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Looking back on it, I knew when I when I looked at the page and saw the name Sam Seabourne, I had not. Now knowing what I know, I know I had. It's that tingling. It's that feeling. It's that fantasy. Whatever you want to call it. What it actually is, is a is a vision, a voice, whatever you want to call it.
Hey, everyone, welcome back to you on the number one health podcast in the world, thanks to each and every single one of you that come back every week to listen, learn and grow.
Now, you know that I love sitting down and diving into the minds of fascinating people, people who have incredible stories and backgrounds so we can learn from their experiences, their reflection and their insights. And today, I am super grateful and honored because we have none other than Rob Lowe. Now, Rob Lowe's iconic career spanned four decades in film, television and theater. He's also an acclaimed author. Rob has been nominated for two Emmys, six Golden Globes and four Screen Actors Guild Awards in which he won two.
He starred in the 80s classics There's So Many to name. And Rob's career also includes so many fantastic books as well. His two memoirs stories. I only tell my friends and I've got some excerpts I want to share with Rob that Absi love and love life are both New York Times best sellers. He's taken his first memoir and made it into a touring show called Stories I Only Tell My Friends Life, which has received rave reviews throughout the country and sold out in London, my hometown.
Now Bob is hosting and producing Fox Mental Samurai. Also recently starred in and produced Fox's highly anticipated nine one one Lone Star. And today I'm excited to rob about his career and his new podcast, literally. Welcome to the show, Rob Lowe. Rob, thank you for doing this. Thank you. I'm exhausted just from listening to all the things that I've done. I think I need a nap. And I it's about time you take a break, Rob.
I think that you just started every podcast. I just want to say thank you for taking the time, but also just it's so wonderful that we share so many mutual friends. And I'm excited to connect with you today. You've lived an incredible life. And I think that so much is to be learned and gained from your experiences. And I'm grateful that you're going to share the McKinnie with our audience today. You're very you're very kind. Thank you. I appreciate that.
Well, I want to start off on some different tangents. So try to do this with people who have such well-known careers as well. I heard that since you were a little boy, you loved spooky legends and scary mysteries and mysterious creatures. And I'm curious to know, what's one of your favorite legends? And why? OK, we're going to go down the wormhole right off the bat. I remember my one of my earliest, not earliest memories, but I can remember being like eight and nine years old and writing files of Bigfoot sightings and keeping a little file cabinet.
I don't know. I don't know what I thought. I was like some some Indiana Jones of the supernatural. And but I still love that. I'm I'm obsessed with Bigfoot and aliens. And I just I love it. And I've over the years realized why I love it is because it truly is the unknowable. And and I love oral traditions that have been passed down from from ancestors to current day. And there's certain things in the oral tradition world that show up again and again and again and again and again, however incredible they may seem.
And I love to try to get to the bottom of why that is. So that that interests sort of I still have it today. Every 50 one. Every time I go to Vegas, I watch the specially marked planes take off and go there. I have never been there, but I have been to the they say that that is like the the false flag version. Like that's the one that they would want to draw everybody's attention to. But where the really good stuff happens is in in Utah and I can't remember the name of it, but I did an episode of the low files where I went there with my my boys, basically the low files.
This is a show you can still get on, I think iTunes. And it's really an excuse for me to just hang out with my boys in a souped up Scooby Doo pickup truck and and cruise around looking for stupid stuff like that. And we actually went to the what was supposedly the real Area 51.
Didn't see one thing. I want that. But then it's super secret. Tell me about that. I do speak a lot about fatherhood and spending time with your boys. What's been like the latest adventure you've been able to go on with them that you think's been meaningful?
Oh, for sure. The latest adventure is becoming an empty nester morning, literally mourning that loss. And then cycling through the amazing satisfaction of them on their own lives then.
Then be right back in the house with covid and all of a sudden we are like spending more time together now than we did when they were in high school. And in the last four months, we spent more time than we ever did because in the middle of the day, they would always go to school, obviously, when they were kids, babies. So living with your grown kids is a real. Learning experience, and it's great, but you realize, you know, 20, mid 20 something men were not built to live with mommy.
And ordered I don't mean that in a sexist way, they're meant to be out conquering the world and doing their thing, and I bet you it's very, very challenging for them. And they've been champs. They've been just champs. And I'll take every minute I get. And so it's good, good for me. And I love that.
Yeah, no, I'm sure a lot of parents will be happy hearing the challenge and how difficult it is because it's it's been so common for so many people, especially with the children that are older and children that are expected to be out there and about and and all of that. But let's go back to yours, your childhood or your earlier days of what people may not be aware of, of your story or my audience may not be. And I want to hear about why you didn't go to UCLA because you have such an interesting story.
And and I think it's a fascinating ones. I'd love for my community to hear it. Well, so I always wanted to be an actor. I was blessed with what I've now come to realize was an actual vision of my future at eight years old and started in like community theater and local school productions. And, you know, like I'm just a young acting nerd.
And then through life circumstances, my family split up, my mom moved us west, we eventually ended up in California having nothing to do with me or my aspirations. And I started a little career and had jobs here and there and got to be a teenager and then it all dried up. And it was over. And I thought, well, maybe, maybe this isn't my destiny and what do I do now and. I'd had this bout of early success at 15, 16, and so it was kind of hard to reconcile with, was I not good enough?
