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What is up daddy gang. It is your single father Alex Cooper. We call her dot dot dot dot city do stars zip.
Yay my oh my. What a shitty fucking day daddy gang law is up. It is. Your founding father got it all down for another episode of Call Her Daddy.
Hello everyone. How are you doing today. I am just glorious and let me tell you why.
It is about over a little over one week into officially having a boyfriend dating Mr. Sexy. Zoom in and it is going fucking terrible. Cue the breakup. No, just kidding.
I'm going to bring you guys through a little journey that I went through this past weekend, and I'm going to explain why it's so terrible. OK, what were you all doing this past Friday night?
I'm going to tell you, as you can assume, what I was doing this past Friday night. Oh, it was about to be date night pitches. I told you Mr. Zuman got home and we went right into the baby shower rave and that was Three's Company. You know, it was nice having Lauren there. But then we decided maybe, just maybe we should do a personal date night. And Lauren wasn't even upset about it. She said, listen, guys, I'm still recovering from deejaying and I'm getting a lot of inquiries to schedule me for DJs.
We said, Lauren, you go spin your beats. We're going to go on a nice day night.
So Mr. Sexy Zuman and I plan our date night. He doesn't tell me where we're going. He just says, get dressed, put on some heels, I'm taking you out. And I am thrilled. I am so excited. So far, the relationship has popped off a week in no fights. We love to see it. So I'm getting ready at his house feeling great. And then we go to leave. We get in the car and his garage and I am like, oh fuck, I forgot my mask.
I run back inside, turn off his alarm, grab my mask and leave for the night.
We have the best date night. It was so amazing, so fun, such good times. Laughs, cries all the fucking things.
And then we get home and we weren't even hammered, we had a couple drinks, we were feeling good, but we knew we wanted to rage on Super Bowl Sunday, so we weren't getting too little, as one would say, on Hinge. So we get home and we're just going to go right up to bed, maybe watch a movie, have sex, go to sleep, we walk upstairs and Mr Sexy Zuman walks into his closet. I'm sitting on the bed taking off my shoes, and I hear him say, Babe.
Did you leave my closet like this when you ran back inside? I say what, I walk into his closet and there's just like a pile of sweaters on the ground and I'm like, no, I don't wear sweaters tits out for the fucking boys, you stupid bitch.
I'm like, no, I didn't touch that. Maybe you didn't realize you, like, knocked your sweaters off because this man is clean as fuck. He is a neat freak. He likes his shit to stay organized. So he's like, I didn't leave my fucking closet like that. But you slob, I could see you doing that. I'm like, no, I didn't do that. And then we kind of just stare at each other. And then I go back out into the bedroom.
And I notice that the night stand on my side of the bed that I sleep on, the door is open. I turn around and he's standing in the closet doorway, facing out to me, staring at me in the bedroom.
And he looks at me and he goes. Someone has been in this house. Mr. Sexy Zuman then proceeds to go to the corner of his bedroom, pick up his metal bat, says stay here right now and starts running around his house, going through every single bathroom, every single closet, and is looking to see if someone is still in the fucking house. He's goes downstairs and all of a sudden, as I'm sitting in the bedroom, I hear him say, Holy fucking shit.
Immediately, I want to see what the fuck is going on, I get off the bed, I run downstairs and I see him standing in front of a window, completely broken in and shattered. I'm standing there paralyzed, realizing, you fucking idiot. You didn't turn back on the fucking alarm and I'm realizing this whole thing is happening because of me, I turn off the alarm, grab my fucking mask. And he had literally said, just turn back.
He literally tells me every single time, just turn back on the alarm every time I forget my fucking chopstick, my tampon, whatever, my fucking life, my sanity, my brain. And I forgot this time. And I ran back out in a rush. I completely forgot. And there we are. His house got fucking robbed. And so I'm standing in the kitchen and he pulls up the security footage and he starts going fucking in. He finally backs it up far enough to 10 minutes after Mr.
Sexy zoom in. And I got in the car and left for dinner.
Three men jumped his back fence and broke into his home. Ten minutes after we left for dinner, so clearly. These men were fully watching us. Now, right now, you are probably wondering why I am telling you this story on call her daddy, this sucks. This is scary. This is not a crime podcast, okay? You're not a crime junkie, bitch. You call her daddy. And I sure as hell am not turned on right now.
I'm shaking in my boots.
You guys have more faith in me. You guys know there is going to be a nice call her daddy twist to this story. And really only the daddy gang will see the true depth behind what I'm about to unveil.
After the initial shock, Mr. Sexy Zuman was making calls to everyone and in between one of the phone calls he was making to his lawyer, his dad, whoever the fuck he walked into one of the spare bedrooms, he goes in and he starts sifting through a bunch of the drawers.
And I follow him and I'm like, what are you doing? Like, we never go in this room, like, what are you looking for? And he stops and he goes, Damn. They took your Valentine's Day gift to. Now, listen, in that moment, yes, I was upset the burglary was awful, and I am sorry about your missing Rolex is and I am sorry for the invasion, but I'm not going to lie. My ears definitely perked up a little bit more when I realized there was a gift.
There was a gift. A gift. You said a gift, right. Not a gift or a Jeff or Jiffy Lube with the fact there's a gift. Hold on. Back up, Bruno.
And he looks at me and he goes, Yeah, I went and I got you a Valentine's Day gift and I hid it in this room knowing you're snooping. I would never look in this bedroom. And now obviously it's gone. In this moment, my mind immediately goes to thinking. But was there ever even a gift? And I start to be like, all right, hold on, I'm trying to be healthy here, I'm not trying to jump to any conclusions.
I have to just do some investigative work, put on my inspector gadget pants and just ask him as I'm about to pop a few questions, easy, breezy, clear my mind of any concern that he's lying. Clear the air.
