Why Image Studios Dotcom slash live stream to watch the show now. Are you so Gelis?
Yeah, I actually am. You actually have a queen above 18 hurty.
Good morning from the God himself. Good morning.
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Happy New Year ChipMOS. We are back in studio. I'm half broken, but I'm ready to do the show. That's right. And I am now covid negative.
That's right. We're both negative testing for the kolby, you know.
Nineteen virus. We had it, we're over it, we got the antibodies and we might be immune for a week.
I love that I am now over the wrona because I feel like I'm, I'm, I can live freely.
Now you're over there and you're over 18.
There's a distinction that's made on your new hoodie, a lot of people and must be very excited. Are you so jelly's?
Yeah, I actually am.
You actually have a queen above eighteen hoodie.
Good morning from the God himself. Good morning sir.
Yes, good morning.
Everybody knows you know the attention to detail is what I love most about all my sweaters is, you know, I'm, I'm like this the sweater comic. Yeah.
And this is really unique. I like the backwards k. It looks a little like the KKK, but that's OK. I never thought that I didn't think about it at all. And do they do about that is what the Klan that's the three letters that they kind of if they want to.
I mean I did. I'm just saying there's a lot of details. It's kind of I mean, there's you could have pointed out the cute has nothing to do with the Klan.
But that's not as fun, Tom. Yeah, there's there happens to be one letter K and you're like the Klan that comes to mind.
But it's just an interesting design choice by design.
I mean, yeah, no, the design is it's and then there's kind of glamazon smile.
It says Queen above eighteen. And I support Amazon too.
So I like that. There's so much to get into and there's a little schmutz, too, that came on the sweatshirt free of charge. Yeah, I'm assuming that came from the king's own trailer where he made this or where he outsourced it. I don't know. All right.
Let's. Let's start the show, you guys ready, covid-19, let's do it. Hi, my name is Alan.
All I am is just a really cool guy who can do some really cool things, that's all I am now. People put their belief systems on me. Yeah. Which is why different people perceive means different things, such as an angel, a demon, the devil, a hybrid, an alien, a supernatural being. Mm hmm. I'm none of that, though. What are you all. I am just a cool guy. I think some really cool things.
Look who is Randy. Don't bring anyone you know. Well, welcome to your mom's house with Tom Sikora and Christina will go to your house. We're back, we're both in studio. I'm not in a hospital, you're not quarantining. It's great to be back here. It's great. You know, what I noticed is that because of your new bionic glove, the guitar riff sounded a little different when you played it.
Oh, yeah. We'll see. What I do is I, I send a code from here to here and then it makes the world a little different.
It did. It was like a whole new play raise hand now. Wave hit me. I wish it made sounds me to me, too, but you know what? It didn't stop. You do things that be doing but didn't stop you from fucking. That's true. Yeah. High five other hand. We still did it, but, yeah, I asked you if you had been with a cripple before. You're like, no. And I was like, what do you think?
I loved it. It was a whole new fantasy. I was like, Trish, Trish, the wheelchair prostitute, where I help men that are paralyzed or injured, severely injured or traumatized. And it was like I got to reinvigorate life into your penis. And it was great. Yeah, that's great. But good. Yeah. I felt like. Like a cripple that was, you know, learning to come again. So there's got to be a isn't not a movie, that's a few movies, the Hallmark movie.
Yeah, we're the guys, like paralyzed, but he gets feeling in his dick and he's like, I want to come again.
Jan, I know it's Lieutenant Dan Brown, chair the chair. I'm like the prostitute that lieutenant dances and the Jenny's got AIDS. Jenny's got AIDS. Lieutenant Dan probably is like, I want AIDS.
I'm fucking in this chair all day.
Give me fuckin AIDS.
Yeah, well, remember, we had a hot debate on your mind.
Did you ever have an ego AIDS person come like speak at school all the time. Yeah, all the time. Yeah. And then because I went to school at the University of San Francisco, which was like the center of talking about like school. Like elementary high school. Elementary.
No, not an elementary.
No, I did. They brought a lady with AIDS to talk to us. She's like, I got AIDS. And we were like, oh my God. And she was like, you can't get it. Like from like looking at me. And like, I had to talk to us about that. And then she was like, you know, this like now it's not a death sentence to have HIV. But at the time when she talked to us, it was she was like, yeah, I'm going to die because like my, you know, t kind of keeps going down.
And we were like, yeah, I know.
And you just got that from being a whore, like, you know, wasn't the story with women was usually my husband was bisexual. The usuals I got a blood transfusion, not the usual blood transfusion.
The guy from the time with a bi guy. Yeah, I'm sure that happened. But that's not like this is what's the only thing you're like the common thing that happened is that by men we're giving it to.
It's true though in San Francisco it was mostly, mostly all male to male and then women. The anomaly was that straight women were getting it. Well, as a woman, you're having fluid put into you. That's why it's harder to to like a straight man is less likely to get it from a woman that's infected. That's right. Yeah, that's right. And all those. So we love you says.
My bag got HIV. Yeah, it's a fun turn on this show.
Look, you know, to HIV talk, I tell you the cigarette house, though, we've been through the ringer this month, and I felt like the house had HIV all month, you know?
Oh, my God.
I mean, it started with your accident and the beginning of December, December one, December, fucking first we recorded what was supposed to be our New Year's week show here. We were fucking around in the lobby. We're talking bets about whether I could make a nine foot dunk. We were just like I was getting ready to do it that night. I remember I talked to Franco ischemia. He was like, we do this thing. Like for this show I have like, you record yourself in Spanish.
And we were like talking about what bit I would do. Like, I remember all those things from that day, you know, and then driving to this gym and meeting Tristan and his friends and, you know, Burt and I take it a covid we did covid tests there to make sure everybody was, you know, clean and negative to shoot this piece.
We played too well. We were going to play this is what people don't know. So we played two on one, Burt and I versus Treston Jazz, which the video's on. There's a version of it on his channel and then there's a version of it, our version of it on the live show, which if you didn't see the live show, it's it's a rental. That why Image Studios, dot com slash live stream. You can rent it and it'll you can watch it through the 11th.
It's no longer obviously a live event. It's just like a rental there.
I tell you before you continue your story, I watched the live show the next day on New Year's Day. You were still sleeping and it was it was so much fun. It was fun watching you and Burt just get fucked up and dick around and you guys talking about the ridiculous stuff you're into. When you guys had so many great guests, it was it was genuinely good times. A fun show. Yeah. Yeah. It was fun for me.
I needed it. And we so. Fine, thanks, because I had a lot of fun doing it. I know some people had tech problems.
I we look, we spent a lot of time and a lot of money preparing for heavy traffic. And I know that's a crazy humble brag. I know that it is, but it's true. And the heavy traffic, you know it for some people.
People messaged me like I had no problem. I logged in early. I watched the show live. No problem. Other people had problems. Just. No, we I apologize. We are continuing to work on it. And the whole goal is to make this experience flawless, which it isn't. So I'm sorry. I know that some people were really upset about it and I was more upset than you, so. Going back to the show, though, like Bert and I just had so much fun, we got to do the basketball stuff, we got to do our porno table reads.
We had an animal expert in here with snakes and roaches and tarantulas that were crawling on our faces and shit. It was really, really a fun time.
But back to the. The month, the month. Yeah, so so like, yeah, this December one, the injury happens and then kind of just throws the month into chaos.
What a chaotic I feel like it's one of those things like.
Everybody has their own. Their own life story and like things that you remember, you know, that are like traumatic, let's say.
For sure, 20 years from now, if you go like you remember that much, I think I'll I'll remember it in detail, like great detail, like how fucked my month was, you know, and the houses and the whole house was upside down.
Jesus Christ banned from getting hurt to like the details of paramedics, hospitals, doctors, therapy, you know, physical therapy, occupational therapy, just the little challenges of like putting clothes on and taking a shower and all the little shit that comes with like an injury like this. It's wild. And then on top of that, during the pandemic, we get covid and we get lucky enough where we don't have horrible symptoms.
We just like it's just one of those things where this virus affects different people in different ways and like. Your symptoms were even more mild in my mind, weren't that bad. I thought I had oxy withdrawals because I came off of Oxy, right.
I'm taking like 100 fucking milligrams a day. Right. And then I'm not shitting. And to me, I was like, I'd rather be in pain and shitting than not shitting for days like it was. I hated it because I was having to take having to get suppositories up my ass to take a shit.
Well, and not just that you were they were forcing suppositories up your butt and then pumping you full of koala's and you were bedridden. Yeah.
So it's not moving. It's not like you go, oh, I have to shit. And then you can just pop up and go to the toilet. Now you can't.
They threw their shit in the bed and you're like, I'm fresh out of surgery, you know.
Yeah. And I learned on the live show that Bert, he goes, I love suppositories. And I'm like, yeah, he goes, I take him all the time. And I'm like, you put him on given yourself. He goes, Yeah, because helps, like, clear me out. I'm like, wait, how often do you do this. He's like every month you put us every month. So then I'm like, well the only way that that's a regular practice for you is like you must have trouble.
Like you're you're leaving out the first part, which is I have trouble shitting. So I do this to relieve myself. And he's like, oh, I guess I guess he just does it for a good time.
He said, it feels good. I was like, I had it exactly three times. And it was all the week that I was on oxygen. Could be shit.
I've tried a suppository once and I just put it in just the tip into my anus.
And immediately I was unconsummated. It was just like boop. And then I just shit everywhere.
I had three put in by three separate nurses. I was a guy to were ladies and each time it was like, like demoralizing and pretty horrific. Yeah. And then. Two out of the three times I had to have somebody wipe my ass for me. Oh, boy, until I had like a little more ability to move and turn, you know, at first I was like, I can't reach back there. So, you know, and you're like, I'm just standing there.
And I remember this lady goes, sorry, I keep wiping.
There's just so much stool. Like, what's stool lady Kakha?
You mean brown shit. Slash, slash. Wait. Right. Yeah, he's got like a shit back here. Yeah. I was like yeah. Probably like five days worth. That's why you gave me the suppository.
I hate the word stool because it really tries to put a bow on something.
It's a medical term.
So that was bad the day I visited you and. Yeah. And the suppositories and everything had just started working. I remember that Sunday I came. Yeah. And you could barely get up out of bed to shit. It was just it was horrible.
A nightmare that we. So you go to this. I thought to myself how I am.
It's just a really cool guy. Yeah. A lot of people think I'm a hybrid. Yeah. Um, so then we, you know, we finally get you home because you've been at this rehab facility for another, what, 12, 13 days?
I yeah. So I was altogether you'll see the first oh my guys the injury. I'm in the hospital, I get out on the six or seven months you're discharged and then to another place.
And then from there I go home on the night to you. So in the meantime, it was like our son Ellis has a fifth birthday. So then Dad's not there for the birthday. That was horrible. That sucked. Yeah.
And then we get you home and we're so happy that you're finally home. The kids are like outside waiting for you. The ambulance brings you in. We've been waiting to watch Harry Potter with our older boy. We finally get that movie cookin. Yep. And we're all snuggling with dad and just it's like I just got home.
I just got home. I just got home and like an hour into this movie or something, or the movie is over and I get an email.
And by the way, as you know, you know, and everybody here, all we do is get we've been getting tested for months now. You know, we hire people that come here sometimes. Sometimes we go places. Sometimes the mobile unit meets us, like when we shot them, like, so we just keep you in touch. So we're so used to getting these notifications. And I open the email because I had I just been tested, but before I left recovery.
Right. And I didn't get the result. Yeah. Because they suspect they're like maybe it's coping well because it's because.
Yeah, that's what we were talking about. I had so I when I took myself off of oxes, I just did it one day. Right. I, I stopped on the thirteenth I think it was. And then Monday's the fourteenth. And I the the one of the ladies had told me, she goes, you going to get bluesy and emotional? And I was like, Really? She goes, Yeah, it happens when you get off oxes that next day.
