Thank you for listening to this podcast, one production now available on our podcast podcast, one Spotify and anywhere else you get your podcasts, our big digs, better in the bedroom or Zelinka myth.
It's a myth that the Big Dig Dyckman. Hi, guys, I'm Bill Benson. Welcome to another episode of To Try to Be Crazy on every Thursday. With me today, my amazing guest is a reoccurring gas. So you guys, it's one of your favorites. It's one of my favorites.
It's Emily, a.k.a. Sex with Emily.
Oh, good to be here, Violet. Good to have you home.
Thank you. So as you know, you can guess what we're going to be talking about today is going to be about politics, just sex and politics.
Sex, no politics, just sex. I have so many questions for you, so I'm excited to have this episode. You tell.
I love talking about this stuff with you, Violet. We always go. There we go there. We go deep.
We always go there. I love coming on your show. She has a podcast. She has a radio show. Tell me more about it than I got a podcast called Sex with Emily.
We've released two to three episodes a week and I'm on Sirius XM Radio Monday through Friday, five to seven p.m. Pacific. And people can call in with their questions or email me with questions, too.
Not to mention she is a real doctor.
Yes, I'm a doctor of human sexuality. I'm your sex doctor. She has a Ph.D. here to answer your questions.
So when she's giving you sex advice, it's OK when I'm giving you relationship advice just because I've decided I'm a self-proclaimed life therapist, she's actually a real ass page. The sex expert, human body expert.
I have a doctor of human sexuality. That is true. Yeah. Yeah.
I did even know that we've been friends for a while now. And I remember the first time she told me we were were face timing and I was so high.
Yeah. And then she told me, she told me she actually has a date and I was like, yeah, it's a doctor, human sexuality.
It's not a party, but it's same thing still. I was much like you do, you've training.
But what the fuck do you think I would do in the show?
She just thought that I was like having a lot of sex and then talking about. Yeah, but I've been doing this for fifteen years. I started a podcast fifteen years ago, which is insane because every every girl now that has a podcast.
So I feel like every girl now I was like I sucked fifteen dicks. I feel like I can talk about.
I have a dick right now. You can't listen. You need a lot of sex addicts in my day and I also have studied sex for a long time and talk to reach millions of people.
That's pretty amazing. OK, so the first question I want to get started with, which I feel like no matter how many times I've talked about it, I feel like it's so important because I'm still myself included and my followers, like we're still trying to get through it.
For women in general, it's how to conquer the fear of a man going down on you. Oh, yeah. Fear of man going down.
You will first you conquer that fear by getting comfortable in your own body. And the first step to that is masturbation. You know, I'm a huge fan of it.
And learning how to orgasm and make yourself feel good, because when the first step in that an exploration part is to take a mirror and put it between your legs and look at your body and see how amazing it is when you touch yourself, how your clitoris swells your labia and understand what you need to do to give yourself an orgasm because you're responsible for your own orgasm.
That is the first thing. The second thing is to be with a partner that you trust. If you're with someone who you think, oh, they won't go down to me or they don't know, guys don't really like it, then that I'm assuming it's a guy.
If you're with the guy, women, I think might be more down. But you are.
Yeah, it's not your person you want to be with, someone who enthusiastically wants to be between your legs and give you pleasure.
Now, I understand that oral sex on a woman get such a bad rap because people always talk about how, oh, it's women think that we're dirty and we're not hygienic or why would they really want to do it, believe me. And this is the other thing about having experience.
Yes, there are men who are not into it like, oh, gross, are not your people, but the people, but the guys.
You were like, I get off on giving you pleasure and I love going down. You eat you out. That's like hot.
Those are your people. So know that if someone's doing it, they want to be there. We are clean. We are our vaginas are a self-cleaning oven. Think of it that way. We keep our balance. It balances itself. I mean, make sure that you shower, that you clean yourself up. But there should be nothing to be shameful of. Also, you are insecurities come from maybe the taste. Our partner doesn't want to be doing it.
We covered those and then we're worried about the way our vulva looks.
Should you taste yourself before you have sex? The shirt is fine. Taste it. Taste it. Smell. Yeah, why not.
But I feel like it's like it's one thing already. It's like we're already so nervous about our vaginas. I love the, I love the, the advice. I'm like you should masturbate like I do masturbate. And it's still weirds me out when a guy goes down me. Because a first of all there's already, it's already a little intimidating.
Even when I go there are guys out there, they're like, I love going down on a girl. So then you do feel more comfortable than those the guys before they've even seen your vagina. They're like, oh, it's not really my thing. I don't really go down, girls. And then you just start thinking about those guys. Vaginas are disgusting. He thinks mine's disgusting.
If a guy. OK, here's a news flash. If a guy says to you, it's not my thing, here's what you say. You're not my thing.
Oh, game over. I mean, I. She ended a relationship like that because I was very confused by a guy I was dating and he wasn't going down to me and this is my job. He listened to my podcast. I'm a huge fan of oral. And finally I said to him, we were drinks one night and I said, question, I'm curious about oral sex on me. Is it because you're you're you're not sure if I want it?
You're not sure what to do. You're not sure or it's not your thing and it's not my thing.
And I was like, this relationship is over because for me and for many women, that's how we orgasm. That's how we experience the most pleasure. It is not through penis. There's three ways that women are more likely to orgasm. It's a mouth, it's fingers and it's a toy. It's not a penis mouth, fingers toy. That's it. So did you hear penis in there?
No. If a guy doesn't want to do it that he and this is no judgment on men and there's some women who don't like receiving oral.
So let's men there should be a dating app for women like receiving oral men who don't like giving it.
That's a perfect match made in heaven. It doesn't have to be your person. But going back to the Shamer, the third my third point about getting confident with oral is, is knowing that every single vulva is different.
And on my Instagram we post is a lot, which is sex with Emily or there's there's something called the vulva gallery.
You can see that every vulva when I say vulva, it's your external part of the vagina, like your labia and all that.
They're different. It's like snowflakes. It's not true. Like the women you see in porn who have the little zip, the little zipper, it's like tucked in.
It's shot from an angle. It's not real life. Your vulva, the bigger the vulva, the better.
You have more nerve endings there. So I think it's maturity.
It's like really educating yourself on the stuff, because when you are shameful and you're not allowing someone to receive on you, you're actually not receiving you actually are cutting yourself off from ultimate pleasure because you're because you're your bovo like expands when you orgasm, when you get horny, too, right?
That's exactly. So that's why I want people to take a look, because what the amazing thing is, you're like, oh God, I don't want to look. I just pretend it's not there.
If you just get curious and you put a mirror there, your phone that will take a picture. But just look as a mirror thing and you see that you use a little bit of lube, make sure your hands are clean, always use lube, and then you start to, like, touch it. And then you'll see that the labia that that your clitoris has a hood for some women is a little hood.
And when you get aroused, it goes back, it retracts and then starts to swell. So it's all about blood flow and becoming more engorged with blood in, you know, engorge is not a great sexy word, but that's what happened. And then it starts to swell and your labia swells. And that means that the aroused that's the arousal process happening. And once you look at it, you're like, wow, that's really beautiful. And I remember doing this once with a guy and saying and starting doing my studies and figuring out this process.
I was like he was like going down to me or doing something. I was like, look at this. I'm like, do you see how it swells? And he's like, I'm like, look at that is like, wow, that's really cool. So I enrolled him in my pleasure.
Yeah. And he was like, oh yeah, I want to see it. Well so then the guy doesn't want to see it. Well here I'm saying you got to find your person.
So I think to get over the shame is to really let go because part of having amazing sex is letting is a letting go and receiving receiving, not worrying.
If this goes back to your first podcast, which people go back and listen to that.
I was on your show a few years ago. It's like a year ago. A year ago was.
It really is. I guess a few years ago. We've done so many shows together. We had a focus for a year ago. It was the last one. But it was because you and I think this is so good. Then let's revisit it is that you were like, what about my orgasm face or what about blowjobs? I'm like, what about you, Violet? Yeah, what about your pleasure? And I don't think that women can hear this enough in and you've been talking you talk with this about but like, you know, women are responsible for our own pleasure.
Don't do anything for don't try to change yourself for a guy.
Don't give up your pleasure for a dude.
And because what you have really great oral, you won't be able to be with someone who's. Not at all.
No, that's not true. I feel like as much as I'm even teaching women now when it comes to dating, do things for yourself. When it comes to dating. I feel like when it comes to sex, I'm still in the back of my brain. Do I feel like when I look at sex, it's almost like the pleasure of the man and I'm still learning how to go back like the same way I view dating the same way. And sex is like, what about like how for me to enjoy.
I make the most out of it for myself.
I'm so glad we're having this conversation because I think, you know, just because you hear something once, you need to keep Romi. I have to remind myself of these messages to all the time. I mean, even though it's my my work, you have to embody it. I mean, better not.
But anybody means it becomes part of your part of who you are. Like, now, I could not be with someone who's jackhammering me, not provide not going down on me isn't sex.
