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Oh, snap, there's hot here, Mirch method, dotcom slash Tom cigarette. Check out all our new stuff. And we're back for Christine, I'm Tom. Welcome to your mom's house podcast. This is where you get all the important news out there.


You could turn off Fox, you can turn off CNN, you can turn off the BBC, especially BBC.


We're so much smarter than them, Tom.


We know exactly what's going on in all the aspects of all the news. Coronavirus is down.


It's gone. All of these guys yet. Are we at Orange? I think we're at orange level risks.


You go back outside now. Stock market is doing better. Make more money with your stocks.


Toilet paper is back in abundance. Now you can buy that more. Very true. The fires are still bad, but they're going they're less of them now. And back to sports vote. Vote for the Supreme Court justice and also.


The NFL is going some of the teams are not as good this year. I listen to the I watch the game with you and they make crowd noises even though there's no crowd.


Yeah, that's not OK.


Or retarded. No. Is it gay and retarded? Maybe. I don't know. It might be. I didn't make the rules. That's the weather, Tom. Oh, yeah, it's still hot.


Some parts of the country then some places it's already getting cooler and that's it for the news.


So, you know, I think that masterbating Ginsburg lady died and they mentioned no one talked about that. She wasn't hot. No, I mean, she's smart, but she wasn't very hot. I never thought about that. You're totally right that that has been left out of the, uh.


Yeah. I mean, she's she's very elderly.


And so usually when they cover the elderly, they don't discuss their hotness level.


Well, I'm just thinking she's a lovely lady. If you can be in the spotlight, you should be hot. That's true. You know what I mean?


I hope that whoever becomes the next Supreme Court justice and I'm talking about whomever they choose, I hope they are very, very attractive.


So do I, because that is the most important thing. I mean, we're going to be seeing them on the news all the time. Don't show me some ugly fuck. That's what I'm saying. Show me someone hot. And I will say to Trump's credit, you know, first of all, he doesn't get enough credit for all the good stuff he does. Like like he picks hot ladies to work in his cabinet. Right. His speaker is super hot and bigger.


She had a tittie job.


And when they did a package on her, remember, yeah. She was like, I had my breasts cut off and then they zoomed in to show us her new titties. Who? My case one. Yeah, she's super hot. So I'm saying, like the next Supreme Court, she has she had implants.


She so President Trump was like no hungry tits allowed. Yeah. And no, what happened was, is that Caylee had she got diagnosed for the she carried the gene for breast cancer because her mother passed away. So she had her breasts voluntarily removed and then she had big fakers put on, OK, and then they did a package on her and like she was crying like she was like when I found out the test positive and I had a breast job and right.


As they said that that she had a breast job, the camera was like meow like so everybody could see.


And myself included, I was like, well, let's see, um, Caylee. And it was so fortunate that we got to see it.


OK, but to my point, isn't so hard to be hot and smart. That's a good point.


Well, it's a real it's a real nice kind of like a little side story you shared, Tom, much like this is our news program.


And I like to give my commentary. This is like Christina's corner or whatever is in this corner. I do think I'm the Morley Safer at the end of the show.


Whomever should occupy the White House next, whether it's for more wonderful years or whether there's a new regime, I think they should stack the house with hot people.


There's some holes in this house. Is that's so bad? Is it so hard?


Is it so hard to just be like we got a hot secretary of state, we got a hot defense, like, you know, I mean, like is there's a hot labor secretary, hot secretary case where every time the news we're like, what's going on with these charter schools?


And they're just like, I don't know, I just I fucking did so much politeness. And you're like, yeah, that's pretty cool. Yeah.


You don't want all these. Bow-Wow, I was telling you what's up in the world, what's up with this defense budget?


And this guy's like, what's up with these fucking biceps, you know, flexes for you? And you're like, it's a nice body on that guy.


That's what I'm saying. I want to be distracted by goosestep.


You said you're like the press secretary in a bikini wax out there. And she said, that's what I'm saying. That's what Trump would do. Oh, for sure. He's almost fucking hot. These chicks are that work for me.


That's who he hires is hot chicks. He only works. No dogs allowed.


President Trump, they give him a little, um. Yep. Yeah, well, Kamala Harris is hot. I'm sorry, Kamala. Kamala, she's pretty. She's very pretty. Maybe she could do sport.


What if Trump's, like, last move, like let's say he loses the election. He's like, no, I'm and do I'm a jack my dick in the fucking Oval Office. We'll leave a little something here for Biden.


I bet he would. Just out of spite. Yeah. Fart and then shit. And then I think pences attractive. He's hot.


I look at Mike Pence please. He's hotter than Trump if you had that beauty contest. OK, ok.


Here's let's rank the looks of all the candidates. I mean. Oh he's definitely the hottest of the. Well I'd say he looks like he looks like a a shamed bottom like he looks like pants.


Looks like he's like I don't want anybody to know that it feels good.


And suddenly he looks so closeted, you know, he looks like he looks good with my fiber in my diet.


He looks like the guy who does all the dick stuff. Looks for airport like those dick. Yeah.


Looks like he just came inside of them and he goes, yeah, I do like him.


I mean, he's cute now that he's caught, that's him. OK, but now you're required to make that call.


Obviously Kamal is number one. No number hot hotness.


She's definitely on the floor. She does know. Yeah. OK, so now it becomes who's going to be third and fourth in the hot contest? Is it going to be Trumpy? Or biting, look, he's mean to OK, Biden looks like he's been through the wringer next to to like is so weird with the orange, that's the only thing.


And he's obese, but he's like he's no, I'm saying he's 74. He's whole I mean, like he's not like a falling apart.


Like, if you look at him, you're like you're fat, you're orange.


It looks weird. Your hair's weird, but you still are like like, you know, Biden looks more like pick up Belgium, the band by to each other so we can compare side by side.


I mean, if we're going full just solely on hotness.


That's what I'm saying. Try to put aside your opinions of these two men and I want you to rank their hotness, OK?


I think if you go back a few years, Biden could could make the case that he looks better, but not now, I think.


Can we look up a young Biden? I want to see what he look like in his prime. Yeah, because Trumpy wasn't that bad, like in the 80s. He was cute when he wasn't or. Yeah, yeah. There he is.


Always cute. Yes. Good looking guy. Well handsome.


And then look up young Trumpy. Look at him there. Oh he's cute.


He aged well, yeah. And then let's see young Trump. Oh, look at that baby face now, drowning in puss back in those days.


Yeah, but the hair was still stupid back in the 80s. You see, he was yeah. He was doing the clown. Always had hair. Yeah. Why he he did that before he needed to I'm assuming.


I know. I really don't know.


Well I'm going to vote for Biden for the hottest candidate. I'm going to go Biden Komala for the hottest ticket.


Yeah, I think if you're going to vote this year, vote based on who's hot, it's good advice. All right, let's play this opening.


We haven't even opened up and we got all that news news out of the way. OK, I like that.


That's our placeholder thing right here. All right. Here we go.


And a reminder, some of you all have forgotten that if you are my friend, that means I want to fuck you. I don't hang out with people I don't want to bang.


I never have Randi. Barack Obama to understand. Well, welcome. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom. And Christina. Friendly reminder, if you did not get a chance to check out the way inmates live to during the week period that it was on our virtual site, you can head on over to Tom cigaret outcome and hit the rentals page and you can check it out there.


You can also check out episode one. They were both lost a lot of fun. The second one was was pretty wild for us. So much work went into it. We mentioned it last week, but that was actually before we had done the show. Now it's in our in our rearview mirror. It was yeah. It was a really honestly, it was a huge undertaking for us and our team. And we had, you know, sketches shot.


We zoomed in people. We had our P.C. wrangled to to be on the show. Obviously, Diaz Drew is here and clips and yeah, we just appreciate everybody for watching. And people have been continuously being like, are there going to be more to be more? Yes, there are. So for October, we're doing something a little different. We're doing a Tom and Bert double axel event that is going to be at Winemaker's Virtual Dotcom, and that's going to be October 15th, a Thursday where I'm trying to get Bert to drink a half a gallon of vodka.


We're going to see how many milligrams I can eat. Oh, wow. And then we have a surprise yet to be announced. Celebrity guests and maybe a dominatrix.


Oh, wow. That sounds like a jack to punish us. But why inmates makes life will return in November. And we're just picking a date for that. And we will also be doing one in December.


Well, might I just point out the Herculean undertaking undertaking the task that really was putting together this live show?


I don't think the listeners, the watchers, realize that we are essentially pioneering this medium of of putting out these specials live. And I just want to shout out to the boys in the booth, think of any new job, Josh Solo, Chris Larsen, Lindsay and Sean, who filled in to helping us so much. Uh, yeah, Chris, I mentioned Chris to you did Zuloaga.


He had a solo had I think he had made love to a goat or something and he got sick for like a day. Yeah.


So he wasn't able to join us. But things like religious ritual, I don't know what they.


So do you want to go for Rosh Hashanah. I don't know.


I don't I wouldn't say you want to hear some feedback from the line. I would love to, yes.


Um, you know, what's so funny is that we didn't want it to only be the, um, what's the section we're calling it now with the intent section, the heavy the heavy section. You know, we did want a rounded show, but you guys seem to really enjoy it was it's one heavy section.


It's well, it's I will say that there is there is the full spectrum of reactions.


Most people most people fall into the category that heavy is heavy for them and they're. Yeah. Wow.


Well, let me read you this is from Dan. He writes, Jesus fucking Christ. I watch the second edition of the live show. And I was fine. I even laughed at the insane Apple lady. By the way, the Apple lady was a huge hit. If you have not seen her, you better download and get your life. I was beginning to question myself, how is nothing grossing me out? Am I a cool guy in disguise?


But then we hit the anal prolapse. Guys, I thought at first, oh, it's just some guy double fisting. Not too bad. I've seen worse. And then it hit me my jaw. I didn't leave the floor. I couldn't believe what I was witnessing when the guy on the left with the Deep Purple prolapse gets it fondled and then moans and enjoyment. I literally heaved about six times.


I didn't even know assholes to do that. My eyes wider than a motherfucker, thought it couldn't get any worse. And then they dock. The prolapse is I am traumatized for life. I had a nightmare that same night about it. I can't stop thinking about it. I may need therapy. Absolutely finishes. Absolutely great fucking show.


Can't wait for number three. Yeah. Well done. Jeans.


Well I'll tell you. Yeah. No, Dove told me that a doctor friend of his said that the guy with the Deep Purple prolapse could have died within an hour or two.


That easily.


Yeah. Yeah. I'll tell you another thing that that kind of shocked me. So we were bombarded, like when you put out a Netflix special, you know, your stories and your comments just explode. So that was Instagram. I was like that that hashtag. Why am I a you can look at where I live and it's wild on Twitter, but I got so many, so many comments and tagged in so many things.


And the one thing that shocked me the most is there was a small faction of I would say a handful, maybe six, maybe around there, women who were like, well, you need to step up to these head.


Like, I didn't think that was that bad at all. Well, well, that's a girl.


Let me tell you, women deal with blood every month. My tour manager. From Australia, Chani, I like it. Yeah, she was like, oh, I didn't think that was that. Yeah, I was like, well, women because women see nasty shit on the reds brow birthing periods.


OK, well, this Liam guy got something. I just want you to know I take it as a personal challenge. Oh, wow. These messages and I have I'll tell you right now that I will break you.


I don't know if it's going to be in November or December, but I have found things in just in the last week on my own that if they don't make you sick, you need to see a doctor.


These are really bad. I looked up really, really bad stuff that made me really physically ill and questioned my own sanity. OK, I just want to make that point that fuck you if you don't think I can fuck with you.


Okeydokey, this is from Liam Jeans. I don't know if I'll ever get those heavy images out of my skull. The only other time I felt like this was when I was 11 and saw my dog get hit by a car, which is also something I've never quite gotten over like.


But they always finish like this anyway. Thank you for the hours of laughs. I couldn't ask for a better place to call my mom's home.


Yeah, and that's what we do, is we unify people we're bringing together in the darkest year we've ever had and just trying to bring joy. Mm hmm. He might as well replace Christina P's chair with a toilet. Tom, clearly, she tried to put on a show Chugging Water. And it's your move by the second rate of water champ, which then led to her twenty potty breaks. Typical Yorkie. You know, Tom, I crown you the pipe champion.


Let the golden showers rain down upon us.


You're just always like, I got to pee. I got to know. I think just, you know, my bladder has been wrecked over the years anyway. So overwhelmingly positive responses from this live show. Yes. I couldn't be prouder of all of us here. Yeah. It was really, really great stars.


Really awesome. And like like I said, you know, the live show allows us to do, like, those sketches and set up send someone to grab our PC and take them to it. Oh, my.


That's not his place. We're like, wow, that place. Yeah I know. We paid for it. Yeah.


So but that's all because of the live show. So thank you so much.


Well and also shout out to Nada's friend who wrangled. Yeah. Yeah. No we did. Yeah we paid for that. Goodness gracious. Yeah.


It's all, it's all, it's all an effort you guys. It's all on us maniacs in front of a camera.


We got some, I'm telling you we got some real cool stuff planned for the next one. I want to go back to this opening clip because this is legit. I like him.


Friendly reminder. Reminder for him. I understand that if you are my friend, that means I want to fuck you. Yeah. I don't hang out with people I don't want to back.


I never had he said that like I've always done the right thing, you know, that's the way he said that.


Yeah. You know, I treat people based on their character and always have.


Yeah. You know, I am not racist. That's the way he said that. Yeah. I'm friends with people I want to fuck.


I've always been like that. I don't miss them. OK, I fuck people. Yeah.


Don't get hurt when I bring it up every six or seven months. I ain't got fucking bother you about it. Yeah but I might give you a friendly reminder like now does it.


Don't get. But doesn't he remind you. I hate that phrase but hurt I think. Can I tell you a butt hurt is it's so dumb. It's such a dumb person phrase. Yorga but hurt and also hella when people say Hellam that's just sitting on Northern California.


So what I can do that I like.


Well Helen. Butt hurt or too dumb. Fine.


I remember when I was working in the San Jose Improv and I stopped at a letter like a sandwich place. And I go, is there you know, I think I needed to buy like batteries or something. And I was I go, can I get replaced by batteries? She goes she goes to the Best Buy. And I go, Where's hella close?


What does that mean? She's like, is hella close. It's like, right, right. That was like ten plus years ago.


And I was like, it's hell yeah. It's Hella Norco. It's snorkeled. Tell us. San Francisco too. Yeah. Oh yeah. But doesn't this guy remind you of the al-Malki come guy I'm taking? I'm talking about his attitude. I'm talking about his nose, his features, something about his energy vibes or I'll make you cum guy.


