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Wake up what people. Faires. So what.
Good morning. Good afternoon and good evening. There is a plague across America. Um we are here for you. Trauma's hope you're having a good day. Very exciting episode to get into. So many fun things to discuss, including our drive in and the cool lady that we saw standing at a stoplight.
Yeah, the valley has so many treasures. It's a cultural. People think it's devoid of culture. Not true. It's just a different type of culture, different type of culture.
It's street culture. Yeah. And many in strip malls.
And there's everything here. Everything you want is here. Foot massage. We got pot.
If you want to buy pot, you can get vape pens, you can get your foot massage, you can do your laundry, get your Persian food.
Yeah, kebobs. Kebobs. You can do a real estate deal all the same plaza.
All in the same plaza. That's all right there for you. It's really exciting stuff, um, and there's cool people everywhere. Here's one of them. Let's start the show. All right.
I was just at CBS and a man that doesn't even work for CBS wouldn't let me in the door, and he threw me out the door. He doesn't even work for that. He wasn't wearing one of their shirts. What the fuck? Anderson Cooper paid this man to make me angry.
Always. Randi, don't bring anyone love into this. No. Well, welcome.
Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Cipora. Christina. Yeah, you have a lot of languages on your arms today.
I do. It's in Chinese and then Russian and Japanese and then Arabic and English. What does it all say? Adidas. You think so? Yeah, it is. It is. It does. It's pretty red Adidas shirt. Yeah, I like it. Yeah. You look handsome. Thanks. I like you. I like your hair. Thanks. I did it today. Looks nice. Thanks. This is a Karen. Let me be the first to say.
Shut up, Karen.
Shut up, Karen. Shut up. But before we're done with you, I'll say I'll see where it goes. Mm hmm. She's not too stable.
They're not letting me buy things. I hydrate myself. I want to buy something. Fuck you, America, for making me live like that. What the fuck is wrong with everyone? I said I got to lock up WI five. She's really good teeth, though, so shut up, Karen. Yes, she's a she's a wild man, she is out there, yeah, yeah, she's done she's doing an impression I like that. Doesn't even seem like it's a real voice, but I think it really it is.
And the more unreal it seems often, the more real it is.
Yeah. Seems like she's in like I would say, she seems like she's in tier two of an improv school.
Yeah. She got the improv kind of stuff down. She's doing characters now.
Well, that's why I got like, you know, pretty bold character.
Well, that's why Twin Peaks was so successful. Remember that TV show Twin Peaks?
Because the truth is reality is weirder than fiction.
And characters like that, like the log lady and, you know, backward talking little people, that's more real sometimes. Yeah.
Yeah. It seems so strange, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like ours. Our face video. Yeah. Yeah, it's, uh, it's really something men, cities, my mask for you, why are you protecting me?
It's really triggering people up this masks that found well. So we saw we were at a stoplight on the way in here. We saw a nice lady should need outfit on. She Crock's camo pants, um, pretty nondescript shirt, a mask which, you know, protective and then a wool knit winter hat. It's by the way, it's August in Los Angeles. Should be about one hundred and five in the valley today. She had her winter skull cap on and it was pink, the face mask was pink, and then her fanny pack was like, that's right.
She also defended psychedelic. But so she was like pacing a little bit.
And and then as we drove away, I go, Do you think she's good in bed? And I then Christina goes, Well, you guys are always saying that the crazy ones are good and bad.
And I was like, not that kind of crazy. I was like, did you think that that's what we meant? And she was like, yeah, I was no, I did.
I didn't know what kind of crazy. Because when people say crazy, I do picture good and bad for a woman, the personality disorder.
And it's like a good sign when you hear men say that crazy. When I go to bed, we mean volatile, jealous. Oh, like unpredictable. Showing up at work.
Like, why do you text me back like that is good and bad.
Not the lady who's like not like pacing at a bus stop wearing a nightcap in 100 degree like she doesn't.
How do you know she's not good. And it's the volatile unpredictable. She seems like she could be volatile and unpredictable too. I don't think so. She might hallucinate a little.
Yeah, I know. She doesn't believe me. She's she hasn't been around a penis in decades.
That woman I'm talking about a totally different time, like, OK, just erratic behavior.
Yeah. It's more like I saw that girl comment, her pictures, your fucking phone.
Oh yeah. That and we see your phone. I just like her picture.
Yeah. Yeah. I don't do that with you. Right. Like I don't monitor who you follow on the ground. Well you're not crazy. I don't think I'd be married to you or Demming. I wouldn't be married to you. You don't marry crazy. Oh I know.
Could you imagine if you did love me back. No. Yeah.
You'd end up like oh, dead or killing somebody.
OK, you give you give crazy a spin.
You take it for a drive like this. Too crazy. Do you have anything with less horsepower. Yeah.
How about so how long. So how long do you I mean there's some, there are some people that are addicts like there are men who it's just like you see women, they get into dating patterns where they keep dating. Wrong type of guy. Yes. They like that. There are guys that like that, like the dramatic, unpredictable woman. So true. I could never dated. I went out on dates with with crazy. I've been out with crazy, but I was never like be my girlfriend.
That's true. Because I could, I could all my alarms were too strong. Yeah.
Yeah. I remember my father when he met you. He goes, you know, I guess some girls, they like these kind of a guy who, you know, he comes home every night and he calls you every day. Some girls like this, I don't know. Yeah. And I'm like, what? There's stable. You're supposed to not like that.
I was OK.
I thought this was like, oh, that's perfect coming from him, because for him, he'd be like, where's the fun? He. That's right.
The fun is that they won't reach out for a week while we're dating worst.
Have you I because I've dated, I dated a guy like that. It was torture. Yeah. We're like they don't call you for days and then you're like, hey, we'll be honest. Good and bad. Pretty exciting. Yeah. Yeah.
Pretty exciting stuff. That's the problem. Right is that it does create that sense of drama. Yeah. Yeah. Little non-availability college. College. Yeah. I think I know who he was. Tall.
OK, well I mean can we not, can we not.
I'll tell you what though. After that guy I was like no more. I like, I like steady.
I went out with a guy who was, you know, like would disappear.
So, you know, I mean, like you just horrible. And then she would reach back and be like with something like, I haven't heard from you and, you know, here's what happened.
Like, we went out a few times and yeah, she was kind of an animal, you know, and it was fun. Yeah.
But I was like, she spit on your team. I mean, like, I met her, she was like, come inside me, you know, like, all right. Wow.
So state. Oh yeah. Yeah. Seriously, I was like, I don't think OK.
So then later I was like, was that a good idea? Do you.
And she was like, people do it all the time. You're fucked.
So that's brazen for a lady to let you blow a load inside your first time first date.
Here's the thing, though. So, like, she's she's kind of she's kind of an animal. Yeah.
She's she's not like you could tell that she knew how to act, but would only do it from time, you know.
I mean, like she's raised well, but she's kind of crazy.
She can hold it together and hold together, but she's kind of crazy and like she's indecisive, you know, which keeps you on edge, which makes it more exciting. But you're like, do you want you like this? Feeling like I don't like that feeling. Here's the thing, really. I chased her a few times, right? And I would try to get her to date me and she would we would date and then she would go away and then disappear until one day I was like, no, like, I totally stop pursuing.
And I was done.
And then and then they come sniffing in your yard and stuff into my writing me letters. Yes. That's what they do. You know, I did all these things and I was already like, I'm just not interested in.
Yeah, you lose it because they they've hurt you so much.
I was like, I'm not interested anymore. I will, however, finish inside you again.
If that gives you closure, I'm willing to do it one more time. One last.
One last. Oh yeah. You have to have one last sex with that.
Oh OK. But make you cry. Can I just bring up.
But see these bitches are fucking evil because they don't really like you. Like remember we were watching that Brazilian dating show so there's a show called Dating Around. There's one in the US and then there's one in Brazil.
It's good show. It really is really well done. The only problem is you got to read and I don't like to read while I'm watching TV.
Yeah, but it's kind of what this girl is. She's exactly what we're talking about. She's 100 percent that type. This girl right here. She's exactly.
We're talking about Tong Tong. Remember the whole time, guys, this is her the whole on the whole, every time the camera cuts to her, she's going literally every two seconds. Oh it's like, it's like, hey, I would have been like me as a 41 year old man. I'd be like, hey, stop touching your fucking hair so much. You're doing it every two seconds. Are you all right?
It's a tick. It's something in your hair.
It was a tick thrown with you because could you and that's another thing we were saying is that imagine you on this dating show at forty, forty one years old and you're just like, could you stop it? Could you fucking order already.
You know what happened though. She would end up liking me so she would end like she would like me because I'd be like you're fucking annoying. And she'd be like wah wah.
Because all these guys were like see just gazing at her. And she was toying with all the time. I went out I went out with a girl like her too.
Well, there are guys like that too. But this girl, that Brazilian girl knows how to play with men. Manipulate. Yes. Oh yeah. She knows how to play with men. She knows them so well and has them all eating out of her fucking eating out of her pussy.
And what she does is flattery and then the hair and just she knows and she flirts and she makes one thing is that she makes every guy feel like he's the man, like the way that she had a look at them.
Yeah. Just toy with them. And she is like, yeah, she actually reminds me of a girl I went out with, but these girls are very malicious because they don't actually like men. What they like is the attention that that guy is giving her at that moment. And they're they're sucking vortexes. They're just evil. There's such a dark inside of them that girls.
Yes, yes. She's she's she's just sucking attention. It's not even about the guy.
She doesn't even know she's who it is. It's empty inside.
It's scary. Right. So anyway, it's a great cautionary tale for any young young bucks listening. Study that girl.
If you watch that girl, you're probably at some there's some part of you that will find her attractive because she's gorgeous. She's gorgeous, she's beautiful, 20 year old, perfect looking girl. But you'll also be able you'll see what it's like. You should have the alarms also of like this is manipulation because that's what she's doing and she's like manipulating.
I'll give you back. Let's just kiss a little. Kiss a little. So. Yes, everyone.
Such a whore. She had one exchange where she knows how important he goes, how important is sex to you in a relationship, and she was she goes at least 50 percent is based on sex. And he goes, I think 80 like this is your your relationship is like, yeah, it's 80 percent of the time. You're like, are we fucking or what? They're 20.
That's when you're 20 years old.
Your relationship is pizza and fucking I guess nothing else. Netflix and fuck.
I mean I mean I just try to think of like if you go like what is what is 80 percent long relationship is it's quite a bit.
Yeah. Like you're an adult. Yeah.
You got to be like well you know, communication, having similar interests like whatever things that like you click on this guy's like no, we wake up, we fuck, we eat, we fuck, we shower, we fuck you.
Dr. Drew and his wife, I guess there's it's kind of like eighty eight.
Do you think it's a lot. I don't fucking know.
Yeah but yeah, that chick is that chick is evil because I was friends with girls like that growing up. Yeah. And I would watch them do that to boys and I'm like oh this chick is so evil as fuck partners.
Yeah. Yeah it's not cool.
Real quick, I got to make this real clear for the audience here. This is a big deal. OK, no big deal. Sue. Whoa, whoa. So we're very excited.
In just a few days, we're doing the first ever live streaming your mom's house podcast. It's Friday, August 14th, 5:00 p.m. Pacific, 8:00 Eastern, also available all over the world. At the same time, it is a live worldwide streaming event.
Tickets are available on location live dotcom, slash your mom's house. Here's a couple of things I have to point out that people that might not know this. What you see will not be on our regular YouTube feed. Your mind tells you to feed. If it will not be there, it is not permissible in any way, shape or form. That's why we're doing it at a completely different platform. People who have have asked a lot and I've tried to answer a few people via responses and stuff, but just so that it's on this feed and you understand, if you're not if you're not available to watch it live, but you're still interested in seeing it, you can go to the same length, the on location, live dot com, slash your mom's house for a week after it, after it airs.
So it's airing Friday night for an entire week. If you go to that link, you can still purchase and watch the show there. There's special appearances on it. My parents top dog and Charlie are joining us via Zoom's to not just have a conversation, but also watch clips.
It's going to be a lot of fun, of course, the first time top dogs ever appearing on camera. We're always we're very excited about that. They're excited to do it. And to see one other thing. Yeah, we are talking about getting it and having a heavily censored version and putting it on the channel members. So that should be something that happens another week after that. But it's on location services allowing us to play clips completely uncensored, which is very exciting.
The link to watch this, to get those tickets, if you happen, is in the description of this video. We've also been posting about it on Twitter, on Instagram. So make sure you join us if you can. We're really excited and a lot of you have signed up for it. So thank you very much for that.
Now, you've also been bribing your mother in advance of this thing. I sent her cosmetics creams. Yeah. Yeah. To get her prime priming the pump.
Priming the pump. Yeah. And I'm sure there will be an after show gift that I'm acquired.
Yeah. Just before for a car this week I just fucking hung up so.
Oh my gosh. I was like what kind of car.
I don't know. She was like, why don't you give me a car. I'm like, what. Well she wanted my car. She wanted my jeep. And I'm like, what if I put a pair of tits on top of it and then send it to you?
She's like, OK, yeah, I'm not going to put that crazy lady.
She I should by like a five hundred dollar car though, you know, I mean like something with like three hundred thousand miles, like a junk like rated junk and be like it just have it delivered with a bow. The house. Here's a car.
It didn't make any sense. You actually asked me. Yes. She was like would you buy me a car. And I was like, didn't you get a car today. Yeah. So where's she got a car. She got a car yesterday and she was like, yes. And I was like, you want you want another car on top of the car you just got today?
And she was like, why not? And I was like, well, what for? You're seventy five. Like, you're not jumping in and out of cars all the time.
She was like, I just want something exciting. Yeah. Yeah.
She has a weird relationship with objects she doesn't actually use. She just likes owning them like computers and stuff. It's so strange, but it is a weird relationship.
Yeah. Oh this this was everywhere and I'm so excited that we get to watch it again. It went viral, but I like it so much. It's just kind of fun. And I hope that if you haven't seen it, you get to enjoy it here.
