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Daddy gang, it is your father. Guys, before you start listening to this episode, I want to let you know that we are running a sale on all barstool merch, go to store, barstool sports, dotcom, and then use promo code podcast's for 10 percent off that is stored up barstool sports dotcom promo code podcast for 10 percent off merch. Happy shopping daddies.


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What is up daddy gang. It is your single father Alex Cooper. We call her daddy. Howdy Ho.


What's up Daddy gang? Here it is. Your founding father back gonna go on for another episode of Call Her Daddy.


As you all know, I moved from New York City to Los Angeles, California.


And I said in the past, listen, guys, I know a lot of you are scared.


Alex, Alex, I dare you to go to the hype house. I dare you to engage in influencer activity, and I dare you to sign a big energy sponsorship.


I'm here to tell you that I am dating a guy in the hype house. I fully signed my big energy deal and I just got ass injections. What's up, motherfuckers? I'm just kidding. None of that happened. But can you imagine, would you guys still hang out with me? Be honest, I would love to get ass injections. Really put this thing right where it needs to be. The point that I was bringing up is not that I am dating Bryce Hall or Griffin Johnson.


Really. I just wanted to give you guys I realized I haven't exactly given an update on, like, do I like L.A.? How is it?


What a good question. You know, I love it. And yeah, it's a bit of an adjustment. As I think back to my days in New York City. I always knew this, but it's definitely like different being here and living it compared to just knowing it. New York City, you have to be a full psycho to live there.


Not really, but kind of New York City. Everyone that lives there, you are programmed for stress. Fighter flight is our resting state bitches. And I think we all know there's definitely a little something off about that being normal. But I think it's because we take an enormous amount of pride in what we endure and how we survive every single day, day in and day out in New York City and now living in Los Angeles, California, I'm starting to realize that everyone doesn't actually live in fight or flight mode 24/7 and look at it as normal.


What a fucking concept, right?


Because a normal day in New York City, sweetheart, you're not walking fast enough on the sidewalk. You're getting body slammed into a garbage truck and you're getting taken away with the garbage because you're a piece of shit that you're not walking fast enough. Someone's about to miss the subway. They're pushing you onto the rails. Good night. Good bye. Sorry you weren't on your game today, sweetheart. I got to catch the train like nobody is walking around in New York.


And as scary as it is when you first get to New York and like you're a tourist and you go to like Times Square and it's mayhem, it's craziness, once you live there, it becomes so normal and addicting. And then you get to Los Angeles and everyone's asleep. Everyone is taking a nap. That's actually not true at all. The pace to me seems like they're all kind of in, like, zombie mode asleep, but they're go getters, too, but in such a different way.


It's the classic. It's the basic shit. You get it, you know, the green juice and the yoga and the fucking meditation and the Zen with the earth. And you put your feet in the sand and you get yourself reconnected to whatever the fucking body, soul, mind, whatever the fuck it is. We don't do that in New York. We don't even have to work out like these new. Beans over here on the West Coast, we don't have to work out because your workout is just going outside and you're you're doing an obstacle course.


Get ready, get set, go open your door and you're in it to win it. OK, you're going to get tampons. No, you're not. You're going to go through the candy cane forest. You're going to hang with the construction man. You're going to get a whiff of a nice fart from a man that's eating his subway. The egg farts become normal. You you relish in them and you walk right through them, like gets a whiff of nothing.


It doesn't fucking faze you. Meanwhile, I'm pretty sure L.A. doesn't even have a subway. It's illegal to eat carbs.


And then I'm sorry, please excuse me, but I have to just quickly, quickly, quickly touch upon something that is such a huge factor and difference between New York City and Los Angeles, California. Let's quickly talk about the weather, being a gal, being a bitch, let's go, bitch, I'm not a gal being a being a bitch from the Northeast. It's January. I know you guys know it's January, but I just have to say it.


It's January. I am so mind fucked right now.


January for me and all my northeast bitches. January equals put on the pounds girlfriend stock up. Get that extra tub for winter. We let the leg hair grow to the extent that when you're wearing your sweat pants, it hurts. When I put on leggings that type of leg hair situation, every girl knows it. Always poking through your fucking leggings.


That's how long you really like her is. And it hurts.


It genuinely hurts when you're sleeping. It's rustling against the sheets your leg carries like crinkling. It starts to not like we are Chewbacca. My pussy here can't even explain the bush. It hurts. Also, when I'm wearing a thong, I'm like, oh, the friction is so hard and deep, but it hurts so good. And then I'm here in L.A. it just there can't even be cuffing season in L.A. right there. Nobody's fucking hibernating 24/7. It's beautiful outside and not complaining.


It's just it's just a readjustment.


It's a realignment of my backbone, my back muscles. I'm just trying to figure it out, OK? And I think maybe the best way a perfect example to really conclude the way that I'm looking at the difference between L.A. and New York is the difference in the humans.


OK, quick story time.


Back when I had just gotten my new apartment in New York City, I had never met my neighbor, heard about him but never met him, saw his rap sheet, but again never met him. Thankfully, one day I'm getting out of the elevator to go to my apartment. And this is the first interaction I have with this man again.


Never met him, never spoken to this man in my entire life. I get out of the elevator.


Heading towards my apartment and I see him running towards me in the dark hallway and this man charging towards me looks at me and says. There she fuckin is, the fucking bitch, her cell. In that moment, usually any girl would be very scared, but I just realized, you know what, it's New York, baby. It could be a homeless man in the fuckin alleyway or a psycho man in your apartment building. But as you guys can now assume, fight or flight, baby, you just handle it.


That's all you do. That's all you know how to do. I diverted my eyes, tried to not make eye contact, put my head down and raced to my apartment door, fidgeted, got my keys and immediately closed, locked the door and bunkered in my apartment, as one would do. And then I turned on the TV, a classic day in New York City.


Now let's compare my first interaction with my Los Angeles neighbors are I'm three weeks into living here, guys. I never met my neighbors. I'm peeling out of my driveway in my car. And I almost single handedly in one swipe, wipe out an entire family of five who lives next to me. It's not funny. It's terrifying.


