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She was like, I'm so sorry, Kate, like, I wish that you could just go out there and talk about dicks and tits and in twats and whatever, but like, that's just not our podcast.
That's not. Friend. I got my guy. Welcome back to another episode of Girl's Got to Eat. Welcome back. Last episode of Kids are sixth Graders.
Almost every year I wait for this to be over. I can't believe how many years I've been bullied into this to you.
You're such a victim of or three. That's fucking hot out. We're in a heat wave. I, I had a shower. I'm on my way over to two shifts to shower season. I didn't move right out of cancer season into two showers. They show up at your place smelling I would die the door man. This one today's hot. Oh yeah. He's a fave. I don't see him ever. Oh you don't. Yeah. But also, like, I really had to take a shower, like a big show when I walked into your lab and I was like, I can't do it in Ashley's apartment, you'll hear me.
And so I was like, can I use the gym?
You threw him, did you? Yeah. Oh, this is the first I'm hearing this. You didn't ask me why it took you probably ten minutes. It took you so long to get up here. I didn't even think. I just. You're walking slow because you're hot. No, look, I shit in the gym close to my peloton. Yeah. How dare you. Yeah. And the door to the gym was open. I know everybody heard it and like, I walked out of the bathroom and the hottest guy ever was getting his mail.
And I was like, everyone heard me take a Dukey.
No. Oh, all right. We're starting strong today, guys. All right. Well, let's look things and our new partners, we have a great new partner today. Big shout out to all form. Helix has gone beyond the bedroom and started making sofas and just launched a new company called All Form. They're making premium customizable sofas and chairs shipped right to your door to find your perfect self. I get 20 percent of all orders go to all form dotcom, sluggy and thanks to Neutrophil for supporting girl's got to eat.
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I got to ask you more about this. I did think it took a while for you to get up here and maybe she stopped in the courtyard to take a pic.
I mean, I don't know. I was like, I don't know what she's doing, whatever she's doing there. I'm just to give you guys an idea, Ashley. It should take me thirty seconds, essentially to get from the front desk to your apartment, maybe 45 seconds at most. I don't know. I got to walk through a building. I mean, yeah, it's like a minute or two. One minute. Yeah. What do you think your doorman was thinking?
Like, what kind of like bladder problems do I have? I can't make it to your front door. I have to go to the gym. Bathroom. I mean, I think he knew what was going on. What was about to go down, do you think. You know, do you think like men know the women do that? That is so funny. I cannot believe that's the closest I've been to a gym in years.
Actually, that's not true. I, I live in a gym. I have a gym bike in my apartment. I've just never used it. One time I used it.
I, I hate to give them a free ad because they'll never sponsor me or advertise with me, but I did start using the peloton in the building. They, I went in the gym and if I get it I'm a believer one time that's the first time. And then you loved it. I've used it twice, two and a half times. I just want to quit. I just quit early halftimes. That's what I call working out a quarter time.
I do love it. Don't you know they're not a sponsor? I can't stress enough, but I'm a big fan and I feel like it makes me really happy that I can get that kind of workout in because I'm not biking around the city in this heat. Fuck no. I took a walk this morning. I had to stop to drive.
Nothing was dry besides receiving. Yeah, I was real. Well, I was Rawat everywhere. OK, I got to give you an update really quick and then we'll get into some other stuff. I just want to forget this is a parent update like your parents. My parents. Well, I mean, we talk about our parents now, you know, whether they listen what what they're hearing to say. So this came through last Tuesday. OK, and I wanted to tell you, my mom texted me.
Just finished your podcast. Loved it. Five exclamation points. Dad does know what sixty nine means.
You got I got to say, the emoji.
I got a tiny Mojie the emoji. Is that very happy one with the hands up the like. Really excited here.
Look there for you. Is Matt on this too. Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh God. Oh my God. That is the. Was horrifying emoji, you could link to it other than like an eggplant and the water droplets cited emoji dad does know is 69 means excited emoji jazz hands. Yeah, the jazz hands. And then she but she was really cute. She said I loved the book recommendations because my mom, you know, the book person, former librarian, they loved Grace and Becca.
But I like I read this, I glanced at it and I wanted to talk about the books more than I had to kind of circle back and be like, fuck me. My mom's telling me that her my dad of sixty nine myself. Do you think that my dad's disgusting behavior has made your parents more and she wanted. Yeah. 100 percent. That's what I'm telling you this for. She was like, wait, I want to be in on this.
I can't believe I'm so sorry. I feel like I did this to you because like my dad. So disgusting.
Oh, it's disgusting. Oh, I do have a new dad update also. I not found him yet. He's in Texas. So I just I call him everyday to make sure he's like, OK, I'm worried about him. And, you know, he listens to the podcast now because he like wants to know about the advertisers and the sex lives improving. Yes. OK, so this is on both it's both of those notes. He was like, you got any new advertisers?
I was like, yeah, we actually just picked up this like sex toy company, which will tell you guys about the future. But my dad was like, what's the name of it? And I told him, really, really? And he was like, wait, tell me again. I want to write it down. No, no, no, no. Like, why no stuff. I wish I was making this up. I yeah.
I was like, you don't need to look it up, dad.
You want, know, vibrators. We're going to talk about it. He's like, I just like to know what you're up to, you know, just wait for the read, dad. Just don't I know you'll be listening. Just, you know, I'll tell you how I liked using it. Dad, in the episode. It's so funny. Yeah. My mom's like I love the book recommendations. Your dad's like I love the vibrator recommendations. Well, so what if he like Texas wife and he's like Rayna's got some new picks for vibrator.
Oh my God. The book recommendations. I literally went out and got one to watch the back recommended by state and I finished it. I am sad it's over. I read it at the beach and just that one of all of them. I loved all the recommendations, but that one in particular. This book is blowing up the best seller first week. It's the one about the plus size woman that goes on to be kind of like The Bachelorette.
It is. I cannot recommend this book enough.
I know we talked about last week, but I read it in full and oh, guys, it is one of the best like fiction reads I've read in a long time.
I'm so sorry. It's over. I just kept I didn't want to finish it. I'm glad to hear that that was, you know, like fiction. But like if you recommended this highly and if The Bachelor is so good and I feel like someone from that worked on The Bachelor or something had to have like consulted on it, that tracks. Yeah. OK, that's that's really it. We have such a great episode today, you guys. This is with Kate Nichols.
We'll talk about her more, but she's a comedian, writer, producer, and she has a podcast that called Stage four Clinger with her mom who has stage four breast cancer. She's so funny. She's so incredible. I just want to give a quick trigger warning. The episode is not the tone is not like our sexual assault episode by any stretch. It's a light funny episode. But we are we do talk about one of her parents dying mentions of opioids.
And then her mom is she does have breast cancer. So there is talk of like parents dying, basically. Again, we keep it light. She's a comic or a comic, you know, can't stress that enough is a comedy podcasts. You know, we make we make jokes about the stuff. We joke about dark topics. But anyway, if that's if that feels triggering to you guys in any way and you're in a point where you may have lost a parent recently or whatever, and it's just not something that you're interested in, just want to give that shraga warning up top.
I don't think it would be triggering. But, you know, when these sensitive topics come up, death, obviously, we just want to give a heads up. I'm glad you said that. And we were talking about before. Was that like we do want to do an episode in the future with an actual therapist for like trauma management grief. Yeah. So we will do that. But we're just talking to her about her experience and we talk about some other stuff to her fiance and her broke up and he was emotionally abusive and things my my words, not hers.
So a lot of stuff till I come back. And also she works for the Kardashians. So I'm Kris Jenner t come in and hot gossip. But yeah, I love that you said that we do want to tackle grief and like more in depth and also like losing a partner, which is just a horrible thing of like, I mean people that lose their boyfriends, fiance, husbands, it's always just a matter of like finding the right person to speak to you guys about it.
So anyway, triggering up top. But we recorded with her in Duey, I was with her. Rayna had left, but we wanted to do a little quick recap of our girls trip and Duey that we took for my birthday. We told you guys before we were as safe as humanly possible. Everybody that went on the trip, we had a group of six girls in the house. Everybody got a coba test. Ashley heckled and bullied everyone. Yeah, every day.
I like when you get why Ashley was so on top of people about getting this Tazz.
You were like, what time are you going back to that? What time are you to be in the city? Can you go get it tonight? I went in the morning. I couldn't sit down, had some kind of computer system malfunction. So I went back home and you were like, can you go back? I feel like the lines are going to be too long. I was like, and then somebody one of our one of our friends went to.
She was going to. Edit and then she had like something planned for later that day, like a beauty treatment, and I was like, can you not you're supposed to be going or not going to.
Yes. I was like, you're supposed to concede. And this is the whole plan. So we were safe as we could. We only really hung out with each other and wear our masks when we needed to and followed all the protocols. So just wanted to say that up top before we talk about the trip that we were as safe as possible. Then I was sitting on the back deck of our house the day before we left, and I see all these cars coming in and going into this parking lot.
And I was like, what is going on here? And we asked a guy like, what's going on? And he had a mask on and he made this this movement of like a little like swirl around his nose. And we were like, COFCO tested. We thought it was so funny that he quickly was able to make like a sign language gesture for it. And we were like, should we just go see we can get a covered test.
It was a Louise and I were the ones the ones left. And we went and got a test in and out in five minutes. It was like the Dewey Beach or whatever Area Lions Club, and it was outdoor. You did you did it yourself. It was like a cheek swab. It was the most efficient in and out thing. And then I got the results back the next day, like the next day I was like, this is what what in the world?
So then I was covered free and I came back to New York and we're back. Yeah. Oh, just you guys, if you're curious, we both went to Sidahmed, MD, and New York. The first time I went, I took 36 hours to get the test back was immediate media. Now I know they're taking about a week, but they are plentiful, they're available, they're free. So I had that been with a bunch of people in the Hamptons prior to that.
I thought it was only responsible to get a test. Yes. And yeah, the before we were in a house with a bunch of girls, that's what we did. But Delaware, man, if you can find those Lions Club pop ups day and pop up like it's like a fire sale the next day, I was just like, they are crushing it. You have your own little packet. You went and you like three people kind of stood around somebody that walked you through the test and how to do it.
And then you just put your sample back in the bag through just like you swab yourself. You swabbed yourself, but like really walked you through it. Like where to get in your mouth. Thirty seconds. You have to cough first. You've to go off into like the like into your own area, cough into either your mask or into your, the kroeker your arm and then like swab your ad. They told you everywhere to swab for thirty seconds, then you stick it in this little thing, you throw in a bag and done and done.
I'm glad that you did it. I'm glad you got a nice little afternoon together in the past five minutes I imagine like the four of you in like a circle jerk. But instead of jerking off you're swapping each other. Oh yeah. We saw each other. I know.
But the trip was amazing. It was really special. I have a lot of special feelings about it. I just you know, when you're like with a group of people and you're like, these people just got me, they're like my people, you know, and I am. So I have met every single person on a trip through you. You really have this great group of friends that have been your friends forever. And like, I'm, like, really fortunate to become close to so many of them.
And everybody is just so different, like smart, funny, whatever. I to talk about them all day, they're all very special.
But I just always thought, like, you know, I eventually will have a, you know, episode about not wanting to have kids. And, you know, I thought that, you know, I'm I think the narrative is like, you know, you're going to get older. Everybody around you is going to have kids. You're not going to have any friends. You're not going everything to do it in with people. And like, I'm in my mid thirties now.
And how special is it to go on a group with, like, all these girls and, like, still have people around you and things to do? I felt like it was like really special to have this, like, really beautiful, stronger for women. And like, I still have people around me, even on our kids, you know, I just. Does that make sense? Yeah. I mean, I think you seek out people like you and I have tons of girlfriends that have kids that are married.
And even of some of the girls that were at the beach have boyfriends, are married, and they still took the time to take a girls trip, which I just think is obviously so awesome. And it's a lot to be said for how much they value friendships. And I obviously don't subscribe to that narrative of like single women in their 30s being sad in any way. I think we are like fucking crushing it in life. And everybody has so much to talk about in terms of their career, what they're doing, and like still funny dating stories.
