592 - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom SeguraYour Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
- 1,277 views
- 24 Feb 2021
SPONSORS: - Go to https://Saatva.com/theshit to save $225 on your order - Go to https://stamps.com/ click on the Microphone at the top of the homepage and type in MOM to get a 4-week trial PLUS free postage and a digital scale. - Go to https://squarespace.com/MOM for a free trial and when you’re ready to launch, use the offer code MOM to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. - When you purchase a three month subscription, https://Babbel.com will give you 3 additional months for FREE with Promo Code "MOM - Go to https://theragun.com/MOM and get your Gen 4 Theragun today. Go to https://hellotushy.com/YOURMOM get 10% off your order and FREE shipping - Go to https://brightcellars.com/YMH for 50% off your first Bright Cellars box. WHAT IS UP YOU CHOMOS?? This week Tom Segura and Christina P discuss CP's bangs and potential nose ring, questionable goblins in Harry Potter, Tom's hotel sushi ordeal, and Charo getting high over the weekend. They review listener submissions for the "animal" challenge, read emails from a self-proclaimed straight gay guy as well as a woman who received worn panties in the mail by mistake. They watch videos of a guy who got caught stealing a package, a cool guy's dying wish, the problems with white veganism, and an Albanian Christina P lookalike. The Main Mommies also play a round of "Horrible or Hilarious?" and watch this week's batch of TikToks.
You go, oh, and I'll I'll give you an all expenses paid trip, you and your friend and I was stupid enough at first to be like, Oh cool, but it's my money, too.
And then the dog reminded me when a dummy I was, remember, I ate dog food for a ring. Yeah. Like, OK, it's my money too.
I could have just bought myself a ring.
I mean, here's the thing. It is, but it's not tough.
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What is up you Como's. It's going to be a good day. Welcome home Bobby Schmader. Whole just nice go out. I'm sure you're happy to have him back. It's really good.
I don't even know what I mean.
Yeah well good buddy of mine just got out now. Um it's going to be a fun episode today. It really is. Good stuff here man. I'm really excited.
I just got back from doing standup and I have to say it used to come back tired, bedraggled, upset. And you're you're invigorated. I am so joyful.
Yeah, I am so thankful. I want to say thank you to everybody in West Palm Beach that came out to the shows.
Breasts Balls Beach, Florida, came out to the shows. I did nine shows there.
She said it was an absolute thrill to be back. I feel like a human being again. I feel like myself. I feel like you're not going to find any buried bodies anywhere.
Long time, thanks to my experience.
So and there was there's lead in your pencil. You came back hard as a rock. Yeah. In my DEXA heart, yeah, yeah. Yeah, a little bit. I mean, I was invigorated by the example I know, and you came back and you were like, I'm ready like a bull.
All right. Huh? You want to fuck? Well, you almost pushed our children aside. I was a little afraid for their lives.
That's how much fun stand is. No, I just want to fuck when I'm done with Jesus Christ.
Is this is this airing on Wednesday night's episode? Yeah. All right. Yeah.
Can I put my Houston. There's a few tickets left on the first night, the 25th and the twenty six.
I think the weekend's gone. I know you guys. I'm so sorry. Texas, you guys went through so much shit.
That was really horrible. It was so horrible. Hard to watch. And I'm happy that you're listening to us if you're able to. OK, that's it. Houston, Nashville coming. Des Moines and then San Antonio. And that's it for now. Chris Lowell, Christine AP Online.
Darkon l l l l l o l club lolls l l so lolls lol.
All right, what do you say we start this mother fucking turn this motherfucker podcast out, you know, I mean, you know I'm saying let's do it. Here we go.
Enjoy your drink, enjoy your cigarettes, whatever you're doing and enjoy life. Yeah. That's what matters in it. I get fucked and I get someone to shake you man. A woman who cares. I enjoy yourself. You know, and I would love to die being shocked. I would love it in every position possible on my back, on my front, really give me a good cabinet and then you die. I will come in.
So I want to die.
This beautiful man, sovereign government. Welcome. Welcome to. Christine. No, man, I'm in a good mood. You are you're giddy today. Know, and this I, I Zolo just showed me, that's what I got here. Just this first clip of this guy being like, I want to die with cum in me.
Like, that's that's what I think he I don't know if he's actually dying, but he's like, tell me like enjoy your life, live your life. And you're like, oh, that's kind of inspiring. You know, you do things that make you happy, get fucked in every position. OK, then it's like that's how I want to die. Yeah. He goes on, let's go.
Let's see what else can I read. The one I like how people are like can't believe I'm set here at 9:00 a.m. listening to this Warfel.
That's the best of these these British comments. The insults are different.
It's like to call somebody a waffle. Larry, I guess is really the only thing listening to this waffle.
Yo, Muppet when he call that guy a Muppet last week, you fucking Muppet, a waffle, this fucking waffle, having to car.
Give me a really good cavenagh. Yeah. That's all I want to go see.
You want to try and I say you look I just got lucky. Your dreams, what you want in your life.
You Prime Minister as sexy as PM stop. You know, 25 year old guy, really hot stuff that wants a nice fat man.
Put his hands around my tits, touch my body. We take him. All good.
All good secretary not.
Yeah. Uh huh. Fuck me silly. Might be sniff poppers do that law and I order. OK, yeah. I did puppies once but we got a pompously. We really can't make out the cabinet. I'm happy to leave. This shit fucking whoa.
We are Great Britain. Happy King Ian for following me.
Sally, come in my office. Come out my face. I am happy.
Yeah that's what matters cause that's what I was going to be coming and going in your life. My dream is to become like my all my life. I'm happy to leave this shit.
Oh yeah. I love that this whole speech is like two degrees from being truly inspiring.
Like there's, there's a music band and he's like life, you know, like go after what you want, chase your dreams and you're like, this is actually beautiful.
That he's like with whitcome though, you know, hold on what you like get fucked sniff poppers.
Yeah. I want a 23 year old. Just destroy me. Live life three six and leave the shit world.
But it's not gay. It's still not gay.com. That's true. But don't you agree with him. He's right. Clearly he likes he likes the right things. He likes to eat a lot. I like to eat lot, drink and then get fucked.
Right. Yeah. I mean, you're right.
The main thing, I think he might die of a heart attack before he dies of, uh, come live like three six five.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's gonna play hard. He's really fat, but it's nice that he wants the guy to shit. Oh yeah. It's nice.
And my whole I'm so glad that we've left that guy. Oh really. That's where it spits. Yeah. I'm glad we've departed.
Oh. How can we not go back down on be stingy.
Yeah. Maybe they should get. Oh yeah. Leo's not here either. Leo lived this guy's dream.
Let me see all that.
All right, good. But Menor you know what though, it just goes to show that men are simple creatures. They feel like a jack.
You men are simple creatures and I wish more women understood this.
I think that women have psychological problems from avoiding accepting the reality of how simple men are. I know when you see these women go to, like, such extremes to like. You know, in their mind, be attractive or pleasing to men, it's not that complicated. It's not. And I feel as though I've tried saying this on stage and I and people are like, whoa, you can't say that. I'm like, well, it's fuckin true.
Yeah, it's like sandwiches. Yeah. Sex and fucking sports. That's it.
Because like most dudes, most normal guys, that's like normal.
Yeah. And of course you don't like it, but yeah. You know, some men swear it's OK, replace that with fucking whatever nerd shit Chris is into.
Chris, what are you into. Video games.
Yeah. Video games. Yeah. So stuff like that. So just give him his sex fucking some food and food for tonight and he's thrilled that Yeah.
He likes his non bread or whatever weird vegan stuff he's into and then he squeezes.
Women are complicated. Exactly.
We are the ones that have him. You know, we have actual thoughts in our head and we do care about other people. Yeah. Life isn't centered around our genitals as much as it is shut down for the most part. I'm like, but let's give you credit, though.
You guys have built societies and civilizations. Don't give you full credit for that. Yeah, but how do you do that? Because your your preoccupation with your debt seems to be because we did this.
We did those things to impress you. I love it. We can love men, I and all every investment.
And so that a chick would touch is the right everything. I fucking love it. Yeah. And can I tell you something? I respect it so much that I even got I went to the groomers and I got my haircut. Yeah.
This is for you because I like it because it makes your dick hard and that in turn makes you happy. And then you go to Florida and do nine shows and bring home paychecks. And I'm like, well, that's how it works. And I feed you a sandwich.
The cycle of life. Yeah. Like, it makes sense, right? It's like a banks. I hey, banks cut your banks because I know it makes you happy.
Mean Sadik-Khan. It does. It's the talk of the town everybody.
It's the talk of your family. Not all of it. Yes.
I personally however I am indifferent but I do it for you because I know you like it right.
I mean I'm a different it's a little more work for me now. I have to style the banks.
OK, but I like that it makes you gives you pleasure.
I do like it a lot. What so what happened that you made the request like what went on.
We were just talking about I don't know, we were talking about I think that maybe you were going to get your hair.
Yeah. Or someone was coming. Yeah. So I said like, oh do the banks again.
It's been a long time. It's been a long time. And I think it's oh, I'd seen a photo. I'd seen a photo wedding photo. I have these in our wedding photo. And then I just was like.
You know, and you I think you said you'd think about it or something, I don't know if you were going to do it or not. I did it for you, but see how easily pleased you are. I was very happy. And then I pushed for the next thing.
I don't know if I can do it. So now Tom wants me to get a nose ring. Yeah, not the doorknocker, because everyone's like, who's the daughter?
That one's a little the little thing.
The problem is, though, babe, is that that's really trashy. And I'm like I'm a middle aged mom. Well, I got to tell you something, really.
I am totally OK with how you feel about it. All I know is that when I see them, my tickets are now.
But hold on, do you want just the study or do I have to do the hoop? You don't have to do anything and I'm cool with whichever choice you make, but just know that if you have it in, I might be gyppy, Dick, all day.
But here's the thing. I have to parcel these things out. Yes, I've done the bangs. Now they should run you for, like, at least you know how long you got. You got some time.
I got time on the bathroom because your dick can't stay hard for the next 10 years.
Oh, you want to challenge it? Oh, yeah.
We know what it is about these fucking nose rings.
You love nose rings, but they are trashy as hell. I don't think they're trashy as hell.
I think that's quite a bit of Google do an image search of girls with nose rings and. Let's see. Hold on.
Should I take my dick out right now or. Wait a second. I mean, I know Rihanna has why I think that looks really cute on her, that's not so much I don't like the way that one hangs so low.
But how high do I get? Do you like an Indian one, like how that you got it like that? That looks great, too. Yup, that's talking about what I'm talking about. All of them, their nose rings. They all look good. She looks great. You just look trashy. How beautiful. She looks beautiful.
I would make love to her mouth. That girl right there.
What about that one there with the bar in the middle? I pass on that.
Yup. What she looks like she's going to take a look.
She can't get it to that nose ring. Yeah. I just don't think anybody will take me seriously with a nose ring. Well, there's only one way to find out.
And here's here's the great thing, though. Yeah. You can take that shit out. I know. But then it'll leave a hole. How long if it's big enough for the rest of my life.
OK, but here's what Tom did. And I'm such a dipshit. You go, oh, and I'll I'll give you an all expenses paid trip, you and your friend.
And I was stupid enough at first to be like, oh, cool. But it's my money too.
And then the dog reminded me when a dummy I was, remember, I ate dog food for a ring. Yeah. Like, OK, it's my money too.
I could have just bought myself a ring. I mean, here's the thing. It is, but it's not.
Yeah. We know what Daddy does here on the road.
So dear you.
I mean, wouldn't it feel good, though, to have your husband be like, oh, where do you want to go? You and your friend? And then I give like I present you with, like, two first class tickets and hotel and I go have fun. You don't have to be like, you know, it's just like a it's a thing that I know when I first I go, OK, I want to go to Africa, I want to go to Capetown town.
I was like, what the fuck, man?
Yeah. And then you back to like you want to do a 16 hour flight from Atlanta.
Yeah. OK, if you if you really want to do it, it's done.
For the nose ring, yeah, shit. All right, let me think about it, I'm going to think about it more. And like I said, now I'm a little worried you're going to go to Cape Town, get all these African dicks all hard when they see your new nose ring, and then you come back with the HIF.
Well, now, that's not to say that that's wordsmiths. They do have an HIV they did when we were there a decade ago. Yeah, it didn't go away.
