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Good morning.

Our genes above eighteen. It is another wonderful day here at Why Image Studios.

We're really excited about everything we have for you today. This is a lot. We got great stuff lined up, jam packed show, jam packed show.

We just danced.

We just recorded just like Ellen and we what I love about the Ellen program. She comes in and she dances and everybody goes, I like to dance too. Yay! She's just a positive lady.

Everybody likes her. Nothing dark about her. I'm just a positive. Nothing's going on.

Uh oh yeah. Oh. Jeans above eighteen. We are back to doing stand up comedy.

God, I am so excited to announce my tour dates. As soon as the dog is googling you are going to be you tell him. Houston, Houston and Posten Takeoff's at the Houston Improv February.

Twenty six and twenty seventh. Then you're going to Zanies in the great city of Nashville, Tennessee. You think it's pronounced Asheville. That's March 11, 12 and 13. And I just added them to Iowa, the Funnybone, Des Moines. The more I loved him more. I haven't been there for April nine, ten and eleven. Excite, amaze. Let's see.

I'm in, uh, to see whether it was Choma Cho.

Omaha, Nebraska, March twenty fifth through the twenty seventh. I go to Lexington, Kentucky, coming to Broadway. I'll be there for my birthday. You want to come celebrate my birthday with me. Oh wait. That's your smart day. Yeah. April 16th. How are you going to be. If I'm going to be thirty eight. It's crazy. I feel forty coming up around the corner and um and then breea I'll be in Brayer in May and I'll also be at Harrah's Casino in June and then I go back to doing some I think Spanish shows.

Hey actually there's actually some coming up in April. I don't think they're on my calendar but they should be anyway. Calendar in Espanol. I don't know. Own calendar. No I really don't know. Can you Google it. Oh shit. Yeah.

How much time do you have fucking.

And let's see huh. Some words I got to learn. Calendar you calendar year like you said.

You ready. Glengarry Glen Baddiel got to work on my words. Yeah, I got to bring back Tom Seger in Espanol because that helps me practice.

I bet it does. Talking in Mexican that whole hour, the whole time. Jeez, find somebody. I'm like, you speak Mexican and then we talk. It's great.

Por favor. Por favor. Hmm. May I ask you a favor? Their partner.

Um, so OK, we are ready for Chom almost.

We're not ready for Como's, but we are ready for so many good things to talk about today. God, how how good was that song though.

I won't sing it. I know you get scared. Can I tell you something though? For 15 years I did not hear the real song. I had only heard him singing it for fifteen years.

I walk around the house going steady with it because that's an extended version. That's not the real song. Everybody in the nineties now knows a real song, but for fifteen years I didn't know.

And then two days ago I go, Dude, can you play me the real song?

Because I've only ever heard you sing it and it's like twenty minutes of them doing that sting.

Eddie, how are you. He sold a soul.

Me, if you don't know, watch belly, watch the opening scene the belly.

Because that clip, that song plays as Nas and his crew walk into a strip club and it's all dark and there's black lights. So like, you know, with black light, like the whites kind of shine through and they're going to rob it. And so they walk in slow motion during the acapella part. Right. Sterry you see them walking through and then when they finally kick the door down to rob the people, the beat drops.

I mean, it's pretty clear why Williams, it's basically a 90 minute music video, the movie is. Yes.

I tried watching it. I got halfway through it.

Yeah, there's some I mean, it's it's like it's not a great movie, but it's cinematically amazing and like the way he lights stuff and some of the performances are pretty damn good. But the music.

Well, combined with his you said Nas, I'm a Jay-Z person.

OK, all right. So let's get to the opening clip here. Um, let's start ready to start the show.

Ready we go. She's standing there. The register, at least a mixture of dirt, really bad. If it looks like it's OK, I just have to fight it. Just let it come out because I thought it was important and it was diarrhea.

Oh, always great bringing love into this moment to focus. Well, welcome to your mom's house. Twitter, Instagram. Christina Pundit's. Well, go to your blog. Now, I'm kind of now I don't remember I don't remember actually, if Nas is part of the robbery or not, I don't know if it's DMX only or if it's the two of them together.

I recorded the where my mom's adentro. We spent a million dollars on Jesus. You want to clear that with me?

Well, you're buying all your chains and stuff anyway, now I've got to go watch that scene again to make sure I got it right.

This really is intriguing because why would that bring you to tears to share?

It's either it's either genuine emotion or she's doing a great bit. I think it's pretty genuine.

Do you think so? I mean, it seems genuine, but like if, you know, it could be a bit messy.

And again, I really enjoy it. Yeah.

And you know me, she's standing there, always register at least a mixture of dirt really bad. If it was like, it's OK, I just have to fight it, just let it come out because I thought it was important. You know, it's diarrhea. You should be it to work.

But also the the choice to record and share that makes me go. That's the only part that's true. That could be a very good bit, you know.

Well, you do enjoy watching women cry. So I figured you would be the expert, the aficionado on is it real or not? That's a terrible thing to say.

That's terrible. No, it's true, isn't it true that if you see this, please save us?

I don't even see our American flag more body stocking. We still got this crazy flag.

This is America. This is our land.

This president. Please, please. I hope you have God. Please save us. Save us from the devil, please. No, I don't have a panic attack. That's a bit. This is our country. Our country.

Someone put the sound there now. This is awful. God, please save us. She's on the toilet.

On the toilet. She's on the toilet. But it's definitely a bit. I mean, I think the performances is also a bit, you know, you could tell she's not genuinely crying.

So, you know you know, it's a bit I think it falls a lot of people, but I think it's definitely a bit, you know, the first girl, those feel like genuine tears.

But if she is like that type of like, you know, there's like an actor can do that, somebody with that skill set to just and like, you fuck with people, basically.

So you're saying it doesn't get you as hard knowing that it's a bit when I know it's a bed, I'm never as hard.

Yeah. Yeah. Makes sense, like real tears, real screams, real fear, you see the excitement in your eyes when you say that stuff.

Yeah. Well, speaking of murder and scarers, someone's real on board, you asked for it last night, I had set up I had my PT session and my physical therapist was like, oh, have you seen this doc about Adidas? And I said, no.

And she told me about it. And I was like, Oh, that sounds cool. I'd love to watch it.

I knew that the history as far it just very surface level that two brothers ran this company and they had a falling out and they ended up starting Adidas and Puma.

I did not know that Adidas excuse me, and its Puma Deutschland, Puma, Adidas and Puma.

So anyway, I was interested in watching the duck and I thought you'd be too.

I told you about it like, yeah, I pull it up on TV like kids are down. I'm like, are you ready? What? She walks in the room. She goes, I want to watch murder. I go, What? I'm ready for murder. I go, I got the Adidas thing set up.

And you were like, No, I've got a taste for blood now. Now, that podcast I listen to has turned me on to the minds of these psycho people that this is an important distinction.

So I go, well, what do you want to watch? And you go, I don't want to see blood and guts. I want to think I want to hear about their minds, like, how are these people minds operating? And I had the, like, the perfect thing. That was a matter of fact. It's on HBO. It's it's called crazy, not insane. And I had started watching it a couple of weeks ago.

And it's a psychiatrist, Dr. Dorothy Lewis, who they essentially credit with, um, kind of furthering the diagnosis of multiple personality disorder, which has morphed into dissociative personality disorders. That's the the professional medical term now.

So we're I'm like I remember watching this.

And I go, that's that's exactly what the docs about. It's about the minds of these people.

And you see that it's actually you. I think this doc shows the reality of killing and murdering and everything versus a lot of other shows and docs, kind of sensational like you go, wow, that was crazy that this person did these violent things where this one makes you go like, look how sad and fucked these people are, right.

And yours, because the other shows that you watch generally are just murder porn where it's just the blood.

And she came in and screamed and pushed her down the stairs and jizz all over her naked body.

Just give me two more seconds. I'll finish, too. Yeah, you love that. And that's the part that I don't enjoy. But it's interesting that's dissociative because I was taught that that was bullshit to multiple personality disorder. But she has videos of children with this stuff.

You know, what's interesting is the legal system, too, doesn't take into account that these people are wack. All they say is, are you aware that you kill? Well, yeah, I'm aware that I kill and I hate my mommy. And I was abused and I had brain trauma. So it's done enough criterion.

But didn't you think it's interesting that we talked about you're like, what's up with these people's, you know, like what leads them to this?

Yeah, one of the things I tell you, like almost a hundred percent either abuse, neglect or some trauma. And everybody that they profiled, they're like this person was like tied up in a closet and like beaten and, you know, just like really, really bad stuff, you know? And then also almost everybody that they were able to scan, do an MRI on, had brain damage, either like brain damage as a result of some type of physical abuse.

Tumors on tumors exists like just all kinds of things fucking up their frontal lobe and like, well, I like this person has no idea what they're doing.

There is a zero impulse control and there's just no other time to kill, you know, because the thing is to because what's intriguing about it is like, why don't I do that? That's what you think? Because I thought that's what Dr. Dorothy Lewis was saying. Why don't I murder? I have violent impulses. Everybody has them. Yeah, but you have something in especially you and you like to follow women. You go, I like to follow them.

I don't want to kill them or rape them. I mean, I want to, but I won't. So you have the brakes on your brain. Yeah, right. Yep.

Thankfully, I'm able to stop myself. I thought it was interesting that she has all these cases of multiples, you know, like she calls multiples people that have these incredibly like kind of obvious personality disorders, um, and that there's a very famous psychiatrist that's in the dock as well. Park Dietz, who I recognized from having watched so many crime shows and public trials, because that guy is actually the guy.

He's very well known and he's in this dock and he's like, no, I don't believe in he today doesn't believe in dissociative personality disorder. It's interesting. It's in the DSM. He's just like, nope. Well, yeah, it's interesting because even if you have mild trauma or neglect in your childhood, you dissociate to survive it.

So it's pretty to me would make sense that you would dissociate so far that you might create another way, especially if your personality early trauma.

Absolutely. But it's interesting that this is one of the world's leading people in the field who goes like that's not a real thing, I think, because he's more in alignment with convicting people.

Right. Like with the law. No, that's not this is not his jam to get people convicted. No, no, no, no. Because she's like I'm impartial. Her whole thing was I don't care what the what the result. I'm not trying to. He's the same a case. No, he's the same. All right.

They're both psychiatrists. They just evaluate people and present. He's not they're not like with an agenda of like I need conviction. She's like, I'll evaluate the person. And he's the same thing. But he's saying, I evaluate and that this is nonsense.

Bullshit. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Potato. Potato, I guess. Um, but it's exciting that I'm into killing now.

It's, um. It's a whole new lane for me. You know, first it was just British shows. And then as you say, the only thing more exciting is British people baking. Yeah. Me, it's really interesting that your feed is going to change.

I know your algorithm is going to change where it used to be, just royals and cooking.

And now you're going to be like and look at John Wayne Gacy.

Oh, it's going to be your next I'm going to watch it only through your profile so that my Netflix stays pure, doesn't get tarnished.

Yeah.

A really exciting footnote, too, is that I bought some Etsy mugs with royalty on them commemorating the Queen's Jubilee and the I love it and nothing brings me more joy than royal mugs.

Sturdy. Oh, you really?

Look, we don't like to make it too political on the show, but this is too big of a piece of news to ignore.

Senators will have to decide if they believe Donald John Donald, John Trump incited the erection insurrection.

Here you go. Just a little juvenile fun, goodbye, Chuck Schumer, said Boehner on the Senate floor.

Demi also.

Oh, sorry, you're on your Trump girl incited direction. Yeah.

Mm hmm. You better coming up in May. Yeah. Gosh, you know, another thing, um, really interesting hot topic we discussed briefly yesterday is that, you know, that song Superman when I was Superman.

