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[00:00:00]

She's like, I know you're real, I know, like this is really hard for you as a guy and like you're beating yourself up over it, but it was hard and beating.

[00:00:07]

That's what the body. Hi, guys, welcome back to another episode of Girls Gary, welcome back. I have no idea why you're laughing. And I was looking around your apartment and I noticed this photo that Frances Ellis got you. And it's so much bigger than the gift that I got. It's so large, like you can use it is the headboard for a twin bed. He got me a framed photo of us at the station for my birthday and it's pretty big.

[00:00:52]

When he called, he was like, is it too? But ah, I called him to thank me. And he was like, is it too big? I was like, yeah, it's like a wall piece. I'm actually just thinking of getting a mural drawn so it's a little smaller than the actual thing. It's not though.

[00:01:02]

It's like I'm trying to compare. It's huge. It's right next to the thing you got me.

[00:01:09]

That's all of our photos together. It's fifty photos from fifty shows. It was and it is double the size you like float down a lake on that thing.

[00:01:21]

Big like a jack and rose rock. Something that big. Jack Jack wouldn't have died. Do you think it's going to corkboard me. Yeah.

[00:01:34]

No, God damn it Francis. It's twice the size of my gift to you. It's it's large and it's neon. It's got no in case you missed it, like it's neon. It's just bright colors. It's a great photo and a very thoughtful gift. I cannot Jack and Rose read the ads. Right. Damn it.

[00:01:54]

Thank you so much to Clarence for supporting girls. Gary Corinna is a new online shopping app that allows you to shop thousands of online stores and pay for anything and for easy interest free payments. Download the app today and start online shopping. Smoother at That's Karnac are an A and thanks to Fields for supporting girls. Gary Fields has me feeling my best every day and it can help you to become a member today by going to Fields Dotcom Sluggy and you'll get fifty percent off your first order with free shipping.

[00:02:21]

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[00:02:48]

I can't stop staring at it. It's right in front of me. I can't have that. They're so ever every do the walk in here.

[00:02:57]

It's going to be like this. Your boyfriend right now. Could you put a photo of him and his girlfriend next to that. Just oh my God. I would have to actually put it above the bed next to my dad, you know, really cockblock myself.

[00:03:08]

I mean, we don't we just look what we we're doing. Stand up. Do you I know you don't look like you're like in an embrace. Like maybe you should have one of those, like, nameplates. It says, I'm not my man under it. OK, the reason why it is so funny is because it's next to yours and there's like not much else up there either.

[00:03:26]

It's like a clock and a photo and an empty space. And, well, there was a plan in there that Merrill got me, but it died. You know what? We have never talked about my spider plant. OK, I wonder I wonder who addresses this was in twenty nineteen. And I would I went home and this was after you had moved and you were all in your plant. You're like you were like a plant lady remember. I remember, I remember day.

[00:03:48]

So you moved March 2019 and I think I went home at some point and my mom was like so amped up that you were so into plants and stuff. And so she set me with like a little tiny spider plant in this cute blue base to give to you. And I drove back to New York. I had it on the floor of my car so it wouldn't spill. And I was like, so excited to give it to you. But then I just got attached to it and I was like, all right.

[00:04:09]

I was like, I want it. You talk to it. And I found some sunlight in my old dark apartment, the old house studio. And I was like, this is this my now, I don't even have one plan here. This is for my mom. And you were like, it's fine, keep it. I have a million of these things. And so I held on to it and then I moved it into this apartment. Like the day I moved, I carried it down the street.

[00:04:26]

It was like the sentimental thing. It was the first thing I put in this apartment. It was just like this really special thing. It's been growing. I've been taking care of it. It is thriving. When I left for three months, I was like, well, it's dead. And I just was really upset about it because I took care of this. I kept it alive for nearly a year and I was just upset to come back.

[00:04:41]

I came back. It was just brown string because you hadn't watered it since March. Since March I had gotten since March. It was just like dead. It was totally dead. It was literally dead.

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And I was like, I don't know. Let me just see what happens if I water it. And it came back to life. It's really crazy. It is. It's growing. It's full green. It's beautiful. It's like it never had a three month dry spell. There is a metaphor about sex.

[00:05:17]

I can't think of it.

[00:05:19]

It's like you're all dried up since March. And like one day it goes and you're just like a whole. You're all you've done. It does. Don't look like it ever happened, my mom is such a plan person, she was like shocked by it, but she was like spider plants are like really resilient. So if if you guys want to plant that, I guess it's impossible to kill it. Really. It made me so happy. I can't believe the way it looks.

[00:05:37]

It looks like nothing bad has ever happened to it. You're a plant mom now, but I did kind of think back to you saying that one of the first times we traveled after you got all your plants, that some of them did die and you were able to bring it back to life. But after, like a week or so, a girlfriend of mine stayed at my apartment and like, I guess she went there and like, I hadn't had air conditioning on July in New York is like 95 degrees every day.

[00:05:59]

And so half the plants died. I came home to a plant Holocaust and she made little gravestones out of paper around all the little plants.

[00:06:07]

Do you remember you came back to them?

[00:06:10]

Yes. Some of them are very resilient and well, California's will come back to life really easily. I have a nerve plant that, like, kills itself every three days and I water and it back to Vibe. Yeah. Every three days it just abdicate. So dramatic. Yeah. But the one you mentioned, the base that's empty was a plant that Merrill got me when I moved in and that one had no chance. No that one really. But I was in direct sunlight.

[00:06:29]

I know you're been your plant education for the day. I think we're going to. You know what, let's just going to do it. OK?

[00:06:36]

OK, Rita, do you want to talk about how Kozmo future.

[00:06:43]

I have been laughing all morning at this. I can't stop laughing about it. I think about it. It's just like I always wanted, like publications to spontaneously write about me for no reason. And like, that's what being a famous person is like. They just quote you for no reason. And it's just like we got this email that was like, hey, would you like JP Sachs to be on your show? Is my name right? Is it sake's or sachs'?

[00:07:06]

I'm sure whatever. You know that I referenced the song If the World Was Ending and I talked about how I, like, got high and thought about my accent, just listen to it on repeat. Well, this is rap linked to a Cosmo article and they were writing about the song and the article says, what is the article? The quote also while we have a song that was our Should You Get Back with your ex episode from two weeks ago.

[00:07:29]

And we talked about that song kind of at length. Yes. And so I do feel personally victimized by the title of the article. Please stop using the song. If the world was ending as an excuse to text your toxic ex, but you did what you did. I didn't actually. I exercised self-control, which is not often for me anyways, obviously, is that everyone in their fields, including Girls podcast host Raina Greenberg, who mentioned that she listened to the song on Repeat one night while considering texting her ex.

[00:07:56]

I am at a major publication and the article says Greenberg is single and lonely. That's what the article says, repeat on repeat while thinking about her ex. And it's just like it's so embarrassing because you get the visual of you crying. I love your wine glass and the song ends and you run it back right back. Let me cry again while like looking at old photos of him.

[00:08:23]

And now I'm like thinking about should I put this on my Instagram story because like, all of my exes will see this and all of them will assume it's about that. No one knows who it's about. That's such a deep cut. It's really like an Xbox. Yeah. It's like my man that wasn't. I know. Yes. And he was like my man, but he wasn't like my mad man.

[00:08:43]

This oh, Pathé, I can't live like you always got to be like quoted in a major publication for your work. But this is not the work.

[00:08:52]

And I still I put money on the fact that they got the idea from the article from us. I'm sorry, that song is not brand new. All of a sudden we talk about something that's not new. A bunch of articles pop up about it. I'm just saying, Cosmo, show us the receipts. If you didn't get it from us, I want the paper trail.

[00:09:08]

It's just like I feel like sometimes I don't make a big enough deal about some things like this is so humiliating.

[00:09:16]

Like imagine you're just a regular girl sitting in bed. You're like me sitting in bed thinking about your ex and then like you talk about it to some friends. It doesn't end up in Cosmo, I think. Right.

[00:09:29]

Like you're like, oh my God, I had this long twelve times in a row. I'm so embarrassed that Cosmo writes about it.

[00:09:35]

You're like, no one will ever know. This is so humiliating for me. Well, I would love to take this moment to plug myself. Thank you. Know, I do feels playlists every year like basically a song that I hear that comes up on my Spotify that makes me feel a certain way, makes me feel emotions and I throw it into this playlist. So I've been doing it since twenty seventeen and I think maybe in 2016 some are weaker than others.

[00:10:00]

Twenty, twenty is coming along pretty well. Twenty eighteen I feel like is my some of my best work. Twenty nineteen is one of the weaker ones. There's just not as many songs on side. Enough in twenty nine. Yeah. I feel like that's, that's the problem. We are happy and I know why. Twenty lists can be fire. Yeah. Twenty twenty is coming along with twenty, twenty is just going to be like angry or dad kind of music like you know, you cry to it because you're like mad at the world.

[00:10:23]

Well there's so the thing is. Is like so many songs are about exes, because it's just the nature of songs that invoke feelings like that.

[00:10:31]

So if you read the playlist, he'd be like a. But yeah, there is a there is a point where it was like the I'm just going to read some titles called me back.

[00:10:43]

You broke me first. I miss you. I'm sorry. I miss you. If you're meant to come back. Someone you loved, girl, you better hope to God Kozmo never gets out of this place. But it's not. It's just it's what it is. And that's just a sample, you know, for for humor, a fact. But like people, a lot of people have messaged me about this. They did. They get you in your feels.

[00:11:07]

If you're feeling too sad and you are missing someone, I don't recommend them. But it's just the nature of their songs. Like I hear a song, I'm like, oh, that's hit me in a certain way. And then the title is like, Please come back to me. I'm like, God damn it, it's got to go on the list, you know, cause I was to write about this next week, they're going to be like sad single girl.

[00:11:20]

Rayna Greenberg's co-host, also sad single girl, Ashley Hasseltine. But guys hit a hit up that twenty eighteen. It's there are six and a half hours of on that one. And again, you know, you got a lot of likes. I do. I do. On Spotify. We love Spotify. So, you know, sit and cry because I'm all right about it.

[00:11:41]

So humiliating. Well see too. And maybe we'll have JP Sax on the show. Yeah, maybe. OK, what else? I have been really committed to cruising for men lately. Now that I'd like to correct you and say trolling for Dick is the phrase you like to use. OK, it's the same thing. It's just a little more degrading like that, which I like. All the outdoor seating is open in New York City, spaced out and I've just been like hitting the streets.

[00:12:06]

People are hornier than ever. This is Horny Girl Summer, OK? No one has ever been hornier than like the population, like millennials in New York City this summer. It's why. Oh, God, yeah. People would just want to fuck everything. You can just smell it. And it's just like I'm one of them. I am too. And it's just like every group of dudes that walk by. I just like I'm like, hey, you, you're cute.

[00:12:28]

Do you want to sit here or do you want to talk to us? Hey, what's up?

[00:12:30]

I just talk to everyone. I said the craziest thing to somebody the other night, OK? I don't even tell you I'm so tired. I don't know any of this, you know, part of it. OK, I was like making eyes at this guy and I saw that he was on a date with somebody and I was like, damn it. But I could tell from their dialogue they're on like a first date. And I looked really cute.

[00:12:48]

And I was wearing this, like, really cute little romper. And so I was in line for the bathroom. And he gets behind me like, it's not like, right. I'm Tanai I that I like leave the bathroom. And I was like by his lawyers and he was like, you look really good that like Romper he's like you do a great job and you look very sexy and out of my mouth comes. You should take it off me.

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No you did not do that to a stranger in the bathroom. Like you say, sexy like my mom. You're out of control. I was with Grace Atwood was she explained a lot. I was four and a half were wasted. Yes. You were black. You don't barely remember that. I barely I probably slurred it out and then it off me. So yeah, I sound more like one of the robbers you to drive to Brooklyn to get to know, OK, Urban Outfitters, I can't recommend it enough.

[00:13:37]

And then that guy walked out of the bathroom, sat down with his date like ten feet away and started immediately making out with her because you turned him on.

[00:13:46]

Yeah, well, you're welcome, sir.