And we just, like, gassed each other up for four days. Like the there is a we are all on the beach and everybody to start doing their own photo shoot. And everybody was behind them like creative director and be like, yes, girl. OK, a little to the left, a little to the right. Hold the hot dog like this. Tip your hat like this. Like we were just like go girl. Just like I was like doing little touches on everybody's photos.
I sent him back to them. Be perfect. And everybody posted these photos on the beach ran poster today. It was a beautiful, stunning, perfect, never been done before. And we it was just like there was a point. We're all like show your titties. Like we were all drunk one night back in the house and everybody started showing their bare titties. We're like, yeah, well, we came out the we show your tits and she was the best of everybody.
And she she just pulled her pajama top up and we all just started screaming like she was in a fucking boyband. Like it was just so much like girl power beating each other up like it was the best like four days when I was there the whole week. But most people left after four days. It was just the best time it was. And it's not like our other dude trips were just like RACT. And it's like so honestly, I kind of like covid roles because like, I don't make I don't make up reasons for why I'm going home early, like.
Really is like go to dinner, and it was just so special and so nice, and I just, like, love your group of friends and I just thought it was, like, so amazing. I do have to say, do you feel like Jenny Jones was the MVP of the weekend? And it's tough for me because I think I'm funny and cool. And then I get all my friends. I'm like, God damn, they're funnier. And cooler than me is how I feel about everybody.
The whole weekend I was like, that joke is so funny. What did I think of that? I know Jenny just like every day woke up on fire from sunup to sundown. So like under the radar about it. Like, she she's she's so funny without meaning to be funny, but like you're not laughing. She's not like funny because she's like says stupid stuff, like it's on purpose. But additionally in comedy, she's so funny. She's really one of the funniest people I know.
She's so cute. Oh great. Today Terry is great accessories. Every time she emerges ready for the night, you're like, I want that. I know she's a chain for her mask. She did. She dress great. She does accept that she had that like boobie could you of the did with like two bare hands on it to commemorate the weekend. Her friends have nice tits. Oh my. One nice set of titties after the accident. Pretty.
I didn't want to show mine Myanmar and like no I've seen Merrills titties I said and in Australia we've all seen them. Yeah, but Meryl wasn't like out here like reporter tdl that our friend Laura we were like show them.
And she, we were like, OK, porn titties. Like what the fuck. Like they're everyone's titties are nice.
When we were all just showing our titties I feel like guys are like this is what they think girls do and they like fantasize about and it's like we do do it. We did do that. Like we have a pillow fight coming up next, you know, you're all just like banged up pulling teeth.
That's this. And that's our qualifying factor for friends. You've got to have nice nipples. You got to have a nice rack. Oh, my gosh. OK, well, one thing I did and this will lead us into some recommendations. I have to tell you this thing. This is my show recommendation for the week and a milestone for me that I wanted to express to you while we were in. Do we? You had laughed. It was just the reason I laughed.
I watched my first episode of Law and Order, SVO Watch. Can't recommend it enough. The amount of times I've traveled with you, been in hotels, you told you I couldn't come to your room right now because I'm finishing an episode of launderettes. You've never brought this up. We have talked about law and order as you on this show, the fourth episode of this podcast called How to Lose a Girl in one day, I told a whole story about launderettes for you.
You never brought this up. How are you never brought this up? I never said I saw it.
I had died. I haven't been living through Mission House.
You never saw it. You never asked me, do I watch the show? You've never asked you never to volunteer the information. This is one of the longest running shows in history. I've been watching this since I was a little girl with my dad, and I brought that up on multiple episodes that my dad used to sit me down. And for a lot or you've never mentioned this. Maybe I was a little embarrassed. Maybe it's the fact that I didn't know that you didn't have Spotify and you use Rhapsody.
How are you going to help me for this? Perhaps I just I don't know why.
I don't know why. I never said I've never seen an episode of that. I don't know. Maybe you should ask me. This is on you. I what do you watch in hotels. That's that. I mean, I watch catfish in hotels now hotels that have smart TVs all like log into my Netflix if I need to. I've done that a lot recently. Well, recently when we toured and stuff, we watched it because we had this great beach house.
But there was no there was only like an old school TV and like no smart TV. So it was just like we just could only watch what was live. And Louise and I were like, let's watch something before we go to bed. And I said, I never seen law and order or Law and Order ArcView. And she was like, that's crazy. Let's just like let's just watch an episode. And it turned out to be like a really amazing episode.
And, you know, all the cultural memes about like, oh, and then about Ice, Ice Cube, I still to Louisa goes, someone came on the screen, Mariska Hargitay obviously.
And Louisa goes, Oh, that's Olivia Benson. You know, people say, Olivia Benson. I'm like, I don't know what you're talking about. And she goes, You've never seen like a meme or any you've never heard of Olivia Benson. I'm like, I guess I just never knew what it was. I never paid attention. And she was like, well, that's Lloyd Bentsen. And then she was like, OK, so I see is known for his like one liners.
Like she'll just come in like a Monch come in bunches.
I just I didn't know, but it was like she was such a good person watching it because, you know, she's so thorough. She just like gave me the rundown and I did enjoy it. So I can I recommend this show enough.
Guys, I can't believe the amount of times that I talked to you about law and order as you on this podcast and you just never brought it up. I told you a whole story about I was on a date with that guy and he let me get through a whole story and that he never mentioned throughout the story that he had no idea what I was talking about. And you just sat there and pretended like, you know, I think it's been this weird secret between us that nobody knew how to I don't know, like I guess in a way I thought, well, Breena's never did you assume I've seen it.
I didn't know you could avoid it. Like, I have never actually purposely sat down to watch Law and Order. I feel that every time it's on, I've seen every episode. I don't know how that's possible. You don't you don't turn it on. It turns onto you. It happens to you. I just you literally sat there and listen, you tell a whole story about some guy who sat there and listen to me tell a whole story about law and order that's for you and how how rude it was.
And you just didn't you know, I didn't do that right now because I did want to see your thunder by saying that I'd never seen it. So because then the narrative would have shifted. Really. Do you remember this? Is this the SUV driver, the story? So, yeah. March of twenty eighteen. I don't want to sell your thunder. My God.
Because then I know a but you know, and then I want to be all about me and you're so selfless. I can't thank you for sharing that with me. You're welcome. I feel like there's a couple things I've never seen like the longest running show and doing it is like one of the longest in history.
There's a couple of things I've never seen. I think the people will be shocked, but I've never seen OK, this is one of the most culturally referenced things and I've never seen it. It's Gilmore Girls. OK. Never seen it, and people reference like the main relationships in that a lot and I have never seen. I have not seen it. I maybe maybe seen one, but I don't watch it. But the difference there is it's not on TV all the fucking 24 hours.
It's right on every network. Yeah, I don't love Alexis, but Al is like an actress. She's just not like my favorite yet, so I just never really got into it.
Well, some people I read this, I saw this me one time that said, if you see Gigi, what TV show do you think of? And that says a lot about who you are as a person. And it's do you see Gossip Girl or Gilmore Girls? And I'm like, Oh my God, Gossip Girl by landslide. I still think I would always assume it meant well, Gigi, I'm like, I think about us or Gucci somewhere that I think makes me think of me.
But I was like, are you when you like if you're split down the middle, if you and of course you can like both whatever. But are you a Gilmore Girls girl or Gossip Girl Girl. It's like Gossip Girl all day. Every day I see every episode five times I've had to stop. It's been a problem. OK, I do have a recommendation for you. It was the number one. It was like just I always like look to see what the top podcast is like this week or whatever.
So it's a new podcast. It's called The Guru. It is about it's called Grew the Dark Side of Enlightenment. I think it's a wonder podcast are six episodes. I wonder is great with these kind of like true crime series. But it's about this guy who was a self-help person, James Arthur Ray. He became really famous because he was on Oprah through being in the movie The Secret, which is based on the book. The Secret, anyway, is really interesting story, because he was hosting all these like retreats and he was hosting these sweat lodges and a bunch of people died in sweat lodges like he had no right to be doing this.
He wasn't like a medical professional was all these people died. So on the podcast is about that. And then I didn't actually love the podcast, but then it turned me on to this documentary about him that CNN did about him called Enlighten US, which is great. Anyways, I just I love, like a self-help thing that's kind of fucked up. He did go to prison and then he got out of prison. And it's like all these people all died and you went to jail for like two years.
So it's a very odd story. So very interesting. I recommended the podcast is interesting. I like the documentary more. So, OK, that's my recommendation for this week. Well, podcasting leads us into our Person of the Week, which is us again and again. Well, again, I have not been getting enough air time. So it is me. It's not a heartache. It's Michelle Obama. She could be our Person of the week everywhere.
So from here on out, she's our person. We Gaborik know she's launching a podcast. If you don't if you would rather listen to her than us, that's fine. We respect your decision. I actually respect that. It launches on July twenty ninth on Spotify. We love Spotify. Of course, it's called the Michelle Obama podcast. I'm seeing here that it's focused on meaningful relationships and conversations. Just as hosted by Michelle Obama. The series will bring listeners the former first lady's most candid and personal conversations, showing us what's possible when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, to open up and to focus on what matters most.
And that's a quote from their production company, I believe. I mean, I'm here for it. I could listen to Michelle Obama all day. I don't listen to a podcast, but I will be tuned into this. I love everything about her. And I just I love her voice. I don't know, like a ton about her. Other than that, she was first lady. She is a tremendous speaker. And she's like a really brilliant person.
She is really like really moving motivation. And she's very funny and just I just people love her so much that I the people, whoever she's going to be interviewing, like, though, I can just imagine the way they're going to open up and speak with her. And if she were recommended the Netflix documentary becoming before and of course her book and stuff like that. But anyway, of course, Michelle Obama is just going to roll out a podcast and take the top slot for the foreseeable future.
But what should we be on it if anybody's a producer for that show and if anyone can get us all carve out time or have her on ours, she's our our number one guest. Both her and her husband, they have they been our number one guest? I think that she's been our number one guest since day one. I know people like her. Your dream guest. Her handler. Yeah, Khloe Kardashian. Sarah Silverman. Yeah. So personally of take, but.
All right. Well, before we get into the episode, do I think some of our partners and then we'll get into it with Kate. Yeah, absolutely. I am telling you guys about all form. We are so excited to talk about them. So they are a company started by the folks at Helix. You guys know we love Helix. I sleep on Helix Mattress. I have the moon locks. They have been a partner of ours for a while.
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And again, I love it. It's like stain and spill resistant. Not that I'm like a child and still sing all the time, but sometimes I do, you know, and I just I can't recommend enough. You can add pillows and I just love customizing it like I loved picking the fabric. The leather is awesome too. I really couldn't decide. I love the whiskey leather color so much, but I ended up going with the charcoal because it matches my, like, couches that I have in my apartment.
So that's what I have. You know, it's again, it was really easy to set up my my dad and I did it together and it wasn't too bad. And I'm just loving it. And my parents sat on it. They loved it, too. My brother checked it out. Everyone's a big fan and has the seal of approval from all of the Heseltine's, and I am so obsessed with it. And again, you want to go into a store.
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I'm OK. And I'm telling you guys about liquid Ivy. I'm really excited to talk about this. My personal experience is very funny. It's a power, it's a powdered drink mix. But one stick of liquid ivy in 16 ounces of water hydrate you faster and more efficiently than just water alone. So obviously, you guys have been dehydrated before. It can lead to headaches, dizziness, brain fog, muscle fatigue, all those things. You wake up after a long night of drinking, you are pretty dehydrated.
Liquid Ivy is like the go to thing to grab. So tell me about it and I'll tell you about her personal experience. So each serving provides as much hydration as two to three bottles of water. There's tons of vitamins in this right now. So there's vitamin C, B three, B, five B6. So it's going to give you as much potassium as a banana, as much. Vitamin C is like an orange, but it's healthier and less sugary than like some sports drinks.
I don't live like those really, really sugary artificially flavored sports drinks and it's very effective. So the first day we were in Duey, we went pretty hard. We all woke up the next day. Six of us were sitting around and every one of us was just pounding liquid. I guess you're welcome. I brought them. I brought them. It was a rough morning.
Yeah, that's the that is how I start the day if I have any sort of hangover or do you dehydration from whatever it is to inject that liquid I.V. into my body.
