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What is up. Daddy gang. It is your single father Alex Cooper. We call her dot dot dot. Good morning.

Good evening. Good night. Whatever time zone you were tuning in from today, welcome, this is a safe space. Let us all take a moment to center ourselves before we begin this week's session, let us remind ourselves once again of our commitments in the four pillars we have all agreed upon. Stay engaged, speak your truth, be OK with feeling discomfort and expect and accept non-disclosure. Laurin, oh, fuck. You little shit. Ha ha. What the fuck is up, Daddy?

It is your founding father.

For another episode of Call her Daddy, you bitches know I will never, ever leave you, but sometimes I fuckin wish you would.

OK, the call outs. Welcome back, Daddy gang. Our walls are thin. Your voice is loud. They know it. They turn you down. But I can't I don't have a volume control. They want to hear me. You don't. We have some roommate drama in the house this week, Lauren. Rupture a rupture, a rupture in the friendship. Tell us. So my alarm usually every day is set between four thirty a.m. and five a.m..

So, you know, I have a strict 10:00 p.m. bedtime and I just ask that my roommate be respectful of that. You're already beginning to sound like an asshole. And, you know, I provide for us to do a lot for our household. And that's all I ask from you anyways. So I go to sleep. I'm peacefully floating away dreaming about, you know, all the sex you want to have. Yeah, we'll get there. We'll get there.

So to fall asleep, it really set my mood to prep my dick dreams. I put on the Asmar channel with Asmar set porn. No, no, no. Just the way in the waves. The waves in the rain.

Asmar and I put it on like a bedtime timer, so it shuts off after an hour.

But then I wake up to some sounds and I'm like, oh, it was a glitch. Like I didn't put the timer on, like my asthma is still going. I go and I'm trying to pause my phone. It's paused. I'm like trying to turn the volume off. It's muted. I'm like, what the fuck? What is the sound like? What's playing right now? Your voice is playing.

Your phones are ringing through my bedroom, through my ears. You literally woke me up from the dead of sleep with your sex sounds.

I love how you were like first wondering like, oh, was that like is that my answer? That's so you're like at first it's like, oh, you're like waking up from a wet dream like what is this little Asmar?

And then all of a sudden you're like, it's my fucking roommate getting real next door. Yep, that is true.

And I will take accountability. I'm no bitch. Something came over.

If you guys follow us on social media, it was the night that we were wearing the wigs and just something on you.

I saw it in your eyes that night, something about breaking the purple wig. But I remember hearing in your I love how we all like I remember that also hearing in your room, like we hear every oh the walls are so thin. Great. How great. Great infrastructure. Very homey. But not one wall between our rooms. Not so thick thin. Bit such a thin bitch that I often feel the need to check in with you after I have allowed.

Before you can hear it, I'll be laying in my bed. We're both having Netflix and chill and Lauren will literally text me and say, Did you hear that part?

I like Lauren. I didn't. She's like, they're loud today. I was just checking in and so as you can. And that's also how, you know, like good friends can text each other, like, hey, did you hear that one? I let it rip. Did you hear that big bad boy? Like, no, I did it, but I did smell it, you know. So anyway, so I text Lauren. I'm like, did I wake you up from sex?

You answer in the morning.

I'm like, yeah, you did. But, you know, I just blasted the waves. We had to go, like, not like peaceful beach. Like I had to put myself in, like a tsunami to, like, drown your voice out. Yeah. And I, like, heard that. And it was totally fine.

And I think we, like, learned our lesson that, like, next time you should put on your sound machine louder like he was going to start sleeping in the air pods again, the noise canceling air pod, dude. So from all of this, then Lauren and I started talking and we were like. In quarantine right now, everyone, unless you're living alone, everyone that has a roommate, whether you're living with your family, your friends, your cousins are rando boyfriend, girlfriend, someone at school, a random roommate, whoever the fuck it is.

Masturbating and having sex in quarantine in close quarters is a fucking shit show. And I feel so we're lucky to have each other right now.

But it wasn't always like that. Oh, no, no, no. I was the poster child for someone going extreme lengths to masturbate in secret.

So sad. OK, explain. So this was really kind of birthed back in New York, start of covid when I was living with my boyfriend in a 400 square foot apartment and like just maybe we weren't having as much sex as I wanted. But still, regardless, like having sex is different than like having your alone time. Like, I still wanted to, like, find time for my alone time. But neither of us were leaving and we had a one bedroom, one bathroom, tiny apartment.

So what are you going to do, masturbate in the bathtub? First and foremost, why are you doing it in the bathtub? Is it more because you like it in the bathtub? No, no, no.

The whole premise of this is like disguise and like, hide it.

So, like, I didn't want him to know, like, I probably feel shitty, like, oh, my girlfriend is 100 times per day and it's like masturbation.

I like it. I'm just sitting out here, like twiddling my thumbs totally. So I already had like set the stage like already know I love Bath so I'm just like, oh, I'm going to take a bath. Like I was going to like take some time for myself.

And that became the time that you also flick the bean. Exactly. To lock the door, turn on the bathtub. The bath creates the perfect amount of like background noise, like covers the vibration as long as you don't have like one of those like like huge big boom. Yeah. Yeah.

But like it muffles the sound of the vibrator perfectly. Got it. But that is only the first step because then the real science comes to the water level.

So you get the background noise of the, the bath is running, the noise is going right. And now you want to jump right into it. You have no fucking time to waste. Why? Because the water. You can't let the water get too high. One, because you don't want it to go inside you when you're orgasming, because that's going to breed like a yeast infection. And also you're going to desensitize your clit if you're having your clit just on warm water, you know, all the sensors.

And then also I'm like naked in the bathroom is like, I don't wanna be cold. So I'm keeping a thin layer on the bottom to kind of like heat my body heat like that. Perfect. Ninety seven point six. So, oh, also.

Oh, we I'm sorry because I knew you'd do this. I didn't understand the whole line in my understanding. When you're like going to the bath tub to take to masturbate, I'm thinking that it's a fully filled tub and you have like your scuba gear on.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I'm goggles. I'm dabbling in the small like in SC2 of water. It's safe enough for me to put a one year old baby in and wow, we love almost like too shallow. Yeah, exactly. And then are you you're obviously leaning back.

I'm leaning back and worried and because it's like a race to the clock like and you don't want to feel race, you don't want rush, you don't want to feel pressured that like you're trying to orgasm before the water gets too high.

It's like an escape room. Can I get the orgasm out? You want the water gets you. We don't want that vibe.

So you want to keep the drain open? Well, then it doesn't get deep enough and you get a little chilly. So it's a fine balancing act of like using your toe to pop open the drain, slowing the water a little bit, speeding up the water a little bit, maintaining that inch or two. And if you needed to for a back up for a plan B, you can kind of like hoist your hips up a little bit, put one leg on the side, the bathtub really like you're like, oh, I'm so close and I don't want to fuck with the drain or the tub.

