Excuse me, hello, my name is Alex Cooper, and I have a question for you. Do you masturbate?

Oh, you do? OK, what toy do you use, like what's your go to? I'm sorry, I don't I didn't hear that correctly, did you just say you don't know, you don't own a vibrator? You don't own a dildo, you don't have butt plugs, you don't have lube, Adam, any bitches, guys, Adam and Eve has everything you can possibly think of when it comes to enhancing your sex life. And let's be real during quarantine, the best part of staying at home is fuck and playing at home.

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And on top of that, it's delivered discreetly to your door. So if you're like, that is so cute, Alex, I wish I could fuck my pussy in my childhood home. However, my mother isn't going to be so fucking happy when she checks and she looks and she sees.

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Every dotcom and use offer code her daddy for almost anyone item to be fifty percent off free shipping and delivered discreetly. Bitches go play with that pussy men get a vibrator for your bitch and also anal play. OK. What is up, daddy gang? It is your single father, Alex Cooper.

We call her Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, mother fucking gang it is your founding father got out our garden for another episode of Call Her Daddy.

We have drama. We have so much fucking drama. You're all like, God forbid. Alex, please don't tell me you're in Tick-Tock drama again. Maybe.

OK, maybe the views were cute. We're not going to like the views work. You know, guys, listen, there's fucking drama. Get out your fucking calendars.

Do you know what month it is? And you know what December means. Next month is January.

You're all like, no fucking shit, you fucking idiot daddy.

Gay twenty twenty is coming to a mother fucking end.

And I am elated. I am so excited. And you should be too, because this year sucked.

We can all agree. We don't agree on a lot of things. Trust me, I read the comments as the old thing. We don't agree. We don't all agree. It's fine.

But what we can fucking agree is this year fucking sucked. Now Daddy gaing listen, as this episode is released, what usually a podcast is supposed to do is this is supposed to be a best episode. Usually podcasters are like, OK, before the holiday break I'm going to release a best of now. In the past it would be best of twenty eighteen, best of twenty nineteen.

But the thing is Daddy going is what would I say and feel free. Do you have me. Let me know.

What would I say the best of 20/20 was. Right, exactly. Nothing, literally nothing. There is no best of 20, 20 people have died in 2020. Yes, people have died in past years. But this year specifically, it's like we all just got fucking unconventionally railed by 2020. We were all getting in the fucking ass by the end of this year. All of our assholes are so fucking Saud's like I can't take it anymore. Who knew I haven't done anal in so fucking long and yet my asshole is bleeding.

Just kidding guys. Updates to come. Your girl. Sorry I'm swerving here.

Alex Cooper officially re popped her fucking anal cherry clops Relix.

It was a successful journey.

That's not the point of this is the point of this intro is discussing the year twenty twenty.

So let's kick it right off and just fully put my ass to the burner because I think it's great to go right for the jugular.

Let's talk about the love life situation. And don't worry, I'm coming for you, Daddy.

First I'm going to roast myself.

It's truly a remarkable situation that I look back and I started January 20/20. Do you guys remember? Do you you're all about Slim Shady, the toxic the toxic dick syndrome. The man had a penis that was so toxic he'd put it in me. And for the rest of the fucking week, I would be in so much pain from the toxicity that was running through my fucking veins. Then flash to the fucking Canadian.

What a whirlwind of a fucking love. I'm just kidding. There was no love that was a relationship. But every girl can relate and every guy can relate. It was a fun situation. It was a piece of ass, although a piece of dick or a dick. And it was fun and it was invigorating for a hot second. I think that's the key. It's like you have a fuck toy and then slowly it fades to the point where you're like, I wish you wouldn't speak, I wish we could fuck.

And then you get to the point where, like, I actually don't even want to fuck. And then you get to the point where I don't even want to see you anymore.

And then I flash forward to the end half of my twenty twenty. I mean, I think obviously a classic is door number three. I forgot that. I'm pretty sure it was this year that I told you guys for the first time the daddy game that like I have in fact been in love. And I think that was pretty crazy. I know there were a lot of people tweeting, like when I found out that Alex Cooper said that she was in love, I thought the world was going to end.

I kind of did, too. I'm not going to lie. I remember releasing that episode and being like, Mom, I don't know if I can do this. I was nervous to tell you guys up, but then I was like, OK, well, it's a realistic thing, like if it can happen. So I think that person in my life has been such a supportive person. And I think obviously all of the public drama that I went through this year, it was crazy to be like, wow, like I wonder if I'll ever find a guy that can be as supportive as door number three.

And then without a doubt, the plot keeps thickening as my year goes on and you guys heard it live time, I thought, on this podcast and I detailed a date night that truly was such a breath of fresh air.

And that man I introduced to you guys as Mr. Sexy Zuman. Oh, there it is. There it fucking is. So all in all, guys, I think listen for the call her daddy podcast dating, sex, comedy, my love life has been exactly what I and probably all of you predicted it to be this year. It was a shitstorm. There were ups, there were downs. But aside from my love life, because although that is what the theme of this show is, that did seem pretty insignificant when I sat down to podcast today.

And I'm like, OK, yes, do the recap. You guys are involved in it. You know who all these characters are. But to get deeper with you guys, 20-20, aside from all the men in the drama and the bullshit shit that I went through with my family, my friends, everything I know, all of you also went through. And when I'm sitting here having a reflective coming to the end of the year moment, what were my highs?

What were my lows? I think it truly made me feel the most connected with the daddy gang that I've ever felt. When I was reading your highs and lows to from this year, obviously, I got the classics of your Slim Shady version and your Mr. Sexy Zuman, but it was also cool to see a different layer of you guys and you guys opened up to me and I'm so grateful for that.

And you guys told me some dark fucking shit, too. That isn't just about dick sucking insects.

