Transcribe your podcast

The store has moved, all the merch is now at store Guayama Studios Dotcom. This episode of Your Mom's House is brought to you by Satava head on over to Satava s a TV, a dotcom, slash the shit, and once you're there, you get two hundred and twenty five dollars off any mattress of your choice. We've had them all. We've had the luxury firm Satava. We've had the memory foam loom and leaf, and we have the all new Solaire that moves and vibrates and glows in the dark.


The thing is, the best man sits up for TV zero gravity setting for when you just want to float, you know, like you're in space. It's amazing. They're all amazing. You deserve to have an amazing mattress and get great sleep. And thankfully, Saffa also provides incredible customer support, mattress takeaway service. You give them your old not so good mattress and they installed that amazing new Satava. So go to Satava, Satava Dotcom the shit and get two hundred and twenty five dollars off any mattress of your choice.


Squarespace, when are you going to make the website you've been dreaming of for years?


When are you going to finally post those baby pictures so that you know, your relatives around the world can see? When are you going to build the website to advertise your business, to put up your photographs, uh, to market yourself because you must market yourself in this world. Everybody has.


It doesn't matter what you do. I don't care if you are a gardener, a massage therapist and author. If you make bracelets, every single one of you should have a website that lets people know what you do, showcase what you do and, you know, incredible. Also, ability to buy products, e-commerce functionality. It's all built in there. It's all built in there.


And you know, what's really great about Squarespace is the templates are so intuitive and so clean. You know, when you go on someone's website and it's all jumbled, not with Squarespace.


So try it out. Squarespace Dotcom mom for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use the offer code mom to save ten percent off your first purchase of a website or domain. What's up there tomorrow? Hey, guys, you like it? That other.


Oh, my goodness. Was starting off on a feisty note today.


Cha oh cha.


Why did you say that? I don't know why she said that.


Is it because you're not dating her anymore? Oh yeah. That's probably why I came. Well, you can have sex with your mom, but you can't marry your mom. Well, it's what everyone's talking about because here's the thing. Well, let's wait a few days. What? Everyone, let's start. Let's wait a minute.


So, um. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's sorry. I want to say what's up to all my queens above eighteen. And, um, I hope you had a great week. There's a lot, a lot to get into.


Number one, we have a whole new store, new websites all around, but the new store is store dot y, image studios, dot com. And in this store, it houses, um, all the all of our stuff. But it also lets you break up things into different categories. So like there's a merch store just for your mom's house as a store just for wear. My mom's that just for Christina. Just for top. So there's even the jean collection.


So things are a lot easier to navigate. Citing, um, it's a beautiful design.


Yeah. They did a great job. So, um, thank you very much. Uh, that's where everything is now if you want to support and there's there's a bunch of new stuff coming to the store. There's things like holiday stuff, limited vinyl, things that are have been, um, just sent over there. So we're very excited about it. Thank you guys, as always, for supporting that. The other huge thing that we have to announce is, of course, we are returning with Wyomingites live number three one.


So the live shows have been a lot of fun. The most fun thing that has happened here because of the pandemic has been the live shows. Yeah. So we're doing number three on Friday, November 20th. Tickets are on sale at Wyoming's virtual dotcom. And you'll probably hear me say this a few times only because it's been brought to my attention so much. If you feel like you're definitely going to be, you know, get a ticket and you want to watch it, try to get it in advance.


The only hiccup or problem that exists on the day of the show is that so many people go day of that. It it becomes like it overwhelms the tech. Yeah.


Don't just feel foul. Yeah. You'll still be able to get it. But that's why people are like, I'm trying to get because try to get tickets. Even if you get it a few days in advance, it's it's much easier. You'll get the access code and it will be available. All for you to watch, we're extending the because it's going to be Thanksgiving week, instead of having it available for a week, we're going to have it available through Thanksgiving weekend.


Oh, well, that you can watch it, you know, Friday, Saturday, Sunday after Thanksgiving is now available the whole time. And you can watch it, of course, with your family. This, I think, is the best family entertainment would be get together with everybody.


You know what?


You guys got to sit down and watch this with, well, favorite podcast. And they do an incredible show, of course.


And that's why we chose November 20th. It's right before the holiday holiday. A great way to celebrate with your wife and family.


I can tell you a couple of things. There's going to be a special musical guest on the show. There's going to be a special chametz celebrity guests. And it is the return of my sister. OMG, Maria, this is huge.


And Maria has not been on the show in a long time, and she used to be legendary and she's coming back just for that live show. Oh, my God.


Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Seriously, seriously, seriously. Seriously. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You're fucking my fiance. Seriously at the back, asshole on it or the goddamn bottle. Oh, my God. Seriously.


Now, what's interesting is that Maria was a Karen before Kieran's where she was calling the city and getting them to work on potholes and complaining about Starbucks long before it had a name.


Yes, long before it was trendy. Yeah. Maria was paving the way.


I mean, Maria, if you don't know, she would she would call in regularly and she would vent about this. Is she since quit coffee, which I think is a good thing for sure.


She used to drink, um, like the four or five times a day like these triple macchiato things at a certain temperature.


Caramel drizzle on the bottom of the cup on the top of the hour with Bob. Correct. And she would get so and then she's like these lazy fucking cunts don't know how to make her.


I was like, oh my God, no. L season d lazy cuts and dumb cuts. Elzie Diseases.


Yeah, he had a whole code. Yeah. Code for her world. Yeah I do. I love your impression of her because she talks so fast and I've known her, she goes I don't talk like that.


Like as soon as I got about la la la la la la la la la la la la la. You're doing it right now.


But the last time I was in person with her, she spoke so fast, I was like, I watch her lips because I'm like, I don't understand. I remember. I think you're in the room. And I was like, I don't I don't know. You are like Maria. You're talking too fast. Cristina can't understand what you're saying.


It's like it's so hard. It's like growing up with someone who speaks no language, because I would seem to be people go and then I go.


She really wants you to bring another fork. And they're like, oh yeah, the calm.


Like she used to order food. You go, oh my God, he's not ordering. What are you prepared? A little bit of oil. I don't like that talking about it like that. Actually, a little bit of oil. I know you guys. I use the bathroom and they go, oh my God, what? I go she wants to use a little bit of oil.


When you prepare. That's not like butter or anything. I'm like, OK, well, because she's like, I know you could do it.


Oh, yeah.


I was like, because she worked in the in the restaurant business for a while. I'm in the business. Yeah. So what she she would go to restaurants and she would customize everything. Yeah. Like they love that they have restaurants.


Appreciate that. Especially during a recession.


Now we have a menu just like let me let me rewrite it for you right now.


She's one of those people that has to ask fifty thousand questions is the meat is organic, is it had a good cheeses on there and check out she's been chicle.


I remember there was a point where she we didn't have children yet. And she told us that her two year old son's favorite food was salmon. Yeah. And Manchego cheese. Yeah. And I was like, there's no way you don't understand. There's no way to know what was like.


That's my jam. We call her Hurricane Maria family. So she used to be on our show regularly. Then she got she got gunshy because of like the reach of the show and the fact that she's in the workforce.


OK, so now she's she's really excited to participate in the live show because there's a little more, you know, of a bubble around it.


And it's not safe for work, which is perfect for her.


So, so much fun. You guys are just going to love her. We love her. Yeah, she's great. She's hilarious.


OK, let's start the show. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. So much to get in here.


Yeah, there you go. Well, me, I think you're really going to like this. Here you go.


Question for the ladies. Why?


Why do you always push away the nice guys and go for the deep back guy who is Randy don't bring anyone love into this world.


Welcome to your mom's house with Tom, Cipora and Christina. Well, it's pretty valid question for the ladies out there, and since you're the only lady here, what do you think?


Well, I mean, just on a cosmetic level, you know, you got to look in the mirror first thing, though. Am I ready to go out? I didn't.


Am I ready to make a video? I mean, I understand that men don't care as much sometimes about their appearance, but bras.


You got a whole white baby between your legs.


Well, that's a white baby right there. Oh, shit.


What is that? I don't understand what happened. What what's what what are you talking about? The creator, the the the gunshot wound in between his eyes. This poor man needs medical attention.


He's got a hole in his head. I don't know what you're talking about. He needs help. Yeah. Yeah, he needs medical attention. Yeah.


I mean, it's not it's not lost on me that I looked just like this guy.


You do not you just because he has a beard and eyebrows. I get it. I get I get what the staff did.


They're like, oh, we found a Tom look alike and then this will be fun. I get it. But um, like look, I feel like I'm looking in the mirror right now. No, not really. Do what's going on. Can we show through this he needs to. Yeah, I mean, I think he just has, like, some lesions and like some acne. And then there's just a whole like a pretty decent sized hole in the middle of his face.


But he's like, I mean, what's up with you ladies?


You know what? Just curious, just curious, rejected more times than I can count. Oh, yeah, only to find out that they go where, you know, either helme, cheat on them, treat them like shit, you know, and every other thing under the sun. But yet push away the guy that going to be there for freedom them like gold and not insult them.


Just curious, why not announce a mystery guy's. One figure out there, I think, is probably a really nice guy. He's a sweet guy. He's a sweet guy. And he's he makes. TB is a little like a little detached from reality, a little bit, a little bit, a little bit in that, you know what there is that there are ladies for him. There are.


Yeah. This guy can get a lady. You can not ugly. But I would first just like get some like get a bandage, you know. I mean, no, seriously, like why wouldn't you just put a bandage on.


Right. Just a Band-Aid or a Band-Aid or even a hero themed one.


Like a Spiderman one. Yeah. You may want to pack the open lesion, pack it or you don't want have a medical professional do it.


I wouldn't even do it myself. I would just go to like a nurse and be like, do you notice something?


Can you cover it for me that CVS Pharmacy has that walk in clinic the minute clinic.


Hey, you know how there's an open wound on my face, could you, you know, cover it for me? Yeah, before I make a video about how women are tripping.


Yeah, that's not going to help me. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I'd say women are very forgiving of people's men. Yes, they are.


Yeah. Women are unbelievable in that. I mean, they there's no comparison. Yeah. Men I've hung out with so many men who nit pick. I mean the smell.


That's why I can't date or you know you're like what. Yeah. Like they're like you got that one tooth and you like what are you talking about man.


Yeah. Which has got weird risks and you're like the fuck.


And then women will date like any guy that they like no matter his physical flaws. If they, they see the value in the personality, the sense of humor, you know, the good nature. Like I feel like you see that so much more from women than from men. Yeah.


That in and of itself. Let's be honest. I've seen men that you cannot believe I have a girlfriend or wife. I know. And and they found it. So like the idea that this guy, you know, he's down, I guess.


But you're saying, oh, sorry. No, no, go ahead.


I don't know if it's the altruism of women necessarily, but I think that they're really good looking men out there who know it. It's like a loaded gun.


It's like being a hot chick and they can't handle that much power. So they're generally not, in my opinion, as cool as like, yeah, it's like a regular looking guy.


But that also goes for women because like women that are really beautiful and like like not just know it, but let you know that they know it. It's incredibly unattractive. Right.


And then you're attracted to the woman with a personality, you know, like I mean, she could be obviously you want her to be attractive, but like the girl who's not, like, relying on that only. Yeah.


Yeah. So I guess vanity is just unattractive. It's unattractive. Any of course. Yeah. Gender sex. Yeah.


They don't but you know what I mean.


Um but this is wild like this, this too is, is a lack of like self self care like neglect. You need to go to the doctor. He probably has.


I bet he has a real like an explanation for it which is fine. But just like. Just chill on making videos are blaming. Yeah, yeah, I mean, like just be like, hey, I'm about to shoot a video, I'm get a hat, you know, with a really low brand.


Yeah, I'm a bowler hat down below my eyes. I scarf. He could tie a handkerchief or a scarf round bandana and it'll be a good luck.


Yeah. Good low low bandana and those guys, aviator glasses, wide glasses there you get those kind of things.


Yeah. Tom, show me your Gucci's.


I'll show you right there. Yeah. This is exactly what he used to do. Yeah. I got a question for women out there.


OK, how come you always go for the douche bags and not the nice guys.


You look so crazy. How about that he looks.


Why do you only date guys that hit you and cheat on you. We have to get mad, you stupid bitches. No, because he's not like that. He's going to be. He's going to be. But it's not like turning in cell soon enough. Oh, he's in cell.


He is. He is.


That might be a hole that he dug in his face from not not not not so long. He's just like, oh, he just tore his face.


It's the cum eating his is eating his face away inside. Babe, you look super crazy in these glasses.


I feel cool. Let me see you.


If you wore those, like if I were to meet you today and I had this guy's flying out, you wouldn't go out with me.


No, I want to be a deal.


Just roleplayed ahead. How's it going? How's it going with you, man? I'm doing good. You're looking in charge kind of coffee you got there, huh? Can't take you seriously. Why not? I'm a fucking joke to you, bitch. Yeah, that's the kind of guy that's the kind of guy because you don't want to say I want to say that you didn't pass the psych eval to work in law enforcement like you desperately want to be.


It's a very common theme amongst guys where the next guys that have a lot of rage, they're like, what is going to be a cop?


I don't know. They were fucking assholes.


Like, OK, right. For some reason, I can't carry a weapon. I don't know, doing security right now. That's what you look like.


You like society won't let you carry a gun.


Yeah, but I know I know how to read the law. I know what the law says and I know how to fucking enforce it to, you know, I mean, like, for instance.


Yeah. If you fuck your mom, I'm going to put you in jail.


Wait, but it's not.


Here's the deal, man. Is it illegal to fuck your mom? It's a really important question.


And legal scholars I've seen I saw this segment on CNN last night where they were going back and forth. Was this part of the presidential debates that we got to see?


If you are elected president, will you allow people to fuck their mom?


Vice President Biden, you answer first. You have two minutes uninterrupted. OK, read it.


You know, I used to fuck my mom, so we'll see sexual relations between family members who are not spouses formerly known as incest formally.


Oh, yeah.


I thought it is legal across the US because of the harm that can cause to family relationships. Really, they're protecting the relationships with that law. Incest is illegal.


Incest often can be charged as a violation of a different law, such as child mothers, child abuse, child molestation, rape or statutory rape. OK, let's be clear here. We're talking about adults having sex.


I'm talking about somebody who's, you know. Twenty five having sex with their fifty five year old mom.


That shouldn't be a problem.


And it looks like what they're trying to do with the fake news media and some of these mother fuckers in Washington are saying is, no, you can't fuck your mom. What I'm here to tell you is that you can fuck your mom or your dad as long as you don't flaunt it, if long as you don't, you know, make it a big thing and post videos of it online.


I'm encouraging you to, as an adult, have sex with your parents, have sex with your siblings, but do it behind closed doors and do it as consenting adults.


Good point. But what if you're so taken with your mom or your dad that you want to marry them, shouldn't you?


But that's the thing. I think what you have to do is they they they hate us because they hate us. And what they're trying to they're trying to prevent that from happening.


They're trying to say that you can't. And and here's the thing that legally they don't see the upside to that.


And what you're going to have to do is pretend you're going to have to put rings on each other's fingers and say, you know, do a ceremony in your living room, but you can't announce that you're marrying. I wouldn't announce that. Yeah.


