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Sometimes men will love the idea of you, but not the idea of actually investing any time in you just because you're fucking him. It doesn't mean anything a man will never give up consistent policy for.


Hi, everyone, and welcome to a brand new episode of two Totally Crazy with me, your host, Vialet Bensen. So welcome to a brand new episode of Bad Bitch Boot Camp. You heard me correctly. It's not dumb bitch boot camp anymore. It is bad bitch boot camp. So if you're listening right now, that means that you made it. Congratulations to the class of twenty twenty one. You have graduated from Dunwich Boot Camp and you have now been accepted into the prestige schooling of that bitch boot camp.


You've made it. I'm proud of you. You're here and you've left all of those toxic negative people and feelings in twenty twenty. If you did bring some of it with you into twenty twenty one, that's OK too. We'll work together to make sure this is going to be our best year. We're going to love ourselves this year. You're going to get that promotion. You're going to get that guy. You're going to get that girl. You're going to get that happy ending regardless of what is happening around you in the world that we have no control over.


Like, I really want to be the next bachelorette personally. So if you guys can also manifest that for me, they'll be great. Maybe even D.M. like, I don't know, ABC or The Bachelorette or The Bachelor because I already tried them. They did not over my Dhiab, so.


Kind of rude, but like, I'm totally in my brain for twenty, twenty one and manifesting for myself because I'm ready to date multiple men on national TV and it's not like I can embarrass my father any more than I already have the last six plus years of daddy issues career. So like, let's go like seriously, why right now am I not the next bachelor on ABC? Like, let's move ABC. If you're hearing me, this isn't even a joke anymore.


It's not a bit like I should be the next bachelorette. Do you guys agree with me. OK, all right. Anyway, that was just like a little thought. But OK, let's talk about more pressing matters before we get this Babbage Bootcamp episode started. And that's my butthole. Yes, my butthole. So a lot of you guys have been wondering about my anal bleaching journey and where it all started. Well, it all started with my butthole.


It was actually when I was 17 and I had my first boyfriend, John, God bless his soul. He was a really nice guy. I mean, minus all the times that he were like, break up with me every weekend so you can go hook up with another girl. But you know what else? He didn't cheat on me. Well, actually, minus all those times, he would get happy endings, but he would tell me about them.


I just didn't know it was it was like cheating. Who knows? I don't know whatever, except that it was a pretty nice guy. Anyway, when I start having sex with my first boyfriend, John, I remember this one day. He was always very honest. So, yeah, he was fucking me from the back and he open up my butt cheeks in. Suddenly he just stopped fucking me. He got quiet. And then I'm like, Are you good?


And he goes, you know, you should really start shaving the butthole of yours. And I was like, oh, OK. I did not know you could even have hair there. And that's when the shaving started of my buttholes. Thank you. Are every single man that loves to make a girl feel insecure about her body. So anyway, that's when I discovered shaving my butthole. But I never fully got to see my butthole and what I looked like until recently.


So when I decided to go on this journey of bleaching my anus, I basically decided to do like a before and after. As you guys know, I recently finally received my bleaching cream and I wanted to do this before and after. And I didn't want to take a picture of my butthole and post it and have it on my phone camera, like in case somebody hacks my phone or people are just swiping through my pictures. Like, what if, like, I'm showing a picture to my mom and she acts only like swipes.


Right. A little too much. And then boom, she sees my butthole. It's awkward at dinner. Like, I don't know, I don't want to go there, you know. So I realize the best idea. It was a Polaroid picture. I did not realize how difficult it was going to be at this point. I was like willing to even ask my friends if they would take a picture of my butthole because it was really hard to, like, try to spread my cheeks, my butt cheeks open while also trying to, like, hold this big ass Polaroid camera.


But I managed I laid on my side and then I like I was lifting one butthole cheek with my hand and then the other hand was holding the Polaroid camera. And I took a picture of my butthole and I kid you not I finally worked on myself where I finally love myself and thought I was perfect until I took a picture of my butthole and I got to see in a Polaroid exactly when my butthole looked like if I could unsee any picture of my life, it would literally be my butthole.


Like I would be OK with seeing anything. Like I would look at pictures of, like one of my ex's sweaty balls again. Or like one like that one. Dude, I dated that a micropenis. I'm good. I'll look at that. But a picture of my butthole. Mortifying. I wish I could see. I do not I do not recommend you taking a picture of a butthole, but it's there. And then I took a few more just to be sure it was really ugly and yeah.


Confirmed. It's fucking disgusting. Super fucking darshak, like, what the fuck? Anyway, so I was wearing so anyway, I hit the Polaroid somewhere and I hope no one ever finds it. But yeah, ever since then, the past, like, we've I have been putting the anal bleaching cream on my vagina lips and on my butt all morning and night, every time before you put on the anal cream on your privates, you have to full on, scrub your puss and your butthole.


