You have anxiety over your performance, your concert.

I also like the amount of cameras and high tech. Like, Rob has 400 and masks on because he's sick, but still came into.

Yeah, because we needed to set up the guitar. Normally. This is, like the most high tech day of all. This is what he sets up when, like, Nora Jones comes.

This is insane. I really feel uncomfortable with this.

All right. Can you play just the guitar?

I can really hear the how. I don't play very.

That sounds good. Is that how you want it, though, in your ears?

It's kind of loud, but I like. Yeah, it's good.

You could take the headphones off for your song if that's going to be annoying. Yeah, but people like. Rihanna wears headphones.

She does. Okay, then I'll do it that way.

She did when she came here and.

Did the same thing. Oh, I hate this. How do you feel? Talk about your nerves. About.

Okay, so I feel guilty.

Oh.

Because I did this last night. I came home from a trip yesterday on the plane, but I tend to procrastinate, especially with writing.

Everyone does.

Unlike you, I'm not learning a new skill, but I kind of thought about it for the past couple of months or whatever. A month, I guess. A month. Once we assign this horrible challenge to ourselves, when am I going to seize the day? What's it going to be? What am I going to do? And I've just, like, pondered, but then it evaporates and I stopped thinking about it. And so yesterday, I was on my plane ride home.

I want to know about your trip.

Yeah, we'll talk about the trip after. And I had, like, 20 minutes left in the flight, and I opened my notes app, and I started doing a couple of notes to get some ideas. Then I sent it to myself, and then I was like, when I get home, I'll do it. I'll get it done. I just did everything else I could possibly do.

Deep, clean, deep. Your apartment. Call your mom.

I looked up the best songs of all time. The 500 best songs of all time, according to Rolling Stone. And the website was so annoying and slow, and so it took me so long to be able to get to all 500, but I did. And then when I was done, I was about to text you to check in on your progress and also to say, should we not do it?

I would have loved to get that.

And then I said, no, we can't. We said we were going to do something and we have to do it.

You're right.

This is the upside of challenges, especially public ones. You have to deliver.

True.

So then I started it last night using my notes, and then one thing I feel like we should have maybe discussed was a word requirement. I didn't really know how long it was supposed to be.

Okay.

It's not that long.

I think that's great. I played around a little bit with mine, too. I got a little creative. I don't know if I had to do a full song or I'd have to do great, so I'd put a spin on it.

Oh, my God. You put a spin.

I did.

Okay. So how are you feeling from. This is the question I asked you on the very first episode of race to 35. Oh. How are you feeling? Nerves wise from zero to ten?

That's actually a good thing to think about, because I'm less nervous than when we did our shots great for the first time. I mean, this is going to be painful, but no one's hurting me. It's a ten, though. But I came in and I told Rob, I was like, I kind of miss feeling bad at something. Right. Or doing something challenging. Yes. It's like, truly, I know I'm not great at and just kind of trying.

I'm so proud of you. You haven't done it, and it doesn't even matter what you do. It's a big deal that you're doing this. I'm really impressed. I could never do it.

I mean, again, shout out to my roommate for telling.

Do you want to do a little acceptance speech?

Yeah.

Before you place? Yeah.

I want to thank my next door neighbors that definitely have been wondering what I've been doing. My roommate who has been supportive throughout this, and obviously you, for giving me the space. The space.

I have a question. Do you think people listening right now are, like, with the covers over their face, they're so anxious. If I was a listener. I mean, I am a listener. To be fair, I'm about to listen to you do this, and for me, too, like, listening to something somebody wrote.

There could be an ick because you're trying. That's what the ick is, which I don't. I think we should.

We need to get away from that. Trying is good.

Trying is good.

We live in a world where we just so rarely have to put ourselves out there and be scared and vulnerable, because in all our pictures, we just filter them. And it's such a filtered world, and this is not.

I wish I could put a filter on my voice and my skills.

Now, I assume you want to go first. Yeah. Or not.

Maybe you go.

You want me to go first? Yes. Are you sure?

I don't want to do this, so I will find any reason to delay.

Okay. So that's how you see people have two mos for this. If they are dreading something so badly they want to get it out of the way. They just want to be done with it or they go last. I think I'm normally someone who likes to go last.

Oh, me too.

And just wait for every other person to do it.

You know, there's a study about this that they tell people, I'll give you a bigger shock, but give it to you now or I'll give you a slider shock. And it's going to come in the next ten minutes. And people choose the bigger shock now.

Because you don't know when it's coming.

You don't know when it's coming. And the anticipation of the pain is worse than the actual pain. So maybe I should just go first. Maybe I should just. Okay. I'm just going to do it. I'm just going to do it. Okay.

Do you want me to look at you or look away?

I'm not going to make eye contact. Okay. Also because I have to look down at my nose.

Okay, perfect. Oh, this is really exciting. This is a month coming.

I feel like I'm like eleven and I'm about to play at a roast.

I know it's like that, but remember how supportive moms are. It's true.

There are moms listening.

There are.

I'm going to think about them. Okay.

Oh, God. This is like how you were acting before you tried chicken.

For the first time. Okay, I'm doing it.

Okay. Moms do this. They film their children.