I mean, and he's like, I want to fuck you, guy. I'm your friend, and it's only because I want to fuck you. Jeez. You know, every friendship I have, I go into it without any expectations, zero, and that's the only way to go into a friendship is to have zero expectations. That way you don't wind up breaking your own heart, OK?


Somebody's been hurt before. Yeah. This is like, man. Yeah, OK. He needs a friend. Tom, will you be his friend. A friend.


He needs a dentist. He needs a barber. He needs a new hat. There's all kinds of shit he needs.


A nice guy wants to fucking tell you what he wants.


Yeah. Oh, we got this from last week. So last week we only had the one thing that people couldn't believe the news clip when the lady was like, George, I couldn't breathe and I can't breathe. So that story we have the full story. It's not an SNL parody.


You know, now, hundreds have gathered here in front of the Washington County administration building calling for the end of a massive mandate, saying they are tired of not living their normal lives.


She talk funny, but that's what my kids are. You going to get more federal funding? That's how I feel. I'm more better.


Passionate call for action. Friday morning in St. George, several police officers on standby, as many locals call concerns about coronavirus spikes overblown. The flu kills more than Crownover. Oh, he knows that on his own.


No one fed that.


A lot of times he's just like he's up and he's, you know, he's walking around the house. He's like, Mom, Dad, the flu kills more than the coronavirus.


This bullshit, the Jews control the.


Yeah, that's how kids learn, right? Yeah.


Teach them young blood. It's true. Historically, they controlled the bay.


OK, next clip, calling the virus a hoax or stating that asymptomatic carriers simply do not exist, cannot be forced to wear masks anywhere as citizens of the United States. If we want to wear a mask, that's fine.


We can take care of ourselves. Some rally attendees say they shouldn't ever wear masks if they have any medical issues or mental health concerns or if they feel they simply can't breathe. When George Floyd was saying, I can't breathe and then he died and now we're wearing a mask and we say I can't breathe. So we're being forced to wear it anyway.


But anyways, I sound like excellent.


She sounds like and I went to Whole Foods and they were out of my vegan chicken salad. It is the first upspeak. Yeah.


I like your sister's hot tub. That's not a glutton for her.


I was like, nah, I like how I used to judge fire to me.


Why. Why come. What come.


I thought Amarth that's the type of voice that says all lives matter.


Oh they say that they believe in all cases. Now Jeopardies Kids Health parents are demanding they have the right to decide what to do with their children. I'll tell you another reason I hate math. Most child molesters love them.


How is this a real fucking thing? This is a joke, right? What?


But many say that they believe in all cases. Now, Jeopardies, kids health parents are demanding their right to decide what to do with their children.


I'll tell you another reason to hate mass. Most child molesters love them.


I swear this is a joke, right?


No school administrators respond to that. They don't understand why crowds are protesting them based on a mandate given by the governor.


They block off the front entrance to the school building. And we went out to ask them to move and they attempted to storm the school building.


The school board is implementing the governor's recent order that facials alone are not enough, and if a parent is adamant that their child cannot wear a mask or shame, they must fill out a form, including a doctor's note so the district can review it and say, George Crotchless, ABC News, no boy.


So that's one thing I didn't even know that, by the way, that most child molesters, a child molester is a mask. Could they take a poll? Why do they love the study? Well, because they can hide their identity. I'm sure they can. You can skulk around and just rape kids and no one's going to be like, who's that guy? I don't know. He's masked.


It doesn't matter. Get away with crime.


Uh, you know, it is fun to imagine, like, a year from now when they're like, oh, we have, you know, the virus under control. But you want to wear a mask in a bank. You know, because right now you're allowed to, but they change their rules for that, and then there's going to be people like take your mask off and the bank.


Oh, my God. All right. It's going to be such a I don't feel safe.


And they're like, you're freaking everybody out here. Yeah. This is why America, the virus is back.


And like, we think you're a bank robber and then you'll be like, I am.


Didn't you have a really good idea for these kinds of people?


You had a great idea when you were driving in. Well, because here's what you've been watching away on a great show you guys have. And here's the thing that I think we're fucking up on in the United States specifically is that we keep sending our brightest and our best into outer space. Mm hmm. That's dumb. We should send our stupidest people into outer space. Agreed. And what you do is you just make the interface easier to navigate. So, like, that's where all the work is done.


And then you put a real dumdum like you put like other doors. You put her in there and then you just go, OK, you're out, press the green button. And then this is like and then like all the data transfers and then they're like, oh, there's an engine malfunction. Press the blue button and then the blue button.


And then like when all the research is done and they're like, OK, like she's like halfway to Mars and but we don't think this is going to go. Then they go press the white button and the white button just catapults them out into space. And then they're like, we're done with her and then we just bring it back.


And then we've navigated that route to Mars. Now.


Now we have now we know all we got all the data, all the research is done. And then you have one less dumdum on earth, you know, like that.


Well, then we just have like this colony of floating dead people all floating around.


Don't they disintegrate eventually in space or maybe not? I don't think so, no. Like any atmospheric like there's nothing, I suppose, you know, in space.


No, you just have a look. Now, if you I think if you were to like, what is it like it is if you open the the portal maybe like the air, the compression. Right. With the, with the head compress.


Yeah. I think you'd explode, your head would probably explode like a grape and then you'd be shot out thirty two thousand miles per hour. That beats how fast a vessel travels. Now I learn that from that show because they used to send the cosmonauts, the Russians would send monkeys into space. And I'm saying, why hurt the monkeys vacuum of space will pull the air from your body.


Oh, this is pretty cool. So if there's your lungs, they will rupture.


You know, the vacuum of space will pull the air from your body.


So, OK, so your balloon up to twice your normal size, but you won't explode. Oh, I wonder why. I wonder why you won't actually explode.


I don't know if there's air, if there's air in your lungs, they will your lungs will rupture oxygen. The rest of your body will also expand the balloon up to twice from stay put. You won't.


I mean, how do they know that we'll be testing people doing that all the time? Maybe. Is that an experiment we could fund or you think like that? They'd be the best, though, just to like, who are the astronauts?


And you have all these like. Like a bunch of birds on the tarmac and they're like squeezing some fucking photos there and then they're like.


Houston, Apollo 14 looked so beautiful up here, man, see the moon shit.


So many fucking stars their way closer.


And they're like, yeah, you're up in space.


Oh, how do we entice these women to take a picture, a picture, take some pictures with you guys.


Now we got that handled.


Get a photographer. Now, how do we entice these dumb dumbs to get up there and just be like, it's cool trip, free trip through phratry.


It's got to be like when you get back, you get to go to Vegas and you get back, we send you to Vegas, go.


Then you have to give them those long tube drinks that they walk around on strip with, you know, those long tubes of Schubert.


It hangs off the necklace. So you don't have to hold your drink the whole time. Just it just hangs off my neck this way.


I can get so fucked up walking down the strip with. Oh, no, wait.


That's how we that's how we position this. It's a space party cruise. There you go. Like you can it. There it is. You just get a bunch of those on the spaceship. I'm so ripped right now, I think it faded the whole way to space.


Bro, we're telling you we should be sending bodies in space.


Every idiot that buys one of these, you get an automatic trip to Mars.


Yeah, it's so cool.


And then what happened was we would never make it to Mars or set up life there, but we would end up reducing our population by like a billion after a while.


Yeah. And then the Earth would replenish its resources. We wouldn't need to recreate life.


You'd lose that gene pool basically like it. Keep going away. Going away, going away. Dude, this is a great idea. Yeah, I thought about it on the drive in today.


It's a really smart well the whole point is that we're trying to bring life to Mars so that we can colonize Mars. But what you're saying is simply get rid of all the dumb dumbs that are given us the most problems and then Earth can repopulate with nothing but the best genetics and we can repair all the damage we've done to the climate. That is correct.


So growing up, I hated my body because I was like, oh my gosh, I'm going to go. I've learned some cool things, my body and I want to show, you know.


So some of you might know what the term A Foobar is, and it's a fat apurpose area. Well, I have a new name for that, so I want to change the terminology of a foobar from a fat bazaar area to a fat upper parking area. Let me show you, because I can keep things in that bitch like I'm a fucking kangaroo or some shit. Watch this.


Now, let's say I'm going to the store and I'm like, OK, in my phone, in my Mascha. It's a pocket I can even use as a purse, like, let's say I have to go to the grocery store when I need my money, my sanitiser. Oh, look, I gotta get a bucket in there somewhere else pocket. Boarding the flight to Mars now we're going to need another shirt, former hertzman.


Yeah, you know, I am so sick and tired of everybody getting to feel good about themselves all the time. Yeah. This new positive body positivity, everybody gets to like themselves. It is so far gone.


It's not OK to be this big. It's just not OK. That's OK.


I'm going to go with it and I'm going to go with any sane, rational person listening to me would agree. I think so. I absolutely think so. It's lunacy.


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Do you have that video last week of the guy getting kicked in the face? Yeah, this is a feedback. Hi, Mommy, Tina and water personality and valor champ Tom. Oh, wow. And oh, you want to play the video first to set this up.


This this happened last week in regards to the kick to the face video. As a coach of combat sports, I have gone through the scenarios of possibly holding pads like that and being kicked in the face. But because I follow protocol and know what I'm doing, it's never happened. If you watch the video again, as the guy goes to kick a second before the kick his throne kick has thrown, the pad holder lowers slightly and that's what leads him to getting kicked in the face.


He didn't follow protocol and keep it tight. And now he's got no front teeth like the man who uses a lung infection as an instrument. And now that's where it spits. Keep making us laugh every week. Gee, thanks, Jimmy. It's quite notable, actually.


I mean, you can see he gets scared. He's he low. Yeah.


He lowers the pads and he kind of dips is a little bit back to.


Yeah. Because he's he's he's estimating that maybe the guy's opening himself. No, no. He's it's like a fear response. He just went like this. Right. You know, but when he did this he lowered the pad. So the sort of the foot kicking the pad kicks him right in the face. Yeah. It's pretty cool. Man speaking by the way, we you know, we talked a lot about buttholes and an anal and whatnot.


Reminds me, we got a pretty cool video here that I'm very excited about.


We're going to send these idiots to Mars. The key is to have it's a really good idea, stupid bad music and then drinks. They got to be drunk the whole time.


Yeah, OK. Oh, yeah, here it is. It's like eight months to get to Mars, too. It's a long time.


It's a long booze cruise. Yeah.


Hello. I am just kind of moving around a little bit today. I've been laying down for like the last two days.


My butt is like super sore. I got a big direct to me with. So you have the outer muscle, which is like your butthole, and then you have the inner muscle and they cut that muscle and because it was really tight, so it's having a lot of discomfort when I was doing like anal and stuff.


And I always, like, have issues with like tearing and stuff.


So they cut my inner muscle to relieve the tightness. So hopefully that works. So I just want to give you guys a little rundown of what happened to me. But the good news is, is I should be recovered completely within the next month. I can't do like any obviously any but stop till then.


But the good news is that I will be doing a lot more stuff. Oh, everything is healed. Congrats.


Good news. This is just such a wonderful video. I don't know how this landed in your lap, but I mean, just talk about somebody who's so dedicated to the cause and. Yeah, congratulations, Jenna Marie.


Good for her. And I want her to keep going. Ana Marie.


I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Arianna Marie, thank you very much.


Ana Marie is my favorite with Arianna is she really knows a lot about the operation. She's like, well, there is the outer muscle called your butthole. Yeah.




Is that what the surgeon told her? Here's your butthole. Here's your moment. Your butthole as tight?


Yeah. Now as direct to me, my sphincter ectomy, meaning removal or just maybe it's like super sore.


Yeah. I wonder, though, if a repercussion of a sphincter ectomy is that the brown no longer is contained.


I'll tell you one thing I would do is just loosen the muscles in my butthole. I think I do. I think your body was telling you just don't do so much butthole stuff. No, don't be a quitter to work that that other Holsey.


Just use that all the time. What's the problem with that?


You're thinking like a quitter. She's thinking like a winner. I mean, she's like, I just want you guys to know I will be back very soon. I mean, just letting the fans know, like, do not think that I'm stopping. Yeah.


Nor should you. Just because your body constantly rejects when you pull up like her, her work over here.


Oh, let's see what you know that what she's known for. If you if you.


I'm guessing so it's really to be a sphincter.


Hold on one second here. OK, maybe go to like one of the sites, you know, one of the adult sites. That should cat or butthole an open wild, but that's our only thing. Why don't you go to, like, PornHub or something, you know, don't work, show them. Just show us.


Yeah. Let's see her craft right next. There we go. Here we go, Ariana Marie. And, oh, she's on. Is it all anal stuff, is that what she's. Now it looks like there's some normal stuff, yeah, too bad. OK. Oh, that guy's asleep and also and she woke him up, he's like, hey, I was just taking a nap and that's her right there. OK, so why don't just keep doing these, you know, if the surgery, your butthole I know she's given the guy a bead right now, which is pretty vanilla boring.


Oh, you're disappointed. There you go. Massacre that ass. Now, that's her badge numbers at her.


But I can't I can't tell either. But I don't know the way she's sitting right now. That's her badge. Now he's going to go in there.


But I think I can't really tell. Well, that's the thing.


If I tell you what, I'll do some research later and let you know if it's not exclusively your bread and butter. Like I get this. I don't know, man.


She must really maybe she saw, like, a direct data relation to the by the way, we got to talk about that. The data that the guy did that that's her.


But it's her body. That's her butthole. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I could do a scene with her.


That's a big greasy dong going in and I can see why it loosens things up.


Yeah. She's like my butthole keeps being sore. Yeah. That would make my body search for wow. People don't get to see this for free. Pull up that thing I sent you.


Why bother with the only fans when people can just see that kind of thing. Because you get more exclusive. No, really. And you know what they're doing now? They're putting they're they're putting their good stuff only on their only fans. Oh, what's the stuff like?


They're shooting their scenes for that. So you're getting it like if you want if you like, are following a performer, you get that immediately and like it it might not even make it to those sites anymore.


Oh, that's kind of neat. They're taking like everybody is taking control. Good content as they session's comedian.


I think we all should stars, especially the sex girls, the sex worker girls.


They should 100 percent have their own money and make their own money if you're doing this stuff and you should make the lion's share.


Absolutely. She's the one getting a butt act to me or whatever. Yeah. And I think the this thing strikes me she should absolutely profit. I know she's a good looking girl. She's doing good work.


I got to talk about this for sure. Go ahead. So I saw this on Twitter the other day. You remember the guy's name. Can you find it from the tweet? I think it's Eric something, right? Yeah. Eric home.


Oh, my God. So he goes he put up this post. What's going on? Have been a big fan of your mom's house for a long time. So I figured why not combine my my two favorite things, which is like analyze transcripts, text analysis and why am I. So he pulled transcripts from the YouTube episodes and then ran it through whatever program to get some data on it. Right. Yeah.