Hence why I immediately screech stopped, put down my window and I'm like, I am so sorry. I'm like, embarrassed. Mike, I've never met these people. I almost just killed them.


And these parents look at me and literally go, Oh my God, it's so nice to finally meet you. We've heard that you have a lovely podcast I like you've heard through the grapevine. You haven't actually heard it. And they're so nice. And I would come over whenever you want, like if you need anything, feel free to come for dinner. Like you're welcome in this community, blah, blah, blah.


Lovely, lovely people shout out names. You guys are the real ones, New York names. You're also a real one. They're all real ones. They're just very fucking different. And that is what I'm learning right now. Listen, you can see the difference in life style and it's going to take me a minute to thin my fucking blood. I had thick blood in New York. I was used to getting verbally harassed, pummeled on the fucking streets, and I was fine with it.


And now I've got daisies and daffodils. And I'm also OK with that.


I think really, though, like when I look at it, I think they're both amazing places. And I love New York. I love L.A. I don't know where I'm going to end up in life, but I do feel like overall, I'm so happy that I made this decision to move here.


I was reading an Elton John book, by the way, that this episode is going so far. It's like this subway farts in the Elton John quotes. You can't you can't beat the combo. Listen to me. Vivi's against Elton John has a quote about Los Angeles, California, my good friend Elton.


And he says this. But if you didn't keep your wits about you, if you took a wrong turn or kept the wrong company, L.A. could just as easily swallow you up. Thank you all and thank you all and love the comparison to swallow. The point is, is I get what Elton is saying. It's it's like L.A. can swallow you up, but it's more of like a change. Who the fuck you are type bitch. Like you can change what you believe in and like the way you see the world and then you York like physically swallows you up and you're like on the fucking side of the road and they're just two different places.


Anywhere you live can change you. But I do have to say right now I'm very happy and I feel like I am so happy. I lived in New York City. I didn't get swallowed up by that. And now I'm in L.A. and hopefully I don't get swallowed up and start wearing crystals on my fucking neck and looking up my Zodiac sign instead of reading The New York Fucking Times. I'm enjoying myself. I'm fine. I'm Zen.


Before I get into this week's episode, just warning you later on in the episode, I'm going to be giving you an. Emotional update, something is currently going on with Mr. Sexy Zuman and I, so I'm going to get into that, but I'm going to try to keep this episode upbeat first.


And let's really kick it off with maybe I don't know, Alex. Maybe you hit us with something fucking sexual, you whore. You do remember it's call her daddy. I do. I do. I do. Daddy gang.


Have you missed me talking about blowjobs? Yes, it'll be on my tombstone one day, Gluck looking her way through life. Alex Cooper, a friend, a sister, a daughter, may hopefully life one day. Oh, well, regardless, Dick sucker one for the ages. OK, anyways, Alex, you really don't have to put yourself down like that. It's not. See, I don't see it as a negative. I see it as a positive.


If you guys know me, I love sucking dick. And it's not because it really coats the back of my throat and does a little massage.


I like sucking a wiener because there is a thing that comes with it and it is control and power when you can suck the living shit out of a man's dick in the right way and you look up at him, you own that man for that time being.


And afterwards, if you do it right and that's what I've always talked about on this podcast, and I'm so happy that so many girls are out there sucking and sucking and fucking, however.


At the beginning of 2021, I christened not only my Los Angeles house for the first time.


But my bed and my throat, I had yet to give a blowjob in 2021 and the blowjob situation that I kicked 20, 21 one off with was so different than anything I've ever done because for the first time in my life when I was sucking this dick. I. Was not in control. And I can say that I have never had a man do this to me.


Story time after this break. Before we start talking about sex, I need to talk about balls. I love balls. Do you love balls? But what I don't love is I don't love hairy balls. Hairy balls really are something that I don't want to pop into my mouth. I love popping balls into my mouth. Don't get me wrong, but I wish every single man in the world would use manscape. And ladies, if you don't know what to get your boyfriend for Valentine's Day, get yourself some fuckin lingerie and also get him a little manscape ticket, because basically it's a fucking gift for yourself.


Guys, Manscape has this amazing electric trimmer that helps your dude shave his balls and it's not going to clip him. Also, why the fuck are dudes shaving their balls and their face with the same thing? Dude, stop putting your balls on your face. That's our job. We want your balls in our face, but they're not supposed to be hairy. Also, men talk about stinky pussies, real stinky ass balls. Manscape has ball toner and their perfect package kit that you guys are going to get is basically filled with everything to help him groom down there.


Also, you guys could partake in this. And I think it's kind of a hot foreplay thing to shave your man love doing it.


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I'm not kidding you guys. It's actually a great package. They sent me a shit ton and it's amazing every single guy I know as it loves it.


Let's jump right into it and let me set the scene, daddy gang, the other week I am in a bathtub with a man. You guys can use your imagination as to who you think the man is. But I'm in this bathtub, there are candles, the lights are off, we're drinking tequila, and we are 10 minutes into slow foreplay. His dick is hard. Half of it's out of the water, half of it still in the water.


I'm taking my hand and I'm stroking the base of his cock super slowly. And then my mouth is taking care of the top of his dick that's out of the water. I'm slowly slurping it, going in circular motions with my tongue. And then slowly I start to ramp up and I'm going faster with jerking him off and my head starts to slap down onto the water. My face is fucked at this point. Mascara's running down, trying not to waterboard myself, but trying to suck his dick as best as I can in that tub.


He then stops me and he tells me, go to the bed.


He comes into the bedroom and he then instructs me to get on my back and dangle my head off the side of the bed and immediately starts thrusting his cock into my mouth.


I am holding the back of his thighs while he's pushing in and out of my mouth, slowly progressing faster and deeper, and then he stops, pulls his dick out and he says, put your fucking hands under your ass.


You're not allowed to use them anymore. For the next 10 straight minutes, he is fucking my face in a repetitive cycle where he goes so far down my throat farther than I have ever, Deep Throat at a dick, his cock is in my neck. And then he stops, stands over me and stares down onto me with his cock jammed down my throat. And then he holds it there until he sees I physically can't take it anymore.


