595 - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom SeguraYour Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
- 1,299 views
- 17 Mar 2021
YMH LIVE IS BACK! Friday, April 2nd at 6pm PT/9pm ET! Get your tickets now at https://livestream.ymhstudios.com SPONSORS: - Go to https://stamps.com/ click on the Microphone at the top of the homepage and type in MOM to get a 4-week trial PLUS free postage and a digital scale. - Go to https://Whoop.com and use code "Yourmom" for 15% off - Get 20% off and free shipping at https://Manscaped.com/MOM - Go to https://squarespace.com/MOM for a free trial and when you’re ready to launch, use the offer code MOM to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. - Go to https://LiquidIV.com and enter code "MOM" for 25% off - Go to https://omaxhealth.com/ today and enter code “MOM” to get 20% off CryoFreeze Sport and sitewide! JEANS UP!! This week, Tom Segura and Christina P discuss why they hate St. Patrick's Day, Tom's new hobby of playing piano, CP's favorite new show, Cobra Kai, and which one of them is grosser. They also react to an Los Angeles Times article about the diversity problem in the hiking community, listen to a new prank call from Fart Simpson, and have fun with the YMH-hacked Joel Osteen Inspiration Cube. They watch BTA submissions, an armless girl driving, a man who farts for his wife, a cool preacher, and a bear being released into a crowd. Also the Ai Yai Yai guy has a message for Christina!
Hey, guys, we got a bunch of new merch right now, go to Staudt, why Image Studios dot com and get that hot new gear, huh?
Oh, she's such a nice lady.
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I can't wait for someone to come fuck me but I'm not a whore. It's more quickly. I want to fuck you for the last time. Yeah, you like to become a face man Kamkwamba fucker. I checked with my four year old single man uses. Oh what a fuck as far off officer come jumpman straight talk about fucking black man fucking suck it up man you give me come by this man dismantle this fucking goddamn sick man.
Hello. Hey what's up yo Josh do this pop champagne. Champagne.
Yeah a noodleman and continue to talk then. Yeah pretty much. What about your tits. Smokin Stroker man went broke my tits. I'm a real man. I could take it. Not good. Good. Whatever bring you joy you know. Shut the fuck up man. I kinda fucked up fucking old man. I want to piss on me. What a place where can make sure you want to shit on my chest and cheer me up with your shit.
What motherfucker. And get nuts. But can you suck my dick. How big is your dick. I'm going to come. Go team go if I come home.
Oh oh oh oh oh oh. Come on. Nice. I mean, that is how you start a show. It's the classic the AAPC fans only Bangar when we just put that on the show.
Well, yeah, we can't start with that. Yeah, we can't open with that. OK, that's a little. Well, you know, that put us in the mood, though. That's all I'm saying. That's fine. That's that's Phat Simpson. And I think it was in the video edited by Clavicle. Am I right? Am I wrong? Correct. Yeah. Wow.
That was Mr. Clavicles. You've seen this? I have seen it before, but I didn't realize that clavicles did the whole he did the video and then the song was Phat Simpson.
I mean. Right. Got these two guys are so talented when they come together like it's amazing.
Speaking of amazing, we might as well get it right at the top.
And I want to tell you what is amazing. Why Image Live is back.
So we're back Friday, April 2nd, 6:00 p.m. Pacific, 9:00 Eastern. Go to live streamed out. Why image studios dot com to get your tickets. Now, we have a crazy show planned. We have one of the women, most celebrated guests, Christa Stephano, sitting on the couch with ocracy. We have original music by Marcus Kane.
How about that Grammy nominated, Grammy nominated playing original music for us.
Plus, we have some really special guests on the show and a heavy segment that will hopefully send you into psychiatric care.
That's the goal. So we're really excited to be back Friday, April 2nd. Get your tickets now. And yeah, it's going to be a blast.
Listen, we're we're planning some secret fun shit for you guys. Yes, it's been it's let's just say we're already doing some of the prep. Yeah. And this might be the best way IMH live, and it's super exciting.
That's really exciting. Also, I'll let you know there's some new merch in the store if you go to store that way. My studio's dot com, there's a new big titted animal shirt.
Oh, great. I haven't even seen this one. Yeah, there's a 20 mg charro shirt.
There's the breakfast of Champions of Dunk Champions shirt. And then there's the Y Image Studio's hoodie and there's also your mom's house trucker hat.
There are some where my moms that hoodies that are when they're beautiful, they're so soft, they got pink, they're all I got a tote bag for the moms out there and the dads out there.
There's more new stuff coming. There's even I'm super excited about this, but it's going to be a whole roll out. So I worked with a like a top tier designer for a special collection of stuff. Like I was like, you know, it's fun to do like what we do with, like, the shirts and that. But I, I wanted to get like some primo designs. So I backed the truck up and worked with a really, really awesome designer.
And there's some items coming that like we've never had before.
You're like Beyonce when she does Ivy Park with like Adidas.
I actually worked with Beyonce. What? Yeah, you're kidding, yeah, that's amazing, Tom, I can't wait to see this stuff. I called her and what's she like? She's so chill. Did she? She had some great design ideas. And then she also had some song ideas for the show.
Yeah. Wow. So, yeah, it's all real exciting stuff here, really coming up in the show.
So yeah, we got that business out of the way. Now what's really important, it's St. Patrick's Day. Oh.
If you have nothing else going on in your life, you're probably really excited about today because I know a whole bunch of losers just like you who are like this St. Patrick's Day.
I could drink all day.
Oh, yeah. I hate St. Patrick's Day. I don't I don't understand.
It's a drinking holiday. Like, well, you can drink all days of the week. Why do we want this? This is America. Can you can you pull it up like the orange.
But why do people need one day as a holiday to drink? You can get drunk all the time. You can always get drunk. Yeah.
They go to my St. Patrick's Day. What's going on? What is the history of St. Patrick's Day? Maybe back up and go to that drop down when the people ask thing that oh God versus the top one.
The top one dove is Google St. Patrick's Day Feast Day, March 17th of Saint, uh, patron saint of Ireland, born OK in the fall where he was kidnapped at the age of 16, taken to Ireland to be a drunk and he ate potatoes.
And now you guys can do all right. I mean, is that is there any more than that?
Like, why do we do it? And I don't know why. It's a big thing in this country because we have all these fucking mics that came over and they want something to embrace. So they're like a fucking drunk McNay, you know, let's try it. Let's tie the fucking lake green.
Oh, let's yeah. Let's eat green cake and then shit green and drink green beer and piss green. Jesus. Now how come do you have a holiday Tom.
Pick it up real big in spic countries. That's what they're really big on festivals and holidays. I want to go to DIA de los Muertos.
That's some shit in Mexico are the real crazy ones. So the spicks in the motherland. I'm sorry. Latin X.
No, I don't even start this shit with me. The spics in Spain are most known for festivals and stuff.
There's one called Las Vegas, which is like Burning Man, where they make these elaborate, like float parade kind of things. And they they they take them through the city and then they go to the the square and then they set them on fire. That's fucking rad.
I went to that where. When, when.
When. Twenty years ago. And here we go. I want to do that. I want to see that it's fucking cool. Yeah.
That's how they know how to do it up. That's interesting. Yeah. Yeah. Now the St. Paddy's there's also by the way there's a festival like every other week.
I like it. Yeah. Everything's closed like what's happened today. And they have some crazy thing. And like this is the day where the saint shit in the city like that, we close everything down today and they just it's always the festival always drinks.
Yeah but St. Patrick's Day, it's just let's get drunk and barf. This one. I just there's no floats there. But here's the thing.
It's that nobody either hears that's like the other those big fun ones. Yeah. It's like they care about it. But the mix they like no one gives a shit.
No one cares. Well. Oh, you're a dumb drunk Irish, Mick. And here's your special day.
You know. You know. I mean. Yeah, dude.
Well, good news, I think we could keep that music video and you see, this is why we need why image live, you guys. It's just because we just want to talk to.
We want to talk. We don't want to be. I should be clear. I love Ireland.
And by the way, is there a more unbalanced, uh, like gender nation as far as like appeal than the Irish? Because I feel like Irish girls are so cute. Yeah, the accent and everything.
And then Irish guys are like dogs. Jesus Christ dogs. Yeah, I agree.
There's a few countries like that. Yeah. We're like the split is dramatic. Chicks are hot and the dogs are. Yeah. The men are dogs Wolf. Yeah. What are some other countries. Should we do this. Probably. I don't know the Greeks.
Yeah. That's rough.
I mean potters Greek and then yeah the women are prettier dude I would argue even my tribe in Hungary.
Well yeah, the women are really gorgeous and the guys are not as gorgeous as the HONGO women of course.
No I know. It's like lowed making. Yeah.
Batur like there's a reason porno is filmed in Budapest. Yeah.
We're the best looking, you know, these are young guys are good looking guys, this is the anom but those are like the creme de la creme. This is the top notch guys.
Yeah. Even that guy right there, he seems like a fucking DUI mug shot. Yeah. It's going to be his modeling picture. Yeah. Yeah.
Not sure. Yeah. He's not. Oh he did. He's that is a mug shot there.
He ran an international sex slave business.
That guy's a real piece of shit. Yeah. It's like twelve years old.
It's a good accomplishment for a guy his age. Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. All right.
Well yeah. Who gives a shit about Saint Patrick's Day. Yeah. Italian fuck the women are beautiful. Yeah.
The guy, the guy is probably good looking guys. Right. They dress great. They do dress here in Italy. Oh my God. Like you're in Italy. I was walking in Milan and that's like the fashion capital of Italy.
Of Europe basically. Yeah. And every dude is walking around like a guy who is a fucking cashier is walking around in a suit that makes you stop and just go like, what the fuck, man?
They are fashionable. Well, Europeans, we've talked about this before that they don't just walk around in dumpy jeans and a shirt or like aviator nation sweatpants.
They dress up. I like that. I like that they do that same. I remember even being you know, it's twenty years ago. But I remember. Remember. I remember that. Really. Oh no.
I remember my no I remember when I was in Spain. I remember, uh, the lady that I live with, this old lady and her son was at the time forty. Right. And her grandson was like seven. The three of them were like, why do you dress like pigs? Yeah. I was like, what. Oh yeah. Because he would go the sun goes. It's just like T-shirts. Yeah. I was like yeah, yeah.
Super. Well they think we dress poor.
He's also like this. Isn't this like what you sleep in. That's another thing. Like don't you sleep in those. Yeah. It's like sometimes yeah. And then I'll roll right in the class wearing it.
Yeah. But they were like that's gross.
Yeah. My relatives in Hungary when we'd visit them. Yeah. They would have such contempt for how I dressed like oh you just wearing blue jeans and the shirt. They said you know what I say you have some, you guys have so much money on America you dress like you're fucking poor. Yeah. That's kind of dressing poor.
But, you know, the like the the truth is that that is kind of true because it's totally true.
Think like the biggest Fleck's is is like a billionaire, right. Yeah. And how do you like the uber wealthy dress. Like hot dogs. Yeah. Like normal flip flops. Yeah. You're like fuck are you wearing. Well that billionaire isn't that what's his name.
The big one. Warren Buffett. He's like so proud and super frugal though that he drives like a piece of shit cars. He's an extreme though. He's he's not even I wouldn't even put him in like he is a billionaire. But he's you know, he's like a nice old cracker from Omaha.
And so I like Omaha. Yeah. He lives in the same house for like sixty years. And yeah.
Yeah, he was really proud that he bought a Cadillac. I used Cadillac twenty. He's like still runs and you're like you have a hundred billion dollars, you have a little fun.
That's what it is. You can have a little fun.
You're not going to die with all your money. No. Enjoy it. Yeah. Why make it if you're not going to, you know, buy fifty thousand dollar chains like you do and private jets and stuff.
So somebody likes to have fun, fun or not, our kids don't need to go to college.
Why when you can have chicken and not go to college. All right.
All right, you dumb drunk mix. Here we go. Opening clip.
Hey, Kristina. How you doing, baby girl? Oh, you're beautiful. Yeah, but don't put your foot in my face, I. You're going to make me proud, I yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who is Randy? Don't bring love into this. No moment.
Well, welcome to your mom's house with Tom Seglora and Christina. It's. Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? OK, Sean just gave you a shout out. Is that his name? Yeah, but even with my tongue in your face.
Yeah. How cool it is.
Oh, that's some good cause it is an honor when you admire somebody's work and then they admire you.
Yes. This is a huge deal. Oh, you are looking so good. Yeah. You're making me nervous and I'm telling you that you would like a watermelon.
