Transcribe your podcast

I feel like I just entered another, like I am a new reality. Yeah, that's higher. That's above other people totally wanted. You magically drew me into it.


And I didn't fail the test. You didn't fail it.


You're like my Obi Wan cannabis. There you go. You look into my eyes. And I was like one it was.


I know this episode of your mom's house is brought to you by Sativa. If you have not been investing in sleeping on an amazing mattress, this is your opportunity. There's no reason you should be sleeping on anything less than a five star, incredibly comfortable, environmentally friendly, award winning customer support, branded mattress like they make, etc.. We've tried them all. You can get a software mattress like you find in a luxury hotel.


You can get a memory foam mattress like from their line called Loom and Leave. Or you can get a so layer, which is the mattress that moves and sits up and lays down has a zero gravity setting. It's incredible. You can get any of these with a 225 dollar credit.


If you go to sort of dotcom sativa, dotcom, slash the shit, you start with two hundred and twenty five dollars off any mattress of your choice just by go into that you Earl Sativa say TVA dotcom the shit de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de.




You know, I mean, that's that, uh, original rabieh amazing, yeah, don't you feel like we're sitting in the coolest lounge somewhere in L.A. drinking martini when that song comes on?


I do. Yeah. I wish they would play this in a really fancy hotel in L.A. and everybody's like, wait, wait, why is it to the it? And someone will be like, you're mishearing.


That is not there's no way Mark Rabieh Libia got like a James James hard man.


No fucks never not Jaman as the kids say around here that song fucks. It's not what you guys say you young kids saying that a lot.


That song fucks. The song is tits and it fucks hard. De de de de de de de de de de de man.


We're back on the road. Jean. Thank you. I'm so excited to be doing the Addison Improper is only a handful of tickets left on The Late Show Thursday on the fourth of February. And then I go to Houston, a.k.a. POSTIN at the Houston Improv on February 25th through twenty seventh. Again, tickets are limited and then Zanies in Nashville, March 11th through 13th tickets at Christina P on line.


I'm so excited times.


I'm excited. I'm ready. I'm going to Flo Rida and then Phat Nicks. Yeah. And then uh what is it called.


Omaha, Nebraska. I saw that suggestion. Um and then Sexton, Kentucky. Oh sexy. Those are all coming up. A bunch of these are are on the books. Just take a look and then yeah. I'm super excited that I'll announce a tour in the fall if everybody gets the vaccine.


Oh my God. I'll be able to, uh, tour in the fall. I'll be Red Sox.


I am so excited to get back on the road. It's been too long. We're coming up on a year. You betcha.


I'm coming up and I'm coming up in May. You bet I am. And show me where it spits on the road. Um, top secret. I come. Christina, pee online.


Oh, check out where my mom's at two. Uh, a lot of good guess, a lot of good topics if you're a parent, even if you're not, it's super fun show.


There you go. We're back with Tom Talks. Oh. Doing it twice a month right now. We'll see. And then I want to get, uh, Tom staggering Espanol back, um, shortly. And your your Super Bowl.


Yes, I'm doing the the big game. They call it the big game, February 7th.


If you don't know Burt Krischer, myself and Bruce Krischer, myself and Warren Sapp are going to live stream a companion show to the big game Sunday, February seven, three p.m. Pacific, 6:00 Eastern.


We're shooting content. We're watching the game and we're talking through it. And it's going to be a lot of fun.


He's really funny. I didn't realize how quick and funny he is. He's very funny. I think that's going to be so much fun. I would just watch it just to watch you guys talk some shit. It's going to be, you know, me, I'm not into the Super Bowl. Yeah.


I think a lot of people who are not into football still want to have a party. Yeah, that's what we're doing. Yes. All right. Thank you, guys.


How are you doing? I'm good. You know why you're good? Why? Because you've been having your ot your party and now you got your your dick touches because your wife resurrected your piña. And don't you feel better now that you don't have any comment as well?


Yeah, thanks. I do feel better.


Yeah. Yeah. I think it's part of it's vital. It's part of what a wife does. Yeah. I take care of that region, I take care of the mouth, the food and then the dick region and now you're back. I'm hard like 24/7. Is that right. Yeah. I'm never not hard.


Uh are you made of come. I feel like I am still in your 40s even I'm rock hard all the time. I mean you see it.


I do see it. Yeah. Even when those nurses were giving you enemas you were like, I'm so fucking hard.


Yeah. Especially the animals. He's like, oh, finally some anal stimulation.


Yeah. It was very erotic when I couldn't shit I was like I'm so turned on that I can't shit right now.


I'm very funny. That's somebodies thing. That's definitely something.


So right now is like so Haag's I can't shit right now. I love I can't.


Should I get so hard that somebody sentence that they just said somewhere in the world so hard right now I can't shit I love it turns me on Hawara.


This is such a mood today. I think it started with Rabieh. Yeah. He's getting us all sexual.


Well let me play an opening clip. Yeah.


Gets you in another fun mood. Ready.


Here is a dollar sign. A pile of them and boy then I have. He signs, do you and. Then lastly, I have a treasure trove of swastikas here I'm going to show you real quick.


Oh. Well, it wasn't Tegan Randi not bringing one mother with no.


Oh, well, go to your mom's house with Tom, Cipora and Christina. And your swastikas are out of swastikas.


What what are where I was in Texas when a retard.


OK, it's not slimy and evil.


It all is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's backwards. There's a lot of them for not liking them, who needs that? Yeah, backwards there it it was a dollar sign in the back of the Patika, Atika, this fall.


But it's part of the world that we've got cool face to and it's super symbol. Can we make it more acceptable?


Can you put a peace sign around, Atika?


And the answer is yes. Even if you've cut it out and felt you can then combine the two symbols by grabbing your peace sign and then putting your teka hearts, little tongues that the swastika has.


Oh, we know how to say that whole. Yeah.


Swastika. Yeah, I think it's interesting. I like that he has the logic of the guy who goes, why can't I just say the N-word thing is the exact same thought process where he's like, why not?


Here's the thing though. I'm a guy. Why not? I'll put a swastika on my business that sells, you know, ice cream and then it'll be like the cool new ice cream symbol. Yeah, it's like, yeah, that doesn't it's already established.


We know what I means. That argument never works. Why no die.


There it is. There's the beautiful teka with the swastika he says. Right.


It can't contain some piece by piece by piece. The TPA can mean war. And the question is can you bring peace? Does it ever trump war? Can you actually manage to bring about victory with peace instead of evil and violence and resentment and hatred? And I think this symbol and you can at least imagine a world where that happens.


I feel like this argument is strong and it's going to it's going to carry you a long way.


Also, did he go to the Josh Potter School of pronunciation because elementary. Yeah.


Was Swastika, but then he's like a swastika, like he knows how to say.


So hold on. The original symbols, you know, live like three, six, five. He's just seven all the time.


Will you look up Google, Nadav, the original swastika. I know it's a isn't it a Native American symbol. Maybe it's called something like a teka or something.


Yeah. Maybe Hendee Years.


I don't frickin teka Latigo right there. The swastika. The swastika. But it's always been called a swastika. I mean I think so. Let's see.


Ancient religious icon cultures of Eurasia, it's used in Indian languages and Indian religions, including including Hinduism, Buddhism and Jainism. Mm hmm.


As a result of World War Two in the Holocaust, many people are strongly associated with Nazism and anti. That's weird.


But that little footnote. But my man here seems to think he can just overcome, but Tom, why come he can't just say the thing. Yeah, do the thing.


So swastikas meeting conducive to wellbeing.


Yeah, OK. Yeah, that's why Hitler chose it. It's a peaceful, awesome symbol. Yeah. Hey, Hitler. Kind of a menace that really took on. I got to tell you something. He's one of the biggest rascals of all of history. He really is your guy is a total knucklehead and so is garbles and so is Himmler and Osama bin Laden, yet another Osama bin doing no, no Lodin, you know what I call them?


Rabble rousers. Yeah, yeah, you just mentioned that I feel like your dad would assess these guys that way. Well, you know that Hitler not a good guy, thanks to me, not good would tell you.


So he would round up, OK, the gypsies, the Jews, blacks, mentally handicapped.


And he would just Gasol, Gasol, I've seen documentaries that, yeah, we've all seen the doc, the documentaries he how he can watch another is the one that gets me where it's like he's 73 and I'm home for, I don't know, visiting them.


And you walk through and you're like Hitler, huh. He loves it.


This is our 600 of Hitler dogs.


Yeah but that's all dads watch. Well, because now they've colorized some of that old cool footage. Yeah. Yeah. And now my dad, like, it's got nice eyes. I realize that. Yeah.


Yeah. You know, all these other dogs, you never see Hitler's eyes, but they really pop with the color correction. Yeah.


Well it's like a whole new it's like the Wizard of Oz when it switches from black and white to color. Now they're really stoked. Yeah.


That in my dad would always have like the World War two house on Garibaldi Street and, you know, those thick like WW two books in the shitter. Yeah. They they read them for you.




I think it's because all that stuff happened like when they were born or right before they were born or, you know, I mean, like so alive. Yeah. They're like, why did my life suck?


Oh, I want to read the story but I can't imagine revisiting this the twenty twenty. I want to bury it. I don't want to hear the word. I don't want to hear it ever again.


Yeah. You're going to hear it for the rest of your life. I know you lived through, you know, the Pandi, a pandi.


The last one was a hundred and two years.


You know, I'm content never speaking of it, every week you're going to be doing interviews about it in your sixties and seventies. And it'll be like, what was the Pandy like?


Like what's great? The best year of our lives. I like I got the covid.


Yeah, my husband's body broke in half.


Well, the neat part was that we gained the, uh, the quarantine fifteen and then lost it thanks to the Pandi, the covid pandi that we got later. So it was like a perfect circle of a year. Yeah. Pretty good diet. Resolved the quarantine.


Fifteen. My smell's not back either. Yeah. But now my mouth tastes like. I'll tell you what I appreciate. I appreciate it the other day.


What when busy shit on the stairs. I know she's got normally I would've been like oh it smells.


Didn't smell a thing Fazi. I know it's good for something. Quick before I forget Shwartz shout out um to Larry King, who we learned passed away just before he passed away a couple days ago.


I had such a good time with the most memorable.


Of course, everybody loves him subconsciously.


Yeah, he was. He was awesome, didn't he have a stroke as he was interviewing, you know? Oh, no, it sounded like it was sarcastic. Well, I remember when he said, you really contribute.


He goes, Mark, while I happen here, I have it here. What are you doing? That's why we pull the clips out. I just get excited walking alongside Mark Wahlberg and Rose Byrne in Instant Family. Well. Yeah, you got it. I got it. Yeah, I know him a long time.


What was that like? But that was one of the best ones guilty pleasure top us to play soccer souffle, chocolate souffle, chocolate souffle. Yeah, isn't that the best it takes a while to make?


And then if you want to see this is the clip that my mother called me.


I had this I had done this interview a year before they posted it. Right. So I did it. They didn't post it. I mean, I guess they used it on their own platform. They didn't put it on YouTube for like a year. And my mom said that she was on YouTube. And because they have searched me before, it'll suggest, you know, so it was she was like, oh, Tommy's on Larry King.


So she pulls it up, watches it.


She calls me crying, crying because you hurt me so bad. And I was like, what did I say? Because I thought I was like, oh, my mom, some dumb ass. Or, you know, I thought I said something super insulting to her. I'm like, well, she goes with you. And it was this is what made her cry.


Is there something you long believed to be true and then realized wasn't Jesus is our Lord and savior, meaning that that made my mother.


That was it. Yeah. And what's interesting is that you said so many horrendous things and all of your comedy specials every week on this show, that's the you basically call her a retard every week on this show.


And that doesn't seem to faze her.


I couldn't think of what I don't like to eat.


He was like, what's the food? Because he doesn't like eggs.


I was like, you don't like eggs against them. He doesn't like eggs.


But I couldn't think of olives, which is what I hate olives. But I said oysters, which I don't mind. Yeah, you like oysters. I know, but I just felt the pressure and I was like oysters. I hate them.


What were against them. So yeah. Anyways, Larry King really was I mean it was a trip for me to be on that show because when I grew up he was on CNN for 25 years.


So my entire childhood high school, college you put on CNN and CNN used to be like, you know, like an anchor sitting at a desk just reading news, you know, for most of the day. And then they started they had programming like Larry King Live where he would interview pop culture, people, politicians.


And so he really was a fixture. I remember getting the like the publicist call, like, do you want to do Larry King? And I was like, fuck, yes, gosh, yeah.


I was so excited. You are not I mean, you're very happy there again. I don't ever see you that joyful in our private life. So that's kind of neat to see you happy and you look really good. Thanks for the blue jacket. Looks really nice.


It isn't. And people have told me they really it's a really great color. Yeah. Um, but where you said were you taken aback at how um how he was like his generation. No. Were you taken aback when he said socker souffle.


Were you like, oh no. I think they just happened in the moment like the Wolberg thing. We've heard tons of people not be able to say, well, yeah, that's true. And so that, you know, made sense. And the soccer player, he just misheard me.


I mean, it was just funny that he said, oh, you know, I said chocolate souffle. He's like Sarkozy, who felt like it was just one of those things. We just didn't hear me.


Well, you know, souffle. Yeah. But anyway, he really is a legend. So big, big shout.


And the suspenders were his suspenders, suspenders. Um, I was like, how much do you smoke? Seven packs a day at one point. Did yeah. And then wow. Then he was rocking three packs a day for a good minute. I mean he has that really that voice. Is a smoker's voice, but he quit like 40, 50 years ago. Good for him. Yes. Well, not anymore, but yeah, that's true. He's.


