We move into the house wedding of our dreams, a month in, I get the wedding photos and they're stunning. I got the photos. I was like, oh my God, these are so opposed to them. And I got a call from my best friend in the world and his girlfriend texted me and they said, hey, can we come take you to coffee? I'm like, well, no, just come over, come look at the wedding photos.
Like, No, we want to take you to coffee. And I'm like, this is something feels really weird about this.
And Travis grabs my arm and they're like, what we're about to tell you might be really difficult to hear. Ba ba ba ba ba ba. I believe it's a long time to be raised to your house. Well, today, my guess is Matthew's got a lesson ready for such an easy name to be able to pronounce. Welcome. Easy. Yes. No one ever gets it up. They're like Menom or Maynards or Manning. I don't even know why they say you have such a beautiful name.
Are you serious? Thank you. So you, Bellata, Vilina Delenda French has been manl. Oh, my mom has a crush on her. That's nice. Well you French know. Oh I always thought I was because of my name and I just felt it in me that when I went to Paris I was like, oh, this is my home, my back. But I did the DNA test and apparently I'm Irish, Scottish and British. I guess I actually wear your skin.
So I was French basically last speakable and it's like trash. I know that I connected a little bit about when she got famous from Vine's. You expiries you so much more than that. She's an Internet celebrity, but she's also a comedian. She's off at comedy. She's known for viral videos on YouTube, Instagram and everyone everywhere else. She does a bunch of really funny skits. My favorite is the ones where she's like this stuff girl in restaurants. I don't know if it's, you know, celebrities or influencers or what.
It is usually very rude of the restaurant. And so it's always very sarcastic. And I just get that sense of because I love a lot of your videos. Thank you so much. Yeah, that was my favorite character because there's a part of me that relates, but I'm like so nice people and like, I don't ever feel like I'm entitled. But I did go to Calabasas High School and I watched, like, MTV dried up. And so it was very easy to, like, mimic those characters that are just like the sun is very bright.
Yes. Is this video and literally what I'm talking about and she's like this like set up outside a restaurant and she's like annoying the waiter. And she's like, have all these requests. And she's like, OK. And also the sun is very bright. Can you just so funny, you know, relate to those characters too. You guys are always like my alter ego, aside from the big daddy issues like how you know, since I was young and both living and all that, I was always the one I wish to wish to be that ruthlessly self-absorbed type of character.
So he's like, yeah, I love those stuff. Yeah. We're in L.A. They're everywhere. I don't know. What I mean is that she is a the because so she definitely has some story on her. She also is a Venus, which explains so much about who I am. She also gets called serious but with two T's but funny. She just finished her season once. You guys should definitely check it out way for season two, her focus.
And she's also the author of a super, super successful roll call. Funny How Works Out How to Shoot Together. Yeah, thank you. That was a great introduction recently. I've done a lot, so let's get started.
How is it going for you in twenty twenty one?
Well, I don't feel as haunted because they just opened up and oh yes, I went to sushi really fast but it felt wrong and I don't like that feeling other places like I went to Kansas. No one cares. The restaurants you can eat inside out. So I go to the movies. Being in L.A., it's weird. It's a weird adjustment, but I like being also twenty. It wasn't that bad personally for me, was actually really good growth here.
I grew up on the block and all this internal stuff going on and I don't go anywhere, so I didn't mind it. I don't mind the quarantine. As long as you learn from the bad emotions, you start to finally appreciate the good muscles like this one we're adjusting. I do. I think I call myself an introvert and extrovert where I'm introverted. But when the cameras roll and I hope, yes, I like that too. Yeah, but I'm an introvert.
I think the hardest part for me, the dog is I already like to be alone a lot right now. I got to the point that I adjusted so much slower than that or Venlo that even now this whole we've been whole and I want to go to the grocery store and it's not that scared of people. I just figured it's like the responsibilities side. So I just post meeting or ordering, like even water, because I'm running out of food and water my house.
And the thought of getting my car to go somewhere seems like a lot. So I think it's really hard for people in general to adjust your life to be able to go there for sure. It's not like I don't know how to be outside. And I would follow my words when I started seeing people out, I would try to talk them and my words would spill all over the place. And I was I think I forgot out to talk to people because I wasn't in practice.
Like, when we're out there getting a coffee with a friend, we're like building good habits. All those habits went out the window. I don't have a habit of working out anymore. I don't have the habit of reaching out and going in the car. Even being in the car feels weird, right? That's what I don't like, is it's like we're building very bad habits especially. And Isolator and you live alone. Luckily, I had a roommate the whole time, so I had like a little partner was like, I'm not so alone.
I would have really struggled so much if I was by myself last year. I did. Your work is hard. It was hard. Like he got lonely. And then I thought I should have a roommate. And then I got a roommate for three months who had a dog and he wasn't potty trained in my house and then went, want to be alone? And now I feel like I didn't appreciate living alone. That's good. So do I.
Listen, I've been getting busy with getting back to work, trying to feel inspired to do your resolutions. I like the idea of it and it feels fun. But I think my New Year's resolution, the one I had, was become stronger. I had a dream that I was just I couldn't run. I couldn't defend myself. And I was getting beat up and I was like, I need to be stronger. I care about I'm good to be fit or whatever.