There were people telling me it was purely an age thing. In fact, not to bore you, but it's a significant part of the story when you make movies and TV, when actors get to be 16, 17, 18 years old, they don't get hired. They hire 18 year olds to play those ages because of the labor laws. Right. 18 year olds, 18 year olds can work all day. The other ages cannot. So there was a chance.
That it was the labor laws, so it was definitely wrong.
It was is the labor laws. We love you really.
We'd love to hire you, but it's against the labor laws, kid. So I decided my other passion was the law, like my father and incidentally, like my oldest son, now lawyer. And marine biology, and so I was studying marine biology and loving it, and I was going to be a marine biologist. There was one casting director I would still audition, wasn't getting anything, and there was one casting director who was very supportive and just said, just give it to your 18, just just give it to here as a grade.
So I applied to USC and UCLA to their film schools and got accepted. And on the day where I had to, like, officially apply, I got the job as Francis Ford Coppola as the outsider on my 18th birthday. And the rest was. Was sort of what I did, that was the path, what I love about that is the. You know, the timing of you at 15, 16, having to stop questioning yourself and dealing with failure and dealing with rejection, that's a very early age to face it, after having had some success, too.
And then for it to all turn around in two years and begin a new journey again. Do you think that do you and as a father to do you think that we expose children to failure, too young or too late? And what are the kind of benefits that you gained from having to go through that at that age?
That's such a great question. And I'm I'm so passionate about these kinds of talks because, like I said, I loved raising my boys and continue to to and I actually think we expose them too late to failure in our iteration of parenting. You know, I'm from a very different generation. You know, I was raised in the late 60s and into the crazy 70s. You know, now we everybody wants to reverse engineer everything for success for our kids.
And I'm as guilty of it as anybody. But my parents. You know, literally threw me to the wolves, like they were like, go do it whatever, come home when the sun sets that, you know, and so you have to navigate your way very much more than we do today. And for me. You know. You know, when I would have to get on the go after school, get on the public, the bus and take it for twenty two miles.
Get off, wait for another bus, take that bus into downtown L.A., get off that bus, take another bus to Hollywood. Check myself into the meeting, sit in the waiting room, go in and have the meeting, audition in front of somebody, be judge, turn around, take all those buses back, doing my homework, have dinner and go to sleep and wake up and go to school at 12 and 13. My wife wouldn't let my kids get on a bus at all, true at 12.
So it's just a really different mindset. And I am I'm really grateful that I was able to have that that sort of crazy freedom that we would never let our kids do today.
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How many times have you heard this saying slow down and smell the roses? You hear it all the time because it's natural for us to rush through life neglecting to value what's truly important. We all have so much on our plates, me included. For that reason, sometimes they struggle to take care of my skin. And yes, I eat healthy. I work out too. But when it comes to skin care routine, it's so easy to just splash water on your face and get away with it.
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And it's so hot. I guess I'm not a parent yet and that's partly why I'm asking it, because I feel like when you're not a parent, it's really easy to say, like, oh yeah, I want to give my kids the freedom and I want to have you know, you can have all these principles. And I'm speaking to a real parent and I hear that. And then and then you start to empathize with the fact that, oh, no, we get so much into like control and protecting and defending and wanting to kind of I remember I had some friends back in London who I think the daughter was like two years old and and she would like be running around in the corner and she'd be playing with, like, candles and like putting a hand over candles and burning like a and I'd always be like, do you want me to go grab, you know, just just leave her?
Like, let her, you know, I was like, what are you sure? And they just had and I'm not recommending that as a strategy to any parents. I'm just saying they had that freedom that they were trying to train their kid. What do you think it was for you that pushed you forward to keep going on and to look into law? But what gave you the mental resilience to go back that auditioner? Eighteen to go back into that world?
What I do, every part of what I do, books, TV, public speaking, touring, all of it. The dirty little secret is that I would do it for free you. Do not take me up on that.
I like money, but so I think if you have that, if you're lucky enough, if you're lucky enough to have that in your life. You there's never even a question of what you're going to do. Yeah, there's there's never a question for me. What I was going to do. The only time that question arose is when doing what I wanted to do. I was stymied. And that happens all the time, by the way. Still happens in.
I just never knows if I ask questions quickly, because I'm paying grow by the minute for this podcast. Yes. And I demand I demand Bitcoin. Thank you very much.
How do you find it as someone who so said, what's happening with my hair? Something's going on with the hair and I'm not. It's covid hair. Wait, OK. I was actually right now we can continue. I was wearing your hair.
I was going to ask you who your address was. That's that's good hair. Right. And I like it.
But as someone who's so sure about what they wanted to do from such an early age, you know, so much maturity has gone and achieved it and beyond and probably gone beyond what you imagine to and just what you've created. Do you find that today, especially your children, is where you said, you know, this is a lawyer there today? I find, like so many people are struggling with finding what they want and there's a lot of challenge of purpose.
There's a oh, you're standing where to my attention and energy like Rob, where do I start? And I get this question a lot for my community. And that's why I'm bringing it up to you, is because I feel like especially for a lot of young people growing up right now, there's so many options. Need is so much comparison because you can see how many followers everyone has and how many dances everyone does on take talk and all the rest of it.
And it's overwhelming. And and people go, where do I start? How different is that from the 80s and 90s or that? How different was your time or actually what you like? Jay? You know, I was comparing myself to like I was feeling the same way. Well, first of all, in terms of the culture and in terms of. The sort of prism through which. Adolescents, young people, judge themselves against their peers is incomparably different.
Then then what? We had and yet the core stuff. Is exactly the same. And, you know, I picked a business. Where it's one hundred percent predicated on. A judgment criteria that you will never fully understand.