His contractor calls him and they engage in a 45 minute meeting to essentially remodel and up the security 10 fold on this man's home. Meanwhile, I'm over here now just sitting here twiddling my thumbs, going down a full rabbit hole, convincing myself my boyfriend's a full liar. There was never a gift. There couldn't have been. So cue me sitting forty five minutes. I essentially have to listen to this man building a moat around his home. I am now going to be partially living in King's motherfucking landing.
This man is like, I want 98 cameras. I want men on the ground. I want the stakes that go up 17 feet high. I want no onlookers driving by my fucking house to even see the beauty of my house. No one will penetrate this compound. And I am over there like I'm so happy that you're so excited to be like raising snapping turtles and build a fucking pond in your backyard, you psycho. Unfortunately for you and me, I am fully regressing over here.
And what do you mean by regression? You have to just picture as he morphed into Bob the Builder, I began to turn in to motherfucking Maleficent or whatever the fuck is the evilest, psychotic, most unwell character in a fucking Disney movie. That's me. The poor man had no idea that him building his dream home was essentially also crushing his own life, because when he got off that phone, he was going to look across the room and make eye contact with a beautiful, beautiful Alex Cooper version of a Chucky doll.
Come on over. Welcome to the fucking psych ward. And I don't want to be committed to that psych ward. I want out. I don't want this life for me. So I'm like, OK, breathe, breathe, breathe. And I'm channeling timing, tone and turf. You guys remember back sex with Emily? God bless you. She was like, when you address your partner in a healthy way, you have to keep in mind timing, tone, hurt.
And I'm just singing in the crowd to me, singing in the corner. Timing don't hurt. He's like, What are you doing? I don't her I'm losing my fucking mind. But I'm trying to keep this in mind. I'm about to be approaching this man post his house, just getting broken into because of my dumb ass. I need to be very, very smart about how I go about this. So back to timing and toning it, turfing and all the fucking things set the mood.
I decide. All right, he's about to get off the phone, go over, crack two beers, set the mood, put some music on, put a candle on, get ready, calm him down and then infiltrate. So he finalizes the shipment of the snapping turtles and he ends the conversation with his contractor. He sits down on the couch. It's go time I slip my tiny little hand down on to his ginormous cock.
And I look up at him and I say, Baby, let's talk about that gift, because I want to see the receipt. And in that moment, really trying to give you guys a full image, he almost spits out his entire beer onto my face and the penis definitely goes a little a little sore. And he says. What I say, listen now, baby, listen, listen, this isn't about you and this isn't even about me. This is about the daddy gang.
He literally gets like angry, like his face turns red. He goes, Alex, what the fuck? Why are we talking about your show right now? I say, listen, hear me out. I cannot be a hypocrite. If this was roles reversed and Daddy King told me this story, I would make them go right back in there and not come out until they had receipts. And you have to understand, I have to practice what I preach.
Can you guys tell? No. When I say the show really affects my fucking life.
So like the God damn McDreamy. McSweeny Perfect man that he is.
He picks up his phone. Opens the Gmail app. And hands me his phone showing me a nice chunky receipt for some beautiful jewelry that had been purchased that week, I look up at him, I say, well, look how easy that was.
He's a guy. I don't normally look how easy that was.
See, I always knew. And that's the thing, baby. I knew. I knew. That was I knew you. I it's just the daddy game. They just needed a little bit of reassurance and they just wanted their proof. You know, the proof is in the pudding and the pudding in the proof of the receipt. And that's all we need. Let's go to bed. Come on. He's like, you're a psycho. I'm like, I know.
But that's why you love Daddy King. It honestly was one of those moments that I was happy. I was elated definitely that he did actually have a receipt.
But I think in that moment, lesson learned was like trust. You know, what a concept. I'm in a relationship. Trust is huge and I'm going to have to trust moving forward, jokes aside, because whatever I was fucking psycho, but he forgave me. The point was, though, like, it was a pretty fucking terrifying situation, seeing that footage. And then on top of that, I felt so terrible and guilty that I had left his alarm off.
It was pretty amazing having him as a partner. Just be like Alex, it's fine. Like they took material shit. We can replace all of that. I'm just happy that we weren't home and like, we're safe and it's fine and like, I love you and I'm going to be fine. And I just started crying because I'm like, I'm a piece of shit, but I'm not going to lie. After that entire situation, he was like, please don't skip therapy again.
I was like, duly noted, totally fair and by commercial to talk to who is it, Roman.
Roman, like the Romanoff's back in the day, the Roman soldiers. No, bitch, I last long and I'm a fucking Pinas.
Oh, my God. Roman, fuck me.
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Each swipe packet is a small enough to hide in your wallet. So it's super easy. No one's going to see it make fun of you. And also, again, why the fuck would you get embarrassed? Like, I'm sorry I fucked my girlfriend for two hours. Where are you on little Johnny Tim. Tim ten second will bust in that little busted fat quick nut. Didn't think so bitch. Get out of my fucking face guys. Fuck her pussy or fuck his asshole or fuck her asshole until the sun rises.
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OK, Daddy gang, here's the thing. Last week I canceled therapy.
That's why I was excuse me. I was like, please don't cancel again. I canceled my therapy session because I straight up was like I did a therapy session last week. And that episode, it was the deepest I probably ever been on a call daddy episode about my life. But also I talk so much about myself in that episode. And then I did this fucking intro. I'm going to shut the fuck up about myself. And now the rest of this episode is about to be about you.
May I have your attention, please? Can I have your attention, please? Help me, please. And I repeat, please. And don't act like you never heard the questions before.
Jaws on the floor like me and just burst of the door. I started sucking his dick way worse than before. They first were divorced, thrown overboard. I was the return all way, way. No way. You're kidding. She didn't say what? I just think she did, did she? And the brunette said nothing, you idiot. Supernet said she's locked in my basement. It is love call her daddy. Took it, took it, took a Slim Shady.
I'm sick of him. Look at him walking around, grabbing his. You know what was in that? You know who. Fuck you.
