You know what, Jean, I think it is time for you to turn your cool idea into a website. How long have you been saying I want to build a website for the upcoming wedding we're going to have next year maybe to display your children's photos, maybe to promote your online business?

Well, maybe you want to display your publish your writing or your photograph so your rocks, you know, whatever you want to say, anything you want.

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Welcome to another episode of your mom's house. We're very excited. We hope that you are enjoying your days. Might be early if you started right up. When this episode drops, there's a new drop schedule. Everything comes out at 6:00 a.m. Pacific.

So fucking morning it's well, we at morning we expect you to set your alarm and wake up at six a.m.. It's right to listen to it right when it drops. A.M. specific spearmen.

Yeah, 9:00 a.m. on the East Coast. It should be a very celebratory mood because even though it hasn't happened yet for us here, we know that the live show happened over on the weekend.

What is the last few days, if you want to watch it, why a virtual dotcom? You can keep on watching till almost midnight on Friday.

So thank you for everybody to support it. We know it was it was greatly supported, so hopefully it came through in a big, big way.

Well, and what I loved about this, the number two show, is that we we wanted to expand it.

Like I think we got a little excited about the uncensored element in the first one. So we were like, let's just watch people taking shit on Nugget's.

Yeah, it's ninio. And that's fun. That's all good. But in the second show, we really expanded our definition of what it meant to be live.

Yes.

Original content and we built I like that. We made me anxious with how much we had going on and like, you know, made it like that's an exciting thing we like to cut from this gets to this Prepackage thing. We shot a bunch of original content, if you saw it, which was I don't know, that was a thrill. You know, we wrote it, shot it, edited it. We had we had to hire, you know, extra editors, extra producers, a whole team of people, nine or ten actors.

It was a whole ordeal.

And actors that would be willing to do the sketches we wanted them to, which was, again, an issue that's a recurring issue on why IMH originals that people who are starving to perform look at our stuff and go, I'm good.

I don't want to do that right. In a pandemic where there's no we're offering money. No, no, no, no, no, no. I don't need I don't need money that bad. Yeah, but we did it anyways. You know, it's just like the gays.

They just you do what you want.

As long as you're agreeing and you're an adult, you could do it and you got to massage your little al-Assad, your little hope. It's not massage. Right. He says massage. Yeah. But, you know, you get paid for saying which one? All of it. Yeah. Yeah. Not I n g but I think I know and I and I didn't somebody pointed out to me and I was like what.

And then I started listening. I was like, you are doing that. You're like everything, everything.

Because I think it's it's like I grew up speaking on Garum before I spoke English. I think that messed me up a little bit.

Wow. Because that was once I heard it. I can't get it out of my head.

I don't mean either. I was watching the video. We did the sketch and I do it in the sketch.

I'm like, oh, jeez, such a foreigner. Is that a foreigner thing? Yeah, it is, because I spoke Hungarian first. I think my you know, it's when you're learning language. Yeah, I had to learn English.

Second one, you are completely retarded. How dare you? I felt rude.

I know. What about you and badly. Boy, we got an ear beating on that one. I got to tell you something. It made me feel bad. How you did it. That everybody gave me a hard time about, I was like, man, I feel I feel bad about this boy, let me tell you, I went through the why image email.

I would gladly change the way that I speak.

And they were relentless. It was the grammar police came out in full force to let you know that you're completely ah, well, that's you know, they have a point.

And also, I think it's even funnier because. We make a living speaking on multiple platforms, I know I kind of feel like saying I'm not retarded, but I speak a certain way, you know?

Well, and here's the deal, man, is that you just can't you're on for so long. We do so many hours of content. I can't always be right. You know, and also you just, you know, stream of consciousness, what we're doing here.

Yeah. So let's try unprompted. Unprompted. Well, let's get into the show. We have great clips, great talking. We're so excited for today to share with you.

And we have a great, great, great, great guest. So let's do it. You ready to get the show? Ready to go?

All the attendees say they shouldn't ever wear masks if they have any medical issues or mental health concerns or if they feel they simply can't breathe. When George Floyd was saying, I can't breathe and then he died and now we're wearing a mask and we say I can't breathe, but we're being forced to wear it anyways.

This is a man who is Randy Worryin would love it if no focus on it will go to your mom's. So we don't support. And Christina, please go to your. By the way, do you think it's registered to her yet, like, what a cool comparison that is.

It's like this guy was murdered and she's like, I got to wear this fucking thing.

I mean, same, same. Well, it's just like the same these. Yeah. He was saying he can't breathe because there's these four guys on his back and here I am with this cloth.

I feel the same way.

And the way that she's saying it to she she's so confident. We used to say that she's saying this, like I say, badly, OK, like she is like I know I'm right.

She's so earnest.

How do you say they shouldn't ever wear masks if they have any medical issues or mental health concerns or if they feel they simply can't breathe? When George Floyd was saying, I can't breathe and then he died and I ask and we say I can't breathe, but we're being forced to wear it anyways.

What does doesn't he doesn't sound of other.

Doesn't Shonna sound a little special?

Well, Shonna sounds like I'm just not really into reading, but now, yeah, her logic is a culprit.

So where the paper one. That's not the paper mask. Yeah. Just in clutch. Maybe just stop making analogies.

That's also something I would do. Choose, you know that word. Yeah. Babe, I know she's a woman, stupid women, fucking women.

And I put these fucking it's more like fish unprompted.

Idiot, stupid fucking idiot. Where is she located in the world.

Is this Florida state, George? I don't know where that is. I don't know where that is. St.George. George, could that be, uh, you know what I love about him?

You know, what I love about local news is that there's no standard. They know that she's being Utah. Where did you tell him? Yeah, like they know that this is so ridiculous.

Every local news segment seems like an SNL, right. You're like this actual news, right?

Like someone in the room in the newsroom was like, this is going to be awesome.

Watch this one is going to go viral. All the best stuff comes from local news. Yeah, I know. Like, I don't watch local news to inform us.

I watch it to see how fucking dumb it's going to get. Yeah.

America, this is unreal. This is a debate. Oh that wearing a mask is is an issue for people. Yeah. I'm fucking real. By the way. I wanted to point that out before I forget if I have it here. Yeah. This horndog mix, you know, it ended episode I think five, six, eight. I mean that is of the the obvious one.

Yeah. Oh my God.

You Bensten you've been listening to this and the House for the last week now. Yeah.

I don't, I don't turn it off to the point where I had to tell him we were in a hotel getaway for the first night in months away from our children.

And all I hear, I listen to his car on the way over losing you. I'm like, babe. Yeah. Making you feel. It's so good, it's so good kissing you and holding you and caressing you and playing with your kids, your balls in my mouth, put your balls in my mouth like you just just come on. Come on, come on, come on, come on. Come on to my house. Yeah, I'll swallow.

I want to swallow if I want to put a big hickey on your inner thigh.

Come on, get a nice red while it's my size. It's not that big at the party. You like the vest. Not that that big. Then the one thing that I'm going to tell you, I love this the first time, it's going to be quick with me. It's been a long time and it's been a long time, a long time to come. You come to come and see how much you tell you. I got it now.

Everyone wants to hear it. And I need it right now.

Right now. Can you see this? Give it to me now. Give it to me now. I need it. I need it. I need it. Give it to me. Give it to me.

We go to Myanmar. Don't be stingy. Come on. So I'm telling you, it's a banger that'll be stingy, right? Suck it dry.

OK, but here's the deal, man, is that upon listening to this over and over and over again, after you were listening to it, I've had a few thoughts, if you might if we might go for it.

We also just say one thing before your thought, because I know where this is leading to. You have like questions and operations, more questions. Also, you're not admitting to the fact that you are now constantly calling me Mark and and and actually telling me Leo speech.

And it's so bizarre. She's like, oh, Mark, I just want to spend so much time with you and just make you feel like you're the only one kiss you.

And these messages like that and like me and text me, that's stuff I did.

So it started a romantic getaway. You're like, I'm just going to suck you dry, Mark. OK, I did.

So we were I was meeting you. I was in the studio. I was going to meet you at the hotel, and then you were on speakerphone coming back from your tennis lesson. Yeah. And I didn't know that. And I was like, Mark, you're just the only guy in town I can't wait to massage your little hole.

And just yet and I was walking around with you and love you.

And he's like, Babe, I was getting out of the car. So I was like, oh, I got to take it off Bluetooth.

And then I think the you know, the guy is like, hi, welcome. And I was like, hi.

And she's like, I'll make you come, by the way. But like I did, like, I was laughing a lot.

You ruined just the word OK for me, Mark or Leo, because he goes, OK, you come in every time someone goes, OK, I just go like, OK, what? OK, you go, you know. I know.

So but again, this has raised so many questions in my mind. OK, first of all, he's like, I'm just going to suck on your tits.

And I'm thinking, which got me to thinking like, do men suck on other men's tits?

Really.

I think it has to happen. And here's what course. Yeah. Yeah, I know that, you know, nipples are a bit, you know, real big for some people. Like I don't mean just like I mean like they're really into it. One of my friends, he's like he and his girl, he's like every time that they hook up on his nipples, always playing with it. So it makes sense. I mean it does.

But I did I wouldn't think that. I just think be like I'm a stick on your tits tonight. Right.

Like, it's an interesting thing to throw out there is what's on the menu for later, like, yeah, I'm going to just suck on your tits. And then he goes, I'm going to make you feel like you're the only man in my life.

That one's really. And we would talk about that a lot.

Let's be honest. Yeah. Leo, I think Mark is the only he's the only guy we all saw the video. Yeah.

Like, there's not a lot of people a lot of inventory is like, I'll do you the favor of making you feel like you're the only one. Right. That is the only one that is.

I don't think Leo's getting that much play besides Mark, which really bothered me. And then also what's really enticing about Leo's offer is he's like it's normal sized and it's going to be quick.

So like I have a small, normal size, but it sounds really undesirable. Like I have a I have a small dick.

Well, he's going to go fast. He doesn't have a small dick. He says it's normal.

And what you discover is that he's lying to us. It's definitely below normal.

It's definitely. But which by the way, I don't want to Dick Shameem. OK, no, we are welcoming of all dick sizes and shapes at your mom's.

But, you know, here's the thing. I think you're actually probably he's probably doing the right thing, which is like that's a confident move to be like, you know, he's not like, well, it's going to be a little less than you're used to.

Oh. And then later he goes, I had I once had the Oriental warts, and then they had to give me a circumcision and it made it look like this. Oh, right. So remember, he explains to Mark as they're masturbating together. Yeah. That he's had warts and that his grandma would be like dicks come in all sizes.

Remember that part. Yeah. Yeah. So show me that you like. Oh goodness.

And then he says massage which I don't like how he says that word because I don't think I look I'm not the expert.

Yeah. I massage that again. Massage. Massage. Yeah. Massage your little hole.

OK, grammar police out there you guys nailed to. It's not massage. Right. Right. Serger. Massage, sarge? Yeah, it's not massages, little hole, yeah. Oh, oh, oh, oh, it definitely sounds like it's going to die when he has his orgasm.

That sounds like a heart attack.

You know, you kissing you, holding you, loving you and kissing you.

Tom, I'm just sounds like his next expression is, you know. Oh, I just freaked out on me. Does this.

I just can't wait to hold you, Tom, and love it just fine.

That's what it sounds like happening, doesn't it? Yeah, totally. OK, ok. OK, Mark, you come.

Uh, so there's that and then so we had our mommy.

Oh yeah. Oh I'm having just totally.

Oh my God. That's totally, uh soufflé.

Also he doesn't say anything of doing that around the house. Yeah.

But, um, so we had a lovely hotel night away from our children for the first time in I mean, since before the war happened.

It was it was a socially decent hotel and they cleaned everything. And they tell you when you get there to stand back, don't worry, it's all good.

How many people have to die for you to have a night out?

Shut up. I don't know if I can, baby. You know, I hate everybody, so I don't hate everybody. I just hate those SJW is online. I put up OK, look at my at the casino Pyon the gram.

I put up a non binary emoji and I got a little heat for it from the SJW is out there, not our fans, because our fans get that it's you know, it's not ok.

I'll tell you why it's not ok.

It's not OK for certain people that should never you should never joke about OK.

Never joke about because you may or may not possibly hurt their feelings.

It's not only that they're just off limits. You can laugh about other things. You can joke about other things. But there's 16 or 18 categories or I just I never want to hear a joke about it. All right.

Right. And even if something is new and and interesting and maybe absurd on first glance, you're not. Yeah, yes.

The like. I laughed when I first saw this, but then I corrected myself.

I don't laugh at that.

It's not funny that I have unidentifiable man woman. Thing is, it is a caricature of you.

I don't like it. It's funny instinctively. But when I think about it and I think about what what it could mean to somebody else, then I realized not to laugh.

Good time. That's really the good for you. You know, that is the wind, the correct yourself. And you guys are so correct yourself. Yeah. Yeah.

Don't go with your natural. And my favorite thing was so in the NFL right now they're airing they're they're pumping in, fake the stadium.

They're empty. Yeah.

So they're pumping fake crowd noise into the stadium and onto TV. Oh, you're watching the game and you're like, are you serious? Then you go in there.

And I wrote like, you know, even though I made fun of wrestling and I was completely correct in doing so. Yeah. This fake crowd noise thing is so gay.

Like, it's the gayest thing I've ever seen the whole lot. Is it gay and retarded or just gay?

Well, I just said that it was gay and I think that my favorite thing was going into that into the responses to that. Yeah. And oh, this is what you were battling. No, no.