So it's one thing to go into a job as an accountant, a lawyer, a doctor or a realtor, a dentist, whatever the hell it is. And you go in and you don't get the job. You know, it's there's a tangible reason when an actor or a creative person goes in, there's first of all, they're going to lie to you all the time. And and what you realize is having been now on the other side of it, of casting and producing and making content, you realize it's never personal.
Never, ever. It's always well, we have too many blondes. We need a brunette, literally. And you think I was good, I didn't get the scene right. It's like it's much less about you than you think it is always.
On the other side of it, you know, I don't know if you know this, but I I've been sober drugs and alcohol for 30 years now. So amazing. Thank you. So on that journey, I've learned a lot. And one of the things I learned, there are a lot of truisms, a lot of buzz words in recovery. I love them. A lot of people think people come to it.
You go all these hackie saying, I love them. And the one that I love most is never compare your insides to someone else's outsides. I love that. And that helps me a lot. I don't do that anymore. Actually, I really, truly it's baked into my DNA now, so I'm pretty good with it. But, you know, coming up, you know, you look over at Tom Cruise. And to this day, you know, my my boy Tommy kills it, you know, and there are other people like that and, you know, but I don't know what that life is like behind closed doors.
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Yeah, and. And that's super popular. You're sharing and and hearing you say it just has so much, so much gravitas hearing you say because it's not just an ism know like when I hear you say it, it just I can feel it because it's so real. And like you said, a the first part, by the way, I want to go back to what you said now, looking at it as a producer, as a creator, as a director, realizing that that failure is less about you than you think it is.
That's a huge that is a huge point to be making.
Like if everyone had that experience first, maybe they'd realize how little it was to do it then. And the second point that you just made, that when you dive into people's real lives in that statement that you said that don't judge your inside by someone else's outsides, I think that is such a great way to live that it takes so much time to actually build that as a muscle that works. Yes, because it's so easy to lose a way. Yeah.
And that's funny. Any kind of growth that I've ever had and I've got a long way to go is exactly that. It's it's it's muscle memory. It's like my golf swing. It's like it really is like the golf swing because it's like all these fine muscles, these tiny little fine muscles that you can't work out. Can't train them, really, but it's repetition, repetition, repetition, trust. Trust your swim, trust your swim. It's all of those things, it is, is what it's like for me for for sort of spiritual growth and for learning and with enough reps.
With enough swing's. It's muscle memory, it's grooved into you and and, you know, you don't have to think about it. I don't have to think about comparing myself to other people today because I've spent so many moments telling myself that and reminding myself of that, that it's grooved. It's grooved into my golf swing.
Yeah, I love that. I can't wait to feel that way. That sounds amazing. And everyone, you had it here, you know, just got to keep swinging to tell us that. Tell us. You mentioned that, like you apply the same as your golf thing to your spiritual growth. Where did your what is your spiritual journey and where did that stem from? Tell us a bit about that, because I'm not even sure I know so much about that from my reading and researching and observing that.
What's that been like for you?
Well, you can only imagine that when you go on Jimmy Kimmel, they're not so interested in going about my spiritual growth.
No, that's why they exist. Yes, exactly. Exactly.
Next on Ryan Seacrest, Rob Lowe and his spiritual growth happening. It's spiritual growth formula. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think we're all here to figure out why we're here. And those of us that it's a long tradition that follow that curiosity are on the spiritual path, whether they like it or not. And I don't think of myself as. What I think of spiritual as. Like your spiritual, you were a monk. You're spiritual. I'm an actor guy just to dad, Sam, and yet right, but I am seeking and curious and reading and praying and prayers been an interesting thing for me because my family were Methodists.
The only time I ever went to church was with my grandpa. And because that was the generation that did it, that's what everybody did. And he played golf and he went to church and he went to Rotary and ran a business and. Voted for Nixon, and that's who he was, that guy, right? And then so then my parents were like Fondo eaten open toed Birkenstock like teachers and lawyers and listening to the Fifth Dimension and the age of Aquarius and letting me run amok and doing the teaching and reading young.
Right. So that was like what I got. And so I found myself somewhere in the middle of all of that. And again, with with sobriety, a big component of that is a power greater than yourself. And people who have an issue with organized religion or the word God or any of that stuff can make the power greater than themselves. Nature or love or whatever, and it works the same. And that's how I started out, I was very uncomfortable with the notion of God.
Or any of it is very hard to even say the word for me and really uncomfortable praying, really like doing wouldn't, wouldn't, couldn't do it, frankly. There I was told to fake it, to make it. I'm an actor. I can fake anything. So I would I would literally get on and it was really hard to get on my knees, by the way, and I'm a firm believer now and getting on my knees because I it's it's a.
It's a humbling. But your humbling yourself to something greater. How do you know that it's how do you show that it's greater than you? Better than humbling?
So. Like, I'm only getting on my knees, by the way, for something that's greater than me, FBAR. And so. Once I got comfortable doing that and it was a joke, I would feel like an idiot, I would feel like a fool more than anything, I felt like a fraud.
And muscle memory swinging the golf club, golf swing. It started to feel natural, and now it's and this is and this has really only been within the past five years. And now it's really a big a big part of my life.
And and I feel connected to something bigger than myself and things that used to baffle me, things where I would react one way or get that anxiety or that that that email that oh, I don't want to I don't want to open that right now.