It's time for questions to help Daddy get a welcome back mother.
That sounded very, very, very different than France. I just I just wanted to get a little tricky with this week. I was really feeling ambitious and I just had sit in the room with me and video record me. So I will post that on to social media if you're interested in what my face looked like as I started to pursue my rap career anyways.
Daddy gang let. Get into this, you looking look, because there are some great and I mean great ones this week, so we are first kicking it off.
Here we go. Highfather Cooper, another Valentine's Day will be passing with my boyfriend of a few years, and he refuses to celebrate it. I really wanted to celebrate in some aspect this year due to a long, hard year of covid and a lack of romance in our relationship within that year.
I asked him if he could go out to eat or if we could order and something special.
I even laid out options of places and prefix menus for Valentine's Day to dine in or to take out his excuse, started money, hated the holidays, doesn't feel like it. I'm feeling really down about him not wanting to celebrate Valentine's Day and has not wanted to since our first year of dating when he sent me flowers and we went out to eat. Since that Valentine's Day, there has been nothing. Even when I gave him a gift or something special for him, he didn't reciprocate.
I'm hoping you can give some of your toxic birth health outlook suggestions on this. Thank you. Love you guys.
That's this is ours. Fucking hit the microphone right on my head. Concussed Hiriko. Not from the dick from the mic. I love that this is becoming like, give us your health and then you're toxic one. I think this is sad. Like, I don't know. I just feel like it's so fucked that when people have a partner that just goes flat line in a relationship.
And I don't mean if I die. That's morbid. I'm not saying that. I mean, like flatline. Like, they just give up, they lose their spunk, they lose the spark, they stop trying, they stop putting in effort. And I mean, call me crazy. I actually don't because I already know I am. But I think that's grounds for a breakup. Like if my partner stopped fucking with me, like fucking with me, please never stop fucking with me.
Fuck me up. Now, if my partner stopped fucking me all the time and I had multiple conversations or he stopped wining and dining me and stopped being romantic like.
That's a part of a relationship, and you're not even married yet, like my mom always says, like, what are you fucking doing? It's only going to get worse when you get married. So if I were you, I think you should take things into your own hands. I would probably do this. It's almost like a last call, last call for my boyfriend to wake the fuck up or I'm walking out the door, buddy, and this is what I would do.
I would go buy yourself some bomb ass lingerie, OK?
And it's going to be for you and it could be for him. But you know what?
Take it or leave it, buddy, because if you don't want it, I'm still fucking putting it on and I'm still fucking myself tonight. So you decide who's having fun. Is it just me or you want to fucking tango, too?
And I would put on lingerie and I would order yourself the nicest fucking meal there is to order. OK, splurge.
OK, and you order yourself. I was going to say, I don't know. Now I'm getting a little unhealthy here. I was going to say order just for one, maybe order for to give them the benefit of the doubt.
Like maybe he'll indulge once he like smells the mashed potatoes but like fuck maybe maybe ask him one more time. And if he doesn't say yes before Valentine's Day, order yourself. Oh here we go. Order yourself meal. Try to go fucking Michelin star. Like if you need money, text your mom, text whoever to fucking text me. I'll Venmo you a couple hundred bucks, ball the fuck out. All right.
And when it shows up and he's like, what are you doing?
Be like I'm enjoying my fucking Valentine's Day and you're going to sit at the table, you're going to play some fucking music, light yourself a candle and have your dildo on the motherfucking table ready to go. And if he's like, babe, you look at him, you go, go sit down, go, go play your video games. Where are you doing this is me time. It's not your time. And then you're going to walk into your bedroom and you're going to leave the door open and you are going to fuck yourself so loud.
And then when he tries to come in, he's no sorry baby. I'm having Valentine's Day. You don't celebrate Valentine's Day. This pussy is currently celebrating Valentine's Day. You can maybe get it later, like tomorrow or like next week. I'm in Valentine's Day mode. I don't know about you, but I'm doing me and I'm having a great fucking time. Go fuck yourself, seriously.
But again, before you take to the extreme, bring it up to him one more time and really just happen to have a healthy conversation of like, babe, like I this means a lot to me.
And I know it's not about Valentine's Day. Like, I know it's corny.
It's just more like this has been a hard fuckin year and any excuse to do anything fun and different and spice it up, like I think we're all craving that right now. Are you kidding me? Like, it's everyone is craving anything that just makes us feel a little bit alive again and a little bit of normalcy, because then every other day feels like Groundhog Day.
So I don't fucking blame anyone. I have always shit on Valentine's Day and this year I'm like, fuck, yeah, Mr. Sexy demands. Like we're going to do something really romantic. And I'm like, absolutely, let's fucking go. As opposed to me usually being like that.
That's pretty disgusting. Please stop.
Mayday, mayday. Alex So here we go. This is a quick one. My boyfriend wants me to peg him and I am all fucking for it. We got to strap on and all the fixin's that go with it. I'm from the south. Don't judge me. We haven't used it yet, but I've tried it on. My problem is I cannot stop laughing with this dong on me. I mean, he's laughing too. But how the fuck am I supposed to fucking with this thing while I'm cracking the fuck up?
How do I make a strap on. Looks sexy. Please, please, please help. I'm wanting to do this for him for bidet.
Thank you so much, baby girl. Alcohol or weed. And I don't know if it's smart to be. No, who cares. I don't I'm not condoning like blackout. Put the dildo on him, fuck him in the asshole till he passes out.
But I'm not going to lie like I think that I get what you're saying. It's so fucking awkward. And I kind of talked about this another episode recently. I think there was a difference between, like, really intimate sex versus kinky sex. And then I've had guys that, like, I could almost not talk dirty to because we had such a sarcastic relationship. Like, there's different relationships that if it's too goofy, you almost can't talk dirty to a certain point.
So I guess we were saying about the pegging also.