So I've literally been sitting in my bathtub every morning before I put it on squatting in my bathtub for you guys having sex. It's not like anyone is seeing my brown butthole. So you're welcome. So I continue on my innervating journey. A lot of you guys were asking me if it was irritating my skin down there or if I had issues with now yeast infections from that product. But don't worry, I was literally thinking about the same thing, which is why I did a ton, a ton, a ton of research and I found this perfect balancing cleanser for down there.


So I never have that issue. It's basically my love. Wellness is the number one most recommended cleanser for intimate cleansing by every single OBGYN. It helps you clean your vulva without disrupting any vaginal flora or P.H. and is basically this clean formula that doesn't irritate sensitive skin and maintains normal vaginal levels and even matches your acidic vaginal levels, unlike soap and body wash, which, by the way, can be harmful for your good bacteria and for sensitive skin down there.


In case you don't know, basically it's so simple to use. I never shower now without it. It relieves any type of itching that can cause by, like body washes or soaps or by my anal bleaching that I've been using. So I'm kind of obsessed with it. My vagina maybe doesn't smell like roses, but it also doesn't smell like pina colada. It smells the way it's supposed to smell. Amazing. So I definitely recommend that everyone should try out the Love Wellness Page bouncing cleanser at Love, Wellness, Dotcom, Vialet.


And right now, if you go check it out, you can get 20 percent off of your order with my promo code. Vialet So everyone should have this in your shower, trust me. So go to Love Wellness Dotcom slash violet and get 20 percent off of your order with my promo code. Vialet OK, I hope you have a beautiful butthole and a healthy vagina. So yeah, that's just a little bit about me and my butthole. Anyway, let's get started.


I know I made those jokes about how I thought it was perfect until I saw my butthole and took a picture of my butthole, which, by the way, you guys please take a shot every time I say the word butthole, unless you're driving, obviously, or your work. Actually, it's OK. If it's brunch, it's like happy hour. That's fine. I just want you to know that I wasn't always this confident. And I still have some moments where I'm doubting myself, but I don't know.


I do feel like I am the most confident I've ever been more than ever right now. And I genuinely think that something happened to me recently that just like changed in me. And I think it started when I started creating these episodes and I wasn't planning on growing as a person and changing, but it just happened. While you guys start to grow with me, I created something for other people. I created stuff for you guys. And I always find it so cool that in the end ended up helping me to more than I could have ever imagined.


So I just want you to know that I'm also on this journey with you and actually reminds me of when I started Daddy issues six years ago anonymously. I don't know if you guys know this. I don't know if everyone listens to this podcast knows. But I have a meme account called Daddy Issues that I started six and a half years ago. And when I started six and a half years ago, it was anonymously and it was during one of the lowest times of my life.


I felt so invisible like I didn't matter. I was lost and I had no idea who I was. The woman in my team, the women in my team broke me and I'm Russian, so that takes a lot to break me. And it was one thing when they didn't believe in me, but at some point I stopped believing in myself and I think that was the hardest part for me. I remember when I created Daddy shoes, it came with an alter ego.


It was this girl that I wish I could be like. I literally wrote a whole story about her, which is what people don't understand or because I've never really spoken about it. But Daddy issues was never created to be me because I thought I could never be as cool as her. She was this girl that I wish I could be like. I wrote a whole story about her. She was fun. She was reckless, she was rich, she was sexy.


And when she walked into a room like people saw her and I forgot what it felt like to someone to even notice me because I felt so invisible. She was my ultimate alter ego. And when I tell you I wrote about her, I literally wrote about this girl and her whole story, and I wrote about how her dad was from England and her mom was from New York. And it was like how her parents met and fell in love and they moved to New York.


But then her daddy had issues with constantly tripping and falling into other women's vaginas. So her parents had to get a divorce when she was three. And anyway, now she's in rehab from partying too much and she just got out of rehab and she started daddy. Issues like that was the whole story behind her. So then I started posting. And for me, it was really all about my followers because I had no identity, it was about what makes other girls laugh and what they can relate to.


And for the first time in my life, I didn't feel alone. I was like, wow, OK, other people can relate to what I think or feel like. OK, cool. And then the more continue daddy issues, I even realize. But the followers slowly start to create my persona and they slowly start to create me. I was anonymous because I felt invisible. The followers helped me feel seen and heard. And it was it was literally one of the first times in my life that I felt like I could fit in and I felt like I could finally be me.


I know you're thinking you're like, bitch, you're a white looking blonde girl. You fit it. But I didn't feel like I did because and I feel like maybe only other people that are foreign or mixed can kind of relate to what I'm about to say. And of course, like, correct me if I'm saying it incorrectly in any type of way. As you know, my thoughts sometimes don't translate properly into words since English is my third language.