OK, so I have a question. This is actually really important because it's happened to me before with one of my ex boyfriends and happened to my roommate recently with someone she was dating.
So I just need to know what let's talk about. I don't know what is, but I'm excited. OK, why do we get yeast infections? Are UTIs with certain guys more often than we do with other. Is it because or is it is it true that, like, balance between two people sometimes doesn't match? Yes, well, no, it doesn't mean that. It doesn't mean like, oh, we're not a match.
We should move on our bounce. But it does me.
Whenever you introduce a new partner, you introduce new Siemen, you introduce it, just a new bacteria. So what happens is you're getting a bacterial infection, infection, which means that balance in your vagina is getting disrupted by a new but by a new chemical, by by a new substance. And so it's because your body isn't used to that person. So I think for a lot of women, they get UTIs or bacterial vaginosis or a yeast infection, all those things.
When you're introducing something new, it could also be you're sweating a lot. You aren't showering after you work out. Your pants are too tight. But with a new partner, this absolutely can have.
In fact, we never studied this before, but there was an article that came out recently that said that absolutely. Now there is evidence that it's because from semen or man's penis that that's what's causing us to have repeated like yeast infections or UTIs or bacterial vaginosis, because because it's just bacteria. It's what it means. You've got to pee after sex. Always pee, right. Every time. Also before and after. Pee before. Pee after.
No, but have some exes were like it's it was very rare for me to get any type of infection down there. And I had this one ex that no matter what, it's not like his dick was too big. It a pretty small dick, but for whatever reason, I don't know if it's because his balls were always extra sweaty or whatever it was like down there, but he was constantly giving me UTIs or like some type of infection. Infection.
Yeah, UTIs. I use infector or the other B.V. bacterial vaginosis. Yeah. That, that's, that's what it could be.
It could be that they're, that their particular makeup isn't jiving with yours, but it doesn't mean you got to end a relationship eventually. No immune to it.
My vagina new wasn't meant to be before I realized that. Exactly.
Your vagina is speaking to you, although that's a whole nother show. But it is true. Our bodies now that's so fun. Our bodies have intuition. We store stuff in our bodies. And this this is why the other reason why, you know, we're leading with like Aurel.
But for women to truly start to connect this, connect their brain to their to their pelvic floor, which is the power source of of life and of everything, and a knowing that when we start to really connect and get rid of the shame, then you'll know, like you will know who's right for you.
You'll you'll you'll you have to start trusting it, but you'll just you'll just know how to move. You'll know what feels good and you won't you'll stop cutting yourself off from pleasure.
My pelvic. So my pelvic floor is the ones going to tell me. Yes, absolutely. If you listen to her now she is.
But that's why it happens. And I'm not saying you need to, you know, but they could also have an infection. They could have it tested. They could have something going on. So get tested. A guy could have I could have suction as well. And I realize that absolutely we spread these things.
You could be a carrier. You know, that's why it is important to get tested. It's important to care for your vaginal health. It's important to have these conversations about safe sex with somebody other no wants to.
OK, what's the best way to have multiple orgasms for a woman practice and.
Well, I always say practice because for the majority, for myself, I never had it with a partner until I was able to do it by myself. But the way I'm going to explain to you, you can do with a partner. But I just know you you you.
I know I know that you're going to want to it's too much pressure when you're like, oh, I came once. Unless you have a very dedicated, devoted partner, which we all deserve, who's like, let me see it. Let me see it. I want you to orgasm. So here's what happens. Have your first orgasm. For many women, that's a clitoral orgasm.
I have so much new information orgasms, but that's when you're rubbing your clitoris and you are and you have an orgasm. So the great news about being a woman is that our refractory period, the time that it takes to have another orgasm is a lot shorter than men. For men, the time it takes them to come and then come again could be an hour.
Some minutes. It could be a day. So so the good news is that women think, oh, I had an orgasm, I'm out. But if you just have your orgasm, however you have it with a toy, with penis, with fingers, mouth, and then you just start to breathe.
It's really important to breathe deep and then start to touch yourself in other areas, maybe move your fingers away from the clitoris, but you start to play with your labia. Now, here's where the labia comes in, that the clitoris has 8000 nerve endings. OK, but people think it's just that little that little bulb at the top. But it actually has legs.
The clitoris has these legs.
So here's like your clitoris. Yeah, the vulva.
And behind the vault, behind your labia, there's little legs.
And that's nerve endings as well for the clitoris. So after you have that first orgasm, start to touch yourself, your labia start to explore Ts. If you're with the partner, start to make out and keep that going, keep that arousal going.
And then because we talked about how you're getting aroused and then the blood starts to rush it, it's just getting started.
For many women, it just one orgasm is just the beginning and then know that it could happen and then maybe start to play with your nipples, start to tease.
Yourself, and then you put a finger inside for many women who it helps to have an orgasm, a clitoral orgasm first to have an internal orgasm, which people call the G I call G area, because for every woman it's different. So to say there's one spot that you have to find it a certain way is limiting. So I think it's patience. It's a lot of breathing. Use a vibrator. I mean, I know with a vibrator I can have like 40 orgasms.
Like I like I could be late for work. How many orgasms of you had once ones. I probably had like 30 in little Twilight. Yeah, well, like a vibrator or something. I'm just like, yeah. Oh there's 30.
Yeah. Oh my God. I was so proud of myself. I have four and I'm going it's like one in you. It's like when I ran a marathon they were like I was training for like just run one. If you can run three miles you can run 26. We but you can have four orgasms. You can have 40.
We had no you talking when you're saying like 30, 40, whatever you're talking about, the ones that it doesn't even come all the way to the end. Like it feels really good. But, you know, you can't like there's that one orgasm that's like explosive. And then there's those are just like, oh, it feels an amazing feeling. I feel like I reached something, but I don't think I'll get the explosive parts and you keep going.
It's more of those like up like a peek, a peek, a peek. And then again, the explosion.
Yeah, it's I've had everything. I've had internal, external, I've had explosive. But when I'm alone, sometimes with a really good toy, I'll just it'll start to rise. I'll have a great one. So have the second or third one is stronger than the first. But then after that they're more like tremors, like earthquake, earthquake tremors. But they still you still feel it. But it might not be as explosive.
They're like aftershocks. Interesting. OK, what are some good toys that you recommend? Oh, I recommend the I love anything by we vibe.
I always go back to we vibe. I think a great first toy is the we vibe touch because it is fits in the palm of your hand.
It's great for intercourse, it's great for penetrative sex because you can hold of your clitoris and it's also great because it covers more surface area. It's like it's about two by four inches, it's purple, has little ridges on it that you can turn it around and use different places.
I love the womanizer.
Yeah, the womanizer is like the clit whisperer.
I love the the the the. Oh, you know what else?
I love the Zombo I about you because I wasn't in my office. I'll bring you some more toys. The zummo is really great for women who want to explore. And again, let me say one thing. Side note, vibrations feel great on men too. So use your vibrator on your partner when you're giving a blowjob like at a lower setting. But the zumaya reminded me of that because it kind of looks like an electric toothbrush in the sense of its long and narrow and has a little tip.
But the tip rotate. So it's not really a vibrator that's like their thing.
It rotates, but it has a little pin point that since we talked about all those nerve endings, it allows you to pinpoint different areas on your vulva.
And for some women, they have a lot of pain. They vegetal pain or or they're just areas that maybe when you were like fourteen, you put a tampon in and you damaged a nerve, not damaged, but you put to sleep and you may not even know it.
So with the zummo, you can very carefully precisely hit all these different nerve endings at Awaken Your Vulva and your vagina, because there's so much potential for pleasure. And we never even scratched the surface unless we do this work. Yeah, masturbation work with a lot of toys. I love that. What are the best positions to help a woman come, or is every woman different or their actual specific positions that can help us?
It's a great question. Every woman is different. Typically, the most common position is woman on top, and that's because you're able to control the speed and the depth and the pace of it, you know, the and how you move, the positioning, the speed, the pace, and you can grind your clitoris on top of your.
I'm assuming we're talking about heterosexual. Yeah. Couples.
So it's about a grinding like a moving back and forth from getting your clitoris just just right. So I think that woman on top another way is, you know, for some women, Doggystyle, that that's not really the most popular, but you have more access to your clinics.
Remember this, most women I could say they put this on my fucking tombstone, 20 percent of women are going to orgasm during sex, during penetrative sex, only 20 percent. So and of all those women, it's not every single time.
So any position that allows you to have more access to your clitoris or your partner to stimulate your clitoris is going to do the trick shots.
Our first sponsor of the day it is, honey, if you're home all day, just like me, it must mean you're doing a lot of online shopping just like me, because it's much cheaper than therapy. So why not let honey make things easier for you? Honey is a free browser extension that searches the Internet for promo codes and automatically applies the best ones available checkout. And it's supported by over 30000 Web sites. You can get honey on your computer by going to join honey dot com violet next time you make an online purchase, honey, we'll just pop up and all you have to do is click apply coupons and then you wait a few seconds as honey searches for coupons for that site.