That was different. Different battle. Yeah, that was different. But this was my my favorite, um, response to saying that that that crowd noise thing was so gay was.

No. Oh no. It takes me a second because there was don't make fun of it, Mark.

Somebody's feelings could potentially get hurt. It's not funny.

It was it really made me you're not allowed to have a natural reaction to the absurd anymore.

It was just like. So we know you just can't I can't think of anything or you can't just feel a normal like, oh, that's funny.

A lady with a beard, you don't see that every day. It's not like I hate everybody. It's so silly. I hate everything I wrote.

Just like the gays, Tom. It's just like it. I wrote.

God, it really made me fucking. Oh, yeah, gay guy here. Yeah, it's pretty gay like the guy chiming in on, huh. And that that really made me feel good. You felt that, you know, that I was last like this was like gay guy. Here it is gay.

And then another guy wrote to me he was also gay and also agreed. And you know what that's called people with a sense of humor that are still around.

Right. Laughing about things that, you know, I think it it sounds like anybody born after Jen.

What Jen was one of these guys is that Generation Y right now? Who's the unfairness?

Yeah, but one of these guys is pretty young. I mean, I think maybe you can categorize I mean, I know what you're saying.

Yeah. But like the younger people are. But I still think that people who don't take them seriously are in every generation.

That's true, that there's limos in every day. And this is why I'm for the Confederate statues need to stay.

Right, I, I have a go fund me set up basically to fight this shit man. We got it. We're going to forget our history.

What are we going to you know where we came from.

That's right Tom. These colors do not run. Yeah they don't. I love I tell you. So you got that beautiful smile.

It was startling to me, though, the first time I saw Confederate flags. I mean, in like Nashville, around the club, like, you go like a block or two from the club there. Yeah. And I'm like, oh, my God, this is real.

Like, I only thought the Duke boys had the Confederate flag come know what I did.

I was like a flash memory of right now. So I went to a really small college in a really small town. Yeah. Hickory, North Carolina. Yeah.

Which is not like I don't think it's like po dunk all hillbillies around it had everything right. But like I had like people that were sophisticated, it did have country people. It's a nice small town. We would go Saturdays. We usually like a party night obviously in a small college town. And then Sunday there was this guy because we would repeat repeatedly, see it?

You go out and go to Bojangles or something, you know, something to eat.

There was a dude who would drive in the small town and a pickup truck with like one of those 20 foot Confederate flag he would just drive through.

So you would just be like, oh, yeah, yeah.

And you're like, there's the guy. There's the guy.

Just drive around just reminding everybody.

You'd be like, it's Sunday, you forget. And then you be like, Oh, hey, there's that guy. Yeah, I know. You're like, what is he doing? But he's just driving.

He's just reminding you about the Confederacy. He's like, Oh, I'm pretty racist. You're just you're like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, I forgot about you all week, but now it's Sunday. Well, what's interesting, too, is the people who defend the Confederate flag claim that it's not racist, that it's just part of my history.

And here's the here's the compelling argument against that. So here's really is it's pretty it's pretty concise. Yeah. Because you can be like it's it signifies Southern pride, which is, you know, you can say that because it during a time in the civil war, that was the flag of the south.

Right. But right. Right. But here's here's why that argument doesn't hold up.

The civil war is only fought for one reason, only to keep slaves like that's what the Confederacy wanted to do.

We want to keep slaves. That's what they're fighting over. So if you go like, yeah, but it's about right.

It's about pride in keeping slaves, which should be fine.

Well, hold on, Tom. Now hold on. Which is which, to be fair, is a really it's a great economic policy.

Yes. You want to be like, no, I'm trying like.

If I could run this operation with all slaves, I mean, it would be great.

I would bring them in and I would love nothing more than to beat Nadav me to bloody pulp, set them on fire, crack his spine, put him in a chair and be like, switch the boards and Google.

But there's all these fucking stupid rules in California, which is why we're getting the fuck out of here.

I agree, Tom, and I'm not limiting it to black slaves.

Let's be clear. That's true. I don't want you this is not racially motivated. I know this is cheap labor. Yeah. Free labor motivation, which I get it now. I choose slave.

Yes. Slave white slave spik slaves. Arabs. Yes.

Yeah, all the rainbow. Yeah. Gay slaves. Non binding. It's like a Carcassonne.

If you walk in the room.

How come dogs all tied up. Yes. Bedazzler, women, slaves.

I'm not opposed to my favorite by the way. I got to say something. I get more. I get that keeping a woman tied up in a shed. I do too. You just fucking dump inside of her.

Yeah. And then but here's a fucking saucer of milk sandwich.

Yeah. Here's the thing though, is that one, if you impregnate her, kill the baby, you punch in the stomach and you kill the baby.

But that's what now it's funny.

This is what the North Korean the North Korean labor camp guards would do. Yeah. They would rape the girls. Yeah.

Impregnate them and they kill them. It works. If you're looking for a system that works. That's true. You've got to give a lot of credit to Kim Jong un in the country.

He's set up hands down a good system anyway.

So we've been having a great time and we hold on. But I didn't bring up the best part of our night away. Yeah, is that so? We're sleeping. We had a wonderful dinner with some friends. We drank a lot. We ate wonderful meal. And I'm laying in bed. And this is the middle of the night is two a.m. and I feel the bed shake.

Oh, yeah, right.

And you know, you know, whenever you're sharing a bed with someone and the bed is shaking, if it's not an earthquake, something bad is about to happen to you or is happening, it's not a good thing when you feel the bed. And so I look over.

And I just see a shadow of Tom on his back. And he kind of stops doing what he's doing, the bed, stop shaking and I go, are you are you touching yourself? And he's like, yeah, yeah, no, I just relaxes me, I go to sleep this way and you you're so tell me about your dick touched me first.

OK, first of all, let's be clear. And we by the way, we did it. We did it. OK, then we go. We have dinner. Yeah. Then we go back to the room. Here's the thing. I didn't love the bed. Right. The the mattress. Sure. I didn't sleep that great. It wasn't a sock for my mattress. It's true.

I didn't love the sheets. And here's a lot of time, Brooklyn. And if I'm, if I'm, if I'm awake like four or five am and I want to go to sleep, I give myself a little tug, like a little one just to send dick sensations through my body. And then I go to sleep. Right. I don't actually it's not jacking off. It's like it's tugging. It felt a little aggressive.

It's a little I was hugging and then, like, you get like a sensation through your body.

You just close your eyes and you're like and then that feeling sometimes will knock me back out.

So itself, soothing itself. That's what babies do it to you.

Just self soothing, self soothing. And I, I feel it right until I so I was trying to get myself back to sleep. But what I ended up doing was waking you up having sex with you.

But let me just brag.

Can I be sure. Yeah. For a man of your age. Hmm. You did it twice in like less than 12 hours. Yeah. It's pretty but very firm erections with no assistance.

Well, it's not going to get hard till I'm ready to come. Yeah. And let me tell you, the married couples out there, you guys have been cooped up with your kids, too, for months and months, it really made me love you again. I felt a sense of adoration and love.

It was good. It was good to do. Yeah. And you were nice to me for like 72 hours until the poison build up again in your body. And I had to put out again to release the tension. But I have 72 hours, I think, with you before you have to ejaculate and then you become normal. Now, what's the count?

What are we up to? My kind of lazy on my. I just know that I got to get a few more in see, I got my. I can't wait for you to shoot shoot your blanks now. Magic chart here.

Um, I think I got about eight or nine more to go. That's not bad.

We could crank things out fast. Yeah. Um, yeah, I'm pretty excited about it. So we just got to, you know, basically any time you feel the need, you've got to get it out. And then and then it can go. No goalie just dump clips. I'm so I'm can't wait.

You and Torreon resumes on the road, you know, I mean, strangers, people you just say meet and greets and what's your name.

Dump clips.

Yeah. Bend over. This is going to go. There's nothing to worry. You won't get pregnant enough to cry. Stuff like that. Right.

Are you going to raise a baby. No, there's no sperm in there. Shut up.

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We've all been there. You've watched all the shows you can possibly watch.

You've reorganized your pantry five thousand times, you've watched the dog. Now what do I do with myself. Play best feeds.

I have it downloaded on my iPhone. I love playing best. I love the colors. I love the characters. I am currently on level fifty three. Yeah, I'm kind of a baller. I've invited Tom to play and now he's roped into it.

Right Jean. That's right. He loves it. And you like the slug.

Right. That one's your favorite character.

So yeah, I wrote my husband into it and now it's a family affair. It's again free to download and has literally millions of five star reviews on the Apple App Store and Google Play. There's more levels, events and challenges added all the time. You know, what I really like about this game is that it's a casual play. It's not like. Right. It's not like so involved. You don't get anxiety or stress playing like some other ones.

It's just fun. It's a casual mobile puzzle game. Download Best Feeds Free today on the Apple App Store or Google Play. That's friends without the ah best beans.

Anyways, I did this, I did this live event for flappers where I just like to talk to people and drink and drink with them. It was really fun. Thank you for the people that showed up for that. It was really neat.

But a guy on this thing had an idea, um, you know, your your reluctance to cuddle me is one of the I listen, it's one of the saddest parts of our marriage.

I mean, yeah. Every night she's like, well, you spoon me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like how you say it. Like you you still need. Like, it's completely unheard of that a woman would want to cuddle and I mean, I'm I'm a dog. I'm a I'm a Brussels.

I know I need love and affirmation. And you're the only one I'm allowed to get the stuff from. Mark, you need to meet my needs.

Yeah. So there it is.

Now, I make you come, Mark. Yeah, where's my cuddles? Yeah, so this guy. On this live thing said, why don't you turn down the thermostat and that way he'll be cold and he'll want to cuddle. So I tried this theory last night. The house was freezing.

Yeah, I was wearing a sweater and socks and my pajama pants. And I was like, all right, Mark, here it is. Let's go, let's cuddle. And I jump on top of you to cuddle.

And you were blazing hot like a bearcat, like on fire. Daddy runs hot.

Yeah, I have all Latin spices in my body. Yeah.

So, I mean, there is some validity to your dumb argument that aim high. Aim high. I told you, you're always hot. I told you and you really were hot last night even though I did try.

That's why a lot of times at night she'll be like air conditioning. She's like, You think it's too cold in here? I'm like, never. No, I don't want to go at all.

It's always too cold. I don't I think it's too cold. I show you the the babies monitor and it's like sixty eight degrees with the baby shivering and they were like that.

It is never like that.

And he's like, oh I can feel it. Oh that's all. That's got to be good.

Oh.

Oh you bet. I'm coming up and they don't believe me.

Oh you are terrific. I know you're going to be good in bed to Monmouth so we enjoy them on Mark. Don't be stingy. Yeah. And be stingy remix.

Really fantastic stuff man. Oh. I also want to thank people. I've been getting a lot of feedback on my Netflix special Mother Inferior. I'm like, Jesus Christ, people are so desperate now they're down to the female.

Come on. Looks like everyone's been watching those Korean soap operas and where the Indian shows are done.

Yeah. Netflix News.com. I guess we're going to have to watch some women. Yeah, I don't Pursat. Nothing left. I'm serious.

People are like you guys make some up from watching women talk.

I really think that's what's happening. So thank you for everybody. We haven't seen it. Watch it. It's the only thing left to watch on Netflix, by the way, I think you made a really good point here.

Oh, boy, no, you said this, that, you know, Trump has essentially taken a like it's not a flat out endorsement, but a sort of endorsement from Rogan.

And it looks like Biden is kind of winking at us. Yep. Like that's what it seems. Yes. So, yep.

I don't know if you remember about a month or so ago we were able to find this. It's sort of like, you know, if you watch baseball and like the you know, the third base coach might give a little signal to the it's like it's like it feels like it's a it's a signal to us.

You know, I have to cut those teachers and firefighters, police officers, cut critical health care programs or stop work on roads and bridges. So what does the human cost of lack of state and local relief look like?

I heard it. It was a Biden fart of the Biden fund. So we were like, is he trying to get on the show? He's trying to court the why image.

Yeah, well, anyways, there's a new one. No new no.

He's clearly shouting out to your mom, said he's looking for, like support from our listeners.

He's like, oh, is Trump getting Joe? Like, he's like kind of get maybe a little far from you guys for sure.

Why in God's name don't we teach? History and history classes. A black man invented the light bulb, not a white guy named Edison, OK. Wow.

And that's not dr. Oh, are you sure it's not doctored? And not only that, we were able to boost it.

Not a white guy named Edison. Yeah, so what happens is, wow, because I farted many times performing. Sure. So it's got a wireless mike, the mask on. They have raised the gain on that thing way, way, way up. OK, as you can even tell, the way that it resonates in the room, that it's not close to his mouth, but it's really loud in the room. And he's just up there walking around like I got a fart and just got a fart, you know, but it ends up not a white guy named.

It's definitely picked up. Wow. And also the correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't the why image forensics team also cross examined the footage and.

Yeah, see, that was my biggest worry, is that what if this fart was put in post-production. Right. But then we found a different feed from a different person in that room and we heard that fart at a different like audio level. So it's like, OK, so they snuck in this fart.

Yeah. Sometimes, you know, sometimes you get fooled. We've been fooled on the show. You know who we fool got fooled by.

How do you do. I know. Do you. Yeah. That's a she's doing a bit. That's not the actual. She's making fun of the Bulgarian interior minister. Oh wow. And this lady speaks like fluent English and she's doing this like as a joke. But she did that so. Well, good.

Yeah. It's been said to me a lot. So. Wow. So, you know, I got all the messages about it. Oh. So this one is kind of interesting. We brought it up before and it looks like more people are weighing in on Hey Hitler.