But something is like this feeling where you move to another country that you never fit in, like in Russia where I was born, they won't consider me Russian because I'm Jewish. They would say you're Jewish, so I don't fit in. When I move to Israel, where I grew up, I wasn't considered Israeli. I'm Russian and some of the people always made sure that I knew that. And then when I got to the US, I am an immigrant.


They can't pronounce half of the wars and people get mad at me sometimes when I can't pronounce something. And they think it's disrespectful. Like you constantly feel like you don't fit in. Like when you move from different countries, you never feel like you have a home that's like at least that's for me. Home has never been a place for me because of that. But it has been a feeling and daddy issues and the followers of daddy issues made me feel like I belong.


And it was like the first time at twenty six I felt at home. So yeah, the daddy issues family save me and I'll forever be thankful for that. And then eventually I stopped feeling like I was an alter ego. I became her, I became daddy issues. She no longer seemed like this really cool, unreachable person because I was like, wait, I'm cool too, because I have flaws as what makes me cool. But eventually I've outgrown the daddy issues persona.


And now again, Daddy Issues is my alter ego because you in my series too tired to be crazy. I was reading a lot of self-help books and listening to TED talks while trying to find myself again. And then I came up with this concept of a series for the podcast. As usual, it was for my listeners, it was for you guys not realizing how much it would actually help me and change me again. I never thought I would be one of those girls that would look in the mirror and actually like what they saw.


I constantly walked around with this fake confidence until this dumb bitch boot camp series, which turned into bad bitch boot camp series. The more I appreciate you guys, the more I start to practice what I preach. And I'm the most confident right now than I've ever been before. I no longer compare myself to other women because I know that we're all doing our best. And I also know that I have more than looks to offer and so do you.


So anyway, what I'm saying is that I am on this journey with you. I am growing along with you guys and I'm so fucking ready for this new chapter in our lives. It's so easy to focus on the negative and the bad, especially with the times right now. Nothing brings people together faster than hate. But I want this podcast to be a life for you to remind you that you can choose to be positive, you can choose to love yourself, and then you can choose to be a better person than you were yesterday.


You can choose to change so you don't end up like one of your parents. You can choose to let go of that habit. And people no longer serve you. You can choose love every single day and you can choose to start today. You're not selfish for choosing to work on yourself. You can't save other people if you don't save yourself first. My mom always tells me that, and I agree. For example, I grew up feeling unloved by my father for twenty years because our love languages were so different.


But as a kid I didn't know and I don't understand that yet from my dad, his love language was acts of service. Well, for me, my love language is what I need to receive, Elise, is words of affirmation and touch. So I didn't get or the Reformation growing up as an I love you or emotional love from him or physical touch like hugs or kisses. None of that for a little over twenty years. So up until twenty three, twenty four of my life, my dad never hugged or kissed me and I said, he only said, I love you once a year.


And that was on a birthday card in writing. We never said it to each other so I didn't grow up with it. But God did. I yearn for it so badly. But since I didn't grow up with it, I don't understand it and I had no idea how to ask for it from other people. It felt so foreign to me. So I remember that I got myself an emotionally unavailable boyfriend that I subconsciously was hoping I could prove to myself that he will love me and I'll finally feel enough.


Which never happened, by the way. And I remember there were these even moments where I wanted to kiss him or hug him so badly and I'd be just looking at him like staring at him, thinking it. But I never got the courage to do it because it felt so unnatural to me. There's so moments, even though even though now I'm so much more. Fractioned, there's some moments where I wish I could be media or things that kind of make me feel insecure because those things make me feel so unnatural by like telling somebody I need them or even times where I want to call somebody.


And I don't call them to this day because I don't want to bother them with my presence. I don't want to be annoying because I don't know how it doesn't feel normal to me. But then one day after Daddy issues was created and the followers help me find myself again, that showed me for a moment that we really do create our own happiness and that failure and misery really is not a permanent reality. It showed me that I can choose to make a change and I'm so happy that I did.


And that is when I realize also that I can choose to now live the rest of my life being too scared to show affection and being scared to be rejected. I knew that I may be too late for my father to change, but I knew that it wasn't too late for me. And that's when I made the decision and chose to change. I decided I wanted to tell my dad that I love him because I didn't know how much longer he's going to be around.


So I want him to know I didn't care if he was going to reject me. At least he would know that I love him. So I start saying it and then I start hugging him. And at first it felt very unnatural to me for both of us. But then it started to become natural. And now literally my whole family has become more affectionate than ever we've ever been. And it all started because of daddy issues and because of the Oggi followers six years ago.