Yeah, it was great. There's a couple of flavors. I like the passion fruit. There's a lemon lime. It's also really great. You just put the powdered mix into some water. It tastes really good. Again, I don't love these super sugary crazy colored sports drinks, so I think it's really fantastic. It helped us. All six of us were like back in fighting shape by the evening, which was fantastic. And they do good as well as they're on a mission to change the world.
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Anything you order when you use the promo code. GGGI Like what I've dotcom get better hydration today at Liquid Ivy Dotcom Promo Code GGGI and as always tag in your cute videos of you being hydrated with like what I've like but I've eaten. All right. We are so excited to get into it with our guests today. All right guys, we have a very special guest in the Virtual House studio with us today. She is a writer, a producer, a comedian.
She is the co-host of the stage for our podcast. She is Internet friends of Ashley and now real friends with us. She wore a bikini top the last time we attempted to record with her. And today she has gone in the opposite direction and wore two shirts. Please welcome to the house studio, Kate Nichols. It's a dress. It's a it's a crop top and address. It is crushed velvet nineties dress. And I wore platform crocs with it.
Oh, I notice they're not in sports mode. I'm I'm taking it easy today. That exists. But we're coming to you from the. Studio, yes. Yes, as you can see, so Raina left early and Kate came in hot because she's here in Maryland. We'll get to it. But I forgot to tell her you weren't going to be here, Rayna. So disappoint. She came in hot with weed for us, weed and toilet paper.
So toilet paper, the only essentials. And I'm so glad you're not here. Yeah. OK, so really quick. I just met you today, but we've been Internet friends for honestly, probably since like I think it's been like eight. When did you get to. I think it's like 2012. Yeah. So my Aunt Kathy, who is my godmother, my mom's best friend or your twin. Yeah. And my birthday twin. Thank you so much.
Cancer season still. And so my Aunt Kathy is really close with Kate's mom and she's like she's like Kathy's like second best friend. So it's like her and my mom are kind of competitive. Claudia, Kate's mom and my mom kind of like bye for cats. Like they both vacation with Kathy separately. But separately, audience and Cindy have never met what's. Yeah, but I think my mom sidepiece yet. Bob Kathy. So I'd be like for sure.
Did your mom know when Kathy goes on vacation with other people. So everything's kind of out in the open now and then my mom and I, my mom and I did go on Kate and Claudia's podcast, but then they had to like weird little like competitive thing. They were joking, but I feel like it kind of got a little serious. Like she was like, so why haven't you ever invited me to a trip? And your mom's like, well, am I going to come to Greece?
So that's OK. Also, actually, the other best friend is named Kate and I like Low feel the same way. I like actually hugged Kate the other day in the house and I was like, she never hugs me. I'm holding a mental note of it to like bring it out on the podcast. My diary will be hearing about this. Actually, it's great. Anyway, I'll wrap this up quickly.
But Kathy and Kathy was like this was back when I was in Atlanta, but I was still doing comedy. And she was like, I know this comedian in New York and you should just follow and connect with on Facebook. And I was like, OK, sure. So we, like, friended each other on Facebook. And I just remember watching a clip of yours. And then I was also so like enamored with anybody doing comedy in New York City.
I just like looked up to anybody doing it. And I think I even watched a video. I remember being like, my gosh, she's so funny. I think you way that you, like, open the crowd up. I was like, wow, I want to do that. And then you got Najd on stage. Yeah, I was like, what? The fog like it was like your boyfriend was a comedian. And then he came up and then I was like, I don't even see this coming.
And so then we just have been Internet friends ever since. Was it because, like, because her engagement burned to the ground that make it easier for you to be friends with her? Fully burns humanized me, you know, but but right up to that point, like, we were just only Internet friends. But I so nosy about everyone's drama. So I think even maybe a year later I was like stalking you. I'm like, where's that fiancee?
And I like my message her. I don't know her. And I Messager was like, hey, this is weird, but like what happened? Hurry up. I love it. No shame. No shame. I'm the same way because, like, if you're I used to really put it all out on social media. And if you're going to people have been a part of that relationship with you and like especially with a very public engagement. And like he was all I think he was really proud of it.
I think it's because he's like a like a comic at heart that he it was like he wanted to add it to his real more than like had engaged to me. Oh, my God. I wrote the jokes that he told. He didn't. So when he proposed to me how had this whole bit and he was like taking UCB classes and he was saying that it was like for a class.
And I was like, this isn't very good with the red line, that whole thing. And then all of a sudden he starts like doing it on stage. And it's like our anniversary at the comedy club where we met. And like all his family's there and I just kept drinking whiskey because I was like, oh fuck, I'm like twenty three and I don't know if I want this, but like there's an audience, so I'm going to have to be like, absolutely.
Oh after you guys broke up did he like side text.
You like listen can you write my jokes about the breakup too. Oh my God. I mean if he had he's very a very proud person. So now I kind of blocked him on everything after we broke up, like I was listening to you guys episode with some exes that you can stay in contact with. And some of them, he is not one of them all. He's a comic that you can't stay in touch with them. Exactly. We're going to unpack this and tell you guys, obviously, the whole background.
But before we move on, I do want to tell you guys the story of my ex fiancee and I broke up and like to your point of like you sliding into her dams and after what happened one year later, after we broke up, my friend, my mom's friend's daughter sent me a message and was like, we'd love to see you in a wedding dress, girl. Where's the wedding dress packs?
And I was like, I'm going to shoot myself.
You your hear what? You just let your mom just choose friends, friends, family, too, in ages and so shit. So clear that he had been scrubbed for my social media and she's like picked a random day and was like, well, I'd love to see you in a wedding dress girl. And I was like, yeah, same. Yeah, yeah. That looks amazing. And white. Don't rub it in. Yeah. That's so funny.
I forgot to calm. I've canceled like everything because we started wedding planning. But I forgot that a friend of a friend recommended the makeup artist for the day and I never got back to her until the day before the scheduled date of the wedding, which I completely forgot. She like messages like, hey, so what time should I come tomorrow? I was like, Oh, I'm so sorry, but there is no such thing. And she was like, OK, well, keep me in mind.
If, you know, you get engaged, you change your mind. I would make my mom respond that I'd be like, I can't handle sending this taxicab. Figure this out. Oh my God. OK, so the engagement ended. Oh, yeah. Big day. And Rayna keeps getting upset because I keep saying that you guys are going to bond over this twenty five times and she's been like, you guys can bond over your like your dad engagement.
I don't think I mean, broken engagements aren't crazy, rare and weird, but there's not a ton of you guys out there. No, no. And I don't know if this has happened to you, but like, have you had a lot of people come up to you who are unhappy and they're engaged? Like, I feel like I've become a magnet for people who are unhappy, like young girls who got engaged and been like, no, that I broke off an engagement.
And they always want to ask me about, like, am I doing the right thing? Which like, if you're coming to me, you want me to be like, no, that's a good call. They're looking for you to tell them. Yeah.
So I just say, if you're asking me this question that no, Kate has ended so many engagements, I really she's actually the ending of the engagement whisperer. I really think it's opposite of you. All your exes get married, leave a trail of tears since we started the podcast. Yes, people have message us and asked about that. I would never tell anybody anything to do with their relationship because I don't know anything about your life in your relationship and the years of back stories.
I would never tell anybody, yes or no, unless you're being actually like hurt physically or emotionally. But when it happened, I didn't really know anybody that it happened to. And it was so rare. I thought, I mean, it's not that rare anymore. I have two people you meet in their mid thirties that aren't married, have been engaged at one point. But a lot of people wanted to, like, connect with me about it and talk about it all the time and be like, wow, this happened to me, too.
Like, I want to date with this guy. And he was the person who set us up was like, so Leah mentioned that, like, you had a broken engagement, too. And I was like, I can't fucking believe you're bringing this up, because it took me years to get to the point where I wanted to discuss this at all, to, like, wrap my head around it, to find the humor in it, to not be so devastated like years.
So I didn't and it was it felt really embarrassing at the time. So, yeah, I don't want to talk about it to anybody. Yeah.
There was an I kind of forgot that element of embarrassment that I felt because I have no shame about it now. But like when you when I did, especially because I used to like post everything on Facebook and we did have like a public engagement video. And then for it to just like Peter out like that, it's kind of like, oh, I'm not the best. But so you guys got engaged in New York, but then you moved to L.A. together.
Yes. And we'd already called off the wedding at that point. It was very tumultuous. I mean, it's we talk about it. Yeah. Let's talk about it. Let's tell the story. OK, so I realized I started when we tried to record all of us a time before, and I hadn't really thought about how I would feel talking about this. And then once we had to stop recording and rescheduled to today, I had more time to, like, unpack it.
And I realized I started to feel like this fear about talking about the relationship, because I talk about the broken engagement, I talk about the superficial things. But like, I haven't really opened up about this relationship. And I'm like, why am I scared? I'm not afraid for my physical, like, well-being. I'm afraid that anything I say about him will like invite him back into my life and that he'll convince me that I'm wrong and crazy and that he didn't actually do these, like, psychological things to me.
Because, like you said, I've heard you talk about being with a guest later, like he was very much a manipulator controller, gas lighter. And I think that's part of the reason why he wanted to like why he liked that. I was a lot younger than him because he had like a lot more control. And then it was like, let me get you into, like, living with me. I lived with his family on the Upper East Side.
And I'm not saying he's a bad guy, like I think he's in a relationship. So I hope that he has worked on these issues. And he was going through a trauma at the time that we were together, which led him to like really emotionally abused me. And I'm not going to, like, get too much into detail. But his family was a part of a financial crime. So it was around for like that trial and like the very beginning of our relationship.
And it put a lot of pressure on me that, like my needs couldn't be met until this trial was over or we couldn't live together until this trial was over, or then once the trial was over and his father was incarcerated and then it's like still I can't have any needs met. I think a lot of people relate to the fact that, like, when you're with a partner and they're going through something really traumatic, especially involving their family, there doesn't seem to be any room for you to be a person and feel things either that it's all about them.
Yeah, absolutely. And and then you have to like it added so much pressure and it added so much more leverage on his side. He and his mother, he's a kind of a typical Jewish guy, his mom and him, like, probably showered together until he was like a teenager. I feel like my mom would still like to shower with my brother. She's never said Reynolds. Like, that's not weird. I like your family tradition.
I told my mom and my brother on the group chat the other day to get a room just like they did not find it funny, but it was funny. Besides, I said it actually we laughed about it. I'm not in the family group. I write to some me the screenshots, by the way. People are like, they're really close. No, I wasn't there. I just sent me everything I lost. You told your mom and she would like you and she was like, you're a real man.
Now, look how handsome you look.
And I was like, this is disgusting, you know, not in front of his wife.
By the way, he's married. She's on the chain to, like, get out of here, get over it so you guys can relate on so much like that. Because my mom also I always say she has a crush on my brother, like so but she's not sure what she's like. But your brother has a crush on me. Yeah. How old is he? What's up with him? He's married. Oh, well, actually it's his hall pass.
He like he's like he's so sweet. He's such like a big fan of my mom and I's podcast that like God gives me. Can we leave it in my brother's like especially during quarantine. And he's like a loan in New York because his wife is Muslim. So they weren't allowed to live together until because he had like a male roommate. I don't know.
I but so what you're saying is he got to jerk off to Ashley a lot during the year. He's he's like a big fish, like he would listen. He's our biggest fan of my mom and his podcast, like, I would listen, like, obsessively. And so he like would talk a lot about how much he, like, loved Ashley. So it's like my brother wouldn't listen. I'm only one person I'll pass through this world. So good him.
All right. OK, well, this seems like a good place. Just to take another very quick break and then we will get back into it with Kate. I am telling you guys about Daily Harvest, OK? I'm going to be real with you guys and my obsession with daily harvest. What right. And what do you always do when I start Sindelar Harvest you starts to lift the Mike Darmouth.
You're just so ready to jump in was when you were like, I'm just going to be honest with you. Like for you to say, like, I hate it. I just need to be real. You know, I again, we were saying we went to the beach, I shipped my shipment. I like, doubled it. I usually get like nine. I got like fifteen and got them sent to the beach so I could have them for us to have in the mornings.