If Honey finds working codes, apply the best one to your cart, literally. That's it. I recently tried it out for a bunch of Christmas gifts and I'm buying for my family and for my cute roommate Francesca. And I applied like literally ninety percent of the things that I bought. I found a coupon via Honey, it's super easy. It takes two seconds. And why not just have on your computer anyway, you guys with over 70 million members and over two billion dollars in savings, honey, is your new online best friend.
It's so simple. If you have a computer, literally, honey should be on it. It's free and it works with whatever browser you use. You can go honey for free today. Join Honey Dotcom Vialet that's join honey dotcom Vialet literally go do it right now and save some money.
You're welcome. Why do girls love big dicks? Is is our big dicks better in the bedroom, or is it like a myth?
It's a myth. Is the big dick myth now? Truth is, is that some women are size queens. They love it just like men, like large breasts. Some men like large breasts. And that small breast, we probably wouldn't have the same guys. Right. Your breasts are amazing. Mine are amazingly but small.
So. So it's the same kind of thing. There's a preference. Now, I have to tell you this. In the 15 years I've been doing this and this is the truth I have received, I receive hundreds of e-mail questions every day people call in.
It is always a problem with a large piece. Penises can be too big and it's painful and those guys suffer.
Those guys are like, I can't find someone. It's really hurts.
But we think that's a joke with such, you know, it's like they can't get it in and then women tear and they can't experience a penetration. And so, I mean, yes, it feels great to be filled up and a big penis for many women, that's preferable. But for some women, it's painful. We talk about 80 percent of women experience pain was sexy time. Is it easier than is it easier to come with a big notecard?
Why do women love Big Dick?
I think because it's because culture. So it's just a thing that they're just like, Oh, I want me.
A big dick does actually mean anything. But for some women. So listen, the most sensitive part of your vulva is the inner two thirds of your vagina. The internal part is the inner two thirds, meaning you just need a finger, you need a long tongue. Even a small penis can do that.
And so it's more about and there's other kinds of orgasms. You can have a cervical orgasm.
You mean because women listen, we don't explore.
So this there's a lot of possibilities. But I think that women like it because it can feel good and it can fill you up.
But I think that we would rather take it sometimes.
I think we'd rather take a great lover all around someone who cares about our pleasure, who can who knows how to use their penis, who knows how to use their hands and their mouth over a huge penis.
And yeah, because sometimes it feels like guys with big dicks feel like they don't really have to do any work though. Like, I just I showed up. I have a big dick your work to get started. But you know what it is.
Let me tell you this. The only reason why, if this is true, this law that guys with big dicks can just do whatever they want, it's because women are giving them the power. Women are saying, yeah, I'm going to let you off. I'm going to let you come to jackhammering, roll over because I love your big dick. Why would you love is Big Dick if you're not getting the benefits from it? But that guy is ready to fuck that guy that literally destroyed it.
And let me tell you this. There would be more men who not only were they into oral, they would see oral as a requirement, like getting a college degree or getting their driver's license. They'd be like, I need to become a master of oral, because that's the only way I'm going to get the woman that I want. So but we and again, it's because we didn't know and this is why I love that we're talking about this, because it starts with you.
It starts with you. It's everything that was nothing like where are you going like or she comes first to me.
That's a great motto to live by that prioritize your orgasm and you won't let anyone get away with not giving you pleasure.
Yeah, no, I agree with that. I agree with that. Like, I agree, I had that one friend who always says like like I have to come every time I have sex with a guy. Like if I don't come, like no one's going to come. Yeah. I better come first. Yeah. And I love that girl. I like that friend. Yeah.
I listen, I don't think you should have shame because I mean this could be another six podcast. But let me just tell you, this is that is that it's not your fault. Women were not taught this. And every if we did learn about sex, it is always oriented towards penetration. Always it's yeah. That's the main event. And foreplay comes before the main event. But if you look at all the studies and all the research and what's actually true, the penis is analogous to the clitoris, meaning the clitoris erect has erectile tissue and so does the penis.
The clitoris expands and grows, so does the penis. The penetration doesn't hit the clitoris. But since we live in a patriarchal society, then all porn is written by men.
Movies are written by men, but it's not accurate information. So the more women can listen to this podcast and play it for your guy and say like this is a fact, I am the sex doctor. I'm telling you what is truth. This is not I did not make this up is just because women need to start taking control of their own orgasms.
OK, speaking of it, being a man world, I do want to talk about penises first. Let's do it.
Can any one be a Deep Throat or can anyone become a Deep Throat or like is enough for everyone?
Why do they want to become a Deep Throat porn? Obviously porn.
OK, ok. So OK, let me ask you your gag reflex, but I don't think that it's what men want to tell me.
This works. I saw this on tech talk and I wanted to show it to my followers. I recently tried to show the tech, talk to my followers and then some girls. I posted the sex talk on my podcast, Instagram, and some girls commented back saying, thanks, I tried this and I threw up on my boyfriend, so. Set the record straight. OK, so you put your thumb, you put your thumb like this in your finger, and then you put your other four fingers over your thumb.
Then you put your finger, the other finger on your chin. You put the other finger in your chin, then you go like this, you go here, hold on. Where you go here and then.
No, don't do it. Don't don't try this at home.
OK, so listen, I don't know. I don't know. You don't know where I put this finger pointing. Your answer. But but listen, sweetheart.
No, no, I put it on. If you want to improve your gag reflex, there is something you can do.
I didn't work for me. Yeah, you can take a heard of this.
I've been taught this in the world because I'm not all about it, because I think that it's porn. Said I got to go. I got to choke on his cock. And because that's what you see in your eyes after to water.
And it's so embarrassing if the guy has a small penis and then you have to pretend to choke on it. I've done that. But Guy said that actually they don't want you because I know you're not joking.
It's like it's unfair because I feel like they know I'm lying. But also, like I said, if they have a small dick they don't like, if you if you manage to go all the way down deep, though, they're day, because then they know it's small.
You're like a sandwich and your dick is going, my mouth. No, you can if you manage to go all the way down like we get, you're like licking his anus with your tongue all the way down. You're like you, you're like a sneeze.
Yeah. He's like, I don't want you to do throw about bad.
I don't think I again, you guys, this is what we have to show our reality as a woman like this is what I want to implore everyone that.
And I'm not saying you should never I'm not like the anti like anti Deep Throat, like, no, I am not that I'm not the sex police. But what I'm saying is that I kind of am.
But what I'm saying is, you know, that that it's I think that the really important part of giving a great blowjob is using your hands and your mouth and that the most sensitive part of the penis is the frenulum, which is that part of the underside of the penis where the shaft meets the tip. There's a little area there and the tips are typically it's the tip.
And that little tiny area of the frenulum has also has erectile tissue. It's actually where men become circumcised. It still has a little bit erectile tissue left. So the point is use your tongue swirled around, make sure you even have grip on the penis.
You go up and down and don't neglect the balls. Don't know that. Well, no, it's a ball by ball, case by case basis. Some men don't like the balls touched. Ask, say, pickup it and say, does that feel good, does this feel good, can you come for me? Yeah, a little bit. But you don't want to, like, squeeze or pull.
You want to Coupet and be like, how is that? I mean, I think I was talking to a guy recently actually about this very thing when I had his balls in my hand and I said I said, what do you like?
He's like two hands is better than one always. And like, I had one on his hand and then one as we were just talking about it.
He likes his balls like he wants them, like held and like up like closer to like just but then other guys were like, don't touch the balls.
Oh. Because they're sensitive. Yeah. And every person is different. So what a great thing is like. You get to learn with each new partner what they're into. So there are no rules.
I like using my vibrator a little bit on the guys, but yes, use your vibrator on the guy's balls on their shaft.
When you're giving a blowjob, you can also put it in your cheek. So your vibrates.
I never knew that guy's girl or you could put it underneath here.
But I hear it's like a mic and that's funny. I'll try that next time I put the different the gagging thing. If you want to circle back to that, there is something you could do, too. So usually women have a hard time with it because of their gag reflex. Yes. So usually why we we gag is because we're just we haven't worked out our gag reflex. So here's an exercise to do. Takes about a month. It could take you a week.
Just everyone's different.
Take a toothbrush like a soft toothbrush and brush your tongue until you get to the point where you feel like you're about to gag.
And then you hold it there and you brush it for like 15 seconds, OK, and then you 15 seconds, 30 seconds, and then the next day you do it again and you keep rushing that area until you maybe you look back with a quarter inch the next day, then the next day or next few days, and then eventually you're going to desensitize your tongue. So you'll no longer have that gag reflex. That's a lot more complicated than movement.
Look at you giving helping out the girls who are trying to fuck like they're in porn.
Yeah, exactly. Why I do not discriminate. I don't judge. I'm not judging you for wanting that at all. I don't judge. I'm just saying.
