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Daddy too. I call her daddy. Call her daddy. People sucking skanks. It is Alex Cooper. Back at it again for another episode of Call Her Daddy. This week's episode is already making my vagina tingle. I've had a couple drinks. I'm so hung over, but I've had a couple drinks. I'm ready to go. I am back in my parents basement where I belong. And I'm joined today by a guest, this guest. I'm going to give a little introduction, although she doesn't need it.
I'm going to give it to her because I want to go off for a minute. The past couple weeks, everyone has been like, damn, Alex, your life fucking sucks. You literally lost your best friend. Your whole show went up in flames. You're a big, fat fucking joke. Duly noted. Thank you. The thing is, is if I've learned anything from these past few weeks, it's that you've got to keep your friends, the ones that you've known for years and years and years close because they come and go, apparently.
And so the person that's coming on the show today, I have known since I was in second grade and she lived with Sophia and I in the infamous three oh one. This woman's name, the woman, the myth, the legend, the sexpot, the goddess, the woman with the vagina that keeps on giving. No, it doesn't. She's a wife. Just kidding. Ladies and gentlemen, Daddy gang. McMullen. Thank you. Thank you.
I already feel like a member of the daddy gang as you were giving me that intro. I got a nice little D.M. offering me five hundred dollars for a picture of my foot.
Oh, my God. Root of the fucking claws, bitch. It's like. Of course. Of course you did. The daddy men know who you are. It's like feet pictures up the asshole. Then we'll be asking you for nudes, bitch. Oh, God, no. God. Here you go.
Well, thank you for having me. I have to say, I'm definitely a little nervous.
No, you have nothing to worry about. I know it's like nerve wracking coming on a show, and I appreciate you coming on. Aside from being nervous, aside from getting upset about your beautiful toes, how are you feeling?
I'm on the up and up. I was pretty unwell earlier. I do not know yet. Speaking of unwell, I should fucking get royalties on that thing. Yeah, literally. Lauren and I have been saying unwell for years and years and it used to be a saying we really, really started hard core like college.
It was like zero to on. Well, how are you right now? And I'm fucking unwell. I hear fitting that, like, this is like your actual job and like, we're not down here just like shooting the shit in your basement. I remember, like, oh yeah. People are like listening to this. Right. Right. Just like a couple people are just like you. No. No, but you close pals. Yeah. Yeah.
Just a few close pals. Anyways, we had some amazing times when we were younger. I think every single person listening to this podcast has a Lauren has a best friend that you've known your whole life. And I figured with everything going on, this is the perfect person to have on is like really my first guest. Obviously I Dave on last week, but you are you've known me. And I think that the theme kind of throughout the past few weeks has been like me actually being able to show every side of myself.
And there's I don't know anyone other than my parents that know me as well. Then you learn.
So I think a question I get asked a lot is like, how are you friends with Alex?
Oh. Oh, yeah. Yeah. What the fuck? Fuck that. Yeah. Is she always like standing on tables and screaming and like hooking up with millions of people and like dragging along for the adventure.
Oh yeah. What do you tell them, Lauren. Yeah.
I like those things definitely do happen. But like that's not like who you are completely. Like you're a very real person. Obviously you're my best friend. Yeah. And we do have those real moments. And I think those moments have really come across a lot and like the past two episodes. So I'm like really happy now that the world is getting to see you. Hi. See you, Lauren. I know that was kind of really cute.
No doubt such good times. Lauren, I'm going to ask you just a few questions that the daddy gang had, but to quickly give everyone Lessoning some background on how the hell we all even came to live together, because I don't know if you've ever told that Ladha Night Dudding Barn and I were planning on living together. Then we wanted to get a three bedroom, so we needed a third roommate. And so we found Sofia at random for that third roommate spot.
So like Sofia and I, our friendship, we had this insane, dynamic, crazy, amazing friendship at the time. But we also didn't fully even know each other four months into moving into the three or one we started called Daddy. So I only know now so far in total for three years. And so I think that's where the other we were learning about each other while starting one of the biggest shows on the Internet. I know how that was for me.
So I'm assuming that was like pretty wild for you to learn.
Yeah, I mean, absolutely. There's no denying the fact that it took me a bit of adjusting to get used to this new dynamic. Yeah, you were my childhood best friend and Sofia was the random roommate. And to see the two of you connect instantly and your friendship grows so quickly and publicly. Yeah, it was it was hard. It was weird trying to find like a balance of making sure it wasn't always about the show and trying to find time for just the three of us to just hang out and not be about Sofia.
And I call her daddy.
I think, though, the one thing that did really help was call her daddy was never an option for me. I never. Not that I didn't want to write. I could never be a part of it. I was a full time teacher. So, yes, I couldn't do that and be on a sex podcast.
Right. I think that's important to mention. You were doing Teach for America. You're now going. You're a student. Now, learn literally is at Columbia University. She's getting her masters like you literally have had complete different career.
I think it's important to stress that I'm probably pretty similar to a lot of people listening to this podcast. And when we moved in, you guys were, too.
Yeah. Colored Audi didn't exist when we all moved into the three one. No, to put it in perspective. I was making the most money out of all of us. You were making what? Remaking 60? No. Fifty five. Oh, my God. Okay. LAAM was making fifty five thousand a year at her teaching job. Teaching job. I think Sophia was making like fifty fifty to. And then at the magazine, I was making forty thousand dollars a year, and then I went on to unemployment checks.
