Mark my words, you heard it first, I will be engaged by the end of the year and so will you. Happy New Year, everyone. Welcome to a brand new episode of To to Be Crazy with me, your host, Violet Benson. This is literally the 20th time I'm trying to record this intro. I don't know why I'm so nervous when I literally record an episode every single week, but for some reason it just feels brand new because it's twenty, twenty one.
And it's the first episode of two thousand twenty one, although this was supposed to be released on Thursday and twenty twenty one instead. You're getting this episode on Sunday and I will address this in two seconds explaining why I haven't been I've been kind of off with the scheduling of posting, but first of all, there are a few things I'd like to address. Number one, you've made it you've made it through one of the worst years of your life.
Twenty, twenty. You're here, you're alive. You're doing your best. And I'm so proud of you. So congratulations. We made it. Number two, I don't know what you did for New Year's, but for me, I did the responsible thing and I stayed home by myself. I actually fell asleep before it was 12:00, so I didn't get a chance to ring in the new year. But you know what? No one even texted me and wished me Happy New Year.
So I was kind of offended. But that's OK. It's fine. The second thing I want to address is my podcast. I have gotten some comments and I've seen a few reviews. And you are right, the schedule of my posting has been inconsistent and it is disappointing. And I do want to say that I am sorry for that. You deserve better. And right now, as your partner, if we were dating, I am not putting all my weight in and I'm sorry.
And so I would like to first apologize. OK, the reason I've been having some issues with my podcast, the truth is if I'm being completely transparent is because I'm having some contract issues. And I know before you say, are you fucking kidding me? That sounds really familiar. Don't worry. It's actually a very common thing for creators to have issues with their contracts because a podcast contract is almost like a music contract. And I don't know if you're aware, familiar with the music industry, but it's literally one of the worst contracts you can get.
It's kind of similar. So you end up signing something, you're kind of stuck in it. So right now I am trying to get through the contract. We're trying to figure it out. Hopefully we will soon. But while we're figuring it out, the reason I've been having issues is because I still haven't found the correct team, because I want to I want to step away from my podcast company and find my own production team while I continue obviously being with them on the contract.
It's like it's like a whole thing. But anyway, so far, I'm the one that's producing and editing and doing everything. And that's why sometimes I'm just so overwhelmed and busy with my other job that I don't end up having all the time in the world to dedicate myself to the Sparkassen because I'm such a perfectionist. I struggle if I feel like an episode is not perfect. That's why a lot of times when you get an episode for me, I actually recorded that episode like ten times before.
I thought it was OK. Good to go, you know. Anyway, so that's what's been happening. I do hope in twenty, twenty one this year, hopefully super soon I'm able to get the contract that I'm looking for and I'm able to find myself a brand new team when it comes to my producer and editing and all that stuff. And I'll never have an episode like you guys again, because I've also heard before that you've had issues with my audio and I don't blame you doing Zoome interviews.
The audio is really bad on Zune. It takes me like eight hours to edit those episodes and then I see common thing like what the fuck? The audio sucked and I'm like, shit. I spend eight hours trying to figure out the audio and I, I did it manually and I still messed up because clearly I'm not a professional editor, but I am doing my best and maybe I'll take a class until I find a good editor so so I can learn how to edit properly, because I do want you guys to have the best time when you listen to my podcast.
So. So that's that. All right. Number three, the third thing I would like to address before we get started is this. Open up your ears, babe, OK? If he didn't wish you a happy new year, then leave him in twenty twenty. Bitch, you heard me. I said leave him. Leave it. If he made you feel unloved last year, if you had any friends that made you feel bad about yourself, if there's anyone that's draining energy out of you, leave them in twenty twenty and keep going.
I said leave it period. You've been through enough in twenty twenty. You do not need any other extra external negative energy to bring with you into twenty twenty one. OK, because here we are all about self growth and sometimes part of self growth is understanding when it's time to let go of certain people. All right. The next thing I'd like to address before we get started is Alex from call her daddy. I'm not sure how many of my listeners are familiar with Alex from call her daddy, but this is why I want to address this, because it's been in the back of my mind and I just need to discuss it really quickly, OK?
My whole brand is to lift women up and lift people up. I've never been a part of any type of drama in the past. That's not how I built my brand. I've never been into cloud chasing or anything like that. I'm way too fucking old to even use the word cloud racing. I mean, I shouldn't say that because thirty two is young. I'm young, OK? My vagina is doing great. And the point is that it's been the back of my head ever since I've made my first comment about call her daddy and Alex.
And what I want to say is that.
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I feel like I made a mistake when I even addressed her because I feel like I wasn't put in a weird predicament where my roommate at the time, Franchesco, who stole my girlfriend, she recently had to move back to Canada for her green card stuff. So she had to go back to Canada. But when Francesca was with me and living with me, she was so hurt by Alex's podcast, I call her daddy that she asked me if we could address it and discuss it on my podcast.
And I was trying to be a good friend and I agreed. And it did put me in a weird predicament because it's not really my thing to air out dirty laundry. As you know, you've never heard of me having Fallout's with people because I keep it quiet, keep it private. And I would never want to bring someone else down. And I would never want to affect somebody else's mental health because I would just go against everything I've been preaching.