And so if you scroll down here, he went through one hundred sixty nine episodes, beginning with episode three ninety four ending with five sixty seven. And then, so then scroll further down. Here's the length of episodes. So it gives you the show. You're like, oh OK, figure it out. Like that's how long the episodes are. Great. That's interesting. Then it looks like he put up the number of guests that you know, people have been multiple guest appearances then most common words.


This is where it starts to get like just it's just silly and fun for no reason, you know, but like I like to. So the most used words.


And then here's the camp people guy fucking is the third most popular word used on here all the way down to that time.


Love shit, fuck de God stuff. So he's like, there's a lot we can unpack here is there.


Yeah. And then he goes like how many times the word fucking appears per episode.


If you scroll down further from here fucking per minute. Look at all this like look at episode four.


Any for a Joey Diaz has the most fucking permit and per episode I mean by a mile way, way, way more than that episode, the highest rate of fucking one point seventy six per minute.


Wow. Basically a whole extra fucking per minute there. Then he breaks down it just what is the you so someone can look at it if they want to see it. That's amazing.


It is. Eric oh Eric ecoATM. So e r i c e h o l m dot com blog y mh dash explorer.


I'll put a link in the the link in the description. Yeah, I'm sure you misspelled.


But see, now I want to look at the evolution of some of the more popular mommy isms over time. I know names and vocabulary.


It's a fun read. I just thought it was like an incredible amount of time. Good morning to you. Something that is not needed so but very funny and very dedicated. So thank you so much, Eric, for that. Wow.


I got to tell you, you guys, just the dedication of the mommies, really, our show is so special in that regard.


Oh, yeah. Our I mean, look, these are the best the superfan. Look at this. She sent in this right here.


Why is it so funny? I don't know. I saw this, I said again and so silly, little like that's the part that can't feel good at all.


I just feel like she's such a rag doll. You could just do anything to her, you know? Yeah.


It's not what I would spend her and have I care.


I wasn't thinking that. I was just thinking she's pretty stretching. Stretching, not thrusting into.


Oh no light cane. Oh dear. Yeah. Oh. Like Manzer in my face right here. But, uh, yeah, something bad's going to happen is he's ramping up that's numbing his face, huh?


Oh, satellites. That's what he said.


Yeah, they're hurting his face. So he's gone. OK, so the frequencies can affect him somehow.


You're now you're thinking now you're starting to send him to Mars.


It's even better. Yeah. And Mars. Yeah. Yep, yep. Yep. Check this out, you jive motherfucker Viriato, because Jordan got on my motherfucking last nerve, you bitches out here tell me you got to only fanpage that I'm letting you know we're on the fan pages for its not for niggers late and then they fucking money with your funk ass to be showing your feet. Oh it's not funny to be spending the fucking money for your nasty.


Had to be in some high dollar. This is not funny. This only fanpage. Me pussy. That's true. We won't see it coming. Yeah. We going to see it and we do not. I swear to God, y'all better stop our big job and get a Band-Aid off this shit because y'all jacking us. Nagasu going, Longino, support you out? We want to see that bitch do what you do and we are tired of organizing and you just showing your lies.


You see that on Instagram, right? Straight up. And you offered to stop it today. Yeah, that's OK.


That's what it is. That's the truth right there. That's what I'm saying with the PornHub. You know, you can see her clip there. And what's this? What's the bonus is what he's saying.


Why am I going to spend the money if I'm not going to, you know, buy me out on that scene?


Your bitch, that clip we watched her complete lack of any emotion while getting like like pounded in the ass, you know?


I mean, like, she was just like, oh, are we rolling like that?


It was kind of like Leo and Mark our more performance.


I do, too. Yeah. You're getting a big D in your B hole. You better ramp it up a little.


A little emotion. Yeah. Sell me on something. Yeah, I agree. And I'm not saying that memory is not capable. I'm just saying in the few moments that we watch she was like, is it not into it. Yeah.


Well maybe she was trying to maybe she was in pain. You know, you're thinking like over Supertight Sphincter. Yeah. Here's this guy though.


Oops. Hold on guys. Having a little malfunction. I just twist this one, right. I don't know why it felt. Felt. Oh, this one. Yeah, yeah, as good as it tilting down or anything good, Jean. All right, I have a follow up email. Remember when Kevin Nealon came in and he told that horrible story about the cast member wearing the mask they got? Oh, Jeff Daniels. Oh, yeah.


I'm a specialist hair and makeup artist from Melbourne. It's pronounced Melbourne. Those of you who are in the Know Australia are mining in regard to your recent podcast, uh, OK.


To create a life cast safely, you are supposed to prime the skin and hairs with Vaseline, then use a couple of layers of skin, safeguard self releasing silicone or dental grade alginate, then create a hard shell for reinforcement of the mould using plaster bandages, which hardens before removal, of course, leaving the nostrils clear at all times. Plaster concrete heats up. Let's skip this one.


Oh, I thought it was interesting that there's a whole process like you, you know. OK, OK. I thought it was interesting that you should put a layer essentially of protective stuff before you even put plaster on. Uh, you can rip out someone's eyelashes. Yeah, they almost did. Yeah. Which is strange at that person. Didn't even do that. Yeah. Let's talk about blacks. Sure. Oh, that's funny, I like that the follow up about lack of what people smell like.


Yeah, hi jeans. I was listening to your latest podcast talking about how white people smell like wet dogs. I feel like this is more than likely true, but home but home aren't able to smell it ourselves.


I think you're saying like when you're a white person, you are. But we aren't able to smell it ourselves. But like, when you're a white person, you have a hard time smelling your own self.


Right? That is what you're saying. But this is butt home, but home. However, I spent a lot of time on public transportation.


I can guarantee multiple people will agree that black people have a certain smell to. Oh, this feels like it's going in the right direction.


The smell is crayons of black people are white people. I think what she's implying is black people.


OK, interesting. Yeah, I don't smell that.


It is not a bad smell, but when you realize what it is, you can never not think of a fresh box of crayons when you smell it. I have had multiple people agree with this assessment. Keep it high and tight, Eli.


So so far that's one vote for black people smelling like crayons. Yeah.


Then also, that was real misdirected. I thought we were going down keep our Confederate monuments path.


So that's that was nice. You know, I will say I had a Volkswagen Jetta and it smelled like crayons. That's true.


But wasn't it from crayons? Wasn't weren't there crayons in the trunk? At one point they melted. That's right. Yeah. There was no black people in the there were no black people. That's right. Yeah. Sorry.


At that time I have I did give a few black people right.


Now let's be clear. But you're saying it's not a direct correlation. OK, um, watching Episode 569 when the topic of race smells up on the pot, I'm glad this is brought up. I mixed Mutt myself, who has an all white family and a few black relatives to answer both questions. White people absolutely have a specific wet smell, but not specifically like a dog. It's like it's more of a wet towel. Oh, the same goes for black people in other races as well.


Indians, Hispanics, Asians, except black people, especially darker skinned, smell like shey or cocoa butter. Since the product is a must for our ashie bodies, I hope this helps keep furthering it. Phalcon car wash cam.


All right. Cam is suggesting that all races except black people smell like wet towel.


I heard an explanation about why people smell like shit. Is that it's because, um, a wet white person, a lot of times you might be encountering them in the summer months like people would, and that we have tons of sunblock on, which gives us gives off a certain smell theory. If you're if you're covered in sunblock, it has there's chemicals, you're sweating, you're wet, there's a smell. It's going to come from you because we don't have any enough melanin to protect us.


It's a good theory.


The sun. You know what? There should be a scientific study done on this exact subject. I don't know why there hasn't been more research.


I know. Hey, Shamos almost had to chime in about the race smells. It is something that my sister and I have talked about our whole lives. Wow. We are both Hispanic, so I can't distinguish our smell. But white people definitely have a distinct smell. I always thought they smelled like wet coin's specifically wet Penneys and and black people have a sweet sweat scent.


Don't be stingy. I'm curious to hear if other people think the same. Stay high and tight. Hitler, Kim. Jesus Christ.


OK, what explains?


I mean, look, I will say some white people are very smelly because they don't shower enough. And I think that might be the wet dog smell. The hippies. Um, I have family members who smell like wet shit, though.


Like, do you just be like, hey, that you you smell like shit because you're you're not showering.


It smells moldy and wet. Dog smells.


I've smelled all different races who don't shower and they all smell the same when they when they don't shower they just the smell awful. Yeah.


Yeah. Well now this is true. When I was in Hungary in the summer of 94, I took public transportation a lot, the Villamor and it was the middle of summer. And Hungarians, they did not wear deodorant a lot and it just smelled like armpits. So I don't know. Right. Armpits. Well, that's but that's just not showering. That's not their race.


That's just that's a good point, Tom. Most public transportation smells just like armpits.


But I've been in public transportation in big cities and. Yeah, yeah, yeah. ARMPAC yeah.


I have one that's pretty racist.


When I worked at this, uh, this realtor place in Boston, there was a lot of foreigners that would come in and when they would leave we would just have to aircell the whole office.


Oh you're kidding.


Yeah, yeah, yeah. I bet I can guess what kind, what country they came from. Correct. So.


Oh yeah. One last one to be the last one. That's interesting, though. My stepdad never smelled, though. No, I think you're talking about that country. No, no, no, I'm not your mommy's I'm a black guy from Jersey. I want to shed some light on the why people smelling like dog phenomena. I have dated, slept with and befriended a few whites over the years. And my theory is the dog smell is a combination of two factors dry skin and sweat.


The solution is simple. Shower and use in all caps.


A fucking washcloth. Oh, no, very few whites use wash.


Don't use that. It's very true. Sweating over a dead dry skin report repeatedly causes strange odors. Showering with a washcloth and moisturizing the skin will knock it right out. Not all white folks smell like damp canines, but the ones who properly cleanse and moisture regularly definitely don't have that scent. Most people I've encountered in the tristate area do not smell of a wet dog anymore. And Tom is right. Black people usually smell of cocoa butter or whatever African oil or cream they put in their hair.


I guess loofahs are fine to sue you then from Jersey City. So there you go. Yeah.


I mean, look, you and I are vehemently opposed to the use of a washcloth. Well, yeah, we're not poor. Yeah. But I still think that most of I have some I don't like a watch.


Here's why I don't like it. I was always raised to just touch my own body part with my hand.


Yeah. I don't need a barrier.


I'm not ashamed of never encountering dishcloth until I was like in college and it was cracker's it was like yeah. Like country boys. And they were like I got you know, because we had the freshman hall you'd go like in like a freshman whatever, like a tower of showers and and all like the country boys had washcloths.


You what do you do when you don't shower with wash clothes.


I don't. I was like, no, I don't. I think they're actually less sanitary because what happens after the washcloth is used, you just put it in a pile on the tub and then it gets cold and damp.


Somebody is going to realize what someone is going to say to you for that. But you could get a fresh one in, of course.


Oh, stop. Who's got that fucking time now? They're going to say wash it.


I just don't understand the utility of a wash cloth when I've got these hands. Yeah, the same job.


You can just put soap in your hand and clean your own asshole. It's your asshole. I don't know. Is it am I missing something here, guys?


Are we you guys, please tell me tell me the logic any. Are you a wash cloth or. I use a loofah because it scrapes off the skin.


Loofahs it loofa is nice though that I have tried. Yeah that's right. Because I think you bought a loofah.


I like loofahs, very European.


But you know what, I got to be honest, like it's really got to be standing out for me to grab it. Like I would say like nine out of ten times. I don't grab. I don't grab either.


You bought the loofah again, but I also. But they get moldy too in the shower over time. You have to keep swapping the loofah.


Fionnula Thank God. Jesus Christ. I know. I know.


What about you. I wouldn't want to Aluva. I mean I think I've used one before, but, uh. Yeah, just kind of I don't know, like it just kind of like irritates my skin. Yeah.


I don't like scraping my skin. It kind of hurts. We have hot water and then you have like red marks all over you scrubbing and stuff and I don't. All right. Uh, I'll check it out. There's new hoodie's available. There's a new Gene Huddy, a new winemaker.


And if you're a two Bears fan, there's a new thick boys hood, either all at Mirch, Betha, Dotcom slash, Tom SEGRA head over there. Now, hoodie season is my absolute favorite and it is here.


So get yourself a new hoodie. Um, let's see. There's, uh, is there another clip I'm supposed to play before we break here? I remember, um, there's this guy. Oh yeah. This I wanted to show you this because you could do this. You could do this. And I think I'm afraid. No, no, don't be afraid. I think it's pretty cool and I think you could OK, it's very attractive.


That is cool too. That's so great. Oh, wow. Yeah. It's like you make the nail real nice. Beautiful.


And then that's for Bernet now. Right. But I want to be like then you grow hair out of your nails. So if you're listening right now, this person is putting like studs, diamond studs and hear from their fingernails. You have nice long hair hanging from your fingernails.


I mean, it looks cool and it's practical and like nothing bad will get on your nail hairs.


Well, the only question I have is how do you eat a juicy taco?


Because all the juices just got this and you got like that and you got to eat with my palms if I get hair.


Yeah, it's tricky. You got some guac in your hair and you're like my finger. Hairs or my head hair, that would be a little challenging, as they say. Yeah, yeah, I like wiping my kid's ass. Yeah, that's not really good.


That's the only thing that's one thing I'm opposed to is like wiping you.


This is not good for a new mother.


I don't think that a new mother should get finger hairs, but I'm going to do finger hairs that it is beautiful that so absolutely gorgeous.


Mm hmm.


So you know our boy Ed.


Mm hmm. Obviously, cause he he's taken over the whole show. OK, you come.


Here's a trailer from Dear, one of his mainstream movies. Wow.


Randall or Dr. Yamamoto. Oh, yeah, and Landow I heard of. I have some like, oh, I don't know why I up and I don't know if will kill me.


Come on, even LeBron needs a little assistance.


He looks great. Well, I'm not too old, I can assure. My experience will pay off for you. Yeah, nothing like no shit to sit over there.


Well, I got a great tongue but doesn't cross the room. Is that what life's about it, you know? Bending the truth will that some people feel better. Yeah, sure. But it's not going to get hard till I'm ready to come.


You know, seriously. Oh, my God, I love your saggy, you know, junk.


I guess so, yes. Oh, oh, oh.


Well, your liver cancer. Oh, thank you. Well, it's normal size. This looks great, is this an independent film festival? Sure feels weird. Where did you find this? It's a trailer for a short film that he submitted to film festivals.


Oh, say, yeah, we need to go out and see this ASAP. I'd like to see your celebrity. Can't we get a screen competition? Oh. Oh, let me see all that.


Well, that's really cool that he's we got the private life videos and the video. That's really neat stuff. Do you think this morning we were having a debate as to whether or not you think Leo? I think Leo had a full life before he made these videos with Mark and that he may have been married at one point and has kids, which is probably why he wanted those videos released after his death. I don't think so.


