I'm guy for you, Monica.
It is so hard, man.
I was going to say actually, a white man. Yeah. Good. Yes, great. We're in Sedona.
We have a very high risk of getting sunburnt out. Yeah. Yeah, you're right.
Melanin is under the Shah. Why? What? Melanin lead. You know, what I was gonna say about the comedy thing is is again.
Now, this is only in retrospect. I had no idea about it when it was happening, but I desired control so much in my household. And it was so chaotic that when I went to school and I could physically control like five people that were listening to me and make the outcome predictable by being funny, I could be in charge of the flow of the whole interaction. If I was making jokes and they were laughing like it felt like, oh, this is predictable, I can predict this, I feel safe.
I realize now is very comforting to be able to steer something. Social interactions.
Yeah. I had the same feeling I get. Or a similar feeling at my family's dinner table. We were brutal.
And you know, anything went. And it was Boston. Some were disgusting.
And. And so charming.
Yeah. And I was. I was the funny one. Yeah, sure. So I kind of ran the dinner table.
I was like, it's not your time to speak. It's my time to speak. And now you go.
Not funny. My turn.
It gets funny. Yeah. Yeah.
So were you an okay student? Yeah. I was a really good start. Oh, good. I think I just went to shitty schools.
Yeah. All through my schooling existence. Like my elementary school was garbage and my high school. It's garbage. And then I went to UMass AMR's, which was a good school, but I just did acting. Yeah. And it was a good school in terms of that. But it was like nothing at all. My academics were shit. Was your high school violent like mine?
Yeah. You have a healthy fear at all times are getting bad. Silly. Absolutely.
So Waymouth is about ten minutes from South Boston. Okay. Which everybody knows is the Irish, you know, mafia, the seat of crime basically in Boston and where I grew up, all of the parents of my friends were from Southie. They had moved up and moved up a notch.
They were all pipefitters and, you know, lumberyard guys, and they had made it good. So they moved to Weymouth. And yet their sons that I grew up with would just go to Southie for like Fourth of July and get the shit kicked out of them. Right. I had cousins. Yeah.
And then they would come back with a chip on their shoulder and punch me in the face. So I just got punched in the face a lot.
Ben, certainly those dads are like, here's what you do. You fuckin knock on the door. And when he answers, you fuckin punch him in the nose by pushing you on the bus to my dad.
Cause I was bullied and my dad was like, oh, here's what you gotta do.
You got to punch him in the throat. You gotta punch him in the nose, you gotta grab their arm. I'm going to show you on your body. And he would grab my arm and put it behind my back and the arm breaking style, he'd be like, You feel that?
I was like, yeah, yes. This is your field break. Yeah.
And he's like. And you do that and you'll you'll be OK. But basically, I just made it in that world through comedy. Right. And I remember I was in New York. This is right before I got on The Daily Show. I was a waiter at this restaurant called Bodega in Tribeca. And my best friend there was named Eddie. He was a coke dealer who had just gotten out of jail and not reformed whatsoever. And he was like, Cordery, you would do great in jail.
He was like, you do great in jail because you're funny. Oh, yes. An asshole. Yeah, yeah, yeah. OK. All right. So that he I don't believe that, but I don't believe I would ever it because all of my nightmares are about going to jail.
Well, your and I do imagine that during the day you would entertain them and they would. Love you, and then I think at night they'd make love to you day DeWitt fucked me. So it's like, yes, I'm gorgeous. And we all agree. You know, I'm pretty. Mm hmm. Yeah. And symmetry is off the charts.
It's like a fuckin mirror. It was right in the middle your face.
Both sides are totally Holmwood.
Maybe it's trying to trick you into going to jail. See you involved in that city angle I've never considered. But he was probably like, you want some coke? Later we'll beat each other up in jail. Yeah, exactly.
You should go to Rikers, you know.
Well, you can't say why you're not in Rikers.
I have no idea. Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare.
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So what I learned yesterday on the top of a mountain at eighty five hundred feet elevation. That's right, Flagstaff ish.
Was that you have a history of Shakespearean act. That's right.
So was that the initial like? Did you have a two prong goal of comedy and Shakespeare or just now one?
And have everybody not ever comedy after acting school at UMass? I came to New York to be a very important Shakespearean actor. Like a Broadway. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I am. And I did that my and my goal, I still one of my goals is still to do Shakespeare in the park.
Why can't you. That seems like a very obtainable goal for you. Totally do that.
Yeah. But I also love my family. Your goals like my God, I don't want to leave my family and. Yeah. And go to New York.
My girls go to someday a super Wal-Mart. That's my goal.
Oh, I've been one of those thing. Oh sure. That's not a stupid goal. No, no, no, no. That's not right. No. Cause there's a supermarket and a Wal-Mart and the whole play, an awesome supermarket aisle land and the best yet the best supermarket ever.
And then a carton of cigarettes is still nine dollars.
Like they have a tax exemption, like they're rosapepe cigarettes yesterday. Oh, you did. I'm not.
I still haven't smoked them. Oh, you have now. I'm proud of you. Yeah. I tried to smoke my trap interior it.
It's like it's going Shakespeare in the park. Yeah. I've never smoked before. I'm trying to smoke.
It seems like elevation would be a good place to start, but yeah.
So I got to New York and I fancied myself a pretty serious actor and I did a lot of shitty Shakespeare when I was in New York and basically getting paid nothing.
I remember this one dude was like, oh, I get paid. I got sixteen thousand dollars last year and I was like, holy shit.
Yeah. That's a mountain of money. That's not art and fuckin I mean I was making minimum wage temping and trying to like bamboozle them into letting me do Shakespeare, you know, on Thursday.
Right. Right. Something. And then I got this job. That's what I was telling you about yesterday, was the National Shakespeare Company, which sounds a lot better than it sounds like the best one available now.
Right. Get it. It's not the best available.
No, no, no, no, no.
It broke away from the best company. And I took an anarchist version of.
No, that's even cooler, OK? That makes it sound cooler than it is. We were driving to 15 past bands who was towing our costumes and and quote unquote sets.
Here's your sword. Yeah. And we just had the best time.
Like, these are still my best friends today, these people. Yeah. That's a bonding.
Yeah. It was so great.
And but we would do Twelfth Night and Hamlet at community theaters around the nation, all well over half the nation like that Midwest line was of the Michigan down to, I don't know, Louisiana.
Everything east by 75. Yeah. Pretty much. Yeah. Yeah. You go. We were at like a shitty rocket college in Florida. What's a rocket car? You know, like a rocket ship call.
Oh, like they're designing rocket. What do you call it? Aerospace. Aerospace. And it was because it was a community college.
Well, they're offering like a certificate degree to be here rockets.
Like, if you graduate from this place, you sweep the floors at a gas facility. That makes more sense. So that's manage the recyclable place. We we performed.
Would you please regale me with that speech from yesterday? It's so good.
So I gave in my gift. I really did. I gave DACs a choice of tragedy or comedy. How he got this like almost teary look in his eyes.
And he was like, well, of course, tragedy. Odali Why no one knows. No one in comedy wants to watch comedy.
And my favorite play is Henry the Fifth. It's awesome. There's this chorus that if you ever watch the movie to Kenneth Branagh movie, it's one of the best Shakespeare movies ever. Really? Yeah. And Derek Jacoby plays the chorus and the chorus starts off the whole movie. And that's basically the speech that I you regale regaled you with yesterday.
And remember my conclusion at the end? What was it I was like?
I'm so emotionally stirred right now and I don't know what's really sad.
Yeah. He's going to do it. But can I preface this by saying that this is Shakespeare saying we're about to tell you an epic. Well, and there is no way this stage is going to do it justice.
Oh, wow. Right. There's no way lowering expectations.
Right. So it is your love. It is breaking the fourth wall, as Shakespeare does. So effective.