It's still there. It's not as bad as Botswana, but it's, you know. We have to make a vow, but you won't bring back HIV. You know what's interesting? I won't make I won't bring back HIV, I promise. OK. You know what's funny about guys being dumb is that. OK, but you guys build civilizations and stuff, and you're so explain that so the prime motivation is just to get women to touch your penis?
Absolutely. That's every man's man. Like, even when they don't recognize it as their motivation, it's their motivation. Right.
And if there were no women, you guys fuck each other. But but I'm saying like. But then civilization wouldn't thrive, right?
Probably not. Now you need women now. Interesting now because men have so much access to sex now easily because of apps and things. Do you think men's drive will go down because it used to be that sex wasn't as readily available? No, you'll never go down.
It doesn't matter how. Accessible, you make it, you know, that's so true because in the 15 years that the society has devolved quite a bit so that men don't have to like years to go shoulders back and, you know, just try to really be sweet to a lady. Yes. That's that's different. Gone. I think I think I mean, to an extent. Yeah. Yeah. They don't have to court a lady.
Not the same way. Not now. It's just swiping on her. Well, the funny thing is it actually is on the women.
So like it is the women go like, oh, taking this shit. Then guys go, oh shit.
You know, up a little bit. I know I that's why I liked Bridgton, because it's about courtship. And like, if you love a woman, you've got a wife up.
You got to marry her before you dump clip's in her and and treat her like a fuckin lady, not the shacking up.
Oh, man, I love this show. So what does this show you? You saw me watching this. You made fun of me for Bridgton. Remember this? That's the duke and there's the duchess. And then by episode five, it gets so horny.
Where are they? Well, it's a fictitious town, Bridgton.
It's England and England ish. And I mean, how hot is the Duke?
I don't know. Where's the Duke? He's the guy behind her. There he is. I can't really see him. That's a you go. I can adopt that one right there.
He's good looking guys, handsome. You wouldn't fuck that guy. I mean, I'm not gay, but a lot of straight guys fuck guys, you know.
Dr. Joe Court told me all about it. We've been learning for me to take time now. Hold on. I had a thought about men being dopes, too. Yeah, because in the 15 years we've been together, Tom. Yeah. I don't think we've ever gotten to an argument where you were like, I don't feel like you're validating my feelings or like you never bring up any kind of issue of that nature. That's like me being like my feelings.
Yeah. You're always like, what? No, I mean, I'm not like what I have said. Like, do you understand why I'm like, this is my position. Like, you understand, right? It's coming from and I'm like, I don't feel validated and.
Yeah. Feeling neglected right now.
Oh yeah. I'm like I'm not like some dumb broad. Not some dumb broad. Oh Jesus Christ. Stupid. Uh, hi there.
My name is Dr. Joe Court and I'm going to give you reasons why straight men have sex with men. You're not gay. They're not bisexual.
My whole specialty is with male sexual fluidity. And what I always say is that when women have a non heterosexual thought, we give her wiggle room. But we fetishize her. When men have a non heterosexual thought, we stigmatize him and we tell him he's not straight false wrong.
I really want to get rid of this myth. I really want to get rid of the stigma. And if you stay with my Tic-Tac, you're going to hear all the reasons why straight men have sex with men. I'll see you later.
All right. Thanks. I love you, Dr. Joe Court. Really interesting guy. And that is a clip we've played before. And then we got this email. Uh, it's really interesting email.
It says, Hey, Mom, I'm a thirty year old straight white guy who has engaged in multiple homosexual acts throughout my life. As a straight man. I have both given and received anal and oral sex from men on multiple occasions, and I have enjoyed it. The reason I identify as straight and not as gay is because I do not feel any attraction to men whatsoever. I just love sex and frankly, it is way easier to find a man of sex within a woman.
I feel like it's worth mentioning that I have no aversion to being gay and would happily embrace that as my sexual orientation if that's how I felt. The main difference is that it is impossible for me to have any romantic feelings of any sort about a man.
I have never been in a relationship or even attracted by the idea of a relationship with a man coming just feels good and it feels good to make someone else come to me. I realize I might not be 100 percent straight, but I know for sure I'm not gay. All right. My king and queen above eighteen. Have a good day at work by. I'll talk to you later. My beautiful king and queen above eighteen.
All right. Bye bye. It's perfect. That is perfect.
But how about that. Hey, very interesting, right? Praise Allah. He is not he's not a homosexual. He might be bisexual. OK, you come. But why.
Why place labels on people.
And maybe this is the new you know, this is what's going to be in the future is that we just stop putting labels on every I think that's been what's been happening over the last few years and it will continue to happen.
Yeah, that's the evolution. I mean, actually, I think the opposite is happening where we're obsessed with labeling, right? Yes. I am a demi sexual pansexual by God.
Now, it's like the truth is that sexuality is this fluid reino thing. But I you know, I had never seen somebody. With a message like that, you know, I have heard of this, I saw your little whole message. He does not speak English properly. Who says massaging and swallowing.
Um, but, you know, it could be this guy's email. I've heard guys say this before. Tom, are you paying attention? Is that it could be his own internalized homophobia, meaning he could be like, I like banging guys, but I would never have a relationship with those guys because those guys are gay. Guys are gay.
Well, you know, instead of being like, I'm open. Yeah. Maybe he's maybe he's a homophobe himself. I don't know, man. I don't know. It's like because when you have sex with guys, are you like, well, I'll tell you about.
OK, so I was in West Palm for almost a week. I fucked around with different guys. Not gay though when you do it.
Yeah. I was just like, what do you like, what are you doing right now. Plus it's more like a dick massage. Massage.
Yeah. Massage my whole and my dick and balls. You just need the release. It's not about who's giving it to you, right? Yeah, it doesn't matter. Yeah. Four guys in five days didn't seem like that was too much.
That's not crazy when you think about it because you would have masturbated every day until I did afterwards when I was thinking about them I would masturbate.
So I was able to do both, right? Can you stop doing that? How do you know what is solving the outside? That the I think the wind is making Bugler's happen is being the Santa Anas are just blowing. OK. All right.
Um, this is maybe my favorite thing that's ever come. Do you remember? We we we put out the big teddy challenge.
So the big teddy challenge is that you announce the audience. I call you a big tall animal and how that makes you feel special.
And so I propose the audience do call your significant other big tree animal, but don't do a bit, get a genuine reaction and see what happens. So they sent in some videos you want to see. It's quite fantastic.
A big animal for me. A shot. What did you just call me? Animal. Big titted animal.
Is that what you just through all that? That's a real one. It's a conflict big titted, and I'm not a fucking cow. Oh, no, no, like a sexy bitch. No.
Then say sexy bitch, not a fucking cow with giant, like a fucking big T today animal, you see?
See, that's what I'm saying. So that's Tyler. Thank you. No self respecting woman would tolerate being called a big titted animal here. I have emotional issues and a big kid, Adam.
They daddy. Oh, look uncomfy, that couch looks like a dog.
That's Tara and Danny. I love their life.
They look really bad. Yeah, the ones that are going to be done. Your big titted animal. Oh, that's a double whammy.
Every time I said I'm going to be done. Yeah, it was after that. I just said ones that are now because the animal. Excuse me.
Just because, as I said, you're a big animal who's a victim.
Oh, I could watch this all day. That's Danny. You're Steven Mazing. Oh, my God. That's the big titted animal right there. Yeah, huge, massive, huh? That was that's how much women love compliments, like, really, you think?
That's the sad part, because in my brain, I continue to allow it, because on some level I go like it's a term of endearment. It totally is a term of endearment. Big titted animal. Yeah. But you're a big turmoil, and nobody showed it to me.
That's Heather. Oh, and here's a bonus is right here.
Let's see, writing's not that easy, but family can help. This sentence is grammatically correct, but it's wordy and hard to read.
All right, come here, you big titted animal, nice, so you guys get chicks, dig it, use it in public, use it when you're picking up girls, it'll always work. Yeah. If you're at a bar, it's like, hey, you big titted animal. What's going on?
I swear they'll love it.
God, babe, I really love the upset. The wives were like, what the fuck, dude? That's how you should react to being called a big titted.
And that's not normal. Check this out. This is a video that was trending of a you know, people steal packages all the time.
I know. That's so fucking rude. Look at this thing that the ring camera, this guy parked his car. Yeah. He's walking up to this house. Picks up this package. Oh, shit. Watch this.
Oh, I saw you when you got out of your truck and that guy drove away.
His getaway car was like made around. This guy's got an AR 15 Muqdadiyah.
That's got to be is he does that all day.
I was going to chill right by the door. Yeah. And just watch people walk up to my house. It is wild. I mean, I've seen so many videos of people walking up. He's stealing packages so terrible.
You got to be a real fucking piece of shit man to steal somebody's Amazon and you're a real fucking scumbag. Well, not only that. What how high ticket of an item are you going to get worse?
The thing it's always an expense. Now, there was one guy shampooer. Real clever dude. I wish I knew his name on YouTube that made a famous video like it has millions and millions of views where he he it had happened to him. And he's is a really smart guy. Yeah. So he was able to put a device in a package that when it was opened it would have a glitter extension.
Right. And then he would record. Is that what it is. Yeah. Mark. Oh, the glitter bomb. Yeah. Mark, Mark, Rober man.
And then he had a camera in it that sent a signal to the cloud so that he could show you the person opening it. Yeah. These are people that stole his shit, you know, but still unbelievable man or skunk farts. Hilarious. Yeah. It's a real shit move.
Yeah. You deserve it. You deserve anything and everything bad that happens to you.
But again, I mean I wish they would put fucking like, you know, pieces of metal or mace and those shrapnel that if you open someone's package, you know, you lose a fucking arm or an eye or what were they, anthrax, you know, like back in 9/11 there.
Oh, the anthrax.
You should just open up a box, but you be great. But haven't you accidentally opened somebody else's package?
It's never inspirer. No, it's never good. It's fucking food for their horse. Yeah.
You're like, I don't want that worst. It's the worst. Oh, it's so it does make them definitely think about the Saudis and chopping people's hands off.
You know, that's how you go right now. Speaking of packages, we got this email. Hi, guys. So I got this package in my mailbox, which was not meant for me, but for the house around the corner. When I saw that it was I genuinely when I saw what it was, I genuinely pissed myself laughing. There's no way people actually are sending things like this just in mail so blatantly. Anyways, my dilemma here it is sniffed it.
And he's the yeah. This is the package that she got. I now have this package which I don't know what to do. What do I drop it off at this man's house. Yes. Look him straight in the eye and just give him that look of. Yeah, I know what you're up to. Send it back and hope they don't deliver it to his house. Make love from Ireland.
I would say don't you don't have to shame him. You could just if you know where he lives and tell you sit at his door, maybe leave him a note like, hey, came to my house by accident and then Winky face.
I got some fresh cheese over here. Yeah. By the way, you don't have to write to say save on postage. You got a panty maker right here.
I've been farting all day to get him off real talk. I would just put it in their mailbox and not say a damn thing. I think it's a good idea. Just don't say a damn thing. Right thing.
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Mom, that's B, a, b, b, e dotcom code mom for an extra three months. Free babble language for life. So I, I, I was with family here for the first few days.
You were gone for a long time. For a full week. I know we missed you so much.
I missed you guys too. I missed you guys too.
And it's like how horrible is it to be with your family for so long. Just anybody. Yeah, it's it's a lot. It's a lot. But I mean, I was able to have some good times, you know. Yeah. You know, if you were following my Instagram, I, I hung out with Charo quite a bit and I got her. Hi. I yeah. Tell them about well now I'm telling it on stage and it is murdering.
Good because it's so it is crushing. But I, I basically she had asked me for um she had asked me for a gummy and I was like yeah I'll give you one of my gummies you know. And then next up, um. She didn't feel anything because I take the mild edibles, how much I gave her dosage, OK? She don't feel anything.
So I gave her more. I don't know if I can. Let's see if we could try calling her right away.
When I take edibles, I take a five milligram dose and then I eat half of that and like the night and that's me. And she's not a regular pot.
No, not at all.
She never answered. Everybody's forwarded to an automatic. She's fucking well. I counted Dobbs proud of his pot tolerance. What is he. Yeah. What do you eat?
I'm not proud of it, but I mean, just 10 milligrams. I get nothing. Right. So what do you take for you guys? I just smoked joints nonstop.
But if you had to do it with an edible, what what dosage would you go? I'd probably start at 50 and then go from there. That's pretty strong one for some people.
OK, um, for now, as if any like Buddy Normal is like I start with 50 and he watches Drumline that's why. Yeah. Yeah. God yeah.