I don't have even that look great. One one that I haven't won one yet with that man. I don't know their name but oh baby. You wouldn't look at some dumb black guy. Jabiri, you got some me I've got give it to me. Yeah, that's. Now, David, you've got some good milk. Got some Tang milk I.
Oh, hey, Christine. How you doing, baby girl. Yeah. Oh, you're beautiful. Yeah, but don't put your foot in my face, OK? Yeah. You're going to make me smile. I have eyes and I want your feet to know.
I'm sad that he wore the mask. I wanted to see his face and being safe out there. I can't blame anyone for being safe. You know what an honor in honor.
He said, your beauty. When some breast milk and he thinks you're just all he he he acknowledged my existence, but he was like, I don't want anything to do with nothing. Yeah, I, I respect it. And I tell you what I think the move is, I want to go visit him and I know he won't be happy, but I'll bring some straight up. He goes with me like real hose, you know, I mean, and then I'll be like, hey, look what I got.
And then and like girls who are ready to put their titties in his face and see what he really does in the real.
Yeah, but bring them some like straight.
I'm talking like, oh, broken.
Sure. I'll be cool. Yeah.
I mean how great of a video would that be to be really like he sees me and he's like oh man. I'm like I got godsend for you what you get. And then I open the door and like to like, like high heel hookers kind of walk.
I'll be great. You really make his day. He's like and then I guess LaBrot.
Yeah, we're going to make a banana split and I bring out the corn chips and cars and I cream.
What if he did bring all those. Yeah we bring all the corn in there but I'm like go ahead and eat a Sunday.
He's like oh yeah, yeah. And he just starts eating. I think you should do this.
I think now that we obviously have made contact. Yeah. This is within the realm. Oh this is the drink. This is the dream.
But first of all, might be my first, like pandemic's over trip. Like I think I want to see. I don't think you should. Yeah. I think this is a great idea. I think we need to facilitate this.
But are you the type of ho that is interested in this gig?
Shout out to us, give us a message.
And first of all, may I say that I feel honored? This is like being a big deal is who painted the Mona Lisa Picasso?
Was this no Picasso? What's his name? The Venetian DaVinci. This is like this is the Vincey asking the Mona Lisa to sit and he paints her, do you understand the fact that I am his inspiration? You are. I am the muse for the III guy.
You are the mayor. Yeah. Like, this is bigger than meeting Brad Pitt. It's a big deal. It's OK. Shine.
Hey, Christina, you didn't even say my name right, though. Yeah, I'm on it. Oh, I say it right, sir.
Please do not use gendered language.
Point of personal privilege, Tom. Wow.
This was really something special. It's really is. It really is. Yeah.
I'm so honored. Thank you. Shine. Yeah, I have it.
One month I had a woman, the blonde haired woman and he he knows that I got big tits to look at some dumb black guy.
I'm sorry I didn't understand that. Your booty looks like some cornflakes. I think he wants to say it again. I cornflake. You got some me. I got I got you got me.
He's put his money into the Milk Duds as much as he is into the booty.
You're always talking about your booty. Look at some down black guy corn cornflake duds. Yeah. What some gon flake. He's, you know, he's just sunshine just got to get.
Well, I yeah. I'm surprised that he even saw my booty.
He saw my Milk Duds and we actually we got a visit here. The message about it. Oh yeah.
Here we got this. Yeah. Yeah. Guy it says hey uh Tad and Christine don't know if you've discussed this before, but the Let Me Eat Sugar is most definitely from the South Louisiana area. The accent is definitely Cajun. I grew up listening to my grandfather say I lie all the time.
Um, fortunately for mental wellness, his eyes never followed any conversations about eating buttholes sprinkled with corn chip crumble.
Thanks for ruining a wonderful memory of a wonderful man.
But IAIS to you, Tim Cristol from behind the wall. And you can bet your sweet banana split it as I'm coming up in May show.
Now, Tom, do you not feel protective of me at all? Like, are you worried that the IAEA guy might win my heart?
I mean, you've always said things like, what if he really can eat your ass better than me? What if he's really good at it? Would you go with him?
I mean, I think there's you know, in life, you have to everybody has to recognize greatness. You know, you have to acknowledge when someone is better than you at something. And I've gotten to be comfortable with I have a skill set. That's just what I've been given and what I've worked on. And if he can surpass me, I mean, what am I supposed to do? I just got ahead on the ground.
I'm willing to put my tongue in your face. Yeah.
You're willing to give me up to the IAEA guy. I want to let them grow. Yeah. Mm hmm. If he's better, then you'll just have to make a decision. Oh, my God. Yeah, that no Neum, you're going to you're going to have to meet him.
I'm definitely going to take you. And I'm taking I'm talking like, oh, yeah, yeah.
No, I got it. I heard you the first time real. Where are you going to find me like three hoes, you know, I mean, like really overwhelm them with hose.
Well, you know, find like streetwalkers, not st1, no strippers for hire, you know, like an agency or something like. Yeah. I mean tested, you know, I mean like they're ready to work.
I'm curious to see what he would really do in the presence of, you know, what I want to do.
I talk to him for a bit like do like an interview and then be like, I got something to show you. And when we walk into the room, the hose are like on tables and all the banana split ingredients are around. And I'm like, just going crazy. You're in a toy store now.
Yeah, well, I wonder if the hose would be like, yeah, of course I get it.
And then they meet them and they're like, oh, I know about this man.
Is there a particular woman besides me that he fixates on? Like if we could make his dreams come true, he's always just talking about women in women's plural.
Yeah, well, it is International Women's History Month, so this is a great video to receive. Yeah. The great time. It's a great time. There's so much. So we're so excited.
I'm just so honored. You know, there's a big highlights in why I made history meeting Robert Paul Champagne. That was huge. Crazy Lokes I really liked that was great.
But if we could do something with AusNC, I mean. I mean, yes, this is pretty great.
Yeah, I'm honored. Thank you. Uncle Shine.
It's very. I just didn't know that I could still that I was still seen like that. Yeah, you know what I mean.
I'm I'm, you know, middle aged mom, I wonder if I could bring one of those those girls and just tell him, oh, no, this is Christina, you know, I mean, like you.
So check that.
Yeah, he's just blind, blonde, like enormous televangelist.
Here's Christina. I think that's the music. Yeah.
And he just does his thing, you know, he goes crazy. It's cool with you. It's cool. Cool. That's great. Go make a banana split.
I'd love to do that, he would not know. So you remember, holy shit, the armless man from last week. Yeah, she was pretty amazing.
I really do not like you must be mad, but I know you. I love these people. And this one is kind of I mean, this is remarkable, right? It's quite a talent like these mock bangs are a nepabunna is like a very popular.
It is Lahn I've seen on where people just house food.
And I guess people just love watching that. I do. But this lady has the added component of not having hands, arms. She does it all with her feet. It's pretty remarkable.
And then, um, the boys sent me this when I first started dropping it more so I might be coming in to drop her off. She did. She was quite nervous. I gave her half the driver I want at my face and I was so nervous. But I made a nine minute on my tape only. Like an hour away in particular, has a lot of times when I get tired of my league and I try to be big, I just drop by.
Of car, that is so cool. Pretty amazing. That is amazing. Wow, I never isn't how how adaptable the human being is.
It's just it's true. It's amazing.
I mean, you're seeing or if you're listening, you know, she's got you don't really take the same kind of process, but like so her right foot is on, you know, pressing the gas and the brake and then her left foot is holding the wheel the way you would with your left hand.
And she disappears and she goes and she hits the clicker like change lanes, flips, and then turns it back off, goes back to driving with it. It's amazing.
Pretty amazing. That is, I don't even know her name. Do we know her name? Doesn't say here. We'll get it for you. Yeah, we should find out. But anyways, that's just really impressive. Wild. Yeah, wonderful. Good for her. Good for her. And she she looks like she's leading a fairly normal life. I mean, aside from doing mock bangs, she's going to school. She's doing stuff. She's a productive person.
This is fucking great. Yeah. Good for her. Um, yeah. Kind of switch up the pace that that was a little too uplifting.
You're so excited. There's some there must be a lot of goodies in here. I can tell one time is like I just like when there's so there's like fun things. I know. I can tell.
Hey yo you dumb bitch. You got me right here drinking another one. Could you so stupid asking me if I want to shoot him. I'm a bitch. I want for my money bitch. I work for my everything I have. Yeah. Oh, everything's cool here. I love it, the message, the gear standing up for what you have.
I love it, man. I like his shades and obviously clearly he is balling. He's got a super nice studio apartment that he's in. Yeah, he's got the he's doing his thing. Stuff like cheese ceiling. Yeah. He's doing it. He's doing great. He's doing great.
Um, a really stupid fucking bitch. You want to see all the muck girl is. Her name is Cashmere.
Cashmere. OK, all right. Cool. Wow. Look at this. Reminded me of something that you would like. This is a supercute, a supercute of a lady whose man farts. Oh. In front of her kind of everywhere. OK, I just thought you would enjoy it.
Of course. Oh oh oh. That's all he does poorly.
Oh. O o o o o o. O o o o o o o. From. Oh, oh, she's such a nice lady. Oh, this is fun. Yeah. Oh, this one.
Oh, I like this. This to me is what love is about. This is a this is a loving relationship. Yeah.
This is marriage. This is like sweetness. This is my life to be with you. Yeah. But you know what I love more than anything salami is when we go home to your parents house and you fart and your mom gives you the big I tell me, oh, so fun.
It's the do it, do it here. I'll be you. Yeah.
And then you break my butt pocket.
You think Rosero. And then you have to chastise me for laughing. No, don't don't tell him he's funny. He keeps doing it. How do you letting him do this? How do you let him disgusting. Absolutely. Well, she she adores him. She can tell. Yeah, it's fine.
She's like sometimes you're around Couples'. Someone does this and there's like the disdain. Yeah. Yeah.
She, she smiles at him every time he farts.
And might I add, Tom, his farts were nothing compared to like little I bet this guy weighs like one 45.
Yeah. Bullshot. Compared to your beavers that you let go in the legs. This guy doesn't even have a face.
But I wish you would look at me like this when I fought it never too long. Look how she looks at him. Check back in with her in fifteen years and we'll see how charming this is. They have a kid had the kid on the couch and still they but she she's young.
They've been together for fifteen years like us.
Seventeen years now. I don't know. I would, I would like, I would propose that you return the look. I'll keep fighting but you return the back. Yes she does.
Because she is like the she adore. She's like, she's like no. Yeah yeah.
I even was the last one. He just ripped ass and she was like, oh my love, my love, please. You make another tooth please Tom.
I have my pale fart. Would you do something for me.
Sure. If I start smiling at your farts, listen to me, OK? Would you do this for me. What what if moving forward I made a demand that every time I go brown. I need you there. I need you to just listen to me no, listen hard. We've been together for a million years.
I don't want to be there when you listen to me.
I need your support. I want you to hold my hand and make eye contact and really be there for me when I do Brownes, OK? What if I told you I needed this to go forward, I would tell you, figure something else out. Are you being serious? You wouldn't do this for me? I would not do it for you. Why? Because I. Why? It's a deal breaker. Well, then I'm not going to find your fart's charming like this broad, you already don't.
Why won't you hold my hand and I'm just not going to. But I need the deal breaker.
I want to be seen. I want to be validated. When I make Brown, I want support.
We are tearing up the contract. Seriously, yes, sir, but I need this this isn't just a joke, like I need you to look at me and make eye contact. You can't do that for me, babe. I took care of you and you had one arm and one leg negative. I've had two of your sons negative, so I loved you. And you're just a broken comic.
You can't keep pushing mommy's. Don't you think that's not too much to ask? But, Tim, make eye contact and hold my hand while I round. I want to let them grow.
Not doing it. Maybe this guy would end up being a fat little piece of you. Oh, I love being a fat little pig. I hate this.
This guy. Hold your hand while you shit. Yes, I know. Yes, I know. He won't. He's too selfish.
He's wearing a backwards sports bra. He looks cool.
You're really happy to find this one, huh?
Yeah. What do you have a deal breaker? You said you wanted to. That's the deal breaker. That's the deal breaker for you, is it? For you? So Chase O'Donnel, my feature whose lovely. You should check her out.
She we're doing deal breakers. And she was like, what if you asked Tom to watch you make Brown and make eye contact and hold your hand? Would he do it? Well.
There you are. Dr. Drew hates that. Uh. Hold your hand right there. What if that's fake, I'm pretending that's chocolate pudding. It's not chocolate pudding. She doesn't have she doesn't have the latex on or anything. Yes, yeah. This is the first time we've seen someone go in without any protective gear. That's not. Oh, and it's going to fucking puke.