And I brought my own blender. They had a blender at the house, but I was like so set on like us being able to wake up and have our smoothies. Yeah, I woke up to be like seven thirty and you were like on your way out the door to go get them. Yeah. I said to Matt so I had to go get them and then I had to stop at the store to get the almond milk and I came home, we made smoothies for everybody.
Kate had some like collagen and some stuff she threw in. We were making smoothies for everybody. We brought the smoothies down to the beach. Was a perfect day. OK, I have a smoothie every single morning to this morning. I had my vanilla bean and Kakao, which I will say is one of the most delicious ones, has a little more calories than the other one. So just be mindful of that. The Mint and cocoa is my other favorite.
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As always, we love seeing you guys Torgersen yourself. Someone like Rodel like all their hot takes on Daily Harvest. It was so cute on her little. Story in which one she like the most and we were damning about our favorites, too, she's great. I was down with her. You are friends with more of our listeners than look ten times more Alissa's than I am every day. I will reference one of your names to me. And I'm like, you're still talking.
Did you see Kelsey's post really closely? I know who Kathy is, a guy, but we really can't recommend enough.
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All right, let's get back to with. Yes. Getting back into it. You were talking about your relationship. Can you remind us the difference between you and your ex fiance? So I think it was like a twenty eight to nine year age difference, which doesn't sound that aggressive when you're both like in your 30s. I think we're getting older than that. But like a twenty one year old versus a thirty year old is like very different. It's really.
Yeah. I mean, I date guys ten years younger, but it's like it's not, you know, and I actually I, I'm thirty so I've done it. They're always twice they're going to go on a podcast talking about it. But yeah, I mean I remember even being like I had a friend that was an older guys were like twenty, twenty one. She would be like flirting with a thirty year old at the bar and I'd be like, you're so gross.
I like gray hair. No I like it's disgusting to me. Was fucking gross. It was. Oh no, no, no, no offense. He was gross. But I was really into older guys like I had, I had like Big Daddy issues and like I had this like whole thing that like I was going to move to New York and like, get a Mr. Big, you know. And I mean, I can't I'm not shit on my friends.
I have friends that. Yeah, it was just it wasn't for me. It's still not for me. Yeah. I'm out here just, you know, barely over the legal line. OK, so you guys so you weren't getting your needs met and. Yeah. But you broke up and then you still moved together. So we broke off the we canceled the wedding but um and I moved back into my apartment in Bushwick and he just kept living on the Upper East Side.
And it's like through therapy I've realized that it's like such a typical person who has control issues and like emotional abuse symptom. It's like I was starting to get freedom. So he was like, nope, going to completely take her away from everybody she knows. And like, we're moving out to California. I was his yeah. It was his. He went out for an interview and then just called and said, I'm not coming back. We're going to move out here and I'm never coming back.
It's like we're going to California, you're going to come here. And it's so weird because, like, I, I can't even relate to, like, how much I let myself get, like, bulldozed and, like, tossed around in that relationship because I see myself as such a tough person. But it was like I just I had to go back and investigate, like all of my trauma and, like, work through it to be like, how did I get into this situation with somebody that's so controlling and manipulative and gaslighting?
I think it's really easy to. Yeah. I mean, comedia. Yeah, yeah. My my boyfriend, when I was like that age also was like tremendously. I'm a. Abusive and I think that we all look back on those situations and say to ourselves, like, I'm not that person, who is she? How did I get here? But those people don't start off acting like that day one. It's a very long slope of them.
It's a long, long road of them, like just chipping away at you. And every little thing they do makes it a little easier for them to do the next thing. And actually, when you're young, I don't I don't know the word gaslighting. When I was twenty two, I couldn't be either named what this guy was doing to me.
Mm hmm. So I get it.
And they and they convince you that you are so wrong. Like any time that I would bring up something like, you know, it really hurt my feelings when you did this. And he'd be like, you know, I know myself and I know the type of person that I am. And so I. I just don't think what you're saying could be true. And I'm not in charge of your feelings. Only you are. So, you know, maybe if you were a little more mature or like the first time that we had sex, like, came inside me without asking and I was pissed and he was like, I know that you're young, but this is what women my age do.
Oh, my God. I like only like good guys like me or like I would say like, hey, I really need I want us to work on our sex life. And he'd be like, you know, like I had to happen to be true treehouses surgery. And he didn't want me to do it. Like, for some reason it was like a control thing. But I went ahead and had the surgery and like our sex life Dep't at one point, like years after the surgery.
And he was like I was like, look like I would like for us to work on our sex life. And he was like, things just feel different. Since you got that endometriosis for me to use the surgery, I told you you shouldn't have got it. And I'm like, even though I know the female anatomy, they weren't anywhere near my vagina. They were in my uterus. Oh, my God. I'm like, oh, like, he would make me feel like I was disgusting.
And you tell me I was like, you're really hard to love, but like, I love you. So like that rogue you tarok me to having the age ages so huge years and many girls are listening. Like if a guy ever like pulls is like uses his age, it's like, well you're just immature, like a red red flag, red flag. And like anybody who weaponize your past traumas against you, like he would be like like my family.
And I'll talk about this, but my family is a victim of the opioid crisis in this country. My dad became a drug addict after getting prescribed OxyContin. And so like lots of daddy issues there, you worked through him. But he would weaponize that against me like any chance that he got. So and it would just be like he would convince me that, like, he was great. I was terrible. And yeah. Oh, my God.
I mean, anybody that's going to do that to you is not a nice person. I'm sorry. There's no it's a pretty black and white to me. Like weaponize is your age against your past. Trauma is the person that your partner should make you feel not great all the time, every second. But like they shouldn't pick on things like this to just like make you feel bad about. It's a crazy thing. Yeah. Parta ever does that. You fucked that person.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But I tried like I tried to take us to therapy and he was like after the session the woman like took me aside and was like, are you OK? And he said and he was like, we're never going to go back there again. Oh wow. He could tell she yeah. He was like, we're never going back there again. And like at the end, once we moved out to California together and we were living out there for like a month and I got sort of like a break, like he wasn't working.
And I got hired to Disney as a writer's assistant. It was like my first, like, big writing job. And I was like, fuck. Yeah. And he was so upset about it. Like the night the day that I got the job, he, like, popped on Xanax and like stayed in bed. And I'm like, OK, I guess I'm going to celebrate this for myself.
But he would like then start trying to cause fights when I would have to be on set at seven in the morning at like 2:00 a.m. like try to wake me up for like a fight and do sort of like self sabotage things. And obviously like that amount of stress, my body gave out, my thyroid stopped working, I put on weight. And so I got up to L.A. and I was like starting to get my freedom and my confidence back because I'm like writing and remembering like, oh, you're funny.
Like, you're good people like you. And so I remember I would go out we lived by Griffith Observatory and I would go out and I started hiking. And it physically hurts so bad because I was coming out of, like, such a big depression, such big like like just really tough stuff in that relationship and like physically hurt to do it. But I was like out there, like trying to hike. And I remember one time he, like, came with me and like wouldn't even put on exercise clothes because he was trying to make a point that this wasn't like you're not going to work out.
And then once I was trying to, like, run up the stairs, he physically kept trying to, like, pull me back, like literally trying to hold me back from moving forward with my life. And that night, like a fight went too far. And I said, do you need therapy or we can't do this? And he said, if you were a better partner, I wouldn't need to talk to a stranger. And then I, like, moved out that next day and, like, blocked him on everything.
Oh, my God. So. And did he let you like I think people probably wondering, like, how did you get out of this? I mean, this guy wasn't like a physical abuser like him. Did he let you go? He was very upset. He was definitely a controller. Yeah, but he was not. I'm not saying that he's a terrible person, he was terrible to me and I wasn't perfect either. It's like there's that Fiona Apple song that I love so much called Werewolf.
And it's like I could liken you to a shark the way you beat off my head. But I was the one waving around a bleeding old wound. So it was like, oh, I need to figure out what about me? Like, why I got myself into that situation and really work on that myself. So that's what I've been doing. Yeah. Which is not like blaming yourself, but it is. But how did I get here. Yeah, because I was yeah.
It takes I was a willing participant in a toxic relationship. Right. And so that takes a lot of therapy to unpack. I think that's amazing advice. And the person that I was talking about who is so tremendously emotionally abusive to me and ended and I remember crying to my mom, who is a therapist and saying, like, why did he cheat on me and why was he so terrible to me and why he and I and she just stopped me and she said, well, you need to ask yourself why you stayed in this situation.
And she was blaming me. She wasn't saying, like, why did you let somebody treat you like that? But it was sort of at least a reality check for me. I'm like, OK, I need to stop asking why he did these things, because it doesn't matter. I'll never get answers. And I need to ask myself, like, why did I let this person erode me for so long? And by the way, a lot of it was my age.
Like, if someone is sitting there saying to you, like, well, you're so young and you know, you don't understand this, then they should understand why they want to date somebody so young. I never even thought about that at the time. Like, why are you attracted to me if I'm such an infant? Yeah. If you're so immature and emotionally unfulfilling, what are you dating me for? It's clearly so you can manipulate me. Yeah.
And my rock and hot 21 year old bod. Right. So but you were able to break it off. Yes. OK, yeah. And that was amazing. And that was that was several years ago when I started. It was like once I started to get traction in Hollywood in my small amount of success that really helped me. I just focused entirely on work and yeah, just started working nonstop. OK, so let's talk about where you and your next for that which was working for the Kardashians.
Yes. Working for the Kardashians out in Los Angeles. It's like every job. It is the job. Yeah. I was a creative assistant writer and then worked up to associate producer on cocktails with Chloe until it got canceled with a K.. I just remember like seeing you on like like Facebook. I was like, oh my God, this is what is this with this girl is incredible. Like she's working for. And then you would you would post like a screenshot of you like texting with Chris.
What can we do a phone number. Yeah, I'm sure it's changed a lot of times, but feel like, of course there's things that I'm unimpressed with how the Kardashians have been handling their workers, their wealth, things like that. But I have to tell you that I have, like, mad respect for them. And so I'm not going to vote for Kanye. Right. Kris Jenner is amazing. And I will tell you that her phone she has on like the large view texts like hers, her phone is like she is.
She's like, OK. And her, she has a text ringtone, which is gold digger. And it just says, like, can you feel my mom?
Oh, my God. Every time she gets a text, I get the text.
I mean, like, it would be really weird if she had, like, one of their access, like if Tiger played over the phone every time somebody call and I thought I found it so charming, I was like, this is exactly what I want. And then you could see over her shoulder who she's texting because her font is so huge. So it's like, can you? And it's like Justin Bieber. And she's like, Hey, babe, she was just so funny.
Like one day on set, she just had me carry around her purse and then like a bowl of weapons. And I was like, Guys, I'm I'm just going to be following around Christina for this whole episode. Like, I can't, like, give away my other responsibilities. It was a dream for I would carry snacks around for literally any of them, even Courtney, like just just to hang out, like even the kids eating this kid's snacks.
Yeah. So did you interact with Chloe a lot? I mean. Yeah, working on her. Show me the most. Yes. And what really meant for the show. It was it was not a good show, remember. I'm sorry. Really it was not a good show. Go to her house like, you know, just like get get drunk with her friends, basically. Basically it wasn't actually her house. It was a set, it was a set in the sound studio in Van Nuys.
Feel like you could. But I mean, that's that's but it was you know, it was modeled after. Yeah. It was modeled after her house. So a lot of like probably the cheaper versions of the furniture she has like to look. And it was kind of cool because it was a cam, the set would be closed so they wouldn't be able to see the cameras. They were like it was like a Big Brother style hair thing when they would get like lit, they would get lit and play games.
Yeah. And that one of my favorite memories from that set. I don't know if this ever aired. We had like a prank call segment that I don't think went on for long. But there was just the guy who always used to say Major Key and has that son, Jay College. Yes. OK, so Jay College was supposed to be a guest and he didn't show up that day. And so I forget who else was on. But Khloe and probably some of the sisters they decided to prank call their mom, Kris, and she's driving around Calabasas and she's saying, D.J., it didn't show what she does.