Okay. Nice to meet you. Where you've been I can show you incredible things. Magic, madness, heaven since saw you there and I thought, oh, my God, look at that face. Oh my God, I'm so nervous. You look like my next mistake. Loves a game. Wanna play new money, student tie I can read you like a magazine ain't it funny? Rumors fly and I know you heard about me so hey, let's be friends, I'm dying to see. I didn't even tell you what song I was playing, but yeah, I'm saying keep going. I'm saying a sad version of thanks. Let's see friends. I'm dynasty. How this one ends. Grab your passport in my hand I can make the bad guys good for a weekend so it's going to be forever or it's going to go down in flame. You can tell me when it's over if the high was worth the pain the d minor is always hard for me got a long list of ex lovers they'll tell you I'm insane because you know I love the players and you love the game because we're young and we're reckless we'll take this way too far it'll leave you breathless r with a nasty scar got a long list of ex lovers they'll tell you I'm insane because I've got a blank space baby, I'll write your name.

This.

Is the part that I like right. Okay. You ready?

Yeah.

Perfect hips, pretty eyes. She could show you incredible things Prada pants size. You're the king, baby, she's your queen find out what she wants be that boy for a month wait, the best is yet to come smart, stunning, witty jokes she can make all the earbots turn rose garden filled with awards keep you second guessing like, oh, my God, who is she? How did I get so lucky? But you'll come back or never leave because, darling, she's a pothose dressed like a daydream so it's Monica forever. She can tell you when it's over oh, no. Yes. She can tell you when it's over if the coupling was worth the pain there's just no better person who's quite as dazzling. And, you know she has a blank space, baby. And her dad will write your name oh, my God.

This is so sweet.

He'll write your name he'll write your name he'll write your name Monica's dad.

Will write your name Yay, Liz.

Oh, my God. I'm, like, shaking.

You did it.

I forgot to point.

That was. I.

Like, I only started writing your part three days ago because I was like, I want this to be, like, fun.

How is this so fun and special? And you just did the hardest thing in the whole world. I did it.

So now I can do anything.

That was exciting. No one's ever written a song about me. Really? Yeah.

Oh, my God. It was so fun.

How do you feel?

I'm really glad it's over. I would like us to not put it in the episode.

Okay. But we will. Okay.

But I feel relieved.

Good. And do you feel proud of yourself?

Yeah, I guess.

I wish it was more emphatic. Okay, that is hard, what you just did.

It's something I'm trying to do more, like savor moments. And savor wins. Because usually I'll just like. I'm like, keep going.

But you're right.

I am proud of myself.

Good. I'm so happy. Yay.

Thanks, Rob, for being so sick and coming to see this.

Do you think she did a good job?

Yeah.

Exactly. Exactly. Better than expected. And, wow. I mean, you were great on the guitar. I was kind of so focused on the song. Yeah.

I chose kind of a simple, easy one.

Still, don't dismiss it. You played the guitar, you sang, and you wrote a song.

Dang.

Wow. That's big.

Thanks for listening.

I'm very proud. I'm a proud mom.

I loved when you were filming with your phone. It made me feel safe. Couldn't see your face. I just saw a giant phone in my face. You feel safe even though there's phone.

Six cameras. Oh, man. Great job. Wow. I wish I had gone first because this is going to be disappointing.

No, don't say that. You're an amazing fucking writer. This can be great. And it's also hard to read.

Embarrassing.

Dude, I write. Literally, I'm a writer and I've never read my writing out loud. Like, this is hard.

Okay, you ready? No. Now you're going to do it. Oh, my God. Now I'm so nervous. This is crazy.

It's nerve wracking.

I feel like I'm sweating. I never sweat.

Sweating all over the place. I, like, forgot to breathe. You can do it. You'll be great.

Okay. Seize the day. She was asian. She being the 15 year old girl who had a seizure in the middle of the cafeteria of my high school. I wasn't sure of her specific ethnicity because this occurred during a time in my life where an acknowledging other people's race would have meant acknowledging my own. And this was a nonstarter both for survival and also because at the time, I was reserving my critical thinking skills for whether Ross and Rachel were on a break. I will never forget what it looked like. The seizure. Actually, as I write this, I realize I, in fact, have forgotten what it looked like. I only remember that it was yucky and that multiple teachers who were at the time, younger than my current age were dealing with this cris in the best way they knew how. Which is to say very badly and with zero tact and minimal grace. I have a vague memory of the physics teacher screaming, grab her tongue. While slowly backing away into the double doors. Upon hearing this nonmedical call to action, a few teachers feigned a sad attempt to grab the tongue. But they never succeeded because of two obvious reasons.

Bites and slobber. The entire event was very scary. And at the time, it was the most shocking thing I'd ever seen. A body do. This is because I was a late bloomer and had not yet seen a man ejaculate. I distinctly remember thinking, if she ended up okay, she would surely regret having survived this. In a room full of teenagers, I considered asking the lunch lady, the most senior member of the cafeteria, if I could switch lunch periods so I would never have to cross paths with this unpredictable little shaker ever again. For her sake, it seemed the most thoughtful thing to do was fully abandon her. I don't remember seeing that seizure girl again, though. Every two or three years, I'll text my best friend Callie for confirmation. Do you remember that seizure girl? She always says. Yeah, she's good at replying with an efficient truth. We were next to each other during the incident, a moment that likely solidified our lifelong friendship. Experiencing that degree of second hand embarrassment is an unparalleled trauma bond. After some time, high school came to an end. College commenced. I played mustard seed in the theater department's rendition of a Midsummer Night's Dream.