Which clip's been your favorite so far that you show me the piggy guy? I mean, your lady III guy saying my name, which is cool.
Like you really got some bangers in there today. Yeah, it's pretty great. It's pretty great. I would say unkind given the shout outs the best so far. Yeah. You really want to sit and hold my hand?
No, I can understand why you don't you don't care about shitting. It's not a big deal for you.
I'm not going to hold your hand when you shit and make eye contact. I want I can get the fuck out of here with this.
This is a very hard. Yeah. I can't believe after all I've done for you, I cut bangs, getting nose ring, you're almost you're almost a quarter of the way there, a quarter of the way there from the mud.
We're doing what other mods? I feel like it should probably be happening off camera first. What do you mean some of the things I've signed you up for are. Intense, but and I don't think I should tell you on Mike. I think it's too late now.
You already open the can of worms. I have consultations set up for us. For what? To modify some things. What things? Things that I love about you, but I want to love more. Oh, my God, what is happening with you? Is this some kind of midlife crisis now? I don't know. Maybe. So you're saying that in order to stay married to you, I have to do these things? No. Or what's the deal?
No, just to make me happy, that's all. Well, then that means the stay with you. I have to do these things.
OK, great. Well, we have a consultation next week and we'll go and we'll talk to the doctor and just see how long you, you know, recovery will be.
And babe, I can't do what do you like surgeries and stuff. Doctor. Yeah, seriously. Well, a team of doctors.
But what what are you going to change on me? I think I'm pretty good. I'm OK.
You're great. You are great. What I'm saying is like, let's go to that next level, you know? OK, so what are we talking about? Oh, we could get implants or even think of that, right? That that, I think, um. You know, there's some stuff about we've talked about there's some. You know, piercing stuff that I'd like to expand on. What do you mean night? But I think some tats that I'd like to see.
Whoa, hold on, dude. What kind of tats?
Just hot ones. That's forever, sweetie, that's different than just the piercing, right? That means I'll be rock hard into my 70s. We have kids, babe, I can't come like all where where do you want me to get the tats? As long as I can cover them, you know, be pretty elaborate.
So I feel like we should kind of ease into it. I don't want to freak you out, you know. But I think you're you're going to be real happy when you're done. OK. We'll talk we'll talk about it more. OK? This episode is brought to you by our partner, Wub. We all want to make healthier decisions. We want to try and sleep better, eat better and live healthier lives, especially with summer coming up and beach season around the corner.
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Say aloha to your new beautiful balls with manscape. So people have been sending in their big tits submissions.
I do like these. These are my favorite. This is really become a popular segment. Everyone I've spoken to likes this one.
The big ticket animals keep sending them in. Here's some of the best ones this week.
If you want to send your big tittered animal submission and it's your mom's podcast at Gmail dot com, there's no house in the email, your mom's podcast at Gmail dot com, but big titted animal in the subject line. And we love them when they're genuine, you know, that we don't want to to do the manufactured ones. We like real ones.
So this is Diaby. So what's for dinner tonight? Big titted animal.
Oh, yeah. You're just my big ticket.
Anwan Yeah. Oh, she's got the nose for. Yeah, you're and you're my big titted animal. Right.
Oh get are you. That was great. Yeah.
I was a little baby with her, you know, and he's got a going to get his mukund. The reaction out there was curiosity.
She was like huh. Yeah, she was attracted and then she was like OK. And then she's putting it together. And then she goes, are you recording here? And he cuts it off.
That was good. This is from Tom.
What's this in the bathroom, you big titted animal. OK, really, all this is like.
Oh, fantastic. The reaction was perfect. This is getting really old. Fuck you. And this is getting old.
She's great. That was fantastic. Good girl. This is Enrique and Mackenzie.
So what do you want to eat? Big titted animal.
That's good, that's good, that's how you react. It's a good relationship right there. He's stupid. This is Alan and Emily.
Cooking my pizza Big Ted in Animal. Nothing. That's another lane of reaction I'm ignoring you, wise woman. Yeah, now from the knowledge that. There's William and Lindsay Lohan's dinner going to be convicted of animal. Oh, you love to. Yeah, there's nothing like asking the question with like, when's dinner ready? Yeah, that that's more antagonistic. Oh, totally.
And she did a slow ride. She was like, the fuck did you just say, I'm going to fuck you up?
So it ranges from fuck you, I'm going to fuck you up to silence the laughter. Laughter. So these are all genuine, though.
They're going to be convicted of animal. Would you say? They make you love you. I love it.
It was great, really good work, you guys. Really great. Good job, guys. Good job. Good work. Solid. Oh, man.
Uh, so you've been getting into Latin music. Yeah. Lately. I mean, the last week and a half, it's just been like out of control.
Oh, my God.
And then you been playing the songs where the guy suffers first and then the woman chimes in with her suffering and the singing about top of tío or euros or some shit. No, I get all.
But the excuse me. No, no, no, no, no, no. Excuse me, excuse me. Sensitivity.
Quick point of personal privilege. The songs are about love. Yeah. Antiheroes, no. Takeda's yearning for love. I miss you. I love you. I want to be with you. I love you so much. Your love is killing me. I wish I had love. Yeah. Love has broken me. Where is my love gone. It's all about love and sea.
And yet in real life you're not this romantic and sweet to me.
So who are you in love with that you're like you're so misty eyed and, yeah, are you in love with someone else? Like what's happening?
I'm in love with the music. You really feeling your let Latin roots lately, La Musica?
Yeah, it's because I'm so gearing up for my Spanish shows again. I've been practicing Spanish or I've been doing Spanish podcasts sometimes like four or five a week. It's also it's like it's in my system, you know, like I'm trying to be trying to work on it. And then it reminds me that I love some of it because some of the music, a lot of it is like throwback. It's just nostalgia. It's like when you go like I remember this album from like when I was growing up, you know, some of that and then have been introduced to newer stuff from people, too.
So is this stuff your mother listen to? Because, you know, she likes she came over. Who did you who did she like?
Well, she and I listened to, like, shit from like the 30s talking about it was funny that I grew up with, you know, and she's like DiChristina. Listen to this part.
Oh, it was a Marielitos brother. Yes.
And he thinks that she doesn't know that this is the guy that she's in love with. And then they were in love with each other, with her and then, like, she just loves all this stuff. Yeah.
Q Yeah, it is to go. Mualla Aguaje did me flat, is that right?
I don't know.
I don't like anything that happened right then, you know, like my Spanish sing sing for us then tell me how it's done.
No, I really can't. But I mean the whole Glazyev I will be I will be singing soon at my live shows because I'm learning piano.
Then that's another thing. You're such a renaissance man. You're now you're taking piano lessons.
I did. So what happened was our our oldest takes piano lessons and half the time he's like hanging upside down off a chair.
And I'm like, hey, man. So I see his piano teacher and I'm thinking, I don't know why, just doesn't it occurs to me like I'm thinking she teaches children, you know?
And so one day I'm walking by, I think I just listen to something. I was like, oh, I wish I could take a piano lesson. She was like, I give you piano piano lesson. Like, OK, so then I follow up and she goes, Yeah. And I'm thinking, well, she's probably going to go, you know, this is C and D boring.
Well, just you know, I realize you have to have the foundation of that for an instrument. I'm like, OK, I'm ready for it. She goes, well what like what kind of songs would you want to know how to play? So I send her a few. She's like, great, and then she shows up and she's like, you will learn how to play those songs. That's like right away.
And I was like, Oh, this is so much fun because you go through a lesson and then by the end of it, you're, you know, sort of playing that song. Oh, it's very addictive. I wanted to that's very addictive.
So anyways, I, I took a lesson that I practiced the next day and I have a lesson tomorrow.
Why, you know, this is really exciting for you. It's fun.
And then I can use my shit hand. Yeah. That is like gradually getting better but I use it on the notes that I can some actually and that's what they tell you to do. When I saw the nerve specialist, he goes, the best thing is use the hand as much as you can. That's great. Shake things up so I'm able to, you know, practice with it.
That's exciting. I couldn't do a lot. And then she was like and hit that C major with your left hand. I was like, wow, I couldn't really do it. But it's still an exercise, you know, that's really good.
I'm really impressed. Thank you. You're going to be just like Liberace. I would have probably said someone else. Billy Joel's OK. Are you going to play Billy Joel song soon?
I don't think so, no. But only because I'm not interested.
I like Billy Joel. Patrick's Day and they said, you don't like that side, and of course, he's a super talent, but I'm not it's not my go to like I got to learn this. You're not into that. What's your what are you learning?
Like, tell us what my first song that I practiced was a straight up menace, OK?
Is that a classical piano song? Yeah. You know, the funny thing is I sent her the instrumental. She's like, this is a cool song and she's not American. So I go, oh, do you want to hear the the actual song with the lyrics? And she's like, Oh sure.
And I put it on for her and he's like, like your punk ass up for the night shot.
And then it gets it's like it's a super dramatic like, you know, violent song. And she was like, oh, you could tell. She goes, yeah, I'm classically trained but Beethoven.
Mozart, I was like, I yes, a little different.
But then I, I played for her the theme song to zero zero zero, that prime show that I was talking about nonstop for a minute, because it's so good and it has a very distinct piano theme. It's simple. It's very simple. So anyways, of course, it's amazing. I mean, I know there's musicians that listen to this show, but it's just amazing to me because I'm not musically inclined that I go hears this theme song and she's like, OK, here's the notes, like, just for me how to play it.
And I was like, OK, can I? Then she recorded herself playing it and send me the file.
Like, so you listen to her and then you, you try to mimic. Well what she sent me.
We're going to be able to play tomorrow because she, she, she recorded herself playing the full composition. Oh that's so cool. I did like the basic stuff and she did the full thing and I was like, oh I think she could teach me the Pixies. I'm sure she could teach you anything because. Brilliant. Yeah.
Speaking of brilliant musicians, Marcus King came up with his lady Hayley and.
Um, you know, not to my show in Nashville, we got to hang out and Brian Simpson and it was amazing and Brian killed it and he's so funny. But I mean, Marcus, he's the coolest guy. You hang out with him and he's just this little baby faced. I know. Twenty five year old. And then I was listening to his album Dorado on the plane ride home.
And I was like, this guy, he rips.
I mean, I know that's what happened when I did Conan, but that's how I met him on Conan.
And I think I forget if it was Conan or Andy Richter. I think I've said this before. They were like, you know, this guy. Like before he came on, I was like, oh, and they're like, you wait till you see this only came on and I was like, Gosh, fuck the voice of an angel. It's crazy.
He sings like it's a that's when you see that's when you see like when you realize, oh, this is a gift.
You know, it's a gift. Yeah.
And his lyrics, you listen to his point of view and you're like, this kid is 25, you know, and he's writing stuff like he's 45.
He has all this experience and he's been on the show. You guys know he's a mommy. He's coming on the live show and he's coming on the line.
So, yeah, it is a gift. I think at certain points you realize, oh, it's like it's separate from you.
You know, you're bigger than you.
I remember I was watching it like it sounds unrelated, but when I watched The Last Dance, the Michael Jordan Chicago Bulls, they talking about that movie with Julia Stiles.
Oh, the last dance. But the Chicago Bulls thing, there's one point where he says it was like, are you going to play another year? Right. It was like 97 and going into ninety eight, something like that, maybe ninety nine. And they go and he and he he made reference, I'm paraphrasing but something like. You can't it's not fair to keep this gift, yeah, from the world, in other words, I'm so gifted at basketball that for me to not play is like taking it away from other people.
Yes. You know, 100 percent. Yeah, that's kind of I never thought of it like that. But he and even I think Phil Jackson were like, you can't not play like you're eight. You're at the peak of your career. And it is it is a show for all of us to see you play basketball. It's a blessing.
Like if you're born with that kind of talent. Yeah, it's a yeah.
It's a crime to not share it with the world. I mean, people say it about this podcast.
No, I've heard it many times, speaking press and they're like your show and also a gift.
It's a gift to humanity. What we do. And also I got into the I'm a little late on this, but aren't we always late to great TV shows? I got into Cobra Kai. Yeah, you did. And man, I am Team Cobra Kai all the way. Really. That's the dojo I would join if I had to choose between the two.
I don't know what my reluctance is. It's OK. The first episodes you're like, I don't know. But then it gets really you know, what I like is that Johnny the the the sensei for Cobra Kai is kind of how we are like where he's not like, you know, like WOAK. And so he makes fun of a lot of the world culture. And I like that too. OK, it's really funny. Yeah, and it's adults, like, making fun of, like, whimp, you know, if I can Gen Y kids, it's just it's so great.