I saw the recent episode where a fan wrote in about misquoting our PC for as long as you played that clip. I have known that you have been misquoting our PC but didn't want to be that guy.

Why?

Since that guy was that guy, I'll have to be that guy to ARPC is actually saying get all with the all trailing off as in get all of this. Sure. Remember, AAPC is a showman. It would not be so unprofessional as to let a sentence trail off with get oh so I don't know get or let's play it please.

Yeah.

Come on, come on. Oh no.

I'm going to have to respectfully disagree here Jonah, because it trails off but he doesn't finish.

Get the last guy second here. And remember last week he said that the guy was saying get get moving again.

Oh oh again. Right. Oh again. Oh yeah.

Oh no I hear that you hear again. Yeah.

But it's one of those things too where it's like as soon as you hear a suggestion and then you hear the audio like it sounds like what the situation was.

Yeah I'm. Come here.

OK, let's hear you get oh get. Oh I think it's again right. Oh yeah.

Oh I don't know again.

Oh I hear that the mystery shall remain and unfortunately I don't, I don't know if he knows what he said in the moment. You know, it's a hard question to validate.

I mean, this next one is about it. I mean, I don't know. These are all about this. Oh, people are all now hot topics.

This they said oh. Oh, again. Oh, this is incorrect. Clearly the correct line is oh geto. Oh God.

Oh oh oh oh.

I mean, that's funny, but no. Now, hey, our words, I mean, come on, guys, don't write an email like that. I think you all misinterpreted the honorable RBC, it's obvious to me that he's saying général the Spanish word for I want and not oh, and get off.

Let's see if we hear here, Chiaro. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. That actually makes sense now.

And by the way, where does RBC live? Spanish Harlem. Oh wow.

One twenty fourth and First Avenue in twenty three nineteen seventy three ninety five apartment to see. Hey Hitler's Glen is our word at AAPC is clearly saying get all when he says as and get all of it all the come.

Oh oh yeah. Oh yeah.

I mean that's possible for sure. Very very very possible. Oh, my God, we should show this gene, we want to see this. Yeah, this email. Hey, Mommy, it's my boyfriend. Chris's birthday was today birthday. I usually make his dick soft, so I got him a cake featuring our man, Ed Asner.

Given the pictures essentially of an old and ejaculating, there was some risk in getting this picture printed on a cake and a country governed by Sharia law.

Oh, the UAE, you know, there, Christine, I can relate that she served some hard time in the Middle East. Sure. Dog tags, stolen valor.

Oh, I've been to the USA.

OK, there's nothing we love more than getting into bed every night watching why I it literally got us through quarantine. Potentially getting arrested at a bakery was the least I could do. Keep it high and tight. B and C, look at this.

Look at this. Well go on real.

Come on Mark. Don't be stingy. Happy thirty fifth birthday birthday to Chris there. That is.

That's a lovely cake. Yeah. Oh and he's got his mystic Rick shirt on.

Hey brother, thank you so much. Happy birthday.

And that is I mean that is an unbelievable cake.

Boy, we need to start making those. Do you think we could get a deal with Kaval and do like ice cream? It's possible, yeah. Yeah.

Hey, I heard about complaints from listeners, says Subgenus, heard about complaints listed on the latest episode with the old men coming clips. I just wanted to chime in and say, keep it coming.

I'm sure I speak for a lot of listeners when I say nothing. Makes me smile from ear to ear more than hearing Ed Asner audibly expressing himself and showing his love for Mark for two minutes, for two minutes straight, uninterrupted.

I say new photos should be use headphones at work. Don't be stingy, listeners. You all take it easy, Austin.

So, well, there's a lot of feedback I've read, too, where people are upset with us for playing men coming. It's like, you know, guys, this is why image, you can't listen in your cubicle to speakers.

You got to read that one. Yeah. It looks like it's pretty a pretty loaded. Hmm. Uh, hey, Hitler's since the pandemic I've been working from home and so I've been listening to your back catalogue of episodes. I live in Chicago and where and where I stay within my apartment complex is right next to the elevator recently, people up and moving in and out. And at the same time, I have had a bad cold causing my hearing to be affected.

So on Friday before Labor Day, I was listening to Episode 500 with Brenda Nery, one of my favorite episodes, and I was playing it loud because of my cold unbeknown, but announced to me and Asian family was moving in and all they could hear coming from my apartment was a lady screaming and dropping some big words.

She got her asshole tattooed.

This is the best. This caused the family to call the cops. And within ten minutes of the initial big word, I got a knock on my door and it was the CPD.

I got the biggest dad boner when showing the Chicago police officers a video of a lady getting her asshole tattooed to prove that I wasn't holding a woman against her will.

They quickly realized that I was following protocol and let me get back to my day, glad they didn't look in the closet for stroke gang for life. Thanks, Mommy's Tony.

Big words. Oh, shit. Careful with that. That's crazy. I've never even.

I mean, that's why somebody would I mean, that audio is pretty stunning. Yeah. But for them to be like there's somebody tied up in there.

Let's set the police. Good Lord. Wow. Yeah. Well, that's awesome. Thanks so much. Yeah.

For that. Check out this other. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I look, this is a couple just having a good time during quarantine with a good old fashioned pillow fight, ok.

Well. Whoa, oh. I could see you doing that to me. Fuck, you would do that to me so fast. Oh, yeah. You went from playful, serious real quick. Yeah, I guess you do.

He swept her legs. Yep. He he dropped her to the ground and then just really hit her hard.

I mean, at first I was like, this could be a bit, but I'm like, that's, that's a pretty aggressive bit. That's crazy.

Unless she's a stunt woman, you know, like that's well that's kind of the argument, you know, when they say, like male players transition to being female and then they play in a sport with other female. Watch your fucking mouth.

Right now I know what the hell. You know what? Shut up. You don't disrespect, all right, when are you going to transition to become a woman so that you can play against other women in tennis and kill them like this?

I would love to have been playing a lot of tennis, and it'd be so much easier to play women because they're not as good as athletes.

Well, I don't know about that, but I'm sure probably some of them you're stronger than just by virtue of you.

By some you mean biological, all of them. But oh, my God, that is not true. Are we going to have to Billie Jean King?

I could never beat, obviously, like a pro male player, but like a woman player, probably like another couple of months.

I'll be ready, you know. All right, Tom. Because they're women and they're not good. Women are so stupid, right? Yeah. Who would you pick? What about Sharapova? She's hot, too. And she's hot and she's retired. Yeah, I could beat her tomorrow. What about Serena?

Could beat Serena tomorrow. Serena, I need at least another six months of training. Six. Well, she got. And I don't know these ladies, I'm not familiar with them, Steffi Graf, I remember her dominant, but she's retired. I could definitely beat her because I broke up.

She's old. I could be her.

Yeah. Most of these ladies I don't recognize I could probably beat them.

Anna Kournikova.

I mean, look, I've been playing for six weeks. There's no way. No, I know. It's like how long does a man have to train to beat a woman? You know, a week. A couple of months.

I do want you to transition, though, so you can play against women. It's cool that you want me to go through that, just like to see what happens, transition to being a woman. Let's see how it goes. But don't you think the listeners want that, too?

I think the listeners want it might adversely affect my life in some way. Yeah, I think it's worth it for like.

Yeah, it was cool how it worked or how, but I don't want you to cut your penis off, but I wouldn't mind if you were a little more feminine at times.

Like cuddle.

What if I mean what if I transition. I transition to be a woman. Yeah I, I register. I'm good enough to play now on the on the women's tour and then during like a big major like a finals match. Yeah. Australian Open kind of thing. And also I don't shave my legs like I go like you just this, I'm this way.

I have like I have a ponytail but no hair on top, you know, and I got like one big head and one flat, but like on a big point my cock falls out of my skirt and it's on it's on international.

And they're like, oh, Tammy Saghir had a wardrobe mishap or we'll be right back with the umpire.

Comes out like your cock and your balls just came out. I'm like, I'm halfway transition.

How do you think I'm beating all these women?

You would be the ugliest inservice and then Nike gets behind you, they're like supporting me. Well, that's the best part is are all the endorsements and the support you would. Oh, yeah. From the farm lobby, the Welker's Sports Person of the Year.

Person.

Person is a sports person of the year. What are you searching for?

Anyone who is looking for an image of me as a woman. Yeah, that'll be really fun.

Right before we break here. We do have a follow up. Do you remember this really, really, really cool guy, Doriana?

Yeah. Yeah. He's Redhook and float across. Yeah.

Ha ha ha. Oh yeah. Wow. Oh yeah. Really cool. Right, Manea. Right.

You. Oh. Just got it. Yeah, that was that was my favorite part. Why would you want to know why? It reminds me of you and it's not something far off from what you would do. Like you would incorporate the rip the berp into what you were already doing.

It was pretty cool. I got to watch this with Drew if you want to do after dark.

It came out last week and I gave him my assessment that I thought he's like, and what do we learn about movies that he's like the possibility, I think this is mania. And he watched it and he goes, I agree.

And he also pointed out that this gentleman rock around, Runaround, Sue or out because it's almost been a very fucking naughty fucking girl who needs a fucking spanking.

Yeah, I want you all to know I love you.

OK, so Dr. Drew pointed out, he goes, that is not a bandage you get at the doctor's office. It's a bandage you get at the hospital.

So he goes, our man here might have, you know, just kind of gotten out, just kind of something, checked himself out of the clinic.

Well, all I know I haven't seen it is that we have a follow up video of this guy.

Wow. Well, first of all, let me say I still choose the city of Fremont over this. This guy terrifies me.

This guy is kind of scary. This guy is a maniac. This is very unpredictable. And those look like turds on the ground behind.

I wouldn't be surprised.

Yeah, well, here you go. Here's the new video.

Oh, hi. Hi there. So we had a little bit of a good start here. I'm going to rebuild my guitar. I kind of broke that one pretty well. But hey, Jay, we're going to make it better, bigger, faster, stronger throughout the six million dollar record.

Also, it looks like we just got out of the shower, but there's nothing on the floor in the room is just sitting on the ground on concrete.

Yeah. And by nothing on the ground, like not carpet or wood or a chair or anything or anything. Yeah. Jeez.

And how did it go? And I think I might get all sweaty and lead up with the women's football team after the fucking game. Oh well I.

Oh, yeah. Uh oh, it's hard being me some days, but someone's got to do it. Oh, the lieke. So is this to a specific person, though, yeah, Molly wobbles you didn't hear, but I mean, is is he actually he's got a ladies, he's just posting it on Instagram.

It's like he's posting these himself. OK, but, yeah, it's it's kind of hard to to decipher what exactly is going on here. Yeah.

Listen, I'm going to go out on a limb here and as it limb or allege, I don't know anyway, I'm going to go out there and say that he's trying to court a lady.

I think it's white because most men are motivated by courtship. Women waps. Yeah. Do you remember this lady switch because this guy made me really uncomfortable. Some shut you down fun. Sure, sure. That's not fun. No.

You know why you don't fuck your friends? I love her. I'll tell you why. Yeah, you find them hideous. True. That's why you'll fuck your friends.

Yeah. That's so true. This lady we played here a long time ago. Yeah, a long time ago.

And she said, I'm talking about it's like I don't know why we buy sex from our friendly relationships with people. Look, you two adults, boy, you're not related by blood. But yeah.

And she was really aggressive.

You know, I remember I'm tired of society where people pretend to care about people like, you know, it's like it's like these poor people with Down syndrome, you know, like like like know they're put into this world and nobody's going to fuck them. You might have who were like high functioning. And yet these people go, oh, I love these people. I take you want to be helpful. Straight women open up a nice little lesbian sexual clinic and you can go in there and dress up in a nurse's outfit with a short skirt and you can come in and go, Hi, honey, time to get your money fast.

And you would be tits out and you rub them on my fucking rubbing my face. It's not always that you get to play that for a lady, but she earned it, she did earn it, Tom, and I would say she's more inspiring than some cool guy. She puts it out there even harder.

Well, guess what? More. There's a new video. Well, hold on. This is like a recap of, oh, I remember this very well.

And I what I hope she has in the new video, since I haven't seen it, is I hope she's still not wearing a bra because what I remember is how much her tits swing in this and also that that shirt is dope as far as fuck.

Yeah, she's should. All right.

Here we go. Every guy on the planet lacks organization. Whenever you go to a guy's place, you know, wherever it may be, his apartment is always a fucking goddamn colossal mess. It's always a fucking colossal mess. And he's always telling you guys talked a lot, yeah, because you know all this stuff. Yeah. As a side project.

You know, I got to add that just because you don't want to make these funny noises, because I really just the noise indicates when I got it means I want to bash their fucking heads and I get to make that noise.

It's like an expression of, like, anger. But every every guy does. He's like, yeah, this is just like a. it was a summer project and I was a spring project.

Shut the fuck up. You're a slob. OK, just fucking admit it. You're a slob.

First of all, I just want you to know that I think your dream came true. I don't think she's wearing a bra.

I think you're right, Tom. I see a lot of jiggle jiggle.

And I want to know let's let's go through the checklist. She's lying down. Check unflattering angle, check poor lighting, check the sound quality is a little too good for a cool guy.

Video, find, find.

I think she might be a little angry.

She's got a lot of anger. Yeah, a lot of anger.

I don't think every time I go over to guys or if I drive in a guy's car, if I write in a guy's car, the car is a goddamn mess and trash on the floor. I don't know how straight women deal with it. I really don't know how they deal with that. I don't I don't know how they deal with it.

Well, she's wrong because your cars are cleaner than mine. Yeah, you're actually the car.