[00:13:48]

Hey, that girl on that date reaped the benefits I'm just paying for. Oh, no, they were so drunk also, like, he doesn't remember it. He, like, sat right back down with her.

[00:14:00]

I'm not kidding you, though. I that definitely turn that guy on and he had someone to go fucking slob all over. Good for them. I'm just out here doing God's work. You are. No words were. And also like I just you sometimes you just like I can't believe that just came my mouth like he fucking started it. He started this fucking guy who was on a date with someone else. He started at. Oh my God. Though he said, you look nice in that romper.

[00:14:24]

You're like you shake it off of me. He said, you look really sexy. You're doing a great job in that. So yeah. And I was the grace, so I was drunk. Yeah. But so I've been running around trolling for deck safely, safely outdoors with Marsan, but also responsibly. I just want to say like I ran into a group of our listeners the other night and every time we do.

[00:14:44]

You mean always say that. Yeah. The good ones. You mean always say like we are like the prettiest, coolest listeners. Like every time I listen, every time I meet our listeners, I'm just like, I would be friends with you. Like, you're so awesome. And I met this group of girls and they said shots over nice. And it was just like so sweet. And I just I don't know. I love meeting them in the wild because every single time I meet a listener, I just feel like I would be friends with you.

[00:15:06]

I love that part of that. I have kind of an awkward run in with one of our listeners on the beach. And do we want to tell you about this? We were leaving the beach, Louise and I. We were. And of course, I'm talking probably loudly. And this girl goes Ashley, like she heard my voice and probably was like, wait, that's her voice. It's just come on somewhere, and she she was like, oh, my God, I thought that was your voice.

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And I'm like, what was I even saying? God damn it, you know? But she's like, I am like, you know, I love the podcast. And she was so cute. She is running Eagles hat. And I was like, thank you so much. I mean, I am so out of it, but walking off the beach, I'm so tired and blacked out from the heat. I just don't even know what's happening. And I was just like, thanks so much.

[00:15:45]

And then we were walking away and I was like, nice to see you. I mean, meet you. I mean Gabbard's so awkward. Luisa, like impersonated me after she was like nice to me. I mean Gabbard's like it was so awkward. So it started. That girl perceived me and my true love in the beach state. I'm always yellow go bird every time like just like a bunch of words are falling out of my face hole. I'm just like I can't believe how uncool I just sounded and I didn't think it was that uncool then the because I love when your friends like are there for it so they can continue to mock you for it.

[00:16:17]

Yeah.

[00:16:18]

Oh and then this mom. Oh you were there. We told the mom ran, she ran up to us on the beach. This is the morning we were walking to what you guys were so far ahead like you and Kate and everybody had like but it was just Louise and I and it's just me, Louise and she right up.

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But she was like, my daughter is such a fan and she was too embarrassed to come over. And then I just like, waited her daughter down the beach. She was like all the way down the beach. And I was like, she should have come over. You know, it was like a mom chases down the street and she just she goes out. She said, Are you the other one? I was like, no. But Luisa thought it was so funny because she was like, I saw this woman, you know, maybe in her 50s, you know, running up and down beach.

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She figured she that she was going to be like, I know your mom. You know, like she didn't see that coming. I was like, really cute and sweet, but I love him. I just love that. Are you the other one? Are you the other? I'm same size titties. Also, Luisa has a great body. I would be flattered for anybody to mistake me for Louise that she is so hot. OK, I just want to give a quick Bush update because we did it.

[00:17:17]

I did go get that bikini wax before we went to the beach.

[00:17:19]

Bikini sugaring and. Something was funny that I thought was funny in the moment, but didn't realize how funny was how I recounted it to you and first of all, had a lovely experience. I talked to the woman the entire time. I know everything about her life. When I was telling Louise on the drive down, everything I knew about this woman, she was like, what? She was the child of the age. I was like, You knew she had no idea when she was pregnant.

[00:17:40]

You know how older brothers, her brother, her brother is in his 30s.

[00:17:45]

She was forty six. He's fifty still with his wife. They met when he was eighteen and she was thirty. That's wild. That wild. That's a wild age difference. And I guess I don't really have a lot of room to talk. But you have DRM. I've never ten years younger than you, but you know. Yeah. So I, I'm twenty eight so I guess the tracks but no I just thought that was crazy. That was my favorite thing.

[00:18:07]

She told me when she told me that they met when he was eighteen and she was thirty, I was like I'm sure all other people in the salon like heard me. But she had to, you know, follow safety protocols. I've said wear my mask the whole time. He unsanitized and everything. And she was wearing a mask. But then like a shield over it, like the big shield, like the hazmat, big shield, like the like their eyes are protected, their whole face.

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There's like no like like pussy air to face contact.

[00:18:33]

What I told her you were like she had to our shield to wax your pussy a literal shield. I don't know what you think. This is funny. I'm so mad you didn't take photos. No, I know. And you never want to like she was so cool that I could have easily been like, do you mind if I get a photo like that would have been the funniest thing of like here's what happens when you have to wax a vagina after four months of quarantine.

[00:18:52]

What? The shield. I know we should go back. So far I can't follow your vagina. Just take that photo.

[00:18:59]

The someone to walk in full hazmat gear to wax her pussy, though she was wonderful though actually like this is like a new protocol.

[00:19:07]

She's like now it's just for you. It's just for her. She goes, I listen to the podcast and I knew that I had to wear this. That's so funny. I wish I thought. All right, she brings out the weed whacker so hair doesn't fly. But her eyes. I feel like everyone has gone through that in the last couple of weeks, though. Now that everything's opening, if somebody has photos, I want to say, yeah, you're waxen in hazmat suits, OK?

[00:19:32]

And then I have a sex tape. OK, don't worry. I have not been getting laid. I don't want to give anybody the wrong idea that, like, yeah, they are sexist. This isn't a sex tape I've been able to use. I want to be clear totally. I'm just a you know, Cosmo let people know also that I too am not getting laid. I don't know because I you know, I run our Twitter and I tweeted I tweeted a tweet so we could use as meme and it said, do I miss my ex or have I just been in a five month, five month dry spell during a pandemic?

[00:19:58]

It wasn't. You know, we collaborate on that statement together so we could tweet it, then use it on our Instagram. But of course, someone replied and goes, I know Ashley wrote this.

[00:20:05]

No, seriously. And then she followed up and said, oh, no.

[00:20:09]

Right. It doesn't have dry spells. I, I even like it. I was like, fuck you. I know that is group. Thank you. And bitch, you're right, you know what they Lokey, thank you, but listen, OK, would you rather be in a dry spell or have your dad know that you sucked off a stranger on your couch two weeks ago and your present dry spell 100 percent? I still yeah, I would trade that blowjob for literally anything to never hear your father say to you.

[00:20:40]

I don't mind that you gave a blowjob by a stranger. I can't you know, sometimes there's like you can put yourself in other people's shoes, which you should do, you know, and that creates empathy and you know, the whole thing. I can't hold myself and I cannot picture that happening to me. I have a mental block of even trying to imagine it. That's how terrifying it is. You I you should have that mental block. No one should go through this.

[00:21:00]

No one should ever hear your father say that. He's like, I've heard this stuff before. I'm like, not for me. He asked me how you're is doing again. My God. I just cleaned it with the toschi. You did.

[00:21:13]

You know, I walked in here. The first thing actually said to me was, do you want to clean your home? All right, let me let me run through the sex tape really quick. It's going to be a I do radio if I can plug for Amazon, but whatever. I got an Amazon echo dot, which is great, small, great. I, I wanted to bring in Alexa to the beach with us because I just like anybody can tell it what to play.

[00:21:34]

You need to worry about music and everybody feels like they can control the music. So I got the dot. It's fifty bucks. The one I got is sixty dollars and it has the time across it. It's got an led time. So it's like so perfect to. I love to see the time. I love it so much, so great to things. I'm loving it because what I'm doing now is keeping it by my bed and using it as my alarm.

[00:21:53]

And I'm putting my phone in another room like I'm not going to bed with my phone. Yeah, it's really great. And I love the way you have the sat on your app that it wakes you up. I like the sound. Obviously I chose a sound I like and then it the volume goes up and so it makes sure it wakes you up and you just tap the top to snooze. I'm loving it as an alarm clock and then my phone's out of my room.

[00:22:11]

I am going to love this for sex because sex playlist, you know how much I love having music on during sex, but it's always weird because my big speaker is in the living room. And so once we get into the bedroom to fuck, you can barely hear it anymore. And then it's like, are you using your phone to control it? Like I basically have a nice bow is wi fi speaker and I control it with my Spotify until I got the Alexa.

[00:22:30]

And so now I'm like, I just get to be in the bedroom fucking and just tell Alexa to play whatever. Huh. I am so amped on love that because now I want to get it. But then I'm like, what if the guy and I start arguing he's like Alexa play DMX and I'm like, Alexa play Riata and we just start going back and forth. Can you imagine? I love this also. I think this is so exciting now.

[00:22:48]

I want to do it now. I want to get one two. I'm not like a big Sexta music person, but I could be. That's what I'm saying. And like I've had these moments and I'm just thinking of the last person I slept with where we had a good playlist going when we were like making on the couch. But by the time we moved into the bedroom, we can't hear the speaker anymore. The AC is running like whatever.

[00:23:08]

And so I'm like, it's right by the bed. Control the volume. It's so small and cute. Look at it. Just she's so cute. I miss it. I miss our vacation. I it OK. Now I'm just curious. Like what the funniest things the girls have heard us say that like improve their sex lives because I feel like this is going to improve sex life again. Like I said, you are about it. Oh my God.

[00:23:24]

These two girls this week and I was like, I can't believe I'm doing like the Lord's work. One of them said, thank you so much for normalizing watching lesbian porn. I was able to tell my boyfriend that I like it. She was like, so excited. And you watch Lesbian of her boyfriend. And I was like, so thrilled. Even though I'm a straight porn watcher now. I came out as Draper and then this other girl told me that I inspired her to peg her boyfriend.

[00:23:42]

And it was like such an amazing experience. Now it's her birthday. She's going to do it again.

[00:23:45]

Oh, happy birthday. I do. I just like I love these, like, little tabs. And it's just like brings me so much joy to know that, like, the Alexi's sex playlist could, like, rev up your sex life. And I just I it makes me so happy. Well we talked about this so long ago. Oh my God. This was like the first guy I was sleeping with at the very beginning of the podcast. But how he we had on like Rianna and he what did he do with the videos?

[00:24:08]

He had the TV came out of the wall and he was playing like videos. He stole your Netflix. Are you still his.

[00:24:15]

I logged into my Netflix like a few months later and he had watched Scarface. And like all these mob movies, I was like, change this password. I mean, whatever you got, you got some time I want to rise up. Do I want to run through list one day of like, where are they now, guys? I can check in with him. He's he's like invited me to a Halloween party months later. I was like, I'm not answering this.

[00:24:32]

But anyway, people deemed me of like I never thought to even have music on during sex. And I, I mean, Rihanna's anti album is every single song for the most part is like a sex song. OK, guys, get an Alexa dot, dot, dot. It's called Echo. We'll go down and Alexa, which of course that's what I do too. But it's the Amazon echo dot. But I do. And that one with the time is like next for an extra ten bucks.

[00:24:55]

Extra ten. I'll take it and play that play. I play that album and I want to hear how the orgasms were for sure. Thrills me. Yeah. I have a few playlists.

[00:25:03]

I have an old one called Sexiest Playlist Ever that people still say they found. Because it's so deep on my Spotify. I would not recommend the My Feels playlist unless you want to like cry during sex. But yeah, there's so many, there's so many sex play. On Spotify, the other people have made to and I saw recently, like BuzzFeed did, a roundup, they like scoured people's sex playlists to find like the best artists and songs to fuck to and to masturbate to.

[00:25:30]

I think Rihanna is the best. I came out and the weekend, obviously, it's like if you're ever in doubt, just say, like, Alexa, play the weekend. Oh, is that going to fuck to the weekend? I don't know what's not. What's your go to song to fuck to. I mean I think often. Often. What song is that. OK, let's play it. OK, yeah, you know that. And I'm like horny thinking about having sex.