Obviously, Francesco's my good friend and I had her back and that's how she came off on my podcast. And I know most of you didn't mind it, but I did see some feedback from some of you who didn't care for it. And I completely understand where you're coming from and I don't blame you. So I did want to apologize on my end because I was just trying to have my friends back. And I do feel bad that I ended up coming off as if I was attacking someone else, because, again, even if somebody is a terrible person, it's not my job to let them know they're a terrible person.
In my opinion, karma is real and it will get to that person on its own while I continue to focus on my own path. That's what I believe in and that's what I preach. And that's why I want to continue to follow. So I do apologize when that happened. And I do hope moving forward I can just, you know, not get involved in other people's drama. I hate when I do that and I always regret it and I totally regret it.
After that episode was aired and with Sofia, I did try to tread lightly on it when we discussed friendship break ups. And I even said I feel like good things about Alec. So again, yes or no, she may be a bad person. I don't know. It's not my business. I don't know her, but I do want her to succeed. I do want her to heal because everyone deserves a chance to change as a person and everyone fucks up and everyone deserves to grow from it.
So, again, it's not my job to educate her on how she should be as a human being. OK, next, the next thing I know, it's been like ten minutes of me just addressing things. The next thing I want to address is and this has been bothering me for a while because it's now a new year, I've decided I am done setting aside my comfort for a boy's ego, which is why I want to address that. A long time ago I've mentioned that I slept with some guy that I was dating.
I call them the Taurus and that now the the my number, not that even matters, but I said that my number was ten guys that have ten guys now. Well, you know what? I lied. I actually didn't actually really have sex with this guy. He couldn't get his dick up. We tried to have sex. He literally couldn't get his dick up. And it was really embarrassing after that. He wouldn't fuck me again because he felt really embarrassed and I felt so bad.
And that's on the podcast I mentioned that we banged, but it was a lie. We didn't. And I'm just done setting aside my comfort or bending the truth for boys ego. Sorry you couldn't get it up. I'm not counting you. It doesn't count. I'm back to number nine because you can get your dick up. And while I'm at it, I'm also just not going to count anyone who never made me come, which basically means I'm a virgin.
So congratulations. I'm officially entering twenty, twenty one as a virgin. So gomi. So that's that the last thing I want to address before we finally get this episode started is anal bleaching. It's really important, you guys, to listen up. OK, so a few episodes ago, I talked about me wanting to bleach my asshole on my interview with Sophia Franklin. And I ordered this product on the Internet and it just came in the mail. I haven't started using it yet, but to be honest, when I ordered it, I'd never know what color my butthole was.
And I still don't because I've no idea how to even go there. And the problems that I want to take a before and after pictures I can give, I can tell you guys results, but I feel weird having you on my camera roll because, like, it's just so weird. But also I came up with a solution. When I'm going to do is I'm going to take a Polaroid of my Butthole four before and then I'm going to start using the product.
It's basically you have to do it. You have to scrub your butthole and your vagina lids if you want to do those, too. And every time before you put the product on, it's twice a day. So in the morning when you wake up and then right before you go to sleep, I haven't started doing it yet. I've been forgetting, but I swear I'm going to start it tonight. And then in two weeks, in two episodes from now, I'm going to tell you guys the results when I will compare my butthole.
Polaroid so super excited for that superoxide for my journey. And I'm not going to tell you what product it is yet because I don't know if it works, but it's just some bleaching syrup that I found on the Internet. So, yeah, I'm super excited for my butthole. And I'll let you guys know, even though I'm not even having sex with anyone. So it's not like anyone's going to see it. But but yeah. Let's go. All right.
Today's episode is basically a recap of all the episodes of Dumb Bitch boot camp, because guess what, you guys, I forgot to announce this for you officially graduated in twenty, twenty one. After today, you will no longer be listening to solo so called Dumb Bitch Boot Camp because you've graduated for dumb bitch boot camp into bad bitch boot camp. That will be the new name of the series, starting with the next solo episode, which I will be releasing next Thursday.
I will be going back to normal programming. And again, by the way, aside from the fact that I'm having podcast issues, the reason I was also kind of being weird in the month of December with posting was because I really needed a break from work. But unfortunately, because there were ads put in to my episodes, I wasn't able to get that break. And again, I apologize for disappointing all of you, but I feel like I got the mental health break that I needed and I'm ready to get back to work.
I feel hopeful again. I feel happy again. And I really need this time. So thank you. And I hope that you can continue to give me feedback when I fuck up and want to do something wrong. And I will continue to listen and I will continue to do better. OK, OK, so yeah. So not only are you getting a solid episode right now and it's going to be a recap of my favorite things that I've talked about in the last three to four episodes of boot camp.
But also next week, on Thursday, you will get a brand new bad bitch boot camp with a brand new material. All right. So the reason it also took me a second to record a solo episode was because the last episode it was the Are You Dating a fuck boy? Recap in the intro, I mentioned how my dumb bitch boot camp series actually worked for me. And I finally met the man of my dreams and it's happening for me.
Well, guess what happened a few days later? Yeah, I was wrong and I felt so embarrassed because I was so fucking sure of myself. And when I make a decision, it's really hard for me to go back and to change my mind. And I felt so embarrassed and I didn't want to admit it to you guys and I didn't want to admit it to myself because I just felt like, how can I teach you guys how to be a bad ass bitch when I'm clearly a dumb bitch?