But anyway. Oh, Larry King, how old was he? Eighty something, eighty six or something like that. Yeah, he was up there. I'm really getting nervous about age and mortality. Remember that we watched a documentary about the villages in Florida, um, that old people place. Yeah, it looks kind of awesome. I kind of I want to go there. The villages. That documentary's great, right? It's not called the villages, though.


No, it's called a little heaven, heaven, some kind of heaven.


Well, because I was discussing with my friend that you're going to die before me. And so what am I going to do?


You're going to go to the villages. I think I will.


But the villages or the some piece of heaven is a really interesting doc because so the Villages was originally built, uh, for like 800 residents. Yeah. And now there's a hundred and twenty thousand. And it's just basically they they built it as Disneyland for retirees and they and they go titties.


Didn't you hear him say, nope. Uh, retirees. And you get this sense that they're telling people if they even open the dock with you can't you can't say you're bored, you can't say you're not having fun. Right. That that's the big, like, kind of general blanket statement about it. Then they follow. Four people and profiled them in more depth and the thing that I left this dark. Thinking about and feeling was just how sad loneliness is like, especially at the end, like because there's people that are lonely now and it actually really like it's not like it just like a bummer dark.


But you just you really get to dive into these people's lives.


And the one Playboy man made this guy was like a bachelor his whole life.


And he's 81 now and he's living in a van and he's just targeting wealthy older women. But he's like a hustler. He's hustling them and he's really down and out at one point. And it's really sad because no one will send a money or, you know, you realize he's out of options.


And then he goes and he I mean, I'm giving away sorry, like details here, but he goes and he sees like a lady that clearly had a past with and he's like, are you going to let me stay with you? And she says, yes, she's 30 years younger than him or something, 20 years younger than him. He says yes. And then you see him bummed out that. His bachelor persona has the brakes put on it, like, yeah, you see him like the life leaving it because he's like going along.


She's like, well, I'm going to go to the grocery store.


And he's like, OK, they hate the banality. He hates it. He hates it. So you see him. He was really sad when he was trying to find someone, but he that was his personality like. Yeah, to to go from like gig to gig.


But then when he gets the gig he's like, hmm, that's so true that I'm very familiar with this personality type. Yeah. Let's just say I grew up very intimately with this personality. Yeah. It's like they they so desperately yearn for someone to care for them. And then when that person comes along, they hate them. Yes. Then them.


And then it's like, I want to be free. I want to be free. I got free. I'm free, I'm free. I like being free. I hate being free. It's a prison and then it's a prison.


Being with somebody where you can see that it's this guy's cycle like it's his it's his 50 year cycle. Yeah. Devastating. Yeah.


It was really that that's what I like because, you know, you just see old people and sometimes you're like, well they're just old. They're content to, to have, you know, lunch and like a place to stay. But when you watch this dock and they really profile these different people, you're like, oh, it's it's exactly the same as middle aged or thirty year old. It's like the same. Um, you know, complicated life, it's not necessarily simple just because the person's old what I what depresses me is when they are like, well, I had a husband, he died a year and a half ago because he was like 80.


And then what do you do? Do you go find another old husband who's just going to die off? And another year like you, Ford, you form these bonds of people that are just going to leave you.


It's true, such a short time, which is so depressing.


But what I liked about the villages is that they built that place in mind, like having the boomers in mind, meaning how they grew up, how the places looked.


So they'll make they make the actual physical spaces look as though they're in the 1950s. Yeah, I was like, that's cool. I hope they do that for Gen X, you know, I'm saying, like, my time on there, they'll just play like MTV, like old MTV and Cyndi Lauper and Prince.


Yeah, they will. It'll all be different. I like that very much. That's where you will retire. Yeah, I was thinking that and then I could just hook up with younger dudes and that'll be fine. Where did this happen. They won't die on me like you're going to die and then I'll go with my girlfriends and then we'll get a place in Miami or something or in the fuck. I mean, I'm planning this shit out.


It's going to be dull. This has nothing to do with what we were talking. Now you're banging young dudes.


Yeah, I think that's the way to go. I am a young dude compared to you only by three years. It doesn't kill fucking lifetime. Not in middle age.


Yes, it is. Yes, it is, yeah, yeah, we're lucky to have each other, I will say, yeah, we are. We are, because you got a lot of weird stuff. What do you mean?


Well, we had this discussion in bed the other day, when you're like running a new sketch idea by me and it's written. It's written. Sure, yeah. And you were like, do you think I could get so-and-so this famous actress? And I was like, not if they want to work again.


And you're like, what are you talking about? What do you like?


You're a genuinely dumbfounded as to why an A-list or actors wouldn't want to record the sketch, the sketch, and which, by the way, I think is a really good sketch.


I'm not disagreeing with you. I think it's really funny. I'm just saying you're going to have a really hard time casting A or people to do it, because it's a bit it's weird and violent.


Like, for instance, when we did the last the one major live, we did sketches. Would you like to pitch some of the ideas you had originally?


Yeah. OK, go ahead. Just go ahead.


Well, I did have, you know, the sketch where we end up doing it together. You play the kind of the abusive girlfriend. Yeah. You're the abuse of thankless, spoiled girlfriend. Yeah. And so I kind of lose it on you kind of lose it.


Do you want to qualify. You want to talk about that. What. But what do you mean originally.


Originally it was that we go on the date and you make fun of my car and so in the car when I snap I take your head, I smash it on the dashboard and then I push it through the window. And then it's an accidental you accidentally die. And a guy watched it and Lindsay said it was too aggressive and too violent.


And he thought that people might react poorly to it and that nobody, no reputable casting people would even look at it.


Now, that's after I made it better. He still said that. People said so. Then I turned it into what we shot, which was throwing the rock from my rock collection at.


Right. And he said that the casting people were like, we can't send this to people.


And why why is that? They said it was too much. Too much how they says too many jokes.


Too funny to like. But do you understand. What about that might be too much.


Yeah, I think people are scared, people are weak and they don't want to take risks and work with real artists.


Right. OK, do you think for a second that maybe it was too violent and that maybe somebody doesn't want to be associated with that kind of. I guess so. But then that lets me know right away that you're somebody I don't want to know either, you know?


Well, there's a reason I was cast to play the woman in case you were going to do it originally. Well, I'm not right. And I was not I had no idea. I'm not an actor, but I did it because I'm the only woman we could find who is dumb enough. Yes.


To do something. This is a great point.


Yeah, I'm stupid and I don't care because I don't want to act in Hollywood. It's fine. I don't care that. I just want to be a standup comedian.


This also this reminds me, though, you told me something that I didn't I have no recollection of. You told me that when I was a young whippersnapper, I was doing a sit in the belly room. Yes. And I watched you watch me. And you told me a joke that I said that I don't recall. And then you told me that it put you off. It did. And that you were like, I don't think I really like him, dude.


First of all. Yeah, I don't remember this at all.


You know, it's funny that I've been carrying this memory for 15 years. And every time I think, should I tell Tom this memory, I'm like, well, no, I don't want to hurt his feelings. But I feel as though you and I are solid that I can tell you the same thing.


So back when we were baby comedians, I must have been twenty three maybe like just landed in L.A.. OK, like you were just at the you were in the belly room. So we weren't, you know, past the comedies where we were just doing the side rooms.


And I remember being in the back of the room and I had a boyfriend at time. I wasn't like looking at you sexually, but I was like, Tom Seger is really attractive. I really I wonder what kind of a person this guy is. And I was just intrigued, you know, and I'm watching you and I'm watching you.


And you're just so handsome. And the light is just really nice on you. Like you look you look really cute.


And then you go, you guys ever have a one night stand and then don't shower so that you let the stink stay on you feet for a few extra days. And I remember being like, I'm out of here. Like I immediately was just like, this guy's a fuckin animal.


Like who, first of all, admits to that. Like, that is so nasty.


He's so nasty. And secondly, I didn't I wasn't I'm not a one night stand gal. I just I just can't. And so that I was like, gosh, if I ever would want to date him, I wouldn't because he's nasty. You're a one night stand kind of guy. And that's not I'm not interested in that, dude. Yeah, but then I was then I thought about it and I'm like, that's kind of cool that he shared that thought.


Like, that's really creative and really creative risk. And then I liked you because you took a risk creatively. But personally, I was like, I would never date that guy. I would never date that guy.


Because flash forward to I'm the guy I was dating at the time. He had just, I think, past his bar exam. Right. And we took him to a strip club.


And I was like, well, let's give my boyfriend a lap dance because it's time we were on the outs. And I was like, I don't give a shit. Like, Yeah, we'll be done soon. And I ask the guys we were with Ryan and Matfield, Voltron.


Hey, which which stripper should I choose to give my boyfriend a lap dance? And they go ask Tommy? Asked Tom Sagara.


And so that was the strike too. I was like, Oh, this guy's a fucking degenerate.


Like Ask Tom which stripper to get. Tom has one night stands and leaves a stink on his dangling.


And I'm like, this guy's a fucking red flags like in terms of some guy would never date, you know.


And then, yeah. You also made another comment. You said that. That no normal woman would tolerate no, no less, but it has to be a damaged woman.


Yeah, like me. Like first of all, you got me in my 20s when I was the wires were crossed. Let's just say mama had some damage, like my dad is a narcissistic alcoholic. My stepfather was a sociopathic criminal.


So my male guidelines were pretty loose.


So a guy who just showed up, had a car, didn't drink, gamble, do drugs. You are like aces. So I could overlook a multitude of feels good. Feels good to hear.


But, you know, now you've really turned into quite a great husband and father. Thank you. What was the other red flag you said that no one.


No woman. Oh yeah. Even now, like the other day I was like, do you even all your nicknames for me are just terrible. It's like floppers slobbers tits triple D slut wife, pig, pig, slut tits. Come here, hooker. You know, you're always demeaning me.


And I'm like, in the beginning of the relationship, you used to call me like booboos chicken pot or or sweetheart or just anything nice and 15 years deep and it's all insult. And you think most normal when if I was like, hey, come on, come here.


You know, you say to me, come here, you big titted animal. That's literally what you say to me when you want to make marital love to me. Come here, you big titted animal, and then you fart on me all the time. You piss on me in the shower and you think most women would be like, no, not like absolutely. Put the brakes on this. Absolutely not. Call your friends you went to college with and tell them to pitch the sketch to me that you pitched to me the other day what you suggested.


Yeah. They would be like, you need you need a medical assistance. You need to see a doctor. Something's wrong with you, OK?


I promise you. And ask which wives put up with calling them big titted animals and and demeaning.


I'll have you know, I think a lot of ladies out there would be like, well, our listeners, exactly what I'm looking for.


That's because our listeners are just as troubled as I am.


I'm talking like regular normal women. No way. No way. No way. No way. What I think they would think that I'm charming and playful and sweet, OK?


Because I'm saying it while I'm being sweet, you know, maybe that's why it passes. Yeah, but then I was saying that you to tolerate a lot of my disgusting habits because every boyfriend before you was not cool with my farts.


I'm there now. I'm there now. I'm totally there now. Now I see what they were looking at. You're so nasty. You fart all day. All you do is fart, you talk about farts you shit and talk about shit. I'm over it. I'm good.


Stop it. You're so nasty. You're saying you're over it.


Is this the end of the road with us.


Yeah. No, you're not going to make me be a lady, are you? I think it's time. You know, you can't do this to me. Yeah, are you being serious? I want you to be very lady like go fuck yourself.


That wasn't a good start. It's not a good start. I asked you for ladylike behavior and you told me to go fuck myself. Yeah, that's right. That's not nice, babe.


I can't. Could you realize how much I had to stop being myself when I was with those guys, though? They did not let me fire and stuff, yeah, like about my shirts, I hated it, I can I'm with them. I'm on their side. But you know why you tolerate it, because you have two pig sisters and pig cousins and there's a lot of girls in your family that are pigs and savages, you're used to it.


True. Because ultimately, I think women are bigger pigs, like, yeah, the big you know, the the mainstream media will have you believe that men are pigs, but if you go on a cute site, you'll find out that it's actually women.


You saying, as you guys know, I'm hitting the road again. And my favorite part about traveling is time on an airplane to play best fiends. Yeah, because I don't need to be connected to the Internet. It's on my phone.


I open it up and I am into the world that I love so much of my little slug's and the sound and it's so silly.


And I like the level of like play. It's not so hard that I'm like, oh God, I can't do this because usually I'm tired when I'm traveling. So it's just like hard enough to keep me going, but not annoying.


And also they change it. There's more levels, events and challenges added all the time. So when you want just one more level, it'll be there ready and waiting. It's a great way to distress. And there's over 100 million downloads. It's a five star rated mobile puzzle game.


It is a must play. Seriously, once you downloaded breastfeeds, boredom won't stand a chance. So here's what you're going to do. Download Best Fiend free today on the Apple App Store or Google Play.


That's friends without the R Best fans.


This episode of your mom's house is brought to you by Brooklyn, and some mornings you wake up feeling ready to just kind of pull the covers back over your head and go back to sleep. No judgment, of course. Let's make having the most comfortable sheets the reason why don't love your sheets Brooklyn and has you covered so Brooklyn. It was started by Rich and Vicky, who also tried to find beautiful home essentials that didn't cost an arm and a leg.