Who would you who would you marry? Your mom or your dad? I mean, I would have to say I'd marry my dad. We just get along so well.


And I think that, like, getting along is the kind of the key to a marriage.


It kind of is. It really is. In the long run, it's really as important as sex. But you may not have an active sex life when you marry. My dad would be so upset to have sex with me.


Like, I feel like just talking to him a few times, I don't think he would do it. I don't think you would do it. I don't think he would either like that when you go down on me, be like what? Like that we're married.


That we're married.


Yeah. We marry your dead guy. Then you'd have to do is little back scratches every night and see him and his boxer shorts every night and you'd have to clean out the skids on his boxer shorts. You remember what time he wiped his ass with the comforter?


You remember that? Yeah. Then he goes, he just left a shit on the comforter.


He goes, What? It's just a little bit of shit. Like you're going to have to deal with all of that. That's what your mom is just a little bit of.


But wouldn't you rather marry your mom? She's way cleaner. She cooks. She cleans. Yeah. It's just a better arrangement.


Your dad's kind of a graty gross. It is true. Hello, hello, hello. OK, but, uh, I'm in the park and the farmers, you know what, I'll call you back in a few, OK?


I'll call you back, OK?


OK, well, it sounds like he's one of those guys still that he's he's old enough to not have the idea that you. You don't answer calls, you don't know like he's still he'll answer the phone call, you know, I mean, you know, know anybody like under 50 is like, oh, it's a it's a number I don't recognize. I'll just let this go. My dad's too. Like, who are you?


What do you want from me? I know.


I just assume it's Amazon and I'm always like, straight to voicemail, dude, every no to you. But I, I think every once in a while I'll see a certain number. Well I'll be curious. I'm like, oh is this somebody like it. My agency's office or something. No answer you know. No but I feel like ninety five percent of the time if it's just a number I don't answer.


Yeah I don't answer. And also I don't listen to voicemails if you call me. Just don't, don't do that. Don't know what the other worst thing is. Just text me bro when like when friends call like unless it's somebody you feel like talking to, like when one of your friends starts calling I'm like wait call. Are you calling me bro. Like text me.


Let me let me decide whether this is something that merits phone call because it feels like such an assault. They just call you. It's like, whoa, I didn't. Yeah.


Because he's of all my friends. There's only three I want to talk to. Yeah. The other ones. I don't want to talk to you like I want them to live not sponsored have healthy lives but yeah but I don't want to talk to them.


Not, not in the middle of your day. Yeah exactly. Oh I'm here with the kids, we're cooking dinner and the phone rings so I want to text, I want to text and be like, hey, you know, I want to talk to you about blah blah blah.


And then I can be like, meet me somewhere.


Maybe I'll talk to you then meet me some. Yeah, yeah. OK, that's allowed itch on your scratches are so loud. I like to make a formal announcement.


I'm Jewish. I know. Well that too. Yeah that's unconfirmed. But since the beginning of this pandi as whiskey Ginger says that's that's their Bobby Lee and Santino called the Pandy. That's Tiger Belly. No, that's bad friends.


Bad friends. Yeah. Yes. So ever since the party began, I've been unable to sleep unassisted. Yeah. I basically get drunk or high every night. Now here's an I'm sorry, drugs was drunk, sorry, drunk and I've switched to getting high now I am now joining you. I am two mg. Tina, what's up. What's up. And big time. Big time.


I might go to two and a half this week because I am building up a tolerance to my edibles. Yeah, I really enjoy it. The only problem is with me and pot is that it really activates my brain gene like it relaxes me. But then I have such clear visions, you know, like I see the world too clearly. It's like I see the matrix. Um, alcohol shuts my brain. Oh, milligrams. Yeah. Alcohol shuts it down.


Yeah. And all my thoughts are like, that's fucking lame bro. Pot activates it does. So what do I do. Do I just keep persisting if I'm being honest.


Yeah. Mix them up, mix them together, mix alcohol and pot.


Yeah. That's the best. Seriously. Yep. But well ok.


I'm afraid you're taking two milligrams. Yeah. OK, cross vados Barbados. That's what they call it.


Hello. Hey man. Hey, buddy, how you doing? Good. Hey, how's it going? What are you doing? Well, I just got in my car wash in the pharmacy. Good, good. Can I ask you a question? Yeah.


Do you think people should be able to marry their parents and their siblings if they want to? Now, how come? Because the next generation of that family tree can be really ugly. OK, yeah, I mean, you know, they can they could be born with, you know, thirty five t shirt or do you. OK, well, hold on. Do you object to just the act of a lot of people in their own family having sex with each other?


Yes. Yes, I do. But what if they're not?


You know, what if they're not like procreating, they're just like having fun. Yeah, they're just having a good time. They just love having sex with their dad or their mom or their siblings.


That's that's that's too bad. It's I don't go for that. You don't go for that. Why not? Well, wait. Why why is no one's getting hurt.


I think no one's getting hurt.


It's like a twenty five year old guy and his 58 year old mom and they just they enjoy each other's company. They want to have sex. What's the problem? I think it was just and it's disgusting to even think about that. Well, I don't. I love you. And to buddy, I love you, too. I'm not having any desire to have sex with you. OK, that can I tell you something? Yeah, that really hurts my feelings.


You know, like I said, I think there's something, you know, dropping some gas and light. I've never even thought about.


Yeah, I know this is a new one for me, too. And you hit on a couple of them today.


So you don't think I'm attractive at all.


I thought about some awful things in my life, you know, and entertained some horrible things, but that this chapter is one that I've never even thought about.


So just to be clear, you've never thought about having sex with any of your siblings or your parents or anything like that. No, I can order their dogs nor their jobs and will get it on the table, none of their animals and none of their anatomically correct dolls.


OK, OK, cool through in. Well, now the point is clear. And although everybody here is disappointed, I'm glad that you were honest.


It's. I know you are. Oh, um, look, I got to run, but I'm going to call you. I'll call you later, OK? I love you.


I love you way I tell you a little bummed out.


I'm surprised my dad doesn't want to have sex with me at all. You know what we haven't even addressed yet? Because we record these in advance. But the election was yesterday.


Oh, right. And we're like lalala. That's true.


I don't think I don't I wonder if you're watching this right now. We don't know. I don't know if the election results are known yet, like by the time this is coming out. But I don't know.


The world could be totally different today. Yeah, could be. We could wake up and, uh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, noes. Hello, miss.


You farting No, no, no, no. I mean diarrhea today. No, it's really weird to have your dad be like, I'm not attracted to you.


It is weird, you know, I mean, because you guys do look alike. There must be some like that. I like that guy. Some attraction. And you are the most attractive of your siblings, arguably, I would say.


Mm hmm. He brought up fucking dogs. Tom, I know you met a pug this morning, so here's what happened. Yeah. On our way here, I stopped to get coffee and I get out. And of course, I put my mask on and I went, I got a coffee and I see a lady sitting there with a pug on her lap right at this coffee place. And I'm right away. I'm like, this bitch, you know, I knew she was trying to get attention and she's using it to get laid.


So I go, Nice pug, you fucking whore.


You know, because I know what she's doing because I realize there's certain pets. Yeah. That you're that they're basically callsigns.


They're signifiers. Yeah. They're saying that, you know exactly what it is. Yeah. Like, you know what a what a corgi is. Right.


A Corgi I think represents animal cruelty. Yeah. It's like I like a dog to be so disproportionate. Like those little legs barely do any eggs are just like the what is it. The hot dog. The wiener dog with your dog.


You're like, oh, you're mocking the disabled because that's basically how you like to see people in wheelchairs and crutches and. Yep.


And you're saying to everybody you like animals to suffer because at some point that back is going to it's going to it's going to be older and it's going to cause pain to that dog.


So you enjoy animal suffering a and says every single time I've seen someone with a German Shepherd Holocaust denier, without failure, without failure, without failure, you go you walk past the German Shepherd and just say Jew and they'll start barking.


Yeah, I know. Say it. And they bark right away and they're violent.


But I'm being serious, don't you? When you see someone with a German shepherd. I do. I do it unconsciously.


I just I go look like I saw guys, race guys, race horses because they are they're like aggressive now. Now also pit bull. I go gang banger. Know, I didn't say Mexican. I said gang banger or someone. Who is it who wants to be tough. Like, Oh, you're a tough guy. Of course. Tough guy of course. What do you think about Huskies.


Huskies. Who owns the Husky. Who owns a husky. I think of a dirty pussy. I think of Birkenstocks.


Lesbians. Yeah. Lesbian vibes. Yeah. Strong lesbian in the Mountain West.


I think Colorado.


In Idaho, she paints, she sculpts, you know, sculpts that in her husky like lady has hairy legs and she's like, you know, the thing is with Medicare for all and you're like, shut up.


Yeah. That's what I think of. No. What do you think of somebody who's got a snake for a pet mental problems?


Yeah, I think severe emotional disturbances. Really.


You know who you are. You know you are. You know you are.


If you have a fucking python, if your pet can murder and eat, you hear all kinds of fucked up.


But here's the thing is that those pet owners will say, no snake loves me. Do you know you haven't spent enough time with snakes?


And you're right, I haven't.


But the snake has a brain the size of my thumbnail and that that snake, all that snake nose is like this guy brings the dead mice. This guy brings rabbits to me.


Yeah. Choke out and I eat in one bite.


So imagine you are am I going to eat the rabbit or the guy to the snake owner of the snake owners like he loves me.


No he doesn't. He loves the rabbits. Yeah he loves rabbits. Doesn't love you bro. There's no love in there. What are we talking about. Those emotionless eyes.


Yeah. I mean, snakes 24/7, 365 are just like they don't even have eyelids, brah. Yeah, they don't have eyelids like this guy guy's special.


This is a he's a real sweetheart.


That's my favorite one. Pet owners say that about, like, fucking spiders and shit.


Oh, now you think tarantula. Well, we've talked about horse girls and how horse girls are crazy if they fuck the the female tarantula owner is bonkers.


Yeah. Now a guy doing it, you're like, OK, this guy is anti-social. He's got Insull proclivities. But a girl that's super weird. Super weird. Yeah, of course. Yeah, I think. What about Retriever's golden retriever?


I feel like the girl will be the kind who wouldn't want to golden retrievers. You're onto Tarantula. Go ahead. Sorry.


So I feel like the girl with the spiders is the one who if her spider got out, she doesn't overreact. Oh, that's terrifying.


I mean, you'd be like, is that a fucking wolf spider on your wall?


And she she mad Sammy got out. I'll go get them. And you're like, oh my God. And I would I would break up immediately. Immediately.


You would dump me if I had a spider. Absolutely.


Right away. As soon as I found out, I'd be like, oh, I don't want to be a part of this. Yeah. What about giant snails? I saw a woman on YouTube. I saw this woman who she has like a big French snail, and she's like, I've got to clean it every day.


I mean, clean it's poop, OK?


And you're like, what are you doing with the snails?


I think it's less it's definitely less of a red flag.


I just feel like you're kind of weird, you know, slimy.


I question your hygiene, but like, I don't feel like it's as revolting as huge spiders and stuff. What about golden retrievers?


What kind of people? Um, I think I actually usually it's like sweethearts kind of classics.


They're people who like vanilla ice cream. They're like basics.


No, I mean, like they're golden retrievers are the only dogs that I've ever been around where I'm like, this is like an angel dog.


I know. It's like the stereotypical dog. It's like, what do you think of a dog? You're like, it's Lassie, right? It's a dog.


No, no, he's a collie. Oh, I like call it college. You're kind of dumb, right? You're dumb now. I don't know.


I think they're I don't think so. But what about people with a French bulldog? I feel like this. Those are so twenty eighteen, you know.


Oh my God, you're so cute. They are dogs are great. Dogs are so much better than if you don't like dogs. You're a fucking cunt. That's so true.


Speaking of, um, hot topics. Yeah. The Megan, Megan, Megan, Megan.


Oh, that was a big discussion. Do you want to read some of your emails right here. OK, back on Megan, Megan, the Megan debate.


Hey, Mommy's Christina is right on this one. My parents did the honorable thing and spelled my name phonetically. Correct. Megan pronounce May Gunn. Most people spell it Megan and pronounced the same. However, there are some Megan's out there with an H that that might pronounce that Meghan, but they are just on R word of the Megan in question and pronounces her name Meghan, like Tom thinks it's pronounced and they are likely a dumb slut. But as a general rule, Meagan's are good girls.


It's the Rachels, Heathers and Britney's. You got to watch out for that is so true.


I hope this e-mail was insightful. Keep an eye on tight, Megan.


So insightful. Thank you, Megan. Here is the other Megan dilema. Here we go. What's up, Tony and Chris? I was not born a Megan, but I identify with their community as I am a Reagan. I'm more often than not illiterate, almost like Tim pronounced simple names like this wrong. It's a common mistake many people with chromosome issues have.


So I'm not surprised that Todd had difficulty. You pronounce Reagan just like a Ronald Reagan. This is also the way you pronounce Maegan. They're just replace the R with an M. Clearly the always hydrated mommy. Crystal understands this. One of the many reasons she is the true personality. Charm is so simple, even Brent would get it right. So, Toby, please do us a favor. Tighten your jeans a bit. They're pretty low and loose.


Tator they're Reagan.


OK, so far that's two for team. And did you only pull those? I didn't pull Josh Zolo pulled emails.


OK, hey, Trent and Krista, I'm writing in regards to the whole Meghan Meghan debate. I'm married to my super cum slut wife Megan. Pronounced the right way. Megan Oh, all the time. People ask her how it's pronounced. I don't know why the fuck anyone would think it's pronounced Megan, unless they are totally talked out of their mind, though there are many ways to spell this name, no matter how fucking stupid it gets. Like the whores whose parents decided to put the H in their child's name, it will only and always be pronounced Megan.


So like usual, Christina, you are totally wrong. And our triple C picking Tom is right, as always, keeping it high and tight.


It's on me and beat me, Justin from Jacksonville. Wow, I am a offended and surprised. Shocked? Yep. Have you changed your position on Megan?


Are you still. Here's one from a Megan herself. Let's hear it. She says, per your request, here is an explanation from Megan. As Tom pronounces, This has always been an internal debate my entire life. I think after three years I figured it out. First of all, the proper pronunciation is, in fact, Megan. But in Christina's defense, that's only because of how my name is spelled. Those poor, ignorant, cum guzzling whores named Megan have different nonsense ways of spelling their names like Magic.


And the fuck is that? Me and M m a e and and I've even seen a miga and from time to time, like the word me followed by again. So Meggan is for the real bottom of the barrel dumpster fire twats.


If someone's name is spelled like mine and still pronounces that Megan, it just means they're illiterate. Tech talked our word. It mentally handicapped most people most often these types have so much crusty semen in and around their mouth, it prevents them from speaking correctly. Now, being referred to by the less educated as Megan doesn't necessarily offend me because we can all be disgusting, horrible from time to time. I was a Megan in college. It sometimes reminds me I'm still one of the cool guys.


However, the responsible adult version of the game is in fact, Megan. Big fan of the show. Love you both and all of the way. It makes family keeping it high and tight and not being stingy.


Megan, it's Megan. So we had, you know, listen back and forth.


You would not believe how many emails came in, came in. That's two much Tina talking. What are you saying right here and stuff.