You wanted him back. You really want it. You sure about that? Down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down.
There he is. There he is. Is he wait. The point is, like you dumped me for that guy and now you're going to see what a winner I am.
I'm going to eat a wasps nest. Crazy. It does not look like Josh, although it does look like it does.
I hope he plays him in this movie. He put that in his mouth. Yeah.
He said, you want you see the eyes, though. Yeah.
Like now what do you think? You wanted him back. Those are what I would call sedated. Someone has consumed one or more substance is sure to get into this mindset.
But question, do you think he's good in bed?
Yes. Yes, I think he I think this guy does. And he says, no, you don't think so.
What's going on? Any really think too crazy?
I mean, he just ate a wasps nest. Man, that's that's the type of crazy you're saying is not that good. Crazy. Oh no. He passed the line. I, I think this guy is like shit in my mouth. Yeah. Yeah. Because he doesn't care what goes in his mouth and I don't think he's a selfish lover.
I think he's like, you want to see me fuck for three hours? You're like, I'm good.
Yeah. I think, I think he's just like I think he actually hangs his hat on his, like, stamina. I think so. Yeah. Well can you fuck you can fuck longer with math, right.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
You just kind of just keep going. You come coming for strokes.
My brother didn't believe me believe me. No man. But you know you have been playing at Asness clip ad nauseum in our house. Like I will walk by you taking a dump and it's don't be stingy, Mark. Like I hear it coming from the bathroom.
It's really weird how much I watch it. I watch them all day. And I said, I'm the people, I get it. But I get a bunch of like, what the fuck is this kind of text? Which are my favorite? And I was like, oh, is that the wrong text?
My favorite. You told you gave it to your friend Sean. Yeah. You still haven't corrected him that it's not.
Oh yeah. He's like this. Is that because he just he's not like, you know, like devouring showbiz names and stuff. I'm like, this is the guy. That's the thing he'd never seen. Lf he's like I never seen I go, this is the guy that plays Santa Claus. And he was like, shut up. He totally. And then later on she was like, we think that clip she goes, that guy is a famous actor.
Like he didn't we didn't tell. Oh, before we forget, let's give an update to everybody on your bicycle and your bicycle woes and the tweaker guy.
Yes, yes. We got to wrap this up. So.
So you remember that, um, I thought that somebody was just going to steal my bike or bikes. Actually, your bike.
All four of them had two electric and two old cruisers. And the guy came to the house and he had, like, weird energy. And then I paid him the deposit and he just took the bike. And I was like, this guy. I just something was wrong, so. The thing was, my bike just had like a little squeak, I was like, I don't even know if you need to take mine. He goes, Well, I can fix that.
And I go, when can I have it back? And he goes, I can get you yours tomorrow. And the rest in like a few days. And I was like, OK, this was like a Saturday that he picked them up. So you bring it to me that I can have it tomorrow. Sunday. Yeah, OK. Sun never comes and never calls, and so Monday, same thing, so Monday afternoon I'm like, Hey man, you said you were going to bring me mine back and what's up?
He's just he writes back like a man, like super crazy busy right now and all this stuff. And I'm like, OK, like you're his buddy.
Yeah, I'm like you said. So I actually I'll I'll read you some of these. Oh, boy. Buckle up, guys. Yeah, it's wild. It's wild because it got real. He. Yeah. So. This guy, he's so crazy, he's so insane. Um. Hey, I go, no one reached out again about the bikes because I sent him a message. You guys are running late. The thing came in, so we will have them ready by opening time in the morning.
We can drop them off tomorrow, late morning to midday. That work for you and I go if you can drop at midday, that would be ideal. That's my response on Wednesday. Now, don't forget, I was supposed to get mine back Sunday. Sunday. Great. Thanks. I'll follow up with you around opening time tomorrow, he tells me. Meantime, let me know. Blah, blah, blah. And have a good evening. OK.
OK, so that's what he said. He's going to text me at the opening time tomorrow, which would be Thursday. Yeah, I text him Thursday at three p.m.. OK, so again, I'm asking for an update on my bikes and he goes, sorry, I just saw your text right now. I'm sorry for the delay. I promise we're not trying to avoid you. And then he switches. No other shop would have done what we could have done.
I understand your frustration and miscommunication or lack of I promise you, you will hear back from me either way in the next couple of hours. Thanks for your patience. I promise you, you will have the bikes back to ride for the weekend. And I go, OK, thanks. That was in the morning. All right. So. Four hours later, he goes, sorry for the late text, I just got back into a good area, so the C post we ordered had a small scratch, so I had to have a new one sent over.
Otherwise, everything is fully complete. I'll follow up in the morning to confirm the delivery window. All right. OK, thanks. So that's Thursday night. He's going to follow up in the morning on Friday morning. Friday morning. Getting a text, OK?
No one reaches out. No one text only calls three p.m. Friday.
I text him, what's up, man? Just waiting for the replacement post to arrive.
Then we can drop it off right away. Oh, my God. He goes, I'm giving it till 5:00 p.m.. OK, thanks. That's Friday afternoon. And the evening I go, when are you coming by? And then I send a question mark an hour after that and he goes, it's just more shit, you know. Yeah, not not. But he says that he'll be there. He says, I'll be there.
You'll be our first appointment in the morning between ten. Forty five and eleven forty five.
This is like every day this Saturday. Right. So now it's Saturday. It'll be Saturday at ten forty five. He'll drop it off. So I go OK, I'll see you in the morning. And he goes thanks. Have a good evening. So it's Saturday morning. He goes time. We're getting the final thing wrapped up as we speak. We're going to be there closer to twelve, forty five.
So I'll text you and I go, OK, thanks so forth.
I texted already for these exchanges.
I say, what do I owe you? And he goes, sorry, I just saw this come in, blah, blah, blah. Do you have a bike pump? I go, we don't have one because I'll set you up with one. I go, OK, cool. And he's like, I'm waiving the tax and I'm discounting everything. And I go, OK, I'll be home in five minutes because I'll be like twelve forty five. What's your ETA, are you close.
And he goes sorry on the other line but I'm on the way from another location hit in some traffic.
Should be thirty five minutes ago. OK, what's your ETA? I mean, I got to get going and he goes, I'm sorry, I'm stuck in horrible traffic now. It's a. 215 in the afternoon. And I go, man, you told me ten forty five first, first available, he goes, I apologize. Running a small crew right now due to the crisis, my estimated time of arrival now is 35 minutes from now. It's to fifteen.
I'm like, I know this is ridiculous, man. And he goes, I'm really sorry. I thought we we had one of our guys out with health issues that was like another guy really.
We really screwed up. It's like an essay. He's right. Yeah.
He's writing like a huge long text.
He finally. Oh, I finally tell him I go, hey, man, because I'm leaving stuff out to not like really, but I just go, Oh, he said he he goes, you don't have a bike pump, so I'm charging you, but I'll give you a bike pump. And I'm like, fine. So I, I purposely didn't want to see him, so I didn't put my hands on them.
So when I told him where to leave them, so I go, I go to my bikes and I'm looking for the bike pump and I go, did you leave a pump because I don't see one. And and he goes, no, I called him and he goes, I don't I didn't leave it. And I go, What do you charge me for a pump after all this bullshit? Like, I'm going to leave you. You're going to have 1000 one star reviews in a couple of days.
He goes, I don't understand why you're so upset. Here's the other thing I'm not I'm leaving out. I talk to him like three times during the week.
About like I was like, hey, man, you keep saying things, but like you're not calling me, you're not you're not falling. You're not falling.
He's like he's like, man, he kills me all this shit. But then he would go, I promise you, from now on, we'll have great communication. I'll text you first thing. And so I'm leaving that out of these texts. Is that like we would also talk and he was like, I'll text you first thing in the morning and then I would text him at 3:00 p.m.. What's up, man? So anyways, he was like, super apology.
He said all this bullshit, like, I'll take care of you, extend your warranty. And you're like like I want to work with you. Why the fuck would I want a warranty with you?
You know, guy finally he's like, someone will come drop off the pump. I go, don't have him, like, knock on my door. I don't want to see anybody that you work with. I just I kind of want to murder all you guys. You know, he he loves me like this fucking, like library. I mean, this is a goddamn newspaper article, you know? And then I go, well, I have that warranty, right.
I ride my bike off of a curb the other day and the seat adjusts. I'm like, Hey. You know, since I have this warranty, can I can you replace it? Can you fix it?
And he's like, no problem.
Let me know what expensive and I got to go today or tomorrow. I send him a picture. Oh, boy. And I go, do you think someone can come by? This is the next day. You're like, Good morning. Yes. Sorry I missed your message because I'm somebody to come by today or tomorrow to check it over.
Thanks. OK, that was just five days ago.
No one ever called.
Yeah. And here's the thing. It strikes. Yes. I see you guys on purpose. If you're like, oh my God, I did in Texas. I didn't post his name. I didn't post their business.
I you know, I actually think it would be a service to everybody to post this place so that you never fucking deal with them because they're absolutely criminals.
But I'm not going to to do that. I was just my seat. Yeah, no, but I'm just saying I'm not.
But so I met this guy when he first came to give us the assessment. Yeah. Yeah. And he was skinny gray. His skin was gray. He was sweating profusely and he was talking really fast and a lot of talking.
Should I call him right now and just say like him in. Yeah. Or should I text him. So I text and be like, hey, no one ever came by. No, no.
We had to call this guy first. And he's not like I think we should call him. Let's go and let's see. I want to hear the excuses. I don't want to hear this tweet.
Actually, we can't put his voice on it. We're like, I, I do want to hear him talk. I'm sorry, man. He's he's a tweaker. Guy's teeth are all jacked up. Yeah. He he talks so much and I had my kids in the house. I go, look, do just take the bikes. I got my kids.
It was unbelievable. I mean, this last one is unbelievable, right? He's like, I got your back to. And he's out of his mind. He's on drugs, man. Oh, yeah. So, OK, so this is actually pretty exciting. Let's go to. What is today's five, six, four? So we're about to call Fed smokers nemesis Alister. OK, yeah, this is a reminder, just, you know, we're about to talk to.
So you're having some problems in Rifle, Colorado and Durango, where to go rifle, keep up the good work, OK, this guy does not like feds.
Beef with him in your fucking community, man. This is the fucking guy. He what do I want to hear you? Oh, I'd love to, but I would love to see one story has a look at this.
This is. Look at what you can do. You ain't gonna do nothing, buddy. Take a swing then I'll see what I do. So are you going to stand here in front of me and fucking tell me that shit? Take your swing, brother swing. We're fucking fucking pussy.
It's like looking into a mirror. I mean, so great. Birds of a feather.
All right. So that's Alistar. He obviously had beef with fat smoker. Let's get the deets right now.
I'm just going to be quiet. You talk man to man, OK?
He might not like. This is John Alacer. Yeah. Hey, how are you doing, man? Tom Seger, how are you? I'm doing all right. I'm doing great, man, I'm doing great. Thanks so much for taking the time to do this, man. Yeah, yeah, not a problem. Hey, so I don't know, I'm sure you have some background on it. So we, like a lot of people, became familiar with Donald, a.k.a. Fred Smokers' videos just from, you know, perusing the Internet and finding crazy stuff.
And, you know, we we got we just got to digest who he is in small doses, like in these little videos. And then we ended up obviously finding a few with you. What was your what's your background and how did you end up meeting Donald? Well, if I had to pick up my grandkids to school, to a doctor's appointment, and they had two schools on lockdown in two counties and I was like, why the fuck are the schools on lockdown in two counties?
Because of this guy that's up at the library?
And I said, what guy? And I said, who the fuck I so I went and knocked on the school doors again, I said the kids got appointments and said I need to get them to their appointments. And he said, I'm not letting the kids out. She goes, John, I don't want to have anybody cause any panic in town or anything like that with the situation.
So just leave it as it is and please just, you know, go away. And I said, fuck this motherfucker.
So I went up there and I found him at the library and had a library on lockdown. They had the Wi-Fi shut off. They had the grocery stores shut down. And these poor people like this guy has got everybody scared in the stores. And I'm all of this bullshit. So I went over to car news acting like he was asleep in the car so we could count on you. You needed to wake up and shit. What's up, motherfucker?
Yeah, when I took the Suburban and it's kind of loud, Samuel Johnson, I backed into it and I wrapped it up to his door. He still would wake up. Whoa. Well, I drove off when I came back and he was walking up to the library doors and, you know, I'm not going to lie. I probably just went on and on and left it alone. But for some reason, when I couldn't get my grand kids, I was just like, this is fucked up.
I said, this whole town's scared this little motherfucker in this car. So I went back and forth and finally got out of the car and shit. And I swear to God, as much as every cop in the fucking community, state troopers are down on Highway 36 now. Now, the fucking fool county sheriffs is gone. And they really don't like me a lot anyhow because, well, my wife was a bail bondsman, and that's another story.
Right. So finally he gets out, he's got a video camera to shoot and everybody says, no, don't hit him, don't hit him. He's going to call the cops. I mean, I said, well, let's do this. Let's let's go out to my house because I got a farmhouse where we have no problem, where the cops do not get called. And, Wolf, I can shoot this motherfucker up. Let's box it out for you.
You want a fucking box, box it out. So you didn't want to have no guns and now but is based beef. And it was kind of interesting watching him on Facebook and it was kind of entertaining. I'm not going to live right after I got kind of boring. You know, all he did was harass often churches.
Yeah, that's the thing is that like in some small doses, it was kind of funny. But then sometimes I would put myself in the mindset of, you know, if he if he were doing that to me or the place I was trying to spend time, I would be really bothered by him to, you know.
Well, you know, I'm going to tell you right now, the dude actually is an artist. I am a long time ago. And I didn't really knew I met him. He had a tattoo parlor over in Smith Center and living in the basement.