Because I didn't I fail to see the red flags or whatever. But after doing a lot of searching internally, I realized that the reason we all graduated from dommage boot camp to bad bitch boot camp, including myself, is that what helped me stand out from being dumb to being badass is that I caught it early, that this person was more words than actions and I made the decision to walk away even though I was so sure of myself, instead of trying to fix something that was clearly broken, like when I stayed in a relationship with my ex for seventy eight years on and off, because I didn't want to try anything new and it was clearly very toxic.
But this time I walked away and I thought that for a second maybe I was a dumb bitch for falling for someone's words. But I realized, you know what? Good for me. I didn't allow my heart to harden. No matter how many times you have let me down. I still believed him when he told me whatever things he told me. And I don't regret it because I actually do love the fact that I still see the best in people.
And I still see the world in rose colored glasses and yes, I end up getting hurt more often than I'd like to admit, but I do love that I still have that type of innocence about myself. And I hope that you also don't allow just like one bad experience or two bad experiences of fifty thousand bad experiences, harden your heart and prevent you from finding love, because we all deserve it with the right person. And I love that about myself.
And I do hope that I never lose that because every time it doesn't work out with someone, it just means that you learn something from it and it was supposed to help you grow from it. And I think I genuinely believe that with this person, I was I was meant to learn a lot from it and I finally did. And yeah. And I love that. I always tried to give it my all before I walk away and I see the good in people.
So I realize now that moving on quicker than usual is what makes me stronger. It was weird. I really just wanted to go all in with this guy and I did understand why it was giving me the type of energy that I wasn't used to and I was so drawn to it. And I think he was as well. For some reason we're just clashing and everything was more dramatized than it usually is for me. Like I was being so dramatic and I would be so reactive to everything.
And it was so weird to me. But I couldn't I just kept needing more. And I did understand why. But of course, the way I am as a person, I did a ton of research about it because I'm such a logical person that I always need to understand my feelings or why I'm feeling something because I'm such a robot sometimes. And I wanted to share with you guys after all the research, I actually figure this out. Finally today, I did understand why I was so drawn to this person.
I realized that, oh my God, this man, not even on purpose, is making me feel unloved. And it's reminding me of my relationship with my ex-boyfriend and a combination of growing up with my father because and this can blow your mind. Apparently, there are certain people that you meet in your life that for whatever reason, will make you feel a different type of way, whether it's like you will feel emotions really quickly and it'll be like a highs and lows.
And even if you're a very calm person, suddenly they bring out the worst in you or everything feels more dramatic. But it just it's addictive and you're like, what is happening? So apparently it's a real psychological thing where these people that some people that were so drawn to and they're not even doing anything on purpose, but they we just react differently to them. It's because something about them triggers our insecurities. And how does that happen? Well, basically, this therapist explains that something about them embodies the worst emotional characteristics of our primary caregivers, meaning it triggers subconsciously the way one of your parents treated you growing up that really hurt you.
And the reason you end up being so drawn to that specific person is because subconsciously you never were able to resolve that hurt due to betrayal, manipulation, abuse, neglect or whatever. So then because of that, you end up seeking healing of the wound and for whatever reason is subconsciously, you hope that you can change the outcome of what happened to you when you were young, meaning I subconsciously ended up being attracted to this man without him realizing. And I felt so into him.
And he reminded me in a weird way of my ex and my dad. And I didn't even realize that was because I felt so unloved by my father for twenty years because we have a different love language. And then I ended up dating my ex-boyfriend for seven, eight years because he reminded me of my father, because I always felt the love and I thought that I kept searching and yearning to prove something to myself, that I can fix this with him.
I could finally feel love and I never did. And then all these years went by and I healed myself and I fixed myself. And then I ran to this person that I didn't realize triggered all these insecurities in me that I buried in the back of my head. They all came out into to the surface because of this one person. And that's where it was coming from. For me, the tell me I was being more dramatic than usual. So I think it's really interesting and hopefully can give you some closure regarding certain people that you may have experiences, highs and lows, or you were suddenly acting differently or they're bring out the worst in you.
It's not even them. I mean, I even understand that effect that they have on you. And you may not even understand that effect that they have on you. But it's not love. It's you experiencing pain that needs to be healed. That's where it comes from. And yeah, I hope that helps. OK, so before we get to this full on episode, I do want to say that in honor of this brand new year, I have decided that I will Venmo or cash up five dollars to every person that writes me a five star review on the Apple podcast.
All you have to do is take a screenshot, dmae, your review to violate Benson on Instagram and I will send you five dollars. I don't care how many of you there are, I will send it to anyone. The DMS, me, they're good review that they just wrote. OK, so remember that I will do it for this episode only. OK, at least you'll make some money off of me even if. Five dollars. We will do more.
We'll see, you know, maybe I'll surprise you with more money, but yeah, so do that. OK, so we're first going to do a little get to know me questionnaire because you put in a lot of questions asking me questions about myself. And I feel like sometimes I'm so good at giving advice, but I'm not as good opening up. I don't know it's because I'm Russian or because I just grew up with never speaking about my feelings.