Now, you guys pop your hips on out of the water. I'm I'm just trying to really picture myself doing this because I know the links I was going in to quarantine when I was back at my parents house. Were you doing. All I had to do, like you are in it to win over there. All I had to do was, you know, the Coopers house. Yeah. They we do not have locks on the like our old childhood doors.

So naturally terrified.

One night my parents are going to walk into my bedroom. All I was doing was taking one of the little couches in my room, dragging it in front of my bedroom door and then getting into my bed and masturbating.

I wish I had it, but the thing is, like I was at the time, I was like I was so terrified. And again, I like to of this podcast, like, my parents are fully aware of what I'm doing. But in the time I was just like, fuck, I don't want my parents like, hear me masturbating like that fucking sucks. I was like turning on the sound machine, like trying to make it all work.

But in my mind I was like, well, I'm really working it. Fast forward to Lauren staring me in the eyes, being like the flick of the toe. OK, awkward woman. Let's go. I'm in this tub.

Listen, a girl is going to do what a girl's got to do. I respect it. Also, if anyone's going to try this, if you're going to orgasm, you have to be chill and calm like you kind of like you might not orgasm like the first time or two until, like, you kind of get my rhythm down and like, you're not feeling pressured and rushed, not like you're drowning and trying to, like, get yourself out of the bathtub.

This is really fascinating to me. And I would love anyone to write. And I have never done this and I have never heard of someone doing this because I remember I've heard of people using the bath tub, like the faucet in the bathtub and putting their like putting their clit up against the bathtub or like the shower head type shit.

That's beginner, that's this is called like Cooper. Listen to me, a sheet of water, the flavanol hole opens faucet and we let that drain than you close it, then you go, OK, so you can't fully be just focus on masturbating. You're also fully doing now. It's like second hand nature.

I mean, like I got it. Like this. Holy shit. I mean, Daddy King, I thank you for sharing that.

I think anyone listening to this, if you are Lauren, is clearly not the only one that has a boyfriend that you're trying to hide from, whether you're going into a closet, the bathtub, whatever, to went out. Your parents, whoever you're living with, send in some really crafty ways to masterbation station in secret, because I haven't been dealing with the issue of having to masturbate in private. My actual like most recent more not an issue, but something that's been more on my mind.

Your masturbation dilemma.

Yeah. Is now having a boyfriend who lives so close to me like I was masturbating a shit ton when I was in New York because I was like by myself, like I wasn't like I would have hookups, but it's always I'm always dating someone that's long distance now that I have a boyfriend full time. I mean, girls, you can write into me to like when you have a boyfriend that you're having sex with almost every single day, then you also still want to find time for the masturbation.

And so it's been like an interesting dynamic.

I've been like on a date a lot of time for masturbation. You have all the time in the world. And I'm kind of like, I'll be like, oh, I'm exhausted from sex this morning.

But then maybe like midday masturbation.

Also, girls, I do find I sometimes treat masturbation like a cup of coffee, like I need to like to wake up to like do a little bit of work, like a quick pick me up week.

Right. I'll do that. You, you will go in the middle of the day which I commend you. I'm more like it's in morning or night for me or like happy hour.

No I'm like oh I'm happy. I don't know. But like you know what I mean. Like in the middle. Yeah. I guess it is a midday pick me up. Yeah. I also think and I've had a lot of girls write and be like oh my sex drive is so low due to covid. I do find that if sometimes I'm like in a weird funk and like I'm not feeling great about myself and like I don't really want to have sex, like I usually I'm like, I need to masturbate.

And when you make it a regular routine in your day, then it also gets your, like, hormones going in. You're like horny.

Am I like, yeah, I'm like, oh, like here I go. I feel better. But oxytocin gets flowing. Yes. And then I'm like, oh now I want to fuck later so and like picture your boyfriend and stuff like that. So I'm not going to lie on this podcast. I'm absolutely through quarantine had my ups and downs of I've had serious moments where I'm not feeling horny and I'm not feeling in the mood to have sex. And it's just it's not something to, like, freak out about, I think, especially where we're in the world right now.

Totally understandable. You're stressed, you're not eating well, you're not eating well. You're not eating well, Alex. Like and so so it's totally fine. But I do think masturbation helps a lot. I agree. Also, you and I have talked about when you overthink it.

Oh, that is that is the worst when like it's just like not going well. And like in your mind, like you went in, you're like, oh, I like I need an orgasm right now. And it's like not working and you're getting frustrated and it's like literally like feels like you're just goes numb because you're overthinking about it. And you know what, that's OK. This is actually I just put these two together when girls write in and they're like, why can I?

I have a vibrator in the bedroom with the dude, but I still can't get off. It's because you're not even really feeling the vibrator because you're so in your head about making him come and looking hot or like how how do what is he thinking?

And I have a vibrator right now. So then it's like then you don't even feel the vibrator because your clit is literally numb because your head's not there. Same thing goes back to you. I've had moments masturbating. Whether I'm too fucked up drunk. Yes. One or I'm so stressed in my head. It's like you want to masturbate, but you're too and you're like you're not present in the moment. Yes. All of a sudden you're like, then you're down there for a while and you're like and then you're like JinMing and you're like, why is this thing working?

Why don't I feel that you're like in your guts and you're like, what the fuck? And you're like rubbing your lip. At that point I'm like, this thing is going to be like swollen and what is going on you before I go and you're like, you keep that up or you kind of like I give up. Yeah, throw in the towel. You ought to give up.

And like sometimes I've even watched porn and then the porn is not even doing it for me. Yeah. And then you just feel gross and what the fuck.

I don't know.

I feel like I can just like give it a rug and tulgan like they could be like on a conference call and like still come in and I'm like, I need to be like mentally handicapped and I need to find myself and remind myself of what I'm grateful for my click when it works and it's not working.

So girls, if I don't know, I think a lot of girls can relate to that. Lauren, I always talk about it like a lot of times. I love that we talk about it. Right. Yeah. That is a huge thing to, like, be open about it with your friends, because I think when you and I that was we always talk about it like, oh, I was masturbating last. Oh, Barbie, Barbie. Yeah.

I'm like, Barbie. I'm going to go masturbate. And it's like nothing happened. Yeah. And there's moments that it's like we why. And a lot of times we have the drunk ones. But even if you're sober and you can't get off, it's like it's so annoying happens. It happens.

But just like keep trying. Never give up, never give up, get back on the horse again and keep on and carry on commercial.

Lauren and Alex, please be quiet classes in session, it's time that we stop messing around about funny things and we talk about something very, very serious and important. Your underwear. That's right. We're doing it. We're doing it. We're talking about the underwear, me undies, me underneath your undies, not me undies, me undies. Motherfuckers believes that undies are something that should be yelled from the rooftops or shown off in a mere selfie for the goddamn Graham and I.

Second that the issue is a lot of you, the last pair that you guys have purchased was in seventh grade and those undies are rigotti raggedy and you got holes in them. And when you go see the man, you don't even wear underwear because you're too embarrassed by your underwear. Ladies, ladies, ladies minds is the tits. And I actually wearing it right now. And that's not a fucking joke. It is the compass underwear. I'm not going to lie.