I just it's like something comes over me and the next thing, you know, like I'm out of my own body, I'm putting one foot in front of the other. I'm answering the email. I'm saying something, but I'm not even saying it. It's I don't know, words. It's coming and it's and it works out so much better.
Wow, that's amazing.
Thank you for sharing that. Actually, I really appreciate that. And the theme that you were speaking about humility. I've been sharing this story lately that I read which which fascinates me. I can never check whether it's true or not, but it's the story of Benjamin Franklin. And supposedly it said that he had a journal that he used to carry around with them. And in this general, he had 13 precepts which were like 13 qualities that he was aspiring for in his life.
So it had things like simplicity, tranquility, integrity, like get a list. And he said that he often failed on the list, too, like he would like eat too much or spend too much money or whatever it was. And then supposedly in his last days, he was he was asked which of the 13 did he not accomplish in his life? And as the story goes, he said it was the 13th one which happened to be humility.
And he said that that was the one that he did not achieve, and of course, ironically, if he said he would have achieved it, then he would be humble. But that's right. Yes. Yeah, but it does a great one. Yeah. It's such a beautiful reminder of this that humility is so often not talked about. Or if it is, it's seen as a weakness, like you're saying, like, why would I ever get down on my knees?
Why would I ever pray? Why why would I ever see?
And I think there is such a stigma with humility is a weakness or as a oh, then or inferiority. But actually, as you're saying, it's the most liberating because you get whatever power you believe in to work through you and allow yourself to be far more, less dependent on your own fallibility, your counterintuitively, your strength. Is in direct proportion to your humility. Wow, I love that. And and we and we we live in a time where bragging.
Swaggering is a sign of power, prestige. And and I mean, if you turn on the radio, you're not hearing one song about humility and tell you that, yeah, yeah, that's a great way of looking and that's such a good example.
Give us you're the perfect person to talk about this, actually. So, you know, you're. Hugely attractive, the air runs into you, like you can say with confidence your whole life, extremely charming, you know, great communicator like that.
How do you now, especially with us evolving this conversation, how does someone practice humility and confidence? Because I think that we usually run to either extreme. And you found yourself in the middle of these two ideologies. I'm always like, yeah, we need to find ourselves in the middle because too much like humility in the negative sense turns into low self esteem and and, yes, in the extreme sense turns into ego and arrogance. So how do you find yourself being like, I'm Rob Lowe.
I'm confident about who I am, but I also understand humility. And by the way, from the moment you and this is what I find so endearing and this is definitely from my monk training, it's like we were almost trained to believe that the most endearing, amazing quality in a human was humility. And from the beginning of this interview, from the moment I saw your face, you have demonstrated nothing but that. But I think. But I also feel confident from you in a good way.
And so I want to understand. And therefore, as soon as we started talking about this, I love this person already.
Tell me tell me about that, how you've learned to do that in your own life because you've experienced such heights.
Well, first of all, you're very kind and you're just catching me at a good moment. Believe me, I am nobody. Nobody bats a thousand in the major league. But as you know, in baseball, if you hit three hundred, you're going to the Hall of Fame. Yes. So I always in all seriousness, I do like to remember that part of it.
Yes. Good, good play. Right. But so I had a friend who did a lot of work with men, men's groups and men's issues and stuff. And he used to say such a great thing that you should look at your personality, psyche, whatever you want to call it, as a pi divided into three archetypes that you should equally be known.
And the archetypes are. Curly from the Three Stooges. Clint Eastwood. And Gandhi, OK, this is this is a dream I've never had this before, so which speaks to what you're saying is, is, you know, all Gandhi is not good. People will run roughshod over you.
All Clint Eastwood is no good. You lack empathy and connection and love and you know, all Curly isn't good. You're just the fun fool having fun and you're floating through life. But the three of them together.
That's a personal. I love that what great advice, what a great way to put it. I absolutely love that. And what I love the most about it is that life is so much more full when live that way. And and it's and I think people forget that I was saying to someone the other day, because I was talking about monks and having lived as a monk. And by the way, when you said that, like you're an actor and I'm a monk, I feel the same way about being a monk.
Like I was just some kid from London, like I'm just an average kid from London who was chasing everything that everyone else wanted as well. And I got really fortunate that I met some amazing people when I was really young. And that's it. And I'm that guy, too. Like I'm just this guy from London who had a very normal life and just was very fortunate to me to really empowered people that at age 18, that changed the trajectory of my life.
But when I look at it, it's like the funny thing is that monks are also hilarious, that child like this.
So they're so different to what people perceive because we only see what you like, what you're saying with Clint Eastwood, you only see one version. You only see it even with Rob Lowe. You only see one version because the world only allows that person to display one version of the right.
But if person is is so much more embracing paradoxes and polarities and like you can be assertive and affectionate and you can be kind and courageous and you can be. I love that is such a great thing. Who is this friend? That's a great, great example. I love that. Yeah. Yeah. His name is Justin Sterling and he did. He had a career helping men and I found it to be amazing. You might you should do a deep dive on him.
Yeah. Yeah. I never had to explain that. Well, I've heard the same principle in point, but that is the best I've ever heard it being.
Explain when what else is great about it is you can so not not to get into judgements of other people, but we all have friends who go, who seem stuck in their lives or whatever it is, and you can go up. They don't have any curlee in them.
Like it's really easy to diagnose. Yeah. Right. Yes, yes. It's easy to diagnose everyone else's problem. Yeah. Yeah. And then and and yourself too. Like when you're like in your life I realize all of a sudden you know what I've been all I've been all curlee I need a little, I need to ramp up the Clint Eastwood, I need to take care of some business or or whatever.