Obviously not the case now. No, not the case now. And Sonya drinks on me forever now. I got you the three oh one early days of us all moving in. Definitely allowed. I think all of our degenerate asides to flourish and thrive. And at the end of the day, that place we had so much fucking fun that we just always had plans. Like, I would come home. It's like, all right, well, guys, what do we do?
Right. Let's fucking drink. Let's get wild. I'll never forget when Sophia and I, we it's kind of Brent mentioned it on an earlier episode, but it was like, OK, Alexander, unemployment checks, you literally have to pay rent. I had thirteen hundred dollars worth of rent every month and I had to pay. I was making three hundred dollars and I know where this is every two weeks from unemployment check. So I was making six hundred dollars from unemployment.
How was I going to make the thirteen hundred for fucking rent. Oh. Oh Daddy. No issue seeking arrangements motherfuckers. So we get on seeking arrangements to make this whole profile. Were Blake. Blake. I was Blake. I was little changed your Memmo name change. Hi. I know my name everything. I was Blake and Blake was my name and I was ready to go. And so literally in three 01 we came up with what we were calling like the seeking arrangement scam.
And basically we would get in to situate upon you out. Put me out. Yes. Thank you. Thank you. And the goal was like, I never wanted to do anything with these men. It was just to go get drinks or dinner and by the end of the night, get enough cash so I could make rent. Yeah, we were like all huddled around the computer, like sitting on, like, our one chair. Yes. Be like, oh, he looks kind of good.
Like, oh he's not to be Yelich. Oh. Like he could kind of work.
And so at the end of the day, like I obviously couldn't fucking ask my parents for the money, but it was like we were just down for the craziest, weirdest shit to do it. It was not a no to anything. Yeah. So I remember like one of the first dates, I went on a little shitting bricks. I'm like, what the fuck is this guy going to kill me? Like what's going to happen every single time we when Lauren and Sofia came as my body, we were in the background chilling literally.
They would be at the bar and Sofia and Lauren would be standing at the bar. You guys would make a joke of it. We're all black. They'd be standing at the bars. I'd go, I have my drink, I get paid, and then we go raid. Happy time out. Go spend the fucking money before I could even spend on rent the one time. I mean, Sofia, this is like when the first one. And we're like, guys, guys, you're saying guys, guys, guys, don't worry.
Like I'm just gonna talk to him.
Me and Sofia look over and you're making out with six year old man.
He was at six. He that was a thirty year old one. And I actually kind of high because he also was like, oh, by the way, I've a rooftop and we were such mooches, we needed a rooftop to, like, hang out on and tan on. So I'm over there and I'm like, oh my God, why is this kind of low key? Why do I have no, he would not hot. It was not he was not I that was because you were pouring little drinks down my throat.
And at that point I was like, anyone looks hot right now and also any type of money so I can pay my. Oh yeah. Sophie and I would like be at the bar like, oh, can you send some shots over to the blonde girl in the back corner? You guys are trying to get me fucked up and I'm like, it's a good level of fucked up, like we would pre game before it, but then I would get so fucked up.
I'm like, is this low key the fucking cup of my life? It's like, no, Alex, this is your seeking arrangement. Oh, one guy was like, do you know those people over there? They're staring. Well, we had to remember that we so Lawrence FUNAI, the protocol where I would secretly text them towards the end of the day and be like, come interrupt and pretend that you're just casually running into me. So the two of you would come up to the fucking Dallas like, oh my God, Sofia and Warren.
And I look at him and I'd be like, oh my God, these are like my really close friend. He's like, oh, my God, isn't your name Blay? And I'm like, Oh, hi, my name is Blake. Alexander grew up before you were asking. We we came up with this whole scheme. And I think, like, in hindsight now, I'm like, what the fuck was I doing? But it was fun.
It's an it's a life experience. You tell your children, no, no, you don't tell anyone that. And I'm telling it on a national podcast. But we we did crazy, just fun shit like that, which now in hindsight, I really want everyone to be careful and like I don't even know if you should be on that site, but it was fun.
Do you make sure you bring two roommates with you to lurk in the background? Yes. Thank you. They always made sure I got home safe and nothing really ever happened. It didn't happen too often, but for a while I was really good on rent and it was okay. Okay. So in the spirit of everyone wanting to know, like, what was it like living with Sofia and I people want to know, like, did you and I ever get in a fight from like during living together.
Oh was I mad at you the way you're looking out me right now, Laura. It's literally like, oh big. I've been waiting to expose you for this one. You're like, I never brought it up, but what now is my time. What? So, you know, I like was so bad with my key.
You like our building. You had to use like a physical key to get into the building and then like a physical key to get into our apartment.
Yeah, life is awful. You were like annoying. Yeah. I us 24/7 be like hi for I'm so sorry. Like locked out. Yeah. So I'm coming back from going out. It's like two, three a.m. and so if he goes out of town and I. Paul, you and Mike. Hey, Alex, like I'm locked out, Alex. So sorry. You know, I'm so annoying. Can you are you coming home? Like, can I come meet you and get your key?
And you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I'm having sex with real quick. Just give me a second and like, come right back. I'm like, oh, okay. Like, that's fair. Like I'm, I'm annoying. Like, I got to wait this one out and like 30 minutes past, I'm like, all right.
Like, come on, wrap it up.
You go to me all night, goes dead silent, phosphatase dead goats.