I'm crying about all kinds of shit, fucking commercials, deep childhood pain, the text message.
Look at a picture of somebody. I start crying. I cry because they switch nurses on.
I'm just crying, crying all the time. But because she had told me that I go, that's that's what it is, you know, like like at least it did.
And that's what we all thought it was. Because I was texting with your doctor too, and she's like, it's OK. Yeah, it's the next day.
I feel worse physically, so I feel physically worse. The day after that I feel even more wiped that like really wiped out. I have diarrhea like a few, a few times. I'm really achy. And so I go, this is Occy withdrawals, you know, and it all checks out. And if you look at like the withdrawal that like these are all like possible symptoms. Oh yeah.
So the fourth day I'm still I'm still feeling pretty shitty. Like I remember that, like they somebody had brought food like one of the staff and they're like, do you want to try this? And I was like, I can't like my stomach's all fucked up. And they were like, Hmm. And somebody came back and they go, Do you want to do like a covid test? Because, like, we think you have a bug because they started to tell me, like, don't have visitors now because you seem sick of.
And I was like, but they weren't like, you need a test or do you want one. And I was like, yeah, let's just roll it out. Got the test. Didn't even think about it. Anyways, we watched that movie at home, I go home, I get an email, this is right on you. I sit for two hours just breathing on my kid. Breathe, I open the email, says the test result positive.
I was like, but well, no.
And don't forget, I had gotten you a medical bed, so I had to find a medical bed for you with so little you could do that.
I had a nurse stopped at the house to care for you as well. So I the nurse was Ding-Dong at the door.
Don't let her in. Don't let her in. Like, what the fuck is happening? Tonge Positive because of it. I was like, what I got be here right away, by the way.
I open the email and then they call me and the ladies on the phone and she goes, Hey, I'm from the company, you know, that tested you up.
And I go, it says, I'm positive, though, like I said it, like, how is that possible?
Not what happens when she goes, Yeah, you are. Yeah. And I was like, oh, yeah. And here's the thing. I was already feeling better, like the worst days were behind me. And then. I look at you and I was like, oh, shit, I definitely have given it to you. Well, I but I hadn't seen you in a week, so I thought, OK, maybe there's a chance. Right.
I the glove up in front of me, for fuck's sake. And then I had to glove up every time. So I put Tom in the basement, OK. Which was lucky because he it's really logistics because there's less stairs. So he could come in through the garage and just go into the basement, sleep in that hospital bed. And I thought, you know, we'll just we'll take care of him. The nurse will be here. It'll be fine.
So I got to fucking.
I asked you, by the way, it's pretty funny. I go, why do you have a nurse? I don't need a nurse. You know, it's not for you. It's for me. So I don't take care of you. Exactly.
Because I have two small children already. Four, you know, four and two at the time.
And no nanny because it's the holidays like Cristina's already full year. I'm saying like I got my crippled husband home.
I got two little kids. It doesn't get any worse. So then fucking. Yeah. So now I'm getting what's up pop up. Yeah.
Every time I fucking throw him a sandwich I'm putting on gloves. Then in 95 the shield and I'm throwing you sand.
You're coming in with a lot of attitude.
By the way, I wish that nurse had stayed because she was like oh doing a lot upstairs I fucking feed you.
And I was like sorry I'm broken. So then I start to feel crappy and the next day a little sniffles, a little something, but no, no, I was sitting there with the kids and I'm sitting there and I go, it's weird. I don't have a taste. There's just no taste in my mouth Sunday night.
That's so weird. I go, I'm going to go brush my teeth. I don't taste anything. And I'm like, no way, dude.
I can't believe I got the wrona. That's it. That's the wrong.
But at the time I had a pimple that was giving me more heartache than the Wrona. Like I was actually more worried about her. Very lucky me.
But here's the thing that has come about from this year.
I lost six pounds around eating and if I can too, I still can't taste or can't taste.
It's great. And your other you tested negative. We had you tested that lab. Tested negative. Yes. You have no other symptoms. You have no taste or smell. And it brings about the question, is it now officially scrum season.
Just let me eat you. Can you do you think you can you're not going to taste or smell anything. What if I lift my leg and you eat my scrum? OK, well, it's an interesting and thank you for bringing that up, it's a good idea. Yeah, yeah. I'm a little worried that your scrum hasn't been properly washed in a month.
Well, why? Because you're doing, like, sit down, shower. OK, let's go. Let's do a thorough cleaning. I don't know if you've really put. So let's do a thorough cleaning that.
Isn't that the answer? Do a thorough cleaning. Right. What do I get in exchange for the scram, the pleasure of knowing you pleased your husband, please? What would you like in exchange for it? Now, that's a good question. Let me think about it. Let me think on it. You really need to really come up with a. A real exchange for that. Yeah. Well, it's something I don't want to do, so it's got to be worth my while, otherwise I'll be resentful.
Think about Jesus, it's got to be an even exchange. That's what a contract is, Tom. I give something. I get something. Go ahead.
What are you thinking? I think this is complete bullshit. Oh, my God. You were giving me so much shit over not squashing bugs over here. You won't even feel the bad things that you were complaining about. You're not going to smell it. You're not going to taste it, and you won't even eat your husband. Scrummy, I think that's bullshit.
Feel the things you're complaining. Yeah, I guess so. I'm kind of worried about my health, though, because my immune system I mean, it's had to work hard and his butt is not clean it off. He hasn't washed it properly in a month.
While he's saying that I can get it was clean, like it'll be washed. Will you keep going back? But how could you sit down when you say, OK, I'll stand up.
I mean, shower. You can't eat.
We can make like if you're like the cleaning man, we just can't deal with the cleaning. Like, we can just get guys that we get it clean here. That's the stuff. That's what's hanging me up.
Yeah. OK, we'll clean it. So there's, there's the answer but to my liking. OK, we'll get a clean to your liking. So there's the there's that now and then what are we going to do.
We're going to video it for the show. No. What are you talking about.
Video it. You just want to.
Do you think do you think that my whole time I'm like and the thing is I need a video of this. No, it's just the actual sensation, the feeling that there's no there's no video. OK, wait. OK, what? Let me think about what I want in exchange. We have no, no, no, no, no shaky Heddy, no shaky Heddy, because I. I deserve something in exchange for a scrum like. Like what?
I remember when I ate dog food and I got a nice ring out of it. Yeah. Maybe it's a nice piece of jewelry to commemorate this awesome year.
OK, let me think about it. God, I'm a lady has a right to fucking decide her terms. You guys, you know, don't don't shake your head. No. Yeah. I have a right. OK, so initially we were going to. We were going to. Well, by the way, can I talk about my covid sentence? Sure. Three days, it was a breeze, easy, breezy. I was like running around doing everything.
And then I lost, you know, I lost my taste first and then day four, I was tired. I just slept. I slept day five, day six. And then that was it. And then like, I have a little runny nose and cough, but I'm the lucky. I'm one of the luckier morphos out there. Yeah.
I do wish I could carry around a certificate to let people know that I've had it already so that I'm exempt from like wearing a mask and stuff. Or it'd be nice just to be like I've had it if I had had it, ok. I mean because I do feel like it's a superpower. Now when I walk around, don't you feel a little bit more powerful like a fucking God? That shit, bro.
I don't know if I feel like I mean, I done had the wrona bitch. I just happy to be over it. I'm happy.
I'm relieved to not have to sanitize. I'm happy that I didn't have like a horrible oh my God, I experienced with it same you know, thank God. Yeah. I just got lucky.
Super lucky bro. Speaking of lucky, um, if you were lucky enough to watch the live show, you saw how I broke my body and we're going to show it to you now.
Um, one of the things people ripped it so much and put it everywhere.
You know, what's funny is that we had prepared, um, parody like funny things to do to our videos to to the dunk video.
But everybody started doing similar thing, sometimes the same thing and more. So we we pulled some stuff for that one thing that's lost on everybody, because the only the injury goes viral is that I fucking dunked on nine feet, which you doubted, you doubt it and put out in the dive.
He did. Yeah, I actively bet against it.
Yeah, I could do it better. You feel bad and maybe you shouldn't like Tom.
Burt could not. So here is Burke trying to do it nine feet. No, no.
He's so fat right now and that and he's the angling. No it's not the angle. Um so he couldn't do that. Here's your boy. Oh snap.
Oh, yes. And, you know, I think about right here, I'm so pleased with myself, I'm so happy. Yeah. And it's probably T minus three minutes. Can we not do you know that I haven't actually watched this whole video.
I've only seen what's gone viral on the Internet. Every time I open Instagram, it's like a million meems of you broke in. Yeah. And I haven't actually watched this footage and I don't really want to say thanks for making me watch this.
If you don't want to, this would be a good time to, like, take your earbuds out or something because we're about to play like a whole bunch of videos on it. OK. I mean, it's up to you.
I understand you're my baby daddy and I love you. I just don't like to know that you got her. I'm going to cry. Don't watch it then. I have to watch the show now. OK, do it for showbiz. OK. Are you ready? I'm just going to be a few here, I'll tell you what's coming up. Yeah, we're going to play the real thing and then we're going to play the some of the parodies. OK, you're right.
I'm sure enough already I like you.
OK, here we go, guys. Injury video angle number one. Oh, boy, horrible or hilarious? Oh. So what happened there? Some people think that there's a slip there, like you slipped on to other people, like I must have been a wet spot. That's not what happened. It's just that when I planted so what we did was I dunked on nine. Right. This is the part that's like so ridiculous is that he couldn't.
So it's over and they're like, I don't know who said like, I think you can get a couple inches more. So they cranked it up to like nine three or nine six or something.
And so I go I plan off my left foot and my patella tendon snaps. And that's what that's what's actually happening there. And then my left arm instinctively goes behind me to kind of brace for the fall. You know, just it's not a thought. It's just an instinct. And then I land on it and it breaks. So this is another angle.
Oh, like this. And this is the other angle. Oh oh. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. He's it helps me right there.
Oh you like, you like how I'm like can you can call nine one one. Like, yeah, like you have to tell them, because everyone else was so shocked, but yeah, the camera guy was like his arm and then, you know.
OK. OK. And I'm like, come on.
Let me tell you, though, the mark of a real body right there. A real friend. Yeah. Is when your arms jacked like that. Yeah. He's not afraid and he's like here. Oh he did. I know. I mean and for Burt especially Burt and huge he waited at the house, they did everything.
And then the next day he and Lindsey, by the way, Lindsey helped me out so much to Lindsey, took me home.
Lindsey helped me get to the doctor and the hospital with Burt. And then Burt waited with me in the E.R..
Let me tell you what else Lindsey did.
We had some smoke alarms in the house that the battery was going down and they're like, fucking I don't know, I'm 12 foot ceiling and I can't reach them.
She can't reach it. I can't stand on a ladder and be like, well, maybe I won't fall.
But they started going off. They did morning like Jervois, horrible chirp. And when you did you text Lindsey? I happened to mention it to him and he came over and changed them.
He did. And then he came back when one of them didn't work. Yeah. That was like one of the nice things anyone's ever, ever done. Yeah. I was like I sent a video just staring at the camera and you could just hear you're.
He's like, I'll come right over. Yeah, huge help. Here it is in slow motion. No. Oh. So part of why not part of the reason I have this crazy glove on is because that break a very common thing when you break your humerus is that you you bruise or damage your radial nerve. So I got lucky, according to my surgeon, he's like, it's not severed. It's not damaged, just bruised. So that's why I have this crazy bionic glove on.
Helps with the like some of the didn't actually have.
I actually have by the way, I have neuropathy issues you have to do.