I need to be Gundi or I need to be Gandi, which is usually for me that's usually what it is. I mean, we're sort of in Gandi Land here today, you and I. So I'm definitely I'm definitely letting letting my gondii out. But I think if you asked my my family, it's like there's there's a lot of clent.
Yeah. And that's why I like just as the example of taking a step over, like just as we have all of those inside of us, we also need people around us who bring out those parts of us for us to realize we had one hundred percent.
Yeah. And what we just want it. No, just it's why it's really important to the extent that we can to have a diversity of experience around us and. And this is not going this is not the world's greatest, smoothest Segway right now. My podcast, but it is why I started a podcast because of the sort of diversity of thought of the people that are in my life. And, you know, you have your golf buddies, you have your show business buddies, you have your high finance buddies, you have your spiritual gurus, recovery based people.
And within that click, a lot of them don't resonate with each other. Yeah, but I resonate with all of you because I'm interested in that. Yeah, I love that. Let's talk about let's talk about I didn't realize this this conversation has moved so fast. I didn't realize we were talking for like 40 minutes.
Now it's feels like five. It's like I just looked at the time when we started 11. That's great. Tell me about a guest.
And you you mentioned before when we first came on and you talk about. Tell me about a guest that has come on that you either learned a new story from because you were interviewing people that you know, people that your friends with like.
Tell us about someone who shared a story that you didn't know or a story that they reminded you of. And you're like, oh, how did I forget that? Like a good memory.
Well, well, I, I, I had Tiffany Haddish on my show. We talk a ton about what how the pain her community is in and how that is affects all of us. And it was it was so raw and moving and insightful. And, you know, I've had so many years of therapy that I just did the therapeutic lesson one on one, which is shut up and listen. And it's it's great because the podcast is is, number one, always really funny.
Like, my podcast is funny. I'm not it's light. It's funny. It's it's escapism. It's entertainment. And just when you just when you least expect it. Yeah, I learned something. So that's sort of the brand of it, and then to do something with Tiffany where it got so real, so fast. And to have a guest whose life experience could not be farther from mine. And then to find our common experience. We're going up just like her, she just like me when we're nothing like each other.
That's, I think, really the gift of of of getting to talk to people who you truly, truly don't know. I mean, talking to people that you know really well is also great. Gwyneth Paltrow will be coming up.
I've known Gwen since she was 18 years, 17 years old and wondering if she should be an actor or not. She was literally going through what I was going through, and it's exactly the same thing. She's I don't know if I'm going to make it. I don't know.
Here's your Oscar. So that's a really different conversation and really fun.
And no one's going to talk to one of the way I do. So it's pretty great. Yeah. No, I'm so glad you're doing that. I think you've had Chris Pratt, Magic Johnson, Conan O'Brien. What a great list of guests. But more importantly, and I think I said at the beginning that you were getting to have a conversation with them that no one else can. And and I think that there's something really powerful about that. And so I hope that a lot of people will go and listen to literally, because it's.
Yeah, for me, it's if you're fascinated by people's journeys, but also, like you said, in a fun, lighthearted way and you might learn something, I think people will. And I think people learn a lot more from you then than you even know, because I think just listening to people's experiences in a place where they don't feel they have to it or they don't feel like they have to construct an identity, they don't have to make sure they mention something like you just giving them freedom to be themselves.
And I think we always learn something when people get to be authentically themselves. You go through life and at some point, like I said, you're wondering why you're here. And part of that question is, what do I have to offer? Like what's special about me? And there are a lot of actors. I mean, I played parts that one hundred other actors can play. Every once in a while, I'll play a part that only I can play about that and then I know what they are.
That's the West Wing that's, you know, behind the candelabra. I mean, there every once in a while, there's something that I know only I can do. But the truth of it is, you know, a lot of other guys could and vice versa. You go, really? OK, then what is what is my special sauce? And everybody has a special sauce, everybody, everybody. And I think the real issue is most people don't know that.
And then the hard thing is finding out what it is and that sometimes is not easy. And what I I have a friend, another friend who used to say something great, which is, you know, in life, particularly in work, don't don't just do what you can do. Do what only you can do.
And what I've realized for me is my thing is I'm a communicator and a storyteller, and that is at the basis of the acting, but it gets much more brought to the surface in my work as a as a memoirist and one man show and now the podcast. Those are the things only I can do. I mean I mean, only I can do.
I don't mean it in that way, but I mean, like I get it, like, you know, I'm saying so and I try to I try to talk to my sons about that too.
It's like what's what's your special sauce. Yeah. And it's it can be a by the way, for some people it's a lifetime journey to find out. And that's OK too. Yeah, that's totally OK to know. And I think that's a beautiful way of looking at it. And it's kind of how I approach this podcast to where I want to ask you questions that only I would ask. Yes, because there's so many questions I can ask you.
Like we could talk about your whole career for multiple podcasts. And it's fascinating. I am fascinated by your career, but I also know that those are things that I may be able to learn from listening to your conversations with other people. Yes. You're reminding me of your reaffirming my confidence in myself, of wanting to ask questions only I can ask. A really good example of that is when we had when we had Kobe Bryant on the podcast, it was you know, it was months before everything happened.
But I remember not talking to him about basketball because I like basketball, but I love soccer. I'm from England like football. Soccer is my sport. I like basketball. But I can't talk to Kobe Bryant about basketball in the same way someone else can. But my passion with Kobe was about storytelling because he had his studio and he was building all these incredible kids books and books to educate kids through sports and documentaries. And for me, it's like that is the conversation.