I think that I think he did probably masquerade as straight. Definitely.


I think he stayed away from having a family. You think so? I think he probably lived like more of like that recluse bachelor life. He was like. And I think uncle.


Yeah. I don't think he was cool. I think he would travel to do gay stuff that he was probably weirded out about being in the city he lived and doing, you know. Yeah. And that he. Yeah. I mean, you know, when he told that guy and he told Marc, that has been a long time, I think he probably went a long time without. Yeah.


You know, I have a totally different scenario. I think so because he went to the military.


We know that because he said that he got genital warts from a hooker.


So he was living as a straight man for a minute in the military from the military because back and and, you know, Ed's time, you couldn't just be gay.


So I think he was married for sure. I bet he he had to have had kids. It would be very rare for a man in that generation. A dad is a burning with information. What do you have?


Native Zolo here tells me that that he was married. Yeah, kids. Zolo, read anything about that? What did you hear once you get older?


I would love to contact his children and show them OK videos if they don't seen them. I know we've seen your dad come. No, I don't. So, no, I don't want to show it either.


What's up there? What's up? So I did kind of a deep dive on Mark and I, you know, I read all the comments and everything on that page that these were originally posted on.


And Mark was talking about how Leo had a wife and he was like in the closet and trying to hide it from his wife.


And I think she passed away first. And then that's kind of what he went into, you know, seeing Mark more often. Yeah, but yeah, he was married.


He was married. Yeah. Yeah, I have been I'm thinking no child. Yeah. I think I think my sense of that is not that Phibes, but I could be wrong obviously. I see. I think the opposite.


I feel that it has nothing but bad vibes, which is why his porno game, his his sex chat game is so weak because he's like, all right, Mark. Like he's he's almost he is all. Yeah. All right.


Yeah. Because it is how my dad would do it. Yeah. My dad was kind of like nice guy. Byles, show me your boobs. Yeah.


Show me your boobs. Yeah. And I'd love to, I'd love to suck on your boobs if I was there right now. Yeah.


Like he's almost sweet and sweet. Yeah. He's not, he's not that nice. Bush.


Yeah. Yeah. Nice full bush.


You know I like my dad would do it and then I'll tell you when I come up there are going to have sex.


That's how he was. Woo and Mark, you know, you come now Mark like there's no okay. There's no airs about about Ed. He's just very straightforward.


Well let's take a break. Yeah. Let's take a break and we'll be back. You come now, Mark, just a moment.


We'll be back to talking about farts and dicks after this quick break.


Jeans, you've heard us talk about Brooklyn and before. We are huge fans of Brooklyn and Sheets. I bought some for Nadaf here. Marcus King, our guest today also bought Brooklyn and she loves him. Did you know about their town, Wolf?


Yeah. Oh, we have them in our bathroom. Why? Because I like every shower to feel like a spa experience and Brooklyn and towels are so plush and so luxurious, you're going to feel like you're just the only guy in town using those towels in my right. Tom, you're so right.


It's perfectly fine to stay in your towel all day after your shower. Sometimes I'll stay in my towel until I'm ready to shower again. That's why I love my Brooklyn and towels. Good. Brooklyn is the perfect place to find all the comforts for home, including ultra soft towels.


They are so confident in their product that everything comes with a lifetime warranty. Use promo code mom for 10 percent off your first order at Brooklyn and Dotcom. That's B our OK and end dotcom promo code. Mom, Brooke Lenine. Everything you need to live your most comfortable life. Don't be stingy.


This episode of your mom's house has also brought to you by policy genius. You must protect yourself and protect your family and protect your property. You must have quality home insurance, property insurance, auto insurance and head on over to policy genius because they save their home and auto customers an average of over one thousand one hundred twenty seven dollars a year. They shop top rate insurers. They find the best rates for you. And here's the best part. They switch over for you.


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Who knows what weirdly specific amount they could save.


You shuttle off Shana Tova, by the way. Thank you.


Are you a member of the tribe as well? I'm not, but if I can well, most of my team is cultured, man. He knows what's up.


We're back. We have the great pleasure of welcoming for the first time here, a very, very, very talented guy. A good fun guy to be around.


Mr. Marcus King, thank you very much for coming. Thanks for having me and joining us. You're in town working on an album. You really put out an album this year, so. Right. Because that Elderado came out earlier this year. It came out in January. Yeah.


So beginning just just in time for people to stay home and listen to it. Yeah. But now you're making more. Music Man, so congratulations on that. Thank you. Good to have you in in Cali. So now you would be touring normally, right? Like you drop your album. And then is it like comedians where you tour right after the album comes out or.


Yeah. So, yeah, generally we just, uh, we put out a record and we just stay on the road pretty constantly. And last year I think we were on the road like two hundred, eighteen days ago. And I know that because I made all my guys for Christmas, I made them like plaque's like Employee of the Month, Black's best night suite. And uh, you know, we were really worn out. So this kind of break, it was kind of neat.


It's interesting how it worked out like that. Right. Because I had the my special came out during the beginning of, like, the lockdown, the cocaine. So then you're like, oh, I can kind of like take a breather for a minute. Right. And then after a few months, you're like, all right. Yeah.


Was after a few months, I think we all started getting that same itch, you know.


Yeah. Now, do you take a tour bus? Yeah, we tour on a bus now and that's been a recent development had been the last couple of years we've been on a bus. But before that we were all crammed in a van.


Yeah. Oh, my God. Do you take dumps on your tour bus now?


That's the only rule I see only some of the new ones. They're like, oh, you can shit on here and no shit. Oh, yeah. I remember I went by someone's bus when I was younger and it smelled like shit. Yeah. So I imagine yeah. I imagine that that happens.


I mean like that's the thing is I remember when I first got on a bus I was like, what's up with shit? And he goes well because you can shit on air but the whole bus is going to smell like shit.


No, that's not, that's not permission to do it then. Yeah, no, I know he's like it's going to get in all the vents and then I had a bus. That one of the biggest I'll just say without giving it away, one of the biggest pop stars on Earth used. And it was brand new. It was amazing. And it came to me from this artist and I was like, oh, I got on and I looked at the driver.


I was like, you can shit on here, honey.


He was like, Oh, yeah, oh yeah. I was like, so and so did a lot. And I it won't smell. He's like, no, this is like State of the Art said that they can't.


Why, why is it. I think so the old way right where they were like is a piss only bus. It's that it was just you're shit would just slop down into that tank and then it just the air would just circulate it.


Now they have like an actual grinder system in it. Yeah. And actually like mulches it up for you.


And I think they actually have like coffee grinder down there.


Yeah. Yeah. I mask the smell. Yeah.


Well they should do what I suggested, which is you flush and then it just throws a shit on the highway. Yeah.


Out into the desert. That's not a big thing that they're trying to push now is like why not make the shit hit the highway.


Yeah that was the splashier and then it goes everywhere. It was a popular artists that did that many years ago. Right, in Chicago. Oh yeah. Yeah. It was this particular artist, I think it was the crew bus.


But I remember the the, the Koca and everything going over the Chicago River. Oh really. Well there was a ferry boat going underneath because like I don't I remember that story.


Yeah. Yeah. It was a pretty big deal because they were pretty environmentally conscious artists. Oh really. Yeah.


That's a pretty cool thing. Of all touring artists were like if you get behind my bus you risk hitting a wall of shit. Exactly. Yeah. It makes it like a game where you like and I wonder if I could drive behind them for a while. I got to watch out for children. Yeah, I was watching for shit flying shit. Yeah. It's a great idea. It is a real fan. You'll, you won't mind. Yeah.


It's really something.


Yeah. How's the band by the way. I met all the guys we did koenen together.


For people that are watching or listening we did Koenen together and I remember you were coming out and I hadn't heard your band before and one of the it was either Conan or Andy that they were like have you, have you heard these guys. And I was like no. And they're like this kid fucking rips. Wow. Yeah. And then you came out I was like what.


Because, like, every, like the way you play and your voice, it's like your voice should not come out.


Now you sell your soul to the devil. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your voice is amazing. And like hearing you I was like, holy shit.


I know. And what are you I mean how old are you. Fifteen. You're you're a baby now. I'm, I'm twenty four. Twenty five next year. Yeah.


I mean when did you discover this voice. Oh I was a kid. My, my folks are, my dad rather is a guitar player and a singer and your grandfather was to my grandfather too so I grew up around it. And Piedmont. Yeah Piedmont. That's where I went to high school. I don't claim that spot. Yeah. I grew up in Greenville primarily.


Oh yeah. Yeah I've been, we've been together. Yeah. I agree with you. What are you playing. I did this beautiful theater piece in the Peace Center. Yeah. That was awesome then.


And the show was you always remember the show. A lot of times they're like, you know, yeah. There's certain venues where like it'll be historic and you'll be like, oh like the fox in Detroit. You're like Jesus. But what I remember specifically is sometimes you'll do certain regional runs where you're like, I don't know how this is going to go. And I was and I did the Peace Center in Greenville, and it was like it was one of like these shows that stands out to me from that part of the tour.


Really good show. Now that theater is is insane. And I remember from being a kid and when we finally got to play there, I remember when I saw B.B. King there as a kid. I was on the last seat in the top balcony. Yeah. I had my head leaned against the brick wall. I saw Crosby, Stills and Nash there a little bit closer. I saw Steve Miller there. And when we finally got to play there, they just replaced all the seats.


I don't know when you played there. I don't know if it had, like, the like the old pink upholstery. I don't think so. Yeah, but they said they asked me if there's anything that we could do because we sold the place out. So they wanted to do some nice. I said I just want a chair. I know you have some chairs left and they gave you one. They gave me a chair which that was the coolest thing anybody's ever given me.


That's pretty cool. I get that. Yeah.


And especially because you got to enjoy that. You got to go there as a kid. Right.


Or growing up, you got to see artists there and you got to sell it out, which is even like so cool, man. It's crazy. Yeah. Yeah. But what a wonderful trying to find a place for that in the house. Yeah.


My girlfriend's not happy about the theater, so fucking bucket seats. What is this. Yeah. We need this.


She's an artist now. How did you know you were like when did you know you were a dope as you are. Like when did you know that your skills were not. Because I always ask this like to musicians. Right.


Like to our untrained, like we like music. I can hear somebody just like shredding. I'll be like, wow, you're you're fucking really good. And then they'll be like, I'm not that good.


No, I mean I was going to say I still have my doubts. I just I just like doing it. There's some that it's like a compulsion. Yeah. You know, just like I know you guys are so passionate about comedy. Right. And it comes through in your specials like me and my girlfriend, huge fans. It's awesome, by the way. But but we're full of doubt, too.


So that's not really saying that at lunch time.


How I we at least I don't know how you feel, but I hate everything I've prior to right now, even right now. I hated what I said a minute ago.


I don't think I like anything that's very I think that that's for comedians. I think it's a very healthy like a comedian who is progressing and working and doing well. You should go through days where you're like, I'm like, you should have days where you're like, I'm super fucking funny, I'm the shit. And then you should have days also where you're like, I don't know what I'm doing and I don't know if I'm good at this. And that's OK.


And that's OK. Yeah. And it's that's musicians too. OK, there's some nights but it's the same with the crowd. Yeah. Like for us we have the luxury of like amplifiers. Yeah. And there's six of us up there. Yeah. You know you guys are all alone and that's always that's freaked the shit out of me. It's terrifying and there's no music happening. I know. To offset what's happening. Why we tell them turn these fucking monitors up man.




I always see the huge monitors. I was like respect. Yeah. It's amazing.


Well, and I learn this trick from Louis C.K. He said, always have your mic turned up. You are louder than the audience.


An even louder on Late Show Friday when these fuckers are always something like crank it up or well, don't let them talk because they'll talk anyway.


You're not going to get them to completely not talk in Peace Center is not going to all shut down. So you just be like make it loud so that like, if they are talking Drouyn and we're going to we're going to talk louder than them, you know.


Yeah. And and that's what we learned playing in bars early on. Right. That's how I developed. Like, my kind of singing voice was just just a scream, really.


How did you get so talk about the first time you're singing. You can't train to have like someone can't hear you be like I'll sing like that. Like your voice is God given voice. Oh man. Well thank you. I mean, it's incredible. It's an incredible voice. I appreciate it. You have like this.


I mean it's funny because I got into what I would I don't know if this is like everyone's very doesn't like being labeled or boxed in, but like to me it's like a Southern rock vibe. Right, like that. I mean, that I, I got into it when I when I went to Carolina, I went to college in North Carolina. Oh yeah.


And so that's when I got into Allman Brothers government mule Black Crows like that was like that for me, that kind of school. And like there's a like a vibe to it I should say. Right. Like right.


Like, you know, the guitar, the soulful singing and stuff and like that's what I first heard you.


I was like it took me back to that feeling is a special thing. And those those people are very passionate about that music. Yeah. And I have family like that and it's a beautiful art form. I mean, it's such a it's what I grew up. I was spoon fed that music. Yeah. Growing up. But you know. To be lumped into that as it's always an honor, but it's always something that I'm kind of trying to work past as well without like without pissing that demographic, I'm sure in a way.


Yeah. But after you do a couple of blues cruises, you know, you kind of get worn out on it. I got you. What's a blues cruise? A blues cruise is exactly what it sounds like. It's just a cruise with a lot of blues fans. I've got, you know, a lot of blues for about a week. Oh. And you're like, that's enough of that. A lot of Tommy Bahama love jazzy scooters because you're your music has like elements of it, but also other elements, too, right.


It's not just this one thing. Well, those are those are the purists, you know. Right. And I always get in trouble with the purists because I'm not a blues artist. And I never said I was. But they're always asking me, like, what? What do you think the purists are going to think about this?


Yeah, I don't really care as fuck about them. Well, that is a blues purist, but that seems to be what's tough about your audience.


Right? Is there. I mean, I'm very ignorant of it, so forgive me. I will say stupid shit to you as I love it.


Yeah, but well, for instance, like the country audience, you have to be a certain way, right, for them to accept you. You have to be able to sleep and Dolly Parton's backyard.


Otherwise she's a cunt. Right. So is that what you're there, purist's? Yeah, they're very tight.


I mean, it's like we went out with Chris Stapleton and his crew and like he came up kind of in the same way we did with the Southern Rock. So we go out with them and we realized that every audience is similar in some ways. And in some ways they're like you said, they're very purist's. Yeah, but we're playing for the people that just came to have a good time. Yes. And you can find those in any crowd.


Well, when those labels come like like like, you know, I hope I didn't insult you with that at all, the vibe of that.


But like. So do you go like I just prefer not to have the label, like I'm just a musician and I make music. Or is it or does it is there something that you prefer, like your music to be described as? Man?