No regard for the fourth wall. No, no, no, no, no, no. The characters never broke the fourth wall in this play that I know of. Right. Only because there was a chorus, a character called the chorus.
And there that other job is to bring you up to speed. Right. Come on. Yeah.
Well, this is the opening speech of Henry the Fed. Oh, my God.
He's really loving it to do a thousand percent. I also want to take my shorts off for you. By the way, this is so embarrassing.
I know it's cancer, but I was shocked at how good you are at it. I mean, I'm not shocked. You're super talented. OK, so the theater, you could hear a pin drop in a theater.
Everyone's so excited to see the show. The curtain comes up.
And a man walks out and the man is wearing a scarf. Course, let's say I'm wearing a scarf in a suit without a tie. Perfect. Oh, for a muse of fire that would ascend the brightest heaven of invention. My kingdom for a stage, princes to act and monarchs to be hold the swelling scene, then should the war, like Harry, ascend the seat of Mars and at his heels, least in like hounds, should fame and sword and fire crouch for employment?
Pardon gentles all for a crooked figure. May a test in little place a million. And let us on your imaginary forces work when we say there are horses. Imagine that you see them clopping their proud feet in the receiving earth. May we cram within this wooden. Oh, the very casks that did a light the air at Agincourt. Oh, nay. And that then I oh, my God, that was I already messed up. No, no, no.
I was a paraphrase. It was Pere Henry, the famed Monaca.
Can you relate to my my reaction yesterday, which is like I have no clue. One thing he said, I followed that there's horse that we have to imagine. There's horses.
Now, basically what you're saying is like, why are you going to act out that there's horses but you're not going to see them? So imagine that when we say there's horses, you see them.
Like, if it were it's a it's a beautiful. Can I try this speech updated. Like, if balls larum. Yeah. Good speech. Go ahead. OK, gang, welcome to this show.
We are extremely limited because we're just on a flat piece of plywood up here and we have minimal costumey. But we're gonna tell this awesome story and you're gonna have to use your imagination, guy. So if you thought everything was gonna be done for you, you're wrong. You're in the wrong show. Yes.
So get your shit together. Yeah. GAIGE Yeah. And we say there's horses onstage. There's fucking one man on the mosey has Budweiser Clydesdale horses fucking pulling that car through town, running through a crowd. And I said, Joe, you're seeing motherfuckers, so pull your fucking imagination's on. Oh, you're absolutely right. Is that virtually what they said? Is exactly what I to say.
Oh, my God. We may have just come up with a piece of art. Your mother is going to be the spitting. Aren't we just great?
Is it beautiful, both of you.
Thank you, guys. How is amazingly, Rob? Of course, mainly Rob.
I don't know how one memorizes something that doesn't make any sense. Octagons scenarios with God given wings.
Birds of flight with chattered things. Blue whales sing of carpeted apex.
I mean, that's to me, what just a laundry list of words that I feel like I've taken a shake.
I was just gonna watch what I'm doing anymore, you know?
You know, it speaks to, you know, that's what it's about to say.
So I would never be able to spit that out, even though I've done tons of Shakespearean monologues there in my brain. But you can still do that is incredibly.
I really love it. I just love it. And I wanted to keep doing it.
Now, you have a bunch of little things like this. By the way, in just this short year, we've now hung out. There's a bunch of little idiosyncratic things that I really love. Awesome. It is. Would you agree?
There's. You have like a very eclectic taste of weird things.
And your wife and I was talking this morning.
And we postcoital we both we both admitted that we were extreme, extreme introverts. Aha. So I think with being an introvert. Right. Comes I don't know, a fascination with little things. Right. And I'm like Jack of all trades. Master of none. Huh.
Type of guy. And we'll even this car. I know three chords on the guitar but I got the truth.
He's like I got kids. I got that. I'm an expert at nothing. But yeah.
Well even like. So we're on a car show together now, right. Yeah.
And we're on a car show and it's a perfect example of how I am a master.
Not of that. No.
It's like you have a very specific obsession with a handful of cars. Yeah. That's right.
And you're you're nuts about those, you know, few cars. The way I am nuts about cars. But it's just very specific. It's if I'm correct, it's the Buick Grand National Genex. That's right. That's right. Right.
And you love the dots. And two eighty Z. That's right. Which you recently came into possession. Yeah. Now did has that thing lived up to your fantasy of owning it or was it already up Ditmir now.
No, I love it. But that's funny that you ask because it's terrifying when you buy your first old car. You realize that it's hard to drive. Yes. It's not. Doesn't have power steering and it's a six speed.
What you should think about is your current phone and your phone in nineteen eighty eight. Yeah. Yeah. That's the gap now in technology. Yeah. But I like it.
I kind of prefer it if I'm fighting a car.
Well it's very analog. Right. And you like records. Right. You like analog. I have, yeah. I, I only listen to record. This was one of the very I can, I can see where we were on the highway.
We were, we were in Colorado climbing this mountain and I said I've got a hunch you're into vinyl and you go, Oh yeah. That's so funny. And I go, have you listened to records with Bob Kabui? I didn't, but I was at. But Bob, you want to go ask me three or four times. And I've been working. I haven't been able to go.
But you would. Yeah. So. So, Bob, final party with Bob Bluey, sir Stearns' always making fun of Bob up.
Who is love for vinyl.
Oh, Stern is an asshole. Yes.
And he plays all these clips of Bubba Booey talking romantically about wax. Yeah. And it's always so funny. You gotta admit, it's very funny. It's so sincere. It's such a nice beautiful. Howard has no clue whatsoever. No. And I appreciate that just as much as I appreciate Bubba Bluey's love for records.
OK. So you're touring the country and to 15 pass vans. You're not unlike like a Christian youth group going out place. Not unlike that at all.
And when does comedy present itself? So I realized that the one thing I wasn't taught in college was auditioning. I was shitty at auditioning. So what I did was I just decided to audition for everything. Oh, wow. And so I was in New York and I got Backstage magazine and I just auditioned for fucking everything. Yeah.
And I just kept auditioning and it was like overweight, handicapped, black woman.
I'm going in for and every every single thing. And then I started booking things and they were things that I wasn't right for and wasn't good for. But I counted it as a victory. And so then I got a sketch crew, third rail comedy. Okay.
You're so ahead of your time because I'm just new to the term third rail. That's like now just.
Coming up, New York gang. Oh, a New York thing. OK. OK. Wow. What is it? The third rail is the rail that powers the train, the subway. And it's always electrified.
And if you fall on the third rail, you die.
But it also has come to mean a metaphor for in a debate or a conversation. Someone who picks the third rail is someone who's basically, oh, I didn't know that torpedoing the conversation and taking it somewhere that has nothing.
I think basically the connotation that that sketch group was going for was like, we are dangerous and electric. They were neither of those.
They were super old. They were way older than me. They were nice people. Sure. But I immediately got into an I was like, oh, shit, this is what I'm supposed to be doing.
Aha. It felt that I'm not supposed to be doing it with these guys. Sure. So I started a sketch group with the five funniest people I knew and it was called Naked Babies or any of them famous. Now all of them are.
That's awesome. Yeah. Who will I. John Ross Bowie. OK. Who was in the Big Bang Theory. Oh right. He was like a recurring in that. OK, Brian Huskey. Who is one of them.
Yeah. Brian Huskey. He's he was.
He was my roommate for 13 years. We lived together forever. Seth Morris, who is a big writer right now. These are and be legends. Then my friend Jeb, who started the Telluride Comedy Festival, and we would always go there and know. And then he eventually was not in the true but because of sexual improprieties or something.
Yeah, he was this guy. Well, now that makes. And you got to get. I do.
He actually had to run away to tell you. Right. Because the Boston Mafia was after him. Is that true? That's absolutely true.
Oh, my God. How exciting.
