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But I think that's why I really liked you, because you were just such a pig, like what, man? And you know why I was such a pig? Because I was in the Cool Girl Club.


I was all the training from the cougar. Exactly. I have everything you do. You should be thanking the girls. Well, welcome.


Welcome to your home. So. Going back on the road goes outdates, come back back on the road, zero zero zero zero zero zero. Christina Pee online dotcom for tickets. I'm going to Houston Houston at the Improv February 25th through twenty seven and then Zanies in Nashville, March 11th through 13th. Tickets for the Saturday shows are already sold out. That one's going fast, so please get on it. And then I go to the want the moine at the Funnybone in Iowa.


That is April 9th through 11th. Again tickets at Christina online dot com. There you have it. And I'm going on the road to go to Tom cigarette dot com. Check out my tour dates. A bunch of stuff coming up. A bunch will be added, so just keep going back there and yeah, you'll see, you'll see a lot of dates added in the next few months, but there's some stuff up now. Just check it out.


Thanks, guys.


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What's up there choma. Welcome to another episode of your mom's house.


We are very excited to be joining you in your home or your car or wherever you live on the toilet, on the FedEx truck.


You know, a lot of FedEx drivers listen to the show. They do. They do.


UPS drivers, UPS, FedEx, FedEx.


I have a guy now, you know, we have packages. You have a problem and it's not a problem.


Yep, it's a life enhancer.


So there's always someone dropping off a package. I really appreciate that the Amazon, UPS and FedEx people bring the package to the door. Do you know what the United States Postal Service worker does?


Don't you dare insult him. He hits the bell and then just drops it like on the sidewalk. And I'm like, hey, man. And he just already is walking away.


And I'm like, OK, then how does he ring the doorbell? No, he goes ding dong sometimes and then just leaves it like in front of everything on the street and leaves packages on the street like what are you doing.


And by the time you're like, hey, could you bring he's just like, I'm in my car later. Bye.


Well one time he did that right. And I go and I went out to go. I was like, what? I go the packages. Where is it? He goes, I put it in front of the house and I go, That's OK. You can you can put it behind the gate.


And he goes, Well, how am I supposed to do that? I go, just throw it over.


I don't care. I'm not ordering China, you know, just throw it over the fence. Yeah, guy. I don't know, man. I don't know. He looked at me like he was he was mad and I wasn't mad at him. No, I look at him like I'm mad. That's probably why he's mad at me. He thinks I'm a psycho like you are. Yeah, but I'm not. You're so handsome, even though your hair short, you know what I say when he walks away, so I say it into the intercom so he can hear I go, you're good at your job as you don't.


Yeah. You're good at your job, and then he just what, he stops and he's like, no, no, I don't. Oh my God. So.


No, that would be, you know, what I like to do as a mean joke to you right now in L.A., there are people who are so anxious about coronavirus that they're doubling up on prayer, the mass of masks. Oh, no. Um, I saw I saw a guy with, like a regular surgeon mask the. And ninety five. Yeah. Yeah. The face shield on top of goggles and then the latex.


A little fuzzy like that today when I picked up coffee like she was wearing like oh shit.


But then doubled up on the masks and I was like try to be consistent you know if you're going to double up on masks, maybe wear a little more clothes or use condoms, you know, that don't, uh, hey, you're getting a lot of motion back and then it's coming.


It's coming back. It's a little you, uh, it's, uh. It takes a while, though. It takes a while. And we did. But I started writing with my left hand that's able to write with it in eight weeks.


And we. Did you do Otti and DTRs last night.


Yeah. Oh shit. Why are you so happy today. You're welcome.


Or else. Oh that uh. We tried a new, um I mean, can we talk about this? What, you didn't like my new character last night? Oh, because you you had, like, wife vibes for a second.


I know you're like, did I shut the door? No, not that character, that was me being a bitch. I'm talking about I'm talking about I saw I had a nice wig on. Yeah. And then what was the first character I brought into the scenario? The old whore, the old whore, that was terrible. That was, you know what, let's open the show and tell us all about the old whore.


I thought you might. I hated it. I don't know what. I'm never hiring an old whore again.


All right. Let's let's start the show.


Cristina Pina old or is that the next special time you're putting it out there?


Can't wait to see the names. OK, here we go. And another thing. I am a boy, not a girl. Listen, I'm not a lesbian. No, I am not. I'm a lovely boy. There you go. Randi, don't bring anyone love into this stuff. Oh, no. Whoa, to your mom's house. Show that. Christina. Well, go to your blog. Fucking. Yeah, I have. Before we go back to the old whore, I have shoulder pain now, which is really cool.


It's weird because my shoulder wasn't injured, but it's the most painful thing. And, yeah, it really hurt. So I had a and I was like, yeah, explain the whole situation. She's like, well you're what's happening is that you're having like you said, you're not fully healed. You have certain muscles that are overcompensating for the lack of other ones. And so I was bench pressing and she was like, you shouldn't have done that.


I was like, cool. I was cleared to do it. And then she's like, you know, so that you have deltoids and all the scapula. Everything is like working harder to compensate for it. And I'm like, all right, so what do I do? And he's like, well, rest, but also make those muscles stronger and then it won't hurt. I'm like, yeah, but then the lifting is what made it hurt. She's like, right.


I'm like, OK, it is a conundrum because it's, it hurts to do, it hurts to do it.


And then they're like, but if you do do it and you did it well then it won't hurt. You won't do it, OK. And then she just put tape on there.


Yeah. There's tape on there. And there was. Stuff on there, yeah, stuff on there. Yeah, go on there, cool it, smell that. Was it like that stinky train? I don't know. I never got my smell back from. Oh, I got to tell you, I'm not upset about it.


I'm not either.


I can't like 41 years of having smell. I was like, that's cool. It's the only thing is that our dog smells right now and even the baby was like everybody says the dog's things like doesn't bother me, does bother me.


But then I got up really close to her beard last night and I go, it smells like bark. I have to confess something.


Yeah. Anyway, it's OK, though, we'll get it back, hopefully. Oh, no. So, yeah, you were an old whore. OK, but explain it.


So I you said, who do you want to be with tonight? Which one of my girlfriends.


Which girlfriend I was like, I'll take blue, you know, and I forgot her name, but I thought it was something like I go talk to you. It's your girlfriend, experience her name. Anyway, um, so you came out, you had the blue wig and I was like, yeah. And then you were like, I've been doing this 65 year. And I was like, What?


No, I was. I was very. Very I was very like cursorily, come on, here we go. Yeah, I could win that. Vladka I knew you want me to pull your boxers down or should I just pull it out of the peephole?


And I was like, can we stop this roleplay before you guys don't think that's super hot? Like the old broken whore who was like, come on, let's get on with it, sweetie.


Like, it's just your day job. I just went. That's not true, it did not liar. I did not like that, don't lie. I didn't like it. I didn't like it. Well, I know that's why I switched it up. But you did. That was more like nice.


It's a dumb hoe, which is my favorite. Yeah, yeah, yeah.


And then you gave me a speech, you gave me a speech, are you Tom Lagus, you gave me a speech about my past. Oh, my.


Really made me laugh. Well, the thing is, like, you're a bit with somebody nice before.


Yeah, well, because I'm laying there and we're we're, you know, having a nice moment. And I start thinking about what you've been sharing on the show. And I promise you, for years I've asked you these stories, you don't tell me and instead you first of all, I've discovered that you've lied to me for the last 15 years because every time I ask you, you're like, I don't know, some scallywags.


Like, I can't even tell you the number. Just whatever wasn't a big deal.


No, not enough cares. And then on this show, you're like, well, she put her she gave me a foot job under the table.


And then she said that her boyfriend puts a dildo in her ass mouth.


And then there was this other girl who was like, I don't suck dicks. And I barely had to muster out an orgasm just to be with her.


And I'm like, is there anybody? Oh, and then the famous one, the Tunisian whore that you talk about on your special, like I'm like all of these women are cool girls. Is there anybody normal?


And you're just a nice lady that you made love with consistently, that you learned stuff from, you know, like.


Yeah, there was a there was a few. Could you say that? And then he goes, yeah, there was. This is the best. He goes, yeah, there was one nice girl.


I go, great, let's hear about the nice girl. I loved it. Was she sweet to you?


She goes. He goes, yeah. We had a nice three months together and then, you know, she ghosted me like three or four times. And then we you and I started dating and then she tried sniffing in your yard again.


But I'm like, this doesn't sound like a nice person.


She ghosted you three or four. I go, I never ghosted you. I met you. I liked you. Yeah.


I kept you around because she was she really was pretty nice though, so.


Yeah, no, no. I mean, like, she wasn't she wasn't like some of these trash bags I've been with, she was like. She wasn't actually a nice person, but, you know, she was ghosted. I mean, she did that was that. But I'm saying, like, she's not she wasn't like a piece of shit, just like, you know.


But she's still a member of the Cool Girls Club. I don't think so. No, she was pretty nice. There was. I say there was four nice ones for. Yeah. Yeah.


And the number changes to every time. She was nice. The girl in Georgia was nice, the. Trying to think, oh, there was one New York girl, there's a few New York girls, but one of them, a few one of them was pretty nice. And and then, you know, there was one more.


OK, but yeah, but all this is this is not truth, because in the years I've asked you, you've been like that.


No, she's not even I don't know if I, you know, like and now you're like I was three in New York.


There's two New York Times. I was on a roll in New York.


So what happened was I got home and like I got, you know, that Tom and I are not uptight and we're really open with each other in private life, as on the show.


Like, I don't know why you don't tell me the stuff we're drinking together, getting high, like I'm telling you right now on a podcast, like not in our private life. Sure.


I'll tell you in private, too, so.


OK, so who are the normals or anyway, you were going to tell me about. Well do you know the normal's know. Let's hear some more cool girls. Well, you tell me what you want to tell me, how I'm trying to think I've told you some, like I tell you about, I was on a roll in New York. What happened was my sister moved in New York, OK, like out of college. She was in Boston and then she moved to New York.


So that became a destination because she lives there. And also, I have a place to stay, you know, perfect. It's perfect. Every time I was going to New York for a minute, I'll hook up with somebody. It was so easy. Like, you would just be like, what's up, bitch?


And then you'd be sleeping with someone, you know, so. No, I really was it was wild, like at that point you because I was so used to different places like New York, you would just like walk down the street and some pussy would just fly in your face.


We just fly in your lap. Like I tell you, my St. Patty's hook up story, I don't remember you remember that one, I've told that before. I don't remember that I was in it was St. Patrick's Day and I was in New York and I was at a bar with my friend and one of my roommates, OK? And these two girls just approached. They came up to us.


I remember you telling me. I tell you that. And then we went back to their place in the separate rooms, handled our business, and then. Slept there and then the next morning were like peace, and that was it, like that was right. It sounds like another schoolgirl experience.


Yeah, she was pretty cool. But what I'm talking about is just like a nice like a woman who you consistently had a relationship with and a sexual like not just a hooker.


You met her or. Yeah. Like 90s anomaly weirdos. These riffraff. I'm talking like I heard about this.


What happened, ladies, that you made love to. Lots.


Yeah. So there was the one that you know about for a couple of years. Sure. Then there was definitely the three month DC thing. OK, all right. That I moved to L.A., so that's actually right. And then yeah she goes to me but she goes to me like, you know as I'm leaving town.


Yeah. And I said, that is nice.


I actually got, I got, I got if you want to know, I'm trying to understand.