The Hulk. Yes. Yes.

Well, the Boys and Soulja Boy. Soulja Boy. The original not Soulja Boy, who's famous in. Oh, yes. My fiancee.

Right. In Nigeria. Not to be confused with the Nigerian.

He's a Nigerian rap star and I'm dating him.

He's got once super famous 20000 followers. It's crazy Instagram. Who does that?

Uh, but we were discussing the Soulja Boy song, and I said, well, you kids know what to Superman. The hope is it's when you jizz on a girl's back and then you stick the sheet to her back. So it looks like a Superman cape. Right.

And the boys here hadn't heard nothing of the sort. Really? What do you guys think to Superman? The whole means?

It's not that we haven't heard of it. It's just that no one actually does that. Well, no shit. Sure. I would like to different.

Go on you, Superman. Oh, of course.

Oh, who have you? Superman. So I met this trash after a show.

This is like two thousand three.

All these stories and in private life never.

I don't know. It's only been you. I was a virgin.

Go ahead. Go ahead. So these are these guys you're saying that no one's ever done it, right?

I mean, when the song came out, it was like. Like it was, you know. Yeah, it was a dance like everyone, like, learned the dance.

And that was the dance I used to.

Yeah. I definitely memorized the dance. And we were the coolest guys in college. Oh, I believe it. Mm hmm.

That's me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But he was like, what what was your reaction? Because I think you really hadn't heard that interpretation of Superman.

I mean, I haven't heard of that specifically, but that that is not my interpretation of what the song was about. Because, I mean, I've been a fan of Soulja Boy since before Soulja Boy, Soulja Boy. So I was like, he don't he don't do he doesn't do words underneath the lyrics like that, you know what I mean? He's not that type. So it's like it's literally just the dance, the superman, the whole just the dance is like.

You just stick around the house, just go away. All right. Well, now you're doing the crank. The the song is called Crank That Soulja Boy and you cry.

Oh, so if I go out and meet you. Yeah, that that's that's what you're doing.

The soup man, I hope is when he puts his hands back like he's an animator or some shit. Oh Superman that.

Oh yeah. It's just, it's just a dumb there's like so it's like the hustle but. But I said fuck having a having a dance like if you can put a themed dance.

Oh my gosh. Well like a catchy. So cool.

Well also like as an artist like that commercially that is just a bankroll for the rest of your life, you know. Oh yeah. Electric Slide and fuckin Macarena.

Any song that people like to catch on to, it is perfect.

What's that? Martin Lawrence, when do you like this one time movie laying like this one time not keep doing your leg like this. He's like, this is e the now cha cha.

What a stupid day that was.

That was the worst one movie like this one time not keep moving your head like this is the easiest.

But I'll tell you why people love doing that shit when we got that route.

Yeah. Yeah I fucking live for that.

Every wedding. I like the cha cha and every cowboy bar.

You'd see these people doing that shit. There used to be a place in the nineties called Denim and Diamonds. Do you remember that in the San Fernando Valley because that stupid fucking line dancing got so popular for a while here. Yeah, everybody was doing it. Yeah. Even Angelenos, which is gross, you know what I mean? You're not supposed to do that shit here in California.

OK, all right. Um, where are we here. Oh my God.

She's the man that my father is like. Is exhausting, dads are generally aren't they all that past a certain age, right?

Dad's always said, I think. He's just like, I think he's just bored. Yeah, and he just calls me, he's like, Yeah. How are you doing? Good. It's like cirE in Palm Beach.

Sold out. That's good. Like, yeah. Thanks, man. He's like. Yeah, proud of you. Thanks. How's the podcast. It's good.

He's like, yeah. How are the kids? They're good. He's like, I can't wait to get my hands on them. I go, Yeah, yeah. And then we talked about this like three hours ago. He's like, Yeah. So I'll see. A couple of weeks, can't wait. What do you want to eat, like in a few weeks? I don't know. You know, he asked me the other day, he goes, You're a bacon.

Really? Yeah. I go, what? He you like bacon, which is like, by the way, he knows that I'm not like it's not like saying like do you like artichokes or something, you know like.

Like, he knows I like bacon, he goes, Do you like bacon? And I go, Yeah. And he goes, You ever have really good bacon?

I'm like, What the fuck is happening? I go, Huh? And he goes, I'll get some of that for when you're here, and I'm like, OK, what many he's like, you like crab? I'm like, yes, I like like you. Like you. Since you were exactly like you, we've had, I don't know, crab outings for what are you talking.

I know. And he's like, yeah. So you're sold out in Palm Beach. But we just talked about that. It's a circular conversation. Yeah. When I used to talk to my dad, it was similar to be like, oh, fuck, I'm I can't even watch the TV lately on the fucking commercials. And I'm like, where are you calling? You talk about commercial.

He thinks that, like, that's connecting with, you know, sharing with you this thing that's annoying to me. That tells me the same thing to and he calls me with repeat annoyances. I you know, you ever notice, like, one line open at the grocery store? I mean, what's going on? You're like, what? And you just humor it for that comment, the whole conversation. Next day he'll be like, I was at the grocery store yesterday.

There's one lane open.

I'm like, yeah, we had a 30 minute conversation about it yesterday.

I know. And I've heard now that I've been around you guys for so many years. Yeah. You know, Tommy was just the just the other one.

Christina sweet kid. I was he was sweet kid. Such a sweet kid. OK, just the cutest little shit. And one time Christina, he would he said to me, Daddy Zarghami Kagome Daddy me.

Do you know him. That's Spanish.

He so he has this one story about where I tell him that you make like I said to him as a child, you make me feel safe. And he talks about like how it makes him feel.

So like he told me he goes I mean, he's told me the story.

I'm not kidding you 500 times. So he's like, you remember when we were in the hotel in Orlando? And you got away from me for a moment and you just a second, and then you saw me and you said, Dad, you make me feel safe and I go, you know, like the first 100 times you hear that you're like, OK, cool.

And then. They're like a year ago, he started going. I remember one night you were scared at home, you came into our room and you you got in bed with us and you said, you make me feel safe my way.

I said that in Orlando and at home.

And he's like, well, I don't remember where you said it, but, you know, you said I think you said it. The stories are new now.

And then he's like, remember? When we were Nanex, you took a shit in, it was the biggest city life, and that's not nice. You looked up at me and you said, you make me feel safe.

I was like, how many times my saying this to you?

But it's true because I think the older your parents get, the more the smaller their lives become. Yeah, yeah. And it becomes more apparent I'm not a dick to him on the phone.

No, never.

I just like, vent here, but like, I'm always I always, you know, humor him and.

Oh, and then it's politics. Dads love to to get political. What is that all about. And you're like, I don't want to talk about politics.

And your dad calls you to break down a legislative bill and you're like, oh, OK, that's that's not my dad would never do that.

But my dad is like, now let me read you look and I'm reading the post here. And he says, look at line 17. They want 238 million dollars to go. I'm like, OK, yeah, we done. But I wonder, are we that way, I mean, are there just five topics that you and I ever talk about? Yes, because this audience can verify.

I mean, I think you're down to two. I think I am down to its poo poo poo.

And I don't even know anyone is how stupid I'm getting, like JND Dicks and Kakha. That's all I talk about. So I'm interested in. Now, the older I get, I'm like, what else is there to life but dicks and kaka.

Jesus, what is nothing. You think I'm a savage. You're like the only thing life's about is dicks and shit pretty much.

And like taking care of my kids, taking care of you, my dog Dicks and Kakha comedy. Hanging out with these knuckleheads, it's going to. Yeah, and you sing in your songs. Mm hmm. That's life.

And then you fucking die when you look on your death, when you're on her deathbed, when you think about, you know, well, five things dicks.

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Mom, that's o m a x health dotcom. Enter code mom to get twenty percent off cryo free sport and site wide. Let me ask you guys something in the children. OK, do you think because everybody I just want to say I'm not projecting anything on you. I believe that all of you identify as heterosexual men, correct. Sure, yeah, I think so. OK, do you think that if you have sex with another man that makes you gay?

Is that all the info we get as a context, is there like is this just this is like a one on one session? Yeah, I think you're teetering.

I think you're getting real close to dangerous territory of not being heterosexual anymore.

Yeah. Let's say it's a single and an isolated incident.

You know, it's like I'm on drugs. Like, I was like, oh, no, we just just worked up and your you know, your gender, your not your sexuality is like, you know, everyone's sexuality is essentially like a moving wave, right.

Where you have femininity to you, you know, you're a man. Right. And then masculine. So it's just like an encounter. You end up having sex with a guy.

Are you gay? I think after that, I would definitely be asking that to myself a lot, I think I think yes, I think I think after that I'd be like, am I okay?

Do you think that any straight men who have sex with a man are for sure gay or is it a fluid kind of, you know, well, call yourself straight after you've had sex with a man?

I think that's the thing. I think if a dude has sex with a dude after that, you're at least by. Hmm.

You'd have to change your status from straight to bisexual. Yeah. You'd have to call the DMV and you'd have to get them to change that line on your driver's license standing appointment.

Yeah. What about you anyway? What do you think anyone is eating?

Um, no, I don't think you're gay if you do it. I think I think you'd be gay if you liked it. If you want to do it again.

Oh, that's interesting distinction. That's interesting. If you want it. So it's in the wanting to repeat the of the event.

And who else is in there. Zoley. What does he think. That's an interesting distinction, though, it's in the desiring it's not just like, oh, it happened one time. I'm gay. You'd have to yeah, you're in college, you're playing around, you're experimenting. We know what's going on right now. What do you think? I think today. Do you think it's gay? Yeah. You think that if if you were to sleep with a man once you're automatically gay, I mean, he's over here talking about if you like it.

So like I mean, I guess if you're forced to do it, you're not gay, but you're not going to do it.

If you're experimenting, you're experimenting with being gay. Yeah, that's true. Like, yeah. And I mean, there's nothing wrong with that, of course.

But it brings about an interesting point, and that is being educated.

So I'm going to I've been learning to and I want everybody else to feel like they can learn and get ready to have your mind blown up. And here we go. Hi there, my name is Dr. Joe Court, and I'm going to give you reasons why straight men have sex with men. They're not gay, they're not bisexual. My whole specialty is with male sexual fluidity. And what I always say is that when women have a non heterosexual thought, we give her wiggle room.

But we fetishize her. When men have a non heterosexual thought, we stigmatize him and we tell him he's not straight false wrong. I really want to get rid of this myth. I really want to get rid of the stigma. And if you stay with my Tic-Tac, you're going to hear all the reasons why straight men have sex with men. I'll see you later.

Very interesting. This whole practice is about that because it's so prevalent, it's happening all the time that he needs to carry this around it.

I'll go out even with my friends, with guys. And a lot of times a whole bunch of guys went up. I can like when we're out and I'll feel like it's a straight time.

It's a fun time. I don't feel like it's gay. I just want to be clear about that.

Do you have a story for me that you haven't shared? I actually do, yeah. How many guys have you slept with?

Not a lot. Well, that's fine, because it wouldn't make you gay. Well, yeah, I know I'm not. Yeah.

You're still a straight guy who consistently regularly has sex with other men. It doesn't mean you're gay, dipshit. I fuck guys whenever I want, but I'm not gay.

Now, listen, Dr. Joe has a little more to say.

Another reason straight men will engage in having sex with other men is fraternity initiations. So well described in the book, Not Gay Sex Between Straight White Men by Jane Ward. She basically tries to talk about from a sociological point of view, why do these straight men in fraternities put fingers in each other's butts, urinate on each other, get naked, engage in what we would call homosexual sex acts, but they're left alone. Nobody's ever saying these dudes are really gay and how they closeted and what's going on with them.