To which he then starts to pull out slow as fuck, taking his dick out of my throat, out of my mouth, inch by inch, finally releases me and I'm able to get air. And just as I begin to catch my breath every time gasping, he looks down at me and he says, My little slut, you're such a good girl.


Are you ready? Another mouthful. Here we go. And then he shoves it even further down my throat than the last time. And then the next time it goes farther and then the next time and the next time, and it progressively goes farther and farther down my throat and stays in there longer until my body physically rejects him. And I am simultaneously forcing his dick out of my throat, gasping for air and vomiting off of the side of the bed.


He doesn't flinch. He reaches down, he picks up my face by my chin, he looks at me and he says, Good girl, now get on your knees, we're not done. He puts me on all fours on the mattress and he fucks me from behind as he's watching his cock go in and out of my pussy from the mirror beside my bed.


Once I start coming, it becomes so intense, I'm sweating. My body is becoming weak, my vision is becoming blurry.


And he feels this.


He fully feels me physically pulling away from him as I'm having my orgasm and he responds by just fucking me harder, which intensifies my orgasm even further.


I'm soaked. After coming all in one motion, he flips me over onto my back, jams his cock back into my mouth and fills it up with come and looks me in the eyes, grabs my cheeks and says, Swallow it. OK, I'm assuming right now some of you may be scared and some of you may be turned on and that is OK. I think it's normal to feel either if you're into Dom and subject, this is your wet fucking dream.


If you're not, you're freaking out. You're like Alex is actually sounds like not consensual. And this happened to you know, this was fully my wet dream. And I think that that's OK to admit and I've said on the podcast before, like, I love being in bed with a guy that's super dominant. I'm very dominant in my life with work, etc.. And so for me, what gets me off is a guy fully taking control of me in the bedroom.


And this specific position I've talked about the past is a fucking nightmare if you don't have control. And the biggest point for me, the climax of this story, well, maybe the climax of this entire sexual experience for me was the minute he told me to put my hands under my ass, it was fucking game over in the best and the worst way.


I was like, holy fuck. Because to anyone that doesn't get skull fucked on a normal basis or you've never done this. It's it's a game changer because it gives you the ability to I always fake and joke like, oh yeah, I'm going to hold your thighs and you're thrusting it into your face. No, the point is as much as your, quote unquote, thrusting his dick harder by using his legs. It's a fucking facade, the whole thing is I'm using also his legs to push him away when the dick is way too far down my fucking throat.


And in this moment when he took that ability away, I felt like I was being, like, fucking tied up and it was hot and steamy and it was sexual. My orgasm. I don't know if I've ever had a better orgasm.


I think, to my surprise was in that moment when he went to fuck me from behind, I was so shocked by how wet I was.


He wasn't fingering me. I wasn't touching myself when this was going down. The whole concept of this was obviously not physically satisfying for me.


I'm not a fucking masochist being like there was something about choking and not being able to breathe.


Like, no, it's not the physical aspect. It's the mental aspect of him being masculine and telling me what the fuck to do for the first time in my fucking life. And I'm like fully letting him have it.


That was fucking hot.


So I know that I always come on here and I give dick sucking tips of when you're in control. But if you are into and subject again, if you're listening to this and you're not into this stuff, I wouldn't try it because I could see this really upsetting you, actually. But in a fucked up way, when I threw up, I was like, whoa.


Like, I was like exhilarated by the, like, rush of, oh, I just he just fully pushed me to my fucking limits. And so I don't know. I just think it's fun. Like, I want to have nasty sex. I want to try different things. And I hope you guys can, too. Like, I think it's way more common than not that girls love to feel dominated.


So to anyone who appreciates it, there you go to anyone who doesn't. Don't worry, the next segment won't scare you commercial.


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Let's fucking talk about dating apps. Oh, how the world has changed and oh therefore how dating apps have changed. Every single person listening. You're either on a dating app or you're in a relationship and you're still on a fucking dating app.


Everyone has been on a dating app in their life except for the person sitting on Lauren's back and this poor, poor, poor child. Actually, no, it's exciting. But poor, poor child Lauren has never been on a dating app in her entire life. Never. And she's finally dipping her toes in. And it's it.


And it's good. It's good. It's exactly that Nasser Nasser that he gave before we get into the horrors of the disaster, that is me. Yes. We're going to I just want to quickly address that. It's been so fun to watch Lauren getting on these dating apps because I forgot how much Korona has changed, specifically dating apps.


Think your word for it? I have no. Oh, yeah. You're like I actually have no idea, believe you.


And what I mean by that, guys, is think back to normal normal days. No, Korona. It's as if I can't even remember it. No, you can't. Right. But think back. Normal dating, OK? You match with twenty guys on Hensch.


Oh twenty guys bow. Wow. I'm looking through.


You're looking through and you think you have your potential suitors that you would be interested in. So it's Thursday night. K thirsty fucking Thursday. Oh I missed that.


Oh God. Oh God. My bones are jittery. I'm like oh God. Give me alcohol. OK, thirsty Thursday. Rebecca, this is how you're fucking doing your weekend. Ready. Tell me you have never fuckin face time dated this guy. You've really not had many conversations with this dude. You just like his fucking picture. So what are you going to do? Thirsty Thursday comes happy hour. You get out of fucking work. What are you doing?


You're texting that one hinge guy being like, hey, want to meet for happy hour? Boom, you got one. Henchmen under your belt during happy hour, then you ditch him, you go get ready with your girlfriends and you go to the you go to the bar, you're at the bar, you text to whinge dudes, too, who are now we're at three and a weekend through the weekend.


Just in Thursday.


Daddy gang, you're at the bar. Say OK, fine, say one dude shows up, you meet him, you fucking hate him. You tell your girlfriend let's.


Oh my God, we have to go to the bathroom. Sorry. Johnny will be right back. You fucking dip. You go to another bar, you get another henchman. Wow. I'll meet you. You have three henchmen in a Thursday. You wake up on Friday, you go to work, you go back out another henchman. Saturday, you wake up another henchman for brunch.


You have almost you have to eat it for one. Oh, you see him for brunch. That used to be the norm. Maybe not that many, but I'm just trying to tell him I'm really missing out.


