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I feel like you did a lot and she was like, I could have done worse. It's like what burned down the smoothie king fucked his dad. I think you did enough. You're his mom now.

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Hi, guys, welcome back to another episode of Girl's Got to Eat. Welcome back. New brand Allerdyce wants to announce, but we'll get to it.

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It's ninety one and sunny, mostly sunny. I am so sorry. We're coming out of the heat wave. The hot snap.

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No, in August. You think we're coming? No, no, no. Tomorrow it's going to rain. It's going to be seventy eight. It's going to wash away the heat and then we're going to eighties next week. This week was brutal. I don't I've taken to showers.

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It's our season. I hate showering. When are we done with shower? I hate it. I walked by a guy the other day in the street that said, this is my third shirt of the day. And I felt that.

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All right, let's face it, partner, is we have a great new partner today. Thanks to Ernest. Now's the time to get your student loan payments under control. You could be saving by refinancing your student loans with Ernest, get one hundred dollars cash bonus when you refinance your student loan with Ernest Dotcom. Sluggy terms and conditions apply. More on that later. And thanks to quit for supporting girl's gotta eat quick delivers oral care essentials. You need to brush and floss.

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Better go to get quipped Dotcom's Sluggy to get your first refill free quip the good habits company. Did you say oral thanks to ritual for support and girls got to eat better.

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Health doesn't happen overnight. Daily changes can lead to big results. So start small rituals offering you 10 percent off during your first three months at ritual dotcoms. Laggy start your ritual today. OK, I've been thinking about this like all day, this joke, because like, you know, like all these like influencers tease like big things happening, big thing coming. And then it's always just like the dumbest thing you ever heard about. Yeah. It's like we didn't really tease this at all, but we've, like, been working so hard on all of these projects for months.

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Yeah. I think I think what you're talking about is when influencers like big thing coming and then they just like knock off another small business, you know, they need to steal someone else's idea. So we have all original ideas come in and not. And that's why it takes us a little longer because we're not stealing ideas.

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I know this is taking us this has taken us since the beginning and since March, March, March that says since March, OK, we have all new everything.

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We've new branding, new merged with a new website. We've new GIFs for Instagram just like we did a whole beautiful facelift. It is our website. It's my most favorite website I have ever seen. I go on it twelve times. It's so beautiful. It's so stunning.

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And I will say I want to give you so much credit. You spearheaded all these things. You we just kind of like divided up these things that the bigger the pandemic. I've been running our video and like doing like the video component of the business and obviously the podcast and the editing and stuff like that, a lot of that content stuff is like my wheelhouse. And you have like such taking control of the website. It was your idea to redo the website, the merch you handle.

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I mean, I'm involved in all this, too, but like, you really have done a lot. I'm just so thankful. Thank you. And I just I have felt for a little while, like, you know, the stuff that you do, like, I can see it every single day. Like we post videos, we post memes, like we post the podcast. This is just taken so long. So I've been in my mind being like, I want to show my value to this brand.

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You have been crushing it. And also I just think it's funny that covid hit. We were like fucking redo it all. Like the day that I said to you, I hate our cover and you like said it to I felt so validated. I was like, I'm sick of looking at it. It looks amateur. We need new cover art.

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And you were like, let's redo the website, like actually destroyed.

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A lot of conversations were like, just hear me out. And we this is a long time ago. We've had to manage a ton of people, a different person did every one of these projects for us. We've had phenomenal designers. We've had amazing people. So we are presenting you guys with all new cover art for the podcast, new merchandise drop. I'll let you talk about that. We have a new website. We've really fun gifts for you guys, you guys on Instagram.

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So we hope that you guys find this stuff really fun and exciting. We're committed to making this brand really fun. Exciting. We're gonna do more live shows for you guys. Will announce a new date soon, but they'll be one in August. A virtual live show. Yeah, no, let's just get together and like a big theater, you know, and also you will see in the tour dates page that we have postponed our twenty twenty live show dates, which we are so heartbroken about.

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And we know some of you guys have already assumed that given the state of the world and may have received information from the venue or wherever, we always want to be the ones to tell you first, we apologize if you didn't hear from us first.

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We are working around the clock to get these new dates. Nothing is ever permanently canceled. We are rescheduling everything for as soon as we think is going to be feasible and we will let you guys know more. We really want to bring the bring the mood down during all this this week, but we hopefully will have a little bit more information, perhaps even some new dates for you guys next week or in the coming week. So we will let you know as soon as we do.

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Again, just please bear with us. It's not like anything is happening any time soon. But we know you guys have questions about tickets and stuff and we want to get all those answered. We promise we are on it. We just are asking you to bear with us. But we wanted to let you know what you will be seen on the website when you go to the trades page and the URL is the same girls Godi podcast dot com. So go check it out.

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All kinds of stuff there. There are some videos with pictures, videos, and then all of our partners will be there so you can go there and see the links and the codes that you need. And we have every single episode on the website. Rhiner turn into a blogger and she did them all. She was on the phone with her ex-boyfriend, not listening to him talk about our situation for hours and just doing this. But this might be sorry to him.

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This might be one of my greatest accomplishments to date. So you guys e-mail us all the time. You're like, I would love an episode about drinking. I'd love an episode about open relationships. I'd love to talk about money. And it's like it's always hard to guide you guys to like where that is. I don't know, over the dates, it's halftimes. I don't remember the title or what it was. And so we have cataloged every single episode we've ever done, every guest it has, every single thing in there and you can search it.

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So if you guys are thinking like I want an episode about friendship, friendship, breakups, you can search all these keys. It's a really good way to get into the podcast. We are so proud of this. This was like so much work. And yes, I zonneveld my ex for hours, so I want to thank him for having such a shitty relationship situation that he needed to talk to me about. I listened to none of it and I just cataloged our whole.

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But it's so boring and repetitive that, like, you can just, like, kind of zoned out for, I don't know, two hours and jump back in. You haven't missed a thing.

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Also, he asked me my advice and I give it to him and he argues with me about what the advice is wrong to a waste your time. Yeah. So I just every once when I just throw in, I like. That's crazy. Yeah, that's crazy. And then he keeps talking so bye. While you guys are if you guys are newer listeners and you're looking for like certain types of episodes, also I'm going to work on going back and tagging each one.

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So if you want like a therapist or something that that's usually in there too. But and headshots of everybody. So if you need like a visual like who is this person talking, you can see what they look like, which I love to like, you know, picture who's talking. Yes, their websites are there, their Instagram handles, everything. So tell everyone it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Yeah. And also, just like if you like, the one on desktop, if you can, you know what I mean?

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Like, we know you guys are on your phones, but like that's higher up that laptop, your desktop and just like view this beautiful website, like the way it should be viewed and and then maybe like take a picture that and post on your Instagram story. Just Tagore's just give us the blob. We put a lot of work into this. Yeah. Chloe Léonard designed the whole thing. She's phenomenal and we love her. So thank you to her.

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Yeah. We'll take her to Yeah. New March. I mean, some of the same stuff we had sold before, but a lot of new stuff.

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Some of the new stuff that is so cool is robe's but two kinds fluffy bathrobe and little kimono robe, a little bachelorette robe. There are key chains that say you don't live here any more, bitch. We obviously have our mugs. We have wine glasses. What else is new? Our jackets, jackets out there, like bomber jackets, like silky satiny bomber jackets with our logo and so badass. And then the T sweatshirts, hats, all the things that you guys are used to.

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But some of them some new fresh sayings. We have some I literally don't care much and just some new stuff in general. Tanks, we didn't really we didn't really have tanks we loved before, if ever. So lots of options or tanks standards. So this girl's got to eat. Embroidered the embroideries. Great. Again, this is like totally new company, new shit.

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You forgot my favorite thing, which is the girls got to sleep face mask. OK, well, yeah, that's your vibe. I don't want to Facebook. So you talk about every night and I like I love the idea of like a bundle with like the robe and the face mask and the wineglasses. So like just buy all of it. Live your truth. We love your truth. Oh yeah. I love your truth. Every time we design the live your truth to kind of look like live, laugh, love.

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So yeah.

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And then we have like really great gifts for your Instagram stories. So of eyes, of sayings, of cool stuff. So you guys are so incredible. You tag us all the time. We grew this podcast because you guys tag us so much. So now you like cute fun things to include in your Instagram stories and Snapchat as well. Yeah. So just go like you would upload a gif on Instagram story. You can search girl's got to eat and like most of them should come up podcast and also the sayings like, I don't care.

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Live your truth. Yeah. If you type Brina, everything comes up just I've been writing. I feel like if you drive in actually other stuff comes up. Oh yeah. That's a good call. There's so many fucking Ashlee's. No, Rena's OK. Really quick. I wanted to give an update on our guest from last week, Bryant Park, which we love that episode. You guys been loving it, too. He was talking about a date he was going to go on.