But I actually there's a desire that I have to be strong to, like, fight. I don't know what it is if it was a dream therapist and tell you that that's how you feel inside right now. Yeah. That I can't defend myself. You feel emotionally powerless. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, all the time. Where do you think that comes from growing up OK.
Yeah, I didn't really have much of a say growing up. I mean, I'm an only child. I was an only child. But my parents are beautiful. I love them. I have a great relationship with them now. But growing up I didn't feel like it was necessarily the safest to always state my needs or to be myself, which was oftentimes a very sensitive person, very sensitive. I can see signs of it. Yeah, that's been my work the last few years is like just share how you're feeling.
It's OK. Because when I used to do that was where you criticize was like you're too sensitive. So I would place shame on my feelings like oh my God, how bad am I that I even feel that I should just toughen up? I should just be OK. It's horrible. It's crazy. You know, when people share stories like that, that everyone else, including myself, even though I'm sure we have different upbringings and different types of parents, because you said you have a good relationship with your parents, it's still so relatable, like all of us feel that sometimes one thing that's universal that everyone yearns for is to be accepted and to be understood.
That is a good craving and a yearning that everyone has in this world. And yet we're so quick to judge everyone else, whether it's our close friends or family members, people and strangers on the Internet. I always find it very interesting how we want everyone to understand us and to accept us. And then we're like, how do we cry? You shouldn't do this. You shouldn't feel that. It's like, fuck you. Then you should tell me what to do if you want me to.
I think the even above all that or beneath all that is accepting and loving ourselves. I found that I became a lot more tolerant and less less judgmental of other people when I started to become less judgmental of myself. And that is very true. One hundred is all connected anyway. We're all I am you. You are me. We're all connected. We're all the same. We're all just wanting to be seen her felt and understood and understood and have safe space to be who we are no matter what it is.
Happy, happy, happy hour at our deepest despair. We want it to be held with grace and love. And that's why I'm so surprised by our response to media Germein comments. And then my response is always like, wow, they're so classy. You really got them. And I was like, I'm not trying to get them. It's honest truth when someone is trying to hurt you or say mean things to you. Now, I've learned from my own experience when I'm hurting is that only horrible people.
So when someone's really mean to you, they're like, oh, you saw this. And it's like you have to be in such a bad space and not to love yourself enough that you feel the need to go out and criticize everyone else because you want to feel just as small as you feel right now. Yeah. And they're projecting their own pain out there. And that actually is in the book that I wrote. I wrote her people happy because I would later talk about my ex-husband.
But that's absolutely right. I literally was just talking about this on my Instagram about how when I see something that doesn't interest me, like if I was like scrolling and I said how to build a guy, I wouldn't post on that page and go, oh, this is ridiculous. I would just scroll it. Right, right. I wouldn't feel the need to be like, I'm going to comment and let them know that I'm following them like I'm following you.
And you don't have to let me know that you can just keep scrolling like it takes a really in paying person to be like I need to let them know because they're just writing what's inside. So it's not personal to either one of us. Britney Rouse's as if you're not in the arena, blood, sweat, tears, putting yourself out there, putting your heart, showing up comedy, showing your opinions. If you're not doing that, you know, you have to earn the right to give your opinion.
You're not in the arena. You're up in the stands up there in that corner. And you think you get a say on what I'm doing in the arena. Go to hell. Wow. Passionate. I'm safe. But now everybody has this entitlement, like I get to say whatever I want. No, you don't. This should never have been allowed. It's very dangerous. You feel very passionate about it. It's just this whole new era just in the last eight years or maybe 10, where people who aren't more recently also have their opinion and they just say it's too easy for it to come into your energy field and maybe if you're not strong, it'll take you down.
Yeah, you said that before. Like, obviously, I don't feel strong today in this moment right now. I feel like I love myself. So if I saw comments, I'll be flattered that I have those moments where I'm having a bad day and just over and I thought I can comment hurts my feelings. I'm just like, fuck a failure. Like it does get to me. And I would also think because of the van dike and what's been happening last year, people have gotten meaner because they're more miserable, which I understand.
But then I also saw that as a failure. You do have to be so understanding because it's also not fair. I'm also struggling. So why do I need to take on all of your pain? I'm also hurting, like, can I just have a day? Yeah, I am 100 percent agree with you. And I think anyone who says, oh, I don't get offended by comments, they're like, yeah, people. I'm not a leader to people on the Internet.
They're also not thinking that we're reading it. Probably that is true. We are thinking about you and your face. They would never say that. I know the first line when I feel it or someone or like I recently had a falling out with somebody who I was really close with. And I just feel so much anger towards this person, which is very unlikely. But for me, more than this person, for some reason I was feeling so much pain and anger.
And I want to say the most hurtful things that this person like. I want to hurt from my words, the way they made me feel emotionally. And I literally just had to sit there for a second and be like, whoa, where is this coming from and why feeling these emotions? Because I knew I had less to do with that person. I have more to do with me and how it's feeling inside myself or maybe somebody that hurt me in the past was reminding me of this person.