OK, I'm really into it. It's, you know, the children show, but I like it. I watch it. It's not a children's show. Kids watch. It is a kid's show pretty it's pretty wholesome.
It's always fun to get really into a show for a minute.
I know. Yeah. Makes me want to do karate. Not really. Well how about I'll do piano. You do karate. Oh cool.
OK, that'll be a great show to see live like you start playing. What I learned you could do a karate demonstration. I mean, who wouldn't buy a ticket to that?
I know there's been a lot of interest.
I just go back and forth between the two things I learned straight up zero zero zero.
And I don't like that idea.
Yeah, a lot of people want to see your live show. You last comic Gissing. There's a lot of memes on Instagram. People are really excited.
This is news to me. Yeah. I mean, I've got an agent.
Why don't you fucking he listens to the show. Andrew, you know what to do.
Come on, Andrew. Uh, last comic Gissing I was coming to. But first, I just wanted to point this out. I saw this article in the L.A. Times. Yeah.
And, you know, gosh, I didn't know if you've heard yet, Tom. Oh, my God. But hiking has a diversity problem. But this BIPAC, these Bayport groups are working to fix it. Let me just read you this isn't The L.A. Times is a real article. This just came out article. There's a real article here. It goes, Long time oppression and historical barriers have kept many people of color from feeling comfortable in the American outdoors.
Now, that may be changing. Groups in Southern California and around the nation have made it their goal to introduce people of color to nature in a positive way. Their mission is to remove barriers and help people experience the connection, whether they're seeking fitness, healing, personal accomplishment or knowledge.
So here we go. There's a you know, there's Latino outdoors you may want to join.
Morning. That's the Latino hiking group starts with that.
And you guys can join, too. Is this for real? Is there a women's hiking group? I feel excluded.
So they're saying that social situations have kept minorities from going outside, hiking, hiking as a diversity problem.
OK, and this should ever going to stop. Well, you know what I think? I think WOAK has officially jumped the shark. Hey, are you black or Latino? You can go hiking whenever you want. Just so you know, no one's ever going to stop you. Not here.
Not in Los Angeles. Come here. If I can put some sneakers on or some hiking boots and just hike your ass off, no one will say anything. No one's going to stop. Someone might even say, do you know where this trail ends?
Well, here's another. Did you want to join? It's called Hike Club. Evelyn Escobar grew up hiking with her theur as she went on excursions, a national park. She felt out of place as a black Latina and noticed that people that are funny all they did.
When she moved to Los Angeles, she decided to create a hiking community. Yeah, and started hike club in 2017.
Did people look at you funny because you were wearing funny shit or, you know, like maybe you maybe didn't have hiking gear on people? Are you wearing? I've done that. I've seen somebody wearing like khakis and I'm like, are you fucking crazy?
There's a black hiking group of black girls trekking group Outdoor Asias is the important work, thankfully, someone's doing in this country, you know, because a lot of times you go on hikes and you're like, why is it so goddamn not mixed up here?
It's non-inclusive in hiking trails. He's hiking trails.
And I feel like we're. So are they saying that what's the are people supposed to reach out more?
Well, no, they're saying so. Like, for instance, if you're a disabled hiker, a resource center for those with disabilities who want to go outdoors, that makes sense is based in the Pacific Northwest, but it's making inroads in California. The group accepts trail guides written by members of the disabled community and has plans to do so.
Basically, you go with a guy that feels like a totally different artist. That's different. No, no, no. But yeah, but I'm saying that, like, I can understand that there's a difficulty or challenges associated with hiking.
If you're disabled, a hunter find a group. That's it. That gives you like that makes it easier and comfortable for you and maybe sets up a path depending on your disability to hike. That makes a lot of sense.
I'm a little more curious about how my Latino brothers and sisters are struggling to go outside, like, well, do you want do you want to hear what they're doing?
Sure. OK, so there's a chapter in L.A. called It's the process of removing barriers to hike. Before that, the idea is that people of color see themselves represented on the trail. So your first hike with a group is to called. In Hills, Scenic Overlook in Culver City, you're encouraged by the families to show up the easy conversation that flow between Spanish and English and how group founder Jose Gonzalez. Welcome, Debbie.
Listen, if you're somebody that goes finally, you're a fucking mess.
You need to get your your whole life is a fucking get you get your shit together.
You can go hiking wherever you want. You go walk, you can ride your bike, you can skateboard. And we're acting like, what is this fucking Rwanda? There's something. And you're like, I don't know. Or is there violent? Like, just go outside and hike the fuck.
Are you talking about me? Well, and not only that, Los Angeles, the name Los Angeles. Yeah. What kind of friendly towards Latino people and kind of kind of really cool.
I mean, I know that like there's a majority perfect and there's there's racial issues that are pervasive and longstanding in this country. But the idea that like this city, this city, you go outside and you walk around and you see people of every origin and all city and like I do not I reject the notion that that it's somehow not inclusive to hike hiking. That hiking is restrictive, like the fuck out of here. I wish I saw more black people then bring one.
Bring a fucking black friend with you and you'll see more black people on my fucking trail.
Well, so just to do my research, I did ask any before I brought this to everyone's attention and I go any. Do you feel it? Hiking has a diversity problem. He goes, he thinks about it. And he goes, well, I mean, I'd be afraid if I went hiking that my friends would beat my ass because how lame it is. Right. There you go.
And I was like, OK, that makes sense. OK, but I do agree with you. The disabled hikers. Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. Sure.
That sounds like a but that's also like, you know, I feel like that's a different article. Yeah, right. That's like, hey, let's help disabled people.
They should also have one for women because I don't understand why everyone was so fucking stupid. Yeah.
Wait a minute. They deserve I wait a minute. Where's my inclusion list. There should be a trail that says dumb broads here that way.
Well, can I tell you what would be wrong to mix this way?
And you just fucking puke and you lay in it. What would be helpful is because it can be a menace to hike as a single woman, to have hiking groups of women so that we don't get harassed or raped or or masturbated to.
If this is true, I'll tell you what, I have been in Griffith Park. I've seen guys, Jayan, their days in their cars. I've seen perverts along these hiking trails.
Oh. Oh, my God. Oh, no. That's Griffith Park right there. Right, right. So the point is and actual these actually helpful groups like, you know, so a woman doesn't have to hike alone at dusk. That's helpful. That's helpful. The very disabled group, that's actually pretty fucking helpful.
Yeah, but but if you're if you think about hiking and you're like, I don't know, Mexican, I don't know what it's going to be like, let's give me some.
This is a perfect example of how something written and that is online is nonsense. This is make believe nonsense. This is not real.
It is not a real issue. This somebody has a fucking article to write and they're like, I don't know.
Well, they're sure we're in a lot of black people on the trailers. And they wrote an article about this is not true.
This is not true now.
And it's like hiking has a diversity problem and it does everything has a diversity problem nowadays. It's just this is this has jumped the shark. We're now we're picking on you. You don't have to pay that like it's you don't have to get clearance. There's no right. There's no paywall.
You just go and hike. I don't know, dude, I hope this shit is going to end because I this right before I got hurt, I hiked not far from where we live. I went on a hike with one of our neighbors, like and I remember going up that trail seeing all kinds. I did go, hey, you're black. What are you doing here to somebody?
But then we came down and it was fine, you know, it was fine.
Yeah, it was fine.
Fucking hike diversity on hikes, get fucked, get fucked or get.
Oh, that's for you. And might I add to in Nashville, you know, at these shows, I look in the audience, I've got all kinds of people. There's black people, white people, people in wheelchairs come to the show. Now I have tables of Jewish people screaming, I'm a Jew.
I swear. I swear to God we're Jewish. I say, great, welcome. Yeah.
The fuck out of here. Yeah. The dog hates the Jews, the dove. The L.A. Times wrote that L.A. Times broke cancel your fuckin subscription, no shit. Yeah, but what I can tell the L.A. Times, what a dumb fucking angle that is. Such a stupid article, can I tell you what I'm of I'm offended as an Angelino that they're like, yeah, hiking has in Lhasa got us.
We got to we got to work on the diversity of the trails. Fuck out of here. It's not a job.
Isn't the majority. Google, how much of the I think more than fifty one percent of our population is Latino at this point.
No. In the majority of people in L.A. County are I don't know, Latino. No. Yeah. Didn't they do the last census. And they said. The dirt, it's got to be ready for work out a very fucking cool. That's a lot of peeps. Yeah, that's the nation's Hispanic population, though, it's Nadaf, he's. So there's five million. There are five million. All right. You're right. Forty eight percent.
Forty eight percent of Los Angeles population is Latino and twenty six percent white. Great. Yeah, I love the Latinos.
I don't get the fuck you run the city. You're sorry. This is your city, bro. What are you talking about? And guess what? You set the hiking standards. Yeah. You said those Latino hiking standards, homie. Yeah.
You can even start posting no whites allowed on hiking trips and. Or just all right, Blanco's Fujairah, get out here, white people, there'll be no white people on it. I love it. Good.
The idea that this is an issue is what's upsetting to me. I'll tell you what's not an issue. One of the funniest things I've seen in a while. What's that?
I saw I kind of think she looks to when white and sitting up in the polls are telling us how he looked.
We're going to take a little pause and we'll be right back. Wow. Wow. They are pros. They are super. This is a Colombian soccer show on ESPN. Guess what? The guy.
He's fine. He's fine. Sure. Yeah. You look it up so that we can confirm if that's true.
Yeah. At least that's where the thing is. It's the shock of that, you know. I mean, that guy is just like reading his notes and, you know, ideas like the whole set collapsed on him.
That is one of the. I think he looked like he looked right thing when I was sitting up in the polls telling someone who.
Is that for real? Is that real? Probably oh, not look it up, look it up like that. You guys look it up and get back to me. That guy got nailed on that side. Yeah, that was bad. Yeah, that was bad. Funny ad, but it was bad.
I don't I didn't laugh at all. I didn't laugh. I didn't know. Well I didn't chuckle at that. I didn't do that was terrible.
They don't show me that shit like that.
I hear you say fuck off, I want to see it. So this guy is in between a bunch of tires and he's oh, he thinks he's going to push them over, pushes those over and then the ones behind him don't have anything but perhaps.
And then everybody comes over, stop fucking with the tires, bro. Yeah. They didn't like that one. You know, I don't like people getting in. OK. TV anchors Carlos or DOS, TV anchor and Columbia was left injured after a portion of the studio set fell on him while he was on air during a broadcast. The ESPN journalist was lucky enough that he didn't suffer any major injuries. He's fine.
After an extended stay in the hospital, how long was he in the hospital for that one? Oh, dude, that was wild.
That was that just fell on him like that.
I've never seen that happen with the whole wall falls on somebody.
I've never seen that either day that's going to make everybody on ESPN set to be like. Oh, damn, I had to take a piss. I'm sorry, OK? Quick break will be we'll be right back after we put this setback together. My goodness, the other day I was talking to somebody who has a Mirch business, and I said, you've got to use Squarespace. It is the absolute easiest place to put together a website to showcase whatever it is you're into.
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So I went to go Peche and I wear Nadav and I are talking about his love of dealing with scammers. He likes to text them back and engage them. And and you just said what to me?
Go ahead. I said I told a guy the other day I'd rip his fucking eyes out of his head, OK?
And then I was like, You don't talk to our kids like that.
Do you know?
Now what what did this person do that prompted you to say that it was a parking situation? Wow, OK. What happened? So when I pulled into a spot, this guy, this guy was in the spot next to me, OK, in a public area, and he he mouthed something like, uh, like aggressively.
So I hate I go, what? And my I was still in my car, so I got out of the car. And he says and I go, what did you say? And he rolled the window down and said, like, you know, we've got to watch. Like, when you pull in like that, I'm pulling out and I go, I'll rip your fuckin eyes out of your head.
And then he just backed up and drove away. Who? It's been I've been gone for four days, you haven't been milked, and this is the 72 hour theory I was telling you about. Yeah. Got to share this one with your shrink right now, Tom. You know, my dad used to do that, start fights with people in parking lots over parking or a guy in a movie theater was talking to my stepdad, punched him out in the parking lot.
Looks like history is repeating itself. My mom was in the cool guys.
I'm it was us weed. So guess what finally arrived, bro?
Our Joel Osteen cube that has been modified.
So the reason these these became these came to our attention because we saw that this was a thing we couldn't kind of believe it, that Joel Osteen, the famous preacher, I think he's in Houston, um, was selling like effort like prayer cubes where they have affirmations and prayers. And we ordered that, like we got a real one. This is the one.