Callie came to support me. I made friends with the girl who had the whitest skin and bluest eyes. She was the type of person who was so striking she had to pretend to be weird in order to present more complex. She was great. I graduated, moved to Los Angeles, worked at Soulcycle, and continued to think about whether Ross and Rachel were on a break. And then sometime after that, I had a seizure myself. I, too, am asian. If you have a problem with this statement, I suggest you take it up with the department of Education, an organization that required me to shade the bubble next to asian on so many standardized tests. I eventually internalized it, but it was a long journey there. One of my core memories is the first time that scantron hit my desk. In first grade, we were told it was a test every first grader had to take in the whole county. What's a county? I thought. I hope that's not a question on the test. It wasn't. In fact, the test was quite easy and, well, standard. The hardest question on the test was, what is your race? I knew my family was from India, but it wasn't an hmm.

My first run in with trick questions. I tried to cheat off my neighbor, but we had those shame inducing wooden dividers meant to micro aggress all the first grade cheaters, of which I was one. I finished the whole test answering how many apples Sally had. If she started with six, ate one and gave two to her brother Davey. But I kept returning back to that one original doozy of a question. What are you changing my answer multiple times. While I initially filled out white because goals, upon rereading the question, it was, what are you? Not what do you want to be? Black. Maybe I seem closer to black in coloring than to white. What a puzzle. I raise my hand and ask the proctor, excuse me, what am I supposed to put here? I know white is the best, but I'm a reformed cheater and working on being more honest, so I'm afraid I can't pick that one. This is a common trait of people who are oppressed. They take on the opinions of their oppressors. In this case, I was being oppressed by both white society and the non cheaters of America. I didn't have a chance.

The geriatric 28 year old proctor needed this conversation to be over. So she said, just put whatever's closest. Then I saw it. How dumb was I? According to my dad, I was not dumb, just careless. Okay, so how careless was I? Very. The right answer was right there the whole time. American Indian. That's me. I'm both American and Indian. A box just for me. I enthusiastically colored in the box with so much gusto. The scantron ripped rookie mistake. But worth the validation of my identity. I continued to bubble in American Indian for the next five years. At some point in middle school, dots, not feathers, entered my purview, and I started to question everything. One night, as I was getting ready for bed and feeding my ripoff Tamagotchi, I asked my dad if we were American Indians. I could see on his face he feared he might have spoken prematurely on me, being careless, not dumb. He explained the situation, leaving out the graphic details of the indigenous people, because neither him nor I are fans of gory movies. And while I was happy to have this cleared up, the big what are you? Test question remained unanswered.

So my dad showed me a globe. India. There it was hard to miss, and with it lay my answer. Incursive script. Asia. Bingo. India was in Asia. I had seen asian as an option, but I'd never considered. It was my past, present, and future. But now I knew. And here we are. About 27 years after my first standardized test and 17 years after the cafeteria debacle, I had a seizure at the Four Seasons in New York City, a very luxe place to convolve. Luckily, mine was in bed in a hotel room and not in a public environment. I had learned from my Foremother's mistake. Like the cafeteria, I don't remember much other than that my friends took great care of me, and though they have always been very kind when they talk about it. I know from my own experience it was yucky. On that day, in that moment, I became yet another asian seizure girl in a long list of asian seizure girls. A dime a dozen. We are. Oh, my God. The end.

You need to publish this. Monica. Monica. You just wrote that last night.

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Support for synced comes from rocket money. You were just telling me.

Just last night, I realized that I had two subscriptions to a major streaming service. One on my phone, one on my tv. And I just lost $100. Like last year. Just pay for two. And I had no idea.

Yeah. And sometimes this happens, I've noticed. If I go on vacation or sometimes if I'm at my parents house and I can't log in or something, like, something's tricky, then I'll just make a new account and then plan on deleting.

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It.

It's very good.

Thank you.

That's what people put in a book that they've worked on for years.

Wow.

It's really amazing. I want to hear it again.

I'll send.

Send it it to me.

I will send it to you.

You're going to get a lot of emails.

You will. So will you. Agents, maybe from Atlantic Records. Oh, for sure. Or Beyonce for songwriting.

Sure. That's amazing.

We did it. We did it. I'm really proud of us. We both wanted to bail badly, and we didn't do it.

I'm so glad you didn't bail. Had you been thinking about it for a while? No.

I had a feeling when you gave me the title seize the day that I was probably going to make it. About my seizure. Did you know that when you said.

Because you just talked about it and I was like, seize the day. Or maybe you hadn't, but to me it was like.

It was obvious. Yes, but I didn't know in what way. Rob, how did you like my story?

It's so good. It's fun and light, but also deep and profound. And I didn't know about that girl when you were growing up. It's cool. Like, I don't know that you had seen that happen.

Yeah, it was really scary.

Wow.

Can you imagine? In high school?

Yeah, in high school. But then after that, you don't care about anything.

Yeah.

It's like this now we're just going to be like, actually, okay, this might be good. Like, whatever that's called. Not rejection. Immersion Therapy.

Yes, it is.

It's like, now I'm not embarrassed by anything.

My God, you're going to just be walking around doing the most embarrassing thing.

More than I'm already doing.

And it'll be great. When I finished, I was so relieved. But also, I love doing it. I love writing, which is why it was a goal to do more this year. And it's funny because the whole day I kept thinking, like, I can't believe I have something I have to do tonight. I have homework tonight. So annoyed. I have so many other things I should be doing. It's like 2 hours I'll never get back. And then you finish, and it's all protective excuses because we're so scared we won't be able to deliver.