OK, so can you put my Instagram if you go to my Instagram.
I posted iji TV video talking to her the next morning. Do I laughed so fucking hard at this like shit that that one that is so fucked up.
That's the next day. The next night.
And um the scroll like like a minute. Yeah. Have been frozen.
Yeah. I mean I think a big hit to my throat. Right. I was convinced that I was dying. Yeah. I could with my body didn't move.
But you also kept saying and you said it today that I was definitely trying to murder you in a clever way. So I'm in a desperate effort. I texted, please, I need you and I came. No, you.
I said, OK, OK, please, so you can use it. Repeat after me. I am not going to die today. And I remember everything. Yeah. Yeah. And you were completely relaxed. Relaxed and I. Come on, don't forget. Don't forget I sat with you on the bed. Wait, wait, wait. No, no, no, no, no. I said you said then you give you a son I then you're happy you're twisting this right.
Let me give you a no no. Is that no. You said listen, you sat on your bed. She's Fabricant with you. You're like, I'm panicking, I'm dying. I can't open my throat. My lips are moving. You sat there. I said, wait, wait, wait. I was trying to get you. I was I said I said, OK. I said, you need to take some to relax. First we came out here, I brought you water.
I sat with you.
We don't know for days. You were not two minutes from dying.
I felt that I said and you didn't give a shit I but I just I just did that.
So you can go if you want to watch the whole thing. It's almost eighteen minutes on my Instagram, but she was killing me. I mean she was so funny, so funny.
So wait the first night ten milligrams and she drank wine and she nothing.
She was like I don't feel any good but you know how people are like sometimes like new consumers, like whether it's smoking you're like sometimes first times people go like I don't feel anything.
I remember that even as a teenager, people like I'm not I don't feel. Yeah. And I was like, OK, I just the next day and then by the way, after that she goes, maybe I should take two more. Like I was like, uh, OK when you didn't.
So, so she did double her dose. She did. And then she was. Bark like out of her mind, did she drink, too, was alcohol and how it was it was just pot. Yeah, they fucked her up and she was like, she's like my lips. They don't come apart. Said Cottonmouth, you know, do you have do you have video of her high? Yes, I do. Can we do we have it?
Um, I do have it. So I send it to you.
Yeah, I'll send you this. I'm dying to see her, actually. Hi. She's help, but how great is it that your mom in her older years is getting cooler and cooler and usually is that what happens to people? I mean, usually you get more and more conservative. Yeah, she's like getting cooler. So this is the two of us. I'm going to email it to you, OK? This is the two of us. This is just a short clip.
I'm not putting the whole thing on there yet. Um. This is us. And where you hide you, yeah, yeah, yeah, I was on like 40 to woa tenderly Tom turned into 40.
Melito Yeah, that's stepping it up.
Step it up and not a quitter. Not quitting at anything is Pandi. The Pandi.
Lawrence got me Thirsk trappin and yo can we talk about that. Yeah. Me. Yeah. So I've noticed, we both noticed people on Instagram have been first trapping.
It's been going up, up, up, up, up and like from people I'm not going to name names but people that we're acquainted with who have no business, they're strapping like I think everyone's reacting to this year differently.
And some people are going the whole like, I need to be naked on Instagram.
It really is fucking wild. I have nothing but empathy for them, though. I really feel like everybody's behavior is directly correlated to the world. And the sooner you go, like, you know what this person needs comfort and validation and approval right now.
That's how I see. I used to not see it like that, but now I go. Those are the circumstances I've got.
You do see the need for it. Much more like people are really. Now there's levels of thirst trapped.
There's the blatant thirst trap, which is like, let's go top tier, third trap.
Or you want to start up on the top. The most top I felt uncomfortable following. I don't even know this woman's name, but there is a lane that is just it's like near pornography where I saw a woman covered in oil in a bikini where the bottom just was a thin, thin fabric over her couch and her legs were wide open.
And she was like, this is where it is. And she's covered in oil.
And I was like, I can't believe Instagram lets you post that, you know, and that. So that's like the highest level of like, do you want to fuck me?
It's thirst. Thirst. It's so thirsty. It's parched. Yeah.
And and the whole point is that because I mean, that's not a that's not a post where you go like, hey, this is pretty you're attractive, sexy.
You know, this is like, fuck me. Yeah. Come inside of me. But here's a guy like that.
But do you think, first of all, the the the conundrum of the third strip is that those girls never actually put out.
I like sometimes they don't. Man, I remember that. Like, the worst thing the worst thing about these bitches is like when you there's like this thing where when you're out there and, you know, in the in the world navigating the chicks like the ones that lead with sex like six foot forward. Yeah. A lot of times are the lamest.
They don't put out or they put out, but they're like hold in.
Like you're like, oh I thought you were like a psycho, you know, like it's like no, it's all a show.
And then that quiet girl that has an oversized sweater and stares at the ground, she's like, I'll eat your ass out to start this thing, OK?
Yeah. Yeah, that's neat story. Thank you.
That's what I've been told, is that the the biggest thirsty girls online, all they want to know is that you're Jane, you're that you're desiring them, but not that they're not actually going to JRD, they just want to see you in the comments being like you so fucking hot.
And that's what that's what excites them is, is knowing the guys dicks are hard.
I can't believe that the second part of the trap like scenario, like the comments, I can't believe I can't believe I saw like, I love you.
I mean, I'm I get it. I know how dumb and simple we are, but like, oh, baby, just let me give me one night with you.
Why are you putting that out there?
Do you think that's going to get anywhere like you see, every time a hot chick post, it's like, God, I want to fuck her.
Like, that's what you think is going to. Well, and then there's a third trap that posts the first trap photo. OK, so then that's the ultimate. That's the ultimate. OK, now here's the tier. I don't know where this goes in your lineup, but the one it's a girl. This is a female first trap who it's not her primary gig to usually show their bodies.
Yes, there are something else. And then they'll post the body shot and then shame the men in the car. That's yeah.
For posting on their body. And it's like, what did you wait you wanted those comma.
Of course, those women are reprehensible. Yeah.
So like the idea that they go like here's an overtly sex like here's my tit and I'm covering it and then I'm going and then people are like nice tits and she's like, can somebody just post a photo? How do you why are you talking about my body's patriarchy? Yeah, and like, it's no, you're asking for that validation, right?
Then don't post that photo if you don't want to deal with the comments. Right. Because that's why you post the photo for comment. Here's an idea. Turn your fucking comments off or just turn around.
Exactly. And just get the likes. Get the hearts. Sure. That's OK. If I were going to post the third strap, it would be for that.
You don't need the heart to dictate what the comments are. Yeah, yeah. And they and then they'll argue with the men who are like, you're so fucking hot.
I was just I just come out of yoga and I wanted to share how well I felt it was a nude yoga class. God, yeah.
So with women like the hint of thirsty Trappe is like so great cleavage usually like oh no, it's covered up and now there's like some cleavage sometimes like you're sure there's traditional ronnell then then side side me like a little side side to it and that's so hot they'll hold it and hold it.
That is wearing like a really revealing top. Right. And then it's like, it's clearly like look how great my tits are.
Sure. So you're like, OK, look, you're asking for this attention with this photo.
Then you can do that with ass obviously too.
Like, yes, turn show the ass something cute. I look in this, these pants, these pants and then if you want to ramp it up, it's bikinis. Oh bikinis are more, more direct and overt. And then sometimes it's thongs and it's like I mean, you're clearly saying, look at my ass. Right? Of course. I mean, that's why you would.
But then but then a lot of times, like I said, girls who aren't models or whatever, by nature it will be like, stop, don't shame, stop shaming me.
I was just at the beach. I was just trying to show how nice the beach was.
It's the best part. And then the ultimate. To me, the workout post is always the Secret Service. It's it's a kind of a humble brag, like, look how I workout. I take care of myself and then it can go into first trap when depending on what they're wearing while they're working out. Because I don't know about you, but I generally don't wear flattering clothes to work out in. I don't wear like belly tops and my tits don't hang out.
Yeah, I mean, there's like I look like I'm going to I'm sweating and I look like shit and I would not want anybody to see me working out. Yeah, I mean, not cute for like. Yeah, a workout thing for me is like it's going to be more like about the intensity of it. I guess it's not that you're shirtless and you're like, well it wouldn't be appealing anyway.
But like if I do see I do see the sea with men.
You can actually disguise your third strap. Yeah. Because as a man, you know, you could work out, let's say, sleeveless or shirtless and be like it's all about fitness. If you're super yolked, then you're clearly saying showing it up. But then you can be like, I'm not doing that.
I'm just working on a shirt. Well, I think that kid from 90 day fiancee who lives on the farm with his family is a little thirsty when he wears those times.
He wears like tiny cap sleeves. Tiny tight. Yeah, like leaves fucking. Yeah. Do you do it, homey. Yeah. That's a that's a funny one.
It's a funnier thing actually to study to see men because they're definitely doing it.
But I feel like it's not it's not as I guess blatant, you know. And so you don't actually like you get to say like no, no, I'm just I'm just out here hauling sand or whatever, you know.
But yeah, you're you're showing off, you know.
Yeah, it's fine.
It's fine. It is fun. It's a it's a victimless crime. I totally it's it's it's you know what we all want care.
Proval all want to be told you look good. You decide everybody wants. What do you think I cut. I did the dog groomer banks rumor has it.
Why do you think I did my hair transplant. I'm sorry I cut it but I did that for you. Now you have the option to grow it out and throw it out whenever I want to shower. You can. Braschi can swim.
It's my hair. So do you have, uh, my mom hi. OK, here's a moment. This is just a moment of us hanging out. This is when, like at the height of her being super hot. Oh, my God. I love it. Yeah.
But you think it's funny that the up, the glass. I can tell you, she said, I just saw the dog in the dog's not here.
What does it look like? Oh, my God. She was loaded, so I basically almost had an aneurysm. The rest of that video, I was laughing so fucking hard.
Well, she seems happy.
She seemed to she was totally happy and she was laughing her ass off. And you know what got her? Because, you know, like it's always like a silly thing when you're high. I was like, do you guys not have glasses? And she was like, wow. I was like like a glass of water, actually, like. She's like, you mean a cop, that's for sure. Laughing That was my glasses in there. And she just kept like she couldn't even sit up.
She was she was laughing. She loved it.
Yeah. Well, you know, I'm happy for you guys. You've really come to a new level in your relationship. I think once you can get high with your adult parents, don't you feel as though that's a new avenue in your relationship? Yeah, kind of special.
The fucked up part, though, is that it is over forever. She's like, I will never I know you tried to kill me. I know I closed it up.
So the whole next day I was like, I brought all these gummies for you. And she's like, I don't want any of them. Any of your murder drugs.
Wow. Wow. Yeah.
So it's over, but it's better than, you know, years ago, I mean, we were like, you know, always fighting. So like it's like this were happening. It's better for you. Oh, you little bastard.
OK, you want to challenge my pack. Well, I hate to say this, but I'm not the father you want to challenge. Because my shoe is right there. No. So if you want to challenge one of us, you have to go through all of us.
Hmm. I love it. Is this a talk? It should be a talk. I feel this was a lame God. I love that you want to fuck with me. You're going to mess with my pack. Can we do it? Why am I right?
So true. I'm back. I stepped down because I had to now back. So you want to challenge, let's challenge. You want to fight me one on one? Well, listen up. Well, he was my trainer. So I suggest you shut up and sit your ass down. Before you have to deal with him. And I'm running. We were saying that guys are dumb. Yeah, that was pretty cool proof. I don't know if I want any piece of those guys that seem real tough.
They're real tough guys. Yeah. You don't want to fight. No, I was really. It was something like, why do I bum me out? I feel sad. I don't know if I should like what did we see?
Was that do you know what I mean?
When I go to see if I can close knit family saying, don't mess with us or you'll have to bite us.
I think you guys should do a video like this. That's what I want for the Wii image for.
Yeah, well, I'm going to think you're going to sit up front and I'm just going to point to the guys that that taught me how to fight. Yeah.
And who's the toughest? Is Tom the toughest alpha. Yeah, he's the. Yeah. But no, this is supposed to be like the staff only video.
Well. And he could beat all of us and arm wrestling. So I think. There you go. It's going to be the one that. So he's the one that you're going to point to. Yeah. I'd be like he's my trainer. You have to deal with him. Yeah.
Um, and I want Chris to just lean on your shoulders. Yeah.