Yeah. If you guys want to hear that kind of stuff again. I declare that you choose faith over fear, you will meditate on what is positive and what is good about your situation, and it will not use your energy to worry, but to believe you get it. Beer has no part in the process.
What does it say in that circle there? It says Affirmation 26, old Joel, says Joel.
And then this is the one that a listener modified and it says, Gene.
Oh, my God, the circle there.
And then you just press play and see I made on this great Saturday. I've been looking at your pictures so long, they met and they magnified my eyes when I turn into a telescope, when I see your pain. It feels so good to me when we see.
Good for you to be in a fantastic mood then, because I have so much to do, I'm looking at my to do list all around.
This thing is completely hacked with. Yes, Charles.
Uh oh, my God. This is amazing. This chain here, if it wasn't for your mother, you wouldn't be here. So you remember when you put down one mother, you put down mothers all over the world. That's amazing. Instead of sitting there like a good woman looking in the mirror and saying kids are a little saggy and I don't listen enough, of course that's why you cheat.
I mean, this is amazing. It's amazing that I'm sitting there with the. And they're amazing, Danny. He needs to Selby's this guy. I'm laughing. Ha ha ha. So this is just unbelievable.
I know I the said this was made by audio bridge man. This this really is like, you know, we're constantly blown away by people's talents that that listen to the show we've seen. You know, we have artists, people that paint and create the sculpt things musically, the members, even the members.
But I'm saying the music people, incredible talents.
Yeah. Photoshop and Meems and everything.
But I mean, this this is like next level.
I mean, how can this device and the amount of time this dude audio bridge that he put in here, like 50 plus full MP3 and replaced all the fucking Jesus shit with this stuff.
It's amazing. Thank you so much. This is going to be a prize. He's he's got to sell these, don't you think? I don't know.
Figure out. I don't know how you do that. I really don't. A priceless and it's great. I mean, I imagine that's an intense amount of work and the infrastructure that goes into that. But it's really incredible. It's so good.
There's nothing I love more than hacking shit and hacking nonsense or telling someone that fucking park next to you that you're going to rearrange their face for them, you know? So that's so, babe, I mean, you're going to fight, you know, you're going to end up getting into a fight, you need to join Cobra Kai. Talk about getting the dojo. What I thought of, though, afterwards, because, like it felt it felt right.
It felt like I wanted what I wanted to say. But what I forget is that I am still injured.
You know, no shit, yeah, like my my injuries are, I'm doing much better. I don't even have a sleeve on my leg today. It's awesome. But like, if somebody wanted to fight me, I would go down quick because I just can't, you know. Yeah, my mouth is writing checks that my left hand can't cash.
Drew, can you. I mean. Maybe not do this kind of stuff. Actually, I thought of a a real easy solution. Concealed weapons permit, because I actually can make a strong case that I can't throw hands, so why not carry a fucking Glock in the back pocket, 38 on the fucking ankle?
And it's like you want you want to talk some shit, talk some shit.
Call me. Yeah. Well, what about in Texas? Can't you just get a gun at one Z? That's easy in Texas. That's the best part about Texas. That is everyone's packing.
Can I get a gun and just walk around with it? Yeah, for sure. Seriously? Yeah. A lady gun. Easy.
No, I'm being serious. I'm being serious. They even do like a background check anymore. Yeah, of course. But but I don't have a background. No, you fly by it.
Oh, this is exciting. I want to carry a gun. Can my kids carry guns?
If you have a valid handgun license, you may carry your handgun. Yes. What about children? Can Ellis and Julian have. I think she's two is two and a half. That's plenty. No, no. I bet it's they want to be like five before you start giving kids guns.
That's true. Yeah.
Like Ellis did yesterday. He's old enough. Ellis found a zippo. Yeah. In the house. And he was like, what's that? And I showed him I was like, watch this homie. And he was like, whoa, he loves it.
That's all you. He goes, I want to get a gun. And I go, for what? He goes to shoot people. What? Who he goes, bad guys. I was like, oh OK.
Yeah, yeah. Well five is plenty old. He can do that. But Julian goes, I want to put you in the street to me. I go for what he goes so you can get run over by a car. I think he's a little more. Yeah. Boys are so deviant, they're so aggressive with that. Just so aggressive.
He was like was for me when it cut people up people that I was like, OK, last night he was like, the bad guy comes in here and he goes, Mom, look my legs, look how strong, look at my arms.
I was like, yeah dude we were talking about that. Show me strong. And, uh, like I said, yeah, I was talking, I was like, yeah, something like, I'm strong, I'm the strongest.
And he goes, he like perked up from around the corner. He goes, you're not the strongest. I go, what? He goes, I'm the strongest. And I go in the house and he goes, Yeah, I go, come on.
And he went showed you he showed me his punches.
And I was like, never mind. You are. Yeah, he is the strongest. We got a fart Simpson prank call.
Oh this is it's pretty funny. You want to hear this one.
I better take my glasses because I start crying. Laughing. I know this is far come off now doing a prank call with the king.
Hello. Hey, can I speak to Nina Anina? My name is Tom. I'm here with my dad and he keeps going on and on and on about how much he loves your cake. And he actually just recently, sad to say, he got hit by a semi truck when he was crossing the road and he's not doing so well. So I was thinking to maybe cheer him up. He can talk to you for a second and just say hello and tell you how much he loves your cake.
What's your father's name? His name is Steve Pnina.
Hello, Steve. You are the best. Thank you.
Wow. You should be treated like a queen. You are the Queen of the Year.
The Queen of cake. I've been taken. You are very attractive and very beautiful. Well, thank you.
That's very, very flattering.
Remember, try to be nice to somebody today. Tell them they look pretty and they look gorgeous.
That is a very good advice. And we do that every day. I love you, my queen.
You are beautiful. Thank you. Thank you. I hope you're feeling better.
We're going to have to talk personally. Would you do dinner? Oh, what would my husband think about that?
You need to ask permission. Shit, I would never disrespect you, my queen.
Let me take you out and spoil you for a weekend.
That's quite an offer. Come on. Come on. OK, come on.
My Queen. Above 18. Well, why are you making me blush?
I need you to send me a picture and a picture of your I.D. Make sure you're above 18. Okey dokey. Lock out everything else except your picture and your date of birth. I have to see that to make sure you're above 18. You can trust me. Oh, I've heard that before, the king and the queen's love you. Thank you, Nina.
I have got a very special glow for you. OK, thank you.
So when are you going to let me take you out? My feet on the ground and take off running.
So why do any part time again.
Come on. Come on. Give me the phone, pops. Oh, I'm sorry about this, Nina.
OK, can I make a cake for your father? Oh, that would be awesome.
Do you think, like, maybe you can do a cake that's like an ID card of a girl who's above 18 says Queens above 18.
I can make anything you want. Oh, that's awesome.
I mean, I could do I think you like if you want something with that. Where is the queen of the queen? I mean, I you do cakes that my kids birthday cakes. I also do a naked breast cake for a woman who is having breast reduction surgery, which I can send you a in an email.
I know he has like a following on that kid's app where they dance or something. I think it's tick tock.
Does he have to talk to you. I that.
Oh yeah, definitely. It's at the Kings Queens above 18. If you want to check that out.
All hell is going to break loose now.
OK, so I CPQ of your dad. Yeah, I'm looking at it too.
What the hell you've been up to Dad. What is this shit. I love my queens above eighteen. Yeah. OK, does this give you any idea for maybe a cake.
I'm picturing like the shape of a woman just two dimensional, you know, just like an outline in color and then it's going to be wearing a crown and then it has just the word queen above eighteen or whatever. Whatever the king queen above on it.
Nina, I love my kings and queens of above. They do.
I can see that you do. And apparently other people do too. Judging from your check following Tom stupid.
Come on, Dad. I loved it. So Christine and shit on Tom.
All right, Dad. Sorry, Christine's my wife.
Oh, no, don't worry. We go listen. Everybody has something going on in their lives. No problem.
Nina, I apologize. That's OK. Don't worry. All right.
OK, I love devils shit.
OK, so Tom. So we will hear from you. Yeah. Just give me a few days. Let me figure out what we can do and. Yeah. I'll get back to you, Bob. Say goodbye. Have a beautiful day and I will talk to you later.
OK, well I look forward to hearing from you and me both virtually.
You have a beautiful day and I hope to see you soon. I don't see my pleasure. I'm going to be somewhere. You take half hour or so as to the millions that you already have.
You have a beautiful night, my queen. OK, if you need anything, let me know. You know how to get a hold of me.
Baby, you have a good bye bye. Your mom's house.
That it's like it's almost like the most wholesome, because it's it was art. It's like he it starts with going down like a prank lane.
Yeah. And you're like, oh, it's going to go sideways. And it comes around where she's like, I'm a fan. I'm following you on to talk and I'll make you a special cake. It actually went really, really well.
It goes on to what is have sex with Christine and. Yeah. She's like, that's my wife.
How sweet is Nina, my mom saying?
And then, yeah, that went as well as it can go. If you're the one being pranked, you're like, let's be friends.
Yeah. She was really open minded. Yes. She really wanted to sell that cake. Yeah. Damn Bart Simpson. This what a talent. This this is going to open your eyes. Oh really. OK.
The doors are oh. Just waiting for a better look at all the people can like get out of here to be here. Come on mate and mate. What is wrong with these people? Where is this like Lithuania? Oh, no, no, no, this is this is Pittsburgh. This is right now this has got to be this is my tribe to Eastern Europe. God damn it. It is.
And the polar bears. Like what? What am I doing? Yeah, I mean, he's actually a type of person who just goes on top of them. Oh, I just don't want you to go in there and scare the Bedouin with me. Feeling a bit uncomfortable about this.
Yeah, you should. Yeah. It's stupid. The whole premise, whatever. This is stupid. And also why would you make it like why would you make it an outing like, you know, I mean why would like an event. Yeah. Just have like a couple handlers release that bear. I mean like a hundred people there in the Bears the fuck's going all around the bear.
Like I have the people off on the hill somewhere away. Yeah. This is cruel.
I don't, I don't think this is these people have a bear diversity problem. Point of personal privilege. Yeah.
If you're going to pick write an article right.
About this, that was actually where is this, you know, or this is somewhere shady.
Um, I think Russia. Yeah. OK, yeah.
That flag she was wearing on her I'm guessing is like that's definitely Eastern Bloche.
Yeah. I just don't like that, that um. That's not cool. That you would make it like a big group thing like this.
It's because this is a country where nothing exciting happens. So they're like we're going to release a bear on the mountain today. And then this is like their St. Patrick's Day. Yeah.
Yeah. This is like when Michael Jackson, like in the 90s and getting excited that it's St. Patrick's.
That's the thing. That's that's what I mean. Yeah.
You're excited live in Lithuania for sure. Fired up that if I can drink on Wednesday.
Yeah, that's like what I'm saying. When Eastern Europe together would come out to see Michael Jackson long after his career had peaked. That's who that's who was seeing this stuff. Yeah. They're so bored.
I don't know. I think you can see MJ at any age. I don't think so. Didn't really I don't think he was that popular in the US and the the after the late 90s when he died.
Yeah, he's iconic. But I think what I'm trying to say is the level of fanatical, the level of fanaticism.
It is some. Yeah. From like the eight, but it's still the level so high.
But in Eastern Europe, you see them. Yeah. Yeah. I think still doing all that more shit. No. His popularity waned in the U.S. when he was going to the Eastern Bloc and they were like, oh my God, my God, they love you. Yes. Trust me. I know what you're saying is you're saying.
It is true that there was a point where he would get off the plane in Lithuania and it would be bedlam. Yes. And that and it wouldn't be like that here. But he could still, in that time in the United States, sell out a stadium. Yeah, probably.
But it wasn't that level of luck.
Yeah, it was crying Beatlemania because we were more in tune with, like, oh, this guy's going crazy. Yeah. Space is going, you know, I mean, he's he's he's acting banana. So people kind of. Yeah. We were allowed back some, but yeah. We're talking about like the Thrillist looks like Eastern Europe for sure.
You know, it is these guys are just walking around with AK 47, just like swinging them around.
That's how it was in Hungary when you get off the plane. Yeah. Like right when the wall fell.
Communism, you go and there's guys with AK that there was it was like the war in Lima, like in the late 80s, early 90s, you know, because I always just like chaotic government shit corruption. You just see dudes in the streets with machine guns.
Oh, fuck. Yeah, yeah. And then random people just ask you for your papers.