But I just want you guys to get to know me a little bit better. So I'm going to answer 10 questions, starting now that you've asked me. Number one, how do you take the world and make it beautiful with your voice? I love that question. So I think the way I'm able to take the world and make it beautiful with my voice is that I try and see the good in everything, even in the bad, because I know that it means that I have to learn from it, even from people that hurt me.
I know that it's to make me stronger. And I think by now that I'm able to allow myself to be vulnerable and forgive myself over and over and over again as many times as I need to. It helps me to be kind to myself. And then because I'm kind to myself, it helps me then to be kind to other people, because in order to view the world in a kind type of way, you have to view yourself in that kind type of way first, because how you feel about yourself is what you project onto the world and how you choose to see yourself as how you choose to see the world.
So I do think the world is much more beautiful when you see it in a positive light. OK, so number two, how do you deal with regret or being reactionary? So this is actually something that I struggle with. I'm not going to lie. It's one of the reasons why it took me a second to even record a solo episode, because I because I felt so much shame and so stupid. And I know it's stupid, but I felt I felt shame that I got something wrong.
And God forbid I'm only human. And then I felt shame for having emotions and reacting. And then I felt shame for then feeling bad, for feeling those emotions, blah, blah, blah. But we tend to be our worst critics and sometimes it sucks when we forget to be as kind to ourselves as we are to our friends when they're struggling like I wish I could remember every single day to be kind to myself the way I tried to be kind to the rest of the world.
I don't know if you're like me, but I'm kind of a perfectionist. I definitely have OCD. I'm very neurotic because I'm Jewish and I'm very hard on myself. And I still to this day struggle with not being perfect. I don't handle regret well, and I sometimes hide my feelings because I get scared to overwhelm people with how intense I am inside. So when I finally react, it's because I can't hold in those emotions anymore. Sometimes I, I hold in so many of my emotions and just keep it to myself because I'm scared to overwhelm other people, to bother them with my with my feelings that I will physically get ill because my immune systems are being so low, because I'm harboring so much inside and I still been working on it.
But anyways, because yeah, I just don't want to overwhelm people with intense my emotions are. So then when I finally can hold it in anymore and they finally react, I tend to regret it even if I'm right. And then I tend to feel shame that I let go of control and that I allowed someone to see that side of me. And it's still something that I'm working on, being such an intense person inside. And I feel like my defense mechanism to not overwhelm people has caused me now to somehow learn how to completely detach myself from situations and actually just have this conversation with a couple of friends of mine.
And we're talking about how our past trauma has taught us to somehow completely detach ourselves from situations and how interesting that is. So I think sometimes I can come off completely detached and it makes me come off completely careless. But really, I'm feeling so much inside and then when I finally react overwhelms people. So sometimes it feels like I can win and I'm still working on this part of me. This is the one part of me that I don't like very much.
OK, next question. What do I do with the guy I've been talking to? The kids go see me and then coming back. Well, babe, if that's happening to you, it means he is not serious about you. Every time he disappears, it's most likely it's because he found someone else to keep him busy, to get his dick sucked. And then when they leave or he got bored with them, he comes back to you because he ran out of options.
Leave him in twenty twenty, you know. Well, fuck it. Leave him in twenty nineteen. OK, we are done. We are graduating. We are graduating to be bad bitches. OK, we're done allowing people to treat us like a second option. You are not some dirty come towel. Stop allowing people to treat you that way. People will treat you as badly as you allow them to treat you, respect yourself and other people will be forced to respect you or to leave your life.
That's our newest view of twenty twenty one. OK, next, how do you keep yourself from negative thoughts? I don't anymore. I force myself now to feel it, all of it. I used to try to numb myself with pills when I was younger and then sometimes nowadays I tried to numb myself when I didn't want to feel with ETB. For a few days, but I've learned that's not the way to go. I force myself to feel it all while I'm sober because I learned and I'm still learning that I'm human and I'm going to experience bad thoughts like every human does.
So instead of suppressing them because of my need to be in control, all that does is that a few weeks later, I'm so overwhelmed by all my emotions that suddenly I will literally get sick and end up being so low that I struggle to figure out a way how to get back up. And it just recently happened to me again. So now I know to not hold so much in because emotions are just like a backpack, the same analogy. It's basically like when you're in school and you're carrying a backpack.
If you keep putting books inside of your backpack, eventually it's going to get so heavy you won't be able to carry this backpack anymore. The same thing goes to your mental and emotional health. When you keep putting all these things inside, you think it's not a big deal. You're like, oh, I'm strong and suppressing my negative thoughts and suppressing my emotions. No, you will not be able to carry on. You will not be able to walk after a while.
You will not be able to feel after a while. You need to let them go. You need to release so you can feel light again, just like with a backpack that you need to let some books out of your backpack so you can keep carrying it. So, yeah, OK, let's get started. Let's do a full recap so all of us can now graduate from dumb bitch to bad bitch. And by the way, I'm thinking our nickname should be Bhatti's.
What do you guys think? Please let me know. I have not come up with a nickname for my listeners yet and for me, and maybe we'll start doing some work soon, too. So here's the recap. I recently realized that I've been dating a lot of the same men, but in different bodies. And that's when it dawned on me I'm not meeting these shitty men because the universe is out to get me. I am literally manifesting it on myself and the universe is just giving me what I'm looking for when I'm asking for because I haven't learned my lesson yet.