Yes, impressive. Like, I want to be the best at everything. And yes, I want the sex to be about me. But I also want to be I'm an overachiever.
I know you are, honey. For better. For worse. Very hard on yourself. I mean, it takes one to know one, but. Yeah, yeah.
But I also don't think that's that's the best blowjob. But again, some guys wouldn't like it because again, a lot of the sex stuff has to do with their brain and what they're used to seeing. So they're like a good blowjob means you're going to choke on my car.
So I'm like even love like when a girl throws up on it. I think that's a little too far for me because I don't think that's personally, I don't want to barf. That only happens when you drink too much. That's happened, but not for me. But remember, in college, my friends would like throw up on dicks all the time because they were too drunk.
But if a guy's into that and remember this, just because your guy is into something doesn't mean you have to sign up for that agenda.
Know what about? OK, this is actually my question. I feel like a lot of girls ros's. Yes. What if you, you and this guy have been dating for forever and there are certain things in bed that he's more into than you are, then wouldn't those girls kind of get scared though, like, fuck, if I don't do it, he's going to try to find to do it with someone else or eventually he's going to just get used to having sex the way she likes it.
Like, well, it depends what the thing is.
If it is a fetish, not just a fantasy, but a fetish means it's required for orgasm. Like if a guy has a latex fetish or a foot fetish, that means your foot has to be there for him to have great.
We don't have to get off on fetishes now, but if it's just a fantasy like he he is, you know, obsessed with what would be a sex act that you think like threesomes or choking. Choking. That's Canada.
Yeah. I mean, if you feel that, you know, listen, relationships are about compromise. So you could do that once a quarter, you could think about it.
So that's a compromise. So you can do so if you want to. But then I also would encourage women to come with their own agenda. What's your deal breaker like to me? We already covered this. If a guy goes out to me and I want him to go down on me every time, God, every time so or something, or I'm going to get my Toyia if use your fingers because it's like driving your car when it's not warmed up.
I guess I grew up in Michigan, so you really need to warm up your car. It was cold.
You it wouldn't drive. I couldn't get to high school if my car wasn't warmed up in the snow. I can't drive your penis. I can't have sex unless I'm warmed up. It just doesn't work. And that's why so many women have pain, because they're not using lube and they're not getting turned on and they're not warming up.
So anyway. But but to go back to your question about guy leaving you because you're not doing stuff, this is when a guy is this is when a relationship's going to end. It's when there's not enough variety. It's when you guys fall into a routine. You could be choking on his cock and throwing up every day for three years. But eventually that's going to get old as well. So how do you mix it up? How do you keep trying new things together?
You don't have to show up with all these tips and tricks. You don't have to show up fully baked. I mean, you could in another format, but you don't have to show up. I know everything about what this partner wants. The most successful long term relationships are couples who talk about this stuff openly.
Right. And they're like, hey, what are you into? What am I into? I don't know. Let's go figure it out together.
Let's this is when it comes in handy, because you can find things in porn that maybe you both, if you find the right porn that you're into or reading erotica or just I have a great thing on my site called the Yes No Baby List. And this is like such a great way for couples to to download it or look at it. And it has like seventies sex acts on it. It has like anal licking, kissing, touching, cuddling, spanking, all the things.
And then you each fill it out and it has a yes, a no and a maybe. And then you both might find out that you're really into things that you didn't, you know, know and kind of use that.
But you said the number one rule, though, when it comes to talking about sex with your partner is to never do it in the bedroom.
It has to happen outside the bad timing, tone and turf timing. So tone, your tone is light and curious.
The turf is outside the bedroom because in the bedroom, well, typically we bring up conversations in the bedroom. It's right after we feel rejected or something doesn't go away or we're already in aroused state and things don't sink in. So the best time to do it is when you're hanging out, you're sitting on the couch, you're on a road trip or you're walking because it can be awkward to have conversations around sex. So I'm giving you some cheat because you'll have to make eye contact when you're hiking or driving, but you can still be intimate.
And then the timing is when you're not in a bad mood, you're not. About something, you're not hungry, you're not angry, you're not lonely, you're not tired, you're just, like, chilling and having a good time and then you're like, hey, and then your tone is curious.
Well, what are you of an insecure partner? Because I feel like because now that I think about I have this one partner that I tried to explain something about sex while we were driving. So it was a very like just a passing conversation. And I kid you not he never had sex with me after that. What was your tone like?
I know I know you the way I talk right now. So well, your tone. This is a gift, but sometimes your tone can be.
Abrasive and intense, and it might sound maybe I said, I think you may have slept with a lot of women. I don't think you know how to make them come. Maybe I said that.
So I guess I should work on my feelings. All right. Yeah. Listen, your tone is, hey, I've realized that we haven't talked about our sex life that much. And then you lead with something you love about their sex life.
I love the way I love when you finger my butthole, but I don't love so much that I never orgasm. Yup. Thinking a lot about my this is.
Let's reframe it. Let's let's have a redo here. Hey, babe. Driving babe. Sweetheart, you don't do that either but you say hey.
So yeah I was gonna say that that was so hot last night when I didn't come again just getting so it turned me.
So I'm like I had to masturbate when you went to sleep just so I can find you guys. Like I was like masturbating without you because I didn't come again. This is what not to do.
But all you can do is say, yeah, this was what I want our sex life. I know or this is really uncomfortable for me because I actually never talked about it.
But I care about our relationship and our sex life so much that I'm going to share something really personal with you.
I am really starting to understand and explore my own body and my own orgasm. And I was wondering if you would get curious with me in some exploration around it. I realize that I don't always come during penetration, like only 80 percent. Women don't either, but I don't. And so what I need is some light touch. I want to make out for 20 minutes.
I want you to slowly undress me, those kind of things, give them suggestions. And then you say, what do you think about that? And then you say, is there anything you've been wanting to try? So it's a mutually beneficial discussion. It's not like you suck in bed. You don't make me come. Let's pull over.
And my vagina. I already knew he wasn't the right guy for me. She was right. And another one bites the dust. Hey, guys, I'm here to talk to you about your smile today because you know all those things that we'd love to do for ourselves, but I haven't done it for whatever reason. Well, if you've always want a straighter teeth and a better smile, you got to stop putting it off. Thanks to Candice, straining your teeth is simpler, easier and more comfortable than ever before.
Kandak clear liners are comfortable. Remove one practically invisible, unlike with braces, so you can transform your smile without anyone ever noticing. Plus your treatments prescribe monitored remotely by licensed orthodontist who's an expert in tooth movement. And it's all done from the comfort and convenience of your own home. Canda only works with orthodontists, never general dentist like other companies. Plus your supervising orthodontist will be with you every step of the way. With Canda, your treatments include a remote monitoring by the same orthodontist who created your plants.
You never have to wonder how you're doing. You'll always know. And I love that the average can. The treatment is about six months, but you're going to start seeing results way before then. It costs thousands of dollars less and braces.
I wish I knew that before I got my braces years ago. Start training your teeth today. Right now all my listeners can save 75 dollars on candidate starter kit. Go to candidate SEO Dotcom Slashfilm Land Use Code Vialet. That's Candidate Seo Dotcom. I live with my code. Vialet take advantage of this limited time offer to save 75 dollars on your starter kit. That's Candidate Seo Dotcom. Violate Code Vialet. Get that beautiful smile today. You deserve it.
This is the number one question that I feel like it's important for every time you're on my show because people is there are a number one favorite, the number one best oral method to make a woman come every single time.
Please re-explain it. I love it.
And I still sometimes I feel sorry for the Kevin method. I haven't talked about that in so long. Kevin Method. I don't think so. The kid method.
I talked about it so I might show a few years ago and I have never, ever had so many people email me and call me and say, holy shit, this rocked my partner's world.
And I think I have it on my Instagram too, in the stories, because it's there in the same way.
It's the one thing that I feel like I have an idea that I'm dying to still try to tell about my partner, about although he's pretty good. But now I forget. See, I have so much sex facts in my brain. OK, here's a good keba method which I brought my vulva puppet. So. So the Kevin Method is all about covering the most surface area of the exterior part of the vagina, a.k.a. the vulva. So your partner, you're lying down on your back, your partner is coming in perpendicular.
So you're lying down and I'm coming at you from the side. Yes. I'm not between your legs. I'm coming at you from the side. So what you do in this method is you you take your you can do it with your fingers.
Remember, always use lube and a story or make sure he's got a lot of saliva and you come at it from the left from from the the labia.
OK, so you're going to labia and you're going like here's labia and he's going back and forth with his tongue. So it's not up and down. It's a thigh to thigh movement. And so this way from you're going labia, you're going labia labial, maybe the labia right in. Clitoris, you're covering all the surface area perpendicularly, not up and down with your tongue, with your fingers, with the toy, because you're stimulating all the nerve endings that way.