So now, six years later, I've done as much work on myself as possible, literally a 180 change from who I used to be with feelings and never being able to express them to now needing to understand the meaning behind all of it. That kind of should tell you why I have such a desperate need to understand why I feel what I feel. And I have such a desperate need to review research because I'm such a logical person, because I never really dealt with my emotions before.


So I still have a need to kind of understand why all of it is happening. But it's also why I'm so fascinated with why we feel what we feel and why we react the way we do. And that's why I care so much about having emotional growth for me and for you guys. And that's why this time you get to join me on this journey of self growth. You are going to get the job. You are going to get the man, you're going to get new friends.


If you're sick of the ones you currently have, you're going to get everything you've ever wanted with this. But first, it has to start with yourself. How you feel about yourself is what you will project and what you will attract. Speaking of choosing to be happy, choosing to live a better life, why not also choose to be less stressed this year? Which is why I want to choose my next sponsor. It is Headspace. Headspace is here to help you with your daily dose of mindfulness in the form of guided meditations and easy to use app that I swear by Headspace is the only meditation app advancing in the field of mindfulness meditation through clinically validated research.


And you know, I love my research. So whatever the situation is, Headspace can really help you feel better overall. Well, Headspace has a three minute S.O.S meditation for you need some help falling asleep Sailors' Headspace has a wine down session there. Members swear by including me. I started using this app last year when I felt like my thoughts were like taking over my brain and I could never fall asleep anymore. I just stopped sleeping. I was like, OK, I guess sleep is off for me.


Then I download this app and I just start relaxing. My mind finally was blank at night and I was finally able to fall asleep. Now I still use it to this day and I just fall asleep so quickly and then I wake up refreshed and I wake up feeling happy and not upset that I didn't sleep at all. So I genuinely swear by this app. And also, if your parents has this even has morning meditations you can do with your kids, their approach of mindfulness can reduce your stress, improve sleep, boost focus and increase your overall sense of well-being.


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Too tired today and get the sleep that you need. All right. So let's talk about boys. I know you guys have been waiting for this, so now we're going to talk about what happens after you find the good man. And don't worry, ladies, the ones who haven't found the good man, I promise you that someday your prince will come and so will you. Anyway, here are some rules that I came up with. The help you on what happens after you meet Mr.


Right, like after your first or second date. So what you need to do to not accidentally self sabotage. So I wrote I wrote twelve rules, but OK, number one, be yourself. Don't pretend to be someone you're not because eventually it's going to come out anyway. What I mean is sure to be the best version of yourself first, and you don't need to tell him about your childhood trauma on the first day. That's OK, too.


But don't pretend like you're not needy. If you really are or something is a big deal breaker for you, then you should speak up. Don't pretend like it's not a big deal or don't say that you're looking for something casual when you actually already have a wedding dress on hold. The Neiman Marcus, like, be honest with yourself and then be honest with your date, obviously. Don't tell me about the dress or your Pinterest account that's already planned, your wedding or you and your closest friends have like a ritual where you sacrifice an X once a year for better skin, like maybe hold off on that one, but don't hold off on things that are a big deal breaker for you or who you really are.


No. To ask him questions if you want to attract a man. I know everyone always thinks that the best way to get a man to like you through a stomach, it's not true. It's actually through his ego. Ask him questions. I literally even do this when I used to do when I used to get interviewed for jobs for accounting. I ask my interviewers questions nonstop. They talk about themselves so much. And then they were like, wow, this was a really amazing interview.


And they don't even realize that we talked about them the whole time. So it's the same thing. Ask this man questions on the date, make him feel heard, do little subtle things on the date, also like touch his arm, smile with your eyes, or quietly listen to him when he talks and then stare right into his soul, make him feel like he's the only one in the room. And in turn he'll do the same to you, which is why don't offer him sex or your titties, not even one or even a handy in the car.


All you need to do is on the first day or second is little subtle touches, gazes, smile and staying. Mysterious is what's going to get his dick way harder than putting it in your mouth on the first day. Basically make him want to fuck you without actually fucking him. Number three, continue being your confident self like nothing has ever changed. And I say this because in the past I was so dating guys and they would be it would feel like they're obsessed with me.


And then out of nowhere it would feel like they would get over me. And I remember I told my friend, I was like, I don't get it. This guy was so obsessed with me. Now he doesn't care for me. What happened? She goes, you happen. She's like, they met you when you were confident and then you got insecure. And I still remember that to this day. So nothing is sexier than a confident woman.


If you're on a first date and you feel shy, remember how sexy and amazing you are and tell yourself that he's probably more nervous than you are to be in your presence than the other way around. And who can blame him? I mean, look at you, your sexy as fuck, OK? You perfected the winged eyeliner like a queen that you are. So be proud of that and remember how you are. But also, when I talk about being confident like nothing has ever changed, that means also even show that you're feeling insecure about some other woman that's walking back to you.