I have neuropathy issues. So if you want to see me go from a small limp dick hard, you just want to come in enormous amounts of cum.
I'm a spokesman. Just tell me if you want to see it. I'll send you the video. If not, I won't send it to you. But I have neuropathy issues.
You have Nierop. I do. In my hand. That's amazing. I think you know what? Every time one of the therapist mentions that, I laugh and they're like, Why are you laughing?
So I'll be like, Yeah, this. And she'll be like, Yeah, that's the neuropathy issue.
And I'll be like, oh my gosh, if I smoke meth, I'm like, what's coming for US troops coming for Strub?
But I was feeling that hand like, you're going to I keep waiting for you any second now to be like, babe, I can move my hand.
Oh, it's getting better really. It's getting better. I keep waiting for you to take get my attention and it'll be fine. Uh, you know, what I love is.
Yeah, you told them to call nine one one. And I remember when Bert told me the story, he goes, yeah, Tom goes, call nine one one. And I go, Really? Like, Bird doesn't those guys I mean, your arm was like a gummy. I just I, I knew how fucked I was immediately. Yeah.
I mean, what did you think happened to you at that point. I OK, because I it happens so fast. It happened so fast. But like when I pushed off on that left leg, I just, I didn't know I tore my patella tendon. But in that brief moment I knew that I was I knew that something had gone out on my leg. I didn't know if it was ACL or what, but I knew some had gone out.
You felt like you felt that it collapsed.
You knew that I could see Leprince that like, you know, I just you just saw the one where I just jumped. Yeah. And so I knew that, like, there was no power. Right. Like I had pushed off and instead of going up, I was going down. So I felt the power go out of that push off. And then I guess, you know, it felt more like something was wrong then. Tremendous pain. My arm.
Immediately hurt like you felt that break in so intense, so, yeah, you did you actually feel it break when it no, it's just because it happens like snap, snap.
Oh, it was just that immediately, like shock through the arm and my system that, like, you're in this is a trauma, you know. Yeah. So I was just like, oh my God, that hurts so fucking bad.
So I just you know, I just held it and I had to just wait that the worst part was like laying on your side like that and like having just being like you guys called. Right. Like there's somebody. And then I could hear the sirens. I was like, oh fuck. Yes. And then yeah. Then, you know, the paramedics, they took care of me.
By the way, thank God that happened December 1st and not like last week, because right now L.A. is the epicenter of the covid. Oh, yeah. Pandemic.
You would have been I mean, trying to get into a fucking hospital now has got to be impossible with its overrun with covid patients, right? Yeah.
Egypt for for. Yeah. That's what I'm going to be doing. That man won't be doing. Man, your dick had become so sensitive. That's what I'm looking forward to, my faith and your apathy. By the way, I did love listening to this is a sidebar. The the top dog calls. You did a top dog retrospect.
Oh yeah. I was the top dog calls. Yeah. Uh, I mean, I loved hearing him talk about the Orlando airport again. All the classics, man. All the heads. If you guys aren't familiar. I was such a good episode. Yeah.
What episode number is that to call it. What is it. Uh last week. That last week. So five eight four five eight four.
We went through some of the big time classics. Um, yeah, but back to the dunk thing, you know, I won and most important, you won. Yeah. What do you win?
Was there money?
Uh, no, I won this year. This is my no bionic hand.
And, um, yeah, the live show was the first time in. 41 years that anyone has told me that I'm saying a word that I've said a million times incorrectly.
I was like I was thinking about it because these guys were like, you're saying one and not one. And I was like, right there, like, you're saying it wrong. And I was like, what are you talking about?
No, you're not. It's one I won the game. And then here's the thing, though.
But I was like thinking about all weekend how. You know, I like how many because I know how I've been saying it that way forever. Yeah. Where I've been like who won? Or we want what I want and not one time.
Yeah. Did anybody go, hey, you know, you're saying that wrong? Not once until the live show. That's the first time in my life I have you know, I watched football and I've asked who won a million? No one's ever been like, what?
Well, it's kind of a it's like everyone around you is a fucking traitor.
I said in a special I think in completely normal someone deemed to be some time codes that I say that you said one, you said one and completely normal.
But I said it the way I say it. Yeah, yeah. That's what I'm saying. I'm not, like, misrepresenting, you know, I'm saying like, I definitely have said it this way. Not a soul has been like, you know, you're saying I believe because you're not saying it wrong.
Go ahead and Google the word one. And we've done this. And what does it one, your kid. No. Yes, well, well, here's the thing, I will say this, I know it's not one nobody that I respect has corrected me, you know, I mean, nobody I respect exactly like everybody who said it like one.
I'm like, that guy's a fucking you know what?
You know, it is not. I mean, first of all, one sounds like you're British. Are you speaking the Queen's English?
Are you a fucking your fucking elitist. Yeah. Or are we in Downton Abbey? OK, I guess you live upstairs. Fucking yeah, Lady Grantham. Oh, no, please.
Well, that's what you say, though. You say what you say. What do you say to say one?
I won. Yeah, I wouldn't say it.
Like what? This argument's fallen apart, guys, when I say it, like they say it like the number.
Yeah. It's not like I won the game.
I won the game. But my mother died when I was playing outside. When I won, I won one.
Yeah. Won. It should be w u n won. You know what.
You know what word I realized. Hmm. Well one what w un is one. One. Yeah, what yeah, that'll fix it. That's right. OK, listen, I won before I agree with you, Tommy. You're right. Uh, may I tell you the word? I figured out I was mispronouncing my entire life as well. First of all, it started with Combatted. If you told me that, that's wrong. Yeah. Combative.
Mm hmm. Uh, you told me it's not a sun visor. It's just a visor. Nobody says sun visor. Truth says chewing gum. Nobody says that the guy I grown up with foreign our parents.
And so chewing gum was always the way I had heard it, and that's how I said it. Now, here's another word I've been mispronouncing my entire life.
Yeah, ambidextrous. Mm hmm. I've been saying ambidextrous. Oh, that's definitely wrong. And I've never heard you say the ambidexterity never heard you say that because I say anorexic when I'm joking about writing anorexic.
But I don't. Ambidextrous.
Yeah. Did you say it that way? I said ambidextrous. That's definitely wrong. And I as somebody who is ambidextrous, I can tell you that that's wrong.
Yeah, but when did I become such an idiot? I feel like everything is it's been taken time. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And you're raised by foreigners. Idiots. Yeah. See I had one foreigner so maybe that's where I got one from. I don't know.
Well how does your mom and dad say it. Let's call your mom and dad. All right, let's go. All right. OK.
And your mother and I have been saying one won. I won the game. I agree. Mm. One has them won. WUSA is one o w o n is one. Yeah. You fucking Forner.
You're a foreigner, too. I know just but I know what I mean, but I know when I mispronounced Alousi. Hey, Dad. Hey, buddy. How are you doing, man? Oh, I'm doing great. Hey, I got a quick question for you.
You mispronounce a lot of words. And you. Yeah, you do.
You really do. What about it? What's a guy who likes kids? Yeah. What's a guy who likes sex with children? Pedophile was definitely wrong. Um, what's the name of that actor from Goodfellas and Casino, Joe Pete's C.I., Joe Pesci.
Yeah, so there's so many. Um, let me ask you something. There's a word there's a debate in our office right now on the show. The word is w o n like if you win and then it's in the past, you say what? One, thank you. What is it? One won, I won the game, I won the game, I won the game or I won the game, I won the game, I won the game.
So the guy who keeps mispronouncing things says that the way you guys say it. That's interesting, Your Honor. That's the argument.
Yeah, that is the argument. Pedophile. It's won. I won the game. Right. Right, right.
So is is your wife around or you here? Can I ask her a question? Oh, sure. Tell tell her.
Tell her we're doing the show. OK, one. OK, ok.
My meter. Why they're doing this show and he has a question for you. Here she comes. OK, I love the title song. I think it'll kill the police.
You know, they'll be ready for a total of two years.
I have a quick question for you that might help resolve a little argument we're having at the office. OK? OK, so let's say you and I play a game, right? A board game, bridge or whatever. OK. OK, you beat me and then we go home. Yeah, obviously. And then. And then walking on my we go we go into the kitchen and then you get to say that you beat me but you say I and then the word w o n how would you say that.
I won, I won the game, I won, you say I won or I won. I want w o n I want to get on, I won the game, you say won not one, right. I say one one, one. Yeah, I think that's a swan song, I one song like one.
OK, that's how I say it like one. OK, I one time. All right.
That's the that's kind of the point I was looking for. Is that because they're saying that I say it wrong. They're saying that I say it wrong because I say one and they're saying I should say one. I won the game. One is the Chinese. You say one and one, yeah, there you go, perfect, raised by foreigner, too. I just it I want but they say it's not right. It's one in the same city.
OK, makes sense now. We got it now. Hey, ok. I love you guys. I'll call you later. OK. OK.
OK. OK one one. I do think there's something to you being aligned with my father's horrible pronunciations now anyway.
I mean look I don't know dude. Oh speaking of people, I won our competition.
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Speaking of people mispronouncing things and speaking with facts and accents.
Oh yeah, yeah.
We have been enthralled, inspired. It's the best story I've moved the last year. We've been so into this.
Igloria Baldwin, if you don't already know, it came about, um, about a week ago.
No, no. That's not what prompted it. Oh no. Amy posted her holding her baby. So that was just really about a joke about it's basically kind of like her body. Yeah.
What she's beautiful. She's, uh, she's a yoga instructor. She's got great genetics. Yeah.
She's had five babies and she looks amazing. Yeah. When and Amy just retweeted it and the joke was that she was saying it was her. Yeah. You know. Yeah. But then. A lady online posted, she goes, you know. It's pretty amazing, Gloria Baldwin's decade long rift rift of pretending to be Spanish, but it was prompted because Gloria responded to the Amy Schumer joke like a video. That's right. That's right. In that video, she talks like a normal right.
Great girl. And so if you're if you're confused right now, you should be. So what happened is Gloria responds to the Schumer thing and goes, you know, like, this is just we shouldn't body shame and the like, but then the the online blogger goes, that's that. Yeah. Hey, you know, she's been pretending to be Spanish, which people are like, what are you talking about? Then it comes about this.
I love this story because as we've discussed, the really is it is a harmless story. It's a victimless crime. It is. But it's fascinating.
It's fascinating. So what happened was later found that Alec Baldwin's wife, Gloria, was actually named Hillary and she changed her own name, like as an adult to Hillary Laria. And if you look at her like what was her bio?
It was like from Spain, boys born in my Yorka is when they said things like, yeah, it changed, it's now changed.
They changed it. But originally she said, Born in America, she's a Spanish woman.
And then she said things in interviews like, I came to New York and Spain and I and I've loved it ever since.
She claims to university at 19. Yes, men never leave.
She's like implying that I came from Spain and then like so they had, you know, a Spanish wedding. And then all the kids names are like super smart, like Godman, Lucy, Eduardo, POW, like all these very, very, very Spanish names.
And you're like, OK, was the Spanish lady. And then the lady pulled clips of Hillary doing like press and speaking English with a Spanish accent. Not only that, but also even going as far as having difficulty with English words.
I have very few ingredients, bad tomatoes. Cucumbers, cucumbers, we have red pepper. How do you say I have this a cucumber and you're like, Wow.
And then you go, so you heard that clip. And then this is also. Um, the same person, the same person who was just saying very few ingredients have tomatoes, we have. They say to you, how do you say an English cucumber? So this is her. There's been some questions about where I'm born. I'm born in Boston. And then I spent some of my childhood in Boston, some of my childhood in Spain, my family, my brother, my parents, my nephew, everybody is over there in Spain now.
I'm here. And so there was like a lot of back and forth my entire life, you know, I mean, I'm really lucky that I grew up speaking two languages, you know, so now this thing like it keeps unraveling.