I got called lies our whole Hartly relationship. Oh, are you the truth. OK, go ahead.


I got dissed hard because I was trying to be slick my last night in D.C. uh, she dissed me but I did somebody else and I ended up alone.


OK, so I was dating like three girls in D.C., right. And I was like, I'll see you on Monday. See you on Wednesday, I'll see you on Friday. Make sure that shit is cleaned up and ready to go. So, yeah. Were you banging all of them?


Of course. I was slang in that 22 year old dick around my guy. So you are so nasty now.


Didn't give a fuck about these hos. Right. But nice. So OK, so. This is so troubling, it was so good trying to remember their names, um. So anyways, there's the the you remember their names, I remember. Two, there's actually four girls I went out with there, but I remember two of their names. I'm not going to say their name. No, of course. So anyway, one girl. We had gone out with screwed around a little bit.


And I was just like, you know, like she's like a. Placeholder, you know, like a bookmark, but I don't really I'm not that interested. So and then there was the girl who I really liked who ended up dissing me. Do she just me so hard the last night. So what I do is I had to pack up my stuff. I'm leaving. I'm leaving D.C. I'm going to go to Florida for a couple. For like six weeks and then come to L.A., so I'm going to go to my parents house for like six weeks, like just regroup and then move out to L.A..


This was my last night in D.C. Everybody knows about it. You know, they had a party for me at work, I fucked my friends aren't at the party. Oh my God, that's another one on the call girl club. I forgot about the eight. Yeah. Yeah, I said so.


Gross. Yeah. So there's another hazing check out there. Check it out. Derelicts and degenerate.


When you try to be too slick, this is what happened. So it's my last night in D.C. I had seen friends.


You know, you have like your goodbye dinners and blah blah.


So I'm seeing a couple of girls I really like, we got to come up with names for them. I really like Sandy. All right. I really like Sandy. OK.


And I'd also gone out with Carly. Carly, ok. OK. So, Carly, I'm just like, whatever, right, she's your throw around. Yeah, Sandy, I really like what I do is I get all my stuff, I pack up. I'm going to do a long drive in the morning. I get a hotel. In like outskirts of D.C., like a decent place, and of course, I tell Sandy, hey, I got this hotel, we've already been going out and banging on Jenny and she's like, great, I will, uh, I'll come by.


And I'm like, all right. Like when? Because I get to the hotel, I don't know, it's like mid-afternoon. And she says, I got this and that.


So later, like maybe nine or ten, I'm like, OK, all right, rub my hands together. I'm so excited to see Sandy.


Yeah. Carly calls me and she's like, Where are you? I'm like. Uh, I left, she's like, you left where I left D.C. I'm lying to her, right? Yeah. And she's like, what are you talking about?


Like, it's your last night, um, I went, I got my hair done. I'm all dressed up. I got like I wanted to spend the night with you.


Oh, no. And I was like, oh, shit. So I was like, uh, I mean, I just she's like, how could you leave without saying goodbye?


Because we've gone out if you. Yeah, no, I was reasonable. Yeah. And I was like, I just you know, I don't plant roots, you know, I just can't.


Tommy was a Rolling Stone and.


So stupid, you're like 12 at the time, I was a babe and I was like, but then here's the thing, part of my brain is going, well, maybe you can have a come over, get your DSE. Yeah. And then throw her out and then have the second one. Yeah. Two four.


Get a two fer sure. A six hour win. That's a great idea.


But I was like this bitch isn't going to leave if I let her come home that's for sure, because she's expecting a nice cuddle. Carly thinks like there's love, you know.


Yeah. So I was like. Debating like, do I just do I go, OK, you know, I'm still in town. It was so hard to say goodbye to you, so like that kind of thing.


So, uh, I feel sick already.


I don't even know.


I I have the debate in my mind about what to do. And I just tell myself it's all about Sandy. Let Carly go. Right.


Well, because it is a players debate, like if you it's like the bird in the hand or two stinky bushes is not what they say. That's what they say.


So what I'm really concerned about, though, is if I bring Carly over who I know, I don't really know.


You can best not. But but that that would fuck up my later because you could you I know I'm trying to think of ways out. There's no way out.


Like, once she's over, she's not going to like, I'm going to leave. She'll be like, I'll spend the night with you cause and then she'll want to cry the next day when the whole thing.


And I'll be like, oh my God. And I knew it. She was so mad. She was so, so mad cause and she's cute and stuff.


She and she told other people about it why she was so furious, wasted makeup to get worse and she just got her hair, you know, or whatever. It takes hours.


So I was like, you know, I mean, I was like I didn't want to like, ruin her day or like have the conflict. But ultimately I was like, you know, I really like Sandy. So I got a so I go, I make my decision. I'm not going to see her. And I'm like, that's just I'm gone. I really left. I told her I was in, like, South Carolina by then or so.


Right. Right.


So she's like, fine, you're an asshole. And just, you know, she was upset. But I'm like, I'm upset for a minute about it. Then I'm like, yeah, but at least he's coming over. Yeah. You still going to get your.


So it's like a nine. I'm getting like nervous and and then I'm like, where are you. Oh well never comes over. Never says anything. I had to chameides myself what a fucking whore Sandy is.


She left behind dry and she never texted you back or anything. No meaning no excuse.


It was like way like you know, I don't know. What did she say later. I don't remember.


I don't remember. It was it was some bullshit. And I was like, all right. That we started seeing each other, we started talking long distance again, and then we finally saw each other, I don't know, a year later and when I saw her a year later, I didn't have any feelings for her anymore. It's like they just went away. So I saw her and I was like. Whatever, and then that's when she started like writing letters, that is always what happens whenever.


So write me a letter whenever I yeah, whenever you give those bitches no attention, that that kind of or like aloof to you, that's like the aphrodisiac. I really want to be up in your shit. And then you're like, what's your name again. You Premal bitch. And then they're like, I think I love you.


Yeah. Stupid. Now, what would you guys have done that night? Like any what would you have done in Tom's situation? I mean, so you were playing this Cali girl, right? Yeah. Yeah.


I just wanted to get, like, you know, a little. Yeah, a little on the side, but I didn't I didn't have any feelings for her, you know, I would, uh, I would have made that the, uh, what is the fairy tale moment? And I would have been like what I called her back. I mean, it was, what, 10? But, yeah, you're like, oh, she's definitely not.


No, but that's the thing is that I, I didn't know I didn't like I kept having that thing thinking like that. And I was like, all right, call Karalee. But I was like, she's going to come over now and Sandy's going to show.


And I couldn't risk that because I liked Sandy too much. And I was like, there's no way out of that. Like, if if she's here and also and she goes, sorry I'm late. Sorry.


No, that's true. That's true. But you could have done I should have gone to Cali.


That's the bar I should have been like. But I was. All right, I'll come see you and then I can go. And you could have gone later.


But like, I drove here all the way.


I drove I was in Greenville, South Carolina, and I drove here to see you.


That is so evil. And I love it.


That is sinister. I mean, if we're going to play the game with it, you know what I mean? Yeah.


So and would you pull up with the U-Haul, like put all your stuff in it like, oh god, I'm so tired.


I'm out here, I love you like you do.


And then I come and I'm like, no, no, later bitch. And then you kick her to the curb, you throw a dead body in the U-Haul and you know no one's dead.


Oh, it's totally alive. Yeah. Damn. See, if I don't you wish we could time travel and you could work on that. Of course. Information that any gave you and then. I wish I could ride around and give her a little, you know, give her a little, you know, just hook her up, give her a treat.


I know what she likes, so. Anyway, so that was another asshole, so that's why it's so calm, just in my mind, is a good girl, right? Right. Just to recap and then Carly actually sounded like a really nice girl. She wanted nothing to do with her. You wanted to go with Sandy, who was a ghost?


Well, she was blue and mysterious and and not not. Here's the thing. I need a little disdain. Yeah, I know.


It makes you. Can I work with someone who's gone?


If you're like, hi, Poppy, good to see you. Like, oh, I need someone who like whatever.


And I'm like, yeah, but that's why you and I worked in the beginning. Oh yeah. That's how you got me. Because you were like, men suck.


And I was like, all right. I just gotten out of a gnarly relationship though, and I was like, never getting married. I hate men. This is all bullshit.


I was like, oh, Duey. And then I was like, like, I love you.


That's so true. But do you still. But every now and then I still give you a little disdain.


Yeah, you do. And you still like that, right? Sure. That's not that's not a you know, a little a little.


Now you're OK with me liking you for being a little further along. Now, I don't know if you know that.


I don't know if it is Tom now that this whole double life we just found double life. So give me another example of who you think a nice girl is.


Oh, I'll tell you. So this this one little bitch, I saw her.


So fun to talk so recklessly, OK, but how long give me a like, know this, OK? All right. Oh, my God. Just for the record. Yeah, like I long term boyfriend. I didn't do that. I didn't do that. No, I know it's all it's all schoolgirls in your pants.


This is a string of cold chicks.


But then I met you. I met you young. You keep forgetting that that's true. I met you really young and we started dating. I was pretty. I was 25 when we started.


It's crazy. Yes. Isn't that wild?


Everything before then is like it's really only five years of being single. I mean, I was dating someone until I was twenty nerd. And then I only had five years. That's when did you bust your first nut then 17.


Did you fucking old and shit.


I mean in someone's mouth you're talking about.


Oh my God. Because I feel like I had a lot of sex, but with fewer people and people who I cared for pretty deeply and I didn't give a shit about that.


So it's a difference between you and me. You had a lot of sex, so much fucking, but with, like, fewer dudes and like nice guys. Oh, can you guys guys rank them how sexually? Well, I don't know.


I can't use names. And so come up with all I will say and I will say, Your Honor. Yeah. You are the nastiest by far. Come on. The nastiest. Just like alpha male.


I think that's why I really liked you. Because you were just such a pig. Like what, man?


And you know why I was such a pig? Because I was in the Cool Girl Club. I was all the training from the cougar. Exactly. I have everything you do. You should be thanking the girls. They made you into the savage that you are now.


Yeah. So you're with all just gentlemen before? Well, because the other day we were in the kitchen and you're like like what's like the craziest thing or what have you. And I was like, really, truly.


You were the one that I was like, whoa, this guy is fucking a pig off the chain. Yeah. Like me because. Because you guys forget, like, I was goth and kind of emo for so many years. So the guys I were dating were dating guys. I was dating the guys, guys who speak English, whereas the guys I was dating were dating, they were more feminine, like beta dudes.


Do you know what I mean? I put it this way.


I never dated a guy who watched football like that. Just was not a thing.


They wore like velvet skirts and makeup and they were more into feelings and stuff. So when you came along and you were like football farts.


Just crazy shit, I was reading your head while you are stable my tits to the desktop, but it was I had to get used to it because I took it as, like, red flag.


So it's like, OK, if I can messed up.


So wait, so was all the sex before. Just like very. You know, it's whatever lovemaking, I mean, for the most part of their boyfriends. Yeah, so it wasn't like the girl who gave me a foot job under the table and then fingered my ass the first night, like we weren't like, you know what I mean?


No, it was more like it was just like normal, like, you know, not like you and I are super. Oh I know. Kinky or whatever, but yeah. It was way tamer. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's really weird now that I think about it, what's weird, just like because I was so young, too, I think that's another thing, too, is you're so young. Yeah, like my first boyfriend of four years.


It was just like learning to fuck. Yeah. Like, oh, my God, we put that in there. Yeah. Oh my God.


The first girl that I had, it's a nightmare fingered. Yeah. She was like, hey, that's not the whole I.