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It was like his first post quarantine date and his best friend was supposed to go out with her, too. He bride went out with her. They had a great date and they have their second date scheduled. So that's that's all I got. You know, I asked if we could give you guys an update. We know people wanted to know, but yeah, I mean, they he said I had a really great time, which is like is is pretty rare.

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Like it's, you know what I mean? Like, the odds are so low that you really do, like, find one person and then you have a great. It's just I've never gone on a second date from an app, so their second date is a Sunday, allegedly, if it works out, if Dylan doesn't fucking ruin this. Well, Dylan last night went on another date with another listener.

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So he's busy. He's texting me constantly about it just to remind me that he's doing it. But he's not your man. Then I speaking of. Yeah, he keeps telling me that he's doing it. So I sent him a sticker last night that says I literally don't care. And now there's gifts. That's Antu. Yeah. He we had joked last week about Brian and Dylan competing over this girl, but Dylan said he stepped back. But then he he he was I think he was joking.

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He like messaged me like, I'm going to win this.

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And I said, you better leave him alone. You better leave it alone. I was like, Brian likes her and you need to step back. Like you said, you are. All right.

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That's enough airtime for them. You said you had some stuff to tell me about.

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OK, I have I have a wreck for you to read, but one we'll talk about later. The first one. OK, so I've been listening to this podcast. I would just like to say I was right about not camping. OK, there's a podcast called Park Predators. Are you familiar? No, I it's like it's one of the top podcasts right now.

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Like of all like it's top ten podcast right now. And it's about murders that happen in parks. Oh my God. Like serial killers that like they just like troll places like Yellowstone National Park and murder people. What it's typically always women. So I mean, I guess if you're going to go camping, go with a man, I don't know. But yeah, it's all these stories about these people, like brutally murdered in parks while they were camping.

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So I would just like to say I was right hiking socks and camping socks, because you'll get murdered. Just I mean, why are you sleeping outside? I don't understand what all I'm hearing from this is. You chose to get murdered. So are you listening to this? I guess I was in all five episodes.

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It's great. It's terrifying. Shark predators. Shark predators. It's fucking terrifying. Yeah. Like, go take a walk for the afternoon. You take a hike. There's like it's really fucked up stories, but I feel like our parks must be monitored. Like, should there be people on like watching the security cams for park predators. I just feel like they're so bad we'll just go rogue and they just like sleep anywhere they like. They like pitch a tent in the middle of nowhere.

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You're so right. It's so scary. I don't know how camping works because I would never do it. But yeah, I just it sounds like these people just pitched tents. That's what she said. Camping in tents. All right. It's getting harder to the park is so intense. So, yeah. Park predators. I think it's great. It's fucking terrifying. But I was right. Don't go camping. You'll get murdered. OK, solid I my rack of the week.

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It's not a heartache, but it's not too old. It is ten fifteen. Which written like supposed to look like penis like when you're in middle school you know. And there was like stuff you put in your calculator that looked like what boobs do. Remember that one. Yeah absolutely. Eight zero zero a period in the middle. It's parentheses. Yeah. Yeah. Periods in the middle. So it's called ten fifteen. It's a Hulu original and I know a lot of you guys watch it.

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But for those of you that haven't, I feel like I've turned some of you on to it. I'm so obsessed with it. So it's these two women. They are now thirty three years old. So probably when they filmed this, maybe they were like thirty, thirty one and they play seventh graders, they play 12 year olds, 12 to 13 year olds. And I didn't know that going in. I just one of you guys, if you you guys said you should watch a show, we know you like stuff about like middle school and high school.

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And so I just turn it on and I'm looking at the there's two girls. One looks younger. Yeah, she sure she's smaller. I could play a twelve year. Yeah. And that one doesn't the other one looks like me in middle school. That's what I look like about school. I was not a kid. Yeah. She's tall. I mean she's five seven in real life. Of course I had to look all the stuff up and I'm looking at her and I'm like, she looks older.

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You should you know, her forehead looks like mine, you know, like I wasn't ehteshami back. I was starting to be like, these are kids. You didn't realize it. I didn't know going in. And you can tell immediately, but you still are like confused. And so I Googled it and I was like, Dad, years older, they created the show together. They're best friends in real life. They created they co executive produced it.

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And it is the best show I've ever seen. I am laughing hysterically. I like Ivan. I don't laugh out loud. A ton of TV shows and movies and stuff.

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I was laughing hysterically. I will co-sign this recommendation. I was laughing out loud some of the stuff you're watching and you're like, what the fuck is happening? And then you realize you are audibly laughing. So the thing about the show, there are 30 plus year old women playing 12 year olds, 12, 13 year olds, and they the rest of the cast alongside of 12 and 13 year olds. So for when they have to flirt with these seventh grade boys, it is the funniest shit ever.

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So I have to say, they really remind me of being you because the one Miah is.

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Usually shorter, and she's so much more sexual and the masturbation episode, there's clearly a hornier one, there's like kind of it just reminds me so much. Meenu because the one girl's masturbating in the bathroom stalls at school. I like I definitely did that in high school. A hundred percent.

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It's just like Anna in the streets, Miah in the sheets. I also the last plug this show. I also love it because it's set in 2000, which is like I like remember a lot of that stuff from high school. Yeah. It's just like the same thing. It's, I don't know, I can't say enough good things were dying to have them on. I am personally I there's a new season coming out in September. I'm, I really want to have them on and I thought it would be fun if we have them on to talk more about like our what we were like in middle school and stuff.

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But we're not going to do it today. It's we're already like talking about this for so long that that show is incredible. The Taylor Swift album is incredible. I'm going to do it. As soon as I let you have it live. I'm going to get in the car. I'm committed to it today. It's all in listening to OK. It's incredible. And I feel like the very first song, which is probably my favorite song on the album, is called The One.

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And it is kind of makes me think of our episode today. It's all during it because it's very much like, wouldn't it have been fun if you were the one like wouldn't it have been great if this would have worked out but it didn't work out? It's not really. I guess it could be interpreted of like some of that you did date seriously that you didn't like end up with Mary. But I think it can also be interpreted as someone that you weren't really with and they never became like the one in terms of somebody that you dated.

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Seriously, I think there's like multiple interpretations. It's like I love it so, so much. There's one line she says, in my defense, I have none. I just, like, love that. I can't wait. I'm so excited. I got chills just hearing these lines. Yeah. And people are so obsessed with it. So I know we told you guys we would listen to and watch the same stuff at all times, but you'll hear my review next week.

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OK, so there's that and then my final rack. I got to tell you, this thing I did, this is so embarrassing. OK, so I'm reading this book. It's a Malcolm Gladwell book called Talking to Strangers. He's phenomenal. Have you read any of his books, The Tipping Point? I know. I know. Hodas Yeah. Yeah. So there's a chapter in there and he talks a lot about what happens to your brain when you're drinking.

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I'm going to mispronounce every one of these things for you, but I read it.

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I was so fascinated. Read like six different times, like really help me like really understand all the decisions I make when I'm drinking. And like, yeah, I think that we walk through life. We're just like, yeah, I'm impaired. I don't remember stuff like my defenses are down, but like I never understood why. So I screenshot the page, oh my God. I like made a whole print out.

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What. I printed it out because I have a printer. Oh my God. That's where you got a printer. You didn't even announce it. We both are printers. We are literally so rich. We print at home. Mine is in a drawer because I have no space. Yeah. Under the couch literally in a drawer. That's for like Tupperware. I turned it on, wants to print out a return label and wants to print out the Malcolm Gladwell breakdown of what happens to you for a nice solid printer.

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What brand is it. HP, HP and I can send stuff from my phone to the printer.

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Mine's a brother technology, but I printed it out because, like, I feel like I make these decisions. Sometimes when I'm drinking, I'm like, really? Are you going to bring that with you if you bring this out with you when you're drinking your piece of paper?

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I know I was so dead.

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Like when you would attack somebody, you sent a drunk text, you whip out your piece of paper. So I practiced this the other night. I tried to myself on a date for dinner the other night because I texted 19 people. Nobody would hang out with me.

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But let me just explain to you, like, what happens when you get drunk. OK, so first you hit your frontal lobe first and your frontal lobe controls like motivation, confidence, things like that. So it just dampens that. So, like, you're just less aware of stuff around you and then it hits the pleasure centers of your brain and like heightens them. You start to feel like, oh, this feels good, let's keep it going.

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That's reward centers and that, again, reward centers. It gets the amygdala and that's where shit gets fucked up.

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OK, is this dependent on how much you drink? Like if I just have a glass of wine, is it going to hit the amygdala?

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It's all dependent on how how if you're a man or a woman, how have you are how much you've eaten, OK, because like, you got to watch out when it gets to the hippocampus, the hippocampus, I'm going to mispronounce all system.

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Right. I think you're I think you're doing it. The hippocampus is the memory centers of the brain. And like I always I never really like I know that it's sort of like wipes your memory brown out, you black out. But I never really understood why. And like, that's the part of the brain that actually records memories. And so, like, it is just fully not taking information at all. Like like you can wake up and like you will never recover those memories because your hippocampus never recorded them.