She doesn't even exist. You don't even notice because you're so sexy, you're so confident you're in your own world. You even notice that she's there. And guess what? When you walk like that, he's not even going to notice that she's there. All he's going to notice is you and how beautiful you are now. Confident you are. Number four, stop with a backhanded compliments. That's the one thing I'm still learning because my love language is sarcasm and backhanded compliment, but it doesn't work in love.


So, yeah, what it means is that don't make a man feel like you're making an exemption for him. Like I don't normally date short man, but you're different. Like no stop you meet is like super soft and he's not interested. He's going to on you number five, no expectations. Another thing I'm still working on and you should too, like expecting him to call you the next day after your first date or to already plan your wedding or to become official after you guys just locked eyes or getting you flowers or him not having a wife.


No, I'm kidding. You should expect them to not have a wife. Hopefully don't go out with a married man because how you get him is how you lose him, period. So don't date married men anyway. Number six, don't suddenly try to figure out how to make him your boyfriend. Like what you need to do since you don't even actually know him, you don't even know yet. If you like him, you're just lonely and horny and you need a hug from your vibrator so you can chill the fuck out.


Don't give him the girlfriend experience when he hasn't done anything to earn it. The bare minimum does not qualify him earning it. Don't give him the girlfriend experience when you're not his girlfriend, no matter how much attention he's giving you, even if he's waited to have sex with you after the third date. No, you're not his girlfriend. If he didn't ask you and his girlfriend, if he didn't make that clear, the what he means is he's still looking for his wife while still fucking you are getting your attention.


So pay attention. Just because you're fucking him, it doesn't mean anything. A man will never give up consistent pussy and then love to be loved. So men can literally love six women at the same time, not in love with them, but they can love six women at the same time because they enjoy their attention. Number seven, don't start chasing him. If he wants to call you, he will. Life will get so much easier once you stop chasing those who are not men for you.


You're never going to end up with someone you have to force to love. You remember that I've never heard someone say like, yeah, I chased him for years, kept showing up at his house at three a.m. when he had no one else to lick his butthole. And eventually he looked at me and was like, damn, you're so available. I love that about you. I love how you just don't respect yourself at all. And you allow me to treat you like a dirty come towel.


Will you please be my wife? Like that has never happened. Like no one has mentioned that in their wedding vows. Like, yeah, I just used to treat her like a dirty comtel, but eventually she got. Joining me now, here we are. That's never going to happen, that's never happened, OK? Number eight, don't suddenly start sexualizing yourself just to get his attention. If you feel like it's slacking, they know when you're desperate for a man that they can almost do any fuckup and you'll forgive them.


Like not calling you for a couple of days, like only texting your 3:00 a.m. or even if they finally call you at 10 p.m. instead of that 3:00 a.m. just once, it's only going to jump out of your seat with excitement and reward him with a blowjob. Well, that all stops. Now, stop rewarding men for doing the bare minimum, because when you settle for a low offer, he takes you as a low price. Stop asking for respect if you don't respect yourself and if you think you respect yourself by allowing this man still into your life, then maybe you don't.


Instead, you have to mirror his behavior. If he's certainly not giving you attention, if you suddenly feel like the attention is lacking, you mirror his behavior and you back off, too. That's what I mean. When I said before, silence can sometimes be your best friend. Men don't learn with words. Mendler with silence. And I know some people got upset at me when I said that, but first of all, it's meant to be in the beginning of relationships, beginning of dating.


It has nothing to do when you're already with somebody for like a whole year or six years or you're married. It's not about that. The reason silence works is because you're actually just mirroring their actions. So when someone starts to be shitty and is not giving you the love that you need, all you need to do is mirror their actions and they'll learn and they'll hear you sexualizing yourself just to get their attention is going to get there for five minutes.


I read somewhere that said anything you chase in life runs away, especially with the man with one exception. If you chase him in a black nightie first, he'll have sex with you and then he'll run. When you give all of you time and super fast, he appreciates at all so much less No.9 continue to go about your day, just like it was before, whether or not he calls you, including if you promise to call you. But didn't.


And I literally always feel with this one and I get like angry and I get mad. And you got to learn someday that reacting actually does not work, especially in the beginning, then will test you to see how far they can go. So sometimes a man will not call you because he's testing you to see how much you care. So when you react, you're showing him that you care and he has you in his back pocket and then he just doesn't have to put any effort when you mirror his actions and you just say nothing and then the next day continue on with your day like nothing happened, he's going to wonder, does she even care about me?


And that's what he's going to start calling. And then it's up to you. Whether or not you want to take that call, it's up to you whether or not you want to be nice, but you don't say anything. And that's what I mean by just going on with your day. OK, number ten, don't stalk him and then get mad at him for following or liking pictures. That's one of my biggest problems sometimes, too. But I'm telling you, it doesn't end well.