Kris isn't. She's being recorded and she's like, D.J. Kelly didn't show up. Mom, I'm so embarrassed we don't know what to do. We're all just like sitting around like these. We're going into overtime. We have no guests today. And so her mom literally said, I just pulled past Drake's house. Let me just like let me just pull up and like, she literally was on the phone and, like, banging on drugstore, like about to be like, hey, can you just come with me to Van Nuys real quick?
That's how dedicated Kris Jenner is. She's a man. Just happen to be about drive by Drake. She's like, let me turn around. And she's, like, ready to go bang on his or her ass. Pulled a UTI in her belly. Also, I just miss this.
I feel like people are like, how did Ashley watch your show? And Rayna didn't. Why was actually watching this? Oh, yeah. Because you're not the big girl. No, I watch plenty. The Kardashians. I stopped watching it this season. I just decided I'm quitting.
But I'm for multiple reasons. I only watch you because you were for the writer that night.
Yeah. Like, I was like, I know somebody that works on this show. Yeah. I've really got a connection to it. Like, I wouldn't watch it otherwise. No offense, Chloe, we love you. We'd love to have you on. She's a genius. The faces that you have that week, Chloe, will have to break whatever face you want. What you can do is infiltrate for you. Oh, yeah. So that's because I feel like people are like like not so dedicated that I'm watching all their spinoff shows.
No, I haven't even ever watch a rerun. Did you watch did you watch Kris Jenner talk show? I saw I saw one episode. Tonya was she had a talk show that was supposed to be in her. It was the same production company that I was working for that did her talk show. And it was like supposed to be set in her foyer, you know, those double staircases. Well, we just wanted to spill a little to you so much.
I was going to go and get Wheat Thins because Christine said she does. They like the wavy kind. There's wavy wheat. Then there was like wavy chip kind. Yeah. But I still have, like, celebrity writers that I, like, love to tell people about. Can you tell us something? So like P. Diddy had a whole we had to do like a whole deli spread for P. Diddy, it's like the best was Snoop Dogg and his writer was like all munchies, like it was like it was like very important.
Seven bags of barbecue Fritos, the twisty kind. And it was like double underlined. And he had like a huge posse. And they just hotbox the green room. And I had to go in there to like do like get him to sign some stuff and do like a little pre ambuhl and straight up got a contact high, I bet. Anybody else keep going. Keep this going.
Chrissy Teigen and John Legend came on when Chrissy was super pregnant and they sent over a writer, but they never even went into the dressing room. Christie's like, I'm just going to give something up. It's from cravings, right? Or need it. Just get me a full kitchen. I'm going to do that. Yeah, she she catered the show. I, like her and John were like, we won't be there long enough to need a green room.
I sat there like they were so sweet because it was such a terrible show and like they tried to save it. So like the last episode was Kim and Kanye and John Legend and Chrissy Teigen. And they were so gracious, like all of like Kanye was the sweetest, kindest. Like you could just see how much he loved his wife so much. He was going to go on his shitty show to make your sister happy and like, but don't vote for him.
But we don't want to like him. We don't want. No, no, no, no, no, no. Just you can go on on a reality television show doesn't mean that you should be the president of the United States, you're saying. Exactly. And I love your music. I don't want you to be my fucking president. That's right. Yeah. Some people are going to reality TV. Bad a president, you know. Yeah.
I'm sure that you guys are all wondering what Ashley and my Ryder has on it. Yeah. So Ashley and I have a writer. It's I think it's just sandwiches.
The whole writers like sandwiches and bottles of rosé, and that's how we first got it. It was like really intense. We we the our agency just did it for us and it said, like cheese and me and assorted sandwiches. And we didn't see it for like a few shows. And so we would be like, why weren't all these sandwiches doing really didn't we don't eat sandwiches, we're not crushing sandwiches before we're on stage. And so then we switched it to just meat and cheese and like hummus and like vegetables and stuff like that.
And then there's like roses on their stuff. And if we have if we have a do you have specific brand that you ask Square we just ask for you was like a light, like a flat, not sparkling, like a like a light colored flat rosé. We're not we don't care. I mean sometimes they give us whispering angel, but sometimes we get like, you know, two cans of Coors Light in a bottle, a box of wheat.
This is really amazing to watch how every venue interprets this. Like some venues we get there. And there is the most beautiful meeting she's probably ever seen in your life. But like some places, we get there and people are like opening up cans of like Vienna sausages till I drop into a shampoo to a bowl for us. And then, like, there's like Kraft singles on it. And we went to one place, a one city. I'm not going to say which.
And there was just crackers, nothing to dip in the crackers. But I to make it out with that guy the end of the night that set it up. So it was fine. It worked out. Your mouth is probably so dry that you needed to lubricate. Oh yeah. They just had the box crackers. OK, so thanks for the Cardassian ti. Oh you're welcome. And then you lived in L.A. and you moved back here to the East Coast because of your mom?
Because of my mom, which my mom is the co-host of my podcast for Clinger. And I'll get into the name because she has stage four breast cancer. And I was I was living in Los Angeles and I had like a month between jobs. Like I had finished working on a movie and I was about to go start working on a television show. And so I was like, all right, I'm still kind of like screwed up in the head from this traumatic relationship.
I'm just gonna go home for a month. I haven't been home for that long ever. And so while I was home, she was like, I just have to go get a quick biopsy because one of my mammograms came back your regular. So we did that and like went to lunch. And then a couple of days later, we get the call that says, like, you need to come into your doctor's office. And we were just like, oh, shit.
Like, I, I did not believe that it was happening until that moment. And I was like, all right, I've got to take a shower. And then the landslide came on my shower playlist, which is not normally on my shower playlist.
And I just like slid down the Wall Street below Fleetwood Mac to get you. And I decided to I pushed my job back for a little bit. And then once we found out how bad the cancer was, I ended up staying to help her through her first, like, year and a half of recovery and then went back to L.A. and then came home for Christmas. covid hit. And I kind of relocated back to Maryland again. Yeah. OK, so this is this is recent.
You're currently going through this? Yes. Yeah. I was back in L.A. for about two years after, so my mom was diagnosed about three years ago. And your dad has passed. Yes. So while so while I'm home, taking care of my mom, my dad, bless his heart, did the best he could with he before he like I said, our family, our entire family is a victim of the opioid crisis in this country, because when you have a parent who's addicted to opioids and an alcoholic, it it just permeates throughout the whole family.
And so around the time that my mom was diagnosed, I had cut off contact with him because I needed to be there for my mom. And he was always such an antic, antagonistic character in our family. And they had separated. And it was like, I don't think she'll mind me sharing this, but it was like the saddest moment after she was diagnosed, there was like this moment that she's like. I I can leave your dad like like I can.
Like, I can finally do this because she was a victim of manipulation and psychological, like control and all that stuff. So and, you know, you always you always kind of fall into the same relationships that your parents had. If you don't go to any therapy, it's explains a lot. But he his body just ran down. And like a year after her surgery, he just passed away quietly at his apartment on the couch suddenly. And it was such a difficult time because, of course, I loved my dad, but I felt this sense of relief because I really, truly felt like he's just so tortured, like on this plane, like, I don't know what the next life has in store, but like if there is anything like he's done here, like he's never going to do it, he's never going to get sober, he's never going to, like, get his life together.
So it was like feeling a sense of relief when losing a parent is a very confusing feeling. And like I went through a lot of different grief and I miss him in certain aspects. And but yeah, that was definitely a confusing time. And I just kind of like went right into like I had a broken ankle at the time and just like took my cast off and started driving to like the funeral home and like to the flower place and just took care of everything because that's the like.
Yeah. Relationship that I have with my mom. I'm more of the caregiver. And so that was a really intense couple of years. So I guess I didn't realize this was just a few years before he passed away two years ago. OK, well, you know, I'm so sorry and just thank you for sharing and being open with us about it. It's so tough to lose a parent regardless of whatever your relationship was with them. Yeah. So you've had two extremely different experiences.
One where you sort of watched a parent kill themselves and yet you weren't able to hollowly. And this other one where you actually do get to be a part of it and help her and feel like, you know, you're you're responsible for her care. And I can't imagine one of those things. I mean, neither of those things are good or preferential to the other. And you've really been through so much. Yes. Thank you for noticing. I mean, how do you cope?
Like, how did you deal with the grief of. I definitely didn't have the healthiest coping mechanisms. I finally through like doing a lot of work, like I started coping with drinking, which it's like if drinking has plagued our family for so long, that's not the thing to turn to. It was like just I was like partying, going out as much as trying to move as fast as I can. So I didn't have to, like, really slow down and process at all.
And it was once I moved back to L.A. that again this time it was just a couple of months of like on decompressing and unpacking. Everything that happened was like, oh, you need to continue with therapy. Yeah. So therapy, yeah. Therapy is number one. And I'm a part of groups like Al Anon and a group for like codependent recovery. And people don't know what Al Anon is, where you were, you just explain what that is.
So it's toxic. It's for the loved ones of alcoholics and addicts and it's really to teach because it's such a difficult thing loving an alcoholic or an addict. And it's basically a support group for the families and loved ones. But it's not like you don't go there and just like complain like it's very empowering. It's like, OK, well, then if you can't engage with this person, then you need to like, switch your behavior. It's very much like, what can I do to not feel this way anymore?
Instead of being like, isn't it just so terrible? Like because alcoholics are people like alcoholics and drug addicts and it's hit people in my family who haven't hurt me the way that my dad did. And I have so much love and empathy for people who struggle with the disease of addiction. But like I said, it permeates into the entire family. So like so many of my relationships, so many of my friendships, so many things that were wrong in my life were stemming from an inability to process what it's like, what I went through.
So what was it like to date while you were sort of struggling with your father like that? And were you able to do you do bring it up? Do you talk about it? I would really not talk about it very much in the past. Now I feel like I've done a lot of, like healing and growing and maturing. But I made a lot of I would get like very attached very quickly, like after my dad died while my mom was going through breast cancer.
I would decide that, like, this is the this is the reason I'm going through this. Like, I would kind of get into a like a relationship with a guy and I'd be like, I'm playing on a Hallmark movie. I had to move home to my cute small town to take care of my mom through breast cancer. And it's all going to be so I could find the love of my life. Yeah, like I'd say that I got like a little bit delusional.
Deluded, probably. Because I wasn't like processing in a healthy way, so I took myself off out of the dating scene for like a full year and like I was like, I'm not going to have sex for a full year. I'm not going I'm just going to, like, focus on myself. And then it was like a year and a half. Like, I loved it so much that it was a year and a half before I had sex again with a random bartender in Memphis when I was driving through, driving through.
I just I can't I mean that enough for the drive. You can write about that, but also can't recommend enough of this, like, year of like finding yourself celibacy and even like it works in other ways. To Kelley Knight, who was a good friend of ours. We had her on she took a I don't know if I was a year for six months. She just kept finding herself in these these bad patterns of relationships. And I think she talked about it where she just did it day.
Like, sometimes you just have to stop completely. Yeah. Like and of course, I can imagine that happening when there's a lot of trauma on. Yeah. I really had I had the wrong patterns. I had the wrong mindset about dating and I just had to I had to do a reset. And now I trust myself to date, but I can't because of the coronavirus and I can't deal with my mom. My mom is like, if you date, they're going to have to come and live with us for two weeks before the first.
Can you imagine before you guys sleep together? But I love what you're saying, which is to, like, give yourself permission to kind of like release the pressure valve a little bit and not, you know, just just accept that you're not going to date. You're allowed to heal and like, you'll find somebody. But it's not great to date when you're super broken either, because guys think for people to fight to help you. And that's that's not great either.
Yeah, I think I was looking for, like a quick fix, which there's never a quick fix. And except your dog. Except my dog. My dog. Really. We'll talk about that. Yeah. Jolene, I love you so much. Does anybody hear you say that and not start singing the song? Yeah, everyone sings the song to her and she loves it. But yeah, it really took the pressure off. I feel like I had the societal pressure, especially after getting engaged young and not having it work out.
I felt like I need to be married at a certain time. I need to be doing this, this and this. And I then I was like, who are you trying to prove this to? Like ex-boyfriend? So are you trying to prove this, too, like like aunts and uncles whose opinions you really don't care about? Like, why do you feel this sort of pressure of this timeline? And so I like I'm turning 30 this year and I'm thrilled that I'm not married yet.