That's right. And then and then I, I found out, you know, I was trying to get him to do some artwork because I mostly doubt, you know, if I can just sit next. Yeah, yeah. You know, I got somebody that's a tattoo artist, you know, and see where does he come from, you know, because I've come a long road. And when I see some of his artwork up in Red Cloud, he's got some artwork up on the left turn up and stuff, you know, so the guy comes in and, you know, he's got some friends that, you know, he used to live by.
But no, I don't think he'd come by easy his life as a child and stuff like that. Yeah, but, you know, and most artists that are really good artists, you know, I ain't going to lie. They're fucking Looney Tunes. All right.
So was he a good artist? Was he a good tattoo artist? From what I heard, he was yeah, I heard he was really good with his artwork and he could whip shit up really fast and quick, I think maybe he took some LSD and never came back because he was also it's been thrown around that he might have really been into meth, too, you know.
He was I heard stories that he was in Coke and I seen some videos and shit that he was on, because if you really troll really hard on, you know, it was wintertime, you know, in construction, you and a lot of concrete. So I was just basically trolling on the Internet. I was watching some of these some of these videos. You pretty fucking demented in. But, you know, I could be true, but he's got a kid somewhere in Missouri.
And you know what?
Where where was he calling in? Like when they shut down the school and the the library? What city or what state was that in? Kansas, that was on Highway thirty six in Kansas. Yeah, that was he started out with Smith Center and Philipsburg and he ended up over here and everybody was all fucking scared of him.
But what's the tell me the video? Because I saw the video where you're walking. He's walking down like a little like a little sidewalk and you're like this up Connell's.
Where is that library? That's the library. Yeah.
Is that the day that it was called in and shut down.
Yeah, that's the thing. Wow. He wouldn't leave.
He doesn't leave his towns. Once he's there he's there. He waits there. Finally gave him some money later on and told him it looked and then he came back in. The sheriff, one sheriff knows me. A couple of sheriffs were friends with me and a couple of more, you know, so. Yeah, kind of. So one of them told me she's done to leave town and that's what he did. He finally went he started harassing the next town.
Yeah. He was pretty good at that. So do you remember when you heard he had died?
Yeah, actually, for since I've been in contact with him, like my Facebook, my YouTube gets like thousands of hits and shit from him and people comment and shit and sometimes I just like, you know, quit paying attention to it. And I was like, oh, my God, I almost wanted to change my name again, you know?
Do you want to promote do you want to promote your YouTube channel? Yeah, I don't have a problem. What's your YouTube channel? What is it called that Alistar talking one that you see OK on there, Alistair Thorn.
OK, I'm more or less trying to promote my son, who's a guitarist. Oh, that's cool.
That's very cool. So, wait, where were you when you heard he had died? But I was actually sitting right here in the house. Yeah, oh, wow. And did you get did you get a call or did you get a text or something? Oh, it was on Facebook going all over Facebook.
Oh, it's too you know, everyone's like you can't private it on Facebook because, like, Jesus Christ, I even started getting calls from people in other sheriff's departments in other counties like, wow, what the fuck? I don't know. These people. What do we know him? Yeah.
Do you know or do you know anything about about Connell's life like that that people might not like anything else about it? I mean, obviously he was an artist, but, you know, anything about his background is his life or did he have a wife or where he was from or anything?
It's not like he had to have had a girlfriend one time to have a kid. Sure. So other than that, no, I guess he had some family around. And I know that he did instigate suitcases and put some guy away. And I want to say Grand Island or Kearney, Nebraska, for arson, terroristic threats or something like that.
And so don't.
Anyway, here's Thompson.
So he got he got someone put away for that. Yeah, because what he does is he said it starts these investigations and check with people and then he calls the cops, he wants to help him out. What are you going to do about what are you going to do about, you know, when you start pushing the cops on this case? Right. So you're asking the cops and enthusiasm for backup.
Right. So he's he really is. Fred Smoker, 24/7 double secret.
He's a C.I. double agent. Well, how about today?
Because he's gone. Rest in peace. Colonel Eugene Peters is a Pieterson. How about to honor Fred Smoker Alistaire? How about today? We I don't know.
Let's call in a bomb threat to a gas station and just see what happens.
You know, I just fire a couple of shots in the air for us just to show respect.
This is no good. You know, he had a heart of gold with some people, but, yeah, he was down and out and on their luck and he had money to give them the money. He had videos of it.
Wow. But he would also he would also just kind of flip and do other shit, too, I guess. I think there's only McQuire and shit. Yeah, I think it was the drugs ban that was just too much. You know, I hate to use Paramjit, that's for sure.
Yeah, yeah. That car. And there's always different dogs in it.
And yeah, he was it was something different dogs.
So yeah. He was something man as well. Well look, it was nice to have a bicycle down and in Florida he had a bike. Yeah, well we have a repair guy.
Yeah. I have a guy that's just like him. I should put him in touch. Alistar, thanks for jumping on the phone with us. Man. It was it was nice to hear a little story and actually talk to somebody who had actually met the infamous Fed smoker. So thank you for your time in. Yeah, thank you would be good talking to you guys. All right, buddy, thank you. But wow, that was something, huh?
Who knew that Fed smoker did some actual good? Yeah.
I mean, he really it led to somebody being arrested for arson that so he was like, you would start shit and then call the cops and be like, what are you going to do?
What are you going to do?
Like, Oh, Daddy, here's the guy right here, man. I found the guy. You bring him in or not. Telmo. Oh, yeah. That's a CIA double agent.
Yeah. It's so funny. He was yeah. He knew he was keeping tabs on Mr Newman. What a great legacy. Yeah, it's pretty great. This is going to really, um, knock your tits off.
OK. Yeah. All right. So. Oh. As a final farewell to Fred Smoker Dottore, they're retarded.
So, uh, Tony, a.k.a. Fart Simpson, a.k.a. D.J. Skull Vomit, uh, who every time Townly does a prank phone call, I feel like it tops the previous one. And I go, there's no way you can top this.
He did it again. He's amazing. This is this is his latest. Oh my gosh. Thank you. Fart Simpson. You can find him on Instagram. Here we go.
Hello. Hey, how's it going, choma? I'm here with my boyfriend Bert. We're celebrating because he got a new job today. We got a job at the Falcon Car Wash. So as a present I told them I'm going to suck his cock and you're going to humiliate the shit out of them.
All right. Yeah.
So I want you to tell Bert that he's a fat piece of shit. This fucking guy drinks 64 ounces of Kool-Aid. Can you believe that this fat piece of shit smells bad.
He fucks dogs, so let them have it and I'm going to give him some of this sloppy top paper.
Get over here. Put down the goddamn Kool-Aid. I'm gonna suck the cock.
Hey, you know, here's the deal. I love cocks to my mouth immediately, you know what I mean?
Oh, give me those cocks. Oh, yeah. Burt chuckles And what, you see that fucking money or some more sugar? That's more calling your penis.
Oh, hey, your fat ass from Florida. Oh, fuck are.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Oh, fortunately, yes.
Picture it's fucking Kool-Aid candy. Oh Jesus Christ. You to eat and drink fat bastard.
Oh oh oh no.
I'm taking that right now.
I'm pieces. Oh oh oh Jesus.
You keep thinking you every day where she's got no option.
Oh, look, I had the hardest cock and I feel great man is if he screams, Oh yeah, Alan here we go.
Are you serious?
I've never had this much fun with my family.
All right. We're coming here soon. OK, fuck.
Yeah. Let me tell you something. It was awesome.
All right. Thank you. Oh, what a I mean, I can't believe he's able to do this, but like, how does he do it? It's amazing. But what's also incredible is that. Those are all just Burt sounds. Yeah, I know that definitely double as orgasm, minus sexual pleasure.
Yes. Oh, things you can't duplicate. He had a real dramatic load, much like Roissy, very dramatic.
Come on, don't be stingy. It regresses me when I hear it.
Oh, I can feel it. Hmm. Oh, that's good.
You know, what's so menacing about Ed Asner is that it sounds like he's like, can you go ahead and hand me the stapler like he says it. Yeah, it's so maddening. Problems swallowing.
Yeah. Like very direct. Yeah, I yeah. I can make the meeting at seven. Like he doesn't. It's off. Hmm. Let me see all that. Uh, he doesn't even try and be sexy now.
It's very like just matter massager little hole massage.
Like put the needle through the. Yeah yeah yeah. It's like crocheting tutorial. Yeah. OK you come.
Yeah. Like this guy has no emotion right at all. Monotone. Yeah. Suck it dry. Yeah. It's so weird.
Yeah. Suck it, suck it dry.
Yeah. Don't be stingy my aunt. You've got that beautiful mouth.
Yeah. It's really nice massage.
Don't be stingy and be stingy with that big fucking load.
You got a lot of people messaged me like is there a come on, don't be stingy shirt covering.
Of course don't be stingy Mark. Yeah, of course.
Don't be stingy Mark. Course be Tanji. Come on, Mark. Uh, don't be stingy with that load. Oh God. Oh yes. We're talking about crazy ladies and how they're good in bed. And then we were we were leaving the beach. We were leaving the beach parking lot a couple of weeks ago and saw a bumper sticker on the Camaro in front of us. And the sticker says Thingo Noya toxicant. Yeah. Which means my girlfriend is toxic.
OK, and that's that's a message to just to put out there. Yeah.
And his girlfriend is in the car. She's the one reaching out to the mirror right now, or which hand on the mirror, which I thought was interesting to advertise that.
I mean, she wouldn't be upset by that.
Or what I said to you was that she probably bought that sticker.
Yeah, right. Right, right. I was like, put this on your car. Yeah. Let people know. Let them know. Yeah. Because this girl is a nightmare. But this guy likes it. Likes it. Yeah. And that's the kind of crazy we were talking about.
This is the kind of crazy but the kind of girl that goes let let other people know that I'm a fucking dangerous person and I'm a mess. Yeah. Let people know.
So this is somebody who has, like, jealousy issues, you know, probably tempers problems, but.
Yeah, like sucks his balls through his asshole. Sure. Yeah.
What's neat, though, is that when she's not in the car, I wonder what kind of attention he gets from the other two. That's a good thing.
The only person that would that would attract is another toxic girl.
Yeah. Yes. He was like, I'm I'm interested.
Exactly. I see. She's like, oh, really?
Your girlfriend's crazy. You're crazy. I'm fucking crazy.
Yeah, exactly. That is a fucking bat signal right there to some crazy person.
I would love bumper stickers. It's like easygoing, predictable guy inside marriage material. Yeah, that's the one.
Yes. Stability, boring. Good for me. Stable. Yeah.
Nice and easy guys. Easy listening. Yeah. That's what I did. Yeah. That's quite. I've never seen that before.
Never seen either meet. Never seen it either. It's really something. Um what's in the world. You started watching.
I've been watching. Oh yeah. Perry Mason the new one on HBO and my buddy Shay Williams in it. Um he's the one that told me it is dark. He told me it was dark. Fuck it didn't like so dark, I can't even tell you so if you grew up in a house with Perry Mason on TV, it's like, did your dad watch it?
Love? My step dad was. So that was a black and white. You know, um, what was the name of the actor that played the original Perry Mason? Forget his name.
I get it confused with Matlock because Matlock was another. Right.
And Raymond Burr. Raymond Burr. Right. That's name.
Yeah, that show is great. So it's like a, you know, kind of one of the original, like, detective shows. Right. And there's like those always the cross-examination because I think Perry Mason on the show is a lawyer.
Isn't that where we get the Yoanna. Yeah. Or that's from Matlock.
I can't remember which I think it's Perry Mason that kind of that's just kind of vibe, you know. Yeah. Yeah. So the reason HBO is doing it, it's it's that this is supposed to be how he became the guy that you saw in that show.
In other words, this is the Prez's. Yeah, this is the prelaw. There you go. See the pre cum.
Yes. And so the original one, I mean, it's like the mystery of the the missing hot dog or whatever. And this one this one is like babies eyes sewn open on a bus.
It's literally and I tapped out there is like a dead baby in the first fucking pilot. And I was like, five minutes. I'm out, dude.
I am so out I cannot watch children or animals getting hurt. I know I can't adjust my heart. It's I can't. But of course Tom was like, I'm into it.
And you loved it.
No, I did not like that. You turned it off. No, I'm saying that was hard to watch, man. I don't like I don't like animals or babies, you know, children getting hurt or anything either. So I like seeing that. It's like it makes your insides just turn, you know. Yeah. The actors are phenomenal.
I love same guy that was on the lead in the American.
We loved the Americans. I was such a great show. He's a fucking great actor. They're American news team as well.
Yeah. Uh, Felicity and him. Yeah, he's Welsh. His American accents.
Amazing. Do a Welsh accent.
My I don't like that. OK, what's a Welsh accent. Zellick again. I know. Well you Google it and it does. Please. Oh fuck. Why do we ask. OK, there you go. Let's look at it, let's try and do one right now. Yeah, because Wales is different than England town. Let's see here.
It's a different other way of London voice lessons, dot.
Specific to that accent and an accent and a stretched out quail's accent, there's actually got a job to do and I do.
John, what are you gonna do when that huge glide on.
John, John, John, what do you do? Keep going.
That's much more common in Wales than it is in other parts of Canada. Where to where is that at the end as well? Do well, do it sound in doing do when we get getting hit. And our speakers.
Why do you keep skipping along? Are you going to learn more on what are you fucking doing?
Said why are you skipping along while we're doing it.
You're dragging it along. What are you doing? I'm trying to make sure that the YouTube algorithm doesn't pick it up because I do when I'm just trying to get to the part where he's actually speaking Welsh. Then just Google person speaking Welsh, not like a tutorial, so we can just mimic it, right? My bad. Give me one second.
I was watching the show. Where it was in England and they were adopting dogs like they would match families with the rescue dogs and these girls were so trashy, like they were total Chubb's, you know.
Yeah, I don't think that dog. I like there are so trashy.
Like, what part of England town is this? What are they doing on this show? I just.