[00:26:02]

The song, Wow, you like some nasty love to that you feel like you can't spend in someone's mouth. Let's just pull back. That's DMX right there. Well, these bitches will open your mouth, bitch. Oh, my God. Do you think that I know that I talk about him just every week on the podcast. We've talked about him every week for like five weeks now. I mean, I feel like I knew I was going to happen the next, like when I couldn't locate you the next day till like 2:00 p.m., I was like, we got stories coming in hot.

[00:26:33]

That's going to last us for a minute. Wait. The day after I slept with that guy. Yeah, I went to brunch alone. You did? Yeah. What I mean, it was fine in Brisbane. In Brisbane. Yeah. You know, I got to get to entrees at breakfast like we've been. My God, I do remember that now. Yeah. I got up and then I like came. I mean I don't, I didn't care.

[00:26:52]

I was just having my morning to myself. And then you finally surfaced. That's right. And I came into your room.

[00:26:58]

It was like smells like sex in here. Smells like but dusty in here, you know. But does the body decompose. I think it was just old school party man living that. What movie. It's pretty back but I.

[00:27:15]

I don't know. I don't, I don't remember but I don't either. US we can Google it. Yeah. We'll just look it up after this. Like people with the Internet. Yeah. I'm all right. Speaking of the Internet, before we jumped into car with our awesome guest of the day, we're going to thank some of our partners. And I'm really excited to talk about this partner again in Sweden. They don't shop. They Clarinda Coryna is a revolutionary new online shopping app from Sweden that allows you to shop thousands of online stores and pay for anything in for easy interest free payments that make shopping smoother.

[00:27:49]

OK, since we heard about Coryna, I've been using it like crazy. I've been online shopping like crazy and I've been using this and I am loving it. You can shop anywhere from one app. It's easy to use. It's super convenient. You can browse thousands of online stores in one place and they basically work with some of the best brands. So everything that you use in your day to day life, there's Adidas bows before they even have this awesome tab.

[00:28:12]

If you want to shop black owned businesses, which we love. So they make it really, really simple. And then in terms of paying you a couple of different options, depending on the the brand, but you can pay for anything in four interest free payments always. And then some brands allow you to pay after delivery, which allows you to try before you buy. And you can also report returns directly in the app. So super simple to use.

[00:28:33]

You get the best deals with customized price drop alerts. You can save a wish list of stuff that you want. It's always good to shop smarter and save money. It's really easy to use. I really, really have been enjoying it a lot. These wishlists are great. You can have friends and family, see what you're shopping for online anywhere, and it's just really fun and easy and you can look for the products you like. And then within the app, it's not just it's just not clothing and fashion.

[00:28:56]

They also have electronics, they have footwear, they have home decor, they have sports and outdoor stuff. So lots and lots and lots of stuff to choose from. It's really cool. I'm really enjoying using it. I just like the way you say it is. Thank you. I don't hear myself say it. How do I say? I don't know. It's probably not anything out of the ordinary. It's just a cute word. Lahner, you know, people say they like love the way that we say dotcom, dotcom.

[00:29:19]

Are you guys going to masturbate to the way we said Carlana with Carlana and Cabana Klina? Anyway, Ana is a smoother, friendlier, sweeter sure way to shop online. It's the one stop shopping app for browsing and buying anything online, all in one app and allows you to pay for anything in for easy interest free payments. Download the app today. That's an hour and a Swedish for shopping.

[00:29:45]

Yes, and I've been loving it to just love my handy app. You get addicted, you're just on that app, just browsing all the things you want. All I want to dictate defected not.

[00:29:55]

Oh, maybe I did all right. For that guest today. Oh my gosh. OK, I am telling you guys about recon. We have teamed up with recon and they are offering 50 percent off your order at by Rakan Dotcom Sluggy. OK, I got to say, up top, you guys have been getting the earbuds, you've been tagging us, you've been sending me messages with your reviews on the rack on earbuds. So we know you guys are loving it.

[00:30:16]

We're loving it, too. I have been working out on the peloton bike recently. I've been wearing my recon earbuds and I really sweat so much and they don't fall out of my ears. So that's what I love. Even when I used to be a runner and I would try to find the best earbuds that wouldn't slip and slide out of your ears when you sweat. I think that's so hard to find in these really do the trick. They stay put.

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You have the customizable gel tips so you can fit them exactly to your earhole and they don't slip inside out. And they're the sound is so great. I mean, everybody needs a pair of great wireless earbuds and this is going to be the affordable options that you do not need to go drop hundreds of dollars on a pair. You have to check out the wireless earbuds from Rakan. The company was co-founded by Ragi. Be familiar with his work as celebrities like Snoop Dogg, Cardi B, Melissa Etheridge, they're obsessed with recons.

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Get 15 percent off your order at by Rakan Dotcom Sluggy. That's by Rakan Dotcom Sluggy for 15 percent off Rakan Wireless earbuds by Rakan Dotcom Sluggy. And that is Rahni Seongmin. All right. OK, guys, we have a very special guest in the house studio with us and Duey today. He is a comedian and actor. He is the host of Feeling Asian podcast. He wants us to let you know how attractive he is. He is also going on his first date since March.

[00:32:19]

Please welcome to the house studio, Bryant Park. What's going on?

[00:32:23]

Hi. Thank you. Thank you for the lovely intro out of context. It sounds fucked up. Yeah, he is attractive.

[00:32:32]

Yes, you are. Oh, thank you. You know, honestly, this is something I'm trying to get better about is just receiving compliments. Uh oh. Good. Yeah. But especially in the realm of anything in terms of like your looks and makes me severely uncomfortable to just be like thank you because just acceptance and the other person judging you for being like a psycho narcissist.

[00:32:51]

So if you're like meet a girl and she's like you're really good looking like what happens to your body? Do you get like really uncomfortable?

[00:32:57]

That sounded surprised, which I don't like.

[00:33:03]

I like a guy sort of like, oh, you're you're good looking. And I'd be like, why are you so surprised that it's like a weird nag and people are like, you're better looking than your fire? Yeah. Yeah, I've definitely gotten that before on online dates.

[00:33:15]

So ah, the girl will be like, oh you actually look like your photos. But I think that speaks to just. Yeah. Online dating in general.

[00:33:22]

So we're going personal. We're going to talk about your first online date, which is tomorrow. But I have to just recap that you were supposed to record with you back in March. Yes. You and I met at a comedy show maybe in like January or something. Yeah. Or maybe at the end of the 2013. But we're I just want to read these DBMS just so I can like, you know, reminisce on pre quarantine times. But I just think these are really funny.

[00:33:43]

You and I are going back and forth. What day are you thinking we're open. Wednesday may be good. Let me know. And then it's like second week in March. You write Wednesday is good unless a mass quarantine happens haha.

[00:34:00]

And then I go and then you said what time.

[00:34:03]

And I said Babi I want to check with Rhiner following day barbet. Then I went back to New York three months. The following day I said, how does Tuesday work. How is, how's Tuesday work. We'll have a fresh meat cover for you. We're like trying to be careful you know. And your hey actually unfortunately I can no longer do the bother's.

[00:34:19]

I went back to Texas basically. Oh my God. I thought that was so funny when I looked back at our communication of, like, we really try to make this happen. And you unless the quarantine happens, hysterical things like that is the most loaded hall of 220.

[00:34:35]

Oh, like this isn't going to happen. Of course, there won't be a mass quarantine and this is going to be a gravely dangerous situation. Yeah, and I'm not. Yeah. And me be like, let's still try. And then you were like, I believe it. And honestly, I never thought it would get to this then. And when I saw people slowly start to leave the city like people I thought are like smart and. Right, right.

[00:34:54]

No, I wouldn't do the right thing. Yeah, that probably reinforced me being like, oh, shit, yeah, I was going to get really bad. But one man told her that it was going to get really bad, but she was like, yeah, she's like, I believe in him. It was just madness. Francis and Brian and Bobby. Yeah. That's really what I was like. This is really bad. And I was like, fuck you, man.

[00:35:14]

The men told her, dudes, this is some serious shit. Yeah, yeah. Three comedians, three comedians. Three scientists. Yes.

[00:35:24]

OK, so yes, you told us you have not been on a date since the mass quarantine, huh.

[00:35:29]

Yeah, since mass quarantine. Ha ha. I have not been on a date. But you're about to. I'm about to.

[00:35:36]

Yes I am. I'm like nervous but also excited and just like a lot of feelings involved because I came back to New York like two weeks and a half ago, but they had a quarantine for a couple of weeks. And now I'm like, oh, I'm back in the city. Like the prospect of dating is available. Now I'm kind of giddy. I'm kind of excited. Let's see what's out there and then I have a I have my first date we matched on a hinge this Wednesday.

[00:36:04]

Now, a previous guest of this podcast, I'd say maybe two episodes ago, two weeks ago, two weeks ago, yet Dylan Palladino, very, very good friend of mine, he texted me and he's like, hey, I'm in your neighborhood.

[00:36:19]

I just want to say, what's up? Are you around? And I'm like, Yeah, for sure, let's do it. We hang out on my stoop. We're talking we're catching up. And I'm like, and he's like, hey, what's going on with you? Like, are you going on a date dates? And I'm like, Yeah, I'm actually on my first date this Wednesday. Check her out. I think she seems really cool.

[00:36:34]

Showed him a picture of her on my phone, the hinge profile and his responses like, holy shit, I literally got this girl's number yesterday and I have plans to hang out with her next week.

[00:36:49]

It's so crazy. But what happened next was how did you guys decide who gets her first?

[00:36:57]

Now, this is the thing.

[00:36:59]

I wasn't really sure how to do it. Then it becomes like a competition in a way. I don't like knowing that. And so I was like, do we just both go on a date with her?

[00:37:09]

And the same time we must both show a bachelor two on one. She has to, like, eliminate somebody.

[00:37:18]

We bring one rose and this is going to be you're going to need this later. No questions. This is just take it. It's all going to make sense two hours from now. Oh, my God.

[00:37:31]

I find it interesting because there's a lot of similarities between you guys. You know, like I find your humor to be similar. You're you both don't really drink much. We'll talk about you're both comedians like you guys are very similar. You same age.

[00:37:43]

And I'm a little bit older. You're older. Yeah. And I think you have told Dylan that he is immature, he seems immature. And given that I am three years older than him, I'm offended.

[00:37:53]

Now, are you reading your text messages? Yeah. OK, so what happened? Do we finish the story?

[00:37:57]

No, we didn't finish the story. So what ended up happening? I feel like I, I think Dylan has the power play here where he texted her because he said that he he didn't text her for a while and was like, oh, this will be a good excuse. So he he texted her like, hey, you matched on hand with one of my best friends. You should go on the date with him. He's a great guy and just like, left it at that.

[00:38:24]

Oh, God. Dylan Turner, like I say, like Ballout. OK, what does that make you be turned on or would you be like, fuck that guy? How would you feel if a guy was like, you matched my friend, I'm going to succeed? I think that Dylan knew that that would make her want to go out with him. You think power is a power? I disagree with you guys. When you see like I think that I'm probably a little more sensitive and I'd be like, oh, you're not attracted to me or something.

[00:38:52]

I think I'd take it personal more than I would think it was a power move. I'm like, oh, you don't want to fight for the whole logic.

[00:38:59]

And we kind of came to this consensus is that this is like a great icebreaker. So when I do see her in person on Wednesday, it'll be like a match with my friend Dylan. Yeah. And then just see where the conversation goes from there.

[00:39:11]

So we're going to have her on what you guys are going to have her on after both dates and then she's going to write you guys. It's going be great. I'm so it it's going to be a bonus, you know.

[00:39:24]

Oh God. I hope it works out. Hopefully we'll see how it goes. But I've mentally made a note. Dylan and I are very different looking people. It's like a six foot six. Very burly man. Yeah. And I am me. And so we'll see how it goes. And if she chooses Dylan, then I'm just going to say I'm like, you're racist. But then you just pull the race card. Exactly. Hundred percent. And then if she likes me then it's like, OK, great, hundred percent.

[00:39:50]

I deserve this. You're a good person.