So there's other clips of her doing other press, like interviews where she's like, yes.
And it's so great. I love it. That's like you because I was thinking about you could do this.
I actually have more credibility to do this.
And I understand the appeal to a degree like I do to you know, it's sexier, cooler to be like sort exotic foreign speaking a speaking English with like because they're speaking English with a shitty accent.
And then there's like if you speak fluent English with a hint of a Spanish accent, it sounds it sounds cool.
Sounds cool. It's attractive, you know. Yeah.
I'm like, who hasn't done a semester abroad. And you come I remember I remember when I, I studied in England for two semesters and I came back and I was like, cheers mate. You know, you're a fucking asshole. You come back and everyone's annoyed.
I remember so specifically that I flew back from I studied in Madrid for a semester and I flew back. And the first thing we did was go to a wedding in DC. All the cigarettes like my my my family, meaning my my dad's all his siblings and their children. So it was like a big thing. And I went I was in D.C. and I was in the hotel. I remember I had this like cream colored suit. And I was speaking to my mother in Spanish and I was correcting her because my Spanish had improved to such a degree for six months living there and hers had hers that, you know, it deteriorates because she's living in the United States.
And like I remember her being like, Jesus, your Spanish is better than mine. Like, I remember that, you know.
But I wasn't like, how do you say this microphone in English microphone?
I was just, like, correcting her. Now, here's something that does happen. If you're immersed in another language and culture for an extended period of time, you do do things like.
Dream in that language, like by the end of my semester, I was dreaming in Spanish, instinctively answering the phone in Spanish, you know, I mean, like I wasn't I was I was fully immersed, so. Sure. Like, you know, coming off the plane, my brain was probably operating more in Spanish than in English.
Yeah, like you are in it.
I was cool in I mean, I'm writing I'm at University Madrid writing term papers. Yeah. And spent, you know, like all your conversations, I'm living with an old lady who doesn't speak English like you're really, really in it. I understand. Like if in that moment. But if you're like. You live in the United States and you're like, how did me a conversation, a man not hand, I have hands like that does not have.
It is so great and especially because I have read every article like the Daily Mail.
Oh, they're selling The New York Times did a fucking 90 minute interview with them, but the neighbors all say, no, Hillary. It was her name. Yeah. And girls from high school, she went she was lovely in high school, but she is 100 percent white girl from Boston and they're very wealthy. And we never heard of her spending an extended period of time in Spain or anything like that growing up.
So it's just it is fascinating. I totally. I get it, I get it, I get it, and that's why it's a great you know what it is like. I see. Also, like you've heard these stories where a person pretends to be, let's say, a rich or a doctor, you know, and you're like, why do they do this? Because they wanted you to perceive them as that. Yeah. You know, like I'm pretending to be from their stories of people pretending to be from another family.
Someone pretended to be a Rockefeller. Oh, you go. Why? Well, it makes sense, right?
Like, yeah, it's cool. He was fucking whatever Johnson Dusty Johnson. And then he was like, no, no, Rockefeller. And people treated him differently and it was its own experience.
And you go like I mean, it adds up like she wants to be exotic because she wants to be special and who does me exotic special. And she probably knows that it makes her husband's dick hard.
Yeah. Yeah. Well, because that was one of the theories is that he was into Salma Hayek there saying so in 30 Rock. Salma Hayek had a three to six episode run. This was the theory that people were throwing online. Yeah. And that he was at the time single and smitten with like he just he thought she was the best.
He bought her like a couture gown that she wore to some events. She was like, Alec bought me these for doing like five episodes.
And so, you know, but and then he met her shortly thereafter. And people were like she knew that he was in her. It's a theory.
It's a theory. But it's Salma, isn't she, from Mexico. But I mean, she speaks in. You put it down. We have a beautiful, sexy accent like this, but she's from Majorca.
So I think that kind of like I think if we fit different people for a fifth column of let me know, maybe you could even be offended if I didn't know if Kathy and I read.
It's so great. So she's taking a hiatus from Instagram right now. She she got blown up and she's I'm sure I feel bad.
I really feel bad for her. I know badly. Not bad.
I feel bad for her because it is, like you said, a victimless crime. It is silly. It's like it sucks that she's I don't want her to get it horrifically.
I don't even I just think it's kind of it's it's actually endlessly fascinating and hilarious.
It's hilarious. And I also think there is part of the schadenfreude for me because I followed her on the ground long ago, because she's one of these perfect moms. She's one of these women who's like, I have five babies. I weigh 90 pounds. Here's me two days postpartum in a thong. And I look beautiful. And part of me is like, fuck you. But then you go, you know why she's athletic. Yeah, she's in great shape.
Muscle, more power to you, you know. But part of me did get a little joy. I think that's what also the shitty person in India goes, oh, look who's not so perfect anymore.
Like the shit bag in me. I'm saying, enjoy part of me that for you.
I understand that. I understand that. I like to see her get knocked down. Everybody likes that. I mean, people like to see me break my arm.
Yeah, but not so much. Joy, here's the thing, though, that about about, um, that I feel bad for her and no one's really talking about when a regular citizen marries a celebrity and is thrown into the limelight.
Like, I think that is a big factor in the story is that like you marry and I don't know Oscar and Emmy and I don't know what he's probably won everything. You know, he's a phenomenal actor. He's very famous. And you go, I'm married to this person now and you cultivate your own personality.
Interesting. Like what's special about me, about me, because everybody wants to talk about this guy that I'm around all the time.
What do I have? Yeah. And it's like, you know, that my person or what's my identity while I speak Spanish. I spent time in Spain and I see it kind of kind of coming from that. You know, this is an explanation about the mixing up words and stuff.
So that was one thing. I think people ask one thing how I speak. I am that person that if I've been speaking Spanish, I, you know, trying to mix them. And if I'm speaking English language, then I mix that. Mm hmm. I don't know any numbers I could back. I did. I did it. You did it, though. It happened there. How does cucumber's that was all you. Oh, you just pushed it away.
And I have to say it and maybe I don't know if you experienced this growing up as somebody that did grow up in like a totally foreign house. I think for me, growing up, like I didn't want to be different.
I didn't want I wanted to be American so much that or at least a good European, you know what I mean?
Like, couldn't I have been like French or Italian or German? Like Hungarian is this obscure thing. And it wasn't cool.
Nobody's like, oh, Hungarian. That's awesome. Dokes. Yeah, I love that.
Yeah, I know the same thing for me by the way. I like my mom's from Peru, like the little fuckin Indian people. Yeah. All right. Yeah.
Yeah. Thanks man. Nobody knows anything about Hungarians. Like it's not glamorous. And I think when you do grow up different, it's not the thing like you. I just wanted to be like everybody else. So I guess. Yeah, I guess it's just interesting where you're like, oh yeah. But if you really do grow up different, it's not fun. It's like you just want to hide that. You want to hide the fact that your mom.
But Spain's a cool one. That's a cool one. If you say like I mean I remember being in school and like a bunch of everybody kind of identifies. I went to a small school. When you have foreign parents, it was like kind of like the foreign parents grew. Right.
So there's like I mean, you just knew, like this kid's parents, China and India, there was Persian parents then I had a friend who was her mother was from Cuba. Her dad was Dominican. Then there's an Argentine kid. And I was like, Argentina is definitely cool. That's cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, French when the people are like that's like kind of the best Italian. Where are your parents from? Paris. Yeah, it's fucking rat, you know. Yeah.
I was like everyone I told, they're like, oh, Machu Picchu, your mom enka. And you're like, yeah, thanks. Yeah. It's not sexy or cool.
No, I get it. And like, you know, my mom made me cow brains for dinner and you're just like, I don't want anybody knowing that stuff.
Yeah, no, I know. So it's funny to me, like, dude, you're lucky enough to be born just like a regular white American. Yeah.
Rich girl. Like just just do that. All I wanted was just to be normal.
So anyways, take it easy on the Laria. I know better than I still love her and I hope she comes back to the grammes.
I hope she goes back to and had you say so you like make it posts, videos, videos, videos and details. We got to switch now to we jumped over the injury. Paradies Oh all the all the joke stuff.
There's been amazing. Meems if you go to my Instagram I posted some like screen grabs of some of the amazing stuff. People have done the same, but the memes have been out of control.
The videos, I can't I can't open social media without seeing this injury a thousand times like I'm tagged, obviously, and everything everybody makes of it. Some of it's really funny. So here's this was Mr. Clavicles made this one. He's been doing a ton of stuff.
Oh, OK. That was on his arm.
If you're if you're listening, I want to you if you're listening to all of that audio was over the Asian garage car guy. Jesus Christ. Um, Mr. Clavicles, here's another one.
Did we make I don't know which ones we made. The rest of these we made. We did. OK, here's another one.
That's good. That's a great one.
Here's another one. Oh, same different angle. Here's the crane fall guy.
Oh, boy. Oh, OK, here's the oh, all through the floor, this guy, yeah, he's a fine. I remember this guy.
Myself, I'm supposed to laugh, oh, yeah, this one I found out I was wrong on. What's that? Well, I'll tell you in a second. I just don't understand why. So I thought that guy was fine. That fell right there, he's not you know how not fine, is he no longer with us? Uh, OK. I still don't understand. How he got. Well, I don't understand how he got hit by a blade.
Which part don't you understand? I don't see like it doesn't seem like the blade is there, like a front rotor on that thing. Like, how is that blade hitting him?
I feel like probably what happened was maybe some ice like it takes like I've seen things where it's like people take a penny to a helicopter blade and as it's going like spins everything out of control, like the tiniest imbalance will cause it felt like fun.
Well, also, if you've ever gotten into a helicopter, they tell you to crouch down. Well, of course, severely, because it's an optical I think an optical illusion. No, like how fast the propellers are misleading.
How much height that guy was like a beloved guy. Um, he ran a tequila company and he's totally dead now. Shit. Give it to me, Mark. Yeah, yeah, oh, I can feel it. Hmm. Oh, that's.
I like that one, I like now, and that was a good one, good one. I miss him. Oh no, not this one.
Oh, that's fucked up, man.
You made that. I mean, you know, me and Zolo brainstormed on that was good.
You guys are damaged. You are beyond.
Well, that's the whole thing about like with this whole injury thing, I think I'm more OK with seeing these injuries now. Yeah.
You've seen it so many times now, too. Yeah. I barely have to look away anymore. Yeah, that's cool.
That is a good thing. I'm so happy for you.
Yeah, I care.
Hey, no way of saying OK.
And then there's one more. This one you can watch. I promise. So you know you to do man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Come. You want to come now. Come here. Oh oh oh oh. I miss him, I love him when he comes, I didn't notice he has a snowflake around his neck. Well, you just picked up on that. Yeah, I didn't see that. Pretty cool.
Yeah, yeah. The Meems the videos, like I said, I screengrab a few. I put them on my Instagram through the NBA 2k one, the Iverson one, the stand by me one. There's like that the Jurassic Park one. So funny.
So, so good. Hmm.
Let me see here. There's so many things here. This is horrible or hilarious. Pish real quick.
OK, you want to give me the bucket. Yeah.
We went pee and you so jealous of my cool sweatshirt. It's fucking really cool. That's really cool.
It actually had us thinking because when we, we saw it came in, I got super jealous and we were talking with the staff like then you know, it's not fair. Christine has got a cool queen above 18 thing, kind of one that made us go down memory lane of like the Kings. You know, stuff, yes, videos like learning about him, because we first learned about him just as a boob guy, right.
You know, a lot of people don't remember it's evolved like this is how we actually first came to know this guy.
Good morning, ladies. At six o'clock in the morning, it's time to go to work, get up and left him up saying, come on, make some videos right. When you get out of bed before you put a damper on you. Have a wonderful day. Girl, can I tell you something?