And I met him on a gambling debt or something. Well, you don't have to. No, he said he witnessed a murder.
Oh, he witnessed his boss getting shot in the face.
Oh, he worked at a liquor store and one of the Winter Hill gang guys shot him in the face and he called the cops and the cops showed up.
And we're like, who's the guy that called us?
And he was sitting there and he actually raised his hand. Don't do that. And he was this big fat guy time.
He just looked around in the crowd and he saw all these fuckin Winter Hill gang guys. And he was like, holy shit. And he went back to his house and back bay and he told his dad and he wore a disguise for three days. He got a fake beard anywhere. A raincoat. Wow.
But he was three days in Boston and he moved to tell you a ride. Oh, my God. And he lost like a hundred and fifty pounds. This was during the point where I knew him from the National Shakespeare Company, haha. And then he started. He needs to write a book. We were in New York together. Yeah. Oh my God.
We could be the worst reason to lose weight were Sweezy. We were in naked babies together.
And then he moved back to tell you. Right. And just had us there for the Telluride Comedy Festival.
And then the UCB arrived.
Right. Basically. And so we were like the first class. One of the first or second class at the UCB.
No kidding. Yeah, we got it. It's like, who is your Janger? Armando Diaz was my first teacher.
OK. And that's what they call the Harold form is the Armondo. Oh really? Yeah. So Armondo was our first teacher. Yeah, it was pretty cool. And then my second teacher was Matt Walsh, my third teacher was Ian Roberts. You never had Dangler. I never had poller out a. And Besser, I had Besser four times in a row. Really. Which was awesome. And a drag because he's the best teacher.
Yeah. Baize also hardcore.
Like he is not a very serious when you're like right now I'm his friend.
But back then as a teacher, like he was hard to get along with. Yeah, I had that was one guy at the Groundlings and I'm now friends with who is at Michael McDonald. Michael McDonald. You know him.
Of course I know him. He is a genius.
And also notoriously Matt Bestor like.
Yes. And then coupled with the fact that he was unequivocally the alpha male of the Groundlings was just. And then I showed up like Joe Alpha male trying to beat the cock of the walk. And he was like, the fuck you're the cock. So he was a uniquely hard on me. I thought, yeah. And then years later, I came to be friends with him and loved him. Yeah.
He's the best. And he truly is. Yeah.
Matt Besser one year called me a rapist.
Based on a sketch I had written.
And Owen Burke, who worked for Gary Sanchez forever, a racist.
And we were neither. Ironically, you are racist and he is a rapist. Is that where Bessler has such like.
Because I worked at UCB. Oh, did you work there? I was a house manager there.
Oh, shit. Yes. And I also I interned many years ago, but then I worked there. And it was always like Bessus coming in and you had to come with scare.
Like when Ray Kroc would go to McDonald's. Yes.
It was literally any of the other three, but only him. It was like everything had to be really perfect. You had to be nice.
Yeah. Wow. He was like a CEO. Yeah. Without. That's what it was like taking classes to him. But then after. He's really a great guy. Yeah. He's so funny.
So how deep into UCB before you get. Daily Show.
So Rob Riggle and Amy Poehler.
Dick Rob Total and multi leaf standup guy. Most sit down guy I've ever do not like that guy.
I know. Integrity. Big fat guy. Yeah. Yeah. Big fat. Yes. Never served his country. Big fat asshole hates America.
He and Amy Poehler got Saturday Night Live. Oh. And then I don't know what order this happened in, but also Donna Fine Glass and Andy Daly got mad TV. Right.
And Jamie Denbo, I believe. And then me and Ed Helms got The Daily Show. So it just happened like that. Wow. Like it happened like Amy Poehler got Saturday Night Live. And then we became like the Groundlings. We became like the place where Lorne Michaels would come to try and get to.
And luckily, we were just like the first group in there. Show me the reboost.
Whereas the rain rain bands show me the ray.
I aren't the rape sketch artist. Really. So where was the rediscount?
China, the racist sketches. We're gonna need to see that.
I want to see oh one Birken, Rob Courter Roy and prior to you getting on Star additionally.
So that's weird because that's like an inflection moment for UCB where that becomes huge because of poller. And then also then you being on The Daily Show, The Daily Show becomes an inflection point where it becomes centering night live like it starts launching TSAs.
Yeah, well, that was one of those moments where, like, you're immediately lucky. But and I told my daughter this the other day because she started asking about The Daily Show. She's heard me talk about it. This my 14 year old, she was like, I hear The Daily Show is kind of a big deal.
I was like, yeah, I mean, it kind of was. Yeah, definitely.
But like, it was second only the third live in a year, like. Yeah. Presti.
But I got to tell but I had to tell her I was like when I got on it wasn't right. And she's sort of into comedy. She's definitely into she loves podcasts like funny podcasts, not your big arm shattering.
Sounds like she's an engineer. Doesn't care about you. Tell her. Thank you. For listening.
And she's into stand up and stuff and so cool she. Yeah. It's such. It's so cool.
But I told her, like, you know, this is something that you should know is that like I was lucky I got in on the ground floor somehow at UCB and I was lucky to be on The Daily Show. But people talk about luck. But I worked really hard. I worked for. Very, very, very hard. Yeah. And I put myself in the position to be well. And I felt like that was important to tell my daughter.
Yes. And you just said it. What you do is you buy a ton of lottery tickets. So you went on thousands of auditions hoping that one of those fucking tickets is The Daily Show. That's what it is. You just got to buy as many tickets as my hand. Yeah.
Did we just come up with the best proverb for, say, in Shakespearean way? Oh, my God. Turn that into a Shakespeare book for sooth.
I'm in for for. Do we dare or do we dare procure all the tickets that may give us the luxury destiny for what do we work for? What do we toil. Oh is it but luck.
I'm gonna smash this mike onto the ground. I've got to be honest with you. I think after this interview you're gonna get to do Shakespeare.
I'm going to get a super low. So I'm wondering. Were you calibrating where you were aiming? So you're like, oh, wow. Now I'm in this, like, comedy channel. And now who do you want to be? Who do you decide? I'm aiming towards this.
I am definitely and always have been blown by the wind. Aha. You know, at Top Gear, being a perfect to Shah, my agents called me.
They are like, you just got offered Top Gear and I just laughed shot like well finally I linebacking this galt's a little late now and that's been sort of the thing like I don't I'm not angry.
I don't have any goals. That's great. Do not have a goal. I'm just going to get blown around and you.
But you've always been like that. Yes. My goal is very like next thing. Right. You know, like very on the ground earthbound goals. And I don't have these thirty five thousand feet goals.
Yeah. Have you paid any price for that. If I have I don't know about it. Okay, great. You're not even evaluating now. I don't have to. I also like I like to create my own stuff.
Right. Well, I want to talk. Yes. I want to get into Children's Hospital. Yeah. Because it's Schilens Hospital. Children's Children's Hospital.
Because although you're like blowing in the wind, you're also taking the helm in. You decided I want to create a show.
Was it during a log you had to say no. Mostly like that. To come out of a law was the biggest lull there ever was.
So I think people need to know and I could be wrong about this. And normally I would have research you for two hours. But we spent the whole morning together drinking coffee.
And yesterday we were just I was telling you, up a hill, you know, fuckin stupid Pathfinder twin, my stupid 1978 van up a mountain.
It was glorious.
It was you were you were a pig in shit. Well, you were you were just dominant yesterday. You were dominant the last two days.
You had the perfect vehicle selection and you drove in a manner.
The only thing I'm good at. But I've not the only drive like that. Really. You took the reins off yesterday.
I was waiting for that fucking house to blow off the back for you to roll that thing.
Yeah, that's a Jethro. I said to like. He's surprised that I stayed upright.
Oh, you were in it.
You were pushing harder than Jethro loda failing. Yes.