[00:39:53]

But I like this feeling. You were talking about this like giddiness because like I walk around New York City, like this week, last week, I feel that energy of like people are starting to date again. People are coming out of their Hobert halls. People are getting like they're getting their vaginas waxed. They're getting their manicures are getting back out there. They're like ready to fuck. I feel the horniness in the air just everywhere, like palpable pulse, like I like and I, I just like was just like she episode title.

[00:40:16]

So many guys I was meeting the other night, it was just like so many groups, everybody just out wanting to fuck. And I feel that like excited, giddy energy everywhere.

[00:40:24]

And it's exciting. I don't know what to expect. I've heard you talk about updates on your podcast. Yeah. And you you said that you were like on the apps, like immediately when they came out. Right.

[00:40:35]

I was like a Tinder beta user, like and part of it being because you don't drink.

[00:40:42]

Yeah. Can we talk about this. Yeah, for sure. So I don't drink because I basically I'm allergic to alcohol. Oh my God. Yeah.

[00:40:52]

Even if I drink kombucha like it's kombucha at Whole Foods, I get ill, I'm like I'm like I turn bright red. A lot of Asian people turn very red when they drink and I have that time like one million. So I just don't drink whatsoever. Yeah. Did you realize this in like high school or.

[00:41:09]

Yeah. Yeah. But did you get any drunk nights under your belt. No I can't, I physically can't get drunk so any time like I, I forced myself to drink just to just be like a normal person at a party or at any social function. But instead it would just be me like not enjoying myself and it's just a ticking time bomb. I'm like, OK, this is how much I've had and I am going to get violently ill.

[00:41:33]

I'm like forty five minutes. Wow. So let's make the most of this. Forty five minutes.

[00:41:37]

I got this many checks and it's forty five in the can. Do you do drugs.

[00:41:41]

You smoke weed or anything. I used to so in college like when I realized I couldn't drink I was just like a humongous pothead and would just smoke 24/7. But now I'm like completely straightedge. I don't smoke pot anymore. I don't do, I don't really do anything.

[00:41:55]

OK, yeah I know it makes me sound really scary doesn't I think that absolutely nothing for you because I think that like it's a great way of narrowing down the playing field. Sure.

[00:42:04]

I mean I just like the apps because it's a very upfront way for me to disclose this information because I mean, I used to have a lot of social anxiety that was stemmed from my inability to drink because I just felt like people were judging me or I just didn't feel comfortable. And also, even if I'm at a bar, I just always felt like kind of creepy being like being like I'm not drinking, I'm totally sober. But what's up?

[00:42:25]

Like, you know what I mean. And the so that's why I like the apps.

[00:42:30]

It's like I can be up front and be like, hey, I don't drink for this reason. If I understand, like some women, like drinking is like really important for them. So it's like, OK, if that's something that you look for in a partner, that's great.

[00:42:39]

Like, you know, that's I totally understand. But if you're OK with that, then it doesn't have to turn into this whole thing.

[00:42:46]

So I want to talk about dating. Yeah, but not drinking. Yeah. Because I mean once you get past the like she agrees to go out you know. Sure. What kind of stuff do you like to do. And you know. Do you. I don't know. I mean I we just even discuss this in the podcast. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When do you feel like, when do you bring it up.

[00:43:02]

You bring it up like on the app. Just letting you know I don't drink. Yeah. I bring it up on the app. OK. Yeah.

[00:43:07]

Like after let's say I propose something so I'll just be like hey full disclosure, I don't drink because I am allergic to alcohol.

[00:43:14]

Now I'm totally down to like meet up at a bar if that's something you're comfortable with. No judgment on my end. If you want to drink totally fine. But if you prefer to be sober, since I'm sober, we could do something else.

[00:43:26]

OK, yeah. What kind of stuff do you like to do. Like where you go get coffee or where you go like do an activity or something. I prefer coffee.

[00:43:34]

Like if they don't want to drink that and coffee is. The easiest thing, but I would say, like in most instances, women like they're OK with it. Sure, yeah, we're not. This is we're not coming at you like a I can't imagine. We're just trying to talk it through because we haven't discussed it before. Yeah.

[00:43:49]

It wouldn't make me be like.

[00:43:52]

Absolutely no.

[00:43:52]

I dated one guy that didn't drink, but we met at DUI school so it's like that drink so much.

[00:44:05]

So I wouldn't drink around him, but that was probably first guy data that didn't drink. And it really made me feel like we really liked each other because we were sober, you know, like the whole time.

[00:44:16]

Like, you don't have to wonder, did they say this because they had had a few too many or did we just vibe and make out because we were drug like? I don't know what kind of. Yeah, yeah. But we we liked each other and it was like it felt real. Yeah. Oh interesting. Yeah. Also just to back up you know guys don't drink and drive, drink responsibly. You know, I made mistakes well over a decade ago and I do not recommend trolling for dudes that do I school these days.

[00:44:42]

I don't think you're on any winners in there, so be responsible with your life. But while we're here, let's just take our second and final break to talk about our other partners for this episode. Yeah, I'm telling you guys about feels CBD. Do you experience stress, anxiety, chronic pain? Are you having trouble sleeping? You're not alone. Many of us do. And CBD oil can be a great aid. And those things I know there's a lot of companies that sell CBD oil.

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You know, like I have some, like, crazy buzz from it. It's a nice thing to take in the morning or in the evening. I've taken it both times a day. I just think it's just like a nice way to do stress personally that you put a couple of drops. It feels under your tongue, you feel the difference almost instantly. So it works within minutes. You just hold on your tongue for a few seconds and finding the right dose is important to you guys.

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Do they have different dosages of it that you guys can try? If you're new to CBD? They offer a free CBT hotline and text message support. It'll help you guide yourself through your personal experience back. They'll text you back. If you want a man to text you back, just get on. That feels when your feel. I'm just here for the jokes. I love the product. If you can join the health community and get delivered your door every single month, you guys will save money on every order and you can pause or cancel at any time.

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Again, I think it's also a nice way to just check out the different dosages that they have. It's a nice way to feel naturally better without the high, the hangover, any kind of addiction. And it'll it'll lead you feeling your best. It's great. I honestly can't recommend it enough. Just checking it out and seeing how it makes you feel. You guys can become a member today by going to feel Zackham size. G.G., you guys get fifty percent off your first order, a free shipping, which is awesome deal.

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That's a Ask.com Sluggy to become a member and get fifty percent automatically taken off. Your first order with free shipping feels dotcom again. Check it out, guys, and tag us in your photos. Let us know how it is making you feel. Literally Hills's make you feel. And speaking of good stuff to put in your body Daily Harvest's or telling them about you again, you know no incarnated. You know how we feel.

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You said we're telling them about you or telling them about you. I said that because we we're leaving the set. We've been telling Daily Harvest's All About You is such a fan of the DJ community.

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I know you guys know we love them so much. Literally all I've had today. What? It's five o'clock. I had met in Kakao Smoothie for breakfast and I had the cauliflower pasta rice bowl for lunch, like it's all I put my body today. It's Daily Harvest, got up in front of our cast and cooked a daily harvest meal. Who cares? I was trying to be domestic. So Daily Harvest delivers clean food right to your door. All the food is built on fruits and vegetables, no preservatives, added sugar or artificial ingredients.

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That's promo code JGI for twenty five dollars off your first box at Daily Harvest Dotcom Daily Harvest Dotcom promo cogie. Also forgot to mention my new favorite is the Black Sesame Banana Smoothie. I was just talking with Kelsey about it today. That sounds amazing.

[00:49:01]

I, I can get to shout out, come back healthy and talk about daily. Every week she's like, Hey girl, do you like the strawberry peach. Like I do recommend it. So get that strawberry peach. But let's get back into it with Brian. We were talking about dating and being sober and I was curious if you've ever encountered any issues with people you like, dated, dated like a girlfriend that it was it got weird at all, or is it never really been an issue?

[00:49:28]

Oh, it hasn't really. But I mean. There definitely I can sense that with some women that I've dated in the past, let's say they really enjoy going out and like getting plastered or like doing a lot of drugs. I no matter how many times I tell them, I sincerely don't care. Like, you can get as fucked up as you want. I still think of it because there's that, like, imbalance in the sobriety.

[00:49:58]

It makes them uncomfortable.

[00:50:00]

So there have been instances where it just became a problem where they would like lie to me or like not answer text messages just to have a bender for a night and then, like, reappear. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:50:12]

Did they do you feel like you judge people for drinking? No, I don't. So you feel like that's like sort of an unfair assessment of you, though, like you would have a problem with it. Yeah.

[00:50:20]

I mean, but but again, like, I don't I understand, though, because it's like I think it's just a weird thing. Like so much of adult social interaction revolves around drinking. And with that comes dating, you know, like I so wish I could drink because that's just seems like the easiest thing to do with a partner or someone you're dating. It's like, hey, let's go like have a glass of wine. It's like a very spontaneous thing.

[00:50:43]

I think of someone who doesn't drink. There's so much planning that has to be involved because I have to like I can't fall back on that because it's not a fun time. It's like, hey, you want to, like, go to a bar and I'm going to drink seltzer and you do your thing, you know? So it's a lot of planning. So I feel like I'm always like coordinating something. Yeah, right.

[00:51:00]

And it's also so different. And we'll dress this down the road on a future episode of you guys are curious about someone that doesn't drink from more of an addiction standpoint. So it's sure for you it has nothing to do with being triggered by alcohol. And so someone drinking around you is not a trigger because it's just the early. Yeah, it's not that like you are struggling with addiction. Right. Right.

[00:51:20]

But I do think that as I've gotten older, it has become less of an issue.

[00:51:25]

And because I think once you hit 30, you're not like someone's first encounter with someone who doesn't drink. You know, people number of people will become sober for a variety of reasons by this time in life.

[00:51:38]

And so just like not a thing that's just partying last night, I just don't need to, like, go out and, like, party the way I used to. All right. I've done it. Yeah, I did. It wouldn't it wouldn't deter me from going on a date.

[00:51:49]

Yeah. Somebody you know, it's not gross like they have kids. I'll take anybody right now. You know, I don't feel the energy of people. You walk outside, you smell come. I just feel it everywhere. It just people are warning people are horny if people are horny.

[00:52:09]

And that's that's what I'm doing on this first date with him. It's just like we're going to get ice cream and go in the park.

[00:52:15]

I love that. That's great. Also right now, I think we all have to be more creative. I mean, yeah, you can go get drinks on the sidewalk, but make sure there's you can't go sit in a bar. So we thought that would be a little more creative with like what we do even just on our, like, friend dates and stuff, you know, girlfriend. And she was like, I'm not I'm trying to stay safe.

[00:52:33]

I'm not coming into the city. And it was midday. We like ordered sandwiches and sat in the park and had a picnic. Like that would be a great date. I would love if a guy did that.

[00:52:42]

So my high school boyfriend, he set that picnic up for me. Nobody's ever come close to pick me up at school with brownies. And we just like sat in South Park. I just remember in March when this started happening, we were talking like predictions for how this is going to change dating. And I'm like sort of enjoying what's happening right now because like no one, you do have to make a plan. No. To like it can't be.

[00:53:01]

And he's like big groups. So, like, you are spending a lot more one on one time with somebody. It's a lot more thoughtful what you're doing. There's a lot more sober dating. I just have to be more creative in general. Also, like we're not staying at a bar until 2:00 in the morning and getting all fucked up. You know, like every time I've gone to a bar in the last two weeks, it's two drinks and I leave.

[00:53:20]

I leave, like, not all fucked up and crazy. And I just feel like people are like acting better. People are excited to be around other people. They're more like hopeful. They're more I just I feel really positive about, like, how this is going to affect dating, at least for the time being.

[00:53:34]

Yeah. And wear a mask when you're fucking everybody's so OK. We want to talk about racial stereotypes. OK, you lead the charge. I lead the charge.

[00:53:47]

I lead the charge. Now some of the stuff we discussed. Yeah. Yeah. OK, you're an Asian man. I am an Asian man. Am I the first Asian just.

[00:53:55]

No, not my first Asian guy. Got to push for the right Wedding Crashers, but the Wedding Crashers. How old am I. It's a quote from Wedding Crashers, the Venton quote. But you are from a Korean family success. Yes. Um, what other things can I tell you about? You answer your question. You our first Asian man, not let's person, not Asian person with email. Well, let's go.