That's right. I mean, especially for writing. I think for anything creative, whatever the story is in your head is so different from what the reality is, which is your writing is incredible. I'm sure with this essay touched so many people. And the more you write, the more you'll impact the world. And I have the same thing in my head where it's like, this is shit and doesn't even matter and I don't even have anything to say. And it's like, oh, my God, shut up.

We're always doing that to ourselves. Everyone is, which is so sad. Think about, I mean, this sounds so woo woo. I guess you're rubbing off on me. But think about if everyone believed in themselves, like the beauty that would come out of it. We're missing out on so much because people stop themselves from achieving their potential.

That's true. Yeah. It was so funny. But it came up in my feed as I was coming here and I was like, this is meant to be a clip of Chadwick Boseman being interviewed by CbS. And they were like, what's your biggest block creatively? And he's like, confident. And you're like, how can someone like that and he know? Now, instead of trying to be good, I just try and be honest.

Oh, I like that.

And I was like, that's what I'm going to do today.

And you did?

Yes, that I did.

There are some singers who are perfect. They have a perfect pitch. Everything's hitting exactly as it should, but it's missing something. And I think it's that. It's like honesty, a presence in the moment. Whereas you can have somebody else who maybe isn't technically perfect, but you feel it so much deeper in your point.

That's what people would say about Ariana Grande. Sometimes she was too perfect. I think a few years ago it was like she was why other again, everyone can have the taste that they want, but that someone like maybe Taylor Swift or where you see more of the chinks in their armor and Ariana Grande is more polished and. Yeah, an amazing vocalist. People want the mistakes and the flaws because that's what is real.

Well, because we see ourselves in that. Okay, speaking of musicians, the Grammys were last week and I missed them. I was out of town. I got so annoyed after. Okay, because here we are. When you write things or when you are about to sing a song in front of people, you're putting yourself out there. You hope that everyone gives you the benefit of the doubt, everyone listening, that they're not here to rip you apart. They're here to support. They understand. They know what it's like to put themselves out there. Everyone can relate. That's what we assume. That's our shared humanity. Then when I was looking at the Grammy stuff, there was so much about Taylor, like, snubbing Celine Dion or something, and I didn't know what it was. And then I looked into it, which is just like, what? She didn't hug her or give her or acknowledge her when she was accepting her award. And I was so demoralized by seeing all of these articles and all of these things pop up. Finding a problem. It's not a problem. Those are awkward situations. It's not a big deal. Celine Dion didn't give a fuck.

Why do you? And then again, it's just this zero benefit of the doubt, no understanding of, yeah, I would definitely do that. I would like, totally not. So it's so heightened, and no one's saying, oh, my gosh, it must be so crazy up there. They're like, oh, my God, she should have done that. What is going on?

I have a lot of thoughts about this because this is always what we end up doing to people, but also particularly women where we love you, and then we're like, oh, you like that we love you, then we don't like you anymore. Right. Like with Taylor Swift, obviously, that's been the ebbs and flows of sort of how the public feels about her. And we did it to Jennifer Lawrence, we did it to Anne Hathaway. Right. And obviously, we do it to people who aren't women, too, but it's really.

Celebrities, their fodder for this. It bums me out. Why can't we just. I don't know. I don't like it. I'm feeling very allergic. I mean, we've already talked about this so much, but I'm so allergic to negativity right now. I'm feeling really sensitive to it. I'm sure for some personal reasons as well. But we all are on a scale of how vocal we want to be about negative things and problems and calling out problems. And I have a friend who posted something recently. It was so angry. And I texted this person and said, hey, I'm just checking in. Are you okay?

Good.

Because what this person was calling out as a problem and what they were angry about, it didn't demand exactly that kind of response. It was so intense. And they said, yeah, I'm fine. And I said, okay. They actually said, I'm fine. The rains. Like, it was something about the rain. And I said, yeah, no, I mean, more about what I just saw. It felt really angry. And then they said they were angry about this thing. And we had a little bit of a back and forth because I just have such a differing opinion on what to do with your anger. Again, I know it's a scale. Like, I'm not saying one's right or one's wrong, and everyone has the power to do whatever they want to do with their opinions and their computer and their phone, but I don't know, it scares me a little bit.

There's also a sense that people are channeling valid emotions in the wrong places. To me, that's what I'm seeing. And obviously it started, I think, last, like, what you're feeling, I understand, but you're channeling it on Taylor switch or this person's social media video. That has nothing to do with that. Or you're sort of taking it out on people or in places that I think from an outsider perspective, I'm like, what does that accomplish? And it kind of puts us all in this state of hyper vigilance because we're all afraid that we're going to meet a person like us. If that's how you're acting online, right. Looking for mistakes or looking for, oh, she didn't look at Celine Dion in the eyes. That means she is a bad person. And we're trying to catch people and it creates an environment where we're also very aware that it could happen to us. And that kind of explains the vibes just being off. I obviously post a lot.

It's how I communicate a lot communicate.

And I do digital journalism, so it's all very much online. And I have found it very difficult. Like, I've had to just take things down, take remove comments. And it makes me sad because it's like, oh, the people who are being super loud and who are being extremely are taking away kind of the ability for other people to just express themselves, I think, in a way that is healthy or functional, but I think that was a good text because I think that there's a way to check in on your friends when they post stuff because it's happened to me where people post things and I'm like, I don't do what you do, which is probably bad, which it changes how I view them sometimes.