So me and anywhere having lunch with Zolo the other day, any and I excuse me. Yes.


And Solar was telling us about his friend Greg, but he kept on calling them Graig. Oh boy. Greg, great boy. And he couldn't even hear the correction.


Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg.


It's almost like Craig and Greg. Greg together. Craig, Craig. But he's saying. Greg Yeah. Greg Hmm. That's got to be wrong.


That's so. It definitely is. Greg I wanted to say. Greg, can I.


Yeah. Greg, that's silly. Hey, what's up, Zolo? Are you there? Yeah, so what's your friend's name? Greg Wow. Greg Yeah, you're you don't say Greg now. I do.


Let's hear it. Can you say right? Can you say Greg? Greg but you were saying Greg, Greg, Greg same milk. Milk, OK. Some people say milk. Well, I was saying egg or egg whites instead of egg and jug. Yeah. Is that like how your parents pronounce it egg.


Maybe. I don't know where I got it from, but like, you know. And how do you pronounce MGG?


And I say making. Yeah, could be a California thing. It might be, but yeah, I'm going to try to shift my pronunciation almost those from now on.


Well, I think the jury's out on Megan, Megan, because we've got to in support of the jury's in on AG. So you guys.


And Greg. Greg, Greg. Greg's clearly. Greg. Yeah, I got it now.


I mean, this kid's in college. He's still learning.


You know, it's not finished yet. It's not he didn't get a degree yet. He's going to leave you going to graduate and be like, I want to talk to all the Greg's eggs and Megan's out there. He's going to know I have all the confidence in the world.


Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.


Hot topic. It's very hot. Very interesting. Especially in today's world. We cover the most important.


How do you say B, you f eat buffet. Yeah, I say buffet. Sometimes you do a buffet. That's how top dogs as a buffet like they got a buffet there.


But I wonder. Great deal. But he's a married back and you can just keep eating till you feel sick.


I love buffet but is it is that improper to say buffet because your dad says that he's American. You can go to the buffet.


It's not a is a buffet buffet. What do you say, Zolo. Buffet. Buffet. I say buffet. Buffet.


That's correct me. Buffet. OK, all right. I got something to show you, ok. Oh, and also I'll read this in a moment. But just so you know, I have an admirer. No, Tom, I'm jealous.


I know I'm your in my ear.


Oh, there's somebody else. There's no competition.


No, I'm not checking anybody. Yeah, but I don't like guys. What about me. Don't you understand. I don't like you. Don't you fucking get it. Poorness dipshit. Rubs off on your face. It was on fire. God damn, why is it so fucking hard for you to understand that I'm not bullshitting you? All I see is a thousand problems in the room. I don't see one fucking solution. Here you go.


Just a little damn pain to lift up your spirit today.


I hate you because like your poorness and your loser is Jesus, I.


He's unbelievable. Well, is that it? That's it, that's the clip. Yeah, I've been following his Instagram account and it's just full of bangers like this.


Oh, it's so funny, dude.


This is something that I wasn't sure of for a long time. And now it's been confirmed. So let me remind you first of the Benadryl guy. If you don't know, OK, this is a big clip for us. The Benadryl cry. A lot of people still still bring up Benadryl with every post. So it definitely left an impact on people.


Before you have sex, if you want to be horny for two or three hours like you've never been in your life, no thanks, you have access to marijuana to good.


We listen to me to weed along and get you really hornier than normal. But it's been under will take about 10 12 Benambra before you want to have your sexual fun with your partner or whatever you do or masturbate. All right.


So he he goes on just to give great advice.


But this clip then brought about other clips and he was just known as the Benadryl guy I had heard.


Last year that he died. No. And I didn't get this guy. Yeah, I didn't get any follow up. And now it's confirmed. Oh, he did. He passed away. Are you serious? Yes. We lost another y image star.


I know it's too bad we didn't get to know him at all, but because of the fact that he has since passed and we were able to locate his library of of videos and messages, we pulled one just to kind of honor the Benadryl guy.


I think we should because he was he was pretty cool.


He brought so much joy. I found this one just, uh, rest in peace. Benadryl guy. Why would anybody want one girl around?


I mean, all they do is talk a lot and don't even make any sense. They're not going to just they're not going to video games. All they do is talk a lot and show they're they're gorgeous little body. And then they pretend like it's God's gift to the Earth and you can't touch it or have it. Well, who cares? The hell with them, don't think they're good for sex. A cat is good to hug and love and love forever.


You're stupid enough to want to marry a stupid woman of any kind. Of this place, a human woman, man, are you are you out of your mind? It does make you horny and then they leave and that's it.


That's all there have ever been. Good for me. Go ahead and marry a dog or a cat, but don't marry a human woman. They smell bad, everything they expect you to be God's gift to them and never give anything to you. Do they know are you going to go out with them 100 times? You never get to even know anything about them. To hell with them, they're stupid, they're women, they're human, especially American women, man.


They don't even allow hookers. Why? Because, oh, it's so horrible they can sell everything else and screw everybody, but screwing and screwing people out of their money is a whole different thing, isn't it? Rest in peace, Bennettsville Guy. Gosh, I really wish I had seen this video before because it really rounds out who the person is.


We just thought he was the guy who like to get super horny for two hours and Benadryl.


But now this is very sad. So he does look good there. He looks good. This is one of his best looks. Yeah.


I mean, he's a sweet guy. He could have found a nice woman, you know. Nice chair. Yeah, good fan.


There's a lot of box checked on this one, you know.


I mean, well, he's got that nice fold up chair in the back to the girl could sit down there. Yeah, you're welcome. Over sit down by fallout, Claire. This poor man, well, I mean, rest in peace, yeah, rest in peace, Benadryl, too bad that he's gone because he and I could have been friends.


I got I can't even look, here's the thing. I am married. Um, yeah, it's open.


It's an open marriage, not an open marriage, but. All right. Well, we're working out the details. We're working out the details.


But people people think that we're swingers and stuff because we joke like this and we're totally.


But stop saying we're not into that. So why do you like being married? Yeah, a human woman. I do.


I like cats more, but I like that you more women are fucking stupid and they're not good for anything.


But women cancel Tom. But here's an email I got. And I don't mean to make you jealous, but I want you know, this came into my inbox and I'm kind of curious. I want to put out there a response first. I'll read you the email.


This is unsolicited trying to do to me. I'm just saying this is unsolicited and I haven't had it something like this happen to me, so I feel like I should.


Are you telling me that women don't constantly hit on you?


Look, let's let me read this email and then you can comment, OK? Here's what it says. Hello, how are you today? Strong.


Open. OK, that's that's what I opened my email and I see. And I'm like, what is this? OK, hello. How are you today? I am Mary single woman and you.


I am looking for a man who is honest, faithful, loyal, sincere, caring and loving man who is willing to give me his love and heart. Well, I'm a loving, caring, honest woman with average smarts, although not into games. I have morals looking for a man who is the same, a man of his words. I can be independent by looking to find someone I can rely on. This is my email. You can message me or hit me on Google Hangout.


She sounds like perfect. You do not, do you? She says unsolicited, I'm just getting messages like, yeah, but I'm so jealous, she sounds perfect. Why don't you go makes we loved her then. Well you like her so much. I'm just saying, Mary. Mary. Photos of her are they are. Oh, she sent a picture. Oh, I'm jealous. I don't want to be. I forgot that she better be something special writing to my husband like this.


Who do you think you are? Because I'm sure this is definitely her claw. Her face.


Oh, my God. Seriously. There's no way that this girl is not the one who wrote the e-mail, of course, that's the same lady her English looks, that's her and it's her and she's probably God.


She's desperately sending unsolicited emails to just the men across the world, you know, like I can't compete with her.


Tom, do you do you you are not. Do you do do you do are you here for games? Are you here for games?


Uh, she's not the author. Something tells me she's not the author of that letter.


Oh, wait, did we get an email about the coach slapping? We did we did hear yeah. Can I see what it is? Sure. I'm so curious. This is a video that came in last week.


Let's see here if you guys missed it. Yeah, I respect his Adidas suit, that's the newer one. OK, so we got the translation.


This is a coach and what he says as he's slapping those players is, I'll kill all you bastards, you motherfucking faggots.


I fuck all of your pussies. I fuck your mouth and faces you brats. What is this disgrace that is your Turkish strategy later then.


Yep. Özkan, thank you very much for that translation then. Yeah. And that is a lovely message. Thank you for bringing it to our attention.


You love abuse of coaches.


I do love your favorite line. I love it. Yeah, it is one of my absolute favorite. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.


Um, because your parents never talk to you this way. You think so. Yeah, yeah. When you have someone in your family that does it should do you're like that's good.


I'm good. I'm good. Yeah. Yeah. You know like that. This is like every Eastern Bloc or parent. Colin, you and George just feel like you fucking. Yeah, of course, it's terrible. Oh, it looks like there's something I should bring to your attention before we break here. I'm excited. There's an old clip from our show.


Um, no better celebration of this podcast than if legitimately in episode four hundred. We can get you to open up your eyes, open up your heart. I'll put up your mind and ultimately open up your mouth to lick my rear.


And never it's never going to happen. You just. But can you just for this episode. No. No for the episode. Can you entertain the idea.


Listen, if we have doctors, right. And if somebody can assure me in the medical community listening that it would not result in me getting hepatitis or some horrific disease the next.


Go ahead. Look how full my hair was. Excuse me, then. Yeah, go ahead.


I mean, I'm just marveling at how good I looked. Excuse me. Pregnant here. Excuse me. I think I was pregnant.


You're you're. Yeah. Sorry, I was you said you would if the doctors sign off on it.


Yeah. So can't even grow my hair that long. Excuse me. What. You said you would if a doctor signed off, that you wouldn't get hepatitis. Witchdoctor signed off on that, you said if who did? No doctor signed off on it. What do you mean? We just have to ask the doctors to write in the doctors.


I can. Can I have a doctor of my choosing? Sure. So here's the deal, man, will you groom back there, I'm afraid of licking hair. Yeah, no, I want to get professionally what I'll get professionally. What if you wax it?


And I can have a letter from Dr. Drew. Can we call him right now? Ask Dr. Drew. Ask him if it's if I can't get any kind of disease from what you call my phone and the boys have it for lunch, OK?


If I cannot get a disease, hepatitis or fecal to oral bacterium. I know that I will be strong, I mean, look, you have me on tape. If it's something and really you really want yeah, you really want this, I want to hold your head down there. You didn't mention that part. Well, that's just going to come. You didn't mention that part that you can hold my head down. How will we do it? Will you be in the baby, the happy baby, with your legs pulled back?


Or will you make you bend over and push my face in there like a doll? No.


Change my didit position that is so vile.


I'm going to get it all waxed and cleaned for you. And you'll have a doctor's note, I promise. And you can bring the knife and you can say you can go.


The doctor said I was supposed to come here and get my medicine and I'll be like, Oh yeah, yeah, I'll be the pharmacist. Here's your medicine right here.


But I'm pretty sure licking a bee hole just kind of wondering, stop flying. Call Drew. I will. How about we take a break?


We let them know because we call them from this line. Just let them know their phone calls come. OK, makes sense. Let's take a break. Usually my assoon we'll be right back. This episode of your mom's house is also brought to you by him's. Look at my bald head. It is too late, but it doesn't have to be too late for you. Sixty six percent of men begin to lose their hair by age thirty five. Yep.


And once you started noticing that thinning hair can be too late. The best way to prevent more hair loss is to do something about it while you still have some. As soon as you notice that you need to act. And what do you need to do? You go to for him's dotcom, the one stop shop for hair loss, skin care and sexual wellness. For men, it's time to write a new chapter, one in which you have hair.


There is no snake oil pills or gas station counter supplements. These are prescription solutions backed by science. Consult with a real medical professional and get real medical solutions. Today, hims is giving you their best offer. Yet if you're not happy with the results after 90 days, Hem's will give you a full refund. And right now our listeners can get their first visit absolutely free. Go to forums. Dot com slash mom. That's for him. XCOM Mom full refund of price paid available first any day supply refund request must be made between nineteen hundred and eight days after product have been delivered.


Perfusion product required. Not only consultation with a medical professional will determine if a person with appropriate restrictions supplies the website for details and safety information. But remember, that's what it was like.


I was like, Mom, you know. You know what happens? You're watching your favorite streaming service and you finish binge watching that series. And now what? What do you do with your life?


You're bored again. Not anymore. Download best fans. You can download it for free on your phone. And do you know it has over one hundred million downloads? A hundred million dollars. Yeah. And I am hooked. I love it. I play it when my children are running around in the backyard and I'm on level seventy six now you're moving along. I'm moving on up and I like the colors.


I like characters, I like sound.


The sounds are great.


I mean it sounds silly but I'm a I'm a grown ass mom and I love best mean nothing wrong with that but I think you should give it a try.


It's good because it's not too hard and it's not like too easy. So you're always engaged and they update the game constantly. Download best feeds for free today on the Apple App Store or Google Play. That's Friends without the ah best fiends.


And we are back with a very handsome and talented performer. You maybe listen to his music. You may have watched his YouTube videos were incredibly entertaining, may have seen him on tour.


It's the very, very talented and funny Muk Leiby guy.


Oh yeah. Well done. Top. Yes, like that. But yeah. How is your French by the way? It's exceptional. It is. It's exceptional. Is it really. Yeah. I mean well it's not exceptional but it's conversational. Oh it is. Yeah. I'm half French dual citizen.


You're dual citizen. That's one of the dopiest dual citizenship you can have. It is. It is.


I mean it's all of the EU. I couldn't do UK now could I.


I don't know. Last year about. Yeah that's it. It's over. If it's not over it's about to be. Yeah. Yeah. I mean they were on their way out but yeah it was and it's going to be real fun for trade and travel.


It's going to be everything in Europe that's really going to be great. Yeah. I did a tour there last year and it had already been, you know, voted on and they're like, you will not this will be a burden next time, like to come in and to leave.


And I just like enjoy this now. Enjoy this now. Yeah. Well yeah.


I have French envy a little bit. Oh I'd love to but you know what is right. I am.


But it's that you guys, the French are are a little aloof and and it's like a club that I said didn't want you to come in. That's it.


And then you're like, oh, I want to be in. Yeah. And then, you know, and they're like one of the only and they're very bitter, bitter.


And if you like them, you know, like in a lot of places, if you travel, if you're like a bongiorno and they're like good try. And then the French are like, please don't try. Yeah. They're like, Jesus Christ, what are you doing? They're correct. You over and over. Oh, yeah.




Because if I know anything from watching Emily in Paris, that's where I've done my research. Yeah.


Can I, can I absolutely make yourself comfortable. Be very comfortable. It's that the French are not very welcoming of her.


Oh God. Yeah. Is that's Lily Collins.


I don't know her name. She's gorgeous. She's just fine. But how do you so how do you make friends with other French people.


Do you just. I generally don't. Oh generally to your English voice is like broadcast worthy, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like going up next Icehouse. Right. I mean, it's, it's kind of freaky.


Yeah, you've got the whole look, the certificate of smoking, I think that's what it is, and that's a very French way of explaining it. Yeah, I smoke, I live life.


I smoke. What do you want from me?


You don't smoke, are you? One of these people can say, but you don't smoke so stupid. What is wrong with you?