And when they couldn't, they found in Brooklyn as the first direct to consumer bedding company. They worked directly with manufacturers to make luxury available directly to you without the luxury level markup. So that's what I'm talking about. They have over fifty thousand five star reviews and counting. It's twenty twenty one. Do something nice for yourself to start the New Year. To help you do that, Brooklyn has a special offer. Go to Brooklyn and Dotcom. Use the promo code mom to get twenty five dollars off when you spend one hundred dollars or more plus free shipping.


That's B-R. OK, Elai and end dotcom.


Enter promo code mom to get twenty five dollars off when you spend one hundred dollars or more plus free shipping Brooklyn and dotcom and use promo code mom at checkout.


The challenge worn by Steve Imitrex. A lot of people saying these days that I say one incorrectly, like they say I should be seeing one. I think it's one. They say one. How about that? Who is that? That's Ariel Juani, the big May journalist. Oh, wow. Yeah, guy does.


He interviews all the big fighters and everybody in, you know, notable in May. And he's on my side, Juan.


One, yeah, one, one one. So now I was working on converting to the one side and now I'm going back to one I like one I won.


Mm hmm. I believe one swastika swastika is definitely correct, one definitely correct.


Um, native, what's the, uh, my supposed to open this? Um, yeah.


So I you know, it's just been such a such a rough and tumble year. Mm hmm. You know, it's been hard on all of us. I think we're all real thankful that things have been going as well as they have over here. And, you know, what I wanted to do was show a little appreciation. And first, I'd like to ask you if the name Whorey Cassius means anything to you. Or hey, Cassius, yeah, maybe if you play before you open that, maybe if you play the video that's in that folder that says gift.


Maybe it'll remind you who whorey is. Oh, Jesus. And this is head that's the head injury, yeah, this is his head.


And if you remember, he was the CEO of a company. Yes. That made tequila.


Yes, I remember that. So as a thank you to you guys, I want to get you guys a bottle of some of his top notch tequila. Oh, thank you.


Really. I have, um. I don't want to see him die again. That's surprising to hear really.


For the alcohol. Yeah. I hope I will be pushing past my inability to smell and taste to drink this. All right. That's probably really cool. Sounds good on audio. Everyone listening right now. Thank you for opening that on the air.


Um, OK, I'm getting there. It's really, really wrapped, mm. All right, thank you, Native. It's really nice meeting you. Yeah, no problem. You know, guys, you guys are really good bosses and that's just really nice.


Also, I'm so proud of you, should we do a big lie, a major debut? Oh, that's lovely. What brand is this called? It's called Galindo. I mean, darling, thank you.


I love to Krispy Kreme. Rest in peace. Uh, George wasn't George Cassius.


So rest in peace or.


Hey, uh, before we get into dates, I would love to give Nadav proper credit should we debut his new chompers. Course, I am so excited for you.


This is big. Yeah. The dog. He did it. He did do it. Tell us about the experience.


Yeah, it's been a it's been a long time in the making. Well, I mean, yeah. I mean, I was trying to I actually tried to get my teeth whitened, like, right when coronavirus started.


Yeah. And then, you know, uh, a whole bunch of shit got in the way and closed down and I couldn't really do it anymore. Yeah. And then, uh, in December when we had, like, stuff on the couch, the number one comment I heard was like, Jesus Christ, Nadaf, your teeth are fucking disgusting.


I was like, all right. Well, you know, well, let's do something about it. So, yeah, this are human.


You know, a lot of people don't go, let's do something about it. Well, yeah, I mean, like don't get me wrong, I love flogging myself. Yeah, it's just like, oh yeah, well, this is good. And I'm like, you're a piece of shit. And, you know, it all helps me, you know. Yes.


Oh, and people wonder why celebrities go nuts with the facial stuff, with surgeries.


It's because you constantly get that kind of feedback and you're always looking at yourself and it's really easy to go down a rabbit hole. But this was such a needed thing for you. Look at those chompers. They look beautiful. You've got really nice teeth. And they were just buried under shades of yellow and now they're so much nicer.


Yeah, they're a lot nicer. It's I got it all done in one session.


You feel like you're going to go revisit, um, get a wider.


Yeah, I'm not letting this get away from me again. Like I'm going back to go get some TREIS which is I mean I think that's kind of bullshit. I didn't realize that getting new teeth whitening came with homework, so I'm a little bummed about that.


But it's like, yeah, I got it.


I got to keep this up. You know, I don't I don't want to get the yellow teeth comment again. Yeah. Good for you, man.


Good for you. Thank you. So last week we played for you this cool video. Hey, Natalia, it's Elliot, so I finally got my video, see you up and running, I couldn't help myself. I wanted to shoot this video to invite you to carry out this Wednesday at seven p.m. we could do six or eight depending on the schedule. But my sales are pretty tight and I'm not bartending. I'm shooting videos like this outreach and Debtors' get on the town, selling them, taking care of their ads, all that stuff.


So it's intense.


So embarrassing. I feel so bad for him. I really like you. And I like him. I like it. I really like this.


Hey, Christina, it's Elliot. So I finally got my video studio up and running. I couldn't help myself. I wanted to shoot this video and invite you to Disneyland this Wednesday at seven pm for Jedi training camp. Listen, man, I could do six forty five or seven fifteen depending on the schedule. But, uh, you know, my schedule's pretty tight and I'm not bartending. I'm shooting videos like this outreach to the dentist, get them on the phone, taking care of their ads.


Part time yoga instructor, self-defense guru.


So look, brother Disneyland. Awesome spot in Anaheim. You've obviously never heard of it. It is literally the best kept hidden gem secret in the city. But I mean, you've got to go just your own self education about what is awesome in the O.C..


Oh, my God, this is amazing. Obviously, I'm attracted to you. You're attracted to me. You're obviously a smart girl because you're attracted to me. We're obviously two catches that, you know, actually came together. And I think we should definitely hang out. Mister, let's not let ourselves be too busy on break because I know I'll probably get super busy. You'll probably get super busy there, Mr. Guy, because whilst beauty is very common, you moraines think what slobbers is not.


Oh, simply telling stories of changing lives. Oh, look at me. I got a green screen so. Yeah, man, let's chill.


The conversation greenlights. I like that CFL texting back if you're interested by. Oh, Balance will say bye. Anthony, what is it, Miss Yono his ideas how to Anthony. Anthony that was really funny, really funny.


And he kept calling her mister you. Well, you know, I mean.


Yeah, Mr. Feller, that is brilliant. Oh, right.


And he got the same exact background. Yeah, it's great, Eliot. That's great. Which means it's a stock of course, back on screen.


Yeah. Oh man. Like default back. That was so good. It's great.


Really funny stuff with you man.


Yeah. Yes. Oh my God. Oh I'm so on the 20th Mr.. On Inauguration Day. Yeah.


Happen to open my Instagram. Oh yeah. And I was tagged like I had just put out a special me two ninety nine. I was like what. And all these store. And it was like hundreds of stories. Right.


And it was all of you. Yeah. Notifying me that Garth was singing at the inauguration. It really was.


I thought for a minute that I had insulted somebody and I was going, I gone viral in a bad way. You know, when you get notified that you're like, oh, what did I say? And then I go. And then I was like, Oh, it's just Garth. They're just shitting on Garth. I know.


Thank God it was a relief. I was like, what happened here? Yeah. Before he did the inauguration song where he sang Amazing Grace. I believe he he did. And he did pre inauguration interview about it. You know, here's some of the stuff from that.


I think she said it best. Unity loving one another man. That's that's kind of what you spent your time doing.


And as a singer, that's what you get to sing about.


So this is a great day in our household. This is not a political statement. This is a statement of unity.


He had to say that over and over and over again because his fans were like, why are you singing at the stolen inauguration?


And if you went to his page that day, there was it was the first time you saw even more people. Like usually it's just why I made comments and it was people that were like, I'm done with you.


You lost the fan fallot, like because he was singing at the inauguration of the still wild election.


This is kind of how I get to serve this country. Right. Our father served as a United States Marine and the Korean War. I had brothers who served in the Air Force of the Army.


This is my chance to get served.


You know what it is, Tom? I think it's that he has to be so deeply connected to every statement he makes.


He can't just be like, yeah, I just want to perform it, you know, at the inauguration. And he's like, my daddy, my brother, my uncle died and Nagasaki, but really nobody.


What are you doing just to fucking sing the song and shut up? That's your job, because he's deeper than that.


Oh, that was disturbing. It was sad. I try to remember that we are the human race. Yeah. So I've seen the best way to find sunny sides in there. This is a longer conversation, but between me and you, Jimi. But the fact that we do make choices very much on the spur of the moment, ideal in music, ideal in raw emotion.


Right. That's what it is. It's because he's one of us right now. People we're talking about, he's got some great hair plugs, apparently. Oh, so lovely. So on the left. On the left, he might just have the sprinkle juice in there because they'll you know, that looks kind of like. Yeah, like. Yeah.


So this happened to me the first times, like, I don't know, six, seven years ago I was like a TV show or something I was doing. They're like, oh you want us to. And it's, it's like, like a pepper shaker. And like when you're like, now I'm bald here, but when it was like thinning and you still have darker hair, they just put it in. It's like a pepper shaker and it fills in the gaps, you know, so you can see him on the right there.


Twenty sixteen, so it's either you got some fresh pepper or or he's had the hair restoration, which, you know, they do a great job now. Well, like people's hair restoration, I've seen amazing.


Look at Elon Musk, Elon. His hair looks amazing. Brian Urlacher, Deon, like they have incredible hair.


So there he is. Oh, it's a little dark. I wouldn't know. That's before you. Oh, sorry. OK, it's still too dark.


Whoever did it there, it's real thin because the beard is super light.


You got to match the beard a bit if you're going to cheat up top.


Oh, oh, it's at the inauguration. He's got a lot of you know what he looks like member. Was it a baseball games? People would wear those obnoxious wigs, remember, with like the the visor like a hat piece with the hair.


Yeah. Spiky hair. Looks a little like that. Yeah. Noxious makeup.


Oh that is that's really awful. I'm not sure.


Yeah. That's what it looks like. It does kind of look like that. I'm not so sure what I wonder if I should hit him up like through back channels to find out who did his hair because we have a similar build and a similar face and similar hair.


Why not. Yeah, she and I got the same Harrison Skagen jeans to hit him up.


But do you like how it looks like? I'm trying to. Here's the thing. Instinctively, I don't think it looks great. Really.


Yeah, I'm because if you look at like Elon Musk's hair, it looks really good compared to what he looked like before that is that you can't even detect.


I wonder who did his you look at him before and after. He looks awesome now. That's amazing. He lost his hair prematurely. It looks like he was very young.


Let's just say how where where he did his. Hmm, let me go I click that link right there that looks great. How he did it. Yeah. So let's see Elon Musk, extraordinary accomplishments, let's see his. Balding Scott. OK, Elaine used to change his hair. OK, scroll down. Wow. Yeah. OK. I'm wondering. I think it was just a speculation. What kind of deal on you OK? The big question has to do with what exactly to bring that back.


Like many magnets on the to bring us to the analysis, hair loss medication. OK, so is Finasteride and Meningie Knox hair transplant. It's got to be it's got to be a transport. Yeah, there's no way. Hair plugs.


No, I heard talking about like and I don't know who he referred to in it, but the owner of the seventy Sixers. He was in did an interview that I saw and he was talking about all kinds of stuff, and then they mentioned his. Sorry, is it not the 70s, not the guy below there with McMeel right there, that dude. What do we what's his name? Mike. Yeah, Mike Rubin. Yeah, that's him.


So do his name hair. Where's the song?


I know he's so fucking terrible. Like, there's so much dead air. It's, like, painful. We're Zolo let Zolo Feigen look, he's younger. This dude was on. Yeah, see, he was on an interview show. Oh, he's bald there. Right. And now he has that that looks better.


Yeah. Yeah, that looks much better. So that's kind of what that looks like. That's what Garth went for.


But he he said that in this interview that he was like, oh, I saw the guy. Everybody seemed like the best guy. Oh, there's a there's a guy. Yeah. I think he said it was a guy in Chicago. Yeah, and Deon's is crazy to Deon Sanders, he. You'll see it here he was I mean, he was just he rocked the full big bald head and now he has a full fucking head of hair.


Wow, look at that. That looks great, too. God, it's such a difference, isn't it?


That's bananas. Yeah. I would want to hit up his guy, but I'd be like, uh, do you do white hair? You know, I don't know if it's just four black guys.


There's Urlacher right there.


He's got a full head of hair now, too. Looks good. Look, what if I just show up on an episode here with, like, a full hat headed?


Try it. Try it out. Yeah, try it out, OK.


I mean, look, you've got the resources. You may as well. If you do, you have the will, though it's probably intensive. You've always been kind of like I just shave it.


I don't care. I am I know I'm kind of that's what I kind of feel like. Unless you really are motivated, it's going to take sessions, lots of sessions.


I need to talk to one of them about it. You talk to Garth, she won't get on the phone with me, but I think I can get one or two football players to try it out. Yeah. So what do you think of Garth's hair? Um, yeah, I think I mean, first of all, you know, same thing. He's got the time. He's got the resources like he did. Uh, what made him feel good.


So, you know, what he's doing too is the fat guy beard trim. Yeah. He's cutting it right there where the chin should be.


Yeah. It's a tough move. You got to go lower. Right. Yeah, also, there's no excuse if you're that wealthy. I know I get it together.


I know, you know, because, like, I understand he's got to maintain the everyman. Persona. Yeah, but you can also just clean yourself up and have the right people doing your hair, you know?


