569: Rob Henderson - Luxury Beliefs, Foster Care, Social Class, Self-Discipline, Ivy League Universities, External vs. Internal Achievement, & Lessons Learned The Hard Way
The Learning Leader Show With Ryan Hawk
- 28 views
- 12 days ago
Order our new book, The Score That Matters https://amzn.to/3HSQzhf Rob Henderson has a Ph.D. in psychology from the University of Cambridge, where he studied as a Gates Cambridge Scholar. He obtained a B.S. in psychology from Yale University and is a veteran of the U.S. Air Force. He's the author of Troubled: A Memoir of Foster Care, Family, and Social Class Self-discipline beats motivation. Often, people say they need to feel “motivated” to perform a task. Motivation, though, is just a feeling. Self-discipline is “I’m going to do this, regardless of how I feel.” Air Force Training – "My favorite part of training was the camaraderie. I especially enjoyed drill and marching. The synchronized movement with others, moving as a single element, instilled a feeling of belonging." – The military provided a structured environment. Rob said that whenever he felt like an outsider, he sought refuge in helping others. Because of that, he volunteered at New Haven Reads near Yale. While there, he met a kid named Guillermo. There, he learned how to relate with others by sharing his story. Writing: Rob was accepted into the War Horse Writing Seminar at Columbia University. The program was designed to help veterans write about their experiences. External Achievement: "Upon obtaining a few totems of achievement, I came to realize that they are flawed measures of success. External accomplishments are trivial compared with a warm and loving family. Going to school is far less important than having a parent who cares enough to make sure you get to class every day." Two of Rob's mom’s friends came to him for advice. They were talking about their 6-year-old son and they were concerned with how “smart” he was. They asked, “Should we be reading to him more?” And Rob responded, “Yeah, but not because it will expand his vocabulary. Read to him because it will remind him that you love him.” The best and worst things about Yale: Best Students work ethic Focused Unique pursuits Worst Self-censorship One of his instructors at Sheppard Air Force Base in Texas asked the class one Friday afternoon if they had any questions. Rob asked, “If you could do it all over again, would you still have enlisted?” – “Understand that the Air Force is going to ask a lot from you. Just remember that you can get a lot in return from it, as well.” Luxury beliefs - Rob coined the term to describe beliefs that mark the believer as holding the approved opinion while harming those less privileged. Lessons Learned The Hard Way: You are what you do. Not what you say or what you believe. People use words to strategically justify their actions and blind you to who they really are. Don't be fooled by cheap talk. Pay close attention to how people actually spend their time and effort. Good conversations are made up of questions. Avoid speaking for longer than three minutes without asking one. When seeking advice, ask people in a different life station than you—ahead or behind, older or younger. People in the same position are often biased by envy, and this can color the advice they give. One of the most common life regrets people report is “I wish I had let myself be happier.” You'll never be happy if you continue thinking that you’ll be happy one day. “The study of happiness often sounds like a sermon for traditional values. The numbers show it is not the rich, privileged, robust, or good-looking who are happy; it is those who have spouses, friends, religion, and challenging, meaningful work” - Steven Pinker (How The Mind Works) 35% of people in America graduate with a bachelor's degree, 11% of people from poor families graduate from college. And just 3% of foster kids graduate from college. When you think about Rob’s story, it’s hard not to be inspired. He’s beaten almost impossible odds to not only graduate from college, but he served our country, then went to Yale, graduated, and got his PhD from Cambridge. It’s awesome to see what he’s done and he’s still so young and at the beginning of his career. I love it when good things happen to good people. Life/career advice - “Be a fish out of water. Do something hard. Be uncomfortable.” That was advice for a recent grad, but I think it’s useful for all of us.
568: Tony Robbins - Learning From Mentors, Building Confidence, Becoming More Valuable, and Coaching The World's Most Impactful Leaders
The Learning Leader Show With Ryan Hawk
- 59 views
- 15 days ago
Order our new book, The Score That Matters https://amzn.to/48jAoUM Full show notes at www.LearningLeader.com For the past 40+ years, Tony Robbins has been known worldwide as one of the most impactful business and life coaches in the world. He’s hosted millions of people at his events, written 6 international best-selling books, he’s involved in more than 100 businesses that have done more than 7 billion dollars in revenue, and as part of his work with Feeding America, Tony has provided more than 850 million meals to those in need. He’s personally coached President Bill Clinton, Serena Williams, Connor McGregor, Marc Benioff, Usher, the Golden State Warriors, and many others. Notes: The advice Tony received from Jim Rohn. "Your job is to become more valuable. We are all equal as souls, but not equal in the marketplace." “If you want things to get better, you’ve got to get better.” Commonalities among leaders who sustain excellence: They find something they care about more than themselves, they have a hunger for it, and they work amazingly hard at it. “You’re rewarded in public for what you practice in private.” Steph Curry has taken far more practice shots than game ones. He’s rewarded in public for what he does in private. How to build confidence: Preparation creates certainty. “Whatever you hold in your mind on a consistent basis is exactly what you will experience in your life.” The essence of building confidence is this: If you go into a situation knowing that you can handle it – whatever it is – then that's exactly what you'll do. “A belief is a poor substitute for an experience.” You might believe it’s something you’re going to love, but you don’t fully know until you do it. Get in the arena and do it. See what it’s like. That’s when you’ll learn. Tony learned NLP from John Grinder (founder of NLP). Neuro-Linguistic Programming. is an approach to communication, personal development, and psychotherapy, that first appeared in Richard Bandler and John Grinder's 1975 book The Structure of Magic I. NLP asserts that there is a connection between neurological processes, language, and acquired behavioral patterns, and that these can be changed to achieve specific goals in life. “The path to success is to take massive, determined action.” “Any time you sincerely want to make a change, the first thing you must do is to raise your standards.” “The power of positive thinking is the ability to generate a feeling of certainty in yourself when nothing in the environment supports you.” "The reasonable man adapts himself to the world: the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man."― George Bernard Shaw Tony interviewed a dozen of the world’s most successful investors in private equity, private credit, private real estate, and venture capital. He wanted to learn everything he could about the private markets and investing. Ray Dalio - Apply diversification across 8-12 uncorrelated investments.