A man will always do what he wants to do. You can't control him if he likes you enough. Eventually, when it gets more serious, he'll stop without you ever needing to tell him whatever bad habit you didn't like. He would stop it eventually once he liked you. But in the beginning, you can't expect that. Unfortunately, in the beginning, if we start to stalk a lot because we're bored or your Scorpio, you will start to fill in the gaps.


And that's the most dangerous part. And I feel like that's always been the bad part for me. When I get bored or I feel like the attention is lacking, I start stalking and then I start to fill in the gaps of what's actually happening between this guy and these other females. And once I start to fill in the gaps, I go crazy, my brain, and then I self sabotage. It's so easy in the beginning to fill in the gaps when we're not communicating as much as to create scenarios in your head and to ruin your whole day.


So don't do it. No one, even if you are like all the above that I just mention, then don't fuck him right away because you will get more attached to him and you will have higher expectations than before because your physical connection has now moved faster than your emotional connection. That's why, like I've said before, if you want to keep a man interested, then you have to make sure he's invested in you emotionally before you connect with him physically.


That's why my opinion is so important to sometimes hold off with the sexual stuff, because you've got to make sure you're connected emotionally because men don't view physical connection the same way women do a lot of the time. And again, that's fine if you don't care and you just want to fuck the guy, that's OK to do what you got to do. But then don't go back and selling him out if he's following other girls on Instagram or if he's not acting like your boyfriend just because you fuck them, because for him, you guys are not there yet emotionally just because you move that fast physically.


Roses are red, violets are blue, Gehman's gave this a gift for me, then he'll say, I love you, feel like we I don't even have a man for every day. Don't worry, babe. Keep listening to my big bootcamps and you will have a Mambi bidet. So basically, my friends, a manscape. The global leaders emens below the waist grooming are here to give you the perfect gift for the men in your life. Even your dad, over two million man are currently using manscape products.


I know that with my first boyfriend, the first time I gave him had I had so much hair left in my mouth and that was just like not the move. So I feel like it's twenty, twenty one. If I have to groom myself down there, then every single man that comes into my life needs to groom himself down there too. Don't you agree with me. So basically, in my opinion, the perfect gift to get him. Is there a manscape perfect package 3.0.


It's full of the best products to keep looking and smelling and feeling nice for both of you. They have this revolutionary third generation lawnmower 3.0 trimmer, which has advanced skin, safe technology and features a ceramic blade to reduce grooming accidents. And it's also waterproof, which I love. And let's be real. We've all smelled the worst down there before, and that's why I'm thankful for their crop preserver and crop reviver. These products keep his boys from sweating, smelling or sticking.


What I'm talking about, boys, I'm talking about his balls. These products smell good. Trust me, I've smelled them. There are manly scent is attractive and is going to help you set the mood and not want to gag when you go down there. It's also all vegan, cruelty free and die free. It's a perfect package and it's also going to come with a pair of manscape boxer briefs to keep his young feeling fresh all day. So instead of getting like a box of chocolate or anything else useless, get him this perfect box of amazing products to groom him down there so you and him will be happy for Valentine's Day.


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So chill out Karen. I'm constantly falling in love with men thinking they're the one like literally so fast. Once I start romanticizing it, that's it. It's over. I fall in love with a version that's not even there because I barely even know the guy with the version that I have of him in my head is amazing. Probably nothing comparable to who that person really is, which, by the way, a therapist said that the reason we tend to romanticize peoples because the reality of them doesn't live up to the version that we already made up in our heads.


Let that sink in. I literally romanticise so much the like when I tell you every time I end up with a guy and I'm like, that's it, I'm done. And then I cry about it to my friends. I'm like, I will never love again. He was the love of my life. He was the one of my friends. Like, Wait, which one was it this month? Chad, Bob and I be like, no, Chad is old news, babe.


That was the old me. And they'd be like, Oh, OK, cool. So Brad. And I'll be like, No bitch. That was in January, girl. You got to keep up. And they'd be like, OK, so Nic Drew we mark we know Josh who and I'll be like Dan. And then a few days later I'd be like, oh my God, y'all, I think I'm in love. And they'd be like, OK, then I'd be like, Who girl?


Keep up now it's Fabio. And they'd be like, Fabio, that guy that takes three to five visits a you back. And I be like, girl, that is not the time for you to be so correct. I'm all about Fabio. And then five days later I'd be like, I fucking hate Fabio. My heart is broken. So anyway, I know all about romanticizing, but no matter how many books I'm reading, it all has the same conclusion.