The conclusion guys internally reflecting and then reading all of your shit is, is that 20/20 was a dark fucking year for everyone.

We have all been through it this year and on different scales.

Don't get me wrong, obviously there are kids saying, oh my gosh, I didn't get to graduate college. And then there are kids saying, oh my gosh, I just lost a parent to covid. But I think what I'm trying to say is everyone's pain is pain this year, everyone was just trying to figure their shit out and survive this year. And so I think my point is just to say, if you felt so alone during 20/20 because of the pandemic, because of anything in your fucking life, maybe, hopefully me addressing and telling you how many people in mid-March were writing in personal shit, not just about the pandemic, depression, anxiety, eating disorders, etc.

, you're not alone. And I hope that me saying this, maybe it can make you feel a little bit more whole knowing you weren't alone this whole year, because I do know a lot of people are broken from this year.

So I understand that you're not exactly looking for Alex Cooper to play Oprah. I understand that this isn't exactly my role as a podcast or you're not waiting for me to crank out the goddamn expo. But I just had to say it because I talk about my friends to talk about it with my family.

And I don't want to be disingenuous and be like daddy gang. We're going to get right into the dick sucking segment we're going to.

But I also want to let you know that, like, I'm aware of everything that's happening the world and I think specifically hearing from you guys this week, we're in this together.

So, OK, Oprah, honestly, send me over to health and wellness.

This is just getting too fucking cranked out. Everybody, listen to me.

We are going to ramp it up. We're going to pull all the feels a little bit aside and we're going to bring happy fields. And I'm making the executive decision to not read your lows of this year. We know our lows, the lows that I have in front of me that I was going to read there, your lows, you know, the lowest point of twenty twenty and what it was for you. There's no reason for me to read those and to highlight them and to put them back in our faces.

Just us. Listen, 20/20, we get it. You can go fuck yourself. We're ready to relinquish ourselves from everything that happened this year. So I'm figuring why not focus on the motherfucking highs?

So, daddy fucking gang, are you ready to hear your highs of twenty twenty? This is you. This is your story. I'm reading directly from my DMS. Welcome. Here we fucking go. Let's get into it.

OK, after. OK guys, I got so many fucking daddy gangers. After leaving my abusive ass marriage of thirteen years, I met a guy that gives me hope and gives me unreal orgasms.

I mean hello daddy. Getting the amount of you that are Midem saying I don't know who knows what drove you to it, but you left your toxic abusive ass. Significant other. Let's fucking go. And if this is a sign, if you're listening, you're like, fuck, I didn't do that yet, bitches. We still got fucking time. We've got a couple. You got a couple of weeks till 2021. Wrap it up. Let's leave these fucking assholes.

In the past, I got promoted and moved to a bigger apartment. I also started therapy for a bad breakup. I'm twenty and gay and got Eiffel Tower by a married gay couple.

I mean, Donny King is in and around assholes pussy. All the good things this year stayed sober through this pandemic by the grace of God. Fifteen months clean and sober.

That is going to be fucking cry, yes, bitch paid off my student loans, my boyfriend ate what my boyfriend, you know, after a Taco Bell and the diabolo, extra spicy hot sauce. I mean, daddy gig. It's too fucking good.

Honestly, got to experience was enormous. Dick, I have ever seen and been taken down by in my life. He was six seven so I was expecting big. But this was the definition of Gigantor both with and Lancs being gone.

I am a total daddy and I did not act afraid one bit, although my mind was like holy fuck, rest in peace to the be after tonight dunnies I love. Well also to give everyone credit, people like this is so superficial. No, I asked all of you what your again what your lows were and people were like, I'm telling you it's the darkest of dark. So I'm so happy that you guys had a moment to be like, hi, this was my hi, I hope fucked by a large dick in the game.

I survived lung surgery and my recovery, graduated law school, passing the bar exam and being sworn in as an attorney, all while wearing sweat pants.

Me and my best friend became Eskimo sisters at my birthday party over the summer, within about twenty minutes in the same bed. No regrets outside of our fucking lives that you really are truly the most savage fucking podcast going out there. I mean, it's so fucking good omegle way.

This is kind of cute. One on this one someone said best high of twenty twenty.

Finding your damn podcast daddy gang this year is clearly one. I mean when you say my highlight is my is becoming Eskimo sisters with my best friend, I mean you got to look at it as a positive. I love you guys so much and reading all of your positives and reading all of your highs, I was trying to sell reflect because I'm like, holy shit. Like it really is about like, let's just find the fucking positives in life. And I was thinking about what is my positive take away, what is my high of twenty twenty.

And I realized and I wanted to share it with you guys because it is about you basically reflecting on this year.

It's really clear to me that the future of call her daddy and the direction of this show has actually been positively influenced by the pandemic in the sense that the show has more listeners now than it has ever had, which is amazing. And it's and it's a blessing. The best part of that is knowing how many different types of people are listening to this show, how many people are coming and being able to join something that I hope gives you a sense of belonging.

It gives me a fuckin sense of belonging. This show is my life and you guys are my life. And so I just wanted to share with you that I couldn't be more grateful that you continue to listen. And to all the new listeners, hello and welcome.

Now, more than ever, everyone's just looking for a sense of belonging. Everyone's just looking for a community of people that make them feel better about themselves because of how fucking dark the world is right now. And I hope that this show has been nothing but light and fun and something that you look forward to every week, because that is exactly what you have been for me since day one of starting this podcast, The Daddy Gang. And I know I don't share it all the time.

There are some shit that I've gone through this year, but truly, you guys have got me through you and my therapist, but you guys have got me through a lot of emotional ass shit.

So I know that I get gems from you guys saying, hey, you have helped me so much get through X year. Your podcast changed my life back at you Daddy gang.