Got it. So it's actually so I feel like, yeah, I just never realized that the best method for a man to go down on you, to make you come when it comes to going down, it's not actually with this heavy between your legs, it's from the side because it makes more sense, because when you think about the tongue instead of the tongue moving up and up and down, it's exhausting. No, no. I mean, from side to side, from side to side.
It's exhausting. When he's doing it from the side perpendicular, he literally just has to be up and down and it's so much easier. And you can also use your fingers and I'm not sure it's going to work on every woman, but it was like I've never we were like, OK, enough with the Cuban method.
And I'm talking about it like I still to this day, guidance from men and women saying, oh, my God, my sex life has changed. Once I try the Cuban method now and like even yesterday, I some guy thanked me. You, like, changed my sex life with my girlfriend because, like, I just tried this method from one of your older episodes. And it's mind blowing. It's mind blowing. I mean, again, though, though, there is let me tell you two caveats.
Some women and these are typically the women who are the most orgasmic during penetration.
Remember, 20 percent of women, they have very sensitive clitorises and they clitoral stimulation actually doesn't feel good for them because it's too much stimulation and that those are the women who have more internal sensations, nerves. And it's because the clitoris is closer to the vaginal opening for those women. So that's one thing. The other thing is like, again, if you have shame or you don't want to partner go down with you, it might not work. But if you are with a partner that you feel relaxed and safe, I say try it out.
I'm actually like this too.
I feel like the thought of it makes me feel more comfortable with my vagina because I'm one of those people that feel self-conscious about somebody being down there. It feels, I feel like almost safer because then the guy's head is not literally opening up my vagina like a butterfly, like examining like I'm in the gynecologist, like he's from the side. So I feel like he still gets to see my to me, I feel like I'm most self-conscious when the thought of like opening my all my lifts up.
But he's speaking from the side like he focuses like specifically on the clitoris.
He doesn't have to keep looking at all the other openings. And he just like this is not just a clitoris, it's the labia.
And here's the other thing. He could have his finger on the clitoris and just be going labia to labia. But this way, because it depends where your clitoris is to because for some women, it's up a little bit more. But you're just going yeah, you're going perpendicular. And another thing for women is for many women, they can have orgasms when their legs are closer together because you're you're tensing your pelvic, your muscles, your pelvic floor muscles.
And so this way, if you don't have to be as open, you could be you could be your legs could be more close. You just have more access to and like like for me, I know like that's how I pleasure myself is like my legs are closer together and it goes back and forth like that and you just cover more surface area.
How come. Like it feels like your legs start to open up a little more slower and slower as you're becoming like more turned on or whatever. Did you notice that is like is it just me? But I feel like my legs will start to open up more and more when I feel like more turned on or I'm about to orgasm or like more.
You're expanding your literally your vulva. My toes expanded. So my legs are Hispanic. Yeah. I mean because.
Well, because, because also remember it's not just even your vulva, your vagina, it's your entire pelvic floor, your pelvic floor muscles are your kegl muscles. Those are the muscles that are responsible for orgasm. And so those muscles are becoming also flexed and they're actually doing an exercise. So it's it's just expanding this whole area. And this is all sensitive, our inner thighs. And so I think we just like how we want it.
It's actually really fascinating to me because I feel like I've never even was able to even have multiple orgasms with myself.
Like I feel like I still have no I have a hard technically to orgasm with someone else, but I feel like it took me like during sex with my ex boyfriend, like thirty minutes before I can have my next one. But I feel like after the few times he came on my podcast is when I learned to have multiple orgasms and how because of lube. And we had these conversations before because I used to think that like a lube was only for older women or if you're driving down there.
And I used to be so proud for having such a wet pussy. Like I've then with you, I learned that it actually lube helps with everything. And that's how I've been able to have multiple orgasms, because you told me to put lube there every night.
Stand in my dream. Yeah. And when you lube it up, that's like you have the first orgasm, let's say, on your full on your Catorce and then, yeah, you move to the other side of your labia outside your labia and it's just like amazing. And the lube helps. It's a game changer. So the lube so Indian the are less painful for me to have multiple orgasms.
I like one by one, like consecutively lube is a requirement.
I think it's a good suggestion. I mean, the thing is, is that I want to eradicate the stigma around lube because you're right, people think, oh, it's I'm dry, there's discomfort, there's a problem.
If I bring lube, then I am weak.
If you bring in a lube, you are strong and you're going to more orgasms.
The Kinsey Institute did a study and that's where, you know, Africans either got the started talking about. 50, 60, 70 years ago, which was very revolutionary. But anyway, today, the candidates who did the study were probably five years ago that showed that when you add just a few drops of lube to every single sex scenario, masturbation, fingers, mouth, anything, women are 80 percent more likely to orgasm.
Yeah, and we'll just say this again, because this is what you learn on the last podcast that we did, is that your wetness level as a woman is not an indicator of arousal.
You can't set your watch by it. It's like there are times the month because of our cycles were more wet. There are times where we're turned on and out wet. Those times are more wet and not turned on. So to be safeguard against that, add lube because maybe you're even wet at the beginning.
But if someone's jackhammering you are going really then you dry up. You know what happens when you dry up, you have tares, you vaginal tears. You know what happened to vaginal tears. You get infections. So Leupp.
OK, I love that. OK, so next up, my next topic I love to talk about. Let's talk about threesomes. All right. So I've never had a threesome, but I am familiar with the fact that a lot of people aren't the threesomes and a lot of couples also into threesomes. My personal opinion I always viewed as threesomes are the end of a relationship. That's just my opinion. People love for a lot of couples.
I believe with my ex boyfriend towards the end is when he starts off suggesting threesomes. And that's how I knew because apparently cheating on me just wasn't good enough for him. You want me to actually be there, which was really cool of him to actually invite me to some of the sex parties. So nice of meet. But anyway, the point is that in my opinion, a lot of times threesomes are the indicator that the relationship is about to be over.
But there are those healthy couples that both partners are really into it. So my question to you when it comes to threesomes is how the somebody what are the rules inviting a third person into your relationship when it comes to sex?
A really good question. So the rules are this. I'll tell you how not to do it, how your ex did it. That's not how you do it. And that's why it gets a really bad rap. You can't have a threesome to save your relationship. You don't have a threesome to spice it up. You don't have a threesome to see if you are compatible. Now, no, you have a threesome. The couples that have the very best, the most success with threesomes.
And let me just say side note, it is the most common fantasy for a man and for women. Yeah.
So the most the best way to have a threesome is to have lots of discussion ahead of time and boundaries around it. Because you it's it's you have to be on the same page. You have to make sure that you both want it. You can't. I get this question all the time. How do I get my partner to have a threesome? You're not going to get your partner to have a threesome. You don't want to get your part of the reason you want to talk her into it.
So, so social, you know, come along for the ride. That is a disaster waiting to happen. You want to have a threesome because you think it'll be a new a really fun, intimate experience. You want to see your partner in the throes of passion. It would be a new thing for you guys to share together. A lot of couples who have healthy threesomes, they dirty target, they have a great memory. They use that during masturbation.
So the first thing is, are you talking about do you want to start with how you bring it up, how to do it, how to bring it up?
Well, because usually there's one person that brings it up and wants it.
But I think men are get scared to bring it up because they assume they think that means that the girl is the girl is going to think that they want to look elsewhere. They feel best friend or something. Yeah, I feel like a lot of times it feels more safe for men and in healthy relationships when the woman brings it up and she kind of shows pictures of other girls and she's like me. What do you think of these girls?
If that works and you're doing it genuinely because you want it not to turn your partner on, then great.
But I don't be that girl. Don't take me girl. And the only reason you're having a threesome is not because you feel safe in the relationship, because you feel like you're about to lose him and then you invite a third person in the relationship because then your relationship will end. So I agree with Emily in that way. Disaster to do that.
I mean, I wish I hope that for the women listening to this show that when this is over, they're going to have a really different perspective now on their sex game, like it's going to flip it on their head, like happened to you, that you're going to realize that you have to you should be bringing to the table what turns you on and what you want. Don't ever change who you are. And to become a sexual being for your partner, that never works.
It's not authentic. It's not who you are. Figure out what your fantasies are and bring those to the table. Now, for many women, they do have fantasies about being with another woman and their partner. They want to be with two guys.
And that's that's really cool, too. But the most important thing is that you have a threesome in a committed relationship. When you are in super solid ground, everything's going well. You have incredible trust. You talk about things. You have great sex together, like your sex to the roof. And you're like, what else could we do? Oh, you know, I actually, you know. Do you ever fantasize about being with another woman? I think it would be so hot to see you turned on by somebody.
Do you fantasize about that?
And then your partner could say yes or no or, you know, was like, yeah, I do fantasize about being with other women and without you.
And then you're like, oh, we should break up. Right, exactly. Let's have the conversation that way. Right. It's actually. But you're not there. I'm having this fantasy my. Eyes are closed like, oh, shit, you're not there. Well, we used to talk about. Yeah. So how do you approach the threesome?