It's like the only time it gets hard to explain. What I do is like if someone asked me in the airport, yeah, yes, I have a guitar with me. What companies do you play? It takes me like five minutes just to explain because I have to unpack it. So it is easier just to say like we play rock music. Yeah, we're from the south. So the Southern Rock moniker doesn't doesn't bother me, you know, and always just like Roll Tide brother.


Well how about them tigers.


So you're a little kid and you wait, you discover how old are you when you figure out you have this talent? When I when I was about thirteen, that's when I started singing. And that's when your voice changes, right? That's when my voice was.


Yeah. It was in a weird transitional phase. Yeah. But I got really into Aretha Franklin and Tina Turner.


I saw her in concert, Aretha in concert in South Carolina. Really. Yes.


No, she had those big cities that my day Casey in that we went oh she had a big old tits were informants.


And she had she actually had two crew guys hold her tits, Aretha Franklin's titties, because those were so big before she died. I want to say I want to say we tweeted about that and Dolly Parton has big tits to know.


Yeah, you got to Google Aretha Franklin's tits. They're being caged in right there. Yeah, you can see them. Yeah, they're both. Yeah.


Look at that same fucking titties. She's probably selling tickets just for the tits. Oh, look who's to Jesus Christ. Back in the day with Don Cornelius. Cornelius. That's right.


Well, look at her and Tina Turner.


I mean, that's a couple things you just don't get in life. And Aretha Franklin's titties are two of them.


You know who was at the concert, too? This is just like a weird thing. I remember I was it was in South Carolina. It was near the show was somewhere near Myrtle Beach. Yeah. And we went to the show and Danny Glover was at the show. Really?


Yeah. And she shouted him out. Oh, that's good. Yeah. Because it wasn't that like it was a theater, but it wasn't like, you know too too big. Yeah. And the other thing that we would we were kind of laughing about, she was she was big.


I mean, she was big when when the show was there, she would do like two songs and then take like a thirty minute break and then come back in a new outfit.


I'm like, oh, shit. And then she would do a couple of songs like I'll be back and walk off when you just wait. And no, people were just, you know, we were like she'd been gone a while.


Right. And then she'd come back another two songs.


And I did hear because I was such a big fan of hers, I heard that she was not the nicest person. Know it doesn't happen. Yeah, but, you know, that's speculative on my part. But that's true. I did watch.


I love that there was a clip, an interviewer. She did somebody asked her, you know, how about this? Something like we invest in something. It was in an interview and she was like, are you going to write the check to the interviewer? And they're like, no, because that's what I thought. Yeah.


I've avoided so many artists just because I don't want to ruin what they are doing, I. Don't talk to him.


I one time got to meet Kim Deal on the streets of Silver Lake and she offered me her email address and I was like, no, because I don't I didn't want to know her, not to say, I don't know, I can be a shithead or not, but I don't want to know. Don't tell me. I want to keep the illusion that you're awesome. Exactly. So did you go to Myrtle Beach a lot growing up, man?


Not really. We Myrtle Beach just we were more of a Charleston family. OK, way nicer. Way nice.


What he's trying to say is we had some money. OK. OK, well, I, we were sharing a room, but we still didn't want to. What do you think of a piece of shit.


What do you think of Myrtle Beach now. Myrtle Beach. That was by the way, we went to Myrtle Beach because it was I think senior week. Yeah. It was like we go to we went to a motel like twenty five of us and we put I think 50 blunts in the room refrigerator, like to keep them cool and the and would smoke in the room. Yeah. And the cleaning staff would just be like just ok, like they just give up.


We're like oh yeah. It was just a place to get wrecked. Right. Myrtle Beach.


Myrtle Beach is is kind of where it all kind of flushes out the state. I had a Charles is nice though man. Johnson's great. A beautiful place. Yeah.


That's a pretty now you're thirteen and so where do you perform when you're a thirteen year old kid. Churches and stuff.


Yeah well I played in church growing up but I think you realize pretty soon these are not my people. Yeah.


I can't imagine doing that church.


Are you doing this new gospel album. They're not there.


They're not there for the music. So I mean, you know, I grew up in church and I'm glad that I did. You know, you learn a lot of morals there and great players in church, too. So that was positive. But I started playing like in the bars and I had, like, older musicians kind of take me under their wing. You played in those bars?


Young Lakers. Yeah. Wow. How are you able to get in?


Because at the comedy, because he can rip more. Right. They heard him play in there. Fuck. All right. They don't like shit.


They just like they let you in to perform and then you kick you out right away, right? Pretty much, man. Like it was kind of like I mean, now I get I get carded. Yeah. And I got a floppy South Carolina ID, so they still think it's fake and I try to break it out here.


But yeah, it seems pretty cool. So I mean I'm still Babyface for me at thirteen. Like it was, it was just apparent, it was very apparent. So I mean they didn't even have to ask my hands but they did. But it was just kind of an understood thing in in Greenville. I would just play all these bars and they'd kick me out soon as the gig was over. But I could get in there and kind of cut my teeth and play with older musicians and they just kind of show me the ropes.


So you're like, what?


Fifteen? Yeah, sixteen when you're starting to perform. How old are you?


So when I was about thirteen when I started doing it uses with my own band and when I'm fifteen or sixteen, I started like realizing that these club owners will take advantage. As you know, if you if you don't stand your ground, I don't know what you're talking about on the show business.


I mean, great music specifically always has had up and up business venue owners. Record deals are always really in the artist favor. What do you what was your.


So, yeah, that's when I started sneaking drinks. So I you know, and I remember particularly this one club, I'd say, you know, it's a it's a three minute guarantee. And we were four piece band, but one of the members couldn't make it. So we were carrying on as a three piece. He said, well, we're going to have to dock your pay. Holy shit. And and he said, because it's seventy five a person and you had four people.


I said, but it was a three hundred guarantee. And that was, that was what people. Yeah. For people we don't pay seventy five.


I thought you bring your dogs, I sock a little more so you know that's the first time that I just got like obliterated in this club at sixteen and the club owner I can't have a I drunk 16 year old in here cause and shit so just don't come back and yeah that's kind of how my experience was gone in a couple of bar bar brawls. We didn't want to I mean I would not instigate them, but if you didn't want to pay me, I mean I'd say, look, you know, my grandfather's wisdom was to just start stealing their shit.


Yeah. I want to pay you. Yeah, right. Yeah. He's like, man, just take the stools, take the pay, quit whatever you can get your hands up, taking it out of there and they'll pay you. Yeah. They want to get their shit. And did that work. It worked. We got paid but we were playing for like our bass players girlfriend and and the sides that we played nine to 12 and we got down at twelve for nobody and they said, well you play to one.


And we said, no, no, that's not what's happening. So I said, look, you're going to pay us and we're going to leave. And I didn't want to pay us, so I said, we're going to take a shit. And then it turned into this whole thing. And then this is Phil and drummer I had at the time. They jumped on his back like these huge dudes had to know where I was, like, where were these guys when we were playing?


I said. Yeah, they came out of the walls, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, they're huge. And they just, you know, started really going at it. And I did not get hit, which was good. That's good. But the back of that venue that you can only find if you know how to get there. Mm hmm. So the back side of it was a police like dispatch unit. Oh, I like where they answer the phones.


So the cops were there real quick. It was a it was an interesting way to grow up. Yeah.


There's there's really interesting entertainment, live live venues, live shows like the type of shit you run into. I mean, it's it's unlike people who don't do it, don't realize that, you know, all these especially like to start them out, places like they'll fuck you so hard. Yeah.


It's the same thing with like I don't know how you feel now about record deals, but it's like it's so different from when, you know, the music you grew up listening to was in an era where that music was made and recorded with this industry controlled everything. And it was designed basically to fuck the artist. And then now because, you know, comedy's kind of same thing where, you know, the specials are the bigger thing now, but they're still like, you know, streaming albums that are for sale.


And but one of the things is weird, like when you're a comedian now, like sometimes you talk to someone, they're like, oh, you know, so-and-so notable comedy name offered me a record deal. I'm like, why do you need that? Like, you just record it yourself, right? Spend like a thousand dollars. Yeah. And invest in yourself and like, what are they going to do, put on iTunes. You can put on iTunes.


Right. So I don't know for musicians if it's like if they feel like.


You know that the record company still holds weight, I think I think it's kind of you know, obviously they had to shift gears a bit with, like, the streaming and sure thing. But, you know, for me, I've always I've always kind of. Played into the idea like, all right, yeah, sure, I own my masters, my publishing. What am I going to fucking do with it? I don't know what to do with it.


Right. You know, I'd rather have somebody own a piece of it for X amount of years and know how to push it. Sure. But I mean, that's just my experience. Yeah. You know what? I can't obviously tell people that's the way to do it. Yeah. But I mean, I like having a label that knows how to push the music. And, you know, that's the thing, too, is like for going into the studio and recording something for, you know, a few weeks, it's going to it's going to add up.


Yeah. You know, so so it helps with that. It helps to have that spark back. You do the thing that like so many people, I mean, I don't even know how it works, but I've seen so many stories about artists, musicians specifically being like, I want to own my masters. I'm like and having to fight and pay, you know, huge sums of money to get, like, the the music they wrote. That's crazy and perform.


Yeah. I mean, you got to you got to have good lawyers in this business. But, you know, in my experience, the people that have taken me under their wings, labels I've signed to I've had I've had good experiences. That's awesome. You know, I've I've been taking good taking care of really good. So it's it's been positive, but that's great. We'll talk in a few years and see what I'm living on the streets and Malibu.


There you go.


Well, I heard a little nugget I was listening to. I think it was Miley Cyrus and she was saying that the record labels find a way to get the music on Tick-Tock now. Like it's there's like all these little insidious ways of getting your music into the world that there's it's cool.


It's cool. I want you to get on the talk. Are you making your talks? You need help. Yeah, I need you to create some lights, but we'll put your music to that money.


Well, my sister actually found my music on Tic-Tac. She did. And she was like, freaking out. She hit me up about it. People are doing it. What is it called? Duets. Yeah. They're like, are they duetting you? I don't know, Carolina.


I have to say that your lyrics, we're listening to you and your lyrics are so adult like and now it makes sense. Like you have a soul of a middle aged man inside of you, but you were growing up and why are you so grown man.


But don't you think there is like you're saying, you're sitting in the back of a theater watching these wonderful acts, growing up as a little kid, and then nothing is an education like doing bar shows. I think you see you see real humanity working in nighttime places. Like, for instance, when I cocktail waitresses out of college like that was more of an education to me, like watching people when they drink and how they act. And what happens at night is really what the fuck is up with humanity.


Absolutely amazing. And I see it to be like you kind of see the underbelly of society and you start to see that we shouldn't take ourselves so seriously. And between playing bars and seeing grown adults act like assholes and get dragged out of these places and then see them at church or whatever the next day or to see fraternity brothers, that was a big one for me. I had this rule. They're always cool. They're always so great for the best.


They're always really nice to me. But they'd they'd be like having a nice conversation with me and then like, see this younger, like, pledge with a girl and just like knock him down just on the gravel, be like planks on the gravel and I pour a beer on his head like water talking to me about like nice stuff. Jesus. I'm like, this guy's going to be someone's doctor the other day. Someone's lawyer is going to be the senator of the state douchebag as that's what I was like.


It's all it's all rigged.


Well, let me ask you this, because, like now, OK, you're you know, you're putting out albums, you're working on more, putting out great music, you're touring, your star is rising. And here you are with a fucking girlfriend. Why not go out?


Yeah. And throw that thing off and see what kind of numbers you can not get. Man, man, I, I just I love I like the stability.


You know what. Oh I see what it's like. Right. Am I right. Twenty four. Twenty four. You're going to look back on these days with so much regret.


Let's talk about what's this guy doing.


Why are you wearing it. Why you're wearing a mask like that. That's how you wear a mask. John. John put that shit on right.


Oh shit. Be real. Doesn't that kind of look like me?


You're not wrong. It kind of looks like my grandpa. Pete. Yeah, this guy's. What's up, Pete? Not funny, but matter.


Got this. Life is a game. Just that's what you were saying. What I was going. Take yourself so seriously, look at Georgia, come on, John. I want to talk to you. I did not find this one. I don't know.


Well, it's not my original. It's just in here. And it's just a pleasure to have it. Yeah, this is great. Yeah.


Anyway, the point I was making with your bar life, I think, is that you figure out that people essentially are all the same. And when you see them at their lowest, when they're drunk and fucked up and we see it in comedy clubs to everybody loves, everybody loses, everybody dies, everybody has that. So it's the human condition and nothing is clear at night when people drink and let their guard down and they let it all fucking hang out.


Yeah, I like that grit. And that's why I like stand up comedy and I like doing it in clubs.


When you see these drunk fuckers and their girls with her tits hanging, you just like this then slime of the earth right here first.


Great to have it like in the resume.


Gritty, but it's real nice to be at the Peace Center and not at the bar and not have these drunk baddies coming up on stage.


Yeah. I mean, were you just get to go like did you do it go like I did all I had to experience.


I'll take the peace center. Yeah. Yeah. What was funny is like that club I was talking about where I got kicked out when I was 16, that that whole staff, the owner and his wife, and they were all in the front row. And they're very sweet folks, though, now. They, you know, they're sweet, but they were in the front row and it was kind of a weird full circle moment for me. Yeah.


Like you get me out of your bar. Yeah. And they are front row at your show. Yeah.


But they're they're such sweethearts that aren't really I mean, I'm sure I was being a shit today. They did. Did you interact with them at the show or. No. Now you know how it is. Hometown shows man. We had to designate a whole room just for extended family to like finish your song.


That's for you, Kevin. Your piece of shit. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. It makes you play harder. It does. Right. When you see X's and whatever in the crowd, it just feels good.


And they see they see that and the ovation. Yeah.


I didn't even notice you were there. Oh yeah, that's true.


We were talking about well you came to my shows in Nashville, which is so sweet. And I had so many people camped out in my in the green room that I was like, I'm so sorry.


I literally got.


And what did you what was your calling them out of the car to wear me out. Wear me out. Yeah. I have a real low tolerance for no. Oh yeah. Like real low. Yeah. Yeah.


I mean I remember one time I got to a city I won't say so the promoter picked me up from the hotel and like drives me to the gig and I was like oh yeah. Cool thanks. Pulls up to the back and you know, we're just making small talk. Yeah. You know, cool, everything's cool at the hotel and we walk in the green room in the green room is full.


But I just got there, I was like, oh, what's going on here? He's like, oh these are like like that's my girl and these are some of my friends. And I was like, why are they in here? And he was like, What? I go, why are they in my green room? Yeah. Before the show he was like, just hanging out. I'm like, Yeah, but it's my room. Yeah, yeah, yeah.


I don't hang out with them. He was like, oh OK. Like he was stunned. He was shocked. Yeah. And I don't get Mad Men.