Absolutely thrilled that I really want to talk about dealing with a mom who is sick. And like so many of our listeners and I mean, they've even messaged me once I've been on your podcast. I mean, I've breast cancer is so, so many women have breast cancer. How many women have breast cancer? Women, too? Yeah. Yeah. And all kinds of cancer. And people have to watch their parents go through this. And a I want to talk about the podcast because I think it's so incredible.
And you guys are coping in such and you're coping with humor. Yeah, I like to use that as a coping mechanism. Yeah. Is that always how it's been or like what are you you talk about it. Yeah. I mean I think people remember has always been a coping mechanism in my family, especially since we for so long were wasps that were ignoring that our father was an alcoholic addicted to OxyContin.
You think you got allergies? We weren't like, yeah, humor was definitely the healthiest of the coping mechanisms that we had. But my mom and I were always close. But we had so many things to work through from our past trauma with our with my dad.
And then with all of this, it kind of put us in this in this spot where we were like, we need each other so much and we need to figure out, like we had to just heal, like our past trauma. Like I held resentments against her for not leaving my dad. And she had resentments against me for being a very difficult, sexually promiscuous teen.
And so we worked through a lot of those issues. And we're so different. Like I'm very open.
Oh, she's I mean, I can't like if you're thinking that she's sending hasseltine. She's not. She is a Southern accent. I just picture her and like pearls at church on a Sunday. Oh, yeah. I need it. That's when I heard her talk of the first time. I was like, what are you like? This is not who I would picture to be your mom. She's just the opposite of you. She's the complete opposite to me.
She's very strong Christian woman and like she's like always wearing pearls. Always has like a like a collar that's been like starched. Like, I don't even I don't even know how to do that. That's a good insurance, Aju. I know she's an insurance. She's just like, very prim and proper. You guys have not always been super close. Like, we we've always loved each other. But I've been like friends, but not been like best friends.
Yeah. So the friendship has really, really developed much stronger because he was so hard on her when I started doing stand up like my first, like, video that I released a. Doing stand up was me talking about having sex in a storage container in Staten Island. She was just horrified. Yeah, it was really hot shot out. Hey, Alan, Staten Island guy? No, he was Turkish. He was working at the storage facility.
Well, you know, I'd say no more. I can't resist a Turkish man. So I understand you were like I signed any container to have sex with this person. Yeah, his boss's house, his boss's house and stuff. Not house, but like it was like a luxury building in Staten Island. And there was like a storage unit, like down in the basement. We took the elevator too far and we were like, fuck it.
And it was so terrible because it was like cement and fluorescent lighting and it was just like everyone was storing their stuff there. So it was like like a different family stuff in the corners. So we would start having sex. And it was like so painful on the cement. So we were getting like children's coats to put like under our knees. And like we made the starter jackets, news kids, children's clothes. She's like she's like not back on an adult scout.
Only kids kind of give me that bright pink Power Ranger. That's your kid? That's my children's clothing. So I think that's what I would have so many crop tops because it's really just children's clothing, children's. I don't I look like I'm dressed like a child. I'm going to that. I only fuck on Jed's puffy coats. Yeah. Oh, my God. Is that a child? Is Dallas Cowboys starter jacket. Heard that, Daddy? Yes, it was.
We've made like a little rat's nest and then we passed out and woke up the next morning.
We were like, oh, God, I had to go, oh my God. Yeah, Claudia would definitely delight you. Yeah. Yeah. So it's been hard for her. It's so funny, too, because there's been a few episodes that haven't been able to air of our podcast because they made her too uncomfortable. Like we interviewed my ex-boyfriend and he and I are very open about like how we were compatible and how we were not compatible. And a lot of that is sexual in the cast, the kids clothes.
Yeah, he's yeah. He just couldn't find a kids' t shirt that hung on him. Well, so it didn't help, didn't work out.
And so we had to rerecord that episode because she was so on, like she was like, I'm so sorry Kate. Like I wish that you could just go out there and talk about dicks and tits and and twats and whatever, but like that's just not our podcast.
That's not. Brand, a brand communication breakdown with your mom. Yeah, yeah, we truly do in the brand meeting, I just imagine like a whiteboards, like dos and don'ts and so yeah, dicks titties and twice don't call column. That's where I draw the line. That's where I draw the line. And then she pulls the cancer card. And you know what, I'm going to make this final call. Yes. She always she loves to like like if I don't want to do something, she's like I have cancer.
Can you go get me a glass of water?
Yeah. And you say it's like, I don't I don't wanna get too far away from you because I think that you and Ashley, I'm just interested in, you know, your feedback. But you mentioned that she is still sort of like experiencing a little bit of like you didn't use the word trauma, but she's, like, pissed at you for how you were in high school and growing up and you were sexually promiscuous. And Ashley and her mom and my me and my mom have very different relationships in terms of like how the two of us were.
And, you know, I'm envious when Ashley and her mom get going about how Ashley was growing up because her mom feels very light about it. We laugh about it and it's funny and fun. And I think her family doesn't feel today personally victimized by, like, normal childhood behavior. Yeah. And my mom will constantly bring up stuff that I did when I was like 15, 16, 17 and tell me that I was the most selfish person that's ever lived.
And she's had a hard time moving on from it. And, you know, she'll still bring that up and throw at my face. And I'm in my thirties. And it's it's difficult for me because I think that you're like, why are you hanging on to these ideas of me? Yeah, yeah. Get over it. Like, why are you hang on to these ideas of me that don't exist anymore? Like, first of all, everybody was an asshole when they were 15.
Everybody sexually experimented and experiment with drugs. I wasn't I was like pretty good. But at least for me, like a coping mechanism I found for that is like I have thanked her for dealing with it. And I instead of telling her all the time that she's wrong, I've like acknowledged that she went through a lot. She's a single parent. It probably sucks for her as a way to just, like, move on from it. And I think that, like, now that she feels hurt a little bit, she doesn't have to bring it up as much.
That's an excellent point. Yeah. Yeah. Seems to be validated.
Somebody needs you. Just tell her like, thank you. I appreciate that you struggled and sacrificed being a single mother. And I think that, like, once she felt heard, she's at least brought it up a little less, you know, like five times a week instead of ten. That's that's a huge part of my mom. And I like closeness, is that we now will acknowledge each other's stuff, like like I feel heard like she'll be like, I'm really sorry that I that I, like, contributed to you being in a house with your dad.
And I'll be like, I'm really sorry that I didn't make it easy. Like once you take accountability and like take away the weaponization, like because you get to decide how much something hurts you. So now when my mom cracks a joke about me sneaking out of the house at thirteen instead of being like, well, I was dealing with so fucking much, just be like, yeah. And I egg the cops house to like double down on it.
Double down. Yes. And yes that's it. Yeah. But I like that. Yeah. I like the. You brought that up right. Now we talk about right and wrong a lot like on this podcast but also and I do so I mean I don't want to bring the movie down so much, but I mean humor aside, you guys have this podcast, which was very cool. It's basically like Claudia's bucket list. And I was so honored to be on one of the first episodes as people.
You guys have amazing guests. Thank you. I'm so surprised. It's been I mean, it's a cancer thing. You know, I know my mom was like, why don't you take the cancer card out for a spin, see how you can get our booking guests from now on you. Yeah. CHICKAMAUGA So you guys do this really fun thing. It's like that's the brings the humor and I'm sure you guys inject humor in your life day to day.
But like there's dark moments. I mean, you know, like how do you cope with the thought of a lose lose in your mind. Yeah.
And because it's a real thought, because she's going to such a stage four cancer, it's in your bones. So she has it in her bones from like her like neck down to her hips. So she's going to have cancer for the rest of her life, like she can't do chemo. And we're hoping that, like, the the medicine that she's on right now is it's a hormone therapy and it's like a oral chemo tablet that she takes like once a month.
And when that stops working, then it's like that's the last option. So that is a really terrifying thought and it's really sad. And I'll be devastated when I lose my mom. It'll just be like a screaming deficit in my life. But it's been such a blessing also because it made us go through and like face things from our past. Our relationships were so close, I feel like I can talk to her about anything.
And I just really appreciate her so much because I know that it's made me realize in every aspect my life like tomorrow is not promised and I will lose my mom some day and it's going to suck so bad. But I it makes me like it's just changed my life completely to like, enjoy it. So reconnect with her. Yeah. Reconnect. And like like we enjoy each other's company, like we enjoy talking to guests on our podcast and like, I love seeing how happy she gets when I get, like, someone she's obsessed with on there and it's changed.
It's just like I've always been an anxious person. And for some reason, it's kind of helped my anxiety because it's like, why am I going to waste time worrying about this when life is so short? And like being anxious is like worrying about something that you don't have to worry about in the future. Like, don't worry about it, right? Oh, I don't know. It's just made me really savor every single day what I. My biggest fear in life is my parents house.
I mean, it's just like we're so close, but like moving home with them during the competition, I lived with them between moving from Atlanta to New York. Like, I just. It made me feel like if they unexpectedly something happens, I feel like I've savored this, I've lived with them again, like we became so close on such a different level that, you know, had anything happen to them. When I lived in Atlanta, it's just I would have felt like I didn't get enough time.
Like, I'm not telling everybody to move back over their parents for three months, but, like, it just made me feel like, OK, I feel like one day they are going to pass and I won't have any regrets about, you know, talking through stuff that happened in our past are like spending that like heavy, heavy amount of quality time with them. I mean, like, I just I think it's so important. Like, the last thing you want is for a parent or grandparent to anybody to pass and be like, I wish I would have spent more time.
Absolutely. And that's that's exactly right. That's exactly how I feel, that I feel like I am lucky, like I lost my dad suddenly when I'm with a lot unresolved. But like, I got a heads up, like years before that, like your mom's not going to be around forever. So I just I feel like when she does pass, I will not have a single regret because I'll be like we've talked like it's going to suck every time that I go through something new and wish that I could talk to her about it.
But it's like we've talked through all of our issues. We've got to travel together. We've gotten to do this podcast together. Like I've just wanted to do everything that she wants to do within my own boundaries, that my needs are still healthy. Flex on you guys in therapy and therapy. But yeah, it's like and it really I realized that I wanted to relocate back to the East Coast and for as long as she's around, because I want to be around just like her, as long as she has left.
I think it's a beautiful reminder that tomorrow is a promise for your parents and I had a health scare with my father and, you know, I committed to at least just answer the phone every single time my parents call me. And, you know, I especially been more cautious about the fact that this is happening and the world is quarantined and want to just check in with them a lot. But I don't think that you should live every day of your life thinking that somebody might die tomorrow.
So I better be good to them. But and, you know, it certainly doesn't give anybody on Earth permission to treat you badly. But they are your parents. And I would fight to have a relationship. And my mom and I have gone through a couple of times where we weren't speaking for long periods of time. We went through two very long periods of time. And the second time I remember a girlfriend of mine was getting married and her mother died suddenly right before the wedding.
And my thought and she was so devastated, of course, her mother couldn't be there. And my thought was like, you know, I'm so lucky that I have this person that could stand next to me the day that I get married. And I called her a few days later and just squashed it. And, you know, we had a lot of things to work out. But, you know, my mom, even though we emotionally sometimes tear each other down, my mom tried really hard growing up.
Not bad person. We just don't get along all the time. And it is a good reminder that, like, you should try to fix these relationships. And now I will look back and be grateful for the time that we had together instead of having given up that relationship because we were pissed at each other all the time. Absolutely. And I am a bit because I've had both ways of it. Like I am a big advocate of like if you have a toxic parent, feel free to cut them out.
Like you do not have to have somebody in your life if they only are bringing you turmoil. But if. Yeah, but if it is something that is salvageable, I do recommend because I also I feel like my life is so much richer having this close relationship with my mom, like she just it's like an opinion or a point of view of this weird Southern woman. When I get the time and the difference between there's a difference between toxic and you don't like something about them that you learn to live with.
Like, I think Ryan has done such a great job of not letting her mom get to her. Like, I think that, you know, you even said like five years ago, three years ago, the way that she is, the things she would say would like take you down and like kind of put you out for the day and that now you just, like, let them kind of roll off your back. And it's something that you've had to learn.