Yeah, but the French do have something in that their culture is pretty rad. Like food's great. Sure.


It's a Paris is gorgeous. The language is gorgeous. The people are gorgeous.


I want to feel fantasy in Paris last year. So I had this run, you know, like ten city run. Yeah. And I two days in Paris and the whole time, like, I would go on walks and be like, you know, I could I could be like your I could do like you talking to yourself.


You're like I could, I could just this is something I could do. Like at that whole time you're there, you're just like it's like a magical place.


It really is. I lived there for a year. I was extremely poor. And it's just like, oh, it's not a good way to live.


It's hard when you're around. That's like New York City living. Exactly. It's a it's just like it fucking sucks. Yeah.


I remember going to New York in my early 20s. Yeah. And, you know, like, when you live in other parts of the country and you're like, I'm going to travel, I, I have three hundred dollars to where I'm going and you're like Bactine trip.


And then in New York you're like, I had lunch and it's over.


Yeah. Same old same in Paris. You go home for it to go. Oh such a bummer. I went to Paris in the late 90s in college. Oh yeah. And I couldn't afford like a baguette and a coke I remember. Yeah. It's like twenty euro.


I remember. It's like I'm not prepared you know.


The bar always changes for like the the price of what is the beginning. Like the entry level expensive hotel room. And like twenty years ago if you traveled most of North America you would say three hundred dollars. Right. Three hundred dollars. I feel like that's a three in our hotel room. That meant like a five star hotel. Right. And I remember staying I was like, I'm staying in a three hundred dollar hotel room in New York. And it was a fucking double strike.


It was like, did I get the wrong motel? And they're like, no, no, no. This you only have to bring down.


This is why you stay here. Yeah, I was like, oh, lead you into the cellar.


It was it's so bad. And I remember shopping and then I was like, how much are nice hotel? And they were like fifteen hundred dollars a minute.


I was like, what.


I didn't even I couldn't wrap my head around. I was like, who has that. I know who has that to spend the night. I didn't understand.


And even those nice rooms in New York are teeny tiny.


Yeah they are. They are. They're like beautifully done. They're decorated.


They're well designed, but they're little cubicles. Yeah. When was your year there. Like in college.


Like abroad. A year. But it was after college. I dropped out of college. Oh yeah. Yeah.


And I was, I like worked a few jobs and broke up with a girl and felt shitty about it and I was like I could end.


Like a coworker of mine was like, you know, dude, you can just like you have citizenship, you can just like move. Yeah. Over there, you just like do that. So great. Oh shit. You're right.


I was like 22 and you're both your parents are from France.


My dad is were was just wrestling power, you know.


Russell so did he looked at Pops do the thing where you were born in the States. Yeah, I was born in that. I was born in Texas.


But he right away reached out like to the consulate or whatever and was like it's it's like a birth.


Oh, I don't even care.


I think I just like or I had it. Yeah. And have it. But I guess you have to like get the passport. But I just think by birth I'm a citizen.


That's it. I think. Yeah. To check with my mom.


But when you get when you see your mother's American though. Yeah. She's from South Carolina. So like real white lady. Super white lady. Yeah.


Who speaks beautiful French has a great ear.


Like she developed the accent. And did they, did they get to know each other in France though or in the state.


Yeah. She met him in Paris like oh it's total fucking slimy romance story where she was like plus the look behind stopped. You know, my dad was like rolling through in a car. She asked for a cigarette. He asked her to dinner. Oh, dinner. And then they, like, walked around Paris and kissed over the sun. And everything was like, yes, that's like our story.


That's exactly.


Yeah, exactly. What happened was smoking a cigarette when I met. Yeah. Oh yeah. She was outside the cat club on the Sunset Strip. Oh rats on.


And I was like, I'll give you sixty bucks on the back side of this building. That is so sweet.


So and I was like my damn boss.


Why bouncer get out of here. Yeah.


That was really one time I remember this was my first time and I've been to Paris what, three times I think. Yeah. The first time I went I went to the Notre Dame.


I knew Notre Dame well, almost lost it recently. I know. I know.


And then Homeboy LBA, um, donated like 800 million like the. Which is good. I was like, I'll fix it. Yeah, which is amazing, but so this is back before the euro, right? So this is like everyone has their own currency. Yeah. And so were you. When you leave, there's like there's basically a gift shop and it's all Americans in line. And this guy is like, uh, you know, puts his stuff there and the lady goes 40 and he goes and she goes.


So we are in France, we speak French and we use France.


Why would it be a perfect answer? He's like, I mean, I just I'm just trying to get it. Oh, you know, that was it. Bucks. What?


That's the answer you're going to get from any French store owner. Yeah.


Shopkeeper said, well, it's as anything it's as insane as somebody coming here to be like this. Are you doing pesos or what are we doing? Like, no, dude, this is the United States.


What the fuck are you talking about? Yeah, it's so insulting. One thing I love about the French is the men are very forthright. They're very aggressive, almost to an uncomfortable degree.


I mean, I dig it.


I was like, yeah, I took the channel from London and I was in like the the train station just sitting on my suitcase, like, I just got to Paris and I was like, oh, they were just swarming around me.


And I was like, oh no.


Yeah, OK. But like they.


So you were hooking back then to. Nothing like the Italians, though, the Italians, oh, my Italians are like, what is rape? Yeah, but I like, you know, no is different than English.


I mean, like like Italians are seeing someone come up and kiss somebody, you know, you're like, you can't do this one way. I love you. She's a beautiful woman.


Like you already heckle women like cerebella bellissima. Yes. I'm making love. You look at my eyes. I love you. And why does my dad call the Italians the cockroaches of Europe?


They really are. He's Hungarian.


And he was I used to explain that because I would say it on stage. Oh, you mean like sometimes people were like, Jesus. I was like, look, he was in an Italian internment camp for a year.


So, like, it's it's like when you're a prisoner of war, but like, you're always going to be like, fuck those pigs. Yeah.


So because he escaped Hungary and went there and they how is the bunch of Hungarians but in a camp, you know. Yeah. So I'm sure he's not like he led they lived in Italy for that year before they escaped or they got whatever a pass to go to Canada.


Oh so yeah. Yeah. But every know cockroach, every you.


And that's one man's opinion. Yeah.


But that's my dad, my dad. I mean he was like very French his whole life and that was part of like love it. I think it's part of the fucking why he was so fucking.


Oh did they fuck up this. The currency inflation. You know they don't clean. Rome's a fuckin mess walking around, not raping people in the streets.


But I hope we get can run an elegance. We need to get on an Italian hate radar, you know. Oh yeah.


Yeah. Well, that's so funny. Anyway, I'm not going to get into this, but. So what was he like?


Because I see this I follow a French tech talker and he makes fun of his French mother. The mother is always like, you know, he's pretending that she's smoking.


Yeah. You should only lose ten pounds. Oh, my God. I'm looking champagne again for breakfast and the smoking and what the fuck?


You know, like totally that 100 percent that a little less like, let's say fair. He was much more it's like a higher energy dude. But he was in fashion his whole life and he would always be like, you look like shit, fix this.


If a homeless person, he's come up to you and just tell you that you look like a homeless person.


And how do that pull your collar out, pull it down. He takes something from his closet, put a fucking ascot on you. And I was like, OK, that's good to know this this good.


Yeah, he was just very much awesome, dude. He was the shit I mean, and it was always done. Well, did he always look amazing. Like always. Yeah.


Like at breakfast lol. What the fuck. Flawless. Fully dressed.


And he would do it, I mean you know he would do it to you with this panache and charm that would make you I, I do look like a homeless person.


Yeah. Fix me, fix me. Fix me. Yeah. Yeah.


So by the way, you're very fashion. Yes. Thank you. Very. Say you got that. You must have picked that up from him.


I'm repping Russ and Daughters rapping New York and then got these stupid little cosmopolitan shoes. But yeah, I don't know. It's my it's my little homage to him of course.


But I think the foreigners are also more direct, like my family, which is from South America.




Like, you know, my mom definitely is much, much more direct than my dad was American. It's the opposite in my house, my. Yeah. American. But like, you go down there, I mean, my whole life, they would just be like, where are you, fat.


Well, what, you don't have to be fat. I just got here. I don't want to do this. Like I just the right.


Hello. Yeah. Can I take a nap or. We do. It's a very different thing. Like we have this. We just have this desire to be we like platitudes, we like social, yeah, gentle social etiquette for some reason, that's just not really a thing. I think it's because we're from the English.


You know what? That's a good point. So we're like English light and kids thought about English are very conscious of embarrassing or being embarrassed. Right. So they're very it's very polite. And there's you don't show emotion. Stiff upper lip, all that. So maybe we adapted some of that and the Puritans were very polite.


We don't like just like the Japanese are like the far end of that and then the English and then us and the Italian Canadians somewhere in there.


Canadian like Canadians have got to be before us. Right. Are way nicer than us. Yeah. They're way, way better. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah.


Also Hungarians. I know my father had a completely disdain for the way Americans dressed in public. Oh really. Oh that's so disgusting. By a fucking blue jeans. Yeah. Going to, going to court dressed in shorts and blue jeans are going to the doctor.


Not dressed up for appearance. Looks like. Yeah. Oh yeah. This is a school show some respect.


You know I did, I did a semester in Madrid and I lived with this old lady and her son who was I was twenty one and he was, you know, in his 40s. Yeah. And he would come for a lot of like lunches. You know, the lunch is a big thing. Right. So I come by and he was like, he's like, you look nice. But the so many Americans, they look like shit, like he just be like white.


Like, why do you dress like explained and explained. I know. American population t shirt. Do you sleep in a T-shirt.


I'm sorry. I don't know. I can't explain it.


My brother uses, I like, I like being around well-dressed people. Yeah. I don't like the effort myself but I appreciate it.


When I was in London, like, you know, you're walking around London, you see all these like bespoke suits and like looks great, but like I'm not going to go.


Yeah, I love the whole thing. I love the whole getting everything ready and putting, you know, the colors. Yeah, it is. And I just like it. Yeah. It's a I guess it's it must be for my dad for sure. I'm sure it is.


And I think it ends up being like it's ultimately a very positive thing because it's like yourself, you know, like value and self perception. Yeah. And then it people remember you that way. It's like a decoration.


You're like decorating yourself. Yeah. So TransAm, if I can put some shit on your yourself, you'll even do things in robes, you know. Yes, yeah. Yeah. So that's the fashion statement in and of itself.


And it's very comfortable, very comfortable. Very comfortable. And it just looks like whoever is in a robe that's not home has to be a baller.


Like unless you're just like walking on a sidewalk. Yeah, that's right. That's a problem.


That's the only place where, like, you're either mentally ill or a billionaire.


Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think L.A. has, um, the the homeless rich person aesthetic.


They do like in L.A. the more hobo you look just rich or super problem. Yeah.


It's actually really lame in L.A. and it almost feels it's intentional. It's like I'm going to I'm going to get I'm just going to dress shittier and shittier. Yeah. To to exemplify my wealth.


Yeah. Yeah. You know it's I don't give a fuck though know there's like cool dress down but then there's like dorky dress down. Right. And like you'll see rich people like that. I was in a public place with a friend and I was like, do you know who that is over there to my to the friend? And he was like, who? I was like, that's the CEO of this like of very well. And he was like, Really?


I go, Absolutely. Yeah.


He had like socks, his shorts on socks pulled up like halfway up his leg, you know, like dad sneakers stained t shirt. I'm like, that guy is a fucking like mold, like hundreds of millions of dollars.


And he's like he looks like shit. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like you don't have to care.


But then there's another like other just like you purposely fucking your shit up.


It's very bizarre. I don't know. Yeah. It's interesting.


I guess it's almost like a blast right before you go out. Yeah. It is a soft flex like everybody is like yeah.


Trying to look like they're worth more and then they become so wealthy that you're like, I'm not trying to make anyone thing.


Yeah. Like it's like the opposite. Right.


I like I talked to a wealthy person one time who said he goes, I'm post rich, which I thought was really funny, just live, because we were talking about watches. I was like, what do you have on?


He was like he had like an I watch. Oh, you don't have like a he's like, oh, no, no, I'm past that.


You're gonna have to show people anything anymore.


Jesus Christ. It's another world for this.


Yeah. Now how are the French so fucking skinny. And you guys have the best food.


I don't know. Yeah, that's the thing, it's like the food is drenched in duck fat, yeah, yeah, butter or tons of sugar and sugar. But the thing is, I think they the you know, its portions, man.


Yeah, it's portion of course. Yes. It's like knowing when to eat. It's like everything snack.


They don't snack but they also like you go if you're like authentic French like something is very rich. Yeah. You have a few bites and that's it. Yeah. Right.


We're, we're like how many bowls of it come with bowls to do.


Like Boogity Beppo family pasta.


Yeah. It's all you can eat. You shouldn't do that. It's not good for you. Oh my God.


My favorite appetizer. What you Google Nadav of calories in the awesome blossom. Oh my.


Oh two altbach. That's the fucking of fried butter.


Oh my God. Look at the screen. How many.


I'm going to say a little outback's cholos. Eleven fifty. OK, I'm going to go. Oh it might be called the bloomin onion.


That's it. Blumen. Oh my God. Oh are you ready that turn your head to the left.


Jesus. What the article says, Outbacks Blooming Onion has a truly terrifying. What the fuck?


Three thousand eighty, which is actually nicer. Yeah, it should be noted as high as more than half of what your daily intake. You know, most of that's my job.


But that's I can't get that much time and a half. Yeah. What, you should be happy, isn't it? Yes. Yes, you're right. What does the 2002 thousands like the average intake. Right.


But I mean, obviously, it's a sliding scale.


That's it's so good. It's so good.


I know what it's like a butterfly and onion and then they just toss it in, but. Right. And they fry from then you dip it in a mayonnaise and it's the best thing you've got to feel your body's shift. Like while you're eating, like things are slowing down.


You feel your heart just glug, glug, glug for me too.


That's just like automatic diarrhea. I would just be like, I'm going to shit here on the floor. Right. I've been doing a lot of tacos here because it's.


Yeah. I'm in Los Angeles. Yeah. Yeah. It's just a real it's just a but where are you going. But it's a but Subud issue for sure.


But the issue of course to be catastrophic, especially as we did Hazes Treyarch show. Oh yeah. And what was it called. Taco 1986. Get Corcos Tacos. Tacos.


Yeah. And we we said that day we ate at tacos nineteen eighty six because we're filming the show.


Oh you want to talk bro.


The next morning it was like Tom was on, on the upstairs commode. I was on the downstairs is constantly and then we checked in was like hey man how do you feel.


Run asshole.


I did a taco arabesques. Yes. We went there to get there to where they dance on a spit. Yes, yes. It's amazing, dude.


Unbelievable. And the other one where they were, they fry it and they give you the the the it's like a the word is right there.


It cracklin it's no it's a sauce, it's a it's, it's like the dripping sauce.


They fry the shit and then I don't know but I think that might be in there. Arabe. No birria area.


OK, damn they fry it.


It's fucking incredible. It's basically like they just doing the same thing ten different ways where you get it, it's fried, you dip it in like a what's the word.


But it's, it's a dripping. They give you a buttercup. I don't know, I want to drink it right now.