And now when I look back on that, what I loved is that he was so happy and peaceful in his retirement because he had found his his purpose that only he could do. Yes, I like what you're saying. And I think that is such a powerful point that you made, because I think it's so easy to stop thinking like, oh, well, maybe I should talk to Rob about this and maybe I have to ask questions about this, or maybe I have to become an expert in basketball because I'm talking to this legend now and now I've got to become an expert in drama and acting because I'm talking to an icon and you just lose yourself in that right?
100 percent. And it's good because we're both supporting each other in our interviewing techniques, because as I will get I will get on with someone and not be as familiar as I should be or whatever. And I feel like, oh, I'm shirking my responsibility. I'm being lazy. I'm not doing my homework. No, no, no, no. That's not everybody can do homework. Everybody can read the bullet points, everybody can watch their last Netflix special and get all this, everybody can do that.
What only I can do. Only you can do or ask the questions that only we would ask. Yes, exactly. And you always want time to ask everything, but you never do have it. And never. I do want to talk to you about your toughest role that you've ever done. I do want to talk to you about the role that you do feel like the most yourself. And let's actually do that. Let's let's talk about the role that you feel, the one where you said like you felt like only you could do and how satisfying that felt despite the success or failure of the actual product maybe as well.
Also, how scary when you get the script and you go. Not only am I only the person that can do this, but at the moment I'm the only person that knows it. Yeah, right. And so I will never forget reading the Westwind first episode pilot. And when I saw them again, looking back on it, as I become like spiritual visions, whatever you want to call them, are so subtle and nuanced that they happen to us every day.
And we forget them. We dismiss them, we don't notice them. We think they're bullshit, whatever they whatever it is. Looking back on it, I knew when I when I looked at the page and saw the name Sam Seaborne. I had not now knowing what I know, I know I had it's that tingling, it's that feeling, it's that fantasy, whatever you want to call it, what it actually is. Is is a vision, a voice, whatever you want to call it.
I love that.
Then what should we do when we have that? That's beautiful, because I think you're right. What you said was so good that we just and whatever anyone, I want to know what you think of the ways we can hold on to what we do with that feeling, because you're so right. Most of us just go on and it's just it's nothing. It's nothing. It's nothing. And we just dampen that voice, whatever it is. What's a way that you found now?
You know, I mean, I'm engaging with them, connecting with them, using it to my advantage. Well, this is that's this is exactly where I am right now. In my stage of trying to figure it all out. Is is. Oh, that's what that. Oh, great. That's. Thank you. That's what that is. OK. All right. Great. I mean, that's literally where I where I am. And I think it's again it's reps and it's it's muscle memory.
And it would be like it would be like it's no different.
Like know like when you eat a spicy food for the first time and you realize it's like you eat it the first.
I mean what is that? And then you think about it, oh, I know how it happened. And you start, you start getting knowing the signs and the signals and knowing when to hold on to it. So it's the recognizing because it's so subtle, it happens to us more than we know. And we're on our Instagram's where we're driving the car, we're changing lanes, we're talking to our kids. Whatever we're we're worried about paying the bills, whatever it is, it doesn't have the power to get through into our consciousness that those issues do.
So I think, well, this is this is though the other thing is people always told me it's about meditation. So getting getting sober, that's was always the number one thing. Meditate in your daily meditation and meditating. And every time I tried to meditate, by the way, I fell asleep. And then it was like, well, I must not be doing it right. And my problem is I have a real fear of not doing things right, and if I if I don't think I can do them right or if I don't, or if I think it's going to take a long time to learn to do it right.
I don't want to do it. Yeah. So meditation is really new in my life. Finally. And again, direct correlation. For quiet time, everyone call it meditation and being downloaded with what you want, direct correlation.
Turns out all the people were right. Who'd have thought others, hundreds of years of people telling me that meditation would be good for you? Who thought that they were right?
I love that.
I hope those people told you that when you when you said this will if you meditate in the beginning and you fall asleep, it is your mind and body telling you you need rest. And it's literally like an alert and a signal. I said it because I've been teaching meditation for so many years and that's a common thing that people expect. And I'm like, yeah, because imagine for the first time you've been still and you've allowed your body and mind to do what it wanted to do.
When you present with your body and your mind and your body and mind switches off, guess what? That's what it's been trying to do. But we keep pushing. And it's kind of like that feeling of like when you've been running around for weeks and you've been on planes, you've been running around, you've been moving around, and then you stop and all of a sudden when you stop, you fall ill, right? Yes. Yes. It's because your body and mind are finally catching up with how they want to feel because you finally stopped.
Whereas if you just kept pushing on that tour, you just kept running around and jumping on that plane, your body doesn't get a chance to do what it needs to do to you. And so I think we are tempted to do that our whole lives. Yeah. To to to get on the planes and we do our whole lives. And then we get towards the end and we go, oh, well, is there more where am I going?
What is it going to be? What's death? All that stuff. And now it's too late. And so the quietness. His is becoming you know what, covid gave it to me. That's that's the gift. Wow. Because I also believe I'm a huge optimist and I believe that there's a reason for everything. And I think part of my secret sauce was my optimism. And I'm not I don't believe in victimhood. I just don't on any level for anybody.