It's cultural I guess because like in the South I think they want they want to make you feel at home I think is the idea. And I'm like get the fuck away from me like I need quiet, tiny, quiet.


We're not. I want to hang out. Let's hang out.


After the show. After the show. After the show. Yeah. Yeah, but not before.


Do you keep it mellow pre show backstage thing like is it pretty low key man. I try to you know it's funny like how rock and roll is now like compared to back in the day. Yeah. Yeah. You guys that Tommy Lee on air. Well my experience is he's like, he's like heroin is pretty you know. Yeah. We're like, you know, we just kind of check our Instagram account accounts for a few hours. Yeah I know.


But don't you feel like you need that to put on a good show, like just heroin and like just like I'm sitting on the couch, something's bugging me. Yeah, yeah, yeah.


Like to kind of center yourself to put on the big show, you know. No, I mean, yeah, absolutely. I'll get in my bunk and just kind of vibe out. Yeah.


And those bunks are like, uh, sensory deprivation, deprivation. So you just kind of lay in there for, you know, a solid twenty minutes. It's the perfect nap and then come out just ready to go. Yeah. Yeah. You know. Yeah. Those energy zappers. Oh man. I can't fucking talk where me mean.


I've had people tell me like dark shit before I go. Oh yeah. And my mom died this year.


Yeah. Like I yeah. I got. Yeah that's really positive to go on to the worst.


Oh vanillin. Yeah. Where do you stand for the flag.


You know like I just, I just want to show that for the flag please. Talking to me, you told us that the cool guy ref is actually really hard to do.


I was working on it last night, my engineer and I. We kind of decided. I love it so much and, uh, yeah, my engineer and I kind of bonded on the fact that we're both big fans of the show. And he was like, you're going to be on, what, tomorrow? So, you know, shout out to Taylor. But he was like, I can put it in to Ableton and we could slow it down.


You could figure it out. So we slowed it down and I was trying to figure it out and I got there. But it's a pretty tough riff, actually.


That's actually me. You know that one day I came in here, I was like, I think we should give it a theme, you know? I mean, you know, if you want, I'll show you after the show. I got a guitar in the front. Yeah, I say yes. Yeah, I tried pretty hard, man.


Hi there. So we had a little bit of a guitar here. Oh, this guy. I'm going to rebuild my guitar. I can rebuild that one, you know. Hey, just leave it. Oh my God. We're going to make it better, bigger, faster, stronger for another six million dollar record.


I think he might be.


And it's also he's sitting on it looks like it's concrete. That is like at a worksite. Yeah. Like there's a lot of like paint chips, nails, nails, screws, and to go home.


And I think I might get all sweaty. And he lit up with the Womersley football team on Sunday after the fucking game. Oh. Oh, I love this.


I oh, a lot of good stuff going on.


Oh, baby. Oh my God.


It's hard being here some days, but someone's got to do it. Oh Jesus. I like him. Oh, not long ago now there's a cool guy.


Yeah, there it is. There it is. And by the way, he is very cool. The cool is pretty cool. I like him and I like him better than the city of Fremont. I choose you're out of your mind. How do you choose him or the city of Fremont between these?


Well, here's the thing, Ali. OK, I'll tell you the truth. The city of Fremont, I don't think can hurt me. And I do think this guy can. Yeah, this guy seems pretty tall. This guy has violent tendencies.


He's you know, he breaks the guitar. He's hanging out on concrete, just sitting on the floor. Like, this is a good point. How did the guitar get broken in such a way? I think he may have had something to do with it.


And also, I don't see a lot of regret in his eyes, but I feel badly. I don't see a lot of life in those. I know it's a pretty dark life.


Life is the right word by me.


Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's pretty cool. He's cool. By the way, did you see the Biden fart?


That was his father twice now on camera since he's been. Wait a minute.


Have we confirmed both farts. Yeah, we've confirmed one with our no bones extreme. Both right. Here's the first one. Wow.


No, I have to cut those teachers and firefighters, police officers cut critical health care programs or stop work on roads and bridges. So what does the human cost of my state. Yeah, local fiscal relief look like?


This is the more recent one. Why in God's name don't we teach my kids boosted history in history classes. A black man invented the light bulb, not a white guy named Edison. OK, I heard that.


And this was we verified this is from the feed C-SPAN and then we boosted it.


Not a white guy named Edison. I mean, that's. Yeah, wow.


I like a guy going into a possible presidency is like I openly for it. Yeah, I agree. And I think that's the swag that the US needs. Again, we're going to fucking fart. We just face. Yeah. We need a boring guy, a boring boring guy.


But which one's hotter. So we were talking about this today in terms of hotness like rank the four people. OK, Trump, what's his name, the Mike Pence, Kamala Harris and Joe Biden. Like rank them in terms of hotness, please.


I take politics out of it all the way out of it. Yeah, I just see who's the best looking.


I think it's pretty obvious. Right? Yeah. Where you at? I mean, I think Kamala Harris is definitely looking a best looking at the floor right then. No, then it gets interesting.


Yeah. Because there's three older white guys who are not genetically gifted. Yeah. And it's kind of it's up to you personally.


I think, uh, pense as a power bottom has like that smoldering.


Intense. He does. Yeah he does pretty well. Daddy said it was not nice to do this, but I'm doing well.


Pense has a traditional white oppressor look to him. He does. He's what you would call a classic white guy.


He's got the white guy hair like an OG Whitey and I like him. He makes by the way, that's the same face he makes when he sends an order back right there, he's like, these are actually cold eggs, this man.


And he smiles, yeah.


So but I think he's of the three guys, he's the best looking guy, I would argue. Yeah. Where do you stand?


I had to be in agreement with you on that. Yeah.


And then it comes down to the real interesting debate, which is Biden versus Trump strictly based on aesthetics.


Yeah. Who's hotter?


I would argue that if you could rewind five years, Joe might have a leg up on Trump.


But I think now, even with Trump's orange face toupee or comb over and obesity and just overall lack of character that shines through his persona, I still think he might be better looking than Biden.


Really. Well, I think crazy. I think Biden appears more more fragile or elderly.


He doesn't. Yeah. You know, here's the deal, man. Trump does get his teeth whitened.


They're nice. That's really good. Yeah. And yes, he may go a little too harsh on the self, Tanner, but at least he's trying.


He's trying and the hair's fucked up.


But he's he's been doing that since the 80s. The stupid coma. Yeah, it's not good. It's a look. But Biden was cuter in his youth.


In his youth. Yeah. If we're going to for youth, I think Biden's got him all day. Yeah. My father and I actually talked about it last night. He was like, man, I just think your dad actually reminds me a lot of my dad.


Oh, really? And he's a man. You know, I just I think Bonds is too old for the White House.


No, he's like a year or two older. Yeah. Than our current president. Is it just one uses self. Tanner Yeah, exactly. I just think. And he's smiled. Wow. He's just rolling with his blemishes, not Karen. Yeah.


Yeah. I'll tell you somebody, I think Biden's job. Exactly. Yes, we need to clarify, Biden, why is nobody giving him a spray tan and filling in those gaps? He needs some help. He needs a little help, that he needs that spray for the ball.


They just need to prop them up a little bit. Last run.


I mean, what's he going to look like in four years? Oh, he won't be alive.


And I game. I don't know how either of them are going to look him, though. He gets if he gets sworn in but is going to turn to hair. So like you're on in 15.


Let's give you a tour of the White House.


You're going to be looking here, OK, while he's doing his speech in partnership, we'll show you.


Yeah, well, look how they can move him back to the VP house and he be like this in the White House.


And then they put him in the governor's mansion, I think.


Oh, yeah, he would know. Yeah. He was a good looking hot little did. Yeah. Yeah.


Good looking guy. But I my money's on Bernie all day. Looks partment.


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So, uh, so check out this guy. This is a guy this is so rare. It's probably like a handful of people. This is a legit dude who was raised in Asia but is a Caucasian man. But he was raised in Asia since being since a little boy. Right. So he's the rare exception of seeing completely blond, white looking dude who speaks English with an Asian accent. Oh, cool.


Tyler, how long have you lived in Singapore? Singapore nine years. Thirty nine years. And then before that? Oh, yeah.


In China I'm all five year in the states and local schools are only one person how to do anything.


I always stand on China. Same thing they call me thing I think cold and cold, golden hair.


I love it. That's right. So why didn't you speak Mandarin.


Yeah, they're still using these days to get stuff right down.


Holy. Oh my God. He's raised from birth. So that's so rad.


He's not mocking somebody when he's doing now, which is probably the one and only time.


Yeah. No other white guy on earth who's going. I lit the fire.


He's not making it up. I haven't heard the motivation for a year now. I find Singapore second China. I guess that's my my pleasure. I like him. Don't you feel like doing it?


It reminds me of my girlfriend.


Look at each other like every day I'm like, you fat. You had the baby. Yet we say that every day to each other.


I have a baby. Oh, you're fat. Yeah. She come out, you look a fat. Was that a nail in. Yeah. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I went to my nails. I'm the same bitch.


She always said she had the baby yet and I did. I just fucking had him like look for months postpartum. Oh you're so fat. Yeah. You stupid fuck I had at your place.


Remember your place in Silverlake. You had your place.


Uh I went to check the barai. I know the bride but this is I am faci and I think this is a different place.


This one that you used to go to maybe with Brian. I walk in and and I think you and already walked in and litigate too big.


Nobody big for you. Everybody here smile. You will you to be.


I was like what are you talking about. Those straight up. Yeah.


Oh like you're fucking in the cockpit with like I know.


And said he comes out of the back and they look at you and you're like, no, I just shut you down.


Oh yeah. Well I tried buying jeans in Korea and South Korea like a decade ago. Yeah. Same thing. So I need to beg you to beg. Oh my God, bitch. You need the extra large.


Okay. I heard you were not sure I was going to say.


Don't you feel like the term Caucasian is. Racist as fuck, it feels it feels like I already did something wrong. Yeah, I feel like something. He's Caucasian, everybody.


Yeah, not my Caucasian. Just found like. Yeah, like you're a criminal. Didn't do anything. It's really police call you come after you don't know so much about my mother.


I'm all the more you know, like wow. Wow. Yeah. They're role playing there.


Yeah. Hey I got my calling fake you know. Can I go by Eros. I met you by one.


That's clearly about line cutting, but they were like readapting. Line cutting is a big thing in Asia, you know. So he was like playing the part of what had happened to him. Is it a big thing? And yeah.


Hey, I'm I come my calling fake, you know, can I go back or ask you why she knew that she was authentic.


She was I yeah. He must have been like, hey fuckhead. Like to the guy in front of him. You went into he went into it man. Yeah. She knows that he's doing the real deal. That's crazy.


Hanegbi is such an anomaly to see a Caucasian speaking fluent. It is.


They're speaking English with that accent I met you by I remember I told the story on here, but my sister was at the language institute for the Navy and they and she was trained in Mandarin. So we went out to a, uh, a restaurant.


I did. And it was one of those other the places where like the Benihana or the top up and so much fun. So it's supposed to be Japanese, but they're just like your Asian, right.


You can work here. So they get the guy to cook for us and he's Chinese. Yeah.


So my sister greets him like I think she's like she's like, where you from. He speaks English with a heavy accent. Yeah. She starts speaking Mandarin to him.


And this dude was like cooking and he was like like he was like, wow. Yeah. And then she starts, she kept talking and he was struggling to keep cooking. He kept telling us he was like he was like I never met a white person.


And he was like, that's sweet. Yeah. He was like, it's so hard to speak our language. I was like, it's your own language. And you're like, it's so hard to speak our language. Wow. Yeah. And then and then she gave up. She moved on with her life.


Yeah. Why did she she was really for everybody know she doesn't do it anymore. But sometimes I know she was very gifted.


It was amazing. It was just really gets you speak any other languages now. I don't I regret it because you just sing amazingly well.


That's kind of a good time to do that shit.


I just burped off the mark and I feel so embarrassed. Oh, yeah. What do you do in your mom's house? Do. Sorry, please. So feel free. But you want a soda. Yeah. Get them reputable.


Cejka we'll just go. Oh yeah.


This is my ship. Those are the shit. I quit drinking for a long time and I got really into tobaco. So good tactics, right. Yeah. It's a Texas thing street so it's out of Mexico. But they were so kind. They sent me like a fridge and like a pallet of man.


You go home. It's the shit. It's the shit. I'm huge into that one as well. The very, very bubbly. Probably more bubbly early in Perrier. Yeah, very, very more than Perrier. Yeah. It's really it really hits you that top of you go. Yeah, I love it. That's good stuff.


You're doing this before Caucasian. Oh, hottest chili. Chili pepper. I'm just going to see what happens. I'm not going to say I'm going to be able to bunworth this whole thing. Oh no, I'm not making any claims. What kind of pepper is it? He said it was a chili pepper.


Oh, no. He goes back for me.


Die, right. I think that's bad for you.


I don't want to go on drink and stupid, stupid prick waiting time.


Are we sending him to Mars? Definitely. Oh shit. Where is he. A halfway house.


Oh oh. Oh Jesus. Jesus Christ.


Oh no, no, no.


Oh no. Oh I can't do it. He seems like he's really struggling. Yes. He might be dead now.


He might be dead, right? Yeah. This guy, my dandruff and hair, his dandruff hot and dry now. Oh. How do you have that much. That's a collection. Oh. Oh. I wasn't expecting that. They didn't take it easy, take it easy. That's my favorite.


The real take it easy. Look at his face.


Do you think that he looks like he's anything that you've ever pulled out? He's like, you want to try to mug it and then make it like more of his face?


Yeah, I tell you what, though, I don't really want to hang out with a ton of these folks. I would probably know him because he seems pretty chill. He seems like a chill NorCal. I got to tell you something.


You're reading people way off.


This is not a show. That is not true. You want to hang out with these issues?


Fremont Street. I wouldn't want to. I said if I had to choose between a couple cool dudes, I would choose the city of Fremont because I feel like I know what's out there. I know that his behavior is crazy. It's on it's on the surface. This guy seems like chill for all the guys to you.


That's the that everybody is going crazy and you talk to my motherfuckers. Let's get tough on you scum sucking ducks motherfuckers.


Yeah, yeah. Christine is like, yeah, I'd hang out with that guy, follow the flow of that guy. Yeah. He's got musical timing.


Like I like the lighting in there. Oh don't you feel like music. Musicians and comedians are kindred spirits entirely.


I think you guys say the things that we're not gifted enough to say.


Wait, you guys say quarter but we can sing it, sing it. And the timing because music is timing. It's all timing. You guys have you know, comedians have amazing timing. And when I get off the stage, I listen to a podcast and yeah, I listen to music.


It's so funny. Yeah. We've met so many musicians through, you know, over the years just that are like, oh yeah, listen to podcasts and I listen to comedy. Yeah.