So it's I it's my new favorite. It's I forget where anyways, it's BBC and it's rescue dogs and then they match the rescue dog with the perfect family. And it's so sweet because it reminds me of how we got fief because they say there's a moment when the dog looks in your eyes and that's when you know they're yours. And that's exactly how I met FIFO. He he put his paws on my chest when I met him the first time, and he looked deep into my eyes.
And then I knew we were a match. And it's so true. And I just love watching dogs get matched with their family. And then like the trashy chav girls behind the front desk, like that was a perfect way.
And then you have to set up really big guy with a small dog. Yeah.
I remember having when you got the fief and we brought them home, then we called our landlord after. How do you feel about us getting a dog. Oh he's so sweet.
Um he's like well I mean I like could you leave like a deposit or something. I mean Casey fuck shit up.
We're like, yeah, OK, we'll do that. Or is it. But where's the Welsh? I vei. I don't want anyone ever to say that I didn't treat a disabled person with respect. I was running the show a developmentally disabled person and you and this is respect.
Yeah, we keep them employed.
We have a fucking we're equal opportunity employer. We've got all kinds, if you know what I mean. Disabled.
Yeah. We should do like a special, uh, like a one of those docs where they're like, how does this disabled guy go to work and we just follow him.
Come in. We have breakfast today. I know that what I sound like what I hear when you speak.
I'm so terrified I don't to do the vows referendum. Why you should come in Haiti sise no this is actual Welsh.
I'm saying like snow. The the fucking video we had on was the video. That was the video to watch. Do you understand. Yeah. He was actually guiding you through as I say Joe. He's doing it. He was doing it. Don't bring up anything else, don't just take your meds.
All right. So me see what I thought was I said lovely little scruffy dog.
Yeah, I was out clubbing. Oh. So I go do my laundry thing. An open door. Yeah.
This should be on the topic. Why is this person not a technical.
I think this is a cool song. Never scared. Normally we wouldn't be allowed to play this, but I something tells me that the algorithm won't pick it up.
Oh I told you motherfucker. I know. I know. I know. A nice hip thrust. I know. I know. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
D is that a boy or I want Burt to do this.
This is what Tommy is that a boy or girl. That's a that's a that's a lady.
Oh yeah. That's a lady. Huh. So you almost lost your your talks you know that.
What. Yeah. No. Oh yeah I know, I know.
But it's almost got shut down. Yeah. But it was just a ploy from Trumpy to get them to sell to the Americans. It was, it was a pushed it was a pressure tactic to get the Chinese to sell it.
You know, there's a lot of people by the way, Daming Mean emailed me, emailed me to check if I'm OK emotionally.
Well, you weren't. I weren't. I weren't OK. I wasn't OK.
But I was prepared to use the VPN. Is that what that is to get around? I was prepared already. I had a contingency plan express VPN.
You get logged in anywhere, code your mom's house to check out. Yeah I, I was planning on doing it through VPN. I'm serious because I can't give up my talks. Yeah. It's become part of who I am. It's the fabric of my life I live. I love it. Yeah. I take a shit in the morning and I curate. That's my first round and then at night I put the kid down. I do my second round.
Hmm. New York gubernatorial candidate running I don't know if you think ueber gubernatorial, Kyle, see you or call me a Nazi fascist Jekyl Seattle council. And there are fascist and clown or crazy Nazi Gestapo garbage rats from Animal Farm. This might come. I like to speak to you. Seattle immorality generates supersmart freakin idiot with Nazi, socialist, Democrat and anti-Semite principle.
What he does have that kind of hungover accent. Yeah, but Zimmerman, this is nothing.
Union new, clean, dirty, stupid council chamber from this Glau and Craven and killer. This cannot go on forever. Stand up to you to stand up America. We as a people need to elect intelligent, civilized businessmen who can bring Seattle back to normal life. We need to stop socialist Democrat mafia with progressive Gestapo principles which have brought Seattle to No. One fascist city in America and collapse only if your ideas don't in the sense of one party system.
It's always frustrating.
This is it is actually saying a progressive fascist. Yes. Yeah. Bring Seattle to fascism. Yeah.
To the number one fascist city. We need to clean our government from dirty garbage rats who drink from fat Catholic standup. Seattle Standup America. It's time for real change and real change.
Got my vote. Nazi changed one leader supreme. Holy shit. Yeah. Where did that come from. Yeah this is great.
It just got sent in and it kind of worked and a lot of different. Is this on public access. It looks like it. I mean like it.
Look, I think you just put it on YouTube, right, Zola. Yeah, yeah. It's just on YouTube. And this dude. This is real though. Mm hmm. Is he posting more videos?
Um, I don't think I think he just had like three videos. Right. And I think he posted a video from the last time he ran.
So it's like he's consistently, you know, just trying to make trying to be the change that he wants to see.
And he's always pushing his Nazi agenda. It's a theme, it's like, let's make Seattle the great Nazi city again.
OK. Jesus Christ, man. One leader telling you what to do.
Oh. Oh, well, I don't like it. Uh oh.
Oh, that's fucking hot. I remember. Yeah, would you sign up for that? No one thing that would hurt a lot on your MÃ that's a slingshot to the MÃ. Yeah, but she seemed to handle it really well.
Oh, I like it. Do you think that she did well with it though. Yeah, but maybe she's got protection like a cub there or something. I don't know. Hmm. I would do it with a cup. That was terrible, Tom, thank you. That was in my folder, I didn't you know, I didn't prep the folder. I just see it. It's pretty exciting.
Best Nazi leader in Seattle be this big guy is Russian the Nazi. You can be with a Nazi.
He's fully skilled. Oh, oh, oh, the Stooges.
He just knocked all this dandruff out of his hair a lot. I know.
Or this is he doesn't look well, though, like I'm just seeing him look up. He's not a good look. What's it say on the change? Well, the chain.
Sorry, Drybar, unite Drybar, Drybar, King by air dry Dabb hot and dry.
I'm going to fucking throw up dry dabke. Oh my God. This guy. Uh oh.
Oh, stop. Not a dipshit is smoking is dandruff, and take it easy. Oh, he's not good. Negative things that do well, take it easy, no, man, take it easy.
Well, hold on a minute. Yeah, here's the deal. Ahead, what's a little off-putting about this guy is that he's not as pure as a cool guy. The lighting's good.
The angling is good. It's not great. But it's better than a cool guy. Bad? Well, no, no. What's the background? It's just a black.
Yeah, it's just I mean, there's worse backgrounds, but he's not. Did you make it sound like he's holding it together?
I mean, the craziest thing is that he actually has dried up King on a chain and he's like, I misspoke some dandruff. That's why I'm the dried out, OK?
I take my dry scalp and I smoke it all the time. It's fucking alarming.
Look his face. Oh, I mean, I can't harm you. It's different, I guess we'll take it easy. He's all fucked up.
What do you think he's mixing the dandruff with? I don't know, man. I don't know. Did you feel like, by the way, that that talks were just going to go away?
No, you didn't know. Here's why.
When something is that big and profitable, it doesn't just disappear. Somebody's going to figure out a way to make money off of it. So that's that's all it is. I was not panicked.
I had already thought of, like I said, a contingency plan. I was I had a plan B good. I would have found a way. Oh, always. There's always a way to get your talks always away. There's always a way.
OK, well, let's let's take a quick break and we're back with our guests.
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Just go to Stamps.com, click on the microphone on the top of the homepage and type in mom. That's Stamps.com and the word mom.
And we're back. Shlomo's joining us once again back on the show. We love him here. He's absolutely hilarious. Put your hands together for Johnny Pemberton, boy.
Hey, k a j j to be reggae dotcom, Jada Pinkett, Jada Shalaby, JP. Oh, Jada P. I've actually never heard that before. I've heard a lot of nicknames whenever.
Never Jada P j like Jodeci, Jada Papen B Bambis, good Tembisa, Great White Pennyman Pepes in the House.
Yeah Pepi's here. I guess it's a British thing if you have your name is Pemberton in England you'll never be called by a first name. It's always a pen b you know who pen B is to me.
Pen B you're you're a bike messenger who has the best weed and you go to the studio and all the hip hop guys that get together and like excited you come out and everyone thinks you're delivering food and you just got this huge assortment of your English accent.
Oh what pen. B c yeah. Oh it's not pen B's. All right. Yeah. I've got your way. You go everything you need, right. Hey, suck it up. Blow it up.
You know a Burke said he wants Bird said he wants a British guy that goes with him everywhere in a while who every time he gets himself into trouble like he says something like offensive goes Odom a oh, don't give me a sec. He's got a point.
And he just wants that guy. Is he like a really big guy? Does it have to be? But I mean, it could be like it's got to be like a guy who's so big he doesn't move a lot.
It's just like, oh, I'm I hear about the man's got a point. Hey, that's right. He's just trying to get his car here and you're parked in front of them now. Yeah. They're just a way to move it out of the way now. There you go.
It's really got to be one mile. Is that Lyle? Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Vinnie Jones, I used to have a fascination is like in high. High school of meeting a guy, I think the name I thought this guy was, he would show up when I hated being a math class. I'm like a train would drive through the building, like destroy that. The building was the name of the train was called Wreck House, and a guy in a three piece suit would come out named Martin and he'd have like guns, like two handguns.
And he'd be like, Johnny, it's time to go back.
I got to go, guys.
I got to get on this train and leave math class with a guy in a three piece suit with masks. Is anything worse in math class?
For me, no. Math class was the one that was my worst subject by far.
You know, the worst was was when I resigned to being stupid. Like when I just go, oh, I'm stupid, I'll never get this. Yeah.
So that I would go into the class and just the whole goal of the class was get to it without making a big deal of how stupid I am because I just was like, oh, I'm just meant to fail this class.
And so then sometimes, you know, and then be like, Tom, can you finish this? And I would just be like, no. And then he would start doing he would back down into the levels of math that you should know to get to this.
Right. So like he'd be like for you. Well, he would be like, you know, you can't solve this algebra.
OK, well, like, let's let's simplify this. Let's go to, like, long division. And I'd be like, let's not I don't I don't know that either. Zelada. Yeah. It's a Catholic school or is a public school.
It's a it's a like a Episcopal affiliated. I hated that too. When they would try to explain things to you. Like we'll see. Tom, you have to balance the equation. Yeah. Because there's X minus two here. You got to do X plus two to cancel it out. I know.
Like you know at the X is here and I'll be like, no, I don't fucking idea. And then he would just be like, you know how to add.
And I be like, OK, we can add. Do you want me to add? So now we're trying to do algebra. I was like, yeah, I don't know anything about that. And I would I would stop trying. I would be like just it's just like speaking Cantonese right now.
Just why like just have someone else do it. I'm not going to do it.
I had a nun as a geometry teacher in high school my junior year. She was a big lady, big Irish lady. She she grew up working at a bar. So she was like, tough as shit. Right. It was a geometry test. And I ask her a question. It's super quiet. I ask this question during the test and she. She laughed very politely, listen to my question that I thought was a legitimate question.
Then she slowly walks up to the front of the room and hits her head on the board three times like doom and gloom. I then slowly walks back to me and with like a red face, like kind of answers my question, because it was that fucking stupid of a question. I guess she was so frustrated.
I had learned that little but ask this question like everyone, the whole class is looking like, what the fuck did he just say to her to make it go smash your head against the fucking backboard.
Cannot be an OK teaching tactic in any school.
I'll never forget it. Yeah, I'll never forget that. She was she was the best, though. She was actually a great teacher and super friendly and like, you know, as far as a nun goes, pretty cool.
Yeah. They get but they get so angry. It's true. Nuns are so cranky and it's probably because. Why do you think it is?
Her husband's not around another husband anymore.
He's all around everywhere. All those right there.
He's omnipresent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you think that like I mean, this might be offensive to some people, but do you think when nuns masturbate that they scream, oh, god, they're not allowed to.
You can't. You can only have a nocturnal dream if you if you have a nocturnal emission, as they're called. Mm hmm. That's OK. But you can't.
But let's say they do. I mean, they do to Jazy. To Hodges's. Yeah. Yeah. You think they do.
Well because in our classrooms and in high school Jesus was hot but he was like the young.
Could you Google hot Jesus please. You went to Catholic school? I did, yeah.
All girls and we all loved Jesus. He's the one. The blue eyes. Yeah, long hair, hot, she's hot. Yeah, he's hot as fuck you. Did you have a hot priest at all? Yeah, I thought what a waste. OK, because my wife went to Catholic school and there's a hot priest always.
And then there's like one hot male teacher, but he's married, so he's off limit. Right.
And yeah, everyone obsessed about we had a hot geometry teacher who was a cheerleader for the dolphins. How is that possible?
Yeah, well, it seems like a legal you know, she was she was a cheerleader for the dolphins. OK, and then turned 21 and then she was fucking smokin and she was older by the time like we by the time she was our teacher, you know, whatever.
I'm 15, 16 and she's probably early 40s. So she was a cheerleader. Yeah, 15 years were pretty good.
But, uh, she would have a dozen donuts every morning. She would eat them, uh, and they and she was she wouldn't a dozen donuts.
Yeah. I'm sure she was skinny like like really. Like not an ounce of fat on her. Yeah. That's what that means. Right. Well I don't know.
We would always be like how. And she was just like I have this crazy metabolism like OK, she would walk down a dozen donuts and she died of an aneurysm.
Wait a second. Here you see the person ate every day.
Yeah, I have an aneurysm. Yeah. Jesus. Out of nowhere, you know, obviously, like. Oh yeah. Yeah, she was totally I don't know if that's what they do.
Bulimics binge and purge. They eat like a gallon of ice cream, a dozen donuts, and then they round that every day.
Breakfast in the classroom. She would just sit there and eat them. And I believe they should go to the bathroom. That's probably why she had an aneurysm, too, because it's super hard on your body, right, to barf all the time. I think it is, yeah. Would you rather barf every day or have diarrhea all day? Well, I really do have to watch every day, so.
That's right. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. But I have what do you call it. What's the term. You said technically. No, no, no. When you said when your bowels are touched you said like you told us a story. Oh. About how peristalsis stops. Yeah you said that. I said something about what happened. You said when your bowels are touched, your body they go to sleep.