In my opinion, that's the best video he's made. I agree. It is pure. It's very pure. And it was clear. And it's like I'm a I'm a drive. A truck driver. Yeah, it's early. Yeah. I love Tetes with no bra. Yeah. That's what this video is. It was this was actually what I was saying I think a week or so ago or last time I recorded with you about how like that's that's the video he should be.
But no, I agree Tom, because it's a genuine plea. It's his earnest wish. And it's not this convoluted thing of I'm your boyfriend, let's role playing. Well, let's get there.
The first impulse is often the correct one. Exactly. Very nice moves, you guys keep it up. I love the videos of the no frills. You guys have a good day. Beautiful women still in that lane, and and you'll notice he didn't put on the disclaimer above 18 yet. It's not there yet. So something happened in between this.
Good afternoon, my client above eight, and right here, he's like, we got a mock up shirt that we done with a marker just to show you what it's going to look like. Who's this? These are the most shirts definitely above. It's going to say queens above eighteen. When the printer prints them, we just took a marker and marked on them. We got that part. It's going to say Queens above 18, but we're just having fun with it.
So we threw a smiley face, smiley face. You have a wonderful night and enjoy the video. And she's going to start laughing here in a minute. There she goes. You guys have a wonderful night, this is what muscle shirts are going to be, got it. Jesus. But it's going to be rationally done. We're not gonna run tonight. Yeah, well, because you guys have a lovely night. Thank you. God wrap it up.
I know. I always. Now, it is cool to see you see the original right, and then you get to see the finished product totally different. I mean, you can see how the concept see the idea. Yeah, I also like this. She seems so happy. I wonder if she loves the queen.
The King. I'm wondering what their relationship is because she also is willing to like model the shirt for him.
The muscle shirt. Right. With the boobs. Wow.
I mean, do you think there lovers. I don't know. Do you think they're just neighbors? I don't know. I'm curious. Very curious.
Am my queens above 18? I have got a very special request going out. This video is the very, very, very request. Very special. There he is going out to a queen above a and he just turned 50 years old and she had a good game and golf par for. Oh, my goodness, that that's amazing. I don't know anything or how that works. I'm not into the golfing or anything like that, but par for four strokes.
That's pretty good. You guys need to get on my page and wish Christine a very, very happy birthday. She just turned 50. He said this and got a good job. My queen is above 18. The king loves you to his videos do dress.
So yeah. Yeah, you're totally right that they've set up like like boobs. Nice. Keep those videos coming and then he's like, hey, hey, hey.
Who's over 18. So something happened.
There was something definitely I mean, I guess this is just what I know about tick tock, I'm going to guess somebody on the talk reported him. Mm hmm.
And they're like, hey, there's this weird guy out there just asking for boo picks.
And he's going to you know, miners might do it. And he probably got like pull down from the dock or something.
I think it was probably that far. I think it was probably more like somebody saying you should make a real clear distinction between that when you ask for these boob pics and stuff that you're asking it from people over it. And he was probably like, yeah, of course.
And then I got freaked out because I don't I don't think the king's intent was ever to ask for boob pics from minors. Like, I'll just tell you right now.
Thanks for me. I prefer way above 18. And if you're going to send me nice pics of you with your boobs just hanging, be about fucking twenty eight, you know, twenty eight go above that.
Queens above twenty eight. Yeah. For me, I don't read the book. I don't want 18 year old child.
To me that is creeps outside. Hey, Queens above 30.
You like them hanging out in person. Mushie. Yeah. Yeah. Like queens after childbirth only. Yeah. We also what I really like about this video is I know that I'm sorry for that too. I know that he's a truck driver and so he's using his spare time, which is really resourceful and really cool, but maybe choose an area of the parking lot where semis aren't backing up and you can hear the guy be busy guy man.
What do you want to do?
You name my kings and queens above age and then incorporate the kings. Now for this video right here goes out to a very special queen above eighteen. Christine from Mom's house. Christine, I still love you. OK, I know that you didn't mean what you said, you just said it, not even thinking what you say. I say you need to let me take you out on a date and show you the real king. Show you how I am and show you what I'm all about.
What's the secret? And you might want me. He let me know if I can do that. I would be glad to do that. You have a beautiful night, my queen, your beautiful, beautiful. I'm going to make my Queen of the year. I don't want to be. There would be you know, you take care of that queen over there.
I love you, my queen, above 18. Wouldn't it be crazy if that's how you ended up with them? I don't mean like instead of me, I mean after me. What if. You're like you passed and now you're just like, I'm I'm I want to see what else is out there and I'm like, what? And then I just don't see you for, like, a few months. And then you just pop up and you're like, hey, I'm living with my new husband now and we don't even know his name.
What? And you're like, yeah, when went out with him, it turns out he was great. And so now I live with him. I live in Ohio. What's his name? I don't know. Do we know his name? Mike. Steve. Steve. It's a Steve.
And you're like it's just me and Steve now. I'm like, what the fuck? And you're like, I just moved on. Like, you don't get it. Steve, first of all, pays a lot more attention to me. He cares about me. He calls me his queen, takes me out to nice dinners all the time sometimes. Good.
You did tell me you wanted better nicknames. With like weeks ago, remember, remember, you're like, can I can I get some better, like, pet names because you call me farts all the time. Yeah. Hey farts, I'd like to slap it. Slap Yes. Loppers.
Yeah. Yeah. Could you not call me like. Yeah, that's true.
All your nicknames for me are just demeaning and mean. If anything, it is farts, yeah, sloppy, your big get your big sloppy tits over here, you always say that to me, you don't before waggons dumpers but.
You know, what I do like about him, too, is that he travels a lot, so I could probably drive around with him. Yeah, see the country. Let's see what this is real quick. Hmm.
What's up, man? To be recorded like this? Because I told you. I told you when I walked up here. You been coming up here over and over and over a different day. Yeah. We've got to work on Main Road. This is a free road. And then you're here again. I came up to you and I said, I'm not OK with you. Are you kidding me? I would appreciate that. You want record me.
Well, you go ahead. Do what you want. Thank you. Thank you.
Mother, I asked big. She said, listen, I'm going to go make a police report on you, OK? The police will tell you this is you and me. Now I'm repaying you because you're in my face again for the third time today. God, he's such a menace down there, OK? Me, you. You should stay off the tweek. OK, that's a good point. If you're on the tweet. I'm not. I don't care, OK?
I'm a single mother. Why would I not be pretty? Look, I'm not out to even do nothing unloading my information and I'm loading my information. Just do whatever you want. You want to fill my car? Go ahead.
I was just a little. So I had to I had to get it in.
Yeah. That smoker. I know who it is, you know, to tell me. Oh, I get it.
But then something happened to the king would go back to the king. Oh, OK. You want to take you out on a date all sudden King Challenge went away.
Good evening, my kings and queens above 18. I am going to withdraw the King Trilemma. This this is huge news. Here is a lot of haters out there that's got their little pluses up in our fine. And they're acting like a little whining or crybabies. Yeah, if you're are 18 and above. Yep. You're allowed on my page. There you go. If you're eighteen years old, you are. This is the breakdown on my page.
I don't care if and buts about it. If I find you on my page and you're under 18, I'm going to delete you. You might slide by a couple times and tell me you're eighteen. But once I find out that's what happened, I'm deleting you. That's what happened. Simple as that. Yeah. You guys are the biggest crybabies on the earth. Yeah. I swear to God, my queen is above eighteen. I love you all.
Some someone snuck in there. He started a dialogue with someone that he wasn't supposed.
But then you were right though that good evening, my kings and queens above eighteen. It ain't that I'm ignoring you. I cannot post anything on my page or answer any questions fast. They said I was violated or something like that, that I can't post anything. Hell, I didn't even get a dinner or a thank you ham and they violated me. It was a joke. Yeah, at least I didn't feel it was all right. McWane, he tagged it.
You guys have a beautiful Thanksgiving and I will be back probably Wednesday. What is it? I love my queens above. Okay, wrap it up. My Kangs. You take care of my queens while I'm gone. Okey dokey.
Right now, hang up the phone, Steve. Hold a high honor. Oh my God. You take care of the video. Steve, you guys have a beautiful night. And where is he reporting from now?
The his name to the coolroom. His energy is so low too. Like you think you'd be more stoked. Yeah. Yeah. It's just that one man we had to will suspend your ass.
That's why you see a lot of these people disappear and then they open up a new account with a new username and everything. It happens quite frequently to the lunatics that I follow. Then he debuted the goods I'm super jealous of.
Now you name my kings and queens, are you? Eighteen. All right. This is what you guys have been asking for. Oh, sweatsuit, sweat, kings and queens above eighteen. You got the hoodie, the hoodie, and you've got the pair of pants.
I got the pants too. Ticino. Yeah, but again, it's a really easy process.
You just email him and then he writes back to you and then you go over your size, your credit card information, your address, kind of double check it triple check. It's open up a Venmo account and a page benim that you may get the payment, make sure that the sizes are right. Give me your address again. I'll email you back. It's easy.
Easy process guys. Yeah. Five weeks later I got a cool sweatshirt. Oh yeah.
Your gel's this video goes out to the Christine of your mom's house. Well we said our pocket watch the show. Thank you. You're welcome. I love the show. Sweet. So when are you going to let me take you out.
Oh yeah. What the fuck. Well, here's the deal is that he doesn't respect the sanctity of marriage if he respects the sanctity of, you know, in Queens, he does and he wants to take me on a date. Babe, I don't date other guys. I've dated other guys in a million years. Yeah, but I mean, he just wants to take you out to dinner. It's not that crazy.
You want me to go on a date with the king? Yes. Dinner. What's wrong with dinner? You have dinner with people. God, you can have dinner. All right. I'll go out to dinner with them.
All right. Well, that's what I'm talking about. All right.
Where does he live? I got to go fly while he's in Ohio. I love Ohio. I'll book a gig and I'm saying go to a show, you know, maybe in the summer. Right. Things get you so interested. I don't want to lose his interest. I think he'll take you out to dinner. I got to get dinner. Now, if one thing leads to another, I mean, I don't know.
I if like the next morning, you're going to be getting this front and center in my queens above 18 right now. Come on, open Amyas up.
I got your Brooklyn Amie's up. Coffee's on, OK. Breakfast is on. Delmon. You've got to go to work. This is the night after your day where you catch your flight, Christine.
I just love my queens above 18. Oh, wow, that is so sexy. Turned on. I am feeling him. You're feeling it. Right. What I like to do is like he's taunting you. Like he kind of wiggles back and forth. He's like, uh, just playing with your playing with you. Yeah.
It's this morning my queen. Above 18.
Let me just move this off your face. Yeah.
This is your morning. That means pull out of your mouth.
Oh, wet night as you sleep well.
I slept great coffees on and I get ready for work. Yeah, you're so beautiful.
Why your arms are numb because they're tied to the bed, silly. No, I'll feed you. Yeah. I hope you have a great day. OK. That's very funny. This is awesome, that was submitted by Kyle O'Brien of the That's Not Funny podcast and he's a huge mommy. So shout out, Kyle.
That was. Yeah. If you want to send in your own, email it to your mom's podcast at Gmail dot com, no house.
Your mom's podcast jamo dot com subject line should be Povey so that we can easily find it.
Let's have some fun with the fun with it. And also, if you don't mind, let your boobs hang.
You know, the queen likes those videos. Yep. The Povey is when it went a whole new direction creatively for the king.
By the way, I'm super jealous that you have a king queen Mirch. People have been so funny. They've been asking about injury, Mirch and suggesting stuff. And I'm like, I don't know if you've seen what we have. If you go to store that, why Image Studios Dotcom, we have some pretty epic new merch that was designed by Johnny Pemberton. So far, it's the air cigarette logo with a broken arm and broken leg. It's it's a hot item.