I don't prevent. Yes, I don't want that to happen. It's not going to because I understand everyone's different, so it's just acknowledging people for who they are. I did feel actually a little guilty after because I didn't pause while agitated. I did it fast. And then I thought, if I had waited, I probably wouldn't have done it. I probably wouldn't have reached out. I just would have sat with man. We handle things differently. And I guess that's okay. I think my reach out was a bit codependent in some ways. And it was a little bit like, what's going on with you? And I'll be the one to tell you that, yes, bad. And that now you'll listen and change. Which is not true. And that's my issue. And I do think some people on the Internet, they have personas on the Internet. So it's complex when you see a version of someone, actually everyone's doing a version of themselves on the Internet. Maybe this person sees me on the Internet and thinks, what is that? She's putting pictures of herself up. That's weird, or that's vain or whatever. So everyone, I guess everyone is doing it to an extent, like giving some grace.

But I don't know, the level of.

Anger now, one thing that helps me to especially, well, I don't even know if this is relevant, but even, like, the whole Taylor Swift thing, right? That's not really about Taylor Swift. That's about you.

Well, it's always about. That's exactly. That's definitely true. But I wish our better angels would take over, but they don't. And it's upsetting because I feel like I'm always advocating for that. And then in Ria, I wonder if it's just like wasted breath. Is it even possible for people to check themselves? Is it a goal even worth pursuing?

Well, what's hard is that it gets rewarded. And I think, again, that's where these platforms, just the way that they're set up, reinforced that. I mean, again, this is getting into a whole rabbit hole of a conversation. But I've been seeing also videos where half of people see one thing and half of people see another thing.

It's like the blue drag thing.

Yes, but like Taylor Swift bringing Lana Del Rey on stage, I'm seeing these videos on my feed, and then half of the comments are like, wow, she's so sweet. She's always platforming other artists and what a kind person. And then half of the comments are, what a pick me girl. Lana doesn't even want to go on stage. What scares me is that it's like people are seeing two different realities.

It's becoming obvious that reality is subjective.

Yes.

I don't like that. Okay, I'm pivoting. I have a question. For you.

Okay.

Now, tell me if we already discussed this on the podcast. I don't think we did, but I want your opinion, and I want Listeners opinion, even though I just am. Like, I'm scared. So, when you're a restaurant or a hotel, do you feel that it's okay to take the pen? Yes. Me too.

Of course. That's what it's there for.

Exactly. Jess is so. Well, and he works at a restaurant, and he's like, that's stealing. It's the worst thing. And I don't think that. I think it comes for free with your food and your hotel. Like, don't you get to take the pen?

If I don't take the pen, I'm a loser. Like, I've lost money, girl.

Math.

If I don't take it, it's free. It's mine, and you got it. You've left it 100%.

I do think.

Okay, restaurants is interesting. I think that if the waiter gives you or the waitress or the. Wait, the server.

The server. It. God. She said. I don't even look at the comments, and I still feel it.

Yes. You feel them even though you're not reading them. That's so true. I was a waitress, and I would get annoyed when people stole my pens because they weren't the restaurant. I mean, I worked at a bar. Maybe it's different.

Oh, it was your personal.

It was my personals, and I don't think people knew. Sometimes people just leave with a pen. I know that I've done that by mistake many times, but people just immediately kind of forget and then put it in their bag. So sometimes when people would borrow pens, I'd be like, but give it back to me. But if it's a branded restaurant pen, it's yours. That's different.

If it's, like a bick blick or whatever, then maybe you don't take it because it could be a personal pen to the server. Right, but it says the name of the restaurant on it. I feel like you're allowed to take it.

It's the corporations.

That's the thing. So then he was talking about, well, should we call him? Yes. And get his opinion on this? I don't want to speak for him.

So, did you take the pen? And then he was mad.

Well, we've had this big discussion, and now it's infiltrated. So I started to take the pen for my hotel, and then I thought, am I stealing? No, I'll buy it. I guess you can charge me. Oh, man. No one picks up when I call.

It'S a weird time.

It's a weird time to be alive. You have reached my mobile.

My mobile. People are funny.

I know. The answering machine.

I don't think I have an answering machine.

Should I call you and see?

Yeah. I don't think I have one. I would have known that. How do you make one? I don't even know.

I think I have one that's old, but I don't remember.

I'm trying to remember yours. You always pick up.

Please leave your message. You don't?

I don't.

Can you do mine?

Can I do your.

Can you call?

Yes. Do you?

I don't know if I have one. I think I might have an old one.

Maybe you've reached Monica now. I'm like, maybe you do.

Hi, you reached Monica. Padman, I can't come to the phone right now, so please leave a message and I'll call you back as soon as I can. Thanks. I sound like your shipma.

Your voice is so cute.

Oh, my God. It sounds like I made that when I was sick. Yeah. Oh, no, I got to redo that.

Did you do it, like, soul cycle days?

I mean, I don't remember doing it, so it must have been long time. Do you think we made it when we first got our phone number?

When you got your phone number, maybe. That sounds like ten years ago.

Wow. Easily.

It's so funny how our voices change because you don't notice your voice is changing, obviously, but then you'll hear and you'll be like, oh, my God, I sound totally different.

And then what's real? Is this real? Is that real?

Nothing's real.

We've decided it all comes back around. Nothing's real.

No pens. And also, I know certain pens that I need to get. The W hotel pens are great. Are amazing.

Do they say it?

They're, like, square and they're black with, like, a pink lining.

Oh, that's nice.

And they're very smooth. Do you have, like, a favorite. I have a favorite type of pen, and it feels good to write with. Oh, the four seasons.