I've got some good boy shorts for when I'm having my period, whatever. It's that time of the month. I love those. They also have amazing thongs. They have socks. I wear their socks all the time. And me and I designed a membership that not only saves you 30 percent off each order, but delivers a new pair of undies or socks right to your door each month. Not going to lie. I don't go to the store to buy this shit.

I always order online and that is why me undies is doing it right. You guys can just get new underwear every month sent to your door so you can control your shipments. They offer a wide range of sizes, including extra small to for Excel. They also now offer a lounge where they're offering the daddy getting 15 percent off and free shipping. You're going to go to me. Undies dotcom daddy. That's me Ondes Dotcom slash daddy. Get your shit together.

Also, get rid of your underwear.

That's shit on it and start new and fresh.

All aboard, Daddy's. Welcome to the Liddie teddy torture train. Can I ask you a question? Have you ever been so fucked up from alcohol that you would consider yourself, as one says, lity to tea, and then have you woken up from that night of getting little Tiddy and found yourself full speed aboard the Liddie titty torture train?

I worried and I have been fully enduring a torture train ride that we fully can't get off and we're here to talk about it today. I know I'm addicted to that fucking train. I am. And for some reason, it feels like the first time you ever talk about Lady Treebeard. Ever since then, our life is gone. Shit. Yeah. What is he? Daddy's curse daddy gang. We are here today to talk to you about something we have been internally struggling with.

But it's something that we feel is appropriate to bring to the podcast today because we realize this is a safe space. This is a safe space study gang.

We're safe remembering the four tenets.

We all not judge. We will not. We will not we will not attempt to send Lauren and Alex to rehab. We will make those commitments here today.

We will be supportive and arms open, arms open wide as fuck bitches, because be the arms of the Angels manager. Phil, I know this is a Sarah McGlaughlin commercial. We are excited about Todd Bridges. You're all like, oh, where are you guys talking about?

And we've been posing the question, why are we drinking so much in quarantine? There's a lot of stories that come with it, but why the fuck do we not just drinking? This isn't a one two situation. No, not a three, four drink situation. This is a finish the bottle, new bottle.

Open it up beside black. Yeah. A blackout situation. No, this is a blackout issue.

Painting a weekly blackout Wednesday, the sun and front loading all my work Monday and Tuesday, and it's a vicious cycle. And we're hoping while we're saying this, all of you are listening in your headphones or in the gym and you're nodding me too. And, oh, let me tell you, because I'm sure you guys are like, hey, you guys should try this. You're going to die, Daddy going with me. I'm going to get a damn.

If I didn't say this. You like Alex. You and Lauren should try this. I tried this.

Don't drink during the week and then just drink like a brilliant while you've tried it, you've tried that one. Lauren and I, Sunday nights we'll look at each other dead in the eyes and we'll say we're not drinking till Friday. This week we've even gone as far as to say, let's throw all the alcohol in the house. Nope, that doesn't work. No, because all of a sudden Monday night rolls around, we're like, what if we just have a cocktail to, like, just one?

We're taking the edge off. I'm pretty sure it's called a problem. We've got a lot of problems going on now.

Let's go to the the ethos, the logistics of like, why? Well, during covid, let's talk about it. It's easy to black out, right? It's so easy. It provides easy access for me. Money is an issue like I'm over here drowning in loan cities, like when I'm at a bar or restaurant and I'm getting like New York, L.A. Twenty dollars drinks me continuously swiping my credit card, kind of like sets my pace, slows me down, sobers me up a little bit, but here are forty dollars.

I buy a bottle, I drink the whole thing. I can afford that financially.

It's easier to get hammered.

That's justification. But also being in your house, can we just talk about the homebody lifestyle and how it really supports the blackout lifestyle. Exactly.

We turn our kitchen into a full bar. I'm obviously doing.

And for us, you're over there shaking a little cocktail in your little cocktail dress. I'm naked on the floor. I don't leave the bar. I sleep at the bar. Then I problem. No, no, because it's my kitchen. That's the bar. Like, you don't have to worry about your surrounding. Your inhibitions are lowered and you're in a safe space. And when you're in a safe space, you tend to ramp up the alcohol intake.

So technically quarantine is enabling.

That's really what it is. It's enabling us to blackout. It's making everything easier for you to enter that black hole and recover from that black hole.

My hangover is easier to manage. You wake up five, ten minutes before your zoo meeting. You commute down the hall to your office. You don't brush your teeth, you don't brush your hair.

Click on that touch up feature on Zoom. Dim the lights a little bit like you kind of can't see what's completely going on.

On my robe chair a couple feet back. Zachman, you're feeling me. We have to minimize the under I bag.

They can't smell you exactly your job. The people like Warren, you've been hit in the gray goose a little too. Exactly. No one can smell you. They only visualize and we have filters. Exactly.

This is again a navy bully. Exactly.

And now in hindsight, looking at it back in the day when we actually had to leave the whorehouses, that was kind of a protective factor to help us, not black out due to even in my prime, like I would manage the amount of nights that I was drinking in college because I was like, I don't want to go to class so hungover and have to go all around campus all day feeling like shit, have to like leave class in the middle, have your post blackout poop in a public restroom for those get you.

They kind of it's like a Supai. Yeah. And you're like, oh we're like battling it out right now. Who's going to leave first. Me. You're the person in the stall next to me. I'm not trying to have an explosion with a witness, with a witness. He literally hearing my post drinking shit and everybody, you know, those really get your home when you're home in quarantine. And, you know, I could have my post.

I go to my post blackout, diarrhea in private, in private, not only in private, but oh, comforting for you. So enabling. That's probably the most enabling aspect for me, that I can shit my brains out in peace, too.

It's like discussing and also like even if you're having, like, those farts, maybe you're not ready egg for the egg, but it's disgusting. But shut the fuck up. You know, we're talking about drinking. It's all, again, enabling.

And that was working perfectly while in our bubble in our homes. Now, a little bit of normalcy back in outdoor dining opens back up. We're kind of getting back into society, a.k.a. a society is now witnessing what was happening behind those closed doors in your home.

It's hard not to be a menace to society after a year inside. Q. Your first night out, you're caught with your pants down. You're caught with their pants down around your ankles. You're caught, bitch. Basically, we're saying daddy gang. All of a sudden we were realizing we were getting way too drunk to function at a dinner.

And I feel really bad for anyone who was in our vicinity because we were sure as hell cropdusters in the mall.

Gruffalo crop dusting people. I never thought, are you so serious? I never heard that. It's where you walk by someone in a bar and keep walking and they're like, well, what what's that smell? Where did that come from? And you're just on your merry way and they have no idea what you have you ever in front of me.

If I've ever crop dusting crop duster, that doesn't solve any time I'm guilty. You know, you've never done it to me, I don't think. No, I do. I was teaching all this sitting in their desks and I'd be walking around the room and I just dropped them little parts here and there. And I'll be like, who was that? No one ever thinks to blame the teacher.