I, like, really understand. Like, why do I want to go out of my way and let this person know how pathetic they are because it has to do with me that's very self-aware. I'm the one that's all set. Unless they take responsibility for their own feelings, they're going to keep blaming the world and the world can't change. That's a lot to expect out of a person and out of the world. The world should adjust to your needs.
I thought the things, the good people and the bad people, it's not how it works. And so once you once you get closer to the acceptance is the way that things are, that resistance will subside and then you'll have an easier life like, OK, yeah, over. So when you think with the world that good things happen to good people, the problem is that when you don't address about happened, I realize that's about something else that happens to you and you're just like another person.
Why this happened to me. Then it brings you down. It's like a dark place because you have not worked on yourself enough to even figure out how to deal with a bad habit like that, which we get into. Because actually, man is here about a really interesting story that she had that I wanted to listen and to share with you about her ex husband, who you really ended up being in her life. But it started with rainbows and sunshine.
Then it turned out to be completely opposite. And I think this is all on you. When somebody treats you like when you give your love to somebody and you find out that it was like nothing, I think it's really hard to take that is so absolutely. It's the exact story. I'm a good person. I've worked on myself for ten years. I've done good things. I give love. How could this have happened to me? I there's something that I'm missing.
Lots of blaming myself. Where did I go wrong rather than sometimes it's not that. Yeah, that was my struggle. I really thought if I had my shit together, if I'm here, love, I cleaned up my past. I thought that's when my very tail was coming. I was the reward. Yeah. For doing all the good work.
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Why attracted this Prince Charming? I just moved to New York City. I was there are three months I saw this DNA from this man who I felt so connected to, and he said, you shine like any other human I've seen in a very long time of happens in your life. He lived in Australia, but he was visiting L.A. I was living in New York. And I was like, oh, he's already messaged me. Like, I found him and he messaged me 18 months before I found him.
Oh, yeah. That sounds like it was destiny. Destiny. And so when I responded back to him, there was this back and forth. And then we FaceTime that night and I just moved into an apartment in New York City, a different one, and met this guy. I know the exact date and time and all this really weird dates and times. And we face time and mean. The first stop was, oh, my God, that's the man I'm going to marry.
I just knew it.
He had the same lingo as I did. It was almost a spiritual path. And oh, my God is speaking my language. He's noticing my energy. This is basically a lifetime movie offers a date each other for and realize already 18 months of your life is meant to be told you. You're like he's speaking similar language. The way you see through my thought were so then that lying face to face similar two hours, I felt like, OK, this is my person.
But I was going to chill. The next day my mom texted me. She goes out of the movie, go. I said I said it went great. And I'm at the minimum married. And she's like, wow, what a day. And I told both my both my parents I met the man of the there and they took it serious and never said that to them. That's another thing I say. I like everyone. OK, people will be more surprised if I stop saying that.
Yeah. But um. Yeah. So that's why I took it seriously.
Serious. The next day we stand in the park. Sorry, I was in Washington Square Park visiting him while he was twenty seventeen. OK, go on. And then later in late November I teared up up because we knew it to be true. Yeah it's very tense but also not like you told me to listen to the songs and I have the song. Please listen to it. Let me know what you think. I listen to it within ten seconds I started feeling something and I heard again, that's our wedding song.
I texted that to him. I said, this is our wedding song, like what could be a lunatic text. So I just felt like, oh, that's funny. I mean, it's like I can't explain. I just felt really comfortable and safe. And he replied, I know it is. That's why I haven't shared it with a single soul. I saved it for us so I would listen to the song being away from them. I would like to feel it or cry.
A few days later, he was to fly back to Australia, but instead he we decided that he would come to New York to meet me in person to see like, is this real? You know, I mean, we have long before you come to New York, five days. You didn't think there was a lot of talent like fast on it started? No, because it tends to start super fast, but not so great. I know that now.
It's awesome, guys, as much as fun as it's like everything that she's saying and I know it sounds like romantic movie, things like that are a big red flag. And even if you're so into it, that means you're missing something inside of you. You feel the need to be loved so much that you already have that idea of being in love because you don't love love. You actually don't know the person, because I came from feeling like when you know, you know kind of thing.
Anyway, he meets my mother for coffee before he flies over to meet me in L.A. They meet for two hour coffee. She says she's a delight. I have no problem with him coming. So he made a stop somewhere else because he was staying in L.A. at the time. OK, so then he went to be your mom first before he took the flight? Yes. Yes. And she really loved and body was endearing. We met in Madison Square Park five fifteen.
Our hearts are beating out of our chest. We hold each other. We started to cry. I said, where have you been?
Looking everywhere for you honestly samardzic. And if I was younger and also we saw this right now this. Well, this is what it was. So every time I would tell the story, people would get chills. When we spent a week together, we even had an incident outside of a bar where I bought this long jacket because it was getting very cold in New York and I didn't have a jacket. And a zipper was saying, and you got on a try to do this over.