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Right. And then your amygdala, this is this is the thing that actually helped me to be like, I need to think about this when I'm drinking. So your amygdala is what it basically tells you how to, like, react to the world around you. So it says to you is like a female don't walk home by yourself at night in the dark, you know, but like, that gets dampened. So, like. You're going to do things like go home with people you're under things that are dangerous for you.

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You're not like taking in past experiences and like observing what you're doing now. Based on that, your model is all fucked up and then it gets your cerebellum and that it's like all fucked up, game over, game over. So I actually don't know if I'm saying that. Right, but that's what controls your motor function. So the way that you are.

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Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And alcohol, it just it is crazy. The brain and all the stuff that happens to you.

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And like all the different science man, I mean I am super body and brain aware, like I'm, I'm really always conscious, like what's happening in my body, what's happening in my brain. And too much alcohol is like really bad for me. Like I it does not do me any favors. I really don't get like drunk, drunk, like rarely like the I've gotten drunk twice since like the end of twenty eighteen the next day. I hate it, I'm, I'm like mad at myself.

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I have anxiety like I it's not I don't have any anxiety and regret about anything I did the night before. I'm not I'm not blacking out and doing crazy stuff anymore. Those days are like way behind me. It's just not, it's not that, it's not like did I text, did I do anything? It's just like anxiety. And if I have anything, I'm so, so accomplished that day, I just start to feel like really low.

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You drink a lot less even than when I'm at you. You just don't really, like, get drawn. I just don't like it if you don't try. And by yourself. Yeah, I like love my personality and my friends personalities. When we're sober and I get more done, I'm more productive when I'm not drinking as much. And that's not to say that I don't have a blast when we and our friends go out to drink. Of course it's fun.

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But I always look back to when I was drinking so heavily, when I was like in my early twenties and I was like having these bouts of depression and sadness. And my mom would always be like, it's it's alcohol. And I would just refuse to believe it because drinking was such a big part of like who I was as a person. And I just wanted to never believe that it would have a negative effect on my life. And clearly it did.

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But yeah, it's just like I feel my brain changing like we all do. You know, after those first couple of drinks, your inhibitions are lower, you feel looser, you know, and obviously all the other feelings that I described in terms of like anxiety and things like that. And I mean, I, I drink frequently. I just not to excess, you know, I don't I'm reading this at least made me be like I always thought like.

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Yeah, I mean it lowers your inhibitions and like you're not yourself. But I never really thought like it's like hitting different parts of your brain. We're like, yeah, I am motivated by different things and I'm drunk and I don't evaluate situations the way that sober me would evaluate them. And like, am I really enjoying this? Do I really want to do this thing? And I do. It's like when you buy plane tickets, when you're drunk because you're like whatever.

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And you wake up the next morning and you're actually able to clearly evaluate the consequences of doing that, like time wise or financially or whatever. So I think at least this is like sober. My way of saying to drunk me, like you might not like this situation. Right. Do this right. So it's just like a little reminder for me, you know, fun party talk. Also, I can tell people what the hippocampus. The amygdala.

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Yeah.

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It's just I think some people it just it's everybody's different, like, you know, we all know it's sounds scary, but like my level of like anxiety and sadness I think is way higher than a lot of other people. And again, that's why I just like I'm aware of it now. I don't drink like I used to, but yeah, some people just don't. Also, some people don't even get, like, physically really hung over. I do.

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And this is just like for me it's like the guilt in the shame of the shit. I said the dudes I texted the Dems I slid into and like this is just my way of being telling my drunk self, like, you don't wanna do this. Yeah. Do you want to do this? Do it tomorrow if you want to do it. And I just think it's going to like, help me. I'm like I get wasted. But like, if it helps me to make one better decision.

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Yeah. Then I'm happy about it. So if you guys are interested, it's in talking to strangers on page 215. You can also just Google what happens to the brain when you get drunk. You have to buy a whole book for it. But if you're looking for a book, also a great book, it's got a print out. I love that. We talked about that. I don't know. We were going to talk about that today.

[00:24:08]

That after the intro. I think so. OK, that's it, guys. Check out every single thing that we've done. We hope that you love the website and the merch. We're going to get into the topic, but we're just going to think a couple of our partners first. Yes, I am telling you guys about Ernest. I'm so excited to tell those of you that may have student loans. So now is the time to get your student loan payments under control.

[00:24:30]

You could be saving by refinancing your student loans with Ernest. So No. One, he loves high student loan payments. Obviously, you can check if refinancing with Ernest could help you lower your monthly payments and checking takes just two minutes. So if you think your payment is too high, which it probably is, you can refinance and it could really help you save some money. Their interest rates have hit record lows, which means it's a great time to refinance your student loans and see if you can lower your monthly payment.

[00:24:55]

We have teamed up with Ernest and they are offering one hundred dollars cash bonus when you refinance your student loan with Ernest Dotcoms Osugi. So one hundred dollars for you guys. If you if you want to check this out. If you've been making the same monthly payment on your new loans for the last couple of years, odds are you could reduce your payment and save and you can check your new rate. It's fast and easy to start. You're just going to complete a few questions online.

[00:25:16]

It only takes two minutes. Then you'll get a personalized rate estimate without affecting your credit scores. That's great. Like. He said, you can change your monthly payment, you can combine numerous loans into one easy payment and you can even get a better rate, they're going to make it easy for you. And there is no origination fee or any other fees. And we really researched this before we said yes to this brand, like we'd like we do with everything.

[00:25:36]

We always we never want to promote something that we don't feel is going to be beneficial for you guys that you guys are going to love. So we checked it out and can confirm that they have superhigh reviews. You guys can check the Internet yourself. They are rated nine point four out of 10 on trust pilot. I think I checked nerd wallet nerd. While it's a good go to for me, I like to check a lot of stuff in there.

[00:25:57]

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[00:26:59]

And then I met a partner we haven't talked about in a while that I'm excited to talk about is a web. It is a subscription service essentially, and it'll deliver you toothbrushes, toothpaste, floss. I am obsessed with my teeth actually. I both are actually has perfect teeth that were God given my braces. I bought my teeth. But either way I was just taking care of them. And if you talk about sort of like toothbrush, health, like I never know what to do, I never know like what to get rid of a toothbrush and I never know any toothpaste until I'm standing in front of the sink and suddenly I don't have any.

[00:27:33]

So they gave us this stat. Seventy five percent of us use old worn out toothbrushes that are ineffective and even more people forget to floss daily. Got be flossing. Oh, sick. If you're not flossing, your breath stinks. I'm sorry to tell you. I'll tell you someone else won't. So I will. I feel like how many episodes you think you've said that on everyone that we've talked about. Quip fifty percent of the episode. I'll say it.

[00:27:54]

But you just say random episodes. You say it all the time.

[00:27:58]

Yeah, but they're going to help you guys take care of your teeth a little bit better. So it's an electronic toothbrush. It has timed sonic vibrations with thirty second pulses to guide basically like a dentist recommended two minute routine and they're sized down versions for children as well. If you guys are interested in getting something for your kids, you compare the crib toothbrushes with or any toothpaste they have mint or watermelon. I like the mint but watermelon is great too.

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So this is really simple. I always, again, just like forget to buy this and I never know what I'm supposed to replace a toothbrush. So they just sort of take the thinking out of it. And you guys can join over three million happy customers and practice good oral care. Guys, floss, brush your teeth, your your breath, stay your breath stinks.

[00:29:06]

And this is so great because I remember the first time a guy I was dating toothbrush shamed me about what? My toothbrush being old and worn out. The bristles were starting to kind of like and I've never forgotten it. This was in so embarrassing.

[00:29:20]

Oh, a never forgotten. And so ever since I'm always like now I use quip and I love that it sticks. I stick it right to my mirror so it doesn't take up any counter space, which I love that. But like, I've never forgotten that. I was like, I got to make sure my toothbrush doesn't look all fucking old and dusty about that guy.

[00:29:36]

Every day, twice a day, you just need to equip his beautiful looks really tops your dusty toothbrush. Yeah, it's beautiful. It's like it's like a piece of art in your bathroom. Dusty is the meanest insult you kill of somebody. It's up there. It's top five for me anyways. We love it. We are obsessed with personal care. So we're going to give you guys a discount. As always, if you go to get quip dotcom ciggie right now, you'll get your first refill for free, which is fantastic.

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[00:30:17]

All right. So we didn't really we kind of tease the. This in the intro, but we didn't really talk about it, but whatever, who cares? You guys read the description. We are talking to you. Where are you going to go? We are talking about your man who's not your man today. OK, I do want to talk about what your man who's not your man looks like. Before we do that, I just want to thank our listeners.

[00:30:39]

We got flooded with emails about this. We just put a call out, you guys know, shock. You guys, like, send us amazing emails.