My back is killing me, you know, killing me today.
Bonica, we have walkie talkies and we're talking throughout the bits. You know, we're always in our own cars.
And at some point in the day is here this like. I have at some point lost the filling and I clearly swallowed it. Oh, I just I can't. I've had the whole time I've had my tongue in it deep in the. I can't get my tongue.
Oh. About. Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare.
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Is there so much. I went high for that one state farm, the best neighbor. OK, so because I didn't look up each step in my mind from the outside, watching you as a fan was Daily Show and then Hot Tub Time Machine was a big hit and you were his the funniest part of it. And then I was like, oh, I'm a big time Rob Corddry fan after that move.
That's really nice. And I have to imagine that was like one of the peaks. No. Yes. It was the peak. It was. Sure. OK. Yeah. So after hot tub. Are you setting your sets on like. OK, one step closer to Sandler. Next picture.
I'll blow the lid off. No, because a hot tub was a slow burn. OK. During both movies, we were poised to be the hangover. Oh sure. Sure. You were like, we're gonna be the hangover. And then we just released with a bucket and plop.
Okay, sure. I know how to do that. Nothing. Zero, but not a plot map 14.
Yeah. That's Deuel dollars. At the time it was nothing but hot tub was a creeper.
You know, it was a cult classic. I've never been involved in something like that. And that was a real thrill.
Fourteens kind of the number where you can do that. That's like the minimum because without a paddle was the same thing. Well, what year was without a pad? 2004.
2004 stats around the same time, right? No hot tubs like two thousand eight Mabior.
Yeah, maybe. I don't know from years. Yeah.
Well clearly you said you met me in 94 heading move to California. Well like that you are willing to clarify and you saw me mean the grillings was like 2005.
It was real. Yeah. Yeah. No. No. No. Yes. No. Yes.
No. It was way because 2001 was.
You saw me in a show, Evan. Did you like me in a show or just meet me. Yeah. No, I just met you outside.
Okay. I wasn't in a show. No. Okay. Then then it could have been 97 or beyond, I guess. Ninety six.
Could that. Well that's too early. Shit. Yeah, that's too high.
But you were a star at the grass from the first day. You do you please love a star or at least a large ship. Retiro had a crash.
Look, I was the only guy that rode a motorcycle there. That's what we do. That's why I had a crush.
The only thing that made me stand out was it looked like he rode a motorcycle. I was the only guy I could to sign your shirt.
Though you had twos for a day. And I was like, God damn it. This guy's high.
That's just describes it as well. But again, it's all relative, right?
So in the Groundlings. Yes. I was like a nine. But that's because in comedy, I was right. Right.
No, I would then go on an audition for like a fucking Budweiser commercial. And I was a for every dude in there.
Or do that because the only way I would ever get a girlfriend was that I was funny. But then I got into comedy and it dried right. The fuck really?
Because everybody else was funnier than me. I got you. Yeah. Yeah. I was.
I had I was just lonely from nineteen ninety six to Daily Show.
And when I finally met my lovely wife Sandy. Yeah.
Okay. So after a hot tub. What brings you to Children's Hospital. How does that come together. I left the Daily Show and moved to L.A. because I said I would only move to L.A. for a show and it was the winner was Seth Macfarlane's first live action show.
And it was it was really funny.
But that whole story was about 34 year old man whose best friend was a 14 year old.
And we got six episodes in before Fox realized, like we're bankrolling a show about a pedophile or a nix that. And then the writers' strike happened immediately after that. So I was the poorest I'd ever been. Oh, I had a two month old daughter. We lived in a rental in Larchmont and paying through the ass way too much. And then I decided that my days were going to be productive, learning how to be more productive. So I would spend eight hours a day learning how to be more like reading books on product using our on the Internet, at least.
I found out I found GTD getting things done. Is that Makana hazing? No. He's a lawyer. So fuck off day to day. Good thing you get her guittard. It's not good.
It doesn't get things. Guiteau, get those ends done.
That's Larry, the cable guy. Oh, right. This guy is so severely down that you're talking about my life here. Productivity, talking about being productive. Mr. Card.
Mr. Card. Oh, I'm going to give you three. Let's say it's going to let this gargano down. I've got to let him know. I've got to see it through.
I'm going to give you. It takes me about ten minutes before I get it. Good, too. So it's going to be a while. I want one. I'm going to give you three letters. OK? All right, go ahead. Mystery Lounge. Are you ready for the first one yet? Je ne jangi t you. Goodbye. Shitty day day TV. OK. You won't know what that stands for. Get us. Get things done.
You get tips done. Get hold on. I got distracted.
Get my message. OK. Sorry. Sorry, sorry. So I started getting involved in this whole thing. So is this all gone landmark forum type thing. Is it now.
Right now it's all about fuckin Landmark Forum. Yes. No Landmark Forum is all about Origin recognizing.
I dated a girl who was in Landmark Forum and it was all about or drill. All I'm gonna look into it that she said it was all about like being your best self in an or on your back away.
And so I learned all this.
And then this whole system is about getting everything you have to do out of your head and into a box or onto paper.
This is a little similar, right, to the thing Stern does, right?
It is the exact same thing. Was the exact same GTD. Static, same thing. I had this app called Omni Focus, which does it that you are not an investor in. I wish it was so bad. I was an investor.
Basically, the whole concept is that your mind is free to come up with ideas. And my daughter was now two years old and she pulled her elbow out of the socket.
When I was swinging her around and also beating this shit, beating this shit out of her with us.
And she she dislocated her.
I remember sitting there, my wife was in the room with her getting it all fixed. And I was sitting there and I remember this guy bang through the doors with a person like in an emergency situation, like there was a life flight helicopter pilot behind her. And the first thing I noticed was that the gurney was tiny.
And no, the no and the.
The I.V. was everything on.
It was child size. And and I just my heart was in my throat and I started to cry. And then I finally looked around and we were at Children's Hospital in L.A. and I was like, this is the least funny place in the whole entire world. Yeah. And boom. And then it came. Yeah. And then it came to me.
I was like, but what. Oh my. What?
And there was a Grey's Anatomy type situation that happened here, like it was the worst place in the world but had some beautiful doctors just would fuck.
Yeah. As I have had brain.
That's when the thousands started to pour in.
Sure. They backed up. Oh man. They blocked a lab truck that many hundreds truck. Those tens of hundreds started pouring in the front yard.
And then how many seasons of that have you done? We did seven seasons, but it moved, right?
It was like originally did it for the Internet.
We did it one season on the Internet and then we were at Adult Swim. Right. Did you have anything to do with that bachelorette show? No, that was Ken Marino.
Oh, no, that was Ken. That's pretty great. Yeah, it was gray. Was that cause I think Kristen did it, too. Oh, did she really? Because I know Ryan did.
Ryan does everything Ken does. That's right. Yes. They're really tight.
Yeah. The Veronica Mars. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. I'm burning love. Burning love. Good job.
I did. I did an episode of it because we're all very insular.
We're incestuous school.
And I got to be honest, that's where there have been times before I knew you were I was looking at you and I had a modicum of jealousy.
I was like, Really? Yeah. I was like when I was like, Corddry is a comedian's comedian. Everyone loves them. All comedians love them. He works with everybody. I'm not invited to that party. Why?
I think I was intimidated by you. Maybe. Well, I hope it's not that you thought I was. It's just a terrible Camino.
Okay. Oh, God, no. Oh, my God, no. If anything, I have from my tales of meeting you at the ground level. Well, I'll ask him. Attari. I was pretty taken with your face.
So you got picked up for a second season for Unicorn? Yeah. You worked with Walter Goggin, who we've all become completely obsessed with my guide, ma'am.
And you said he just delivers, right. Why is the best? I was supposed to be in Greece right now with him, with him. Oh, that trip was going to be where I am.