And I guess these are your papers. Check on you PLN.
I came to Los Angeles from the Deep South. How quickly became a sexaholics raw heart pounding I crave real hard, hard pounding, the sheer dominance getting filled. You could say it's a different kind of horny. There's a fine line between pleasure and pain. My pain tolerance is a bit higher than the average bear testing myself and I got a big hand. I'm mainly about never hang out with anyone my size or small arm or nurse. Want to know if you're familiar with the power transference relationships?
No. Have you heard of the cage? That's the cage that holds you, Anthony, down on all fours position. So when somebody has friends over dinner, they also have dessert. You get to a certain age for. I just can't shock you anymore. I like it. Well, it's interesting that you have to have dinner before you fuck him in his cage, like I think you'd want to fuck the guy in the cage and then have dinner.
So you're not all full and bloated.
I agree. The whole idea of free dinner, it's so much better. No free fuck dinner. You have sex. Is that what you're saying? I don't want to prefer.
Yeah, OK. I don't want dinner before the sex.
That that's what I'm saying. Yeah.
We're, we're in agreement here on this, especially if it's like, hey, we're going to be pounding this guy. Yes. For a while. Cage.
I mean, I don't want to be awful doing that. Right. And you're naked in front of your peers, your friends, new friends, new friends. Yeah. You don't want them to see you fat and naked. You want to beat your thinness when you're still your stomach.
And then when we fill them up, then it's like you guys want to eat. Now we're relaxed. Let's eat. Let's eat. I agree. I agree. Like you, when you and I go out for dinner, we like to f first and then gorge ourselves.
Otherwise you're not going to have sex after your super especially like if you're going out for like let's chow tonight. It is really. Yeah. Have a great night. You know, want to get home and fuck man. No, no, no, no. You wanna fuck work up that appetite and then have a nice meal. Yeah.
Plus you're, you're more apt to listen to me after you've Bogucz like you're more focused and you're not is full of rage. You're not threatening guys in the parking lot. You're just a lot nicer to be around after I milk you. I believe that, yeah, I believe it, you did something like new and particularly disgusting, but I I'd never seen you do before it. It shook me to my core. OK, it it absolutely.
It shook the foundation. Oh, stop of our relationship. And and honestly, it kind of re analyzed the way it made me analyze the way that I see, you know.
No. Yes. It changed things.
No change was a notable change since this. I'm laying in bed talking to you, you come around the bed, you go around your side and you're sitting there and you're talking to me and you're talking to me with one of those, um, like hand philosophers, I don't know. I mean, like a hand stick. It's not a yes, it has like a plastic apparatus. It's like there's a gap between my crown.
Yeah. Then there's a a string of floss, you know, I'm talking dental floss stick. Right.
She's doing this. No big deal. It's how I clean in my craft and she's talking to me.
She's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, dumb girl thoughts or whatever, doing her, doing her teeth. And then she sits on the bed, she keeps talking to me and then you go. And throws it off the bed into the floor and I was like. And she kept talking about what are you doing? She's like, what? And I go, Did you just throw the floor stick on the floor, on the carpet?
We have a carpet.
It's a whatever. And she's like, What? And I go, You just threw what you were flossing with onto the floor. What the fuck? And she goes, I'll get it when I get up.
And I want you to get it right now and never do that again, and she's like, well, you flick burgers. I was like, what? No, you get in my car any car. And but I've seen you do it in my ride. It's not your car. You've no right to do this. You will dig into your nose, you'll find a bug, and then you'll roll it between your thumb and forefinger and then drop the booger in the interior of my car.
I'm talking about I'm driving like this and you're driving and you go. And then I'm like, then you. Sometimes I do it out the window.
Yeah, but you times I go like this, you sprinkle it on to my car seat and car carpeting. You don't flick it out the window.
I've done I've looked out the window before now, OK, but the times I've seen it, it's been really gross.
OK, so I don't know how what I'm doing, we're talking about yours is making waves like sir, the thing that all of humanity does and then flicks it.
All of humanity should be flossing and they're not. That's not my problem.
Very good point, though. But let's shift that to the most vile thing I think I've ever seen you do, which is in your own home, in your bedroom.
That's why I do use a floss stick and throw it on. Are you out of your fucking mind? Like, what? Have you been doing this a long time?
I've been doing it for months, months. And why are you doing this? Because it's like, OK, I'll tell you why. So like I tell you something, just get a fucking like a tissue, like a piece of toilet paper, put it on your nightstand. And if you're if you want to do that, I just place it on there and then you just throw that out when you're done.
What are you doing. So what are you doing?
So let me tell you. That's like using a cutup, cleaning out your ears. Oh, do you think that what I'm doing is grosser than how Bert cuts his nails, his toenails, and then he puts Scotch tape on them and then he tears is so much worse.
And I'll tell you. Oh, my God, you're so much worse.
Yours is worse because nerve does that as basically a calculated prank. He is he's he's doing it because he wants the family and everybody to know that he's crazy and gross.
But it's still calculated you are a fucking homeless person who is just like, I don't care about my own home.
I'm going to take one of the most disgusting things you can do where everybody takes floss and throws it in the trash, like, you know, the idea that you would drop it on the floor of where you live and sleep. It's like I can't even come up with the words to describe how repulsed and upset I am by this new discovery. It is so disgusting.
You don't think it's exciting to discover something new about me fucking you know, not like this.
What is your what is your. So nonsense. Here's how it started, ok.
I started using these philosophers after I had a negative. Dental cleaning review, remember, the woman gave it to me, my dental hygienist and I usually I do it at the end of the day, I'm super tired. We've just put the kids down and it's something I do. At the end of my day, I relax, I'm in my jams, I'm super comfy and I just boop, boop, boop. I get in there. Yeah. And I'm just tired and lazy and I don't want to get up, walk around the bed, walk all the way to the trash can and put them in the bathroom.
I just like you make it sound like a journey. It's like a mile long. I don't want to go, I'm just tired and lazy. So my thinking was let's just fucking throw it. And then later I'll collect like three cards or something and then I'll throw my.
That's what I do, and then I just collect a few days and I'm like, OK, this is stopping today. This is stopping today why we're not doing this anymore. Maybe if you held my hand while I made Brown and made eye contact, I know that's not happening.
I'll stop if you hold my hand while I make it out of here with that shit, you are going to get either a trashcan next to you. No, I don't want to. I can't. I'm putting a box of tissues on your nightstand.
That's fine. And you take one out and you fucking floss your teeth with your stick and you put the stick on the tissue and then later you throw that out, I'll put the I'll put the sticks on the tissue.
But I don't want to fucking dump trashcan fine because I have no space.
We're not throwing those on the ground anymore. But how is hear me out? Wait, but hold on, hold on. You never walk in my dental stick. It doesn't matter. You never walk on that side of the carpet. You're never going to be some standard where we live.
We're not doing this.
But if you never see them and you never step on them, you never even walk there.
Can't I just do what I want them to do, my wife in my ass, and I'll put the tissue on my side of the bed. I'll just leave it on the ground.
Fine. I won't see it. Yeah, it's not my you listen, you trim your beard into the sink and then it gets caught. The hairs get caught on toothpaste, on chunks of toothpaste in the sink. For years we shared a sink and I never I never chastised you and stopped you from doing that. How is this different? That was that was an area we both shared and I had to brush. But, you know, you're about to get 51 50 right now.
Like, do you know that nobody listening to this thinks you're making any sense at all?
How am I listen, you're talking about first of all, you're gonna allow me to clarify my argument. Now, hold on. We're talking about an area of the room that you fall on. Your head is not shared.
We don't share that space. You and I shared a space in which you would put your disgusting pew beards, shaving trimmings, and it would be in my hygenic area creating a bacterial nightmare. And that's OK. I'm in a space that you don't see come near, touch any of it and you lose your case.
Case closed. Excellent. OK, let's see what they say. You know, they're going to fucking chime in on this debate. Who? The listeners. The mommies. Oh, yeah. They're going to chime in. And you should probably brace yourself.
Yeah. Now I know the mommy's listening are on my side. Like, sometimes there's like split sides and sometimes it's somewhat, you know, this is going to be like ninety five to five. Right.
OK, but let me ask this one, Yianna. Listeners, mommies, what's more disgusting, Tim? Rolling boogers and flicking them in my car. It is not your car, it's my car or me dropping a used dental stick. Big fucking deal. They're both unhygienic and disgusting. And both that is MySpace, you're rolling your boogers in, that's not that's a shared space, I at least have the dignity to do it in a space that we're not sharing at the time.
OK, ok. OK, OK.
Your Honor, um, while people are going to side with you on that one, you're going to have nobody on your side.
We'll see. There's a lot of pigs who listen to this show just like me. Lot of animals out there.
I bet you a lot of animals, just this pig that listens to this show is going to be like you do what?
You throw your loss on the ground of your bedroom, on my side of the bed that you don't ever go to.
I could take a refugee into the house. Like somebody from like a war torn country, and I would be like, hey, make sure you don't throw your floss on the ground. Like even in my country, we don't do this. Floss goes in garbage.
Yeah, you're out of your mind, OK. We'll see. We'll see what they say. Uh huh. I know you two squares in there.
It is not agreeing with me, but you guys are squares.
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It still is it history. Women's women's history. WOMAN Thank the National Women's Month. Let's be more inclusive and honestly, I know that we make a lot of jokes on this show, but I think sometimes you have to do the right thing and honor, you know, the people who deserve it. And in this case, it's women.
Why is it so many times that women, after they get married, let themselves go? Here's how. Way too many women are.
I got him now. The chase is over. Hey, that's where you're on the chase. Ain't never over the chase. I never over.
And by God, if you don't love me the way I look now, he ought to look at his own spare tire in the mirror.
Now, look, I'm not saying every woman can be the epic trophy wife of all time, like Melania Trump, I'm not saying at all that most women can't be trophy wives, but, you know, like her, maybe you're maybe a participation trophy. I don't know. But all I can say is not everybody looks like they're a man. But but you don't need to look like a bullshitter. But here's something you need to know, you need to know this man have a need for their women to look like women in sweatpants all the time when flip flops and pajamas at a Wal-Mart over.
Ain't nothing attractive about that. Amen, brother. And women want their wives to look good at home and in public, and I can name it. Hey, man, there's a vagina stinks.
Thinks there's not a lot of back up in the audience here. And he's got a cool look, too.
He looks really fresh. You got I mean, like to say that, like, stay hot and then like he's got quite a hussian he looks like shit.
And those jeans are a million years old also. Is he reading this in the Bible? He's I think he why why is he holding the Bible? This is not in the Bible. It's called interpreting the scripture. Like nowhere is scripture, scripture.
And then he's being like this says right here, stay hot.
And then Moses on the Rock on the 11th actually don't read the book.
So they look for the preacher book. He tells us what that means.
It means stay hot, OK? Thou shalt stay hot for the last go on Wal-Mart sweatpants flip flop.
That's what that's how you should dress at Wal-Mart Wal Mart for one place.
You're supposed to talk about. What are you talking about man.
This is fucking crazy. Crazy.
Well, I do say that I try my best to maintain for you. You do.
And you look amazing. And if we can get over this last thing, I think we'll probably be in a pretty good place.
I'm not going to stop doing that. It's my. What is your problem? That is not going to be cool with me, just so you know. What about you picking fights with guys in parking lot? The fact that you put that on the radar is it's not just going to I'm not going to be like, oh, yeah, you're just doing your Flosse thing again. You're not.
Do you know it's great, too, is that it took you like five or six months to notice. I've been doing this rock for fucking months, every night, mine every night. I do this and I been doing it for. I'm so appalled by you. Yeah, it's fine. Not fine.
Not going to get over it, not over it, you'll get over it, not going to get of it. Want it to stop immediately, OK? Oh, how about this, I'll stop flossing if you, um, cancel those doctor's appointments. I don't want to go get I don't want to go do, like, a bunch of stuff to my body, but. The whole point was that. He poisoned my niece, who is now thirty two years old.
Thirty three. Who does nothing but rocks back and forth at the TV screen, whether or not he or so, so he took her entire life, so I took his. For the three and a half days she sat in, sat in the hospital and suffering, I nearly took 10 Inch Nails and Valium to his living room floor and cut him up for three and a half days and made sure he was alive. And I fed him to a Rottweiler who he had in a room.
So I've got to zone dog. Tell me how old you were when this happened. I was 12 and a half. I was not going to have. And that's what happens to people who don't put their flaws in the bay. Well, thanks for sharing that neat clip, but is that your mentor? I got another one. You see this one? This one, I think made the rounds. I'm sure you've seen it right because was scared.