And if your husband is is is a clean freak, Eli set up the whole time. Chances are he likes it up the ass. Tom, you're gay. That's just the way it is. That's that's the fucking nature of mankind. You got a guy who listens to Barbra Streisand, likes to clean up things clean and neat. He likes to take it. Yes. Oh, my God.

Are you just like the gays? Are you gay, Tom? Yeah, I keep my car clean because I wanted up my ass. I see the correlation. Yeah. This lady, she's really upset.

I was hoping she'd have gotten late. And I just like I was hoping that that would be the palate cleanser and it isn't. So I have to go to one that I know. I know.

I really hope you're going to pull up. What I think you're going to pull up. Really? OK, well, I think this is pretty great. OK, ready. Watch over here. Oh, that's not what I want.

Somebody got hit on a scooter and they go flying and they end up in the gutter. And then there's here's the follow up. All the way in, is that a woman? Yeah. But look, they have to take a part like the sidewalk, and that is why I know I can beat women in tennis, they're just not that coordinated. You know, another strong leader, not the smart, unprompted, clean up, unprompted and prompted, yeah, I put down my credit card I think I was going to put it never gets declined.

I thought, you're going to get the video that we were playing when we rolled in this morning. And you're like, is that on? Is that ticktock on this?

Oh, it's kind of life show. Oh, that's a silly thing because. That's right. Let's go. Let's go. Take a break here. We have to take a break, but I'll just play this one. This one really brings joy to everybody's life. Everyone I've sent this to, they really liked it.

Yeah, I just I don't know what it's in the tax plan. Yeah, you said it's already in there. Go ahead, keep growing. Number four in the tech talk. There it is. That's it. You just passed it. Go back one. Go back one. That no, no, I just wish I had it, it's not there. It just did. I say that's out there. Number eight, nine point nine. OK, and we'll take our quick break after the break.

Can't we go? Oh, go with you on a couple minute, one more time, one more time, just to watch for authenticity.

Oh, I know what you mean, it was like a huge load that came now, so it makes me wonder if this is a manufactured target.

Doesn't matter because it's entertainment. It's exactly. The entertainment value is really there.

Because I was I mean, that's I'll pose a question to the guys in the booth as well. Have you ever charted a solid log or is it always liquid? It's generally liquid, yeah.

It's always diarrhea if something escapes me.

Yeah, I've never had allergies. Well, maybe someone has as anyone started a log, many, many never Fonzi that I like to forget when I saw it or should in general.

So I'm not sure. I don't recall.

I will tell you this, that I've had I have had like oh my God, I think I'm going to like have a messy brown and you sit down on the toilet and it's a solid brown. Yeah. That's that's unique. Sometimes you're like, oh wow. I thought this was going to like all the internal signals were one way. Sure. But, you know. Well, let's take a quick break. We'll be back and we'll be back in a moment.

We'll be right back.

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We're so excited to bring a guest who we we've been too long since we've seen. We've plugged his work before. And a reminder you can see or you can listen to his new album. Everybody Wants Them Everywhere. Music is streaming and available. And you can also check out conversations on Amazon Prime. It is the always hilarious Ian Bag.

Thank you so much. Thank you.

Thank you. Miss you so much. And just so you know, Ian Bag is really the king of crowd work the best.

And you have said it many times. Yes. Watch conversations, download everyone. Everybody wants to because you must.

Yeah. I mean, a great comic outright.

But the way that you work, I mean, I've told this story before, but I remember early on, you know, I wasn't a regular at the store, but I would get I would work those shows in the belly room and sometimes, like, the shows would have like eleven people at it.

And you're like, fuck, you go up there.

And Ian would turn the eleven people into like I'd never I still haven't seen anything like it. Like you make eleven people so like just eight hundred eleven people now is a sellout. That's true. So I was preparing for this.

I knew but I mean you can work them into a frenzy and we were in the we would all be in the back being like how is he doing this. Yeah.

Like you would just, you would just play them. And it was amazing. My first exposure. Dance with you was when you bought a BMW for 17 bucks? Oh yeah, that yeah. Yeah. He found out in the paper the wrong price or something like, yeah, I was like, that is impressive. Yes, that's true. Yeah. And then I had to watch your comedy.

I'm like, oh, he's fantastic. I printed it out and then I brought it to the dealership and I was like this for yourselves for like that's a mistake. So that's what it's advertisers.

And they're like, all right, we'll be back on Saturday. And then the guy came out, he was like, yeah, all right, whatever. You know, we'll lose 11 grand. I was like, OK, great.

And he took it. And then he married you. That's how he got me. With that 17. He was able he was able to spend all that money on a ring. And that's what you like about a better purpose.

But what I remember most is going to Africa with you and doing the Nando's tour, and you would just annihilate this audience and you know how hard that is to do another country. And we were just lucky to get by, Tom, you know.

Let's talk more about man. Yeah, he's fantastic. He's also the best box. I did festivals more after that cuz you had you closed the first before.

So what I did I can't remember you were the last guy before the intermission innovation that which is like what I've learned since doing festivals is like that's the money spot, that's the money.

You know how I learned that it was Trevor Noah because that's where he went on the first time I went to Africa.

Oh, really? I was just like and here's why.

It's the money spot. You can go out to dinner after you can do anything.

Everybody stays for the second half of your life. I'm going to go out to dinner. That's what I did on Oddball. I had that spot and then people would be on the second half of the show. I'd be like, oh, we'll be at the steakhouse, but bye, guys.

You mean finishing your steak? Yeah, ACMD wrapping up.

And by the way, you were smart because you had bought this powdered thing. You bring in your packets after the show, you go, oh no, I'm on a diet, I'm drinking. That's over drink in my shrink.

And Tom and I would go and eat steak dinner every night. I learned that from the first one because you go there and they just feed you and you're like, what the hell's. So you gain weight in Africa. You're like, those commercials are wrong. Yes. Nobody's starving here.

I was opening by the second by the last few shows. With that, I'm like, I'm the only guy that got fat in Africa. And I bought the biggest pants in Africa. I remember you were there. You're the guy at the department where he's like, there are no bigger pants.

This is as big as it gets. You're the fattest man, the feathers man in Africa.

Yeah, I remember joking about that. I was like, I'm the only guy I said that, like, similar thing.

I was like, all those fucking fundraisers are like like you guys, Drew. I remember walking out of the bathroom one time backstage. They were sponsored by Nando's, which is like their chicken. Right.

So we would have that every time, every night in Paris on drapery.

I walk out of the bathroom and Ian's standing there and I go, dude, I just shit like pools of blood. And he goes, You serious? And I go, Yeah.

And he goes, your stomach cancer, you're dying. And I was like, No, I'm just kidding. I thought, you're going to die. We're going to lose you on this tour, by the way.

And shitting blood in Africa. Normal, normal, normal. Yeah, I remember. I open, I open with I'm originally from Africa, but isn't everyone.

Yeah that's I would like one and all the Africans would say no. Yeah. No, not everybody from here and everybody's from here.

Get out, get out.

Walk with freedom. There were so many we would go for like jokes like do you remember that I had the opener that, that, that one of the guys pulled me aside. I was like, why are you doing that, man? I remember people outside would go like, who's from who loves being South African? And they would cheer. And I was like, who loves Johannesburg? And then they would cheer. And then I go, Who here doesn't have AIDS?

And then like, they would laugh the audience.

You laugh, but like the Americans, like some of the American auto would be like really making people sad, you know, but people with AIDS.

But there were parts of South Africa where they would cheer Leggate like, I don't have any.

Yeah, they were like, it is like I'm HIV, you know. Yeah, yeah.

Oh yeah, yeah.

That the one that you got was that the one that was the biggest one where I was like, I don't know how you'll make this work, but you're like you're saying those guys with their dyed beers, they look like orangutans and you're saying it to staff.

And they were like laughing. But they were like, definitely don't do that on stage and I'll do it.

And then I did that in in Bangladesh. You know, I said I can tell who the leaders are.

They're the one with the orangutan beard, but it killed by their dye, their diet or an orangutan orange. They're dyed that way. So you're like, come on, guys, you even asked the guy. You're like you found a guy in like the third row and you're like, we're at the zoo. And you felt inspired. Why do you do it?

Oh, my God, I love it. I was fantastic.

You were to go back to Africa. I'm doing well.

What I love so much about you is that you're a nice guy. You're genuinely a kind person. Some people will disagree right away.

But when you go for comedy, you go right for the jugular. Yeah. There's no fucking fear in anything you're doing, man.

There's like six of you left in comedy.

Yeah, it's just supposed to be funny. There is just this a. Disagree. Comedy is about.

Well, this is like the ending for the right thing to do and making sure that other people feel like that is you said the right made a good point and that's where you're wrong about. I know I have the wrong.

Apparently, I was supposed to go for applause, not laughter.

That's me. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

And now it's switched the instead of the politicians getting applause, now they get laughter. It's all switch.

It's switched over because when you watch it, you're like, oh, this is an hour of standup. This is fantastic. Yeah. All right, God.

And then you stand up like, oh, let me tell you about the dying. Cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry. Yeah, it's true. It's true. Bummer. I know.

I know what it is is like coming come from the idea of like go for jokes. Yeah. Like your jokes.

We're supposed to find the funny in tragedy. Yeah. That's what we're supposed to do.

But apparently now it's turned to find the tragedy and tragedy. Yeah.

And it's, it's a tough thing to do because you just, you're supposed to bomb and you're supposed to bomb like you've never bombed before. Trying to get a joke to be. Right. Perfect or working.

Right. Yeah. So that's what you're supposed to do, right. It's not supposed to be perfect immediately. Right. So if you're not, am I allowed to swear not you. Sure.

Continue. Can you send pictures if you're if you're. I don't even know what I was going to swear about now.

But if you're not if you're not taking the chance, you must be able to take the risk to discover where the line is because the audience will tell you what's appropriate and what's not. And where is the line.

It drives me nuts when I watch people get in trouble on their stand up specials or something they did earlier.

The judge and the judge in the jury was in the room with that, the bad night.

And if it isn't funny, they will turn on you like nobody's ever had anybody turn to you. It's supposed to be like that.

And that's why you're not supposed to record every set. Yeah, that's why you know, that's why it's not supposed to, you know, put it out like ten.

Like after you've run your set ten times or once.

I better put those on YouTube. Fantastic. I did it last night. You know, you're supposed to grind. You're supposed to grind it and hone it and make it fantastic.

Any any that I've ever had that, like, really turned into like a home run, started as a big strikeout. Right. You know, like fucking it up and. Yeah, not not saying the word, you know, just not figuring it out. And I stumbled and fell.

And how many bits of you had that scare the shit out of you that you stopped doing.

Yeah, like you're like, oh my God. Yeah, that's going to get me murdered. And then a couple of months later, I to try it again.

And then for some reason you just change one word and it's fantastic.

You know, it's just a one word. It's just one thing I know. Yeah. What's the hardest you've ever bombed. We've been hated so many times.

Yeah. Oh yeah. I would love good bombs.

What have you offended the most where the line you to solve the murder once was this.

I know this is a weird story, so I'm starting out in Canada. I hear laughter.

How hard have you been. I saw the murder but it includes me bombing. OK, so I'm probably two years in and I go to this little town, Penticton.

And the week before I was there, a retaining wall had fallen on a lady while she was gardening and killed her.

And I doing that's murder for sure. You know, I've seen a couple of murder shows and I know murder.

So I go on stage that late and I say, hey, how about that lady that was murdered by her husband while she was gardening?

And somebody screamed out, that was my sister like that.

Oh, this is this is within the week of the lady being killed, like so far in my head.

Now, I'm like, why was her sister out at comedy three days after her sister being murdered? Right.

So so I didn't figure a short grief period like I'm over it. Let's go back up. So, so, so so I can recover because people are just mumbling.

You know, it's it's like one of those town hall meetings on a cartoon. Remember, I remember when I was just wondering how do we do it from torture's come up, you know, so I don't I can't recover. I know this is like I have the only time I've ever done it. Walk offstage. I'm like, good night and walk offstage. And this is three years into my.

Yeah, I went back probably ten years later and did a show there and in that time her husband and put in jail for murder.

Why getting the insurance money and running off with his secretary. So I went, oh he did have he did in fact collapse. Yes, he had it. He set it up. So she was up. Yeah. So she was killed by the retaining wall. Oh, there you go. There's an idea. So that's not exactly.

That's clever. I tried by the way, I tried just to get her garden to talk.

I tried to make a joke when we talked about things that you're like, oh, I tried to do a bit about being questioned for a murder and it never got laughs.

I was always like, it's bloody because of that. It was a guy that. Rented our office, he had died on the office and they were like the smell was like rotting the building, but we had moved out of the office but still had our name on the lease.

No. So are you. Well, when I talked to the LAPD about it, I go because they had called and I was like I had suggested something about him dying. And they were like, well, how do you know that? And I was like, no, I'm just saying, like, if he's dead in there, then, you know, I'm assuming and they're like, why are you assuming that? I'm like, oh, boy, I don't know, man.

Like, I'm just saying not have Discovery Channel and everything's a show and everything is murder.

And then I don't know, the guy asked me like a handful of questions. So I tried to talk about on stage every time I bring it up, people were like, Really?

Yeah. Yeah. Do you know Brian Irwin? Of course. He's found like six or seven bodies.

Was his neighbor across the street, somebody over there and walking into a house.

He's he's got all sorts of dead body stories. He's like, wow, yeah. You should bring them on and make them tell stories about dead people like six or seven, like a ton like I guess that's six or seven.

If you weight them up, that's a ton. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. I found another body in the field that one time with his head split open, but he was alive.