The end of the day, thoughts create reality. So you are always going to attract people who will give you what you fear. And that fear remains dominant more than confidence. So when I'm so scared of somebody making me feel unlovable or ending up with someone that made me feel unlovable the way my father did for twenty years, God bless them, though I know he regrets. And now I end up attracting those type of people because I have some wounds.
I have some pain inside of me that I still need to heal. And that's why the universe is bringing those type of people to my life, because it's forcing me to grow from it. So the mistake that you've been making this whole time is thinking that you're playing some role in someone else's movie. You have to stop giving someone else, all of you and putting them in front of you as if you're some extra in their movie. We've talked about this from now on, you need to be the star of your own show.
This is now your show. You're literally a Cardassian and you don't even know it because it's your reality show. Vee, the star of your own show. From now on, it's about you and no one else. You are no longer going to be a supporting role in someone else's life. We're done with that. They should be in yours. It's your show. You subconsciously been playing the love interest and giving the men the leading role as if finding love with him is the most important thing in your life.
Which star it's time to stop chasing and instead attempt to take your the leading role they need to start fighting to get you, not the other way around. You're the queen. You're the one that needs to be impressed and inspired, not the other way around. Like I said before, I used to be like, Oh, he likes blondes. Only a more blonde. Oh, he likes indie music. Sally, I'm really into weird indie music.
No. Then I realized, what the fuck am I trying to prove and to who? I don't even know if he's good enough for me. You like brunette? Well, that's crazy because I'm blonde. So you're going to start liking blondes now. That's the type of confidence that you're going to start walking around. It's time to change your perspective. And you know, that perspective is you're the prize baby. You are not made for men. From now on, men are created for you.
You're the prize and they need to win you over. When a man wants you just like everything else in his life, he's going to chase you and he's going to try to get it. And you've heard me say this before. So let me repeat myself. If he's not chasing you, it's because he has a want to if he's not choosing you and leaving you confused. And I learned it the hard way, it's because he doesn't think you're worth it.
He doesn't love you because he doesn't think you love yourself. He may not tell you that, but you sticking around when he gives you just twenty percent of what you need proves it. You think your man has commitment issues. You think he's not romantic. That's because somewhere down the line he realizes he doesn't need to do any of that to keep you around anymore because you're still there. That whole bullshit about men being emotionally unavailable, just that bullshit.
Watch how some guys will break up with you because they're not ready for anything. And then the next person they date within three months, they're suddenly engaged. And you're like, wait, what the fuck just happened? It's because that girl was smart. She didn't give it up that easily. She made him work for it. And not just her petunia, but all of her. And I still make that mistake now. But at least now I'm self aware because you're.
Not a dumb bitch for falling for somebody lies of her falling because you want to be loved. No, that's going to happen regardless until you find the right person, and that's OK. The reason you're a bad ass bitch and you're going to graduate from this boot camp is because now you're going to be self aware and you're going to see right away the signs and the red flags when someone's not giving you what you want, whether it's in business or in dating.
If you want something, you asked for it. If you don't get it, then you're asking the wrong person next. All right. So we focus so much on what a man wants and wanting to figure out the secret tricks and how to hook a man's heart, that I literally fall into this all the time. Even now happens sometimes. But you got to remember that it's becoming your true self that's going to attract the man. We think, well, I'm going to back a man by being exactly what he wants.
His whole life, he's gotten exactly what he wanted. He's gotten love from his mother, from his first girlfriend that told him she will always love him after he jackrabbit fucked her for three seconds on prom night. And she thought that that made her special. So be what you think a man wants or giving him all of your love from the moment he gave you any type of attention will eventually bore him well, will help you stand out as being your best self.
It's crazy how I finally realized that what attracted men the most is just being myself. When you are your best self, the most confident bitch out there, that's what will entice him. That's what he's going to notice. That's what's going to make him want to be around you. That's when he wants to change himself and be the best man he can be to be in your life. Suddenly, that guy, they never want a commitment. Now he desperately wants to be with you.
When you stop trying and instead work on yourself and respect yourself, you start to attract people who hold you to that same high regard that you hold yourself. Men will always push you to the test. If you give up, they will take it's in their nature. Men don't mean to disrespect you, but they will test you how far they can go in the beginning, whether it's sexual comments in the beginning or trying to do some Netflix and chill instead of a real date or to see to keep your word.
When you say that you don't normally sleep on the first date, stop trying to impress him. Who cares what he thinks? He should be trying to impress you. Why offer him your body and your whole personality when he hasn't done anything to earn it? Lust may get you through the door. Baby does not keep you in the house. And I'm not here to shame you. I'm doing quite the opposite, babe. I'm here to empower you because somewhere along the lines we forgot how much we have to offer.
I'm here to tell you that you're more than just your body, more than just your looks are more than just your amazing pussy. If all you have to offer a man is your sex is your ass, is your titties again, let me get through the door. But it's not going to keep you in the house. There's just not enough foundation there. And that's why normally things like that start out fast and die even faster. I'm here to teach you how to choose you every single fucking day because your price, if you don't feel that you're in the best company when you're alone with your thoughts, then why would anyone else want to be around you?