And people were walking by like, where's the ring? Say, Yes, yes. And it felt like a premonition of what was to come. For four and a half months later, I went to Australia to meet his family, and then he proposed to the whole four months to propose.
Yeah, wow. I know. Because we were in long distance. Well, I actually got engaged after a month, but that's also the old days and my are still the other. Yeah. When he proposed. Ah of course I was used to propose first week. Yeah. I don't, I can't explain like with each other. That was you not even obsessed. It wasn't even like all obsessed with it. There was no like finding it was just like he's my personal to tell you.
I know it's wonderful. You have type of. No, no, you didn't sleep with me the first night I went out, to be honest with you. I know I never called my boyfriend. I called him his name. I was like to other people. I was like, I have it all right. Am I right on board? Like, everybody was on board. Everybody was obsessed like you. So genuine. There's really rare to me.
Guys like this, we go to parties, we ask the same. Everybody was just like you met your person. Then, looking back now, before we get to the engagement party in those four months, was there anything that you can look back now? This fellow was a red flag or they didn't notice. It's kind of like if you guys ever see 500 days of summer and when you look through his eyes as far as that, I mean, after all, you go and then you go back, goes back, and I see the dark moments of all those times.
So looking back now, can you see anything that was a red flag or not that. Yeah, I could do it over again. I wouldn't have paid for his flight to New York for the first time. Oh, which is which, by the way, when when we're in LA, we don't notice a lot of those. Like, you know, he worked in the coal mines for eight years. So, like, I knew he was a hard worker.
No one was a coal miner for eight years, risking their life operating heavy machinery. He and bought a house, but then it sold for half the price. So acute money, all these things are not our work. We just can't work right now. So he did our job and he owed money. So he was out with an hour before the marriage said, looking back now, oh, I wouldn't have overextended myself. I would have had like I wouldn't have paid for his way.
But in the time I like, I've earned enough money. It's OK. I'm of course, I'll take care of my husband and not do anything because you feel like he loves you. You're such a strong independent woman. Oh, oh, oh. The compliments. I'm the most beautiful thing. He loves everything about me to the shape of my face. You're literally a goddess. You're the most amazing. You're so much fun. And I know you're fun.
Fun girlfriend. Well, don't take two hours to get ready. I'm very punctual. I can be very sensual, but I can also be like very goofy. Like, I know I'm much like when you say these things, I wasn't like, why this is crazy. I was like, yeah, he sees me. Yeah. I'm insecure in that way. Yeah. So like, I wasn't like, wait, he's saying I'm almost beautiful. Something off.
Yeah. Yeah. So you felt, you felt love, you felt like you worked so hard in your life, like you finally got this reward, like it might seem like you are on this, like you finally got this love everyone else around you have is finding your time to have it and you have it. Yeah. So why not. Once you go to visit his family, he proposes to have happen. He took me about two hours away from his parents house.
I went to this beach where the river meets the ocean and we go and lie down and then he goes all over the ocean and I'm like, no, we just got a reason to lay down. Come on, let's look at it. And then we go and look at it like this. Great. Straight back down he goes. No, no, no. Let's look at the river. And I'm walking around where those heart starts beating out of his chest.
He starts kind of shaking a.. Not very comes across and looks very embarrassed. And so a lot of you are the most amazing. It's not a good accent, but you're like, oh, no. Oh, and he has an accent. Deep, strong. Like New Zealand. Yes. OK, now I understand all of you. Yeah. Doesn't help. No, I get it in a way where he was his heart was beating. I mean, I'm going to need some money I suppose.
And then I said, of course and he put the ring finger and then we were engaged and it was like, great. And then a couple of months later, he worked in the mines to get some money and he moved over to New York and and then he worked in the mines in Los Angeles.
We were a long distance until he moved to New York after the engagement.
But you said he was in Los Angeles. So your mom was just visiting for a week. OK, so where are their minds? And there's no lines.
So you moved over to New York City, where I'm living at the time you're engaged. He takes a shower and comes out of the shower and I see my name tattooed on his chest and I'm like, oh, my gosh, my name is again. I cross my heart like, you know, under other circumstances that would really screw me on. I we don't know. But your mum's your and that's beautiful. Mason ask for my permission, but he did it.
You got that to tell you before we moved to New York, then we moved back to L.A., planned a wedding, my bachelor party than I was to was five days before the wedding. I bought us a house on Wellington Street, the rehearsal dinner there, and the most beautiful wedding. The chef and I have to pay rent. The entire time you were right there, he was going to get a job because he could legally work. His promise was always that I'm going to take care of the rest of our lives.
You're not going to have to do a thing. Yes. Or taking care of right now. And I appreciate it so much. But I'm going to I'm going to start. Working, and then you got a job at a fitness center and he started making money, he would always pay for groceries and he'd always clean. He's very present and spend every second together. He was a very good partner, treating me like a queen other than the money aspect of that.
So I would kind of rationalize, like, you know, what he does everything else make sense of the world where money especially so comfortable making more money. He's a real man. Yeah, Incapsula is all skin is fine, but emotionally, he took very good care of you.