Me and my wife had rented a house in Greece on a.. Paros, the island, and he and his wife had a house right down the street. Wow. And we were just going to spend a month and a half while our kids were at camp. Oh, my.
You're kidding. It was going to be adults. So I just I just almost started so. Well, at one point you gave me a cup of coffee. I drank it. I went back out to evac sharing my trailer.
Let's just I just want to tell everyone that we're on like a 12 day shoot all through Arizona and California. Top Gear for Top Gear.
And Rob elected to pee in the RV the whole time. Mind you, it is fucking one tent outside.
No way. You got to think cooler than NaOH hot.
And I had a bag yesterday. Big drop. And like, at least I'm like a come live in our house that we rent it.
Yeah. And you're like. Not a chance. I'm like, okay will please park at least your RV in the fucking driveway so you can come in and take a reality out.
Early stuff. Yes.
It was gonna take a shower very soon. I think. Oh. Oh boy. Here's his Encarna shower since I got here.
You should definitely just switch as soon as his hands walk right into Monica's bathroom. Event number two. Yeah, I got it in that shower. Okay, so you went on to the RV to evac and then what was it?
I was looking at the calendar to see what we had to do tomorrow for Top Gear. Yeah. And I saw it and it said a. pyro screech.
So today I. I started to weep.
I did. I was. That sounds like a once in a lifetime opportunity. Well, we camp.
Luckily we couldn't cancel it. So we've got it for next summer. Oh, cool. They just kicked it down and kicked her out. That's great.
And hopefully we'll have a vaccine by then. You will.
I can't wait. I'm so sick of this. Yeah. Okay. So the unicorn is on CBS. CBS, CBS. Season two. I'm such a super fan of Walton, you know, from vice principals and righteous gemstones, like in vice principal. He is acting's off the charts.
And on top of it, he's a comedic genius. He's a beautiful man. Is it great working with you? Okay, good. Yeah. He is the most earnest heart on his sleeve. Guy I've ever met. He makes me cry all the time. He will. He will at table reads get up and make a speech. He'll be like, now I just want to say something. I'm just like a guy from the South.
I'm a poor man from the south.
And I just want to say right now that I love everybody in here and I love every body in this gorgeous cast and I love everybody on this team. And we're all me and McKayla Watkins just like. Sobbing Oh, what a little more Miller.
Just like not crying because he doesn't cry. Sure. But he's there, like, nodding like he's got no time for it. Yeah. That's just the best. Working with. And then you're going back to that. Are you nervous about that now?
Because you and I, we have a little we're on different ends of the swell of nervousness. Yeah.
I mean, I was nervous about Top Gear, and it's so funny because Top Gear is outdoors entirely. I'm I'm less nervous about Top Gear since we've been doing it.
We're almost night. We're almost entirely in a car by ourselves. That's the thing. It's a party for me. I've had so much fun. Yeah.
Yesterday, Dax's like, OK. By the way, we're all going to cross the finish line. And Jethro, I am going to ram your car.
And Jethro rammed your car first. Right. No seconds. So you did. It was beautiful. I, I rear end Adam. He for some reason he forgot. He we, we had all talked about it like 10 times.
It was very clear that like you guys left me out. Thank you. Well I couldn't catch you. You said just yesterday were way ahead of us. We're supposed to be.
I don't think the perfect car you did. We were. Do you crush. That's the only thing I'm good at on that show is picking. I've done it three times or something. It's all I'm good at.
So we cross the finish line and then Jethro slows down and I just barrel into him and my big fat guy smash him in the back, spinning around.
He immediately revs it up, dumps the clutch, does a 360 and nails the back of my van with the back up like boom.
No, no hesitation. Oh, we were all like we were all in such. I'm still like my back. The small of my back is ruined where I'm hitting my head on that. I didn't have a seatbelt for most of the thing until I found the car that way.
Oh, you like your seat? Yeah.
So for most of the day I was just smashing my head on the roof. Safety third big time.
Totally. Dax's the king of that show. And I'm so glad his dreams. I'm so glad to have you.
Well, when you got me to the top of the hill, you have to admit, because you and I had a talk. Earlier in the day and you were having a rough day, Iowa, and we had a talk and I was worried about you. And then I got out of the van after you told me the top of the hill and I saw you getting out of your truck.
And I was like, well, who's this? Who's this fellow was smiling.
You were laughing. You couldn't believe your truck did it. And I was like, I couldn't believe my truck pulled your up a mountain 8000 mile vanua with suddenly the first time you've ever towed a vehicle.
I have to imagine ducks as well. Yeah. Yeah. Out of a stuck situation.
Your first time trial by fire on the side of a mountain in fucking lavas on the side of a very well, deceptively easy but steep mountains keep them difficult. It looked steep as hell.
Yeah. Yeah. So your first rodeo, you fucking pull this enormous van up the steel.
That's what I like about this show, is that I definitely have enjoyed challenging myself. Right? Yeah. When people toss around that idea of challenging yourself, they don't really know what it means.
Like, you've got to have an idea of what challenging yourself means. And for me, challenging myself means taking on challenges that are at the top of my ability, but still doable.
One percent under one. Yeah. Yeah.
Right. Exactly. And I think that this show is way above. Way above that. I've seen two episodes of the show in. It works so well. Yeah. There is such a symmetry. I hate this relining you. I really do.
I know I hate disappointing you in that it's not as much my bag as it is yours, you know, but it's never gonna be anyone's bag as much as it isn't true, Jethro seems.
Well, that's true. Jethro is a genius.
Dasa fucking Audax Journal. A guy who will do anything.
Yeah. Right. And he's scared. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anthro is they encyclopædia.
Yeah. And I'm just the guy who is happy to be there and who loves cars but is way out of his element.
Well you know, I know that's what I'm saying.
Look how much I mean, there's so much geometry too. When I watch the episode, I go, well, one thing's for sure. Even if you don't like cars, we have the exact right cast. Like, it fits so perfectly.
That's so hard to do to cast three human beings and to have them all have different angles that all come together perfectly. It just that's hard to get.
So do tell people real quick a little bit of what the show. OK. So really quick if anyone doesn't know.
So Top Gear was the single biggest television property in the world.
Yeah. A billion viewers at one point.
I have such a global phenomenon that they decided let's do a Top Gear America, which was maybe they started 12 years ago. And my good buddy Rutledge was a host of it. And so he's the sweetest fucking guy.
And then that went away and then they and then it switched networks maybe.
And then there was a whole other cast of it that only did one season. But anyways, it's this very tricky show that they've been trying to emulate and what they're trying to emulate. They thought it's the premise or the construct of the episode, but it was those three guys. There was a magic to those guys. That's that's very hard to replace. Yeah. And I would argue I'm not saying we're as good, but I've seen two episodes and I'm like, by God, we hit the lottery.
I didn't just walk. It's what you were saying. It's fucking luck. We've all been on a bunch of shows. Sometimes you hit the chemistry jackpot and sometimes you don't. And we did. I think you're right.
I'm excited to watch it for Corddry. I love you. Well, guys, line from 4000 feet.
Sedona, Arizona, we thank you for joining us on this road trip for Top Gear America and armchair expert Rob Corddry.
What a lot, guys. This is the best I got. I'm glad we found a way to work together on our day off. I adore you. I adore you, too.
Thank you, guys. And now my favorite part of the show, the fact check with my soul mate, Monica Padman.
So we're back from Sedona, Arizona.
Sadly, although I think that the weather's much cooler here, I kind of liked that.
I got out of the car and I was like, it's freezing in Los Angeles. Yeah. Big time. I rolled down the windows as I was coming into town and was I was behind you guys a little bit.
So I got in at like 10, 30 at night.
Right. And it was downright chilly. Chris and I loved it. I had the windows. Elon's like, stand next, the freezer with it open.