And then you talk to all comedians that are like I just listen to music, you know, like yeah I could go across over there just getting pumped up on AC DC.




So have you heard him sing by the way. Yeah. You can sing. It is a bone Scott stuff. Really. He's crazy. Yeah. That's the first podcast I ever did was let there be talk with Dean within. Yeah. A few years ago. Yeah.


He um he can actually like I've heard him fuck around like up close, but then I saw video of him like on a stage singing. I'm like God damn. Did you really have a voice. Rip's. Yeah. Really.


Did you have you met Garth Brooks. No. You haven't. No I haven't. Scared. Yeah I'm a little little. Yeah he's he's a he's a little scary. A little intimidating. Thank you.


Finally, somebody, a member of his community chiming in now. But I mean I haven't met him. But you know, you've heard rumors though. I've heard rumors. Yeah. Yeah. They're not.


We all have there's one community that I've heard rumors from but the G man is not to be fucking with.


Look at his titties. This is he. Yeah, he's a he's a good kid. Money talks. Yeah, you want to see some talks, would you like to do some talks, please? I'd love to get some talks.


He's got some talks in here. All right. Curated by the one and only talk master. And by the way, let's celebrate good news. Tick tock is free again. They were about to lock it up. Oh, really? It was really a negotiating tool that Trumpy was using.


Yeah, and it worked. We have the talks back.


Talks are back. However, it's I can't share all of them on my stories. I have to send them to any and then he processes them for me.


Yes. It's a these are these are all approved already. Yeah. Huh. Yeah. Yeah. Right right now.


Right around. Oh hey guys. I totally burnt off our ass.


We, I spent like a week. Yup. And we been going at each other like all week. The Inari. We're not at all. We're so high. It's like ridiculous.


Yeah. But it's coming to like imagine two cancers that have emotional problems but the attraction is perfect with each other. And then you don't you're both potheads. You both smoke or you do your edibles. Yeah, but that's what happens with edibles.


You freak out with each other all over stupid shit over stupid shit out of. Hi. Uh, so much better. So much calmer. Oh yeah. Wow. Oh yeah. I like the first day we met Kyra.


This is a great pro drug commercial. Yeah I know. That was a kiss the whole time. That was a long kiss. Well I actually by the way, at first when they were like we're high, I was like, they're not high on weed, like the way that they were like looking in. I was like, this is something else, you know?


And then he's like, the Abdel's like, well, maybe, yeah.


But they're like it's just like when we first met and are eating. Are you right. Is this what you and your girlfriend are like right now. Yeah. Well yeah. We're like this out here. We got to recreational.


We got, we got, we delivered to us, which is a new thing in that fundraises that tennis's like the eighties. Man, you can't do shit out there. Yeah. It's so great here for that. Yeah. It's just rolls up like oh we got your order. Yeah. Yeah. Great.


Yeah. I was still in the air when my my we got delivered was unreal.


How would that homeless guy talk about in front of your house. Can you talk about what you're doing out here or. No. Uh not ok. I guess I'm writing. All right. I'm working on some stuff.


You know, I think I'll just say that it's very cool. I'm very happy for you. Oh, thanks. Yeah, I'm excited. Another time to come back. You can talk about that. You did your album that came out and you worked on that with Dan, right? Yeah, with Dan Auerbach. That's pretty cool. That was crazy how that kind of happened. How did that happen? Yeah. How did he just happen?


He just kind of rang me up. His people rang my manager up at the time and and they called me and it was one of those like, you know, traveling is we were in we were in Phoenix. And I was like. Kind of ready to go home. It was the last date and we were going to go home for like four, four or five days and then go to Paris and then start this French this France tour. And he called I said, change it up.


I'm just going to go straight to Tennessee. And we went there and we wrote together and we hung out and just kind of clicked, just click, wow, that's the thing.


It's like it's it seems like because of the other conversation you mentioned that there is a big thing of like just a good match. Right. Good energy vibe. Good. Like do we click.


That's what it is, man. Yeah.


Because I'm sure you've worked with people. We were like, oh, I heal. Yeah. It just it's an energy thing. It's intention to, you know. Yeah. If your intention is just to have a good record and to have a good time doing it, it can shine through. Yeah. Yeah. For sure.




Because there are some comedians who I love but you just don't have the same energy with them, the same flow and you're like a hot because I wish we were more compatible that way.


Right. Um it's so funny how that shit happens out of the blue too. Right. Like nowadays you just get a D.M. from somebody or a phone call. It's always all the good stuff is out of the blue. All the bad shit is out of left field.


So say this year was not a left field. Yeah. All right.


Good morning. My coin's above 18. You got to King here. Oh, no. Get up. Get your day started. It's going to be a beautiful day. You guys are from the Ohio area, supposed to be gorgeous today. A little chilly, but you just put a blanket on the bed for the night, get your coat and go out and enjoy. What's that mean? Have a good day. You got to go to work. You have a good day at work and fire somebody today.


Tell them they look very nice. Oh, tell them that you love them. Yeah. You guys have a good weekend. Keep up the good videos. Send me some videos, OK. You have a good weekend and I will talk to you Monday.


Not too many messages going about you guys. I can't keep up with my team only above eight.


And here's the thing. He's this is bullshit. This guy is trying to give you the illusion that he's like, be positive. Have a nice day. What he's really saying is, I want to see your tits.


Yeah, I'm trying to fuck if you're over 18, send me a post pic. Yeah. What's up with those? Every once in a while I get a whore to send me a real nice video. How about some more of those. Yeah, just I'm just going to dress it up as it's going to be a little cool today. Make sure you have a coat and tell somebody hey look nice. What he really is, is he's the I'll make you cum guy, OK?


And he just learned to be a little more civil about it, which by the way, isn't a bad thing. No, no.


In fact, Tom, you hit the nail right on the head at user two seven zero three five five five nine six.


He started on the talk by making these videos from his truck in the morning.


He's a truck driver and he's like, Hello, my beautiful ladies, it's for him. Go ahead and send me those boobie videos. I love movies. And now he's refined the message because I think you're right, which is why I'll tell you this. He's from one cool guy to another.


He's a slightly he's slightly more evolved and more intelligent. He knows that he's got to dress it up.


It can't be so direct. Get more. You're going to get you're going to get better.


D.M. is being like good morning my over eighteen lovelies then if you're just like me because that was the damning part was the over eighteen.


Yeah. He opens with that. Yeah.


That was his opener has opened over 18. What. So he's still Durak. Yeah. But he's gotten the news sometimes I don't get it right. So you of age.


Yeah. Good morning my queens. Above eighteen. Yeah. Fu Manchu is. Oh yeah. He's, he's doing it.


You had to have been accused of not hitting eighteen a few times to start making it part of your greeting twice and he closes on it.


Goodbye my above eighteen close to us. So I was like you know you hit up a couple of sixteen year old.


He was like I didn't to see more direct about it.


So what's the difference between a cool guy that doesn't learn to refine the message. Like, like I am some cool guys is to be that. Show me your tits and then. That's right.


We're fine because he's actually a little more intelligent, he's a little more evolved. Some of those guys are not capable of doing this. They're just like, well, what would be the point? Because the thing is, I'm trying to get Tippex. Yeah. So why would I say have a nice day at work and put on a coat? Because because Tippex are not going to come unless I say I love Tetes. Send me pics of them. Yeah.


Like they don't know another way. This guy actually figured that out. Right. But he's kind of wavering in the middle there though.


Right. He's still he's not the direct guy. He's not the you know. Right. Yeah. He's somewhere in the middle.


I also I pull back hard from if he was just all about, hey, everyone's having a great day.


I'm all about positivity. It's like red flags, alarms going off and someone just like.


But that's what I'm saying. So how do you as a man. Because I imagine the base instinct is I just want to I want to show my face. I know because, you know, it works as a man who works as a man. It's the same thing that works for anyone is authenticity. Like, if this guy was really telling you that he's into something else, like, you know, whatever he really likes, he would be himself.


He would find people that actually like him because he's being himself.


You know what I'm saying? How how is the civilising process in men? I'm saying, like, how come you didn't end up like a cool guy? Like, what's the process of civilizing males? Is that your dad who teaches you like, hey, buddy, you can't do model?


No, you model behavior that you see doesn't have to be direct. But you definitely I mean, you see like some guy that grew up like a guy that grows up and is super abusive, a lot of times will come from like a U.S. household.


So you look, the modeling is a big dad, how to talk to the world, not just dad, but like, you know, other males around you, like friends if you have older brother cousins.


So you're saying that like the Cool Guy club, they were raised by other cool guys a lot of time probably came from a lot of cool guys.


Yeah, yeah. That's their family crest. Yeah. It's cool for us just then.


Cool that. Is that. Yeah.


It happens a lot. There it is, it's just you got sick of that riff and he was like, I'm start being. Yeah, good for him, OK. Three is a very nice move. You guys keep it up. I love the videos of the no frills. You guys have a good day. Oh, very beautiful woman. So that's the early work of user to see the early work for you three five five of his early stuff.


He should have been played in another order. Yeah, but this is like this is a good point. Wow. That's him. And he learned to say hello over 18.


This this could also be you know, we all know the road life and you know our home life. Yep. These are two very different men right here. The same on the road. That's true.


This is a flying J user. Whatever comes out of Love's truck stop, he's being open. He's being his full self.


You're right. So this is like truck stop, user 270, truck stop also.


It's like, you know, this might be his one moment of joy for this whole day. Yeah.


He's just been fucking grinding out his drives and get those that huge five gallon Coca-Cola type.


And he just checked as he opened the back and something fell out. And he's putting it back on, latching it down. He's had an inspection. He's just like, I love your boobs. And then he goes, like, you know, yeah, yeah.


Hey, guys. Oh, boy. First product I'm going to tell you about is organic protein. I love this stuff. Here's what it's got in it. OK, great, great. OK, you figure that out.


Organic protein. I am not sponsored by organic Oregon, but if you want to sponsor me, organic protein, granite and also this BPI, huh.


That's Domino's. Yeah. Here are some of the stuff it does. Yeah. The good reviews are nutrient packs for that shows you, you know, how to use it.


It's just the guy by the way, who's like I'm a trainer. Oh.


Is this the autistic trainer. Oh yeah.


And then he's like also Amatus. He's like semillon. Twenty bucks. I'll send you a workout and like, what's your training. Oh no. I just like to work out. Awesome that to you.


These are two things that I use Oregon pro training and I'm not sponsored by any of these Jesus Christ sponsored by both of these. No one thinks it's one or the other one.


No one thinks, well, here's a tip. Nobody was like, I wonder if he sponsored I. Have you noticed how cool he is. He's got to ceiling fans. Yeah, very wrong. Most people can only afford one.


He's got to. Yeah, he's got a lot of really cool stuff going on. The haircuts cool. The facial hair is cool the the way that he showcases the product and just shows you the full 360 label. But he doesn't let it sit long enough in front of the camera for you to read what it is. But it's also a reverse camera because. Yes, it's backwards. It's right. Right. But I mean, you know, it's not important.


Unfortunately, we get the gist.


I think he understands and also the message I'm not sponsored, which is what everybody was wondering when they saw this. They're like, this guy's got to be sponsored by one of those companies.


Right, to see this is a paid endorser, the two ceiling fans. Yeah, I'm glad you pointed that out. That's. Yeah, it's extra cool. It's extra cool.


I actually would love for you to buy a workout. Oh, my dog. Please buy a workout.


I think we tried and and the links that he's pointing out are dead ends.


Please get please try again. Come on. Surely we need to put on and then maybe right back be like, hey, I didn't get my workout, see, because he's like, I'll sell you a workout. I'm like, what?


Because I also feel like it could be somewhat insulting to the people to get certified and now dedicate their life to fitness.


And this guys be like, what about me?


I haven't done any research but do my workout.


And also when you look at me, you'll never wonder if I work out.


Yeah. So what is it to you if I'm getting married to a Mexican and really stupid? I am Mexican and proud to be it. I am a frickin half breed Mexican, white and Irish because my biological father is a.


Good Mexican. Oh, my God, I must speak. Oh, no. So tell me you're a Mexican because you have a Mexican father and people are like you, they can go piss off. So this is my lady right here. Wow.


Oh, my God. Well, that's quite an aggressive case. Yeah, it was open mouth, cheek kiss and open mouth cheek kiss.


That's a bad name. Wow. I have kids for sure.


Yeah, that was pretty special. She's a real special spic. Yeah. Really special.


I love when people break down their nationalities and races because of someone's dumb comment. Yeah. One person, one person is like, you're not Mexican. Tell you something, Jerry. Oh, shit.


Oh, boy, I am. Hi there. This is my room. This is my room. I just want to show to my room around my bedroom and my movies and stuff. Just my helmet here. Hope you do. That's it. That's right. Good job.


That was his name is Mike Hellerman. He also likes to tell you that usually. Is that the whole thing? That's the video I think it may have come from.


But he goes, Hello, this is Mike Hellerman, and here's a tour of my room, my room.


But he has a lot of stuff in his room. Well, and what's unique about it is that it's a time capsule. Yeah, it looks like Josh Potter's room in that. And he's got a lot of TVs from the 1990s VHS tape and a lot of CDs.


Lots of CDs like what is he playing?


What is the you remember like it was there a moment where you're like, I'm just going to put these CDs somewhere else? They just. Yeah, yeah. Just kind of went away. It's kind of went away. Yeah. Yeah. From my drummer. Probably has. And I think we have my drummer's room. That's one of the. Yeah.


Drummers have messy rooms and VHS tapes, VHS, VHS, you have like you know we have a box in the garage of CDs that we're never going to touch.


Well I'm saving them for our children. They don't want them.


Yeah, they do it up because I'm going to show them what good music looks like and they're going to say, I wish I wish I could be cooler and take you through the portal to show their faces to you in my ten years when you're like and this is for you and they'll be like, yeah, anyway, I got to go.


So it puts me right in the trash outside the door.


Let me right in the trash pulled me aside. Mom gave me this dumb shit that I don't know what to do. If they don't, they won't even have a CD player.


You mean it's everybody here knows I'm right. Everybody knows I'm right.


Didn't cherish. I loved my father's record collection. I thought it was so cool that it's different. You should give him the vinyl. You give them why they have vinyl, but they're not going to want.


I bought everything in vinyl. They're going to play it OK.


All right.


I would trust the musician in the room. OK, you tell me, are you going to save your music for your kids after the vinyl?


That's my dad did give me a bunch of tapes that I don't have any more. Oh, but I have all his records. But I meant the world to me. The record. No records are more sacred, aren't they? They are, because it's just this tangible thing, you know, and that sound, the crack, the pop, you know.


Yeah, it is good. But when you're like Here's Tony's on taels CD.


I don't know if they're going to be like Mom, I don't know how to tell you. Don't give a fuck about this shit.