I want from now on, the every day that you wake up, you realize what a blessing you are to this world. So every morning when you leave the house, leave those insecurities at home, gain confidence, and you're going to gain the life that you want from the jobs. The friends of the partner, basic bitches chase men, dumb bitches, which we are not anymore chase men. But you, baby, your queen, and so am I and we don't.
So leave that shit in twenty twenty. And if you're wondering right now if you're the only girl I'm talking to, I'm going to give you the signs right now how to tell if you are you're not. Even if you finally, finally time to respond to all your stories, even if he keeps calling, even if he keeps trying to make plans, is so bosomy. You're the only girl in his life. So you got to stop giving him that girlfriend experience when he hasn't done anything to earn it.
And all he's been doing is a bare minimum. Don't give him the girlfriend experience. Don't give him the wife experience. We're not even his wife, Wendy, not his girlfriend. No matter how much attention he's giving you, even if you waited to have sex with you after the third date, if you're not his girlfriend, if he didn't ask you to be exclusive, if it didn't make that clear, then that means he's still looking for his wife while fucking you are getting your attention.
But he doesn't know that you're about to become his wife. He doesn't know that you're about to hook him. So, you know, you got to stop blaming being single or dating loser men and your daddy issues your friends and everyone else. So the fact that there aren't any good men in this town know that's done. We're done with that. It's time to forgive your parents for not being heroes, your ex for cheating on you, making you feel like you're not worthy of love, because that's not true.
You are. I am so sorry that the people that were supposed to protect you didn't. But guess what? You still survived it and you're here and I'm so proud of you, which is why it's time to let go. It's time to let go of this past trauma. It's time to stop carrying all this baggage and thinking that all this baggage that you have is the only thing that defines you leaving in twenty twenty. It's no longer defines you as if this life that you have about yourself, how you can light up any room that you walk into as if how creative your mind is, how beautiful your smile is, how warm your hug is, how good your advice is, and how selfless your love is.
As if none of that. Any differences, if none of that defines you as if none of that is what makes you you, it's time to give yourself more credit. Your trauma no longer defines you. It doesn't have to anymore. It's OK to let it go. Leave it in 20, 20, stop searching for pity or blaming your poor behavior on the past. Stop searching for someone to one day come into your life and save you from your past.
Choose to save yourself today, yesterday and tomorrow. Just do it. You owe that much to your inner child. All right. The third thing you're going to have to do is you have to admit to yourself what you want and say out loud. You have to be honest with yourself. It doesn't mean that the next man you meet, you're going to be like, yeah, hey, I know we just man, this is our first date, but I would like to have kids.
So how many should we have? Because, yeah, you're going to send them running through the door. What I am saying that it's OK to be honest with yourself and with people you're going on dates with and admit that if you want something serious, you know what I am looking for something serious. I'm going to be honest with you. It doesn't mean that it's with you, Bob. I don't know you that well. I don't know if you're the right person for me, but I am looking for something serious.
If you're not, you can go ahead and step aside and make room for the other men who are pursuing me. That's what I mean. So once you admit this yourself, you'll be ready to build yourself a roster. And again, not for fucking fuck was because you're a boss ass bitch. You deserve a good man. You deserve a few actually, to figure out who's the perfect one for you. And we will figure out the whole roster stuff of good men on another episode of Bad Bitch Boot Camp.
So I am excited for that and I will be going through that process with you. So I am super excited for that because mark my words, you heard it first. I will be engaged by the end of the year and so will you. How embarrassing. If I'm not, imagine the end of the year, like go back to this episode and I like edit it and cut this part out and then pretend like it never happened. But now it's going to happen.
I'm going to find the love of my life before this year ends. Mark my words. OK, go next. What I have been saying in these episodes, you've got to stop falling for false flattery. You've got to stop comparing yourself to other women thinking that makes you better. It doesn't. If you think that all you have to offer is your looks and baby, you are playing a losing game because there will always be someone prettier than you, funnier than you, younger than you, because beauty is subjective.
The best thing you have to offer by yourself is you. Your confidence is what will make you stand out your hobbies, you know. So think about some hobbies that you have. Like, for example, my hobbies are putting together puzzles and blocking out. Look at me standing out. So find your hobbies, figure out what makes you you. That means every day when you wake up, you have to love what you see in the mirror. You have to want to fuck yourself before expecting others to feel the same.
The only thing that's wrong with your body is that you think there's something wrong with your body. Instead of hiding something you don't like about yourself, it's time to embrace it. That one thing about yourself that you're so insecure about that you think everyone else cares about. Actually, no one would even notice it if you weren't so busy focusing on it and pointing it out and drawing attention to it. When you act like the hottest girl in the room is going to look at you like you're the hottest girl in the room, you have to believe that you're desired.
The men want you. And then others will start to believe it, too. If you could see yourself from the eyes of people who love you, you would never feel insecure. So every day I want you to look in the mirror and see yourself through the eyes of your best friend, because when it's fake confidence, it just means that you're literally focusing on one or two of your good assets on your body. And that's what you try to highlight.
Like, for example, I got big ass titties, so sometimes I highlighted, but wearing a top that's a little tight and focuses on my titties. The reason this is so silly is that when you put all of your focus on those few, one or two physical assets that you think make you so special while still being secretly insecure under the surface, that will end up being your downfall. Because the first time a man is going to reject you, even after you offered him your Neistat cities like me, your whole self-esteem is going to be shattered because he didn't want to lick those beautiful golden nipples of yours.