So I made my first Tic-Tac and I got this comment. At first I was like, I'm not really sure how to take this at all. Do they want to see what I look like when I was five? Because in 1990 I was five New York. I'm like, no, no, that can't be it. We're not probably open with that kind of thing here. So then it dawned on me this person thinks the same as that little bitch cashier at Racette one day who informed me I qualified for the senior citizen discount.
I'm thirty five. I'm thirty five, I understand that lots of people have found all these miracle lotions and stuff nowadays, so women look just a lot younger than they usually do. But I am not one of those women. I'm a smoker and I go tanning. So this is thirty five. I want you all to be aware. How did I miss this one? Oh, really? But know, I feel like I've dropped the ball. Yeah.
What's it about tanning that tanning will get and smoking.
Smoking? Yeah. I tell you, the one thing that saved my skin was being goth for so many years. I mean, that took me out of the sun for like 12 years, at least in my teenage years.
The upside, if I can go. Yeah. Well, what do you think about her?
Um, I was like thrown by it at first. I was like, what's going on? I don't know what I mean. Yeah. Where is this going to go? Where is it going to go? And not not to pile on her, but I thought she was like 55, you know. Yeah. So then and then I realized what was happening. I was like, oh damn.
Like you shamed her. Why didn't age shame her?
I just, uh. I mean, I thought of the same thing when I was smoking really does aju and tanning. I also feel like at this point, if I were her, I'd be like, I should really stop those two things, y'know, good things.
But I guess I don't know people.
But don't you know people too? I knew I knew a couple girls in high school and college who at 20 or even at like 17 already looked old. Like sometimes they just people are more prone to wrinkling or they're very thin and they have no fat in their face. Like some people.
Just I really feel like some of this is the universe. The universe does this to white people because we have so many advantages in this world. I think you're right. Point of personal privilege when you are white, male or female, especially male. But, you know, like white men for the most part, age like dog shit, like, you know, I mean, with the exception of, like, you know, our friend, you know, the pillories lady.
Yeah, that guy. Not only he's an anomaly, but then you find out he's got two parents in their nineties that are alive and your life is different. Yeah, well, you're like, oh, this guy's genetic because I when I met him is fifty seven or some shit like that. And I was like what. You look forty, thirty eight.
Now for the most part though, you know white people age like white people look like shit all the time over and get I mean well you look at coming to America to which we started the other night, the cast hasn't aged.
You're like, dude, everybody looks amazing.
Yeah, that's that's wild. They look at me. That's why everybody they're all black. Yeah.
And it's been thirty years and they all look great really.
Lisa, Princess Lisa looks amazing. I mean she has an atelier. That shit is incredible. Everybody looks great.
It's been 30 years. I know his wife looks amazing. She does. Woman Yeah. There she is right there.
And I'm right below that one. Everybody looks great. That one. Yeah. That's the wife. Not like Saint Paul.
White people look like shit. Yeah. We look like hot diarrhea.
I mean, know there are white men in their 50s that I assume are in their 70s. I know. You know, she's a cruel mistress age time.
But this lady, I guess she really took it. It is crazy. She's 35, though, I know. I know, unless this is a bit is this a bit I don't think so. She's seemed pretty sincere, super upset. I don't know. Well, here's another way to see. So here's a way.
A little girl, you're given notification, but I love I can't find it no more. You pretty I don't know if you're married or not or whatever else. I don't know anything about you, but thank you for sending me a message.
Not so. This guy is new on the talk. He's just figured out how to do talks and now he's really into the ladies.
So but he does a public post that's meant for one person. Yeah, it's my favorite, my favorite one too. My favorite talk or to directly to Emily.
I'm over here. Haven't seen you yet. If you get back to me and you're like, this is your post.
Yeah. Tell Doug Happy birthday.
We'll see him on Saturday. Just made it a post. Yeah. What are you doing man.
Team. Oh yeah. This is good. How great was that one? That was a great time. You're welcome. It's a guy doing the splits in a Wal-Mart bathroom very slowly and keeps holding his nuts because he doesn't want to smash them on the ground.
Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's a great talk. It's a great right. It's a.. It's a great it's so random.
Like, why is he going? Good morning. Coffee's ready. Bacon and eggs will be up in just a minute. Travelers ready, shovels and don't have to be at work for another half hour. How would you like to spend the rest of the morning? I know it's so puke worthy, Ray's cringe beyond it's the pickiest, it's like it's the way a guy tries to get laid by I want to fucking eat my own vomit.
No way. But why isn't it hot? Like, let's talk about like, why doesn't it work? I know because we were talking kind of about this before. I don't like I'm not I'm not the like I don't know what to do, what the woman registers. I think it's that it. Maybe it's that it registers, but here's the thing. There's a woman out there. There are women out there who go, oh, I would love this season.
Here's the deal, man. In reality, I love it. Like when you do nice things for me, like get my car detail, you take out the trash without and I see you doing it. I'm like, oh, I'm going to reward that good behavior. And I do give you ESX for it. I do give you deck tuchis or they give you now the fact that he's doing I'm a good boy golden retriever kind of stuff. Yeah.
It's just not high.
It's, you know, it's not a hot way to initiate. You want to see nice things from someone you're already with, right. Yeah.
Right, I know. But like why does this now. It's like begging, is he begging? Yeah, there's a it reeks of desperation, yeah. Because you go I think part of you has to go. Why why are you trying this hard? Yeah.
Like, I feel like you're a good looking dude. It's good looking guy. Sweet like why isn't it the Qaumi Drive way.
I'm a good boy. I'm a good boy. Do I. I did everything. Now will you touch my dick like I feel like it is to maybe beg.
Maybe it's because I mean you have to like question why. Maybe it's because in his experience, uh, not being this way didn't get these touches. Yeah. Right. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So you got like so you go with what works then. Yeah. I think it's more to do with somebody that didn't never pursued, like he didn't pursue and um because that's pursuing like real pursuing. Yeah. Inherently involves risk uh for people who are risk averse.
I don't want it to not work out. It's safer to be like I'm sweet. The sweet guy. Mm hmm. I made breakfast for you.
Mm hmm. Now you're being you're being very nice.
And while it's nice to be nice, there's no risk involved.
So that's why you're surprised it makes your pussy dry. Yeah. The night. This is why nice guys don't get laid. And then the guys always like. But but she had sex with that jerk with that other guy.
Why did you choose this jerk just walked by and was like, what's up when you go you like he's doing it now. I think the reason it's risk involved is that you can walk out and be like, what's up, ladies? You want to have a drink or whatever. However you say it, they can go, like, get the fuck out of here. You're ashamed, you're embarrassed or humiliated, or they go, who's this guy?
So there there's inherent confidence. Yes.
With jumping off that cliff, you know.
But this shit that's so funny because it's frige, I think to men and women like you see this and you're like the funny tell you what I do love about Cobra Kai, it's that it teaches you to be a badass.
Like Johnny's whole thing is like like he's like he's like you just I mean, whatever.
You just bump into a babe at a bar and then you're like, what's up? You want a beer? And like that is attractive. There's something about Johnny who's a bit of a brute and who's just like, what's up your babe? I'm dude. Like, I'm fucking badass.
That's what you want. You don't want the Rousso. You want the Johnny. I got you. You know what I'm saying? All right. Sometimes you have to train the person you're dating. What I mean is if you expect flowers every day, then you have to tell them that you expect flowers of date. What do you think, is that too much, though, every date to bring flowers that seem a little high maintenance?
Yeah, you're not getting them. Yeah, this is the kind of guy you get. Yeah. She should be with fucking me a shovel the driveway because he'll get you flowers.
Oh maybe. Yeah, that's the pairing is like the beta male with like fuck out of here. Yeah. Picardy because isn't it grows how she.
I felt like that, that this is gross too you know like this doesn't work either. Well I was on board with her for a second and what I mean is saying what you want or need. Mm hmm. That's a good, that's good advice. But this is this is equivalent to you know, when you watch those dating shows and they have a list, here's my list. He must be six one himself, you know.
You know what? Like that shit. It's gross. It's gross. And so is like every date should involve like it out here.
She's doing that princess thing. Yeah. Like you need a trip to Italy, to your sister's.
How about I was out by the flowers of that. A breakfast abab. Oh my God. Bye. If I saw sweat I savola driver habab rockfalls always plimoth.
Oh I see. And that's the thing is that women say they want that guy. Right. And then when that guy shows up it makes your pussy dry, your pussies get turn, they get locked down and they throw away the key.
Yeah. No pussy wants that shit.
Well you don't want a guy that's like wimpy, mushy, mushy. He'll do whatever.
Got you flowers all the time, every day. No, I like flowers. Hum.
I know but I like flowers if I know you like flowers and I get you flowers. But I'm saying like if you're like the guy who's like I brought flowers because I'm seeing you again every day.
Come on man, that reads too much. Yeah. We'd be wimpy and women don't like wimpy. Well wimpy doesn't not get laid off.
Also don't you want the flowers to be just unprompted like it's something that should pick up unprompted.
Yes. Yeah. Because he feels like bringing you flowers unprompted.
I agree. You do want it to be spontaneous and like and I hate to say it, but she, I don't know her, but she does seem like the type who is not a giver. Do you know what I mean. Yeah. I see that she giving to get that stuff like or is she like units of armor for like baby flowers. OK, well I like my balls. Right.
Are so are you licking his nuts every day. Like what's the. Yeah. The trade off. Because here's a deal man. Like you'll bring me flowers unprompted. Yeah. But I also milk your D on a regular rotation. I love you. I support you. OK, you let me put my dental floss sticks next to the bed. It's cool. We're so cool like that. Just let me do my thing. You do your thing. Hi, my name is Joe.
It's January 17th, I'm looking for people between 18 to 40 years of age for dating and relationship. Leave a message or comment. I'm a nice person. I'm friendly and I'm outgoing.
He's nice. He's friendly, and he's OK. Thank you.
So. What did Joe do wrong, Tom, like instruct the listeners at home, so we're helping guys who want to put a dating profile on that.
He's nice, he's friendly, he's outgoing, what's wrong with that? This is a this is a lot, but never has so little said so much to me.
Uh, yeah, this is how I feel when I watch your injury videos. This is my equivalent of your injury video, so it's a little. Go ahead, describe to listeners. He, uh, he has a very unique look, so maybe he's not really into wellness and health entirely.
He qualifies for the vaccine immediately, like the first rounders. It's the level of delusion that he's looking for 18.
I didn't even catch that. I didn't even 40.
That's the age range at Queen's. The Queen's above 18 to 40. Oh, shit, that's true. I didn't even realize the net. He was casting 18, sweetie.
OK, I can think of 18, 19, 20, 21. All those numbers don't work here. They're all wildly inappropriate for this man. Yeah, I think his search should start where it ends on that one. I mean, he definitely has he has all the qualifications we look for for an awesome video.
Angle lighting, bare walls, you know, it really is astounding how all these cool guys, they like fit this bill and we haven't put out, but he bring her flowers every every day.
Oh, my God. He's there every day. He'll show up with those flowers.
But, Tom, don't you find it interesting that we haven't even put out the guidelines and standards for videos for cool guys? They just know what those guidelines in the DNA code, they all do it.
This guy is fucking. How do they know?
Shitty lighting check. Bad angle check. Arthritis is painful. It hurts my big toes, it hurts. Yeah. That's an original song. You didn't like it? Yes, good song, but arthritis. I like her. She does a lot of stuff, she's also got a boyfriend good. And she's like, if you say bad things about my boyfriend, we'll come out for you. Oh, she'll beat you up. Yeah, she really likes her boyfriend.
Hey, you're cute. I want to watch Netflix and cuddle with you. I also would like to buy you food. I would also very much like to touch your butt and probably give you kisses on your neck. You go with that.
So what did he do? Wrong time. Uh. Too desperate. Was it too much like I want to and I want to touch again when he was it was acceptable for a moment. You want to go through it? Yeah, I'll tell you.
Let's do a play by play. Hey, you're cute. I like that. That's kind of funny. That's kind of endearing because I'm picturing if you did this, I would be like, OK, I like Tom Seger. I like what he's doing. Fine. Hey, you're cute like that. And the heart is kind of funny. It's good.
And I feel like he had ended it there. If be like what? Just a nice guy. Just it's basically. Yeah.
Playful. It's kind of flirty but and within.
It's good, it works. You want to watch Netflix and cuddle with you.