Yes. Sedona is quite hot. It is.
And it didn't spark some conversation about could you live in a place like this? Well, I think I have the same reaction every time, which is I get there and I go, oh, hell no. This is Haiti's. Yeah.
And then after three days, I'm not noticing nearly as much. And then I swear, by the end of the trip, I thought it'd cool down, but it was the same. I agree. You acclimate.
Yeah, acclimate. And I am a child of the sun.
National child of the South. Correct. Those are connected. Mm hmm. And I like heat. Yeah.
You like it. I think of all of us. You're the most predisposed to enjoy it.
Yeah. I mean, evolutionarily speaking, I am from a hot culture.
I wouldn't even talk about that. But yeah. Another good layer. You've got the cultural and the biological. You're from India, biologically speaking, and you're from Georgia.
One time when I was in high school, I was walking to my class with a boy. And I said, oh, it's freezing out here. And he said, Go back to India.
No. Yeah. For real. Yeah. Oh, boy. He was joking. Yeah, but it hurt. Sure. Because I don't want to go back and you.
You can't go back. You're not from. I wasn't exactly what he's like when you go to India for the first time then. I mean I know you man, but it was likely you had it. Yeah. I have to imagine that a good percentage of the first generation kids. Yeah. They don't go there. That's an expensive trip.
I know that's a good question. Because when I run into Indian people, they've generally been. Yeah.
But you're also running in India not to be categorical, but probably other upper middle class Indian people.
Yeah. You know, that is true, though, because there's a nice subset in Detroit are not thriving, right? Yeah, there's some lower income.
OK. I really don't. We don't know why we're talking. This is literally anecdotal travelling the country. Right.
This is anecdotal, but based on my parents and the people they know and stuff, I feel like they're either professionals. Yes.
Or are entrepreneurial types like like run hotels, convenience or Dairy Queens, which we have Asians and we are Dairy Queen.
And it was I I tell you, I got home from work and it was the nicest surprise I could have both my favorite treats in the freezer.
I got the banana split. Per your rack in it. Well, my insistence on my parents is. But you weren't to be fair, you weren't there. And we all made the decision to the get the banana split blizzard and no one was upset either. Right. You get it with that Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. It's just a great base.
You can build on it, but there's no better base.
It is so good. And I got the many the child size. Yeah. And it was the perfect amount. Yeah, it really was. I felt so satisfied, but I didn't feel sick. Yeah.
I got only a few. It's always only a few but it's allowed the few to me. I had a few people yelling at us for being on quote vacation and being irresponsible and I responded, which I shouldn't do. And I said I was working. Monaca had to be there because of the podcasts. Must Moscow on? Correct. We are in a house by ourselves. I'm getting tested every year. Oh, someone is mad. I get tested every other day.
Why are you getting tested every day?
And there are doctors that are not getting tested. And I'm like, well, I don't think I'm stealing a test from a doctor. I'm sure the doctors can get tested. So I think they're wrong about that.
And then secondly, just everyone's slowed on the fucking shame machine.
My God, you know, you're talking about let's pull it back.
We are as responsible as people can be moving around the country. I have to go. Oh, what if somebody were mad? We went to Arizona. As if I picked like that's where we were shooting luck. By the way, when Arizona was said, it was like, oh, that's a sure. That's not gonna be horrible.
We got to be extra careful or wearing masks were disinfecting we're not going indoors with people Hirak and everyone that does a lives to shame people on Twitter, you know, or even like say, you know, we posted the brother and I have this Sweet Planet Oats campaign going on right now.
Yeah. And again, everyone loved it.
But of course, I just heard the one person. It's like, well, you blew the whole point of it by sharing the ice cream. So I write. I've been quarantined with brother for three months.
That's such as fucking lame.
Yes. Everyone who was with us on vacation has been we've been quarantining together and tested. We all got tested before we left. That's right. Yeah. Right. I understand the fear. I don't really understand the shame, but I do understand the fear. Sure. But we can just feel good knowing we're doing the right thing. I know. But it it it aggravates me.
You know what it is? It. It's been the one family on the block in Axford Acres whose mom was divorced. And we were the only people and we were the scumbags because we were divorced.
And you don't like I don't like Shane. I don't like people feeling fucking better than others or that they're doing it right.
I hate it. I it I understand it's triggering.
I also want to say this. If you comment on my page in an attempt to shame me, I will block you because I don't like being shamed, so I don't ever. So if once you've demonstrated to me once you want to shame me, then I don't need to stick around. Shame on you. Shame on me. All it works for me once. Shame on you. Fool me twice. Shame on me. So I don't want to shame on me.
So I will block you. I don't doubt you care but I've just. That's the policy.
Yeah, that's fair. I'm being petty aren't I.
Look, this is just human.
It. This is. I'm a real person. Yeah. You know, we, I think about your mean comments later. Me too. And I would love to be able to read the sweet, lovely comments from armed Cherry's who I loved interact with. I don't want to give that up because of the one percent who are blowhards.
But but listen. Remember when people said mean stuff about me and you were like, oh, you just like could so easily dismiss it? Yeah. I'm like, those people are jealous of you. Right. We want to be you. I don't think is. Well, they want to have my job.
I don't know that they want me. You know, I think they want the whole thing anyhow.
When you're a third party you can see. Oh it's silly. Yeah. But when it's you, it really hurts.
It does. And because I am fucking doing this, here's another thing someone bitch at me about my take on when we were really honest and I was like, look, my instinct is to say it's it's whoever is most vulnerable is responsibility to be most protected.
Right. Would be a little bit yammering. But I said I'm doing everything perfect. Just because I feel that way doesn't mean I'm acting irresponsibly. I'm doing everything by the book and doing it right. You are. And I feel that way. We only saw lying about how I feel.
You came around a little bit, though, because I was saying sometimes you don't know you you don't know how your interaction with one person whose doesn't seem vulnerable will end up affecting a vulnerable person.
You're right. But I didn't come around in that. Then I decided to start wearing no mass. I'm already doing everything that can be done. So I.
There's nothing I didn't need to come around to anything in that sense into my behavior.
My. My behavior needed no adjust. That's right. Yeah. And there's this very light has seen it. I can say I've I've seen it with my eyes.
I even when I took the time to thank. I'll give a shout out right now Scott are a D on top here. He takes it really fucking serious and on a set. Yeah.
It's very inconvenient. Oh yeah. And we got to wipe down the cars every time someone gets in and out of them. It's a fucking pain in the ass. And Scott is keeping it meticulous. And I, you know, I pull my signs. I just want know I really appreciate how serious you're take. That's nice. And I'm not even fearful of it, but it's the right thing to do.
And he's he's nailing it. Wow. I'm Craig. I love you, Craig. My director. Craig, I love you. We've a great relationship, but sometimes I have to get that mask back up. And Rob, I've given outs. I mean, just get more shots. Rob producer Rob. You like the show that makes me so happy. You'll tell us. Set me sometimes up. Yeah. So he's bulletproof with that man. So, Rob, keep it up.
Okay. Do a little better. A little better. I love you. You're the greatest. Did tiny bit better.
I really appreciate that you're keeping it tight there. But we are going back real quick, too. You're a real person. And these comments and stuff. Yeah. When we were in Vienna. Huh. That's when I saw one comment that was mean about Monica. Just Monica just had just started. All right. And there were a few mean comments. It was on armchairs post. It really hurt my feelings, of course. Sure.
And then I looked and one of them was this girl, and she was like, I don't care for Monica. And then I saw that she was following me and I was like, what the fuck? You don't get to follow me if you publicly say, I don't care for Monica.
Yeah. So then I said to Kristen, I, like, told her this and I said, so I'm going to Blocher. And she said, don't do that. That's childish. Hi, Ngoma.
I got to say, Mom is she's a step ahead of us as far as being able to handle the ball.