And she doesn't even get her phrase out now. She tried to he's like, shut up about the fight.
God, um, Tom. Yeah. Can you please play the video that I was laughing at? It's a real. I don't know the the the one I told you to prep, that one right there, my training kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. OK, sure.
This one whole I, I set this up. Yeah. Set it up. Set it up. This was sent to me by a listener on the gram and this is real.
This is real and also like real fucking sucks. We all know this. I've tried to do a deep dive on it and make it as fun as take. It's not as good but this gem really stood out. Go ahead. OK, I laughed for ten minutes alone and you failed to account for white supremacy and veganism.
You get white veganism, you must address the role of white supremacy and the oppression it creates no matter if we are eating or not.
White veganism focuses solely on animal liberation while ignoring the context of colonization and imperialism and how all of this impacts all living beings and the planet. All white people, vegans are white begins.
Our veganism must be intersectional, accessible, anti-racist, anti imperialist and decolonized. OK, do you even know it's not really I watched it so many times and I still don't, it's just a lot of catch.
What is the purpose of this? Well, that white veganism sucks because it colonizes people and it's racist. Imperialist what white veganism is as opposed to just me.
But just so you know, not all white vegans are white. Not all white vegans are white vegans, don't forget. So we're not saying that all veganism is white veganism, if we're not going to address this, we're not really doing the work.
What? I don't understand anything less. I really don't. I'm not even shitting on it. I just don't.
I don't I don't either. And I really tried. Really now there's like it's now you can't just be like I'm a vegan. Hold on. Hold on, asshole. Are you going to not address imperialistic colonization and the racism associated with your veganism? Like, what the fuck, man? I'm not eating animal products.
What I know and it sucks because I feel like the vegans are pretty conscious, as conscientious. Right as well. Yeah. You got to be pretty with it, I imagine, socially. Yeah.
And you got to also you're really paying attention because stuff.
Yeah. Because I mean and then they're going after those people that are really into stuff already like leave them alone. OK, OK. What's the problem with white veganism. Yeah. It's a problem.
Racist with white. OK, white veganism is dangerous. This is from an article written by Dangerous Juleanna Yazbek.
It disregards the fact that the meat and dairy products are inherently colonial legacies. It comes charging in on its moral high horse, enforcing its beliefs that veganism is the only way forward.
Overlooking the truth that the white population popularisation of plant based consumption is only shifting unethical food production from meat to plants.
Get the fuck out of here, man. Take that shit down. I don't even want to talk about this anymore. This is so that's too stupid to fucking embrace.
I'm not going. It is so stupid. Yeah.
Go fuck yourself. It's so go fuck yourself hard all of you. Yeah.
It's so dumb and want to protect the animals and not eat them and any of their products. Hey that's great. You're going to bring colonisation into the like. Get the fuck out of here man.
It is so are worded and especially in light of everything that's happened this year, people just looking for shit in the world just looking.
That's what I'm saying. Like, you didn't get bummed out enough this year when so many people died from a pandemic. You're still worried about white veganism right now?
Fucking kidding. I got to tell you something. I did a dad boner thing. I just remembered that Superdad Boner. Yeah, I got.
I actually. I actually didn't post something because I realized how boner I got when I first got to Florida. It was a big thunderstorm.
I love Florida. Yeah, yeah. So intense. There's so much like, you know, I've been here 20 years. I've never seen it one time, the equivalent to like an afternoon shower in Florida. And there was a big evening thunderstorm.
And I was like, look at these guys. And then I kept recording.
And whenever there was lightning and thunder, I was like, well, yeah, look at that one. Look at that one. And I harmonises I have a video of it. Can we see it? Shall I? Yeah, it's too funny. It's prominences. Yeah, I was like prominences, that lightning.
But how good did it feel to be a dad boner? Like, did you understand? Yeah, they got. Yes.
Well, so what changed in you? Because remember we used to make fun of these guys and now you've become one. So what happened?
You know what? It's. It's that you feel like you're sharing something with somebody who like who hasn't experienced it and you're you're like telling them where it's exciting.
And also, don't you think you're because that takes a level of innocence and. Yes, it does. It does. You got a little sweeter over the years. Yeah, that's true.
Well I was dreaming about thunder point of personal privilege Tom. Yeah.
I'd appreciate you not yelling at the Thunder because I am very sensitive to your sensory overload.
Mm hmm. Yup, I know how it goes. Let's see you antiracist anti imperialist and Decolonize. That is so exhausting. So exhausting. God, I know. Oh, so apparently there's a of people dying.
There's a video where there's a look alike of you. Have you heard about me?
Are you know, you're the one that has all the look alikes sent to me says that I haven't seen this yet. So I don't know if we're going to be like that. Doesn't look like you at all. Point a person who is supposed to be a reporter that looks like you. OK, ready? Sure. Here we go.
Oh, that's actually actually like the fact that you did your bangs takes a while because I know like a week ago.
Yeah, she does actually.
I guess I'll be going to Albania soon. She's Albanian. Oh for sure. That's my tribe too. She's right next door. Eastern European little.
That's sure that's your job. Some rough edges around her. You know, a little attitude.
Street dog in her little street dog and her like that.
You could just pick her up off the streets, refine her little, clean her teeth and then throw her back out there in the trash. Yeah, that's no back. No back into society. Not in the trash. Oh, OK.
Are you ready to read out. Dude, I've had Bonard so hard.
Yeah. Yeah. This is just prominences, just thunder and lightning.
I'm like look at that one. I'm so excited.
I mean look at it's big. It's heavy, right. Yeah. We're trying to get lightning. That's big lightning. Yeah. Yeah. Oh oh. Ruhi, No. You guys look beautiful, totally genuine. I love it. I'm not even pretending it is boring. You're sure you're sober here? Yes. You're so excited. You were so happy, I was so happy. Oh. That's a big storm now. Yeah, so look how happy I am.
Yes, definitely rain, rainy and rain. Oh, that thunder and lightning so good.
But do you know what, though?
I think it's this year that's made us appreciate the little things even more like now in the mornings.
I really appreciate when Betsey comes to say hello to me in the morning and I look into her eyes and we make meaningful eye contact. Yeah, it's like the inner kid gets in our bed and watches cartoons. Those little moments I love so much.
I've also, I'll be honest with you, I am much more like this. Since being injured, I don't know what it is.
And I'm also like way more social. Like I reach out to people way more good. I don't know why I'm always like checking on people, checking in with people, you know, are you OK?
Like just talking to people before this accident has been nothing but good. I got a lot of compliments on the merch we've been doing. My cousin Qadi really likes the T-shirts that were made and I don't know if it's all good.
That fun video went by.
I'm going to get a nerve test on my arm today, really brought us all together as a family, but it has made me way.
I don't know why. It's made me like way kinder. Yeah. And way more thoughtful. And I've been yeah. I've been like way more social. It's Grace strange. You've been.
Can I tell you you've been a lot kinder since your accident or just more centered. Yeah, a bit. You take things a bit slower. Yeah. And you're, you know, you're not as distracted. I think it's centered you.
Yeah. It had a strange like grounding effect.
Yeah. You should do this more often. Can you break something once a year. Malise know to get enlightened. Please know I love it. Yeah.
I think it connects you to humanity more. I think it's so traumatic happen to you. I think that's what suffering that I've been like really into. Connecting with people more definitely. Yeah, oh, definitely. Oh, there you go, there you go. Look for guys in West Palm Beach, hands down my favorite product that I have been sponsored by given used in the last year is there again, this thing is un believable, whether you're stressed out, achy, tired, sore.
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So I wanted to bring this up to the job, if you wouldn't mind Googling Bouba.
Be OPIS a, it's a cartoon our kid watches. I do an image search. That's not it. Oh, be oh, there he is. Now, I'd like you to look at the features. Of this animated show we watch every morning and I'm wondering, is this anti-Semitic? Nadaf, you're asking me? Yeah, well, I think when in doubt. It is, if you have to ask, right, it's like, oh, I don't know if I could say, like, look, whenever you preface like I'm not racist, I'm an anti-Semite, like you are what you're about to do.
So if you even have to wonder, hey, man, no offense, but yeah, that's always yeah. Something's going to say something that really hurts you.
But yeah, this guy looks really dewy right now. There's nothing quite like I don't know if this was brought up big time and I just didn't catch it.
But in the Harry Potter series. When they go to what it's called, Gringotts, the bank, Gringotts, Gringotts, GRB and Gringotts, it's like you haven't even read a Harry Potter book.
Ask them, got green g r i n Gringotts.
Yes, Gringotts Bank, there it is, the goblin, OK?
But then OK, but wait, now, now, isn't this a minute, wait, wait, I can type in Goblin grinning like sweetshop bang for Goblin Light because you're watching this and you're like, this is where all the money is kept, right?
All the money is kept here.
And then these guys are in charge of the money.
It's like sort of sort of feels stereotyped, right. Yeah. This feels like propaganda from the late 30s, 40s in a certain region or country, if you would.
Yeah, I don't think it doesn't feel like American propaganda to me. It kind of feels like Deutschland a little bit.
A little bit. But then, like, you watch you like the way they go into this place.
And then there's a bunch of these dudes who are like, we've got that money.
And then they give you they count and give you access to the money. Yeah.
Nobody ever. And they're mean and stuff. And it's true. And they carry the key. Doesn't it feel little pills?
A lot. Yeah, it almost feels like, you know, I don't know if Warwick Davis is Jewish, but I feel like maybe they should have had a Jewish little person maybe play this role.
Maybe. Is there any was that was there controversy? Well, I'll tell you what. So J.K. Rowling, she's had a number of controversy. The author of these books has gone through so many rounds of stuff. She they accuse her of being anti trans, um, whatever all goblins are, the goblins and Japan are anti Semitic.
But are we just contributing to white veganism by reading this point of personal privilege, Tom?
Um, I mean, it's certainly certainly look that way. What does it say? I can't really tell you can't read it either. The same thing. Right now, I was just going through all the problematic stuff that's with Harry Potter. I got you. Yeah, because she's been accused of a lot of people really upset.
She got really dragged for some trans commentary.
Well, I think it was that period thing where, like, it led to that tampon. Yeah. Because, like, scroll up a little bit, it says, why did you give the money Goblin's hooked noses, Joanne.
All right. Um, know J.K. Rowling. Oh, yeah.
The goblins, the greedy hook nose monsters are bankers. I mean, it just seems strange right now.
I know, because we were watching it the day that you gave us all covid actually with our son, remember?
And you and I try to be like, damn, that's pretty blatant. Yeah. It just seems like I don't know. But anyway. But Booba just looks a little Jewish. Yeah. Booba and this are quite different. Yeah. Little cartoon guy being like this. Yeah.
And these guys like we got the money and we camped it all day. Keepers of the money. Yeah, I mean, you could have gone with any look for I know any look, but the vote is yes for you. Yeah. What about in there the other day?
No, Chris is a goyeneche, OK?
He can still vote.
Yeah, it seems pretty anti Semitic. I'm going to guess it has more to do with medieval fantasy in general than J.K. Rowling specifically.
C Chris is a is an expert on nerd me. Explain that. I mean well I mean goblins in medieval fantasy tend to be money greedy like type of monsters and so they're probably just making goblins. Oh. And then chicken or the egg though last night.
So I mean it could be that J.K. Rowling was just like, what do goblins would do in wizarding world. Oh, they'd be bankers. And so she just made them bankers and.
But do you think when they they had like the prototype of the design, she goes he drew it up a little bit?
Yeah, I think maybe I think because like I think Goblin sort of had that kind of appearance beforehand and she's like, yeah, that looks like a goblin. Yeah. And that might have more roots from medieval fantasy. Looks like a goblin or IRA, the guy that counts my money back in fucking Scotland or wherever she's from.
But that's so.
So but did mediæval I'm saying that well look, Shakespeare has like the people who came up with like goblins.
This might have also been a bit anti Semitic.
Yes. Because Shakespeare was anti Semitic. Right. The Shylock is a Jew. Uh, forget which play it's. And there's a Shylock Merchant Ships Merchant of Venice.
So senior Jewish history, who knows that he's I mean it like the diagnosis history.
Yeah, I know my anti-Semitic. What is all those thought on this? Zoley. You have an opinion about it.
Yeah, it's like I've been studying for a while. It's definitely OK.
Um, so sidebar I'd like to pick I'd like to point out an interesting note about Chris Larsen. We've been discussing it on where my mom's at. Did you know that Chris actively lives with a rat? Actively live with. He's live. He just comes and goes, you made it sound like it's a is isn't a pet. No, it's not a pet. It's not a pet. But at this point, it may as well be because he stopped trying to kill it.