Did you put on her behalf. No, I was just like jam in the front of it. I was like, yo man. She was like, go back. I was like, oh, she's up.


Right. But that takes a few years just to even get comfortable with like thing egos and slot be like that takes a while.


Yeah. And like, you know, I wasn't comfortable at 20 years old. Yeah. Or even until I was older. Dude, one time this pig came up to me.


Jesus. And she just handed me a condom as her. Hello. Oh stop.


I swear. I mean, who really lives this. I swear. I swear on our children. Where, Madrid. Oh, my God, this is what I'm talking like. I didn't have experience like this. I never did.


I mean, I got to say, it was peak time I was back and I'll send you a fucking photo and you'll start flicking your being. So she saw me and she was like, God damn, you're. And I was like, what's up? And then she's like, we'll be using this later. Just gave me a condom. And I was like, and I'll be calling you in about 15 minutes. And did you. Yeah.


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I had the most enjoyable time the other day. I was watching a movie and playing best fiends on my phone at the same time. Why? Because breastfeeds is it is a game for adults, believe it or not. That's like casual but still challenging enough. It feels like I'm very I'm very relaxed when I play. I like the colors. I like the levels. You feel like you're being rewarded. You feel like you're doing everything right in your life.


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So anyway, there's this nice girl in Georgia. We hung out. I'm sorry, I'm sad, I'm actually sad right now. Really, it's fun reminiscing. Yeah. For you maybe. And think about all these these night moves you've been making before me.


Night moves.


All right. Well, we can move on. No, wait. Tell me about Georgia. She was she was really sweet. Really sweet. So really what happened there? We didn't live in the same city. And I was like I was insecure because I was like, oh, you know, I just I liked her. I really liked her. And I was I should like when I looked back at it at the time, I was like, I should have, like, reached out to her more and tried to see if I can call her now.


I mean, I don't have her number. Mm. I miss her so much. I don't miss her.


She's nice. Oh yeah. I told you she she helps people. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah. That is nice. She's really nice person.


Wow. Yeah. And she knew how to Paynton.


Oh stop it. Gobble, gobble, gobble. Well you're not with her now so obviously she wasn't that great. That's true. No way. No I know I said that's true. And I wonder if you seen your many Netflix specials for sure. There's a guy that fucking comes on curtains. That's my old boyfriend, Tom. She remembers. OK. You know, I liked about her. We really got she got right to it. I mean, I didn't fuck around with, like, hey, let's talk for a while.


All right, let's go back to this. Opening clip. Pretty cool guy. And another thing, I am a boy, not a girl. I'm nothing. I'm not lesbian.


No, I am not. I'm a lovely boy. He's an Australian, a lovely boy, cuppy from Liverpool. Oh, I'm not sure I couldn't make the accent out. I think you're right. He is. He is. Sounds like. Yeah.


He's just an odd it could be the camera angle sometimes. And cameras make you look worse than you are.


I think it's interesting that he said I'm not a girl and also I'm not a lesbian.


Yeah, it was confusing for me as well because you could just say I'm not a girl, period. And that would cover.


Wait a minute. Not necessarily.


You're really thinking like a binary cis gendered white male right now because you could be non binary and be a lesbian.


I'm a boy, not a girl. OK, that's established. Right? We already got that down that you are a boy.


I'm not lesbian. Well, yeah, of course.


But but boys can be lesbians now, Tom, because they transition or they could be non non binary. Boy, I don't know. You know what I mean?


I'm a lovely boy. You're just thinking like, so 2013 right now, it's just not what it is. Yeah, all right, well, look, man, I hope that your non lesbian ass has a really great life and I hope that I think it's a good, nice hair. He's got great hair. He put a great message out there. And I hope people see this and they reach out to you with whatever you're into, not a boy.


You know what I liked? My favorite is how upset the boys in the booth were seeing that guy. Oh, yeah. Like we've had people forced themselves doch with their. I know.


I just saw heads shaking and they were just like, oh God, no, no. So upset. So we had to dip into the vaults here for a second.


This is really important. Oh, OK. Just listen to this one here.


I don't know if you remember the quite famous former anchor of NBC Nightly News, Tom Brokaw, pretty highly respected journalist, never heard of a convicted killer.


Ted Bundy on a 24 hour state, one man Ted Bundy song. So Tom Brokaw, the voice of NBC News for almost three decades. Wow, he sure says it pretty clearly on one yeah, one part, the convicted killer, Ted Bundy, one. Twenty four hours today. OK, so then I have to go. Well, who do I take my pronunciation lessons from, uh, Nadav or Tom Brokaw. Right. Case closed.


So I'm gonna look hey, that's how they talked in the 70s, the 50s.


They say, oh, whenever this clip is from, you know, the 60s. Yeah.


Look, man, this isn't it's not how you say it. Oh, OK. You put a folder, a video file of you in here, huh? There's a video of you. This is you. There's me that says that Nadav Mieux doing music. OK, yea yea yea yea yea. Thunder Blitz, I'm not your average ordinary rapper, hell nah. I made the song Thunderstruck because that's going to be my first song. Your song brother.


No. No, I am not like 20 something years old, I'm 17. That's right. I'm just a 17 year old rapper, so I'm one of the youngest rappers to ever be confirmed.


Good job, man. That was you. Cool.


I know for a fact that's not what the folder was called or the clip. I appreciate you coming on this.


Yeah, dude, you could smoke. This strike is as exclusively for me. That's why they call it fun blitz, because, you know, it was. And why do gangs fight all the time? Why do you want to shoot each other in the frickin head? Why not just got a lot for once. Come on now. You're 20, 21. It's time to get along. If you don't get along then. And something bad's about to happen.


Yeah, that's tight.


That was a nice positive message for twenty twenty one. I appreciate that.


I know for a fact the file was the thing that. He looked genuinely stunned when he said it, too. Yeah, I I was like what?


I thought I was about to get side blinded. Did I was correct.


Blind sided side blind. No, you're right. Blind sided. Yeah.


Weps was talking stupid.


Yeah. But you did you there is an interesting name for the folder that you guys did come up with. Yeah. Yeah.


Well I'd like to say that most of the naming rights I've been going is OK. It's inappropriate. What is it it says are awarded rapper.


I love the safe space we live in, don't you? Yeah, it's so nice to be here. Well, look, um, it's we should get right to it. You're a aficionado of hip hop and rap. Yeah. How how good is this flow? Oh, this guy. I mean, he's got it.


He's got it. Working on the raps reminds me of my mother. Well yeah.


Yeah. Like like a Kendrick slash Mos Def kind of vibe. Yeah. It's cool. Yeah. Really good.


Really good. Really good. It is February. Yeah. February Black History Month. That's right. And it makes you think how can a show as ridiculous as ours, a comedy show with insane clips and absurd conversations. How can you honor Black History Month in an appropriate way? I don't know. But I do know that we've had amazing black people clips on this show and we thought it'd be fun to revisit some of the best. Hall of Fame clips on the show involving black history, involving black people for Black History Month.


We're calling this segment the best of the black. All right.


So I'll try to I'll try to tell you what I remember about each clip.


Yeah, I can jump inside it, but let's let's not first let's stress the importance and the value of these black people on our show, OK? And they have brought so much joy and so much love. Yeah.


Look, some of these if you've been listening for a long time, you're going to be like, oh my. Like you're going to remember hearing some of these are going to be from the audio only days. Yes. Some of them are that old. So we went through we, you know, figured out which ones are like, yes, oh my God, they're such great contributors.


Yes, of course. Well, the clips, you know, we've played clips from all over the world and all types of people and every race and religion, but we're trying to focus exclusively here on clips.


I can't wear black. I cannot wait. They've just this way. Everyone right here is one of the very first.


It was an audio only clip before our video days, but now you'll see the video. And the way I got this clip, the reason this came to my attention was I wrote on a pilot for Comedy Central that was starring Jonah Ray.


Oh, my God, Jonah Ray and Kumail Nanjiani and I were writers with a couple other people. And his Jonás show was about like video games. So all video game centered. And this clip I saw in a production meeting, I laughed so fucking hard and we shot a pilot that they didn't pick up. But I was like, give me that clip. I need that for my podcast. And that was like the start of stuff like this because I love this guy.


It's the NBA 2k dead man.


That's fucking. Oh, shit. He's playing with this son of a bitch motherfucker got, you know, brown, you black bitch. Fuck you. Oh, that bitch. Fuck, fuck this shit. Fucking suck this big ass motherfucking sorry black mother fucker. God damn. Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck yeah.


There's a there's like when they get higher I think we probably played.


I got so obsessed with this clip that I was playing it every episode for like a month and then breaking down the audio because this guy I mean this is like a performance, you know, and he's so passionate and you know that he means every word.


Oh, yeah.


So in the moment and he's playing with his son and I believe nephew and he is just going to tell who hasn't seen their dad get super fired up over.


I know my dad fired up over games when he had watched me. Yeah.


I could have used on Bosnia and they go crazy.


There's a reason our two year old says, God fucking damn it. And it's because his dad does. Yes. Our two year old son will go, God fucking damnit, God fucking dammit.


Oh, yeah.


Because he's seen me be like, God fucking damn it. He does say it now.


He'll do it as a joke until you laugh. Hmm. But but more and more than just a black I clip. This is a dad clip, I would say, which resonates, but I would say it's a black dad, but it's a black dad. Yeah. Because they're black dads. There's white America and he's got that like.


He has that that that cadence and delivery of like a comic. Yeah, you know, like he knows like how to finesse the cursing and the aggression. He, like, forms it. It's entertaining.


It's entertaining to watch him are tough. Is that so fired up? Look, I'm not like that shit to not make that shit. Charlie Brown, look at that fucking bull shit out of here. Get that fucking shit out of here. Fuck the shit out of here. Fuck it. Oh, shit. They're both sides.


And the best is that it's so aggressive and his kid is just like like.


Yeah. You know, they hear this enough. They hear it all. It's not. Yeah it's not.


Sounds crazy, but you at know that's the best part. Okay Dad.


He goes a little crazy. So that clip is 11 years old.


No. Gosh that that ending really, really cinches at home. Yeah. Puts it. I mean I remember the music in the background goes to set it off like you. Oh yeah.


Set it off in this motherfucker. Yeah. He goes fight it up.


Now we're fast forwarding many years, but of course many of you are familiar with this good memory.


Young African-American man for all your beautiful women. You feel me. Just let me eat you one time. Just let me eat you one time and you going. I guarantee you you're going you're going to ask me to stay at your house. You go you go to sleep for three days. My baby.


Oh yeah. Yep. Okay. Yeah, he's unforgettable.


Oh this guy's amazing. Yes. What what. I can show you what time. She'll never tell you. They got a man up of work I can cook for you clean up your house.


No. This visit when you come home baby you just got a job and jumped up with all the bubbles.


And guess what?


What's going on with you 100 percent? What do you do with that bull? I'm sure you I'm a make you cry.


Oh yeah. I did so many good sayings. Yes, I'm a make cry. So three days and then the finale is that. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.


You just got so many good catch phrases. Oh yeah. Yeah. Just so many bangers in that one.


Yeah. So many great drops were pulled out of your booty.


Yeah. And you can't but I'm put my hand in it.


Yeah. Yeah. He's going to smash. Yeah yeah. I mean yeah yeah. I'm on the catch phrase.


Yeah. How are you going to vote. Well it's interesting he doesn't let the glove too. Is that to actually preserve the smells more so that they're on the fabric. I wondered if that was a deliberate creative choice or just in the moment. Sure feels like it.