And then you're going to end up comparing yourself to the next girl he dates because we but her waist is smaller than mine and her ass is bigger than mine. Then you assume that's why he didn't love you and that's why he loves her when it's completely not the case. It's never about the body. It's never about the pussy. This whole thing with, like, my pussy is magical. Sure. Maybe really is. And you Queef Unicorn's good for you.
But for the rest of us, what's special about you is what is attached to that pussy is a person sorry I said the P word so many times right now it doesn't matter about your body, what assets you have, what size you are, or the flaws that you think you see in the mirror. When you look at yourself, what's important is who you are, how you carry yourself, your self, the confidence and what makes you stand out like you're the only girl in the room, because confidence doesn't come from being the loudest in the room, having the biggest ass or having the most to say it comes from within and how you carry yourself.
I can walk into a room fully covered up without saying a word. And I guarantee you my presence will be no, no, you may look at me and be like that is just kind of annoying. But guess what? You noticed me. So I want you to start waking up every single morning and falling in love with yourself. And it's OK if you have some bad days where you don't feel like it, it's OK. You're not perfect.
No one is. But on most days I. I want you to go back into believing and realizing how amazing you are because you're a new and improved bitch now, OK, because no girls are listening to my podcast a week as bitches. We are all bad ass bitches now. And yeah, my mom said before, there's no such thing as bad days, just bad thoughts. You can make a choice every single day to take control of your life and to start changing your outlook slowly.
You can literally start doing something differently every single day for even five minutes, meaning for five minutes you decide to look in the mirror and to smile to yourself, or for five minutes when you're starting to have a bad thought. You tried to distract yourself by by doing something that makes you happy or makes you smile. And if you continue that for a full week, you will already change your outlook and your perspective. It's actually founded by research. This actually works when you take control of your life and change your outlook.
Watch how slowly things begin to fall into place. It doesn't mean the only good things will happen to you because that's not life. But it does mean that it's your choice. Now, what you decide to react to and what you don't. What you need to realize is that people don't belong to people. You can't force someone to love you back. You can't force someone to be with you. You can't force someone to change themselves just to make you happy.
Even if it works for a bit. It won't last long term. When people change for someone else, it's actually really not healthy. And it's not going to last because they're not doing it for themselves or doing it for someone else. As shitty as it is to hear people are allowed to change their mind at any point, people are allowed to outgrow their current situation, their current partner, just because you love someone, to the point that the thought of it hurts you, it doesn't mean that they have to love you back.
No one owes you their love. No one owes you their compassion. No one owes you their kindness. All those quotes that you see all the time, the people post of people who love greatly and have such a big, horrible you deserve that same love back is a bunch of bullshit. Like, yes, everyone does deserve love and you deserve the greatest love as you should go out there and you should find it. But to expect it almost demand it from someone who is not your person, who doesn't feel the same way is beyond unrealistic.
And you're literally setting yourself up for failure to make you think that if they don't reciprocate the same feelings that you have, that maybe you're not worthy of love or something like that. In reality you are, but with your person and wherever that person is right now, that is not able to give you the love that you're looking for. That's OK. They're just not for you. Your person is out there somewhere. Whoever they are, wherever they may be, they're there.
So like I said, I think this is now from boot camp number three. You can still be a boss ass bitch, even if you've been rejected, because at this point, you already know who you are. You've worked on yourself. You understand now the rejection is actually your best friend. Not only does it make you stronger, but it means that whatever didn't work out for you, thank God, because it wasn't meant for you. And there's something else out there.
Your life was not created for you to lose. OK, listen to me say this again and say with me, your life was not created for you to lose live. Trials are built to wake you up and to force you to grow. When you find your inner confidence, you will no longer stop and dwell on those small things anymore, like being said, or someone not answering your tax or being rejected or somebody flaking on you or being unfollowed.
So on. You're going to see it, you're going to accept it, and you're going to choose to move on because you know who the fuck you are. Even if someone thinks that they're too good for you, whatever, that you know what? Good riddance. Goodbye. Even when bad things happen to you is actually good because it advances you to either think differently or to move differently. Understand that other people only as powerful as you allow them to be in your world, shrink the thoughts you give them and you will literally shrink their role in your life.
Why would you give someone else so much attention, whether it takes you back, whether they didn't want to date you or they flaked on you or gave you a mean look, blah, blah, blah, who the fuck cares when they're just a supporting role in your movie? That's your life. You have to crush the idea that someone else can affect your mood so greatly that it ruins the whole day. Like I said before, you can move them from being the supporting role so quickly to just being an extra in your life.
Because if you loved yourself the same way you love the idea of a man's validation, baby, you'd be unstoppable. And guess what? In twenty, twenty one, you're about to become so fucking unstoppable. All the exes that ever rejected you, all these men they never loved you, made you feel in love. They're going to come begging for you back and by then you will not want them, because by then you'll be so grown you'll realize why never worked out with them.
OK, so remember that real interest doesn't peak. Real interest only rises surface attention. It's only gone after a week or two or a month. Then he was never that interested to begin with. He just wanted your attention. All you will ever owe a man is your company and that's it. Now your body, now your cooking skills, not everything else. And now you begging him to stay. So if he starts to back off in the beginning that you know what, he was never Mr.