Dripping I would drink it in. Europeans love their drippings. The Hungarians you might keep. Yes. The duck fat and he would spread it on his toast. Duck fat on everything.


Guagua why do you say it.


How do you say how do you say foie gras foir. I can't say because I got the full roll but yeah. Foie gras.


I had a French teacher at a French teacher who looked like you would say like what you'd say foie gras and then you like Ninu one glop and I'm like, oh I'm sorry.


No, no, no, no, no, you're good, good, good. Yeah. Fuck you got to really got a salad.


Yeah I for you. That's it. You are stupider than you are. Yeah. What the fuck is wrong with you. OK, I'm sorry.


Did you guys really invent um French kissing.


It's a good freeways, ways and stuff. Is that true? Yeah, we did. Yeah, we did that.


We did the first one there like we used to. Go ahead and then, Tom, show me.


Show me. Like me. Oh, yeah. This is a cool thing.


If you're if you're watching and you're wondering, like, how can I send a woman a signal to let her know that I like her, but without being like too overt and without being too subtle, what you do is you look at her, stare at her a little bit, make her notice you, and then just real quick, you go. Yeah.


And it works every time I wanted to.


And now I just. Yeah, that's how you got it.


So I feel like what was that?


I did I wanted to I would just love to go to like a Best Buy and just just holler at an associate. That's pardon me ma'am. Yeah. Yes.


She will head to the bridge immediately. You can you can do this. Yeah.


I don't think it's a good story right away. I think there is a guy in TVis right now and he just wiggled his tongue out. He just.


But I like the combo of your two together. Well we could probably go to as a team approach a woman together.


Yeah, right.


And that's the thing is like one of us could like do it and then as soon as the woman turns away, the other guy is like, oh my God, she's OK.


We'll get like a tongue out. The other guy wiggled his tongue. Yeah.


Could you imagine?


And then if you're like that woman told me that I'd be like, sounds like guys like you. I mean, yeah, sounds like you're hot. What's the problem. Right. You not like getting licked or something, you know, like positive male attention, you stupid bitch.


There you go. Yeah. Don't leave the house dressed like that.


Yeah, but my favorite walking outside I is right is that I asked Tom from time to time.


Like show me you're attracted to me. Yeah. Show me like me and then you do it. Yeah.


Yeah. Here's a cool. I found a cool chick. It's very rare. Just cool guys out there.


I say cool guys. I mean one hundred percent. But if you throw throwing your headphones and I'll show you a very cool girl we can up can up.


And this girl we found like I said usually yeah it'll be on the screen.


Usually it is almost exclusively men that you find making messages message like this. Yeah. It's very rare. Find to find a woman. Yeah.


I'm convinced one day that I'm going to become a serial killer. Want me to explain why. Every single person in my life, I have thought about how I would kill them, and I've done my due diligence to make sure I could get away with it. And I'm not just talking about like think about it. Like I've actually planned it out to the teeth. If someone cuts me off in traffic, I'm not the type to just yell at them or flick them off and just let them go on.


No, no, no, no. I will follow you. I will follow you. And if you stop, I will stop. And it can get heated and very, very aggressive and very dangerous. And I don't listen or watch murder like podcast or TV shows about it or anything like that. You are the podcast.


You'll be like, oh my God, no. I do it simply because I'm like, oh, that's amazing. And I like complement serial killers. And I'm like, give me an idea how we own it.


OK, Hannah Hutchinson, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah. For any law enforcement listening, that's an interesting on talk. OK, I know you guys like the show.


I know.


To the men in blue, little pauses are.


Oh yeah. I like oh oh. Here.


Tick-Tock has been taken down since and she's well I'm guessing that a couple of followers were like, hey Hannah, I don't know if you know how this comes across, but first of all, big fan Big Bang.


But here's here's the kind of added freakiness to this kind of thing.


She's kind of cute, you know. She's really. Yeah, yeah.


But she's an attractive person. And I do feel you have a lot in common with her. I like her. I feel like a kindred spirit. Yeah. I'm calling people I've been following women home in the pandemic because it's a thrill. It's an activity. It's something to do that's fun. You know, I do. I leave messages in their house. I, you know, I, I find things that they picked up in the grocery store put back and I buy it for them and I go, you forgot this.


I read my note Everbright on the door. I'm like, you didn't buy this.


And they're like, what the fuck in the with a big smile on your face. I care about you. Care for you. Yeah. Yeah. That is terrifying. Wow. She's she is cool though. I do like her.


Yeah. Yeah. No she's great. She's great. I didn't, I didn't see anything wrong with that. Um have you seen this video that's been passed around the last week or so. This guy who just got in, he just got beat up and he's putting out its while.


No, I mean I just don't know my whole.


I'm doing what I hope. Hey, told me why my mother told me that you never say goodbye. My house made no more money.


I mean, this goes on and on. I wasn't even there for every job application, everything that I.


Where is he, Peperoni? I know this is so good.


This this really would make like an awesome monologue, you know?


I mean, it's so it's not so crazy. Man joke. I mean, I look at my mom. My dad was looking into one a while. You might be I couldn't even do it on the back.


It's it's unbelievable to just quit actively bleeding.


No. Yeah. You couldn't write this down.


I like how you guys can come play Madden anymore. It's so real. It's so grounded. And then.


And it's so immediate. Yes. Just he just got his ask. He's like, none of you guys fucking help me help. I'm pepperoni. Pepperoni, man. I'm sad.


I don't like my girlfriend in the pawn shop.


Now are to this wild. Wow, it is wild.


So, you know, maybe he got fucked up in a pawn shop. Yeah. That's what I'm that's why there was no gun. I way he wishes there was a gun. Yeah. Well it's best that he didn't have a gun.


Right. I'm coming back to come with you. I hope he doesn't go get it.


Let's not let's just go home. I hope he just meets Hannah Hutchinson. Yeah. They can go to the parties and fuck some people to have her do it.


Yeah. Yeah. And this red, she used to plan it out for him. Yeah. He's just angry and emotional. Right. But she is got to go lay the blueprint to his shirt.


Poor guy. Oh yeah.


That was a good nipple. Strong nipple. It is. Yeah. Yeah. Unreal, Jesus Christ, pepperoni, pepperoni.


Yeah, yeah, I do pepperoni like that. Yeah.


Are you familiar, by the way, with a man named Fred Smoker? No. You don't know if a smoker. Oh, so you're educating me. Oh, yeah.


You know, Fred Smoker. He's like, yeah, I've got all this counterman he could knowing he could. No. Yeah. So Fred Smoker is a guy who he.


He was a bit of a tweaker, um, he he smoked meth, but he he considered himself somebody who would smoke out bad cops, federal agents. Oh yeah. And like, put bad cops away. When he was on he was on a mission, OK?


And he made about 14 YouTube accounts and he would post videos to each of his accounts.


He passed earlier this year. I think it was this year. Right? Yeah, right at the beginning of Korona. Right.


There are some conspiracy theories that he could have been involved.


Right. Um. Oh, so we go down. That's a juicy conspiracy. Yeah, it's it's pretty wild.


I mean, we go down his rabbit hole quite a bit, uh, because there's there's he's just he's just like, I'll give you some background on him before I show you the newest thing.


Oh, there's a new thing. Well, we discover videos that he's posted. Oh, they're all hidden. Oh, they're like little cookie crumbs to raise.


That's a way of putting it. Yeah.


He really likes film himself, like smoke smoking with these with these cops. No, no, no, no. Oh he's he'd smoke on his own and then he would confront cops.


Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Just get a cup of coffee and anyone in uniform.


Oh my God. Anyone in uniform. Right.


I'm on record for a moment. What is this place anyways. But is this place you don't need to tell me.


Oh I'm documentary this year.


OK, this is America, you dumb son of a bitch.


OK, you dumb son of a bitch. I'm a private person. I am a fucking American, you stupid fuck.


I want ok, cool stuff like that.


You know, any time I walk baby vapor on your face of course rape or you're the one looks like a baby. Right baby. Would you escape from jail. What's up there Jamal.


Listen here. He's talking like well you know what, you're fired. But no, I like that.


I was saying he would also, you know, give himself haircuts.


Ladies, put a little pink arguing, huh? I think. But I think I the word Jack using.


As long as you're aware and are generally right, you are getting a little drink, he's oh, he's he's going on a ride right now, he's cutting his hair.


Would you disagree with your father and brother? With the bullet, with fire, get all. Oh, yeah. I'm going to go and buy it, OK. Oh, you know what I mean. Got to get her hot dude. Yeah.


Yeah. Oh, shit.


Oh, God. Oh, my God. That's the three. All motherfuckers like yourself on fire. Let your brain on fire. Oh, that's great.


And that feel great. Great.


Tom, this is like nostalgic for me. I know. Nice walk down memory lane. Oh.


And he also so he worked at Phalcon Car Wash and he would do haircuts and also, you know, dentists really overcharge you. Yeah. So he would do things like extract.


He parked illegally quick. Oh no different looks for different videos Quentin. I'm like.


Oh, well, you know, I tell you, yeah, she said, Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ, who's on the ceiling there? Oh, God, I think I got it. I think I need it. I got this whole thing is a tired fucking change. Yeah. That's the way you do it. How can car wash. Oh, my God. Dude, dude. Oh, you were so by bike bonkers like he would go and just go.


Just a city council having a great this one's my favorite and a great sheriff and you guys are getting the stamp on your face, which is a real baby razor. So thank you very much. Can you tell me if I can get a police report on this with normal council out there with this woman? That's how it is to look at it that year. Well, you got tribal cops, the feds, to come see them, because I'm going to arrange that if I can, with everything I know.


He's such a menace. Jesus Christ. He just did not give a man. His brain is addled by possibly drugs. Possibly. I mean, that's a stretch. No, you might be some man. I think I got it. I could call your man. Go. Uh, could you even imagine just with a knife, dude? Yeah. Is he. He would like, pull people over like he would. Hi. You tell me the speed limit out here, my dear brother.


Well, it's variable. Oh, it is. Yeah, it's right here. It's it's typically 16. Yeah. And that's the car. Yes, that's the Tromaville. Oh my God. I got. Yeah I got you was a cop for a minute. Are you a cop. Oh I clip you to go on like seventy five. I clipped you. I'm not a cop. I just have five. You know what. Yeah. Yeah.


What's the speed limit here. My dear brother. My dear brother. But that's the only response the human is. You know what? Now that's what you should always say to Fred. I just love the energy. I love the energy. Right. Put into good things. He's trying to help the world. So he would he would claim at times to be a CIA operative, a double agent. He said, you know, I put cops away, bad cops away.


And he traveled, as you saw, with a baby raper pouch that had a stamp. He was like, you get that stamp on your fucking face. So he was always breaking shit down for people. And so we find things like this one. I haven't even seen this one. This is in my view. Yes, it says Fed smoker computer lesson. I have no idea. But I'm assuming he's going to teach us a thing or two.


Oh, man. And and all your retarded fox is a regular XP is kind of out of date. What happens here? Sometimes these installers you put in on these computers ruin your computer. So before the big screen pops up to get it there hit, hey, just keep hitting eight. OK, screens obviously already popped up. You want to do then is drop down to the very last one, which is disable drivers signature. Right. And just hit enter.


This is a retarded companies out there, the CIA, the FBI, toys on my computer. Oh, these fungus fox pull. All right. So if you ever panic with these expert systems. Hang on there for a minute to see actually know what he's talking about. Any does he know what he's talking about? I don't know if you already knew. I can't believe he actually knows how to work a buyer just to get that right.


It's your name. It says it right there. Yes.


But he knows how to use that. That's actually true or whatever part of it. I mean, I don't know what was wrong with his computer, but the fact that he knew how to operate a BIOS, I mean, that's that's not good.


Yeah. Like he restarted. He should have been able to do that.


Are you saying, oh, wait a minute. There's a possibility that he's a trained double agent. Is that what you're saying? He could be.


Are we confirming this could be undercover this whole time? Wow.


He's just calmly operating the bio. It's amazing. It's amazing. That's nuts. That's bad smoker, man.


Jesus, what a renaissance. I mean, the guy is unbelievable.


I don't know why. Right? Policeman Yeah.


I mean, he's just go up from the cops that don't know the camera's illegal need to be fired. You know, they're legal, don't you? Why are they wasting government time on cameras, brother? Why are we wasting everybody in this country? You know that they're retarded here. I'm going to go to Florida.


So, you know, the funny thing is because we work with Dr. Drew a lot, right? Oh, yeah. Produce a show of his here. Yeah.


And he said, like almost exclusively, he said people who smoke meth go towards cops. People in uniform really pursue them. And people on cocaine run from them, like people on cocaine sometimes will jump out of a window from seeing like if they're really high on Coke, they get away from a cop and people on meth. We'll see. Fifteen cops congregated and they will walk up to him like, what's up, brother?


I'm like, like right away. Want that smoke from the cop. What the fuck. It's crazy. I wonder why that is. I don't know.


He said it's like he's seen it so many times that he's like it's absolutely he said it's a paranoid thing with the meth that you think it's they're conspiring against you. Oh police are it's they're more paranoid people.


Yeah. But you would think that would make you want to go right away. I don't know.


It's like what's near confrontation. Oh my gosh.


That's so bizarre. Yeah. I just love how unrestrained he is. He just doesn't care.


He does at all. It's a beautiful thing really.


I wish I could have that little slice of Fed smoker in me. Yes. Yes. I love that was the name of his first album actually.


It was rather um.


I like to give a shout out to our good friends over at Wub. A lot of us are trying to make it back to work on our fitness and health. There's a lot of challenges for us to make it happen. Right now, some people are able to work with personal trainers, but not everyone has access to that or can afford it. Wub is the most powerful fitness membership and they're here to help with that. They are a fitness tracker that gives you so much insight.


It's also like having a personal trainer and a sleep coach for less than a dollar a day. You just turn those on and they tell you, hey, you need this much sleep to be at your best. You should get to bed by this hour. I follow it all the time. They also tell you, hey, you can you can take on a little more strain today. Get out there, get get active. I absolutely love it.


I love studying the insight. Right now, our listeners can get 15 percent of all memberships, give Woop a shot. And if it's not for you, they offer a 30 day return policy. No questions asked. Head over to woop w h o o p dotcom and enter y o u r mom your mom at checkout and say fifteen percent off. Join Wub today and sleep better, recover faster and train smarter.


You know, Tom, before I found Brooklyn in, I was one of these people who had the same sheets on my bed for like ten years. Right. You graduate from college and then you just don't know any better.


You don't know how to upgrade your life and live like an adult. And with Brooklyn and sheets, I give them as gifts for for the 30 somethings in our world because I like to show them like, hey, this is how you live. Like an adult, you can sleep on nice sheets.


They don't have to cost a fortune. Yeah. Brooklyn and was started by Rich and Vicky, who also tried to find beautiful home essentials. It didn't cost an arm and a leg, and when they couldn't, they found in Brooklyn. And that's the first direct to consumer bedding company.


It seriously is luxury level sheets. They have great colors, patterns and materials to fit your needs and tastes. Yeah, buy your sheets, your bedding and pillows all at once and save even more. So don't wait. Do something nice for yourself. Go to Brooklyn and Dotcom and use promo code mom to get ten percent on. Your first order and free shipping, that's B-R, OK, al-Iryani, Entercom, Ananta, promo code mom for 10 percent off your first order, plus free shipping, Brooklyn and ARCOM and use promo code mom at checkout.