And, you know, I don't I don't know your mom in and out, but like, sometimes I think you just have to let it go. I mean, a lot of times, yeah, I hate to say it sometimes. This is even like politics. Like people like you can only get to a certain point. And there there has to be this like acceptance of like this is who this person is. And it's not my job. Like, some people plant the seeds, some people water it and some people get to harvest it.
It's not my job to turn my crazy Aunt Sean into a non Trump supporter, and I hate that thought of it. I think you should try and try and try. We're going to talk about the show as we get closer to the election. But like, let's not even say politics or whatever it is. Like you might not have this relationship that you see somebody else have with their parent, and that's OK. But like cutting them out and not speaking to them is not the answer.
And I'm not shitting on you. It's like it's you had to realize that yourself. Yeah. And I mean, my mom, again, is not some terrible person. We just like, oh, God. Now she says I mean, we're both very sensitive to each other. So she says a thing that I would not interpret that badly coming from my dad, probably. But because she says it and I feel like she's the enemy, it spirals out of control.
And then I say something shitty and she says something shitty. And this is very much both of us. And I was spending so much time like I needed to defend myself in every argument. I needed to prove to her that she was wrong. And I needed to show her that her opinion of me was not correct. And everybody likes me and I'm so great. And I think once I accepted that, like, I don't need to be right all the time and it is more important to me to get along with her.
Yes. And then also it was a choice. I didn't feel like I was losing. I'm listening. You're going to lose every argument with your mom anyways. Yeah. So like, instead of me banging my head against a wall, I did decide that it was more important to get along and to not prove to her all the time that she was wrong and to not be creating these situations where everybody was upset. My brother, my dad, my stepdad, and everybody's like, why are you so fucking like this all the time?
And we haven't had a fight in like three and a half years. Thanksgiving, three and half years ago, we call the Thanksgiving massacre. We had a huge fight and that was the last time we had a real serious fight. And honestly, we are just so much healthier together. And, yes, a fan of the podcast. And someday I will lose her like everybody. But I'll know that I made this relationship as good as I could.
Absolutely. No, that's huge. And what you were saying about, like, just deciding not to take offense to it like that is what's in your power. And it seems so unfathomable to a lot of people who have tension in their relationship with their parents. Like I was in this one Elhanan meeting in L.A. and this woman, she's what they call a double winner. So she's an alcoholic and is the product of alcoholics. And she was sharing and she was saying she had to like her.
Her family did some really fucked up stuff to her, like lots of generational trauma and. And she got into when she started in the program, AA, her sponsor, said, you need to write your mom and grandmother a note every week, like send them a note, like send them a card and write something nice. And the woman was like, why should I do that? They don't they don't reach out to me. They're letting it out.
And she's like, that's not in your control. You can control that. You write them a note every week. And then she said that she heard back like six months later and her grandma said, can you start writing them in pencil? Because we're we're having to wait them out when we reuse the cards in her. Of course, like that is such a fucking awful like you're like I can't imagine how she wanted to, like, flip out, like, I'm sending you these cards and you're like Whiting.
That sounds a lot like reusing the cards. And she goes, and you know what I fucking did? I did. I started writing the cards in pencil and she was like and it took us three years and I have a healthy relationship with them. She's like, but I did everything that was in my control. I know you're like I'm I'm shaky, you know, I don't know. So I mean, yeah, but it's not a rational thing to ask.
So, like, if you're going to fight with somebody that asked you to do that, like you're not going to win anyways and they're still going to want you to do it. Exactly. She's like, you know what I did? I started writing in pencil and I'm such a huge breakthrough for me.
It's like you can only take control of what is in your control. So if you want to have a better relationship with anybody in your life, you can decide to take everything that they say to you with love and you can decide to give give love back and accept them. You have to meet people where they're at right now. Yeah, but and also, you know what? There was a reason why they made that dig at her. Part of it was probably that they were feeling guilt from her even sending out cards.
And they're like, fuck you for making us feel like shitty people, you know, like whatever. I mean, exactly. Analyze this gram. I know, but I love how much it really shook you so bad because she's already being the bigger person and they're like, oh, so stop doing this. And you. Yeah, the the there's a happy ending. They were able to repair this relationship. It only took three years of pencil letters and pencil letters.
I would never thought, OK, I will just send some stationery to them and no problem next. Yeah, but then she was like she said that her sponsor said nope. You just going to keep sending just the cards like you're not going to start buying them things other than you're just going to. But you're going to write in pencil now. Yeah, I know.
And I think you got to just do whatever he feels healthy to you. So if having that fight I guess, makes you feel healthy, you can have it. And if letting it go makes you feel healthier, that's the best thing to do. And for me, like, I don't need to pick every battle with my mom, which I always did, and letting the step go, you'd think it would make me feel like I'm losing all the time.
But it doesn't. And it makes me feel like winning the war. The battle is like we get to have a relationship. Exactly. Travel and hang out with each other. And that doesn't, you know, fight all the time. We bicker constantly, but yeah, we don't fight, you know. Yes. Yeah. And that's true. You have to think and I think about this in romantic relationships and everything, like what's your ultimate goal like with your friendships, whatever it's like.
Do I. Is it worth me picking this battle right here when my ultimate goal is here? And if it is like, no, I need to pick this battle, then do it. But really, like, try to zoom out. Yes. Much just look at it like from the top. Yeah. The thing I think though that people struggle with is that like when it is you and your mom or you and your parent, you're like, I'm the kid.
Like, I think I think that's probably what people are just find themselves screaming at therapy of like you're supposed to be the parent here, like, how am I have to be the bigger person, have to be the mature one. I have to be the one to let things roll off my back like and I admire people that are able to do it. I think that's such a great job because Tomi's raynell tell me stuff about her mom, like, what the fuck?
And she's like, I just let it go. Like, I think people are just there's no great answer to this besides just doing it and maybe and going through therapy and working professionals. But like, I feel anyone's pain. That's just like I shouldn't have to do this. I the child here, like you're supposed to be the one that's desperate to repair a relationship. You're supposed to be the one that's parenting and be the bigger person and the mature person.
And it's just like not necessarily what the reality of the situation is. Yeah. Yeah. That's why avoiding should and shouldn't is such like that is a huge thing because it's like, yeah, they should be like what does that even mean. What's it to me I guess like what's the difference. I agree with you. I feel like that growing up all the time, like we fight all the time. But you're the parent. It's like all right.
Well but that is what this person is like. So yeah. Going to deal with the cards you've been dealt with. And, you know, I think that we can give people permission to be fucking mad about it, but like, it doesn't matter. Like, you still have to find a way to, like, move on and get along if that's what's important to you. And also, I think it's perfectly fine, by the way, if you decided somebody is really toxic for you.
Absolutely. Even if it is your parent to say, you know, no one's allowed to treat me like this, even you and I need some either I need space or I need to not talk for a while, but like, I did it the wrong way and I just stop talking to my mother. And that really created a lot of terrible anxiety and problems for not just her, but, you know, reverberates through your whole family. So, you know, I think.
You have permission to do it and, you know, you could tell somebody I'm doing this. Well, guys, I'm glad we talked about this. I'm glad we got a lot of messages of, you know, my parent, my mom, my relationship. Can you guys talk about it more? So I'm glad we did. I want to talk a little bit about the dog thing. Just because I'm a dog lover and you have a rescue pit and all the things that I support.
But like, I just feel like seeing your journey was like this dog, like, saved your life in a way. Please save my life. I got her after my father passed away. And, you know, while my mom was still going through, is she always going to be going through breast cancer? But I had like unresolved trauma from a sexual assault in my childhood. I had developed PTSD and it started in college like I was diagnosed in college.
And then I felt like I mostly had a handle on it, really. I felt like Stand Up was really good therapy for me until it wasn't because you're kind of like I was just you kind of like cutting off pieces of your skin and.
To go away. Why am I so cold blooded? A lot of people to determine your self worth and like a basement in Bushwick. You think be a girl can't recommend it enough guys. Yeah, but I after my father passed, I, I felt like my PTSD coming back up where all of a sudden I was like having anxiety and groups of people, I was having anxiety just like leaving the house. But it was weird. But I like needed so much stimulation that I was like forcing myself.
So then I was just like, I'm going out and I'm drinking a lot so that I can feel comfortable. And then my doctor is like, you don't have to feel that way. And my therapist, Wassa, told me that I should look into getting a therapy dog instead of doing it like the like going to like a trip and finding a trained dog. I just found this like fucking insane pit bull with alopecia. And it's been like it's like you just got a dog.
Can you really got it. So this will be therapy right there. You should really look into his therapy dogs. You're like, I'll just pick this pit bull. Yeah. Because she's like she's a beautiful bald.
No, but that pit bulls, I mean, if you they are the most lovable. They Yeah. They love harder than any other dogs are like if you if you want to feel unconditional love. And she had so many, she had a lot of issues because she had been abused in the public like, just like her mom against in the past. And like I remember the first couple of weeks she would wake up from night terrors in the bed with me, like just wake up and start barking and shaking.
And I would like calm her down and be like, we're safe, we're safe.
And it was like it in in years I was playing with each other. We truly did. I was like Lehmann's. It is like my friends are like I can't even deal with like the progress that you've made and that she's made, like she oh, you're going to be great.
I know. Like and people are like, I didn't save her, she saved me. But I get really and I always roll my eyes, but like she really didn't like, save my quality of life. Like, I don't think I was like near suicide or anything, but my quality of life was terrible. And she is just like my best bud. And it's going to be so odd once I start dating because I got her like when I started not dating, I was like the first year that I had her, you know, I don't know, like you like people she like she loves men.
She loves people. She loves kids. Oh, you're so lucky. Yeah. Oh, my God. She's like so good with kids. She's dog selective. She what's do we like with kids right now.
Cannot be around children really. It's it's like you train them to hate kids. It's, it's not safe to have them around kids like once they hit like nine, ten they're like and they can just move through the world like a little bit more of a short a doll he wants. There might be once the rent is high he probably drains just a big kid. But no, he doesn't like it's their energy, it's the way they approach him. They're his height and they come up to her.
They come in too hot. I get I wouldn't like let him alone with any kids. Yeah. Anyway, yeah. Yeah she she's like, oh my God, my friend in California, I would take her over and she has like five kids under the age of seven like the youngest two and he, the two year old dumped out all of Joleen's dog food and started handing it to her piece by piece from his hand. But she also kid would have no more hands off do it if that was.
Do I know? But then, like, it's so weird because she Jolene had a bad go of it at dog parks, like she was like wild, like she got into brawls. Oh yeah. So cute. Quick. Yeah I know. Like the California dog parks were wild but she's calmed down a lot more since we got back in Maryland with other dogs and has like her buddies and like gets along with all the neighbor dogs. So that's huge and helps her anxiety.
Nightmares. Oh my God. Like she's she's so much like she's just like so happy. Especially she wasn't made for L.A.. Like, if I. If we do go back, it'll have to be because I can afford like a yard, but I think I'll be I'll be sticking in the East Coast for a while. But she is just so much happier with wide open spaces and people to snuggle. And there's still like moments where she has some trust issues, like if a dog.
And the bad thing is if some if a dog, like, runs up on her, she's not going let it go. Like, if a dog comes at her, she's like, oh, I'll fucking kill you, OK? I mean, it's not going to stop till I kill you. Exactly the first, but I'll hit. She won't hit first. And so then it's all we deal with a lot of like prejudices. If like someone's little Chihuahua comes up like snarling at her, then she's just like, oh, you want to go?
And then they're like, oh, she's aggressive. I'm like, I'm attracted to her. Oh, you would. I'm going to send you some pictures. You're she's like my brother. My English isn't her first language. And when she met Jolene, she said, this is a very sexy dog. And I was like, did you mean to say sexy? Yes. I talked about one time when this someone my building, she got down and Dewey's face and she was like, you're a sexy little boy.
And I was like, I'm sorry, ma'am, why was that? We talked about a crazy thing to say to an animal. It's so weird. But like, my dog is sexy. Like, she's very she's very muscular. She's like her vet is my good friend. And she's like, she is ideal. You're not going to see pecs. So it just kind of helped overall, like having something to care for or focus on. Absolutely.