Yeah. Yeah I yeah. Yeah. Um, perhaps maybe my favorite, one of my favorites is wait a minute, one of my favorites ever.


OK, is it my favorite. It's up there. It's definitely up there.


Hello this is Captain, my sister with down. I'm going down to the mountain. They say my sister told everybody I'll be back, I need backup. I'll see you later. Bye. I got to say my like this has kept them also back in my cell.


Bye bye. Yeah. She had to go save her sister. Yeah, she knows everybody.


Mayday, mayday. I'm in trouble. I'm going down my ship. Going down. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. My ship went down. I want to go my friend. I love you all. See you later. Bye bye.


Oh and then she died. Oh my God. You know what's great about that Captain Marcel. It was like drama. It built up. And then she died at the end. Was there a beginning, middle and end?


Yeah, I was really good. That was a good one. I love Captain Marcel. Yeah. Um, this one was also a banger on this show and it stayed in the lexicon for, I would say like half a year. OK, OK, half a year. This was a massive clip for us.


Hard work. I have made forty dollars per year plus. Right. It is quite happy back. I got my Chinese American you Chinese.


I remember I how you I got my first. She was in a Wells Fargo.


She was in a Wells Fargo. There's people in line and like you can just put it together. She's just like I mean she's definitely not stable. Sure. But she was like, what are you talking about? I have a million dollars. She goes, kiss my pussy cats. Yeah, yeah. That was the best part.


The reiteration of the wish. Kiss it.


Oh it most importantly that she's like, I got a million dollars and then she's like B of A you Bank of America, you Chinese motherfuckers go.


You never hear someone say, kiss my pussy. Oh, no. But that's why this clip really stood out, because it was a unique phrase we'd never heard.


Kiss my ass, kiss my pussy was a huge effort.


Bank of America was trying to use the best part. I love that.


Yes, it was. Yeah. Yeah. Who hasn't been this angry at the bank, though, like, you know. Yeah. Your customer service line. But the banks are terrible. It's infuriating.


Especially pretty handy when you stand in line for hours.


It is so unique because it's like, you know, you go to a bank like this and you can feel like, is it am I is am I allowed to be here? And they have your money. I know. It's like it's your money and you're like, is everything OK? And they tell you now you owe this these are your fees, you know, you know, like, OK, you're so powerful.


Thank you for letting me give my money here. I know it's so powerful. It's just like being on an airplane. I think that's why people freak out on airplanes. You're not in control as much in that environment.


Spanked the same. Understand her frustration.


God, yes. Kiss my pussy gets it. Now, this. I know. Is this the one. Yes. Is it the one.


Yes. This is my favorite. OK, this came to us.


I forget how we landed on it, but the title was amazing. Everything about this clip is amazing. This was a staple of the show. If you've been listening for the entire duration, this is going to you might need a tissue to wipe some tears away because this is that beautiful of a clip that really goes from you may want to say the title before, you know, after.


After. Yeah, definitely.


Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck you. Fuck you love them. You suddenly feel good. Don't fuck with me. My fuck with my mind.


Oh yeah. All right. Yeah. Oh well good luck with my.


Shit, oh, shit, right, that horse shit. Yeah, that's no good. That's OK in my life. So, OK, this is so into your eyes.


Can I just go over what I love about this? Please do say the title. First of all, the SO and this is this is why I want to show it to you first.


Now that you've seen the clip, the title of the of the video when we found it was Homeless Man Fucked by Gay Ghost, which is like what could this be about?


I mean, but it's also perfect. It's exactly.


It's a guy getting fucked by a gay ghost. I mean, it's it's perfect titling. And he's in broad, if you're listening in broad daylight. I mean, it is high noon. The sun's out, it's a beautiful day, yeah, but he's in an alleyway, he's in an alley, his pants are around his ankle and he uses these are to his chest, to his chest.


He's got to hold them back.


And he's just fucking with my man just yelling it.


And he's and he's having the scene. It's like building. He's. Well, here's what I love about it. It's the mentally. It's like always makes me laugh.


Good crazy guy is like guys be the passion, the passion of this imaginary encounter.


You're real sex isn't as good as his. No, no way. He's like, oh, God, I mean, he's it's like like I said, it's like he's like, Oh, that feels good. He's really into it. I wish I had. Yeah.


It makes you wonder is what is he on? Is he on drugs? Is he just psychotically hallucinating? Like who is fucking him as well.


And can I have his number. Well, it's obviously a great memory. I mean, he's not like just making this up. That's happened before. Oh, yeah. Oh, you think it's a yeah.


It's a memory. Definitely. Yeah.


I mean, he keeps talking about how good it is the to fucking asshole. It's not like he's like I bet it feels good. He knows. He knows you're right.


You know what Tom. That's an interesting point. Yeah.


Well years of was a reason. They call me the Dick Detective's. Here comes. Oh, God, this is my favorite, I would argue, the one of my absolute favorite, William H. Clip's is homeless guy gets fucked by gay. Absolutely.


I also love that he's spreading his cheeks apart as if to let the ghost in more.


So we go the person laughing who's courting it. I mean, that guy should get an award.


Yeah, this is this is what the Pulitzer Prize is really about.


So we go back in the past and now we come to the present time. Oh, another great, great clip that we played on this show. Oh, my God.


So you get a dick starts on your way to looking for, you know, Dick. So I was looking for me be my dick. Mean that the liberals want to suck my dick.


Yeah. Yes. What am I looking for right now?


I would not choose who we are. You are right today we the. So we get married though do we do when you get married. But you want to work and you like because you are such a dick. Yeah.


That is 33 inches. You do want to dig, you want your little pussy. You want keep wondering how long the car is. I want you to fuck you. Are you serious.


So I get your excuse.


If I could just cheat on my cheat addicts at 18, that's what's up with a dick sucking cheating. And the good thing is it reminded all of us of that. Make a lot of us forgot.


Well, the neat the neat part too, between Sherry and this is name Jay.


Jay. Jay. So that they live streamed this like, well they cheated.


She was dreaming. I think he was like, you could turn that off.


But I love people like the smiley faces emoji is the skulls of people getting to participate in their fight in real time was really nice to that is sweet little baby.


That's all sex. So what is the Dixie Chicks. Not fucking the bitch. It's not fucking the labor side. You're stupid.


OK, that is different. Yes, I agree. You agree with him. I do. But I'm eighteen. All the cool girls in your past.


Yeah. They're not. You don't play with them after and like them.


No they're just hoes. Get out of your scallywag. Yeah. Wow, the fuck out of here. Wow, you throw like a I don't know, like a half wrapped. Fucking jolly rancher. Here you go, make dinner for you. Oh, my God. Are we going to address that? Your hair transplant.


So so here's what happened. I had a heart transplant operation and I debuted my hair last week, and then I realized long hair doesn't define me. And so this is the hair transplant here, I just took it down and I realized I'm I'm happy and I myself with short hair. Yeah, yeah, OK.


So it feels silly that I spent 42 grand, but I learned something about myself.


You prefer short hair? Yeah. I mean, I kind of miss the long hair. Maybe I'll grow it out. That's the thing is now I have the option of the freedom to style it.


How would you like to cut it down. Just watch. Grows back. Grows back. No problem. Yeah.


Well, I'm going to miss that long haired fella. Yeah. Yeah. OK, more, more and more and more. OK, there is some debate here and I don't know. I can't believe that there's actually debate, so this is one of the all time classic clips and I learned when I came in today that there is a debate as to whether this person's race is what. Well, I think it is, but I think this is a, you know, black guy or mixed guy, you know, half black, whatever.


I got a lot of pushback when I got in. Now you're the only one that any kind of erectile disorder problems I'm here to tell you. Forget that bagrut. Forget about Saddle's. Forget that dick and plant. OK, so I don't know if you believe it or not, that you like this thing. We smokes meth with a small limp and I would get hardyhead away and watch a harder and harder.


I'd like to push that harder, make it believable that we're saying that that I had no idea that there was any debate otherwise as to whether or not this man was either light skinned, black or just mixed.


I think he might be biracial. I'm not sure what what it is. Right. However, I have a friend that looks like this guy who was Latin, half Latin, half white. And you're saying that he's what? I don't know if I can't.


Percent white trailer trash, maybe some Jayan there.


But like, no, I don't think I don't think there's anybody in there. I trust your eyes as much as I trust your Google searches. So what about. Which is that they're better than you think.


Now, what is what is anything.


Yeah, any. It's your month.


Uh, yeah. Uh, I think I'm with Tom. I think he's, uh. I think he's mixed. Yeah. I don't think he's full black, but he's got to have something. Look at, look at his nose. Is is the thing like there's no he's got the black Filipino nose. Yeah. That's why this guy is like white. I know.


Yeah. Yeah. Jas I think he's Latino and white. I'm going to go like. You're gay, you won't believe how good it feels.


So I want him to be black, it become so sensitive that you don't need to be honest. It is true that they had this happen and for this happened to Hareli and you shoot an enormous amount of very thick, thick, hot, white, got more calm than I've ever done in my life.


Oh, I know I'm gay. I love to get blowjobs. And I tell you what, I cannot wait when I'm so fucked up and hot and horny on meth. I landed. I said, get me a blowjob. That's pretty cool.


That is a cool thing. I just think, guys, I don't know.


I think the lighting and the angle, it's really hard to see what his face genuinely looks like. It's true.


It could be just like the angle and the light. Mm hmm.


My brother didn't believe me when he spoke with me. He put his dick. I couldn't believe how big a stick was your brother Drew Cline, shot the most kind of you ever shot in his life? What a story. He's fine. He has known about the problems at all. His dick is even harder, thicker and more calm. He believes me now. I bet he does.


But see, here's the deal, man. How many black guys talk like that? I feel like he is just white trash. I think you're right, Nadav.


Well, I think so, too. Well, wow. Well, Malik, how come you don't believe my mobility?


Actually, you know where you you'll meet a lot of black guys that talk like the South.


Yeah, but it still sounds like a white guy twang. Yeah, but that that happens there. I live there. Yeah. Yeah, I, I worked with black guys who were like, hey Tom.


Hey man, you want to help us unload these boxes. Like that's how they talked.


They can't come. Yeah I know. I guys get a hold is there not. Tom here. Thanks.


As a black guy I guess I don't know. Hickory, North Carolina. What about his facial hair? It doesn't look like black eye, facial hair, facial hair. He's got facial hair short. It's really short.


So you can't really tell that, like the properties. Well, I wish we could just get him to tell us what his racial you know, how hard we tried to fucking find this guy.


I try to get them, send me the video of him smoking meth and his dick and all heart, and he wouldn't do it. Yeah, wait a minute. We want to see the video.


Yes, Jack. No, no way.


He's alive and there's not a chance he's alive. You know, what I love about this clip is how many times he reiterates the offer. Yes.


So if you want to see my dick go from just a limp dick, it's like I'm not going to force you to watch it.


If you want to see it hit my ass, Dick will get hard.


So if you want to see me, go get he reiterates Ariano do it this weekend. This week to tape it from this small did get very large. A very long watch it get harder and harder. That's a proven fact. All right. Let me know. That bothered me a bit. If you say yes, I'll show it to you, OK?


Just to reiterate, it starts off limp and then it gets really hard.


No way you'll smoke some meth and then I can watch you get hard. Men, really nice offer, thanks for the offers. Yeah. Um, more, more, um, oh, here we go.