And I just don't buy into it and that. So covid takes away work, make sure this all those things it does for me, it was I look at the gift of it and the gift was time to be silent, time to have nothing to do. Forced into doing stuff that I never wanted to do would just sit with myself. Yeah, that's beautiful in that it's so fascinating because the part of your book that I picked out that I love actually speaks to this.
So this is from your section of your memoir, The Stories I only tell my friends, and this is what Rob said. Do you mind if I read this out, please? Oh, great. I won't be able to do it in your voice as well, but I will try. So it says I'm so handed that I can barely stand. The girl I love has just left me because I can't keep my word and I have no integrity.
My grandfather is dying. My mother is in crisis, desperate for help and comfort, and I am cowering and hiding in shameful avoidance. I have arrived at the bottom since I was a boy. I've been running running to make my mark, running to avoid reality, running to avoid pain. And now a moment of clarity. I can run no longer. And I love that and I want to share with everyone because, yeah, it's yeah, it's it's so beautifully told and everything that's beautifully told is hard to live, kind of like it would have been really hard to actually experience.
And then when you share it that way, I hope that it gives people that that pause in that stillness today hearing that I don't have much time yet, Robert. I'm good. I'm good. That that that moment was people always talk about what was your what was your bottom. In other words, what was the moment that you hit the bottom and decided to stop drinking or whatever? And that was it. That that's that's the piece of the book that you just read now.
And my my mom called me to tell me my grandfather had had a heart attack and I was too out of it to pick up the phone. So I was listening to her talk on my answering machine.
So I'm listening to talk and I'm standing right there, not picking up, and that's that the moment that you just read and listen, I'm just lucky and blessed that I had a moment of clarity. I mean, they got to have it. That's great. A lot. You know, a lot of people maybe don't have it or maybe don't listen to it when they had it. And, you know, but just you'd be hearing it. It brings it it brings it all back.
But but even coming off the Hill, it's probably why you brought it up at the point in the interview with what you did is it's there's something there's a similarity in stillness stopping running.
You know, living with yourself. You know, you can't run from yourself. That's the thing about meditation, it's being in that being in your whole being inside your body and present time. Yeah, that's what you've said before. I've heard you say this, that with with therapy, what you've appreciated about it is that you've got someone else who's helping you see patterns that you don't see yourself.
And when we're running and moving, like you're describing, like running four days running for that, you can't see patterns. And I realize that in myself, I feel the same way during during this lockdown. I have noticed so many patterns in my work and my purpose in my relationships that need to change that. I would not have noticed if I was. I was meant to have a book out during this time, which is got delayed. And so I would have been running around on a tour across the world doing that and I would have completely missed.
And this would have just been delayed and postponed again of really being aware of what needs to change in my work, my relationship. And and it's it's shocking to see so much like I thought I was even me as American. I thought to meditate person. I thought as a mindful person. I thought I was a conscious person.
And you realize just there, it's always an ever evolving journey. You're never there where you're like, Oh, yeah, now I've got the perfect routine and the perfect meditation and I'm going to tell every one of my blind spots. And it doesn't work like that, you know, like, no, it's yeah.
Yeah. It's like another thing I always try to remember is it's about progress, not perfection.
Absolutely. Absolutely. And that's and that's a hard one to hold. But, Rob, you've been so generous with your time today. I could go on and talk to you for hours, but I would be cautious of your time. And I know that this time. So I just want to check in with you. But this is great. But I really do want to have you on the podcast now. And I've got so and and we'll just continue this talk.
Yeah. Except I will have to figure out how to interview you. But I want this is what I love about it. And you've made it so clear. And I've got five more questions you to the final four like Rapid Fire. But the I love what you said, that I will have more fun as an interviewee being asked questions that only you would. Because because you probably and I hope I've tried to do it justice today, but it's like I'm always thinking about it, that I just don't ask the same question that someone gets asked everywhere, because then they have to tell the same stories and share the same event and the same stuff.
And it's like I mean, I get bored of doing that. And I'm not I haven't been doing this for four decades. So, you know, I can't imagine how bored you get. That's why that's why this interview feels like it's taken three minutes.
Yeah. I mean, it feels sure because we just it's so much fun to to to not talk about showbusiness all that time.
And you do that so well and there are plenty of places. But yeah, these are our final five. So these questions have to be answered in one word to one maximum so that you actually do have a sentence. It doesn't have to be one word. It can be a sentence. A sentence which is one.
Can it be a run on sentence.
If I allow if I get really intrigued, if I, if I get really curious. So you spot my curiosity in the first sentence, then? Yes, I will I will provide permission I might control. But this is Rob Lowe. These are your first five. The first question is, what's something you want to give your children that you didn't have growing up to do?
Oh, boy. Oh, oh, for sure, consistency. Oh, OK. OK, I'm going to let you expand. I'm in consistency.
My support presence. And backing up my promises and words to them.
Yeah, beautiful, wonderful.
OK, question number two, what do most people misunderstand about being an active.
They think it's. About lying. When it's actually about finding the truth and that's a that's a that's a great tip, I think it's so easy to just fall into that. That's that's beautiful.
They always say they would say like, well, how can you believe anything? He says? He's such a great actor. And I say in my book, only bad actors lie. That's bad acting and good actors find the lie, which is the dialogue, and they pull out and deliver the truth. It's great. I love that question. Number three, what did you once chase in your life that you no longer pursue? Being cool. And now now you're effortlessly cool, so it works just great.