It's great. People are really, really liking it. Johnny, if you go back there, there's that that was designed by Cam Canvas Design. He did the Tuba's one cave official logo of me falling in the air. I love it.
I was fantastic. And then the I love the caricature one to the left there. That one, because that's like a T-shirt that used to be really popular in the 90s, would be like NBA players and they'd always have like a shit eating grin on, like they'd be like dunking with like a cricket.
And they do like a little caricature. So it says Dunk Champion, I'm in a wheelchair with a great big grin.
Anyways, all those are at the store. The store has things broken down from.
Oh yeah, there's a photo of me on the dunk champ mug broken down into different shows and you can see all the all the stuff there. It's a news site. Why Image Studios Dotcom, the stores store that. Why to I.
Zackham any Huddle's back to this. We actually have uh you know, who we lost touch with. Right. It was like, no, it was a while ago.
Um, it's Norm Summerton and Norm Summerton.
He took himself offline. He was he went through a phase of, um. What's the word. Yeah. Punish self flagellation.
Yeah. He was just totally gone. And we reached out to people that know him and they're like he's you know, he's kind of withdrawn right now. And then he came back. Thank God.
Good morning, Pegg's. It's signalmen. Summerton, my mistress friend from upstairs. Highbridge left her ashes from her cigarette. Can I use my space on my cooking? I'm cooking my meat, but I also make sure I clean her Ashes series. With my tongue, of course. Well, he's back home. He is about to have a dirty astros' comes down. No, of course not. That's right. Jesus. Now, what are these ladybugs on his eyebrows now?
That's a new tattoo that's new to me.
Yeah, what are those in between the eyes?
You guys are those ladybugs or they look like scrotums or something? Maybe pig snouts. You know what I like pig snouts. You know what I like when he says Good morning, pigs. Yeah, that's kind of neat. That's a nice way. Like like good good morning, pigs. You know, like the Kings halfway there with his phrasing. He doesn't really have it. But good morning, pigs.
Hello, pigs pig. Norman Summerton. Hi. He's got a pint of pain, so he's going to strap himself. Here we go. Mm hmm. It's kind of dangling hog. He's got something on his piña again, is it a penis cage? Yeah, yeah.
It's actually a little different than a cage, but it's it's got a lock on it.
Oh, hello. This is pig Norman Summerton. Well, you all know I am a pig and pigs like to eat pig slop and I'm no different. Oh. So what I'm doing today is I'm preparing myself with these lovely little jewels. Mm hmm.
Hot dogs, chicken, hot dogs. Actually, that's healthier. And I just pitched into this container. So it has fresh pets right now.
So my proper preparation process is to. But these dogs. Into my piss, I need them there for hours.
Oh, I like pickling the hot dogs in his mouth so that when I cook them up, it will be properly flavored with my own pig piss, as is appropriate. So there we are. So now I have my chicken dog's dressing in the preparation of big fish and I'll have it later on tonight for supper.
Meet the cool video. Like how he says I'll have it later tonight for supper. For supper. I've never heard of this before, some photos. Oh, jeez, pig slop bull. Uh. This lady, I guess, is that a mistress? Yeah, yeah, that's his new mistress. She's very pretty. Yeah. So he I guess maybe he likes her ashtrays and stuff. Yeah. Keeps him clean.
Yeah. Yeah. Why don't you read the third paragraph. Go ahead. This revolting one. Oh sorry. Sex for this.
Read it. Just read it. Uh I need my glasses. Oh here. Oh no.
That's all right. There you go. Have you read it? No, you read it. You read it. That's right. Your glasses should be written.
It should be read by a woman. This is this is her, you know.
Yeah, it is that you're that you're the picture and you get it.
You've got a model already as far as far as it's right there. OK, ready? Mm hmm. No, let's start there, no superior woman would ever be so desperate as to fuck this pathetic moron. Have you looked at it's laughably tiny pigtail? Let us face it, ladies. Anything less than four inches is not a cock. It is a cunt. Ha ha ha. Here it goes. Sex for this retarded faggot cocksucking loser is limited to sucking other male pig creatures cocks and swallows their disgusting pig poo.
Oh, and jerking off to internet porn. Wow. He really likes to be me. He does. He loves it. Goodness. And that just makes him hard. Pigou, by the way, not poo. Oh, I see. Well, if you want to read it, you know, you should read it a good. Yeah.
That's so hard to read because I really like Norm and I and I know he enjoys this kind of he loves it but I like I really like him so I don't want I don't want to call names, you know. Yeah. She is now up, pick up, pick ball. Well, they just dong permanently locked o his dick got locked.
Yeah he loves it man.
He loves it. Oh I think he got panties tattooed on around his dong.
Is that. I'd like to meet the mistress.
Yeah. She seems cool huh. Pigs'. Wow. Humans are just fascinating, aren't they? Yes, if you. How do you say in English and you say, Hey, Psycho Psychology tomorrow?
Yeah, it's very interesting. Oh, well, I'm glad he's back in action. I do think this is this is what he enjoys. So. Yeah, but I understand that the self the repentance phase is part of this whole cycle. Right.
It's a cycle like he's just like all the sound and then he's back like. Deeply immersed in his like kinks and that whole BDM world that he's very into, and then I think he gets shamed, goes away, withdraws, comes back. Yeah, fascinating. Yeah. All the emotions that come with it.
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XCOM Mom. Um, we've been watching the new season of a 90 day fiance.
Oh my God. That's a can't miss show. This is a really good season season. The season, it changes. Sometimes you get, you know, good couples. Sometimes this is really good.
This one's really great, mostly because the majority of them are from the Ukraine.
The women in Ukraine matches the new season. Play the twenty. Yeah, this is men.
And the funny thing is, like you can see immediately you're like, this is not going to work now right away for some of these, you know, right away. Um, it's just my favorite one, so there's a few so they're they're all horrible scenarios. These Batchelor's this is the right you need the new season of 1980.
I think the thing is, is that all of these bachelors have horribly undesirable home lives.
Yeah, there's not really interest. There's not a winner in the bunch. So when you watch the show the whole time, we're like, gosh, which one of these awful scenarios would I be willing to endure? Yeah. To come to the US and more. There's not a lot. This is really rough. My favorite is there's this there's this drunk guy who lives near Bourbon Street. Yeah. Yeah. In New Orleans. Right. He's like a 30 year old guy.
He's a partier.
He likes to party, like reports. Yeah. And she spends 30 hours flying from Ukraine. And he he put her on like shittier flights because they were cheaper. So she's flying economy.
Yeah. She's like, I had to fly to this place, you know, hundreds of like in Beijing. She's twenty five.
Very pretty. Yeah. Um, bitchy. You can tell she's got attitude, right.
Yeah. They all have a lot of lip filler too. By the time they're twenty five like fulfill her in the left.
She's, she's got a lot of attitude. She, um, she gets there and she's like, You ready to go out? We can go. I want to show you Bourbon Street. She's like, I just got off 30 hours. You know, she's like, I wanna go to bed. He's like, Really?
You don't want to go out, see the place? Can we sleep tonight right away? I like this dude, how could you not understand? Well, also too tired. Not only that someone's tired, but if you're a 30 year old male, isn't the priority getting laid at that point like the the thing that you can dump in?
Yeah. Just arrived. All right.
You don't want to take that for a ride, right? I mean, I was watching the show like you're going to fucker right now, right?
That's what I was.
She walks out in, like, her little panty shorts. Yeah. And she's like, let's go out. Let's go drink. Just go to bed.
Yeah, but he wants I'm looking at her like in there. Dude, what are you doing. Get in there and look even if you don't want to marry her, which at this point he's not going to marry her, probably like at least clips in her for the next 90 days. Enjoy your fuck and then send her back to KY.
I don't understand how he wasn't like, let's stay in here for a couple days and bang.
Yeah, that's what you do with that. Empty this thing out. Yeah. Like they should the next scene should be him opening his front door being like, I'm out of cum.
I have none left.
How do you say say I don't have a third ball so I can't make anymore.
But it really is a testament to his severe alcoholism. Yeah. That that's the thing. He's first thing and then the next day he so she's like, all right.
He's like, let's go to Bourbon Street and he walks her down Bourbon Street like in the middle of the day drinking.
And he's like and there's also you can drink everywhere here.
No, she at first she goes, she's like, it's revolting. She she goes, she goes, people can just drink on the streets.
And he's like, yeah, it's fantastic. He's like, right, dude. Even in the Ukraine we don't let this shit.
And she's like, it smells here. Which if you've been to Bourbon Street, you know, that's true, right? It's like Bourbon Street is is for partying. It's like a smaller Vegas strip that you can just walk, that it's just packed with people.
It smells like piss and puke. You're lucky if it's not a hot day. I mean, it's just what it is. It's like it's like a contest.
You walk around, you like it's fucking just people are just drinking. Is that reinking puking and pissing?
It's I imagine what like Tijuana is like like, hey man, we got a senior Frogs'.
I mean it's just. Yeah, it's just it's a barbershop.
It's like Vegas too, like you said. I mean, I got this book in the yard and there's like sugar free time and a place for like that if you want it. I did a New Year's there.
God, like 2002, I spent New Year in New Orleans and on Bourbon Street, I mean, it's chaotic. It felt like, you know, it's what you do when you're 22, I guess, you know.
Yeah. I got to tell you, as a 44 year old woman, I have zero interest.
No, I don't want to go. I don't want to go there at all.
I don't want to go to any of those things. But I mean, I, I what I enjoyed the most was his, like, pride in it and her disdain for the rest, because he was like, I want to show you something.
And then she was like, this sucks. She's like, no, no. She goes, she goes, I didn't expect USA to be like, you know, perfect, sparkling. But this is disgusting. She goes, she goes, Ukraine is cleaner than this.
She couldn't believe it at all like them. And he's he's like, yeah, he's like really defensive or anything. Like if she's like, this is gross, he's like better than your fucking country. Yeah.
Just not going to work out. It doesn't bite his tongue ever.
Well, and also so he's like, I want you to meet my mom because we're going to get married. And he's like, we what we do out here because my mom lives kind of far out in the sticks is we spend the night at the person.
She's like, oh, no, I'm not spending night at Mother's house.
Spend night at my place. Yeah, he's like, no, no. Like, she has extra bedroom. We spend the night there and he she was like, no, I don't want this. I don't spend nights and other person house.
It's your future mother in law. Yeah. Like he was like, no, no, no. Like it's a far drive. So we'll spend the night and we'll come back and say, oh my God.
And then there's this other Ukrainian how that comes out here. She's an asshole, though.
This one, that one's worse. This one. And so there's this nice we're happy. Never sourpuss, you know, nothing pleases. No. And so this guy lives out in the sticks and Washington, like, he's actually really nice, I think. Super nice guy. The most together of the guys. But he lives with his uncle slash cousin Beau. Yeah, he's he got Beau, but he's really my cousin.
Yeah. Yeah. But he's got like not a lot of teeth. He's an alcoholic. Yeah. Yeah.
And things haven't worked out for him. Yeah. You know, I got mental problems. Yeah. So she's like, I don't want to live with Uncle Beau obviously.
I mean who the fuck does there is. There is Uncle Beau.
Uncle Beau. God it's such a good show uncle. There he is that he's sweet. And you see the picture there.
Yeah. The three. So that's the Ukrainian chick. That's the nice sweet guy. And there's Uncle Bo and the sweet guy goes, yeah, my Uncle Bo lives with me. And she was like, this needs to not happen.
Yeah, no way I arrive. I don't want Uncle Bo. Well, would you want to live with uncle? No. It was actually one of the smart things that one of the few things I agree with her on saying was to not have uncle both.
Could you imagine she's getting out of the shower and she's in her towel and Uncle Bo is there staring at you. That's disgusting. And then Uncle Bo Xilai, I accidentally grabbed her tits.