That's like fucked up. They're all like, no. JAROLD Did you far LAWRENCE like no backup after death, after like sweeping through the eye, like, stop talking, stop talking, stop. It's not funny to make fun of people at our party. It's fine kids. Somebody did it take accountability and move on. I was really clenching your asshole at the front door. Pretty disgusting, but I kind of love it anyways. But episode the point is that we have been getting Liddie tittie by night, every night, every night, and it's been a little titty torture train come morning.

And this torture train represents waking up the next morning and dealing with the repercussions of just fucking shit up to the backyard birthday party commercial real man is that, you know, it's Rori fuck.

You're hotter than Román, am I? Yes. Rori, who are you? Oh, well, I'm actually Román sister. Do you swipe shit Ommen sticks to. No, I actually help women.

Oh, I love you bitch. Come in. Tell us about yourself.

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Let's let's just before before I started divulging this next series of unfortunate events, let's just put in the mindset, hey, maybe Lauren's going through a little quarterlife crisis right now. Like what does one do on a quarterly crisis? They drink debauchery, reckless, they fuck shit up, they ruin relationships and make people hate them. Oh, so, you know, I'm just really embracing that right now. So, like, keep that in your mind as I go through this next generation.

Yeah. So, like, one of my, like, friends feel like I wasn't I'm the closest with in high school, but like we had a lot of mutual friends was like, hey, like one of my friends is having like a little backyard outdoor shindig for her birthday, like come by and I'm like, hey, like big owl. How you feeling? covid like, don't worry, I'll like really safe. Are you comfortable with me doing that?

You're like, yeah, go get out there, like infiltrate some friends and am I going to fully am I going to fully out myself. Yeah. Maybe OK. The day before, you know I got a little in the mouth area so I was, I was reading Hey what do you mean.

I got live injections the day before.

Dude, I literally was like, you know it Malpas. I didn't do well, no, because I know I got lip injections, so I didn't even think I was like going to this place to, like, do anything. I thought I was just going to, like, see someone besides you and Mr. Sexy. I have no idea. You were about to say that because I didn't know where you were going with that and like, blinking like I like my honest, open, vulnerable, authentic.

I'm the people's people.

We respect the honesty. Anyone giving her shit. Shut the fuck up. Just shut up. I literally go with Lauren holding her hand. She gets lip injections. You pass out almost half hour. I was fine. I like Lord, I'm good. I have to go into the waiting room so long as it limps and they look amazing. But they're like fully they're fully bruised. So I like cover myself and concealer and then like three different shades of lipstick and I'm like, OK, like it kind of look like pneumonia or whatever.

Do you know Meredith Gray. See, when she comes out of the water after she drowned like she's really great. Lauren's lips are great. Yeah. So she goes to this party and like, the lips are fragile. You know, I got to be delicate. And the woman had said, like, no making out for two weeks. Absolutely no sucking dick, nothing. And to Lauren, I had like we had gone through it like, what have you do randomly meet a guy within the next two weeks?

I'm like, should I say I have like open mouth sores through. I was like, Lauren. Lauren was like, maybe I'll say, like, I have to help him out. I have a gun in my mouth. I'm like, herpes. He's like, oh, what do I say then? I'm like, just little to be honest. Like I feel like, dude, don't give a fuck. Like I just got lip injections like I can't like take.

And if you were I remember you kept bringing up the Mr. Sexy Zumanity. You were like so upset. You're like, I can't hook up with a guy for too long and you're like feeling I'm a girl. You're fully feeling so Lauren's feeling. And she's like, I like I don't know, like I don't know anyways.

But I go to this party with, like, not the intention at all to do anything. I'm like, want to see my friend catch up. Yeah. The it's like the last thirty minutes of the party and like I had been so well behaved the last thirty minutes, I'm sitting on a group of people start talking to this guy. I'm like yeah. Like only sex I've had in L.A. so far as bad sex.

And he's like oh really. So he text me his name and says blah blah blah, medium sized penis.

And I'm sitting next to him and I you tell him that the last guy, you fucked it at 12:00 p.m. and I'm sitting next to him and I'm like, I texted him, I'm back sitting next to him. I can't wait to taste it.

And then he says, let's go. And I say, OK, so we leave the party. I'd been talking to him for five minutes. Yeah.

You know what you are? You are getting out there and I respect it.

So then I'm like in the Uber. I'm like, fuck, do I go with Mauser's? Do I go with like I just hate making out, like, what's my ammo here? You're like I'm what do you see? We were coming with the whole thing really. I'm down to fuck but I don't like making out on the first day. I'll fuck but no making it. Yeah it's too intimate for me. I have a cold high right now.

I cannot be penetrated. Don't kiss me but fuck me. So I'm just telling them like I just got my lips done.

We can have sex we can't make out and I can't give you a blowjob.

He's like, ok, don't care. Now what man would you like. I can fuck you. I just can't kiss you. He's like this bleep fucking dream.

So I go there for a few hours and then I'm ready to leave. And how was the sex. It was like it was, it was good. Yeah dude. Just like mine. Yeah. Yeah.

I wish I don't remember like all of it but OK, here we go kids and. But that night I had borrowed one of your purses so I'm like I don't want to.

I got I bought myself my birthday last year like a Gucci purse, like splurge like spent like an entire paycheck on in like I'm not only feeling the good vibes, this was more like a hipster chill party, not roll up with like the little guy.

Little gal. Yeah. If I borrow one of your purses. So I'm going to leave this house. His house did like you were back here and I'm like, fuck, I don't have my purse so I don't have a key.

Hmm mm.

TVT to the first episode I came on when we talked about the one fight we ever got on, got in dude when when I lived in a real one with Lauren, the amount of times that our old roommate and I had to literally come home from dinners for work because Lauren would be locked out of the apartment. And the one time that we had gotten in the fight was when you ended up sleeping on a mattress because I wasn't able to answer. But like some, Lauren has something with key.

Yeah. Luzinski. Yeah, but get into therapy about it. Something like keys. So I wake up now fast forward to my point of view. I wake up next Mr. Sexy Zuman and he's like, wake your hungover ass up.

We have sixteen missed calls from Lauren and like about twenty texts and I'm sitting there and I'm hurting because Lauren was not the only degenerate that night.

We had gone to this place and I had gotten so fucked up, I had gotten so fucked up that I had to literally in the middle of having sex with Mr. Sexy zoomIn. I don't remember. But he told me I told him to stop fucking me and I remember kind of blacking back. Do you throw up on the side? The bad guy did it. Oh, I did it. How do you put his dick in there? I probably it was one of those where I blacked back in while he was fucking me.

Classic classic. Been there and you see it. You see like a headboard ahead of you. Yeah. It's behind me if you're back, like I really opened my boyfriend wanted me, so I look back and I see it as my boyfriend, which is like, great, check, check. I you know, I was in his bed, but who knows who knows about me these days. So I'm like, perfect. It is my boyfriend behind me, but I'm like, fuck you.

But I was like fully spinning. I black back in and immediately go to the spins. And I was like, holy fuck, I need him to stop fucking me. Apparently I tell him to stop fucking me in the most unsexy, unloving UN type of girlfriend way, almost as if he's like a stranger. And I woke up in the morning, he told me I have never had a woman that I've ever had sex with.