This is another way there's nothing harder to be in a female. Ah, Puffy's it's 24/7.


They think they have these huge walls that go on them daily, 24/7, and we're scratching more shin and ah, put these fucking stank like they smell like fish out. Honestly, it's hard being a female. That's why maybe too much respect the people to have a lot of stuff.


Fuck, yeah, yeah, this is Peaches, right, Savani, that's Peaches, yeah, he wants to eat my pussy. I say you go catch AIDS, he's like, I don't care, we die.


Anyway, it sounds like it could be a Prince song. Yep. That's a good, good song. Another classic clip. This is, again, one of my favorites. It's also pretty wholesome, I think. Yeah.


Good rising. Yeah. I be on this great Saturday. I love this. This guy. I've been looking at your picture so long they pay and they met and they magnify my eyes vein.


Yeah. Yeah. What happens. I turn into a telescope when I see your face. I love it. You feel so good to me. He's sweet. They wouldn't let me show you tired to me. I want you to milk me like hot chocolate candy do and not with hot grill.


But we're cool. I love you. You melt me every day. Oh he's sweet.


Yeah, that's wholesome. But I wonder. Here's what I wonder. Was that a post where it's like come and get it. Whoever, whoever, whoever is watching this or did he send it to someone.


I'd like to think that it's for his special. Yeah, I turn to a telescope is like yeah it's such a good line. It's a great line. You can't just make that one for a hottie.


A girl I turn turned into a telescope.


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Mom, who could ever forget this classic black clip from your mom's house while we are here on the PGA Highway?


What I watch your baby.


Anybody looking for a baby? God, it's a baby. I in the middle of the road.


Oh, I know.


I've seen you on a feature highway, but it's a baby. I feel great. Oh, everything in the middle of the road.


I'll pay it back in the middle of the fucking road. No pants on right in the middle of the highway.


But that dude putting the sweatshirt on them as kids or is around kids. Yeah. You know. Yeah, yeah.


Babies cold baby didn't have any clothes.


It was really sweet of these guys to even we don't call one time baby in the middle of Phaedra. Wait, wait.


No, no, nothing on it.


He really showed me. I love this guy.


His report is fantastic. The federal highway is the Fitzgerald, all right, and he is right, though, and here's the craziest part.


You're seeing a baby on the highway, you're seeing these dudes take care and talk about it. And then at the end, the mom comes down. She's like, oh, there he is.


That part is crazy. She just walks up and she is so fucking look, if this happened to us even in a row. Oh, my God. He was in row about 30 minutes, 30 minutes.


I'd be out of my mind. Is she. Oh, is that my kid. Look out show. Oh, that's the baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks, man. What are you doing out here? Oh, that's it. See you later. Thanks, guys. Straight you.


That's it doesn't care.


I mean, I would be people are more more like I've been more.


We're up getting our dog back. No, I know. Like well there's yes. And she's like that's my kid. And like the and on the highway.


Why don't you invite those guys in and be like, thank you so much. Like give you something to eat or do you want like can I like thank you.


Like I mean or how about like what happened here.


How did my kid how did you, how did this happen. This is horrible. Why do you have a whole white baby on your hands. Yeah I know.


It's so crazy. The mother obviously checked out here a little bit.


He would he even do. What are you doing out there with his wife? Yeah, exactly. Yeah.


Well, he was doing his commentary as the wife. Yeah. Oh look.


Ha ha ha. Yeah. That's so sad.


Um, another amazing this is actually, I think via you, because I think this came from a talk. Oh, that's exciting. But it's one of the ones that really, really impacted the trajectory of this show and also the safety of the people that work here.


This public announcement goes out to all you bitches, niggas. That motherfucker claim that I'm a false blood bitch, called me out and see if I'm a fucking false blood. You niggas don't want no rec sukuk bitches, nigga. Oh, right. Yeah, I was a great klett we learned about.


Soooo we learned we had a whole debate about whether it was you. Big words don't want no rec rep.


Everybody had different theories.


You know I was it rec or rep. That was the big debate.


You niggas don't want no rec don't want no rent. There you go. And then he opens up and he goes this Bible. Ganush goes out to my viewpoint about this Bible. Ganush goes out to.


And what was he saying, any final answer?


I mean, I think consensuses you niggas don't want. No Rick. Rick, right. Rick yeah. Yeah. Fuck you. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it happens. It happens. You know, fuck around you call them and see what happens. Absolutely not.


That's what I believe, that you're real blood. 100 percent, 100 percent. And I don't want no rec or rep or any problems, sir.


So now I believe LAPD told us we're not allowed to say it was actually the Los Angeles Police Department's gang unit soon.


That advised me, um, in a very friendly way to not sell scuba gear. Probably smart decision it was.


I landed in the morning demo, didn't think it was Dinmore. And, uh, yeah, I had a message on my phone down.


So somebody said he was like a, you know, listener and a and then I called back and it was LAPD to him and they were like he was like, I listen to the podcast. And he was like, just so you know, um. There's there's some guys that won't laugh at this one. Yeah, yeah, I can see that. And also the shirts I made sure Alan Sherman made them now is not a smart guy called.


I had to call our merchandise people was like, hey, just cancel all those orders.


And then we had the Asian lady named Sue Wu and people were fine with that. That was a good one. Yeah. Yeah, that was a great save. Well. Sometimes we get fired, sometimes we have to fire ourselves. Yep, that was a not a good one. Let's see. Potato, potato, another. Oh, probably the greatest black guy clip of all time on the show.


Black guys love to fuck me. You're a hot black guy. You want to fuck me? Twenty three. Ninety five. If you want to move and you can move in. But you got to fuck the irony. I need to be fucked a lot man. Rent free food, free rent and everything else has a deal, man.


God, who can forget this offer. And the best part was all the videos we got parodying this.


You know, I especially like the women that did these. There were some really good lady ones.


Did you guys find, by the way, I sent you guys a clip of the female RPG. Did you see that? It got taken down, it got taken down yet. Wonder why, um. So we didn't get the report in time, OK? Yeah, damn. That's too bad. Fuck, that one was so good. There's a lady out there who looked not good. And she put out like a very similar message. Oh, yeah.


Well, he has it that's cool, possibly it's so great there she is, the first one. Yeah, this is on Mr. Clavicles page. Hey, this is Brooke, if you're a hot black man over the age of 35, five in the New York City area, Buffalo, Rochester, Jerkies, please like me and follow me and I'll follow you right back to your.


There you go. Wow. Clavicles always on top of it. He was able to snag it. Yeah, I got sent that clip and I got tagged in it like 100 times.


You know, she really even nails like the angles. The offer is pretty close.


It's very it's a tantalizing offer. I don't know how you feel anyway, but if you follow her, she'll follow you right back. Oh, wow.


But you're not in the New York area, so I guess you're bummed out right now. That was amazing. And she almost gave out like her dates the way that our PC was. Yeah, who? No, I mean, I wish we all had, like, the story in the origin of the clip, but she's I mean, it's the same type of message.


Yeah. Yeah.


You know, I think I saw you and Burt talking about Mr. Clavicles on two bears. Yeah. It was like my guy scares me. His thing. Like logo. Yeah. Me changed it. Mr. Clavicles.


I've always been like that guy square. He changed it. I know. I just saw that happy and.


Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because the but the first one was so ominous, I get worried. Yeah. Me too Mr. Clavicles. What's he going to do to us. Oh dear. Here. However, back to RBC, then from jail, homeless or your thug, when to come, move in front to move to man free Rentech, at least in a case, fuck me, piss on you. Beat me on me. Now you see me when I come up today and try it out.


Try it out, man.


Yeah. And then sorry. No, we're done with him. It's in my bills and tried out like a piss. Let me try it out. Certified only as fuck man. I'm looking for hardcore guys. I mean it. Want to do it and I want to deliver it. I'm a hot white trash. Come don't fuck.


Hey. This. There you go. This has to be one of the most unifying clips in all of Wyoming iconic history. Remember the day that we figured out it was home here now and then there was still a debate.


There's still people who say that it isn't. All those people are flat. Earth is in my world. But I mean, there was so much joy the day that we found him, spoke to him, got clarification. Yeah. It was one of the great moments in human history, I'd say. Human history. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, so cool. So Nadav is typing now. He debuted on episode 420. That's over two years ago. Wow.


And that's how long our pieces been in our lives. Yeah. And brought so much joy to so many. And I also brought my old soundboard with me. Oh. See if I can. Oh my God. Please let's.


I never had a job before in my life until I stopped working, you know, in and out of jail, you know, did a little bit of everything, you know, now, you know, that's the best.


You know, that's the best year we used to have.


So many you know, I'm saying this, but this guy actually goes, no, you know, think that's the best.


You know, I'm saying. Because because he didn't say anything, he didn't say anything anyway, you know, he said, man, you know, and, uh, remember when I called the Black Barbershop? Yeah.


And my hope was that was happening and I said was hadnot. Is. Oh, teddy loan. What are you looking for? I left my wallet there. Excuse me, I left your wallet there, you left.


It was a wallet, a wallet, yes, Swade wallet, my wallet up here said get some on side.


Who did your hair? Uh, kind of short big girl. You left your wallet, when did you leave the wallet? I think it was yesterday, says guess is a suede wallet. Oh, no. She's trying to get my wallet right now. There you go. Here, if you lost it yesterday, come today, you're starting to put it together, a fraud.


What do you know the person who did your hair? Because I don't know who you did your hair, so I can't explain. No, nobody now. And what kind of a shot of I don't want to shoot me kind of a shot. I want.


You are you calling the shots? I think so. I know by the fact that you have me, you know by the fact that.


Called her back. May I help you? Yeah, think we lost the connection, we didn't lose the connection. I hung up because I don't know who did your hair. And I wasn't here yesterday, so I can't tell you you could come back up here and say, who did your hair? And you can ask them because I don't know. I don't see a wallet.


OK, I mean, I didn't want you to be so hostile. You know, I'm sorry. I'm just won't want to contact you for saying. You know what you want to start me for? You got a pretty voice excuse me, you got a pretty voice. I got a pretty voice.


Yeah, man, come on, call back. Are you gonna have to come here? Can I take you out? You can't take me out. Here you go. All right, Miss.


Pretty good one. That was the best part. Mmm. Uh, you go just kind of a short, short fat one.


Short fat.


Uh oh. This soundboard.


How much how many great things we got time for that. Oh my life.


What's your profanity now, Tom or black Tom or black. That was great. Yeah.


That was a big game for us. You were played Tom. Are black any.


No, I was definitely not around. Mm.


You know, the game is I could take a guess but I've never done. I never seen it. No. You won't play. Yeah. Why not. All right.


This episode I'm the one that got the LAPD roosting in trees. Shit man.


That's Tom Seglora.


He was a real grimy cop. Can't touch me on my feet. All right. That's me. I could trade my fucking life. It's Tom for Tom or.


All right. So we supply us with our black ass. It's right back in the day. And just see, you know, any, uh, it's been a challenging game.


We had Sidney Castillo play back in the day. He went, oh, for ten.


So Tom oh, for ten. Tom is a very impressive he does a very good black voice.


Yeah. No, I mean that I do know. Yeah. But you also definitely hang out with too many black people. You know, these are just way too well.


It's weird the terminology that you say and you bring out when you bring this voice up.


Um yeah. So uh, but the thing is, you also know my voice very well.


You've heard it hundreds of hours of it. So I think you could probably go ten. No, so. I will play a clip for you and then you just tell me if it's me or black guy, that's it. Ready? All right, I'm ready.