She talks very eloquently about what she thinks is going on for these men. It's required sex. And so based on that, they're they engage in it, but then they have a disgust response. And the more disgusted they are, the more reinforces their heterosexuality, the part of being white, they go unnoticed. Nobody ever accuses them of being gay or bisexual. These are straight boys having fun. Are you seeing yet that none of this is about being gay or bisexual?

No, no, I don't think it's about being white. Yeah, is is that we're all white guys are gay.

Is that the what you just said? So to summarize, all white guys are gay.

All right, I'll see you. I don't understand at all what that point was.

I think he's I think that's what he's in. All I know is that he just implied that Zolo has been pissed on a lot.

That's all I know. And had fingers at him with other guys. But it was fun and everybody was white and having a good time.

But I mean I mean, yeah, I understand that the repulsion factor is why it's fun for guys to horse around with gay stuff.

Like I see you and your male friends will verbally joke about gay shit and one thinks gay chicken.

It's going to I got to be honest, he made a point that when you just said this, it just popped in my head. It is like a very white guy thing, like from my from my day.

Black doesn't play that shit. Like, I can't shake his head guys hard enough to play that shit. And they did not.

But I was in college. I had a black roommate and we would we would do the gayest white guy shit to each other and never do him. Never.

He was not there with gay jokes.

But it's true that the white boys were.

It was so it's so maybe this like we would literally walk in, I would walk into my white roommate's room and be like, hey, man, do you want to blow me right now? And he'd be like, Oh, I just woke up.

Can I just stretch my mouth out for a sec? Like, shit like that. I'm like, okay, I just like play with my dick.

And and then I would walk down the hall and see Tony and who's black and I'd be like with something and I watch them.

He didn't play that shit at all. Yeah. Hmm. Tony also had oh my God, he had a fucking like what is it called, like a huge cock? Well, probably.

Oh, I thought that's we were going to say like he had a. No, no. I meant like. Oh, yeah.

You guys like he had a rotation of chicks and like one time Tony would go like they'd be like a rent still be like a. Hey, we got to pay rent, he be like, check out that kitchen, he'd walk away. Check out the kitchen.

You got the kitchen, go in the kitchen and all the cabinets would be full of groceries that a woman bought him. He'd be like, that's my rent.

Like what? Oh, yeah. And then, like, women would call him, I mean. Like, you'd be like, who's this, like different girls, different days of the week. And they would howl like from maybe downstairs watching TV and hear a woman screaming upstairs, like that's just another level game, son.

Oh yeah, like that is some pimp shit that you'll never know. No, no.

It's long said goodbye. It's never coming, but it's. Yeah, he really he definitely had a game. There is.

Yeah. There's dudes out there like that. Mm hmm. Yeah. Wild.

All right. One more from doctor. But you're not gay that the important thing is you're not gay. If you if you and you're friends with another dude, our guys and you fuck each other, your friends.

Right.

Another reason straight men have sex with men is a fantasy called cuckolding. This is where a cuckold is a husband who's been cheated on. That's where the term comes from. The wife turns to him and says, You're no longer sexually satisfy me. I'm going to find a guy who does and she gets a guy who's called the bull. So in this erotic fantasy, that's power exchange and play and very satisfying and pleasurable to all members. The cuckold's job as a submissive man is to get them both excited so that the two men and woman have sex with each other in front of him.

He may masturbate watching them. He may be made fun of. There might be some humiliation play in the end in the orgasm. The Cuckold's job is to clean them both up. There's sexual interaction between the two men from the beginning until the end. But if the woman isn't there or the woman doesn't show up, the two men are left cold. The woman must be present in this fantasy for it to work. This is how it works with a cuckolding fantasy.

Yeah, that part's obvious, right? Well, he's like with that woman's not there then it's just two guys fucking each other. What do you mean. Of course they wait for it.

Well what's I find interesting sounds horrific. It sounds I would cry and I think the best part is that the cuckold has to clean a clean everybody up. I mean, he's like, that's not gay. When that guy's done fucking your spouse and his dicks all drippy, you gotta clean them up.

What's he supposed to do and walk drippy dick.

We got to meet this guy. I want to talk to Guy, I, of course, wanted to talk to him and I you and I took a deep dive down his tock. He's really interesting.

He's very vulnerable. He seems like a really very blind man. Sweet. Yes.

Dr. Joe Court at Dr. Joe Court.

You guys know what to do. Get him on Van. Yep, yep. Really cool about this. And then we got a video this week from the Davos last family vacation you want.

Oh, I love. La, la, la, la, la. Well, listen up. Come out, find out how we can everybody here, me? Yeah, I don't know what you're doing. I'm the captain on this boat. I've been doing this twenty five years. I have never felt the boat shake like that before from jumping up and down, making some. Why are you disrespectful mother fuckers? It's not personally when I did an announcement, you shut the fuck up and listen to me.

You're going back to the dock. I never seen something so disrespectful in my entire fucking life. When I'm speaking, you shut the fuck up.

You don't have to stare. God, would you do these goddamn disrespectful Jesmond man, it's like this is the scenario here that this is like this is like a booze cruise or something. This feels like like, I don't know, like maybe a bottle or something is like like enlisted a booze cruise. Maybe it's a bar mitzvah, maybe like it's a wedding. I mean, captain is really fired up.

Well, here's like Jewish like celebrations involve a lot of circle dancing.

Yeah, circle dancing. I'm like talking like arm all over shoulders and like just jumping up and down like it gets real crazy. And like the captain is like you guys almost capsized the boat. Yeah. And then the Jews are just like, all right. He's like, no, you almost killed all of us.

Yeah. I'd like to be at this party. I think this is happening. I don't think you'd like I like that this reminded you know what? This reminds me a little bit. You know, this reminds me of an old clip we played.

I think I know you guys are all kidnapping. Yeah. Yeah, right. I mean, this what did not want to hear.

I give you a hitch. I just need to get my stuff out. My car is right here and you guys can take it. All right. OK, I can take the car. OK, after I get my stuff out you can take the car. Can't take it this second.

How does that make you feel? I remember him breaking down this video. Yeah. You don't remember that how much you hate it.

I was like, oh, I know what's going on here. Yeah.

There were offered an inch and they're like, oh, I think we'll take a mile. That's exactly what's happening in that scenario on the booze cruise.

It's just like big celebration. Right. And it just happens. Overwhelmed. He's like this boat shaking.

Yeah. I think it's definitely the first time he's been he's been he said twenty five years.

He's like, I've never felt anything. He's never gotten the AJ booze cruise. I'll take no, I'll give you the key when I get my shit out. OK, you guys aren't stealing all my stuff. Yes, thank you. I will when I get my stuff. That guy keeps putting that for a second. Stuff like Gypsys.

And he's just like finishing a round of golf there. Like, I like this card. So you think they're passing through the parking lot? Like I just happened to be walking by.

I think it's probably they heard a story from one of their other DJ friends, just like they'll totally just give you a golf cart because like I mean I mean, if you look at them, they all kind of wearing the same uniform.

They all kind of look like they work somewhere.

You know, they work somewhere like. No, I think they're playing into the fact that they do look like they work somewhere. I mean, Orthodox Jews, like all kind of dressed the same the same colors. You know, it's white and black. And so I think one of them, like, just got a golf cart, like probably someone was just like, oh, yeah, hey, here, the keys.

And they're like, hey, if you go to this golf course, you might be able to get one.

They just give you golf cart, golf carts. I think that's what's going on.

Guys, are guys going crazy? You could tell he's a little nervous this morning. No. Oh, my. The kids, there are kids.

You know, you guys, you guys you guys doing here fieldtrip. No one's answering.

No one's answering where they are. Yeah. They don't want you to know that you can't follow them home. OK, thank you. I say hi. Yeah. Give me the keys.

Right now I keep thinking about can I tell you like as the like the guy. Yes. Please picture myself as this guy. I'd be like, oh I got to return this thing.

I can't give you guys this thing like because he rented it for.

Yeah. He fucking he whatever is at a golf course and paid for a cart.

Right.

So he's like maybe he got warned by the people that he was like, look, the packages are going to approach you once you're done with your eighteen round. It's fine. And the keys, we know them, just give it to them, they return it for him.

I don't think that happens. I think they take it to where they're going and they're just like, we have a golf cart.

Now I will tell you on the talk, I follow a lot of Orthodox Jewish people and they do party like they love to put their their party like what's this is the wedding.

And then they show, like, the bride who's like, you must be in some real parties. You've been to some real ones, dude.

It's like it's the the Orthodox people know how to get fucked up the first time.

It's the first time I went to an Israeli wedding like I was thirteen. And there's just bottles of absolute that rabbis are holding and pouring into open mouths. My mouth too. I was like, it's they don't give a shit. They're like, you're getting fucked up. It's a mitzvah.

When I was late 20s, early 30s, I worked as a sitrep member. Yes. So a company owns or represents all types of properties in Los Angeles. It can be anything from a house to an office building, a church, all types of all types of buildings. And then all most of their business is from productions. So, you know, a movie that, hey, we want to shoot, you know, a hospital scene. Well, you call this company and they go, we represent these three hospitals.

Here's all the check them out and then you pay them to shoot there. So they actually own this one complex that had like like just really cool places to throw a party, you know, like like standalone. Buildings that had like unique layouts and people would rent them for parties and it was a it was the bar mitzvah of the son. Of a rabbi, an orthodox rabbi. Oh, and so we had to we had that set up and then they had partitions so that the women parted on one side and the men on the other party together and a mitzvah day unless you're married.

But it was also a baller ass party like this.

It was not Catholic. I don't party like like I one time in England, I went to go have brunch with priests, Catholic priests, and they just give faded bro, like they get Cross Vados Barbados.

Oh yeah.

They drink, they drink and eat a lot and they just eat and then they just sit there. Yeah. And just get depressed. I'm like, well we'll get up and have fun. Catholics don't rock like that.

No, not really. Why don't they enjoy life. I don't know. It's not about it.

Life doesn't like it when you're happy. Yeah. So you just stay scared of them. Stay scared. That's what it is. Catholic. Are you Catholic. Make sure you stay scared. Yeah. Is he going to come down.

I'm not joyful at all. No Joy. Yeah. Yeah that's true. At least the Jews enjoy their parties in their life. Why why don't Catholic priest party hard enough? I don't know to Google it, man, Jesus. Oh, OK, God. So long Jesus didn't dance, maybe because Jesus didn't.

Good job is go go look for a job in school. Go get big budget. Your job is to go looking for you. Oh, all right. You often find that shit for good show. Good job is to go to a good job. Is doing your job. Go, go, go. Oh boy. That shit. You sure? You bet. I'm coming up in May.

Right. Wow. That was fucking awesome to me. Love that guy is. He is from D.J. Bundu. He's at coffee.

Underscore breaks with two Z's barista K Z on Instagram. Really cool. That's the death metal version of the Darvas Googling.

I really like what a what a time to be alive.

You fucking Googled the wrong thing or Catholic priests allowed to drink alcohol. Do we said that it's why can't they party? Like, why can't they celebrate.

Well, you got it wrong. Just don't even bring up the next search stop. Right.

Uh, that was good. I was really freaked out. Right.

Dubbo's Googling. I got a special video for you to watch. Oh, sweet. Oh, it plays to get closer to your misruled. Oh, right down manifestations in witches.

Use your your sacred blood to draw with it. Natural blood has all types of incredible qualities. You can pour it into your fertilizer, like use it in your lawn and you make some art with it. You master blood to make. How would I collect my blood.

Easy. Oh, use it as a menstrual mask. Oh.

Antiinflammatory Prosperity's thank you body for helping me get this cleansing ritual. You can cover a stone with blood and certain intentions. Anyways, I thought you might want to explore your body and all the wonderful things that it does.