So with that said, Daddy gang, it's been a hell of a fuckin year. Good, bad, ugly changes the whole fucking nine.

But what I can promise you in twenty, twenty one is it is going to be our fucking year.

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Twenty, twenty. You have heard. Her, Gohei, you have heard her, Golo. She's gone to France. She's gone to the south. She's betting she's been on Gossip Girl, Gossip Girl spin all around the world. And there's been a ruckus, oh, there has been a ruckus. Shut the fuck up. Don't do it. Stop doing. We hate it. Shut the fuck up. It's annoying.

You go from a seven to a three when you do it.

And then. Every single. She will continue to go well to prove. Here you go is. Oh. Oh, my God. Oh, I wanna watch Jerome's mother walking like my mom's questions of the week, bitches.

And we are about to answer many damaging questions. It's fucking weak. Let's get into it, Daddy motherfucking game.

The only way to close out back in 2020 is with your questions in front of my face.

Let's fucking have a time sexual. Here we go. Hey Hogfather. So I have a quick question.

So I love writing Dick, but I love doing it more so in the grinding motion and not so much the bouncing on the deck, mostly because I get more pleasure from grinding as we all do, but I like my partner to get a little pleasure out of it, so I like to occasionally do the bouncing thing.

What a fucking great girl she loves to do at all. Pleasure herself, pleasure her man. We love to see it.

But my issue with that is it's always slipping out.

I get on my feet and boom slips out even when I don't get on my feet, boom, it slips out. I notice this happens with smaller dick sizes. When I ride on my feet with bigger, like eight inch dicks. This doesn't happen. I don't get me wrong. The dick is good and we have great sex. But like, does it have to do with his small dick or are there any tips, tricks that you can give for to not slip out every three seconds.

I'd love to know. So maybe I can try it out. And he doesn't have to know that it's because of the small penis.

Oh, sweetie, sweetie, you've come to the right place.

It is, in fact, because he has a small penis and that is OK. OK, it's totally fine to have a small penis. We love all penises around here. Dicks are dicks and we just want to put them in us. Listen, girlfriend, you've come to my place because I actually do have a tip for this.

Listen, in my day, I have absolutely fucked around with guys that have big dicks and also small dicks, small dicks for the wind.

Sometimes they can absolutely hit your G spot if they are being worked in the right way. But with regard to this, here is my trick. You're going to take your thumb and your pointer finger or your middle finger, whichever feels more comfortable to you.

And basically, when you are riding him, you're going to take your arm and put it behind your back and then like down your ass and look under towards your pussy, a.k.a. where his dick is going to be.

OK, basically take those fingers and wrap them around his dick like the middle to lower half of his dick, not like at the base, because then it won't really work. But you've got to get a grip on his dick lightly. Just put them around, OK? It's like at the bowling alley when they put the borders up for the people that like you throw your ball and it always goes left or right. We're keeping the dick in the fucking center lane.

And what you do then is when you go up and down or even when you're grinding, if you have your hands around it, stabilizing it so it doesn't move, move once you leave off of it, it essentially keeps it in that position.

So even if you go off of his dick, which can be hot, especially on a small dick, if you can get fully off the dick and go back down slowly onto it, it will make him almost feel like he's bigger because you're fully going down all the way back up as opposed to you.

If you're not using your hand, you're probably I've done it before. You're so fucking hypersensitive. You're like, oh, my God, oh, my God, don't go too high. Don't go too fucking high, because this weenie is about to be out in the air and my is not going to be able to find my way back to macaroni. So I feel like if you if you go up and down and hold it in place, it's as if you are fucking a dildo and you come off the dildo, you go right back onto it because your hand is holding it.

Stick shift. We're still dripping. Okay, we're still shipping. Learn how to stick shift, learn how to deck shift. That is like one of the best tricks I think for riding.

A small dick is giving a little bit of love with your fingers to stabilize the weenie. And then once you're up and down, you can go off it, you can fly high, you can soar into the fucking sky and you can go right back down onto that baby. And he'll still be right there, baby carrot. And he won't leave. He won't bend over. He won't flop onto the belly. He's right there. He'll be right there.

He'll be right where you fuckin left him. Maybe you can't see him, but I'll be right fucking there.

I have been with my boyfriend for two years. He blames me for my past hookups. Any chance he can get it really pisses me off. And I expressed that to him. But all I get back is you did this to yourself. It makes me mad knowing you were with all of them. Bla bla bla bla bla.

I understand where he's coming from, but it has been two years and he still has a problem. He's the only guy that I've ever had a real relationship with. Do I just smack him or how the fuck do I tell him to get over it and stop shaming me? I know I shouldn't put up with this. But whatever I am, the most annoying part is he still will slut shaming and then get mad at me for not wanting to fuck later.

Oh, sweetie, dude, this is literally I don't know why it's always so funny to me when this happens, but when people are acting as though you shouldn't have a pass and it's like, why did you date anyone before me?

Like, I joke sometimes if I ever have a boyfriend, I'm like, how dare you ever have had a girlfriend before me? You should have known I was coming.

Like, it's a joke. Like crazy girls joke about that shit when guys or girls are like so fucking pressed about like I cannot believe your fucking past like bro, you're not in my past or my fucking present. If you were in my fucking past and maybe I would have been fucking those people. But you were nowhere to be fucking bone. I had no loyalty to you back then. How was I supposed to know? I didn't even know you fucking existed.

When people get mad about people having awesome like in what world does it matter what I did in my fucking past? Now, of course I fucking killed them if I whatever. But just fucking hooking up like, bro, you weren't there. I don't.

It's just to go. OK, so girlfriend, here is the advice and I've done this before. It was more catered to a guy that I was dating, was not approving of what I used to post on Instagram, and this is how I personally would handle it.