Yeah, well, I just mean, like, you know, why why isn't there just like a nutritionist that lives on and he's got the hot dog Mac to, as he puts it?


I'm saying he's got the fat roll. Spend the money on the back of the spend the money to spend the money.


I get the trainer and the trainer over there. The chef. What's the problem? Yeah, it's time. Where why are you drawing a fucking beard on?


I don't know. I think he looks better natural. I'm not digging the dark hair on top. I'm just not. I don't like it. I don't know.


I just feel like if you thin out, you just got to keep it short like mine.


Yeah, I know. I think. But you're lucky you have a handsome face and head like you look great. Mm hmm. You look great. Thank you. But this I don't know, um. OK, so here's another one I want to ask you finally came around, I wasn't expecting this, but you came around and told me the other day that you like murder now.


Yes, this is a huge revelation because for many years I've been avoiding the dark side of humanity, that darkness, because I'm afraid someone's going to hurt me if I listen to those things. But then I listen to this podcast, the apology line. Yeah, I am hooked because it goes into the darkness of, um, of people that commit bad crimes and stuff.


I started listening to it and it's it's captivating. Oh, the apology line podcast.


Pretty. I wonder why. Um, so. I guess it was the 80s, yeah, yeah, started in the 80s, like really early 80s, this guy set up, put up flyers and started the apology line, which was a way for people in New York because it was just like in the city could see this flyer and you could essentially confess your crime or whatever you want.


You can apologize for whatever anything.


I wronged this person. I stole something. I, I, you know, I, I mistreated somebody like whatever you want. And then it would be you. They asked you not to leave identifying characteristics like don't say your name right. Don't be too clear about who you are because this will be publicly played. But it was just like this cathartic experience of saying, I'm sorry, getting it out there. And this thing became wildly popular.


Well, it became really popular. And there's a bunch of ramifications to putting up something like that. You might hear things you don't want to hear that the police might have to get involved in.


And he was like, I'm not going to. Call the police, so but it will be public replay, right, stuff like that, and then you also find out how it affected him, hearing these people confess things and what his role becomes as this line evolves and changes. I'm not going to give away too much, but it's a captivating was one point. He gets really engaged with a man who says he's really killing people. And I start when you start to really listen to how these guys think, it becomes an interesting psychology experiment.


I'm always interested in humans. Yeah. And when you get to really the reason I don't like those TV shows is because it's just the gratuitous stuff of like and then he kills three bodies and then there's like the bloody photo. But I want to hear why they think like that. What's wrong with them? I'm I always I'm always like, why, why? Why? I want to know why. Yeah.


So their shows like that where they get to the whys of it and they want to hear the killer talking. That's like the Night Stalker. Oh man, that was really scary. That jagoff that knucklehead was absolute. Yeah.


But I don't like stirring the pot.


I don't want to know the actual killings like the killings are pretty brutal. Yikes.


But now I'm into the dark side of the force.


So what shows are we going to be watching?


Got a lot of things ready for you, but what can we what can we watch that it profiles the the mind of the killer? I have one for you. Yeah. Yeah, OK. I like that stuff. No, I'm into the mine. I got a good one for you. Like what makes people that dark. It's so fucking crazy. Just looking for fun.


Like for fun.


Trying to have fun at times parties. Yeah. Uh anyway speaking of darkness and interesting things in the human psyche, we got some feedback from the paramedic from the last episode who sells her panties. We asked her to write them.


Thank you so much from this is her name is Candy.


So if you recall, uh, this paramedic was selling her panties. Yes. OK, Dick's hard again. Yep.


In April, my hours were cut due to covid because people were so terrified of catching it. They stopped calling us for minor things that they shouldn't be calling an ambulance for anyway. I needed a side hustle, so I Googled how to make extra money online. I came across an article about selling panties and decided to make an account on one of the many panty selling sites. You pay a monthly fee to set up an online shop using their platform. If you sell one pair, the membership has paid for itself.


I didn't realize how common it is for men to want these used WAP panties.


I also started selling facemasks.


Slap a face mask between your legs for a few hours and you've got a very happy, perverted man somewhere, my God, who is smelling or who are all day and only you and him know.


So you put a face mask on that, I'm assuming, like the kind that you peel, you know, that women are always putting on you and then it takes like a mold.


No, it's just talking about the mess that we're all wearing. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you meant a face mask, like a college and one. I'm like, oh, that's interesting. I didn't know would peel off perfectly in the smell. Oh, he's sniffing as he's walking around with his mask, he's sniffing your box. Let's do that. That is wild. That is wild, and that's a whole other business I should be doing.


I have also fulfilled requests for the following. OK, are you guys ready? This is what else you can buy online from Candy, the paramedic. Here we go. Let's hear it. You're in salt.


Oh, my God.


Oh, you're in. Sold by the ounce. Saliva sold by the ounce, female ejaculate, feces.


That's just money in the bank used pillowcase. I mean, easy socks, of course, sweaty workout clothing, their heart and bras.


Now, the workout clothing, I suspect, is a premium because Lululemon pants are very expensive. Yeah, maybe she doesn't give them those. It's the the target.


The target. But I have yeah. The not Weiping thing comes last if you're smart. Who if you're smart. She writes in parentheses, if they want skidmarks or no wipe after peeing. I do that right before I take them off and vacuum seal them, vacuum seal them.


I love that I make forty k sorry I made forty K in twenty twenty on this alone. My husband thinks it's funny, weird, gross. All of the things a normal rational human being would feel about this particular line of kinks. I'll send you something for your bookshelf. Unopened of course, but I'm not going to send anything without your consent. Love from Nashville. That's OK Candy. We don't need a sample. We believe.


I believe you. Thank you, Candy. I think her husband thought it was funny and weird and then he was like that. Forty ks pretty.


That's pretty good money. My pocket. Keep that.


Keep sending those panties out. You want to read this one, ok. Fascinating kinks I've seen as an OK.


Hi, Christina and Ted, I was listening to your most recent episode and wanted to share my favorite and weirdest kink request I've had as a creator on only fans. Giant is king.


This is a I get about two of these a month, but people request videos or pictures where I look like a giant thorn on the ground, me standing over it, they want me to talk about how tiny, pathetic they are and user requests that look like I'm stepping on them. The Sneezing King. I've only had one request, multiple sneezing videos from me. They literally just get off on sneezes. I just sniff pepper for a few minutes and sneeze and as many times as I can.


Oh, wow.


Touching easy. This is all easy. Money, girls. Chastity King. This is usually requests for videos pretending I found a key to a man's chastity cage. Then I proceed to tease them about how I won't unlock it, even though I know they want me to decorates.


This one isn't the weirdest, but it is one hundred percent the most popular among only fans group creators. I get like ten of these a day guys.


You send a dick pic and ask you to rate their dick. Sometimes it turns into small penis humiliation session, etc.. And this last one is a one time request. A friend of mine, God still kills me to this day. The person requested that she give him a list of foods and he would eat that. He would get those foods, shove them up his ass, take them out and then eat them. He wanted to record that and then have her record a video of her watching it.


Hmm. Love the show more than any other crazy kink that come my way to expand your knowledge. Sincerely a queen over eighteen.


I mean, if this isn't money left on the table.


Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I don't wanna hear anybody complaining that the job situation isn't good.


Unemployment says who. You ladies are just lazy at this point. I mean, I've told you many times, you know, stop sitting around and start hustling. You know, you have a box.


At the very least, you got an asshole. You got a pair of tits. I used pillowcase.


I mean, that's like not even we could be selling cars right now. Yeah, I like that.


You're like, we need to get on this, too. Yeah. Yeah. Sock's I got a ton of those. Not a big deal because those are harder to come by. You know, a good bra. I don't want to part with a good bra.


I hear you right. Saliva.


No, I got a lot of that once that urine just put a mask down on your couch for a couple of hours.


Vacuum seal it. That's what I'm talking about. Thirty bucks, boom.


That is so easy to do. Yeah. You get those that box of like, you know, a hundred. Some of the ones like the sterile ones. Yeah. You start walking around with like stuff like six of those in your crotch go for a run.


Does that make you wonder how many guys right now are walking around in masks that have crotch checks on them now? I am, yeah. How many dirtbags out there.


He's got to look at the mask and look at their crotch would be like, oh, your dick's hard.


You got to put the mask on and oh man, that is great. So now this also email came in. I think you should read it because it's your line of reasoning here.


Oh, Crystal's date with the King. OK, hailers Kristine's apprehension to go on a date with the king is completely awkward.


This is the potential for possibly the greatest content ever and she's just going to piss it away, not even sell those piso panties. It is incredibly hypocritical for Crystal to call herself, write or die, but then get all wishy washy when the king wants to take her out. Yet another case of stolen valor. Oh, how can she stand next to a true writer? Dilek Sweet, sweet Josh Potter, who literally went into the lion's den.


I got the full frontal AAPC treatment and through the obvious agony of pickup's also the case of the DAV, everyone's favorite Jay, who at your request shaved his head and looked completely talked for months. So I say either let the king take you to a nice dinner, most likely at the Olive Garden adjacent to the Ohio Park, or be stamped the Stolen Valor champ for all of eternity. Piss on me. Beat me. You're huge fan, John. Well, John, listen, I agree that we've all made sacrifices for this show, not of shaving his head, whitening his teeth, potter going to our parks, then Dr.


Drew going to our parks, then. Absolutely.


You writing that cool injury just for the video.


For show. Just to do a show. Josh Solo, who goes through all the shit and dorking of inner parts and. He makes a strong point. I accept your date. And I look forward to our time in Ohio, I think that's where he lives, right? Yeah, I will come to you because I don't think you should come out here because you work hard, play hard, covid live like three, six, five.


That's what you're doing right now.


King, I would love to go out to dinner with you. Treat me like the queen. I am. I want to know what we're going to do, though. Can you give me an itinerary and idea of how you're going to treat me like a lady beforehand before I really commit?


You guys got no one like I married. But King, I have to warn you, I'm married. Woman I don't cheat on my husband. So but like, it's cool if you want to. Second base is cool. What second base is that. Boobs because he likes to obes.


Yeah, babe, you would let me show him, show him, let them play with them, no tongue.




Anyway, King, I do want to go on a date with you, so let's hook it up.


Suck it dry. OK, you can't take it easy, fuckheads. All right, so she'll see you soon. And yeah, we got we've got to make the arrangements. We have to make the arrangements. I like to wait until it stops snowing in Ohio before I go. Yeah. So let's, you know, April. Yeah. Before we go here, this is pretty exciting on the wrestling, you know, uh, show the A.W. show that the Cody Rhodes wrestles on.


Yes, he does. The Go big show where they fucked up Burt's name twice last week. Yeah, they tried to get it right this week. No go.


Big show Thursday night on CBS. Cody Rose, of course, Snoop Dogg, Jennifer Nettles, Rosario Dawson and Christina. No prisoner.


So now there's Burchard Krischer for prisoner three, three times for Kershaw, Bert, Curser, Pricer, Bruce, Krishna, Krishna, Krishna, Krishna is my favorite.


Yeah, that's a good one. Bruce Krishna would be a good stage. Yeah. Bruce Krishna. Yeah. Yeah, it's pretty cool. Yeah.


He's upset about that. Right. Don't you bring this up on Tuba's. Yeah. It's pretty exciting he. Does he really get upset? No, no, I think he realized that that you just have to accept it and roll with it. Yeah, because there's no point in getting upset.


Well, all right. Let's take a break and we'll be back in a moment.


Let me tell you, I'm a mother of two little boys, and I got this guy right here to feed.


And I can always go to the store, which is why I love Boutcher box. It is delicious. High quality meat delivered right to your front door. You put that meat in the freezer and that way there is always something to cook in the house. You know what I do? I do Sunday treats at our house. Right. Jeans and you love it. Why? I got the butcher box. It is five one rack of St. Louis ribs, one pack of bacon and one pack of pulled pork for free.


And your first box. It is meat that is free of antibiotics and added hormones.


Each box has nine to 11 pounds of meat, enough for 24 individual meals options like 100 percent grass fed and finished beef free range, organic chicken heritage pork and wild Alaskan salmon. It is so good, you guys. Right now you can get a free rack of St. Louis ribs, one pack of bacon and one pack of pulled pork in your first box. That's one rack of St. Louis ribs, one pack of bacon and one pack of pulled pork for free.


In the first box, go to butcher box, dot com slash momma. That's butcher box dot coms.


Mom, even in the new year, it's hard to start a new routine. But if you're one of the 34 percent of Americans who made a resolution to be less stressed, Headspace is here to help.


Headspace is your daily dose of mindfulness in the form of guided meditation. In an easy to use app, HEADSPACES is one of the only meditation apps advancing the field of mindfulness and meditation through clinically validated research.


I mean, that's what I'm talking about.


You know, like it's like a mood boosting workout.


You check out Headspace just thirty days of headspace, lower stress by thirty two percent and just four sessions can reduce burnout by fourteen percent. Check out the wake up daily original content intended to inspire your day. From the moment you wake up, you deserve to feel happier. And Headspace is meditation made simple. Go to Headspace Dotcom Mom. That's Headspace Dotcom slash mom for a free one month trial with access to Headspaces full library of meditations for every situation.


This is the best deal offered right now. Head to Headspace Dotcom Mom today.


Hi Jeans. You're back. We're here. We're queer. Get used to us with us. Today is one of my favorite people.


She has such an impressive resume. You might have seen her on the movie Julia and Julia, which I love.


The Legally Blonde two sweet home Alabama. You might know from such iconic programs as 2004. Hello, Mr. Show. The Larry Sanders Show.