Yeah, I those crazy. Yeah. But the one thing I didn't really, really put it over the top for me is when he shows up and he brings her flowers. Yeah.
And her fiance, her fiance shows up at the airport, brings flowers. She doesn't like them because she doesn't like purple flowers. She's like purple. That's crazy. Yeah. And then she's like it's cold. Like she's mad that it's cold in his place. He's like, well did you live in Russia winter. It's I'm in the sticks in Washington. And it's cold out, so it's cold, it's cold in here. Yeah, and she's like, so cold.
I don't like it usually, but you just came from the Ukraine. Yeah, it's cold there.
Just stuck there, too. Yeah. Anyway, it's such a great show. This season's impeccable. I ever want to get on board the show. That time is now.
We also got into franchises, started with the children, you know, getting them into Harry Potter.
Then I came finally was released from our basement. Come upstairs. Right. It was right around Christmas. So I bought the diehard pack.
The original Die Hard is, of course, a great Christmas movie. And then it has all the other ones. The third one's good. The last one is terrible. Terrible.
I've been going through that franchise, which is so fun because I forgot how much I love Bruce Willis. He's great, handsome, so great.
And then and I like that the villains are German, which is kind of a throwback because you don't see many German villains in this day and age. Usually they're Middle Eastern now, always.
But the German ones are fantastic. It was so dark, so fantastic.
Um, and then we got through that and we went to the Bourne franchise. That's right. We'll skip the Jeremy Renner one, but we're watching the other ones and I don't know, the third one. Last night we watched. Not the best one. Yeah, definitely not. I don't like the shaky camera thing.
That's Paul Greengrass. He does a lot of that shit, man. I don't know. He overdoes it with the handheld. Yeah. Fuck. You feel you're going to throw up on something. Yeah. See that. It's like that's one of his like, calling card.
I hate it. Well because it creates a sense of false urgency.
But the whole movie is it makes you turn your head. I mean. Yeah. The other thing that's funny is if you watch movies like this, like a franchise like that, back to back to back, you're like, oh, this is like the same scene forty times.
Yeah, that's what I saw because last night was the third one. That's true. And they were just like, fuck yeah.
Bourne took everybody out.
Like you're like it's happened thirty times or my favorite was when they're in the control room and like get an angle on him, get him someone, get eyes on where are we going to happen.
Like everyone's dead. Like, Oh, shit, he's getting in the subway. Get eyes on him. Why can I hear this?
Let's go, let's go, let's go. Come on. Team. Yeah. What happened there?
Like Bourne killed everybody. Oh, and so now we're going to get into tooken taken took in part two taken taken to and took in the took and franchise. Yeah.
But you know what I like about the by the way, he's like 62 in the first is he Liam Neeson, Soniya, all these and like he and Denzel are doing huge action movies in their 60s.
Now it's amazing how much work that he's sixty eight now. It's crazy. It's crazy. Crowd is Denzel. Denzel has a new one coming out. I just saw a trailer for it. Um. It just it just a 66 years old, a senior citizens, and they're like fucking everybody out.
Yeah, and they're great at it. But I know what I loved as a Sam Jackson when the die hard. That's the third one he's has.
That's like when he he had exploded because. That's right. After Pulp Fiction, I believe. Yeah. And so like Pulp Fiction is like the biggest fucking movie of the decade. And everybody I mean, people knew Sam Jackson is like a character actor and now he was like, oh, so funny star.
Um, and also to you, I forgot that iconic outfit that he has and the first die hard, the wife beater.
Yeah. And you pointed out that I go, you know, the thing is, his build in it, he has like a it's a very normal build. It's not like Stallone and Schwarzenegger or even Matt Damon.
Yeah. Or they're more jacked. Yeah.
Bruce Willis just looks like just healthy. Yeah. He look great. But you're like that's what that's desirable.
It's so I'll tell you as a as a as a lady viewer, I really liked him in the first die hard because like yeah.
He looks like a guy who's just he's in shape, he looks like a guy collecting himself is not a normal guy.
He's an he's a normal above normal looking. Right. Yeah. He's accessibly he's an excessively handsome guy. He kind of reminds me of you.
He's got your little bad attitude and I could see you stuff like that.
He's he's your type shooting up a building. Yeah.
John McClane. And he's got an I just liked him.
I liked I like all these silly movies and what I like about Jason Bourne.
I like that he's kind of a regular look.
He seems he's a very you know what the funny thing is? You're watching it and they push in and you're like, it's Matt Damon, it's Jason Bourne. Anytime there's a wide shot with a crowd, you're like, oh, he just seems like a normal white guy. Yeah. Like, he just doesn't it does. He doesn't stand out. Yeah. He kind of blends in, which is great for the character, which is as a spy, I guess.
And he's really jacked in that first born movie.
Jeez. What he is is he's really thin in there. Yeah. That's great. I know I went to his fortieth birthday party. I remember. That is the weirdest fucking thing. That's one of the weirdest thing that's ever happened to me is I did a show at the Hollywood Improv and I did it fifteen minutes that had a great set. Just one of those lucky, just great sets, you know, like where you just. Sometimes you get off stage and sometimes it's great and I go into the bathroom to take a leak, and as I'm taking a leak, there's somebody like standing by the sink and he goes, thank you.
And I turn and I go for what? And he goes. For that set and I turn again, it's Matt Damon. Oh, and I go. I go, oh, I go, well, you just said thank you. I didn't know what the hell what was it was about, you know? And he goes, No, that set was great, man.
So I finish peeing and I go.
And then I recognized that he talked to you with your dick in your hand.
Were you at a urinal? I'm at a urinal and he's he's over by the sink. Oh, hilarious. But he's not looking at your dick. No, no. He's just over there. And I go, oh, you just said thank you. I don't know. Thank you. What it was for you that said, man, it was so funny.
So then I go wash my hands. I keep talking to him briefly and I'm like, well, yeah, man, I appreciate it. And blah, blah, blah. Then I go outside and I'm standing in the parking lot and like the the improper parking lot, you know, which like goes like at the time you could park and then walk into the side room. So there's it's full. There's 300 some people out there and I'm talking to Tom Papà.
So Tom Papà Bernarda where he's catching up. Matt Damon walks over. Matt Damon at the time is executive producing a show for Tom Papà.
Hmm. So I'm like. Just talking to him and he keeps talking about certain jokes I was telling, and he goes, well, we're going to go have dinner over here. Do you want to come? And I was like, no, uh. I was like, I'm going to go home and then I kind of just stop and think about I was like, No, no, you know what? I will come. Yeah. I don't know.
I just was like, I will come.
So then I go across the street and, uh. It's Matt and then John Krasinski shows up with Emily Blunt. Love her and Matt Damon's like, This is Tom. He's a fucking hilarious comedian. And then Jon's like, Oh. You, you yeah, he's like, that's cool. And I was like, yeah, I don't know. And then Matt Damon's wife was there and then he married you.
She's like a regular she's not a she's not actually a person's regular person.
Um. Very nice. Oh, that's so cool that he married a regular lady. She has to make, as they say in Latin, last name and a lot of. Maybe she's Italian or she from another country. I don't know. Was he so Matt Damon, what did he order for dinner? Was it. Well, you know, it was like I forget the name of it, but they ordered, like, share plates like like this place.
Yup. And then other people showed up and. I remember I saw somebody else there and I was like this crazy that we're sitting on Matt Damon's birthday party and the person I was looking at went like this. No, I was like, OK. But he was nice to you. He was nice I left before anybody because I had, like, some uncomfortable. Yeah. I was like, what am I going to fucking add to this?
I know because it's like a it's one of those tables that has 25 people at it. And I'm here. The only person that I've actually spoken to or know is Papà. He's a few seats down. Mat's down there, Brzezinski's here. And I'm like, you know, get mad. I eat a few bites and then I'm like. Things to get going, you know, well, it's true because you think like, oh, be so cool to hang out with.
Yeah, yeah. And then I actually was like. Did the thing where I was like, thanks so much, I mean, I made like the earliest departure because I was like, I don't want to do here because at the end of the day, they're just people and you're not really friends with them and exactly kind of have a familiarity because you've seen him in movies.
Yeah, I want to be like, let's talk about porn. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah.
And also I wish there's a Jason Bourne school I could go to to learn all the cool stuff that he did, you know. And the Timothy Treadstone Treadwell.
Yes, there is, by the way, high school. Well, there's this thing called the CIA. They hire people and then there's also jiujitsu schools.
You could go to those. But yeah, because I want to know the secret shit where he's like, well, you know, when he's with the German girl in the first movie and he's like, how do I know that in the parking lot? I know the license plates of seven cars. Yeah. How do we know that that exit is there and how do I know that that guy weighs this much and that I could take him down. Like that's the information I want to know.
Just training, that's all. Training, training. You can just see going. You got to get trained. Yeah. I like, I like how we know that. Well trained. And he's like and I like when they're in and because you know what happens when you're really well trained. Yeah. Training takes over.
That's, that's what I'm saying. That's when I stop and think it's just that's what I, that's who I was. It's like when I dunk I just fucking jump and I think, yeah. You know, but like, you know how he was and go out with his girlfriend and then he's like, we've been compromised. We have to go now. Like he just fucking knew that because he's like that car isn't a normal car for this region.
I think you're perfect for that spy school. That's what I the type of thing like when I think of you, I'm like, I could see you doing spy shit, right?
Oh, what? Like ten different passports and identity and shit that be kind of cool.
Yeah. How long ago did I go to his birthday party. How old is he now. Because it was a while.
I remember that night. I think that's before we had kids. I remember I want to say oh ten years ago. Um ten years ago. That was ten years ago.
So seven been 2010. Holy shit. Years. Yeah. Looks great. And what's the actual date.
October that makes no. It makes sense. What would you think it was this maybe, maybe I'm wrong, maybe it was like forty one, 42, 43. What would you ask Matt Damon, if you like, if you could ask him anything?
I know one of the things I would ask, because I actually have I remember this thought and this is why I would ask it.
I remember seeing the trailer for Born and being like Matt Damon is not a badass.
Like, it's hard to take your mind there now because now because it was good will hunting before I wanted to I would want to ask him, did you feel like this could fail terribly like as a choice to be like I'm going to do a a bad ass thing, you know, which like I you know, now the character is it's like iconic and everything.
But I remember watching that trailer being like Matt Damon, same kind of kick everybody's ass because he wasn't like that.
Like, I'm feeling like this cannot be real. And then seeing the movie and being like this was awesome and like he was great in it. But that's what I would be curious about if he was like, were you in a panic? Yeah. But as this was coming out, like, is this going to be a huge failure or did you feel like this was a, you know.
Yeah, solid. Well, it's funny because what I've noticed in all these Jason Bourne movies is he never eats, he never sleeps, he doesn't shit. And he definitely didn't masturbate in all of this.
Every show they do show him having making love a few times or that's applying it. So maybe he was getting it fixed, but he should be jerking off more and he should be taken dumps and not showing it.
And it was really upsetting. Disappointing. Yeah. What's really pathetic is that he's in Berlin, which is the home of Currywurst, which is one of my favorite things, and there stands everywhere for Currywurst. He never once stops. Yeah. And gets a Currywurst in Berlin. Like what do you do when there's so many questions? You're in the best cuisine. Yeah.
This should so good that if you're listening come on the show. And we also watched Basic Instinct, which I think held up pretty well.
If you look at Sharon Stone, because we remember what he looks on, really, she's gorgeous. And by the way, 1992 standard of hotness is different than 20/20 because that bitch is all natural. You stand like her teeth are natural. Bitches didn't get work done back here. So she's like, oh, natural.