Thank you. I have been collect. I'm not gay because I fuck my friend.

I can feel your judgment about it so lame. I have been collecting my menstrual blood in jars for years now.

Yeah. And I keep it in my closet and I do I paint. I do mud masks with the cleansing rituals, what have you. Very nice. Very delicious, too.

So it sounds like should be making your own video to share with people too. Yeah, it's great. Oh it's in the beef stew. That's beautiful. And I make it into smoked paprika.

Would you ever do anything with menstrual blood?

You know, I'm I'm of the belief that anything the body excretes, there's a reason your body is excreting it. So make it waste its waste. Correct. I don't see any medicinal value to my feces, urine, menstrual blood, snot. Sounds like someone's stuck in the 18th century.

No, I don't think there's any medicinal. Twenty, twenty one. You know, urine cures cancer. I don't know what the fuck. I'm with you. You really you really don't get it, you don't get it, you don't get it, you don't get it. If I can get anything, you're not gay. Yeah. My God.

Now, that's so nasty. Would you so would you let me do things with my menstrual blood when I let you do things like if you found out, is that a deal breaker? If I did paint like you come in and you're like, oh, what are you doing?

Like just painting with my mental blood, would that stop you from being married to me? Is that a deal breaker?

It kind of is that's where you draw the line. It's kind of gross to the point where I be like this is going to stop, right.

But I'm just making art. Do you not like art?

I do like art. You know, I like art. So I'm just being artistic and expressing myself, make it, uh, express yourself or someone else. Wow, just like that, we're divorced. And, um, if you made art with your jizz, I wouldn't judge you like it's his jizz.

This is seed. OK.

Real quick, you know, I know this episode drops February 3rd, it's February, February 3rd, any, um, I know it's, uh, your month, uh, February.

So we're going to see you in March or what?

How long do you need off for this month? You know, I didn't take off Martin Luther King Day because it was Martin Luther King Day. It was my birthday.

It was my birthday. And I just happened to say the same.

So March 1st, we'll see you back March 1st. We'd like check the shit out, man. I need a month kind of gather my thoughts.

Did your mom plan on having you on MLK Day just to make the day extra special? It probably wasn't even a holiday when you were born.

Right. Do you feel as though you got gypped because February, February is the shortest month?

Um, I mean, we got a month, right? You got a month. That's yeah. That's something.

Do you do anything special during Black History Month, like anything to, you know, celebrate or. Get close to your roots. Um, no, no, no, no, I mean, now, like all, uh, I feel like generally I grew up expecting that other people would celebrate me on that month. Oh.

And I didn't work out that way. But what we can arrange that.

So why don't we do a special black episode? Yes. We celebrate any.

How would that work? What are we going to do? You tell us. Well, actually, we'll tell you.

You just. You just make sure to come to work every day this month and you'll see we're going to have a special show. Oh, about you. You got it. You guys, this is a great idea, let's plan this, Nadav. We're going to have a meeting and we're having a special any episode.

Yeah, you got it. We'll come up with real cool stuff. Yep. Yep.

And then what would be the Jewish month? Is there a Jew month? I don't think there is. I think it's just the entire season of fall.

Fall is I mean, we have so many Jewish holidays that are jam packed in there, which are Rosh Hashanah, there's Rosh Hashanah, there's Yom Kippur.

What are those like three weeks apart?

Yeah, but it's like three weeks apart. Long weekends, like it's like like every weekend in September is a long weekend.

In September, though, that's your money. But don't you notice that show business shuts down come September. Yeah. Until the new year. Like you guys are always out. Agent's gone. Lawyer's gone. Manager's gone. Another holiday.

Oh, I'm so sorry to burden you guys on your fucking holidays. So much time on. You know, it doesn't do that. The Arabs.

That's so true. Oh, he's here. They're always here. They don't go. Yeah, that's so true. Asians do they work. Oh, my God.

Asian Chinese people never take off holiday. Never every Chinese business is open 24/7. Any three, six, five.

Yeah, yeah. Christmas go eat Chinese food. That's what we did. GIRLISHLY. Those will never stop working. Never. They're the best. I respect it. So do I know it's like some stupid Christian fucking day. And then the Asians are like, hey, we'll take your business. I love it. I love it too. That's the American way and I love it.

Hmm, I hate it when these fools take off holidays. Nothing makes me angrier than a fucking three day weekend.

Get out of here with that shit, Nadav last week was a Holocaust Remembrance Day. Did you do anything for that?

Yep. I sat down and I remembered the Holocaust.

That's what you did. That's what you do on that day. OK, sit down and you think just sit down.

And I think about my grandma's and my grandpa's and what they went through and how cool their tattoos are.

Oh, my gosh. Yeah. They were a bunch of those Nazis. A bunch of knuckleheads. Knuckleheads. Mm hmm.

Can we do some talks? OK.

I'm really missing in I feel like I have so many. That is affirmative, the talk folder is so full, full to the brim, we're going to have to, like, choose some talks here as it is, it's really jam packed.

I heard you were looking for me. I thought, OK, all right, you can take us through.

Your process is a great deal.

I thought it was a great idea. I had no idea.

OK, so didn't like that one. I know this guy was on the talk then he got taken down. Taken down. Oh yeah. They they delete you if you screw around because you sang some anti-American stuff. Now he's back and I've noticed he has no teeth. I didn't know that last time around.

Yeah. Kind of looks like me too. Yeah. A little bit. A little bit. But maybe that's what freaks me out.

Looking for new friends, new acquaintances, new people in the in L.A., if you're from L.A., let's do some call. Let's set something up. Let's meet Susan. Not everyone, not how this app works. Also, this sort of looks like Charles is brother with a chromosome edition, you know, it does look a little Charles.

Somebody is genetically challenged.

It's not as cute as Charles. Charles is much cute.

Well, this guy evolves a little bit on the talk, really. You know, if it's in this is a terrible, terrible.

Oh, he doesn't get it at all. And not only that, L.A. is ground zero for covid. Right.

He's like, let's set up a zoom.

Like, this is how you're using ticktock and then meet in person. You can't meet in person right now. It's not going to happen. Right.

Let's pray for peace. No more riots. No more protests. Let's just have peace in this country. Love one another who they are.

And you hear the interesting thing about him. He's put together like his clothes wearing a tie.

He looks like he's well dressed. Yeah. I believe he probably has a decent job. Yes. Yet there's something off.

Oh, no, no. I see that there is a disconnect somewhere. And he doesn't turn down the television, which, as we know, is a real cool guy bonus. Yeah. And he holds the camera at a horrible angle angle.

This guy does not get the talk.

I must say this one more time. Eighteen plus motherfucker. Oh if you ain't over eighteen and all you have to say is negative shit.

Delete and block and scroll on by. You don't have to say what you are saying, you fucking little trolls to this just for you. You don't like it, Block. Keep going. Eighteen plus adults only. And if you ain't gay, bar gay friendly, get out. OK, well, again, what if you're straight and you have sex with other men, can you get on his account?

Also, it's kind of, you know, bringing about the, you know, the distinction that this is for kings above 18.

I mean, it's kind of borrowing a line.

Well, and also, don't you think it's a little antagonistic to write for you on your cheek? It's a little bit you're kind of inviting negative attention. Quite provocative.

OK, this is for Donald Trump. I know there's very little chance that he'll see it. Let's play.

I just want you to know that me and my family, we love you. We think he is the greatest president. That we had and we feel bad for everything that's happened to you.

Yeah, yeah, well, we love you.

Oh, my God. Oh, she drinking and Chris from just being you.

Yeah. You you've been great. Well, always going to love, you know. Good. I love that he's a victim while he's going to be just fine, sweetie. God yeah.

There are so many disturbed and delusional people. Breanna Jordan, happy birthday. Oh, it's nice you have a good day.

OK, well, that is a talk made for your mom's house. I mean, this has it all. Thank you.

The horrible angle, the ceiling fan that was not lost on me, the stuttering through a name, the using tick talk like it's a fucking cameo.

This might be the most perfect one yet, Brena, Jordan. Yeah, happy birthday. OK, there you go. Have a good day. OK, I got that request done.

What the fuck are you talking about? Well, aren't you like you're one thing is to get that person's name right. That's all you have to do. Happy birthday, Brianna.

So just like so somebody hit him up and they're like, you know, if you could do me a real big favor, you could you do a video for Brianna Jordan's birthday, big fan really into your page.

She could use, you know, I mean, if you have time, I don't know what your day is like.

I know I could Venmo you some, like, 40 bucks.

Uh, she's a fan. That one's good. Yeah, that's a good one.

All right. People who wants to play? I do. I'm straight, but I can play with guys, love this belt, OK? I wanted to play the. Wooden paddle. Yes, that's it, that's it. So he thinks that someone's voice is going to get all moist just looking at his cool bedspread with belts and paddle or decks going to get hard.

Yeah, sure. I mean, that's enough. And they don't even show him. We don't know what he looks like. We don't know. We know that he likes dragon velour blankets, but other than that, we don't know nothing about this person. And he's got a piece of plywood he's going to hit you with.

That's not even a part. It's so not a paddle. I'm glad you pointed that out. That is from Home Depot, right? Like, go to the second floor, get a real one.

Oh, and those belts, too are just standard, like Dad Brown braided.

You know, I finished my armoire and I have some left over two by fours. I just had a woman with. It's just unused would what the fuck am I supposed to do with this? All right, like I mean, I'm not an expert on carbon. But like, I think they're there. You buy certain things that are appropriate to hit people.

And also, I think he just has the belts that he wears around his.

Yeah.

Aren't you saying he's like, who wants to play with. I'm not investing in this lifestyle, but I do have things that you can use if they want to get with a shoe that I felt like like, bro, it's not for S.A.M..

No, you can't just hit people with anything around your house.

They don't fucking block of wood, just this padel. And number four is the softness of the feminine. So the hugs you give him and how soft they are. He loves those, the soft kisses that you give him when he's snuggling up next to you and he's feeling your soft, skinny smelling how good you smell. Yeah.

All of that men crave.

So I've come across the genre of experts like relationship experts. I just want to start sharing that with you guys. Is this true? Is this is this true? Yeah, of course. It's just like the soft smells, the fart smell, feminine things are attractive to.

Men, straight men. Yeah, so your soft skin and the way you smell and those guys like all that. Yeah, I'm surprised that this is shoes to anyone.

Well, I didn't know that. Hold on. Let's watch this again.

Tell me the part of it into the number four is the softness of the feminine. So the hug you give him and how soft they are. He loves those soft kisses. I didn't think you like snuggling up next to you. And he's feeling your soft skin and he smells. I'll tell you, while all of that men crave, not you.

Because when I try to snuggle you in bed and I don't like to snuggle to sleep, which is like what you're like, like, let's go to bed and you try to snuggle for sleep. I can't sleep like that. But I mean, of course, like snuggling and hugging and everything like that is is of course attractive. I didn't know. I didn't know.

Well I guess I got to get it from my guy friends. All right. Let's see what else is here.

I got into porn and all these girls were like, no angels. Awesome. I love it. Big gaping butthole, blah, blah, blah. And so I was like, maybe I need to try this again. And I got a lot of advice and like kind of figured out how to work up to it. And now it's awesome.

So this is another lane of, um, just like porno girls talking about anal and stuff and how they love it now.

That's cool. Yeah. Are you trying to tell me that that's what you would like to try? Yep. I'm really ready for it.

I like when they do stuff like this though. The yeah.

They're like I wasn't sure if I wanted to and and now I love I popped up, I thought I was like yock. The evolution of an artist is what I'm trying to get. That's cute. So this guy on a bad day, he catches kisses in his hands and then he pours them on to his dog. It's always a roller coaster when you talking, you know.

You never know what's going to happen.