Marilyn Rice ever. Oh, my goodness. You what an impressive presence I know that is.


Yeah, it is an impressive you can't clap because you're too impressed. No, that is exactly right. Yeah.


I didn't break my hand, I broke my arm and now my hand doesn't work out.


So good to see you. But what are you working on this. Where are you at with it. Yeah I can do like that kind of stuff, you know, but I can't my extenders don't work all the way.


Yeah. Yeah. OK, so interesting. We do my credits and then you make it about.


I didn't make it. I mean what a victim you are. Can I have a moment.


Sorry. Can I have a moment here. Do you have a standup special coming out. Could you look down a little bit more.


It's when you say that it's going to be find a speck of dust on the floor every second channel that energy. Mary Nice nightclub's new standup special.


What's it called? It's called Live at the Pandemic. Yes, Garah. It was filmed in your garage. It was filmed in my garage.


That's bold. Thank you. That is built multiple cameras. And by Bill, do you mean no.


Crazy that. Yeah, but I mean, there is no no, that's not what I mean.


I think it's actually a very it's a risky creative choice. That's what I mean. Thank you. I think it's exciting when people do stuff like this.


It is exciting. I have to tell you, I am excited about it.


You should I it's like half foundational stand by pieces, you know, that I can count on. And then with the real stuff that just happened to me, like about my neighbor in the pandemic, my dating pandemic toxic side is let's talk about that.


How great is it to be dating? Is it dating what it's all about?


Well, because I've been telling time, like, what am I going to do when he dies and I'm going to move to the villages in Florida? Yeah, but tell me what so how long were you married for?


Almost 10 years, wow, my divorce started when my husband left me. He was so quiet that I didn't notice that he left and then I'm so spaced out, I forgot that I'm the one that told him to get the F out. And it took me a while to notice. I just kept passing the bathroom and I was like, something's different. And then I realized one of the electric toothbrushes was gone and he was just gone. That was him.


Yeah. Yeah, that was him. That's while I mean, almost 10 years. That's a good run.


Yes. Yes. No, I'm very proud of us because we didn't know each other very well when we got married. So we did a good job. Yeah. You have a kid and.


But do you recommend Datings where it's that it's awesome.


It is so cool and it's nothing but good things out there. It's so freakin cool. Tell me, first of all, I went on someone talked me into, of course, going on right now.


That's a celebrity as we have to be like, verify, can I do the IRA or is I can the times the girl who had to run, who had to verify that you really Marilyn Rice and like, you know, I mean, oh my God, does that work?


Let me tell you how long it took for them to get back to me. Oh, that's insulting. I'm sorry.


What's like no one insulting. No. To like I'm in a tender position. Yeah. I'm about to start yelling like you. You're going to make me wait to see if you can let me pay you to help you find. Help me.


Yeah. It's all so rude. Yeah. Well how long do they make you wait.


It was I want to say it was a couple months ago.


They're like we're reviewing your what do you submit when you're trying to get on. Like what do you have to do? Well, first of all, my photos were really sad, even though I'm an international superstar.


I just took the shots in my kitchen, you know, with the same shirt, like this androgynous like because. Forty nine year old. Yeah. Just like from the window.


Not the sexy character. It like whenever you say thank you, Christiane. Neither of which is why I get along with you. I think you do better is like quirky best friend. So what is, what's your sex.


You don't have sexiness. Just in case you forget, Christine is here to remind you never feel sexy because you're not well thing.


You don't lead with that. That's not your limo. And also, how do you survive without her? I'm jumping around, but it's all under the same umbrella like me in the nineties. I don't know how to like I don't know how to meet people, you know what I mean?


Like, I had a backpack on. It's like books I'll never read. Like, what's up with you? You want to be like not even in the club, just in the alley, like you want to be DJ.


And then my boyfriend girlfriend like, yeah, that's how I rolled it out with the gentleman.


I don't get old, you know, I'm like, I got Ayn Rand in my head.


I got some David Foster Wallace I'll never read, but I feel like guys in Ali's back then. I had a lot of boyfriends, I don't feel bad for me, I didn't know that I always got the men's relay. Yes, I believe that.


How many kinds of comedians know that? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah. You're like you weren't counting that.


Well, comedians or. Yeah, I don't count male comics because they're not people. Yeah. Hello.


They're just weirdos for global issues anyway.


Yeah. Because so. So what's your game. So you're on Rhia and you're now did you change your profile pic so that it's OK.


I got off there because I couldn't and other people, they put music to it.


No, they're their photos are gorgeous. They're just I'm like, I can't.


But you already know these fools are because theoretically it's all famous people. So, like, if it's Jennifer, here's the other thing.


You know, she's pretty like, I don't know, they put you through, like cycles. You can't just keep looking. They'll cut you off. They say, we want you to enjoy our community or we want you to invest.


You know what I mean? Another word.


We want you to take your time so you can seek, like search or whatever. Right. They go, you know, take this grouping and see what you have to put a shout out, send them a rocket, say hello. Are you seeing nothing but people you recognize, like when you're on?


Well, that's what I was going to say, is like the first couple of rounds. I'm like, come on, let's get to the real reason why we're here.


And then they wait until the. Third or fourth round, and then they roll it out and it's like Owen Wilson. Well, like I know, right?


But I like any chick on there, can message him, though, like, is this like Alcoholics Anonymous? I'm not allowed. I'd like to write going to come back and be like, you signed our thing. I can't.


Anyone messages like Owen Wilson if you're on there.


Yeah, but they're not going to message you back. And then it's right. Who's the guy from friends was on their chanler. Matthew Perry.


Yes. Matthew Perry on their.


Now, it's exciting, huh? Wow, you want to get on? Are you OK? Oh, you got it. Not my thing.


So is it would you would you hit up Perry and give him a beat?


You're like, what's you know, I mean, our own. She doesn't like if I could find him in the 90s in the alley. Oh yeah. Right now they click on this and they're like, who's that lady trying to act like?


She's indifferent, like people have.


They're on a mountain. They're there at events. Why don't you just change your bio? I'll blow you in the alley.


That's right. I should have talked to you sooner. I could have gone a whole different way for me.


Let me take over your profile just for a day, ok?


OK. That's a deal that would be worth the forty bucks. So now hold on. Is it one of those sites where the woman has to initiate contact, you think, in a bubble.


Oh, that's where the girl has to say hi first or call anybody initiate.


I think either one can say hi. Yeah, because that's why I got off, because nobody said hi to me.


I had one guy, I had one guy that's not really super famous.


He was actually really cute and really nice. But he's in I.T. I had one phone conversation with him.


I know right away it comes in and he talked.


It was refreshing because he talked and he was friendly and self-aware.


But like, I couldn't it was like too much information.


You know, he he told you too much about his past or was he to download, like. Yeah, to my my my childhood that.


No, it was just. Just too much too many words, too fast, too fast, and I was like, slow down, man. I'm just like, yeah, I need a musician or someone, you know, like, let's let's find a vibe.


Domun less available to share. Yes. Yeah. Someone less available.


You know, it reminds me, I got this guy on this screen here. I can't go from zero to. Oh, he's available. Oh, what do you think's going on?


Do you think he's just hungry or you think his debts are honestly the very first seconds I thought he was slow and that it was self soothing.


Yeah. And then at the four or five second mark, it became sex. You all. Yeah.


Who's filming him? Just a cool, lucky person who's cool friend.


His friend like me and Julie and Julia will be me and I used to be filming, you know, at this. So yeah we know we debated, we debated like there was a debate here about what's going on.


Like a couple of people like your friend Cristina here was like I think he just like dirt.


I thought he had Pytka, which was it's a disorder where you eat, you know, inanimate like plaster or soil, things of that nature. Yeah, right.


I think it's I mean, I guess if you're eating, I was going to say, why would you eat so about but why not just have a bowl in a subway.


Yeah. Why not have a bowl. I like soil. I'm having a breakfast.


He's going to Jay-Z as soon as he gets off the train. So that's why it's the that's the thing is I didn't put the sexual connection to this because it's it's a performative show, OFFIE. The performance debased, it's right here is he met you, like much like you and you were like, take this boot on the subway, eat it while you're on your way home, you know?


And then that's what's going on is pretty much. Would you be open to that? I have a no, I, I have a problem, which is two things.


One, I could almost see myself loving, just telling someone what to do really.


And then the other part of me is it kind of reminds me of one of my credits, reminds me of a character I played, Gail the Snail. Yes. It's someone on the cutting room floor. There was a scene where I was humping a pillow and the cameraman was behind me near my butt crack.


And he was like, can you pull your pants down a little to get a funny somewhat ass shot?


Because Gail is like she's looking for pot nubs in the carpet and she's humping a pillow and without hesitation because it was for comedy, I'm like, yeah, I'm humping that pillow.


But that was the closest in my mind. I got to like the beginning when you see him and it's just like that.


Yeah, kind of glazed over. Yeah. He's already walked into that the show. He's in a shame position.




It's like a show off shame because they know what's really interesting about you, because you're both a stand up comic and an actor is that you're really good at reading emotions. And like you just told the whole story, you know, I don't see all that.


I just see. Yeah, she just sees like like I like dirt. Yeah. It's really neat how you read all that. By the way, speaking of I don't know if you want to make some extra cash, but you can sell your panties online.


I do need some extra cash for forty dollars a pop or bad. I'm on camera. Why not just sell the panties.


Absolutely. Pantyhose. Yeah, that's a great idea. You can also sell your urine. Your saliva. No not the your.


Why was I like OK panties but urine. There's nothing you can do.


You know everybody has masks on. Sure. OK, you take a mask, you put it in your panties.


Oh you go for like a.. Match. Yeah, yeah.


You go for a jog, you get the saliva from up here and the juice down there for the first bag. Then a guy pays so that he can wear the mask that you had in your crotch. You know, this lady does.


The whole new world got a lot of modern world.


It's a lot of money, hashtag rich people problems. It's not connected.


But you can also sell your feces. You're used pillowcases, your socks, your sweaty workout clothing or your bras, just so you know, use pillowcases.


So innocent compared to feces, so easy.


It's easy money.


I mean, I don't know why you're being such squares about it. Just fucking sell some guy. Poor guy who wants to smell your pillowcase. What's wrong with that? I know. I know. Poor guy out there. I just want to smell your pillow. I'd let him.


The only problem is the workout clothes, because you and I both know how pricey those can get.


Yeah. And I don't want to part with them if I'm not making up charge.


Just up charge. It's a fucking seventy dollars pair of tights. It's fucking two hundred fifty dollars. Yeah. Yeah. OK, ok.


You can go buy another pair, you get the panty pack from you know like a haine. There you go.


Right now you're thinking I feel like you guys need to come around.


You're just being total square are you are pimp. What do you do. I'm just I am a business advisor. You're really. Really. Yeah. Did you go before it was a shift. Yeah, for sure.


Well, we like we found. Come on, do it. We found another video. That's pretty cool.


Oh yeah. Some people just cannot believe that I am who I am. Claiming, for example, that I disinfected a shoe before I fucking licked it. Well, here is the shoe I'm wearing.


I hope you can see that.


It's just unfortunately, I'm in a construction zone with a hello with hello bunch of workers next floor with cleaning supplies.


Hello. Oh, that was to them.


I thought it was to us and my shoes and walked through grease, mud, dirt, everything and sweaty sweat.


Come on laborers. You get to have more laces.


How much time you have. This is really different. I know. Yeah. I don't know why.


And you can see one of the shoe is not clean.


People, I'm John fucking McAfee, thank you.


Really, John McAfee? Yeah, I like how he did a slate at the end. Yeah, he did. Based in Los Angeles, Marilyn Wisecup, five six, based in Los Angeles.


No, hire me. Here's what's different about this. He did his own like the other guy in the subways.


Clearly, he's licking someone else's boot. You know, he's like, yeah, I'll lick my own fucking shoe that I disinfected. That's another layer through this place.


So what's going on here? You have the analysis. You know, do you know who John McAfee is? Pressures on, first of all.


Yes, you do. He is famous. Yes. In the bootlicking genre, you know. Mm. That's why he knows the suspense of that. Amazing. You know, he knows to show the world. He knows to say hello to other people.


This is John fucking McAfee.


Thank you. So but he also wants to be real. He wants to show you that right down.


You're you're totally aware of him though. Yes. Very fake. Did you know that. Oh, you know, like you can McAfee antivirus software and everything. Right. He is the third cousin and he is bitter here.


This is about him because there was a documentary made about him. And this is this part is about him right here.


This is my first time. I was ashamed, but then I got used to it. What did he have you do?


Sit on this hammock, the hammock as a whole. He put in a hammock and after that he lives on the hammock.


And he, uh, yeah, he would cut a little hole and he would sit there. That's when he used it. Or because he he wanted to have, like, got sick. And then I didn't agree with that. What is got sex and when you poop in someone, what they used to make you shit in his mouth like that?


She likes it that I have never done that before. And it was an experience for a man who puts his name under your belt and he asks you to shit in his mouth. And so.


It's pretty cool. So that's the guy that's the guy that they're talking about. That's John and John Doe, so famous and cool and he's on fire.


So that's why we wanted to talk to you. Oh, I should. I got out too soon. Hit him up.


Let me let me ask him. Can clean up the house. Absolutely. Let me let me put the scenario by you.


OK, you meet your dream guy. He's a musician in a band, whatever. He's mysterious yet still available. Doesn't talk too much. Doesn't talk too much. He cleans. He cooks healthy vegan meals.


Oh you like that. Yeah, that'd be great.