Success in love is not about love. On the contrary of what Instagram is making you feel. It's about attitude. It's about being true to yourself. It's about knowing exactly what you want. Men need a mental challenge. Men look for a woman phone call with an edge. So if you're sitting there because you're the nice girl and you just cook them a meal, even though it's a third date and you're like, wow, I'm being so wifey right now.


No, you're being played. If you're the nice girl like that girl, that gives her all and then pulls a bunch of lovey dovey quotes on Instagram about how when you find a woman that loves you so deeply and she prays for you, then she's a keeper. When you guys have only been dating for two weeks, that's her jumping in blindly before her attention is even reciprocated. That girl tries to figure out what he likes from her looks to her office, and she tries to figure out how to play it.


So he will want her even more, even though she never stopped to realize that she barely knows the guy. And we've all been there. That's called a placeholder. And I've read about this and other books. There's a woman that's a game changer, which is what the man looks for. And there's a placeholder. And I never believed it. Like I always thought it was kind of bullshit. When I read it, I was like, of course, a man wrote that book.


Until recently, I interviewed a few different guys who used to fuck with a lot of different girls. And I wanted to understand. Their opinion, and they're the ones who start to tell me they're like a placeholder is a real thing, like one of my friends is Guy. His best friend had a girlfriend for six years, and apparently he was cheating on her the whole time. And I was like, why was he with her? And my friend goes, Oh, he couldn't fucking stand her.


And I'm like, What if he doesn't like or was he with her? And he's like, because men are never going to give up consists of pussy. Then when they finally broke up, he met a girl that changed him. She was his game changer. He has never even looked at another girl. Now he has never cheated. He he will never even think about that. He's so faithful and he is obsessed with this new girl because something about her was just different.


Men don't allow themselves to love women because that's an insecurity to release control. So a lot of the time men will give vague love. And that's why men are able to, quote unquote, love multiple women. And that's what actually scares me. It's like if he calls you, if it's sexy all the time to introduce you to his parents, or maybe he's just lives with his friends, I don't know. But like you see on vacations, he calls you babe.


He tells you he loves you. It still doesn't mean that your is going to be his future wife. And that's what drives me insane. Now, I understand men just love women. They love them. I mean, I was with my ex on and off for like seven, eight years. That was the one he married? No. I mean, yes. In the end I walked away, but he had eight years to really love me and to marry me.


And it kind of opened my eyes like I was probably just a placeholder. This is why men say very little and we don't always notice if the communication is not clear, it leaves a lot of room for imagination. So, for example, when you tell them in are you my boyfriend? And he's like, let's just see where things go. And you're like, OK, cool, don't bet. That means, like, he's going to be my boyfriend.


No, that was a red flag. He was just walking around what you just asked them and he just bought himself some more time. He's not looking you as his girlfriend at all. He made that very clear when he just said, let's just see where this goes. But we don't listen. We don't notice it. Sometimes men will love the idea of you, but not the idea of actually investing any time in you. And a great example of a placeholder, which is the best example is this the guy the last guy was talking to, it didn't work out between us.


And then he went back to this girl and I could not even understand the timeline because he literally took one vacation. And in my head first I thought it was something it meant something serious, but it didn't make sense because he just wanted something serious with me. So how can you already data girl after me within, like a week and he's taking all this vacation. And that's when I finally learned that a placeholder is real. I realized that she was his vacation home, quote unquote.


In no way am I trying to suspect the truth because I talked to his cousin and he basically explained to me and that's when I finally came to light how men really view things. This guy, he has been on and off with this girl for maybe two years, maybe more. Who knows? He takes her on vacations. He calls her baby. He lets her love him. He even allows her to stay at his house when she comes to visit.


But the times that they're off, he has his gangbangs. He fucks other women. He pursues women like me for something serious. And that told me everything. This woman is sitting there for the past two years thinking they have something because he takes on expensive vacations, maybe even bought her something, maybe even finally said, I love you back. Sometimes he comes off a little cold, but she's like, OK, he always returns. It must mean something.


I'm probably the one for him. She fights for him. Eventually he gives in and again they get back together. She even stays at his house, even lets her drive his cars, even gives her some money. I mean, at this point, it sounds like he's her sugar daddy. Probably I don't know if he is older and he is very rich, but the point is in her brain, she's like, that is the man I'm going to be with, like, that's going to be my future husband.


Little does she know he's so entertaining other women. He never told her, I'm your boyfriend. You know what he tells other people? Nothing. He never posts her. She posts him on her story. Sometimes he asks her not to post him. He said it's because he's private. You know, he doesn't post her. This is why. So the other girls he's pursuing don't find out. And then you know what he says, his friends there is this girl and she lives in Europe.