The point is, is you never had to really do background checks that much. You didn't give a fuck. If he ended up being a fucking weirdo serial killer who gives a fuck? You're meeting him at a bar, a brunch. Who cares a party. Now, fast forward to where we are right now in the world.


Now, I can contribute now and then. Go you go. You can't go to the bar to meet him.


You can't dip out and pretend you're going to the bathroom with Stephanie and then run out and get into an Uber and go to the next bar and then get the next Hedgeman. You now are literally having to be way more exclusive and thoughtful about the men that you are potentially going to connect with, what I mean by that is when you are on this dating app. You're going to have to meet up and it's going to be a solo hang. It's going to be a sober hangover mostly unless you're really getting after it and like you're going somewhere and like drinking in a park.


But for the most part, people are doing it.


I propose that to someone. I said, do you want to go drink in the park? And they were like, are you an alcoholic? Yeah, I'm from New York.


OK, so daddy going now, it's like, hold on.


The game has fucking changed. The stakes are higher.


So much fucking higher because so they say so I don't know because you're messaging this person. And deep build up and the texting and the pre FaceTime date to the actual date has never been more important because you're essentially weeding out the people and trying to find a gem that's worth breaking your bubble, risking Korona for and going on a one socially distant walk.


Can I walk with this person for five miles while drinking coffee?


That's what Laura did and she didn't like. Awful. So you almost have to really do your research or you're putting yourself in a situation where, one, you're potentially risking Korona for what to do that you didn't even like. All right, listen, if Brad Pitt does Corona and you're going out on a date with him, I volunteer to review people here.


It's fun, right? Thank you. Like you're I'm going.


But if you find out this, you fucking weirdo, and you don't do your research prior and you don't have a previous face time date with him, you're a fucking idiot. If you're showing up to that walk and you really don't even know if you're vibing with this person. So what I'm telling you, daddy going, is you need to do your fucking homework before putting yourself in a situation where you're meeting up with dudes or girls on the dating app.


Insert Lauren Lauren gets on the dating app. Tell them a little bit background about how you really try to take things into your own hands.


Well, I wanted to be a strong, independent woman who don't need no Alex Cooper, you know, so I didn't even tell you when I first downloaded the no, you didn't whinge. And I was like, laying in my bed and like, I got this. I can do this. And I put my phone down I thought was my Christmas morning.


I was in a wake up the next day and have all of these men in my inbox. No.


Oh, oh, I have no one really responded to me like you're like it seemed a bit dry, right? Sahara looking. Is our wi fi working? I think we have a Wi-Fi problem here. Like this is so crazy. Henges like it's actually never been stronger. There's so many users on it. It's working perfectly.


So Lauren and I are on a walk around our neighborhood and Lauren kind of is like, hey, I have a question. I'm like, yeah, like, can we talk? You can only talk like what's going on?


Like, you're like, I downloaded a dating app.


Meanwhile, me, I start freaking out. I'm like, fuck. Yeah. Like, show me your profile. Like what have you put on it. Like how's it going. Oh my God. If you match with anyone. And what happens Lauren.


I was like, I don't really know what's going wrong. Like I made a profile and I've been like matching and just like shooting.


Shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo in the shot. And I'm like, OK, learn like show me what you've been sliding in with. Like, I'm so curious, like you're saying, because Lauren basically came to me is like I'm not having success, like, can you help me? And I'm like, sweetheart, of course, give me your fucking phone.


Well, in my mind, I was like, I'm twenty six. I want to be mature. Like no games, no. Right, no. Like stupid little one liners. I'm gonna come in with like a nice mature respectable response, slide in slide and slide on. And what do you say Lauren.


Hey Cuma. How are you. In that moment when she showed me that I looked at her and I said, you're a fake friend, you clearly don't fucking listen to call her daddy. Lauren, I just about died a little inside, but I said, it's OK. You're a new incomer. You don't know that. That is a cardinal fucking sin. Warren McMullen, I have said to the daddy saying, listen, if your Kendall Jenner, you can slide in with a dot, literally a dot and send it off Leonardo DiCaprio, boom.


Unless we are goddamn supermodels, we have to put in a little bit of work. And unfortunately, on top of that, right now, I think that dating apps are so saturated with a bunch of people that have been on the ship for so long, you got to fucking stand out because I bet a lot of people are idle on this app. They're like, oh, another fucking chick asking me how the fuck I am. I'm shit this week.


Like, nobody really wants to fucking hey, how are you starting so slow. So finally, I'm like, Lauren, it's totally fine.


This is really what I'm here for. Like, I'm so happy to help you. And I take her phone and I just start messaging all of them going fucking ham for her, changing my password, putting your face on my face and denying me access.


I'm like learning. You're out, I'm in. Let's go. And but like, this is it was crazy because, like, I didn't I haven't interacted with you in, like, many of these types of settings before because I was never, like, coming to you for advice, guys. Yeah. Like I was walking down the street. I'd be like, oh, fuck, he's hot. How do I get him? Alex Right.


So, you know, like, I didn't have like I didn't I want to say I doubted you, but like, you know, like I hadn't really seen you in action. Full, full force. Right.


I gave you my phone for fifteen minutes. You handed it back. Every single person had responded. Now I was like, fuck, I'm overwhelmed.


Lauren's like, this is too much. And then no thank you. I it just takes practice. You're going to get there too. Even now I see you. Oh you believe me. I do believe in you.


And if not, I'll just take your phone number for you. The point also is like who gives a fuck if your friend is messaging for you? At the end of the day, it's just how you show up. Once you're fucking in person, I know you're going to kill it. It's just a different mindset of texting and being savvy with it. And you have literally been out of the game for seven fucking years. I would be shocked if you're like slinging one liners and like, learn it, like knowing exactly how to, like, go to the FaceTime date and transition.


It's like, whoa. But the FaceTime date was a bit shocking. Let's talk about.


So Lauren finally gets the point. I get her. We're about to face down like a couple of guys. I've got her a few dates ready, lined up.