OK, calling on you. There's a black a black eye. Yeah, you right there. Oh, yeah. OK, and number one, you say black guy, yeah. OK. Oh, come on, I know that one, skip this well, we're skipping striking it, all right. Thanks. That you hear it again, so one more. We go, right? Thank you. That's me. Yeah. OK, this is Tom.


All right.


Right, I go, that's for sure. You that's me 100 percent. Hi, it's me again. God damn it. That had to be someone else, I think, as a black. OK. If you're a. Yet the other Blagden. I got all these wrong, huh? No, I'm just fucking left and right. Talk some shit went on, talk some shit.


I just got to a black dude, actually. I mean, was wild.


I don't even want to talk some shit on a massive black. That's a black guy's got to be mad. I feel stupid. Right. Know why you feel stupid. Because I feel like I got to be wrong. And all these years you're too happy right now. That means I'm wrong.


Oh OK. I came to.


One more time, KWI came to. Pam. That's, you know, he came to. I is a black as someone else. I changed my. OK, two more. So, Mercola, tough road. So, Mercola, tough road. As you. Didn't take any miss. Well, it didn't take any mess. Didn't take and he didn't take any mess. I don't know who that is. Didn't you, though, me, me, a black guy.


It's got to be a black eye. I guess I can't be you, right? What are we. That's the last time I was under 10. Oh shit. Yeah. OK, OK. You know how you did.


Yeah. Well, you almost won unanimously. Which one was I wrong?


No, no, not. And I thought, oh, no, you're right. Number eight. Number eight here. Number eight I came to you said I was a black guy.


Uh, your first answer was Tom, and then you second guessed yourself, so. That's right. Initially you were correct in it. And also I Tom struggled. Coming up on the top, Tom, know this one.


So I'm going to prove that.


That's me, that's you. Yeah, he got that right and he got that right, he got a bunch right. So he got this right on. Yeah, that is not me. That's the first one. You said black. Yeah, we skipped all. We skipped the laughter.


He knew we got right. That's me.


He said, Tom, you got that. I go, that's me. And that was the classic black boys.


God damn me. That's a black porn star. And he just came back. I love that. Me. That's a black guy.


You got it right. Got that right. Then we'll talk some shit. You thought about this one a lot.


Yeah. And it is a black eye. Well, walk us through your process. Who is that? So that is from Brent Wine Box Sketch. The gangster party line. That's the gang. Oh yeah. I see. Yeah. Yeah.


We'll talk some shit. Oh yeah. Yeah. Call me. Yeah. So you got that right. You said black for that then. This is the one you got wrong.


He came through and then you got this right up top row and then this right here.


This last one didn't take any mess. I always drop that in there because it's Tony Gwynn, the baseball player, and he talked like this.


So I would throw it in there to kind of like try to throw people off, you know, didn't take any mess because the people were like, wait a minute, what I'd be like, who is it like?


I can't even believe you just did the voice. You just we just became a completely different person just by saying that one thing that you just didn't take any mess.


Yeah. How do you you know, the the the argument that people have for why it was UPU and Simpsons, they're like. Right. Not even the people like that talk like that. Yeah. You talk like white people. Like black people don't even talk like black people.


That's that's what I was like. Let me tell you what I don't understand.


It's a true honor when he said that you talk so much like a black person, like talks blacker than a black person.


So you're saying basically. Yeah, like like you talk you talk blacker than a black person regularly talks, you know, like we have to bring out our blackness when we do the black voice that you do and you just immediately do.


So this right here from the top row that I remember I was at, I was at the University of Miami on the field and the guys were walking out of the tunnel and this guy stood like above me that and he was yelling to players that were about to run out of the tunnel.


And I was like, oh, my God.


Like, he was I was like, seventeen. He was like, yeah, like that.


Like and I was like, oh, fuck. I was like, I can't play here pretty wild. Yeah.


That is like, yeah. It's basically this.


I go yeah yeah yeah. All right. It Yeah. Well there's the classic that's that's a good game. You are, you went nine and one, you scored really well on this one any.


So there's only I think Miss Pat went nine and one also. She was so pissed that she got one wrong.


Yes. Yeah. Do you remember which one she got. I don't remember. I don't remember.


But she probably does give her she's like, I'm still fired up about it. And then every time I see her, she's like, you still doing your black shit.


Oh, that's bad. Uh, she's so funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah.


So funny, man. I know. I'm, you know, that's the greatest, you know, so right.


Yeah. So many, many, so many. I'm saying. Well the other great. You know.


I'm know. I'm saying you don't say that's Kenyon Martin.


A supercute of his.


You know I'm saying you know saying you know. Oh Sharkey's. Yeah. No, that's a big time classic. That was a good one too. What was the the whatever she was getting in a us or some song we used to play Sharkey's. Yeah.


They made a song. They made a song. Uh, I don't know if it was Ghost Crew that did it. It was, it was a SHARQIYA. No song. Yeah. So many good memories on that soundboard, Jean. I know this was the this was the Redondo era for us, the beach.


And you remember the black dude that dressed up as Donald Trump and we do videos. Yeah, that guy was great.


We're going to keep the motherfuckers out.


He was he wore a gold wig, blue suit, red tie. We run to industry now and did like speeches like he was Trump and we're going to keep it motherfuckers out was what he said about the wall.


Will Trump.


Yeah, well, Trump, he's like, we're building the wall. We got to keep the motherfuckers out. He would just do a Trump speech. We're going to keep the motherfuckers out. We take it over. We run the industry now that somehow it's nasty as hell.


I don't know where that one is. OK, I'm going through here just trying to, like, see if I can find any other amazing old school drops. Let's see, what about is the one there that some good looking back, you have a good someone's almost. Have a good night. Like now you have a good motherfucking night. Which reminds my mother right now, I don't know what you're saying. All right. What do you mean? That was a good one.


The Judge Mathis, you know, I'm saying yeah, right now, I don't know what to say in that one was great.


You mean it's cold outside? Carla, come with me. I got a problem. This is Burger King. What do you want to call it anyway? You know, you've got a problem. I'm sorry, ma'am. You can go ahead and step out. Not me. My name is Karl. OK, Miss Carla, you know damn well that man well, I don't know your name. So you decide you don't take a good look. You know, my name is Carla Tucker.


You heard what you're. There you go.


This car, that one all day. She say all day at some point the fuck would you heard? What could you get wrong? Um, gosh, I know there's pages is the Turetzky.


Remember that. That was back in the Silverlake day. Yeah. I remember when we made fun of that documentary.


Yes. Some respect on my name. No bird. Oil, the road, oil, I mean, so many great clips, duct tape, duct tape, duct tape was a good one.


Yup, yup. They got the take.


Yeah, like I was nice. These are all great clips, you guys. This is no, I mean, I don't even know what else to. Yeah.


What's this bullshit. Oh, Dennis Rodman. That was such a good krunk out of his mind in North Korea. That's right.


What's this bullshit? Oh, he does that at a state dinner that they're throwing for him.


And like all the other guys are like, hey, chill the fuck out.


And he was always stammering wah wah wah wah wah. This shit. Oh, yeah, right. This guy's rep super fucked up on that amazing doc, if you want to see that. Uh, is it on Netflix? I don't know.


It's somewhere someone Dennis Kucinich talking to and now she's a porn star.


No. And she's having sex with a guy with a big D.. Yeah. And she quiffs and what she said, like, let's talk about professionals.


Right. And like, staying in, she goes, oh yeah. You got my pussy talking to you now from Queef.


I mean, that's a brilliant move. What a great impromptu. And we tried to have her on the show and she blocked me. So I reached out and I was like, hit her up. And she was like, man, oh, yeah.


Let's talking to you now. Oh, man. That's one of my favorite improv lines. Yeah. Oh, this is another. She's not black, but she's Indian. Remember this? It kept coming back.


And so, yes, my whole Malha and then came a member came of course with a to do you know which drop fucked up my head to the point where it still affects me to this day because of the wrong way.


Like pronouncing things.


Let me tell you that same I still say so we got we're making fun of this guy.


And he said, you got to have Stan Homma. And I played and I played it and we were joking about it. And then I was out in the world and I was like trying to say it.


And I was like, Wait a minute. Is it standard or stamina, and I couldn't figure it out. You know, I have to ask Nadhum every now and then stand him up.


If you listen to that enough times, you'll say cinema. I know this show messes up your grammar because we make fun of everything.


Yeah. It really is what is this? I'm just quickly going through it's like dozens of pages here, so I'm just trying to see what we have, that is if any of its you see. I imagine they can push on using their legs. Yeah, OK, I think we're good.


OK, for this one lap I gave to Greece. Yeah, it's a good one.


No, I tell him that puts him on his finger, stick it in his ass. And, you know, I'm kind of like, fuck yourself to loosen yourself up because I know he had never been penetrated before, you know. Oh, yeah.


People used to get really mad at that clip there. Like, I was having fun listening to your show. And then you played a prison rape clip.


And I was like, oh, I thought it was funny. Oops. Whoopsie daisy, um, I found something I wanted to play for you earlier, um, but now I already lost it. Damn. There's too many, there's too many. Oh, yeah, I found I found a clip of one of my exes, um, from the cowgirl club.


Oh yeah, yes. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.


Oh. Oh, uh. It's good to know how much we've been together over the years, what we've been through, huh? Yeah, these soundboards are all periods of our lives.


Isn't that wild profanity? That's before we had children. I think we were just living in Redondo. Yeah. Tiny little backhouse. There were so many.


This is before. This is like the FIFO era.


I remember that member. Of course, I found somebody for me. I mean. Yeah, you feel me. I'm talking about he would die.


Yes and no. I can say that to talk some shit.


What? God blesses the N-word. I like that one. What. Yeah, I know.


But I never like the logic in that that God blesses him.


Well, God wouldn't call what God didn't call him anything. God, he's saying God blesses you.


No, no, I understand. I just don't think it's right to say God. And then we're on the same side. OK, ok. Now, now we've got boundaries.


Yeah. I just didn't feel right. OK. Put your dick between your legs. That was a good one, and she would suck the guys. She was on our show because she was on the show. She in, right? Yeah. Yeah, that was amazing. What was her name? Angel. A long time ago. Yeah. She had angels blowjob secrets.


That's right. It was on YouTube.


This is another clip audio drop that was amazing from that era.


You you might not see those again when you make my pussy dry, which, by the way, you can still say to this day anybody. You like my position? I didn't do that one. You see it? Yeah, it's in the middle of the page then. Yeah, you can do that one anymore. You do that didn't grazi.


That was the best. I was Chuck Woolery doing a commercial read for what was extraordinary Australian dream.


Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he goes and burn it.


Ingrey easy like cosies. Very professional. Oh remember this call. This was a guy. This is amazing. This guy is real aggressive. Somebody had been pranking him and recorded him like many times and then called him with his voice. Oh my God, it's brilliant.


And and yet, like, yells like, he gets so mad and he's talking to himself.


I love it. Well, hello. That's him. Las Vegas or Spokane? And we have a problem with this. Up, oh, here we go, it does it again, it was for the Port Authority. With some of the world's most. That's like me. Where are you going to do is give me a small talk with the doctor talking about, you know, getting it all over again. So don't move. Should it show up when you grow up and you can't decide?


You want to give me what you saw?