And now he's just resigned to a rat living with.
How are you aware of the rat. Like what what what relationship do you have with how do you know the rats there?
I mean, he's made his presence known with, like, you know, rat droppings.
And you find them around occasionally, not so much recently, but in the past for sure. And you don't know where he's coming in from or anything.
I don't know where necessarily he's coming in from. I know where he escapes when I catch him. What is this game like? There's this little crawl space between my kitchen, like the cabinet underneath my kitchen sink in the cabinet next to it, like there's a little area in between it that's like a gap.
And underneath that, he can just jump in between, dude. So I can't get in there because it's in between both the cabinets.
I got to tell you, there's nothing I have more disdain for than goblins and rats.
These Jewish I listen, I've had to I've had to rat incidences.
And it's I don't I don't have any more hatred in me than I do for actual rats. So the first one, I lived in Silverlake.
And we found rat droppings and also we would hear them, yeah, and I was working at a office complex, a big one, and they had a dedicated pest control guy there. So I'm in this building and I tell them about my problem. He goes, I'll give you I'll give you stuff, you know, to take home. And and he goes, this will this will address.
You remember this? So this one I lived on that block on Silverlake Boulevard.
So he tells me where to plan it. And it's the sticky stuff. Do I plant the traps? I put Peanut. He told me to put peanut butter in it. I leave it out the next day, the traps were flipped over and shit on this shit on your traps, so he ate the peanut butter, got kind of stuck, flipped it over and shit on the trap.
And I was like I told the guy, he goes, I never seen some shit like that. And I was like, thanks.
And then the next time was our previous home. Oh my God.
Oh my God. I was so I was just like gusting. We found droppings and I open a cabinet under a sink and there's a ton of droppings in there. And then we start like trying to cover up all the holes.
Just so I feel like I, I saw that we're a pipe like went into the wall also had a little gap. So I started to fill any little hole because they can fit through the sides.
And I think if they can put their fucking head in there.
Yeah. So you just got a uh. Yeah we ended up doing it that way and basically and then I went outside and found out like where there's like a little hole connected to the house, fill it, fill up everything, you know, do I fantasize about drowning them? Know my fantasy? I my fantasy about rats has always been the same, like a deep well, you know, like a well and they're all in there.
And then I just like basically a Molotov cocktail, like just that's a gasoline light. And just hear the screeches. Hear the screams.
You know, I wanted to see one snapped in half. I've never caught a rat using the snapper all the way here.
That's the most effective way. I've caught a mouse with one end. Did you see it cut in half?
I didn't see it in the moment. But afterwards you saw a body.
That's what I want to see is the death. Yeah. Now, we also don't forget, in the guest room, we had rats burrow into the the fan that was on the wall. Yes. And those motherfuckers ate up all the wiring to build a fucking nest in there. And we're shitting and destroying the fan.
We had to get that all sealed up. So first of all, they create a smell. Your house doesn't smell crisp from the droppings in the urine. No, it doesn't really smell.
Might be it might be just like a one. But I'm telling you, start filling those gaps. That's that's how you get them to not be able to enter. You've got to look for any way they can enter and just. Yeah, you have to fill that up or get a cat, I'm suggesting or poison.
It's kind of cool. Like we also had a little poison. We like these blocks. They're blue. Yeah. Yeah. And they'll eat them and they don't die right away. But they'll, they'll, they'll go and they have like their nervous system will shut down and they'll die like when they're in front of their family when they go home.
And I picked up a few dead rats that way around the around our old house. Even in this new house, Bitsie came walking up to us with a dead mouse in her mouth from the poison, too, because I had the guy come and poison our current home because mice come. Now, you got to stay on top of those fucking assholes. Shit, I hate them so much to I was trying to raise interest rates on you, but.
All right, let's see, Tom, what do you hate more rats or horses?
Rats, really? Yeah. I hate horses more than rats. I think what they stink, they hurt you, the pain of a lot worse, more than a rat. Yeah, I don't like them. I think they have attitudes. They think they're as good as people you need, but not you know, you need a different kind of therapy.
Can I show you what you need? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go over your hatred of horses. Love that.
And as I'm going to go here, we're going to actually take the energy of the soul energy and we're going to take it and bring it into the axis of the mind.
Watch. And just let you know, this is not my other sister, not network, is not this its own thing, in spite of what I learned from the previous things or. Did he learn that at Homewards? Yeah, oh. Hmm. Keep the legs down. What do you tell me how to come? What is happening here is coming super hard. So is that right? No, there's a there's a lady in there in front of a group of people.
If you're listening, a lady is laying face down on a massage table and then a man is standing above her. He's wearing a button down shirt and he's got a magic wand. Yeah. From my words.
And he's he's bringing spell's into her body diagonally.
He's putting on a show where she looks like she's going to it looks like he's got a rocket on her cooter because she's like, oh, really shaking.
Right. It does. It looks like her pussy is going quick. OK, quick.
And couches, you know, she's got hair, some similar to yours.
Oh yeah. It's when I grow it out. Yeah. It's a lot like my hair. It's so weird.
Oh I didn't like I was like keep your legs down. Like yeah she's the one having the experience. She's in ecstasy. You're going to tell somebody how to live.
Stop coming hard. God.
So patriarchal. They feel that race. You feel it. That's the difference. That's how we affect others with energy all the time with wanting to be affected coherently. Here we go. What is happening? Well, look at that old guy in the background, he's like, I just came. These people are like, I want that guy to stick that one.
You know, I just got what just goes to show is that there's a sucker born every minute. They paid to be paid to be here with these idee.
And then they're going to go home, be like, I got a wand and he's going to be like, OK, he's going to be like you. I don't feel anything. Oh, yeah. Because we all were making up how we felt at the seminar.
So silly, huh? Do you think she has a nose ring. Whoa oh oh. As soon as it's over, she's like, how many ones did we sell? Yeah, we sold 13 once, but I got to tell you, you got to stop coming so hard.
The Asian lady is the only one who's got that look on her face like this. Like this is what creates that phase. And you'll see a lot of tension.
Just keep your legs down. I think I got to meet this guy. I think he had to. You know, he would do he would just he would just be like, you're not ready, like when you're like, I don't feel anything. Yeah, it's because you've got to open up. You're not being open.
It's my fault somehow it to be your fault.
And when you finally go, oh, yeah, he's like, see? And then you're like, oh no. This is like a hypnotism. When they put on, you just suggest, oh yeah, yeah, this guy's full of shit.
He kind of looks like he works at Gringotts, dude. Just from the side I'm saying. Teeside. She's got a cool ankle tat. I get an ankle tattoo next after my nose ring.
Well, speaking of cool ankle tats, Tom, try to keep your legs down.
This guy is the one who's just second.
And look where it is, Tom, in on Bourbon Street in New Orleans.
He's second on her feet at a bar.
I mean, I get it. Your days are hard, but, yeah, I get those paws have got to be worn.
Well, she's walking on Bourbon Street wearing open. Told you. Yeah. Let's be clear about what's on Bourbon Street. Shit, piss, vomit, rats, rats. It is it is a gnarly street to walk around.
And it's the equivalent of a Vegas right. The strip. When people walk with those stupid foot long and it's more because it's more condensed.
So everything is like really concentrated. He's stuck on your feet at the bar. Yeah.
Who the Britney stuff on this program is the right word on those who are in keeping with the foot lane.
Yeah. Here's a man who is robbing a place with his feet.
This guy is robbing a pawn shop, it looks like, or a jewelry store holding a gun with his feet. Amazing.
He knows how to work. That is amazing. Cock that thing. Give me your motherfucking money. Right on time.
It looks like this guy is not even taking him seriously, though.
I know when he would you be. And he's got he's got the electronic wheelchair like the remote one.
Yo, I've never seen that before. Hey, don't you see this is like the next Hollywood white bummer script. Oh, yeah. He's like a man is paralyzed but uses his feet for crime to rob people.
Yeah. Hey, and no one pays attention. He's like, give me your money, like, fuck you, you cripple. Yeah, and his feet come on.
Yeah, it's holding a 45 and he's got his other foot with a 38.
And he's like, who wants to smoke.
Who you call and cripple. Yeah. Bang.
And then how come we're not finding fingerprints at the scene. And then finally they're like it's because he uses his feet.
Do you think Sylvester Stallone could write the script in a day for sure, ably, and then they're just like, Oh, you know what? We got to keep we've got to start taking footprints, that's what they start doing, so they start taking everybody's footprints.
That's a Jesus Christ man. Denzel Washington could be in it like the detective that takes footprints. That's the name of the movie Footprints.
Footprints. But the third act is when he's like he's using his feet.
That's the whole turn of the movie.
How can we not find one fucking fingerprint in all these robberies? Well, and also, Hollywood will spin it to be a pro, differently abled person film. Yeah. Like you've seen everything, but you haven't seen the crippled guy. Yeah. They called him crippled.
They called him crippled. He's going to cripple his way into your heart. Fucking horrible or hilarious. Are you ready?
Oh, okay. This is the part of the show where I show you a clip. And you either go, that was really sad, I don't feel good anymore or you laugh really hard, maybe you'll have a little bit of both. Yeah, here's the first one. You're ready. OK, here we go. Someone's walking across the street. There's a table. Oh, wow.
Holy shit. Holy shit. So that was a cable that snapped and went around a guy and threw him into another person.
I think that comes from this coming from the fuck he gets launched.
I would. What is that, 40 feet or something at three in the air?
There had to be a lot of tension, a lot of force. And I think we all agree that was really funny.
I'm going to disagree, Tom. I'm thinking primarily about his aftercare. Um, he looks to be in a third world situation.
Yeah. I'm guessing there's no ambulance. And if it does come, it's like a goat that's going to take him.
OK, a little insensitive guy. Um, it's just the truth, kids. Yeah. The lady might need the ambulance.
I know that he lands on. I don't like this.
I mean, I think most of. Oh my God. Oh yeah.
She's not. She's dead. She's out. She's not dead. No, no, she's not dead. But she's got, you know, a whole new set of teeth in her mouth.
But what do you guys think? Horrible. Hilarious. Could you imagine?
I think that one's hilarious because seeing the actual knees bending the other way happens off screen.
Oh, right. Right. You just see the. Yeah, no. Yeah, I'm starting to get I'm starting to see what you see. Yeah. Yeah. That's only taken a few years. Yeah. Yeah. From what's the votes in there.
I feel like it's more impressive than they are. Yeah it is just. Thank you.
I didn't, I didn't think that could happen like I didn't and no person could fly to the air because of a cable like that.
Crazy. That's wild.
Everything's possible at the show Zolo. Horrible, hilarious. Hilarious.
Well, the freakish bad luck is really what's crazy in the sketch. Yes, this. It is. It's and it's they mean like, dude, the probability of that happening, you know. Yeah, exactly. All right. Here's the next one.
Running on a hamster wheel like this one's voluntaries running. Yeah. Oh. I like that, and I'm going to go hilarious because he's voluntary, he's definitely heard, he's definitely hurt, but it's pretty funny. Yeah, that's a good one, though. And he's not like like he's he's got a concussion. He's young. You know, he'll he'll be all right. Yeah. Yeah. Like you like or.
No, I like you. Yeah.
Because it's like he's so young, like, you know, the cartilages and even like hardened Ballymun run many balls but it's still moving so fast. All right. Piledriver themselves.
Which also leads me to wonder how fucking unsafe the playgrounds are, wherever this is like. How many other people have done that? It's like daily.
Yeah, probably a lot. Yeah. And and then it's there's probably a debate over like, is this safe? And then other people, like it's always funny when someone falls and gets hurt though uh there's another one.
Oh shit. Oh that's cool. Oh God. He's going to eat it. So like what's up bro. Bro. He's on like the shoulder but he's calling it this is going to. Oh man. Oh God.
And no helmet or anything bro.
I'm ten. Oh he faceplant.
That guy's fucked up. He's gone. I mean he's got no helmet. How fast is he going. That looks like he's really flying. Yeah, he's going freeway speeds.
And that thing came apart, you can see it, but see what's cool about this video is that you don't see the mirror blocks the spill the entire time. Yeah. So it lets us maybe tell ourselves that he's OK.
I don't think he's OK now. And he's pretty smashed. Yeah, that one made me sad. Thank you. Let's go to the next one.