And since she's so it was so good to I think it was best for me that I ended up getting a dog that failed out of a lot of the service dog training and therapy dog training because it was better for me. It allowed me to recover and remain flexible and like active. Like if she just laid it like if she was as chill as Dewey, like, I would just sit around all day, like, it's like I've got to get up and, like, jog with her for three miles and then I've got to like play in the pool with her and then I've got to like go and like doo doo doo, which definitely helped me with my recovery and my mental health.
Well, I'm glad that, you know, I'm glad you picked steps to feel better. Yeah. Get a dog guys to dog. You don't get a man. Don't get a dog. I just don't know, like the darkest times in my life. I just like all I could do is just like cuddle. What do you mean? I don't like it. I mean, I've had him for eleven years. I just can't imagine. Yeah, he's those are everything with stuff like you're not happy now.
I know. Even though we've had ups and downs too. But like if I'm just feeling anxious, like I'll just get anxiety some from here and there and I'll just lay on the floor with him and like hold his paws and so.
All right. Well yeah, we covered a lot. Thank you so much for thank you so much for coming in. Yeah. I'm a very open book. Thank you for your openness, your honesty. And if people want to find you, Instagram the podcast, tell everybody where they can find all your stuff. Yes. So you can follow me specifically at Kate Nichols on Instagram Tools to Tuesdays. My podcast is Stage four Clinger with my mom. Claudia, follow us on Instagram, please.
Listen, I think it's really good. Our guest this week is Darcy Kardon, who played Janet on the good place. And yeah, follow along. I have another podcast. It's going to come out called Incarcerated Kings. And it's, um. Yes. So, yes, this is just coming up. It's about it's about her boyfriends. It's about my boyfriends. I, I especially with, like, the prevalence of Black Lives Matter. I just really wanted to get see how I can, like, use my own platform.
And I met this wonderful man named Sam who has spent the last 11 out of 17 years incarcerated and was in a gang and sold drugs. And I'm producing a podcast with him called Incarcerated Minds. And we're looking crazy. Yeah, it's I'm so excited about it. But call out to you have a much bigger platform than me. We're looking for guests, for designers, audio engineers, recording artists who have been previously incarcerated to work on this podcast.
We know. We know sound. Oh, perfect. Eric and everybody, the con bodybags. What is he are you doing this from prison? Is he in prison? He's not in prison. He's out and he lives like thirty minutes away from me. So we're recording on the East Coast in Maryland. Man, I love this. Like, you know, if you have it if you're not really don't know a lot about incarceration and mass incarceration in the United States.
Watch the thirteenth obviously recommended enough that I'll shake you to your core and all click for you. I'm sure you guys are going to dress how they just keep these people in the system forever. Yeah. And how he didn't trust, like, the foster care. Yeah. Just so much stuff. So please stay tuned for that. That's it's going to be good I hope. Helpful, informative. Informative. OK, how are you. Instagram your two podcasts.
Klaudia Incarcerated Kings stage for Clinger, all the things. And thanks again guys to ground. We're just going to do another really quick segment to round out this episode. We will talk to you in a few seconds. Bye. Thank you, guys. All right. We are back, just the two of us. We have another quick fun segment for you guys. I feel like this is appropriate. How? I knew she was a true friend.
Yes. As. Theme for how cute and special agent replies, yeah, exactly how I knew you guys were true friends. You all got nasal swabs to come spend my birthday with you. I was really not looking forward to it. And I did do that. I have asked you about it for four weeks. To be fair, though, I went to see that and every day there was so hot it actually the pleasure was all my own.
And we have a new friend, Kate. So a big friendship energy on this episode. This is a segment we've done a few times. And we just asked you guys how you knew she was a true friend and you gave us your short, quick answers. And we're just going to run through a couple of those lots of period stuff. Your vagina, small stuff. Yeah, lots of poop, vaginas, tampons, the whole bag. I'm not going to start one of those.
This one made me laugh because it's very original. I got Guarch in the headphone jack of my phone and she sucked it out.
Oh, that didn't feel weird. I oh I don't know why that made me feel so weird. One time I was drinking my daily harvest smoothie out of my stainless steel straw, but I had pulled out the dishwasher and I sucked up some like sediment or sludge from that.
I don't even know, you know, I'm not I go, oh my God. I'm like, it's like sucking up to like, oh my God, are you OK? You sucked up the gunk.
I don't I'm sorry. I said anything I feel should be sorry about all the time.
Now, when I pull out those stainless steel straws, all the dishwasher, I, I run them to the faucet, make sure all the water's coming out the other end. I will never forget it. I will never forget this. Also, I don't think that girls being a good friend, I just think she's like a weird obsession with guacamole. Well, that's fair. I don't think it's understandable and fair. I just don't think she like I don't I would not like use this as a basis for friendship.
OK, these come from Jenny Jones. There's always the they're always at the top. OK, she is too. She helped me fish hook outmanoeuvring. It was in deep. If someone of your friends are sticking their fingers up the vagina, that's your true friend. And second part. And also told the party she actually clogged the toilet when it was in fact me.
Why do you think she did that? I think some people just have less. Fuck it. I'll say it was me or you're just the best friend, honestly. Like, I wish I was in the room while somebody was talking. I you bring a Jenny Jones because I would laugh so hard I wouldn't do it, but I'd laugh. I met my butthole was bleeding, so she checked it out for me. Oh sure.
Felt like a doctor. OK, I know she whacks my bush for me in the middle of her living room.
Spread Eagle. She wasn't like get in the bathtub. She's like, lay down on this rug. She snuck through the forest with me to spy on my ex and his friends. Girl, what forest? I love the term forest. Can you imagine these girls just like in the middle of the night, it through a forest talking about a dude's life outside of a tent, eating like beans out of a can and floating like where in gilli suits and full ghillie suit.
OK, this one makes me sick too. But I'm sorry. I know you're nauseous. She blocked my long black stray armpit hair with her teeth. Not a tailgate. What she does stick her face in her, but you know, it smells.
You're out of sight. Out you can. I mean, like a hair is like so hard to pull out with your fingers. Try to grab on that, you know, my one nipple hair. I got to eat that. Oh, like second, you know, that you were like smelled funky after tailgating all day and always bring extra deodorant. We tailgated. I love this. I think it's also a great tap. She switched cars with me so I could stock my acts in a car.
He didn't recognize that. Is that smart? You don't know those tags, OK? She bought and mailed me my first vibrator because I was too scared to get one.
Oh, that's sweet. This is a lot to unpack. She drove me to get an STD test, buy sex toys and a pregnancy test in one day. OK, this friend is codependent. Yeah. Oh yeah. Why watch. It's too much. I when you're like my best friend, I would ask you to do nothing. I don't do it. I was too much. I draw the line somewhere ok. She put on headphones and watched a movie while I banged in our apartment because we didn't have a door.
Yeah I'm confused but I'm assuming maybe they had like an open concept. I was like, OK, I got these noise canceling recons.
Like what time was this? She couldn't just like gone out, found another plan performant. Maybe it was late. Yeah. Yeah. That's a true friend I like. She did cockblock you. She would make sure my badge didn't smell before leaving the pre game. So they're at the pre game and like they're between the pre game and the bar and she's like, make sure my badge doesn't smell in between activities you are going throw.
This game is called How I Made My Friend Throw Up and then her friend just what, like sticks her nose and her pussy. Right. Like she's like, you're good, that's codependent. You like why you just wash your pussy if you think it smells like just go. I can smell like your pussy.
No, I'm saying if you think your pussy smell is like go splash some water on it if you like, sweat that much at the pregame and a little pregame if you know what I mean. OK, this is reminiscent of the first one we were on a double date and I had to fart and she whispered, do it. I'll say it was me when I. To I find accidentally in front of a guy I had a crush on. She claimed it for me.
That is true. But I would do that for you if you like, like a guy and you farted. I don't think I've ever smelled that they were on a double date. That means if I was on a date, too, she did not care about that guy. Maybe she was trying to get rid of that guy. Maybe she was like inviting it. She was like, I'd love to fart because I just never see this guy again.
Just go on double dates. Me but on ah, I thought this was me. Lots of period stuff. She switched pants with me when she realized I had bled through mine before a date. Oh that's a nice thing. You're finally going to balance his pants with you that she dropped me off at my first threesome.
Bye honey. Have fun. A lot of codependency here. Why are we taking Uber three? So I got this three. Maybe for safety, maybe a string quartet. No, definitely not. You're like, hey, I have these plans. Don't ask. It's a threesome, though. Could you give me a laugh? Could you give me a lift? She held the plastic bag for me to piss in in the back of a bus coming back from a wine tour.
What if you hit a bump? If you hit on my hand, no, I would die.
Oh, my God. OK, she gave me her blessing to hook up with her rich uncle. And then there was another thing that said all caps. Rich, hot uncle. He was very hot for you to specify. So we weren't getting like a creepy uncle picture. I didn't actually get a creepy I just saw, like, maybe somebody closer in age. But you said Rach and you sold me. OK, this one's short and sweet. We found out we hated the same girl at work.
That's how you become best friends. That's what bonds you quick hatred for a common theme. Yeah, not even just people. Just anything. Yeah, I just imagine this happening. She got mad at the cops. They didn't take her to jail with me when I got arrested. You just imagine her like on the side of the road, just screaming at these cops like she goes, I go, oh my God. And then it comes and he's like, have fun at Rikers.
Now you tell your Reverdy a lot reserva you like like, you know.
Oh, God never knew Olivia Benson was before today. You don't even know who Munch is.
You got to get deeper. I know. I will go deep. OK, this is this is something that I feel like you would do for me if she pushed my thirty to a boobs together so I could have cleavage for a snap for him. Oh, absolutely. If we're all not like under our friend's breast pushing him for you doing do you mean have friends. This is also really sweet. She got me laundry and pole dancing lessons to help me bounce back after our breakup.
I love that's so thoughtful and I love that idea. Like if you have a friend and you're like she's so sad, I don't know what to do by her pole dancing lessons. That's awesome. And we can't recommend vertical Joes in Atlanta enough if you're in Atlanta, vertical Joes. We love that. OK, when my ex called, she insisted I put it on speaker so she could listen and keep me accountable. Could that's some shit I would put a bitch put on speaker.
I don't trust you. I don't trust you. I don't give me the phone. Send me the text first that I can rewrite it and then we will send him a text united front. Always remember when I did things with that guy and I sent you the text ahead of time. Do you remember I was like five seconds ago, but and you were like, oh, you're not writing this? I was like, I see the word. I'm sorry.
We're going to remove that immediately. You're not going to apologize for it. We're going to do this. What did I write like? No one's at fault here. I was like, he's absolutely at fault. That guy was crazy. Yeah, I'm OK. She stole a pregnancy test for me when I was too scared to buy one. Why didn't she just pay for it? She stole it. She's like, listen, you're being such a little bitch.
I'm not like, I'm going to take in guys. Please don't steal is OK. This reminded me of something man you would do. She wished me a happy new couch day when my new couch was being delivered. That's the shit that you only do with your best friends. You know, the new couch is coming. And again, all farm guys get that off our couch, get back into a nonsense that like no one else should know and like you just share that with them.
Like we wake up like a lot of days when we used to, like, do cool stuff like travel and be like happy, I don't know, whatever. But every day was happy. Atlanta vertical. Josa Yeah. Yeah. All right, guys. Well, thanks for listening. We hope you enjoyed this episode and you guys know where to find us girls. Got a podcast, dotcom new website coming very soon, guys. It's the sexiest website I've ever seen.
It's my favorite website, website. So it's coming soon. Girl's got to eat podcasts and Instagram and I Karaganda. Find us on Instagram enough. Go to Raina Dot Greenburg. She is a great beach. Pick her titties are. I'll go check that out. Actually I'm creative director that. Yeah I directed it. Ash has as age as is mine. Amazing pictures of Duey up there. My dog. He was on the vacation too you know.
He was like the man of the house pictures of him, you know, just give us a follow and girls underscore got to eat on Twitter and YouTube. Dotcom slash girl's got to eat. And we will see you guys next week.
Thanks, guys. Good week.