And how how was that sex. Was it worth it. Was awful. Guys, daddy gang, I had been eyeing this guy in New York City who literally in the bar house guy in the bar. I was like, this is the man I, I actually used. I told you guys like a really long time ago how to pick up a guy at a bar. I have this napkin trick that I always write my name and my number on a napkin and I go up to a guy and I'll be like, do with this what you want.
And then I hand it to him and I walk away and I remember using it on this guy. And it was like the most perfectly played out situation. He was so hot. He took it. He texted me. We met up. We hung out a couple times. Finally, I go to have sex with this guy. It was after like multiple like months of us putting in work. And listen, I've said in the past small dicks for the win, but not in a situation.
This guy's dick was the smallest penis I've ever seen. Again, I'm not trying to shame penises, but I just hope fucking small. And I didn't know. What do you want me to do with that little baby carrot auto fucking like baby carrot. Carrot. Carrot. Baby carrot shriveled up level and I go to have sex with him and he just was giving off Big Dick energy. So it was more of just a shock and I literally felt nothing.
I felt like I was being penetrated by whiffs of air and I was trying to have multiple sex with him that night because I just was trying to I was just trying to seduce this.
I was trying to convince myself it'll grow the ground to it'll grow.
The sex ended up being awful. I really liked him. But like, not only was it he small, that's fine. But he did not know how to have sex like he literally was. One of those guys are just like belly flops on you and kind of like rubs up and down. I'm like, is it even in like I don't know.
So meanwhile, so little Larin stuck out on the streets of New York City, La Alex is having small dicks sex. And so I am like, okay, I'm not I'm not going to sleep like on the street. Right. My boyfriend was out of town at the time, but I knew the code had a little little step up a code to get into his building. So I knew the codes. I'm like, OK, I'm going to get into his building and I'm going to bang on the door like his roommates have to wake up and have to answer.
They did not cause and I have no idea why, but there was a random mattress so sketchy looking back at it, there was a random mattress in his hallway.
So I slept on a random ass mattress in a hallway of his apartment building and waited until it was seven a.m. and like she has to be awake now.
And I was like, all right, now I don't feel that like I'm call, call, call, call, call you.
So you're like, I'm so sorry. Like, I'll meet you in the room and soon you arrive like you do not speak. I am passive aggressive. I read and you were giving me like, yeah, I saw it and I was like, no, trust me either you want to fucking end it all because I was in other words, sex of my life, not worth it. Try to get like, all right, I'm exhausted. I slept on a mattress in a hallway.
I'm to try to get some sleep.
Like thirty minutes later I wake up to screams, screams. And I'm like, What? What in the world is happening?
And I realize you're having sex and I'm like, are you serious? This guy is back last night. All night wasn't enough. Nobody.
But he wasn't the same guy. He was a different guy. Does it sound really bad? I thought that I was pissed. I listen in my defense.
I had this paper thin walls. OK, yeah. So in the three oh one, literally the walls of this place, they were all Fleck's walls. So like, if one of us was masturbating, like I remember like Sophia Loren and I would always jokingly be like, hey, I'm going to masturbate. So everyone go put headphones in because like, if one of us was masturbating, it was like, OK, what is it? Everyone start masturbating right now.
It's kind of like each other masturbate. So clearly, I remember, like, when Sophia had her ex-boyfriend and she would be like in a fight with him, you'd be like in the kitchen or even in our rooms. And we like to hear this word for word like you don't want to hear it, but you heard everything. Yeah. So this is during the time that I had broken up with my long term boy for Slim Shady. Slim Shady.
And and, you know, I think that every girl can relate listening to this, you know, give me a little bit of an out here, like when you when you go when you have an awful, awful, awful hookup, it makes you miss your ex.
Because when you you have an ex, you know, sex with them, your sex is comfortable with them. So when I had sex with this bitch boy, I was so depressed from that hookup and Slim Shady was in town. And, you know, this bitch never misses a B, I was like, it will make me forget the pain, not even the pain. I wish I was in pain. I feel fucking anything. I it made me realize have Slim Shady over, use him for his dick and get him out.
So Slim Shady trots on over to the three o one which hit his remarks of her apartment. It was the first time he ever saw where we were living. We had no furniture at the time. And really the biggest downgrade because mind you, when I was living with my old like Slim Shady, Lauren, kind of like half lived with us. I squatted more in full blown squatted. So every time he was away on the road, Lauren had his full schedule printed, printed and would come on the days he was out at away games.
So we were living in his luxe ass place, in Slim Shady place. And when he and I broke up, it was a little bit of a little bit of a downgrade. You could say an absolute fucking shithole compared to what we were living in. And I remember when he came over, he was like, you literally live in a closet. I'm like, bitch, fuck me. So he comes over and we have sex in the morning.
Oh, that's the night that you're you broke the window or your head went out the window.
Oh, right, right, right. I say the morning like, yes, it was eight a.m.. Yeah. And you write number two. You don't. My head did go through the window. He was annoyed at me for something. We had real. I was annoyed. Yes.
And then what know you get. I think that was the loudest sex we had ever had. The whole situation was quite, quite, quite an interesting situation. You know, when you, like, leave a dick appointment that you genuinely are like, I feel disgusting. Like that penis made me realize, like I never want to hook up with you.
You know, when you really sleep on a random mattress and you wake up in the morning, you're like, I feel disgusting. I say, I'm OK. But to be fair, at that is like the one I feel like the one time like I did not come through as a good roommate. Other than that. Pretty top notch. Pretty top notch. OK, thank you. So the biggest question that I saw from the Daddy gang for you is, did you see the divorce between Alex and Sofia coming before they did?