Really nice.

Really nice. You take it. Yeah, four seasons will be fine.

That's how I feel. That's how I feel. And then. Is that okay? But then we get into a bigger question. Just because an institution or corporation or a person has a lot of money, is it okay to steal from them? I would say no. I was just asked that question point blank. I would definitely say, like, no one's allowed to steal from me just because I have money.

But I would argue that corporations are stealing, so we should be allowed to again, like Jeff Bezos.

But I don't think people should break into Jeff Bezos'house and steal stuff because he's still a person on. See, this is also similar to the Taylor Swift thing, where there's still people with rights and humanity to then make them into something so big that you feel you have the right to steal from them. I find crazy that we do this. We allow people to be at that level of status where we then make them non humans. Yes, they didn't make themselves non humans. I really want to reiterate that the rest of us made these people gods. We put them on those pedestals. We decided that money equals power and all. We did that. So we have to take some responsibility for it.

Interesting. Do you think being a billionaire is going to be bad for her?

Everyone hates billionaires so much. I don't hate them. I feel like me and you have talked about this. We probably talked about it on here a million times. I think it's a very specific strata of privilege and finance to hate billionaires. If you are extremely poor, you don't hate billionaires. You like billionaires because billionaires give a lot of money away and you want them to give money to you and help. It's some strata above that that has their own money, just not in an exorbitant amount. They're the ones that hate it. That's in itself a position of privilege to be like, billionaires are bad. Well, what about all the fucking money they gave away because they have it? I know this is a complex topic, but it's interesting.

Even I was listening to this podcast, like, not to get into politics, but the demographic basically, that the progressive Democratic Party has won over, and that's the loudest, is it used to be the working class, and it's kind of shifted since the sort of higher educated, higher income person that the party is sort of catering to that's like super left on social issues, but more left, actually, than maybe some of the working class people at the base of the party. And yeah, it kind of skews the priorities. I'm not going to name issues, but it's a certain luxury to be able to care about a certain issue, social issue, when you don't have to worry about where your next paycheck is coming from. Right. The things that are occupying your mind are very different. And so I do think we overvalue middle, highly educated, coastal elite, sort of like opinions.

Yes, we do.

And generalize them to society at large when it might be actually different.

Support for synct comes from element. Element is a zero sugar electrolyte drink mix born from the growing body of research revealing that optimal health outcomes occur at sodium levels two to three times. Government recommendations. We use element to stay hydrated and healthy every day. Rob was texting us because he was sick and it was like the very first thing we were saying is, have you had your electrolytes? Have you had element?

No. The doctor said, drink electrolytes. And then we said, have you had. We will come and deliver element to your door.

Yes. And I was just in Aspen. That elevation will get you. And thank goodness I brought a bunch of element and I took it every day. And it helps so much. I mean, it can really make you feel wonky and weird if you're not totally on top of it. Yes. Right now, element is offering a free sample pack with any purchase. That's eight single serving packets, free with any element order. This is a great way to try all eight flavors or share element with a salty friend. Get yours@drinklmnt.com. Sync sync this deal is only available through our link. You must go to drinklmnt.com slash sync support for synced comes from Zocdoc.

We love Zocdoc.

Yeah. And everyone is sick, right?

True. That's true. It's such a great tool to be able to, again, book an appointment, find a doctor, find a specialist, not just in your neighborhood, but in your network so that you're not spending atrocious amounts of money in order to just see a medical professional. I just can't believe it's free. I think it's such a gift. It really is country where health care is really complicated and everyone should have the right to find the doctor that's right for them. And it's just an amazing resource for anyone that has a body and a mind.

And I love it because you can search and compare. Yes. I love that. So you can see what's highly rated again, what in network doctors are near you and you can instantly book appointments with them online. It's so easy. You don't have to wait.

You don't even have to call the office. You can just do it all online and they book it for you. Go to zocdoc.com synced and download the Zocdoc app for free. Then find and book a top rated doctor today. That's zocdoc.com synced.

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Can't get enough.

Okay. I keep talking about my trip, which I feel bad, but I went on a trip where there was high elevation.

Yes.

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Anyhow, yeah, Penn's TBD on whether or not.

I can't believe we performed earlier in this episode.

I know we haven't done questions, and we're about to do a couple.

So much has happened today.

So much has. Oh, this is great. Okay. Should I always give my friend a gift for her birthday, even though I've never received one from her? From Olivia. Hi, Liz and Monica and Rob. I'd love your advice. I've been friends with a friend of mine for about five years. We're not super close, but we're pretty good friends. We see each other roughly once a month. Sometimes a couple months go by without seeing each other. We have fun together and she's a nice person, but we don't talk every day or anything like that. She's the type of person who likes to celebrate her birthday, like a casual get together with a small group of friends, usually planned a week or two in advance. I don't ever really throw myself a party for my birthday. I might do something with my boyfriend or family, and if a friend wants to go out for lunch, I will. But that's about it. The last couple of years, if I make it out to celebrate her birthday, I get her a small gift. I always debate whether I should be getting her something and how much what I should get.

Since the party is often so casual, I wonder if it's expected of me to bring something. I think sometimes other people who come to a party bring something and other people don't. I've never received a gift from her, but I've also never invited her to do something for my birthday. Again, just not really my thing. My question is, do I continue to get her a gift for her birthday? Do I only get a gift when I'm actually participating in her get together, or do I get her a gift? Always. Do I test things out this year and get her something small and then actually invite her to do something for my birthday? And then if she doesn't get me anything, I have an answer for my years to come. Do I just bring something for the party? Example, drink, snack instead of a specific gift? If I do get a gift, what do I give that is small but not completely thoughtless? Wow.