It's not a body that's a person. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I sat on him and he died. You took him out. You're like, you're not going to make it through that. Definitely not going to make. I'm going to call him if I hear the door. Where did you find a guy? In the field.

So we're driven by the field. And I was with my sister and she was like, you see something? And it was a one way street. So we had to go back around this. And I know this is in Florida. Oh. And in the end, what happened was what she had seen was a light that when we got closer, it was a motorcycle laying on its side in grass and the light was coming. A headlight was still on and then like 20 yards away, the guy was there, but he was out.

At first we thought he was dead. Right. And then when I went up to him, I was so scared. You don't realize I was twenty two or three. I go, I touch him like this.

I go, sir, sir. I just I touch him here. And as I touch him like three times I just hear like I was like, oh fuck.

I go, you're in an accident.

I'm like, I'm not speaking, you know, coherently. Right. Yeah. She's screaming, oh, just call my one.

And as he sits up, his head flaps over because he wasn't wearing a helmet.

A call went through. Yeah.

And then and then I was like, you're going to be fine. And they medevacked I mean they had a helicopter down the field and did he survive?

Yeah, he did, because they sent me a subpoena to appear in his.

Do you like what threw that in the trash. So trash. Yeah, no doubt. Yeah. Why would they subpoena you.

Because I was a witness to the. No, you weren't aftermath.

I guess they were not a witness. You weren't. You were you were. You were like one of those guys looking for change on the beach in your body.

Yeah, that was it.

Oh, we've had a couple more that we've had a couple on our beach because we live in. Yeah. So one of them, one of them was they have to move sand sometimes on our beach and put it. So there's a berm for the waves and some truck driver, just some girl was lying on the beach, just drove.

I heard of this happening before.

Yeah. So she's like sleeping on the. Yeah. She's like on a towel. Yeah.

And he's like no no no no no. He's going to be on the beach but I'm just, you know, just kind of pushes her into the ground a couple of times more times anyways. And the best one is this is the best one.

So I'm in, I'm in, I'm, I'm on the best is for sure.

That's my worst fear when we lived in Redondo, because I would lay out on the beach and every time I see these motherfuckers roller, I would stop and be like, nope, you don't know. They fucking you see, you got to go.

You got to go where there's no tire tracks. That's the first thing, like a lot. So and and be near other people about this. Right here. Right here. Look on this screen.

Oh yes.

Straight into a gutter. Isn't that it. From a movie. Isn't that isn't the clown movie.

This isn't this is a security camera stand. And then they had to take a look. I mean, not like that. She goes right in the gutter. No, see your couch for a second there. They have to take apart this entire sidewalk, you know, just to get her out to fuck her as a group.

Is that from a website called Toughest Gangs in the World?

You guys ready?

They pull her out. She's like, still got a helmet on. It's time. So we had a I don't know how we got onto this now.

So one more morning. I'm in Indianapolis doing radio, Bob and Tom. I'm out there for a while, of course, lovely times.

And and my phone comes across with the message, hey, I found a body on the beach.

I'm running late. Got to get coffee.

Talk to you later. That's right. That's for my wife. Like, what is she? My dog was barking at a guy that washed up on on the thing and she went out and found him. Holy shit. Yeah. Yeah.

But my wife's so nice. She's like I sat there beside him until the ambulance came because I didn't want him to be alone. Oh my gosh.

Yeah. But when way over my head getting run over though by the truck is just here like I'm just going to take some. Yeah. Take some time to myself to lay in the sun. I'm just going to get out and get some vitamins.

I dumptruck that I knew it and I fucking knew it.

But let me ask you this. All right. On a real level, because Canadians are known for being super nice.

Some, right. It's like the nice thing. It's like being Midwestern or something.

How did you get how did you Hoeness, like just you zero in on exactly what sucks so precisely.

And you're you're very I don't want to use the word mean.

You don't like mean because I don't think so but but yeah.

How do you get to be like Canadian to. Well honestly the town I grew up in is very much like that. You're in northern B.C., Northern Territory, British Columbia. And by the way, you guys are popular everywhere. People that I know you're going to be on, I love I love Vancouver, I've always told you that. Yeah, Vancouver, fantastic. Your favorite.

I've never really been I mean, obviously, you fly over Victoria Island and, you know, I've spent a lot of I mean, for a comic touring, I feel like that's one of my.

Well, you saw a huge amount of tickets up there, don't you? I do now. But I'm saying early on, even before that, when is your favorite place speaking?

After you hit me up that night. That night, you're like, what happened? I'm like, OK, yeah.

Because it was like, you know, this is like before trending would really take off and people were still like, you got to see this guy was like people were like this.

But I always loved Vancouver, Vancouver that because I could live in Vancouver, I think you'd want to live just outside of Vancouver.

Vancouver is great. But if you got a little bit outside. Yeah, you would like it even more. I believe it, yeah. What is it?

So you mean to tell everybody that is in the town that you're from? No, I'm telling you Canadians. Canadians are very.

Or when you get to know them.

That's true. Yeah. Deep down they're fucking because my friend Shane, who was on road rules with me, we're still pros and we text and man he just gets right to it too. Yeah. And he wants to zero in.

It's Gary now.

It's a little bit it's and I get in trouble every so often for it. If you don't tell the truth you're a fucking asshole.

Yeah. If you don't you don't bullshit someone you know, you let them know, you let them know how it is. Yeah. You let them know how it is. That's that, you know, like that feels very Canadian to you. Yeah. To me. To me Canadian is letting it letting it fly right there. And then the person going Oh yeah ok. Yeah.

You know where you are sometimes now it's you tell them and they're hurt for eight years even though they're the scam artist.

Right. You know, it doesn't make sense. So I feel like the being that straightforward like that is not American. No. Americans are like, no, no bullshit me. Yeah. Tell me that you like. Yeah.

Even though you don't tell me tell me that you're going to give me something and then never talk to me again.

Yeah. You know why that big Canadian we're a fan of on the show.

Oh today we're going to make Oh Johnny Nipple. Canadian poutine fries. Yeah. Our fries poutine putting fries are basically your fries, cheese and a great appetite. Yeah, my uncle Bowdon, however, there's going to be a bit of a change to the recipe. Everybody likes to change the recipe. These ones are going to have fries, cheese. Shit. It's going to be a treat. But it was I was fine with it and it just took a turn for no turn hasn't started yet.

Oh, God. Oh, that's good.

Oh, it's happening bowl, of course. Oh, yeah. It's a dog bowl. Oh, fuck me. He's got a decade.

I never know. You never know when the line is going to try to take that shit. Don't have water spray.

Oh actually now I remember this is the original recipe for putting on fries are covered in carrot cake.

This Canadian mister Mister Rogers has been so polite his. Know, the main ingredient, the main ingredient is that, oh, jeez. I mean, look at the timing on. Good for him.

Yeah. Oh. The timing, it's good timing, right? That's what you're thinking, it's going to get worse, right?

Oh, fuck, he's going to ruin off here into the next.

What is he eating with Putin? No, but before that. Before that. That's true.

Is he like is that grass and fiber like, oh, he's vegan or he's a really healthy guy.

He just kind of cooks this up special occasions. The worst is that he actually takes a bite. Yeah.

Yeah, right. Anyways, dig right in for us. When we think of Canada, this is where I go. Well, I'm going to be honest with you. He's probably got a cooking show. He's just let me Johnny Johnny Fake brah.

I'm going to hold. It's interesting that you say that in that Americans are not comfortable with that much realness. I think you're right. I think there's something I think you're right.

But you guys are like the fact that you can show that you're fine with real. We are.

But I think the audience at large, I would make like, you know, like the Midwest and maybe the South. How do you do in the South?

You know, it's I do now. I've seemed to I'm able to get them to come to my game.

Right. So that's that's the thing that has been for me. I haven't been able to build this huge following. So I've been able to take people that have never seen me before and want to get on the ride. I mean, you know, every so often there's a couple of people that don't want to go on the ride, and I'm always confused by them.

I'm like, so you either you've either watched what I've done, shown up and then been shocked that I'm doing what you watch that I do. Right. Or you were fine with going to something without knowing what it was and then being offended by that. It was something that you didn't want to see. Right.

So the second one even crazier because you think you would be researching if you're like, I need this window in this window, only you would. I love that motherfucker.

The analogy that people make for that with bands when you're like, I'm not going to look at who's playing tonight, show up.

And if it's not the music I like, I'm going to be pissed about like, well, I'm going to say I'm going to stay in Belfast, which is the weirdest thing, and I'm going to scowl at you and heckle you.

And then I'm going to complain at the end. Yeah, I won't eat the whole burger and then say it was shit.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God.

I can barely eat that whole burger. Leave a comment card to do those exist. They used, they used to and then they gave them.

There was a minute where the funny bones were giving select audience members a digital. Remember that shit.

Oh I was glowing in them and they were like what do you think. The comedian, the material, the feature, the food, the lighting, have them rate.

Why are you doing.

The comedians were a very little thing. Yes, it was more about the food and the. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And by the parking was a park parking convenient for you where you had to walk quick enough to the club. If you like our beer selection, you get other beers on here, an eight hour research thing during your show. Yeah. Yeah. And then like to press question twenty six.

You'd like to comment the thing that we do here now. So it's right, it's fine.

But you would come back and eat you like comedy. Yeah. No. How about just restaurants. Yeah. That's a good ok good.

If we were just a restaurant I've always said from like the time I started doing standup in figuring out comedy clubs, the biggest thing that is the pain in the ass for comedy clubs is comedians.

They, they would, they hate comedians and everything to do.

Like it's such a heavy, it's like if you go ten minutes over they start losing their shit.

I'm like, yeah, they're here to see me like they're not. I never thought I wonder what the funny bones like. Oh who's that guy talking.

Yeah yeah yeah. Because it fucks up. They're the ticket drop. Sorry that the bill drop. Right. You went to then they could have. That's ten minutes. They could have sold more drinks. Right. And you sabotage. It's like it's so horrible.

You think you would be going, you would be trying to figure out and especially in these days and times you would just have it so you could keep ordering it. And so your bill would go automatically on to your credit card and you'd be I would be too smart.

Oh, yeah. But now they have to come and drop it. And this places loudly. Yeah.

They don't even like I remember I worked. I don't want to give it up. There's a club which I had mentioned it.

Well I had to tell them probably is dead anyway. Yeah. That's troubling. And when was the last time you two played a club.

So I don't really want to say it, but it was in Baltimore and doesn't exist.

Yeah, but we were on stage and they have a door between the show room in the kitchen. They prop it open.

So during the show you hear Melissa, Melissa, you go on.

Are you going to come over on Saturday?

I'm like, hey man. Hey, look, do you want to shut that or just lowered there, like for a while because there's a show going on.

I'm sorry, Tom, we're not going to have you back. It turns out you treat our staff badly.

Yeah. Yeah. What about where she's still here? I know she quit because of you.

Because of me? Yeah. What about the club that would have the bar in the back of the showroom and then they would run blending Dingding blended drinks with the DAKARI.

Where was that.

Is that, was that in Baltimore as well. I never did go to Baltimore. Had a club that had you paid twenty seven dollars or something like that and you got unlimited drinks.

That's good. No you're perfect. And it was and they'd have three shows.

So like unlimited drinks at 11 p.m. just like you, you've been pregaming.

Now you get to really get into it. I'll have 64 degrees.

Yeah. Like it was just so violent. I did Baltimore. I did like a rock club, basically a music venue, like a convert for for comedy some.

Tell me more about the success you had and they had in like in between like the two that they have around the venue, complete like square bar. It goes all the way around the entire year for a music show you like.

It's perfect, right. Yeah. So the guy goes, look, we got this bar. It's what we do here. We're a bar and we you're here disrupting the bar. But we're we're going to we're going to have the bar open to the moment the show starts.

If you're cool with it, we'd like to keep it open during the show. And you know what? We'll really keep it. I won't be disruptive, but it would really we would really like that.

So I go, OK, like if you're saying it won't disrupt the show, then let's do it. So we do the first show and it's just like it's like a construction site.

I'm like, yeah, hey Eddie, I love that truck. Like like it's like it's so loud and so dishwasher's in there as well.

Oh my God. Wah wah wah wah wah wah. And then of course, people will be like, hey, man, where's that tequila? Like, you're yelling at it. So show's over. And I go, hey, for the second show, we're going to shut down that bar. He goes, Really?

And I go, Yeah, because that's what I was listening to for the whole show. Really.

And then then you just during that show, by the way, was perfect as I would look out, because the bar is still backlit. I could see bartenders looking like somber. Oh, like like they just put them to sleep. Yeah.

And they were really sad. Part of it was, oh, where was that.

That was Vancouver. I don't know. It wasn't Canada has been nothing but lovely for me.

Who who who produces your shows up in Canada. Who's your production people. I don't remember. You don't remember. You know, the top of my head. No, no. I've thought about how do you do just for laughs or they don't. They don't. They've done a bunch of the shows. They haven't done all the shows. Oh I see.

So that they've done like because they do, they do a good job. They do a good job. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.

I mean we, you know my favorite club is, it's um I don't want to say the name but it's in the middle of the country and on a Saturday night when in the middle of your set you hear. Yeah.

Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh I now do you know what it is.

Yeah it does. Emporia. Yes, yes, yes. I was in there in the middle of summer. I was there, I was like in the middle of winter. I'm like Zada.

Yeah. Is that or is that a racetrack across the street. And they're like yeah but it's only for like the next 30 minutes and then it's done.

It's and then. And then forty five minutes after another great start I my pure experience was I think although I like it is a good clip.