I mean, you're waiting for a guy to stick a screwdriver in his ear and tell you that he found a portal into another dimension and a guy blowing kisses on his dog, right?

Yeah. That's the kind of guy that's the kind of guy you get into. This is the type of guy you get. But to do it, this gentleman cleaning out his flashlight at. He's calling it he also has a cleaning aide with him, grab Windex, he's cleaning it out with like he took the bus to go to Target to get cleaning products for his flashlight.

And he's like, I got to do it now. Yeah, at the bus stop. Yeah, he's cleaning up and it's real.

This is not. Putting in the spray and he's cleaning out a flashlight and he doesn't even have to shave. Of throwing it in a bag or something, you know, like I put this in a bag. He's walking around my flashlight. This is so crazy. It's insane.

This guy is insane. This might be the craziest person we've ever shown.

This guy's fucking bananas because even I mean, you have to know that you shouldn't do this in public. Of course, you know, but you don't clean up. You say fleshlight.

We know. I don't know that he knows.

This is my talking dog, Casper, only reacting to the name. Who is a very good friend of mine and my collaborator Casper, obsessed with him. How about we go see Rachel? Do you want to go see Monica? How about we go see a channeler? Ross. We could go see Phoebe. How about Baley? Isn't that why that is the doggie loves Bailey Bailey much, they collaborate, they're always doing projects. Yeah, I just thought that was really fun.

I've never known a dog to do that. I never know. I don't know that either.

I think was what really got me kind of in knots is knowing what's coming up next is usually something like this is offset by.

Something else. Well, I, I distract you what's over here and then I punch you right there, a sucker punch. Yeah, OK, so hey guys, what's a cute dog that talks when you say a name?

But why gas, I'm in love with just parts, I'm in a level white aspart, I'm in love with my sweatpants, I'm in love with white sports, I'm in love a white guy sports. I'm in love with white guy sports. I'm in love with white guys sports. I'm in love with my gaspers. I'm in love now. White guy sports. I love the smell like sports. I love my Gosport. I'm a lover smelling like a sports.

I'm in love with smelling like a sports. I'm like, OK, I'm like as far as I'm allowed to smell. My gosh, this is Almelo smelling like somebody we've encountered before.

I just encountered. He's been on your mom's house. His name is Thursday Lane and he's still at it.

We had him on your mom's house and then like a year later, he was on Stern. No time. And Aanenson Oh, my God.

Uh, Torshin, Stern. Um, and then we actually didn't we send somebody to talk to him, but we did.

So we set him up with a porno. Yeah. They said they sent us a video though, remember, uh, the time is now. That's from us. That's right. The time is now is one of the guy that was filming was like, I'm about to fart.

And he was like, oh my God. And then he put his face in there. That's right. This guy really loves white guys.

Well, it's been years and he's still at it. And Thursday, late Thursday Lane. Yes. And he had beautiful guppies. That was wonderful. Be his own lexicon. He's cream for. Yes. He had like all these term like different for and then he had to think about grey sweatpants. He's like a white guy farting in gray sweatpants, the ultimate.

Well, I was just happy to come across as I was looking for for you. He was like, don't talk like that if you like. Yeah. So he really unless. Do you think that he was joking years ago? He's not. He's really sincere that he loves. Thank you for bringing that back.

Got it. Yeah. You got it to more.

Of course. OK, here we go. Well, the girlfriend was screaming at me, give it to me, give it to me, I'm so wet, just give it to me. I said, I don't care how much you scream, I'm keeping the fucking umbrella. So this is a new lane and a new name, but just when I've come across, which is like dirty dad jokes. Yeah, it's like middle aged humor, white people, humor.

It's so painful, right? It's horrible.

It's so fucking one of the things that upsets me the most. I know. You know why? Because I know this is the person that you'll do the meet and greet with. Yep. He'll be like, hey, I got something for you. Totally. What?

And they're like, so I was giving it to the girlfriend.

And you're like, Oh, my whole body starts to shut down. Yeah. And then they look at you like that at the punch line. Yeah.

Like as you're like shaking hands and you're like, oh it's good. I can only eat.

Yeah. That you're right. They always going to go I got something for you.

And when the setup is too long for dog shit like you do a story on stage. Oh boy. And then they go eh I got a story for you immediately.

Oh shit. And I'm like, no, no, no. It's like your story. And you're like, yeah, but mine's good. Like there's a reason why there's tickets to mine.

I got it here. It's been thought out and this is refind. Yeah. This guy these and plus they get passed around your dad jokes and then there's different iterations of it.

It's Topdog would love it.

I know. And that's the problem is that when you tell people you're a comedian, they think this is the kind of comedy you do or they think it's horrible. This is what you want.

Like if you go I'm a comedian, what happens that the danger of sharing that with a stranger, like on a flight is that they'll do this, they'll go like, oh, you're a comedian and you see them. They're like, all right, I got one for you. And you're like, got one what I like. I got a joke for you. And then I was your one of yours. And you're like, Oh, no, I don't want to do this.

No, I want to do it.

That's why I'm a consultant, you know, a consulting company consultant. No, no. When I'm on a flight, I'm a kid. So, yeah, you have to pick your boards, insurance firm.

Basically what we do is we assess your assets and liabilities and then they're like, OK, but I think I'm going to say accountant.

Yeah. Or insurance. Yeah. Boring. Do I have another one. Can we close on a good one. OK, here's this. This looks good.

Hey you know I thought you like that just confrontation.

That was great. Yeah. All right. Great talks. Yeah. Yeah. We're going to take a quick break right now, but we have something amazing planned for you as soon as we get back from this dinner can be complicated.

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And we are joined right now by a very special guest.

You've gotten to know his dating video very well and he's coming here to talk about it with the very handsome and very talented, with a great head of hair.

Mr. Elliott, thank you very much for coming on the show.

Wow. Thank you very much. Yes.

Thank you for reaching out and wanting to come on and and being, you know, a grown up about it. I think I actually empathize greatly when I've seen this, there's been a few people that have done this, and the reason why is I go like I think even when I first played it, I go, you know, I get why this happens.

Like, you still go, this is a bad idea, but I get why it happens.

Because when you're when you you know, I get that like there's a part where it starts and you're like, I just set it up. I couldn't help myself like that registers to me. And also you just imagine that whoever is going to receive it is going to be like, oh, cool, this looks this is awesome, right?

I mean, you assume it's going to go. Well, wait, let me ask you this before we get into that.

There's so much you ever get a response from Natalie or whoever you said, Natalia?

Nothing. No, no response. No response now. But within a week, I heard it was already being passed around the city. No, that was. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. So why it was such an I sent it over like a Google drive, like a Google Drive share link, which you can easily download. And so sure enough, it got passed around. And I had known guys that this has been going around for a while, but I never I mean, it's more years later, you know, the restaurant is not even open.

Surely you have to know about this restaurant, everybody, so wait, so so within a week you heard that your video was being passed around? Yeah, yeah.

Within a week I heard it was being passed around. I mean, guys, I went so far as to like do like like it. Leaford, Natalia, like. So she didn't have like the Google Drive, like, you know, I thought, oh yeah, this is going to be so like guys I literally like crazy thinking, you know, because I had just gotten all this equipment right. The camera got the green screen again. We remember.

Yeah. We loved your clicker. Yeah. Yes.

Oh yeah. And so, you know, and I get all excited. I meet this amazing girl. We exchanged numbers.

Where did you meet her? I met her at the bar. OK, yeah, I met her at the bar and you know, we exchanged numbers and I'm super nervous because she's just I mean, I'm thinking every guy in the city is probably getting her up for a first date right now. And I'm like, well, how do I how do I get creative or original to want her to go stay with me?

And so I say, hey, I mean, what guy ever shoots video to ask a girl out on a first date? And now I realize why.

I realized why. Because you know what? You know what? Everybody has the experience of, whether it's in dating or just in life. Everybody knows, like has done the thing where you start writing a text. Right. Or an email and then you go and read it and you're like, I got to rewrite this.

Like, this doesn't feel right. Right. Like in then you're like, how will this person respond to this? And you delete it and you start rewriting it like with a video. Once it's gone, you're like, oh shit. Like there's no editing or like saying you misread it. It's just out there.

It's just out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was it's pretty bad when I did script that out, like I actually had a teleprompter and everything on the DL are like they actually scripted it out and guys like honestly like I've been looking through these comments and people like this guy is something else. And just, you know, if I'm being completely honest with the world right now, just to provide people a little bit of context, please do it.

Do it. Now, I want hear a little bit of context like where I was at in my life.

So. All right. So growing up, I never. I never had anyone show me. How to be a man? Yes. Yeah, I mean, my dad died when I was seven and my mom, bless her heart, I mean, she did the best she could. And I think it's like hard enough in this day and age, even for a dad to raise a boy to become a man, let alone a single working mom who now has to play the role of both mom and dad.

So I kind of had to figure that stuff out on my own and. Sure. And especially in my mid 20s. I mean, guys, I had this. This ridiculous image in my head about what I thought an attractive alpha male, you know, would be right, and I would especially in my 20s when I'm talking with girls, I would I would like to step into that character. Sure. You know, because I never thought, at least back then, that I Eliot, just being me would ever be good enough.

To attract them and guys, I know this is a funny show, I'm not trying to dampen this, and that does not change the fact that I'm still very embarrassed. Yeah, we're making the video and it doesn't change the fact that that video was cringe worthy as all hell.

And Natalia, if you're watching this right now, I just want to tell you I am so sorry.

No, no, no, no, no. Let me let me speak up here for a second. Here to tell you is kind of a cunt, because you were you were intrigued.

You swapped the info she should like. I'm happy she shared it so we could make fun of you. But she's kind of a bitch because that's tacky as fuck to to share that with.

I agree. She should not have shared it with the world.

Hey, to tell you, go fuck yourself. Yeah, I'm glad that she did. Kind of, but not really. That was personal. And she shouldn't have shamed you.

But I feel like I feel like she doesn't deserve any apologies. Um, well, I. Well, let's fast forward now because I've come to present.

That was four years ago. What's going on in Elliot's life now is their love. Do you have a lady are you asking chicks out? I know it's a pandemic.

Are you just JND on Zoome or what are you doing. Yeah. So like, I'm you know, I'm still single focusing on my career. I mean, I'm on all the dating apps. It's going to be interesting to see with my dating like this interview.

Oh, you're going to get some you're going to get scallywags are going to come through for sure, right.

Yeah. Well yeah. You know, I'm still single looking for the right one, you know. I like it. You're working.

Are you a millionaire yet?

You said you were about to be hell. No. Hell no. But I am looking for an accountability partner. OK, you want to do this every eight months. I'm sure I hit the milestone.

I would love for it. Actually, I'm game now.

Let's listen, because this could actually affect your dating life.

So let's use the opportunity if you want to be like if you want the women to reach out and you can choose, then if somebody is a you know, of interest to you, what's the best way that a woman in the greater Columbus metropolitan area, which is what you said you lived on the videos. I assume you still live there now? I don't know.

Yep. So if you want to be hit up, like, do you is there any where we can direct people money? Yeah, sure. Sure. So you can find me on Instagram. It's just at Elliott, Esquire.

OK, Elliott, Esquire.

All right. So you can hit him up there and your DMS are open, I'm assuming. Yep. All right.

Well, I'm sorry. It sounds, Elliot, like I found you very sweet on the video, too. You're obviously very handsome. You are educated. You have a lot going for you. And it seems like now with time, you've matured a bit and you've calmed down. You've come in to yourself. So I think that'll be very attractive for the women listening. They should hit him up. Christine, I really appreciate. You got it. And where will you take your date?