You wait, you wait until I take that just gave me EPMD and Public Enemy. I'm going to listen to this now, not your gay shit. And then those walk away. Oh yeah. We share that, that hip hop love man. Yeah. You go deep on it. Yeah I do. I love it. Yeah man I know you too. Yeah. You just wait until our sons come to London with me to see House live.


They will love it.


I'll tell you something. If you put my kids in like white makeup and a trench coat and I'll rip your limbs off.


Oh that's OK.


When you're gone. I teach them good music. OK, all right. The Ramones. Yeah, I was already likes the Ramones. The Clash.


I also like the acupuncture. No Morrisson because he said we're going to be honest. He likes acupuncture no more. He's like, no more, no more, no more. Like, OK, but it's true.


Here's something to think about when you drink alcohol. You leave every detail, right, and after that, you're gonna be on is, you know, hold on, what's happening?


What's up with her voice?


She's drunk. Sounds like she's talking to it through a ceiling fan. You hear the different it does.


I don't have a lot to unpack, but there's always one of my favorite things is when somebody says alcohol, you drink alcohol and you're going to have real holy shit.


Here's something to think about.


The thing about alcohol, alcohol. One, two, three, you'll read terror, right? Yeah, and after that, you're gonna be all is this the next thing you know? The doctors tell you they die in oh, no. And it's not about getting a new liver. Oh, Jesus. Most people that I know, OK, is this.


Is this. I was dead. They don't make it one day waiting for a liver. What about if they're waiting for a haircut? Oh yeah. To be put in them.


Is she drunk? She made. Yeah, it's a woman, really, as a woman. That's a good point. I was wondering, is it a woman you were wondering? I think that's clearly a woman. I don't think it's clear.


It looks like Stephen King is not going to it personally. Oh, my God.


I imagine if this is how he started to dictate books, I mean, this was his process.


He's like is of my early tapes, right. When I wrote it. Yeah.


Oh, well, you want to drink because you end up on dialysis, Tom, and then you'll need a new liver.


OK, we got this one. That was a real roller coaster. It was. It took a lot of turn. Yeah. I was like, we're having a good time.


Then I got real somber hip people and the pauses and the pauses and I like that. Ultimately, I'm just confused.


That's a good idea at the end of it. Yeah.


Yeah, you're right. Her pregnant pauses were too pregnant. It was like one, two, three. Kind of a politician thing. Yeah, right. Right.


But even in the world of timing, which we deal with, like the timing was not I mean we see this one more time on her beats, OK, for once it this or something to think about when you drink alcohol.


So never read detail, right? It's a woman, and after that, it would be ideal is this they all did.


I think this is a man. No way. It's a woman. I think it's a man. What do you guys think about in the booth?


It sounds like it's splitting the room here. Oh, shit. I think it's a trick. Not like it matters, I think.


Would you would you smash any the alcohol?


Yeah, I have to drink alcohol and then I think we get along and you could be on dialysis.




What do you think, Nadav, if it's a dude or if I know if it's a dude or a lady. Yeah, I think.


I think it's a dude. No. What about a. It's the mushroom cut. I feel like I've never seen a mushroom cut like that.


This is a you've seen it on women. They're just tick tock, you know what I'm saying?


You seen it on people, but not everything registered as dudes at the time to me too. I don't know who who else is in there. So what does he think? Oh, I think it's right. I think it's a woman.


I think it's a woman. Here's the deal. Man Men don't put out cautionary tales.


Men don't give a shit about people. That's a fair point.


That's true. Mothers, women who give a fuck don't drink alcohol.


You no man would be like take care of yourself, except for they're trying to fool you into sending the very day.




Have a great day. Quit over over. Eighteen Queens. How's everybody doing today?


There's no interior motive here. It's a public service. Yeah that's that's how women that's a we didn't know something we discovered earlier before you came that you.


Well I'll just play it for you. Hello.


I am just kind of moving around a little bit today. I've been laying down for like the last two days.


My butt is like super sore. I got a sphincter direct to me it is. So you have the outer muscle, which is like your butthole, and then you have the inner muscle. They cut that muscle and because it was really tight. So it's having a lot of discomfort. When I was doing like anal and stuff, I would always like have issues with like tearing and stuff.


So they cut my inner muscle to kind of relieve the tightness. So hopefully that works. Yeah. So it's going to give you guys a little rundown of what happened to me.


So she had a surgery done to loosen her butthole so that she could do, you know, more comfortably, more comfortably. Wow. Yeah. The lengths that some people will go just for their fans to for their craft, you know.


Yeah. Yeah. Imagine if it hurt every time you did this. Yeah. I mean, I'd get surgery to do that. I mean, she's passionate about it. Exactly. Exactly. But she's referring to the Prager's, which is uh. Wow. Brazilian or Portuguese. Portuguese word. I'm a good friend of mine, Hiza from Brazil, my friend's wife. She told us about this and she said, what is the word in English for the rings around the butthole?


We're like, we don't have a word for that. Yeah. And they have a whole word dedicated to it. What is it? Prager's Prager's?


Probably we up here like these animals that we are. We say butthole rings. Yeah, yeah. That's what we say in the States. Yeah. But that's the video. I mean me. Thanks. Yeah.


We were talking about that. I don't think the doctor to explain to her. Well on the outside, you know that's called the butthole and on the inside that's a muscle this. Well that here's you're an artist.


I worry. I mean, Barbra Streisand refused to get a nose job because it might affect the quality of her voice. Maybe her having a tight sphincter was her trademark.


That was the thing that made the guys. McGeoch, right. Oh, my guess. Maybe she what could have made her great, of course, this butthole so tight.


Oh, yeah. Oh, is that.


Yeah. How do you feel about it. He's he's very he's very sweet. Yeah. Sweet. I do, I do find myself at red lights with uh whether it be an RPG or an Ed Asner. Is that a red line. I see a family and I have to turn my stereo down all the way. Yeah. There's some extended clips that. Yeah, yeah. Ed Asner. What a sweetie. What a sweet man.


What a sweet man. We've been getting a lot of emails to that effect of like I almost got fired for listening to your show. I was evicted from my apartment listening to your show. It's all positive. We're just spreading love.


It's always great when I'm when I'm watching at the house or I'm listening from the other room. My girlfriends, like, what the fuck is happening?


And I got to say, every guy that. Right, I got to send you the live show. Oh, I got to see the live show. You're going to like it. I got to. Yeah, I saw there were some there were some sick viewers.


Oh, it got real. It got real. You're going to like the way you look, I must say, I must say you guarantee it, I'll have to after. Yeah, I mean, you might want to give the girl a heads up before.


I don't think I will.


Has she come around at all to why. I'm sure she's still. Oh, she she loves you guys, ok. She's a she's a big brat.


Chrysler fan by birth. Yes. Yes, yeah. That is most racist working comedian.


We did we did a promo for his new show and he has a show coming out. I'll find out if we have to not. But the show coming out on Netflix. So their promo marketing team, he it's his show.


Yeah, he's his name is on the show. They zoom in with us to do a promo here yesterday after we did two theirs and the marketing guys like.


All right, um, so what I need you to do and he just looks at me and I was like, and then we like, wait. And he goes, Bret? And he goes, Yeah. And he goes, Right, Bret. So you're going to start. And we were like.


And so then we we're supposed to do the intro where he's supposed to say, I'm Krischer. And I go and sometimes the girl and we did the segment, so we switched and I got introduced each other.


So I go, He's Bret Krischer and he goes and he's talking. We recorded like multiple ones. And the guy didn't say anything like last time.


I just know somebody else jumped in there like, Hey, Burt.


Yeah, I'll take it from here. Well, for those of you who haven't heard the live show we had Joey Diaz on and just guess how many times he called me Christine before you had your fun drinking game.


That is a fun drinking game. Christine, Christine, Christine. He also said a number of words that people don't say, yeah, I'm listening.


That I really miss that guy, OK? Oh, my God. It was pretty amazing. Oh, this is have you seen this? This is a horrible or hilarious chance. You know, this superhuman kid, the kid, the Juggalo kid, you know, he's. Oh, yeah. But I hadn't seen this one.


This seems pretty wild to me that they should be shut down, get hit by. We walk away the home and I'm like, oh. Oh. Oh yes. Oh, no, I don't know that. What did he do that you still a him? I said, Really? Yes.


I mean, he jumps on to like a fucking table full of nails through glass.


The crazy one, the the fluorescent lights, one where they jump down to like a full palette of fluorescent lights, you know, that breaks into, like, those little shards. Yeah, he does it all. But the weed whacker, I mean, that has the heart that has to hurt so bad.


There's some Myrtle Beach shit right there, Myrtle Myrtle.


Well, he doesn't seem I mean, he doesn't seem Mensa material.


No, I'm saying he's look at this. This is from the live show. I'll tell you this from the little town. This was a horrible or hilarious and alive show.


Oh, no.


Oh oh oh oh oh. Just drives on by no impaled.


Oh he's impaled and he's looking for his testicles right here. So I got to get my shoe. That Karzai. All right. He's gonna get my head around. He's not all right now.


Did his shirt rip off or did was he never wearing one. That's a good question.


Let's see it from the beginning he was wearing a shirt. Yeah. I mean, there are those spikes toward the towards shorts.


I'm sure we're not, like, able to see. There's got to be a horrific injury. We're not able to spot through maybe several or.


Yeah, this looks like almost like one of those those moments like after a car accident when you can still walk around. Yeah. Like you're going to die. Yeah. Yeah.


Like that. It's like he's just walking around like. Yeah. What the fuck happened right in this video. He's gonna die. Yeah.


He's going to take his bike home and be like I got my shoe and then yeah. There's some internal things happening. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. So pretty funny video but it's positive. Yeah.


Do you think that car that stops and is like OK buddy. And then drives away like can you get in trouble for that. For what.


I mean witnessing somebody get impaled and then like witness the crime and a crime but essentially someone almost dying and then driving off like a dick that not. That's fine.


I've done that before. Okay.


I've seen really horrible things and just been like peace. Yeah. Just leave them.


Um, so here, before we go, let's, uh, let's get a dinner commitment on the book. Yeah.


Yeah. You're in the neighborhood ready to dinner. I would love to do that. Let's go. Yeah bro. I'd like to bring my lady huh. If I like a personal concert in my backyard like that. Yeah. OK, that's all we can do right now is a backyard backyard.


Have you done like private events. We've been on a driving tour. And how was that. It was good. Bart did one. Bart actually was the one that inspired me really. I was like if he could go out there and not get sick, I feel like, you know, maybe I could go out and we took the trio out and it was fun.


But have you ever been paid a ridiculous sum to do like a sultan's birthday backyard birthday party?


We, uh, we have played some private parties. We played a party like in the Middle East one time. Really, it was like an after party for the Grand Prix out there. And that one was where I was like, people like us. That's kind of weird. That's all for us to come to the Middle East. And we were scared shitless. Holy shit. We have fun. We have fun.


That's got to be dope. I've heard, you know, you always hear about musicians like that just so and so. You know, the fucking guy that owns, you know, Home Depot. Yeah. It's like a big fan. Right. And then he's like, just come play my part. My birthday party. Yeah. And like that, you know, it's always like that with music. He's my favorite act. You know, our birthdays, bar mitzvahs, you know these I only heard it was stand up.


The only one that I heard was a story about Seinfeld. Somebody was a big Seinfeld fan. They offered an insane amount of money to have him play a show to it like ten people. Wow. And so he had all these like he's like, well, these are all the requirements. And they're like, fine. They signed off on it. And he he didn't agree to, like, hang out. He was like, I have to come on, like, you have to all be seated.


Wow. Come on, do my show and then I leave. Yeah, but 10 people, that seems like a reasonable meet and greet. I know.


Maybe I don't want to say. I don't want to say.


I know that he wasn't like shakes and was because I've done privates where they were like so you'll have dinner with the staff before the show. And I'm like what. So he, he was just like there's no shirt.


Maybe he met them, you know, like after the show.


But he was like I when they first see me, it's going to be performing. Yeah. You know, it's great.


It's perfect for stand up for sure. I mean, he's also got like the money where whatever he got paid probably went to a charity of his choice, probably because he doesn't really need it. No, that's true.


Yeah. Yeah. So where did you go in the Middle East for this party?


Bahrain dams pretty Sharieff like, did you have to shake their hands?


Uh, did you meet and greet? I mean, it was just it was just kind of opened then we got to go see the race, which was cool.


That's fucking cool. You know, I don't know how much I'm supposed to be saying about it, but that's done.


You know, it's already been done something like, you know, what did you get paid a million. Now, you know what else you get paid?


Fifty thousand. How much is that? That's their current drachma. Yeah, we got one million camels. Ten camels.


What were you going to say? That you did something else? Uh, you went to the race? Yeah, we went to the race. We just hung out, like at his personal estate. It was it was insane.


Were there peacocks and peacocks? They were jet skis. And that's all. That's rednecks. Scared. Yeah, jet skis. But he had the person who invited you had an estate there. Yeah.


Was a Michael Jackson. Michael Jackson lives in Bahrain now. Yeah. Well before he died. I mean, I'll tell you all about all this stuff and. Come on, come on.


I know it was, it was the prince actually is cool with us and he had us come and play at his party there. It was pretty intense. Man. He's a sweet, sweet guy. Well, that'll be great. If the prince was a fan of your mom's house, he might be he may be less likely.


I want you to come all the way with this accent. What's a Bahrain did?


That's what that's what it said when we showed up. He had on like a Redskins t shirt and like shorts because he went to he went to university in DC. Oh.


So he he's like, what's up, doc? Yeah. What's up, guys? Thanks for coming to my house. We were like, this is why we're OK. Yeah, you're like we're just like the fucking white sheet, bro. Yeah. Yeah.


It was not there were sheets here, you know what they do.


And in the summertime, one time I saw these guys going on the escalator in front of me and the sun was going through his white sheet and I could see his.




Very slow, so. Right. Yeah. Well, like I've always wondered, like they wearing like, you know, you got you got to let it breathe.


I think they like I'm not saying I think that's why you wear that. Yeah. Yeah. Super hot.


We've got to start doing that here and we guys are holding hands to the men.


Did you see the man holding hands in the Middle East. We didn't go out much. Yes, we were kind of. I don't know. Yeah, we read about. Yeah. Borings chill.


I heard it was cool. It was like the Vegas understood. Yeah, I understand. All right.


We got to wrap it up. Marcus King, thank you very much. Thanks for having me so much.


Seasonalities rats and all your success and good luck on the new stuff you're working on. And we will see you guys next week. This is our closing song is a personal development by fake potato personal development.


I can't measure personal development. How do you measure personal development?


You don't you fucking retard personal development.


I can't measure personal development. How do you measure personal development? You don't, you fucking retard.


We've got this fucking thing. You're a cunt, Brian, not me personally, the.