OK, I mean but even that that's like Huttle that's part of the lexicon. You know, Netflix and chill. It's like I want to cuddle with you. It's still not it's not threatening because to cuddle with somebody even if you don't want to cuddle with him, he's not like I'm it's not like it's saying I want you to do something that you'd have to reciprocate the desire. And it's not it's not threatening. Like cuddling is not threat.
But here's it's not. But it's also kind of a manipulation. Right? It's I want to cuddle. It's like I'm a nice guy. I wouldn't try to eff you. Right. Just going to come. Yeah.
You know, it's it's what apps. It's it's fine. It's starting to go bad for me. It kind of. Mike. All right.
Interesting. I thought maybe sometimes there's those five second talks, you know. Yeah. Maybe it's one of those. Nope. I'm like, is it over?
I also would like to buy you food. It kind of makes me wonder who you normally deal with. You know, I would also like to buy you. I would also like to buy you food.
This is telling me that you meet a lot of hungry bitches and look, bitches are hungry bitches.
Be hungry because you can get a chick just by buying her food. I mean, you can at least get her to have dinner with you. True. Well, I mean, if you if you're a dude and you're like, what's my angle? Let me tell you something.
And everybody needs a big meal, bitch. I 100 percent like take her to a decent enough to take her to a fucking Michelin star restaurant.
But like a town somewhere, decent Italian food is always a good one because it's always reasonable. A dish of pasta after that crazy.
And you let you have a good personality and you're like, I don't know my angle. I'm telling you bro, take in a chick out to eat is the fucking movement like, you know, you can't go into it like I'm taking her to eat, therefore I deserve things.
I'm saying this is a good way to show like show who you are, connect with someone like breaking. You know, it's a universal thing having me take a chick out to a decent place, have a good meal.
Look, you can show who you are, but that's only if you really like her.
If you got to like like if you're really into her, you want you want to relationship or a girlfriend or even if you're looking for like, you know, you want to do this, you want to cuddle with someone you don't like, it's you're obviously you're not going to open with, hey, I just met you. Would you like to come over and watch a movie and cuddle with me?
But you can't say, hey, you know, you're really you want to go to dinner like that's normal. Takes us to dinner.
You and I are old school like that. And I respond to that really well. If a gentleman goes, let's go for dinner. I'm like this guy's class. He's willing to invest time and money and energy into me and I'm willing to invest in him for a night out like you're a parent. But the kids don't do. To be fair.
To be fair, I think dinner, lunch or dinner at a restaurant is also not only is that like a date thing, it is also, I think, the best social activity. It's the best. I agree. Like even non romantically. Let's go have dinner. Like it's I know, you know, you're you're sharing food, you're having wine or whatever you're having. It's how you connect with people. And I think it's one of like the ones where you essentially have permission to do that with anyone.
You can ask anybody, let's have a meal. And I'm like, so I think, you know, I'll buy your food. It's a weird way of saying it. But, you know, he's still well, he's not off. I'll buy you some food.
And also it's so gross. And you know what I like to about dinner dates, by the way, is that a woman can dress up. Yeah, she can look nice, smell nice and just sit there and be beautiful. Don't fuck up dinner, guys. Don't forget. And also go to a nice dark, dark place. Dark wood don't take too bright. Women don't want to feel that you want to feel cozy. Don't take her to Chipotle.
Not the top layer. Yeah, nice and dim. Little dim doesn't have. That's why it's expensive. Don't take her to an expensive Italian restaurant.
It's not that expensive.
You could, you know, on Yelp you can search by price. Yeah. Single dollar double or triple for whatever. Absolutely. We'll just search you. When you and I were courting, we didn't have, you know, no money. We had no money. Where do we go to dinner back in those days in Silver Lake, we would go to like hipster diner, Capriccio, Delcambre, like, you know, they had like.
Sixteen dollar entrees and shit, you know. Yes, you can and you can bring your own bottle of wine. Yeah, yeah.
That was cool. We did that. You can stop it, T.J.. Yeah. Get a six dollar bottle of wine.
Yes. Traitor's joy.
Because ultimately it's about like the company and having a good you know, and laughing.
I see this, but this is this guy doesn't know how to do that. He doesn't know how to connect. Well, of course not.
He made this video yet. So so far he's like, oh, hey, you're cute.
You're cute. I want to watch Netflix. You want to buy your food? I'm still like, all right. All right, food.
I would also very much like to touch it, but that's where, uh.
That's where it all. Stopped work because he stops himself from saying boobs or vagina? Well, he also chose, but because the video is like if you rewrite this, he's saying, I'm trying to fuck. Yeah, but you can. You can leave that everyone knows you want to fuck. It's a given if a man is asking you out or talking, he wants to fuck you, he wants to fuck if a guy says. You know, let me get the door for you want to you.
Yeah. I learned that lesson way too late. Yeah, and probably give you kisses on your neck. You go with that.
No, you lost everyone, everybody. I was on board until. Yeah. And then goodbye.
You sent the remote remix of whole album. So how's it going to ring next time?
The point is that you should be like, hey, you're cute. You watch Netflix come over some time or hey, you're cute. I want to buy you dinner. You want to go have dinner? See, it's non-threatening, but you're letting people know I'm in pursuit.
I like you've got to pursue. I like you.
You can't you can't do it. But I also want to touch your ass and I want to see those titties like no, I can't say that you're right.
The offer at the time, you're fucking lying everywhere.
You know, that's that's the problem is that it's always was going on a date with you, you know, nobody else.
He's already in that territory. Yeah. He's he's so far gone, though, that you go like, oh, it's its own thing. It's its own show, you know, back. And I want to help him with in part Phoenix tease. Please call me with Phoenix. I was in Port Phoenix. Please call me Phoenix. And if he didn't get it the first time he repeated it, it's Wolf and Phoenix, will Phoenix please come home?
This is an exercise. Oh. Oh, my God. Oh, right, that is that cat. That's that cats. This feels good purr and it sounds like a fuckin F-35 is about to take off. Look at the size of that fucker's head.
Do it again.
I want to hear that you're right, because the purr is Terraplane is a nice size. I see such amazing, such amazing cats, these, you know, tigers, not that anyone thinks the tigers aren't ferocious, but when you do some research on wild cats and what a tiger is capable of, it really demolishes all the other wildcats. I mean, you know, everyone knows about the cheetahs speed. And, you know, Lion has the moniker king of the jungle, but tigers will fuck everything up.
They can swim, too. They can leap like they can carry a fucking 600 pan animal with their mouth up a tree.
That's like they are just unbelievable. The one swipe of this claw split you in half. They're just and they also they murder for fun. They don't like like other cats only kill to eat.
But but tigers don't realize that tigers kill because the thrill of the chase, the chase, if they feel any type of threat, anything, tigers will just fuck you up.
You're a new power animal because you like to kill for the thrill that purr is. So that is gnarly. Dude, he's just turning the engine on.
It's not. And she's like, isn't this he just loves to be pet stupid bitch.
I be like, where's the where's the fence on the other side down here, man. What is wrong with these dummies?
Somebody has been taking over my tick tock. They got a hold of my phone and they made a couple tick tock and I do not appreciate it anyways. I thought I'd work on my evil laugh. Here it goes. It has to sell. It has to have a little bit of that insanity to it. The more insane it sounded, the better. Here goes, ok.
Ha ha ha ha ha. Uh. There we go. You know, I was I was so set up to be wild. Like, I was like, yeah, like this guy is terrible at telling a story, but he could probably do a bit of an evil laugh. You know, I was I was ready to get like like like when somebody does a flip or something, you're like, holy shit, you can do that.
Like I thought he was going to really do. It's going to blow your show like like a joker or laugh.
He just went, Moha.
I love that you gave him credit for having that hidden talent. I thought that's what we were going to be wowed by. Well, he's a cool guy. I mean, he's got everything.
The lighting is just stupendous. Here's good advice. If you film something, make sure there's a strong, strong spotlight behind you towards the camera.
That's what you want.
And then it fills in a filthy, sad ceiling. It's good. Good, bare walls. Perfect. It was good. A couple more. Should we design our next set like this?
This is a bad light for the visuals.
I'm going to be nice about this little bit. You don't talk about my kids because you're just fucking jealous. Because I have kids. I am taking care of my kids right now. They're sleeping and I've got to wake them up so I can change their diaper.
So fuck. That's a D.M. That's if I can for one year and I was for one lady. Those are always good. Yeah, they're always good. Yeah, yeah. She didn't understand when I prefer when it's direct and someone's either pleading, you know, sad that those are nice or like call me back.
Like I like those the confrontation ones that I enjoy it too. But it's like it's too jarring, you know.
Yeah. Because I'm from Florida and that's what we do, we will go to stay with us. That's where I'm from, a solid as a rock star.
My dad, you know, is the man the trauma that this guy must have gone. It is very Florida, by the way, is this look. Well, yeah. This feels like it's definitely South Florida to me. Yeah.
With a map when you're in Florida. And you get. Basically into like Broward County, you start going inland, I mean, gold teeth, it's such the standard.
But did you even see his bangs? He's got like his bangs. Yeah.
Yeah. The crazy bangs and then the match tips. And he has a twin brother and the two of them are rappers.
And I have in strong Miami vibe. Yeah. Oh man.
Yeah he's dope actually. I listen to his music on YouTube and I really like. Really. Yeah.
Is he Miami Beach. Read for X. Yeah I believe. I don't want to say I want to misspeak but I do think it is Miami. I'm going to guess he's been through some shit.
Yeah. Like growing up. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Maybe not private school. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. He and his bro have the same look but you know what I like is the eagle in between his two eyes.
Wow. This is all kinds of cool. Like if you don't succeed as a rapper, what are you doing.
He also looks like he's fucking fifteen years got got kids man. So guys listen to his albums and download them because I don't think he can work. He's never going to be able to do anything about rap. So please support read for X.
Please, kid, please wait for the audience, but I actually like their songs, I liked it. All right, one more time. Just so you know, we're so excited to bring you IMH live April 2nd, Friday, April 2nd.
It is going to be a blowout show. It's going to be six p.m. Pacific, 9:00 Eastern Pacific.
Chris DiStefano, one of the fucking fan favorites, is coming in for this. Marcus King is playing original music. We have special guest tickets are available now. Live stream that why Image Studios Dotcom get your tickets before a show day so you don't, you know, get hit in the traffic jam when people try to go last second. And of course, there's new merch in the store store that way. Major studios, dotcom. We are on the road this weekend.
I'm on the road. I'm in Phoenix next week in Omaha.
Jeanne, you have De Choma at Omaha.
Where is your next live date? Oh, let me see it. St. Louis Stitz, I believe. I know. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Moines, Des Moines, Iowa, April nine through eleven and then fart. Arizona, April. Twenty third and twenty fourth and then May six, one night only in breast bawls Beach, Florida, and then into July in San Antonio, Texas, and then Liberty Township, Ohio. And we're back on the road. Oklahoma City, September. Twenty third. It's all rolling. You guys take it that so Christina online dot com and then Orlando at the end of November there.
I got to tell you, you're going to see a whole new TV one's on the road.
What are you going to what you got for them?
Ear to ear smile, JRD at the end of the show. I'm just so happy. Just so happy, too. I am so. And the mommy's really come out.
Man Nashville is crazy. Thank you to all the mommies who came out. Angela Johnson came up and she did her Vietnamese nail lady during my set, which was like put me on as the shows are just so fun.
So thank you so much for.
Yeah. You guys are the best. Thank you for supporting us. Thanks for watching the show. Thanks for listening. Uh, we have a closing song. Just let me eat you by hand.
Dog and dogs always throwing that heat at us. So enjoy it and we will see you next week.
Yes, let me eat you one time. Just let me tell you, one time I got this one time I'm a make you cry.
I guarantee you me how you will sleep for three days.
My big day. I'm feeling it.
I'm feeling it. It doesn't matter if you got a big booty.
And look, I want to let them grow up, let them grow. I want to make them grow up again.
I'm coming to get that quality. Get that booty.
I'm going to get that already. And I want your feet to do when you come home, visit when you come home and you just got to go with all the with all the love, with all them, with all the debt limit each.
One time I beat you one time. I'm a mighty fine. Just let me eat your one time I.
I got a baby girl.
Baby girl. Once I touch your booty, you know, it's a banana split.
I got a president. Hey, I'm coming at you.
Very smart. Yes.
But I can show you what time I cook for you. Clean up your house with all the with all the love. I want to dig in your booty.
Oh that's a good girl.
I'm coming to get that boogie boogie boogie.
This one time I beat you one time I'm going to try this one time I.
I got my number three one five six three. I like that.
I got some for you.