Where is the new hot spot in Columbus? Well, I really like Vasso in the summertime, Bozzo Urban Meyer spinouts, they both have great patio's also a great view. And there's also this place. Hayden Falls Park. Oh it is one of the most beautiful waterfalls. It's like this. It is actually a legitimate gem in the city because it's like this. Remember that. The movie with Leo back in the day in the Romeo and Juliet, Thailand, opportunity to.

Oh, the beach. Yes. Yeah.

OK, so that is like the closest scene that you can get to the beach. And Columbus is is going to park the waterfall. You're surrounded by trees in a ravine.

Wait, is this your is this your what is the perfect first date for you four in Columbus and what time does it start. It's in the seven 15, so maybe it's you. So, yeah, so what is your perfect first date, though? My perfect first date. So it's it's in the summer time. Yeah. Hayden Falls Park, nice. And the beautiful waterfall. And then there's this there's this little like kind of like a ravine.

It's there's this apartment complex called the quarry and there's literally a quarry behind the quarry figure. And there's this awesome like you have to like swim around about like half a mile and then you can you can't legally do this. So I'm not suggesting anyone do this. This is illegal. But hypothetically, allegedly, you can scale the wall and then you can run off and jump into the Ori romantic type of thing. And yet it's kind of like one of those things that's a little risky because you never know if there's actually going to be something that's you're going to hit underneath the water.

But if assuming you actually nothing bad happen.

Jesus Christ, a pretty romantic. Sounds like you need someone on the diving team to go on a date with you, man. Yeah. All right.

That's just like that's just like the perfect first that I like it.

I love it. And then what is there like a type that you are attracted to or, you know, like what gets you going, what's your what's exciting to you and female qualities. I'm someone who is. Let's say someone who's beautiful, smart personality, funny down to earth. And truly nonjudgmental.

OK, think after this interview, she'd have to be ready and looks wise, you have a preference or anything goes.

You know, I'm I don't necessarily like have a type or say I. I do believe like I mean, I know maybe corny, but I believe, like, beauty comes in many different colors.

OK, you know what? You're about to say something totally different. So I feel like I think we should stay together.

So I'm just OK.

So anything goes right.

Well, he lives in Columbus. They're very forward. Oh, I know. I'm a liberal. I know. Yeah. Yeah.

We do have a pretty progressive city, right? Yeah, I know. Some people think like Ohio. Oh, it's like Flyover America, Columbus like. I mean, you really do progressive city like you are thinking people and just good people. Very good. You know, honestly guys, you have a really awesome audience because not only do you guys have reach, but I literally had like a couple of times from people who literally told me, hey, you don't look like people I didn't follow that didn't follow me.

And they're like, hey, you on the look out. It dropped last week. And I'm like, oh, yeah.

Oh, I did. And they were oh. And I was like expecting like I was expecting the terror to come and but they were really supportive. They're like, honestly man, like there's this guy Charles did something similar.

So if you reached out to see and I think they'll I think they'll be more.

Yeah, at least Charles did take the first wave of heat. So he did they must have been kinder to you.

And you know what we're all about. Ready to Clocky fifteen. So we're all about trying to help dudes get laid to you know, we if we show this is educational tools to try to help our male viewers and listeners.

You know.

For sure. For sure. I mean, a big hey, guys, for the for the young bucks out there, a big learning lesson. A just caller. Right. Don't stand a listen, Christina.

Just call or just call COBRA number two. Just be yourself. There you go.

There you go. Words of wisdom. Elliott, Elliott, thank you for coming on. It is a joy, actually, to do this and to hear your side of it. I think you're a really nice guy. I think it's sweet. Ultimately going to be a really great thing for you.

And once again, I would like to tell them to tell you to go fuck yourself. Yeah, fuck you. I tell you, you lost out big time. Yeah. Good luck, guys.

Blowing the you're sucking on now. Yeah.

So we really appreciate it.

And we will check in with you again soon. Eighteen months with you soon. Awesome.

Thanks. Appreciate it. You all right.

I love you buddy. You got to click us off. Give us a click off. Oh go with your thumb. Go down like this on and off there. Yeah. So you guys, thanks so much.

Of course. Thank you. In advance. Dude, I love that he actually referenced Charles, that he was like people were like this. Got this guy. Charles did it.

Charles is now an international phenomenon. He is. You know what I what I notice the similarities between Elliott and Charles is that they're both actually very success oriented guys. Yeah, they're very type A driven, organized. They're driven.

They're also they're also both, I think, sweet and sincere. I like.

So that's why it's like. You don't go like this guy's a piece of shit, not they're not they're just like, oh, it's almost like you feel like your little brother did something innocent.

You know, you want to be like, dude, it's just not how you get a girl.

Like it's like that kind of well, because, like, they're treating women like a PowerPoint presentation. They're what I'm saying, they're applying work logic like that would have worked for a client maybe. Hi. I'm just checking in.

Yeah, but for a girl for romance, it doesn't translate.

She didn't even write back what she was just like.

She was just horrified by it and just was like, I got to share this with everyone now messed up.

You know, it's funny. And bringing up Charles, although we just did the same thing. Let's fucking Natalia. But that's different.

Let's revisit both Elliot and Charles videos and decide which what do you. Okay, so, um, we also don't forget, they're both super horned up.

Yeah. That's the other element. They're in their 20s. Yeah. Your balls and your dicks all full so full of you just want to empty it and you just go. Maybe if I send someone a video they'll come second.

Exactly.

No, it's it's also which like neither of them would ever say, but that's what they want to happen. Tommy tells you the truth now.

So the original here. Let's go to Chuck's and see see how this makes you feel.

It's good to read what's going on. It's Charles from Match. Just wanted to do a video instead of a text or phone call.

I've been here, I don't know, since seven thirty doing a busy little video editing, editing, I should say, editing some video that's going to be going up on YouTube.

My actually my new office. I really like it. I got I got this from Oceanview.

Where are we. You know, there we go. A no. There we go.

Anyway, we haven't talked I think since Saturday. It's so tonight I'm looking at lilies in Utah.

Where what time. Oh, say around eight o'clock. Fifteen. And I'm going to be in a fantastic mood then because I have so much to do.

I'm looking at my business all around. I like Post-it notes and everything else. And I got my my ice latte.

Yeah. But anyway, you should be a tax and let me know if 8:00 works. I could do eight thirty but a little bit early. It might be tough because I do have a lot to do. So why should we call. And did I see my name in the beginning. It's Charles.

Oh it's sweet here. OK, here's what I like about Charles is video. Yes. You can tell he bullet pointed what he wanted to discuss with her, but it wasn't fully scripted. It felt a little spontaneous. There you go. And here's the thing. If you're going to do a video go full, spontaneous, because people can read when you're when you're scripted, you're trying to be perfect. Non teleprompter.

Yeah. Yes. And that's which I like. It's a revelation. Elliot was very honest. He had he had a teleprompter. That was right. He had a script. He wrote that which let's go right into it. So it's still fresh in our minds.

Hey, Natalia, it's Elliot, so I finally got my video, see you up and running. I couldn't help myself. I wanted to shoot this video to invite you to carry out this Wednesday at seven p.m. we could do six or eight depending on the schedule. But my sales are pretty tight and I'm not bartending. I'm shooting videos like this outreach and Debtors' get on the phone, selling them, taking care of their ads, all that stuff. So look, man curio, Austins, Bon German Village.

You've obviously heard of it before. It is literally the best hidden gem in the city. I mean, you got to go just for your own self education of what's awesome in Columbus, you know what I'm saying?

I want to know if all that is in the prompter, all of that.

It's a lot. I know. But look, hey, again, he's a type they're both type A personalities. They're they're very busy. They like to have Post-it notes and teleprompters, all that this quality guys here it guy.

It's true.

And all this just reconfirms that sending a video is a bad idea. Thankfully, not everybody is aware of that. So these will keep coming. We will be able to play these probably to the end of time, but less is more when it comes to courtship.

Yeah, yeah. You can't spill you spill your like details once there's a romance cooking and brewing.

Right. Like how would you approach me today? Hey bitch.

Let me tell you something like that. I don't know how I would look at any and he's giving you the cool guys because he worked hard when he and I talked about it, you know, he was giving me a little what is that? And he said to do he was like, check this shit out, man.

And he he gave me a lesson.

He was like, you should tell this bitch what's up? Any is that what you said to him? I mean, Tom nailed it, you did it, bro, you got this incredible is incredible, you do it better than anyone else, you know, that's what's up.

But I'm being serious.

How would you caught me now? Because back then, your courtship skills, you phoned me.

You invited me hiking.

I really it's hard to like, OK, it's different in your 40s, isn't it? Of course. Of course it is. I'm trying to imagine I would be like, well, now you're a famous comedian. So that's also another level. I mean, I don't think of you as a famous comedian because I've known you since forever. But in the dating world now it's a different.

What would I say? I'd be like one. I'd be like, oh, you got kids? And you'd be like, yeah. And I'd be like, well, you can't bring them.

But if you want to come to dinner, you know, you can't bring up what's the bitch think she can bring her to dinner. You know, I'd be like then I'd be like fucking retarded.

I'd be like, hey, I go a free Friday. You hit me up on D.M. or something. Yeah, what are you doing Friday? The fuck is this? Who dis you know, you found who did you see the check mark? Know the fuck it is.

OK, wait, hold on, is this the guy that talks about coming on curtains or the guy who talks about taking his shit? Yeah, yeah. Now, what's up? That's terrible. I'm doing fine and answer your question, what are you doing Friday? You better not be bleeding. Oh, my God.

OK, let's go back to this. OK, terrible. I don't think I have. I've been out of the game. While I don't know how to do it, you've changed.

Where are we? Here. So you and I this Wednesday, 7:00 p.m.. Look, obviously I'm attracted to you. You're attracted to me. This smart girl. You're about to be a dentist. You know, I'm a recovering attorney with an MBA who's about to be a millionaire in the next 18 months, building a digital marketing agency was bartending.

So that's that's I think that's where this video goes on a turn. I think he I think he was OK, actually.

And then this is where the the resume. But I actually can see how it happened. You know, I happen to know how because he scripted it.

He was like, so you said the thing. Now you got to talk about your qualities, like what's good about you are busy because you're a ten.

I was in. We are obviously two catches that have actually come together, and I think we should definitely hang out, man. Let's not let let's not let ourselves get busy, because I know I'll probably get super busy. You'll probably get super busy. Here's the fear and then life will just take us to our next course. I don't want that to happen without us at least sitting down having a little chat.

See, there's this part to me. This is the fear part of like, we can't let don't let the ships pass in the night. I got a dude, bro, and that guy, fella, champ, dude.

But that's lot.

But that's also nerves training because now here's the other part.

That kind of. You know, stands out about it is that he is he's trying to build. It's like he had bullet points and what's good about me, what's good about you, what I can offer you. He said, you're attracted to me. You don't know that.

Like, you can't you can't make that claim about somebody else. I'm attracted to use words that. Yeah, I tried to do. Do you want to go out?

But even in a video, if if you mean I'll tell you what happened to me in college, they tell the story before. I don't stop me if you've heard this one before. There was a boy in college who really, really, really liked me and he left me the most painful voicemail. It was similar of this of like. I just I like you so much. Yeah, I just I just I think you're so beautiful and you're so wonderful and I just I miss you and I'm like, oh, wow.

Like and we had even I frenchtown, we had like, nothing had happened. And he was it was so overwhelming it killed the deal.

But that's why it killed it, killed it but killed every guy. This is like this goes back for me.

So to this this is the ultimate. But here's a deal I didn't share. I'm sorry. I just have to say I did not share it with another soul. Yeah. I did not call my friends in and go, hey, listen to this dickhead who's pouring his heart out to me. Right. That's rude as shit. Yeah.