I mean, that is my inner monolog.

Want to get her a gift? That's the main question. Do you want to? It kind of sounds like she doesn't. I mean, I don't know. I don't want to speak for her, but I've become not consistent about this. I used to give everyone a gift for every single thing, and it was very important to me, the older I've gotten. If something stands out that I know they'll like, I'll get them a gift. But it's a weird thing at a party, if every single person brings a gift but you don't, it can feel a little od. But then, okay, what I would do in that case, if I didn't want to get her a gift, and I would see if everyone brought a gift, and if they did, then maybe I would say, hey, I'd love to get dinner, or I'd love to buy us a bottle of wine, or like postmates a bottle of wine into the party or something like that so that you're contributing, you don't feel bad, but you don't have to do this whole thoughtful gift.

This is such an interesting example of, I don't know if I have friends. Well, yeah, I can't think of a person in my life that I invite to my birthday, but they don't get invited to my. Right. That's kind of interesting that she thinks you're close enough to invite to her birthday.

I get this, though, because sometimes, so we do, like, girls dinners for birthdays, and that's also a way, if you know a bunch of friends, you could go in together, which that's a common thing for us. We would all just go in together on a gift. But there have been times where the dinner doesn't happen for some reason, and then the gift kind of doesn't happen because the thought is like, oh, okay, we got to get this gift and we're going to bring it to the dinner. And then it kind of, like, goes by the wayside because the event didn't happen. So I could see how she just never felt like she had the opportunity to reciprocate. Although that's dumb, though, because if you're getting her a present every year and she's never. She can just bring over a present. Yeah.

If someone's consistently showing up for you for your birthday, showing up with a gift, and they never. And during COVID It was complicated for a few years. Honestly, it was just like, I feel like birthdays were kind of not normal, and I would, like, send something to my friend, and it doesn't mean, like a $100 bouquet. Like, it could be, here's some baskin Robbins ice cream. Like, I'm just. Uber eats it to her house. I think there are tiers of gifts, and to me, this is like a candle tier. Bring a candle.

So should she still bring a candle every time if she's never getting anything back?

No, I think. Especially if it's bothering you. Exactly. Don't do things that you don't want to do because it just will show up in other ways.

It's already built a little resentment, I think.

Exactly. And resentment is like a relationship killer. And if this friendship is important to you, you don't want to have that in there. Can I bring a bottle of wine or can I bake the dessert? Things that you could do, like manual labor, that's not expensive and not whole gifts. Bring a side dish. There's all kinds of ways to contribute to someone's birthday. And if you're consistently not getting a birthday gift or, like, a birthday acknowledgment that commiserate with yours.

I think it's really common for us to evaluate what I'm giving versus what I'm receiving. And I think the only way to combat that is to really think, do I want to give this regardless of what I ever get back? You have to give gifts almost with an acceptance that you might never get anything in return.

Right. It has to be that. And, yeah, if you don't feel like giving, don't do it.

Okay, let's do one more. Oh, no. Okay. What? Also, there's one that's really going to require a lot of time, so I'm saving it. But remind me next week that we need to devote a lot of time to it. Okay. How do I tell a friend her makeup routine needs help? Caroline.

So good.

Hi. Mock Liz, one of my best friends, is stunningly gorgeous, but the way she does her makeup is so, so awful. I feel like she needs to watch a few basic tutorials on how to do her makeup properly. Her bronzer is smudgy and in wrong places, her concealer is too light on her, and she also doesn't pluck her brows, and she really needs to. She's a super low maintenance girly and didn't grow up with a super feminine mother or any sister, so I don't blame her for never really learning how to properly do her makeup. First of all, am I a bad friend for wanting to help her out in this way rather than letting her be and do her thing? Or should I say something to her, and if so, how can I help her out? She's very sensitive and has had issues with mean girls in the past. Making her feel like her hair and makeup isn't up to par.

She has specific issues with, and I.

Don'T want to come off like those girls and make her feel ashamed. What should I do? Oh, God. Okay. My instinct is, how often does she bring up the bullies? Because if she was, like, telling a story about the bullies, then you could say, why don't we go take a makeup class together? So it's not. Well, I have some tips or let's watch a couple of videos. Okay. She's talking about the bullies, and it's like, those girls. Fuck those girls. They suck. I recently was on YouTube, and I found this really amazing how to video. Do you want me to send it to you? Yeah, just like that. And make it about you yourself have also done this and are passing along some fun information. Not, you should do this because this is bad and you have to pluck your eyebrows. I don't think you can ever mention the eyebrows.

I think the eyebrows can.

That's not an area you can go.

No, because she's seeing it. It's right there.

She doesn't care. And again, you can't care more than she cares. That's right.

It might not be important to her. I think the makeup. I've had a friend, Heather, did this where she would kind of fix things sometimes for me. Not in a patronizing, because I relate to this friend because I am distracted often. Also, both my sister and my mom literally have never owned makeup. I didn't grow up in a household learning how to do it. I think I've gotten a little bit better, but I definitely didn't know the basics until very recently. And still, I think sometimes it'll look good, and I don't have great lighting. I don't have a setup that I think some women, especially now, I feel like there's a whole, you know, the brushes and the thing and the order to put things in. So I'm very grateful when I get intel about what we're supposed to be doing. And, yeah, at one point, she was like, oh, I think you just forgot to blend that in. And then I'd go back in the bathroom, I'd be like, oh, I'm supposed to do that, right? So it was kind of in subtle ways that's a good approach so that it's not this intervention.