This is another topic Laura and I were talking about, like her relationship for so long. They'd been dating for so long, they never used, like, names like they would never call each other like Babe or anything, like endearing and cute.
And she was like it was so awkward to me because I wanted to I wanted to be like, hey, look, baby, let's go to a dinner.
But the relationship was so far deep. Sorry, I'm kind of going in a circle here, but I'll get to your question a second. The relationship is almost so too deep into one day she wake up and be like, hey, babe. And he'd be like, are you okay? You good? Like, I don't know girls. Right?
And tell me if you've ever experienced this. Because I have I've had a relationship where the pet names weren't and I hate seeing pet names.
Get me some fucking corny but like you guys get what I'm saying. It's almost like but it's too far gone whether you've never dirty talk. So now it's like awkward. How do I one day wake up on a fucking Tuesday and tell them to fuck me in the ass and treat me like a whore when I.
Only had, like, silent sex or like even as down to pet names like how do I call him babe one day when I've only ever used his real name, Gerald like dots. It's going to it's going to cause a little rippin, like awkwardness. So with the pegging sorry to get back to this, the pegging. I agree with you like. Yeah, fuck. Because you guys didn't just put it on one night and fuck and you already had put it on and it was a laughing situation.
I think that one you could start by maybe like sucking it like it's a dick and be like, fuck baby. Like I love taking your dick to the back of my throat. Let me put this on. And like, I want you to feel how good you feel in the back of my throat and then put it in his ass. I think with dildoes before you you peg a guy is to like I would personally do a little blowjob, like, get it wet, obviously.
Then you put the lube on, put lube on his asshole. Then I do think though, alcohol, fucking alcohol doesn't solve all I really do. I suggest get a little fucking tipsy and be like, baby, let's go. Because that that solves all. Like then there's like, no, your inhibitions are gone. It's like fucking go Silber's fuck sorry.
Or what you could do and I could kind of see that's being hot put on some porn of a girl begging a guy and you guys start watching it and then slowly start putting it on, do a little blowjob on it, then start sucking his dick, then put him on all fours like get in there.
Alex, I was wondering if you have any advice for being the doeth. I don't say this to put myself down. It's just simple facts. I'm relatively confident. However, my best friend is just flat out gorgeous and any time we meet guys, they are they all gravitate to her and try to get with her and I get ignored. She's basically my only girlfriend in college. So we do everything together. And I look, I love her to death, but sometimes it makes me feel insecure to be around her.
I'm not sure what to do. I feel like any guy I talk to ends up asking about her or being very dry with me and talking, talking her up instead. Advice girlfriend. That is the fucking worst. I remember my best friend fucking middle school. I was busted as fuck. I was so fucking ugly. And every time I went out with her, all I did was I wanted to look like her. But also I knew I'm not going to fucking stand out for shit.
I can add my personality. I can try to be fucking funny. But at the end of the day, like, I don't look like her. And what I would say is like, it's fucked up. Like you got to throw in a few nights that she's not there. You got to get more girlfriends because your self-esteem is important. And it doesn't mean that you don't love your friend. It's just you have to literally take care of your mental health.
Like, I get what you're saying. There's no way that when every like every girl thing about this, I've had fucking girls. I don't care if I'm like, oh, I feel pretty tonight. Then you have that one friend that walks in and immediately you're like, oh, like I look shorter and like a stump. You're like, oh, like my boobs don't look good to me. But so flat compared her is like, oh like my skin is like you have those insecurities and they drive you insane and it's the worst.
I've had so many of those nights where you can I don't give a fuck people like when you looked fine.
No. You know how you feel confidence wise. And I've had so many nights I remember I would go out with whoever if I knew that one girlfriend that's super hot and you go out and everything, then you just kind of feel like shit about yourself.
The confidence goes down. You're not loving how you look. And meanwhile, if you weren't around her, maybe you would feel better. And it's not to say that all of a sudden it's like you're your pretty friend is all of a sudden has no friend. It's just dabble in some nights, like maybe meet some girls in your class, like maybe try to find and gravitate towards more girls that you're like, oh, like this person like is kind of on my level.
And maybe that sounds fucked up to some girls, but I don't think it is you. It's your one fucking life.
And like, if you're feeling super unconfident around this person, just with regard to guys, you ought to branch out and and your girlfriend may be a little confused about it, but I think there is a conversation that you could eventually have that doesn't need to be around that. Like you'd say, I met this one girl from class. Like I'm going to try to like obviously like she has friends. I'm just going to try to go in.
And if it works out, like, obviously you're invited next time, but try to almost plan it, too, like if she goes and does something on her own, then go meet up with those other girls. It doesn't have to be a big drama thing. But for you, like, that's a big deal. So like, I think fully make make accommodations for yourselves that you get the attention that you want. You don't want to live in your friend's shadow, your whole fucking life.
That's not fun. And I think that's totally fine. Due to say hi, Father Cooper, is it normal that I get upset when I see my boyfriend is following his ex on Instagram? We have lived together for about two months now and one time I was typing in the search bar of his phone to try and find something from our text log and a conversation with another girl that said Pinky promise, babe popped up in his phone. And since I trust him, I just looked at him and asked, was this reason?
He said, no, I didn't think any more of it or get tripped up about it because I trust him. And that part of the conversation was dated back to 2019. But then weeks later, he was in the shower. And I was so tempted to go on his phone and see the text conversations with her because it was nothing. And I was curious. So like a daddy gang member, I know the healthy thing to do would be to ask him to go through it together, but I couldn't resist.
I didn't think I would get hurt because he said there was nothing he was hiding. And he was so casual about having about me having his phone anyways, I opened up the text log and tears were brought up to my eyes when I saw they were flirting, texting, face timing and and talking at the same time that we were exclusive.
When I confronted him about it, he said that they were just really good friends and she was crazy. He was her first and she couldn't get over him. Oh, fuck you, fuck him.