Can I, like, answer honestly? Like, am I going to get sued?
No, no, no, no. I think I think well, we can obviously edit it out, but tell you can. What would your actual answer be?
Um, it was a ticking time bomb.
Oh. Like, oh, to be quite honest. Yeah. Well fuck shit show. Yeah. Oh okay. Can you. Actually that's really interesting. Like I remember if you like instances like really specifically where you guys were in a situation and you like definitely tried to hide stuff at times, like make it look a little bit better. I think that's something you like. That's something you do you try to like.
Yeah. That's the the bad. Yeah. But you call. You called me and you're like. I cannot believe what is happening right now. Like this is crazy. And I was really like holy shit, that's bad. You kind of can't come back from some of those things and like they were there and they happened.
And yeah, I think like knowing you were the only person that was witnessing some of the shit. I did confide in you at times, and I know what you're saying. Like there were certain situations where I felt like I couldn't tell my parents because I knew what my. Parents, we're gonna say it's like a boyfriend like you don't tell your parents your first fights with your boyfriend because then your parents are like, you cannot go back to him. Yes.
So I started to go to Lauren and I would call you at, like, breaking point. And I, like, rarely do that. So these were like moments that were so bad between Sofia and I, that business. Why? Yeah. But, you know, I think that. Despite all the negatives that have come out. I am glad that, like we were able to just kind of go down a little walk down memory lane of the three or one days because.
Yes, although it truly ended in an absolute fucking shit show, the friendships were real and those were unforgettable times. Put a vibrator on your clit. Let's ride, bitches. I was really overwhelmed with how many girls DME and they're like, Hey, bitch, I'm listening to your show and I'm buying a goddamn vibrator because I hear what you're saying. I need to step up my sex game. I got myself a vibrator from Adam and Eve, bitches, you know the drill while we're all staying at home.
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Right. So on call her daddy. I don't even know if we've ever really fully addressed being a wing woman, being a wing man. There is a specific situation that Lauren and I get into every single time I start dating a guy. If there's one person, I'm introducing the guy I'm dating to two, it's Lauren. And it's for the complete opposite reasons of what everyone thinks. Oh, this your friend? Oh, no, no. It's all planned.
It's nothing to fucking do it. The plan is that Lauren is that friend that is like nice enough, chill enough parties enough has a boyfriend. So she's not a threat to oh, if I don't go out with my boyfriend that night. No one's scared when I'm going out with Lauren. They're like pink. No, but you know what I mean.
Like there. Oh, she has a boyfriend. You have a boyfriend. You two locked and loaded. Your vaginas are closed for the night. So basically throughout life, Lauren has been really great in helping me communicate with men when we stop talking specifically or when I'm in a fight with them. I'm the neutral third party. Yes. So there have been many occasions when Switzerland. Yes, you are Switzerland, but you're a beautiful Switzerland. The point of this gang is Lauren would basically be able to at times reach out to one of my ex boyfriends for me, if I was, let's say, trying to put out feelers, trashing the what has the water, see if he hates my guts.
Did a little pulse check, pulse, pulse bitch. OK. It was basically we made sure that throughout my relationship, Lauren would happen. It sounds fucking that Lauren would have enough of a relationship with these men so that she could slide in on a later date.
Yeah. To the point where, like, I needed to have previous texting conversations with them so we could plan for the breakup. Yeah. So that when I eventually send this, like, feeler tag. It's not like the first text on my name popping up on their phone is not going to come off to them like, oh, is Lauren trying to fuck, you know, like no, no, no, no, no, no. So I will.
I think there's so many situations, obviously, with specific boyfriends that we've gone through. And like you've been top notch, a plus wing woman to the fucking death catch restaurant. Here's the situation you already know I'm going with. I do. Lauren is with me at Katche. Three martinis in little fuckin tits out for the boys that night, feeling myself. Lauren's looking amazing. We're looking hot. We're looking fresh and flirty. And of course, the last thing we want to do is talk to one fucking man at the bar.
No, no. Text one of my exes because why not? Because we set the scene for this. We've been preparing for this for two years. We're ready for battle. So I'm sitting out catch with Lauren and I'm like Lauren. I have like a really, really good thing for us to do tonight. I'm like, I really think we need to text Fabio.
And I'm like, done, I'm in Fabio. Miss a good how I'm I've been in a serious relationship and like, I don't play games like this. So you enjoyed this? Yeah. This is like a thrill for me. I'm like, oh, like I can medal in someone else's life and like not fuck up my own attack, right? Oh yes. OK, go fuck myself. Yeah. So Lauren gets to wake up the next morning.
I'm like she doesn't fuck herself over so she just helps me fuck my fucking outlet for me to get my crazy out. OK, so, so we're sitting at catch and I'm like, Lauren, this is like such a good time. Let's text. I'm just saying, Fabio, because, like, I don't know, oil's fucking calling. So I'm like, Lauren, what what is a way we can figure out a way to text him? So this is also a step of the plan.
You have to figure out a text to send this person that's coming from my best friend to my ex boyfriend. What the fuck? He's like a logical like I need to be a question. Like, I can just text. I'm like, Hey, wait up. How are you doing? That's weird. No, Lauren, go fuck yourself. So it's like we tried it. We sit there and another drink in it starts to come Saturday. It's midnight.