Clearly this guy isn't letting it go. And you said it's been two years. So this is past you being like baby like we have a conversation like this really upsets me bulbar.

He clearly isn't listening. So what I do is give him an ultimatum, look him in the eyes and the next time that he brings this up. I think that you say, OK, to break up with me. And then he's like, what are you talking about? No, you're like, I just can't believe you fucking Boyer's OK.

And then you look at him and you kind of pause and be so calm and be like, so break up with me.

Well, I don't I don't understand.

Are you can you if this is such an issue to you, break up with me and kind of be patronizing in a way. And I know it's not maybe the most mature thing, but unfortunately, when you're dealing with someone that can't see how immature they're being, it's not that you're playing right back at him, but you're giving it an ultimatum because it's like you're going to talk the fuckin talk, buddy. I'm not going to keep listening to the shit either.

Put your fucking big boy pants on and accept that everybody's got a fucking pass and let's move on. But if you can't accept that, I don't want to listen to your fucking bitching anymore.

So literally say break up with me. And now what he's probably going to do is he's going to be like, oh, so is that what you fucking want? Oh, you don't even give a fuck. You don't even fucking care.

You want to break up.

And again, so calm, say, I want you to break up with me if you are going to continue to act like a five year old boy because your girlfriend has a pass. The insecurity and I don't mean to make you feel bad, but that's all you do to me all day. The insecurity, honestly, has become such a turnoff to me that if you can't get through this and I'm happy to work through it with you, but if you can't get through this, we need to break up because my post is not going to get wet.

If you keep acting like a five year old boy, boom, done. He's either going to then he's going to have to make a decision. And again, I know it's kind of patronizing, but, like, fully put him on the spot.

He's not going to fucking break up with you. So what he's going to do is he's going to shut the fuck up. And if he doesn't shut the fuck up, then I say, you walk.

Father, first off, thank you, I started listening to the podcast in January this year, I have it is open. My mind made me more confident and less guilt about wanting to try new things. I was pretty proud before and I have never sent a nude. Now I feel way more confident and have been enjoying myself anyways. My question is about finding a healthy relationship. That's right for me and I want to know what you and your amazing mother Cooper would do.

I've been single for the past year and dating during this pandemic has been hard. I'm in my late 20s but not ready to get into anything. I'm open for it, for the right guy. Here's my dilemma. All of the guys that I've dated in the past have been really immature and felt threatened by my career and success. After listening to the 100th episode with your mom, the next person I want to date needs to have their own success and be supportive of mine.

Yes, bitch.

But the way I've dated lately, those who look good on paper suck in bed. I was dating this guy who went to Princeton and had a good job, but he did not know how to make me come. I guess they don't teach or the clit is an Ivy Leagues. So I ended things with him and now I'm dating a guy who is so amazing and makes me cum but doesn't really have a career. I'm struggling with finding someone who has everything I need.

Can a man have both? What would Father Cooper say? Should I keep hooking up and having fun with the guy who's good and bad and also keep dating and see what's out there?

OK, well, it seems like if you're looking for a relationship.

Yeah, I guess maybe ditch the guy that doesn't have the career and is good in bed because you're kind of saying, like, he's not my type, but it's good sex.

If you're just looking to hook up, fuck it. You don't need more than the sex. And if the sex is good, keep doing your thing. What I would say though is I think it's a big fat game of trial and error.

I have definitely aired on the side of dating athletes, athletic guys, and some are smart and some just aren't anywhere up there.

Upstairs, it's very dark. It's where the lights are turned off and it's them and their penis. But what I have found is I remember I dated this guy in New York City. He was in the tech field and I dated him for longer than I probably would have expected one because he had a rooftop pool at the time.

Lauren and I really were like, we need rooftop access somewhere in New York fucking City that has a pool so we can tan.

It's really hard to find places in New York and it's sad to say, but like you will fuck for a rooftop pool.

OK, everybody in New York understands what I'm saying. It's like you can't find water in that fucking city in the summer and God forbid we go to the Hamptons. No, nobody could fucking afford a Hamptons house. So anyways, back to the man that I was fucking for his pool.

He was in the tech world, OK?

And he was considered, I would say, a brainiac. Like when we would go on dates, I was definitely mentally stimulated by him, but almost to a point where it was like, can we have fun for a second? Like, let's stop talking about the news every five seconds.

But to give him credit. He had great dick game and he had a big fucking dick, OK, and this guy, he was kind of like tall and skinny. It's always the skinny guys that have the huge fucking dicks, right? He was like kind of I wouldn't say skinny, but like a thin dude, tall, thin bill, good looking guy, big dick syndrome and was good and fucking bad. Now, he was not my type and he was not usually the type of guy that I would go for.

And I was surprised when I found out that this like nerdy guy, he was good in bed. So to answer your fucking question, if you want to go to the rooftop pool and you want to fuck the guy that I used to fuck hit me up, I'll give you his number because I'm pretty sure he's still single.

No, listen, smart guys with careers definitely fuck. And it's same thing as dumb guys. Some guys, dumb guys that are hot can't fuck like they are just it's trial and error.

And I think what I would suggest to you is I don't think there's anything wrong with being like, I want you to do this like I like it like this. Even when a guy is good and bad for me personally, if he's eating me out and he's like hitting my clit with his tongue, but then all of a sudden he, like, accidentally moves off it a little bit and he's at the lower end of the Clinton. It doesn't feel as good.

Now, that doesn't feel good.

But I'm like, no, no, no. You were just on the spot, like, fuck, go back up. There's nothing wrong with either one. Like moving his head up, moving your body down or being like we baby like move up here like that. Felt so good. Like, yes, keep hitting that spot. So what I'm trying to say is I think that it's fun to train a guy like he's your dog.