I'm super excited, Mom, literally. And the day of her first FaceTime date comes up, this is how the progression went. Lauren is going to do her first face day and she FaceTime. You weren't home. I wasn't home. And she FaceTime me to, like, check her lighting. And I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? Okay. When I say, what the fuck are you doing? It's because Lauren is sitting. I can tell she's FaceTime me off of her computer because the quality was so bad you had, like, wiped your camera off or something so bad.


She's working because students to, like, look at me like literally she's working at this desk that she works out for work.


I had my full like where I sit, where I teach like it was my zoom background and background. And she's like, I'm not fucking joke. Notebook out, pen open. Like, ready for your hand. You cross. I know.


And I'm like, Lauren, I'm uncomfortable and I'm getting nervous. Like, are is there an interview like what are you doing? And she's like, oh my God. I'm like, you need to first of all, you need to FaceTime him on your fucking phone. Second of all, get up out of that chair. You are going to scare this man because you look like you've been planning this face time, days, your entire fucking life.


I've been planning it for the past five hours. It's fine, isn't it? You know, that's OK. Exactly.


We need to make it look fluid. And if anything, I'd like a quick thing that I usually do. Daddy and I told Lauren, and it sounds fucking like very minuscule and weird, but I promise it works a lot of times. And I like open when I answer first face time date. I'm always standing and I'm walking somewhere in my house. Wild.


It's wild concept, isn't it? When I told you that, Lauren, you were like, huh?


But there's something about it that makes it less awkward. Like I'm not sitting here waiting at the desk like Lauren, like, hello, Benjamin. Let us begin. We are in session. It's more like, oh, like you're walking to your kitchen. Oh, hey. Like, what's up? Oh, my God. And then you can quickly do the joke of like, oh my God. And then you pause as you're walking, you're like, this is the best moment.


You're not a catfish. We're good to go. And then you, like, keep walking, you go get yourself a water. And it just makes it less awkward and like pressure of like literally like sitting and waiting for a face time to make it fluid. Boom.


Do you agree? No, I did change it like that. And I wish I knew that because I full on had an interview my first time.


And then you also told me, like, you need to have an outlet, you need to like. Yeah, you need to make a subtle comment in the beginning whether, you know, you're going to like him or not, that like you have something coming up. Even if it's the best conversation, you don't need to face time for more than like twenty, twenty five fucking minutes.


Do you want to go home on my first face. Time, let's say, Warren, let them know how long your first face time was, it was two and a half hours and it only stopped because my phone died. Warren didn't know how to be. I didn't know how to be like, well, I think this is good. Like, we should stop to just keep making aimless conversation that is so, so fucked. And it's so common, though, the amount of people that are like, how how do I end?


This is just so awkward. You guys just have to go into it. And I told you, you always just have to have an out and you say it in the beginning of the conversation, not the end, where he gets insecure and you're like, oh, I forgot to tell you. Like, I have this doctor's appointment. He's like, rock. You just start in the beginning and be like, oh, like, what's up? And you're like, good.


Like, I have to go to a buffet. I have to go to a doctor's appointment, are like, oh, I have to go pick my friend up from like work and like a little bit like, what are you up to. Boom. Immediately you establisher out. So then the minute that you're ready to get out of there, you just reference back and it's not fucking awkward, noted and noted.


And that way you won't be two hours deep in a long conversation with a man that you ended up blocking me.


Now the thing is moving off from the FaceTime dates and hopefully after the FaceTime date, you guys can decide, like, OK, I like him or not, but you're not in the fucking clear post FaceTime from face time to actually meeting in person.


There's so much room to fuck up, OK?


And thankfully learned it wasn't you that fucked up for once delegating. This is like so fucking sad. But basically Lauren matched with this guy and this dude again, Lauren is looking to just hook up with people. So we're really and I think it's good sometimes. Like, I don't think there's anything wrong with go on a dating app and know your goal. Like what is your end game like? Lauren's not looking for a boyfriend.


So obviously we're looking at 4:00 men in L.A. I know you want to marry me, but, yeah, it's not happening. But I think it's OK to be superficial and be like you're just looking to hook up and fuck like.


So then we're look, I'm sorry. You're just looking to have a nice cup of nice nighttime kiss. Yeah.


You're looking to get fucked. And so naturally, we're we're going to look at people's features like we're looking at. Does the do look like it's a good fucking body? I can't tell you the amount of dudes, girls, everyone gets it. The amount of fucking dudes that put too many pictures of them surfing, hiking, skiing. And you can't see their photo. You can't see it's nothing for me and you can't see their face. And then the one photo that is of their face, the sun.


Thank you. Absolute pass. That means his face is fucking busted. Sorry, dude, but but no, seriously, show your fucking face is the dating app. What are you trying to hide eventually. Going to find out if I fucking meet you. And then the second one, I already talked about this on my social media. But a quick thing is like don't put fucking five nine in as your height. If you actually are five nine, we are.


This is the thing from girls. When a guy puts five nine, we think you're five seven. Yeah.


Everyone rounds up two inches. Two. Exactly. And so if you are five nine, I've had guys messaged me like we I am five nine and I put five nine. You're a rare breed buddy. Round the fuck up. Say you're at least five, ten, five eleven. Say you're five, eleven, five, ten and a half because then we think you're five nine and that and that's just the rule. So anyway, so Lauren's heart's blocking guys when we realize he's five nine because we think he's five seven and she wants a tall, hot guy, OK, and then literally objectify us.


Here we go. Fuck you guys. You want big tits and a nice ass in a perfect little hourglass. Go fuck yourself. I want a big dick abs and about six foot goodness. Sorry, I was like, oh, I'm uncomfortable.


So Lauren finds this guy and we're like, he totally looks like a little frosty, right? Yeah. He like had that like douche bag but we only were fucking with him because he was hot, had abs and he was thirty. If he was in his twenties I'd say he was like no. So Lauren and I start massaging him and I'm fully having a conversation with him on this app and we are hitting it off one liners back and forth. We're joking.


God, we're in love at this point. Lauren's like in the bathroom showering, you know, fully sexting this dude.