Here's my experience. Hey do you want to Puru.

I'd love to yeah. I don't look at a map or see where it is. Somebody tells me just rent a car when you get to Chicago and drive there not knowing it's four hours away.

So I drive, I drive to Peoria and nobody shows up empty, like empty. And there's a strip club right next door. Yeah, that's my favorite part. Yeah.

On my fourth show directly next to you directly next hour, I'm like, oh my gosh.

I'm like, there's not enough people here to do stand up.

I'm taking you to the strip club. Oh so. So like thirty of us go to the strip club.

It's got less people than I do and I've never felt such success in my life.

If if you can't when it's when I've won this game.

You remember that the Cleveland Improv. Oh yeah. It's sorta a massive strip club, wasn't it? A male strip club? No, but it was like a mega strip club.

It was because I remember I got I got booed because a stripper in Cleveland.

Yeah. Stripper died on on the job. On the job now. Yeah. And I made some like just throwaway joke about like her doing what she did best or love what she's doing and she died doing what you.

Yeah. Something like that, you know, because she had I think she went for like some acrobatic thing and fell. Oh no.

From the sad story I thought you meant God like she did some. No, she did like a trick and she opened hearted or whatever. Yeah. Yeah.

So I said something about like, you know, don't worry, you know, there's not going to be any stripper death, something like that. And they were just like, no, I was like, oh, you guys have a lot of heart for them.

Place next door, OK? That was OK. That's right. Cleveland improv was always the most. I remember. I remember like the first time I went there, I'm like, who did you guys say was playing here? Yeah, because this doesn't seem like they're here for me.

And then it turned out to be fantastic. I was like, this is am I filling in for somebody? Because I think you forgot to take down a poster of something.

Yeah, well, I remember I was like the only white girl on the whole year calendar. And I was like, it's weird how cities do that.

Like Denver Improv was like that, too. Yeah. You know, if you do the it's way more.

It's my first show in that Cleveland I had a prostitute and the pimp are thrown out. There is a God.

No, it was a hooker and the client were thrown out of my show and they had the he had the Bluetooth in and I could stay in Cleveland and Cleveland or hooker in the john.

I had a guy arrested at my first Cleveland show because and this was amazing. Our cops and that yeah, there's a cop there.

Twenty four. But they called more cops for this.

No way. So one of the more than one one of the items on the menu was this is so amazing and I'm not exaggerating this. It was like one pound of chicken wings. Right. And that was the that was the order.

The guy orders it market price and market price eats it and then goes, that was in a pound.

So they're like they're like what he's like that won the pound and they're like, well, you ate like a pound. A pound. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, there's no way. He starts asking me if that was the pre frozen weight and the pursley and they're like, look man. Right.

He's like, well I'm not paying for it because that's false advertising.

I'm with them and they're like, you, you ordered you ordered it and you ate most of it. And so he goes, No, no, no. So they go into the the lobby area, the where the bar was, and they go, hey, man, the police, you know, there was a police officer there. They bring in another police officer and they go, here's here's what it is. I understand what you're saying. I understand about the advertising and I understand about, you know, what you think it weighed.

You either got to pay this or you got to go to you're going to go to jail when he goes like this.

Oh. How much for seven? Ninety nine, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. Good thing I ate well before I go to jail. And by the way, that's my first time in Cleveland. It can be rough fucking week.

It was it's so bizarre that that area where the improv is in that strip club is that is it's you can tell bodies have been found like it's so bizarre.

It's just like, oh, this is a it's like a scene out of a horrible movie. And then you go up to charities and you're like, is rainbows and lollipops.

It doesn't make sense at all. And I so for the longest time I was managed by a company who I won't say the name of, but I wasn't allowed to do polarities. And one time I did walk by and I was like, wait a minute, there's another club in Cleveland. I could be doing great. Right. And I canceled on the other one. And they're like, just don't go to hilarity. They'll be so mad. The owner of the Cleveland and problem like, all right, shit.

So for years I still haven't done hilarity, this guy.

Yeah. You got to do hilarity. I don't know. I just I had it on my telling you to do anything right now. Yeah.

Like he would be the bad guy. What's his name. You remember the owner, Nick. Nick. Yes, Nick. I hope it's you like he's an older guy and he's like, do that thing where he touches your face.

He's like, you eat this piece he's concerned about.

It's like he gives you gifts, bring him bring him something to eat. And you're like, I'm fine. He's like, no, we want salmon or steak. You're like, dude, yeah.

And then he's very much like Michael Lacey. I didn't know that. Yes, he is like a prince, Michael.

For most of our most you got to have some food. You got so sweet. Runs away and washes his hands.

Nick back in the day box you can tell. Yeah.

And I went up to him one time and go like this dude box guys who really box they have an instinctive reaction to that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I went like this and he fucking jabbed me and he's still like and he built like a brick shit house.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like you're like.

Yeah like he's like well don't do it you freak me. You scared me. You did that. I was like dude I thought we were fighting. I thought we were fucking around. That's hilarious. Yeah. Yeah.

You're part of that whole fighting group aren't you. You guys are fighting now. No, you're shooting guns.

That's what you do have shotguns. I like that.

So I couldn't, I couldn't remember. I see. I always like I remember you don't do jujitsu, but I do. I do Boxoffice Week now.

Oh, you do. But then I box for a long time. And then I was like, oh, I'm not going to the Olympics.

Yeah. You know, I do stand up and being punched in the head. Yes, I'm good for it. I've only sparred twice.

Yeah. And I don't I just do the training.

Yeah. It's a training fund. The training is fun and not just. Yeah I remember growing up in Canada playing hockey. The way you learn how to fight was grab on to a guy's shoulder, pull him towards you and punch you guys.

That's real savage. That's it. Hockey fights. Yeah. There's a there's a have you ever heard a podcast called Spit and Check.

Let's no it's it's a hockey podcast. It's got a Canadian guy, two American guys on and it's hilarious. It's absolutely hilarious. And the one guy listens to you guys.

And just after the Paul Bissonette big fan of you guys, really, it's absolutely hilarious. Yeah.

This is a partial check. It is a bar stool and it's it is written Schaikewitz. And it's it's funny for everybody. They're just so goofy. It just it it's the closest thing you'll ever be in into being in a locker room like this.

Why are these guys former players.

Yeah, former NHL players. Oh, wow. And they're just really I think when you say Canadians, very funny, like just naturally funny people and Americans that play hockey are very much the same way.

I was just funny. This, for the most part of all the pro athletes I've met, like touring and everything, and they come to shows the most like down earth who I wouldn't know who any of them are have been NHL and Major League Baseball players like they've always like when they come to shows.

How did you get Major League Baseball players at a church? These guys, they come in and like they're so assuming and they don't ask for anything. Like it's different.

Like I've also met other athletes that are different that come to know they just like it's they let you know they're there.

I'm saying, yeah, some some athletes do. But in in hockey and baseball, no, they want to have fun.

They just have no mention to you at the end. I play hockey and you're like, oh yeah.

Oh yeah. Like are you in a club league. Yeah, yeah. They're like no, no, no kings.

But you know, we make a million dollars and we had that king that beat his girl down the street from us for oh, right on our street.

The Russian kid. Yes, the Russian.

Yeah, dude, that's right. Back in the. Yeah, yeah.

That's crazy. The wildest house, you know, it was all these traditional it's going to be like a block palace. He was very like Russian. Yeah. Big like windows on the front door that go into the backyard.

So like you can see through his house. Yeah.

You know, I mean waterfalls coming off of like it's a very sexy, sexy lots of girls that are nice guys.

I like a pants stick my pants and my pants itch me, you know, my legs makes it very sexy.

Yes. Sexy. Good. Oh I thought there was a misunderstanding. My bad. Well it wasn't. It wasn't. He said it was a misunderstanding. That's when I. That's my favorite type of arrest. Oh well yeah.

Well of course he broke a. Overhead or something like that, I said, we're hanging this now. She said we weren't it ended up overhead. Yeah, he was. He was sent away with shame. Is he still in the. He's in the he's in the KHL now. He's in over in Russia. Oh, he's probably got a bigger house over there. I bet you'd be able to. Yeah.

Can I show him my short video. Oh yeah. That one's you I believe. Ukrainian.

Yeah. What language do you think's going on?

And also tell me if you if you think this is an authentic or not.

Oh, I know what you mean. It definitely Russian. Yeah. Yeah. Do you think that's a real log that came out. No, I think he had a ping pong ball up there and he just shot it out of.

The game is not supposed to start yet. Is that the guy who puts his balls in his butt? No, no, that's Paris.

Yeah, but do you have you ever chartered a log?

No. And it was a solid log, almost broke through his pants. I don't know if saying that does very, very that seemed like he had a gun up his ass that really had some weight to it.

You know, it launched a cannon. Yeah, I have a 38 that I keep in my asshole.

Right. That's why you got that kind of material on a couch if you fart like that.

That is some serious material, but that's a kidney stone. A couple minutes. Yeah, it looks like an organ. Can you back up can you show Joe how sweaty his armpits are? That guy's a mess in every way possible. Look at that.

Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah, right. Right. That that is that that Russian guy, that was the the opposition party leader, if he's sweating and shitting his pants, he just had a little black socks a couple of weeks ago.

They just poisoned the latest opposition leader.

It's what they do over there. This is like the tenth time. They're like someone's gaining some momentum, like he's in the hospital.

He's really sick. And like, we don't know how this happens. But all these guys get this weird, so weird.

We're we're going to check the water. These guys just keep drinking the wrong water. Yeah.

All these guys that Ra Ra Rasputin, I have this here. I don't know. I haven't seen this video, but it seems like it could be interesting to see here.

You talk to me that what you saw, what happened to you. I do. Everyone I care about you. Fuck, what the fuck. Shut the fuck up or sit back or do what you think. I can't fucking put you down your ass right now. She's my God, that is a hell of a way to wear a sweater.

I thought I was talking to a statue at first I like oh now they're crazy.

It's such an aggressive way to start. It's like, fuck you, I love you. Yeah.

Well, that's actually that's a pretty sure he played for the Kings.

Something hard next time you fuck I your fucking. Yeah. I love you son of a bitch.

I mean that's awesome.

I used to have this roommate when I first moved L.A. He was from Canada, Kelly Dixon and he used to say the funniest things because that's one of those mean gay guys.

You can just tell he just fucking just really mean like it's just like the gays.

He's just really mean having to want to have any ever wanted to break up with somebody like that. Like I fucking love you piece of shit. Yeah. I can't you can't get away from that fucking.

Yeah. I love you son of a bitch.

Yeah. I feel like I want to break up with you. Hey man, I'm having coffee with my mom. What the hell. That would be. So a hell of a way out. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know who that is. Well I there's another thing about Canada, how great they are.

They're just like, hey, we've got a disease going on. Everybody start using gloryhole. Yeah.

Is that right. Yeah. Oh yeah. That's a great candidate. Look, we've all thought about it. It's go time. Go time and we're putting it. We're putting them in parks.

In parks. They did. That's wonderful. Yeah.

That's so progressive advocating it. Jean, there's a lot you know about me. Did you know that I studied German in college. I did. I did.

You did. Yeah. You told me that. Yeah. And lately I've been having this burning desire to brush up on it and get my skills back, which is why I love babble.

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Mom, do you ever do like playful things with your lady, like pillow fight?

You would do that. Yeah, who doesn't? I just when she walks in the door you just crank or it does with it. This might be afoot. It just might be footage of you.

Yeah. Well, you know what the sad part is?

It's the opposite with us. Yeah she is.

So she grew up with brothers so she's just vicious. You just she knows how to throw an elbow. You're like, what the hell. I didn't even know at that. She just like got it right. And you're like, oh, this is big.

Yeah. He's he's not a small guy, but I like I like the way that she's yelling. OK, ok.

Yeah. Like they don't have a safe word. Yeah.

Oh you need a safe word if you gonna to play that game and he's got the hood up like he's like you know what I am definitely is going to kill you and leave is huge.

Or is that a tiny apartment. That's true, yeah. Because his head is like above the like the ceiling line, like the ceiling.

But also look at the floor. The floor is like a stage. Yeah that's true.

Yeah. What a dick. Trying to. I feel like you hit a really. He did hit her really hard and his, his torso is much shorter than his legs.

He's not equally. That's true.

He's got midget body with torro like normal legs. Jesus Christ, Jesus, why bring him into this, by the way, nice yellow, very impressive yellow. We have a message from somebody to Mark Zuckerberg, the CEO of Facebook. I don't know what it is, but I think we should watch it. Let's do it.

I got me. I can just let you know. Facebook. I'm getting fucking tired of it. OK. Fact checkers, motherfuckers. I'm Mark Zuckerberg. I want you to keep walking on Mark Zuckerberg. Zuckerberg, I promise you, I won't be alone at Facebook.

Oh, won't be a cup of coffee machine.

I'll do another video show you Mark Zuckerberg. I'm fucking playing now. Mark Zuckerberg is a of morning. Please, you need to get on your shit, OK? This is America Freedom. OK, if I if I had to fight my motherfucking freedom, I will fight your bitching Mark Zuckerberg, the real southern delta, and you keep repeating the name of the person to tell you something big and handsome bag.

I got a problem with you in a bag.

That's because I have to remember who they're talking to. By the way, his braces. It's time for them to come off because they are not working.

He's doing about as much with his teeth as his paint is doing with that ceiling.

And there's writing all over the ceiling, by the way. That's beautiful.

Mind you. OK, Mark Zuckerberg, you fuck Zuckerberg shit from China.