I think that you approach it by saying, listen, if you've never talked about your sex life, you do not leave the threesome conversation.
Because Violet is pointed out and again, we're speaking of heterosexual couples. If a guy says to a woman, hey, I think we really have to have a threesome, the first thing we think is which one of my friends who do you want to fuck who you have sex with?
Are you kidding? I trust that.
But another way to approach it is having this timing tone in Torv conversation about your sex life outside the bedroom and saying, you know, our sex life has been so hot lately and I realize we've never talked about our fantasies.
Why don't we explore together some things that would be really hot again, go to sexually dotcom, get the guest room, maybe list or just say, like, you know, I fantasize about using my toy with you. I fantasize about you talking dirty to me.
I get and then you have that conversation, then you have it again. Let's say no one brought up a third next time. Well, you know, I would thinking about our first conversation and I just think would be so hot to have to have a threesome with you and to have that experience. So let's say you both kind of agree and you get on board, then what you do is you don't just go find a third.
You talk about it, you talk about your boundaries. Boundaries are so important because some girls, like don't want their boyfriend to fuck that other girl. They just want they both give head or whatever. She can go down and they can go down each other, the two girls.
But like some girls are like, you fucking fuck that. No kissing, no penetration. How you may not know that person.
I'd rather be a stranger. It's only a one time thing. Exactly. It's someone out of town. We're going to go to Vegas. We're going to find someone, an app that we don't know we're going to, you know. Yeah. And some people like I only want a friend because I feel safe. So you have to discuss the boundaries. You have a safe word, too. This is the best time to have a safe word, because what if you get into the moment and you're freaking out, you're like, oh, God, I didn't think it would be like, do you recommend a stranger or do you say it doesn't matter if it's a friend or a stranger?
Because what if it's a friend? And then every time you see your friend in your back of your mind, you're like, what if you you thought you were so secure in the relationship? You invite your friend into the bedroom or the three of you fuck. And then you see the connection between your friend and your partner and you go, holy shit. And so you feel intimidated every time they're together because you're like, is there something more here?
Yeah, I my recommendation is do not do it with a friend. I don't do it with someone.
You know, I think that that could be a recipe for disaster because. Exactly. You'll never unsee that. You'll never be able to unsee their connection. And so I think that that is just threesomes are already can be really tricky ground that to bring in someone, you know could be disastrous. Now, again, some couples have it totally works for them. So I think just figuring out how are we going to find it there? Is it a man or a woman?
Is it a trans person? Where are we at? And then my next step, once you decide all this stuff is to start to roleplay, it started dirty talk it right now I'm picturing a girl going down on you and then I'm penetrating you. I'm fucking you or we're using this or we're in Vegas or we're in a tropical location and then you dirty talk it to each other, you role play it. Yeah, it is. That can be really hard in the moment.
So what if you do it a one time thing and then one your partner, whether you're the girl or the boy, your partner, the sides get so excited by it and now your partner wants to do it again. And you were like, shit, this was just like a birthday anniversary surprise or whatever. Yeah. So what do you do now? Because you opened the door then once you have a threesome, don't you kind of open the door to you because everything you could.
But if you can what we're talking about couples who are on solid ground, in my experience, unless you're coming to a relationship already being open, maybe you're, you know, swinger.
Are you are you have an open lifestyle. I think it's really helpful to already be truly committed to exploring each other's bodies, have a really solid I have a really good sex life and then bring someone else in.
And then what? You do it because after then you have the threesome, you discuss it, you do like a play by play what we like, what we didn't like. And it's always a risk. I mean, you can have a stranger coming.
Your partner falls in love with them. That could happen to your partner to meet someone at the coffee shop. So it's like and it's always a risk. You never know.
I guess you're right with the boundaries conversation, because I think even like I've had guys that I've dated and then like while we were dating, I still like I didn't think it was a big deal if I wanted to kiss another girl. But like, I have this one guy that I was dating because we never discussed boundaries where I kissed another girl in front of him on accident, whatever, and then he, like, stormed out. And he was so upset and I was so confused.
I was like, what's the big deal about guys think this is that. Yeah.
And I was just like into the moment. But to him it was like cheating. And I feel like that's where boundaries are important. Absolutely.
I think that we need to discuss these things, even if not threesome. But like, are we committed? What does that mean? Like, are you can you have an emotional affair? You know, that that could be just as bad, you know, problematic as well. So I just think that boundaries are not just for threesomes, it's for all relationships, but the boundaries are literally covering every ground and then making sure that you're both attracted to the person.
You know, I don't think you should just plan a whole night and have the person show up, have coffee with them, have a drink with them.
Some call like figure out because you have to both be attracted.
What if you're not? And then then we, you and your partners, like I thought we were ready to go in their pants are down, you're like this person is not my jam. So, yeah, OK. So that's good to know. So have the conversation first. Make sure you're in a very healthy relationship before you move forward with a threesome. Make sure it's not to save your relationship and then number to set all the boundaries. Do not hold back because you're about to enter something that you didn't enter before.
So, yeah, it's a big thing. It's a really big move to bring a third into the relationship and make sure that it's safe. And while you're doing it and yes, it is true, your partner could just prefer the threesome. But honestly, then that's not your again, it hurts. It does hurt.
But then you find out, yeah, if your partner fell in love with the third person that you're with, no offense, it would most likely would have happened sooner or later. They would have fell in love with somebody that walked into Starbucks or whatever, because it means that you guys weren't as strong as you were before. But yeah, it is, I think, always scary to bring in a third person.
So, again, I wouldn't do it personally for myself, actually.
I guess. Never say never since I'd never say never girls. So yeah, maybe never say never from where I've been.
I'm too afraid to do that, but maybe you're not. So I do recommend if you're not then you should go ahead and do it. Everyone's different in their sex life. You know that Zafari and I would say that you also, Violet, if I may be so bold, you dated guys that you didn't trust and that weren't great guys. So you might change if you get into a healthy relationship. Right.
You know, threesomes. I know. Unless it was like an anniversary thing. But trust me, I know. Maybe not. I'm too jealous. OK, got it.
But again, but it's never been so good to know that you get jealous. So if you know that I would say steer clear of threesomes, run for your fucking life. That is a disaster.
Like the guy I'm with, I'm in love with. Get even near another girl's vagina.
I feel like my first instinct would be to like to get violent and I to just like we don't want to block him. And I respect him again, even though I'm the one to ask for.
So you know yourself. Yeah, I think as long as you're self-aware. So for me, I'm too jealous. I can't do that. But I don't I don't not recommend it to other women if they feel safe. Annihilations there's a lot of good examples that couples who really make it work, it it's their thing. And also couples do it sometimes and they don't do it for a while and they do it again and yeah. You know, yeah.
Use protection. Shotaro, last months of the day, it is better help if you're a regular listener to this podcast. You know that I'm a big advocate for mental health, especially right now with everything that's happening in the world. That's way better help. Online counseling is here to help. They offer licensed professional therapists who are trained to listen to help with issues including anxiety, depression, relationship issues, LGBT matters, family conflicts and so much more. Oh, you have to do is fill out a questionnaire to help assess your specific needs and then you get matched with your counselor.
In under 48 hours, you can easily schedule secure video phone sessions, plus exchange unlimited messages to communicate with your therapist at your convenience. And everything you share is confidential. You can request a new counselor at any time and no additional charge. So join. Over one million people have taken charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced better health counselor. Better help is an affordable option and you can get ten percent off of your first month with the discount code.
That's t o t I already so get started today. A better HELOC dotcom too tired. Talk to therapists online today and get the help that you need. We all deserve to put our mental health first. So start thinking about you and take care of your health. And I'm telling you, sign up for better help.
Online counseling is the best. If blue, a real thing for guys, not to the extent to which they say do not ever finish off somebody or have sex with them because they BlueBell's yes. When they start to get an erection, they have an erection that they can't release it. It might like hurt for a second, that it can happen. Men experience testicular pain. They get a pain. But then guess what? They fucking ejaculate and it's over.
It is not you're not damaging them for life. They're their balls are not going to be permanently upset. So, no, I think it's just been used as another tool for women to acquiesce and have to keep talking about like a blue ball.
I please I mean, in high school, I think I still say that. No, not as much.
I feel like when you were younger, guys always like, oh, no, I'm going to get blue balls. It's so painful. You have no idea that these are guilty.
Yeah, I used to think that I had a guy I used to think that I had to honor what men? I think that sex was all about pleasing men. And so I was like, oh, well, I don't want you to have that situation. So, yes, it's a real thing, but it's not our concern.
Can women get blue balls? Women can. But, you know, the cool thing about women is that we get really aroused.
But then we could just go. It's like it's then we just I think that there's actually something that's really hot to it sort of edging. So edging is a really cool practice for men and for women where you delay your orgasm until the point where you're about to jaclyn's you you kind of when you're about to come or you kind of go back down against your butt, you get like if you think of the arousal cycle on a scale from one you're not turned on and ten, you're about to have an orgasm if you masturbate or you get turned on to like an eight and then you bring it down like a nine point five, and then you bring it down to to a five or and then you bring it back up.