[00:30:45]

But like, everybody has so many stories like this and they're so hard. And I think people diminish them like they're not a real break up. And like, you guys flooded us. I just I really felt for people reading emails that I think it's funny to say, like, your man is not your man, but like these situations are, like, really painful and they are like breakups. And I think they're often marred with these, like, additional shames of like, why did this happen?

[00:31:07]

Why did I accept so little? Why didn't I, like, play this game better or why does somebody else get him? And I didn't, you know, so there's like a lot going on. And then even judgment, like from people of like.

[00:31:18]

Well, that wasn't even your boyfriend, you know what I mean? Yeah, well, it's like, OK, well, whatever. That's just like a word. But, you know, like we had a significant relationship. So why don't you validate. I think people feel invalidated sometimes. Yeah. And like sometimes if you're the friend in the group that kind of gets in these situations and then your other friends, like they always have, like, you know, like set boyfriends that they're like to find and then you just feel weird even talking about them.

[00:31:40]

So a lot of this is just like validating you guys that these are like real relationships that can cause real pain.

[00:31:47]

Yeah, we saw like every we saw, like people that hadn't even met. Yeah. We saw people three months. We saw people that let this go on for years, which we will talk to you girls about that situation. But yeah, I think the friends sometimes are like, this isn't really that significant, like, oh, Ashley's always doing this, you know, like and I think it's like so it's all and it's like why formed like a connection with somebody.

[00:32:07]

And just because it wasn't this like traditional like we wanted a first date and then, you know, never looked back. We were together forever. It's like not all relationships are like that. And I gave somebody a grace period to be with me. I gave them a few months. They didn't treat me the way I wanted. But that doesn't invalidate that this like, sucks. Yeah, I think it looks different. We want to talk about our experiences.

[00:32:27]

It just it really there is like a spectrum of your man who is not your man. I think we joke a lot about somebody like here we go again, somebody like Dylan that you have like a relationship with. But that's really not what it is to me. It is somebody that you have a romantic connection with and you have moments of being in a relationship with them that feel very real because they are you know, maybe you're going on dates, maybe you're just hooking up, you know, after midnight or whatever.

[00:32:57]

And also, guys, when we talk when we talk about the stuff like we know that that's a covid world. So we're kind of always be safe and take precautions and stuff like that. We want to keep these episodes still evergreen talking about like pre covered, post covered. You know, we want these to live forever. So when we say stuff like you're running around hooking up with people, yeah, be safe.

[00:33:16]

But in general, you know, whatever that looks like is can be multiple different things. And it's like having genuine feelings for somebody that isn't really committed to you or you don't know where you stand. I love that you said that, like, you have these moments that are these like really intimate moments that would lead like a normal person to believe that, like, at least we're on the path to it, like meet their friends or you have these, like, really deep discussions.

[00:33:39]

You're up together all night like you're sleeping with the person, whether or not you're sleeping together. And that, like, deepens the relationship and makes it so much more special. And I think you did like a good job of explaining, like, what this looks like, because I think for me, like, I have a hard time, it's one of those like I can't define it, but I know when I see it, it's like that porn case that I Radford's all the time that I don't know the name of it.

[00:33:59]

Yeah, it it's hard for me to like, pinpoint like what this is, because, like, there are plenty of relationships that are sort of like hazy and then turn into a relationship. But for me it's at least just like some of the treats you like an option and not a priority. And I think that, like, we whether or not you're going to admit to yourself that, you know, that that's what's going on. Like, we know that we feel like that we know somebody not both fit in with you.

[00:34:20]

Right. You know what it feels like. I mean, and what I say this up top before we really, like, dive into this is the quote from our episode last year, which was with Maria del Russo. Also, that episode has all the talk on cancer stuff at the beginning. It's called being happy, being alone, if you want to reference it. But the quote, which we also she tweeted we had we've had on our account is if they like you, you'll know.

[00:34:44]

If they don't, you'll be confused. Is that so? You just you know, when you know you know what it feels like to have somebody like pursue you prioritize. You want to date you. And the grey area is also OK if you're OK with it.

[00:34:58]

You know, like I think there's all different kinds of situations where you got your meeting up with somebody. Occasionally you're fucking them. You're going on dates here and there. But you both are doing it like the the problem is when you're super into somebody and you want to date them exclusively and they don't feel the same way. Right. So when it's like but I mean also as far as like getting it, we have tons of episodes on. Can you make a man commit?

[00:35:20]

You know, we talked about it. With Jared Freed, Mark Manson, we have a whole episode called Can You Make Him Commit? So it's like kind of reference those if you're looking for those kind of answers. But across the board all. And, you know, I think our experience as well and the messages we got from women were these situations don't really work out. No. And they also, I think, prevent you from meeting other people.

[00:35:39]

You're not also dating other people at the same time as you're hoping this works out. And I don't think it's wrong to live in this fairytale land were like, OK, I'm going to stick with this. And not every relationship is like becomes a relationship after the first or second date. It's OK to give people a grace period and be like we're going to build towards this. But there has to be a time limit on like how much you're willing to continue to be somebody, give somebody all of the benefits of being their girlfriend and get nothing out of that back in terms of, like, actual sacrifice and commitment that you want.

[00:36:08]

And I think it's so it really can gastly you and make you feel crazy like this one. I'm going to read the whole email because it was pretty long. But thank you to this listener that shared this of this guy she met. They exchanged numbers. They went out. We ended up back in his apartment. We got really drunk. We had tags, you know, was great. I had a big dick. I never seen someone so huge.

[00:36:28]

I was pretty excited. Anyway, basically the next three months, she said we texted, sent funny names every day, had sex regularly and spent every weekend together at his apartment. We go out and try different restaurants in the Pittsburgh area, blah, that he met all our friends. They would always go out. Then her family had a graduation party for her little brother. He said he'd love to meet her family. He met her family. She said he shook hands.

[00:36:50]

My dad met my freaking grandma, all her family, yada, yada. Everybody loves him. And then she was finally like, I have this plan. I'm going to, like, find out what's going on here. This isn't three months in, she said.

[00:37:02]

She said, we're hanging out his apartment and she said her line was.

[00:37:06]

So have you thought about seeing other people at all since we started going out a few months ago? And he goes, Oh yeah, I just haven't had the time to go out and get to know anyone else. That is so. And she says, I started tearing up and I was like, what? You know, he his response was, wait, what? You haven't thought about going out with other guys yet? She said, I don't really remember what I said.

[00:37:23]

So they were just on two totally different pages. Or maybe he was just a total asshole and he knew exactly what was happening the whole time. I don't know. But the approach is tough. And again, we've done like a lot of episodes on it.

[00:37:35]

But like, you just sort of feel it in your gut and there's nothing wrong with, you know, being like, hey, this isn't really working for me anymore. I am looking for like something different and seeing how they respond to that. And again, like, if you don't get what you want, you have to walk away or you're quote unquote ultimatum means nothing.

[00:37:49]

I think that it is there is nothing wrong with having standards and saying this is my standard for how I want to be treated. And if that is how you want to be treated, there's nothing wrong with it. I think that, like, we don't have to, like, drop our standards for another person. I mean, I think we can be more valuable for another person and compromise. But like, if you're standard, I met this woman the other night, my rooftop layout out with somebody else and they were talking and somebody in my building knows what I, I and you do for a living.

[00:38:12]

So she was like, can I get your opinion? And this woman was saying like that the guy that she's seeing, like doesn't call her. She's like, I just feel like he's not like that committed. Never picks up the phone. He never calls me. We don't talk that much. And I was like she was like, am I so crazy for why that? I was like, if you want that, then that's your standard. That's how you communicate to a person.

[00:38:29]

If they don't want to give it to you, you want to be with that person. It's a little thing. But like there's nothing wrong with having a standard. If somebody else doesn't want to meet that standard, that doesn't mean you get rid of the standard. Is any wrong with having a standard for how you want to be treated? Right. Absolutely, yeah. I mean, I think that's that's kind of extreme situation. Three months hanging out every weekend, like, you know what I mean?

[00:38:48]

I think sometimes it looks a little like it's more sporadic. Maybe, you know, I think it can look a lot of different ways. I wanted to know if you've had an experience with it. I had like the ultimate like my man mean, because I think that for me, like what this looks like is like you might even see this person, like, flirt with other girls or be with other people and you don't even know if you're allowed to get mad.

[00:39:05]

Yeah, that's kind of the bar maybe you've hooked up. Maybe you guys have had sex like you're going on like some loose dates. You're not even sure if three dates because some of them were like with other people. But like I met this guy a few years ago on our first date, like wasn't really supposed to be a date. And then, like, I met him at brunch with these other people and him and I ended up spending the whole night together once like six bars to two in the morning.

[00:39:25]

I was like, this guy is amazing. This is it. He's so great. But then, like, we hung out like five or six times after that. We only had sex once at the very end of it. But yeah, we do like a lot of grouping's. We like a lot of mutual friends. I was never like 100 percent sure if it was like, yeah, completely romantic because we were like hooking up and making out.