Look at me the way you did, like so disgusted, so black out like get off me and then proceed to throw up on the side of the bed. So then fast forward to the morning. I'm not feeling my fucking best and I'm ready to repent my sins like, oh God, my boyfriend is like, what the fuck is wrong with you? Like, do you have a problem? And meanwhile, I'm not going to fucking lie, Lauren.

Seeing these techs made me feel a little bit better about myself, because I did think, wow, not I'm not the only one that had another lady Tuesday night, so I quickly just forget about all my fucking problems.

I'm like, oh, I'm barely hung over now. I feel fucking great. Time to figure out where Lauren is.

Lauren, straight up sleeping on the side of the road right now where and I've seen there's no mattresses and hallways here. I was going to say no, but I've seen like the worst with Lauren for, like, she will, like, squeeze herself into a fucking mailbox. So I'm crafty. I would be on the street. I'd be I have no, no, no. I have a new plan now. I developed after that one incident that if I get locked out, I'll hold my ground in a 24 hour diner.

Oh, that actually, I did that to your mind because I can't afford a hotel room down the hall. A 24 hour diner. No, I get another round of answering. You have to. It's so dark that you, like, think that way. That's how of this happens. I know. Anyway, so I call on a caller and she's not answering me. Finally she responds and she says, I slept at my friend's.

Yeah. My friend like that. I went out to me it was like still wakes up at her house. So I'll go ahead and you're like, fucking give me your location now.

I think that morning what we did say, though, I'm not going to like this where, you know, that we were like, we get so dark with it. I look to you, I say, honestly, totally fine, fuck you about my purse. Fuck you about the keys. But you didn't fuck up the lip.

Filaret Easy to get. You fucked up the traffic and then you moved your filler in your room. I had some shit about me there, so it doesn't stop there.

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He's like, we'll see. It will mingle. You know, some people walk by like, Hey, this is Alex. Hey, this is her really single friend, Lauren. Lauren and I are getting ready. We look classy, bitches. We literally went shopping to get Lauren something that was like country club attire. Banana Republic. Thank you. Thank you. So we I now own a credit card there.

I know you signed up for the credit card, too, but it was like an extra thirty percent off. But then you think you can like we are going out to cancel out. Jesus Christ. Lauren, what are you doing. I'll be OK. We go to the country club. Lauren and I sit down with Mr..

Excuse you man and within like five minutes you start you're like I'm you're still so hungover. You're like, I'm only going to drink wine. Yeah. And I'm like, OK, I'll drink dirty martini.

And then a man sits down within the first five seconds, five minutes and he sits down and the vibe is like it's that kind of guy that sits down and he like runs the room like I put on my jacket because your outdoor dining and he's like, oh, are you cold? And he's sitting under the heater. He grabs my chair and whips me around the table next. So I'm like, oh, OK. And like, every time you would get a new drink, he kept like, pouring more.

Yeah. Frankly, he was just that sounds crazy. You know, he was one of those guys that just like very, very confident about control. We go to the bathroom, we do the classic girl talk. I'm like, are you good?

Like, do you want do you want us to take because you were leaving for dinner reservation. Yeah. Like you want me to take you home or do you want me to be or do you want to be like OK can you drop Lauren off.

Like have them drop me the fuck off. Yeah. I want to stay and hang out. I was like yeah we got to fucking Bob. Yeah. So Mr. Sexy Zuman and I are leaving and I'm seeing Lauren now on her third martini and I know she goes, yeah, he's like, he's like, do you want a third.

And Alex looks at me and goes, No, because I know Lorne like I'm leaving her. She has been absolutely blackout almost every single day since being here. And I'm like, I'm about to leave her. I feel really bad. Like I don't have a key, you know. Oh, yeah, you had lost her. I'm like, hey, I didn't bring a purse.

I'm like, hey, throw me your key. Just stick it in my pocket. So dangerous.

It's so dangerous because again, remind you, Lauren had lost my purse and her keys. At this point, Lauren doesn't have a key. Nope. And I give you only have one key to our name right now. Yes.

And so I give her my key and I look at her and I'm like Lauren, like I love you to death. Like try I have so much fun, but like obviously don't lose my heroes. Like we don't have a way to get back into the house.

I mean it's man go to dinner while I'm at dinner, you know, just lightly falling into a bush that's behind me behind the table.

How many dirty martinis are you in deep this point? Three and a half dirty martinis. Then we go to his house and we have a cup of tequila on the shower before dinner.

Oh, my God. You know, that just reminded me of the group text that you posted. Oh, fuck. Oh, God.

I'm sorry, guys. We're going. OK, here we go. So I leave and Lauren is like drunk now and he's like randomly. You guys decide to also go to dinner. We're like, we'll go to dinner this night. And he's like, but I'm in my golf. We get to go back to my house first. I need to shower and change. And then we'll walk to my house. I walk from my house to dinner. So Lauren, text Mr Sixty's you made and I goes, ha ha ha ha ha.

I'm at this guy's house. Nice guy. What's his name again as the content creator. The Grinder, the dedicated woman. I am trying to give you guys content inside. Look into our life. I post her, I post our little girl tag group. All my story dying. Laughing Lauren asking what this guy's fucking name is as she's literally at his house.

All he like we've been like we've known each other for like four hours at this point, literally. So they go to dinner. You how was the dinner. I wish I could tell you.

The game person messaged me. I was like, I saw you didn't want to interrupt you. You were having a great time. I wanted to respond. I'm like, oh, you tell me more. What else was it like? Well, I'm doing. Yeah, yeah, my makeup. Yeah. So as the dinner.

But I will have to say like I'm a very functioning blackout, like people who like know me very well, they'll be like, oh I had no idea you were blackout. That's not true. Half the time you just fall. Yeah. I get on like autopilot. Yes. So finally your dinner ends and you go back to our house because you guys want to hook up. Yeah. And I'm at dinner still. Yeah. And I get a voice message from Lauren.

I've always wanted you. Oh, you don't even remember that.

No, I remember. I get a lot of notifications front side, back. That's what I know. Lauren has fucked up why she in the backyard. And it's 2:00 a.m. and I get a voice message from Lauren saying. Ali, now, don't worry, don't worry, I'm fine. I lost the key. That's my first mistake. I revealed my cards too early. I should have texted. I could have masked how fucked up I was. My voice message me a minute and a half and no one knew.

The next morning I couldn't find any trace. I'm like, how did I like? I don't see any calls. Her full voice message, full, belligerent, telling me that you lost the key. And then I turn into my security cameras and I see Lauren and Country Club man in our back yard, Lauren sitting on the ground and I'm sitting on the patio furniture box. Still in a box.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. A very specific. And he's on the phone, which then Lauren says, don't worry, he's calling a locksmith. And I'm just like looking at the suspects. He's about to lose my mind because I'm like, she's lost my purse, my key or her key that I gave her my key and now she lost my key. Like we have no way to get into the house. So for the next hour, I'm trying to decide, like, fuck, we're all the way down in Malibu.