But the original the real thing that sets like the way that this can go really wrong is I hope this video doesn't scare you.

OK, it's good morning, Julia, and here's why. Good morning.

Julia is the kind of worst version of this. But here's the thing. Every guy and I've said this since the beginning, even with Joe, with every guy, every guy relates to the instinct to do it. Like you felt the feeling of like I want to tell her that I I want to be with you.

And like, I look, it's parts of you that that just have the breaks that go like, no, that's too much.

And then you dial it back more. No, that's too much. And then you dial back more until you're like, what's up?

But like like the instinct has always been there.

Right?

Like if you meet somebody and it's just you feel fireworks, you want to say, I just I can't stop thinking about don't the movies like what's a John Cusack movie where he holds up the fucking.

Oh yeah. Like your train. So those are in your head. I should go.

I want to be like vulnerable and and just open up my heart.

I can't stop thinking about you. And then and I built this house with my hands.

I'll build you stuff too. Like you think that she's going to be like this is, you know, like a movie.

You think it's going to be a movie, but it's not a movie. It's actually pussy repellent. Yeah, big time.

But you just you don't know, just wanted to do a video instead of a text or a phone call that that's a bad idea.

OK, because the truth is, in the beginning of courtship, the greatest tool you have is your element of mystery. Yes. You're allowing that other person to idealize you. It literally is the idealization phase of a relationship. Very true. So and you don't want to fuck that up.

Don't give up the romanticizing the other person that don't crush it.

Don't fuck up the mystery.

If you go let's knock off the mystery here, then what's the point? Yeah. You want you want to swim through the mystery part, you know, of, like letting it happen, letting those things kind of settle in. If you just go like, hey, I just see, you know, this is how I jagoff five times a day.

I use my left hand. Yeah. You going to talk my balls to make me come.

Yeah. Like nobody wants to know. Yeah.

Especially women need to because guys are gross and guys are like let's face it, you guys are kind of basic like at the end of the day. Yeah. There's not a lot of excitement, like you're just people that like sandwiches and blowjobs and football and you know, so you let us have the romantic the romanticisation period.

True, true, true.

But pretty soon it's just athlete's foot and crap crotch scratching and farting on my hand and calling me tits loppers and tripled slut wife and. All that fun stuff, you know, the romance goes pretty quick. That's not the romance going. That's the romance being here. That's the romance, that's the romance, yeah, smelling your farts and that's the one good thing about covid, I can smell your farts in a month.

Do you like my hair? Yeah, I didn't think so. You don't have to have this hair unless you just, you know, you want to be bald. A lot of you are balding or bald. And, you know, if you're thinning, it can be too late. You got to act as soon as you start seeing that hair start to fall out.

What are you going to do?

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Classic.

See if there's, if I, if it's in here it's the there's, there's so many cool guys in here.

It's hard, there's Terry. There's make daddy come. Oh I found it. Here we go.

Terry got one of Julia meet Joe. We get in this. Just wanted to say hi. Wish you a great day. Tell you that meeting you yesterday and getting a look at you was one of the greatest moments of my life. You were so beautiful. Jesus, you don't know how beautiful you are to me. I mean, just your gorgeous. Your precious.

Yeah. So this is so much worse than Charles and Elliott. And I want fame level.

I want them to take that with them.

You're way better in this. This is not the same caliber as Charles or Eliot. Not even close. This is stalker. This is like I have. I met Julia. I need to meet her in the gym.

Raster the Charles had a match on Match.com. Elliot exchanged numbers with somebody in person. Was this guy was like, give me your phone and took it. And then he was like, I hope I don't scare you when I send you.

This is totally different. But also, here's the thing.

Even all the jokes about him, I still I still feel for the guy. I know that he's misguided and doesn't know.

Like, I assume this guy in this video probably came out of a relationship a while ago and hasn't met somebody and saw this girl. And then he just like became infatuated, you know, I mean, and told himself, yeah, but like, sending the video is such a bad kind of thing with the differences, like Charles and Eliot don't have the same vibe as him.

This guy has like and I want to say this for the girls listening like scary. Gary, I'm going to want to control you, Vibs, this is controlling I'm going to put my tentacles around you and never let go.

I just sprint kind of like this is a different energy than than those of various toys, desperation and, you know, and emotional problems.

This is like, remember, Marilyn was in here and she was telling us a story about she went on a date and then went out for coffee with the guy. And then she was like and he was just like, well, you're mine.

That's right. That's that's. Yeah, yeah. We're together now. No, no, no.

That's this is other level shit. Yeah.

This guy deserves to but been sitting on my mind when you said to me you want to go back with your ex boyfriend, she told him that please Arason conversation they had don't ever go back.

And I was like my ex.

And I understand, you know, you try to find some dates and nothing compares to your ex, but there is that better person out there. And Julia, I promise you, it is me.

Deep breaths, deep breath. Now, do you feel better? You feel better?

That's about he made a good, interesting point to I think, about not having a father to model after I got to tell you, I have a father and he did a terrible job when it came to to like how to interact with women, because the worst top dogs model was that you look very nice today.

How's your dress? I one time in a in a in a point of vulnerability, like, you know, when you're just like not even thinking who you're talking to.

I, I had I had a thing for this girl in college and I, I fucked, I, I blew her off and then I won. I wished I hadn't and I would just happen to be taught because he was like what's going on. I was like, oh you know this girl. And he was like, well oh shit. Just why don't you give her a call and I go and say what he's like, I, I'd like to take you out sometime.

You like dancing.

And I was like, what? And he was like, just let her know when I go that the fuck he's like, well say it how you like. He was talking like it was a fucking 50s. She's like, I'll pick you up and drop you off.

I can go to the soda shop. Yeah, sure. Do you know how to do the jitterbug. Yeah.

And I was like, please never advised me because like, well you know, just how you say you can bring your chaperone or whatever it is.

Oh my God. Nobody in my family I could talk to. Like I think of that when Elliott said that, I was like my dad would give me like like I said, like 1950s dating advice. My mom. Oh, my God, your mom's a worst because my mom also is is a head games person.

So she was like she would be like, did you talk to it?

The don't call her now wait. And I was like, wait, what. Like she would she she was trying to like help me with head games.

And that's, that's a whole. And then and I was like, I don't want to do that. And then and then she was you know, if I was going out with a girl, she was like, I hope you are being a gentleman and not a pervert.

Of course, you're like, you know? And I was like, yeah, of course, of course. I'll wait till I'm married. Jesus.

And then. No, and then my sisters were they would do they would be so deep into their own psychological games with their own dating that they'd be like, oh, she's a fucking bitch. Anyway, I give you advice. I was like, none of this adds. So I felt lost when it came to like like who do I who do I get guidance from, you know? Right.

Because I can imagine Ma'rib, like, just fucking tell you want to fuck her and then take her and finger her in the movie theater. Shahd that you really want to fuck now. I want to knock them off like OK.

And then what would Jane be like. OK, well Jane would be more quiet and reserved. She would, she'd have an opinion but you'd have to kind of like get it out of her. And she liked like the story and then but I feel like she'd be less certain of what you know. I don't know. I just ultimately I remember being just like a teen, just being like, well, who do I model? Like, who do I listen to, you know?

And then I had friends who were like one friend of mine, just was never single, never he was never single. He would break up with a girl on Monday and Thursday, you check, you know, a girlfriend he wouldn't have like a date. It would be like this girl for a year. And then he'd switch. I was like, Jesus Christ. I didn't know how to model it either. So I felt I feel like I could have definitely been mid 30s sending videos.

Oh, hey, I'm Tom. God, I got a bionic hand.

I got a bionic hand. Um, I'm a international headlining comedian and. Oh, God, maybe you've heard of Netflix.

I have a few programs on there.

Oh, bar. You ever fly private? All right. So I'll pick you up right now. Yeah. OK, we'll pass on you then. That was bad. That was the worst.

That was bad. How should I do it. I'm sending a video message.

I know. Let me think of it. It's see that's the thing is that like I think it's, it must be so hard for people now because there's like almost no way to make your profile look remotely cool or normal.

Like, it's so it must be so hard. It's got to be hard. I know. Like, how do you first of all, what photo do you choose? It's going on.

It's time.

No, you don't send a video that you the other day I thought you were really cute and I don't know, I'd love to spend more time with you. I'm Baff. I'm out. My pussy dried out him for my pussy.

Just I just started this just here. You a good to spend more time with you. Like, how should I say did a bitch check this shit. I bet you that. Well then I mean I'm trying so hard.

You're like because you have to show her that you're interested. Right. So you can't call her up like a friend and just be like, hey dude.

Oh like that. I'm interested. That's what's driving, trying to show, OK, I can't be like, hey dude, what's up.

That's to catch a dog. Yeah, a dog. OK, I don't. And texting is disrespectful.

It is to just text for a date like hey do you want to go out on a date on Facebook.

Why don't you call me like a gentleman. OK, that's too complicated.

I there's too many and there's too many different ways to communicate with people. There's like the damn game. Right. And then there's the do you text, do you call, do you.

There's so many different categories, different places like how do you guys communicate with women that you actually like and respect. Do you text or you write that's texting games.

Ask these guys, how do you do it? Well, I mean, like right off the beginning. I mean, setting up the first date. Yeah, that's all text. Like, you don't call them up and be like, hey, I'd love to take you out. It's it already starts with texting.

That's what you determine a date like, hey, let's meet a curious cause if you're meeting them on like, I don't know, some online dating site, if you meet somebody, do you stay in like if you're Demming, do you stay in that or do you text?

In addition to or do you feel like every person has a rule, like I don't really text until I've met the person like in real life, and so I usually just stay in the dorms until we actually meet and then switches?

Yeah, if if they're, you know, if I'd like a second date, then it switches over.

OK, good program. Do you ever call and talk to people.

Never know. Calling someone is like showing up to their house unannounced, like that analogy.

I kind of feel like that too, like even even dating. And I think I think even with like with the exception of my closest friends know, I feel like a phone call feels like you're pounding on someone's face it, you're like answer.

And in a face time. The only people I face time are like inner circle. It's like, yeah, no, but I mean, like, I'll FaceTime Bert you on without any.

But like if I were to FaceTime so I figured they'd be like, what do you what are you doing. Are you.

That's like peeping in through someone's window. Yeah.

FaceTime is the most intrusive. It's very hard.

You have to, you got to clear a face time with someone that you're not like, are we going to FaceTime? Can I FaceTime you? Yeah. So that that person goes like let me sit where I want to sit and like, look, I want to look right. Like, oh yeah.

I could do well for a woman I'm sure more but for.

Yeah. Like even for a guy, you know, you go like are we like you want face time for this meeting. Like you don't just go.

I'm going to face to see if we were to date now I would just have to meet you at somebody's party or something and be like, oh this is Tom, he's a comedian. I'm like, oh really? What kind of comedy did you. And then I'd be like, like, you don't fucking know.

Like, what do you do, watch cartoon, really cool, thanks for setting me up with them. God. This is unreal. What's up, glasses, you got a fucking vision problems. This is how you treat ladies, huh? Huh, huh? This is how you treat women? No, I think I'm pretty sweet, actually. Oh, my God. Here's the deal.

But seriously, real talk. Yeah. If I just saw your comedy, like, let's say we met today. Yeah. And I was just like a casual fan of stand up. I'd be like, this guy's a fucking savage, like like I did the first time I if you just saw my standup, I would think that to be like this guy's.

I don't know. I remember actually going to give you, like, a big secret time with a girl pocket. Yeah. So I went out with a girl, that phrase right out of pocket.

No, no, not even close.

I went out this girl. I'd only been here like a year. Yeah, OK. And we went on a few dates and she sees me do stand up a couple of times and like hang out. And she's basically she's like, oh, you got to like swagger and confidence. Yeah. And take energy. Yeah. Real babydaddy, you know.