So like I've been talking to her, I talk to her, like on and off, whatever. And then she was like, are you my boyfriend? I was like, oh, I mean, no, I'm not her boyfriend. But to be honest, I was like, OK, what's the harm? If I just say, yeah, sure, whatever, or let's just see where this goes. Because technically she doesn't know any of the people that I know and she doesn't live in L.A. So it's not like anyone will find out.


So I can just keep fucking her because of it. That was literally what he said to his guy friends. Like, imagine somebody speaking about you that way. You think you guys have someone something special, but for whatever reason, he's just too private to show you off. And it's because he doesn't want other people to know about you because he doesn't view this as serious as you do. So that's why it's so important to discuss boundaries, be honest with each other, discuss what you're both looking for and be honest with what someone's presenting.


And just because to you, being taken on vacation is a big deal maybe to the person that's not so. This poor girl that I genuinely feel sorry for her is literally a placeholder. She things are going to have a family were really he talks not that nicely about her, which speaks highly of his character, by the way. But he keeps her around because it's nice to be loved. He's literally fucking her while still looking for his wife. So if that doesn't open up your.


I don't know what. Well, anyway, I hope you enjoyed this episode. I would love love your feedback on what else you want me to talk about on the series. Address Dmae on Twitter to be crazy or Viler Bensen and I'll make sure to listen before we end. I do really want to check in how everyone else is doing. I know that the world is constantly going mad, so whatever side you're on or even if you don't even live in the US, I know it's so easy to get sucked in and to join all the hate and to argue and to fight, especially right now, because all we have is isolation.


And it's so easy to give in to the anger. But I need you to remember that this year it's about taking care of your mental health, understand that the reality is that you have no control over everything that is currently happening in the world. You also have no control over what someone else thinks. So telling Barbara that she's a fucking cunt with thin lives on Twitter for having a different political opinion than you isn't actually going to make your day better.


Maybe you'll make it for five minutes better because you think it's funny, but it's not going to make your day better. Twenty twenty was already so hard, it was filled with so much hate in so many of our hearts and it's now lingered into twenty, twenty one. I know we don't want to repeat twenty twenty, but understand that you have no control of what is happening. You only have control of what you choose to consume and how you choose to react.


Did you know the human brain was not built to process so much trauma so quickly like all of twenty twenty for example, and even the beginning of twenty twenty one? That is why some people end up being so numb to certain events, even myself, because your brain cannot process it all properly. The effects of twenty, twenty, and perhaps even this year will linger on as trauma in your mind and in your body without you realizing for years to come.


Isn't that interesting? So right now, more than ever, no matter how much we connect online, we're all experiencing serious form of isolation, which is causing loneliness. You may not even be that noticeable to you or even seem like a big deal, but the long term effects of loneliness cause actual health problems. Loneliness can create deep psychological wounds. One, they are going to distort your perception and will scramble your thinking. Loneliness will make you believe that those around us care much less than they actually do.


It makes us really afraid to reach out because why set yourself up for rejection heartache when your heart is already aching more than you can stand? It makes us act out in ways we normally wouldn't. Take a look around you with what everything that's happening in the world. There is a lot of research on loneliness and a lot of it is horrifying. Loneliness won't just make you miserable. It will kill you. Chronicle loneliness increases your likelihood of an early death by 14 percent.


Loneliness can actually also cause high blood pressure. High cholesterol even suppresses the functioning of your immune system, making you vulnerable to all kinds of illnesses and diseases. Cough, cough, a.k.a. covid. You can literally expose yourself more to covid because of loneliness, which don't even get me started of. How upsetting to me it is that sometimes I feel like we don't talk enough about mental illness and depression and your mental health and and loneliness. When what I'm talking about, by the way, is chronic loneliness, which is way different than regular loneliness.


But we're getting there. We're isolating ourselves. It's not normal. It's not human. It's not healthy. So as much as I agree with you, like, yes, everything that is happening with covid sucks. What's happening with our mental health sucks, too. And we should start to notice that it's not normal, it's not OK. We should start to take care of ourselves. But that is exactly why it is so important that we prioritize our psychological health, our mental health and us first, that we practice emotional hygiene because you can treat a psychological wound if you don't already know that you're injured.


So be careful how much you consume negative things. I know it's so much easier, especially when you're already feeling low, because misery loves company and nothing brings people together faster than hate. I get that. I know that you also care about the world and I get that too. But I need you to care about yourself just as much, if not more. I need you to start caring about yourself first, because again, if you don't first take care of yourself, you won't be able to take care of anyone else.


You won't be able to save the world. You won't be able to help anyone if you don't start with yourself. So that's that. That's my final thought. So again, thank you so much for listening to another episode of Too Tired to Be Crazy. I hope you enjoyed this episode. I would love some feedback on your thoughts, what you liked, what you didn't like. Just feel free to damn me and don't forget to subscribe and I'll see you again next Thursday.


I love you, Tom.