[00:54:19]

And regardless. Yeah, we want to talk to you about what it's like dating as an Asian man, you know, expectations of your parents.

[00:54:25]

And you have said some interesting stuff offline to Ashley just in general.

[00:54:29]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's crazy, you know, I feel. Like dating as an Asian man in America is it's pretty I don't know, I can only speak to my personal experience and it's been somewhat complicated and it's very much tied to how I relate to my identity. So, you know, I grew up in El Paso. I grew up in Texas, which is there's like no Asian people there. So for really, really long time, I kind of just like prided myself on being was like my whole thing is like I am.

[00:55:06]

I'm Asian and that's it.

[00:55:08]

I'm nothing more, nothing less. Like I just look different from everyone.

[00:55:12]

And it was not going to lie. It was kind of hard because I got teased a lot. And even like growing up and watching movies and stuff, there were like, no, even to this day, like there's you really don't see any Asian male sex symbols.

[00:55:27]

And I have to say, that's what I love that and what insecure is done. And I feel like I hate watch that because I auditioned for that part. What do you do?

[00:55:37]

Trigger a trigger? I'm trigger handsome.

[00:55:40]

Your hair just as an is. And I don't I don't know about you, but like I love that they have like sexualized. Yes. An Asian man. Because like you said, you don't see that all the time.

[00:55:49]

You really don't. And I just remember for well for most of my up, like growing up, I just wished I was I was like embarrassed to be Asian.

[00:56:00]

I was like, look at I would like try to like dress like whatever was in GQ magazine or whatever. And I was just like trying to style my hair. So it seemed less like quote unquote Asian.

[00:56:12]

And and it reflected in my especially like in my late teens or early 20s in my dating patterns where, you know, because you grew up in America, where there isn't a lot of Asian male positive Asian male representation, and especially in a sexual light, I think it trickles down and it permeates society where it kind of you have these implicit biases and you have some subconscious level. It affects your, like, perception of Asian men. And there's like studies of it to like, OK, Cupid conducted that survey where, you know, Asian men were considered the least attractive to women.

[00:56:53]

And all of those things that just like reinforce it just reinforces the idea that I had of myself where I'm like, OK, like, I guess I'm like emasculated. I guess I am like pretty feminine in this regard. I guess I feel like I'm not like I perceive since I'm not perceived as an actual sexual person, maybe I'm not a sexual person.

[00:57:12]

And it manifests in my dating behaviors where I would like try to hook up with white women because that's just what I grew up with, where I assumed, like, that is like the pinnacle of attractiveness. And so I would seek out and try to date white women as a means to like, prove my masculinity to myself. It's like a really weird, like, fucked up thing.

[00:57:38]

And I'm not that way anymore because I've kind of just accepted a lot of I don't know, it's just like a lot of self growth and a lot of reading and like trying to better understand what are like the stereotypes that come with being like an Asian guy and like, how do I overcome it and how do I just, like, practice more self-love and acceptance? Because, you know, it like fucks with you. Like everyone knows the stereotype about Asian guys having small dicks like it's the elephant in the room.

[00:58:08]

Right. And so it's like whether you believe it or not, it's in your brain. And it's like if it's knowledge that's in your brain, it's impossible to assume that it's not going to influence your perception in any way, shape or form. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:58:22]

And like in the process of like learning, it's it all makes sense though, because the reason there's like clear reasons why I like Asian men don't get as much positive sexual representation in media because you know it even like I learned, there's this one actor like his name's Setsu Hayakawa.

[00:58:46]

It's like the nineteen like in the back when like silent films were a thing. He was like one of the OG sex symbols in America. Oh yeah.

[00:58:56]

If you Google like, he's like a handsome motherfucker. But white men hated that. Yeah. Because they saw that they're like peer groups like their white peers found that like desirable. And so there was like an uptick in negative propaganda directed towards Asian men as a way to like counteract that. And so there's so many things that are like working to suppress, like the sexuality of Asian men. And, you know, I grew up in this country. I saw that.

[00:59:27]

And it's just something that's like, OK, I guess this is like what I am, you know, even like the movie Romeo My.

[00:59:33]

Di, that was in 2000 that had Alere and Jet Li. Now it's a it's a rendition of Romeo Juliet. They're supposed to kiss at the end they played the kiss the test audiences and it did not play well. People are like, this is weird. I don't like seeing an Asian dude being sexual on screen.

[00:59:52]

So at the end the big culmination is it's just a long hug and I'm like, that is so awkward and so psycho. Wow. Yeah. I mean, yeah. And I'm glad we're talking about this. This is something that white people don't have to think about. Sure. You know. Sure, sure. You don't have to think like wait. Everybody thinks what I am as unsexy and unattractive.

[01:00:15]

And so for sure, I mean even again, it's not like it wasn't that explicit growing up. I think it's different now because we're all so much more open to having these tough discussions, like the tough discussions surrounding race, even as awkward as it is, like it's just a different time now.

[01:00:33]

And the thing, you know, growing up, I didn't. It was all subconscious, but like if I look back on my upbringing, I'm like, oh, that's why I felt the way I felt. That's right. That's why it all kind of makes sounds like. That's why I feel like I didn't have I had these desires where I wish I was more white in a certain sense or like I was embarrassed to be Asian or like, you know, well, it's hard to name it.

[01:00:58]

And also you didn't I mean, there's probably certain issues that go along with being Asian, but there's also tons of issues to just go along with growing up in a community where you're the only representation of that thing, whether it's Hispanic, whether it's Muslim, whether it's black, whether it's white, you know. Yeah. To not have any peers around you to bounce that off for sure. And, you know, I did grow up in predominantly white communities.

[01:01:20]

Like, I even went to a boarding school for high school, which is just like Regg.

[01:01:24]

Yeah, it's rich. It's really it's rich.

[01:01:28]

It's really rich. It's really preppy. And, you know, people would tell me, like, oh, you're really whitewashed, like foreign Asian.

[01:01:36]

And I took it as a compliment. Like, that's something I, like, prided myself on. I was like, oh, I'm not like I'm not like those other like Asian international students who now are like fucking fly as fuck and dressed head to toe in designer clothes.

[01:01:49]

But like, you know, even at the time I was like, oh yes.

[01:01:52]

Like I am more whitewashed. Like that's like a good thing. And my my my tune has changed now, you know, because it's like there's a lot of like internalized racism and like self-hate that comes with that.

[01:02:05]

Well, I just I really feel like, again, like the number one thing I guess I can cite now is Asian Bay and insecure. And I sure as the guy on dating around second season on Netflix, like the the first episode, like he was this like. Shorter Asian guy is so fucking cool, like I was like, I'm attracted to this guy, like I'm taller than this, you know, and he was just so sexy.

[01:02:30]

Like, you just, you know, all these girls I feel like we're in we're into it for sure. I just I feel like we're seeing more and I hate to give so much credit to TV and movies and pop culture, but it is what it is. It's it's like it is what it is, you know, it is it's impactful. It is very impactful.

[01:02:45]

And I as like, you know, stupid or inane like entertainment seems especially in these times, the value in it is that it's like an entry point that for a lot of people in terms of like information and just how to like affect perceptions. And there is like a lot of there's been a lot of progress in the last three years, you know, like Asian Bay on insecure or even crazy rich Asians like you like every every guy in that movie.

[01:03:14]

Exactly. So now this is like another conundrum I have you like every Asian dude that is getting screen time now.

[01:03:20]

So they're all like fucking I don't like ripped as fuck six pack, super sexy, very, very, very rich. Like even looking like Kumail Nanjiani like. OK, yeah. No, no. I think that's what's happening here.

[01:03:36]

That's what is going on now.

[01:03:38]

I have this, it is interesting and I think it is a larger commentary on like just how we perceive masculinity, because my whole theory on this is that, OK, now we're getting a little bit more screen time for Asian men, but we're operating on like Masculinity 1.0, whereas like Henry Golding from Crazy Rich Asians, Asian Bay from insecure, you have Charles Melton from Riverdale.

[01:04:06]

They're all like Greek, Adonis, bodybuilder, super jacked. It's like the safest thing. It's the safest play. Whereas like if you look at who are like who are like six figures for like white male counterparts, I would say right now, arguably you have like you have your Tom Hardy's you have Adam Driver, but then you also have like Pete Davidson or Timothy Shalgam, like those two are like very skinny, very lifelike, tattooed. It's kind of like an artsy vibe, but it is you're not questioning like their sex appeal, whereas like I think like that's how, you know, I feel like there's more progress to be made, whereas like Asian men, there is no like archetype for that yet where there is like a Timothy, a skinny or like.

[01:04:53]

But now it's all like Ken doll super jacked six pack. Looks good. Yeah. Yeah. But I think we'll get there. So I think there should be steps and it's like it's just shifting people's mindset like slowly do we even have to do.

[01:05:06]

But I mean I'm sure, I think we're all guilty. Like I'm sure we made a comment about like Dick Sizes on this podcast before. You know, like I don't think it it's I think we all to, like, watch ourselves.

[01:05:16]

Yeah. But at the same time, it's like, well, no offense is jokes, it's just jokes. So many jokes are based on stereotypes. Right. Right. You hear the people those stereotypes are about make the same jokes. I mean, it's just I don't know. It's it's comedy is there's a there's a line there. But I think we all kind of keep those things in mind totally.

[01:05:33]

And I mean, I even experience it personally where it's like a joke I have. And I find it very funny where on whinge, for whatever reason, I feel like there's like a disproportionate amount of women who like like me because you can, like, see who swipes right on you.

[01:05:49]

It's like white girls who at some point like lived in like I guess like taught English in Japan maybe for like a year after undergrad. So it was like a photo with like the red wooden gates.

[01:06:00]

And I'm just like, oh, like you lived in Asia for a bit and you're like, you've seen enough for now. You're like, oh, I actually learned that I could fuck with that.

[01:06:11]

That's if you look on my hand, it's like so much of that. I want to go back to this thing you said, because I think a lot of people relate to this Asian or not, of this idea of like you grow up being told that, like what you are is not attractive and that it affects the way that you react to the world. And I think it's like I'm five feet tall, you know, not I think, man, why?

[01:06:30]

Like, I was like, I'm five, ten, like Cindy Crawford. I think men want women that are taller or men want women that are thinner than me maybe, or whatever it is. I think that, like, we can all sort of relate to this. Like, well, I was told there's like this thing that people want and I'm not that. So, like, now when I show up, like, how do I feel good about myself?

[01:06:47]

And I'm not I mean, I feel great about myself. I'm perfectly fine, maybe five feet tall. But I just you know, I think a lot of people relate to that notion of, like I was told my whole life, this thing is not great. Yeah. And then I show up and how do I still feel great in that situation. So, like, how do you like personally like when you go on a date now, like how do you still feel?

[01:07:05]

Great. I'm a very attractive guy and you're funny, you're smart. So like that's why you should feel great. You're wonderful but like how do you feel?

[01:07:12]

And it's now like how do you show up now. Feeling like I'm great. You know, it is. That has been. And like a. Process, like, you know, it took time for me to get to that point, I think now all I can really ask of myself is to just am I being just myself, like the most authentic, true version of myself? You know, I think we constantly, as humans, like you said, like you can't control your height.

[01:07:40]

Like those are the cars that you're given. And but we we know, like, what is considered or like perceived as desirable. And so I think like for a long time and especially my early 20s when I was dating, I was always trying to like present a version of myself that I thought would be like, quote unquote, attractive to this other person.

[01:07:56]

And at the end of the day, I think the things that make me feel good about myself is just being myself in the most honest way possible. And even if that includes, like saying something that might be like uncouth or like opinions that might make me seem insecure, it's just like, OK, it is what it is like. I have these insecurities as a part of myself, but as long as I'm expressing and I feel good about myself rather than like hiding all those aspects of myself, if that makes sense.

[01:08:24]

Yeah, but I could definitely tell when I am the first Asian guy that let's say someone is hooked up with, because this is happening in like three separate occasions where I take my clothes off and like the first thing they'll say is like, whoa, you like, whoa, like your body is so smooth.

[01:08:47]

I did not think that you were I thought you're talking about no.

[01:08:52]

What's on your body so smooth.