[00:39:43]

But like one time you, like, mentioned in front of me to another guy that he'd had a date with somebody else. Oh, God.

[00:39:49]

I was like, but we're not like interrelation. This guy didn't like seek me out, pursue me like we're texting all day, every day. And we're like, you're sharing all these intimate things and it feels like, you know, he's my good morning text every morning. Like it feels like we're like sort of dating and we're like making out and we hang out. But like, that's when it was it was like my man, that was my man.

[00:40:08]

And like, he decided that he was like eventually going to be all in. And then I found out he was pathological liar and a shit bag. So we stopped dating. But like, yeah, I don't think that he would even say that, like, we dated. I don't think that he would be like that was my girl or that. We dated, like, so much. It felt like very close, I don't know, I'd see people like comment on his Instagram and I'd be like, I can't really be mad about this.

[00:40:28]

We're not we're not dating.

[00:40:30]

But like, we have all these intimate moments where we're, like, staying up till 5:00 in the morning together and talking and hooking up. I think that's a great example. Thank you so much. And I love what you said about like we talked about this before we recorded. But the social media is the indicator. Are you seeing them flirt with somebody else or something on the Internet or I guess you can even be in person and you're like jealous and upset, but you don't feel like you have the right to do anything.

[00:40:55]

That's a fucking shitty place to be. And also, just like, I don't know, I was dating somebody before all this, we don't have a label, but like we were dating, like that was our label. We were seeing each other. We were dating. I know. I knew that we were having dates one on one we were dating.

[00:41:12]

And if I didn't want that person to be my boyfriend at any moment before we ended our relationship, but like, I would have felt comfortable being like, hey, are you sleeping with anybody else? Just curious for safety and like, what's going on here? Just so I am aware. So I don't get surprised it was not going to be a what are we? But I think you can always ask that if you're sleeping together, you you know, not, you know, week one, week two.

[00:41:36]

But if you are sleeping with somebody for a significant amount of time, I think you could be like, how are you sleeping with anybody else or are you dating anybody else? Is a fine question to ask. It's not an ambush. What are we it's a I want to know where I stand so I don't feel like a fool, but like with that guy, like, I guess there could have been a scenario with which he dated somebody else.

[00:41:52]

But like, it's like I had the gut feeling that we were just dating. You guys were dating. We were dating. Like, I feel like with this guy, I, I put myself in a losing position. I was giving him all the stuff that is great about a relationship. And he had all my attention all day long, were joking around, were like, we're hooking up. Like he gets to like bring this whole fun girl around his friends and we get to like we did all these, like, really just fun, fuck around, get fucked up dates that were just like really fun.

[00:42:18]

And he, like, got all those benefits of this person that, like, just gets to like hear him all day long and had to do nothing to commit to me at all. And I let it go on for so long and so long, I mean like eight weeks. But like I put myself in this losing position where like he was like, oh, I never have to commit to her. She's just going to do all this stuff.

[00:42:35]

Right. And like, I don't even have to, like, give the appearance of commitment. Yeah. And I just let it go on.

[00:42:41]

What you said about group gangs and the like, him saying he had a date like I can feel it in my soul, like these emails that we got. And even the short answer is we got an Instagram questions like I just like felt them like so deep in my bones of like how this feels. I want to tell you about my marriage, who was a man that I was in love with all of college. But I'm just going to run through our other partner really quick.

[00:43:05]

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[00:45:00]

OK, I'm really excited. So I don't know. This guy listened when we started the podcast. We like reconnected years later and I felt so validated. We met freshman year in college.

[00:45:10]

We started hanging out. We hooked up. This is like the very end of school. And then that summer, I even came down to Clemson again. He was staying there all summer. And we I stayed with him for the weekend. I was like so into this guy and then it just kind of like fizzled out, it was just the summer I, you know, partied all summer that at home and came back and I dated other guys. I hooked up with plenty of other guys, but he was always my like a person.

[00:45:34]

I was I was obsessed with them for like the next three years. And we would see each other sometimes. We hooked up a couple of times. Sex was always really great. I feel like you would say things sometimes in like intimate moments that I was like, we're going to be together. Like it was so stupid. I was just like any time I could like I would like try to like, stalk him downtown. After I drove by his house a couple of times, like I knew where he lived because I mean, because I'd been there and I'd fucked in there.

[00:45:56]

But like, I was just so into this guy and like, we never really dated. He wasn't holding back from dating other guys, but he was always in the back of my head.

[00:46:06]

And then I moved to Atlanta. He lived outside of Atlanta and we connected.

[00:46:11]

And I remember this like one night he came over and he I think he said I think he stayed the night. I can't remember anyway. He he can't they came into Atlanta, him and his friend.

[00:46:21]

We hung out with me and my friends. And I was like, this is finally it. I him I'm done with college. I moved to like we live in Atlanta now, like we're going to be together. And he was like, I'm thinking of buying a place. Like I'd love to kind of like get a place near you. I mean, we say all these things. He's not a bad guy, but he said things that I was like, you are key in love with me to your future.

[00:46:37]

Trepang with that. Yeah. Yeah. And then he was he asked me on a date and he was like, I just want to like, you know, really take you out and go to dinner and stuff. And he was like, let's do you know, like that's next Tuesday, next Wednesday, whatever it was, I was like, yes, is happening. We're about to start a relationship. Finally, I'm in love with this guy for so many years.

[00:46:55]

And the day of the day I was like this to be the best night of my life. You know, I was like, so excited to go on this date. And I think I probably texted him to check in like I hadn't heard from all day. It's probably three p.m. and I was like, I just have to see what's going on. I can't, like, live like this, you know? I was like, hey, you know, are we still on for tonight or whatever I said?

[00:47:15]

And he said his friend died.

[00:47:19]

Oh, that's a crazy thing. But he never asked me out again. That was really it. And again, I feel so bad. I really you know, I have some whoever that was, I didn't get any details. We didn't go out and have never really.

[00:47:40]

I mean, not really. That was a yeah, no. Wow.

[00:47:43]

We just never connected again. And then he I mean, he married somebody pretty shortly thereafter.

[00:47:52]

He has two kids now like that are like they're not old, but he is you know, is a family if you're crazy to break up.

[00:47:58]

Do you remember that guy who canceled a date with me on a Saturday night because he said he forgot in a funeral to go through that night. He said he forgot who the funeral, but he said like a reception, like write the language. He used to sound like a white. He's going to be at a funeral. He forgot about tonight on Saturday night, like he said it, like it was a party he forgot about. Also, like funerals happened so often.

[00:48:23]

It's just like I so many of these I just forgot on a Saturday night. A funeral. Yeah.

[00:48:29]

So I again, I don't know. I don't want to be insensitive, but it seemed a little fishy then.

[00:48:35]

It's fishy because you never heard from him after that. Yeah. And I would feel so bad perhaps, you know, that really shook his world up. And you know, if that was the case, I understand it. But that was I feel it was a it was a weird coincidence. I feel great.

[00:48:54]

Let me read his deamon full now.

[00:48:56]

He yeah. He said, I love the podcast. I think I laugh every time you do. It took me back with that contagious laugh. I'm holding my breath and somewhat excited to see if I will be one of the funny stories you tell about dating. Your time has come. I literally go. This is February twenty seven eighteen. We just start the podcast. I said haha just wait.

[00:49:14]

You might come up two and a half years later. It's your time sir.

[00:49:21]

And yeah again like that was somebody that I kind of held out for a little because I just like liked him so much and I just love spending time with him. I loved having sex with him. I was so, so attracted. I don't know that we would I don't think we would have large long term. I would just the physical I think the disappointment is so deep. Like I think we've all done that we've like look forward to something so much and like you like build it up so much and to like lose it sucks.

[00:49:47]

And I do want to talk, I, I, I copied something that I want to read to you about, like why these are harder can be just as hard as actual breakups. But like I remember like when I stopped seeing that guy because he was terrible also by the way, he was definitely seeing somebody else, the guy that I was talking to before. I mean, a lot of times that is because some other girls in the picture that somebody is acting like this with you because again, you're just an option, like you're not a priority.

[00:50:11]

But for like months, I was so bummed. I was like I liked him so much, like I get along with him so well, but like, why didn't I play this game better? And I was like, so. Hard on myself about it, but it looked to me a really long time to let go of that, like I hope he knows how successful I am now. He's the one you really care about.

[00:50:28]

Yeah. I just hope he knows it eats at me. But sometimes it's like the answer is just like you're just not that one. Like cancer or whatever reason they just like don't like you enough like not you any time. Because so many of these situations like the guy's not committing because he doesn't want a girlfriend at that time and then like they get a girlfriend, like it really is like they're just keeping you around until a person they like more comes along.