I saw you in front of your old lady. OK, I'm tired of the bullshit. You're not going sit here and keep fucking my Facebook account. You understand me?

I like that he thinks like the way to resolve this is directly to the CEO of, like an enormous corporation like you, who's the CEO of this company.

Let me send a video message to him.

He won't he might want to see the manager before. Yeah. Yeah. There's probably a few steps between your Facebook account and Zuckerberg, I'm guessing, which I do you think is real over here.

Also, is he in a shed? Like what is this? That's the penthouse. That's the top floor of that glass building.

Have you never been to like St. Regis? That's true. He should not have a fan.

And obviously, fuck I that bullshit. Tell him about that one photo of that woman, the one that I posted, the first variety show noted showing up show enough. Oh. Showing us show. But in her running against the wall. Are you telling me to fuck you. I'm coming for you now bitch.

You know what I kind of agree with them. Yeah. Yeah they know tits ain't no pussy just a against the wall. What's the big deal.

And he he also thinks that Mark is just flagging photos on his own, which is a good sign.

That's part he's just like Mark's like all day with this guy post now and on vacation and stuff.

Yeah. I had an incident with Facebook not too long. Did you. Yes, I can tell you. Mark Zuckerberg, I'm coming for you.

Leave it. I believe it. Zuckerberg is. Well, I'll tell you, I go with Mark.

That's the way I want to talk to him. Let me tell you something, Zach. I posted a photo. I had somebody.

It wasn't mine. I just seen it. It was a grandpa lying on a on a lawn chair. And he looked like Roger Stone and his nuts were hanging out of his shorts. So I said, free Roger Stone Stones put it on. Thirty days detention.

Oh, yeah. Mark Zuckerberg. Wow. Yeah.

It's a fair, more fair Warren Buffett.

But did you make a video personally addressing Mark Zuckerberg, the more audio and video, you know, they they have because they own Instagram, they have such a weird set of rules that are inconsistent across both platforms.

And then they you know, they get dragged as they should for being like we're not going to fact check any political claims. Right. So we'll just let that fly. But, yeah, I did a I reposted the people do these deep fakes. Will you put, like, your face? Yeah.

So this Instagram user one, you know, he does a great master. He does great. I dip fakes and he did one of me on this pimp, this dude named white folks and he threw my face on there and they Instagram message my agency like we're going to delete this account if if this isn't taken out.

And I bet you if you go to jail one none that bothers me. He tells me he's still there.

If you go to his account like so there's the second one he did of me in the middle. He did that one right there.

But the other one, the one he did before that is I'm not sure if it's still up. There's a gone that Christina has.

Yeah, I haven't seen that one. The finger one he does me is that freaky girl. Yeah. So. They took it off of his two, and it was just because it was the guy saying like, oh, there it is, there it is, there it is. That's the one that's the one that he took that they told me I had to take down. Yes.

In broad daylight with no schemin, no nothing. These people forget. Hey, yo, my neighbor came and got me today to come rarely even to pick up till we get over it.

Oh how he can be getting a bit. So what you do I get in the back.

So I said that guy was mad at you. Not this guy but who complained. Is that you complain. Oh no, no.

White folks didn't complain to Instagram. Just messaged us and said like you're inciting violence with this, with that.

So oh man, they might want to see some of the stuff they're post actually posting that's inciting violence.

Oh, I know. And by the way, so there's two white folks, right? So then the other thing was another guy.

Was it because it's white folks? I don't know.

This is this is white folks right here because it's like, by the way. So, yeah, this dude messaged me that he'll come on the podcast.

This this guy. No, no. Oh, I was like, this guy.

He's great. I don't know what you mean. You know what he means. You know what you mean. He is missing a propeller off that hat.

Don't man.

Come on.

He's hilarious. What did he say was on the set?

He's he dropped something and she said, what? I drive because your man is. Don't you talk like that? He's a but he said he'd come on the podcast.

But I just I just from a distance I reposted that video of him being like, you know, don't disrespect my niece or whatever he threw me on. And Instagram is like, we'll delete your account if you don't delete this. I get a lot of those fake ones, too.

So you got to be careful. You're not getting the fake ones that they sent along.

Yeah, no, this was like, by the way, I love I love when they're Rodger from Facebook at Gmail dot com. Oh yeah. Yeah. Like no they didn't give me I get the spam ones too. I get this. But this one was like through multiple channels and they liked, they're like you can't incite violence. So I was like, what are you talking about man.

Tom does not incite violence. If you're afraid yourself in third person like, oh yeah, he likes this.

He's having a good time today. He's enjoying the show that I'm enjoying the show too.

What are you guys going to do? My show put me on the show.

Will you guys. I want you. It's called Around the Bag. And what I do is I do three three guests and they vie to become my best friend for the week.

So what you do is you just answer questions in a game show format and then you and I give points away. Oh, and and then you choose the best friend.

Yeah, I choose a best friend. You get to be my BFF for the week. That's a really good. It's a fantastic concept that I started as soon as the world shut down, I was like, I need something to do. So I did I did fifty six of them from March until you make sure.

Yeah. And then I'd like I'm doing once a week now and we're going to try to make this popular.

So if people could watch it I'd appreciate it on YouTube.

It's on YouTube and it's on my Facebook and it's on, I'm on Twitch now.

It's actually it's called around the bag. Around like around the horn. Yeah, around the horn is basically the same style, but it's goofy.

And I give away points from minus 50 to a billion. Oh that's. Yeah. And then sometimes I just say no, that's the wrong answer and give them the right answer. So what do you show. I'm like, oh, there he is right there.

You look great Dad. I look like an idiot. I play that. I'll be honest. I'm going to play it OK. Yeah. Yeah.

Jim Gaffigan, I'm back at this time around the back. Get your family, get your friends, get around the computer. It all begins. I'm not using that good road.

Yeah, but I think there's a promo in there.

If you can find the promo, that's good. You can find a promo. We can play that and maybe get all the people.

When did you see by the way, thank you for everything nice you guys say about me. Yeah.

You guys like I get all the time and Christina said that we should listen to him or listen to anything on your phone. We love you back channel.

Why don't you guys subscribe to Ian Baggs channel. Yeah, bag that. There he is a Canadian tag on the terrace.

I don't know. Maybe you guys should get the spin. Check the guys on here too. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That'll be great for sure. Yeah. We got some tech topics please. Yeah. Well first of all, I want to see who this guy is because this is a folder a guy like this is worth examining, I think just the name of this. So let's see what he's like.

What do you need. Glasses. Holy Bob. Do you wear them since I always think I could see me phone better. Yeah, but how do you do? You put your glasses appears in court because it's all made. But yeah, what those are for here is to be glasses on.

Otherwise if I punch those again. Right. So that's like a pin hole exist.

I think Sarah and I will be glasses on.

And coming up after the break, Tom Sagara from the Funnybone.

I wish all of you follow the guy transforming into a parrot. That's awesome. Good for him. Wow. This guy was just like, you know what? My personality as is, is not cutting it in this world. So I'm going to become an animal. I just.

Which one of those wasn't enough? Like, which thing wasn't enough for people staring at you. Yeah. Oh, good for him. Spikes in your face.

I do like that. Somebody like this. I think this guy has the personality. Just from that clip I can tell where if somebody goes like, hey, what's going on?

He wants to engage like he wants to talk, which is so much better than the person who goes who does this and is like, why is everyone looking at me? Yes, right.

Like the defensive, like, what are you looking at? Go on. I'm just a guy dressed like a parrot. He wants to talk to you about facial temperament in a close up of your nose there.

You're going to have your nose taken off. Yeah, I'm going to have done I want it shaped like a beak. Yeah, that's cool.

I mean, look, no, it's not. At least he likes something. I don't know. I mean, if everyone's got something. Yeah. They're like any comparison between us, it comes on.

How do you approach them are cool.

Can you teach them to repeat. Sadlier. You want a cracker.

Let me throw some seed at them.

Hey, I was just trying to say I just see there's lots of people that have noses like beaks and they would try and get them shape the other way.

Why would you want to actually have your nose made more tonight?

I'm crazy because if I like. OK. Oh, my God. And we're going to go ahead and call medical services to pick up this guest. Which of those birds are you fucking.

Do you think it goes that deep? Absolutely. You don't go you don't go like that if you're not molesting a bird, like there's no way.

I just I just enjoy the way they look. No, no, no. He's fine. Yeah, they like it.

Have you ever seen an owl when they pick up the like, the feathers? I got really long legs.

When they do, it's fucking hilarious. Oh, let me see if I don't find an owl with the legs. I just like hanging out. Oh, you say that one in the corner.

That's so funny.

Yeah, I never thought of that. Yeah. Yeah, it's just a dress. Did you ever fucking owl.

I would if I was dressed like that. Good. All right, Jean, here you go.

All right. For me. So, Ian, are you on the talk?

You take talk. I am. I just started. What's your hand? Very bad at it.

Ian bag. Ian bag. Yeah, it's tough. I'm at the water camp, but I don't produce much content.

Yeah, but it's really important to give him sort of a heads up on what's about to happen. Oh. So maybe I shouldn't have said no, I'm not on it. No, no, no, that's not going to happen.

OK, what's going to happen is that Christina has a very particular set of skills and her skills are that she has found a way into the tick tock portal to find the hidden tocks, dark talks, the talks.

That tick tock doesn't want you to see my ears here.

You got a lot of people do. Oh, we had a birthday party, did the dance after birthday. This is this is Christina's lane.

Here we go. I feel OK. Just I had my hair cut to my upper jaw, and that's all I have and my headache. I feel fine but that I have like four different people calling me and I have the quality of life.

She thinks she's on a fucking phone call.

That's what I think line you put on rapidly. One person told me I'm going to die and longer to live. Then I get another person that I need. She thinks she's on a hospital once that I need to be put in the bathtub. And she I'm not calling my doctor. They find out the truth.

All right. I'll call you back. People call. She doesn't know that she posted this.

This is one of my favorite.

I don't know how to use it. She may call a doctor, but she's never called a dentist.

There's people sometimes that post things like, Gina, I love you, I want you to take me back and you're like, this is a public platform, like just sending a message when people that, like, there are a lot of people think I got the old coronavirus.

If people she thought that she just kept going anyway, I don't know why Jerry doesn't talk to me anymore.

He just kept on going. He's not moving on his and I'll just keep telling him stuff.

And then the doctor said, the mom put me on the respiratory arrest, battery operated the breast battery.

Well, she's she's very active in that. Did you just pee on the floor? Oh, boy. Jenna, was this you bad girl? You know better than that. You pee outside. Did you do this? Come here right now. Oh, boy, gonna come here. No bad girl, come on into your cage. No, no. You know, you know better than that.

You stay in your cage. No key in the floor. You pee outside. OK, all right. You sit in your cage and think about what you did. Bad girl. So this girl.

I've never wanted to fuck a dog before. Hugely successful. She's a dog, really, this cause player.

And she pretends to be a puppy. And I think I may have put one other one in there and I mention she's not putting an effort into it. Did you see the last guy being a parrot?

Exactly. Exactly. She's got to get a fucking little bit going. That's true. And where's his Tecktonik account?

Because I would sign up for that shit to him. Just him on one of those postcards.

Yes, it's like eating sunflowers. This chick makes six figures a month doing doing this. Good for her.

Would she make that kind of money if she was wearing a big baggy outfit?

And the fact that you can see your lips through her pants probably helps a lot.

I had mentioned it, Art, I'd say so.

Here she is eating dog food. Oh.

Oh, she makes over two hundred thousand dollars. Do we know how many fans posting videos were so good for her?

That is going to be bad. She pretends to be a dog.

She eats dog food off the floor. She plays fetch with herself and frolics around just like a pet dog.

But as a student, we ever get to see somebody like Fuck the dog or I'm not on tick tock.

I'm sure the only fans she makes this kind of money just doing this. That's really upsetting. But again, her life is ruined. What do you do after your Jenah the dog girl? I don't know. You the dog lady? Yeah. Life is only you need to investigate.

That is not a purebred. Yeah.

Some more of Christina's famous. Here we go.

Here are some of my favorite white people phrases. Give it to us. First off, we have. You're on thin ice, buddy. Next, we have to get a load of this guy followed by for crying out loud.

And of course, we can't forget. You're darn tootin. And, of course, o brother. And finally. All right, who's ready to rock and roll? Let's get that straight. That is true. That's doing that. That's a real cracker phrase.

Is he is he dressed to Amish on purpose or he just does his videos very early in the morning.

Would be bad. Jabor. Now, last week.

Oh, hi, I'm Angie. So I'm here on to talk. Kind of little nervous, ironic, but whatever. So I join you guys because, well, I am a 24/7, 365 days a year. Needed some sleep. Yes, you heard me correct. And yes, I know you legally can't do that. People in the media, some lifestyle we have to hide. I've pretty much been ousted from the farm for what I'm doing, and that's OK.

That's OK. You know, give them time. Right. But being proud of what we are and who we are. It's so important. I got through the barrier of announcing I was bisexual. I'll get through the barrier of announcing that I practice medicine. I also live it as my life, though. And if you guys want to find anything else, just ask. But I wanted to put on night. She should keep the hood on. Going to be honest with you.

Oh, probably a lot more people checking that video to of her.

Oh, she looks like a lot of athletic trainers and people that work in the athletic department and some of the bigger high schools and some of the. Yeah. Division three colleges. Yeah. Let's be honest.

You didn't really have to come out of the closet, but I love the Huey Lewis and the news haircut. It's really so true.

She's like I came out as bisexual or like everybody like I said, just keep going.

Samantha My God, that is a mask. And it starts right here.