But his one thing is that every now and then he brings out the hammock and you got to sit in the hammock and take a freshie in his mouth. But that's it.


Otherwise everything is. Let's point something out here. You're not a fucking child, so don't be a baby about it.


I can take a dump in his mouth and it's over, you know, but then everything else is like he's a millionaire. He's how often does he want that?


Just once every three or four times a year for totally quarterly, reportedly. Right.


When he gets his numbers for his company. The earnings earnings report.


Yeah, it's time I got my earnings report. I got a great quarter.


You got a dump ready to go?


Yeah. And then you got to Brown in his mouth and that's it. Well, that puts a pressure on me to be more regular. Yeah. Than I am. You know, that's fair. I think that's a really fair actually. I got to get more greens in the diet. That's right.


I get you. But you'd fiber you would know when that quarterly report comes out so you could prepare, you grab some fiber crackers.


But what if it comes too soon? It happens to see what the brown the report.


Oh, well, you call them in a day early, OK? He'd be open to that. I think so.


OK, you're not going to like, you know, baby out of this thing, right?


Like, oh, that's dirty. Yeah. What's the big deal. Four times a year. Not a baby. I mean I got to go anyway. Exactly. Big up.


Yeah. I mean you're making someone so happy by just taking a dump in their mouth like.


Yeah, let's think about that.


I never think about that now you are. No, I don't think about that now. I am.


Yeah, that's me. Have you met any guys that have interesting proclivities? Oh, I thank you for saying that because I was going to say earlier before the Scott and the hammock and the poop hammock.


Oh, and the poop. Well, the girl before her was so adorable about it.


So sweet. But that's also creepy because it's it's like a dissociative sweetness was going to make it OK. She's laughing.


That's how I did it. Then I made a comment. It's true. Not a bad way to be. I did data guy with the foot and he did like it when my feet were dirty. Nice.


And I let him go for it. Yeah. Why not. That's that's harmless. It is harmless. And also it's fucking hot.


Honestly it feels good. The foot is since you all. Yeah.


I was surprised at how it's kind of like oh the back of your knee or somewhere that you discover is like more sensitive than you thought.


Yeah. And it was like good for you getting off down there very on your own.


Put that in your bio. I will put that on my Wikipedia. Yeah, for sure, yeah. Now we're talking about dating. Do you have a site that you like? Like Rhia? Sounds like it was not what you thought it would be or any of the other ones.


Good. I didn't I will not do it. I will not do it again. What, you say that now.


But what if you were to get an amazing dating message sent to you?


Oh, hey, Natalia, it's Elliot. So I finally got my video. See you up and running. I couldn't help myself. I wanted to shoot this video to invite you to carry this Wednesday at seven p.m.. We could do six or eight depending on the schedule. But my sales are pretty tight and I'm not bartending. I'm shooting videos like this outreach to the Debtors', get them on the phone, selling them, taking care of their ads, all that stuff.


So look, man Curio is one German village. You've obviously heard of it before. It is literally the best hidden kept gem in the city. I mean, you got to go just for your own self education of what's awesome in Columbus.


You know, I'm saying, OK, we're on we're going to need like a semester to get this right because this guy. Yeah, right. He's a goddamn mess. Do you want more? Why is he like. Obviously.


Oh, it's so good. When I look at you and I this Wednesday, SDM look, obviously I'm attracted to you. You're attracted to me. You're obviously a smart girl. You're obviously a dentist. You know, I'm a recovering attorney with the next year who's about to be a millionaire in the next 18 months building a digital marketing agency. Start bartending, WellStar.


Just Shakespearean. Oh, man. Let's not let our fucking busy schedules get out of this.


We are obviously two catches that have actually come together, and I think we should definitely hang out. Man, let's not let let's not let ourselves get busy because I know I'll probably get super busy. You'll probably get super busy and life will just take us to our next course. I don't want that to happen without us at least sitting down having a little chat.


OK, yeah. Just articulate, like in a confident way. Is he holding a vape pen? I wish he would vape at the end of it. And then it's appointer.


It's also at least he gets his green screen, you know, thing because while beauty is very common, beauty and brains is not.


And that's what always has intrigued me. And and sure enough, that's what's intrigued me about you. So, yeah, man, let's chill. Let's hang out. Let's have a conversation.


How shall we get time, you know, dude, text me back if you're interested.


By which I mean, why doesn't he just dig a grave? Because he just buried himself in my grave.


It's a lot. It's a lot. I but I actually feel really bad because. Yeah, I think this reminds me of other videos like this where we've watched them and you go like, oh, I like everybody. Everybody can have an instinct to say something.


And then usually the part of your brain that goes like, don't send that or don't.




Like you're excited, you're excited to and wondering if there were points where that was his weird attempt at humor or like was trying to be cool. He thinks he's like being easygoing.


And then I'll go global and say the world we live in, maybe videos like this, like he feels like that's what you have to do with a video invite to a date freak you out.


I think it gets a little worse.


Yeah. Yeah. I got a phone call. Right. I mean, a phone. I don't call for a while on the date. That's a good Segway into my I don't know if I'm going to get into it. The I'm ok. The. I want to I kind of want to tell you about two covid dates I went on one one was that a laundromat? And it was a black man and a really nice car.


The second one was like a friend of a friend. What he looked like. Cute, funny, humble, no white first, one black, second one white, OK, but overall as a general, I realized it should have started as text, it should have went to phone call.


It should have went to fucking goddamn zoom. Right. But I was talking to my friend about this and she goes, you know what, I admire that you just kind of went for it.


I was like, I don't like that's how I've lived. My life is just throwing myself into stuff like I don't have the time to. I mean, I do have new comedy bits from zero where both dates bad dates.


Well, they were. With my feet up on the thing, the first one I was at a laundromat, it was 100 degrees out.


I got my expensive, you know, leggings on Hawaiian print. I mentioned this.


It's very important detail.


That's what I think it was, because I had a mask on. I had no makeup on. I was at the laundromat like not.


And he drove his car by and said hi. And I was like, hi. And then he came back a few hours later and he's like, you're still doing laundry. And then you're like, you're still black.


I don't like that. Or No, I'm just like banter. Yeah, he would still be black. Yeah, yeah, that's what's not going to change. That's right. Right. In this lifetime. And it is laundry. It takes a few hours. It takes a few hours, dipshit. Yeah.


I'm still fuckin here because, you know, he's being flirty, 45 minute laundry.


I was into it.


I wasn't like, dip shit right out of the shower. That's my problem, though. I have a double personality because I'm like, make myself open to it. And then it's not till later that my. I'm like, either the smoother or I'm just a liar because I'm just like or maybe I just am so impressed that I'm getting attention or something, you know what I mean?


Like, he pulled up, he started talking and he's like, check this shit out.


I see you still doing laundry that way.


No, go on. OK, yeah. Do the date with Marilyn. Go ahead. What's up girl.


So you know, I used to be some tight. So much lip licking along with the hand wringing. OK, then he licked his own boot.


He goes, watch this. I'm going take a shit in this hand, OK? Car was clean. The car was new.


He got in the car in the street. No, no, no. I'm just saying I'm usually OK.


I'm trying to get away from the like, OK. Impression of a black person and then lick Liping. Oh, I'm sorry.


So but this is his stuff in the laundromat or he just had. Why is he OK? So he was at the Ralph's OK. And this was part of his pickup line. And I'm telling you this, I noticed because I was talking to him in the parking lot, his car is nice. He is not he's good looking.


He looks responsible, clean, well-spoken. And he said he was at the Ralph's and he goes, I got my DMV. You can register your car.


At the Ralphs oh, that's kind of smart. So that shows you he's got and I was like, impressive because he doesn't know I'm an international superstar, you know, he thinks I'm a lady at a laundromat.


And that's a good I'm doing laundry. You're getting your car registered. Maybe we can do our things together. Are you my second husband?


Yeah. So he says also that he's retired military.


And so I was like, that's good. I like you. Thank you. Yeah.


And then in a final move, which I kind of liked, but I also was like, take your mask down. Let me see your face. Yes. He says that to you. Yes. And you had seen his face.


He wasn't wearing a mask because I was in his car, the window down and we're standing apart.


And I kind of laughed and then I fucking did it. And I was I was like, I'm alive again. I'm a woman. Yeah. This man wants me. Yeah. No makeup. Mm. Yeah. But you know, what he saw first is that a Binga dog.


Badong, don't wait. Did you guys go out after that. Yeah. So so so then. This is a side story, I was staying at an Airbnb because I sold my house, all right, I sold. So I think I was in this headspace of like in between anything goes. I don't know what my excuse was, but he texted me and I thought he was asking me in general, what are you doing?


But he meant, like, right that second. Oh, wow.


And he went and he was like, do you want to go like working on a script and just kind of like like nothing. I think I indicated like, nothing. And then he was like.


Whatever, right out of the bat, off the bat, there's a.. So I went to have tea with him at a Starbucks outside.


Mm hmm. That's a nice covid daybreak. Yes.


So, like, it's fine. He's fine. He's a lovely guy, but I'm not there's no big buildup to like.


OK, so he. We're talking he's showing me pictures of his kid, his kids, he's like, do you like red wine? Do you like Italian food?


He's making plans for when covid over and he's like, I want to be close to somebody. Do you like watching movies? I'm like, Yeah, who doesn't like all of those things? Yeah. Do you want to go to Santa Barbara? And then I made the mistake because, you know, he's going to be my second husband. I was like, let me be honest with them. I made the mistake of telling him I do comedy.


And then he goes and. I'm pretty funny. What's the other one that had to be a joke? Yes, and he used to be like promote comedy rooms. So he has like an end. Tell me a joke. You're like and I go, hey, I tried that a couple of times. I don't know. Go tell me joke.


He thinks he's going to bring me out of my shell and like, tell me something funny. And I finally I was like, this doesn't work like that.


I go. The more you ask me that, the more unnatural it gets. That's there's nothing funny about that. And I said, I don't really need you to like, help me be funny. That's just that's not really how funny works.


Oh, OK.


OK, well, you know, and then we have like a little rift but then and in my mind I'm like, I got to get the fuck out of here. Like clearly this is done. But in his mind he's like, we're married.


And so he keeps on with the, you know, do you want to do this? I'm really looking for a commitment. I'm I don't want to be messing around. First date. Yes.


She's it's almost as if it didn't matter what kind of person I was. It didn't matter to get to know me. Right. I just was like, good enough. He sense that.


I was like, it's almost as if it's the kind of guy that circles a laundromat next to the house looking for chicks and lagging next one.


So but that's really.


And then we'll be right back. But I have to tell you, physically, like I was attracted to him, he's an attractive man.


So we go to leave and he's like trying to and this is like I have I have issues of I would rather we fucked in the parking lot, as I'm saying. Oh, shit.


I know. I would rather get through my my issue is I don't just go bye bye. I'll act it out until it's over. So we didn't like kiss or anything like that, but it was like a physical.


You know what I banged in the parking lot real quick. No, no, no.


Not at all. No, not at all. Not at all. Just like I know I wanted to make the story go somewhere. It doesn't go anywhere. He just, like, tried to touch my, like, waste, you know what I mean? Like a yeah. Like a friendly.


And then I went, I'm like pulled away. Oh, really.


I'm like reaching for my car door and he's like trying to let it linger as if we have, like, some magic going on.


And he's like, you have so many walls up. Oh, boy. And then I finally was like, I like my walls.


Goodbye. Goodbye. So there was I was doing laundry again on Friday. You see there. Yeah. That's how we're going to build it. Yeah. Oh that would be a good tension Bill. So that was that. See you there.


And I'm not going to talk to you. There's no way he didn't message you again, correct? Yeah. And then I just fizzled out of the.


Did you go see him, like, stop you? No, I think I just said I don't have the time. That's nice of you.


That's nice. Now, you can't go back to the laundromat. You know that, right? You have to choose a new one now or at least a different day. I don't need to go to the laundromat anymore. That was when I was at my Airbnb. Oh.


And I was going to the Petco across the way. It's a pretty sweet spot, though. Yeah, I know which one you're discussing.


Can I ask you a sidebar question? Yes. How do you pronounce the word w o n. One oh oh oh one you got me one that's we say one, we say these donkeys say and one they say one, it's one.


They're like, oh, it's a homophone. I, um, I feel like I was tricked because it obviously is the word one.




But but you when you said it like that, I was transfixed by it. A lot of people saying these days that I say one incorrectly like this. I should be saying one as well. I think it's one.


So I say one also. I say one. And then these fucking dopes are like, it's one. It's one.


I feel like I just entered another. Like I have a new reality.


Yeah. That's higher. That's above other people. Totally.


Why you magically drew me into it and I didn't fail the test. You didn't fail it. You're like my Obi Wan Kenobi.


There you go. You looked into my eyes and I was like one. It's one. No one. She knows I'm different now.


Thank you for that. You're absolutely right.


Well, what about the Nazi symbol that is called a. Swastika, swastika, right, swastika. Here's how you're supposed to say it.


So I think it was Antigua's swastikas. I like those kids. It.


Yeah, well, some time I hear it again. Sure.


One second here. See swastikas, swastika. I like his tone, too. You might not like it if you see him now.


Take a prominent a dollar sign a pile of them. Then I have peace signs.


This guy, is he on than last? Not the new treasure trove of swastikas here.


I'm going to show you real quick just to make sure you go all different colors to Swanson to hate, adorably craft for crafting for scrap scrap booking when you only have swastikas in one color and you like, the fuck am I doing?