Whatever. You're up to it. You know what we can do to get this walking out. All right. Mr. Multiuse is a boy with a little boy. Yes, of course. You want to do this. You know, he has brought me all my clothes. Should I tell you what I am working on? Oh, I know you got your whole world here, so you should give me some more credit for keep it as it goes on and on.


It's so long. And he yells at himself for you don't think.


Yeah, I don't know. Oh my God. One of the best ones ever. I just realized this was an all time clip. Remember this?


He helped me out with that. That was huge. Mom, I love you.


By that time sky when she's getting arrested. Yes. Yeah. I wonder if she's out by now. Yeah, but she's out by now. I hope so, yeah, but she got she I'm legally blind. Yeah, I, I couldn't have been. I'm legally blind. Yeah. Gil Goodo. Now that's the actress. Something good though was her name. Oh you're right. It was like a French sounding kind of name I guess.


What and fuck are we doing here. I love that one. Here is what's it called. Rick Ross. Shut up doll.


The pair each is the pair. That's when he was losing weight, I remember. And he was like bragging about his diet. And he's like, shut up. I eat pair. Now shout out to all the pair.


Is this softball? This is Big Daddy. Yeah. So this is a I did a special in 2013. It came out in 2014. I have a bit about Big Daddy Kane. And then one day I just open like I walk out to my car. We're in the South Bay and this voice mail just pops like it's just, you know, when you have like, oh, the voice mails there.


But the phone didn't ring all. This is Big Daddy Kane, I'm over here with Russell Man. He was reaching out to I was telling him about the shout out on Twitter the other day. Football as well, Masti blasted. I remember when you got like this. And then I went over to Rome, so exciting and you got to hang out with them. Yeah, that was amazing. That was amazing. Um, is there anything better than sitting around a fire with the people you love, telling stories, eating s'mores?


No, it's the best thing ever. And that's why we love solo stove. Solo stove came to our house in a cute box. You open it up and it's ready to go. It's so simple to build a fire. And the best part is it's just it's made of stainless steel so it burns more efficiently and there's no smoke.


I mean, how awful was it when you sat around a regular campfire and your clothes stink and everything smells? Your eyes burn? Not with the solo stuff. It is so simple. You can use them on, you know, your rooftop, your log cabin, your road trip retreats in your backyard. That's what we do. We keep one in the backyard, go smokeless with solo stove and get 25 percent off your order all February at solo stoveken plus an additional ten dollars off when you use promo code mom at checkout.


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Mom, any have you ever heard Obama curse. Oh, my gosh, this one was so fun, I remember this one I like seriously, like for real. So what happened was the potty mouth. He he had a book that came out when he was a senator still. So he wasn't president yet. And he narrated his book, you know. So in the book he has a couple of stories. And we pulled all the times that he used colorful language and strung them together.


It's pretty great.


Is it because you're like, this is Obama my bitch nigga, by your own damn fracks. Now you know that guy and shit. Sorry ass motherfucker got nothing on me, right? Nothing. There are white folks and then there ignorant motherfuckers like you.


Did you think that that wasn't him though? There's no way those nuts that's like 100 percent, 100 percent, percent. It's it's from the audio book. So all we did was because you read your art and he was telling stories about growing up in Chicago and, you know, different racial stories. And so he's he's like right there in the first thing, he's actually it's a quote somebody else saying it, but he's reading his own quote of it.


So he just says it, you know, could I hear it again?


Yeah, let's hear it again, my bitch.


Nigga, by your own damn fracks. Now you know that guy and shit. Sorry, ass motherfucker got nothing on me, right? Nothing. There are white folks and then there are ignorant motherfuckers like you.


It's just crazy to hear him here.


Right. Like 30 percent and you still don't believe it's him? It's from us where an audio book. So he wrote this book before he was you can pull up, like put up to pull up Obama's books.


It's like his it's the one that came out before he was elected.


So it probably wouldn't.


It's the audio book. Yeah. His own book. Yeah. Which is I think we should put audio auto biography. Yeah. Maybe it's on The Audacity of Hope. Oh yeah. I did it because I came out in 08.


Right. And this year he was elected but it was recorded obviously before then. Um, there are there are what do you say there are white people and then there are motherfuckers like you? Yeah. Yeah, he's the cruelest, he and Michelle, I bet they talk all kinds of shit together, don't you feel like Michelle and Barack are kind of similar to you and me?


Uh, like behind closed doors are like they're like fun and stuff, you know? Yeah, sure. They party together.


Oh, I got to switch back like each other. Yeah.


They have two children. They like dogs. They're good people. So there you go. Were the Obamas. Yeah.


We're career politicians too. It's nice to take that jaunt down memory lane, Jean. That was fun, I enjoyed it. You know what I would like to do one day? What is listen to the very first few episodes of your mom's house. Let's not play in the.


Well. And so we're good. OK. All right, it's working. Did you hear what I just said? You want to watch? I would like to listen or watch, if we can, those first few episodes of damage that we did.


Yeah. Just to, like, see what our lives were like back then and how different we are now.


I would love to do like a viewing or whatever listening because we the very first episodes were with Red Band. Mm hmm. For 40. The first 40. And then we started with 41. Mm hmm. That'll be fun. We could do it.


And just how stupid we were and how horrible we were. Could you make the case that we're still stupid, you know? Oh, yeah. Early days, I farted into a mic and then you hated it. You're like, don't do that. And then you became and then I fart into the mic and you hated it. My how the tables have turned, they sure have. One might even say that I've evolved.


You have evolved and I've devolved. Dude, I have I will say that I have definitely devolved in the last decade like I but I think it what it is is a function of just getting older and and giving less of a fuck. Right. Don't you think. Are you just like you strip stuff away. Sure.


I don't fucking care. I don't care. I just I like what I like.


It's a big part of it. Yeah. But you've gotten more mature and more dignified in some regards. I think so. Yeah. Yeah. But you're not.


No. I've gotten crazier and more. Peggie, what do you think that is.


Like I said, but once you squirt two kids out of your kooch, like you don't give a shit once you've birthed twice and you're just blown up and your body's all fucked up, you're just like, I don't care, I don't care.


It's nice anymore. I sure do. Yeah. You ready for looking for me? Oh, my God, I love this stuff. I don't know what it is about tick tock, but I can never get sick of it. I never get bored of talks.


I just love them. I have so much, so much passion.


I told you, if you were your algorithm, your durations are a real ride.


Roller coaster. Yeah. Would you agree? But you were entertained. I was aware it was going I you know, I don't like him. OK. Here's the thing that it was this is indicative to me of like the ride that you get on with your race. Yeah. You're just like, oh boy, what is happening?


But you do mix it up. I like to mix things up.


I chose that one because it was silly and fun. It was a nice palate cleanser for what's about to hatch. A great opening. Yeah. Soft open.


Name's Umbra. I'm the leader of the sheesha. A new trial, a new track, nomadic people home to all who have no home. I wish to be Nomad's. The one percent blood, one hundred percent blood, because if you search your heart, you know, it's true, all people stem from one people in this land. You and I. I'm in a rental car. Long lost son. Descended on the show, another win, the temeka.


The nomadic people who haven't all been told to seek out elders, but we have no elders. With them, how can we reclaim our wisdom back that you can find wisdom on? But what do you think?


His racket? Let me start by saying I like the first guy, but you don't find his tattoos to be interesting.


I think those are white tattoos under his eyes. He's like the guy from Weird Science, you know, and he's got those weird facial tattoos.


I don't like him at all. Hmm. I think this is how he gets named Odin or here and the rest of the Norse gods.


I present this Molnár to my son and he follow the path he's about to fall.


The sun looks like he's absolutely shitfaced, yeah, no, I just think he's a dopey little teenager.


I will say that without intention, it was kind of nice that we had all these, like, kind of crazy black cliffs and then we got to the talks and it's definitely very disturbed. White people.


Nice balance. Well, that's what we strive for is balanced news.


That's what we are. We're unbiased and we're balanced.


Yeah, I know that you like that. Good.


Because it's just all those Norse gods you like so much and he makes reference to them.


And Jesus Christ, I don't know if you're wondering a Saturday night cigar or not. Yeah, boy. Yes. Cigar night. Saturday night. Stick night. Stick night stickleback. Yeah. Saturday night, I got it Saturday night, yeah, so very cool to have a question for you.


What are they nerds or are they are they talked? They're nerds. They're just nerds.


I don't think they're mentally challenged. No, no. He doesn't drink a lot. He drank. He drank. He's like, how do you do this again?


Yeah. Tonight, it's the Saturday night drinking.


And we don't think it's he's diminished capacity. I don't think so, because that was just my my curiosity with this talk. Like that's a new lane.


Like is it he pays rent as he drank or talked, you know, know he's drunk, he's drunk, drunk and retail for a woman in life is that she gets to how she gets a car, she gets kids, she has family around. She has a career, OK. And her paychecks from her career go into her personal bank account and you pay for everything else. She wants to have a garden. She'll might happily go out there and plant petunias or whatever daisies.


But you're going to pay for it. You're going to and you're going to have to go down to Home Depot or whatever and get the fucking mulch or whatever it is for her to plant the fucking garden. She'll probably want you out there on your day off of all days to do it, you know, or any other little stupid pet project they want you to do around the house. Well, you want to do on your days off. It's just have a drink, get your dick sucked, watch a little TV and take a fucking nap, maybe go out to eat and go check out a movie.


You know, yes, so simple, our life is fucking boring, the cool guy, Claire. He seems super cool. Well, this led me down a path of talks where it was wise men giving wise marital advice and just telling you how the world is between men and women.


His examples were quite vivid, almost as if that's exactly what happened to him. Yeah, some bitch wants a fucking plant, a garden. You'll buy the mulch, God damn it.


Yeah, I sound a little personal for him. Sure did. But why can't husbands just say I don't want to. Oh, I don't want to do your project and just don't feel you have to do it.


You know, his thing is that he paid for it. So he's really mad. He's mad money, his money, the two hundred dollars.


And clearly his example was she makes money and puts it into her account. Right. But you're going to pay for shit she wants to do. I mean that's a problem.


Yeah. I mean he's got a real problem with it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.


So you don't think this is great advice for young boys listening young men? No. I mean, it's really insight for women into how a lot of guys think, though in a way this my stuff is my stuff.


Well, it's not that he's like he's it's more like he feels burned by having paid for stuff. And he's like, all I want to do on my day off is leave me alone. Well, he want you to s d right. Watch a movie, eat a sandwich.


I mean it is pretty standard stuff, standard issue. But he's he's he's pretty upset. I think he got burned. Yeah. Yeah. Divorce.


Yeah. That's her good evening. This is disgusting. Text message, I took a nap, I got up, I got a woman's breasts and somebody sent me a text of a Tippex.


I don't think that's where it ends her shoes.


This is our this is our female. Our P.S.. I know. I didn't realize that.


I didn't realize when she sits up way prettier than when she was laid down, that lighting makes all the difference.


Yeah, well, it's interesting that she's complaining about the Tippex when she solicits materials. So she wanted you can't always you know, beggars can't be choosers. The reason why it's important to make your man jealous is Lewis, you have to put him in a sexually competitive state in order for him to remember how valuable you are. Well, he doesn't see other guys around you trying to bang you. He's not going to realize how attractive you are. That's the truth.


I'm the most beautiful girl I was with. I took for granted because I cheated. She tried her best to hide all of the guys trying to hit on her.


So I don't get jealous. But as soon as I saw somebody who was hitting on her, somebody who was trying to flirt with her, all of a sudden I realized this woman is unbelievably beautiful. So what you got to do is show home that there are guys around you trying to have sex with you. You have to bankroll a football team. Just insinuated since you got a new personal trainer and he's a good trainer and that he's giving you a discount and that his name is Tyrone.