[01:08:53]

And I'm like, oh yeah. Yeah.

[01:08:57]

I forget like Brian, there's so many instances where I've been so hard for you to tell you to, not just I just you just take your shirt off. So you're like just like hairless. Hairless.

[01:09:08]

Yeah, hairless. And I forget it's just like what you're you are really hairless. Look, his arm. Yeah. Yeah. So it is. You look great. I would like slide down your body but like even for me that's a realization.

[01:09:23]

Right. I'm like oh yeah. Like I guess most dudes are pretty hairy and like I never questioned it because this is just my body. Right. Which is like a porpoise like like I don't know, I like have smooth body.

[01:09:37]

OK, this girl, though, that's going out with you and Dylan, that's going to be the final like determine how much shoulder hair is the hair. You know, he's like a full like. Oh yes, yes, yes. Like a shoulder sweater, shoulder hair, 100 percent. What's going to end up happening is that she's going to I'm not going to like either of us. And she's like, honestly, I'm just looking for a dude who has like some chest hair that's too extreme.

[01:10:04]

Oh, my gosh, that's such a good call.

[01:10:08]

This is all going to be determined by how much body hair she enjoys.

[01:10:12]

It's all about the body hair. Yeah, I kind of I realize that that's like I kind of buried the lead on that. You kind of thought when I said, whoa, they were going to like, make a comment about like that.

[01:10:21]

Yeah, no, I have this joke where it's like trying to take like a negative stereotype and like spin into a positive where I feel like that small dicks stereotype honestly works for Asian men's favor because like I thought, the bar so low. Right.

[01:10:36]

And so, like, at that point, you got to get to the point where, like, you are in a sexual situation where like if you're about to hook up, you you're already it's already there. You know, you're going to do it unless you're like a really, really. I don't know. I can't speak to your experiences were like have you just been like so completely turned off by, like, the size of a man's penis where you just, like, walked out in that instance?

[01:10:57]

Oh, God, no.

[01:10:59]

No, I just and I personally, my feeling is that and I've done all the research that the size of a penis has literally nothing to do with how much you want to enjoy the experience. I just couldn't care less. Like I mean, I just want, like, an average size penis looking for like a monster. Oh, I had one terrible experience. It was just the like I should say, or choose the smallest thing I've ever. And I like such a crush on this guy.

[01:11:25]

I was just like, I don't know, I feel like I should add up.

[01:11:27]

No, just OK, this is like a couple drinks, but just a heads up like how do you give my date is like you might not you might not know it's there, but I think it was sophomore year in college which I did hook up with an Asian guy that year two, which was that was great. Yeah. No stereotypes and not in the bedroom. Sure. But like even like with the stereotype, like the bar so low. So at that point, like this girl probably assumes I have a small dick.

[01:11:50]

So it's only like upside from there. You know, we that's that's a good call. Let's keep reinforcing this. No, I'm just getting like that's like. Right. Like that's the take away. That is so funny. Yeah. The girls already they're expecting like nothing and you're like, what's up? Yeah. What's up? Gradually. Here's this fourpence like body and that's like a stereotype we should promote.

[01:12:11]

More is our purpose like bodies.

[01:12:14]

We also don't smell. That's the thing that's like scientifically proven. The Asian people don't smell. Yeah. Like Asian people. Smell less like we have less body odor, so you have less hair. I think it's just like a sweat glands. Yeah, yeah. All right. Yeah. Well, while we're on the topic, let's talk more about your dick.

[01:12:31]

What about it? And this is something that you talk about because we're not like putting you on the spot where we discussed this. So everybody, you know, relax, everybody.

[01:12:39]

We're just like this is just how Ashley and Rayna have a conversation with someone wants to gotcha journalism. Let's talk about your Asian penis. You really did see straight through that.

[01:12:51]

So you talked about like on your show that you've had performance anxiety in the past. And, yeah, we talked to other guests about that, too. And I think that people appreciate the advice. I'm like this girl going out with you and Dell'Orto stuff.

[01:13:09]

Oh, my God, I'm sorry if I can be like I hope you like guys who don't you have, E.D.?

[01:13:18]

Right.

[01:13:24]

Right. I'm sorry. I love it. I love it. It's great. I know you and Dylan are so open about it. Yeah. Yeah. I wouldn't roast like a normal person about this. I just, you know, you brought it up, you know. But I think that even in his episode, we got some good takeaways for, like, how to deal with that if like, that's happening with your man. Sure. How men react to it.

[01:13:43]

So, like, yeah. I hear like your experience with that. Yeah.

[01:13:47]

So your journey let's talk about my performance, your part, your purpose and my purpose in this journey.

[01:13:55]

I mean, you know, and what we're alluding to is performance anxiety, because everyone knows that dolphins, their penises famously are just not functioning. Really. No, I'm making that up. OK, so stop deflecting, Ryan. I'm not deflecting from it. No more deflecting from my parents. We're going head on. So it's funny that it's funny that. Take it out. It's funny. It all comes back to you. You said you like it when you're listeners, like it when guys talk about other guests.

[01:14:25]

So it was Bob Dylan. Yeah. Yeah. So Dylan actually brought up his performance anxiety issues and his erectile dysfunction with me like a few years ago. And I remember thinking at the time, I'm like, do that really fucking sucks. Like, that's crazy. That has never happened to me before. Oh, now I knew I was like, oh this has never happened to me before.

[01:14:45]

This was like five or six years ago. And he planted the seed. Ruined your life. No. And then the very next day I, I was, I was hooking up with this girl and my dick just wasn't getting hard. And I was like, whoa, this is never fucking happened to me before. What the fuck is happening to me. I call it I tuxedoes like holy shit dude. I don't know what it is like.

[01:15:06]

I think I planted magic. Did you do magic to me.

[01:15:11]

But then from that point forward it's just been all downhill because with that same with that same girl she texted me like a few days later and she's like, hey, what are you doing?

[01:15:21]

I'm like, oh, nothing much. I'm chill. And she's like, come over. Like, I'm on my apartment watching a movie. And so the entire time all I could think about was like, all right, man, the first time you're fucking porpoise penis wasn't working, but this time the better fucking work. So I'm take it I'm sitting on the L train and the entire time I'm thinking I'm like, all right, man, I've got to prove you've got to prove yourself.

[01:15:46]

This time you're going to you're going to fuck. It's going to be good. Your dick better fucking work. And actually already you already know. No, I just when you start saying I was like I know the story because I listen to this like like, you know, you know where this is going.

[01:15:57]

And so I, I get to her place. She's wearing like she's fucking wearing sexy lingerie and she's like sitting there with her MacBook.

[01:16:07]

You open the door and she's in lingerie doing work. Well, doing some Excel modeling, I don't know. But so she she texted me, do the math problems in a G-string. You're the one who mentioned work. I don't know. So she was like, hey, the door is unlocked. I go to her bedroom and she's just chillin there with the MacBook.

[01:16:29]

Here I am in my head. I'm like, all right, I better not blow this, but I'm also like, nervous. I got, like, nervous shit's going up. And I was like, hey, give me like five minutes. I got to go to the bathroom. I'm in the bathroom. I'm taking a nervous shit.

[01:16:44]

Oh, she's doing Excel workbooks. You're taking a Dukey. I'm taking a nervous Dukey. Oh, this is like this is straight out of like American Pie. I'm taking a nervous Dukey and I'm thinking of my I'm like, oh, all right.

[01:16:57]

She's fucking absolute smoke show. She's in her fucking laundry. She's expecting this fucking d. You better fucking bring it, dude. Like, I'm taking a nervous Dukey.

[01:17:08]

And it again, it doesn't it doesn't happen. She's very visibly upset at this point. OK, yeah. And then from that point forward, I kind of like I mean, I got the text back the next day. She's like, hey, it's not you, it's it's me, but I don't think we should see each other again. But like now but I don't again, like I never blame the other person, you know, like it's like a totally sometimes sexual chemistry just doesn't work.

[01:17:33]

And it is what it is. It doesn't it doesn't like it's not like a personal thing, you know, you won't know until you try it.

[01:17:39]

And for me, from that point forward, it's like I have this, like, fixation on like having to perform because I think that I was I really liked her in a really bummed me out so much that I, I just I can't turn off my brain when it comes to, like, sexual situations and it doesn't.

[01:17:57]

I wish I could drink for this reason because I'm like so acutely aware of all my thoughts.

[01:18:03]

Right. And I like can't shut it off.

[01:18:05]

And so I, I there's been so many more instances of like erectile dysfunction and performance anxiety with like future sexual partners, because I am just in my head thinking like I really hope I do a good job because I want to see this person again. And so but not just any indication that you're not present anymore, you know, because like, if you're thinking, like, I'm really going to do a good job, you're not it's not going to happen because you're just you're like mapping it out in your brain of, like, what I need to do rather than like being in the moment.

[01:18:36]

It's like a very hard thing where women, they might take it very personally or like they feel like they're not sexy enough or they're not. Because I think it's like. Oh, am I. Is it me? Like, am I am I not attractive to you? Is this why you're not aroused right now? And it's no matter how many times I can, like, sit you down and be like, it's not you, I'm just a fucking neurotic mess and it's all in my head and it's like fucking with my psychology.

[01:19:04]

And that's why it's making me really anxious and it's not maybe my dick work the way it should work.

[01:19:11]

It's I understand it's still hard for, like, women to just, like, take that at face value, you know.

[01:19:15]

Yeah. But the person is in the room with you like they're in the room with you. They're attracted to you. Just accept it like you're nobody who takes their shirt off. And a guy's like, I can't get it off. And it sounds like you were very attracted to this girl. You love the outfit she was wearing. You were like ready to roll. Like, I think it actually has nothing to do with how you I literally think it's the opposite and it's never happened to me.

[01:19:32]

And it makes me think I'm just not hot enough. Like, I think it's because guys haven't been that excited to fuck me, that they don't get anxious. Like, every time we talk to you, like, I'm over here thinking it's because I'm like I turn them on. It's literally opposite. Every guy we talked to is like the time I couldn't happen, whether it's whether it's something happens a lot or whether it happened once, it's literally because the girl was too hot and they were nervous.

[01:19:52]

It's never for the other reason. Like if a guy can't perform, I swear over and over, I feel like the idea has been reinforced that it's because you're, like, too hot.

[01:20:02]

Oh, yeah. They're nervous. Like, it's like, why would you you wouldn't be nervous to fuck a girl that you weren't you were just mildly attracted to Legrain is that if you're there, you're attracted in some way. No girls taking her shirt off and the guys like, I'm out of here, like they know what you look like. You know for sure. You know, your body's like to an extent, but like, yeah, I was thinking about this other day in the shower.

[01:20:23]

I was like thinking if I can, like, write a bit of like, no guys ever had performance anxiety around me because I'm not hot. Like, they're like, oh, no big deal. I don't care if I do. Well, she's a sixth. You're like too comforting. They're like I just I feel like she's like my mom. I just feel like really comfortable and at home with her. But you gotta talk about Dylan and so we can just drive it home again to the women listening that it literally has nothing to do with your hotness or your sexiness or your, you know.

[01:20:52]

Sure. Sure. And I think for me it's more what's really helped me is obviously going to therapy and like talking about with someone, blowjobs are great, too.

[01:21:02]

Um, the I think I just like, accepted it that this is just like part of what happens to me. I'm not I don't judge it. It just and I disclose it, you know, sometimes when it arises, I'm like, hey, that's just I get I'm nervous. I'm really attracted to you. This might happen like one or two. Who knows however many times. But as long as I get past this first hump, I promise it'll get better.

[01:21:28]

But there's so many puns and wordplay, like you said arises and you said it's just like a lot like. Do you mean to. Try not to jump. Yeah, yeah, no, it's hard. I'm like, that's what she said like so I'm just like a nervous tic I have where I'm like I'm like talking.

[01:21:48]

We just have to get over this first wave. Oh, my God. Enough for all this.

[01:21:52]

I'm like, so embarrassed right now because maybe I've you've revealed that I have this, like, nervous tic where if I'm revealing something I'm embarrassed about, I just become like a fucking Shakespearean.