Yeah, there's so many other color, especially when you're feeling creative and you want to reach for it.


You want to put some water. You know, you don't want to have different sizes.


This totally looks like the kind of shit my kid would bring home from school, you know, if they were into that kind of, you know, something cool, if you ladies start selling your panties, which I hope you both do, because you never know who will get a hold of them and where they'll start sniffing them, for instance.


Oh, shit.


In this video, this is a a meeting where a Brazilian politician is in a zoo meeting and doesn't realize that his videos are so top left on the stage.


You had some a political skills that I see. He's got my. Well, I think you'll like guys like not face this Brazil.


Yeah, and nobody says anything. Everyone let that go.


Yeah. They're so used to this degenerate stuff.


Who's that guy that Jada's dead on? Jeffrey Tanin. Yeah, that Jeffrey. Not tambour Toobin. Toobin.


Same shit he does, but he fucks somebody on set. But to bad.


I made out with Jeffrey Tambor on the Larry Sanders show. I was it for so long. And then when they cut it together, it was like 20 seconds here. I'm saying in real life it was like three to four hours.


Dad, Dad, Malph, he's older. Yeah. Like making, you know, your dad. Yeah. Yeah, that's sweet. Did he put his tongue in your mouth? Kind of, yeah. It's like, why dude, did you feel that boner. No, no I didn't have a boner. Bullshit. I'm a failure as a woman.


He had a boner. I don't know. No I know. I'm telling you. Oh really?


Yes, absolutely. He told you? Yes. Yes. Is that why you brought me here today? Yes. He's right here. Jeff, come on in.


Hey, I'm sorry you got canceled. We want to bring you back, bring it back. He's great. I mean, he's a funny, so funny because some of my favorite scenes.


Maskey personal post divorce question. Yes, please. Have you broken off that first day? That's a no. OK, there no, you're not there, you know what's covid I imagine it's hard to make. Did you imagine your like, once I get out of this, I'm going to I actually I'm spilling it all pre my two dates.


The other one that I didn't tell you about yet, I kind of re. Not got together with sexually, but we saw two different exes.


Wow, all which was and I think maybe the covid brings it out because you want someone who's familiar. And it was they're both like it was really enjoyable.


And I did have, like, a kind of a make out sesh, but then I'm not going to go there with either of them. I know.


Was it weird to go back to someone you hadn't been with in, like a decade? Yes.


Why not go there? Why not go there? Why not go there? I tried to. Oh, you did? I couldn't. Yeah. See, that's why two women do that.


They're like, oh. My feelings, but like us, I now we just go like feelings are dumb and, you know, I think you're right. I think you're right. I was like, oh, my feelings. Now I actually know you and hang out with you.


But when you made out with your exes, it's been like over like a decade. Where was it? Exactly the same as it was like did you go?


Oh, yeah. That's the that's that's his move. That's the move. Because that's his style. Did you remember.


That is interesting question. Yes and no. I think the memory of it was there, but there was a little bit like, oh, like Rio.


It was like a mash up of both sensations of mentally, emotionally and then like, oh, this is what it was like because there's that great David tell jokes.


Do you ever wish you could go back and have sex with your exes?


And so you wish you could go back and have sex with the first person you had sex with so you could show them how much better you got?


Yeah, like that's the phrase.


And he goes, hey, look who's not crying so funny.


I always think of that joke and that. And you essentially got to kind of experience.


Yeah. Scenario, but I couldn't fully take it there. You couldn't get in the tease.


Yeah, but I'm wondering if I am just shut down now. It's a process you're going through a process. Yeah, yeah. You're going through a process, buddy. Am I going to. I want this. Listen, after I got my Waagner, I got divorced.


It was a thing for me to it took a while and, you know. Not to sister, but you still married. What I'm saying is I can only imagine how hard it must be for him. Here's the thing. You're going to die before me. I am not dying before. Yeah, look, you're not in great shape already.


You're half apart. My husband broke the left side of his body a month ago, so.


Yeah, but you're like a bodybuilder, right, that you bounce back quick. You're like Kevin Hart. You're like, broke my back. Big whoop. I'm fine. I'm fine. I can lift a truck.


Yeah, but are you moving? I'm in such better health than you. We both got covid mikovits a broken leg if I can beat you in a race.


Wow, how dare you pull down, run like a tick tock? Well, here's the deal. I'm going to outlive you because women outlive men.


I don't think you're going to fall into that category. Why? Because I think you're going to check out Wasner. What?


You're going to kill me? No, I just don't see you making it.


I see you maybe getting to like 52 or something. Oh, God, that's coming soon. I know. That's why you've got to live every day like it's your last, you know, sell those panties.


I know. I'm calling back. You're disgusting. So I there's so many things you could be selling.


Yeah. You only live once.


Like that would be the first go to. That's exactly. That's what they say on the panties. Like someone's shitting myself.


I can't believe I think you're going to live like baby Betty White is 90, not just turn 99.


That's not going to be true and you know it.


I don't want to be in my 90s, but I think I'm going to outlive you. Definitely 80s. I've got cockroach eastern blocher DNA. You say it yourself.


When I get sick, I barely get sick.


I know, but I don't think that you have diarrhea all the time. You got your own.


Yeah, yeah, yeah. That high blood pressure. I don't have high blood pressure me so feeling. I don't think Yoma leukemia.


I don't, I don't have anything. I'm perfect now. Yeah. That irregular heartbeat huh. That'll have irregular heartbeat.


Yes you do. Your heart beats once every 50 seconds gonna go.


It's not an irregular heartbeat. Good God. It's like he's practically dead already.


There's no way you're going to make it. Why don't you pitch Marylyn on your cool sketch idea you wanted to shoot? I've already pitched on it. What did she say? I don't know if, you know, we can't say it right now. Oh, top secret.


I pitched you on an idea to talk to you about my whole goddamn dating life and nobody knows about it. And you can't. I'm going to pitch it to you off camera, but I actually did pitch it to you like three years.


I remember. Yeah. And you're like, OK, I was I will do it. I will not refuse.


But don't you think it's because the content I can't remember what the content is. That's a good place to be.


And but you also have to factor in that. I don't want to do stuff ever.


OK, like I don't know what you mean.


I don't want to do things. Yeah. I'm like, where's the money? Yeah. You're Canadian.


It's not like I have enough freelance creative jobs for free. You're going to get paid fucking real money.


Thank you. I'm in. Would you be open to my husband pretending to murder you and then have sex with your dead body.


Oh, I get a body double. No, but listen, that's not the idea. No, that's the last idea. And we couldn't cast it. So I had to be the late because I don't care if I work in show business or not.


Look at it. This the truth. If he kills me in the sketch and they have sex with my dead body, I kind of want to see it. It's funny. He's like, we pooped.


She pooped in the house. Funny she did. She went to the polls. But it's adorable.


Yeah, but I have listen, I she was mean, so I kill her. And then the guy that helps me get rid of the body, he he's like, hey, do you mind if I have sex with her?


And I was like, where's the joke? Oh, that he he's, uh.


He's good at it. They don't actually show him banging me, but it's implied it's more than implied you. It's understood. Yeah. Do you think doing a sketch like that would ruin your career or maybe narrow your prospects of working again? No, at this point, no. I had a lady tweet me the other day. She goes, Do you miss acting?


I didn't stop it. I didn't know, but I was done. You tweeted me that. Thank you. Thank you for that.


Yeah. It's a great tweet. Do you miss acting? You mean like I'm going out for pilot season?


She. So you recommend getting into the dating pool? That's what we're at right now. Yeah, yeah. What am I going to do? I do like being alone, but that's that's scary because then it's like, do I like it too much? And then I'll just be alone, you know? Well. I would like to have a partner, like to have a life partner eventually, right? Yeah, you need a breather, right?


Gosh, yeah, I know. I went into, like, a weird covid. I mean, they were all, you know, outdoor. Do you want to hear about the second one, of course. Oh, yeah. All right, friend of a friend. OK, because I was like, let me get with somebody more in my genre. This will be easier.


How does the setup come Laundromat?


Does the friend, not a random guy at the Laundromat, which I also convinced myself I should be open to this. Your friend, does he call you? I got something for you. How does it actually come? No, I met him. We were doing an outdoor sketch, like for a friend, and I thought I like his vibe and I've never done this before.


I said, give him my number or I don't know. I asked for his number.


I texted him and then it was real disjointed and he didn't text back, which of course, I was like, he ignored me.


I was like, oh, he's into me. That must mean he's into me if he ignores me.


And then I was like, I just saw the social dilemma. So I thought, well, I'm trying to stay off my phone, too. He's a genius. He has better things to do than be on his phone. Right. It's going to be my next husband. He.


Says, why don't we go on a picnic? Great, let's do it. Great idea. I'll stop at the grocery store and get some fancy groceries or fancy salads.


Yeah, great. I love it. Hold on. Is he in front of the camera or behind the camera? And Shrove is behind the camera. OK. OK, good. Right. It helps in context because whack you know, we're wacky those of us that are performers.


So you give a little more, a little more leash, a longer leash to that kind of weird stuff to be wackier or.


Yeah. To be weird or like Thomas Estamira story.


Yeah. Like I saw him do stand up very early and he was saying vulgar, horrible, horrible stuff.


And I was like, oh, but you give them a little leeway because OK, I get that. Sorry, go ahead. I mean this is, this is what I'm doing.


I'm giving him leeway. OK, well, first I like it. I go, oh, great idea. Yeah. He's going to bring fancy salads. I love it. I get there the dates at three. I'm pulling into the parking lot to the park at 3:00 on the dot. Texts me at 3:00. Oh my ETA is 317. I just like the date has already started.


So you if you're going to be late you got to tell somebody before. Yeah. I'm looking for him you know. But, but again, I don't take it as a red flag.


I'm like maybe. Yeah. He has a different concept of time. Maybe that's a good thing, you know, chill out Amelle.


Chill out. So I'm looking for him. I'm high. I see him. He's got one a single cooler, like over the shoulder, little mini cooler.


I was like, oh, intriguing. Again, not a red flag, but I was like, it's interesting. What have you gotten there?


We walk around, we're walking on a very low grade and he's limping. He's like, oh, I have a torn meniscus. I was like, oh my God.


Well, he was yeah, I'm in a lot of pain. I've been using it and heating. And I was like, oh my gosh. He goes, Yeah, I'm waiting. I have a doctor friend who says the technology will be better in ten years for this.


And I was like waiting so you could ignore that you were can't back on that, OK, for a decade.


But you can't take like a noted don't go up any hills with this guy.


So I'm feeling very protective of him. Make sure he's OK. And then we go to sit down. No blanket. It's blasting sound. There's nowhere to sit.


Oh, and then I in my prep for the date, I was like, I'm going to work. Should I bring you know, I'm getting prompt and I'm and then I go, don't bring a blanket, don't over like emasculates like let him have his mojo.


So I don't bring a blanket but I go I'm going to add some items to the picnic so I get a you know, some Saroja chicken wings, I get a pan fried, I stop at the Gelson's, you know, I get a pan fried squash just for a mystery.


I mean, like who picks that? And then watermelon, you can't go wrong with some fruit. We get there, we're sitting under a tree on some dirt with the knobby roots. And I'm like, OK, I am a fully grown woman, but, you know, hey, it takes me back.


We're creative, we're fun. We're artists. I'm pulling out my items. And I see he's like, not it's not really registering with him, like how great my items are.


He's like, it's this lunch. You buy me lunch. He opens up his pack outcomes. One Diet Coke, one water. I was like. So one of us gets cancer, one of us hydrates, OK, got it, then pulls out subway.


And says the reason why he was late is because there's lines at the grocery store. Now, this is where I'm like a double personality, because in the moment I'm like, huh, like, it's funny, you know what I mean? It's like, yeah, yeah, there's fucking lines were in a pandemic.


Why do you say this time if you're not going to be here at that time? Yeah.


And then but during I was like, you know, you try getting through it and and again, I make it like this great day and it's this wonderful like I don't want him to fucking feel bad.


So I got to act like I'm having the time of my life. Like I maybe the story is I'm an asshole. Then I wake up that night at 2:00 in the morning and I was like, well, like Rage Train. Just remembering not only did he bring a Subway sandwich, one sandwich, but I got my lunch.


You know what? You brought one sandwich.


You know, he didn't go like he liked Mayo because, you know, they're back there like think of a lady. You're going to end up at Subway, which who goes to subway.


You don't get your last three or three dollars is the reason why you go to Subway.


You don't have any other options as what's the Rosalee like?


I'll tell you from a man's perspective, usually when you go, oh, I'm going to go on a first date. I'm trying to get to sups to impress you.


Yeah, yeah. I'm going to I'm going to bring, like, an extra thing. Oh, well, chocolate. Something to be like.


And the chips going to get two bags of chips. This fucking guy, an apple slice, one chips, one cookie. Exactly. I was like, I'm a queen. You bring me all the chip choices, you know, like, let's have fun with it. You right. Maybe have another sandwich choice. There you go. Why do we have to split one sandwich? What does this say about your mind?


Sauted. This is how you're kicking off our life together. I got one Subway sandwich to share.


Like, how did how did the goodbye go? We will when we get there on make out. Well, what kind of sandwich was it? Was it a please don't say tuna? I don't even know.


I think it was turkey I'm guessing. Eat it though. You know, I didn't eat it. I ate my things. He ate his things. And then we he had the time of his life.


I acted like I had the time of my life. OK, I don't know why. So he was having a great time. Yeah. And so what do you say goodbye to you guys, hug? Yeah, and then like he if he had to talk, he's obviously thinking it went well. Yeah. So is he like, what you doing tomorrow or. Yes.