I don't treat him like a human, treat him like your dog. Like if he's not great, if he's not the best in bed, you can train that. You can train a guy to be like, oh, my God. Like, this is what I like. Guys want to kind of be told what to do.

Just make sure that when you're directing him, you're doing it more in a way like, oh my God, yes. Like do this instead of making him feel inadequate. No one wants to be made to feel inadequate and bad. OK, how awful is that? Every girl. Here you go. We can sympathize how fucking awful when you are giving head and all of a sudden the guy kind of just like lifts you up off of giving head and he's like, let's fuck.

And you're like, oh my God, oh my God, he hated it. Oh my God. He hated the way I suck.

Dick, I have a really good girlfriend that is so funny about how she's like, I give the worst in America. Hands down one hundred percent, I give the worst fucking head and she owns it.

But the stories that she has told of some guys are so much more blunt than others.

Some guys will fight through the pain like because I'm saying this girl do the fucking teeth.

Some guys will fight through the pain in the like. Oh my God, baby. Like yes. Like fuck, I need to fuck you and then pull her up. Then there are other guys I will literally put their pom I will never forget. She was like he put his palm on my forehead and kind of raised my head up off of the deck and was like, let's just fuck this.

Like I was like, no.

So like so there are times where it's like that makes you feel shitty when they're kind of like early, like enough is enough.

But if you do it in a collaborative like a guys can be like fucking down. Yeah, it's hot.

So find a nerdy dude and fuck and train him like your fucking bitch bitch.

Oh my God. My pussy hurts. What commercial. Commercial.

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So guys, what you guys are going to do is you're going to go to you, Cora Dotcom slash C HD. That's you as an umbrella. Q as in quick oh as in orgasm are as in rough ai as an Alex Dotcom slash c h d ucore dotcom slash PhD. I love you guys. OK, Highfather, some weird shit just went down, I went on my boyfriend of two years, Instagram, while he was sleeping to see if he's been liking his old hookups pictures.

She's private, hence why I can't see for myself and him. And I have had issues with her in the past. He hasn't liked any of her photos, but he had the most recent thirst Trappe aspic, saved weird.

So I went to his saved folder on Instagram and oh my God, thousands and I mean thousands of girls. Pictures saved, ranging from porn stars in lingerie promoting their only fans. OK, fine, I can deal with that.

We all have our thing all the way to random girls that he went to high school with selfies, save pictures of girls. He does and doesn't follow random girls with only 100 hundred followers. Even some pictures of our female friends saved. What? And I repeat, what in the actual fuck do I do? Do I wrap myself out for going through his phone and say something? Do I try and get him to show me his saved photo somehow and I overreacting?

Or is this totally creepy and not OK as it is? Please, please, please help.

Oh my God, dude. This is fucking intense. OK, so I'm going back into it, I'm looking obviously you're in a this is a two year relationship. I say call them out.

This is a thing. If this is if anyone listening is kind of dealing with this, like for me personally, if I was just hooking up with their guy or even if we had kind of just become exclusive, you don't really have the direct right to be like. I went through your phone, I saw this explain, motherfucker, you would have to go the roundabout route. The roundabout route.

Alex, what's the roundabout route?

Let me let me pretend this is me for a minute. It's a guy that I'm sorry. I'm I'm not answering your question yet, but I know there's probably a lot of girls being like, fuck, he's not my boyfriend, but I want to come out. This is what I would do. If you're kind of in an exclusive relationship again, Pettiest fuck, I don't give a fuck it works. I would probably be sitting on the couch next to the guy that I'm exclusive with.

Or even if it's your recent recent boyfriend, sometimes it's like a little too early to go full blown. Like I went through your phone. What are you talking about? I'm your phone, like, a little too psychotic.

So in the pettiest way, be sitting on the couch next to your guy and start looking at a really hot guy's Instagram and don't make it super almost like kind of turn away, but like make sure he could obviously see what you're looking at.

So it's not like you're like trying to show him, but let him see. And if he's like, what are you doing? Be like what? And he's like, well what are you doing? Like who is that? I mean, like, I don't know, he's hot. And then look at him like, am I not allowed to look and if he gets mad, just be like, babe, I thought. Do you not do the same thing?

I don't understand why you can be mad at me. Don't you do the same thing. And if he's like, what the fuck are you talking about?

No, be like, oh. Oh, my God. Okay, relax. Sorry, I thought, oh, wait.

You're telling me that you don't look at random girls. Instagram's like you don't save their shit or anything. You don't screenshot that shit. You don't save it. Like what? And if he says no b like really show me your phone. And like in a joking way, almost like, oh, prove me wrong, bitch. But you have to try to do it in a way that it comes off like you didn't go through it. It's almost like, OK, because you get caught first, then you call him out.

It's so fucking toxic, you get caught, then you call him out and then have him show you. And then if he is going to have to fucking pull up his phone and if you won't pull up his phone, he's guilty. Oh. So you won't show me then you have all these girls pictures him and he'll be like, how the fuck do you know that? And then you have to be like, I don't know. I'm literally asking you show me your same photos.

You're getting mad at me for looking at a dude.

You probably look at girls all the time, probably fucking whack off to their photos and then make sure girls make fucking sure that your sayd photos are like fucking fashion photos because they'll be like, well, let me see yours, what the fuck? And then you go and it's like just like fashion photos.

Like you're like I was just like I just came across this guy's page like I wasn't doing anything wrong, but like that's really, really cute to see that you have thousands of girls saved. Fuck yourself.

Hi, Daddy. How do you deal with a not right now but could work in the future situation?

Basically I would probably be dating this guy, but he's a year younger than me, so he's still a senior in college. He's moving to the same city as me next year. So we decided to chill and pick things back up once we're on the same page again, if it works out. We went from texting every day for almost a year through covid summer part to taking a step back once he went back to school. And now we Snapchat daily and text a couple times a month recently.