[01:22:03]

No, you're like you're speaking about it. Great. It's just there is a lot I it's my dirty mind. You're just talking regularly. We're picking up on all the innuendos.

[01:22:12]

You're right. It's 100 percent a lot of a lot of puns and it's psycho. So I never thought about a guest deck so much from the whole episode ever. Even ones I wanted to sleep with. It's like I just can't stop thinking about, like I want to talk about it for a while. OK, yeah. So we are still in this too. And it's just, you know, my curiosity is it does it kind of change if you get into a relationship and like those first dates I can date, like jitters are over or is it like does it persist throughout our relationship or have you not had a serious relationship since this really started happening?

[01:22:42]

It's only it's usually just in the beginning. Yeah. Yeah, it's just in the beginning. And again, that's like a testament to just like the comfort level that you have for another person. But it's usually just in the beginning. And honestly, it's gotten to the point where, like, I talk to my therapist about this and my therapist recommended this book to me, or she's like, OK, like, I think I've I have other clients for men who, like, experience the same thing.

[01:23:03]

I think you should read this book called Tantric Sex for Men. I'm like, whoa, that seems like way too fucking advanced. Are you sure about this?

[01:23:12]

I bought it and it's been really helpful.

[01:23:16]

I think, like in an effort to try to alleviate or curb like this performance anxiety, I have like learned like another facet about sex that overall has been like more beneficial to me because I wouldn't I wouldn't have learned these things prior. Like, I think the biggest takeaway from that book, Tantric Sex for Men, is that most guys like we have this preconception of like how sex is going to go. We assume that the moment we come, sex is over, like the goal is to come.

[01:23:44]

And the fact that we're like thinking like, oh, I'm going to come, that takes you out of like one hundred being one hundred percent present because you're like kind of already working on autopilot, whereas like. You don't know what's going to happen now, it's more like, OK, I don't know if my dick is going to get hard or not. If it doesn't, it doesn't. I don't know if I'm going to fucking come. Like, if I don't come, it's still OK.

[01:24:05]

Like and it's just made out to be like, more beneficial and it's like become a more fruitful sexual endeavor since then because it's like, I don't know, it's just makes me more present and more like connected to someone I feel like. Do they have to say it's called tantric sex for men. Yes. Or one for women. I feel like they have one for women too, because I think. Was it your podcast co-host? You guys talked about this on an episode of like, we all just need to realize that sex isn't like what you do.

[01:24:32]

It's just not so cut and dry is not so black and white. It's I'm sure you've seen in the movies all the time. It's not like, you know, this thing happens and the guy penetrates, then you both come. It's so much more than that. It can mean so many different things. There's a spectrum of sex like all these different things.

[01:24:44]

So, yeah, I guess any education and, you know, therapy to that you can do for yourself surrounding that is going to alleviate the pressure for male or female for sure. And I think a big part of it, I mean, a big obvious one is like porn in general. Like, yeah, I grew up watching so much porn, I was like fucking addicted to porn. Oh, really? And yeah. And there was a big problem, but like.

[01:25:08]

Well, because you didn't drink. Yeah. You needed a fight.

[01:25:11]

I honestly honestly that was my vices, just like I, I knew it was a problem where I wouldn't even jerk off, like I would just watch porn casually just like I mean like seriously, seriously.

[01:25:23]

I know I actually was joking and I just took it way too. I just always wanted to know, like, who were the people to write reviews on pornographic. OK, you're writing. I'm not writing reviews. Looks around because the second I come, I am deleting my I'm deleting that I'm doing my browser history. I don't even want to know that. I have just watched that, like, the stuff I watch is kind of fucked up sometimes.

[01:25:44]

So, like, I don't even want to know. Are you immediately shut it down like you watch just for, like, sport?

[01:25:50]

Not well, it would be like I would all be like edging like I won't fully come watch.

[01:25:56]

But like, that's yeah. That was definitely that was definitely my advice for sure. It's like a fuck. I just got like railed out at work today. I don't drink, I don't smoke.

[01:26:05]

Let's just if I'm allergic to alcohol, just fucking pop up some pornhub and just fucking watch a little bit.

[01:26:12]

So when you say it was like it's a problem, like it affect the way you were having sex with, I mean, I guess we can just assume. Yeah. In fact, the way you had sex with people. Oh, I knew it well. This was like at the peak of my like ed problems and performance anxiety where, like, I it got to a point where even if I was in bed with someone, I would like think to clips of porn.

[01:26:35]

Wow. To like stay aroused. And I was like, oh fuck, this is a big problem like this, like this.

[01:26:41]

Having this other person in front of me is just not stimulating me enough. Like I have to like search this Rolodex in my brain. I like raunchy porn clips, but it's not filthy enough.

[01:26:51]

I don't even know if it's just filthy. It's just like I don't know. I think because again, it's all tied with anxiety. Like I'm comfortable jacking off watching porn and the comfort of my room. I am uncomfortable being in an intimate environment with another person where I don't know what's going to happen. So that's why I like I think maybe my brain wants to go to that comfortable place, which is like home, the comfort of porn, you know?

[01:27:14]

OK, yeah. So that's why I'm like this. Since then, I'm just like abstain from that. So do you mind giving us a brief rundown of your relationship history? We should've done this up top. But like, if you had serious relationships, if you just mostly casually dated, like you're long or just what's your.

[01:27:31]

Yeah, so, I mean, I basically had two long term relationships.

[01:27:38]

One was in college. I don't know if that really counts, but that's the one that ruins men.

[01:27:43]

Yeah. OK, so nervous as I'm I'm, I'm trying. Yeah. Yeah.

[01:27:48]

I'm the one that got away. Yeah. I didn't, I didn't look at her Instagram at all during quarantine.

[01:27:54]

Listen, we all done it. We all had to do whatever made us feel good during those months.

[01:27:58]

Where did you go to college. I went to UCLA. Oh awesome. Yeah. Are you thirty. Yeah. Just turned thirty. OK, have you right when uh in quarantine. What, what day. March. Twenty three. OK, so you're a I'm an heiress. Oh, nice, yeah, we approve, you approve?

[01:28:17]

Yeah, there is a great guy like areas like women college girlfriend is still fighting for.

[01:28:23]

No, but I was in a very serious relationship for three years in New York that ended in twenty nineteen.

[01:28:35]

And was the porn stuff an issue then up towards the end of it.

[01:28:42]

Yeah because I think like I think the, just the sexual chemistry kind of fizzled. I don't know. I mean I'm really upset at myself for just not being more communicative through the course of the relationship. And I wish I had seen a therapist sooner. I think a lot of it. I was just like baring a lot of feelings and like just could not for the life of me be honest and communicative. And I think that's what led to the end of the relationship.

[01:29:07]

And, um, you know, it's hard. I feel really bad because I heard another person and, uh, but in the process, like, I am in a different place now, but yeah. Like the point again, like it it was just like sure. There could have been like a like a mismatch or like a dissatisfaction in the bedroom. But rather than like sitting down and talking about it like and communicating like to adults instead I like sought refuge in porn.

[01:29:34]

I was like, I just can't like hurt this other person's feelings. So I'm going to, like, medicate by myself doing this thing.

[01:29:39]

Right, because sometimes I think you don't even realize that like like what the issue and like a lot of times the issue in the bedroom is emotional. And so, like, you think that, like, you don't have sex with the person or maybe like you're not attracted to like the issues are so far outside of the bedroom. Right. And I think that, like, it takes a lot of years to even realize that sometimes that like that you're not attracted to them or the sex isn't spicy enough.

[01:29:58]

It's like, sure, there's a million other emotional issues that contribute to that. That's very true. Yeah. Yeah. But outside of that, I go in like waves. There's like waves where I'm just using the apps so much. And just like again it ties back to like my lack of vices. I think I was using casual dating as a vice where I just needed like I was with reckless abandon. I would just like meeting women like back to back to back to back with just like just operating on autopilot, like just like a fucking robot, you know.

[01:30:30]

And like you said, it's like a Doberman had to like those. Yeah. It's all just kind of like keep you going I guess. I don't know. Right.

[01:30:36]

Right. And so I did that for him. I mean, I did that for a minute and then I was like, not date for a while and then get back on the horse and then just date too much to the point where I'm like, why am I don't even want to meet this person or am I just bored, like, what the fuck am I doing?

[01:30:51]

And so right now, I think this cordage has been good. It's been like a major reset where right now I'm in a place now where I just want to, like, date very consciously.

[01:31:03]

Like more seriously, I'm very, very I'm very much in a place now where I'm ready to be in like a long term relationship. And I'm looking for something more serious because maybe it's just like quarantined induced fever. But, um, I just like in a place now where I'm like, fuck, I just want to I just want, like, a normal I just want to be a dad.

[01:31:24]

Oh, well, that's that's what I did not know before. OK, well ladies of your listening friend wants to be a dad. Brian would like to knock you off. I did thought I was literally thinking that you were going to because my personally right now I just want, like, intimacy.

[01:31:43]

You know, I want to be like I'm not even saying boyfriend husband. I definitely want to be a mother, but like just to be more than a first date, like I want like somebody that I know and to be intimate with. So, like, I was ready to like, complete your sentence and say intimacy.

[01:31:57]

And you said, let's let's try. I think I want them.

[01:32:01]

And I was thinking like, oh, you guys should go on a date. This is so cute that you would like be a dad. And I think for this reason, Ashley and I are out. OK, well, I.

[01:32:11]

Oh, my God. Yeah. I don't know if this girl that you and Dylan are sharing is going to be the one, but we wish you luck. I wanted to ask you a question because I think this was helpful with Dylan's episode was that that resonated with a lot of women, was like what to say in the bedroom if if the guy you're with is experiencing the performance anxiety, do his thing was what, just, um. Is there anything I can do?

[01:32:33]

Anything I can do? Yeah. Yeah. Like what do you want? What do you what do you want to like in that moment.

[01:32:39]

What's the reaction that I like in the moment is and one this one girl did this and I really, really appreciated it.

[01:32:47]

And she basically was like, hey, I know this really sucks. And I just want to let you know that, you know, even if we don't have sex, I really like you. And we can try as many times. And I'm like, there's no rush to do this. Like you can. We can try. That's like five, six, however many times you need to take that. There's no rush, right, and she's like, I know you're real, I know, like this is really hard for you as a guy and like, you're beating yourself up over it.

[01:33:18]

But it was hard and beating for what the fuck? I'm I'm sure she she looked at me other like, should I say.

[01:33:33]

Oh, my God, you wrapped up the point. OK, you answer the five, you question. Right.

[01:33:38]

But it's just that it's just that it's just like, OK, hey, I really like you. Even if we don't have sex and if we do great and we can try as many times as we need to try.

[01:33:47]

I love that we can try as many times as we need to. I'm like, I'm here in this. I'm not going to not like it sounds like that girl after you didn't have sex with that time was just like, I don't want to talk to you anymore, you know, like that's probably your fear as a person is going to jettison you from their life. Yeah. Yeah. And a good way to, like, cut those people out.

[01:34:03]

Like, you know, I think that what happened there was she had an image in her head the night the way that I was going to go. And she was completely inflexible in that not happening. And I think we've all been guilty of this. I had a fight with a boyfriend once when, like, I want to have sex. I had a whole night in my head and it didn't work out. And we got in a huge fight.

[01:34:19]

I'm so embarrassed that I even whatever act like that. And there wasn't a performance. It was just he was tired or whatever. But like, you've all the time in the world to have sex. Like, that's the thing. It's like we always preach in terms of even relationships and commitment and also in the bedroom of like just relax. Like everyone just relax. Like patients like I love that of like I like you and I'm going to treat you with respect and like a human and not like you're just a piece of meat anyway.

[01:34:43]

And like we have all the like. That's such a weird thing to get mad at somebody in a moment because they can't fuck you. Right. That why they probably in my mind, she, like, has never heard any advice about how to deal with this, which like at a certain age I hadn't either. And like in her mind, had this idea of like this sexy outfit. And, you know, she's going to shop. She's on Nodi on our computer doing like pivot tables.

[01:35:01]

Right. And and meanwhile, Brian's coming in hot, taking a nervous Dougie. Yeah.

[01:35:05]

You know, Brian along the toilet you through you took a shit. You didn't stop her.