Yeah. Is that what it is? Well, that's not the technical term, I guess, but the peristaltic motion of your bowel stops because it thinks it's in danger. Oh, so it's like now how you know, when you're traveling at times you get constipated.
Yes. Because your body's doing that because it thinks it's like what's going on here. This is weird. I'm just going to shut everything down because we don't feel comfortable. Right.
I think it's because we got up at 4:00 this morning. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
If you flew across the country, yeah. Rhoda's is a real thing because there's like a 48 hour adjustment period. Like, I got up at four, I got on a six a.m. flight. I drank six coffees.
I landed, you know, and then like you then it's like five in the evening. You're like, I think I have to take my first shit. And it's like I'm just a fucking mess. So I had the opposite.
I saw my airplane bathroom shits are like, wow, that was really good. Yeah.
Because my body at that level, constipation is like a it's a good it's crazy how when I turned 40 I was like, oh I'm going to shit on flights all the time now like before then I would just be like, well wait till I land.
I can't I shit before all the time I bought a plane I'm like I got to take a shit and I just you just do it with no.
And by the way, people now know you like Hey Tom, Sagara is taking a shit in first class. You get up and everyone knows what you're doing, you're gone and it doesn't bother you.
You can't be happy. Why can it be can it be a pain, but not like a five or ten minute.
But he takes long dumps. This is not a quick someone's counting how long you're in the bathroom.
I do. I do. Every time I'm on the plane and I'm like, I wonder what they're going to do, a one or two. And I clock it and I'm like, Oh, that guy's been in there for a long time. I'm not going to go in until a few minutes apart.
Yeah, you're going to sit by the bathroom so you can keep tabs.
I don't sit by, madam, but I eyeball and I'll be like, I'm nasty motherfucker after meal times because I'll gauge after meal times everyone has to go after.
Yeah. So it's human. It's human food one by the way. I judge the two. I'll like I'll send you a recording next time.
How long she takes to take a dump as a twenty five minute.
That's because I gave myself diarrhea last week.
I had Mexican food, I had Mexican food for lunch and then Korean food for dinner and I ate half the jar of kimchi.
Bad idea. I've done that. Well, you know what's going to happen.
Five tips on how to relieve gas. I've had diphones for years, clearly not a single pill. I've done everything, and then I discovered one pose and that poses saved my life. This video may be gross. You're going to hear farts, but so rewarding.
Will be the link for this next guy.
I tried to spread my life a little bit like I'm done, but in air and just to the floor. I don't feel like this helps eases passage for the gas to get out.
So that's what you're doing in the airplane bathroom, as you can see already, we're leaving us with. It's amazing, it just all comes out. This is saying I've suffered for. Years about, yes. Isn't it funny or sexy video, this is disagreeing fart video. This has got to be behind a paywall, right? You have to start paying me.
Oh, my God.
It's a lot like a fuckin plumber over there. Oh, Jesus.
So much skinnier. My stomach feels good. I feel so less bloated. Now I do one more big one.
The best part is like don't put the clothes away. Or if they don't close those. Yeah, but just, you know, just how trashy can this place look.
Hot gas somewhere.
Yeah. Why not at least set up the video to look decent. They just look like halfway through little mesons.
Send a little bit, a little bit. Just close the doors, close the cabinet doors and just you know what, you don't even put that clothes away.
Just move it out of frame.
They just push in the fridge. Yeah.
And then the filthy rug like there's holes in it. That's what amazes me now about all the covered stuff, is you see people on camera like this is an expert that this person has literally no awareness of where they are.
Yeah. Like, do you see where you are?
All you have to do is maybe put the camera on some books.
Yeah, we think so. It's not like you're looking down like a tick tock.
The guy like this is a worldwide expert where we think that maybe there could be a bit more time we want to spend.
Yeah, it's unbelievable. Fucking fan spinning is a world leader in this thing.
Now there is a pose she is forgetting and this is actually personal, a lay on your left side.
Well, I think, by the way, that's real. Is your left left side's real. Real is the ass in the ER thing. I feel like that's extending. That's not right.
It didn't seem like I mean I think you'd want to, that would push it in her ribcage, you know, as opposed to stress that would curl that would, that would make it and go on my stomach.
But if it works it works. Right. It works for her that moment. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
It did work for her. Now, interesting choice to wear tight underwear and no pants during this that could have gone really wrong. Could have gone king astrophotography. Yeah. Yeah.
That's what I was waiting for to happen. I thought this is like a this is a special pause now. Yeah.
It's about to continue and she's going to fucking shit everywhere maybe.
How do you see that there might be a new governor of Seattle. No. Yeah, he's pretty cool.
We, uh, we just saw one of his video, Kyle, so you have to call me a Nazi fascist XIKAR. I'll see you at all concerned. There are fascist and Callao are crazy. I am. I like to speak to you. Seattle moral degenerates, supersmart freakin idiot, Nazi, socialist, Democrat and anti-Semite principle.
Oh, this is is satire. I don't think so. No one is doing the double the thing down. I think it just shows you that he really means it, you know so well.
And also it's a twenty twenty remix like we've already done one. See Kyle maybe we time switch it up.
Oh yeah. Because we're in the new millennium. It's time to have double speak.
I'll go clean, dirty, stupid council chamber from this Glau and criminal and killer. This cannot go on forever. Stand up to you. Stand up America.
Wow, just putting it out there, see, oh, he doesn't have his website, but he's he's just got like he's got a really cool idea.
We need to stop Nazi, socialist, Democrat, maffia progressive Gestapo principles, which have brought Seattle to number one fascist city in America in total collapse.
Only a pure idiot don't in that sense. So part of the system itself.
I can understand he's saying, well, it's basically it's probably above your pay grade, but he's saying that he's a progressive Gestapo.
Oh, is that what he's saying?
So he's saying that like the other Gestapo is bad, but he's forward thinking Gestapo. Oh, because he sounds like he said he wants to take down the Gestapo.
It kind of sounds like I was a little confused, too, because he was like, let's do away with this fascism. But then he's like. Well, wait a minute, I thought I was voting for what I heard was anti-Semitic good. And then the Nazi stuff good. I don't know.
I thought he was he seems like he's aggressing. Like we must stop the anti-Semitic. Yeah, the bad ones.
Mm hmm. Well, he does contradict himself in his own message. Yeah.
Some of these old guys like this, they get their satire runs afoul. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, right. I mean, he's like like he's trying to. To to poke fun at the, uh, yeah, the Nazi message, maybe it is seab need to clean out government from dirty garbage rats who drink from fat cat to stand up to you to stand up America.
It's time for real change.
Did you say drink from fecund toilet?
We said we must clean the dirty rat to drink from the fact that I thought you said they say fat toilet, crazy Nazi Gestapo garbage rats.
Yeah, well, no Gestapo rats are rats, but he definitely started with DeCaro and that's usually not.
Yeah, right. Not a serious candidate. You got to vote for him to find out what he's like.
He's like, oh, you thought it was parody. I had to find out the truth.
You must cast a vote. Yeah. Anyways, uh, good luck. Um, I just look like a villain.
He looks like he could be an actor.
He's very much like Peter Stormare, you know. Yeah. Yeah, he's a really interesting guy, but it's about his place house smells great. Yes, yes. I bet he does have a nice house and I believe he's run before. So maybe, uh, second or third time's a charm, you know. Maybe Motsepe propaganda think a do pulpo. It smells bad, it must get rid of all the people that's here for flushing down all the fat cats and the rats that suck on the titties.
All these cats sucking on the tits of rats and portable toilets are crawling with diarrhoeal outside my block. You are doing double. The best way to find it is to do voting for me. Just cheat to not to do pooh-pooh. Yeah. To poop with my penis and too large for a the poop. What deck of my hall. These are rats.
That, that was, that's almost exactly what I heard.
Words, words. Bullshit.
The truth is that I don't actually know what he really said. Yeah. I can't. I saw a Nazi salute. I heard Gestapo today, but I couldn't tell if he was running for it or against it.
I just heard a lot of nouns. Yeah, but announce. Yeah. How of shit.
Right. But House fucker I'm not the appropriate guy.
Boy Gagetown have truck filled with shit house piss. Nice guy for life baby. You know this flushers.
No swimming in the pool of Araz.
So your boy by the way because when we were when you first time you were with us. Right. We did. You know, don't do it.
Take your time. Right. This was the update from a few weeks ago. Oh really.
I just want to say that's the reason why we're in this fucking, you know, fucking weird thing. My ass is going to be doing community service for the state of Utah. Woo! I got a DUI, baby.
I'm proud of it. Oh, baby.
I just want to say, if you guys see me up on the freeway picking up trash in order for you to honk your horn, you know, feel free to say Tony Jones, ladies man and out the window and all the way back.
Oh, oh, oh yeah. You see me picking up the trash, baby. Oh, about I hear this trash. I get a DUI, baby.
Oh, this trash baby.
Whoo woo. That's the best thing he does.
At the third grade, I watched a video of him in bed from some time he was talking about had a quickie and I was like, yes, I just came from a quickie and I got a spray tan.
Oh, hi baby. We are party here. I got sprayed down quick style. He yeah. I love it.
His original message though like the way that he was.
Yeah. Discover is always a party but it was a party but he was like take you like yeah.
And he's like I got to tell you what you and you know it's neat is that he's still flashing all the watch.
So he's wearing takeover's, he's wearing the yellow but he's still flashing. Don't drink and drive. Don't do it. It's bad. Why do you. Why baby.
Oh I was in the back of over I got a DUI even though I was in over I tried to take over who was driving this cop.
A cop pulled me over. We are proud of him. I told the Overdrive. Keep on drinking and driving.
Oh oh ladies.
I smoked crack and yeah he got head Tommy. I think he likes meth. Well he's, he's a speed of some sort. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. He's got those, those meth. Both stimulants. Yeah.
They're on the stimulants but he looks better in this video. His the filter is heavily heavily on this video. Hey. Yes. We saw Tommy, we saw Tommy update.
That was real bad. Yeah. Yeah.
He looks like, he looks like he's sick like he's like, he's like he's got AIDS or something you know. I'll show you.
I'm just trying to find the positive for my wife. My name's Tony mortgagors fucker ladies man. I'm currently in a sticky situation. You know, I got no fucking money.
I got no motherfucking Will's like I don't got a license to Bess's this shit and preening the the preening what he called a ship. And it's like he's walking in the moment like, yeah.
In the moment this was they don't know me for me at all. I got some nice ass fucking teeth, I got some nice small fucking attributes. You know, nobody wants to hire me. Everybody thinks I'm a motherfucking criminal, which I'm not. I was wrongfully accused and I don't have a criminal fucking record.
Hmm. Have you seen this? I'm I'm. I'm doing this.
Go ahead with a picture he posted on Twitter. If you look on his Twitter, he's. Got some pictures that I can't figure out what they are because it's him with really long hair and looking really young and I don't know, it's also standing next to a guy who looks like he is. I really don't understand what it is.
It's like something almost like some shit where I feel like show sugar underneath there. Stand next to that guy.
What the fuck is going on there, honestly? Oh, that's him, right? That's him on the right. Look how long that hair is. Is that just a really old picture or something? It must. Yes, like that's really freaked me out. Little freaky. What does it say in the caption? It's hashtag brose for life, hashtag coronaviruses, truth y, yeah, it's the stuff as a couple of pictures of him with a super long hair.
This one, if you scroll down with the next one, even more like a basketball jersey or some shit. That's the thing.
What the fuck is that.
Oh, hey, Tony Jones is complicated.
You guys like that to me feels like psy ops or some sort of weird like he's doing like an art project, like he is Andy Warhol and we're the ones who are laughing.
He's like, you know, he's in it. That is you guys should be pulling that stuff more, you know, coming right up, because it's not just that sort of throw off everything because you're like, what is that?
Why would he be posting these weird pictures of him looking kind of like a little girl?
But the thing is, is that just when you think, you know Tony Johns, he metamorphosis is the changes, right? Don't don't drink and drive. It's bad cut to.
I have a do you did you see the the clip of the guy who ate the wasp's nest. Oh my God. No, I want to though.
You want to. I'm in the wasps. Oh you are. And then you'll really enjoy this.
That's a pretty small one. You wanted him because you really want it. You sure about that. Down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, there he is.
There he is.
Oh, so this way he lets you let her know that she chose the wrong guy because that's the guy those wasps represent.
That guy. The other guy. Yeah.
Well, he ate all these poor wasps. I know. I know. Well, she he showed you wanted him, bitch.
Don't, don't, don't, don't.
I was trying to like that.
A fucking Black Sabbath song know that is da da da da da da.
I feel like Fat Smoker would respect that. Yeah. And this does have fat smoker vibes. It definitely does.
And his eyes, I'm telling you, my man has consumed something before. Yeah. Yeah. 9:00 a.m. to somewhere in Orlando. Which should you only like his eyes are completely.
Yeah. What was the lead up to this like.
I'll show you Cheryl just he wanted him back.
Yeah. So red. Yeah. Not I am in Orlando, Florida.
It's a Superman American flag logo.
It's really cool because it looks like Josh Brolin, right. Oh my God. Maybe it is Josh. Oh my God. You're right.
Superman American flag cat is already aggressive. That's a little much. And you're right.
It looks like the light of morning, the light of morning with the you know what I mean? Like it's morning. It looks more.
Oh, yeah. It feels like that Florida morning. Those lost are still kind of kind of mellow.
My God. Hmm. All right. That's got to taste bad, too, because they've got a bunch of chemicals in I'm probably the case like, you know, like pheromones and shit. Right.
Because wasps don't make honey in the way tasty.
You know, they just like that's got to taste horrible. Yeah. That tastes like chemicals. Like drinking, like bathroom chemicals, pure chems.
I'm like aren't wasps nests made out of like a clay that they regurgitate. Like don't do that. Those are a bit those are European paper wasps.