We ended up making up after that argument. And then today I went to show him something on his on Instagram, on his phone. And that girl popped up under recently searched and was following her. He was sitting right next to me. And I looked at him and he said, you're just looking for things to get upset about. And we've been following each other for years and we're still on each other's close friends. What the fuck, Daddy? Should I be rightfully upset about this or pissed?
But to him, he's saying it's nothing. Am I crazy for being upset, girl? Fuck, no.
I think the fact that you have brought up to him multiple times that this makes you extremely uncomfortable. You're not being unreasonable. You're literally just finding shipping what you guys are texting and face timing. I don't give a fuck. I truly believe when you are in a relationship with a dude, that person cannot be casual friends with someone that they have fucked.
Not only that they have fucked. This is his ex-girlfriend. This is his ex-girlfriend that he's so casually texting and FaceTime.
What are they what do they have to talk about? What are they so busy doing over there that he can't just do with, I don't know, his current girlfriend? That's so inappropriate. I remember and one of my relationships I've briefly talked about this on call her daddy. It was the most manipulative thing I ever went through. My boyfriend at the time would had a nutritionist and he would take photos in front of my face and be like, oh, my gosh.
Like, I want to send this to my nutritionist because I'm like trying to eat healthy, like like I'm going to ask her if this is like what I should be eating. And at the time I thought nothing of it because I'm like, this is your career.
Like you take your body seriously, you pay this woman.
And I never thought anything of it because I knew that she had a husband and a child. Fast forward to me going through his iPad when I asked him to open it for me.
And lo and behold, him and this woman who he was so had so involved in our relationship every day, he would like literally verbally say to me, oh, my God, like, I'm going to send this to my nutritionist. Like and sometimes when they're so open and about it, you can't help but be like, there's no way anything's going on. Like, why would they be that dumb to be?
So he was fully having a full texting sexting relationship with this woman when he was down in spring training in Florida. He texted me now looking in hindsight like men don't ever do this. When guys send full nudes, like in a mirror, like holding their dick and like your your body is big, your dick and his big like, just don't don't just do more of a dick pic like you're laying down, make it look big. He sends me this mirror selfie of his hard dick and him just like smiling and I'm like a serial killer.
And when I go through the iPod, he had sent her the same exact photo and they were sexting back and forth like so many nudes, almost as if they like he like he had a problem.
Like it was like, wait, this woman is fully married. So she is a problem. You're fully in a relationship. You have a problem. Like it was sick and she was older and it was weird.
And I know that may sound like you're like, OK, looks like they were just like sending nudes.
That's not that weird. There was cheating. There was there was an exorbitant amount of dick pics, like it was an obsession, almost like that's how they were both getting off on, like, how many news are we right now?
And then on top of that, there were times I'm literally, literally would see I was laying in bed with him, were like watching a movie or something. I was able to see that the correspondence was literally at times that I knew I was with him. And it's so fucking weird to see that shit because it's also a mindfuck of, like, dudes are weird. It's like when you're sexting that person, you didn't go jack off of anything. You just fucked me right after it.
Like how dirty and grimy and and violating and so hurtful to see. Like it was such a gross feeling like, oh, we fucked right after your sexting, this married woman like and a woman on top of it that you have so normalized in our relationship. And so it took me a really long time to trust another man because of how invasive those moments were and how crossed and fucked up it became of sex. And this the cheating. And it was.
And even though it wasn't physical, it was emotional and it was just crazy for me.
And I just remember right before I had asked about the iPad, I started asking questions about the nutritionists, like, is she married, etc. because I had a known and he made me feel so dumb for asking, just like this guy's making you feel dumb. If they try to make you feel dumb about something half the time, that means they're fully lying about it because what they do is they're trying to belittle you and make you feel dumb because they're freaking and into.
Here in the only way that they know how to turn it is to just turn it on you and they're trying to deflect, but really the deflection is a clear case of their fucking lying to you. So instead of being in a healthy relationship and being like, baby, I will literally block this girl.
I love you so fucking much. This means nothing.
Why isn't he doing that? You live with this? Do I lived with that dude. And now that's why I said last week, like, it's crazy to me to be in a situation now where, like Mr. Sexy Zuman, any time I just like ask him a question, he's almost overly too honest that I'm like, OK, I didn't know you to know that many details, but like, he tells me everything and I look back on then that type of relationship I had where the nutritionist and the gaslighting and you're like, whoa, the minute you step out of the toxicity, you start to be like, why I was so not OK in the head that the way he flipped it on me somehow I truly believed that I was in the wrong for even asking the fact that you're saying, am I crazy?
Why is your boyfriend based on his ex-girlfriend? Because he's literally inside of her every time you go to work. I think you either end it or you give him an ultimatum, and I don't like to be a crazy girlfriend, but you've had so many situations with this guy, my opinion would be, listen, I'm not trying to be a crazy girlfriend, but for right now to show that, like, I don't trust you, why are you. I need you to just block her and just, like, unfollow her on Instagram because it makes me uncomfortable.
And clearly, it makes me feel like you're picking her over me.
Like that's it's one thing if it's like a girlfriend, then that's like we got to take it in different steps and strides. And I have to really understand, like the big picture, because that's a tricky situation. I've had a boyfriend that has a close girlfriend. It's not easy, but that is way fucking different than this being his ex fucking girlfriend that he was inside of multiple times a day. I don't think so.
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Alex, I love the show and I need explanation. Why does it take me 45 seconds to finish with my vibrator but 45 minutes to come when he's eating me out. I know it's not an issue with the guy. I'm obsessed with him. And this happens to me with every guy, no matter how sexy or how good he is in bed, it takes me forever to finish while getting eaten. Now, my bf and I are trying to figure out this one, this one as she experiences the same thing.
We're kind of saying how once he moves his tongue the slightest bit, it feels like we have to start all over again towards a new orgasm and it makes finishing so hard. I would love to hear what you think, XOX. OK, so OK, here you go, I.