And then one time we're sleeping together. We're hooking up. Right.

And all these fucking horns I hear about now.

And every time I ask him, how many girls have you been with, I don't know.

Shit like not yet. When we sit down here, he's like, then there was a July 2004 is before you and I dated. And then back in the 90s, I caress Tracey.

I'm like, you fucking lie and lie.

I don't like the mike opens up and you have all these hoes on that. Unreal.

This is actually you're going to end up laughing at me. All right. So she goes. This is I'm telling you how sweet I am, so and it's like more to the point of, like, your comedy is savagery, but like it's not yes, it's not who you are. So she sees me and then, you know, we hook up.

She's a real pig, OK? And you say hook up. You have intercourse. Yeah. Yeah. You got me. Yes. Yeah.

And she's a real savage in bed. Like a real, real dirty pig. Right. Like not she doesn't look like a pig. I'm just saying like she's gross.

So like she's nasty. You know, you can't say that am and not give specifics like is she licking or is she scrubbing.

She's fingering like and asking for fingers in her ass and like, you know, just out of the gate. Like writing fingering your ass.

Yes. Shot. You never told me. Yeah. Yeah. If I can pour some tequila, I want to hear. What are you doing. She's like she's such a savage.

So what else does she. She fingers your ass. Yeah. She she licks your asshole to just lick my ass. You're fingering her ass. There's a lot of butt play. Are you doing anal with her too.

No, no, no. But but that stuff's happening on the first time to watch. Yeah. Right out of the gate. And she was like playing with my dick, like at a bar, like in front of people. I was like, jeez. Well you were slammin when you were twenty two.

Yeah. God damn. So she's now hold on. Hold on. So let's back that ass up. This is like the first date with this ho.

Yeah. First date. Yeah. Which bar is this. You can say this. It's on Melrose. What is it. I don't know what it's called.

I'd like that dive that I've been talking about.

OK, and she's like touching your deep under a table. And I was like what the fuck. You know, this is what we're doing here. What are you doing?

I was looking for that picture that you posted of of a young ThomasA girl.

Oh, my. Oh, oh. It's in my stories. He looks like a young kid. There's one in there now. He's that right there.

Look at that fucking that's the guy that's who fucked her. The guy on the left. That guy on the left fucked her cause that guy on the left should have fucked all.

I'm sure you did. You lie. You told me that don't. But anyway, so you're at the bar and where do you meet this girl? Back it up even more. So how did you meet this chick?

I met her. I had done an improv show and she was at the show.

She was an audience member. Yeah. Yeah.

And what after the show, she was like she was like there's a group of people that were like friends going out for drinks. And she was like, oh, you know what, let's go out for like I didn't even I thought she was like cute, but I wasn't like, you're coming out with me.

You know, I was it was a group group, a group of us. So she probably saw you. And was she she was like taken but taken by your performer, your charisma. You're a funny guy. You're going to shit. So you're at the bar and it's a group of you.

Well, as a table, like a table like this. Unreal. She's across from me touching your dick across from you.

She reaches her foot and starts rubbing my dick. And I was like wild. And then she was like looking at me like, you know, what's up? Right.

And I was like, Jesus Christ. So and I felt like the chick, you know, this is. And how old is she? Is she your age?

Yeah, like my age when I was, like, this fucking whore. OK, now she was awesome.

So, hey, uh, so we go back, she's finger in my ass.

No way. Right. No, wait. Yeah, hold on. So she, she, she's doing your d and so you are like, you're like, well what's up. Are we going to go to my house. So.

No, no. So when that, when she is so forward I'm like, you know this, let's go this, this is going to happen like you understand it, you know, so so, you know, we clear the bill, whatever. And there's like ten people.

So you're are you so at this point, like, come on, let's fucking wrap this up, let's go home and fuck, I already know. I just I know it's going to happen.

It's not like let's wrap it. I'm like I'm fucking you. Right.

Within an hour or so, like the we settle the bill and then we get up. And leave, and then she just basically just starts walking with me, like to your house? No, we go to her place. So she lives near Melrose? Yeah, I think so.

Walking? I think so.

I mean, Jesus Christ, 20 years ago in the alleyway, did you go to a house?

We went to her apartment. OK, so she was in a covering and did OK.

So you walk to her is a nice apartment. It was nice. It was nice money. Yeah. Wow. She's successful.

Um, I don't know if she was successful. I don't know. Shit. Nice apartment. I remember that. OK, so you're in her apartment.

Yep. What happens next? We start look it up like right away, no. Yeah, we start. We go we go to her bedroom and we start hooking up. And she's and she immediately, as I'm on top of her, starts fingering my ass. And then as I stop, I look at her.

And she was like I was like, yeah.

So then I do that for a while. Then she flips over and I go, she likes fingers and my ass. Try nurse, you know.

And were you at all self-conscious about the state of your ass then. No, I don't think so. You weren't like God. I just performed.

I was awfully sweaty up there because you know how you approach sweat when you perform honestly about that kind of it kind of felt like, you know, I don't worry about like if a dog licks my sweaty for, like, you feel like that's what this animal was trained to do, you know?

So I think I think she's at home right now.

I mean, women. Are you listening to this? This is, what, 20 something year old men think of you when you just hook up with them. They treat you like dogs. OK, there's that guy, right?

I treat the left dog. So is this the first time you put your finger in someone's butthole? No, no. Well, that was just part of but it was probably with furthest that's been in one because I was I was like palm slamming.

Oh, stop. I'm serious.

I knew she was a real nasty. So hold on. I want to get to the point. The point. Were you afraid of getting chocolate on your finger? I didn't think about it, I didn't think about it, I discovered it the next day, the chocolate. Yeah, it was under your nails. No, I was all over my finger and it dried because I forgot to wash my finger at.

So the laughter stopped. I think I'm going to die, so the next thing, I'm dead the next day, I do not. Oh yeah, it's another thing districted. Thank you. So we went she calls me like, you want to watch a movie or something with my friends. And I go, OK. So I go to her place. We're sitting on a couch like here with a blanket and then two friends are here and she starts jerking me off while we're watching the movie.

And I was like. Were you hearing wedding bells? No, I was just like, yes, so so this is the funny part, though.

OK, so I'm still, like, sarcastic like myself. Right, but I'm sweet to her, like one on one alone. She doesn't like it and want that guy. She doesn't want that guy she wants like. Comedy got like smart ass talking shit, she tells me, so we've been hooking up for, like, I don't know, let's say a month or something and she's like, Hey, I don't get I don't get it at first.

She's like, I'm 23. She goes, Why are you like like this like in bed? I was like, what she's like and I like kissing and all this stuff. I was like, what do you mean like I mean, you know, you're such like a. Aggressive like dude, and you say and then like in bed, you're being all nice. I was like, Oh, I'm sorry. So I'm like, OK, so the next time we hook up, she goes, like, you know, don't hold back.

And I go, What do you mean? She goes, Imagine that's where we're hooking up for like a month now. She goes, she goes, you know, like I'm fucking this other guy right now. And he'll stick dildos in my mouth and like, you know, call me a piece of shit and stuff. And I was like. So what? She goes, yeah, you know, spits on me, like makes me and then he slaps me with the stuff and she was like, OK, like you got the fucking program now.

I was like, OK.

So did you do it? No, I thought you can tell me so I fist order and I spit in her face. No, I couldn't. I was so toilet.

I was so turned off by, like, the the way that she told me, she's like, I'm banging this other guy and this other guy. This other guy abuses me and why won't you.

And so I was like, all right, so we hooked up one more time. Of course you got to say your goodbyes. Yeah, I got I got one last. I just emptied the carton and then.

And then that was it.

I can I tell you for the record, Yana, I like sweet home. Yeah, of course. I'm I'm more into Sweet Tom than they look my is you stupid bitch.

You marry the sweet guy. Right. But you know what I like. But snarky Tom is fun when we're busting chops and we're laughing in the car and we're doing this show. I like that too because yeah, I could not be married to a guy who was like, that's offensive or like some fucking pussy crybaby.

I remember horrible going. OK, talking to a girl in high school and. She's a she has a thing for me. We're on the you know, in high school, you sit around at night, you talk on the flowers. Yeah.

So we're talking on the phone and she's like, I don't like certain words, but she's like, what?

And she told me she didn't like FFG. That's like top word choice around here. And one other, I forget the other one, and I was like, moist. No, no, no. It was like a, you know, offensive word. Oh. So I was like and I think she was like, are you there?

I was like, I'm just trying to process what it would be like to be with you, like, how horrible it would be to date you that I can't say my favorite words, like, what the fuck? I should add quickly, because there's nothing she turned out to be, I found out she turned out to be a real psycho. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really, it's like we're 16 when I'm referring to now.

And like all these years I've heard, I could tell you what's so what kind of psycho you just, um.

I've heard this person's a very calculated because, like, I still have friends that know the manipulation stuff that's like and like, gosh, psychopath.

Yeah. Like psycho stuff.

Michael uses people and like has been in multiple marriages and all kinds of stuff. Yeah. I was like, you dodged a bullet there big time.

Well, there's nothing worse than being in a relationship where you can't fully be yourself.

Totally, I think. I mean, look, I'm I am the messy chap as Nadav documents all the time. I messy. I fart a shit. I love talking about farting, shitting, burping, like I'm pretty gross, you know. And that didn't fly in my past relationships.

Believe it or not, lots of men don't appreciate that side of my personality.

I can think of a few. I can't believe you had fingers in your butt and your fingering and your chocolate on your finger and everything. Yeah. Gosh, well, I was living life three, six, five, I mean, we were the. My goodness, I mean, everyone had a nasty one at one point. Well, let me think, I, I had an ex-boyfriend try to put a finger in my bumhole.

Yeah. I was kind of like, no, I'm not into that. That's fine. I was not into but not enough to trying to think don't act like I haven't been in there before. Well, no, you're my husband now. Well, and you know what, it's looser now because of child childbearing. Yeah, it's fine. Totally fine.

Yeah, you're such a whore. You fucking lie to me about not remember. I can't remember. I can't remember, Your Honor. Yeah. What meanwhile, the other day you wanted me to describe this guy's piña that I saw 20 years ago and you're like, oh you don't remember.

You don't realise.

I don't buy that. I just don't buy it. OK, if I was like, hey, Nadav, any when you were 14 and you know, so and so you said like their tits were huge. How big were their test? If you're like, you know, I just it's not there anymore. I'm like, what are you talking about? You just said that she had big tits. And you're like, how do you expect me to I don't know how it's big, but I don't remember a specific number I can't quantify.

OK, all right. It's still a hot story, you know. All right, um, would you cut if you were a serial killer, would you cut off my vagina and eat it? Sure. Like that guy Shawcross did, Arthur Shawcross? Yeah, we talked we talked about it earlier. Of course I would do it.

All right. We got to wrap up the show. Thank you guys for listening. OK, we'll see you guys next week. Love you.

Love you. I love you too. Finger your ass. OK, bye guys. Your ass.

I'm wearing Gucci by Joseph Leones are closing.

So, Brand, I want you to cheat. I want you to cheat. I want you to cheat. I'm a white male.

Any California sex. I'm a white male. Sex with guy.

Last night I was in Manhattan at a bikini bar I have in my life did cocaine off a girl's titty, went to the bathroom with her. After that, she had to have sex with her three times. And three times, that's that brand. Proceeded to have sex with it three times a week, three times throughout the night, obviously, because I tried it on like 12 minutes, the second round was forty seven, round fifty five minutes. And my dick is probably over average for a white male at the height of five 10.

A cool guy over average for a white male. The cool white male guy, Claire. The white whale, any one sex three times white male. I want to check in.