Oh I got a big old colony under my garage and they stay there. Oh yes. They keep the lava off the replants so. Oh wait.
You know that for sure. Yeah, for real.
Because one time I remember a long time ago, um, there was a spider in our backyard, had made a huge web and I just put a picture on Twitter. I was like, hey, what's up with this? Is this going to kill the family? And you immediately responded with, like, the type of spider. And I was like, yeah, I wonder what it looks like. It's harmless.
Don't worry. It's this type of spider and you didn't like immediately.
Well, I don't know that much, but I do know a couple of spiders. I just seem like a big the spider big spider defender because I think it's like people hate spiders. They blame them for all kinds of stuff. And actually, it's like, you know, they're good for the whole ecosystem.
Great. Yeah, great.
They're also I always think about people like spiders on their house, but like, I'm not using that space. Yeah, that's true. They're just like waters.
But in California, there's the brown recluse and the Black Widow right there because people think there's a brown recluse, it's usually a false recluse.
And even then, there's a reason it's called the recluse because it never comes out. The chance of you getting bit by a brown recluse in California is almost zero. Oh, and what about the Black Widow? Black Widow again, it's like pretty rare to get bit by a black widow to get bitten and even then to get bitten, have a hurt you. And it makes sense to clear out like, you know, the kids playroom. Don't have a bunch of black widows in there.
Yeah, but this is are the black widows only go places that aren't being really used.
Like that's why people use like they're clearing out like brush.
Yeah. Woodpile. It's like almost stick my hand where I can't see. That's always the thing.
As long as you don't stick your hand where you can't see you people will get beaten there. Everything about a lot of spiders is people like people blame a lot of staph infections on brown recluse bites. Yeah, well, actually it's like you just got a cut and your dirty dog.
Yeah, yeah. Even doctors would be like, yeah, this is definitely a spider bite. It's like, no, you have a fucking infection. You don't like brown recluse all over the place, just biting people everywhere. Interesting staph infection.
Yeah. Or some kind of infection that got in. And they blame it on a brown recluse because they have a necrotic infection. But yeah, I know someone who got bit by a brown recluse, um, a while ago really. And it was over time.
Recluse, recluse. You don't say the one thing recluse is probably the weird way to say loose.
I say reckless, reckless.
But it over time the the, the bite started to just you could see the skin dying, you know, it's terrible.
It's like one of the grossest things. So I think it's the grossest thing, I stopped looking that up years ago because it's yeah, I can it's gnarly. Would you rather get bitten by a brown recluse or eat a wasps nest?
That's a good one, actually. How much do I have if I get bitten by the brown recluse to I have like immediate emergency services available. Yeah, yeah. I'll take the brown recluse. What about the Black Widow? Black Widow. I've actually had to had a gun arguing with my wife about actually actually getting beat on purpose.
What I thought be cool to get bitten by it because the chances of you of actually hurting you are almost non-existent. Why is that? Because you're an adult. You have like a nervous system that's intact. It's not it's like a it's not a super strong neurotoxin. So if you got better basically just having, like, a bad acid trip, I thought I would be really hard to get bit by a black a black widow. But she's like just, you know, you can't do that because you were trying to, like, actually set it up.
Yeah, I thought it'd be kind of cool, but where are we going to get the Black Widow? I'd find one. But also I think I kind of talk myself out of because it seems like it's a bad idea. Oh, yeah. Because like rolling the dice there.
That you could actually die or just just get like, I don't know, I have to go to the hospital. It just kind of thing where I would like to put some in one of our employees fucking lunch box.
I really watched one right there for some spiders and a sandwich.
Yeah. He hurried me during lunch and I didn't, I didn't like it. Yeah. He goes, you can eat it after he told it to me like a Gestapo. He didn't do this right.
Yeah. You didn't give me like wrap it up. Yeah. Yes.
Really forceful with it. Do you want the best thing to say nowadays to someone, a dog. Did he say to you, did I stutter.
Right. Right. Did I stutter.
Trying to say that more in casual conversation while being polite. Yeah. Yeah, I can say it like like at Starbucks.
Like I'll have a I've gonna it's like. Sorry, what was that. I say I'm sorry. Did I stutter.
Saying it politely really changes it.
Yeah I do it like at a nice restaurant when they're like in your order thing.
Like I would like the, the clam bisque and I would like to have the, the rib eye medium rare and I would like cooked. Oh I'm sorry. Did I stutter.
I would like it to be rare. I don't think you can do it. No. No you can't do it nice.
No I don't think it's possible for you to do a nice you can try to do the nicest. Nicest.
There's still going to go fucking chance. Yeah. Because he's very domineering. Oh yeah. Yeah. I can't, I can't make it.
I mean I could say like did I stutter like like to say well that's true in the movie he's doing the movie thing. Yeah that's true. Say like I'll cut you bitch say it like as mean as you can.
Well that's not I mean yeah. You may say to your face. Yeah. Like a fucking cut you stupid bitch. I don't think I can do it. Your mother's a whore Johnny. I'll fucking cut you stupid bitch.
Hey did I stutter. Hey, that was a crazy thing.
I like that. I believe that you'll do something, you know. I mean, like I believe it. Yeah. Because I'm scarier because it seems like I'm not. Yeah right. You're crazy.
It's like what happens if somebody goes, I can't really put this guy into a category, therefore he's unpredictable, therefore his threats are real.
So what I was thinking about doing my scariest, I shaved my head like I had a bust. Oh, did I stutter.
Oh, that's terrible.
But if I had a bust, had a silver tooth, not a gold silver tooth right there and drive around, listen to country music too loud.
It's not like Waylon Jennings, like sad Waylon Jennings wearing like a shirt buttoned up to the to the neck. Yeah. Oh. And then say, did I fucking stutter in a southern accent? That would be scary.
I think that's I think polite. Did I stutter is my new favorite thing. Sorry I might go to Starbucks after this and just be like can I get ice coffee splash. Really. Like how you like that. I stutter again Tom.
I'm scared. Can I try it. Can I try it. Sure. Millions of times. I'm nothing. I'm sorry.
What was that. I'm sorry. Did I stutter. That actually works, but also I do that, but was it then after that? No. What happens if you're the person on the other end? You're like, what a bitch.
You think the fact that you it's so rude to say, but can I pull it off the way, Pamoja? Yeah. Yeah. Because that actually. Did I stutter. Well, yeah. But inside I'm definitely going like this lady is out of her face.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's nuts. She's like a psycho. Yeah. Like you do anything you're the fucking with it. But you're, you're this lady right here.
I was just at CBS and a man that doesn't even work for CBS wouldn't let me in the door. He threw me out the door. He doesn't even work for cigarettes. He wasn't wearing one of their shirts. What the fuck? Anderson Cooper paid this man to make me angry.
Eriks and Paris and Cooper, they're not letting me fighting to hydrate myself. I want to fuck you, America, for making me live like that. Why not? Fucking like everyone I said, I got like a fire by fire.
So I think that she just got in to the second tier of the Groundlings and she's working out of character. She's got the improv down.
She's writing now. She's in writing lab. And this is just one of her characters. It's missing something key, though. Yeah. Which is that is this. And then I think that's that it's the turn and the back on it, but see, that's why you're a graduate, you're a fucking varsity graduate because I know about the whole thing.
You've got to tell her. My mom established Joe because she's from Louisiana. That how you can tell a redneck is when they don't take the cigarette out of their mouth and they tell the state patrolmen to kiss my ass.
So it's like a thing where it's like, you know, you can kiss my butt a signal that's a real you can kiss my lady. Real fucking stinker swamp lady.
This lady's real fucking animal. She certainly is. Well, Erixon Cooper Erickson.
Fucking Kuprin. Yeah. Don Lemon. Yeah. Don Lemon and Anderson Cooper. Cooper, Charlotte outside talk have been looking to take a shit right there, but I won't take a shit in the bathroom. I don't want to take a shit outside. She wanted to hydrate.
She said, I hydrate myself too, which is a weird, weird way of saying I was thirsty. I need water. That is true.
She only blink twice during that whole video the whole time.
I thought insanity. Why that thing, that classic stupid talk where it's like, you know, the Idiocracy thing? Yeah, sir.
We have a particular individual. I'm seeking to do a hydration drink inside this particular house of of salesmanship and wish to find a liquid object to do hydration to in this book. And this particular person, they sought to deny the hydration I saw from inside of body for this lady who walks in and out of places they know every day.
Yeah. And this is the rage she walks around with, all because of Anderson Cooper. Anderson, can we talk to you? Come out OK, but he's so good. Pemberton's good with who he is. But let's see. I got off the talk. I got you got off talk.
Yeah. I couldn't get I stopped watching it because I find it to be like just. Oh, there's an hour. I just did this for an hour.
Because your algorithm is not pure. No.
I mean, it was so good. It was so good. Good.
I'm just like this is better than any TV I've ever seen in my life. I know I can't handle the the non-stop stream of novelty. I felt like I was like, it's great on a roller coaster. It's a roller coaster. I know.
It's really it's amazing. I time out my creations like my algorithms.
So my feet is yours because it's I watch your stories on Instagram and that's all I need, because you see some people where how is this person alive?
You really have a gift. You really have a gift. I know. But I'm saying I get in. I get out. Like I get overloaded sometimes too. I go, yes, yes, yes. And then I, I reach a threshold where I like I got it. I got to go. It's like when you play video games for too long and you're like, if I go past this point I'm going to lose my like you're losing your life.
Are you ready for a horrible or hilarious first. OK, and then can we do talk. Yeah. OK, that's funny to you.
Fucking fuck. Oh look how much you like that. You're going to love it in my sleep. Now, I haven't seen this one, so I don't know if it's horrible or hilarious, but here it is. OK, right. You like my plane?
You know, I look at myself like, oh, I just saw myself. I saw it on. Has horrible. It was horrible. Yeah, guy shot himself. It was a young kid, too, I mean, it makes me think of our children, our boys could do that with Tom. You didn't. That wasn't funny to you know, he made a funny sound, it made it funny, he said the guy the guy that shot himself, he shot himself.
It was a kid. He's a kid.
I, I said I just shot my toe.
Oh, the child. Oh, that was a big gun to.
Oh, let's let's cleanse our palates.
Oh, wow. That's terrible.
Oh Jesus Christ. That hurts me.
Oh. What's he looking is such a boss, he's not enjoying this is a he's like every day I must do this every day. Every day she brings me in here half an hour. Have you ever watched the office?
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Well this one you'll definitely we we just watched this earlier but I know you'll appreciate this.
Oh oh my fucking God. To drive that can go off together. I would tell you guys the FUB story. Yep. OK, I'll tell you after this. It's bad.
So much dandruff. Right. So much. It's not going to snort. It is high. I hope not. That's why I thought this was going to.
Oh he's driven hair dandruff. I try he's tried to have King got it on his chain. Cheers.
Cheers. Jesus Christ. Why is he why is he going to make it taste good once again? You know, I think he'd rather eat a wasps nest his the shit. Smoking dad in your hair. What does he have to do, a second hip? Take it easy.
Take it easy. I'll tell you one thing is that a fat person has never done this.
This only super skinny guy with no shirt does something like this every day, are talking to.
Oh, I don't know how it's such that you would never see a fat person, this motherfucker. So to smoke his hair and his dandruff, that fits right in a second. Anything terrible I got try it again. Shit.
This reminds me of the worst thing I have ever done in my life. This is the pupping. Yeah, OK. I'm told this on the podcast. Remember, this is in high school. Would you do remind me something like my friend Phil and I, we in in the cafeteria, we wrecked a bunch of loose pubes. We spent like 20 minutes raking our, you know, our high school pubic bushes with our hands, of course. Yeah.
Just getting the mouse rakhim clean up already. Oh baby, this is such an embrace is such a deeply embarrassing story. We break the big pile of them and put them on a napkin and then we put a napkin on top of that and we told the girl we knew to come over and sit down. It's the worst part of it. Took the napkin off and looked at her. I was like, Hey. And she's like, what is that?
It's like, it's our fucking pubes.
And guess what she like she left you on it or she sat next to you and that's sitting on it was on the table, OK? Was like, oh, you showed it to me. Take off those domes. She's like, what is that?
Yeah, it's like, what the fuck is that?
We're like, oh, it's pubes, pubes.
And she's like, I'm sorry, did I stutter my pubes? Did I stutter? Yeah. And I think she was probably looked at us differently.
Pretty much. She just got up and walked away. Yeah.
I think that's the most things where I realized, like, oh, that's just this is not a good idea. Yeah. Chicks don't dig that stuff. Yeah. That's a big difference between women and men. I think at that age as a woman would never do that. Probably not.
Now if she did, she's so unbelievably unstable that that girl, like a guy who does that, could just be like a fuck around goofball girl who does that.
She's going to kill somebody who breaks the pact, makes a pile, unveils it like it's a or Durov or something like that in the lunchroom, too, on a table that we that's that's the grossest part is it was during lunch because like like that's crazy shit happened in high school was during lunch time.
And I think that's like if it was in her home homeroom. Yeah. I could have forgiven it more like if it was just in a sterile classroom setting.
But there was food involved, like the fog of the morning to excuse it. I'm sure this was, you know, 1:00 p.m..
Yeah, yeah. What year were you guys? I mean, does it matter?
I mean, it's a little like a junior year. Yeah. It's really good that she got all those pubes, though. I think I didn't have a lot of pubes freshman year.
Probably if I were if I were with you, your school, I've been like, oh, really? Go get some of my pubes break. I got a whole bunch of Pusa.
Let me add to the pile. Well, what I love that I'd be like, can you tell which is mine. Which is Donnis. Yeah.
Yeah I could smell it, tell the difference. But I do hope that boys today can still do that pupal to other girls to to girls, you know, I mean like I because that's so important that you learn that lesson of like, oh, that's where the boundary is. Girls don't want to see that stuff. And then you calibrate accordingly, because now if you did that, you probably be cancelled. Right?