I am finding myself so obsessed with what's going on, on our college, which I hate, and have a feeling he might have hooked up with his ex last weekend, not confirmed due to myself being a psycho and stalking.

Yet since that day he is continuing to snap me like nothing happened. I don't want him to forget about me, but also don't want to be involved with the shit going on at school and the possibility of him hooking up with an ex because it makes me sad. How do I keep him interested until we live in the same city? Our relationship is complicated, but we have such a good thing. Timing just wasn't right. Or should I let it go and disappear?

Oh, sweet, sweet biscuits. All right. Um, this is another school one.

And I want to break this down for you because I kind of I kind of I've seen this situation a lot.

Sadly, it's like.

When you're not part of the school anymore. Whether it's high school or college, it's weird to stay involved, and I know that fucking sucks for anyone that's graduating and you're dating someone younger, but it's the truth, it's the social dynamics, and it's just how it fucking works.

I remember when a girl in my high school, my soccer team had her boyfriend, and at the time in high school, he was the senior. She was a sophomore. It was so fucking hot that she was dating the senior and then he graduated.

And then we got to our junior year of high school and like we're partying in high school, like I was fully drinking in high school, having fun, like raging like hooking up with guys. And she was like wanting to rage, too. And then she's got this, like, boyfriend in college. And it was kind of like he's no longer a part of our inner dynamics and the drama. And he's no longer like the hot dude. That's the senior on our high school campus.

He's like in college.

And it's like not creepy, but it's kind of like he's kind of irrelevant.

Like it was just a weird dynamic. And they ended up breaking up because she broke up with him and she was kind of like, I don't want to do my own fucking thing. Like we're in high school, like, I know we're younger, but like that drama was the drama at the time. And you want to be in your environment. You don't want to be somewhere else, you know what I mean? And he didn't really work anymore in that social setting.

So and when he would come to like parties like high school parties, when he came back for winter break, it'd be kind of like, why are you here during college?

Like, you're an adult now, like, what are you doing? And like we've freshmen at our party, like, what the fuck is going on?

So I think unfortunately and it almost works again, more not in your favor, because it's one thing if you didn't go to the same school as him and like you're out of college now or whatever, the fact that you went to the same college as him and now you graduated, it's it's a weird dynamic like that. The guy is still so ingrained in that social setting and you're not anymore.

It's different if you're you're dating someone older and they never went to your school, like when I was in college and I'm like dating a guy that's like in his thirties, like, it's hot because he's got money in an apartment. All the know you are. You both went to school, but you're gone from the school now. So you're out of the equation. You're not in the drama. And unfortunately, it's like you being out of it, but he's still in it.

And so I guess my advice to you is to reflect and be like, first of all, who gives a shit if he is going to go hook up with his college ex?

She's probably going to go back to wherever Bill after college. He's moving to your city after college. So you have a guaranteed like he's about to move to your city and you will be the one or maybe a few friendly faces there.

So I wouldn't say move on. This is a specific situation. I wouldn't say move on. You don't have to. What I would say is slow play it, start posting hot ass out of college stops. You're becoming an adult. Make your life look good, because once he gets out and we can obviously deal with this, once that happens, I, I mean, write in again and I hopefully will find this.

He's then going to get out to that city where you are.

And I know this is hard to hear, but like, you'll probably be over by then if you start living your life in this new city out of college, he's going to start to look very young because you're going to find hot ass guys, older guys in this new city.

And listen, I know that it's hard to move on from school, especially your first year out. But once you start to really embrace that, like I'm out of college, it's weird to go back to colleges and go back to the game days and go back to the all the things like I'm out, embrace your new life. Like you got to get a job. Now, the next phase of your life is slowly growing up and like eventually getting married and like having children like you can't dwell on the fact that you're not in school anymore.

As hard as it is, everyone loves college, but you got to grow the fuck up. So lean into it. Give up your life in your new city, create relationships, you're older, you're capable. And then when he graduates and he comes to that city, if he fits into your picture, great. If he doesn't, great.

You're starting your new life post college and you got to lean into it. Instead of dwelling on the past and stalking college, it's going to get you nowhere. What do they do for you? Nothing. OK, here we go. Hey, Alex, I have come to you with not hope, not just hopelessness, but utter confusion. I love this segment so much. Here it is.

My boyfriend is a great guy. He's hot, nice, funny and bright. He works nine to five job works in coding, all while managing classes and his social life. He's very busy, but it pays off.

Before the McRib came back, life was serene with him. But once.

But once the two week marker hit, he went berserk every day before the McRib returned, he would ask me every morning as I'm exhausted and don't want him to hear him screaming, guess what's in two weeks?

After the first time he did this, I caught on. But this didn't stop him from doing it 13 more times. It almost became an alarm clock. And when I woke up before him, I knew it was coming anyway.

It gets worse now. The McRib is back. What the fuck is a mccrone? The McRib. Oh, McDonald's, the McRib is a barbecued flavored pork damage periodically sold by McDonald's every day.

OK, we and I see at the bottom this my intern, literally my I have an intern. Finally she wrote to me and said I found this girl's Instagram. It's linked to a vegan Instagram. It's so bizarre. And she definitely didn't make this up. OK, all right. So this is a true story. OK, sorry.

Every day since it has returned, we go before his 9am work shift. Even more peculiar when we get to the drive thru window that unfortunately is across the street. He asks if the McRib is back, as if he doesn't know the answer, just so they will say the McRib is back.

Now, get this. Once he gets the McRib, he devours it in under a minute. He says the McRib does not need to be enjoyed, but embraced after he eats this monstrosity of a sandwich.

While my vegan self has to watch in horror, he has to throw up because he eats it so fast.