[00:50:53]

And I think you like always low key knew it. I always I think if I really would have dug deep with that guy, I would have known we weren't going to work, you know what I mean? Like, you always kind of know, I met this guy last week that I really liked. And Dylan was like, if you'd given up, if you'd given it long enough of a chance, you'd realize you don't like that dude. Like, I think that, like, actually about like do some future tripping in your head and be like, what does it actually look like to date this person?

[00:51:16]

Do I want this so badly just because they're not giving it to me, you know? Right. But like, what does it actually look like to date this person? And like, yeah, that guy that I was talking about was like a huge cokehead and I was like doing drugs with him. And it wasn't good for my life either. Like, we were up till six in the morning all the time having these crazy nights because I was on drugs and like that was bad for me and that was bad for my career.

[00:51:37]

And like, I just I don't want a long term date somebody that's I mean, whatever do drugs. You feel like doing drugs? I don't want to date a man in his mid thirties. It's doing coke on a Tuesday. Right. It's just not for me. Going up on a Tuesday.

[00:51:48]

He really went up every night. Everyone is Kokila. You showed up, I'm sure I said in this podcast we were a dinner at Taco and be on a Sunday night of like five p.m. We've been drinking all day. It is coke dealer showed up at Taco Bell. It's a five p.m. on a Sunday Coke and tacos bucket. It's Skerries. You never go to sleep. You don't get scared. But I want to read you this thing because and then I do want to talk about like this self talk and sort of how to, like, move on from these scenarios.

[00:52:13]

But I read this thing about this girl, about like why these can be just as bad as like a regular breakup. Her name is Sabrina Alexis. The website is the catalog. I just thought she said it better than I could. She said, I think getting over these guys can be harder than an actual breakup, at least with somebody you were in a relationship with. You were there. You lived it. You experienced the breakdown of the relationship, the disconnection, the fights, the pain, whatever else went into calling it quits.

[00:52:36]

When it's a guy that you never really had, all you have is thoughts of what you could have had. And that vision can't ever come to fruition because he didn't wanted to. And you don't get it because you think he's great. You like him, you enjoy spending time with him. How does he not feel the same way? And you're left to mourn the loss of the potential of what it could have been. And that is almost more painful than mourning the reality of what it could have been.

[00:52:57]

Yeah, and I think that's so true.

[00:52:58]

It was like the what could have been and like, it doesn't matter. It was never going to be like, let's just we're saying it right now. Anyone that's listening that this resonates with you're not the person, that's not the person for you. You're not the person for them. There is no you could have done this. You could have been more this. You could have been more that if you were the right person, it would have worked out.

[00:53:13]

It's like you have to figure that out because I've done this, too. There was a guy dated I we were just casually dating. I just I didn't believe I was into him. It was just because he sort of like broke it off with me. And I was like, but he didn't really see the real me, you know, like, he doesn't matter. Like, it just it doesn't matter. Like, it's just like it is so tough.

[00:53:33]

There is no this is why we ended. It's literally just because you weren't the person for them. And, you know, ultimately they're not the person for you either. But like, that's just what you have to tell yourself. Yeah. It's the only way you get over it. It's tough love time for yourself. Like, I think you've to remind yourself, like I wasn't dating this person, like they were never really mind. Like it wasn't a real relationship.

[00:53:54]

He wasn't yours to begin with. Like, don't delude yourself. You're allowed to be hurt. And that sucks. But like, don't go down this road of like these like whatever, because you weren't really dating the person. You've no idea what was like to date the person. You weren't really with them. Right. Where we got a few emails from listeners about getting over your man. Who not your man. I'm just going to like breeze through a few of the tactics that you incredible ladies have used.

[00:54:15]

This one email. She said she did this thing called the five day rule. She said she promised her best friend she wouldn't snap or text him for five days, but if he messaged her, she was allowed to respond and ask him to talk. He didn't in those five days. And then I went to three and a half weeks and then he responded to her story and said, Where you been? And she said, moving on. And he said, You'll never move on from me, always be in the back of your head.

[00:54:36]

And she said, And since then, I've never thought I've never spoken or thought about this man. That is really you could even do three days. If this person that you like are into and think you're quasi dating, doesn't talk to you in three days or five days, five is pretty good there. They don't care. And I love that she was just like if he messaged me, I will respond and he didn't. And then five days became a three and a half weeks and then the dude was all, what's up?

[00:55:02]

Well, I mean, it's like we've been saying since day y, like if you like a guy do nothing like, I think they're like you're given this dude all of all the attention that he ever wanted, like take that attention away and like, put yourself in the position of like I'm the one that should be getting attention. Yeah. Trying to get it for me. And like, I even did that one time. With that guy that I was talking about, like one night, I didn't text him all night long.

[00:55:24]

So you asked what I was doing the next morning, he texted me. He was like, it makes me sad when you don't pay attention to me all night long. And I was like, yeah, all I did was, like, not text him back. Right. Five hours. And it's like, yeah, stop giving this person so much fucking attention and let them give you attention. Yeah. If they don't want to they don't like they don't like you.

[00:55:38]

So fuck them. It's their loss. Another I don't need to tell you a guy call all the back story. But she said that she basically wanted to figure out what's going on with this guy and kind of just like got in his face and she told him, like she said, I told him he was a better guy than he was living up to. And he had so much potential. She said we then made out in his car and I did, but I wanted closure.

[00:55:59]

So I made it happen. The messaging, you know, whatever you want to use there. But I love her. Her sentence of I wanted closure, so I made it happen. And then I love this too, she said sometimes acting cool is overrated, like I just lost.

[00:56:11]

I love our listeners so much. Like someone just fucking say the thing and be done with it.

[00:56:17]

And you want to make out with one last time, find love your truth. But like, I love that she was like done with it and said one last thing and gave herself the closure so you can get closure. No way is the one girl she was just like gave those five days and she was like, oh shit, this guy does not care about me and I'm going to be done with this. And this girl was like, I'm going to say one last thing and be done with it.

[00:56:33]

It's like whatever you kind of need to do, there's different ways to do it. I love these emails. And then the I think that that was it. Oh, this one. This one was just funny. She said we ended our nothingness, that our non relationship was and I just didn't talk to him for three years. I felt pretty much over him. Then we had our first real conversation in over three years and we ended up fucking in a baseball dugout.

[00:56:53]

I can't say that really means I got over it, but I felt good about it because I'm fucking in a baseball dugout. I want to do a segment.

[00:57:01]

One of these days, the funniest places you fuck because we got a dime from a girl. This girl, she's like, it's my twenty second birthday and I just fucked in a while. I just threw her back.

[00:57:08]

I think I said something like, this is an insane message to send a person happy birthday to you. Happy fucking birthday. Wear a mask doggystyle with the mask on. With the mask on. We definitely do one of those that one of those segments, craziest places you had sex, but yeah, for whatever way that you can cut this off and move on from it, I think these are hard situations to move on from because like men will gaslight you and they'll say stuff like we were never a couple.

[00:57:33]

Like, why do you expect things from me? Like I never committed to you kind of stuff. And it's like if you're not treated the way you want to be treated, I think you should just cut it off and move on. And I think these are like really hard situations to end. But like, you know, that you don't feel good and you know that you're not being committed to the way that you want to be. Yeah. And again, like we're talking to the the situations where you want to be in a relationship with this person, because if you're just like having a friends with benefits fuck buddy situation and you feel fine about it, like that's always fine.

[00:57:57]

Yeah, do it. But I'll take care of yourself if you like, desperately want to be in a relationship and this is preventing you from being another one fuck out of there. Yeah, for sure.

[00:58:06]

And then I mean, can you make a man who's on your man and your man again.

[00:58:11]

I mean probably not know.

[00:58:13]

Like it's like we, we have other episodes on this, you know, but like the the only thing we have is like living your life and kind of pulling back a little and like, you know, letting them show you they're interested. You just like disappear off the map for five days and they don't reach out to you at all. I think that's a pretty solid indicator. I mean, nothing is sexier than having somebody see that you're just, like living your best life going out, that you're not dependent upon them for, like, plans or validation that's sexy.

[00:58:43]

And like, let them see that. And if that doesn't motivate somebody, they don't wanna be with you.

[00:58:47]

Yeah. I also want to recognize that we, like, are in a weird time right now and people are lonely and they. Could perhaps be giving more time and energy and like feelings and emotions to people that they normally wouldn't in a non covid world, you know, so I just want to at least validate that it's tough. And I think that if you are feeling lonely, you are feeling like you want companionship, intimacy, sex, a boyfriend, whatever it may be.

[00:59:16]

And you see other people that are having it and you are feeling sad and jealous and lonely and you are just kind of like settling for less than you normally would like. I get it. I don't I mean, it's just like it's tough, you know, like I think you should put yourself first and self care and protect your feelings and protect your energy.

[00:59:34]

But we get it. We get it that this might be a time in your life where you normally found yourself to be a really strong, independent woman that takes no shit. And like, you took a little shit because we're independent, but everything's terrible.