Like what could I need from him in a New York City on a midnight on a Saturday? Drugs. We're like, this is so perfect. Drugs now, mind you, do we need drugs? No. But that's the only logical explanation other than a booty call at twelve o'clock on a scale. Oh, no. What what else can I Daxam about? So this guy that I had been dating was known for having this like one drug dealer that was like the best guy in New York City.
This motherfucker, we called him Shoot Man.
So I triggered way that I didn't even. OK, that's not the same suit pants. If he is dating, that's ironic. So this guy's suit me. And the reason we called him Suit Man was because this drug dealer was the classiest motherfucking Dariel piece suit. Literally, the man would show up in a Beemer and a three piece shoe and a briefcase. And I mean, this motherfucker was Dunton around the city. All right. I hope I just fucking said that.
So we're like, oh, my God, let's text him and ask him for Superman's phone number. Yeah, perfect. However, not enough. Not enough for Alex.
That night I was a little more fucking buzzed up by the time we were like getting the taxi ready to add visual we to get this motherfucker locked and loaded and remembering who the fuck he was missing out on.
A guy really wanted to do a reaction test like I would see. My face. What emotion would that evoke out of you? So naturally you're like. So what are you fucking talking about? Alex, did you send him a picture of your clit? No. The first option was OK. Lauren, it's been so long. It's been two years since we've spoken to Mr. Fabio. Why don't you send him a picture and be joking and like, hey, it's Lauren.
And send a picture and be like, this is me, if you don't remember.
And what picture did you have me send of myself getting the picture with very strategically picked? The picture is Lauren is in the front. And me and Fabio are behind her making. No, they were not making out. They were like licking and sucking each other's face, say, sparking in the middle. I think his hands were like down your pants. I was getting fingered mid photo. I mean, the details don't need to be fucking discussed. The point is, is that this picture we looked so fucking in love.
And so what I did is my psychotic ass was like, we're gonna crop it just enough. Like, take off our four heads. You're in the picture full frontal. I'm in the background making out with Fabio. We cropped the photo enough that it looks like Lorens like half ass, trying to make sure that, oh, the bad memories getting cropped out. But clearly we're leaving in the fact that we're trying to trigger him. What is what is this memory?
How does it make you feel? So now all of your probably. Alex, you stupid bitch. Like, what the fuck are you up to now? What you do is like sit for a minute and think about this, because it is kind of fucking brilliant when you think this is coming from Lauren, the most stable, normal, nice girl. Always had a good relationship with Fabio. I mean, they could even fucking hang out if I wasn't there.
Like, I trusted this bitch so much. And she's just like a top notch golden star student. Then you're sending a picture that is going to warrant some type of emotional response.
There is HUMBOLDT'S with a very rational tax. Yes. Hey, what's your drug dealer's number? Very rational. OK. So the thing is, is that I don't have we don't have time to wait around. Sending a picture like this is going to elicit one of two emotion. We have two options here, two options. He's either going to want to fucking say, go fuck yourself seeing that bitches face. I would rather die than engage in this conversation or it's gonna bring back emotions.
It's gonna bring back the fuels he's going back to. I remember the way her tongue slid in that. I remember the way that pussy feels like. I remember it all and I want it. And so the point was, is I wanted Lauren to send all of this just is all I wanted just to see who how he was feeling, because then I would know if I could re-engage and start having sex with this man again. I didn't have a body in New York.
I was looking to re-engage and he was a prime prospect. So Lauren sends the fucking text. We're like taking shots. Like he's not going to answer. He's not going to answer. He answers positive up the asshole. Fabio comes through with Hey Lauren. Haha yeah of course I remember like motherfucking being so nice tonight. Hender and if you're that nice to me how much can you hate you. Exactly. So Lauren and I remember literally we're sitting at cadge, we're like we're like this endless and if anyone's gonna fuckin messaging me back I execute literally tasks like never DMI boyfriends would like never reach out to her.
Are you jamming them? No, I'm not. I mean, everything I learned is literally Lauryn's when doing it. I didn't do anything. Lahtinen did it.
I do wake up in these instances and I'm like what did I just and volp myself. I know. I know sometimes like I'll take Lauren's phone. Oh my gosh I forgot about that. Where you would take my phone and you would text him psycho things and then you would delete all the messages. And I would wake up with, like, angry and like weird text from him and like, Alex, what.
What is that. Oh, have it's so weird, but I have literally no idea. There is a couple times in my lifetime, more than a couple of times that I would take a little too much advantage of Lauren's relationship with these men.
That was a small fee. Wouldn't you quickly learn that it was involving YouTube? Yeah, I think also something to be said and I've had a lot of conversations with my mother about this one. But like, there is a huge difference between, a, you were you're my best wing woman. My wingman for a very long time has been MILF hunter. And I think that the dynamic between the two of us. There was one relationship I was in, that MILF hunter specifically got really fucking involved and YouTube became one literally became one like it got the person was dating you and MILF.
Like that is how bad it was. And I know that sounds like. No, that's not a thing. No. No, it was a thing like I would hear them on the phone and they be like, so should we say this? And like, should we send him this, pick him. We we know literally and it sounds so crazy to me now, but for a while I think we had such a especially in college, it was so fun dating these guys and being able to.
Have my male best friend and I, like, come together and I would give the female side and he'd give me the male side and we'd create this concoction of like the perfect dating situation. And I'm saying it now. And I'm like, no, that's actually psychotic. That's not OK in the head like you psycho. But it got addicting because we would see every time we would send the tax, we would get exactly what we wanted back. And it was like we had this, like machine that we would churn out this fucking content.