I'm going to be very honest, I was saying this to Lauren and Mr. Sexism and the other day, not in the same conversation, but I would have if they were in the same room. Prior to Mr. Sexy Zuman, I will gladly admit I never really enjoyed a guy eating me out.
I mean, I don't know if I would say I would never enjoyed it, but like, it was always more of just like a oh, like, OK. And then kind of like, OK, and then pull them up and be like, fuck me. It was hot for foreplay, but I wasn't having intense orgasms from a guy eating me out.
Personally, I felt like it was a little bit of them kind of being down there floundering around like, hey, like you're kind of like just like licking my whole like I need you to move up north gave the North Star is really where we're supposed to focus, a.k.a. my fucking clit. And I wanted to knee him in the head multiple times. But then it's also like, fuck, and that's going to fuck with their confidence. So a lot of times I pick whatever fuck it like I am turned on, but like I'm fully not going to have an orgasm from them eating me out.
And then how I usually would have orgasms is while we're fucking I use a vibrator or my finger and I've gotten really good at being able to make myself cum during sex with a vibrator or rubbing my clit.
And then I met Mr. Sexy Zuman and I remember it was one of the four.
It was so weird because it was one of the first times I'd ever eat me out and I felt comfortable with him, but I wouldn't say I was like, that's comfortable with him as door number three at the time. But there was something about it because I was hungover as shit. OK, stay with me here. I was so hung over and it was early in the morning.
I was like eight a.m. and we're in bed together. And he started going down on me and there was something about me being hung over, like just not really being like, oh, I'm fucking tired of shit. Like I'm not in the mood for this. Like, I was almost annoyed.
I was yeah, I was annoyed. I wasn't I was fully annoyed. I was like, dude, like, I kind of don't want you to eat my pussy. And all of a sudden, because I wasn't really thinking like, OK, it looks so hot and like I have to move my body this way and like I had to moan and be so fuck, baby, like, I wasn't trying to put on a performance. I was actually, like, almost about to straight up, like, if this doesn't feel like I'm so sorry, I'm really hung over all of a sudden because I was so relaxed.
I'm pretty sure my legs really spread out flat, like not trying to tuck in my tummy, like not doing anything fucking hot. And he was under the covers so I didn't have to make eye contact with him. I just had my eyes closed. I was like, I'm actually going back to sleep. And if something happens, it happens. And oh, boy, did it fucking happen. It was literally about less than 10 to 15 seconds in all of a sudden he was stimulating my clit in a way with his tongue that I had never had a man like really get on point like that.
And the consistent pressure on the clit, I was like, oh, fuck. And, you know, that feeling when all of a sudden, like, my whole body start to kind of tingle and like, I got a little, like, warm. And I'm like, OK, now I'm like getting hot and oh my God. And it starts to like, pulsate. And I was like, oh fuck.
I have never had a dude hit that spot so good that I was like that. That literally feels like how when I masturbate with my vibrator and I never really had that that great with a guy before, it's like, oh it's lighter, it's not.
This was like, oh fuck. And so for the the first time that Mr. Sexy Zuman ever, anyhow, I fully just leaned into it and I kept relaxing and I kept my body so focused on how it felt, closing my eyes, not caring about what I felt. And I fully had an orgasm the first time you ever eat me out. And ever since that day, I'm so happy to say I now am obsessed and crave him eating me out.
And I have never said that before with a guy like I've never been like, oh my God, can you eat me now? I'd rather them finger me because maybe the guy knows how to like, fuck my clit and finger me in a good way. That's going to do G spot and clit. But he's the first guy. So what I would say to your answer is, my biggest advice is you have to like, relax in a way that is so you don't even girls you don't notice it like we don't notice it.
You are not as relaxed, obviously, when you're with the guy first when you're alone, it's just natural, you know what I mean? Obviously, when you're alone, like you could have your fucking belly out, like you can be in the weirdest positions. And you're not going to do that with a guy unless you're so fucking relaxed and you don't feel like you have to look down at him and be like, oh, yeah, keep going. Like, close your fucking eyes, pull your face, mask on.
Basically, it's all about feeling comfortable with the person. And literally girls, like, try to pretend like he is your personal toy down there. Like a lot of times with guys, what I do when they're eating me out is like I will I will kind of control my vagina in a way that I'm like I'm grinding on his face. And when he gets in a specific rhythm, like, I'll go, I move my pelvic, like, into him and like, I will do circular motions or whatever feels good.
And I almost use his head and I just start moving my my clit on that specific part of his tongue in the way that I want it. It's almost like taking control, but also relinquishing control at the same time. If that makes any fucking sense, I could really go step by step if you guys want, because it's been a journey for me.
I'm not going to pretend like I come every time. No, it's not at all like I've had some serious fucking issues being like what's wrong with me at times? Like some guys I just can't like I can't come. Like, it wasn't bad sex. I just didn't know.
And I'm happy that specifically with Mr. Sexy Zumanity like fuck like I masturbate thinking about him eating me out and I've never had that with the guy. So to you and your friend, start by just trying to really envision you're alone even though the fucking idiot is down there.
OK, I found myself in somewhat of a situation, admittedly a situation that I caused myself.
I am currently engaged to my high school sweetheart of ten years. I'm twenty five. She's twenty four. We met when I was 15 and she was 14. I was a little sophomore. She was a little freshman in high school. Fast forward ten years and we are currently engaged.
Holy shit, that sounds like a fucking nightmare.
I'm sorry to judge but OK. Now here is where things get interesting. See, I already knew it's going to get like an interesting because it sucks. Probably you're miserable. OK, sorry. Anyone that's like happy high school sweethearts. I commend you for being able to sell your adolescent soul to someone.
OK, I also have a girlfriend, ok. Oh no. A girlfriend who is relatively in the same situation. OK, so this is just a friend. She has a boyfriend of four years, maybe five, and she just got engaged this last month. Just for background, I know my girlfriend will call her girlfriend number two for longer, basically since I was 14 years old and we have sexual history.