Right. Let him go and keep on going because no man who is actually meant for you will get away that easily. There's no such thing, like I've said before, is the right person at the wrong time or any other romantic bullshit that some dude made up. So you can stick around to back up. When a man wants a woman, he's going to be an. So it leaves you wondering they know the answer, because when someone passes you up, because the timing is, quote unquote wrong with they're really saying is, hey, I think you're great and I like you, but just not enough to date you.
I would love it if you can hang around while I keep my options open just in case I can't find anything better. People think that the hardest part about dating is finding someone, but actually the hardest part about dating is finally letting go of the wrong people, admitting to yourself that you made a mistake, that this is not your person. We tend to be so stubborn that we hold on to things for a little too long and we try to fix something that was broken so long ago.
The truth is, when you meet the right person at the wrong time, they're actually just the wrong person, because when the right person will come into your life, it will always be the right time because the right people are timeless. So like I said, in boot camp number three is that I don't believe in getting even I don't even believe in hating somebody that hurt me. That's why even when I talk about men that it didn't work out with, I don't even shame them really on this podcast, because I know that when I harbor on and hold on to anger, the only person I'm hurting is myself because it takes so much more energy and so much more emotion to hold on to anger with somebody than it does to let it go and to be indifferent.
The opposite of love is not hate. It's being indifferent. So that is why I don't technically believe in getting even. What I do believe is that the best revenge is moving forward and never backwards. If you're trying to get over somebody, you've got to take him off that pedestal that you put them on. You got to step him off of whatever it is that you thought you fell for and really look at him and see how ordinary he certainly looks to you.
Sometimes you don't realize it, but it's your love that made that person seem so special. And when your love is gone, you see who they really are, how ordinary they are. You start to see all their bad qualities, which is, by the way, their worst quality about them was not realizing what was right in front of them, which was you. And when he'll come back, which he will trust me, they're all going to come back to you.
You're not going to want him anymore. You won't need him anymore to make you feel whole because you're going to be whole all on your own. So then when the right guy is going to come along, you're going to say, there you are, my missing puzzle piece. Good thing I waited for you because aren't you tired of choosing people that never choose you? Why do you keep fighting for people that treat you like an option? You keep saying you deserve better, but yeah, you stay.
It's time to move on. It's time to let go. It's time to release yourself from the past. And it's time for a fresh start. It's time to open up your heart to everything you've been waiting for because you're going to get it soon, very soon, I promise you. But first, you have to trust in yourself and believe that you deserve better. You have to start talking to yourself and about yourself like someone that you love. You deserve that you're never going to find happiness until you start with yourself.
You're never going to find happiness if you're going to keep searching for it and other people, you're just not. You have to find in yourself first. When you finally realize you're more than enough for yourself, you're never going to worry about being enough for someone else. So like I said, in dommage boot camp, number one, I don't know who needs to hear this, but repeat after me. And this is going to be the last time we're ever going to say this, because we're going to leave all of this in twenty twenty.
OK, so repeat after me. I owe myself a huge apology for putting other people took advantage of me, people who didn't deserve me just because I wanted to be love. I take a deep breath and forgive yourself for not knowing any better, for having such a big heart that you continuously allow people back into your life when they didn't deserve it. I want you to know that you're amazing and that I'm proud of you. All those moments you thought you couldn't survive, including twenty twenty, all these people you thought you couldn't live without.
And look at you still fucking breathing. Thank you very much. You are so much stronger than you think you are, so don't ever let anyone in your life again. Princess, better days are coming. This is a new year. But I need to start with you. OK, I really hope that helped. This was kind of obviously a full on retouch of all the three to four episodes that I've done a dumb bitch boot camp. The reason I said four episodes, because it includes that one episode that's from ghosting to begging you back.
I believe it was technically a dumb bitch bootcamps episode. So now you have it. So the next episode we're going to have next week is going to start with us being brand new bitches, which is going to be a bitch boot camp. So get ready. We are going to start discussing having a roster of good men, how to conduct a good first day, how to learn how to talk to the opposite sex. Obviously continuous confidence within yourself because that takes work.
It's not like a day thing. Every day you have to wake up and and you have to choose to love yourself. Every day my wakes up and she chooses chaos and wakes me up. But I wake up and I choose to love myself and I need to start doing that too. And um. Yeah, but I would love actually if you guys Daming told me what you want me to include and some of these solo episodes like next week, I'm still trying to figure out whether or not I'm going to do a full on up.
So to telling you how to get over someone you never actually dated and continue being a bad ass bitch, or if you prefer, I talk about how to conduct a good first date, so you let me know what you prefer. Welcome to twenty twenty one, Bhatti's Welcome. I'm really excited to start this year with you guys and I really hope that this year or one day when the epidemic is over, I get to meet all of you. Love you guys.
Don't forget to love yourself. Don't forget to allow yourself to feel the bad emotions when you feel them. And don't forget to let go of all those terrible people and leave them in twenty twenty. And I will let you know about my anal bleach. All right, you guys, thank you so much for joining me for another episode of Too Tired to Be Crazy. I love you guys. And I will see you this Thursday and every Thursday after that.
Love you. Bye.