And I feel like that's almost how I started the show. It was like I had this playbook that I was living by. And then slowly throughout time, I was like, okay, wait. Yeah, that's a good way to put it. Everything was by the playbook. There is nothing like off script. Yes. And so I think that's where I had to really take a step back and be like, bitch, you need to get into therapy.
But I was like, hold on. That's not real life. That's not real life. And I think at times, like we Milpa Hunter and I, we're almost both too toxic together. On call her daddy. We've always, like, told you guys games are good to a certain extent. And I think throughout my entire life I've been learning to, like, refine the games. I think at times you can get so sucked into playing games and it can get fucking out of control.
Oh, yeah, it can't get out of all women. Yes, but you gotta you gotta roll it back and you've got a real it and a no like when to not play as many games. And I think that that's imperative in order to making the games work. If you play too many games all the fucking time, then it's just like one big fat fucking game and you need a relationship to hoe.
Really. Really? Yeah.
Sometimes forgot. I know you do. So I would encourage you all.
Having a wing woman is is key and it just reads you can read the situation without actually doing it yourself.
Yeah. And we always say don't fucking text him fucking block his ass. What? You can block his ass but then you can have fucking porn. It's kind of beautiful. Roman, is that you? Oh yeah. It's definitely you, Roman, because you literally just lasted so fucking long. And the guy down the street that's trying to portray his wife. He didn't last so long because guess what? He didn't use Roman fucking swipes. You guys know the drill.
Every man listening to this or any female that's listening in, you're like, I wish my vagina her. I wish my boyfriend could last longer and fuck me longer. Roman fucking swipes you swipe a little swipe on your dick. All right. They're clinically proven to help you last longer. They're easy. They're fast acting. And they don't require a prescription. They're an unmarked packaging. Saw you fucking little weirdos. You can put it in your pocket next your fucking condom or don't use a condom.
Fucking raw dogor. I don't give a shit. Swipe it on your dick and you're gonna last longer. I don't know why you wouldn't do that. Okay, I would do it if I had a dick. I would put a Roman swiper right on that thing. If you're going ten minutes, not long enough. If you're going an hour long enough, make the pussy fucking swollen. Okay, guys, get Roman dot coms loud. Daddy, you're gonna get your first month of swipes for just five dollars when you choose a monthly plan.
Again, that is get Rollman dot com slash daddy. So. All right. Holy shit. As much as we are closing one chapter, obviously, I think this is like the last time we're gonna ever discuss, like, the deep, dark details and the three oh one good goodbye. Three. I know it's kind of sad, but I'm so happy you came on this week. I think it was like it's obviously difficult right now. I'm trying to, like, figure out my way and figure out how and having to podcast with new people and on my own.
But I think, like, maybe you could explain to anyone like that, what was his experience like for you? Like is what did you expect from the podcasting?
Yeah. No, I was definitely thinking, like, I would walk down here, we'd have some we'd have some drinks and like just go and. That was not the case at all. It's this is fucking hard. I give you props. Oh, thank you. Yeah. You have to like tell a story and you have to like act that story. Yeah. It's kind of exhausting. Yeah. We podcasting and everyone in podcasting makes it sound so easy until you've gotten rid of the microphone.
It's like a very, very challenging dynamic. And I know it sounds simple, but it's, it's not it's kind of exhausting.
No. Yeah. I'm pretty tired, but I have a midterm on Tuesday.
You're like I'm actually so done with this thing. He's hot. You're having me. I need to go to school now. It's been real. Goodbye, that digging.
So, everyone, before I get into your last segment of the show, I think that it's really important to reiterate and continue the conversation that I opened with for last week's episode. Right now, the world has a huge opportunity for positive change and by continuously bringing it up, helps echo the idea that this is not just a phase, this is continuous work that needs to be done. Yeah, I completely agree with you. I feel like at this point a lot of people have hopefully done those like tangible acts, like making donations, attending protests, calling representatives, signing petitions.
But I think a lot of people at this point are feeling like what's next, what's now and how do we keep this momentum going?
Yeah, and Lauren and I have been like kind of having. Conversations about it, and I think that we both agree. I think it's engaging and having the really difficult conversations, especially with people that don't see eye to eye with you. And in order to have those conversations, we need to obviously understand how we got here and how this is truly a systemic problem. It's not the burden of people of color to teach us. And I think a great place for us to gain this, like, insight that we all need that we're looking for is through those documentaries that Lauren and I were looking up.
And we've watched that are on the Internet right now. One of them is called the 13th. It's on Netflix. But it was actually just made free for the public. You can go onto YouTube and watch it. And then by the same director, the movie Selma has also been made free for the public.
Yes. And other things that I've watched that have been really insightful when they see us. And then time the Kleef Browder's story. They're both also on Netflix. Yeah, guys, so I just I encourage you, I'm going to do the same, that we continue to just keep educating ourselves. Do the work. Keep persistent in this Black Lives Matter movement. Don't let this die down. OK. I love you all. Thank you. Can I get to you?
You eat is. Oh yeah.
Glue's ginzo like.
You guys, I got a lot of fucking complaints. Every single guy of idea is like, no bitch, literally. Please stop because you go from like a five to a one real fucking quick. But it seems like all the women like this show. And why am I a little bit more team fuckin female? Oh, because I have a fucking vagina. So every guy that's listening to this, you're like, bitch, you are so fucking busted when you do that.
I don't give a fuck. OK. I would suck the fuckin tip off of your dick in two seconds. Go fuck yourself.