I think if I didn't get in trouble with a couple of girls early on, who knows where I'd be right now, you fucking jail or some shit, you know, you got in trouble and trouble. Just be like, don't do that. It's like, oh, you're right. Don't do that. Yeah, yeah. Terrible stuff, but just stuff like it's gross. Yeah.
Gross stuff. Yeah. Don't do that gross thing.
Oh yeah. Yeah. Don't do that. OK, that's what you mean.
So don't do that. God I would never do that again. Yeah. Because you're right. That's gross. Oh yeah.
Super gross. Yeah. You have to learn. Yeah it's true. I mean without women correcting us for being gross we'd just be much more gross. You know, we basically all just be camping. Yeah. Yeah.
Like shitting in uh you know. Yeah. Piles and whatever. Nonsense.
Hey show me your shit. You don't cover it up. You can't see it. Let me watch you take a shit real quick.
I would definitely be like if it hadn't if like I didn't know now not to do that, you know, if I'd like it. Definitely if I were camping I'd be like me. What's your take your should. So I can just I want to see it come out, see.
But I wonder if girls are just socialized to be this way. Do you know what I mean? Because you guys are encouraged to be slobs and disgusting. Yeah, we're socialized to be normal, you know. So maybe if I were raised more I was raised a bit feral. Yeah. Just when I'm open to poop and fart humor and stuff, this takes me back on why it's got to be great to be gay.
Oh, man. Gay man, not gay. When you don't have to like work, you have to deal with any of like it, clean it up.
You know, it's like you can just be like wouldn't that be a dream for you. Yeah. Jerk off on my stomach. Yeah. But do you think gay guys dump in front of me. No, they're not like you have to keep alive the fucking cause. Yeah.
They got the Plexiglas setup. I got that special plaques and all like the fiber bars, everything. It's all like. It's like a it's a rhythm.
Yeah. It's perfect. Yeah. Um, you guys, why do I open here. The doctor. This is twenty, twenty talks.
There's two folders. Just the docs not this is twenty twenty. OK. All right, you ready for some talk? I'm ready to talk money for jobs, which is looking for me. All right, here we go.
If you suggest. My my replies, you're on drugs, why you must be on drugs. OK. Are you are you fucking high? Yeah, he does a lot of stuff like this. Yeah, this guy looks like a CDC expert right there. That classic expert expert. Yeah. Yeah. Like this is the world's leading infectious disease doctor.
And he's all he needs is a window. So it's totally blown out like a cat across the front of the camera.
Wal-Mart and some other stores are wanting you to wear a mask in their store for months or so into the thing. Yeah, they didn't require it when they should have those gums. I was born in the U.S. I have rights and freedoms and I just not shop your store.
Yeah. Yeah. If you're going to tell me that I need to wear a mask even if I'm not sick. I think that is pushing it. Because what's going to what's going to go from oh, is just a mass to it's just an inoculation with a GPS chip. Oh, it's just just a card. So and we don't accept cash so the government can control whether you're poor or rich. Why wake up?
Because this is not a test. They want to see who's going to stand up and say, no, this is not OK and who will lay down like a bitch? Preach. Yeah.
You got your finally your first, like, real news worthy talk. Thank you for including this one. Thank you. Seriously, do you wish she would visit a dentist because the red gums and his teeth look so bad it's like he could visit a CBS and that would be good.
He just needs a goddamn toothbrush and just a little bit like when I was born in this country. You're know could right? Look, I, I will not shop you sure? I will not do a shop shop at your store.
If you put a put up what's next? You're going to ask to see my shit.
I come witness you're going to want to semen sample from my body with a needle.
Take off my shoes is his logical deductions are not very good. I like like I always like the steps are a little far fetched when a guy when they do the threat of like.
You won't be seeing my money in your store and then you have to go like, how will Wal-Mart survive without you buying straws?
And if I can, I will take pieces of business elsewhere. OK, looks like this 7-Eleven is going to get a little bump in their quarterly revenue.
Well, guess I know where I'm buying my toilet paper now.
And it is not at this particular location of shop, the shop that you do business for my life in this place that I do it, I will be finding a location that is a different one. Understand me that this shop is not closed for my business to do you.
So if you can compute that, since that I'm throwing to your direction, possibly you need to understand that where we are going is a place that you need to find a wake up call because otherwise you will be under lock and key by governments.
So can you step into his stupid mind so perfectly clean?
Do you know people like this? I feel like I like to think in this way a lot. It feels it's therapeutic to thinking like this, sort of like the real speak of, yeah, governments will try to do things to you that will be apprehensive to a lifestyle unknown to your body.
And when they do that, to such things as children. Yeah.
That are defensible, unknown to these outside objects, you have to wake up and destroy that which is a government's intelligence on you.
Look at your phone, huh? The best when they drop shows like, oh, here we go. How about this? Why don't you take out your phone right now? Look at it. Guess what? I'll wait. It's looking back at you.
This man has insight right here, y'all.
I have. Shall we go read the book for health care? Oh, what the fuck you up? Right, gershenz.
Just part of the conversation. This, again, a CDC expert, that is the perfect angle. This is the National Health Institute director right here that puts it on the floor of skirt, the middle of the conversation.
And was that a draw was a specific experience?
I thought it was. It Drew like a hearing.
You got hearings. Shall we go there? So I'll go for health care that they call it private.
He's got to dip in, right? Yeah, we're here. He's got to dip in. Yeah.
But I mean, still, that's his floor. Maybe he's got you know what? Maybe he's got a spray can't you. These guys. Right Kasman cut open jaggedly with a knife like well maybe he's got like a sankar coffee.
Can I just spit in it. I mean he didn't think twice about it. He's just like that doesn't even break. Yeah.
Well anyways I went back outside and I did the I don't know if it's a cop or what, but he's definitely I don't know if he doesn't want to tell you about his earrings.
I got caught like this is this is true.
This is gold. It really is. Wow. This guy that came up on yours. Yes. Jesus Christ.
This is like it's so pure. It's so pure. China already owns. We're done, right. Yeah. Yeah.
Like we should do like it has to do a series of these where we, we just we take, we take ones like this, we throw in a like a lower third that says like Dr. Peters from the CDC and then we could even like dub over voice.
You gotta wear your mask when you go, when you walk into a store or where you're with near crowds.
Y'all get the Subway sandwich video. I had nothing better than Subway and you got the right next subway and then Jimmy John's.
This is insane. He's combining the two he's come back to. That's all.
And I've never heard of I've never, ever heard of somebody combining Subway and Jimmy John's and making the ultimate sandwich because. All right.
They're so good in and of themselves. Right. But to combine the two, it's really crazy how he's not usually this product I did at the beginning of being polyamorous that I no longer do or believe in.
And why asking for or expecting veto power from my partner veto power is when you tell your partner that I have something about your relationship, makes them uncomfortable. They have the right to pull the plug on it. Healthy polyamory doesn't control people. It allows people to be who they are as long as there's open communication and safety, don't ask, don't tell, don't ask, don't tell in polyamory is when you just agree that you can do what you want, but you just don't talk to your other partner about what you're doing or with whom or when.
Anything in polyamory that encourages less communication is automatically a no in my book. Yeah, don't ask, don't tell, acknowledge this that you're going to experience anxiety, but it doesn't do anything about it. True.
Only hooking up. No falling in love. This one is actually secretly discriminatory against a romantic people because it implies that if you're not in love with someone, it's not a real relationship. You're also then approaching new connections by thinking first about what somebody can do for you and not who they are. This is part one.
This is like a fucking second job right here in Jesus Christ.
I know I would do anything not to have to deal with this stuff. It sounds like some fucking special like me.
It's got so much work. It's discriminatory. You know, what a romantic peep.
And here's the thing. A speech like like this makes me want to be discriminatory against them.
Like, if this is your spokesperson, I would like you to not be allowed in this building.
And how unfun of a play is this one here?
All this shit, this is like this kind of reminds me of of like this shit.
You know, this is perhaps one of my most requested videos today. We're going to talk about hybrid children. My name is shows. I use them pronouns and I'm a starship channeler and spirit worker. Westshore Hybrid children are a type of star being that consist partly of our DNA and partly of the DNA of other galactic energies. So if you are a Sarsae, you may also consider yourself a hybrid child. But when I talk about children, I'm talking about the ones that are not yet here.
Now, this is me guys. I work with hybrid children right now.
They're living on ships and kind of parallel worlds or realms, and they're actually in schools where they learn about what living on earth is like because they are going to be coming here eventually, right? Probably sooner than we think. So I work with them in my meditations, teaching them things. And I also have a hybrid child myself. So my child is made up partly of my energetic template to show the child I personally don't remember the time in which my show is energetic template was sampled.
But some of you may remember these experiences.
There's going to be part two to show the hybrid in this part, too. No, it's not there. I call bullshit on that. Yes. Oh, my God. Wow.
Street people check it out. That's what my favorite meal is. This is this is my favorite meal here to you.
It might not look like much. It looks good to me.
This is it.
So there's been a whole new swarm or whatever cluster President Fox Presents.
Oh, yeah. Which I'm completely fascinated by. Do you have a phone?
And that's why there's a Instagram's in prison. Oh my God.
I can't believe that I like this. To me, it's going to change things because I was, you know, bummed out. I just was honestly bummed because I felt like this is this is this is at Cauli Convict.
Yeah. If you're interested in follow him on this topic. I love when people own it, they're like, yep, convict straight up, cauli convict. I was so well.
But the big question is, are those enchiladas or is that lasagna, soup, enchiladas, enchiladas? Because look, there's beans with the enchiladas. Looks pretty good.
I'm not going to lie. It's not bad. I don't eat that. I wanted that to. I like the cheesy mountain stuff over there that actually looks I mean, that's not too bad.
No, it's not. You say.
And that's the home of the shit. That's his favorite meal.
Yeah. Hey, you know what? Tomorrow is Friday. OK, same guy. I'm like Jimmy Johnson. Yeah. And I'm going to be ready to party with the redneck nation and everybody agrees saying, hey, all right. All right. Next nation livestream tomorrow.
Would you pull this one? Just excited for him.
Well, it's Friday and he's going to drink and he's hanging out with his hillbilly friends. And I just thought it was nice to have a club to belong to. I like that his eyes are going one. When I go this way. When I go that way, I like this guy.
Yeah, he's fun. If his mouth didn't probably definitely smell. Yeah, I think I would be down to have him on my podcast for real. Like I could talk this guy for hours on my tiny beach bruises.
I have lost my pocket knife. I was trying to I got cut I think part of my my vagina up here. Oh, Christ. Did you hear what he.
Yeah, I heard about the cuts. And also it's a little messy in that room. I don't know if you picked up on the extraordinary amount of trash on the floor.
Here's what I wonder.
I wonder if there is any sort of tobacco dip in that McDonald's cup. Yeah, his vagina got cut to hers.
Sorry, but this is that same guy from the bathroom, I guess. I don't know. Know that guy's place was cleaner than this. They must know each other.
All right. He might have been spitting right into that cup, actually. You know, McDonald's cups are great for spit and dip and wide. Yeah, wide open. Yeah.
I'm looking for a girlfriend my age 25. He's like he's like me on Snapchat. If you want to be my girlfriend fresh in this guy and she you're going to charge for this one. And thank you.
So this guy works for the H.F.. Uh, American Health Foundation. I thought it was a Kyle Dunnigan video and it started out right.
But what I find unique about this one is that he's on tick, but he asks the girls to go to Snapchat, which is another platform altogether, to message him like, all right, message you want to talk?
Because to be honest, yeah, it seems a lot of the health directors are confused these days.
So it could be. Could be what was that?
What's happening mean. Now, you'll remember last week.
OK, well, you'll remember last week he was just going, meow, meow, meow, meow. This week he figured out how to put a fireball effect on the meow. And that's what you're seeing, is the evolution of an artist. It's a fire, Kitty. Mm hmm. Just classical fire. Can you right there.
I apologize to people that are listening only and who are like, oh, why are my ear buds blowing out right now? Because of the cool fire effect that this man discovered.
Tick-Tock Big Andy, huh? All right. Hey, congratulations.
The Kid Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductees, 2019. Are you as excited as I am by the sounds? But no.
Robert Smith is a class at the. Robert Smith is like, love him. That's pretty amazing. That's why I want to show you that the cure is the coolest. Yeah, that's Robert Smith, by the sound of it.
No, I could see you doing that. Like Tom Seger, you've been nominated for first year.
You know, really, I don't want to be here. I have to be ahead. I don't want to be here. If you're going to cough, go outside.
All right. You have to do that now.
All right. Well, I do a bathroom break. Yeah. Cause I drank so much t shirts break. Let's go. All right. So, uh, a couple more here.
OK, you know, you're in love with somebody when you can barely stand it.
When they go work, go to work. That's the bad, crazy Mary talking about crazy tricks. It's not a good one that's really unstable. Yeah, but I kind of wish you were like this, though. You wish I was like this. Just show me a little emotion.
Like when you leave the house. I know that there's something I want to show you that's not a talk, but I think you're going to really like it.
That's a pretty cool video straight ahead, as I remember out of that movie. Oh, yeah.
Yeah. He played Santa Claus. Right. All right. A guy talks. He's like kind of crotchety old white haired man. Yeah.
Right before you come. Yeah. House. Although if I wanted to, I have no problem swallowing. I'd stop for a minute and I put a big hickey on your inner thigh there and just suck on that and make it nice and red and let you remember me after I'm gone, turn over and I would play with your cheeks, maybe even massage your little hole and make you feel just the only man in my life you just did. So that's you know, it's normal size.
It's it's not it's not that that big. Well, the one the one thing the one thing that I'm going to tell you is that the first time it's is going to be quick with me because it's been a long time. OK, you come, you come. Let me see. Let me see how much you can let me see. Let me see all that. Oh much how big a load I'm going to swallow.
I need I need it right now. I need it right now. OK, can you see this. OK, give it to me now.
Give it to me now. I can't see it right. Yeah. Come on, don't be stingy.