We like to stay at my apartment usually as his roommates are difficult. So the vomit is always in my toilet. I'm concerned for his mind, but also his stomach lining. Sometimes when he gets up, once it's purging time, he moans a bit in the bathroom. Call me crazy, but it's not the type of moan you would do in pain. It sounds similar to that of one in the bedroom. So in conclusion, I want to know your advice.

I follow the segment and I find myself self respecting a lot of your opinions and they're very level headed. But overall, let me reiterate, this guy is so great, so respectable, so kind, so smart. I'm truly in a pickle. And yes, there are pickles on Maghrib.

Dude, what is going on? I feel like I'm getting punkt right now. First of all, I didn't even know what a fucking McRib was, let's just let me set this up for you, girlfriend, because this is what it sounds like to me.

First thing is first is this sounds to me, other than you writing it out, you spelled it out through your fucking literature in the way that you just wrote your McRib story.

You are disgusted with your boyfriend right now. And you've read still, you have reached a limit in which you are ready to write a McRib thesis statement on why the McRib should be banned from the United States.

I am so sorry. I am so fucking sorry. I understand where you're at, though, like everybody can relate.

As psychotic as this McRib situation is, you have been there where your partner is annoying the fucking shit out of you. They can do any little thing and it would bother you. So imagine you watching your partner inhale this McRib and being so obnoxious, like, you know what time it is, baby.

Like, shut the fuck up. In all seriousness, if this is real.

Well, also, this would make me not want to fuck a guy. Like, it's gross. Like, I'm assuming you're saying you're grossed out by that and like, how are you getting turned on by this person? Like, he's being, like, gross about it.

This is what I would do.

I think the first step is first you need to stop endorsing this obsession in this addiction. OK, so we're treating this like an addiction.

You need to stop going with him. Why are you going to McDonald's with him? You're no longer going with him to get the McRib because that is you that you're supporting it unknowingly. You're like you're kind of supporting it. So you need to stop supporting it so no one don't go.

And then I think it's reached such a crazy point that, like, you're writing into the Kalahari podcast, like going off on a rant about Mockridge, like this is clearly driving you insane. And I can imagine in, like, quarantine with him, like you're really losing it.

I would tell him, look him in the eyes, have a sit down conversation and say, listen, I understand that you love the McRib, but being vegan, something has turned within me.

And I can no longer look at the McRib and what I mean by that is like you can eat it, but I need you to understand that I refuse to ever hear about the McRib again. I refuse to allow you to use my toilet to vomit the post McRib and I and you have to either use the McDonald's bathroom or the street or go back to your apartment. But essentially it's me or the McRib in the sense that you can continue to eat it.

But I will never hear or see the McRib again. I will never hear about it. I don't want to fucking smell it. Go brush your teeth. Never again. It's basically like it's his dirty mistress and you're going to allow him to continue to see the dirty monsters, but you never want to hear about it.

That's gross to me. And I totally understand that. You're kind of especially if you're vegan, you're like this is a gross now also.

And he's like charging down the street, like, is the McRib back? Like, let's roll it in, bro. Like, what are you doing? And maybe there's something else going on.

If he's this obsessed with this thing, like maybe he needs help, like if he's inhaling it to the point of he's throwing up, I mean, who even knows if this is real? But I'm kind of thinking it's real because my intern, I was like, make sure is a real person.

OK, cool.

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OK, this is a relatable one, I think to anyone that has an ex-boyfriend. And you think you want to be friends. Hi Daddy. I need some advice.

Three years ago, my boyfriend, who I dated for ten months and I broke up.

It wasn't a super bad breakup or anything, but we've spent the last two and a half months or so not talking, snap, chatting, texting, etc. Recently he reached out and said that he wants to be friends. I'm definitely open to this idea because I don't have any hard feelings left from the breakup. However, I don't know how to go about this friendship, especially because I've heard rumors that he may have a thing with another girl. I don't want to start any drama or get into anything weird.

Do you think it's strange that he wants to be friends, even if he may have a thing with another girl? And is it even worth putting in the effort to be friends with him? Thanks.

Love you.

This is such a good question, and I just want to walk all of us and including myself, because I've had these moments walk you through what usually my mental state is when I consider becoming friends with an ex, it's very different if you're like, I want to fuck my motherfucking ex.

You know why? Although we say, don't do it. I've done it. Are you fucking kidding me?

So it's like I totally get when you're like the dick is to bomb, I got to go back. Same with guys. It's like the pussy is good. The pussy is right.

I want to fuck it. I get she's an ex but fuck off.

I'm doing it to be friends. To be friends with other fucking addicts. Let's walk down that path girlfriend. What's your end goal. What do you want from being friends with your ex? Do you really want to be friends with an ex? What does that even mean? Are you guys going to text? About what? Are you guys going to hang out or are you going to do? Are you going to hang out alone? Like, what is the point?

The only capacity I would ever see it in is if you are in the same friend group as your ex and you guys want to be friendly. OK, so you're not, like, awkward around each other.

I get it. If you're like every week we're going to the bars and it's awkward as fuck. And like, I don't want there to be bad blood totally. I don't want that either.

Like be friendly, friendly and friends.

Very different places, very different places.

Friendly is like no bad blood. I'll say hi to you like, hey, what's up? And you guys can be cordial in a group of friends.

Like, think about that. What do you need from him? What is it? What do you what do you mean friends? If you've had sex with this personal person and been emotional with this person to digress and become friends? Well, what's the point? There's no point.

OK, this is some steamy fucking shit. OK. OK, Daddy, sit down. I have a juicy story.

So I recently dislocated my kneecap and had to start physiotherapy.

My first appointment was at 8:00 a.m. on Sunday. I woke up hungover, I didn't think much of it. Thinking some old ass do is going to be my physiotherapist when I show up.