So we start hitting it off at like four o'clock. And Lauren and I are having so much fun with this shit. We start doing stalking and we see, like all of his friends follow, call her daddy or follow me, his ex-girlfriend ex-girlfriend follows me. We're like, OK, this dude obviously knows about the show.


And like, I guess our mindset was just like, if you know about call her daddy and like I'm your roommate, you would think that this dude would be more suave, like or dislike on his game.


I thought he was going to be down for the mindset of like, let's just, like, have a good time. Fuck around. Right. Right.


And like, come off, like, cool, mature. Yeah, it's going great. We will get to the point. It's Thursday. We're planning to literally meet up with him and his friends and do a socially, socially distant beach sunset y night and just like all hang out.


I was going to go with Lauren. He killed it, he literally in six hours were like, boom, also because we're just like we just want to fucking see a guy with abs, like. So any good friend, we want to.


Yeah, we want to infiltrate the front group. Yeah.


At 12 o'clock, Lauren and I are like, all right, sayonara. Go to bed, go into our rooms. I got a text from Lauren. Lauren, what do you text me.


I think he's just drunk.


Texted me and I'm like, oh like we really. And you're like, oh know he absolutely did. And his drunk text when he drunk text alert again, they have we have literally corresponded with this man maybe for 14 texts, 20 something back and forth.


And we have plans on Saturday, bro.


All you had to do was turn your phone off and we'll see you Saturday. What is this text? The vino was really flowing with the boys tonight. I'm feeling quite Lady Titi. Mm hmm. Oh, that made me uncomfortable, dude, Lawrence, like this 30 year old man just texted me that he is quote unquote lity, tittie Liddie, Titti, I've never said Leotis hitting anyone in my life, liberty.


And immediately in that moment, the guy I just fucked himself over, we blocked him less is more guys. Like, I was like, holy shit. Like this dude completely just fumbled the bag. He had you and I both showing up on a fucking Saturday to go hang with him and he drunk texted you. And I think in that moment, like, we're not assholes. We're just trimming the weeds, trimming the fat. Yeah, we were like weeds, trimming the fat.


Bottom line, we got to be selective is the one person we're seeing this weekend. I'm not trying to meet up with someone who's going to be sloppy on the beach and can't handle their liquor.


Exactly. We're not being assholes. It's more just like we he showed his true colors so early on that it was like if he's acting like this before we even meet, this isn't a reason to be blackout falling into the ocean or we're going to be rescued.


I'm giving him CPR and he's going to be too fucked up to fuck you. And the goal is to get fucked. If he's fucked up, he can't fuck somewhere for Rowson. You're sorry, Guy, but therefore you block.


Thank you. Next during Korona, your if you are on active on dating apps, you're the rate of blocking people needs to fucking increase. And I know that's like a joking but I'm not.


I was scared to block it only I feel too bad it's to me and I can't block anyone. What did I say to you Lauren. You owe this person nothing. Nothing. You've never met them. I think people got to get a little bit more ruthless on dating apps like dating. You don't have fucking time. We have all the time in the world. We're in quarantine. But you don't have time, Erica, time because you have so many people to weed through to find that one to go on the fucking date with and and risk getting fucked with.


Like you want to have good sex. You got to work work to get there.


This is like my second job now. It literally it's it's really fucking second job. So anybody that's feeling down in the dating app game, you haven't had much success. All I can say is the process.


You're probably doing better than me. No, that's a great way to wrap it up. No, you're doing great. Learn here quickly. Doing great, sweetie. Quick tip is, from what I've been what I've been seeing from success with when I'm messaging on Lauren's app, is getting off the app as fast as possible leaves you the biggest success rate to have success with someone, a.k.a. the minute you get on there, you're not asking, hey, how are you?


The first step is getting a witty slide slidin. Get these people to answer you, then you need to get off the app, give them your number, start texting the.


Oh I'm taking notes. OK, you're no big deal. I'll just do it for you. And then after you get do you give them the number and you basically tell them I'm down like would you want to like do like a socially disentangling.


Let's like get y let's get a little titty lady maybe immediately that makes you stand out because the amount of girls are guys marinating in their fucking DMZ hasn't slid in with their number yet because they're waiting to see if he's the right one. No, get the fucking number then you can block him. If you don't like them, transition to texting, then you're in there. Fucking text messages. OK, then once you're in, they're text messages. The next step is get on a FaceTime day.


Joke about let me double check that you're not a catfish and then we can have an actual date. You get on the FaceTime, you give yourself an out. In the beginning, you go on the FaceTime boom. We hate him. Block boom, we like him. Schedule the date. Show up to the fucking date close.


Are you putting the spark notes online, putting spark notes on Daddy Gang?


And the last and final point to all of that. If you are in the situation, you know, I was going to say, if you're in the situation that Lorenzen, where you just want to hook up or even fuck that if you're looking for a relationship either or when you have a successful date off of the dating app, a.k.a. Yulan, you just had a good one. You like this guy? I don't care. It doesn't matter.


I don't know. You're looking me at the soul. I don't care no closer. It doesn't matter. You have to continue to engage on the dating OP after having a successful day and look for more guys. Look for more girls because God forbid all of a sudden that dude decides to go with you or that girl goes you or falls, Mia is gone, gets covid, whatever all of a sudden, or you have sex with this dude and all of a sudden the sex fucking sucks.


And then it's like, oh, go get another guy. And then I look at you. I'm like, well, ask answer another dude. And you're like, why haven't been interacting with any new men? You have to constantly at least have to. That's my one rule, because then also if you don't have to, at least in your playbook right now, what happens, Lauren?


I'm going to like fall into the trap or I'm like having cheese with him on Wednesday, playing tennis with him on Thursday. Oh, going on a hike with him on Saturday there all day. So she. Oh my God, you're like tennis hike's. I'm like, holy shit. But exactly. You ladies and gentlemen, daddy again, please remember, never, ever, ever put yourself in a situation where there's one person that you're fully focused on in the dating game because you will get fucked.


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Right this in your phone. Go get save. I think I'm going to be serious here for for a few minutes, please bring it. So last week I obviously gave a very detailed explanation of my breakup and how that was not a not an easy thing for me to do at all. And thank you so, so much to all the messages I got of people saying that like that changed the course of their life. Like, that means so much for me to hear.