All right, we're not in Cleveland. I don't know where this is, Tibet. Oh, God, Harry.
Oh, no, no, no.
Marie. A woman is planting into the concrete on the screen before when she knew this was going to happen, is pretty great.
They're carrying her on one of those like shoulder thrones, you know, and then the front start up high enough.
She's like. Oh, I thought her at least she fell, she fell on her arm like you did.
Yeah, yeah, she's fine. Broke her shoulder. I'm fine. She's fine. Yeah, uh, we got, um, some violent times. Oh, they, uh, artwork that we received, right.
Great. You sent me. Somebody made that.
Yeah, that's really nice.
Yes. Piss on me and beat me. Good work. Really nice. And show me how those big tits fart. Yes. That's how you know there's love.
Somebody tells you that gives you that they love you cause the amount of work it took the detail. Yeah.
It's uh always good. This I by the way, I have this clip here and I was looking at it this morning and I thought, oh, we've played this before, but and it didn't seem familiar to you guys. But I remember seeing this before. So I I'm pretty sure at least this has been played in the show before, but it's appropriate. So let's play it again. I just finished six point two, five mile run. I just think people look so cute when they run.
I mean, I have a fucking Black History Month.
It's Black History Month. Yeah, she's very startled, look fantastic.
That's fucking bitch Glover. Fuck this Black History Month. I love that. I love that. I like his reasoning to that. There's a reason this makes history.
But yeah, Helen, I feel like I got to go real bad. OK, give me a second, ok. I drank too many things this morning.
You peed. I did. I feel so much better. It is something there's nothing like a good pee when you need it. I know, I know. I'm not. Is happy when I have to pick up my mind just goes like I got to really pee me to be paying cars a lot more in cars. Yeah. In my car.
What, what do you mean. Like what if I feel like the real urge to piss.
I'll just pull over and piss in the car and what just on the on the floor mat? No, I just get a bottle and I pee in it, you know? And what do you do with the bottle? Are you bringing it into the calculator?
You're in therapy. I drink. It makes you stronger. It's how you're getting in the car.
No. What if you really have to go? Then I stop somewhere and I go to the bathroom.
But that could be a huge ordeal during the pandemic. Yeah. So then, yeah, it could be an ordeal.
So why would you just piss in a bottle. I'd put it on. What if you don't have a bottle. I'm saying what if you get one leg.
But if you have time to get a bottle, well then keep one in your car man.
Just so that I could pass on one of these time.
No, but like aming. Yeah. A little Gatorade bottle or something, you know. Yeah.
Well, we have these things for the kids.
They can piss on a blue tube and then the same shaking your head like you don't produce piss pots.
Look, look, look. I peed just like every other. But have you never piss in a bottle.
No one else in the booth has like maybe once like in college, but once while driving in my car.
Yeah, yeah. No, wait. While you're driving or close over he pulls over. That doesn't make it OK. Of course it does. Yeah.
It's his car. He can do whatever he wants. You take a shit in it. I did it in my parent's car when I was visiting them.
That's fun. That's good. Did you tell your mom now. No, tell your mom and I almost forgot it. I wish I was like, I should try to grab that.
Wait, this isn't a bit this is not a bit. You are legit peeing in bottles and cars all the time. All the time. I did this did this start when you were like it was harder for you to move. That's when they started know started like twelve years ago.
But I mean now but it Dov's got a good point because you were really practicing with those bottles bad and stuff you got in the habit again. Maybe I was, it was really fun.
Yeah. A good for you.
I think I hold no one there ever does that.
Don't piss in else. Oh says he does cause I was a man. Yeah. Well I have a lot to talk to you after the show. Explain to you how it all works. Yep. All right. Look, it's Black History Month.
This feels like this could be a breaking news type of story. Yeah, like a William H exclusive.
I haven't watched it yet. I just see the title of it and it makes me go. This seems like a big deal.
I'm like, this is a William H exclusive. William H exclusive.
So I don't know if this is good, but the title is epic. And which I've said publicly before, because if Mr Obama really, really wanted me, I was right by Mr Obama. Barack Obama two hundred sixty one times. Wow. He kept wanting me to be his gay husband or spouse or whatever.
And but what really burned him is that I repeatedly refused to acknowledge that he was a legal president of the United States, but he's not legally qualified to be president. He was born and none of his clones, you know what I mean? He's not a legitimate citizen of this country, not even a legitimate person, let alone born in the United States. He's is a filthy, lying murderer that's rapes and murders children like the rest of them. Mm hmm.
I'm surprised. You know, when he when I refused him, he had the CIA inject this biological weapon, which is actually a chemical into my penis and it no longer functions.
Oh. How is 60 Minutes not gotten hold of the story? Well, they're going to after this, they're definitely going to it's not going to get hard till I'm ready to come. How did you get a hold of these tapes, Tom?
You mean the staff? Obviously, you know, they they're connected. They have sources.
Well, and the Obama clones. I didn't know about that.
Yeah, well, he he Obama and this guy 261 times had sex.
No, I think he was raped. Well, I like a softer term. Well, but. Yeah. Yeah. Not what happened, Tom, Obama was a rapist, Jesus. That's what he says. OK, well, I believe all men live your truth, sir.
The CIA injected his penis and it no longer works. It's just so sad.
Everything's so sad. Yeah, everything's sad. Yeah. Who would you rather at which president would you have sex with if you had to choose between. OK, here we go, ready? OK, your choices are Reagan. OK, Bush senior, OK. Or Donald Trump. No, no, sorry, I take it back because it's just too much loaded or Biden is are three old white guys, Biden, Bush Senior or Ronnie Reagan, I want to have sex with one of those three former presidents and one current.
Abidin. I mean, I feel like Reagan just seems even at like 50 years ago, you seem frail, like he was skinny and but like just frail.
And I feel like it would be very loving, soft. He would be loving towards you.
And just the whole like laying with him would be a tender experience.
And, you know, like he and Nancy look to be intimate. They had a nice rapport, like he's a tender guy.
Yeah. Yeah. So I'm saying. So we would love making Bush senior. Oh, I just you know, I feel like when I see Bush Senior, like like a guy who goes to a strip club frat boy, Vibs frat boy vibes, but also like you're like, do you even do you wash down there?
And he's like, why don't you wash it?
Yeah, I like his balls. My job is to wash it. And you're like, oh yeah.
I feel like he would be a little more arrogant, like entitled more a little more entitled.
You know, he was a CIA director, he was ambassador before president. Like I just feel like he's like I've done like you should be impressed. Right.
Why don't you impress me more? Well, and his wife was not a looker. So you know that he didn't value sex or sensuality or sexuality. She was a dog. Everybody knows this guy. She was a fucking Bouser.
And why can't we just say a woman is not attractive?
It's OK to show a little respect. Bouser, can you show Babs like she was a dog? I mean, Jesus Christ, she wasn't cute.
So stop. Not everybody can be a dog. I'm going to defend Barb, you horrible lady. You horrible, horrible. Yeah. What about bidi?
Well, he was like a smooth ass, cool dude. Not too long ago. Yeah, now he's he's elderly now. Sure, no, like, well, you have to fuck the elderly. I know I'm going for the cool one, but I still think you know what it is.
I think that. I think that he's definitely the smoothest of the three. Yeah, and I don't know, like what he'll do is he'll be like I used to I used to do the piledriver in your way.
And then you know that he's got a couple moves still. I think he's like and I think he's got like a real nice mouth probably on them. Yeah.
But, uh, well, he takes care of his mouth, too. He likes his teeth to look nice. You know, I think I'm going to go with him bidi. Yeah, I think so. Interesting. Well, take me through your logic. OK, so Biden is a little too paternal for me. Paternalistic. He's too grandfather vibes for me in terms of like I think he's a sweet man. I respect respected Bush. I find to be just again, kind of what you're saying, like conservative entitlement vibes.
Reggi, on the other hand, was an actor and I feel like he'll put on a show. He'll he's charismatic. He was beloved.
Um, do you think either of the three go down on you? I think Reagan would because he was like I said, he was in show business. And so he probably had a flair for like, yeah, dude, I'll get wild. And he probably went down on Nancy because she was high. Like, she she maintained like, if you look at the wives, who's by these wives? Biden's wife is. What's her name? Joe.
Joe, Joe. I mean, look how hot Nancy was, guys.
So that's a woman who gets left on the regs and who gets he goes down on her. He went down on her on the rig.
You know, I like how you're saying it. Like, you know, you're confirming stuff that, you know, look how happy she is.
That's only a lady who gets eaten out pussy, you know. Of course, of what do you think? I'm all happy and I'm I'm in a good mood all the time.
You lap it up and I like that. Oh, yeah. You got to there's no way the Bushes were doing oral. There's no way they were even having relations about bidi here.
Let's see if Joe. Oh, Joe Fox.
Yeah, of course. Yeah. Joe Fox like crazy. She's got nice lady hair. Oh they fuck the most. She's got fuck all hair.
She looks like forty years younger than him. I know. Looks fucking old. Yeah.
Dying huh. Uh she's cute. She's totally cute. No she's she's got fuck ability too. So you chose Reagan.
I chose Reagan. I just like that old school like eighties Republican vibes. I like his whole. Sorry.
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Oh ok. Oh of course. You guys ready to talk it up. Yeah.
I heard you were looking for me so I got quite a few in that photo.
There are quite a few. We haven't had these in a moment here. I didn't get to tell you about hotel sushi.
Oh, go ahead. Yes. All right. People are going to get mad at me, but why? Because they'll just every time you complain about something, people go just fucking. Yeah, just well, why are you upset about it? Yeah, I'm like, because you should have standards and you should call out illogical nonsense.
OK, go ahead. All right. So I'm saying I realize I'm very fortunate. I'm staying at a really nice hotel like a hotel resort on the beach.
Right. So. The hotel on the beach, it's a really beautiful property, beautiful place, and when I say hotel resort, like they have the amenities of resort, in other words, you have the main property, like the main thing, and then there's a lounge, the main restaurant. But then they have like a couple other restaurants that you can go to if you want. So every night that we're in Florida, we can't have dinner because we have two shows a night.
Saturday I was supposed to do a college gig, so there was going to be no shows.
A couple of weeks before I went down there, the college said, because the covid stuff, we can't do the show but we can do is have you do like a Q&A thing interactive with art and that so that became. My time slot for The Early Show, which means that we could add a late show only on Saturday night, so it was the first night we could have dinner at the hotel, don't you?
OK, so. Walk through the lobby and usually you go through the lobby and there's a host to stand for the restaurant, and that's where we would have like breakfast and lunch sometimes.
So we're walking through the lobby and I notice that 10 feet from the hostess stand is a sushi bar.
Like that's like just like sit at the chef is.
No, it's not from you can I guess maybe you can, but it's more that it's a pop up set up OK for him. And it's clearly the implication is tonight you can also get sushi, you walk by, you see like the fish in behind the glass and you're like, oh, cool.
All right. All right, man. We're going to sushi now.
So we walk and we're like, hey, you two for dinner? Yes. So they walk us outside and they see us at a table with white chairs, OK?
And it's just outside the hostess stand just right a few feet away. So we're like, oh, cool. And we have the menu. Or like I was like, we'll get something off this, maybe get some sushi too. And they go, oh, you you can't order sushi if you're sitting here, OK?
And I was like, what do you mean? Well, to have sushi, you have to sit over there, over there, and I'm this is not an exaggeration is the distance from where I'm seated and the guest couch. OK. All right, right, right, right, right. So five feet from where you're sitting, you can have sushi. And I was like. Well, if I sit there, can I order an entree off of the main menu?
No, Soledad and I go, what do you mean?
Uh huh, well, this where you see that now is the restaurant seating, right?
So you can order off of this menu. If you sit over there, you can have sushi, but you can't over it. But if you sit here, you can't have sushi.
And I go, OK, so I get up and I go, hey, I want to have some sushi.
Can I sit over there and they're like, yes, sure, and I was like, and then I can have sushi. Yeah, but I can't order other regular food and they're like, no.
And I go, how how are you? How is this logical?
When the guy is like I mean, it's like he's like, sir. And that seating is just for the restaurant.
I realize that. But like if you're a guest. Paying a bunch of money to stay here and you're like, yeah, I would like a piece of school. Yeah, and then I'd like to order an entree. You're just not going to he's like, unfortunately, we can't do that.
I know this is beyond comprehension.
And he's like, yeah. So then I go. All right, well, we want some sushi. So we get up and we walk. I'm not kidding you.