Like, do we leave our dinner early? Like, what the fuck? Do it? Because I. Sorry, I just said it was two a.m.. It wasn't 2:00 a.m. It's like now felt like two a.m. because we felt like it's only like ten years. So finally we get back. We realized I had left another spare like an emergency key. Think of Mr. Sexy Zoo man. We go, we get that key, we let Lauren and Country Club man in.

Did you guys end up picking up that night? I didn't. Yeah, you did. Yeah, I was at the but night.

No, that was the night that I said it won't fit. Oh tell them, tell them. OK, so we literally like me. I'm like full delusional mode right now. This is a Tuesday and I'm still fucking hungover from Saturday with Country Club Man. So I might be like, hey big ol got chippy, chippy, choppy, choppy seas out. But, you know, I'll just sit that night. Basically I get we drive up. I'm like, I can't get out of the car.

Like I know she's fucked up. Like I don't want to say anything I regret. Like just go give them the key, let them in, let's go home. Like I just got to like I'm like exhausted. So hungover at this point. Yeah. Like I can't believe.

But you wouldn't even get like you barely drank the night. You were so, so hungover from the night before. So they so he lets you in. We go home. You guys do your thing. What did you do in the bedroom that night.

I had sex and then I was like, oh it won't fit. And he said, What do you mean it won't fit? I'm like, oh I have a tampon.

In July you would literally talk to me before being like, I have my period. Like, what am I going to do? Then I wake up the next morning and I'm like, what did you guys do? And I'm like, oh, he like he didn't stick a finger in your butt. You just told me that he tried to and then you were like, Oh, look, I had a tampon in. So Lauren was so black out that she was like, oh my God, my pussy is so tight like her.

You have an extra large tampon in your pussy. Like, take it out, you stupid bitch. Let's help black out. You were so. And he leaves, right? You didn't let him sleep over. No, I said you have to leave. OK, perfect. We have yet to hospitable bed. Yeah. So he leaves and then. Now it was Saturday. Yeah.

What happened then after you came home and I like followed you around like a needy puppy. Yeah.

And I was like I can't even be mad at you because I know how hungover you are right now and like to be like angry with you about losing a key. It's like you already have enough punishment because literally so hungry. Yeah.

I was so hungover and I was so mortified. Yeah. And I was like mortified. Let's cuddle, let's talk about. Yeah. But also fuck you. Where's our key. Mortified. So we go we get nineteen copies of nineteen sixties. You mean. It's like we need to get you so many. We need to have so many options for Lauren. Oh I bought a lock box. Yeah. We have a lot of things going on so Lauren gets a new key.

All is right in the world.

You head off to your little Valentine's rendezvous excursion, we go to Utah.

We have the best. I mean, he outdid himself. It was literally one of the best trips I've ever had.

It was a good moment for us to have a little time apart. Yeah, it's like at that point, I think, to feel like our lives, like we were like, dude, like we're pushing it too hard. Yeah. And like, it was like fun because we're getting content out of it. But I was like, yo, like we need to chill first. Yeah. Like let's like I'm not going to sit in the house and drink alone.

Exactly. That's more of like I have kind of like a rehabilitation. Yeah. So I live, I'm in Utah Mr. Sexy German and I had like such a romantic week weekend away. And then now it's so that was Friday.

Now it's Sunday. It's Valentine's Day, Valentine's Day.

And Country Club Man had told Lauren he was going to somehow miraculously take me out for Valentine's Day. I didn't scare him away. Yeah, I don't know how. So she gets ready for Valentine's Day and they go on a date. Tell us about it.

I get in the Uber and he's like, I have to tell you something. And I'm like, oh, God, OK, what? And he was like, well, one of my friends from the country club sent me because he didn't know anything.

He didn't know you were nothing. He's like of Alex, your roommate's story. He's like one you didn't know my name for the first four and a half hours of us hanging out, you know, like blinking.

You're like, no, I'm so sorry.

Like, you know, like I knew it. It was when the situations were like like it was on my brain. But like, I Brainfeeder. Yeah, I'm like, I know your name. I know your name now.

And I was like, your name is bla bla bla bla bla bla bla. I said it over and over. I really made sure to emphasize his name that night when we had a little sex, I called him by his name. OK, so you're on the date. Yeah. Great time. I'm like going to be I'm like I'm going to be chill, chill, chill. I'm going to be chill. So I only have, like two drinks at dinner we faced.

Yeah, I mean, I face I'm going back to the house and you thought something was wrong. Should I get off the slopes and learn face times me with no he face. Yeah, he faced times Mr. Sykes's man man. Yeah.

We answer and Lauren looks sober and I'm like, what's wrong. I love it. I find it. So yeah I like Lauren, what's wrong. And I'm texting her. I'm like yo like are you OK? Like why. I'm like I'm being responsible because I think it was also like you in the first moment being like I was like, you guys will seriously think I have a problem if I black out do anything stupid. Well, and also you were like, I'm literally in Los Angeles.

I don't know anyone. You guys were out of town at this point. I'm like I like I don't want to be I need a real I need a real fuckin. Yes. So then she proceeded to get blackout after the FaceTime call. And so you guys saw how was the sex. It was good. Didn't you say it was like the best so far you had. Yeah, yes, definitely. And he put a finger in your butthole.

Yes. And it was one of those that you were like, oh, very aggressive. Yeah. So you have great sex and then you decide not to stay. Exactly.

I'm like, I'm gonna go home and was like, you should you can say hello. I'm like, no, no, I'm going to go home.

Fast forward to we get home, Mr. Sexy do man and I and now everything is right in the world. We're all hanging out again.

I, we haven't, I haven't blacked out since. Oh no. You guys came home. I didn't drink the entire week so Sunday Valentine's Day I drink then Monday then I didn't drink the whole week and then my friend comes in town from college and so now we're almost up to date.

So basically they she comes into town Friday. Saturday morning. Saturday morning. Yeah. So immediately like. Oh, so happy to see you start drinking right now. Let's start drinking by the pool at one thirty on the afternoon. And this is like what I really liked about country club man like he enjoyed my friend was coming in like I had made a reservation for me and my friend. And he texted me and was like, cancel your reservation. You and your friend come to this dinner that with me and my friend, it was like a great restaurant, like I tried to get into and continues into.

I'm like, oh, wow. Like, that's so fun. Like, definitely.

And so you guys go to his house, you find out his friend is so fucking hot like grapevines. We're all vibing like we're like this is me, like a great cruise. Me so fun. You go to the restaurant, we have like a great table right next to the deejay, right next to the pool. You're like, you know, I'm in my element like D.J., if you need me, if you need to talk about my little tap out, you tap out, all tap in.

I'm like, you're like, how have you heard about the baby shower? Like, you want to use my playlist? He's like, Ma'am, I don't know who you are.

Okay, so me and my friend takes some out at all before going out on it because we're like, oh, we've been drinking all day. Like we want to like say longevity, longevity. So we get to dinner and he starts ordering and he's really trying to put food on my plate. And I was like, I'm so sorry. I'm just like I'm like I have Cottonmouth. I'm not even hungry. I took Adderall, skinny bitch. Yeah.