The more you prolong it's a it's a prolonging of your orgasm. And then once you finally do come, it can be so explosive.
Aging is a great method. You've talked about this before. For men who come too fast, for men who come prematurely, that's a way for you to to kind of work with them instead of shaming them in the bedroom for coming too fast because they're just so excited to be there. You do you do that method edging, which is like you you're he's about to come. So then you kind of back off a little and so on. But I feel like I've tried edging with myself before.
It's so hot how to orgasm when I was masturbating. And I feel like for me when I try to with myself, I then I couldn't orgasm at all. And then I regretted, like I regretted that I didn't finish off my orgasm.
So I got distracted. Really. I think if you breathe and you're like, I'm going to edge that, don't I would love you not to make that one situation your your daughter. Yeah. So aging is a great practice for women to to kind of that's also I should have mentioned this is that if you're trying to have multiple orgasms, you know, edging is a really fun practice too, although. Yeah. I mean I guess it could be a good second practice or you're more likely to have more intense orgasms because you're you're prolonging your arousal.
And for men, yeah, it can be a great way for men to learn ejaculatory control so they don't come as quickly. It is the method you start method acting. I like how come some women pee during sex when they orgasm?
Because it's very close, because your bladder lizard women can empty their bladder and then still like release some pee. For some women, it's ejaculate. Like female ejaculate is a real thing. We release fluid. It's where the skin's glands are right next to the urethra where our bladder gets filled up. So the skin's glands is where the fluid can start to build. And so but it comes it releases through the urethra, which is where urine releases from.
So if they look at things, if they look at studies of female ejaculate, they put a test tube and they look ah, they look at put it in the you know, they look at it in the lab. They find that there are traces of urine and there's also fluids, prosthetic prosthetic fluid, which is just like the male prostate. It's what happens with the man, but for women. So it's a mix of fluids. But it could be it could be urine.
And it just because you're applying so much pressure there, they just feel like releasing that women, then that's how we get support. Yeah. And like for rape and all that because you're just like you're letting you letting go of control down there. Yeah.
Trying to realize er to what quaffing is er plunging and sex is like you are applying pressure to your abdomen like you, your bladder. That could, that could happen.
And I think I have a trick for keeping by the way, and I feel like I've talked about it before and it's the best trick ever. And I've done it all my years with my ex-boyfriend. It's basically when we're switching positions and like because we were younger and he jackrabbit fucked me because you just didn't know anybody, whatever. He puts all this air in my vagina and we're switching positions. I put my finger inside my vagina and I and I and I push.
And when you push and you the fingers inside your vagina, the air comes out without making any noise. As we're switching position side, you're really quickly and then we go to the next position. My vagina is already no air again and ready to fuck. And that's how I avoided any noise. Yeah, it literally works.
OK, put your finger. And I would also say let's normalize breathing, but also let's normalize kiwifruit. Who cares? Sex is messy and it's like someone is plunging into you as a woman. We are cavernous. We have a cavernous hole and that is going to because of the pressure.
It's going to be. Not your fault, it's not our fault. And who cares were the ones who make sweeping weird if we just keep going like it didn't happen. Sex is messy, sex is dirty. You queef, you make noise, throw a towel down and get on with it. Whatever, like this.
I feel like guys keep going. You're the one that starts giggling. You're like, oh my God, did you hear that? And he's like, yeah, I don't want anything. Yeah, they don't care. Listen, if you care, they don't care. Women have to learn to just be our best. We are not our best sexual advocates and we really need to be.
I agree. I agree with that. But anyway, if you do want to try my method, it is really good. Also try that. Yeah, it is like imagine she the girl tries to avoid briefing and then she pull, she pushes and she farts instead and then like fuck, how do I deal with it.
I'm going to be like first you try to teach me to gag and that didn't work. And now you try to teach me not to keep farting. Dammit Mother. Sorry, try it. OK, so the next topic I really want to discuss, what I think is so important is as kids, I did talk about OCD briefly because a lot of you asked me to talk about herpes. It was on my episode with Hannah from Burning in Hell and we talked about SIDS.
And I also told you guys that research found for a few years ago that 70 to 80 percent of people in big cities have some type of strain of herpes. It's very common to get to two in your lifetime to get one acidy. And it's also very common these days in big cities to have some type of herpes, whether it's a cold sore, whether it's in your blood, whether it's genital herpes, it's very common. And a lot of women reach out to me because they said that they don't feel comfortable anymore.
They get like it's one thing already to feel rejected sometimes by men. It's another thing now. It's an added extra thing where they also have herpes and they don't know what to tell their partner.
So, yeah, it's very, very common. And a lot of times we could be a carrier or not know it. But if you have herpes, it is not a death sentence. It doesn't mean that you are not going to be able to have an active sex life again. And I think the more honest, the more that we talk about it and the less the less shame we're going to have, the more we normalize it. I mean, it is a very large percentage of people who have have a strain of herpes.
You maybe you have it in your mouth and it gets transferred or your partner goes down on you. I mean, that's there's so many ways to get it. And the truth is, if you do have it, we've a lot of information about this as well.
And my site and my podcast, we talk about it a lot.
But you should just you have to make sure that you take it. Maybe you take a daily suppressant. If you a lot of outbreaks, you will not be able to contract the virus. If you are taking a suppressant when you have an outbreak, then you should avoid any sex activity. But I think that you have to realize it like you can still have a really active, healthy sex life. And I think it's important to be honest with your partners and tell them that this is I have herpes and this is what I do for it.
It will not be contracted this way if I take my suppressant or we can use condoms, but it's way less likely to transfer. And I just think that it's really sad that people think that it is such a a a problem that it's going to prevent them from being sexually healthy.
So can you confirm the people who do have some type of herpes? They still have a fulfilling sex life if they ask 100 percent.
So many people have fulfilling sex life. Absolutely. Or that would mean that like a third of the people are not having her.
Yeah, I feel like I'm more even careful these days, even make like a herpes joke with someone because I like whoever I'm talking to. Like, I don't know if they actually do have some type of herpes. I don't. But I like it doesn't it doesn't prevent me from wanting to date somebody just because they have something good, because like me, neither you guys say I have herpes and I take Valtteri. I'm like, OK, great, let's do it.
Yeah, as long as like there they were taking care of it. They're aware of it. And I think it is important to have that discussion. Like before you you head to the bedroom.
Yeah. Get a test status, as it's now called STIs and STDs, sexually transmitted infections or sexually transmitted diseases because of our infections. And some are diseases, but it's. Yeah. Get tested every six months.
You know what?
I know you don't use condoms, but you should it hasn't stopped me from dating somebody knowing that they have some type of that. And also, I feel like that's where I stop making those jokes now. They're like, oh, I'm feeling sick. And I used to be like, oh, herpes. But now I'm like, oh, shit, they actually could have herpes.
So now it's like if I'm funny, good. Let's to change the narrative, we get to be accepting and open toward this stuff.
So then what about like other type of OCD, like, OK, so if you get something like chlamydia or gonorrhea you will have to take an antibiotic and you can knock that out so that it's not going to be with you for the rest of your life.
Like herpes is HPV. You can get the vaccine before age 28 to kind of prevent that. But so many people, I think, have HPV now.
And if you never had HPV, you're lying.
Everyone has HPV, everyone has had HPV.
So I'm kind of there there's even a comedian that says if you've never had HPV, then you go out there and you go get it because shut the fuck up. Everyone's had HPV at least once in their lifetime. I've had HPV, my ex-boyfriend, gay, because men can carry it without you knowing, without them knowing it. And women, they're the ones that really can contract, then it can affect them. There's two types of HPV and I got the HPV, those cancerous years ago and they had to scrape inside my uterus or something and take something out for testing because usually a lot of times getting HPV after like a few periods it can go away for.
For me, didn't go away because the cancerous type and they had to scrape something inside my uterus, it was a little painful and then we made it go away. We saw have to have you yearly checkups to make sure that it doesn't come back. And that was really scary for me.
And I was really upset about that part. But thankfully, like, I'm fine, but I just want to normalize HPV because every woman I feel like at least once a day and it's so common.
Yep, there are there's 100 different varieties of HPV. Some can cause warts and cause different types of cancer, like you're saying. And you do, you know, and it's transmitted sexually through anal sex, transmitted sexually through anal skin to skin contact. And a lot of cases our immune system can defeat an HPV infection before it becomes something else. But a lot of times it doesn't. And you just left me. Yeah, you still have to take care of it.
And things the risk factors of the number of sexual partners you've had your age. If you have a weakened immune system, you can lead to other things like cancer or warts and all those things.
But there are vaccines that you can take. But if you if you do have it again, same thing, not a death sentence, just be honest with your partner. It's a lot more common than we think. It's a lot more common than we think. Yeah.