I crawl out my days here and I have my routines every day and my schedule that was approved by my owner. And yeah, it's pretty awesome.

By the way, just say that if if you're related to her, devastating to watch this, you're like it is so sad what has happened to Erica.

This is not at all what you want for somebody you care about. Like I crawled out of my cage and I have my life. I lick my pits to keep them clean. And then my slave master says to go forward or she has amounted to more.

Right. Right.

Like she might have been that one. Like, oh, she's not she's never going to move out of the house. Well, she hasn't so.

Oh, she still lives with her parents. No, no, no. She hasn't amounted to like she has a part time gig like transcribing DHANUKA. Yeah.

Like she just works out of her house because she's not allowed to leave it.

I've been I did a deep dive wormhole back up. Yeah.

I just don't I don't I don't know. I never understand people's compulsion to be out with it. Like you, you had a burning desire to let the world know that you're a slave and it's you must be acknowledged for it.

You know, it's trying to get out here. She's trying to get out. Do you think it's like a little subliminal, right? Nope.

I don't know if you see me. What's helped me, that's why she took the mask off, because nobody recognized the man.

Yeah.

Oh, God, what a good way. OK, here we go. There's another one you're still in, right? You're not tapped out yet. You're still good, man. You got to got to do what you get to do.

Well, thank you to my friend told me to read the big letters. I didn't pay attention to the big letters. I just looking at the other ones. They are wrong. What they said.

Oh fuck. I was born in September, Yifat. I'm not saying any other word was funny, always did what they did. Oh my God, I'm not reading the other ones that you're fat. I'm not I'm not saying what the other word is, OK?

And that's what we want. But somebody gave her that.

She's put her address out. Yeah. So what they do on the Takala, these people, they like my fans sent me this. My fans sent me that. So.

Oh, my God. The shirt that reads like retarded.

I love God. I love that she's making money off it.

And she was like, I got a shirt from a fan. That's right. That's right. I got a shirt. Somebody went out of the way.

I got you a gift.

Do you think she's worn it out? But I forgot what it said. But she wore it out first, and then that's when they told you, you know what to wear.

Yeah, for sure. Finally, put your pink hat on my birthday month.

It's important to remember I'm born into it, which means I'm funny.

Always dancing, ready to party. Excellent. Talkative. And this is I'm assuming this is the first.

Yeah, I think it's her. So it's OK. I have a problem with her wearing that shirt.

It's pretty funny because she but she isn't right. She's just normal. Just normal. I mean, if you saw that movie you should probably puke.

Oh I took Beauclerk. Yeah. Yeah. You'd be like what is that?

And then you just overhear her being like I was like, OK, she.

Yes, but you know what I love is someone made the F is for fabulous. Yeah. Yeah.

That's not a shirt. Did you just find in every print. Oh no, no.

And somebody she goes, she goes somebody said to see the big letters. Well somebody obviously soccer was like yeah nice shirt. She's like thanks. One of my fans gave it to me like they're not your fan. Have you read the big letters. Oh, I wish we could do a version of that shirt.

Oh, we can.

Good morning, ladies. At six o'clock in the morning, it's time to go to work. Get up and left him. OK, Chang, come on, make some videos right when you get out of bed before you put a damper on you. Have a wonderful day girls.

OK, some people think this is a dating. I think. Well did they like they get confused.

Hey yeah. Yeah I mean he's hot. It's a it is appealing that if you're, if you're a follower of his you like I didn't see Kevin's post. I'm going to make some boob videos now. Right.

And you can out of my last T-shirt too. Yeah. Yeah.

I just thought he was a cool guy and I appreciate the cool guy. It's very cool. He's very cool.

And I sent my people to live until they can hopefully someday go back to their homes. Three or four thousand jobs. This is something that was good old fashioned Shenango. That's awesome.

Those are good shenanigans and boring. Yeah. To do that to any politician. Pretty funny, you know, particularly if it were a real sombering also comedian. Yeah.

Yeah. Boring. Yeah. This is boring. We all have that too.

If somebody is boring anybody like.

Well actually I remember vividly at Cleveland Improv, one of the first times I played there during a show, a dude in like the second row he was sleeping and then then he always audibly like during a setup.

I was like that, uh, he goes up.

He was Dambusters, put me to sleep like that so everybody can hear.

Let's go, let's go do OK.

Maybe you want to come check the service on us. Please do so because the my younger daughter this is going to be her husband. Oh my God. Let me tell you, there's a different age here. She's eighteen. He's twenty four. Oh my fucking God. And this is her dad. Oh my God. He's black. Oh my God. This is hard going to be husband. He's a Mexican and white green guy and she's Mexican half white.

And this is her dad. By law, we got cousins. He adopted her. So if you don't like it, fuck you call CPS. We don't give a fuck.

OK, we're going to need four more of those shirts.

Oh, well, she did. See, it's a good idea to make those and mailed them.

Yeah. How does this work work out there for services, Detective Child called Child Protective Services, because this is my daughter.

OK, maybe you want to come and check the service checked?

Of course I'll talk to the service on me. All right.

Why are you making fun of Asian people so active? Oh, child active detective.

Yeah, that's my daughter. This is her son. Got married. Oh, gosh.

You also, like, had to keep going back. She was like and then like I said, that's going to be her future husband. How about the weird part with his tongue?

Just like no one like that. Well, the tongue thing is so big right now on the top, everyone sticking your tongue like this. These kids love to stick their tongue. We're going to need more of those shirts.

There you go. There's that.

Yeah, it is the tie which those kids with those shirts that love to have.

That's very that's where those kids with those shirts. Yeah, I'm not saying moms, I mean, it's horrible.

It's me again. Oh, no. As you know, I sell workouts, so there's no communication. I'm not a certified trainer, but I do like helping people lose weight and learn how to do it. And with what I've tried and different exercises, I can I'm here to help. So you can buy one for 15 bucks. Cash at me, 15 bucks. Email me and Ryan Peterson dot com.

This is quite a line to be. And all that jazz to get your workouts, you get drinks. And I'm sorry, I'm not a certified.

I just want to help people.

God bless and peace out.

OK. I want to see the workout. I got to get one of those workouts yet again. I got to get one. Oh, where are we going to do it? Yeah, please.

Workout is autistic workout and. Oh, my God, everybody far, far away from each other.

No touching. Oh, my God. I know he's but he's not. He's on to something. He's on to something. If he can get if he can get somebody to work with him. Yeah. That's certified or certified artistic weight loss.

Yeah. I mean, this is but also I love the business model of like I am not someone you should reach out to about this. Yeah. But if you want to send me 15 bucks. Yeah. I'll send you a version of what I think you should do.

You know, like I like. And chances are he has no legs either way.

I only work I only work the upper body.

Well, the irony is too, I don't know if you've ever researched trainers online. They generally don't lie down to do their videos or they're advertising like usually it's trainers.

Pet trainers usually sleep there in their videos. Yeah, they're not working out.

You're working. You work out. Yeah, I got this down. I'm a coach.

You need to get moving. I'm just laying here.

It looks like Big Foot. Do you remember this guy?

Because there's another another. This isn't in your truck. Jesus, this isn't in your talks. But you remember the legendary.

OK, I've been out here. I've been polite. I've been kind of been honest here. Now I like to have somebody right on my lips. I would like to have to teach around my face.

OK, OK. Why are we whispering? Rachel Maddow?

My wife's on the other side of the glass. But I can make love to one of these young men or these other boys, they get their shirts off and then, oops, they don't care about their partner. You know, I'm like, you can't make, uh. Last lady, 15 times, many times before I even went once. OK, I got a crooked nose and make you come to where you sit on this nose. I was do the city of Fremont over the area.

These guys got new videos that you want to see so high out there and not want to fall in love. Really turn on your TV shows and have this opportunity. I just want to have sex. Oh, cool. It too long. We got it on.

The way to do it is to post videos of you doing this. That's the best way to get your call. The first time wasn't enough.

He needs to reiterate the message over and over and over.

We get it, dude, you're horny, short, tall. That man don't matter to you. The skin don't matter to race. Don't matter how you go. I do not discriminate. We got you and I make love. I don't follow the boys and teenagers. They might want to make love to me. I want to show where the period is on that one here. The ladies claim not perfection can do for me, but what I can do for her.

OK, he's got like taste that creamy feeling. Jeez. Oh yes. But anyway, I congratulate her. God bless Robi. That was the grossest thing I've ever heard.

I've actually never heard somebody say that. Has he got his teeth upside down? He puts them in different. Sometimes he does videos without them, which is most alarming. But yeah, like tasting that creamy.

Oh, stop. I don't want to hear that he's going to have to worry about. But I remember back in my single days that was usually my opening line. I would walk up to a lady and say I would love to taste some of that creamy filling.

I make love. I don't I don't if if little boys I know.

So I put the period to come.

I definitely want to throw a strong period. Right. The that and you do not want to you do not want to have my Twitter grammer in there.

Hello. Oh back again. Are you doing up. You're having a happy Fourth of July TV. Louder, louder. You know I got thinking about that Kevin Costner movie Field of Dreams. If you build it created with he will come.

Oh, well, putting these sexy little ladies would come over here in the house. Yeah, I'd probably come.

Nice. Oh, good. Smiley, these are getting better. Yeah. That is a good smile. And that by the way, very appealing. Isn't this kind of like that quote, doing the same thing over and over again. The definition of madness. Yeah.

You might want to try a different way to get into the house. Well yeah.

I was wondering too, like this obviously isn't working.

Speak for yourself. Go ahead. I wonder. Yeah. Why not. A different approach. I agree. He keeps doing it and it's like it's not I'm sorry. I can't imagine the things that this guy is putting out there. I can't imagine a woman thinking this is OK.

I'm sorry about that. Never anyway. Have good for talking to you later. Forty five.

Just like my dog, I'm afraid of fireworks, so I turn on my TV and then finally, finally a video where a different message, oh fuck, I don't know.

All these women keep on grabbing. I'm breaking my heart wammy me wrong with me stealing from me. I mean, it's the same stealing. Maybe I should turn gay.

That's a good idea because guys respond better to go pick her body for my size and yes. Go down on them.

I do not. Oh my God.

You got like that ain't going to happen.

I'm straight. I'm straight. America. I don't have a lot of stuff on here. You know, person like me. I'm going to get one of these hot, sexy women I know. And I don't know why I do. I thank for all the thoughts and prayers about my mom.

OK, really good. Do you think that's who's watching TV? So that's a good question.

Maybe that's why you can't get lucky. Is that is that a trophy behind them? It's an Indian. I think the thing the term is First Nations or Native Americans. What do you Canadians I call them casino owners.

I call them lovely people. But it seems like it's a trophy, doesn't it?

Like, why there? Yeah, there's a lot there's a lot of whys whenever we watch any of these.

These are fantastic. So, look, I want to I want to do around the bag, ok? OK, yes, absolutely.

I want to I would love to have you guys, everybody, if you haven't already purchased and or stream everybody wants some which is out now you can get it anywhere. Music and comedy is available, you know, Amazon, iTunes, everywhere. And you should also check out conversations which is on Amazon Prime and and go see him live when you can.

Oh my God. The world comes back.

That's where it's really right. Tuesday nights I've started something starting tonight on the fifteenth.

I don't know if I'm doing this for a fact, but I DiPiazza Pizza in Long Beach has an outdoor area and sixty people can come watch comedy spread out tonight. It's going to be me and Alfred Robles. And I'm Adam. Ed, we're going to be doing Tuesday nights.

So if every Tuesday you're going to have you choose a night, but you have to have a reservation, you know, everybody gets outside.

Yeah. Yeah. So just a small group. If you want to come, come do that. That'd be fun. But sneak out and do some standup. Yeah. Yeah. Tell the people to fuck. I'd love to go. I'd love to do it. I love you too.

You're my favorites. Thanks. Been way too long. It's been too long and my wife says hi. Yeah. We should all we should get together you know. Absolutely.

And I can't believe how many people listen to you guys.

It's, it's crazy. Yeah.

Everybody's always telling me to get on your show and I'm like I've actually been on if you listen to the episode, the backup, that's that's been too long, though. It's a long time ago. Who cares?

Well, we went they can't listen to the beginning. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. We went a long time without guests to two years with no good guess.

How did you do that. We just did. Out of our house. We just did at our house. And you didn't want anybody coming over here. Yeah. And we also wanted to like try to build an audience that wasn't just contingent because we saw that a lot of shows were like, well, I don't have a guest on our show this week.

Right. So we tried to like around the back. Yeah, around the back. But you can do it from your own home. That's the part about it. Everybody does. Yeah. You guys are talented and I loved seeing you all over the place and stand up and it just, you know, thanks, man.

I'm glad that people keep you grounded by opening bars in the showroom. Yeah, that's very grounding.

Ms.

Babytalk, just do it one time for me and look out. Look out in the mail.

I got a teacher coming to you come November. Keep your eyes open. I wear it just to see how people respond. You judge me and then someone said something like, it's my birthday, it's my birthday.

My fans sent me this. All right.

Our closing song is Balzac Music by Lovesick. Thank you for watching. Thank you for listening. Bye, guys.

My mom. Hello. I am miles per hour and I'm going to teach you how to slap your balls up against your life like this.

They are. The first step is they got all of this, so from the side, this is what I'm doing. That's pretty much it. Oh, oh, yeah, and I tell you, I think it's pretty funny. I just I want to ask you, why aren't you all of you? So when you grow up, it's so basically it is OK.

So now I'm going to go. Oh, oh. We are not going to judge you. So basically what? Oh, yes, just about it all so distracted that.