Legend. Yeah. And then his friends like here, take more, give us more. And then this brings us back to like a theme that we used to have.

You know what theme I'm going with here now where I used to fall asleep everywhere we went. It's OK, they can teach you the sleeping footage. Dude, I'm not going to lie dogging most if any of your friends do this. I have never had a friend that does this except for you. I was good. Like, this was the first time I'd done this back. And I thought, this is a habit like I buried and left behind in New York.

We would be like at Marki in New York and Lauren would fully be dead asleep in the lip over the table.

I would fall asleep standing up and I flipped over the table like fully like taking people out every time we'd go out because she would just fall fuck. I was like concerned like, did I have like a medical problem like that? I was like like anemic. I have, like, narcolepsy straight up. And so finally, like, Warren stopped falling asleep when we went out and it was like it was great for us. It was a good vibe, like Lauren would stay awake.

Finally, Lauren tells me and we'll post the photo. Lauren falls asleep at this dinner.

But when I come back to life, she always does. She always does. So you what?

You wake up, back up. And then I remember you say you go up to the bathroom is your friend.

I go the bathroom, my friend. I leave my purse at the table, you know, me just always leaving my purse unattended places lasic. It's so yeah.

This humble Gucci Gooch was out so my little child's all alone on the table. My phone's in it and then I get a text from him. I'm at the bathroom. It's like, hey, we went upstairs, me my friend come back and we can't find them. So we leave and they go back to our house. I don't have a purse and I'm a phone.

I'm like, fuck, I'm locked out again. And that's a huge point. When you had told me that you he texted you telling you where they went, but your phone was in your purse. Yeah. And he took your purse for you upstairs and went upstairs and didn't realize your phone was in it. Yeah. So although you thought you were you were very blackout, but although you thought you were so blackout, you were like trying to remember in the morning I remember you calling me.

It's classic.

When your friend called you trying to piece together my night, I was trying so hard, like I like looking at Uber receive like everything I texted that night. It was like a new picture is a time stamp and you're like, why did we leave? And it was because you, like, fully thought that they left. Yeah. So you come home and you realize you don't have a purse, which that's how I know you also were so fucked up because that Gucci bag is like you're like, yeah, that is like I don't mortgage I like.

Yeah. Like I engage cross Bonnyman with that because you know how you can put it like cute like the little shoulder strap. I like lift the strap up in like full on like strap it across me like I'm going into battle like engage cross body. I'm ready. It's the most expensive thing you own it literally it is your child. Yeah. So you get home, you realize oh my purse.

I don't have my wallet on my phone like nothing. Thank God I ordered a lockbox. So I go in like my hiding spot in the backyard. I dig out like I had my nails next morning I dig out the lockbox and I can't remember the code. And it's like when those hard little dials. So for forty five minutes my friend and I sit trying to like, get the lockbox open. We start like trying to throw the lockbox into the Groundling.

If you'll just pop open, finally we get into the house, I open my computer, I saw I didn't like find my iPhone, like trying to track it, you know, all the things. And then he shows up at my house. At the house. Yeah. With the phone and with the two other people who apparently we like met up with their two his two other friends. It's like a party. Yeah. At the house. And I'm like, oh my gosh, look, do you want to stay.

I'm like fully back. Ready for round two. Not asleep on Adderall. Yeah. Because they gave me a second round of Adderall at dinner. That's so sad. And he's like, no, no, no, I'm going, I'm going to leave.

I'm like, oh, he's angry. He's going to leave.

Well, because I think at first he was probably so angry. Like, why the fuck did you randomly disappear? Like I made this whole night for you guys? Like, yeah, man, this whole thing. Yeah, exactly. I'd be pissed. And so he leaves like he's up there twiddling my thumbs and like we're just gone. Right.

But his two friends stay his and also we did say we kind of respected him more because at this point, while I was away on vacation, Lauren had told Mr. Sykes's, you man. And I like I don't know, like he calls me a lot like he face times me. I'm not a face timer. Like, I feel uncomfortable face time. So she was kind of like, I don't know if I like like him that much. And I think in a strange way, like him having like being like, no, I'm going home for the first time.

You were kind of like, oh, like country club man. It's not easy anymore. Like, yeah, he's not going to come in and fuck me. Like what the fuck is he mad at me. Yeah. He leaves and then his friends stay though. Yeah. And what happens when his friends stay.

Lauren, we get a limo that has a shark fin on it and we drive around the block from two to four. I am raging. Don't worry, I will take control of the D.J. No doubt it lights blasting and we drive around in a limo from 2:00 to 4:00 a.m. with his friends. We'll post a picture on social.

Yeah, I'll post the shark the shark limo and then in the morning I FaceTime him. No. Well, first, what day is this now? Sunday, Sunday. And now we're sitting here. Yeah. So by this point, your hangover lasted. Guys were literally recording this before. I'm about to release page up. So because we're like, holy shit, we're going delusional. Put a mike in front of our literally it's what I do. So you face time in the next day.

He doesn't answer me. And I texted him and I said, I feel like a slight terrorist.

Oh yeah. And he didn't. I was so drunk. I woke up, nonanswer didn't answer.

And then he called me and he face hands me back like I got like two.

So at this point, I'm like wallowing, I'm like, fuck, does he hate me? Like, is he not going to talk to me? Like, am I being ghosted? And at that point, you got every girl can relate. It was one of those where Lauren was saying the same thing over and over and over to me and her friend Bridget. She was like, but guys, I feel like I didn't fully fuck it up because like but guys like.

Do you think he hates me? Like he hates me. Like it was spirally you were you are so hung over. You were so also like having like a come down from the Adderall. Yeah. You were just like on one. And I felt so bad because I know that feeling like it is literally just in a black hole post hangover like. Yeah. Just like, like you're both black on anxiety, you literally have depression.

Yeah. So he finally faced me back and I have my whole story prepared, like ready to go. Like I'm so sorry. Like I didn't mean to leave, like I just couldn't find you. You had my phone, you had my purse and like I just had to go home. Well, at that point too, I remember when he called you like we had come we had come to the entire conclusion, like we done like detective investigative work.

And we were like, it was because he took your person, like, the whole thing.

That's why you left. And then I just immediately pour this dump this story onto him. And he's like, I don't think that's what happened. And I was like, oh, what do you mean? He's like, You're kicked out.

Mm hmm. I was really happy I was wearing sunglasses in that moment in the face time. Oh, are here just like oh yes. Oh I like fall off the chair and you hang up. You're like I'm like, oh, I actually have to go now. You got kicked out and you didn't even remember.

No, dude, I wonder if I'm like blacklisted from this place. I don't I don't even know where you went, but I'm assuming you probably are. So then for the next two days. Well, then I just start drinking again on Sunday. Yeah, that was pretty.

Then you were like, fuck. Well, that's also when you start to just avoid, you know, like I'm going, yeah. Like I cannot. You go get a bottle of rosé. Yeah. And then you come home, you take a nap. And that was like scary for a while. Like you really thought that's almost when you started to like country club man. This is the moral of the story. Here we go. You if you feel like a guy is being too needy, you need to fuck him over multiple times, get so blackout that you then fuck up.