OK, so they went to the they all went to the same fucking high school. He's known this girl, both of these girls since high school. OK, now the situation I found myself is is I've fallen in love with girl number two and she has fallen in love with me. Of fucking course. Of fucking course. OK, I have never felt a sexual connection with anyone as I have felt with her. Then why the fuck are you in gay?
OK, sorry. Not only that, but we have a connection on a personal level as well.
Shut the fuck up.
We are 100 percent open and honest with each other, but not to your fucking fiancee. And we help each other get through hard times. What, like being both engaged now with fiancee number one? I obviously love her, but recently I felt as if the love has faded from loving like a spouse to almost family love. I mean, I've been with her for so long that I care and genuinely want the best for her. But also her family has basically accepted me as their own.
OK, I get that like you've been there for so fucking long.
It's like, holy shit. Like what do I do not like their families, my family.
I started sleeping with girl number two strictly for selfish reasons. I just wasn't enjoying sex and I was OK. This is I, I'm sorry, OK?
I'm trying not to be judged, but like I started sleeping with her for selfish reasons. Oh. As if there's a different reason for generosity reasons. Like what?
I started sleeping with her for selfish reasons as I wasn't enjoying the sex I was getting and thought it would just be sex her with her three years later and it's turned into a lot more. We both have come to the understanding and realization that it's time to make a decision with both having huge life choices marriage coming up in the near future. We both know that we are in a major crossroads and we have a decision. It's either time to go left with girl to or right with my fiancee, I can't help.
But I think I make a mistake no matter what I choose. I feel like if I choose to go the route that I've already accepted, a.k.a. marriage, that I'm going to make a mistake because if I wanted to marry this girl, what I really be messing around and having such strong feelings for another girl.
And if I go for Girl two, am I throwing away something that I've built for the last ten years? But if it doesn't work out with her and I just threw away this great relationship that I have, I know all this sounds like sleazebag. Maybe I am, but I'm generally in a troubled headspace and now found myself in love with two girls, please advise sincerely, deeply confused but madly in love, OK.
Sorry for being a dick, but I'm just like, whoa, honey, here is my personal advice.
You need to leave your fiancee, OK? And I'm going to tell you why, because this is so on fucking fair to this girl. You are about to ruin this girl's fucking life. No. One, if you get married to this girl, I want to ask you, do you think she would marry you if she knew this was happening?
OK, so this is unfair that you're about to marry a girl that doesn't know who you actually are. And number two, if you do marry her, you are going to continue to cheat on her and you are going to continue to lie to her. And she is signing up for a life that is not fucking you're taking her. You're literally stripping her of her an opportunity to be fucking happy and being an honest, healthy relationship.
So stop being selfish for a minute and think about her. She's done nothing to you but be with you since high school. Why the fuck are you going to do this to her? If you have enough respect for her, you should let her go be like I've been such a dick to this person. She has no idea what I've been doing behind her back. It let her go, let her find happiness.
Let her find someone that's not going to cheat on her because she hasn't been cheating on you. That's the first part. The second part is not to be angry with you.
It's like, listen, if you're sleeping with someone else before you're married, like, dude, what are you doing? And unfortunately, I have sympathy for you because it's like people that get in relationships when they're in high school and expect to get married. What I went through in high school, the guys that I dated and then going to college every year of college my freshman year, sophomore year, junior senior, I can pinpoint how many different men I started dating and how different those relationships were.
And by the end of college, what I learned about myself was so necessary to develop and get me to where I am today. And then even out of college from 22 to 25, those years of dating for me were so different. And the sex I was having and the guys I was dating, it's like the developmental years of your adolescent life and trying different things. I got. There are some people that believe no sex before marriage totally understand, like if that's your belief system.
But even to only talk to one guy, what can you talk to more than one guy?
You can talk to them at least. Right. You can make out with a few men. Like, I just think that you're putting yourself in a situation where, of course, you may have love for this person, but not you're not able to grow as individuals. You're literally marking it like here we go, we're thirteen or fourteen and we're going to go on for the rest of our fucking life. No wonder you're cheating. You're like, holy shit, this is the best.
I'm not going to lie, bro. You're probably going to fuck if you end up with your fiancee. I guarantee you you're not going to get married to this other chick because once you break it off with that fiancee, you're not thinking the repercussions that are going to come from ending it with that girl. Like you said, there's family involved. They are like your family. This is years and years of history with a family and a girl. So you're about to end an entire fucking relationship and family.
You're going to have you're not going to just go and quickly get married to this other woman. There's going to be repercussions. You're going to have to emotionally go through that. You have to explain to her why is are we not getting married? And I bet in that come to Jesus moment as you end that and it's going to be hard, you're going to be with probably the girl number two for a bit, but then you're going to also realize, well, fuck, now I'm free, why don't I see what's out there?
And then all of a sudden you're going to be dating. And honestly, that's probably more fucking healthy. I would urge anyone that feels stuck in a relationship and you're so fucking young.
What are you doing? What are you doing? Why are you about to get fucking married to someone that you don't. I don't know like. I think so. But I've invested so many years. Like, where would I even start? You are you have, what do you do, 70 plus more years with someone you don't fucking like? And if you know that you're already doing this prior to marriage, hurry up and get out before you go one step further.
And then that means you have that more things. Then you have to get a divorce and then you have to go through all the paperwork. Don't put yourself in that situation.
Get the fuck out. Hey, Father.
So this is a long story, but I'm going to try to make it as short as possible. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years now. We have never had sex. Wow. In fact, I have never seen or touched his penis. Whoa, whoa. He has seen me naked and has used my vibrators on me, we have had many conversations about sex and he just says he isn't ready. I've tried just about everything and I can think of, but he really will not let me see his dick.