OK. She's more patient. She's like, you know what? I'd rather have someone stick around. Maybe they end up getting infected by my message.
But what? I'll say no. Yes. OK. Sorry, guys. It is her birthday tomorrow, so I want to agree with you. But the point of this is she said that and I still blocked the person. And then Kristen then said. I'm sorry if that sounded harsh. I just don't want those people to affect you. OK, OK. I said, yeah, I understand that.
But then recently, Char, she had a little tidal wave.
He did. Yeah. And it was really affecting her. Yes, it was.
I think the reason that round affected her is she got nervous that she may be her messaging wasn't as clear as she was hoping.
Yeah. And so really worried or that maybe she had done. I think that's why it affected her so much.
But like, I don't care for Monica. You haven't done anything wrong. There's nothing for you to. It's a very personal show.
Yeah. Randomly person. Yes. And for someone to say I don't like. I just don't care for that. I don't like her.
Yeah. It it's on a character in a movie. Exactly.
It's it's painful to hear. And the point is, I'm not saying Kristen did anything wrong. I'm just saying when it's you, you feel it. And when you're on it outside, it's easy to say, oh, just don't worry about it. Yeah. But you can't not worry about it. It's your whole being. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
I mean, the one where I was finally like I think I've set it on here before, but the one I was finally had to admit, like I can't do it is at like 10:00 in the morning. I read some guy wrote that like I'm broke and I live off my wife. Oh that.
Oh. He said that you do that. Yeah.
This was like my probably seven years ago or something and in my mind I was like, well that's just patently false. So that guy doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about. But then at like six p.m., a full eight hours later, I'm driving to the Hansons house on the one on one. And in my head, I'm like, I mean, I own my house before we even met. She didn't own her house. She didn't have any equity.
I'm I'm literally defending myself now.
And then I said to myself, You're powerless over this.
You know, you could pretend that rolls off your back. It doesn't. I was thinking about it eight hours later, preparing my defense to a stranger. I don't know what they're talking about. I know it's very human.
And then I hear guys, even Carter has told me in the car, he's like, that shit does not now. And I believe him. He's like, I'm the type of person is like I don't believe the complements and I don't believe the burns. And they just none of it. It doesn't elevate me and and lower me. And I'm and if I believe them. Yeah. And I'm very envious. Yeah. But I am not that way.
Now here's where I'll take your side of the argument that we generally have, which is I'm like you're in charge all your own feelings. Like it or not. Right. You know, like now people can injure you.
They can and tend to in this thing is I hate shamers. Yeah. They they piss me off. I think Shame's the big enemy of humans and I think they're perpetuating shame.
Yeah. Now sometimes you will be shamed if I'm like hitting my kid in a pose. Jamie. Yeah.
I feel okay about shaming racists. I do.
Yeah. Yeah. But I don't. Oh, man, this you'll you'll probably choose not to air this, but let's do it.
OK. A huge article. I haven't read it, so I really shouldn't be talking about this, but I've been downloaded by just my friend Tim loves dead. OK. That The L.A. Times in an article, I guess, about Groundlings being racist and UCB being racist. And so what they've done, to my understanding, again, I could be totally wrong for misrepresenting the article. I'm very sorry. But to my understanding, they basically just went through and looked at what the percentage of people who had made it to the main company were.
I guess there was an issue with there's no photos on the wall of some of the black alumni.
That's a big issue. That is.
Yeah. I totally think that's an issue. There's a bunch of things that are issues. But I am very opposed to analyzing the outcome of something and then asserting what their policy is. Here's my example.
You could start a tennis club. Mm hmm. Our golf club. And it could be open to everybody. There'd be zero exclusion. You could even run ads in Ebony. Mm hmm. But if you then go see how many members of the tennis club are black.
And it's zero percent. You can't conclude that that was intentional or that that was the goal. And so you can't say how many black people are attracted to try out for the Groundlings or would want to be a part of that white group of comedians.
You know, they don't know how many people entered to get to the number that they're just making a judgment on. Yeah. I don't think you can reverse engineer the outcome of things all the time.
I agree. Sometimes you can. Yeah, but not Blanket Lee. I have had people add up every guest we've ever had. Yep. Put it up there. Mind you, the math is wrong. So let's say that we have less than one percent of black. Yes. That's not true at all.
And I would argue you're on all 230 episodes and you're a person of color. So you can't just act like it. So. So I have that issue.
But more than anything, it's like you don't know how many people we invite. You don't know who we invite you. There's no conclusion for you to draw because of the outcome of this.
Correct. That bums me out. So with our show, this is what's hard. There is a smaller amount of famous celebrities. Yeah. Who are black. Then there are white famous celebrities. There's just a smaller amount. We do get requests about people who no one knows. Exactly. Yeah. And that gets very tricky because then you're like chicken or the egg. Yeah.
Because I'm like, well, no one knows this person. Just like if a white person of that same level was pass on as well. Right. But now I am like, look, maybe you should. How is this person ever going to get there? Yeah, we should correct a little bit. Yeah, we're going to course. Correct. Okay, so that's that's an area we're sure.
Yeah. We should probably have people of color who aren't as well known as a list celebrity.
But I am going to add to this and this is something Kumal said to us. I asked him off the record, I might look, man, I'm inviting a lot of black folks and know what's coming. What do you think it is?
And he said, Well, you're white. That's part of it. Come now. Yes. And so what's funny is I followed to live Carly's podcasts and his posts, and he regularly has people on that. We've invited that. I know. I've personally invited. Yeah. And they're on his show. But he's black. Yeah. And I get it. There are a lot of factors. And for everyone to consider this is not so easy to just assess.
But I am committed to doing our part to at least adjust the bar by which we act.
I think it's also a domino effect because I do think, like 50 Cent said it when he came on, he was like, well, now go. Come on. Yeah, yeah.
You know, and it also it's something completely inexplicable. I challenge anyone to tell us why in quarantine, all of a sudden all the black folks we were asking were mostly saying, yes, oh, I know why.
I know exactly why. It's, again, part of this entire problem. There's like six a list black celebrities and they work non. Yes, you're right. My problem, once America decided like, oh, this is someone we like. Then they just get hired and fired and hired. They're not like making room for new people. Yeah. Kevin Hart, there's not only a human being on planes.
Zero time. I think that's why I think it's still part of a little bit of this problem. So great. I accept that. But but here's another inexplicable thing. Out of nowhere, we got like six of the top 12 female singers in America.
I don't know why they all had albums come out during quarantine.
They like just it's just inexplicable. Yeah. All of a sudden, all these wonderful female artists. Yeah. Were available. Yeah, it's true. Taylor. Taylor Swift. Taylor. You dodged a bullet. But grindings on. Oh, I'm still I'm still after you.
Taylor Tate. Yes. Yes, Elliott. Do you think his name was Taylor Swift?
Ali. Holy shit. Would you.
Would your fucking head would do a 360? If it was name was Taylor Swift.
Elliott Thomas Stearns. Ellie Bomber. I'm close. OK.
So Cordery, Bob Cordery, a fun episode. That was. It really was. It was really nice to be back in the saddle. Yeah.
I like him a lot. He's a sweetie pie like he's a good dude.
OK. But he does have beef with my boyfriend. Which one? Ben Affleck.
That's good beef to have. That's like elevating. Okay. Like my big G. What if I was in a public fucking battle with Jack Nicholson and he was in it? That'd be flattering. Because I assume Nicholson doesn't know who I am. Right.
But if he was mad at me in public about it. Well, I'd be a feather in my car.
I just mean, I just don't want my friend boyfriend to be in a fight. That makes sense because we're all hanging out a lot. Okay.
You said a carton of cigarettes is nine dollars at Super Wal-Mart.
Well, that's not true.
A carton of Marlboro mouthful Marlborough's at Wal-Mart is approximately twenty four U.S. dollars.
