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It's going down, why Image Live is back Friday, April 2nd, 6:00 p.m., get tickets live streamed. Why Image Studios Dotcom, you're not ready for this one. We're never getting a divorce.


Just, you know, like you're you're in it at least until our kids are grown. Not happening, Sagara, we're in it for life, you hear me? We better start my. This episode is brought to you by Watch Gang. Everybody has different preferences. I personally, I have to strap styles that I like.


I like steel wristbands and I like rubber ones. It's just like it fits into what I do either want it to look like, you know, kind of sporty or a little more like, you know, ready to go out, in which case I prefer the steel. Look, I like that sporty look. The sporty feel watching is the world's largest watch club and is revolutionizing the way we buy and discover watches. With a free membership, you get access to three subscription levels.


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But we have been sleeping on of mattresses for almost a decade. That's how much we love it.


We currently sleep on the Solaire. It's amazing.


It's amazing. Tommy goes this way. I go that way. There's a light under the bed. So when I get up to take a picture in the middle of the night, I don't stumble over stuff so comfy.


And if I break one or two, we have slept on the loom and leaf and which one? And the luxury firm flagship line.


I mean, it's all fantastic. You can't go wrong.


Get yourself a king sized bed for a fraction of the cost of what you would pay at a regular, huge, huge savings from what the mattress stores charge.


Yeah, that's customer service is impeccable. Environmentally friendly product. That's right. It's really people ask us all the time, is it true that you sleep on these mattresses? One hundred percent and now you go to sort of a dotcom the shit which is are you Earl? And they will give you two hundred twenty five dollars off the purchase of whatever it is you're buying from site.


Right? That's it. Mattresses, pillows, sheets, you name it. Saffa Dotcom the shit for two hundred twenty five dollars off.


Oh snap. We are in. Why you're talking to me.


Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Oh that was me. I know that was you. Oh Jesus. I'll fix that in post. All right. OK.


Can you believe all that quavered sweetie. Shit. I'm sorry. What's that mean.


I don't understand words you say.


I know you do. But how come you're this cool and why are you so much cooler than me with the stuff. How do you know these things?


I don't know. I opened my phone, you know, follow the stories, the hot news, hot gas.


How do you know the cool songs? Like how do you know the the the blow, the whistle, the remix of that?


Um, well, let's not blow the whistle, but I understand you're saying it is that B I think it's just that I love that music so I always find the newest nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh.


Like today. Uh nutshell dropped. It was they took a song that five dog did before he died from Tribe and then Busta Rhymes did a verse on it and then Redman did a verse on it and then they cut a video that has the three of them in it, which is obviously like, you know, there's some special effects in it to make it work, but it's fucking sick.


Have you seen it now? That sounds fucking fine. It's pretty dope. So recipe's five dog. I didn't know he's that you didn't know five was that. I didn't. It's been a few years. Oh, I'm sorry.


Yeah. Rest in peace five and Jadallah made the produced it. Who's also dead, which is incredible. I doing all the stuff and they're dead. They're doing stuff and they're doing cool.


Yeah. But is pretty is pretty amazing. It's a good song. I mean, I think now might be a great time for me to announce that I have a rap song coming out.


This is a great time to announce this is really an interesting Segway. So, yeah, before the car has been wild, this is true.


It actually is not a bit. This is not a. This is a very true story. So before the whole pandemic went down, um, Kreayshawn, the famous rapper, the most talented woman in the game, Kreayshawn and yours truly, Christina PPY, recorded a rap song together. This is true. This is 100 percent true. And it's going to be on her next album. What are you going to send me?


Which drops soon? A bit like a listen of this thing.


I haven't even said it's no secret because it's top secret. You got it. You got to download like everybody else. And it's it's really good.


I'm privacy privy to floss sticks on the floor, but not a song. By the way. He's sitting here before we start recording and he goes, do you have something in my teeth? You have anything? And I go, You mean like a floss stick? Yeah. And and what did I do? I helped you, though. Yeah.


You pulled a string out of your sock and he's trying to use that. Did it work and then would you throw it. And I put it in the trash can. Yeah. Next to me.


Not on the floor.


OK, but anyway I want you everybody scoop up the mom song.


I swear to God, Kreayshawn it's on the next lying scoop up. That's how you say it you guys.


I rap on song on my new track. Yo I rap. You do it rap. I mean I guess you do because you haven't even let me listen to it.


It's wild. And it was so great to record with Kreayshawn and see how you make a rap song.


It's my God I'll drop. What's it called.


Pictures too. I think it's called the mom song. OK, and I mean we met in the studio. I mean, is it for the streets or who is it for the streets.


The streets is watching Tom and we met at a recording studio deep in Hollywood. And, you know, I just she wrote her verse. I wrote my verse. There's a beat going and you just sit there and you write on the fly and it was nuts. And she's like, OK, I'm going to do my verse. And she pops in the sound booth and she's just like, better that, like, she just does it. Yeah.


And I'm like, wait, dude, I've never done this before. A little. I know. Intimidating.


It's so intimidating. And she's just so talented and and I'm just like, I can't believe I got to work with my hero.