The equivalent of from here to there and we sit there and we're allowed to have sushi.
And it was fucking terrible. Oh, no, we're sushi I've ever had. What was wrong with the old fish? It was it just wasn't high quality.
And the dude used like a mountain of rice. I know. Like for every like like that, which always feels like they're just trying to fill you up in some shot.
And I was like, all right. And then they're like, hey, uh, you know, it was but I was like, I mean, like, was it a covid rule?
Because the covid rules are so dumb. It wasn't covered rule. It wasn't a Kobe rule.
They were just like, so weird. We broke this up like like stupid.
Yeah. Why can't you just makes the menu look like I want to add on a roll that's like can we get can we get some sashimi and then order dinner.
No, I was like OK man makes sense. My favorite was you and I went to a restaurant in L.A. here and then we were waiting to be seated and they're like, Do you want to drink at the bar? OK, stand in line, stand six feet apart. And then when it was our turn, the guy was like, some rules. You can go to the bar, don't you know? Oh, I know. When you get your drink, you're going to want to take a sip.
Don't laugh. Don't pull down your mask.
You're like, go, go like this and go like that. Don't do that.
You have to walk over there and then you can do that.
Yeah, I'm like, why then he's like, when you go over there, like when you sit away from everybody, you could pull your mask. I take a sip but don't take your mask off.
And we were like, OK. Gotcha. But wait a minute, but then when you're sitting with everybody else, the heat lamps you take side, then you can take everything off.
So this makes that what that was like. Dumb covid. The hotel was just dumb. Hotel was just dumb. They were just fucking dumb.
Here's my favorite when we all went out for dinner one night here in Los Angeles. So the ruling in California, L.A., anyway, is that you can dine outside. And it was very cold. We were dining outdoors. So they put tarps or whatever the fuck tents over the outdoor section of the restaurant. We all sat down and it was open.
So that was free air. And then the thing closes and now we're outside, but sealed in a plastic tent. Yeah.
So how does that even make any sense? Oh, nonsense. I know. I mean, nonsense. The worst part of the the hotel sushi was them trying to explain it.
I was like, the guy goes, well, if you're over here, we have an assigned number of seats for the restaurant. So we have to order at the restaurant. And if you go over there, we can just serve sushi over there.
I'm like, then how does this make any sense what you're saying? He's like and he was just like, I don't I don't know.
Doesn't some manager came up with it? Yeah. His dumb manager.
But I mean, ultimately, what are people like? I'm working well in there, but ultimately what's what are people doing there on vacation.
I know. Like does it serve a guess who's on vacation to be like you can't sit here and eat that.
You have to leave and sit over there to eat.
It's like, OK, man, whatever. Um, back to talks. My most important. Yes. Yeah.
And I also I can't wait to get the emails now people at that time just fucking go with they have their reasons.
You just, you should just be lucky you even get sushi right now.
But their reasons are dumb. It's a dumb but look who hasn't had a stupid boss like you know, I work these jobs and you're like whatever Steve. Oh.
I let them know that that it was dumb. I'm I'm being more polite than I was.
It's just some fucking guy with a bad beard cut some fat fucking GM at the hotel and they did that.
It's true. It's just some retarded guy who's like, let them sit here. All right.
So here you go. The first tick tock. Here we go.
Gever Like, wake up or do not, like, do something. You're just like, what the fuck is going on?
Who is that guy the best? Yeah, what the what to say who remembers this guy? Because I guess he was around a while ago now was that, you know, he used to be a big YouTube.
I think he was still dancing. Do you ever just do something you're like, what the fuck's going on?
Right. These characters.
I was a character. Oh, that's pretty cool. What the hell is going?
You guys have to understand something very important about women. You see, women can only pick a man of either alpha or beta. It has been clinically proven since the female brain is smaller than the male and we play this one already. And because the female being part of the meal green, the female brain lacks intellectual capacity. And because a female lacks intellectual capacity, she therefore cannot fathom the fact that, hey, a man can be better and he can be alpha, he can be a provider and he can be the guy who he or she must, that any woman cannot conceptualize that for the simple fact that their brain, their brains not have the intellectual capacity for it.
Now women are closer to animals than they are to men. You know, if a grizzly bear is going to come after you, a grizzly bear is going to come after you because you're either a threat or you are food not going come after you because your food and it doesn't work like that. You're either a threat or a food, OK? Same thing with women. You either better or you are alpha. So this is the other.
He's fucking pretty rad, this is the cab driver who tells you how to be an alpha male in Los Angeles, how to pick up women. I guess he's an alpha, huh? He's definitely an alpha.
And his hair got darker since the last series of videos. I'm not sure if he's getting his hair done the same way you are or what.
Oh, yeah, we maybe we go to the same guy. Yeah, it's very dark. He does have a ponytail.
Yeah, well, he's clearly an alpha.
I mean, the tank is a real chill. That's what I want out of my driver.
Like you wear less shirt. Can you have your armpits out so that I may smell.
Yeah. Who wears a fucking tank top in public like that? This guy driving a car. I would love to go through his like his dating History Week.
Man Just back up one moment. Yeah. I would love to go through his dating history as well. It's a mess. Who do you think he's attracting? Masses. Other masses. It's horrible.
Horrible, damaged, broken dogs. Yeah. Beyond. And he's also like, you don't even fucking understand what I'm saying.
Stupid brain. Like, it's got to be super abusive. Super obese. Yeah. Yeah.
So he's an alpha and he's abusing the shit. I wouldn't even I think he's a faux alpha. He's not a real of course.
Yeah. Look, that whole thing where a we got to be tough guy. Clearly it's insecurity, it's just silliness.
Uh, secondly, tank tops in public. Am I wrong here too?
It's disgusting to have your armpit, of course, you know, for the jeans to discuss the flight.
I mean, obviously not in first, but you see people in the back of the bus with their tank on you or what?
They're going to be back there with you, their armpit flakes going everywhere and their pet hair, especially men, not women. Women have beautiful, clean shaven, most of us normal ones.
You've seen nasty. You have seen like a cute girl gets on with the girls. It's like it's fine.
Like everything's fine. Everything's fine with the cute. Yeah, but yeah. This is fucking disgusting. Yes. Gross.
This is why we have a lot of kids who are upset. They're angry, they're miserable. They hate men. It's because ladies, different tank. Take your hand because of feminism, feminism to you that you're the prize, that you are a queen and are they not a princess and that a man should bow down to you, real men, the women, the men that you do not want, they're not going to bow down to you, only weak, but the beta males and so boys would ever bow down.
What's a soy boy woman to way to say the same thing? Oh yes. Soy milk. Yeah, like a little baby boy. Sweet.
Yeah, well. He's a cool he's very fucking cool, Ali, and I'm sure the I mean, he's probably it's got to be a real thrill to run into this guy as a lady.
I'm sure he's not going to bow down, you bitch. And she said, wow, this is really nice of you.
I like your attitude. Well, he's got that Tom Lakas school of thought.
Like, dump that bitch, treat her like a redneck bitch. She's a she's a ten.
I tell her she's a for fuck you bitch. But get her eating out of my pole. Yeah.
Yeah, but he's right because the really weak I took her to dinner, took her to a fucking Burger King. But guys like this just find the weakest.
Yeah. Female in the pack and then they dominate and abuse the shadow.
Yeah. Pretty great. I just thought the younger guys would like to learn how to be an ally. Can we stop meeting this young actor, please, that please go for it.
All right. I just thought you would like that. That was a real freak out. Yeah, we know what was happening there at all. No, no.
He was like, why not give me the order right now?
Yes, he's trying to pick up his groceries, pick up the card orders. Yeah, I think he's picking up his groceries.
That was a cool way to handle it. He wanted to go, hey, this year has been tough on everybody. He was just like, where's the bread?
Oh, we didn't get the bread. We've all been there.
Yeah, there's three basic things they offer. Oh, boy, I remember this guy, marriage and children. And as a guy, I support that. If you walked out, you'd better want that more than sex and vagina itself. You better really want to be able to really have kids as a male and really want to be a family man.
I say go for it. Good luck, because chances are you're going to end up you're going to end up losing everything, your kids, your house, everything you want.
You want to roll the dice will help you along the way is you better love the kids more than you love your wife, wife or any woman yourself.
This guy is a real tildy way. You'll fucking survive. Possibly, possibly.
What do you think's going on?
Well, that was very uplifting message to all the young men that are considering getting married that everything is going you're going to just lose everything to your life's meaning and you better like I like how he's like try to love those kids a lot.
That's the way he said it.
Like, you know, you may not. You might not.
But you should if you can love those kids a lot. Something tells me it's gone wrong in his life. I think the exact scenario is talking about has played out in his life.
I love when I just want to know I ten out of ten do not recommend. Get a new. I was going to say she's cute. It's great, she's super cute. Yeah, she is. She said, I am. And she said I would not recommend. And then we lost our phone.
Now, I will say there's a correlation. The longer the fake eyelashes, the crazier. You know, I think that this woman. Yeah. Is an animal in bed. OK, what's tell me your clues.
Um, there's all types of.
Go ahead, Tom. Enlighten the audience to blow me up.
All right. Here's the thing about this bitch. I mean, there's a look there's definitely like a sexy look. It's the and also like you see how she's like she's kind of like street, you know. Yes. Like this here. You don't get that way. Not playing with dicks.
OK, like she's she is a seasoned pro vet.
I think that you sleep with her, you're going back for more and she's kind of crazy.
No, she's very crazy. She obviously gets too inebriated. So those are all good signs for her being a good lay. She's also the angel with the halo on the titties hits.
Anybody with the tattoo is going to suck your nuts, right, don't you think? I don't think you have to ask for it. And now she starts the it's the first appetizer on the menu. Yeah.
It's like you're making out. And then she's like, oh, you like your balls sucked and you're like, woo! Yeah. Whoa. OK. Wow, and the eyelashes, the fake eyelashes are way too long and crazy. She's a dream. I hope her and Chris get together soon. All right.
Do not call me handsome if you ain't going to be some of that. But Dr. Don.
What I just thought it's fun, you do not call me handsome if you're not going to have someone that want to dunk. Yes.
To me, OK, this is pretty crazy. Oh, this is real.
Wave crashes through a restaurant. Time to go, yeah, yeah, they're just dining, it's like this could that could be us an absolutely Malibu or whatever. It could have been me trying to eat sushi at the restaurant and they're like, you can't eat here.
I'm fucking going to eat her anyways. No one ever thought I didn't think glass.
I mean, I, I'd assume that they would put special glass there. Unbelieve not necessarily.
Well, tomorrow is Groundhog Day for everybody in the world. I hope everybody has a good one. Oh me. To work it out to as somebody.
Oh I have a good one now. Thanks babe.
That's good. I like so many levels. It's like first angle great angry lighting, great everything right level of camera like you see in the background work the TV's on.
But he's like so for me I'm ugly. And then so that's like a little self-deprecating, a little funny and then also feel guilty for me. Yeah. I'm having a nice day. Yeah. I have a good one.
Yeah. Hope you have a good fucking day, because I'm not going to. Yeah, like he still wants to ruin your holiday, which is great. Yeah, I like that. He still he wants to leave you with that.
Thank you. Please, please, please, Jesus Christ, this is for me all again. Is this Bert's Brother? Holy shit, that is fucking terrifying.
These are Russian when they get a blow like that.
Yeah, there's a Russian blood you can do. I mean, the bear is sitting up like a person eating out of there.
Can you give me any goose? You give those claws and paws all believe me, Brooke, you looking like you got the psychos.
What are they even feeding that thing? Mush looks like ice cream. I don't know. But that's fucking scary. Like when you see the size of that thing's head, look at the size of its head, you know, and it's like snout, holy shit.
Yo, you realize it's just like not wanting to kill you, right?
Then, you know, just in that moment, the only thing you like now you're feeding me.
I won't kill you. Oh, no, thanks, man.
Come, baby. Come, come, come. Come on, baby. Come, come, come. I like him when you go. I'm gonna go.
Oh, now it's the Valentines guy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What's interesting to me was like, why make the video. Are you trying to lure women. Is he trying to lure straight out.
Of course he's trying to lure women. Of course he is. That's that's the only thing he's going for. But this is how he knows how to he doesn't know how to do it another way.
So he either goes, I guess I'm too ugly or he's like, oh, come, come, come. Yeah.
So first he uses guilt and then guilt doesn't work. He's over. He's using the tactics. He knows, you know. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, it's cool.