This is a video that has some commentary on it and invite Balsom Kiki fooding. Have you seen it? No, it's not stuff.


You just really can't make up though what you got for me. And pushing him in a wheelchair.


Because, you know, it's all about giving it easy for you to do it kind got unreal, right?


Believable what a pimp that is.


Damn. That is so beautiful.


When a one legged woman pushes you in a wheelchair and you don't even need the wheelchair. Is this. Hey, I want to ask you something. So you obviously you've toured and put out albums and then this year, like a few other people, you did some drive ins, right? Yes, sir. How fun was it, dude?


So much fun. Aren't you about to do tomorrow? You're doing it tomorrow. Yeah, we're both doing at the Rose Bowl. Yeah, I just did that.


How was it three days ago. Three days ago. Yeah. How was it dude. Amazed. No wait. Are they're in their vehicles right. Oh yeah. And they're just here.


They can like sit on top of the car and most of them. Yeah. Most of them are chillin in their vehicles and you have like, you know, they're all parked with space. So you parked you have space around your car.


And it's I mean, it's like a full festival set up to the stage is insane.


Screens the whole shit and. It was amazing. Can you hear them laughing? No, he's performing music, though, too. Yes. Yeah, it's a lot of like back and forth to try to do crowd work. I open up a phone line and people call me, oh, wow.


And she said and then I had my tour manager like, get a mic on a boom and we'd be like interviewing people from a distance.


All right, cool. So stuff like that to try and make it feel a little more showy and. Oh yeah, we had Stevo introduced me, which was.


That's cool. Oh really. Yeah. Very smart guy.


Dude, he's awesome. Yeah. Such a sweetie. Yes. Yeah. It was the shit.


Will you do more drive and you think I'm doing on Thursday I'm going to San Francisco and playing Halloween and November 1st in Burlingame at a Drive-In. Wow. And then I did a driving tour in June. I did like 12. Yeah. Dates. Yeah. And Burt Krischer came not too long after us. Yeah. And started doing it too. He's been doing a ton of them.


Oh yeah. Oh he's done like 50, 60. Oh no way. Yeah. Oh that's awesome. Yeah. He's driving.


I mean dude it, it works. Yeah it works. I mean it was a real risk at first.


I was very, very worried about it.


There wasn't really a model and so there was a big it was a big chance that it was going to fuck up in a monumental way or that it just wouldn't be entertaining, you know, that like it wouldn't that the show experience wouldn't translate.


But it does. It does.


I mean, and also the energy is just very bizarre right now.


It's like, yeah, people really want to go to a show and you can feel that. You can feel that in the air. It's just like it's fucking it's just bizarre.


You know, everyone's sort of on edge.


And it's a nice thing to play with. I don't know. I like it a lot. It it's obviously not as good as playing a show.


Sure. But do you think that, like, you know, let's say because we really don't know what like there's no end in sight. It doesn't feel like, you know, yet. So like going into the New Year. Yeah. Will you book a bunch of Drive-Ins again.


I mean, not yet. Not yet.


We have from like the middle of 2021 on have a whole slew of like traditional.


Yeah. Kings. Sure. Um just sort of fingers crossed.


Yeah man. Yeah me too. Well I have like I did a club over the weekend. Oh OK. That was like reduced capacity and masks. Oh OK. So back in a club. Oh wow. How was that. It was great really. Yeah. It felt like a totally same show. The only thing that you would ever notice on is when you did crowd work like and like where are you from in Russia. Yeah.


But other than that, like the laughs are the same. All that was the same.


That's isn't the store doing now because L.A. keeps shutting it down. Oh I see. But other places they are. But my like tour tour doesn't start until July. Okay.


So it's around when I'm. Yeah. June, July. Starting festivals and then a big fall hopefully.


Goodness I know. Oh God.


Come on let's just fucking come on dude. It just. I know, I know. It's so I can fix anything. Just give it to us.


I want to just shoot it in my eye. I will do that. Right. Fi's just vises style or just with a syringe. I don't give a fuck. I give a fuck. Yeah.


And it's, I mean I don't know it's it looks like I was reading something in the Times about like that. There's several companies that are on like a second phase trial or whatever. Yeah. Of the thing.


So like we could like there could be something before the end of the year.


But there's always another piece of news with the news though. Yeah.


Like they're like we're this close to the vaccine and then they go, it's going to be really hard to distribute. Yeah, that's not a problem. Right.


But if you think you're like, what is it? We're October, November, December, like, let's say we get something by the end of the year, then the distribute the distribution.


So then it's like maybe like March, April, you know, like we'll take a few months. We do the the week, you know, the at risk people first and then the other day. I don't know how the fuck it works, but then everyone starts getting it, maybe April or something. That's what I'm counting on. Yeah. I don't feel like that's unreasonable. I don't think so either.


Right. Yeah I know, but I'm kind of also ready to be disappointed.


I'm also totally ready. No, no.


Let's talk about the excitement. OK, let's talk about the positive stuff. OK, I think people are going to be banging in the streets. Yeah. Oh yes. Yes.


Don't you feel like when the van like when it's over, it's going to be like the war is over. Everybody in the streets?


I, I'm trying to decide whether or not this is kind of comforting. Let's have a party. We can have a huge fucking. I want a huge celebration. Kind of part of you. Oh, I am a blowout, but just a bacchanal. I'm serious. Like, dude, this is catered food. Catered food, yes.


Multiple DJs at the same time. You you don't even know what you're listening to. I'm ready.


There's Flagstad. There's something I want to stand in enclosed spaces with lots of people. Yes. Lick each other's face. Yes.


Spit on each other. Jagoff in people's pockets. Yeah.


I'm walking around here. Drink it. Huh. Come on. Come on. Oh yes. Yeah.


Bacchanalian shit on the floor. Do you think there's a shirt over there?


I wrote a new song.


I could also write a song about the end of it all this shit on that throw. There you go.


Yeah, something like that. Yeah. That's an awesome party.


I want to be a fun to go and party. Yes, it's a total jingle bells.


It's house getting picking it up and letting the microwave. I'm going to microwave it.


Love it man. Yeah but but I think that, I think you're right.


It's going to be a fuckin renaissance I think like when like at this, you know, there's there's like a buffering period where the vaccines happen in the world and then things are opening in the book.


But once like six months and it's going to be a fuck in the 70s. I think so. Oh, I hope so.


Yeah, I hope so. And I hope so. And then how long before we get back to being complaining cunts. Yeah, like when do I get my boring American life back and talk about the Kardashians and how annoying they are.


Like I just want to be, I want to be banal and like, yeah, yeah, you can't because every time you do it's like.


That's not even anything right now. You know, so and I want to get back to it.


I do, too. Are you serious? Gays can get married, you know?


Yeah. Yeah. I mean, like regular American wholesome fun.


The way I want to complain about. Yeah. The Nathan's hot dog eating contest. Yeah. Yeah. So and so didn't win.


But we really need that period of we can touch each other again. I know that's like it's going to be a beautiful thing.


That is, it's going to be a fucking it's going to be crazy. What if we play. That's my prediction.


But what if because we've been all been quarantined for so long that we haven't had exposure to germs and then we finally all come back together, but we create a new joint that everyone shut up because everybody's fucking sucking and licking each other.


Stop like a new AIDS. Don't even put it in the air. Listen, if there is a month of sucking and fucking and licking everything and then we have to pay for it. Let me go.


That's fine. That's that's fine. Now, that's the price I'm willing to pay. Yeah.


I'm going to, you know, want to fuck on the streets. Yeah. Fucking the streets to where are you going.


To fuck whatever stranger walks up to me and is like. Tom, you are an honorable and reliable man, I guess, turn around, turn around immediately. I'm about to fuck that right now as a gifted musical man, because your stuff really is very impressive.


Thank you. Very funny. I don't understand how you guys, like I say, you guys people that can do that, like. Yeah. How do you take a sound and make a loop and just build a song from seemingly out of nothing. Dude, it's a real gift. I don't know how you do it.


I mean, it's to me it's the easiest way. I mean, I guess. It's like the most liberating way to do it, you know? Yeah, it's just like you don't have to think too much about it. You have to trust your instincts.


But like. Once you get comfortable doing that, it's like it's just it's yeah, it's how annoyed would you be to be like, all right.


And you play this you like at this point, wouldn't you be like I did on my own?


Like, it's it's it's tedious for sure. That's what I'm having trouble with it because, like, the reason I'm in L.A., I've been in L.A. for the last four, all of October. And I, I'm trying to work on an album like a proper, composed, produced album. And I haven't done a single fucking thing.


I've like worked and met a bunch of people who are like musical heroes to me, and they're sort of guiding me in direction.


So I'm doing things.


But I haven't actually, like, laid down any real music yet that could be considered, you know, for the album. And part of that is just because it's such a foreign concept to me, this thing of like let me like write this and and are you still working a certain way?


Right. I mean, it seems like that's exactly.


Yeah, yeah. It's just a very bizarre way of thinking. It's not my my brain. My neurons aren't firing that way. Yeah. I have to like rewire them.


And is it, is it a slow progression or is there a moment that you knew that like the way you were doing stuff really worked and you could tour and people, you know, I mean wanted to consume what you make that way?


Well, I mean, I it's I had like about a year of local gigs in Dallas when I like I was working this job, lost the job. And then it was sort of between, like getting another call center job or like just seeing if I could get paid to do this thing. I'd sort of been fucking around with this loop station for a little bit. And that's because of Reggie Watts, you guys.


And of course, the man the man just saw him yesterday. Oh, yeah. He's the shit. Did you see him perform? We played together. We just yeah.


We just hung out. Koolade made some shit together. No shit.


He is my he's the reason that I'm doing it for real. Hundred percent.


I've told this story before, but like I did a show one time. Yeah. And it's the only time I've ever seen this. That's why I mentioned it. Yeah. We're people doing ten minute ten to fifteen minute set. Oh OK. Well you know in stand up it's not that unusual. It does. There's a he came up and I was like they're going to do a full music thing and they're like not going to like ten minutes. Yeah.


Ten minutes that he did a ten minute set and got a standing ovation. I've never seen anybody do ten minutes and get a standing ovation. Wow.


You know, it's just it's wild and so deserved. Yeah. I was like, of course everybody's mind was blown. Yeah I did. Yeah. I mean that's what mine was too. Like I saw I found out about him years and years ago and just like seeing someone, it's this thing of like she gets up on stage with a looper and nothing.


He just has nothing. No set nothing. And he figures it the fuck out and it's brilliant.


It's crazy. It's brilliant. It is.


And so that, like, lit a fire. I was just like, man, if I could do. Like, if I could figure out to do this my way to do this in my way, I always wanted to have like a bank of instruments that I could just sort of audition to pull up at will, drums, bass, synths, keys, whatever. And then layer them up and then but then the structure of it was very heavily influenced by Reggi just like, sure, get up on stage and see what happens.


And so I started to do that in Dallas.


And, you know, at first it was I was just playing for, like crowds of people who were there for happy hour lunch crowds at a restaurant who were not there to see me at all.


Right. Didn't necessarily want to see me talking about pussy and shit.


That sounds like very much like a stand up career. Yes. Yes. Yeah, very much. I just want to have dinner here. Thanks. Yeah. I didn't like what the fuck were you doing?


There is my favorite. Do you ever do the HMS Bounty in Koreatown?


Yeah, it was literally as old people eating like this six o'clock special and you're like, hey guys, is that the best thing?


There's something about to me, it's like there's a friction there. There's a friction there that you cannot replicate.


Right. With a hard ticket crowd. Well, because you are attacking these people.


Yes. You are forcing them. Yeah. And it's like they're like we didn't sign up for what you do.


The stars. Yeah. Yeah. And horrible. I just I don't know, I, I loved that and loved either getting people to leave or winning them over.


Yes. There was this thing over the course I would do these absurd. I do like three hour sets. They'd hire me for like three hours for like 150 bucks. Oh my God. It was fucking grueling. Dude, I do like four or five of those a week and.


Good. But that's how you get good really fast. Yeah.


I didn't realize it at the time, but yeah, it was like cutting my teeth in an aggressive way and but you, you know, you witnessed this. We're like people were coming in to like talk about their day with someone over and old fashioned or something, and over the course of an hour or two they would go from that to like the fuck this to then by hour two, they're like both sitting there and watching.


So that's that you I got to learn how to do that and then slowly established it like a local audience there.


And then I moved to New York and. And then, like within a couple months, my videos started getting shared around, and that came that that led to like booking requests. Sure.


So that was pretty immediate. What's your like if you were pointing someone right now? I was like, I want to get your stuff. What do you like to point people towards? You know, to to like. Oh, find out to my stuff.


Yeah, yeah, yeah.


What do you like them to, to, you know, find first?


I would say there's a pretty good one that's like more I'll give you two.


There's a there's a more serious one called one more time that has done pretty well that I'm pretty proud of. And it's just like a one take just making a song in one take. Yeah. And then there's another one that I did on the drive and tour that's been that's become pretty popular as well, called I'm a Flamingo, where the video guy just like put a flamingo up on the green screen.


And I just started I think I've seen the one take one. Oh, OK. Yeah. One more time. One more time. Yes, yes, yes. There's a bunch like that. Yeah.


It's so impressive to see. Like thanks. The songs get like made like because you know. Yeah. Just how does this happen. You just don't understand how it happened.


Yeah. Were you always musical growing up. Yeah.


Yeah. I've been playing piano since I was a kid so I was like five so we started crying.


Oh yeah. Yeah. We have a son who's almost five and. Oh really. Yeah. He's like with the piano teacher and he goes, he looks, he goes, I hate this.


And I was like, I'm like, oh, yeah, I'm like, she's right here, like, let's be cool, man. He's like, I hate this. I don't want to do this. I'll tell you, though, I hated it, too. Yeah, a lot. A lot. Yeah. Hated it. And especially hated like learning theory, practicing a song fucking despised that still despise it. The only difference is now my parents forced me to do it for so long that I developed that foundation.




In theory and in understanding how piano works then. Now I can despise that because I can just play.




You know, so there's, I don't know, I mean maybe something will click maybe.


Well maybe I love the discipline of learning something.


Right, because you go through even in stand up like you don't always love that process of how do you write a joke.


Right. There's just you have to learn the rules so that you can break the rules, man.


Right. That's the shit.


That's a shit. So but you have to have those foundation and you have to barrel through all that horror of like the three hour sets where no one pays attention.


Yeah. Showing up and doing those lunchtime gigs. And yeah.


You really you have to do that. You have to there's no way around. That's the bedrock. Yep. You don't get to do the other shit without doing the suffering has to come. Yeah.


Yeah. Before we get to our final talks I just wanted to show you something real quick.


Oh. And just see how you react.


OK everybody. Garth Brooks, Notre Dame locker room. This is where the players go out to take the field. Every piece is where all our players are getting ready to take the field for this concert. So tonight, the Fighting Irish, they're going to become the singing Irish.


It's going to be good, too.


It's the way yeah, there's there's the way he contorts his face.