I'm on birth control and I have been since we've been together. He hasn't done anything to me for almost three months now. I've tried seducing him. I've straight up just sat on him and asking him to do shit to me and he won't. I have looked through his phone laptop even before and he doesn't talk to any girls I know he loves me, but sex is a big factor for me. I've had sex with other people before, but he's a virgin.
Help Daddy, please.
I don't want to do OK. That's a huge part that he's a virgin. OK, quick. My quick answer immediately would be. I think my go to if I immediately had to, like, be like this is what I think it is, I'm going to assume that he may have and I'm not even being I'm not trying to make you laugh.
I would assume he has a really small penis and he's embarrassed, I would say, or he's gay, but I don't think so. Like, if he's a virgin, again, you should try to figure out what porn he's watching. That's always the go to. But for the most part, I think it's because he's embarrassed of his penis size, because if you are trying to even see, like, if he's gay, like he's fine, like he's going to even try if he is so insecure about his penis size, he's straight up trying to hide the weenie and he's trying to protect himself from embarrassment.
And if you love him like and maybe it's not even that small, maybe he just has no comparison. And since he's a virgin, maybe you should literally beg. Baby, we've been together for three years, three fucking years. You're aging, but you're already 70 like, oh, three years. You've never seen your boyfriend's dick that some shit or again. And you should maybe again, you would know better. But maybe he has trauma like you've got to kind of peel back the layers.
But if anything, I would all the way back to timing, tone and turf like sex with them, but in a different way than I approached it.
I would have a genuine conversation with him at, like, lunch one day, like, can we have a serious conversation almost to the point of, like, it would end your relationship. How long can you go for? Three years, not even knowing it's one thing to not have sex because three years and you don't even know your boyfriend's dick looks like girl. How are you surviving? I said Dick's dick hopefully does and maybe he does have multiple penises.
We don't know. But the point is you got to have a conversation.
If I personally would. If not, you try everything, be there for them emotionally, but then at some point you got to take care of yourself and you are looking at your old baby girl, Daddy motherfucking Cooper. First of all, you give me CEO vibes and you are a little and you are a little guys that little. You are a literal goddess.
Thank you, bitch. Second, I need an opinion as I dug myself a pretty deep hole. Do you lean more to girl code or. It didn't work for me. It might for you, but don't complain to me if it doesn't type shit, huh? Recently I broke up with my long term boyfriend after finding out that he cheated and he kept belittling me over my sexual abuse trauma. The same night I hooked up with my guy best friend, who also happens to be my girl, best friend's ex.
They dated for about five months and broke up about seven months ago after she moved 500 miles away with her family.
She claims to be over him and has had a new boyfriend since and has been with that new boyfriend almost the entire time since she's moved. But she's fairly mad at me and has brought it down to It's Him or me situation over this. I've known her for almost four years and I've known him for for the last year and a half and actually introduce them together. And both of them have always been there for me and acted as my mental rocks. I don't want to have to choose one or the other, but I'm leaning towards him because he's physically here.
Do you think I crossed the line or that she might get over it? Also, I love the show and the single father era I'm so proud of with how far you've come.
OK, this is so, so, so drama. And I was actually talking to learn about this before I read this one, because here's the thing. I think it's hard because a part of me is like I personally can I could never picture myself hooking up with a friend's ex ever. I just feel like if it's your friend, you've clearly had intimate conversations with your girl while they were dating like, what, four, five months? Did you just never ask your friend, like, how's the sex?
Like, what are the issues like when she went through the breakup, didn't you talk to her about it? So in a fucked up way, I feel that being a close girlfriend to another girl to then go and date a guy that they've dated, I think it's a little slimy just from the standpoint of like the motives seem off. Like now that girl's going to be like, were you thinking the whole time that I was dating this dude? Like, were you into him?
Did you want us to break up like it's a shitty friend move to make? I also think for you to say, like, you may pick him because he's closer and he's there. Do you know how fucking fast dicks disappear? Do you know how fast dicks are gone? Because all of a sudden one day he wakes up and he found a better pussy in his mind to him and he's gone from you like to waste a bad ass. Good friendship for a dick is never the right move.
I truly believe leaving a girl because you think the dick is good or you think that I love this like it's it's usually never the case. I think another point to think about is he's the type of person that's going to hook up with his ex's best friend. I don't really think that someone I would want to personally end up with, like, that's fucking weird. I don't know. I get it. And again, I don't know your trauma.
And you're saying they were both there for you, but they were both there for you. You've known this girl longer, like have loyalty to your friend.
Are you saying are you not writing in to me saying this is the love of your life, like be smart about your girl relationships when it comes to fucking girls over for a dude that like you're probably going to end it with. And then what? Regret losing the girl always picked chicks over dicks. I know it's fucking corny, but like it's low key. True.
Daddy. Gang, thank you guys so much for listening to this episode. I hope you enjoyed. I feel I hope you get a little bit of toxic, a little bit of health. We're just we're just doing a little DABOLL game up in this bitch. And honestly, let me know how you guys like my first little mini hit single. I'm pretty sure a lot of you were going to cringe. I'm expecting a lot of hate in my dreams.
But what is life without trying putting yourself out there and then getting shut the fuck down? Guys, as I told you, there will not be an episode of Call her daddy next week. I have off. So I will be back the next Wednesday and I will update you guys on where Mr. Sexism takes me for Valentine's Day and what we're doing and what's happening and what ends up happening to my vagina and what ends up happening to him, because I have some very, very, very, very sexual things planned for him.
But I don't want to say it on the podcast because he listens to podcast. I don't want to give it away.
And I'm so excited because as much as February is coming to an end this year, I call her daddy is only ramping the fuck up. I'm glad you guys are loving the content. Thank you so much for the positive DBMS. It keeps me going. It keeps me alive. You know, the mother fucking drill daddy gang. I will see you fuckers into Wednesday's.
Sit, sit, sit, sit.