OK, what's the difference between a Birobidzhan, a shotgun, one cock, and she read, Oh, OK, no.
And they just hit me that we're dealing with somebody who drinks quite a bit. I didn't realize that on the other videos.
Oh, that's very it's very obvious here. I realize.
And here's the mayor. He doesn't have teeth either. Do we point that out?
Well, it's part of the alcoholism. Yeah, I think it's kind of one of the side effects. Cheesus, is he.
Are we done with him? Sure, you can be. Just don't play another one if you see him pop up.
OK. You know, there's something I don't understand what's that? You're this beautiful woman out there is a filthy language, disgusting. In my day we had to work. We had a name. Oh, it's you who we just cut off there.
Yeah. This is another cool guy. That's a very cool guy.
It's a it's a real special lane.
A guy who goes, you shouldn't talk like that. And what are you wearing. See old sea legs. Yeah, it's well every case you haven't noticed picked up on the theme here. My talk line now is cool. Guys are telling you how the world is.
Yeah. Yeah. And tell them ladies it's good.
It's always what you want, right.
I mean, as a lady, do you like when guys tell you like how does Oh my daddy smile more. Yeah. Yeah. My dad where it's been like that. Like no no no man wants to have women talking too much looking you know a girl who's going with every guy. I used to hear this stuff growing up all the time.
A girl going with every guy. Yeah. I mean that's a huwa is a hooker.
Yeah. Sure, yeah. Whatever you want. Go with whatever you want. And if you fuck a guy while you're at it, you're not gay.
It's not. Gary, go. Hey, what's up.
Are you guys the head of the five.
That's I gather that's all I had to say, guys.
He says I'm doing fine. You like him? It's pretty good. You like his teeth. I like it. What's up, doc? Not much here, I'm just curious. Very few brewskis. Oh, man.
I want to give a shout out to Bill Christina.
OK, now, I don't know if I just got lucky there that my namesake got thrown in. Now, if he referring to me. This is pacifically.
Is it? Do you feel a shift toward sadness right now? Because I do.
Mm hmm. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. This is all the same.
I kind of like when you have an uplifter thrown in there, you know, keep looking.
I mean, you know, sometimes I catch myself doing this when I go into a room and there's women in the room. Um, sometimes I'll say, hi, guys. Ah, I'm leaving. I'll say, bye, guys. Well, they're not guys. They're ladies, you know, you stupid bitch.
That's the talk. But I wanted to change that because he's positive I was while I was bracing myself when he was like, there's a bunch of ladies in there. I was like, oh, shit. Who knows? But I actually have had the same anxiety before.
Yeah, I've been like, oh, they're not guys because it's just, you know, what is that like a slow, languid look. Yeah, correct. Yeah. I don't take it personally. Like whatever can point of personal privilege though.
That's gendered language. It certainly is Tom. And certainly is part of the patriarchal.
If you're a foodie or you identify as one and you don't like when people say, guys, please let us know, I'll do my best to never ever say that to you.
Well, however, some women would be offended at being called a lady. That's true. How dare you infer that I'm a lady?
That's a value judgment on my characteristics, my behaviors.
Here we go from my pronouns. Oh, Jesus. We fucking bitch. Fuck you, motherfucker, pull over, you fucking bitch.
You did pull over. That's why you're able to spit on her window. Yeah, well, that's a good logic. Road rage is that's as tight. It's coming. I know you like that one like that.
Is that a sorbet? Yeah, that was kind of a nice like. Oh, is. He's black on black, everybody, black fucking idiot. Listen, there's a lot of drunk guys on ticktock right now. Let's go. Come on. Let's move past the pussy flavored ice cream in here.
Some pussy flavored ice cream in the freezer. OK, thank you so much.
That's pretty funny. He asked for pussy flavored ice cream. Yeah, yeah, I think that was funny.
Well, you know what I don't like about that one? I don't know. Sometimes I just feel like the other guy that's working is just trying to do his job.
Yeah. That's you know, and he's like he's like, yeah, it's just I look stupid acms over there. I did go into a store when I was in Florida and I go, hey man, I'm looking for oh, it was like, this is the scar cream. And I go, hey, you know, what is it? MacDermid term?
I was like, you have midterm. When the guy goes, man, you ask those people I don't know or anything is he had the uniform.
I was like, OK, can I tell you as someone that's worked in many a retail establishment. Yeah, the first week, fine.
But after a week, if you don't know the layout of the place you work. Well, he was he was also pushing a putting things on shelves.
So I was like, you're learning.
Do you know where this stuff if he was like on or any point of personal privilege. Look, it was the way to come across as a bitch to not be fuck with when you are actually a nice girl inside is very simple. Lower your nonverbal.
What are your non verbals, what you don't use your words with. That means your smile, the eyes, the laughter, motherfucker. She's not that fucking funny.
Why are you laughing all of his jokes, you know what I'm saying? LOL, you know, verbals. That means you speak slower, you respond slower, you move slower, you take up a little bit more space. Right. And you and you don't make as much eye contact. Right. Because you don't like somebody, you don't look at them that much that will that will give an air of power and you create insecurity in a person because they want to see you smile.
You get what I'm trying to say.
But just doing that and then slowing down the texting, you will come across as more of a bitch as a nice girl and guys like you more. For more toxic advice, go to my protection.
Wow, man, if you're getting advice on I mean, maybe follow me, but like, I hate that he's like you shit like he's base.
You should play games more and you should be inauthentic.
Like this is how you can fuck with somebody and get them to like you. It's like, dude, come on man.
Yeah. Like that's all the stuff that I would try to break someone from doing.
Well he's specifically on the toxic dating. Yeah. You want toxic advice, you want to be toxic like you had to be toxic. It makes me it makes me bummed out. It makes me sad too. But it's also very interesting because I it's neat to know how to fuck with people. All right. A couple more. OK, OK.
You don't have time to what? You just made fun of a customer's name from the Middle East because you couldn't pronounce it a customer that ordered food from you. You just made fun of his name. That is the most racist thing ever. Larry Lyndhurst at Bob Evans. Where are we in Worthington. You can't say anything for yourself. And you made fun of it to a kid as eighteen year old kid picked up. You said didn't matter. It's not a stupid name.
It's not a dumb name. And this guy working for you, what's your name? Is that a dumb name too? You got nothing to say. You have nothing to say me real fired up, you know.
And also new word. Pronounce, pronounce, pronounce. Can you pronounce it. Yeah, you can pronounce you can photographers take Firdaus, you know. Yeah.
Also I think it's funny, like there are some names that just sound for why why, why can't you just make fun of somebody's name without it being race.
Sam just why. Who's that one.
That's da man saying what. He says it right to cause he says it right now knows how to make bids. Of course. OK, so that was that one doesn't leave me feeling good. No. Well I can leave for. Go on. Come on.
Hi there. This is our first video. I'm Tic-Tac. We are to mountain mammals. I'm Soozie. I'm Delphin. This is my momma and she is going to be eighty. Today is her 80th birthday. That's where it ends. Yeah, I thought we were about to see, like a dance or something. Well, it's our first time on tech talk. They're learning is really cute. That was very sweet. Really? Yeah, I think it's sweet because they're like they're like we're new to this.
And you could be really proud of themselves.
We're mother daughter whores and we're putting on Hauri dresses together.
And you a fuckin cab driver that wears a tank.
I mean, she's like, look at my slutty dress. That's my mom. My mom dresses like a hooker to you.
You're horrible. Really? Yes. What is wrong with you? I guess I. But no, but this is meant to be slutty. Look at those whores. They're just they put on dresses. They're just they're trying to have fun.
And to me, it's like Cristina, the old whore, like my next no special.
I think they look like a couple of old whores, I don't know. They're just they're just trying to have fun. They're just making a silly video.
Oh, am I wrong here? Hey, look, I agree with you, Tom. I just thought they were just a couple of old whores, mother daughter, slut team. You ever seen him on Jerry Springer? Like my mom and I, we like to dance together. OK, that's what I took it out. You're out of your mind, OK?
Yeah, I guess I read to everybody I'm going to do a new Tick-Tock talking science. Now, what up? What happens if whatever warming the planet? What if the alien alien ship they said want.
OK, that was put on guys that maybe make you be more depressing. God, it's not me, it's the algorithm.
Wait for it, wait for it kind. He likes Angry Birds to use a I play that game all the time, then don't click on it.
My boyfriend became a drug dealer because I wanted a Louis Vuitton wallet. Yeah, I haven't spoken to my dad in three years yet.
I've only been with Guy Shorter than me. Yeah, my ex boyfriend's gay day.
I'm a sophomore in college and I'm still a virgin. Yeah, I want to. Twenty eight. I've been there and got a two point seven GPA says.
These are girls sharing their secrets and then the clappers, I get it. It's cute. It was a thing for a minute on the talk. That's sweet. The Louis Vuitton one was crazy, though. My my boyfriend became a drug dealer to get me a Louis Vuitton wallet. That man loves you, girl.
Yeah. Yeah, he really does.
If you're like, hey, I want this thing, it's expensive and I might get into some crime to get it for you.
I know that's really sweet. That's why men are sweet. You better suck his balls and suck his balls. Yeah. And finger your butt.
OK, here's how I make myself look like a guy. I try to keep my skin as natural as possible, but I do cover my acne. I also make my lips smaller and like crusty. I take a concealer that's too light for my skin and I really define my bone structure. And the most important part is chuntering. Pretty much contour here, here and my jaw line. You're really going to want to control your jaw line and blinded. I can't turn my nose to be long and thin.
Another important as far is shading right now. Kind of your eye. And I define my chin. I bring my eyebrows down and I make them more boxy. I take my hair in a bun in the back and I bobby pin pretty much the entire front part of my hair. And then I take this little curling one and just kind of like curl the front pieces and then you kind of just keep teasing and curling until it looks legit. Once you throw a hood or beanie on, it looks pretty decent from where I am to do my bags.
Now you kind of have to act like I don't smile, just smirk, you know.
Oh, that was great. That's a good one to end on. That's a good that was really cool, I thought. I mean, jeez. Yeah, I would like to try to look like a boy. Underscore. I can't read it. Can you read it. Don't smile. You kind of smirk. Yeah. Why are guys assholes.
Pandolfi. Pandolfi. That's really good. Why are guys generally assholes like that though. Like how come you guys aren't as nice as women. I don't know.
Probably because guys don't value being nice from other guys.
So you're used to your guys are, you know, like our biological makeup is like who's a threat? What's a threat? You know, establishing like dominance and, you know, someone trying to I think it's all in your DNA, right.
To be like threatening versus. Well, it's not. You have to be like super aggro and threatening.
But I think it comes from guys being around other guys. So, like, girls will be nice to each other.
Guys, how we save ourselves socially. Yeah, the girls have to be nice to each other.
Guys. A guy walking into like a group a room with a bunch of guys is like hoser. Hi guys. No, after that, you know. So that's so true. Yeah.
I don't always do the opposite we make for this whole thing is amazing though. Isn't that cool. Out of bin Laden is a pretty cool dude. Yeah. Hanging out you know she looks just and then I'd be like I'm ready for some gay sex.
I said she gets a dress. I'm like, wait a minute, I thought you were a guy.
I was going to have non homosexual gay sex.
Non non sexual. What happened just feels good to have a penis touched by another guy. Sometimes it does. Um. All right. This is a phallic symbols by Ramsey McQueen is our closing song. Thank you guys for listening. Thank you for watching. Thank you for supporting our show. There's new merch store about why Image Studios Dotcom. Make sure you check it out.
Go see Christine AP this weekend if you're in Houston, Texas, Houston, and will be hitting the road a lot more soon. Very excited about it. And that's it. Anything else? I love you. Love you. Bye. Jeans, my mommy.
This program is a continuation of my series on the Denver International Airport and especially the murals and the art contained therein. And on this program, I will point out many of them are failing now and they are Google bling bling, bling, bling, bling. See what I'm talking about? Bling Bling, The Mail and the Daily Mail like they are people like airside Satanism, like Malik. See what I am talking about? Bling bling, the male Talib.
Let's take a look at the first of these, which I have called the birth of the Antichrist. This is actually the picture of a naked woman and the crotch by her right opposite the woman as a. This time with cage constitutes phallic symbol and in fact represents a gigantic janjic. Malik now they are phallic. Malik Malik. Now I see what I am talking about. Ballock Malik the male Malik Malik. They are people like Malik, Satanism, Malik, Malik.
See what I'm talking about? Malik Malik, the male Italian.