Okay. We're going to get into Questions of the week. I know all my silence suffers out there. I'm really sorry. Just fucking Pat plow through this with me, OK? I'm sorry I had to do it. I had to do it. It's like a tick, OK. I'm going to read this question and I don't even need to fucking comment while I'm going to cry, comment and everything, but I'm going to read this. And I think everyone that is new to this podcast, if you're listening to this, please listen the fuck up.
Oji Daddy Inger's will know this, but I think it's really important to reiterate this. Daddy, you, a member wrote in and said, I just want to say everyone needs to listen the fuck up, y'all. Everybody needs to listen to it. Call her. Daddy has been saying in a previous podcast you said to never get a man something for his birthday unless y'all are dating or married. Well, I've been talking to a man for seven months now, and we are not about to date because we both are in college.
His parents know about me and he's even told me he loved me. But when I tried to send him cookies for his birthday, he ghosted me. Never send shit unless y'all are fuckin engaged. I took the L and now I'm moving on. I should've listened to the father.
As we go on, we remember the pitches that gave them Zandt's just knock it the fuck off.
I don't know how many times I have to say it. If you are stressing about a guy's fucking birthday or Christmas or Valentine's Day or whatever the fucking holiday you think warrants a gift for this motherfucker. Knock it the fuck off. You are a whole. He is a penis until you have a ring on your finger. There is no fucking face is involved. Okay. People, ladies, especially men, get freaked the fuck out if you show up at his fucking porch like Jeremy.
I got you a present. Have you seen Jeremy? He's like, bitch. Fuck you. Okay, then all of a sudden all the other bitches are gonna look way more fucking attractive than your asshole. I swear to God, there's something about gifts and men, but not even being like I have a special gift for you for your birthday. Jeremy. And then like, it's a blowjob. No, you don't even let him know that, you know, the day that he came out of the vagina.
OK. Hi, father. I love you in the podcast so much. Daddy gang forever. Fucking bitch. You might have already touched upon this another episode, but I need help. When the guy I'm hooking up with goes down on me, he mostly focuses on everywhere but the clit. But when he is gone on my clit, it feels so amazing. But it just never last long. How do I tell him to stay on that without shattering his ego?
Please help me, Father. We have to all keep in mind every man on this podcast is going to be like, thank you. But it's the truth. Men are little fragile pieces of shit. OK. I was going to say glass, which it sounds way better. Men are fragile pieces of shit. And you have to make sure you you cradle them and you nurture them, especially when it comes to any issues in the bedroom that you're having.
A man's penis is way smaller than his actual penis. Okay. Because it's in his brain. If he thinks that he's not pleasing you, his penis literally inverts in his belly button, he loses all hope. So how do we go about this? If he is hitting a specific spot with his tongue right in that moment, I'll usually literally just say, like, fuck, babe, keep doing that. And sometimes what I do is I will lightly clench my legs and butt and body when he's doing something down there that it's like, oh, fuck, yes, that feels good.
If men sense a change in your body, like if you tense up a little bit, they usually will. If they're not that fucking stupid, they usually will get the hint. And they'll keep going with that because they're you're basically giving them your body is reinforcing something they just did. And like a dog, it's like, yes, bully. A bully all you're doing so great. And then hopefully he'll get the fuckin head and he'll zero in on the clit.
And if he does it kind kinda like we tell men like to shove your fuckin head down and suck the dick, like make her fuckin force feed on your penis. We never said that did we, Wajib just push his head up towards the clit and be like up here. Up here. Good boy. Up here. Like get it right, Jerry. Get it fucking tight, Bruno. God.
Okay, this is a question actually that I feel like a reoccurring question that I've seen throughout. And I know I've kind of answered this before, but I want everyone to listen because it has to do with sexting. Okay. And we're all out there sexting a little fucking whores. Oh, hi. Hey, Alex. So I've been sexting with this guy that I'm talking to. And a couple times now, I have fallen asleep during the conversation. To be clear, we've been sexting at like two a.m. and he takes like 20 minutes to respond sometimes because he's at work.
So it's not like I'm falling asleep because I'm uninterested. Anyways, in the morning when I open his message. What is the best way to respond? Should I make a comment about how hot dirty his sex is? Or is the moment over? And I should just be like, hey, good morning. Thanks. In advance of the podcast, Daddy Gay. All right. Hello, Daddy. As we know here on call her daddy, sexting is such a delicate dance.
If the person you are sexting does not respond in a timely manner, you need to just end it. It's over. You are in a time window and it's very difficult. If that mother fucker is even 20 minutes, that's a long ass fucking time to wait for another sex to come back. So if they send you something and you wake up the next day, this is how I personally go about it. You acknowledge him so he doesn't feel weird, but then you give him the out.
I think that's one of my favorites. So, like, damn, not mad about waking up to that. I can't wait to see you next. I'm so horny, babe. And then you send a follow up tax, the double text right away, changing the subject to what are you up to today? You want to. A lot of times I like to acknowledge him so he doesn't feel weird. So he doesn't feel like, OK, that bitch did not think that was ha.
Are like, oh, this is awkward. But then you give you both an hour. It's a new day. The it's a new day. The birds are chirping. You're one with the Lord. So switch up the subject. I used to be she was the a broom guys function of beauty. This is kind of a hard one for me to do today by myself. But we're here. We're here for it. Function of beauty came into my life and I was like, bitch.