He was a very good father. So it's like a full on romance deal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A fairy tale dream come true. Just perfect. And I mean, of course every relationship has its issues, but we really didn't fight much like it wasn't a very dramatic relationship at all. When did you realize that it was over the voters? Over when I had the wedding photos, the weddings. Beautiful, perfect movie for my dad. Oh, right.
It's an important thing. And so the job for so so you win for your partner. You bought a house for you and your partner. Right now your father comes is literally a whole family really invested in this man. Oh yeah. Yeah. OK, so you get the wedding photos. I get the wedding photos a month after the wedding and they're out of a magazine and they just look beautiful. We look very much in love because we were and then my best friend who was at the wedding, he was in my bridal party.
Him and his girlfriend called to take a like no, come over the photos. There are no words to you. Coffee. That's weird. They never did that. It took me down the street and he sat me down with her hand on my arm. Both of them like shaking like what the F is going on. And they said, what we're gonna tell you is rough, but just know that we're here for you. The letter. What?
And I start dating. And I thought that they were going to tell me that either my dad or my husband had passed away. The feeling that I was like, oh, my God, we are the reason that this woman messaged me saying that man is going to be different friend right now because her husband has been sending me videos and photos. And here are all the screenshots. And there's like a hundred screenshots of him not only sending new videos of photos with my name on his chest, but mentions nothing.
She's useless, she's boring. She's not sexy. You're my true queen. She's nothing. I will be with her forever, that's for sure. Such very unkind things. I literally was like, what was hold on. Was like my world got flipped. I never had that feeling in my entire life. I didn't know what to do, but I knew it was here because I know the way he texts. So I went home. I grabbed my key.
I have the little bag. I sat outside and he came home and I confronted him. I said, I know what you did to them, what it was. And he fell to the floor, sobbing, said he was sorry and that he had issues and he didn't know the difference between reality and fantasy. And it was nothing. And he would never do with the person, God forbid Will. And I proceeded for the next 24, 48 hours to stage a shower in the space room while he came to his defense.
You mean you you have to say what I don't like. The first time he was confronting his demons and I felt for him. But then when I left the house, I met with a friend, people around me. You I told you to get him out of your house. What is not your fault? I feel like in your head you have this fantasy and he is shattered. But in your mind, you're still holding on to that fantasy.
Yeah, well, the man I love and he's like, no, I don't know that there's any fantasy in reality. I don't know that. I mean, it's just of it. Yeah, it's like I am sick and then you're just like, oh, let me help you. And that is a thing to us. When we do, we think we can say med, that's our job.
Well, it's not officer so far. So it's I mean, you're still trying to hold on to fear. Yeah, that's what I love the man. I want to make sure that he's OK.
But even if you want thing to shoot it off, because I've been cheated on, I feel like it's paying me like I felt chills in my body when you were talking was not even like to see the photos, the flirting, to see your partner being like she's nothing like that. Why you married me. That's where my heart was shattered for you. Same same exact thing. I didn't actually see the photos or videos or just that mean. Always a sex addict.
We'll work on it, like through your wife, your new wife under the bus. I'm not sure all he's been able to help you with since it wasn't finance or anything else has been emotionally distraught. I lost my leg at that point. That's when I knew it was really over. You still stuck around for a while. I had to leave the house, which is hard because there was a lot of him feeling like the worst person on the planet, not one as he should.
Yeah. And like manipulating me by saying, like, I'm gonna jump in front of a truck and then I'm like, oh, shit, come back. And then thankfully we had a mutual friend says, dude, you're manipulating, don't you think you. Throughout the least you can do is give her space. It may be illegal to get back at your lying, cheating ex by burning down all of us stuff, but what you can do is sell all the stuff online.
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So we didn't see each other for about a month. Would occasionally check in and then we went to couples therapy for three months, not living together. I was like I was there. It was great, was really great. It the only time he cheated on, you know. So then I wrote a book and it came out and then I had multiple women saying he's been doing this the whole time, getting angry for you because I've dated those men.
Looking back now, I will never do in my life for another man ever again.
And I hate all those times that person feel small, that they make you feel small and felt like you're trying to make them feel good about themselves. But making yourself small and it's like, no, stop that. Like, that's what you like about me in the beginning.
But you forgive me for this exact reason. But a lot of times you say that what you love about a person the most is what you're going to end up resenting. Yes, it's very true. What did you love about animals? I love that he was present, that he held eye contact. That seemed genuine. I loved his accent. I loved his heart. I love that he seemed to really care about animals. He was obsessed with animals.
I would point out every dog he would cry without holding a horse. He was very service oriented, like he would work on a set and as an actor. But on the other days, he would just help out with things. You really felt like he was your know from the above. You're like, he's good with his hands. I also loved his his like we both care about girls. So I took him to Tony Robbins. I took him to Landmark.
I took him to a masculine workshop in Mount Shasta while I did a feminine workshop. So we would do all these things to help us spiritually grow so that we can be the best power couple and the best for each other. A lot of things that you saying we're sorry. That sounds like more of his mother than his wife. Yeah. And that's why he probably saw someone who was not his mother. So when he cheated on you, did you feel like it was your fault economy?