That makes you that needy for him because you were like embarrassed.

I was mortified, actually mortified. And we were embarrassed, too, because it was like, oh, my God. Like Mr. Sexy Zuman hooked you up with this guy. And like, I know I'm like, I'm going to start talking about, like, is Mr. Sexy Zouma going to go like go golf with things like we're not telling Mr. Sexy zoomIn about this. Oh, and I don't tell him. And I fully kept my word on that, literally.

Lauren called me in the morning. She's like, What are you doing? I'm like laying in bed like he's not next to me. I'm like, is he there? I'm like, no, he's not here. What's up? And she's like, You can't tell them, Hey, girl code, let's go. And she tells me the whole story. I'm like, I'm absolutely not going to tell him that. Don't worry, because I knew what you meant.

Like their friends at the country club. Yeah. You're going to start talking about this girl that came from New York, has a whole drinking problem and is taking every dick down. Yeah.

So then finally after like the whole Sunday of morning of so scary.

Yeah. Terrifying. He finally he finds me on Monday. It honestly though was kind of good that he put you through that because. Yeah. Like the ringer and I needed that by the end of Sunday.

LAAM was like I kind of like him. I'm so like twenty four hours before I was like, I'm the queen from Narnia. No one will penetrate my heart. And you were like over him. You're like, I don't really want to hang out with him. Maybe. Yeah, I'm like, I don't know, like he's fine but like I want to people the minute you fucked up you're like wait I hope he loves me still. And then finally he faces you on Monday and says, well, when do you wanna hang out?

This weekend we were like, we're back bitches. So Country Club Man is still around. I'm going to see him tonight. You're going to die. He was like, let's, you know, alcohol. And you literally I'm face time with Mr. Newman. And you're like guys like, how am I going to go do this? Like, I even just like I just wanna have, like, a little bit of why we're like, Lauren, it's going to be fine.

Like sober sex is good. Like you never had that. It was a new journey for me.

Dude, I think you can have like one or two drinks with me here before you go, because I get it.

You don't mean what if you like if you if I go and he's like, I had alcohol then I saw on you.

Maybe you have you have just like a white cloth or something that like you can't miss. Yeah. Something senseless. I tried to kill her trying to do like on the rocks. Yeah. But I feel like half the time though like really really fucked up sex. Like you can't even feel your clit like you. Yeah. I like more not feel I have the same confidence. Well I still just walk into the bedroom and strip myself naked unprompted.

I think you will. You think so. I think you will. I think you've been like feeling for like good sex. Like I feel like you're in a good mood. You're confident with yourself because that's the best part.

And if anyone's listening to this like girl I know I bought a new smoothie machine and I've been blending shit up in this household. I'm feeling a little trim. You literally look so good. You're like on your fucking revenge board. Even though it's not a revenge. You're just like Foley, like new.

I'm like, oh, I gained like fifteen pounds on my relationship. Let me get rid of that. And I feel like I wish we could put your new found.

Like I have to say I wish we could post posted before and after. I'm like, well fuck no we're not doing that. Are you fucking kidding guys. Do they know.

I was going to say I wish we could put like your your newfound confidence for your new self. I'm like, where are you going to stop? I'm saying I wish you could take your confidence and give it to every girl I know because because you have this like, I don't give a fuck right now. My reality don't give up. You don't give a fuck. If a guy like you really aren't going in to get a guy off, you're going to sell for like I want to be sex like that is really ready.

I'm like, you are here to please me. Let's up. And I and I literally I think you don't goodbye your goes to by next like poor little dick man out there like he's gone. Go sit next to ghostlike. Didn't have time to meet up with any titty man because we have a new country club guy and now we're like ready to go back to the country club and find a new one like you're on your shit right now. And I think like it's so hard to not have emotion in the game.

And you right now, I'm almost surprising myself until, like, the blackout and anxiety and like, oh, I fuck this up. Remember you said this at dinner? Yeah. I was like, how how is this working? How am I not feeling things? I think your guy is my start. My my is my heart. So like, well, I think right now I think that's another therapy thing that's going to happen. I know I need if I can get therapy, she still has.

And that's another reason why I need to get therapy. You're avoiding it. I know, but the point is, is I think right now you're in like a weird space of like out of a relationship. You were already mourned that over that. So now you're kind of in this weird space of like you were in a seven year relationship. There's no fucking way you're looking for any.

No, I mean, I would I would say. Commit me to a psych ward, if you found out I was trying to get a relationship. I'd be so concerned. Yeah. So right now it's like you have this crazy moment that you are seizing that I think is great that, like, the men are feeling it. And that is the craziest thing seeing. And I have been so up front. Yes. So up front with country club man with the man that I met at that party, I'm like I want absolutely nothing.

I want to have sex, maybe occasional dinners, like have good conversation here and there. Nothing and nothing, and I mean, not so much, and I think the men are kind of looking at you like, oh, sure, oh sure. But then also like then they start to realize, oh, she's dead. And then I think they're kind of getting turned on like, oh, this is a challenge. Like, I think Country Club Man kind of fucking is in love with you right now because he's like, I, I thought she was joking.

I've never had a girl like you're fully booty calling these men right now and you give no one guy. He was like he was like, text me. He was like I was like, I think from now on like the only text which Alexander just like you up to literally Lauren was calling us, getting annoyed like Mr. Sexy Women are like, all right, Lauren, like chill for say like you're being so savage. Really, it's annoying me how much he's calling me.

Like, I don't want to talk during the week. I only want to talk when, like, we're going to hang out and have sex.

And I was like who I become. But I think it's savage. And I think, like, girls like don't like you can do guys do this all the fucking time. And I think it's I'm finding myself finding herself. She's living in her truth, like fucking like. No, but seriously, I think it's amazing. And I think it's like working for you and it's like most girls because there's something wrong with me, like who gives a fuck this is working for you.

Do it and you should have that. Like, I don't know anyone here to. So like, I can just, you know, we built it up and like, if I fucked it up with that friend group, you know, I'll just pop over there. It's true. And tell slowly everyone. Yeah. I had this reputation in L.A. and like, that's why I'm never getting on. Fucking right. I know. Later on, please. So, Lauren, we are now coming back on to record.

This is a week later about to release this. How do you feel listening back? Well, I haven't blacked out since, I'm so proud, honestly, so proud, so proud, you know, I'm going to believe in Unkovic. Yeah, me too. covid you know, I don't have problems. That wasn't me. We said it. The reason we're drinking is because of covid. Once covid ends, we're done exactly back to normal. We'll do it tomorrow.

Give me a little bit of time to figure out how to drink again, and I'll be hold my own at the front of the reins like the best of them. I think the best part of all of this is the saga continues because we haven't even told you guys. You guys thought Lauren was a disaster when she's fucked up. Just wait till you hear what went down on Lauren's sober date.

Lauren, what are you doing?

I need a drink before we record this one six.