Yeah, I just I know it's amazing.


It's so it is such a cool thing, Daddy. I feel the same way whenever you are vulnerable on the show, to then have people be like, oh shit, that helped me.


Yeah, it's awesome. Yeah. I love that. But people were asking me in my dreams like how are you going to be all ready to date again or like that. People are sitting here right now like how is she after saying that talking about this now.


But. You have to remember leading up to the relationship, but like I said, it was not an overnight decision for me, like I had started to mourn the relationship almost in my mind a little bit before the relationship was over. And I think we also said last week, too. Like how? You have to be really OK. Feeling uncomfortable and like, welcome it and like, OK, welcomed with open arms. The moment that I broke up with him, like you leaned the fuck again, I didn't try to delay this morning process.


I didn't try to push away the sadness. I fully embraced it and I grieved for months. Yep. I didn't the whole time I was in New York, I didn't even think about honestly, I haven't even thought about like guys in this way until a week and a half ago when I downloaded this app. Right. And I think that's why I'm coming across. So like like a fucking middle schooler, because I haven't thought about guys in this way since you were 18 years old since a week and a half ago.


Right. For seven years. This is like my sexual awakening, literally, and I will know a lot.


And I appreciate you bringing that up because, Daddy, I've I've done like some breakup episodes, but not to go so deep, but I admired you so much in that grieving process because I do think and I've done it myself, there are times where you go through a break up, girls, we've all been there. God, guys are known for this notorious.


You break up and you block it out. You try to no alcohol going out drinking when I did do some of that. Yeah. But like people sometimes immediately go and have sex and you try it's almost denial.


But I agree your lead up time to the break up allowed you to fully embrace and grieve and mourn. And that way you've now I mean, we have talked each other's ears up. Yeah. I've let you sit there for hours, not let you happily allowed you to sit with me and be like, let's talk about it again. Let's talk about again. We go over it. Let's go over it so that you're right, a week and a half ago, you finally were like, I'm ready.


And to backtrack a minute, the few months before my move, you were out of New York City. I was nannying a ton. And I'm so gracious and so grateful and thankful because I was homeless, because my name is currently still on a lease. I don't even know if we've discussed that. Right.


You guys are in a lease together then you guys, you you left, but you're paying there. Yeah.


So I so I couldn't pay to rent so I got so lucky. The family I nanny for has a shit ton of money and they've, I had like worked my ass off for them for like go stay in our empty house in Brooklyn.


So for the months leading up to my move here, I was living in a five story mansion alone in Brooklyn that had no furniture besides a bed. I was alone with my thoughts for a fucking long time. That is dark. Yeah. I had so many moments of like I want to text him. I wanted to go see him. I definitely did one or two times. I'm not going to lie there, but. I sat alone in this giant ice house, and every single thought that I was feeling led you to now be able to be where you are right now on the setting up.


Exactly. I Laura and I were having a conversation about it. If anyone's listening, that is either going through a breakup or is considering going through a breakup in quarantine. I think a lot of people's thoughts immediately go to there is no worse time than to go through a breakup in quarantine because there's no distractions. Oh, my God, how am I ever going to go through this breakup? I can't go out to the bar with my friends.


I can't go to school. Good, good. Everyone, listen to me. All of the distractions that you think are going to help you get not pay attention to how much you're hurting distractions just prolong the process of moving on, preach, that's it.


The longer you distract yourself, then it's six months down the line that you're finally addressing it. And then that's also six months of you drunk calling him and crying to him. And all of those emotions mean you're still not over it.


If you do what Lauren did and you force yourself to basically sit in solitary confinement with your own thoughts, then your days feel like months, six months feel like years.


And so it is fucked up way. I would almost say quarantine is the best time to go through a breakup, lean the fuck into how you're feeling and go full force, because when you go full force, then you are able to fully grieve, fully get over it, fully mourn and move on.


I can live very happily, say like I'm not in L.A. sending drunk text to my ex right now because I leaned into it so much and we were talking and like, I think that's because when you're sending drunk text, that's a sober thought you haven't explored yet. Totally.


Lauren, do you think that there was just help anyone listening? Was there a specific moment that you knew you were ready to get on the dating apps?


I think like when I felt like whole, I didn't want to jump onto a dating app because I felt lonely, because I had an urge to text my ex and I'm like, oh, let me just text a random guy in this dating app. I wanted to handle those things myself and like resolve all those things internally before getting on a dating app. I didn't want to start this new dating journey projecting all these unsolved issues onto all these new people.


That is just a full statement of maturity right there. I'm so impressed and I will be the first to admit I have absolutely failed in doing that myself at times. I admit I definitely have not been proud of myself. Sometimes when I get out of talking to door number three or when I did break up with some shady, sometimes I would immediately throw myself into another talking relationship, texting, etc, because it's fun. Boys are fun like you want to talk to them.


But then all of a sudden you're right. All of a sudden those underlying issues arise when you're talking to that guy and then you can't even fully be present.


Because, you know, I just I like you talk about there's something I threw myself on to my friends. Yeah. I've been through a lot. I have, like Spaceland embody checks due to a floor fully, fully body checked.


And I'm OK with it because I'm in a place two of my life where I'm like, you were there for me first through a breakup and you watched me go to maybe the darkest place I've ever been in my life. And you picked me up from that. That's just what friends do. So when you came to me, I'm like, here we go.


Yeah, I get back up. Doesn't mean I'm not fucking terrified. When you were driving me to my first date shitting your pants shaking, I was physically shaking. And how did the date go?


Well, I got in the car first and I was like, I, I think it went well, let me talk nonstop for two and a half hours. And you were like asking me questions and pushing me.


And you were like, what? Was there an intimate connection? Did you flirt with him? Did you feel like you wanted to, like, kiss this guy? And I was like, well, no, like it was the first day, like, you know, maybe I'm not going to feel those things yet.


And you're so good about, like, calling me out.


And you're like, Lauren, like we've just you've discussed to me what you were lacking in your last relationship. And I don't want you to just continue. You're pushing me out of my comfort zone.