Did you feel like, oh, I didn't do this or because I did this all myself? I should see that. And it's my fault you're OK. Maybe two percent or two percent of me over the course of the last year have thought maybe if I was less controlling in my energy, I don't know, verbally controlling, but I have control. I taking care of myself. Ninety eight percent of me in the moment really saw it for what it was, which was all.
This man's in so much pain to do what he did. And I did my best not to take it personally when he did that. And that's that's where the spiritual work showed up. So then one to three months of therapy received a lot, got a lot of emotions out there called different things that could have been different throughout the relationship, which was nice. But at that point, I was like 40 percent. And he had two other screw ups that were pretty bad that showed that his behavior was not changing.
One screwed up. Oh, I like something. Told me to look at his phone after the event, like a month after. Remember, we didn't see each other for a month. We got together and some things and look at his phone and almost no one ever looked up until this point. I saw it. And there's just girls. I'm one of those that I love you. I always have always known as a guy. Who's this who is what do you talk to be on your good behavior?
Which was it? And I know straight to everybody says leave just leave the people that care about like he's not going to change. But I am like alcoholism and no depression. And like, I've seen people change. If they want to change, they can. So I, I held on to that standard like he seems like he's showing up. He did before having the therapy, showing them to all the appointments. He's so present, he's saying I want this to work, but he seems like he wants to change.
And you know, I didn't marry the guy. This isn't just like a relationship I committed. I I've already gotten this far. Let me just see if this is fixable. And then on Christmas Eve, I had lunch with a dear friend who I trust and she was hesitant to tell me something. But then she did. She interviewed someone that worked with her. She goes, Oh, I know that man. That's my friend's husband. She goes, she he's married.
He does not seem married. And then proceeded to tell her all this other stuff. And at that point, I knew that that's it. I'm done because three strikes. I was already barely holding on at that point. But at that point I knew I'm only going to keep hurting myself if I keep expecting him to be a different person than he is. He's not ready, doesn't want this. He can't help it. I don't want to be at this point.
I'm only going to be torturing myself by being with someone I don't even trust in the first place. He already broke the trust. It's really hard, if not impossible, to build up something that's broken. I could have ended it, but I gave it everything.
So I was able to walk away with a clean slate like I gave it literally everything. And now I don't have any regrets putting this. Relationship to me. Yeah, I think I think sometimes when we watch movies, when we hear stories and I'm going to walk away, but not especially like it's one thing in a relationship or any struggle to always not ever marry vows like marriage is supposed to be for our life together. They work for 23 years and they actually got married on the day that he was born, which was another universal thing.
And I really my parents got married on the exact day that he was born on his birthday. So they didn't have enough and other wedding we all would always share, which was literally born for me. One thing that I was really interesting or more rewarding than you said is that he always said he was a man you're going to marry, but you never realized. You never said, that's my soulmate. No, I said, that's the man I'm going to marry.
And that shows up now like, oh, so what I'm saying is that the love of my life does the soul mate. You know, I know that he was a particular kind of soul to me in the sense that we had our lives together. I firmly believe that I already knew his soul and we had some karma that I guess worked out. But he was just the man that I was going to marry to learn this lesson and to learn in hindsight, there were blacks that I could look back and go, this was weird.
This was weird. I didn't trust my gut. So you start around the cheating and all that because you're like he thinks that he can change. He's going through something right now. And that's what happens when you get into something super fast. You will see versions of each other. We want to be and usually a lot of times your partner can be somebody completely different and then they start to act and so on. The honeymoon phase goes away. That's when we start to be like, oh, he's different today.
No, he's actually finally showing we saw what happened. And within the four months of then after when he finally got married and all that, well, now they're together for six months. You is stuff was coming out that was literally really stupid. Right. When the first time you saw you're like, oh, he's made some things. I just was a stand alone type thing that made the wedding got to him. He just needed a two week outburst.
Obviously the thing that hurt the most was him talking about me. That part was more of an issue for me than the sexual stuff. Right. So I don't condone either of it unless the other party is aware of it and told me these girls are messaged me on Instagram and I want to ban all of my daughter. You're telling me about it? I love that. I'm not the type of girl I have been in the past because I'm not going to fall people for feeling feelings.
What I felt and was not sharing it with me. If I really needed them to share it in and out of your system, that's OK. At least I'm still in your role and you're telling your partner, but yeah, from me and activism and kept it separate. And that's the part that along with him talking smack about me, that was the issue. Yeah. So that's literally who he was. He was broke in front of the didn't magistrate outside and leaving the whole job and things really fast.
I think it used to be like that. How you say stuff like that, because like I was so desperate to be loved, but I've grown up now and now I'm a slow learner because I know because like, when someone tells you they love you on a second day, they don't love, what do you love? I let me be a little suspicious. What is that like having discernment? Yeah. Being able to question things and not fear that they're going to run away if they run away when you start to question them, that's that's the answer that is supposed to happen.
Sometimes we don't realize the build up to the love can actually be just as fun as getting the reward of that love. Sometimes we just want to rush into it. So even when I watch movies, I hate beginnings. I'm so bored I get to the middle of the movie right really into it. And it's like my dating to usually because I love like a Libra. The third time your friend tell you about his cheating ways as a third guy.