[01:35:12]

You're not my finest moment like you own up to it. I can I can totally understand feeling super rejected if you've never heard this advice before, because like I dealt with this with somebody who like maybe the first six times you couldn't get it up one time I had a super boyfriend who I did. I like this laundry. I went with a girlfriend to like Victoria's Secret. And I like I had this whole thing where he was going to, like, show up and I'd open the door and be in this.

[01:35:34]

And I did. I open the door. He'd been working all night. He was like a restaurant manager, whatever. And it was like midnight. And I opened the door in this garter belt and I was all hot and twenty two.

[01:35:42]

And he looked at me and he was like, I'm really tired. I want to do this. Yeah. He's like, I'm hungry. Like, do you mind if I just like and I like I was so angry like in my mind now looking back like he had worked for twelve hours, he was starving. It was the middle of the night. He just trucked up four flights of steps to get into my apartment and he was like, God damn it.

[01:36:00]

Yeah. But we're conditioned to think that men always want to fuck and they're always ready to fuck and this and that. So it's like we all we all have to work on all of these false narratives we have surrounding that. Right. Because that's what you're like a girl that the guy can't fuck her, get it up or it doesn't want to have sex just because they're tired. You immediately are like, I'm the ugliest person in the world. It's like it's because you're too hot.

[01:36:22]

Yeah, I felt so rejected, but I wasn't I was really hot. Yeah, cause. All right. Well, ladies, if you're looking to be a mother.

[01:36:32]

Oh, God. We talk about what you're looking for because we can we can briefly go over this. But like, I'd like what your parents are looking for, for you. We were making jokes about like education levels and things like that. But like your second generation American, is there like a certain pressure on you from mom and dad to find like did she have to be a Korean girl?

[01:36:52]

Yeah, they it's. Yeah, yeah, she does. Yeah, yeah. All right. Hard coming on. Next question.

[01:37:01]

You know, there are obvious preference would be for me to date a Korean girl because their English isn't their first language. I think there's like a communication barrier that comes with it and they're just more comfortable around other Korean people. And that's their preference. However, based on my dating history, they assume that I am not going to date a Korean girl because I haven't dated many Korean girls. And so they just assume that to be the case. And, yeah, I don't know, I'm open to it, but it just hasn't panned out that way.

[01:37:37]

But it has been a scenario where you feel like a lot of pressure to dictate within a certain category.

[01:37:42]

I mean, I, I did I did experience this with my ex where, you know, my parents adored her.

[01:37:50]

And I did feel a little bit I like question if there was something wrong with me because like, everyone in my immediate surroundings loved her so much, but, like, I just could not figure out for the life of me, I'm like, why can't I don't I have that same level of attraction, you know, I know your relationship. Yeah, OK. Yeah, that's interesting. And so I think that. You know, it's like an Asian trope or stereotype that our parents are a little bit more overbearing or you have that like Tiger Mom stereotype where, um, yeah, like I mean, there is a sense of duty.

[01:38:25]

And I do want to ideally be with a partner that my parents approve of. I mean, it is it's a big part of Asian culture. Is this idea of like filial piety. You know, like we my actions aren't my actions. My actions are more representative, like society and like a family as a whole. Whereas like in America, it's all about you and your feelings. And that's why America can't get fucking covered under control, is because they don't want more fucking mass, right, where it's like an Asian countries like you think beyond yourself.

[01:38:51]

And so, like, you know, it is. Yeah, there's a there's an expense like with my acts, like my parents loved her so much.

[01:39:00]

And I was like I she was she was white. She was white. Yeah. But they're so they're not I mean they're they're they're not immoveable like they're not staunch. Don't bring her home, you know.

[01:39:09]

So it doesn't sound like that is the situation which is that more it's like education level is important, like what they do for you.

[01:39:18]

If you're white you got to be Ivy League is all it's all part of Harvard.

[01:39:23]

And let's just say she when she went to Princeton just for the second time, I remember when I introduced my ex to my parents and they're like, oh, she don't like. And she went to an Ivy League school and she has this great job. And they're like, why she dating you?

[01:39:36]

Oh, I knew you were going to say that for some reason. And I was like, I don't know. Maybe because I'm like, funny and I have my own thing going.

[01:39:42]

They're like, no, but really, like, what does she see in my performance paint on the perfect body. OK, we've got to wrap up.

[01:39:49]

This has been so wonderful. Thank you for being so open and honest with us and making us laugh. Of course, we want to tell our listeners where they can find you. So plug all your handles, your podcast, all the things.

[01:40:04]

Yeah. You guys can find me on social media at its Bryant Park. And I host the podcast that's released every Wednesday called Feeling Asian. Um, you know, obviously I highly recommend if you are an Asian person who is listening, but also if you're not Asian, um, we touch on, you know, just a lot of things are in the scope of the human experience. And it goes to show that we're all, uh, all of our cultural identities are more similar than you think they might be.

[01:40:31]

And you might learn something. Sure. Important. I think it's great. Yeah, for sure. I can check it out. Yeah. All right, guys. Well, we're going to just say good bye to Brian and stick around. We have one more fun little segment for you to round out the episode. And thanks again. Thanks, Brian.

[01:40:44]

Thank you. All right, we are back with a new segment, OK, full disclosure, we recorded this episode in that we came up with this idea for obvious reasons, actually so excited.

[01:40:57]

You're like a little kid. I really am. This segment is called That's What She Said. We made that up ourselves. I'm kidding. It's Michael Scott original, is it? Yep. Yes. And he always. Yeah, the whole episode I was actually there's a scene where they tell him you can't do that anymore. And then Jim just starts like pitching things. He's like, wow, you really think you can go all day long? That would be too hard for me.

[01:41:18]

And like I said, it's like that's what you said and I heard screaming at him. It's a great scene. Yes. Well, that's basically what this is, because this game is going to ruin your life because you will never be able to think of these phrases. The same song anyway, basically based on all of the innuendos that Bryan inadvertently made and we made dirty and our own dirty minds, we developed this game and we basically just asked you guys on Instagram what phrases or sentences do you hear that are quote unquote non-sexual and you sexualize them in your head and we never know what we're going to get.

[01:41:47]

But you guys never let us down.

[01:41:48]

We were like, let's just throw this at the wall and see what sticks. And they're so fucking funny. I was hysterical. I've been reading these. All of these are a lot of, like, very funny workplace stuff, nearly done homework. Your boss is saying all this kind of stuff to people was just like as Ashley and I are talking, just envision like us as your coworkers.

[01:42:05]

You want to start with that one right out of the gate. I mean, we just said this has to be said is just I'm coming. Is he coming and is she coming? We're coming. When are you coming?

[01:42:13]

You should have, like, all those. So everybody I think about it most times and people say that, like, I also love you should have come. Someone wrote when someone says, dear, you should have come, she should write, you should have made me.

[01:42:25]

That is so broadly because like times like social plans, you should have cash to come check. Made me love a good spread, love a good spread that could be like in sports or like a charcuterie charcuterie. She writes, My boss does penetration on the rag. I can't keep a straight face on Zoome penetration and any time also sports references. I hate when somebody's in like a serious situation. Says that a word to me.

[01:42:50]

The word moist moist lot goes without saying different strokes for different folks. That's, you know, I never heard about it. Maybe laugh. You know, I never thought of that as being sexual. Oh yeah. It's ruined for me now. Is it in yet?

[01:43:06]

I have said that to a guy during sex. Any time people talk about double teaming a project at work, get out of here.

[01:43:15]

Whatever my boss says, let's bang it out. How can you say that?

[01:43:19]

I think it's you, OK?

[01:43:21]

Jesus will come upon us, Your Majesty. And my judging from this guy over here, he or she is really rubbing off on you. I could never think about these things to say either. You do you. I say this shit all the time and now it's like a masturbation thing.

[01:43:41]

Blow on it, see if it works like back in the day, like Nintendo games, your parents will be like, just blow on it. I was like, what does that even mean in the real world other than decks? OK, I blow on it. Oh my God. My dad probably said that to me about the Nintendo. I'm plowing through them now. Like your emails. I got all these emails and plough and throw. Everything is so dirty now.

[01:44:05]

A coming a come from behind when I like it in sports like I wouldn't know what that meant. A come from behind win when I could also be in the bedroom. He wasn't doing that well but he to provide. When I give a guy I just can't get it right and then he starts doing you doggy and you're like that's a winner. I just every time I want somebody to come I do have a come from behind win. Like what.

[01:44:25]

I want it to end right. Then I'm like get behind me and I have a come from behind. When I see you, when I see speed hump signs, I cannot speed up what you say. Speed Bob. Who does this speed hump. Yeah, a neighborhood like I think what I remember like I feel like growing up it always did speed bump, bump that makes that speed bump. And then all of a sudden it starts saying, hop, I'm like, why is this a speed hump?

[01:44:48]

You would you say it? It sounds five speed.

[01:44:50]

OK, I'm going to put a load in on that.

[01:44:55]

No one can talk to their mom ever again. Let me just finish this load. I got to switch my loads. I'm literally doing this with some guy with the red dot com and he said, I got to switch my loads.

[01:45:07]

Congrats on finish.

[01:45:11]

I would say to a graduate student or like a marathon runner, I've thought long and hard about it. Do you wanna read this? One of my friend's name is Joy and her mom, but assigned for a room that has spread joy. That's my middle name.

[01:45:26]

I really want to buy your sign that says that I'm here for it. Please put that spread sign above my I'll put it under the giant door sized photo the Francis. Bye. Oh my God, I like this one. I got chewed out by my boss. It does sound sexual. You're right. I never thought about it. It makes me think of something like munching my box.

[01:45:46]

If you got a friend in me. You're right. You've got my friend and me, we're ruining your life, you guys, we should have a trigger warning before this. You're never going to think about these phrases. We have these on our Instagram story. This one, I say this all the fucking time. That was deep. I also feel like this list doubles for, like, dirty talk. Like you just slot this in for all of that, like this next one.

[01:46:12]

Oh, God damn it. Do you want room for cream? It Starbucks is never the same. Yeah. Take one for the team. When someone says that they're anal about something. Wow, this is a turn on. This one is so good. How close are you. I said, I said to my neighbor, I was like, can you wrap this up also?

[01:46:39]

How close are you?

[01:46:40]

I flesh it out and someone says you want to flesh it out. Oh, everything is ruined, OK. The new name is the new name of this game is everything. Everything is ruined. OK, this one's good. I never thought of it, but I just got rear ended. I'm easy. I remember Ellen always says I'm easy, like all the time, but we're getting dinner. We're doing whatever she mean to be funny. No, no, no.

[01:47:04]

She's one of the people that says that you got me wet. OK, so like what scenario? It's like at the pool, you're like sitting a little kid got me wet.

[01:47:15]

OK, but you mate. You mean that don't.

[01:47:18]

I just got a facial right, left, high and dry. Oh. Do you want to eat out. Yes. Every day. Yeah. The ball's in your court. You can come inside if you want. Any time you say. Do you want to come inside. All right.

[01:47:42]

And this one, just take it around back, OK?

[01:47:47]

With every single box that that came during quarantine in my house and my dad said, just take it around back. I can the impact your vibrators on the porch. I just say I wasn't sure about this game, but this is really funny. I know. And I want to we should. But we have another story. This is so funny, just seeing them all together because you just realize that, like, do you want room for cream is a crazy thing.

[01:48:09]

I know all the the office phrases I loved so much. Market penetration, double teaming. Let's bang it out. Market penetration. That's so funny. Well, thank you for thinking of this. This is great. Thank you guys for all your submissions. Per usual, you are the funniest, most amazing group of women ever with the dirtiest minds. We love you guys. We hope you enjoyed this episode. You guys know where to find us. Girls Got to eat podcast on Instagram.

[01:48:31]

Ash has on Instagram. Rayana Greenberg Girls Underscore Got to eat on Twitter, YouTube dotcom slash girl's got to eat. No website coming next week. Next week we think New Mirch new website artwork.

[01:48:43]

Bring everything on your podcast next week.

[01:48:46]

Oh my gosh. So get ready. OK, we will. We'll see you guys.

[01:48:51]

Bye guys. Have a great week by.