Yeah, she looks just perfect. Oh, God, she's stunning. And she's like, well, like thirty. She's thirty. And you know what two is that when this movie came out, I remember people like, Do you see your badge? But I never actually saw it when I was in that, you know. Yep. And now we got to freeze frame it and see her badge, which was really.
You see the bush really?
No, I saw vagina labia Google her vagina so we can look at it now.
I saw it. This is what's important. I saw like a vulva. I saw it. I saw the meat. Now there's the meat. You can see the meat in the right light. Yeah, I just hair really.
I saw her meats. Look, I can't really see it on dude.
I'm telling you, I saw like go go more vagina. Can you push in now because there's one, there's raw meat.
You can see it. I'm trying to the left me the left one. You can really see her meat more there. See see the slit.
OK, I see it now. You're right. You're right because there's Bush on the right there. I go to the left. Yeah. Yeah I do.
We're looking at Sharon Stone's beef right now. It's not a wild she's like logit a huge star to that beef has not squeezed out any kids. I would get in there. I want to get in there. Look how perfect it even her beef is perfect.
If I met her now, I'd be like, can I get in there? Don't you think vaginas are not pretty though? I mean, that is not cute.
It's only appealing because you know what it is, right? Yeah. Like if I were to show you that and you didn't know what you'd be like, what is that like?
Is that thing. It's a person. OK, is that a wound. Yeah. Yeah. And it's all brown and mush. Mm hmm. What do you think's least attractive of vagina or penis. I think a penis is is definitely less attractive. It's a dangling piece of skin, you know, but it looks nice when it's erect.
Just depends who you ask. I think they're beautiful when they're erect, beautiful. Yeah, of course penises are gorgeous. What do you think? They carved David nude, not covered up, but so look at his dong flaccid. They should have made him heart.
But that's a totally I mean, it's against your argument. That's true. But it's still pretty when it's soft.
You say you think a hard penis is gorgeous.
Yes. OK. I wish I wish David had a hard on that would be such a better piece of art.
All right. Let's, um, we got to wrap this up. So couple talks before we go.
Fuck. Yeah, dude. Now, this one time out is going to put some pep in my fucking step.
Bro was looking for me. Now, by the way, I've been curating these for weeks now.
Our schedule got all messed up because of your accident and the covid and blah, blah, blah.
So this is I'm seeing these for the first time in weeks. I'm so excited. I'm excited to see them.
Gosh, I bust your goddamn teeth. Let me see my mother. I'm going to go.
Oh, my God. That's it on camera.
That's wild. I thought you'd like that. I like that a lot. I'm gonna marry the old guy. One fucking around. And that other kids stoke that they got it on video. I would be I'll be that kid like we got it if I saw it. Oh, I know that. You know that it got bad up. But all I know that I do know this. I don't know what's going on there, man, but it looks like fun, it looks like fun, but it also looks like this could go wrong really quickly.
No, he's like, what's going on?
These guys are like chilidog in, like a hole in the ground.
Yeah, yeah. They're like, this is a pool man.
Holy shit. I am.
I fucking paid well for the money. Made me feel. What are you doing? I said, please, we want to know where you're going.
And you know, it was just two drunk guys fighting in the room. I thought you'd enjoy that takes me back to North Carolina days. So a lot of that really. Yeah I do. Yeah. Totally wrong country guys get a few beers and I'll tell you something.
They're good. Travis. Yeah, that's very familiar. Oh, no.
What's up, everybody? How's you guys doing? Good.
I would love to have some more followers, especially all you single ladies, especially give me hearts and I love to be followed.
Cool. Yeah, he seems sweet, these sweet, I think what I wanted out of this talk was like maybe help him improve because as we've learned, you can't just be like, I want ladies, you've got to offer something up in order to get some things on a team. And what this do, I don't think is going to understand this, though.
And I don't know why I think that, but. He just needs to show who he really is and then the ladies will follow. Yeah, I mean, yes, yes. Do what you normally do, show us your real personality. What do you think is personality? I think he's nice. I think he's probably sweet. I do.
But I think he should be like, this is my cat muffins and I like to pet her every day. And like, that's what I'm saying.
Yeah, that's being yourself. That's who he is.
It's like I overeat. You're right.
If you go, I eat my feelings. Let's go to the next one. And see how we can see how the surprising Tom Clancy, trophy soldier, the panties on me.
This is a prison talk and he's bragging that he gets name brand pantin. That's at the Big Flexin Prison. The Big Fleck's to have name brand like that for sure.
And I commissario fucking shampoo. He's got an pantin provi. Yeah.
And I must say I've used many conditioner's in my life. Pantin really fucking works and trace him and that's some cheap ass shit from like. Right. Trace him all day because they don't even spend the money on expensive conditioner and just get that pantin is his real. So is your day to day and how will you. Did you get. Eat a little bit ago? Where'd you end up getting food from? Just take off from. Oh, who wanted to go there, Hele?
Haley, the girl you took out to Antonio's earlier today talking about. So you're going to tell me that you have no idea who Hayley is, no idea what I'm talking about, and you weren't with her today at Antonio's getting food.
I don't know which one of your friends you're listening to, but, OK, that has nothing to do with any of my friends as if I did. Literally did not see you in there today. Definitely. I definitely did, though. I definitely. Good. You can go fuck yourself, honestly.
This is a that's a great topic, Neal. It's super like high drama, right?
And I think it's real. I don't think this is a stage that definitely feels real. That was real. Fuck. I love the touch of drinking champagne while you're close by. Like, how is your food?
You agree with this? Some fucking time. I also believe that she's about to fucking. Like, stab him. Oh, bro, like the video's off for a reason now.
Yeah, bro, I want to put the camera on him too, though, if I could get it to. Yeah, yeah.
I'd be like, oh, dude, her manicure to those who and oh, should we let someone attack you and see what your canine does. Let's do this home invasion style of.
Can I help you? Yeah. Oh, all right.
Fuck that the I mean, cool talk, but fuck all that I know. Yeah, that is cool. You know, one time when I toured the military, I think we were in Afghanistan. They let me get attacked by a German shepherd who did it. But they put that suit on you so that when the dog bites you, it doesn't hurt. And the suit's really, really heavy. And it is fucking terrifying to have a German shepherd running at you and biting your arm.
But they, you know, they command it right away to stop. It's terrifying as fuck, but it's fun.
So this comment deserves a video. Yes, I do regret my taxes.
I'm currently undergoing laser removal.
My next treatment is January 16.
So if you're listening, it'd be worth watching.
Well, what do you see, Tom? Well, a lady who actually seems like a probably good looking lady. Yeah, she's sweet.
She has a spider web tattoo on her forehead, completely there. And then there's a tattoo around her eyes and there's there's a darkening tattoo around her eyes somewhere else. Yeah. Then it looks like there's fucking teeth around her eyes.
And then she also has tattoos around her actual mouth and her cheeks. It's it's intense. It's really intense. So a little background.
She was a drug addict. Surprise the little bit of mathematics and got those tattoos. That happens happens all the time. So I went to the tattoo shop guy, asked me if I was sure that I wanted to do this. I said, yeah, you know, in my head I'm thinking, well, I'm going to be a drug dealer, so why not? Never going to need to, you know, be presentable. So we started we started with the web and round my eyes and my nose, I didn't get my cheeks in my mouth until the second session.
The most painful part of getting my face tattooed was probably my lips. And like over here by my ear, the eyes didn't hurt too much. They swelled more than anything.
I have two sessions to four hour sessions in my face and I thought it was a great Jesus Christ.
See, she said that she said the eyes didn't hurt. It was the lips that her I would have guessed the eye lids and then under the eyes would have hurt excruciating half and half.
And you probably forget that your face looks like that. Like when you I mean, like you just if it's been a few years, you just get up and you go out and you're like, get a coffee. And someone's like. I know, OK? Oh, yeah, yeah, my face is crazy, I forgot. Would you rather have this done to your face? Hmm. Or just lose your left arm? Jesus Christ. I mean, they're both rough.
That's the point. They're both life ruettgers. Yeah, I know it's so tough, right? Here's the thing is the you know, the quick answer is like, yeah, you can get this removed. Let me tell you something. This shit's not coming off.
You're going to look fucked up the rest of your life. Yeah. It's not going to come off. It's going it's going to fade. So she'll look like she just as she used to have faced heads. But it's not going to be like normal, I guess I'm one hand, there's no one really. I think so I'm not I would not want to go through life like that. I want either scenario, but right, this one's terrible. You could have a prosthetic arm.
Yeah, it would suck, would suck. People like your your interactions with people will be a lot better. One armed.
So, yes. People back on. She's closer, you come up with a cool story for the arm, like I lost it in Vietnam or whatever. All right, last one. Wait, wait, hold on.
What would you do that this is to all you women don't play with people's feelings, including you.
Gabriela, I'm guessing. Gabriela, I heard this man's really. Oh, Jesus. Let's go have lunch. Nadav, first ads are missing. I was going to say the same thing that Tom said because of your interactions with people. Yeah, you'll get a lot more sympathy missing an arm than you will having a skull tattooed on your face.
That's true. And there are checks.
I was going to scare people, man. Yeah. And you could still get a job with one arm. Yes. And if it's your left arm, it's not your dominant arm, at least in my case. Mm, yeah. I mean, yeah, look, I'm a righty, you know, you figure out whatever you did with your left, just figure it out, you know. Yeah.
No. Any. Uh, would choose a face that for. Yeah, I'm definitely feeling you on that. What's your reasoning?
Uh, I don't know. It just doesn't feel it doesn't feel like a risk to me. The arm Niemann too much. I mean, even to do what I'm doing right now. Yeah, but no one's going to hire you because you look batshit crazy with no facial tats in his defense. We would we would know.
It's true. You just have to stay working for us for the rest of your life, just like any time that he would like.
I don't know if anything ever went wrong, we'd be like, yeah, but we were so stupid down here, that fucking guy.
His face is also raising smoke, smoking, are we thinking face today? Yeah, if he fucked one thing up, we'd be like, come on, Dad. Yeah, he's so fucked up. We got we cannot have face Tachi here. Um, all right. Well, let's got one more.
All right, come on, it's the one thing bringing me joy this month. OK, I don't feel people's feelings on this one, I want to have a real conversation with a woman. I don't care what you look like. I want to have a decent conversation. I don't want nudes. I don't give out gift cards. I want to. You don't have to wear a mask in your videos, you know that you can't contaminate people over. Ticktock.
Hey, everybody, what's up? So I got my homegirl working on some rainbow braids for me. Yeah, there you go. Ain't done yet.
There's any next year, but, you know, things only get better.
Got both arms. Whatever your opinion of beauty is.
Personally, I don't give a fuck if you feel beautiful, if you feel attractive, if you feel like a person, if you're able to look people in the eyes and tell them that you are an individual. That's exactly what you are.
We're going to finish this pretty soon and I hope to show you the results. OK, so thanks a lot for that one, got it. It really is good to be back in studio. Yes, super fun. Happy New Year to everybody. Thank you for listening to this show, for watching this show. We're excited about a whole new year. Thank you again, everybody that joined us on the live show. We have some pretty. Um, I think incredible live show experiences coming up.
I feel like I can comfortably say that two times, at least twice in the next six months. We are going to be releasing special events that you're going to be like, holy fucking shit, shit my balls out of my they're going to shit your balls through your dick into your dad's mouth.
It's incredible. And we're super excited about it.
So I appreciate all that. Hope you have a wonderful year. Damn it. Let's make twenty twenty one way better than 20/20. Our closing song is Jump in the Tub.
Let me eat you by odd track numbers.
See you next week by just let me give you. Hell are you? I mean, one term, yeah, I is one term, I'm a one term. Yeah I. One term, I think it came up, you think? Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Governor, governor, with the governor, governor, governor, governor, come with the governor, Governor Gray Davis. You want to know if you want to.