I like it. And that's when you file for divorce, divide and file into like a few months later. So that was when I just said, okay, you basically want to call it, we'll just call it. And we were still on friendly terms. So I wasn't like, I want to talk to you. I was just like just, you know, I am done. And I went on my my yearly research trip to see my family, all my eyes out, and then he got sick.
I probably would commit, but I didn't know it at the time. And I brought him juice. I was treating him with love, but we never castrated like that. It was just like very friendly. We didn't see each other really much. Stop talking. And then my book came out and I called him to let him know that when I was coming up, I said, Here's one for you, that I wrote a book. It's coming out.
And I wanted to just give you a heads up that I did write about my experience. There's a chapter I wanted to let you know that obviously I change the name. I'm not going to, like, tell everybody your name. I still don't say his name, even even though we do have your name. And that's in the book as well, which makes no sense. But whatever you. Amy. Yeah. Like he has a name and the name the.
It was called by is nowhere in his legal tweets of the man who married actually lied to you by his name? No, I knew his legal name. I knew it. But that's not what I called him and know what anybody else called him. That seems a little weird. It's very weird. It's so weird. I wrote the book. It came out that he really stopped talking to me. And I got messages from other women that said, oh, he messaged me to and I'm so sorry.
I should have told you I felt really bad. He said, you guys are in an open relationship. Like every woman had a different story experience. I don't think he was doing it from start to finish. But unfortunately, there was an ex-girlfriend that reached out and said, I dated him for a year. And reading your story was like reading my exact experience with him. And I'm so sorry. And let me guess what song it was. Was it this song?
Because I was to be our wedding song. And by the way, that song was the song We Dance Toward Our Wedding. And that's when I stopped giving a F about telling my story because I left a lot out of the book and I really capital how I dealt with it. Not so much of like he's an asshole. He's a con artist. I was more about like, yeah, he did that. But here's how to get through it, because that's more important is how can I keep my heart open, how can I keep my trust open?
And not every man is an asshole because they're not. Right. He was. And that's particular to him. And that had nothing to do with me. I still deserve love. So I'm going to keep my heart over a thousand times because I deserve love. I want you literally right away into those things. Smart and like not the grieving mode. Yeah, I read. I know it sounds like you grieve. I think in the beginning, even when you were wrong, because you realize that you got sex and you might do something like this.
You know, I know is something that women sometimes do. It's just like anti-terrorism. Bill Loving Harder will not be so easy. But I love Hearties. I show him this. If I help him, he'll I just do this. No, there's nothing you can do. And this is who this person is, you know. But I had an experience that kind of betrayal before. I had a great father, I had great boyfriends. I've never been cheated on, to my knowledge, probably, but I never knew it so and I was living in a fantasy land of thinking people do that.
It's just movies. But I feel knowing that also you love like it's one thing for the of dollars, the world is another thing to also find out as well as you can rationalize in your mind, such as when he didn't marry, that you love them the way you love me. She goes he wants to really love you, to marry you, because there he would end up with me like locking her. What a blessing. Not what a blessing and a little blessing that we didn't have kids, all that stuff.
So of course I really want different. I must have been significant if I feel all that the saw that for me because I asked him multiple times after my book came out. I was I was our song. Really our song. You can tell me now. I never show anyone else our song. Yeah. He's a pathological liar. So that's true. It's not me name calling. That's what it is. Narcissist is a narcissist. Absolutely. And maybe a psychopath.
I've looked into this because multiple people after you have like, messaged me and I cheated upon sociopath or psychopath, which I used to just hear these words and I would be like, OK, pretty dramatic. We don't need to use titles, but it's not a title. It's this title has so does these characteristics. And it's helpful to know this moving forward because I know what to look out or because there are sick people in the world. Yeah, I got to see the reason he was so nice to me up until then was fear of me letting people know what he was up to, because I've been on a couple other house where the women were like, oh my God, I would have posted the screenshots.
I didn't actually speak on the until eight months. I just stopped posting about my relationship because I brought everybody on our love story like I brought you. I was well, I was embarrassed. Oh, absolutely. I was embarrassed. I also didn't want to make any rash decisions. I didn't want him alone in the bus because I still loved him and I care about him. But once I wrote my book, now he's not gonna talk to me, see what was really going on and who he really was.
And then I stopped caring so much about his feelings. And then I decided, you know what? This is my story. I had to share it. No part of me is fabricating because I wanted to protect myself. So whatever. But I looked it up and I was like, you can only sue someone if it's a lie. So I've been very clear with that. And, you know, overall, it may hurt him, but it's going to help thousands of women, which already has thousands of people in relationships of what to look out or how to heal.
So it's worth it. Good. I'm sure this is the reason why me was so that I share it. So now they want. Non-negotiable, so you have honesty, I never had that I win this because I just took it for granted and everybody was honest with me. That's not why I have all their flaws. I'm honest to a fault, I would literally tell it like it was. I'm sorry. A little too weird. I always have to have.