The most gorgeous man is standing there waiting for me. He was muscular, tanned, my type. So there I go with my unshaved legs for him to give me a knee massage. I smell of sweat because I was nervous and fucking hungover. I didn't even wash my face that morning. No makeup, nothing ratshit. Then the last time that I was going, I shaved.

Put on a full face of makeup. Yes, bit did my hair, put on perfume, etc.. I went to physical therapy.

I found his Instagram. Turns out he has a girlfriend and she is 26. I'm 18 are recently.

The physiotherapy appointments have gotten hot.

He brought me to a private room yesterday and would make me stand on one leg. As I got off balance, he guided my hands to hold his abs for stability and he gripped my waist to stop me from falling. He even slightly pulled it up. Then he keeps pushing me towards him to test my quote unquote balance and asks me to close my eyes. But I can feel his face being centimetres from mine. He literally I literally felt his hair on my forehead yesterday.

I keep my eyes closed and he places his hands around my neck and starts caressing my face. And I'm just there with my vagina throbbing and silently, barely breathing and immobile.

He then grabs my hands and locks his fingers with mine as I keep balancing on one leg. He kept doing this and the sexual tension was actually crazy. Like no physiotherapist would do this. Like he would touch me and get so close to me that the guy knew the effect he had on me. But then he would say the session ended and act like nothing happened.

We would flirt a little as he walked away, but we never spoke about our personal lives.

Also, he's been with his girlfriend for for a year now. I love how you, like, stalked him so hard. You like also the girlfriends text and they've been together for four fucking years. Meanwhile, you're also like but like we don't we don't talk about our personal lives. So how do you know this full stock? I love it.

My next session is after the Xmas holiday. What do I do? Do I keep enjoying this fully platonic relationship that lasts for thirty minutes appointments? Do I call him out on his flirty actions? He even asked me how old I was last time.

Do I lower my hands a bit when I'm holding on to him for balance? We don't follow each other on social media. Please. Lokey Clueless. Thanks, Daddy.

Dude, this is fucking hot, Daddy. I'm like jealous. Oh, my God. Fuck, we all need this man in our lives.

That's some hot fucking like Christian grey shit. OK, let me think my first just to get this out of the way because I can't help but think this, but just to protect you, what we're hoping for and I don't want this to be the case, but what I'm hoping is this isn't like his thing.

And he does this to every female patient and it gets him off and then he goes home and he fucks his girlfriend because imagine if, like, you're feeling these feelings, but he does this to every fucking chick that comes in. And like Lokey, all of it's fucking patients are Helike only takes hot girls.

I guess we'll never know, though, unless actually you could kind of, like, be a fucking psycho and show up early is fuck before one of your appointments.

And like, see if he's doing this with another patient, you're going to show up and it's like a nine year old grandma. No, but imagine if you showed up and was like another hot bitch and he's like fucking breathing down her neck, then you'd be like like I'm not going to go for it, but let's pretend that's not the case, OK?

And let's pretend that there is some attraction. I would say, number one, keep looking hot. Goddamn girl, if there's one fucking thing you need to look hot for, it's not to go to the mall. It's not to go to school. You need to look so hot for physiotherapy every week, time and time again.

Put in the fucking work.

Number two, I don't know if I would physically move in right away, since you guys haven't had too many conversations. Maybe if you're in the private room again, you could go harder and reciprocating, like when he's kind of going lower and you grab on to him like maybe each time you start to grab lower, because if he's progressing and you're not really touching him, maybe you start to go lower. I think also maybe just the direct approach, go for the dick, try to take the pants off, see the reaction, maybe he jolts back, maybe he thrusts forward down your throat.

We'll never know until you give it a go.

I'm joking. Not in all seriousness.

I would also mixing in like baby baby flirty banter could progress it, but only like two lines next time.

Maybe like when he's super close to you, smile and bite your lip with your eyes closed and then be like, do you always get this close to your patients or logit? You could be like, do you have a girlfriend? And like a super flirty way. And if he's like, yeah, be like, oh.

I'm sure she's great. And then, like, be kind of flirty like that, so he's like, what the fuck? I think sometimes guys like that when, you know there's a girlfriend, but you're still like, oh, and you still look flirty.

He's like, oh, fuck, you want to fuck. I think those two lines, that's it. You just try one of those maybe next time and see how it goes. I wish we could fucking have follow ups with these questions.

Demián, let me know if after Christmas, like how the fuck this goes or right back in and I'll try to have someone go and scroll and find it.

Wow, Daddy, I love it.

I still can't get over the McRib. I really I really, truly want to know more about the situation. I want to know if anyone listening has ever had a McRib. I truly have never heard of a McRib in my entire life, regardless dogging that. Is it for this week's episode, folks. All right. It has been a wild twenty. Really still don't even know how to sum up twenty. Twenty. All I fucking know is I am so excited for this next chapter.

The next chapter is in twenty twenty one and the next chapter of Call her Daddy and the next chapter also of me moving across the country with my best friend.

I'm going to give you guys a quick update. It is very, very exciting. Lauren and I officially signed on a fucking house in L.A. I signed the paperwork last week and we will be moving across the country come New Year's.

We are moving into the house. We're going to blog it. We're going to show you guys where we're living, all the things. It's going to be so fucking exciting. I'm so excited to just get out there, get new content, meet new people, date new people. It's going to be a fucking wild ride. And like I said, I am so excited for you guys to come along with me, call her daddy in 2021. There are so many things that I have planned.

I'm so excited to elevate the show, bring new things to the show, and I will be showing you all of that and you will be experiencing all of that when I see you fuckers, sadly, not Wednesday, but after the holiday break, I will see you fuckers in January of twenty twenty one six six six six.