And then do you think we're going to see each other very soon, almost immediately. And we both know it. How do you handle.


I went along with it because I'm an asshole. Then later I was like, hey, I rethought this. I didn't say any of this stuff that I was thinking.


That's what I think. I have issues. You know, I don't know.


I say in the moment because I don't to say it's just like not a natural thing for you.


Well, it's so hard because you're so vulnerable with a new person and you want to make you want it to work.


Yeah, you're right. It's like it's so harsh. You're right.


It's also to someone. You don't want them to feel bad. Yeah. You guys, you get it.


Yeah, well, it's not his fault. He's a dope. You know, he's kind of right. I'll call it back. No, no, don't call it home. Sleep with him tonight. I'll mail in my panties.


Go. Oh, there you go. Give me a little bit of easy breezy sense of what's wrong with you. Wait, did you Frensham did he try to front you? Oh, he did you Frenchtown? Yeah.


That pause gave it all away. You kissed him. Well, in the heat. Can't really say Jesus.


What do you mean you can't say you fucked him real quick in the bathroom. In the park.


At the park. That's what's up, dude. That's so hot. Just to see if I still had it.


Yeah, you do. See if I like back on the old. Are you drinking tequila? Why are you so sure I know why I just had the urge. Why not? This isn't a dog gave it to us.


Oh, my gosh. Did my story give you the urge to drink tequila? I'm excited. Know why? I just thought, you know. You know what it is. I'm so happy to see you and I happy to see you. It feels like old times. This is like, oh, we could actually hang out and have a drink. Sad I miss you. I miss you, too. Anyway, I'm sad to hear about your dates.


So what's going to happen now? Are you going to do it again? I don't see it happening. Did you get this far along? Did you tell the second guy, the picnic guy eventually like this, not going to work? Yeah. How did he respond? He must've been floored.


Kind of. Yeah, he was. Well, it was that thing of where you're he's still in the energy of it. So he keeps texting, like, kind of wanting to talk about it. So I had to keep, like, shut it down. I got you. And I never came out and said, you fucking brought one sandwich.


Um, the funny thing about a guy like that is he really just I think there's just because, you know, you're like when you're a guy, you have you're like oblivious friend or you're like, how do you just not registered?


Yes. Right.


And then they're like, what you like, how do you not bring something for the other person? And they're like, oh yeah. Like that person, you know, like where you go, what's wrong with you?


And they're like, I just didn't think, you know, what's so interesting is I want to say this story, my stand up and the the the crescendo is like I'm a queen.


Bring me all this stuff and you guys pour me one and I'll have the tiniest mommy is tiny mom shot.


But you guys really went to the heart of it, because this is the real stuff that it is hard to tell somebody and I did want it to work and I was kind of reject somebody to their face.


And it's not a bad guy. It's somebody who. She's coming. She's coming. You had knocked my heart out like three times. Who? It's like dopey. Thank you, my darling. Yeah.


Doesn't doesn't know to do better, but for me where I'm at my life and that reflects back to I'm with the backpack like you want to like I don't know who I am now because I used to be just like oh no. Wow.


You know, I didn't I would like social socially awkward, how do I now be? And clearly I'm not doing well with it.


Well, here's the other thing you can't like you cannot say that the social world you live in right now is even remotely normal or indicative of what it's going to be like, you know, like. This is not smelly, you mean pandemic or like, you know, in the regular first of all, the way you're going to meet somebody probably is by being out in the world.


Hold that thought. This is incredible, really, because you smell it and you're like, whoa, but you get all the different things. And then when it goes in your mouth, it's smooth as silk with a flavor.


I've got covid can't really taste or smell. I can smell it a little. It tastes great. She drink the whole bottle.


Go on with what you're saying, because that's a very so it's a it's a pandemic.


We don't know what it's like. You know, what I'm saying is like you go like I'm not I'm not there. I'm not ready.


But you're throwing yourself into like a social like analyzing your social life in a non social world right now.


So you've got some time today. Yes, but how is the rest of the day? Because here's the thing. I could I could forgive the obliviousness because we know boys who just don't think of the other. I can think of one person in particular in our world who would probably show up and do that exact same thing. But maybe on everything else is pretty cool. Like, how is the conversation? Did you connect?


There was some laughter. But then some of the yeah, we had a pretty good time.


But feel attracted to him. Or was a sandwich such a deal breaker or like he couldn't get over it.


I guess I kind of was attracted in the moment because I was telling myself to be.


And then but it really even the types of jokes I couldn't like, hang with it just because I'm in a different place in my life. Got you. So I wasn't.


I don't know. No, I'm like a mature I'm I am like a fully formed. Professional, you bad ass, do everything all the time, yeah, and it's a big deal. Yeah, like I'm kind of a big deal. Yeah.


And I can't I can't reach I can't have a child that I need to.


Yes. To somebody that cross like they are not grown up enough basically. Yeah.


So that was that's probably it in a nutshell. Like enjoyable in some ways but ultimately not grown up enough. Got you. So there's your answer. There it is. Cheers to that, to that sandwich guy. A subway to no less. I mean, what are you doing? That is bottom of the barrel.


I don't even know I don't even know how that bread like, what are you doing? You got to be so checked out.


You got to be.


And that and the little hint of like, oh, there's lines at the grocery store like, have you not gone to the actual store this during this whole pandan.


Here is the deal too is I know some people listening. Go, Whoa, whoa, hold on moneybags y you're too good for subway. And it's not that because you could go to trade. There's Joe. And for the same amount of money for this piece of shit sandwich you can get like a cheese and charcuterie thing.


Thank you. Yeah. That's not a money thing because you can, you can have a nice spread at a reasonable cost.


It's like thought chick talk.


I'm going to also say when I went to that, people try to jog charcuterie.


Let me tell you, like chick talk, if you want to weigh in on this hashtag, it's like when you're watching Big Brother, but first to hashtag. But first, like the thought of hashtag, but first but first in the budget first.


I mean, there's a lot of men who listen to this show and there's guys listening, I guarantee you right now, going, what's the big deal?


He brought a fucking suit with a big imagination, projecting where the relationship is going to go, type of guy nourishment. That's really what it is.


It's what this is the type of guy you're getting. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah. That's what it is. It's not.


I want to put a judgment, which I am, but it is because it's a reflection of your mental emotional.


I agree. What about I want to dip back into the Trader Joe's. I when I went to that laundromat at another laundromat in Venice, I really am into laundromats when I say that they would be imposed by a Vyatta, the best chips, salsa, guacamole. Yeah.


Would be a wonderful it's a great thing to bring to a picnic. Even Pirate's Booty.


A bag of Pirate's Booty. Yeah. Like that. Something a couple of sodas. Some Toppo Chicos. Yes. Come on man, check it up.


You just goes in L.A. you don't you don't. To spend a lot of money to show that.


Yes. On a date.


That's the thing is that guy didn't put any thought into no thought. One sandwich, one chip. One cookie. Yeah.


He didn't think it would have a picnic. You bring your stuff over mine. We'll see if it's a good, good match.


The good fucking there is a basic man. Even if he had done that, like even if you had just got his subway is to but he was like I got you like one like I did a flourless chocolate cake.


I got like just one thing and I've been thinking about the other person. Yeah. I think I mean yeah.


As I think of the same person, I know who it is of course. Can I write the name down.


Hold it. Listen, you're right. Yes, yes, of course, that's 15 years for a PIN number at the gas station, where, of course, that's that's the way it is because I see that over this guy, all these people, these people see through the camera.


The thing is, is that he's a good guy. Yeah, he's a great guy. Every guard in every regard. And then you're like, but he would show up with one sandwich. He's like, what? You're like, what about us? He's like, all right, OK, great guy in every regard.


Like, what else would he bring to the table? I think he would not have done. He's a romantic, total romantic. So this is like it wouldn't in this actual scenario, he would never have done that. But he's you know, he is the type where it's like.


I don't know. We all sat down somewhere and they're like, you know, coffee over there and, you know, we all went and then he would come back, sit down his coffee and be like, did you think about bringing other people coffees or something? He'd be like, what?


Like, he just yeah, he's oblivious in that way, you know, he just doesn't. But how.


Is that why you're raised? I mean, that was that was why I think with this individual we're talking about, it's that he he is somewhat oblivious, just naturally. And then he gets like hyper focused on his what he's doing or little on the scale. A little bit. A little bit. Yeah. Yeah. Winner, winner. Chicken dinner.


I think at that you point stuff out and you see it slowly making sense to me. Like, you know, when you left us hanging, it really made feel that, you know, we're we are thirsty to. Yeah.


I'll be like, yeah, I think about that, you know, like, OK. Is he married. Yes. Oh. What's the wife like. Um, does she pick up the slack and do all this stuff.


And she recognizes that he's a little talked and then, you know, has made adjustments accordingly.


Is he in the creative field. Yeah. OK, comedian guy type not a comic but creative type for sure. OK, yeah.


Yeah. I don't know what's going to happen to me, how it's going to happen. It's going to happen when I'm not thinking about one hundred percent and when it's not pandemic and I'm going to be in some situation because I'm going to keep. Working and it'll be I don't know what it'll be, it'll be great. I have a good feeling. I think I think it's going to be the best.


One of my neighbors, they're all 75 years old. I'll be great.


It'll be a real dad's idea and wealthy. And then he dies and then you get all the money.


Oh, yeah. It'll be a cool guy. I'm sorry, what did you say? I thought it'd be a cool guy every time you say it'll be a cool guy. Oh my God, comments underneath that. It'll be a cool guy.


Oh, he'll be a cool guy. Oh, man. It'll be a cool guy.


What if it is a cool guy that can do that? I, I wish for both of them for from your lips to God's ears, for a vagina trifecta.


It's perfect. I said it got hurt it coming to your house.


You. Yeah. I want again. Remind people about the special talk about your most important life at the pandemic on Vimeo. You can get the link at Marilyn Marilyn Dotcom.


That's to the words Marilyn Marilyn twice. And why. Oh, why? And I mean, it's on all my socials in the link. It's Lincoln. Lincoln, while you're on the tick tock.


Oh, my gosh, I'm enjoying it. Look how great this looks.


And you said the music is done by Avery Pearson, OK, you know him doing the Comedy Store. That's right. Yeah, he's fantastic. That's a really good image. You look great.


Thank you.


So you shot this live in Georgia. What a great idea. What a great idea. Oh, yeah. Because I was saying that's where we started full circle of like some stuff I knew so well from the club. So I would just pace and then some stuff was like fresh.


It's awesome, you know what I mean? So it was just me, the washer dryer, the dog.


I'm going to get it. The cat. Thank you for sure.


Gotten oh. And it also accentuates my weirdness, which is perfect, which, you know, the first time I watched it without the score, I was like, yeah, that's my style.


Stand up, I like it. And then he put the score and I was like, whoa. Like, it really takes it to a new because it accentuates the score play throughout or come and go plays throughout.


I love it. Yeah. But comes in and out. It's like it's kind of reactive but he's really good at that because that's what he does.


That's a cool concept. That is cool. February 2nd, it's available on Vimeo for purchase. You guys buy it. She's a mommy. I have to rent it.


Brian. Go for it. Go for it. Do it. Enjoy it. All right.


So great. Mary Ellen, I'm so proud. I'm so happy for you. And, you know, it's a it's new beginnings. You're going to embark on the whole new chapter of your life. I am excited for you. I think you're going to you're going to enjoy it. It's fun.


You can rip. I got it. That is so good.


I got a couple of guys for you to take for a spin, you know.


Well. You see what they're like. I'm ready for now, I know one tiny shot. I mean, that's really good. Yeah, it is really good. He's getting the DUI back. I like that you're slipping out of covid with with the medicinal.


Haven't drank in a month, you know, 19 virus.


Yeah, it's out there. I got a DUI, baby.


Yeah. You can get one. I got one, you got one now, I never did know you're going to drive home today. I am now. Oh yeah. Shit, you're fucking ripped in half.


My driver is here, so it's no worries.


Oh, perfect. My limousine stretch limo.


Um, all right, Jean. Yeah. Sign us off. All right. Thank you so much for tuning in, you guys, we love you, Marilyn Rice. So good to see you. I'm so glad you're doing well. And download see Rent live at the pandemic, but live in Marilyn's garage. You can get that on Vimeo starting February 2nd. Go to Marilyn. Marilyn Dotcom. That's right. I love you, Jean. I love you.


Thank you, Marilyn, for coming. Thank you. I love you guys. Fun guys.


We'll see you to your health in a week.


Dr. Richard, you're obviously a smart girl. You're attracted to me. Attracted to you. You're attracted to me. You're obviously a smart girl. You're attracted to me. Attracted to you. You're attracted to me. Look, man, you're obviously attracted to me. You're a smart girl. Look, man, you're obviously attracted to me, I'm attracted to you, you're attracted to me. We can disagree. You're obviously a smart girl and you're attracted to me.


We can disagree. But you're obviously attracted to me. We can disagree. You're obviously a smart girl and you're attracted to me. We can disagree. But you're obviously attracted to me. You're obviously to captain stuff actually come together. You can just come together here to countries that have come together here, obviously to captain stuff actually come together to kind of just come together. We can do security. We can do security here. Obviously, you can actually come together.


You can get stuff together. Literally the best hidden gem in the city here, obviously to captain stuff actually come together. You can get stuff together. We can do security, we can do security, you can get stuff together. You can just come together. You can just.