Yeah, this is good. Yeah. Going to be good. Yeah. It really is like a Hallmark card came to life, you know, like people don't talk like that man. You just don't know how people talk.


But don't you feel that it's so it just it's disconnected and it's, it's, it's a forced affect.


It's going to be good. Yes. That's like nobody. Hey Tom. Tom, can you be good versus.


It's going to be good. Yeah. It's so weird because what happens is they go cut he goes. Is that how people talk. Yeah. You good.


We go all right man. Every day. Average Joe. Yeah. Eight hundred million dollars. I don't even know what to do. This is by far the most successful musicI.


Right. It's not even close.


It's not even close.


But man, as I can I could just see him dude that I just want to see it again.


I know. It's so rad.


We show everybody Garth Brooks here an iconic Notre Dame locker room. This is where the players go out to take the field every Saturday. This is where all our players are getting ready to take the field our players are. So tonight, the Fighting Irish, they're going to become the singing Irish. It's going to be good.


So it's so weird.


I say, OK, so when I was on my driving tour.


Yeah, I know I was they just floated for anyone. That would be nice when one day they will do the work or they won't even exist.


They'll be in our draw some shit. But, but I. Something happened with Garth.


Oh yeah. Garth. So we were the first show on the road. Yeah, doing a tour and as we got on the road, Garth Brooks announces a 300 city.


Yes driving tour. You're like, wow, amazing guy.


Yeah, that's crazy. Not a fucking tour now.


He recorded some shit in his room with his band, and they're playing it on a fucking projector. Yeah.


So I'm charging a hundred bucks. That's the same amount I was for. Like, it's as if you're going to see him live.


Yes. But you're not at all. And so I decided to like make a joke about that. I was like, what the fuck, Garth? I had no idea that you guys had this long standing deep beef with Garth Brooks big time.


And I started, like, poking fun at him. I was like, yeah, look at your stupid hat.


And and so all of your fans were like, dude, you guys.


You don't even know. You don't know. I know. I got a lot of messages. Oh, you did? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, you've got to get in touch with Mark. Well, we knew you were kindred spirit at that point.


Yeah, it was. It was grotesques destiny.


What do you do for Notre Dame? Don't miss it. Only CBS. It's only CBS. Nobody's like being to do that again. He's angry at you for Notre Dame.


Don't missing only CBS. Only CBS.


Oh, I go here.


OK, but what is it Marty? What's the disconnect like.


What is it, what is it on your books here before we even get started? Yes. These are the craziest times I've ever known to exist. So people in great thing about people is that we're all meant to be together. And even in this past, even the smartest way to be apart together.


Oh, I'm on a Jackie Lake. What?


Oh, here's here's your tour. Look, look where he announces the tour. Oh, no.


Just when you think you could be surprised, I can't believe this has happened. So the driving thing, I can't really. Hundred thousand cars want to get in this thing. People five people car. That's half a million people. Are you kidding me? Wait, why can't you believe it?


He worked it out with his agents to have your driving into our house. Isn't Ticketmaster OK? It isn't like the regular stadium show. This is a this is a group called Universal do the drive in theater. So they're not used to these kind of numbers and they are processing as fast as they possibly can. If I can use the term assholes and elbows, they are going all out.


Well, it's not what you use. What is it? Wait, wait. I don't understand assholes. And you put your ass in the ass like you're in football.


They're like, I'm one of the assholes and elbows, like you're in the three point stance. Oh, like you're doing work, you know.


But I guess he's saying they're selling their back processing tickets with their assholes and elbows up in air. They're working hard. They're fucking each other.


I mean, he is just them so deeply and fully separated from what it means to be a normal human. Yeah. Yeah.


That there's no by trying to relate to you, he's failing miserably.


See all this shit to where he's like out in the fucking would lead it on his truck.


I mean what would your dad say to his outfit. Yeah. You are a homeless man in the woods like oh look at this.


What is this shit. Why are you wearing this awful shirt?


He looks terrible. Oh, God, you got it at the gift shop.


It's a gift shop. Shit. You know, the famous I guess it's official.


Like we're now on Facebook.


I really wasn't sure about this to start, you know, and a friend of mine said I really wasn't sure about this at the shopping malls at the start. I like that. Oh, it's so painful to watch. Oh, it's it's gorgeous. It's. Did you watch the Netflix dancing? No, dude. Oh it's so it was on actually it aired initially.


It's one of those things that aired on the network and Netflix licensed it afterwards. But there are like so many moments, I watched it one night for like two or three hour thing. Yeah. And he I mean, first I mean, there's so much weeping like everything that brings me to tears basically.


But the first thing about all this, about handshakes, the way you shake a man's hand determines at that spot how interested you really are to be there. Not a death grip handshake, a sincere handshake. What what is wrong with you? What's wrong? Oh, wait. What is this is where atter with this is what he takes his to that.


Listen. Then, you know, if all hell breaks loose in the next five seconds from that handshake and you turn and you have to face something coming, you've got a partner and people, what are you living in?


A man who lets you me? I'll bet my life on it.


What the fuck was he in Desert Storm like? Was he. No way. No, this is not a writing staff. No, no, I'm saying this. Yeah. And then the producers are like, where'd you get that? OK, good.


Great. Garth, I mean, you want to keep going. You want to. That's insane. Yeah. And since he's big on this, you know, the big like the outdoor, if you're a soldier, you need war. If you're a boxer, you need an opponent. And if you're in country music, you don't have to look forward to find who you're competing against and you're competing against the other forms of music. So compete what compete, compete and when you're done competing.


Compete again. So you really realize that super telling when you're like like he really is like fuck all these other. Yeah, he's out for blood. Yeah, yeah.


If, you know, if I'm shaking a hand with the musician and another musician comes from the side, who starts those next five seconds.


Five seconds if I have to lay some shit down. Yeah I know. I've got a part.


Well that's a really interesting theory that you're competing with all different forms of music. Yeah, that's true.


Were you competing against, like everything else? Yeah. Like every other motherfucker out there. What country? Fine. Fine. Yeah. Hip hop.


No, you made no translation.


These blacks are at fault. And I wrote a few songs about it. I like to play for you. There we go. To me, it's an interesting way to see the world, though.


No, because like that's like comedians being like and I'm going against improv and such and it's like, no, I never heard.


You're right. That's such a bizarre. Yeah, but then you go like an acting screen acting television act.


I'm absolutely not competing with any of those mediums. That's so is the whole documentary that it's intense.


And I'm serious. Like, I don't know if it's any, but there's literally so many tears like and I get it like, you know, you bring up certain things. You're like you're the memory. But like every other thing, he's like, oh, I wrote that song.


He's like, who's the guy?


You know, like, OK, he talks about his mom, his that his siblings, my children, like everybody that he brings up, he's like my cries again.




OK, you just like that cause.


And also what a gem.


You'll notice the camera angles much more flattering here than it is when he's out in the forest. Oh yeah. But the triple check. All right. Yes. I like me for money.


Just I need a three. I need a three o'clock. Yeah. He doesn't look good. I mean he looks bloated. He OK drinking. Can you take out the knife and take the nine away. I need to. I don't like this to be lit. Oh you know what I just remembered. I just remembered right now that my dad said he doesn't want to have sex with me.


That is so upsetting. So upsetting. What a shame. Called my dad. And we were like, hey, would you ever have sex with somebody in your family?


He's like, no, that's not on my watch. And then I go, But I love you.


And he goes, I love you.


But it never occurred to me that I love a reason. The very reason I love you very much. I just I'm not sure I'd be interested in sex.


Exactly. You know, it was very sad. Well, you feel slighted, right? Like you are the most proud. Does that make you of your siblings? It made me feel rejected. It made me feel alone.


Yeah. Oh, fuck. Yeah. It's like, wait a minute.


Did Jack did. What's wrong with this. Yeah. What's wrong with this.


Made it damn it. I'm not enough for you Dad. Is it my dick. What is it. Yeah.


What part of me is so unattractive looking for me. Oh waiting. You tell Mark.


What about work. Don't be stingy.


Have you ever been on tech talk. Oh yeah. Oh I am on tick. You have right.


I am, I don't, I really don't try too hard with it but it's doing ok. You should try harder Mark.


Yeah. Mark don't be stingy.


So I write what is known as the dark talks.


I don't like the traditional people doing nice things. Yeah, I find the outliers, the uncelebrated, the marginalized on tech time.


I just might joke. Oh yeah. Well you may or.


Yeah, I think you're going to find that you need to dig a little deeper on the talk next time you're on. When you see some of these, these are all Christina's curation. Oh my goodness.


Do you think you should be allowed to have sex that you also have to think that your brother should be looking at all that you're trying to do?


All I can do is nod in agreement.


Makes logical sense, Tom. Why gays can't control it.


How appropriate that we just left the conversation. Know, I said yeah.


Yeah, her brother. Yeah.


And her sister going to have sex is is an attractive man and she wants it. Maybe that's my. You think maybe. Do you think also that like because like, you know, she's put together, she obviously reads.


Do you think this is just like the repetition of things she's hurt. You know, like there's a certain she's just I used to regurgitate things that like my parents said.


Right. And I feel like year by year, I don't even think. Because that's true, because actually what I'm thinking about it, you can see that she's, like, still working through it.


Yeah, she's saying it. I mean, she's like that. Well, then that that means that the brother and sister can you know, she's like you said it like like her.


She's trying to remember exactly how her ancestors like, well, if the gays then that's that. Why can't you marry your brother right now?


Because it's not you can't you can't control it.


So so what is it that I think I can't control it just like incest that a lot of people don't know about.


A tape measure right underneath the belt clip. If you look, there's a number right there, two and a half inches. That number represents the face from here to here with that tape measure. OK, why do you need to know that? Let me show you. All right. So now let's say I want to know.


You've just I just wanted to you don't want to know this. This is extremely boring. This is just. Dad. Tick tock. Tick tock. That's fascinating. I did not know.


So, I mean, I can see that seven, six, six and a half.


I don't know why. Yes. So you keep it tight against that and slide it over and push this tight to the wall and lock the tape measure in. Now take my tape measure and I look where it is on this side.


It's sixty seven plus two and a half is sixty nine and a half.


Oh, what a soothing gentleman. I know this is like your dad's tie.


This is a really wholesome talk and I love the cut to the Neil is a great so great. But he's already down.


I mean, I have to assume that a younger person made that note and said, let's cut down your dad. Yeah. Get down. Yeah, that's very helpful.


I love how helpful he. Yeah. And very helpful. How sweet that is. And I just want to show you guys something cool. I thought it was A. S seemed like he would molest anybody. He seems like a nice guy and he definitely not fuck his son.


Oh no, no, no, not no. No chance. Although you can't control what you're attracted to. Julie, jerk off, forgive me. I think it's too good. Oh, wow. Oh, Åkerlund Jewitt.


Julie Durka forgive me, Kirchhoff, it's just she does not think it's funny. No, I really did not like it. Heard it her whole whole life. Graduation. She has to hear it.


Julie and her parents are like, we paid eighty five thousand dollars to send you here. They call you jerk off at graduation.


I know some dickheads on a podcast. We do. That is the best. It's like the best. Idina Menzel. I just watched that the other day when John Travolta fucks up Idina Menzel name. You remember that? No.


Oh, my God.


John Travolta announces Idina Menzel on stage and he goes, the lovely the one and only the talented. Adele does them. And he say, just no, no correction.


I'm not even going to try. Oh, here it is.


Why wouldn't you know the name that performed the Oscar nominated, gorgeously empowering song Let It Go from the Oscar winning animated movie Frozen. Please welcome the wickedly talented one and only the. I like day deep, it's a little excerpt it I don't like the hand gesture to you. That's terrible.


And then he gets on stage with her at another function. And apologizes to her like they're on stage together in front of the mic, like podium style like this, and he holds her he like cradles her face and he goes, my dear, my beautiful.


It's very creepy.


It's very she's clearly not about it. No, very bizarre. Very strange.


You get Adele, the zem from Edina.


I mean, it's such a it's like maybe there is nothing worse though was then when you're on mic and you're supposed like we do it on a much smaller scale. But when you're supposed to introduce them.


Oh yeah. And especially if they have like oh by the way they don't have well if they don't have like this, like you're on stage and you're like, who's up next. I mean and they're like especially someone you don't know. Right. And and then you start to panic about if they have a name that's not like a really simple name.


Right. Oh, my God. I mean, one time I introduce the guy and this was like early on. Yeah. And I just forgot his first name. It doesn't seem like a big deal. But to you in the moment, it's like. Yeah, everything.


It's everything. I remember his last name. Yeah. Was Bermann and I go give it up for Mr. Berman.


And then he came on like, what am I, your fucking fifth grade teacher? It's like I forgot this suburban. I didn't know Mr. Bush.


Oh, God, I do that does he does.


He must be bad. It's on a teleprompter at all. So but I said the name.


Maybe somebody put it in. It could have been put in incorrectly I think. Could have been drunk. He could have been like yeah.


He was just like do I know. Of course that is. Yeah. Right. Does he go to see me. Yeah. Yeah, yeah I know.


And I just wanted to get on here and say say something you know about anybody else.


I make stuff, you know, I do a lot of hard work in these videos and I put special effects.


Yeah, I got over four thousand fans and you know, a woman gets on handshaker book, shows her titties are cut, she gets thousands of fucking light. And a man like me and other people make a nice video. Nice going. It looks like eight lights and lights. Yeah, I got over four thousand fans. Can anybody explain to me why that would be?


It's called People Want to watch hot chicks, dipshit.


I wonder what I. Yeah, I wonder why this isn't working. I have a bunch of people in here I don't like very much. I just want to know why.


Oh, that's sad.


It's it's crazy. It is crazy. Who was it.


Who wants to go first and let them know what's going on. Oh my God. Oh God.


Oh man. These guys, I just, I'm just trying to know why he's got four thousand followers and he uses all kinds of special effects.


Come on.


Clearly look at the production value here. I mean, right here, all these effects, everything looks good. It's beautiful. It's beautifully framed. Eurlings Yeah. It's inviting.


It's warm. The mustaches. I don't understand why this video doesn't have 100000, seriously, but now really good.


Hi, I'm Sam Paskey and this is my sweater off the Forest of Hope at work on Rich Park in Hunt Valley, Maryland. That's a suburb of Baltimore. And what the Forest of Hope is, it's. Tres. That are painted with all kinds of artwork. It's really cool. I mean, it's a really dumb sweater. Yeah. To represent and hope for recovery from addiction. So I discovered it earlier this year, and I thought that would make a great sweater.


So I just yesterday it's my sweater, my dear lady, through it.


And as you see, there are trees all over it, just like in all directions. Yes. Yes. It's on your shirt. There's one back here.


And then there are.


All right. Moving on. Oh, nitpicker. Why don't you say you love me and become my friend forever?


Why don't you say you love me and come around? Why don't you call me up when the phone is the mess?


But what are you talking about. Couple couple loose cables bothers, you know, big deal. Girl, I love you. What would you do to this baby girl? Is there anything you feel like? I just feel like reaching through that camera and putting it in there. Yeah.


Oh baby. Gatsas is he.


I want to know, basically in the infancy of your career, do you feel this has the makings of a looper that's in you put a little bit.


How fucking long does he go on for God.