I'm going to put this in your mouth and you're going to have to suck it dry. You're going to just suck it dry. Mark that that beautiful. My aunt gave it to me. Mark. Yeah, yeah.
Oh I can feel it. Mm. Oh that's good.
Oh that's got to be good. Oh oh. Oh. It sounds like a pediatrician. I know.
Yeah you bet. I'm coming up in me. Believe I'm coming up in me. Oh yeah. You are terrific.
I know you're going to be good in bed so I can say. So that's what Asmar is, that is right. Mm hmm. Oh. He. He's denied that this is how he put out a statement saying it was him. No, he didn't. Oh, God. Jesus Christ. How could that be so.
Nothing would say that's you then denying it.
It is what many of you have asked me about, a video circulating the interweb, put the headset on me, telling Mark not to be stingy with his gum.
I want you to know that's not me.
It's not me, goddamn it. It's not fucking me. I would never go that long without swearing the permanent.
Isn't it weird that he's talking as though he's giving a presentation on fusion cold fusion like there's no passion to me?
He sounds like the the tech when you get an MRI. Yeah, it's like. Yeah, OK. Over the left. Yeah. Hold your breath. Oh you better tell me to. OK, breathe.
It's going to be about a minute right here. Just don't move for about a minute. You're going to hear a lot of loud noise.
Relax. Okay. Relax. Good, good, good. Mark. That's good.
OK, hold on, hold on. Hold on a second now Mark. I'm going to come now. Hold on. I'm going. I mean I'm going. Oh no, I'm not going to come back. I mean I'm going to hear a loud sound.
We're going to scan your knee is what I meant to say. I accidentally said I was going to come.
You had a loud sound mark out loud sounding. I breathe and I'm coming. I mean, where I've come.
Oh, I can feel it.
Oh yeah. What do you hear it? Apart from the video? It's so much better. I know. I think that's what bothers me is the big fat belly. I mean, he can't even see his own dick. Come on, Mark, don't be stingy, man.
Like if you cut out a few words, you'd have no idea what he's talking about. No, he's like, you think it's a chat room where I think it's like collectors.
They collect like trains, stamps or something. He's like, yeah, I got that one in eighty three. And the last time they stopped making them. So now the value is gone way up the way up with the let me see all that.
And he's also too literal. It's too it's like those dates we saw where that remember that show you're watching, where that you come was like I really enjoy spending all this time with you. Yeah. I'm really enjoying holding your hand right now. It feels really warm in my heart. Like it's it's too on the nose. Yeah. Like a book on tape.
Yeah. I think he's reading it. Yeah. And more and more I said to the man, I'm ready for you to come. Yeah. He laid down and found a new place to lay with leaves. You know what it reminds me of?
The fuckin the da. The Da man.
Yeah. To sell to the da man show I watch show this last week. Oh. Have you seen the one where he's talking to the camera. Maybe this is all of them after the video where he clearly has two beards. Yeah. That's how he always is. He has the, he has the goatee beard that's thick and then it's been trimmed down to like a one or two going from the ears, hey da man, bam.
I hope you love that message. Please remember, we're not just telling stories, we're changing lives. And when you share my videos, you're helping to change lives, too. I appreciate you. And I'll see you in the next video.
There's one I watched where he was in like a high rise. It looked like I think it was the one where he just had a hat on. It's very well lit, definitely two levels of beard. He's trimmed it.
Yeah, it's full because you'll notice his eyebrows are very thick, thick, thick, black, and then his eyes are also, like, so thin. Do you think he's barely opening his eyes?
It's a smile because he's put on that big, big, phony baloney smile. Yeah, I bet they rent a house once a month.
They're constantly on the move because it's like all these are all like sex slaves, probably stolen from stoned.
I know. It's so weird, though. The videos are so strange. Yeah, they're so strange. I feel like we let them up pretty hard. And I was thinking in a perfect world, if if there really was like just a poetic end to this, he would put out one of his videos. It says, like podcasting podcasts, makes fun of person and immediately regrets it like like like his titles are. And then he has like a 400 pound guy and he's like and then the girl, the old lady with big tits.
And then what they're doing is they're making fun of someone for being happy. You know, they're like, yeah, we are happy this loser is.
And then and then like, they stop recording and then they're sad.
Yeah. And they know they bicker between that their marriage is secretly fun. They walk outside and they see the happy person again and the happy person is real nice, like, hey guys, did you want something to eat.
The key to would be the podcast host would have a Rolls Royce. Yeah. Yeah, right. Cause that same Rolls Royce people are bad. Rich people are bad.
That's right. And then. Yeah. And then. So it's like and then the lesson is like, don't be mean to people that are just enjoying something and being happy, you know? Yeah, that's true because because he is very on the nose messages.
Like, don't be mean to poor people, like, hey, don't be like flat out mean to anyone, you see. Yeah. Don't be like a nerd stupid nerd. I remember you, you were from 35 years ago. It's Norman the nerd. You're still a nerd, you stupid nerd, stupid nerd. I go golfing. I'm not a nerd. And then you see the like the comments in it.
They're like, oh, they're like, oh, like when she said she was like, she's like, hey, get out of the store. You have money. I was like, yeah, she's going to get it.
So I want to act in one of those.
Oh, we're making we're going to make a feel. You're going to come in. I'm down. Well, my whole dream is to be in a Hallmark movie. Oh yeah. That's what we're saying, is that the talent they're so bad.
Have you guys seen a movie called A Christmas Lodge or Star Christmas Lodge? No, it's Thomas Kincaid's Christmas Lodge. It is something I watch I pricing it about twenty times at this point.
It is. It's a film.
It's on this level. But it's I don't have this twenty times.
Like I watch party, like I get wasted and like fucking like, you know, stoned and drunk just fucking on. I get just plowed to passing out point people over. We all watch it and it's never not funny.
And you look up is there a trailer for it. There's got to be, there's got to be a trailer.
It's kind of how I feel about kissing Booth and kissing Booth too on Netflix where it hurts to watch. It's so stupid, but you can't stop because something feels good.
Well, this is like Christmas. This is like a horse race at the next level. It's stupid. It's even because humor kind of has a little bit of a wink to it. You know, they know you're watching this because it's like wholesome family thing Christmas time. But something about this one just feels the next level and it's just like delicious. How much like the lack of awareness in it.
I would love to watch Christmas Lodge with you this Christmas.
Yes, that'll be nice. I'll set it up. OK, I want to set up a big viewing. Just, you know, have people just get blitzed and watch Christmas Lodge? I'm down. I'm psyched. It's really fun. I mean, I know it inside and out at this point. It's kind of like it's like the end, the fire.
So, you know, I think the move is on something like this is to have this playing like we when you are when it's Christmas time and you have the family together, put this on and just don't say anything. Just let it play so that people go like, what the fuck is this?
You know, like, yeah, it's like when I when when I was the kids at Whitney High, the kids of Whitney High, and I put that on in the car, I got the CD and I put it in the car.
And my dad. What is that?
It's a special needs kids. The choir sang an album. It sounds bad. Yeah.
They're not good at saying, OK, but what I did was I just put it in the car and then when my dad got home, we would just drive and I just would be quiet and drive just to see him. And he was just looking.
He's like, what the hell is this? It's like it's just music.
He's like therapy because our songs would be like throw away, throw away, throw away the trash.
Come on, everybody, throw away the trash. But if you don't tell an adult that that's what it is and they're just hearing it, they're like, why is this on? And that's what that movie is to me.
Yeah, that's how my dad feels about literally everything I like. So really pretty much everything is like, what is this? What is this crap like that? This is the Chemical Brothers. Dad, this is this is Air Force One. Dad, this is, you know. Oh, OK, OK.
I guarantee you he probably wouldn't laugh at. The kids of Whitney High or Thomas Kincaid's Christmas Lodge, I don't think he left anything. Who's the who directed that? Is it Kincade?
Oh, I don't know. It's directed by God in some sense. You know, I don't even look at the credits.
Actually, that's bad enough where I feel like the director might change their name afterwards. Yeah, like you would just be like, who?
Go to IMDB. Thomas Kincaid. Somebody I should know. Oh, you don't know. Thomas Kincaid is. Oh, this is this is a big part of it. Thomas Kincaid is a painter. Miss Kincaid.
Torrey Terry Ingram. Thomas Kincaid paints like nostalgist stuff like houses with Christmas lights and stuff. He has a shop in solving. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what Thomas Kinkade is.
So, oh, look at the victim. Thomas Kincaid is putting his name on a movie.
Any sense how did this guy get a directing job after that, that he directed the White Castle movie second unit director, OK?
Is his directing credits director.
He's still working. There are mysteries of Fatal Romance, I think a bunch of these are my Hallmark movies. Yeah, he's yeah, yeah. He's probably just what they call a Hallmark ringer.
They bring a in. They just pass that.
He shoots the whole movie in six days and they're like, we had this budgeted for twenty seven.
He's like, now I'll do it in six, six days. Easy. What about the Christmas Lodge. But what about the Christmas Lodge. We can't get into Christmas Lodge.
Oh is it Christmas Lodge.
Wait for such as this Christmas Lodge.
What I wouldn't give for one more year at Christmas Lodge did I stutter. I want to go back to the lodge. I stutter. I like the city. Throw away, throw away.
Throw away the trash. Come on everybody throw away the trash. I got to hear this now.
It's pretty good. Yeah. We actually liked some of the songs on there. Yeah.
You kind of almost forget that they're. Not professional singers, I think I like the non-professional stuff maybe better, yeah, authenticity is a very there's an authentic quality to like that.
Like, you know, we can't write, we can't sing.
Why do you write the songs? To have some sort of like a help or write like a teacher. Yes. Putting it together. There's somebody who's like, hey guys, put the fucking food down.
Let's do it from the top. Someone's got just an axe away. And let's go from the top. The guy who blows in the pitch pipe.
Oh, oh, Jeremy, they can hear you chewing.
There's a microphone there. OK, you've got to go. We've got to try. Oh, my God.
I want to do a voice, but I think I can do it. You can do it. But I don't think I a safe space. I know what to say to space. The space is safe, but I have to exist outside the space sometimes. Sometimes yeah. Yeah, yeah.
So well and that precludes me from doing the voice. I'm there in the voice you want to do.
Well I could say it's the voice of my dog. One. Yeah, yeah. Your dog. My dog's. Why do you do. It's so hard to do without looking at her but she's a 75 pound oh she's eighty five pounds or eighty five pounds like mutt. Right.
And she talks like oh if you're thinking piss hate you stupid bitch.
That's what she says to, to my wife which is if you've got ten fucking bitch.
But if I could take off a piece of sweat I'll cut you fucking pause a few pieces sweat guys looking dammit. Oh she sees something and she goes, howdy skip. Which is. Holy shit.
Oh do you skip. Oh man.
We got this, we got this email from a listener. Yeah. You read this one. I read that. It just is.
This is just funny I think. What's the email address. It's your mom's podcast at Gmail.
Dagoes you can get this one don't I think.
OK, so they might want to reach out, let you know that I got to share our PC's original oh get off orgasm with the entire open heart surgical team.
Today I was in charge of music and pulled up a YouTube playlist on my phone or so I thought.
I didn't realize that I only picked a song and not the full playlist. What was cute up next was AM Episode four twenty. The timing was impeccable. As long as I was sterile, placing a central line and my phone was in my pocket of my scrubs, meaning there was no way for anyone to get it without knowing what episode it was.
I was trying to place the central line as fast as possible, only to have the intro stop.
And here are PC demanding to get fucked by black guys who love the fuck and fuck good jail, homeless or a thug.
If you want to move, then you can move in, but you got to fuck me.
So that made for a fantastic conversation. The conversation, especially with the older Filipino scrub nurse who was less than pleased with ABC News.
He has passed this along to Drew as well as he would understand the dynamic. Keep father in it, Andrew. I love it. Yeah, pretty well. Good good work.
That would be our next scene in a movie. Actually, we really fucked.
Yeah. Fuck me. Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh, so that's what he had a fucking heart surgery.
Yeah. Yeah. Come on man.
I would like to see that. Just like to see like a scene you know, like that scene in Swingers with the answering machine. It's like the same thing. Yeah. Just like the tension of that.
That song is so intense too. But this was a surgeon so this is like a surgery team.
Right. So yeah. Surgeon who was the one who was playing it was the surgeon. Yeah. So yeah. So that's OK because if it was like. Oh right. He was like a scrub master and the surgeons like hearing about black guys fucking this guy.
I'm trying to put this in someone's heart. You get fired. Yeah definitely.
Like, like real fast if I like rough it. All right. We got to wrap here. Oh we got here straight out of Proteau by Matt and Kyle. Yeah. And also working people because you kilner with the shirt came in. Oh yeah. Well you can see him on my I mean on Instagram. On Instagram. Yeah. Instagram, which is just Johnny Underscore Pemberton or you can go to Johnny Pemberton Dot Dog and I have everything there and the YouTube app, everything up on YouTube to which is YouTube dotcom slash.
Just my nipples, just my nipples, my nipples. And same with Twitch. It's a twitch TV slash. Just my nipples. Crazy PNB.
We love you man. I love being here. It's the most fun you can have I think. Thanks a lot brother.
What's up there, Joe? Listen here. Money, money, money. Money. Right now. Mommy, mommy. Right now you're fired. But you're just doing your life right. Money, money, money. Right. You're fired, but you're on. Money right now, money, money right now, you know what you're firing.
You didn't fall. This is America, you dumb son of a bitch. This is America, you stupid fuck. What is this place, baby rape on your face? That's my camera piercing on all the motherfuckers. That's the way you do it. Your brother in a pink car, you stuff on fire, your father shit, your brain on fire and fucking asshole fucking thing I can think of.
I remember you, buddy, buddy, buddy. You're done money right now.
Money, money right now you're fired. But you stupid fuck money right now. Money, money. Right now you're fired. But you just ruined your life. Money right now. Money, money. Right now you're fired but you're fired on your account. Money, money. Right now you know what you're firing, OK?
You didn't fall to. They're retard.