Your integrity is huge for me. It wasn't before. Like, if you say you're going to do something to it, which he didn't really follow through with a lot of his policies, if any. Now that you see that so I care about, it really matters. And it messes with energy when people say I'm going to do something and then they don't do it and it messes with yourself when you don't hold true to your word is our word is all we have.
Our word is actually everything. I agree. You know, that is interesting. Like I've always told you to make a list of the partner looking for. I go out and make the list like the more obvious things than the shallow things. And there are things I think we don't even think about because we're not into specifics so that sometimes the universe does give us all we're asking for. But we don't realize that we actually have ask for the things actually that matter.
She's asking for my husband and so on. I was really attracted to had an asset like you are doing. I should have been more specific universals like here. I mean, what you want. Do you have some tips to get over the brink of being cheated on? Yeah. So for me it took a lot of crying on the floor. I read a lot of it with him in therapy. So we would do this exercise where he would just sit there like music and then I would just sort my eyes out and he would hold the space for me.
So I would suggest that because it involved him. But at the time, that's I guess, what we were doing. And then any time feelings come out, just feel, though, don't push them down, don't judge them. So for me, it was like crying a few times a month on the floor. Doing a lot of work was really helpful. Before things walked on, I would go to the gym and do the work and then scream and really feel my way.
Is another thing that's really important is just this. It like don't talk to them, don't see them, don't visually have them anywhere in your sight of all their stuff. All the stuff seems like kind of petty and not a big deal, but it actually is a huge deal having someone that's very into the mind and neurology keep picturing what they did and the bright color. Keep picturing what you don't like about them so that the draw to them is less.
For me it was really hard because I didn't have any bad memories of them up until it happened. Right. So that's I think why is it around? It's not like you really didn't yell at me. Like, I have no bad memories. So that's why I think it was so confusing. I agree. But I had to just envision him doing this with other women. I had to picture what was bad. Now, I don't suggest doing that all the time because it'll drive you nuts.
But if he ever does come up or if they ever do come, I'll remember the things you don't like and then turn it black and white and push it away in your mind and then envision the recurring dream. And it is that the same is in the line. Are they of your high school where your would your highest self be with the answer's no. Move on and do it one day at a time. You're not going to you're not going to greet them overnight.
Take the time that you need to. It's for me. It still goes on. I was on a plane three weeks ago and I was crazy graduation Asians.
And I saw that movie with him and the girl who scenes because I can help you in the movie saying the same song at our wedding. And so I was sobbing my eyes out watching this scene on the plane. So just take your time, grieve. Remember why you're leaving Mantouvalos. Those reasons focus on why you're leaving and then focus on where you're going. Yes, because research shows when you're for a brain about your body and your heart and your physical self, you're going through withdrawals.
And the research shows it is the same withdrawal. So you go through your own addiction, cocaine and a few other and a few other type of things. Yeah. So you're going through actual withdrawals. People actually may need rehab the same way the drugs. They need rehab for love. And then when your mind starts to go back and remember all the good things about your body going through withdrawal now and the withdrawal, maybe, maybe I need to see them again.
No, that's your fix. So, you know, drug addicts, they're trying to redraw their faces. The drug, when you want to withdraw from love, your face is to remember the good memories. Yeah. When was the last time I felt this? This. Oh, this. I'm just going to go with them. So it's a good idea to make sure you're filling your time with friends, family, things that comfort you. For me, it's like watching friends make sure I have that blanket and make sure I can call someone and just get through those first few days, weeks, like set yourself up for success.
Don't try to do it alone. Like outrage people people like getting phone calls and distracting to be there for you. Yeah. Because you need it. You need that human connection and say out loud when the relationship is over, I can know in my head, but I won't tell anyone I. Or anything, and that's because I don't want anyone to know what they say out loud and put it out there once I tell my mom and it's really over.
So if I don't say to my mom that I'm like, there's so there's a whole bunch of people like me.
He's in this and this. Now I'm almost is our first night. Now it's out there. And I know I know I can never go back. It is the more I hear, the less likely it is to have gone. You are removing your energy out of your system and you're releasing it. But if you don't share it, the solution is not there. Where can people find you by Instagram to talk my Facebook and YouTube and movies. And then serious but funny is the podcast.
The book is funny how it works out. Where can we find book online? There's the audio book and I read it for you. That's a really nice it's as good as you can get where you were. If you sell lottery, you can also purchase it. Is there anything you feel about that? You know, so I must be honest. I don't really I have to check because I don't automatically give your sponsors. There's a lot you didn't ask me, but I think this was perfect.
They had a vision and I really did. Do you feel like you connect with me? Very much so. I like you more and I can do as far as actually, you know, like a lot of the 50 or so. Yeah. I don't think we ever actually chatted or understood each other well. Knows we're always in groups. Yeah. Thank you for having me. Thanks for coming on. You guys. Check out all of our social chat or go out and make sure it's bar and Instagram and Mathew's.
Don't forget that may be our view if you want to. Don't forget to follow that of crazy Instagram lineup. Any questions? And I'll see that side. Investors, good bye bye.