Yeah. So and you could be a carrier of it and not know that you have it. So those men, a lot of them are likely to be carriers of it.
So it's tricky. I mean, there's a lot more viruses that we can get right now. Like that is a virus that you will have with you. But, you know, if you take precautions and you're honest about it, you know, when you have a healthy immune system, isn't the best way to have healthy sex and to be healthy being is to have an overall healthy life, to eat well, to exercise, to get checkups, to do all those things.
Your nutrition, all of it plays a role in your immune system. If you again strengthen immune system, you'd be less likely to contract any of these diseases.
We feel like there's one question I didn't ask you. A couple of dicks guys are curve dicks. Are they like a they like the blessing of God. Like, are those the guys that are like it? For some, they used to think curve dicks were weird. But the more I got older and I talked to girls, those are the guys that give my friends orgasms.
Yeah, I think if you're curved, Dick is curving in the correct position, a correct way that it could be hitting your G spot, which is for your area, which is for many women located on the at the anterior wall of the next area, while the vagina inside about an inch or two in. And so if your penis happens to be curving that way, it could hit the clitoris in a great area. But yeah, Ben's penis is curve all the time.
Again, there's not one kind of penis. There's not one kind of vulvar vagina. They're all different. You could also get the impact of a curved penis by putting them sitting on a pillow, changing your position. You could still have a partner hit that spot. And yes, I think that for some women whose curved penises work for them, I think that they also are more likely to have internal orgasms with partners. So I think, like some women could have a penis and nothing happens.
But it's something to be shameful about. Guys, don't freak out of your penis is curved.
No, it's actually apparently it's more amazing. Can be. Can a woman get an orgasm from anal? Yes. But we've talked about before and I had friends. I used to be like, oh, I love anal so much. That makes me so horny. But I found out with you that when you get an orgasm from anal because it somehow hits your vaginal wall, it's not because you actually can come from your butt hole for a woman. Right.
So what happens is that you're stimulating that that there's like a little thin membrane when you've a penis inside of you. And and so what would your penis inside of you or dildo or vibrator, whatever it can hit the membrane that is that is hitting your your geria inside. So then as a result of that, you could have an orgasm. Now, for some women, it can also be like they could be rubbing their clitoris at the same time they could be grinding so they could also have an orgasm that way.
But for women who are orgasmic and who probably have more internal orgasms, they might be more likely to come during anal. Now, there's some women who can only come during anal because of that positioning of the of where, again, every woman is different, not only in the way they look, not only in the way their genitals look, but they're different where it's placed. So anal might be great for some women because it's a sweet spot of the penis goes in and it just is able to hit the right spot of their, you know.
So I love a finger up my butthole for sure. Yeah, I one or two one one finger up there. It feels really nice. Yeah. During sex during like going down during. I love it.
It feels. Yeah. There's something about it. It's only like filling up all your holes when you're having sex.
It's just awesome. And also if you want it is awesome. If can feel really, really good if you're open to it.
I think also some women just feel shameful around that as well, but it can feel great. There's a lot of nerve endings even on the outside, like the rectum are the Shecter, the specific to the sphincter, the sphincter muscles on the outside of the anal opening. If you just take some lube, your partner can just use their fingers and go around there. It might that might feel really good, too.
And the good thing about smaller dicks out there is that it's much more plush. About to have anal with them, it can be, yeah, I mean, big dicks are really like I feel like a little bit harder.
You'd have to really, like, train. You got to train for anal. Don't go from zero. Don't go from zero to anal. You really do have to train for anal. I've given advice before on how to have like proper anal and that's like four I believe, like you should have like I do an enema or something before that, like not right before, like a few hours before that. And then like the best trick afterwards is to take a little plug, put it up your butthole and like leave it in there for 30 minutes or something before you start to have sex.
So then you can open up a little.
But also I feel like I feel like if you like your whole somehow open up a little when you are horny and you're having sex because so you can go from set from your vagina, like I'm switching going from your vagina hole straight to your bottom.
Yeah. Because you feel like I'm not saying the clitoris. If a woman's if you're already aroused and you have an orgasm, anal will be more comfortable with you because you're already aroused and engorge like we talked about the blood flow. You you. So it might be easier. But remember this. The anus is not self lubricating like the vagina. So you have to use lube every time you have to apply lube, reapply, reapply every time, every every time.
There is no wet, there's no lubrication in an anus. There's not.
But don't you feel like some is there some liquid in. Yeah.
If you're really wet then maybe you could be your the fluids from your vagina could be dripping into your anus but your anus is not going to lubricate itself. And so that's what it is. And so you have to remember that you just you can go from vaginal to anal but never go from anal to vaginal ever. Please don't get a bacterial infection.
Don't do that. I've learned this the hard way. Yes. There you go. Get I use infection, a UTI. It fucks you up. Do not do that with my ex boyfriend.
Yeah, well, yeah. Most people see young women you're saving right now.
Yeah, well because he when we're young the boys watch so much porn and then they just think it's like your body is just like they're like little porn temple to try things out on you and then they just keep going from hole to hole. You're just so confused by what's happening at this point. And I've been enjoying it. And next thing you know, you have a really great Nampula.
Yep, exactly. Do not do that. Do not make your body a porn temple.
No. You want to. Yeah. So it's OK for vagina to butt hole, but it's not OK from butthole to vagina. Exactly.
And go slow. And here's the thing about anal. So many women have a really bad first time experience because their partner goes and shoves it in no lube. So that's why you go slow and start with like they could be massaging your anus. They could kind of you want them to open it up and like, they could just be, you know, outside of it for a while and making sure you breathe a lot. You got to breathe, go slow and use lube.
Those are my best. Let's just put it out there. Yeah. If you're going to have anal with your partner, this is for the boys listening. I'm sorry, but you have to accept the fact that the girl may shit on you a little and you can't get grossed out because at the end of the day, that's the risk you're willing to take when you decide to put your penis inside of her butthole.
Men get so grossed out by this stuff that women do. Are they the key thing and whatever? No, you can't get grossed out by it.
I know you also said the thing about an enema, I don't think that you need it anymore.
If you know your natural bodily fluid, you know, you're like bowel and means school. Have a huge dinner.
But also you could get an enema, a story about what my recommendation is to take out the vinegar and just fill it with warm water. Yeah, yes, yes.
I'm sorry. That is the one thing I forgot to say when you if you are doing an enema, which you don't have to do not do not do the full and Amalek. It should be, but it's more it's like better if it's water like don't do it with the vinegar because then you're going to have like weird things that keep are going to be licking out of your leaking out of your butthole. And you don't want that experience when you're having sex.
So it's better if you actually have an enema. I would like you to pour it out and you just put your water in there, warm water in there, and then you you make sure to, like, let everything out of your butthole if it was and was still in there. Exactly.
That's good. That's what you do so long. But I feel like I know so much about I know seriously day and also experiment on your own use about plug use a finger again.
Masturbation is your ticket to incredible sex. Yeah.
I finger my butthole before when I've been, when I've masturbated just like just to try it out to see like how it feels before I deal with the partner.
But your nails, you've got to be careful because the don't is so bad. Don't do with fake nails. Make sure that your nails are trimmed and they're clean and they're short. You've got to keep your nails short.
Don't try to finger your partner's butthole with your fake nails because you're just kind of scratching your head. Exactly.
And that is painful. And that is an infection. Yeah, that is painful. All right. Well, I feel like that's a lot of, like, amazing things.
It's like we did. Thank you for having me. We covered a lot. Thank you for coming on. So where can people find you? Everything is at sex with Emily Dotcom. My podcast is Sex with Emily. Subscribe wherever you listen to a podcast, Spotify, Google Play, iTunes. That's what you do. You can some of your questions to feedback at sex with Emily Dotcom or call in to my Sirius XM radio show every night, eight nine four seven eight two seven seven.
When I think of like the sex God, I think of Emily. No joke. Thanks, girl. No problem. OK, so is there anything you feel like I didn't ask?
You know, I think you've asked me everything. This has been great, but. I'll be back. This is this is what we do, I think you've asked me everything that you that we cover and then they could go back and listen to the last two episodes.
Yeah. And also, you guys, you can check out my episodes with her with Emily on her podcast, Sex with Emily. I've been twice already on twice.
You've been twice or three times. Twice, I think. I think three times. No, once was on your radio show. OK, got it.
But I said I guess. Yeah, they're really good with you. Like I said, we were at least two to three weekends on all different topics. We have gas, we have callers, we have emails and I've got 15 years of podcasts. There's a lot of stuff there. So have fun. Go for it.
OK, well, thank you so much for coming on. Definitely. Check out Emily sex with Emily D.M.. Or if you have any questions, make sure to follow her. Subscribe to our podcast. Thank you so much for listening for another episode of to try to be crazy on every Thursday with me. Violence events in your house. I love you guys so much and I hope you have the most fulfilling sex life ever after this episode.
Love you. Bye.