I basically said to you, listen, you have expressed to me that you want more intimacy, like you want to get into a relationship where, like not a relationship, but you want to hook up with someone that the physical specifically physically right now is huge for you.


And you were more in the friend situation with your ex. And I'm trying to be like, Lauren, you got to start literally flirting, like you've got to get better at, like, pushing yourself, you you to get through flirting, but like pushing yourself to be like make some sexual comments. Not you don't have to be full. Call her daddy on these guys. I get it like the show sometimes is crazy, but you need to push yourself out.


You tend to friendzone guys and you can talk about work for 24/7, but then it almost gets to a point. Girls, can you relate? I've done this to guys some times, but I do it in the more joking, sarcastic way where we joke almost too much that then it's like we have to even be serious around each other. Like I hate when I do that with guys. I was when I was younger, I would take it too far and I'm like, how do I even have a series?


I did that with the Canadian. All we did, I forgot about him. It was just like constant banter.


Let's take on each other and how better are we can have an emotional conversation. So I'm proud of you, though, because then after you really sat and you realized this first date, this guy was great. But I didn't feel a spark with regard to like I didn't want him to rip my clothes off.


Like, I wasn't really like, oh, like I want to, like, hook up with this dude. Yeah. And so you blocked him and so you blocked him. And that's been a journey for you, too. I think you're kind of like the devil in the angel here, I think. And but in a good way. I think we have such different dating styles and that is fine. But I do think we can kind of give each other both good things, like you're helping me be what I'm trying to deal with right now, which I'll talk about in a little bit, guys, with Mr.


Scorsese, you man. But then you, I think, are you need a little bit of like a lawn. You your time is valuable. You can block these people. You owe them nothing that can't happen. Yeah. That's like really foreign to me. No, I think it speaks to like we have such different lives and then we're sitting here and I, I hope that people can appreciate. Look, Lauren has a different perspective on dating and I have a very different perspective on dating.


And I'm going to have to talk to them about what's going on with me and a little bit. But I appreciate you coming online and being super vulnerable. I think people are really liking to hear your side of things because I know my stories are super crazy and I try to make them as relatable as possible. But I think you're in a very, very relatable stage of your life and people are really appreciating hearing from you.


Thank you for all the love and the support. And now I'm going to pass the mic and figure out what's going on with you.


All right. Mr. Sexy Zuman update, there's something about telling a few million people that really forces you to face reality, basically dating.


I've been avoiding thinking about something huge and I'm finally like, OK, I need to confront this.


Before Mr. Sexy Zuman left for London, we had a conversation and in that conversation he told me he's all in.


But more importantly, he told me. That he is in love with me. And he asked me to take this month while he's gone in London and figure out what I want. And he told me we can discuss when he gets back, a.k.a. February 1st, a.k.a. on Monday.


As you can probably hear, I'm having a bit of an internal crisis, there's a lot going through my head right now. There's a lot of emotions because I care about this person so much and I and I want to make sure that I'm making the right decision.


I don't want to screw this person over. He's literally everything I've ever explained, wanting in a guy for me, for the daddy gang and for some fucking reason. I'm terrified. I'm freaking the fuck out and. And I don't know why, so he didn't give me an ultimatum, but he did ask me to have some type of answer when he gets back and I respect him, I don't want to be an asshole and act like I didn't fucking think about this once.


But the truth is, I've been blocking it out. Like I said, I had to let my mind go there. I've been avoiding it. And I have a really face reality at all.


And now I feel like everything is just crashing down and slapping me in the face.


I have five fucking days till he's back and I'm so excited having this man look at me and tell me he's in love with me. It was amazing, but I didn't even know what to fucking say. I don't know what to do. Why? And I'm frustrated with myself. I feel like I have something so perfect in front of me and I'm so fucking terrified that I'm going to fuck this up. If I go for it, I'm going to fuck it up.


If I don't go for it, I'm going to fuck it up. And I'm just. I'm just I don't know. I have no fucking idea. I don't know what I'm going to do. OK, we are not done this episode quickly before we close this. Daddy gang. Is this on yet, Daddy gang? We need to give an update on Lady Titty Man.


Well, right now, Lady Titty man, like we just said, fully got blocked fully did the Cardinal Sin, fully fucked up law and blocked his phone number. He clearly saw we did a vlog. If you guys don't watch the blogs, go watch the blogs. We did a blog where we called him out. We're like this dude clearly doesn't fuck. Like, why did he send out?


OK, he just slid into Lauryn's hinge and he fully just walked on my phone. Yes, fully just resurrected his reputation I guess rose from the fucking dead.


And I think you're absolutely now about to text him to potentially fuck please read what he just laden with because as a man to recover from what he did and also to recover from the public humiliation.


To put it through a little use of Rosie, my blog, Lauren, read what he just learned with using the term Liddie Tiddy was a pretty egregious offense. There has to be a psychology term for turning completely socially illiterate due to a complete lack of social interactions during a global time out anyway. Regretable undoubtably recoverable. Unlikely.


We're shooting my shot to see if I can get a rain check for the Y night. Absolutely. I'm heading away this weekend, but would love to find a night for some vino, a sunset and good vibes when I get back. If not totally appreciate that too, but figured it was worth a shot.


I go down one, the vocabulary that man just threw the fuck in there. I'm wet, I'm wet, egregious offense, love. He's got a brain, OK, immediately he just resurrected in LA and was like, do you want to I text him right now?


No, no, no. You didn't say that. You said, can you answer him for me? And then I said, no, we'll answer in the morning. Daddy, that is it for this week's episode. Look at that. You can resurrect from the fucking dead and I will be resurrected from the fucking dead and telling you what the fuck is going on in my life and what the fuck I decide and what the fuck happens. And I'm going to shit my pants.


And next week is going to be what is next week going to be? It's going to pop the fuck off. Yeah, there's going to be a lot of emotional shit potentially happening. I have no idea where I'll be. But what I do know is when I released this, I will be in therapy for a two hour session, doubled the fuck up. So let me tell you, man, great work.


And you all get ready tittie tonight. Good night, Daddy. Get you to the motherfucking jail. I will see you fuckers next Wednesday.