That's the national average. They know each state has different tack. Like cigarette prices vary greatly. In New York City, I think a pack of cigarettes is like eleven or twelve dollars. And then in some states, New Mexico is it's 450.
I wonder if this is New Mexico because it says a carton of Marlboros at Wal-Mart is 280 pesos or proximately Tal Afar.
Why? For U.S. dollars in Mexico?
Yeah. Yeah. Well, Wal-Mart's in Mexico.
Sure. They're everywhere. They're in Canada. We went up to scrap that figure. Let's just scrap that figure.
It's, I think a state to state. I'm leaving. Okay.
Okay. So no one go into Wal-Mart and demand that they only have to pay twenty two dollars, Sonny, for 24 or 280 pesos.
It'll be even worse if you demand to pay them pesos in the States. OK.
He did National Shakespeare Company and said that it's like not that good. OK. And then I was trying to remember because I did used to know that. OK. Like what were the best ones and stuff. And I texted my friend Angela, who I went to college with to see if she remembered. And she didn't. So we've retained no information as is the takeaway.
That sounds normal. Accurate. Yeah. The Royal Shakespeare Company is like the best.
OK. That's ringing a bell. Yeah, that I know. When I studied abroad in London, I saw a Royal Shakespeare Company play.
It was. It was a good. Yeah, it was.
I think I get into it, man. I wish. I'm a I'm of a philistine.
Well, once you take it, if you took a class, you would be more appreciative of it because you'd have to do it. It is so hard to do. Oh, I can. I don't think I could do it.
No, you you definitely could because you start breaking it all down and you do so understanding what it means and then you can just convey that emotion. Then it's kind of beautiful.
It's impressive as hell. Yeah, but this is one of the worst qualities about me. I was just I've never done anything in life that I wasn't instantly pretty good at. Oh, wow. I have never, like, suffered through a learning curve. Other than readers like reading. Yeah. And I guess writing. And then I was like, I'm done with that. I'll just do the things I'm naturally inclined to do.
I wonder if anyone does something that they have zero aptitude. I think people do. I think we will like get piano lessons and they're not good at it. But it is take much longer and then they do it.
It's very impressive. I would like to take piano lessons. I would do. But I can tell you right now I'd be too hard for me. I'd quit. I know I would. And I can't read music. I tried to do that. I played the trombone in sixth grade.
I mean, when they're teaching those notes on that fucking silly fence that you put the notes up, I was like, this is the stupidest fucking shit in the world.
Why aren't they just writing? You could have fed. Think about it. Why doesn't it just say A, B, C, D, like every good boy deserves? Why?
Why are there fucking symbols? Put the goddamn a.. It doesn't make any will. So you're still translating it onto the instrument though.
So you are. But why not just use A, B, C, D because it is chord right there. Notes every good boy deserves far. Yeah. Why are we. Why are we then translating that to a hieroglyphic. That's preposterous. And you'll say also you can put it in tempo and in what. But you can still do all that with G.
You know, it's they've made it so. Strike for no reason, in my opinion. All right. What if I just tore down the entire. Oh, my God. Well, there is radical reform. You're really shining light.
By the way, the thing is so complicated. The fucking hieroglyphics, MyCelx, just put the fingers on the guitar chords. I mean, that would be less complicated than the stupid swoopy fucking ampersands and shit they're putting on there. Wow. Those fucking cymbals only exist in music.
The sooner they do that, they you can learn.
I think they call it TEPP tablature or temperature that you can learn guitar like that without the notes. But they are the notes and they call it tablature something.
Huh. Well a lot of my chest today how you really do.
I feel differently. I feel that I'm not naturally good at really anything. OK. And other than me and smart and funny.
But I, I work really hard and I really like the feeling of going from zero to 10 on something. Yeah. You got a lot of pride. I got my back tack of mine is all extrinsic. I like get a good feeling when I'm doing it well and someone notices.
Oh yeah. OK. Oh. The term third rail. Yes. OK.
So you said you thought it had to do with conversation where someone would kind of launch as kind of a self-defeating aura that would kill the conversation.
Yeah. Take it in a direction that has nothing to do with Fuyao, which is on the table derail.
No, no. OK. I've been hearing this term third rail just recently, like over the last three months. Yeah.
Pop up on like political shows mostly. That's right. It is a political term, OK. It's a metaphor for any issue that's so controversy. All that it's charged and untouchable to the extent that any politician or public official who dares to broach the subject will invariably suffer politically.
Oh, so then it must still be rooted in the subway system where the third rail is electrified and will kill. OK. OK. That's Ghoul's cool, right? Yeah. I didn't know it either.
I feel like you and I tackle some third rail topics. Oh for sure.
Pretty much. Let's just call it third rail.
There must be one called third rail. Right. Let me look when you get here next. OK. OK. When was Hot Tub Time Machine? It was 2010. He doesn't know dates at all.
OK, so he said Landmark Forum is all about fuckin and orgy. Okay. I feel obligated to say I don't think that's true.
No, it's definitely not true. People go there to learn about themselves and over King and build a tool box.
That's right. Yeah, I think it's cool. I've never taken it, but Jess has done all of them and he's told us a lot about it.
Yeah. And everything he said I'm. Yeah. That holds. That's a really cool thing. Yeah. It gets a lot into the story you tell yourself which I think. Yeah. Worth. Okay. Right. So there is Brooklin deep third rail. Third rail with Nick beaten. Third rail. Third rail talk. Oh wow. Yeah it's. Oh yeah.
We're not on anything new. Tattle OK.
I can't imagine at this phase where there's eight hundred thousand podcasts or whatever, we learn that there's any combination of words. That isn't true.
That's true. Good luck. Good luck everybody. I take this motorhome happens taxes in the middle of buying a motor home.
Guys, I've been. This makes me so nervous to say, okay, we don't have. No, no.
But I can do it.
I've I've been looking at motorhomes for ten years. You have to literally ten years. I go on RV trader and I just come through ads and I know way too much stuff about the different companies.
Yeah. And I found one that just perfectly met our needs and it's got bunk beds and it's got the big engine.
So I can tell my trailer and I am excited. It looks just like something Waylon Jennings would be in. In fact, I'm gonna make it a tribute to Waylon Jennings, the whole bus. It's gonna be the Jennings Express or the Waylon Express.
Do you know the first song? We listened to it when I drive in.
The one about Native Americans being yellow? Nope. Which one? On a Greyhound bus. I've been traveling these highways, been doing things my way.
I fucked that up somehow.
But well, I have fingers crossed. Well, you'll be a beneficiary of this purchase.
I'm so excited. OK. So last fact. Last fact. You said the original Top Gear biggest TV property in the world. Correct. You said one billion viewers. The number I have found multiple times was 350 million per week per week. That means somebody else said that's unreliable. But that's the number I saw a few times. So we'll say it's accurate. And that's crazy. It's bonkers. Yeah.
Yeah. The only reason I knew about that is 60. And it's did a great segment on it about 10 years ago. Oh, another update, housecleaning. Oh, I'm still very embarrassed about it. So I'm not I'm not saying that I was by any means. Right. But at least I figured out, like, I don't mind being wrong.
But it would scare me to to think I inflated two billion to six billion. Oh, it's the LAPD. It's been driving me fucking bonkers. Now, here's where the comments are glorious. A couple of different people said, I think you're thinking of the NYPD budget, which is six billion.
Ha! So I'm like, okay, at least I heard six billion for a police budget, not just losing my marbles sense.
That scares me. I get that to think that all the marbles are gone. Yeah, they will be gone soon. But I don't think we're there yet. Now I got a ways to go. Okay, great.
Let's let's let's use our marbles together as an example of the love you, Rob Corddry. Thanks for doing it. Thank you.
All right. Love you. Love you.