And you'll notice how he all of a sudden will start trying to impress you a lot more often.


Oh, well well, here's the thing. There's, um, there is some truth to what he's saying. Yeah. But I don't think this is like healthy advice.


I mean, what I don't think you should, like, actually try if you're listening or watching to do what you shouldn't be like. I got to make this guy more jealous.


It's not. I'm sorry. It's jealous. Jealous, jealous.


Jealous. Yeah, I don't think so. I mean, like he's right that there is going to be, you know, competition. But there's also you're going to breed insecurity. You're going to make people doubt.


Well, let me ask you this.


We've been married forever. Is it good when I make you a little jealous when I'm like, oh, I've got a new trainer or, um, you know, I talk to the dad today at school.


Cute dad. No. It doesn't faze me. You're not jealous? No, I'm not jealous. Why did you get jealous? I'm just not. Oh, God, let's try.


I'll try it on you and see. Oh, great. Later, OK. Here's the Tyronne, my trainer, can we go? We go, King Tackers, I just wanted to show you just a sample of my toy bag, this is probably about 90 percent of it. There are some toys that I haven't used yet that are not on the table.


Every one of these toys has been used on me. Know that is a requirement for me to add it to my. OK, but here's a little sample. Like this batch of my toys, spatulas, wooden spoons, the tongue scraper, these are not toys necessarily meant for sexual play.


Again, this is the same guy we had on. Like, nasty. The good stuff. Oh, so we see it. You don't have to keep making the video. It's their incense sticks. Wants to play. Not me. Your toys look dirty. Who who jumps at that?


You think when they're like the chick, the female, our PC? Yeah.


No, there must be over there soon. Oh, are you black? Come on. I prefer Syracuse.


But how dirty do these toys look, by the way? Look, you know, he's never washed them. What do you do if you go out on a date right now?


Those are dog chews at the very hot dog robot he's used to moppy.


What what do you do if you go on a date? It's a good date. And the guy's like, you want to see my toy collection now?


Well, I've been on a date with a guy, show me his toy collection. But it was children's toys. Yeah. And I was like, I can't date you. You told him. I didn't know.


I was just like, this is a deal breaker. There is to you said you were like, that's pretty cool. Yeah.


I did pretend like I thought it was great that he was twenty eight and had like a four, you know, like Star Wars and like this is so um sexual to me. Yeah. And there was like over his bed, over the toilet everywhere.


I mean it wasn't even just I know grown men now.


So do I have that right now in their 30s and 40s. Yeah. That have a doll collection.


They're cool. They're collectibles top. How much can you make really on a fucking toy in a box really. You can probably you can probably make real money. A thousand dollars.


But is it worth your sex life because most women are like, no, thanks dude, you're a boy. Yeah, but you could also just find another fucking nerd, you know, you go to like some nerd Othon, you know, those nerd conventions go to like a Star Trek thing.


And you're like, I got all these Star Trek. They actually put forefingers in my country.


So did a Vulcan thing or blast. I guess there's some dirty bitch out there that's fine with him putting a dog toy up.


Oh, yeah. Oh, there is. There's definitely toys.


Are everyone happy Friday to you and your family? Hope all's well with everyone. Thank you so much for the follows. Can't thank you enough. Here's my Venmo. Yeah, I send a little love through Venmo for me being the creator that I am. All right, I'll post my Venmo bike.


Whoa. Yeah. This is like when you're like, I don't know if this person's disturbed or not. And then you see this and you're like, oh yeah. You told how about some love for being a great content creator?


And he's just like, you mean making ticktock like this?


Well, and he's only ever made one other tick-tock besides this. And we've played it on the last episode of Why a Major to back like he's not a creator and there are Tic-Tac creators.


I gladly Venmo for the amount of joy they've given us now you're eight one zero zero.


He just heard about that. He heard like somebody has Venmo and he's like, oh, I should do that.


And he's just asking for money. It's crazy first and saying, well, you know what? He maybe he's like, hey, girls, do it all the time, right? Hot chicks. Yeah. Yeah.


But there's a reason they get the money, buddy. They're hot. The money buddy. Yeah. There's a reason that the hot chick gets the money. It's because she's hot. Oh I thought you said that.


I thought that was like a website, the money and you JRD and then you get paid in the money. I mean maybe that sounds like a good business because you're J and you're D to her. She provides a service. Right.


And you can I mean it doesn't take much to do the math of why that equation works, you know, like but if you look at him like, oh God, I got to send this guy money.


Yeah. So far to it on my biscuit.


Yeah. He's one woman. I'm so unhappy. They spend their best fertile years getting their panini. Nagasaki, Hiroshima by Jan and Tyronne. The racking up that whether it is whether they're traveling, whether they are taking stupid college degrees, they really have so much debt and all this on their post wall will over the age of thirty, you know, and they don't, they don't want any more credit they can get. Eighteen year old girl is what the flying F is going to do with your beef curtains down there.


Your tits are beginning to sag. It's like, come on man, no guy would want you. I'm forty years old myself. Do you think I want a thirty five year old woman? Hale No. Hell no. I want a twenty year old woman want no post wall hag. So these women now they have they know you. The think you guys need to understand is yes. Woman cannot accept agency, they cannot accept responsibility. But deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep down women know when they ask, they know when it's game over for.


Now, there's an impressive that it's really good, huh? Well, so this man is a cab driver in Los Angeles.


I swear to God, and he's been putting out these awesome educational videos for men and women, letting them know where the world is like, he also made a very deliberate choice to to choose a stereotypical white and black name.


I know as who the girls fuck is very. Yeah, I know. Interesting choice. He said the chad and Tyrone's. Yes.


So like you're fucking everybody. Yeah. Well, I noticed that someone else used Tyrone in a stereotypical black name too. But like, when's the last time you met a Tyrone?


I'm fucking not since never. What do you mean, how many times have you known in your life? A few. How many times have you guys known seriously?


Uh, I've done one. One? Yeah, well, it's not that prevalent of a name.


Like they're using it like it's Chad Chadds.


I think people just go, that's a black name. And anyway. Yeah, so this guy gives lots of cool advice.


Yeah, that was really cool advice. The best part was he was like, I'm 40. I don't want some old ass. Thirty five year old bitch. I know he is like he's like gross.


It's wild, I mean, you know what he said, no, I'm like, you've got my mom's pants and boots on and that guy's like, fuck off.


I mean, he's like he goes, hey, man, you pull my mom's pants and her boots on, huh? Huh. He goes, go fuck yourself. I love it. I knew he was busting his chops. I just didn't know. Is that good? That's pretty funny. That's right. I did.


He's got like fucking UGG boots, like chicks, chick boots.


And he's got like kind of like. Yeah, those are pretty eccentric chick jeans. Yeah. Those UGG boots make your feet smell horrible.


There's dog fur inside of them.


OK, for the most part, when you guys get to meet any woman out there, don't talk to women. OK, I'm telling you this, guys right now do not under no circumstance are you to initiate anything with a woman the minute you open your mouth to a woman and say, hey, nice dress or how is the coffee, she automatically puts you in a bit of a meal category because you're going up to her once you go up to her.


A woman who's of interest and you can use you as you are beneath her, you're Batum. Ever want to go up to a woman in public? You want woman to come, you know, immerse themselves in it. That for most of you women are not going to approach you in that case. Well. It is what it is. Go monk mode, focus on yourself. Well, what do you guys think I'm going to go ahead and say that that's not good advice, that never approach a woman, what the fuck?


Well, he's saying that if you do, you immediately take a beta male position. Definitely not true. And the woman will be dominant.


We would like to be alpha is to be a pursuer, a hunter like you go up and not not in this guy's world.


OK, what do you guys think? What do you think? Good advice.


You know, it's it's a it's if you want to live the type of life that he's got, I think you do what he says.


Good point. That's a good point. And do you agree with it? Yeah. I mean, just play the waiting game, see how long it takes.


Dotcom, dotcom. Don't say anything.


Never, never speak. Good luck. And then it all will land in your lap. Well, because he's like don't bother. Go monk mode bro. Because then you'll never get laid. Like what woman's going to pursue you. Yeah.


It's not going well. I mean there's a special kind I think. Yeah. That's going to be like, hey, is that guy just sitting in that cab in a park.


Go talk to him. You mean like those horny men at Saint Patrick's Day?


Those hosts did approach us and where they girlfriend material, they were they were pretty stupid. They were pretty hot. Stop it.


And I lucked out because mine was like through like legs open. Stick it in.


But the one that was with my buddy was like, I don't do that, but I'll blow you three times, so. Hmm. Is a dog getting his nails clipped it so like my dog, fuck that, I could be cutting those nails. That's. Threatening about this is that I you know, I thought was going to bite your face. I sit down, sit down. Give me a call now.


Get your face away from my face right here. You know, no way I'll be out, I'll be like, I'll see you later. All right. I don't think your dog supposed to growl at you like that ever. He's doing it right. Ever right in his grill, ever.


It means the dog does not respect you. Never. They're not supposed to growl at you like that if your butthole is darker, that's OK and it's normal. Yes, getting it light is an option for pigmentation happens in high friction areas. So if you were someone who always wears a thong, then, yes, the inside of your body will be a little darker. And for everyone who does not wear underwear, your ass cheeks are still clapping along when you're running and walking.


So, yes, that can cause hyper pigmentation, too.


That's a really actually important announcement to make, that your darker butthole is normal. It's normal girls.


You know, people think, yeah, you don't have to do that, like you don't have to think that like, oh my God, but if my asshole's dark, then guys won't want to fuck me.


Oh, yes, they will. You can make it as dark as you want and guys still want to.


That's the thing that girls really don't understand. And they torture themselves. They get their assholes bleach. Absolutely. They get their fucking surgery all a with their faces, you know, the the lips and the nose and pulling it back.


And then the face doesn't move and you're like, what the fuck are you doing if I don't do this and I won't be cute.


What I know. And they stress about like oh my my vagina is to me I would if they get like labiaplasty, it's like, dude, guys are not even caring.


I don't care. Don't care.


I don't care if your badge looks like a fucking mangled sandwich, you know, we'll still lap it up.


Yep. Yep. Hold it up and toss it out. And you said no one cares. Nobody cares.


Uh, don't do that to you if they don't let your asshole you really don't have to. And I don't care.


Um, all right. This was a lot of fun. I was super fun.


It was I feel like we took so many journeys. We did a personal journey, you and me together. We went through time. Yep.


We went through some of my scallywags from the past. Yeah. There's a few more stories to tell. I'll save those. And then we did. Best black moments from your mom's house clips. Yep. We went down a soundboard lane, did some great talks.


Oh, yeah. There's a lot of fun. All right. We will see you guys next week.


Thank you so much for listening and watching by Gene whispering a little bit because my mom I sleep. These are three DeMar. The chief's direction, what direction, the chief, I want your thoughts.


You can hear Garner, a 19 year old girl girl, dark hair and dark pussy was teenage parties also pay extra for her not to fight because I'm the type of person trying to explain teenage prostitutes.


All right.


Let's give it a.


What direction in the chief's direction and what direction the chief can get Dorner here, Dorner?


Oh, that is bunch.


The ship boat was not wiped out by the extraordinary, extraordinary.


I never did. I never did because I felt like I was the target.


Let's give it a direction that needs direction. A direction that you want your daughter, your daughter.