[00:59:49]

You've been working for months. Yeah, apparently for months. Like, I'm glad you said that. And it is really true. I think that there's scenarios I've accepted I beat myself up on. But like, nothing is great right now. Yeah, I think it's OK. The positive thing that I said last week is that I do think that more so than ever, people really do want companionship more than I've ever seen. Like, I think that like people that I thought would just start like fucking the whole world really are just like dating to to find their match.

[01:00:12]

And I think that that's a great thing. But like, yeah, I love that you said that. I love that. Like, you just validate the like. Yeah, it's kind of sucky right now. Yeah. Like, there's no shame in being treated like this and letting yourself being treated like this because like we've all done that. Yeah. But if it's not good for you, get out of it. And just like I don't know, check out the apps or you know, safely look for what else is out there that could be a better situation for you.

[01:00:35]

And also, I don't want somebody that's bringing you down or causing you any more stress and sadness in your life at a time like this. Hire a prostitute. OK, I'm just I'm just kidding you. I'm sure your home right now. Yeah. Yeah. All right. I'm excited about the Segway today. Just to just follow up these situations, we asked you guys about Sicher power moves in relation to a man that was this, not your man.

[01:01:03]

Yeah. You guys deliver delivered, of course. And we have one that took a turn with three cigar power moves and one that took a turn. She says, my man, who was not my man, was one of my best guy friends in college. Classic one time sophomore year, I even pretended to fall asleep on his bed after a party at four a.m. so he would tell me to stay over and he still did not get the hint, pretended to fall asleep.

[01:01:23]

OK, how are you pretending to fall asleep at four in the morning? Right. Like you can just be asleep. OK, anyways, she was on that Tuesday Coke binge drinking anyways. That's not the psycho a power move part. I obsess over him for three years ago. I feel you on that. So many regrets are junior year. He got really close with this girl a year younger than us who was on the same abroad trip as him.

[01:01:43]

I thought for sure they fucked in Italy because why the hell not? She invited into three sorority formal state parties the next semester and I couldn't take it anymore. He wouldn't say anything about her. And I needed to find out who was talking to my man who was not my man.

[01:01:57]

One day I saw her at a campus event and I had to do something with the help of my roommate. We went right up to her and pretended we were taking a campus poll about dating for class, literally took out a fucking notebook and everything. She had no idea who I was. It was perfect. I asked her if she was in a relationship single or it's complicated. She said it's complicated. I couldn't even speak. I was so mad.

[01:02:20]

I spent the next few months despising this girl and seeing her literally everywhere on campus.

[01:02:24]

It was until next semester I found out she actually liked my man who was not my man's roommate and was just inviting my man to everything to make the roommate jealous of this girl completely.

[01:02:37]

Carmen Sandiego got all the wrong information that we passed for three months, she said. I still spell still spent senior year sipping over the skies. Is that a word? Yeah, like a simple. OK, so many regrets. But whatever this like I can't this literally drives me with you. It literally reminds me of and admire for team that they would be like, let's go like pretend we're doing a survey. This is so duplicitous. I like lights me up.

[01:03:02]

This took so many turns because she didn't even she like the roommate. I know. I love it. I love it. OK, but here's my question. Like I wouldn't have not even just meet you specifically.

[01:03:12]

Would never have walked away without every answer. Yeah. Oh my God.

[01:03:16]

I've been like, how complicated. How did you guys meet? Weird. Oh, my God. What's his name?

[01:03:24]

I feel like you are like the ultimate sloth. Like you never would have walked away from that hundred percent without knowing. Exactly, because that could have been so many things. She just she heard something that told her what she wanted to believe, not wanted to believe, but something that she already had in her mind.

[01:03:38]

But also, I don't know, she said one of her best guy friends, like my close guy friends, regardless of whether our feelings for them or not, I asked them what's going on in their love life. You know what I mean?

[01:03:47]

Yeah, I think also that she I mean, she's in college, so I think you're just young. Like maybe you're not as, like, comfortable asking questions because you can't get past the fact that you're in love with the person. So you're worried the. It'll come off that way, will look like you're in love with them, like now, you know, I need to know everything that everyone's doing at all times, even when it has no effect on me whatsoever.

[01:04:03]

I guess, you know everybody's schedule and love life at all times. Right. OK, I am so excited about this. This girl, it's not even about her. It's what's what some guy did to her. Oh, my God. And she I thought that I was like, misreading this. But no, she was so impressed by this fucked up thing this guy did to her. She was like, I just got to give him credit.

[01:04:23]

OK, so this is something that my man who wasn't my man did to me. And I don't want to give him credit, but I do kind of think it was a power move and also freaky psycho. OK, she calls him at the MWW. Mm. Man who's not my man. Man who wasn't my man. Yeah. Like that. She abbreviated it. OK, he never wanted to be exclusive. So an attempt to get over him.

[01:04:41]

I started to date another guy one night my date and I went to an NBA game and had courtside seats throughout the game. The usher kept delivering vodka sodas to us and said they were quote unquote from a friend. I think nothing of it. We accept the gifts. We get pretty plastered P.D.A and all.

[01:04:57]

When the game ended, I finally checked my phone and I saw a message from MWW Mom that said, Kudayev looks like you enjoyed the drinks I sent you. Attatched was a screengrab from the broadcast with me and my date clear as day behind the bench. There's a fee attached, a photo and my date was kissing me on the forehead. I was sure she has a photo of herself courtside, kissing a guy right there. You then you're thinking, is this a lie?

[01:05:24]

Of course, because I would, too. Yeah. I want to unpack this with you for a second. MWW Emam lived out of state for me at the time and he probably had to specially stream the game in order to see me. Which begs the next question. How the fuck did he know I was at the game and who did he have to call to get the drinks sent to us at the game? What literally these questions haunt me to this day.

[01:05:44]

Imagine imagine how stalker ish you have to be to capture the exact moment I was getting MACT on in a screen grab. All this being said, what do you think Seiger Paramor screengrab attatched of the date so that you know, I know you ladies love receipt's wait. Why did he send the drinks. He basically was like but hurt that she was like on a date with someone else and he was like I'm just going to fuck with them. And he saw them on television courtside at this basketball game and started sending them drinks.

[01:06:12]

So like, listen, I don't know how he did this. This is going to happen. But can I just for the drinks, I know I'd be like, thanks. What's the point to, like, get a wasted so they would start acting all silly. I don't know any more information. This is a crazy story. I would never believe also. I don't understand like who he called. Who did he call me. OK, but OK, here's what I'm thinking.

[01:06:34]

Games like two hours long, I can figure out who to call to send drinks to somebody that's sitting courtside.

[01:06:40]

I can see where their seats are. They're courtside. That is so insane to to coordinate that, huh? This guy is going to jail, but why didn't he like why spend all that money?

[01:06:53]

And also, I mean, I've never paid for drinks courtside because, like, usual and I usually you and I take you to a game, but I'm a paid for happen once right now. We were delayed twice, one time. So one time I did buy around and it was not cheap. You you bought like I don't know, I wanted to drink and I don't want to ask for money.

[01:07:18]

Like I knew the night was on him, but there was a point where the server was there and he wasn't looking and I wasn't going to be like, hey, can I have the card? I bought two boxes out as they were like twenty seven dollars. This is a it's like a lot to unpack, but like I. Do you believe that this happened?

[01:07:35]

I guess this is it would be a crazy sort of make up.

[01:07:40]

Maybe he just has like, fuck you money. Like maybe spending thirty dollars per drink per round just isn't that much money.

[01:07:46]

I don't like I'm still unsure what his point was like, what the end goal was like.

[01:07:52]

I also would have spent like shitty drinks, like I would have been like send him a Tom Collins or you know, like I wouldn't have sent vodka sodas or soda. I'm like, yeah, send him Yeager's, send him Yeager and Coke. The only thing I can do is yes, it's psychotic is that that guy's like, you can't escape me, I'll find you anywhere.

[01:08:11]

OK, like, but he wasn't her man. Yeah. He was the man that wasn't her man. But he was like, you figure it, date someone else and I'll find you. I'd be like, cool, find me literally wherever I and pick. I mean, I'm a persay later. Yeah. Hey, here's where I'm going on my next date and you cover the tab.

[01:08:30]

I would love this. This is my best Chanel next week, right.

[01:08:34]

Yeah, exactly. I'll be it to me. I could use some new luggage if you want to find me there. I'm going to be on a yacht in Miami if you want to find me there. Yeah, I'm going to be Miami. They have a charter yacht company. Here's the info. Finally, catch me outside you. You'll be so crazy and weird as you champagne. Can you imagine some guys? I can't find you anywhere. Great.

[01:09:02]

Awesome. I literally can't wait. Great. And then also I like you so we can fuck, right? Oh, the guy that I like is stalking me and sending me drinks. This sounds amazing. I would feel like a big ass baller on earth. I'm on a date with some other dude. I'm like, yeah, that's just some guy I broke up with. Yeah, I love it. Neither of them even asked where the drinks were coming from.