You don't have. Do you, like, a sensitivity towards. You weren't bullied for having bad make, or were you?

I was bullied, but not for having bad makeup.

That's really. It's so specific that makes this very complex.

You're right.

I do think, though, if I was at dinner with her and there was a really big demarcation of the bronzer or something, could you just take your finger? Could you just be like, can I blend this in real quick?

Yes. It's almost out of care. And it's not a, oh, my God, dude. It's, oh, I think you just forgot to blend it here. Do you want help? And again, I've literally had people do this to me, not just once, and it's helpful, and then it's something that I'm more aware of.

Or just like, oh, let me blend that real quick. And just take your thumb and do it.

And then say, oh, you know, it's a great tool to apply foundation. Like, it's this. Give me your address. I'll send you one. And then you just like, she might.

Not know how to use it for me if I'm on the receiving end, because I am very sensitive. I think I would need first, like, oh, I just found the most amazing thing.

Okay.

It's so cool. I practiced with it yesterday. Can you tell? Make it about you then if they're like, oh, yeah. You could be like, it's $4 on Amazon. It's really great. But I think once you provide that, if she doesn't do it, then you got to let it go.

Yeah, you do the other thing. That might be good. This happened to me randomly. I was with Kat. We were at Sephora, and we were looking at this foundation oil SPF thing, and there was, like, a person from that brand for some reason that was there. So she kind of approached us, and she was like, oh, do you want me to check what color you are? And I remember being like, oh, I would have just gone with my eyes on. But then she did the test and whatever her scientific method was, and then we got the right color for us. And so maybe going to Sephora could also be a thing, because there's kind of an expert there.

Maybe you could have your birthday party at Sephora and say, all I want for my birthday is a Sephora trip. Yay. And then everyone goes, and then you pick out some things you think would look good on her and say, I think this would look so good on you. Try it, then.

Let's have someone to make sure that's your right color. Okay. This might be too on the nose, but you could give her again, I don't know when her birthday is or if there's something fun to celebrate in her life. I think you can buy, like, a consultation. Okay. It's two on the nose. I don't know if it's kind of fun, though. I would like that.

Me too. I guess this is where things get tricky. If she herself isn't saying, oh, I want that, or, oh, let's go to Sephora, or, I like, then it's weird.

Sephora's like, one of the movies for all girls who wear makeup.

We're assuming she obviously doesn't want to be wearing makeup. She doesn't like it is what it sounds. And she has this whole history with it, so I think she's just trying to do, like, the most basic thing, and then it's a little bit off. So I'm sticking to that. You just start talking about your own makeup a little more and the new brush you found, or even you say, like, oh, my God. I looked in the mirror the other day, and I realized I didn't blend my makeup, and I was so embarrassed. And then I bought this tool or whatever. Just talk about it on your own. Don't make it about her. And then she'll either catch on and ask you questions or say, like, oh, yeah, I'm so bad at makeup. If she says that, that is your opening.

You're right. Golden Gate.

Let's go to Sephora, and let's go learn about what's good on us.

Yeah, that's good, because also, no one's. You know what? All yeah, everyone can improve if you want to, and that's interesting to you. And you don't have to wear makeup if you don't want to. But, yeah, that's a good way of, like, I want to learn how to do it better. Do you want to do it with me?

But again, if she says no, that's her life.

It's hard.

It's hard.

I've been in a similar scenario with skincare, actually, with someone in my life. They just didn't put any. It was very like, oh, natural and like, yes, whatever. But, dude, you want to moisturize. Your skin does need moisture and it doesn't mean you need a 13 step skincare routine. But I could tell that there was more damage and even just spF. What I did was just give her when it was time for holiday, birthday, or even randomly. I'd be like, I got two by mistake, or I do get stuff. I'm lucky. So I'll be like, oh, I got this one and you should take it. It's really good to put it every day. And again, I'll be like, I didn't know how important it was. And it's only like five years ago when someone told me I really needed to do it. I didn't realize that I was hurting my skin.

Yeah, you made it about you. I think that's smart. All right. Very good question. Okay. Well, we have some really awesome ones to come, but that's it for today because we devoted a lot of time to our challenge. And I'm glad we did. And I am very proud of you.

I'm very proud of you. I'm so impressed.

Thank you.

It's so incredible. I can't believe you wrote that last night. And I'm so excited. What more beautiful things you'll write if you spend more time doing it? The world needs your writing.

Thank you. And then we're not going to rule out another challenge in the future, but we're going to take some little time off.

I've never had homework.

Are you going to keep.

I did wonder one learning from this is that I have experienced anxiety, and I try and think myself out of not being anxious a lot. And I have spent a lot of money on therapy and tricks and journaling. And I knew that singing and humming basically stimulates your vagus nerve, which literally just is like a natural anxiety suppressor. Yeah. And I didn't realize how much, like, oh, if I just hum and I sing, I actually sleep better. Like, if I do it before bed and stuff like that. Which, again, bad news for my roommate, but great news for me. So I actually have really enjoyed it, and I want to keep it up.

I love this. Oh, man, what fun.

Yes. We're doing activities.

We are hot girl hobbies. Hot girl hobby, check.

Yeah.

All right. Well, thanks for listening, and we'll see you next week. Bye.