Jesus. Why what is that appreciating his work. You know, I appreciate I'm also like Mark in that I don't know what fucking back room he broke into, but there are so many cables.


And by the way, it's padded. Yeah, like a studio.


He's got soundproof. He's like, well, that's where he records, you know, obvious. That's right. That's right.


He's just he's singing right in the middle of a session and that this is the face on the bottom and then you just oh, it's 90 percent dead space.


I don't know how it is now. It's so. But you know what? You can't have all the talent smart. Like some people are good at singing like he is. And then some people don't really have an eye for the composition.


Right. You're right. You're right. You can't have it all. I think we need to appreciate his his talent. Yeah. We just need to appreciate the craft. Yeah.


Great. Fine, thank you. I'm saying you probably never seen this talk I'm getting I've never seen this talk. I've never talked the salty jerk off duty jerk off my bad Kirchhoff.




Good afternoon my darlings. Happy Monday. Happy birthday my leapers. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Wishing all your birthday wishes and dreams come true. Birthday Your Long and the Sandison in Libra. So it's about balance and harmony and love and nurturing.


Getting closer, closer. It's about love and love her hair. Oh it's gotten better.


I love you my darling. Oh, she does this a lot.


And then she make you in this marriage. Oh so you that it's all about the love.


OK, I've been following sensational.


She's great. She's always like hello my darling. I'm just taking out wonkiness now. Oh hello my darlings.


But I'm just happy birthday.


I four children before but yeah it creeps closer.


I was happy.


I also find it interesting that somebody is like, oh I'm a Libra. This song's for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was born in November. I'm faithful attended.


Happy birthday to me. I mean.


Fuck you, Mr. President. Fuck you, Mr. President. Your house on fire, fuck you.


Since, yeah, so this guy used to be a big Trump supporter and then I don't know what happened, he had a severe change of heart and now all his talks are dedicated to f Trump and like he's a..


Oh, dude, that's the best. Yeah, he had a change of heart. I will say it.


I like your energy. And, you know, we live in a free country and you should express however you want politically. But I would take the fire outside.


That's it would be advisable. Yeah, that's advisable. I don't know if he's about to be like I mean, I was doing this thing with my ticktock.


I accidentally set my house on fire.


I didn't know the drywall was that flammable. I just wasn't aware.


I mean, that's the flame is on the wall to wall where you hung a flag on your wall. Someone finds it.


There we go. Do you want to put it maybe like in a trash can or something?


You know, what's interesting is that I did not even notice that what when I when I sent this, I was just like I just I just I didn't notice that it was on his wall.


I thought he was outside.


And there is dark smoke coming up about to rise. I, I had assumed that he was outside. Yeah. So I think that would been better than this would have been like another talk right after where he's outside in the house is in flames and he's like fucking Mr. Trump. Yeah.


I burn the house down. I could be. That's a big fuck you to you say see all show. Oh we got a house no more.


This is this lady does handwork, and this can help you with your back pain. Oh, isn't that just nice? She does all kinds of hand and breath work to help with different ailments.


So this one's for back pain. Does your back feel better? Actually, a little bit. I'm feeling I'm feeling you feel better now. I mean, how annoying is this chick that thinks she's like this making love? Yeah. Imagine this is your roommate.


She's like, oh, no. Six o'clock in the morning, she comes out to the living room like this.




Fuck, she did all that and stuff on your beanbag that feel good. I could be like, oh, OK.


What do you think her puss puss smells like. Oh, like a central rosehip. Yeah. Yeah.


Some fucking the eye stuff is kind of the maybe the part that really.


OK, I love you too.


I love you. I love you. I love you. Sage. That's her name.


Sage. Oh that's that's perfect. Sage. Sage like sage back. Do your take videos.


Listen, my back is killing me. I got to get on tick tock. What the fuck. What is that. Where is the connection.


What is going on doing here in the fucking in love. What. The fucking drive in theaters. You can watch the zombies. My whole fucking hate you up on the planet. But you got to you got to find.


You know, right up front, I'll tell you right now, this is fun to watch, but you wouldn't want to be in the car next to the TV like we've got to get out.


Yeah, I don't know, man. I kind of want to chill with her. Oh, no. Sounds great. Oh, God.


She got the point showing herself. It's not Friday at all.


It's a completely different day. She got massive face tattoos. Oh, yes.


Like the thing that's a shoe in here. And then the big rose Mark and her friend had one, too. Yeah.


Yeah, more than one, I would say. A couple. Yeah, that is intense. I love because I love her. She's.


She's fantastic to me like 100 hundred percent like a faded faded as this is 100 percent pure bred like LHD.


Yes. This is the Wednesday. But like they represent that 20 homes, right.


Yeah. The Angelina's Vados Barbeito. I fucked up Friday. I fucked up Saturday night, so. Oh, so good.


You know, I love these these girls. These are the girls, like taught me to smoke cigarettes. Yeah.


Yeah. I mean, and like, come on. Trolleys are the best taught you to fight, you've got a fight girl to fight back, but they taught me what's up, dude?


I fucking I just want that it's just a guy throwing at a Dodgers game paper playing and but watch this paper no more own way.


Yeah, I. Douglas. That is kind of awesome. That's fun, right? That's amazing. Good vibes. You know, I bummed you guys out last time on my tech talk, so I decided to bring in good vibes. These are good vibes.


OK, but get my doctorate paper engineer. It's dope, right? It's a fucking paper airplane, you know. Yeah, but he his release.


Is that a real light? Yeah.


He just I think most people go like that. Right.


He trusted what he made. Yeah. You got to trust the process. Trust engineering. He's a paper engineer as you can see.


Yes. What is that job. That's where he knew at Xerox.


Now you're a parent that's making paper airplanes for your kids.


Paper engineer for two young boys. Yeah. Yeah. That's really good. That was done. Thanks. That's awesome for not making us sad.


You got it. That's some happy shit. Let's see what's next. Good vibes only. Is this going to be a fun one next door said I can't I can't guarantee the CDC approved.


Right. Cool pensiveness, I'm not cheating. Unwater also has switched to mist. Oh, look at that.


Is a really tried. So if you're practicing social distancing. Right. But if I'm right here in your face. Oh, shit. And by the way, do you sneeze like a freaking elephant who puts that much water droplets? How about you just be respectful and wear a mask like the businesses asked you to? They ask you to wear clothes and you wear that right. OK. And by the way, masks aren't 100 percent effective and neither is a condom.


It's preventative. And we do it to be safe.


She's duetting. Oh, I got you. So she took the persons and she was like, I way I just look, comment about your video.


Yeah. Yeah, right. Yeah. If you'd give just give me a moment. Yeah.


I like the initial girls thing and see this shit dumb shit so it doesn't work.


Oh yeah. It was basically a hoax. Just like look at the hose, go straight, take that FDA, CDC, whatever. Yeah.


FDA, it'll be the FDA Friday. That's a nice cat. Yeah. Yeah it's got it.


That's awesome. That's how you like that. Here's how I know you like this.


Yeah. There's a dog involved dude.


You guys, you are the masters of studying people with interesting delivery. Oh this is what I love. It's just the behavioral subtleties. Yeah.


KAF that was the best, the best part of this was just had cat. But you like that, you like that he was menacing that guy.


You like the menace of the absolute absurdity that he's like this cat dude. He's like OK, yeah it's perfect.


This is a perfect time. Yeah. I mean it's an outstanding topic.


Right. That's a nice cat. Yeah. Yeah. It's got awesome shit.


It can't lean far enough into his neck to, to look oh OK. That's not a crime I don't like. You know what looks like a cat to me. It's like a cat.


Yeah. That's what I would dump anyway.


Lovely Cormie Queens above eighteen. I have got a very special request going out. This video is the very, very, very request. Very special to queen above eight. She just turned 50 years old and. She had a good game in golf, the par four. Oh, my goodness, that that's amazing, huh? I don't know anything or how that. Golfing or anything like that, but that are for worth anything like that, you guys need to get on my page and wish Christine a very good to go for less than happy.


You were going to try and do a good job. You deserve a vacation. The king loves you. Thank you.


You deserve a bit of an explanation here. We've been following this man's talks for a while. Oh, really? Yes. And he does the thing where he starts his every video that he posts as like, hello, my queens above 18. Like, he always makes the distinction. He's not talking to minors. Right.


Which I don't know, Ernie. That occurs to me. Yeah. He always says it.


So the our listeners have now been contacting him and saying for him to make videos to her so that, oh, so this is actually.


Oh no.


Right. Yeah. But they purposely call her. I didn't even realize that. Christina and then they, they give him the butchered last name and then they say that she turned 50.


Oh, yes, they even spelled it phonetically, a jet ski like that's as close as you're going to get right in your 50s. Hey, congratulations, Nifty 50.


How does it feel to hear the King talk about your golf game? I have to say that it's extra creepy because you have a good golf game. Oh, four strokes.


But, you know, I do appreciate he wore pink and that his chest hair is showing in this one, which we haven't gotten to see his chest.


I mean, it was just oh, it's a little it's a little stiff, but also it's bright and it's thick. And I I really love that he was going for your last name and he was like, let's all give a big shout to to Christine. Well, because I said, let's go.


Yeah. Because he thought he could say it's page page ski maybe.


You know, I get it. That's why I go by Christine AP.


It's like, oh yeah, I'm over it Bruce for God's sake, we are stuck in double. Oh, my God. What I did when I was in. Yes, that was a very wholesome one, wasn't that awesome? Actually, I don't think I've ever seen somebody come up on the end of a rainbow. Yeah, I've never I think I've ever seen that.


Well, but see what happened because, like, I think they realized at the end that it's because it's an illusion. Right. It's like it kept getting like it went further.


They were like I thought we were in it. Yes. I thought we were in the right. Yeah. What happened to the rainbow?


Yeah. Hold on. It's not doesn't touch the ground, OK?


There could be a there's a double rainbow now that I've seen. That could have been the second rainbow. So I'm not sure there's a long history of dance in there that I'm not knowing. People on the Internet freaking out a rainbow. Yes.


Yes. Well, I'm freaked out. I think rainbows are magic in there. They're all Americans. And like, you fucking see the end. I've never seen the end of a rainbow either.


Yeah, that's actually dope. Like they saw that the the bottom part.


Yes. I get to see that in their life. It's pretty cool. Very cool. Yeah. I see positive vibes, positive vibes today exercisable people on earth.


I mean absolutely fucking nobody cornier then a Milenio maybe a mussomeli man that works at a phone kiosk or somebody on Instagram where their whole personality is their fat ass. But nobody and I mean nobody is cornier than a millennial, a humble puff dog parent, coffee loving Disney adult. Nobody. Nobody.


All right, man, I like that. He's like Valpo. Yeah. It's a good list parent. That is pretty smart. They love Disney. How could you love Disney? Yeah, Disney.


You fucking corny 540. He does have a point though. Like there are those Disney adults who don't have children who go to Disney every year. And those yearly pass never had like a neighbor who's like just one hundred percent Disney all day.


We really there are people that's hardcore. Disney got corny. I mean, a little bit. We had there were these two corny ass grown adults. Yeah. And they lived down the hall from us and they had a license plate that said pixie dust it. And and then we ride the elevator and, you know, after a while you start to see people over and over. Right. So we're in this very standoffish building. Right. Ella's very like no one says, like, if I thought it was a Rampart division.


Yeah, it was it was not a good neighborhood. But but like, you know, you see the guy and he I was like, what's up? He's like feeling pretty good.


I went to Disney and I was like with your kid. And he was like, well, we just go every weekend my wife. And she says, What? And that was his. Yeah, that was their thing. Oh, it's a little it's a little strange.


It's strange. Every weekend. Every day. That's that's a lot.


I understand being a Disney enthusiast, it is a very exciting. Sure.


It's a it's a it's it's an incredible franchise. They have a long history. It's incredible. There's a lot to love. There's a lot to love.


You're an adult. It's like going to Chucky Cheese every weekend. Yeah. When kids fuck. Are you doing OK? Are you doing. It's like to hit the strip clubs. I'm writing that a little bit up live. A little one. Yeah. Go fuck nerd's. Yeah.


Yeah. Cordia. The best part was like we would refer to them as pixie dust. It yeah it's. Oh I saw fucking pixie dust. Pixie dust. Yeah. Yeah. I was just like what a fucking dork.




Seriously you're thirty six and you're fucking going to Disneyland every weekend. And we were all broke as a joke.


We were all living in like the worst neighborhood so.


And you're spending full admission right now. You've got a yearly pass which had has to be like what thousand Solly's.


And then every time they drive down there and they got to spend money, right. That's right.


Yeah. You go to eating in the park is expensive. Like how did they even pay for Disneyland. That really was it. That's it. That's why they were poor like us because they were living for Disney.


Also, I've seen more custom license plates. Oh my God.


Here anywhere else. What did I just I just just so done this. I saw one. It was a Tesla and the license plate not you know, sometimes things are made to look like a word like, yeah, yeah.


There's a date for right. Right. For the the sound. It just said all letters fart gas.


Oh yeah. That was pretty cool. Fart gephart gas. Yeah. That's beautiful. Clearly. Iwanowicz yeah.


Yeah, yeah. What happens if you come to my girlfriend. I pick you up.


If a girl comes to me I'll pick you up and she's mine forever. Forever.


And remember that. I'm serious. Oh, are you scared, terrified, being so terrified? Yeah, and that just melts my little heart.


Those sweet, sweet, really sweet, sweet just to. Horribly, horribly disfigured people, and they just love each other. It's so sweet they do. Sorry.


So sorry, I know feel, you know, we're in my mind immediately goes that like the panic on his face, walking in on her, getting like Triple Team Joe and going be like.


And there's these three, just stojan, pow, pow, pow, pow by five each other. Yeah, I thought you were mine.


I was going to fight for you because it's going to be like, oh, oh, it's you just know, I mean, they're they're so it's such a delicate it's going to be over in three weeks. Yeah.


But it's forever and they're going to fight people. That's a great that's it's a great one to great talk. All right. We've got to wrap up here.


This was an absolute blast with something like a perfect fit here, man. Yeah. Thanks for having me. It was so fun.


Thanks for playing. You really played along. Oh, good times. My pleasure. Yeah. Um, thanks for letting me play with you.


With you. We have. Oh yeah. It was a blast.


And people you could follow you on all the social also socials are Mark Rubby. That's it.


That's Mark Rubia. Check out the albums, go to his YouTube department, spend one dive on your YouTube.


Yeah. You're so talented. My goodness.


Every week we end with a closing song from a listener, so they create music for us. Oh, fun. Yeah. This song is called Don't Be Stingy by Dewberry.


I have to take you out and we'll see you guys next week.


Thanks for listening and have a good one you sit with. He says, you got the lights go out in the car, don't start shutoffs by coming to Florida to hold it all back and he's going to do the thing.


Oh, I says you got me fired. You know, my. So you light my fire this time is about. I was say there was a lot of whoever told you, did you if you got their lives, you would be singing. She died on June. They sanju. Nothing is going to the.


Oh, that's going to be. You know, I would say there was a lot of. Beseechingly says, if you got that line, you be singing double. Do you know? Also, names are not prevail. I'll send you over. Tom, you owe it to me, my. Looks like this is what.