Question number for this mission. I really like this question and it takes a bit of time, but I like asking it because it kind of really shows someone's values. But what do you know to be absolutely true that other people disagree on? So what are you so sure about? But that people would be like, I'm not so sure about that. And it's just subjective. It doesn't have to be a fact or a you know, it doesn't have to be true.
It's just what are you so sure about that other people in your life would disagree on? And maybe not. I've recently become sure. Of what? Of what, that there's more for us after we die, right?
And it's a long winded. But I had a I you obviously are familiar with vivid dreaming and all of that stuff. Yeah, absolutely. So that's been happening to me as I've. Evolved and I was. Taken to the to that place, it was amazing, I mean, it was like shown to me like. I know, I know it is as certain as I know I'm looking at a computer screen and you're on it, that that is what happened and that's what I was downloaded with.
Or take whatever you want to say. I know it sounds like Ooga booga, Shirley MacLaine, crazy, crazy talk, but did it happen? I saw it. I know what it is. I know what it is, is exactly as if I were describing Paris, France. Do you know what it is? Yeah. OK, so here's what I saw. OK, it look like it looked like that. It looked at this beautiful landscapes and avatar like so lush and gorgeous.
Yeah. You just couldn't believe it. And I was me but it wasn't me that nobody. At all my thoughts and feelings and ability to think. But it was like being if you ever been hypnotized, I know if you ever been hypnotized, but you're hypnotized. You you. Feel exactly the same, but meanwhile, when you try to move your hand, you can't, yes, you feel like you could get out of your chair at any minute.
Yes. Because you're you. But meanwhile, you can't and so it felt like that. And and it was so full of I don't know if you've ever wept with joy, like heaved and wept with joy. That's what it felt like the whole time. And so joyful that that I was literally weeping and then then I then because I mean, I can still think I thought, oh, where are my boys and where are my wife?
They're still there. Back there. And then the great realization is, no, they're actually already there because time is not linear. And that's what was the mind blower for me. So the notion that we pass on and what we mean it by grandpa, who's already there, as you know.
No, you're already there. I know that sounds really crazy and heavy and insane, but I'm just telling you, I saw it. I know what other people think I'm crazy, but listening to this broadcast think, oh, my God, I listen to a podcast, rubble's kind of interesting.
Didn't know it was crazy up until know he was crazy one for I was like with him and then.
Yes, of a couple minutes I was with it like I was. But now I'm like the guy, I'm like the running back who's run through all the tacklers. And now I'm about to score the touchdown, get out of this podcast for people going, wow, he was awesome. And then I fumble it on the one yard line with a story about Avatar. Well, you know what?
I think more people who were listening and more people who are becoming aware in their own way. It's part of us also learning to realize how unique. The journey of life is and how unique people's experiences are, and to not assume something before we've been exposed to it, and I think that's a skill like I don't think it's about people listening and going, oh, yeah, I get you. I'm with you. I've done that. It's actually it's going well.
I've not experienced that, but maybe I'm not exposed to something and I haven't tried something like that because it's more valuable. That's way more valuable. Like people may not be able to agree with you or have the same experience, but it's the same with parenting.
So you may tell me what parenting is like. But because I'm not a parent, I just be like, I love you. What do you know about parenting? But in fact, I've never experienced parenting. So who am I to know that without having experienced it? And I think that's the same with spiritual reflection, realisation, meditation, connection, prayer, whatever it is, anything that is intangible in a physical material sense, anything that is immaterial, it needs to be experienced to to have in it.
I have a perception on it. And I think all of I mean that. I mean, I know this is sci fi, but the best movie that explained it so well is Dr. Strange. And and you look at Abune, if you watch the movie, I need to watch what's on my list. Yeah. So you look at, OK, I'm not going to give it away, but what's the movie. And it literally sums up what you're talking about.
You will you will actually love it from it from a from a principled point of view of what you share. You will love it. Wow. So I am going to give it away. A good doctor. Strange. I'm writing, writing it down and it did come to that. And it is the fifth and final question of we went on so many tangents but I loved it. What was your what is the biggest lesson you've learned in the last 12 months, 12 months?
That it's really important. To be alone. With my thoughts. Consistently. I mean, thank you so much. A big, big, big thank you to the one and only Rob Lowe. Please go and check out his new podcast literally with Rob Lowe. It's an old podcast, platforms and apps. It's a great joy to listen to. He's obviously told us to guess that we didn't even know. We're coming out, Tiffanie and Gwyneth Paltrow has a lot to look forward to.
Robyn, I'm excited for this to be the beginning of a new friendship, genuinely. Yes, me too. I couldn't believe it at 40 minutes when you were like when you when we started doing the podcast, I was like, why? It's been 40 minutes. Like and we're not even in the same room like, you know, it's it was really, really great. And thank you for the opportunity to come on yours, too. I look forward to it.
And please feel full confidence to just ask what only you would ask, because it's going to be so fun for me to be on my toes, you know, on my feet, like just going to be great. So I'm excited that you can bring out the the funny in me. I was going to say my wife is like brings out the curly. And so when I'm around my wife is gone, gone curly. She's but and and I, I sometimes for long periods of my life took my life very seriously.
But my wife was really able to help me, help me get out of that. So he got you got to have all three pieces of the pie for sure of it.
You gave so many great insights and nuggets today, man. Like beyond anything, I could have imagined so many great stories and analogies. And yeah, it's been such a joy spending this time with you. And thank you for being generous with your time as well.
Thank you. This is great. I'm really looking forward.
We're going to keep our connection going because I loved speaking with you. I'm a big fan and and new friendship. I love it. Yeah.