It is called the glow up of the century. I have all my friends get it. And I also have been giving it as gifts. It's the perfect little situation because you can customize the bottles. What bitch doesn't love little customization up in this bitch in 2020? If I one more time during the Saddam literally lose every sponsor, they are vegan, free, cruelty free. No sulphates use parabens used all that shit. None of it's in there.
No harmful ingredients. Your Gucci. So everyone has different hair. The licenses, podcasts. Great function of beauty will completely customize it for you. And you can pick everything, especially with your hair goals. If you do highlights like me, bitch, we got you. Okay, so guys, you're gonna go to function of beauty, dot coms, large daddy, and you're going to take a four question quiz to customize it for your hair function of beauty.
Dot com slash daddy, take your four part quiz and you're gonna get twenty percent off your first order. Hi, Daddy. How do I tell my friend that? I think she's being used. My friend has been seeing this guy and I'm not sure how serious it is, but lately I've noticed that she's always driving him around. She goes out of her way to pick him up. Even though his car works just fine. Bailed on our plans, pays for literally everything, his bar tabs, groceries, parking tickets.
I even checked out her Venmo and there's nothing from him. Oh, bitch. You're on your ship. I've only been at her place for less than a week, and she's hung out with him more than I have with her, even though I'm leaving in a couple days. I don't know if it's my place to even bring this up or how I should, since I've literally been the third wheel. Oh, hello, friend. Let's be friends.
Hey, girl. This is tough. I mean, I think any time if I've learned anything about friends and getting involved with boyfriends and guys, I personally think that it's better to stay out of it. Again, though, I don't know, you didn't clarify if this is like your best, best friend. I think that you can bring it up once and maybe ask. Usually I would do it maybe in a joking way. It also depends like what kind of girl this is.
But you could be like, do does he ever pay for anything like, holy shit, you're literally his sugar momma and kind of make a joke about it, but kind of also like a little jab and see her reaction if she's like. I know, but the dick is just so good I don't give a fuck, then that's a good sign. It's like, oh well is she fucking nose? And that's her decision. She's an adult. But if she gets defensive and is like, what the fuck are you talking about?
Like, relax, stay out of my business. Then I think you need to leave it. When girls are with guys, especially in the early stages, if they're super hyper focused on that relationship and they're like all the Thuc in it, sometimes, no matter what you say, it literally will go in one ear and out the other of your friend because they are literally mesmerized by the fucking dick. It's just the thing mesmerized by the dick. And your fucking mouth is not a dick.
So, like, she's not fucking listening to you. We are. The dick is the main goal and you're just on the fuckin side. So sometimes as much as it sucks, just chill out and way and she'll hopefully come to her senses. But it kind of. Yeah, I get it. It sucks. It's like, what the fuck? Where are you? Why are you not around. It's like I lost my friend bitch. Trust me I get it fucking sucks.
But sometimes it's worse to get involved because then you become the enemy as opposed to just waiting it out and letting her come to her senses. Hi Father. How much texting is too much texting. I've been talking to this guy for a month and we haven't hung out in person yet. We plan to in a couple weeks, but I'm not sure how much to text him or to not text him. And how much time should I give him between text.
This guy sends me good morning and good night tax and I'm pretty sure he's down to fuck, but I don't want to seem too clingy. I think this is an amazing question. I think I need way more details, obviously, to get into detail for each specific situation. But this is my favorite technique if you're kind of talking to a new guy. I think it's really or new girl. I think it's really important that you space it out and you have very sporadic texting.
I have gone through many trial runs with human beings. Okay. And I think the best thing is everybody loves. You've had that one person that you get a texting buddy and you guys go crazy, your back and forth, you're in it to win it. And it's like addicting and you're like, holy shit, this person is so fun to text. But regardless of that connection, like I've had it with guys where I'm so compatible, eventually there's an end date on that.
Eventually you almost overtalk too much shit and then it kind of fades out. So my favorite thing to do is right off the bat. I pick a very spaced out balance. And what I mean by that is like you have to be careful to not overdo it, but to also confuse them healthy. Yes, it is. I think it's good to disappear sometimes for like a whole day and then slide in later that night and have a pretty detailed, fun, upbeat conversation.
But then what I usually do is I will end it by having him send, like, whatever text he's going to send and I won't answer him. Pretend you fell asleep. Then it's in your core to text him the next day. But what the goal is, is you should be sporadic enough and entertaining enough in those spurts of conversations that he double text you the next day being like, hey, what's up? Like, once it's like one o'clock, two o'clock.
And he still hasn't heard from you. Hopefully he's like, where's this bitch? I want to talk to her and then answer right away when he text you. I don't think that you should be waiting like hours to answer if you're at your phone answer. But just be cautious about, like, the big chunk conversations, space them out enough and go M.A sometimes and sometimes I think it's good to like leave them on red. Not in a petty way, but just kind of like.
There's nothing to say to that. I'll text you later kind of thing. If I send a text, it doesn't warrant a response. I have a lot of respect for a guy that will just like leave me on read, kind of gets my vagina feeling some type of way, guys. I think I think that's it for this week.
Make sure you guys go follow me on social media on call her daddy, Instagram and Twitter and then also my personal Alexandra Cooper. Also, if you guys want, make sure you go fall. Lauren, who is on today at.
Ed, make sure you guys go fall, Lauren. Her Instagram is Larin, L.A. r e n the number for life l y f e.
I know I have a conversation with her about that. I actually retract everything that was just said on the podcast. Why the fuck is that? Her Instagram Hill. OK, I love you guys so much. I will see you fuckers next Wednesday.