[01:09:25]

Like her broke ass date was just like, yeah, OK. This one is another fave. She says, Hi Queens, I love you. I was seeing a guy from home. My first mistake. What girl where you live.

[01:09:41]

Yeah right.

[01:09:44]

Because oh I know when he said he can't handle a relationship due to a psycho dad and other issues, he was very honest and respectful about it. So I wasn't really upset. After that conversation, we started sleeping together and he said, OK, I can't date you. Fine, let's talk about that conversation. We started sleeping together and he reassured me it wasn't just about sex, still had feelings for me and loved being with me and talking to me less than a week after we slept together.

[01:10:08]

And he told me all that I saw on Facebook. He got a girlfriend. This took me by surprise. Obviously, he runs the local Smoothie King and over the time we quote unquote dated, he told me his customer pet peeves. So naturally, my best friend brings me his to his store. I ordered his least favorite smoothie to make. I took one sip and threw it in the trash can in front of him. And then later that evening, I put him on blast on Snapchat for serially cheating on his exes.

[01:10:36]

And then the next week I fucked one of his longtime friends. Fuck you, Brenin. I could have done a lot worse. And I don't feel bad that I made you cry.

[01:10:46]

Fuck you, fuck you.

[01:10:48]

Brandon is the new likit or leave Steve. Fuck you, Brenin. Fuck you brought in new Marcela's. Fuck you, Brandyn. I could have done worse. I've just like this really took me for a roller coaster because I was like, oh you're so bad as you were to the smoothie, you know, a smoothie. And then she's like and then I just ruined his whole life. Yeah, I know.

[01:11:06]

It's so funny. When I was reading this, I was like eye rolling. I was like, cool smoothie. Like tells me this story. Yeah. Cool smoothy story of cool smoothy revenge. And then it was like and then I blast them on social media and fucked his friend first I'm like, oh you made him a hit a button on a machine he doesn't have to clean later. I feel like he did a lot and she was like, I could have done worse.

[01:11:26]

It's like what burned down the smoothie king fucked his dad. I think you did enough. You're his mom now. She left the smoothie king on fire, fucking fucked his psycho dad. She's like, you know what? You have a dad that fucked you up. I'm out to fuck him. I could have done a lot worse. BRENNAN Thank you. Brennan Why is Brennan at your house?

[01:11:49]

I think Brennan is his name and stepbrothers. That's why it's such a funny name to me. It's so funny. Is anyone cool? Ever been named Brian?

[01:11:58]

No, no. You guys know, not cool. Brennan You don't. You don't. You don't. I feel regret. No emails about this one. People want to prove us wrong so bad. But they can't. They're like they there they go.

[01:12:12]

Generalizing based on names like I don't know, Colbran is proven wrong.

[01:12:18]

OK, this is the last emails that this took a turn. I'm a big fan of the show and I have a perfect story for this scenario. When I was in college, I was casually dating an older Marine who was stationed near my college town at the time. Being young and naive, I felt super hard, super fast. After a few months of seeing each other, I wanted to make things official. So one night after watching a movie, I asked him if he wanted to be my boyfriend.

[01:12:39]

This guy broke down sobbing about how God came to him in a vision years ago and told him he was going to die in the military so he couldn't get close to anyone, even though we'd be talking, even though we've been talking exclusively for months and he took my virginity. No big deal. I didn't think I'd check make a six one Marine sob in your lap off the bucket list with first heartbreak. But here I am.

[01:13:07]

God came to me in a vision. I mean, maybe you should have thought about the fact that God told you you were going to die in the military before you took some his virginity. Maybe Brennan maybe you should have asked this guy, like, are you hallucinating religious depictions?

[01:13:21]

Can you imagine if I got broken glasses? These men, God told me I'm going to die soon.

[01:13:29]

Do you remember? I can't commit to you because God said I'm going to die soon. Do you remember? You created me a natural zanies two years ago. Some girl told us this story that this guy that he couldn't fuck her because he felt like the Holy Ghost was in the room.

[01:13:41]

Yeah. Was that the same for the of eyeball out to those who were there to say it? No, they're different. I was on the same table. We were like you guys in our live shows. You have people like stand up. All staggering. Dragonball, as these stories takes a long time to get there. But the admiral told us he took an eyeball out on the date. Yeah.

[01:14:02]

Oh, that's right. The other guy, the Holy Ghost, is in the room. This is the stuff that men will come up with that they do not have to commit to you is crazy.

[01:14:09]

Like I told me, I'm going to die yet God told me I'm going to die, too. We're all literally going to die. Oh, my God is the talking exclusively. For months he took her virginity. Oh, my God.

[01:14:20]

Girl, that is fucking rough. Yeah, that brutal sucks. Yeah. Those and we got a ton of funny ones on, on Instagram questions to a lot of them were just like a lot of like Internet stalking stuff and like how to get them to notice them on Instagram. And this was one that we got that I love. My friend stalks her, crushes playlists on Spotify and then we'll pick a song and posted on her Instagram story in hopes that her crush will swipe up on the story and think they like the same songs like or Power Move Power of All Day.

[01:14:48]

It's so smart to me. I wrote I was texting this lesson.

[01:14:52]

I was like, if you think I'm not going to do this anyway, you can learn about a person from Internet stalking and then just casually sliding down your own Instagram stories as just like a easy softball for them to respond to. You do it. There is a meme that was like, don't guys know that women shooting their shot is posted on Instagram story you're supposed to respond to? It's so true like that. The last guy I like dated before all this we met and then I knew he was going to follow me Instagram later that night.

[01:15:19]

He did. And then I was like, OK, well, I need to follow him back so he can respond to my stories because you can only respond to my stories if I follow you. So I waited a little bit. I followed him back then. I posted a clip from the night before, which is from the comedy club.

[01:15:32]

Sure enough, right in like you, it's like just like think about it like it is a way to engage with somebody. And again, it doesn't always work, but these are things that give an opening to somebody that you're interested in. Yeah. Just give it the better.

[01:15:47]

So stupid. You just kind of like give them a reason to respond to you. It's easy. Just pick like one of nineteen different things they're probably entail, like they're dumb just like pick a thing. Yeah. And this isn't like if you have somebody that's in the situation of your man who's not your man and they're not treating you right and they're screening along, we're not talking about that. But like a crush, like a Loki crash that you just want to engage with, like these are small tips.

[01:16:06]

Also, we need we're going to episode down the road about shooting your shot full in full.

[01:16:10]

If your man, the your man is not acting right, then do that with somebody else. Yeah, I get on Al Qaida and OK, go fishing for other dick. Yeah, go fishing for men are so down they'll always take the bait literally. Oh my God. Two fishing references. Yeah. I'm a sports enthusiast now. Well I only I do water stuff because I can't do park stuff anymore because of serial killer. Yeah. Because you did before you were such a pampered outdoors guy that I dated last summer would send me all those photos of him like in the wilderness and I never had any response to it.

[01:16:44]

He'd send me these like beautiful photos of him, like hiking in Denver, like on the lake and like all these different animals. And I just one a week is enough for me. Like, he just would send them all the time. I, like, never had anything to say back. I know. Like same because I was like, you know, I up with this friend and like he was having some beautiful scenic picture. I'm like, beautiful.

[01:17:05]

I would love to be there. I don't know, like I was like Cool Mountain. I literally never had any idea, like I were you and I were like driving into Denver.

[01:17:18]

And I was like, I don't have enough, like, content to talk to this person about. Yeah, well, we ended it together. Well, he pointed it straight up. Shut up.

[01:17:28]

We did a whole episode about him called You're Not the one with the double breakup. That was like a year ago. I know it was. It was.

[01:17:35]

Oh, my God. It was like one year ago this week that we well know like a year ago we were still seeing them marry him and I broke it off the right. I got back from Minneapolis United Shows last week on August 2nd and 3rd, where those dates today is August 3rd. And so today, that's exactly what this is so fucking crazy. I know this August 3rd is the Saturday. That was our last show. And then, like, we broke up that week on like a Thursday or something.

[01:17:59]

So it's our anniversary week. I'm glad I'm talking about him. We this is like coming on August 3rd last year in Minneapolis, like going to cry.

[01:18:09]

We just missed touring. And we miss you guys so much.

[01:18:14]

We would not expect. No, I just like thinking, like thinking about we were doing a year ago anyway, so we are going to do another virtual live shows that anybody is are going to like.

[01:18:24]

So stay tuned for that. I think we should stop now ahead of you guys. Check out our brand new glam, beautiful website, girls, your podcast, Dotcom Shop, our new merged same Instagram handle. Obviously, girls got a podcast, new cover, our. We hope you guys love it. Take us in your Instagram stories. If you do has an Instagram Reinhado Greenberg and Instagram girls and our score. Got it on Twitter and YouTube.

[01:18:48]

Dotcom slash girl's got to eat and we'll see next week. All of you guys, thank you so much for being a part of our little family.

[01:18:54]

Have a good week by.