That's right. I remember one time I was doing two bears and Burt was like this freestyle. I was like, nah, it's so hard. And then he did. So you can you can hear that. You can hear your rap song. You can hear you can hear Burt Spa's. Yeah, but you guys will like that song.


It's got some shout outs to the mommy community. Nice. And congratulations.


Seriously, it's a big deal. It's a big deal. It was seriously a life highlight for me to to make a rap song with Kreayshawn. That's like a bucket list for sure.


That's very cool. Cool, cool. Stay in my life. Another reminder, we are doing another William H. Live Friday, April 2nd, right here streaming live from studio. James, you can get tickets at live streamed out. Why my studios dotcom. We got Krissie Chaos. Chris stuff. Chrissy West Coast is out here.


Chris he's going to sit on the couch with us. We have original music by the great Marcus King band. Oh, my God. And we have an a heavy segment that we are hoping, you know, just breaks a few people's psyche. So we've been collecting this stuff for a while now. Haven't done it. Why? Inmates live in a few months. We're really excited to bring it back. It's going to be a lot of fun. It's going to be a party.


So just make it plans. Friday, April 2nd, 6:00 p.m. Pacific, 9:00 Eastern.


And also we've prepared some special surprises. There's a surprise. There's a big surprise.


Listen, if you're a fan of the show, this is the way I am to live to tune into. We have so much cool stuff. Pretty rad. It's it is pretty amazing. All right. Opening clip. You ready? I'm ready. Go for it. I'm ready. So matter of time. She's not letting it go.


I apologize. I apologize. Not always, Randy. Oh, no.


Oh, well, welcome to your mom's house. We don't support. And Christina. Welcome to your. All right, yeah, I got tagged in this video only about 15000 times, this is double pop, classic, double pop classic, double pop classic.


Let's revisit this clip and weigh in on it, OK?


This is Wendy Williams doing her show because she's doing a segment on Kim and Kanye. I've been heartbroken.


It's just been devastating for the Sigurður House. We've all been inconsolable. Here we go. As a matter of time. She's not lonely.


I apologize. I apologize.


I hate to break it to you. Not a double pipe classic. Wow, they're literally about, wow, half a second apart. You're saying that it's the timing that needs to be back to be the same time she went up? Correct. You're right. That's berp for us to be simultaneous burp and fart now. Tom, your credit, you're about to send her a kid. Like congratulations.


I told them to take it back. Wow. Wendy didn't earn her brown stripes today. She didn't earn a double pop classic metal. So now, first of all, time scorer, I'd like to give you full credit because you came up with the double pike class. Thank you. Those who are new listeners to the show. Yes. Would you like to explain it?


It's on the Urban Dictionary. It is. I also coined the term. Show me how those big tits fart. That's right. A lot of people have slowly learned that that's something that I came up with.


And and slowly, big titted animal is going to be another one introduced. I've really contributed a lot to Lexicon.


Oh, my God. They credited you. Create you an urban dictionary. Oh, my God. You're officially famous. Thank you. Thank you all.


That's yeah. I look as like I said, as somebody that coined the phrase is a respected member of the community.


Oh, I can't say that she earned her stripes on this one. Wow. But it was close. It was really close. Well, my question would be, as far as I know, The Wendy Williams Show is pretaped. It's not live. So I don't know. Couldn't they have edited out this horrible event? I think so, yeah.


She's got to be a real animal to be like, yeah, just put that in the show. Right.


Like, you don't think. Oh, also because I feel like a lady would be like. Right. Like a guy might feel like it's funny, but like, you know, she wears dresses. She's really pretty. It's like. I'm going to you on the show, it's it's kind of bizarre either. It must have been a deliberate choice of time.


She's not alone. I apologize. I apologize.


I mean, why leave that in? She must be proud. That's why you think she's a mommy. I think she's trying to get the credit for the double pipe. I don't know. Maybe this is her secret shout out to us. Yeah, it could be. That was pretty rad, though. It was pretty cool. I'm going to start watching the Wendy Williams.


I saw this other clip that this is not from television, but from a twitch streamer that I kind of spoke to me.


You saw this one here. Thank you for answering my question. I don't know where to start. Your streams are great and funny personality. I didn't fucking start my Twitch channel to be commemorated on my fucking personality comment. I came here to be complimented on my boobs. And if you guys don't fucking start complimenting my body right now that I am selling on the Internet for news, this is my marketing plan. You guys have to fucking leave. I'm fucking sick of this bullshit.


Canadian chicks rock. I really like her. Good for her. You know, she does have a great pair o you have a great personell. She's like, fuck you.


You see the top I'm wearing. Right.


See I, I here's what I like a lot more about it. You see a chick wearing the same top and you're like, wow, I like what you're wearing. Excuse me. Excuse me. More than the top I'm wearing.


OK, you're like all right. She's like she's what all those guys want. Somebody is like, no, talk about my tits, man.


Well, I mean, look, it's not a popular opinion these days, but if you are wearing a top like that, that's what you're going to garner. That's the attention you're. Yeah, but there's a very serious message to look at my tits. There's two like types, right?


There's the one who's like, yeah, where the top could you stop talking about my tits? And you're like, all right.


Well, those those are the ones who are like, it shouldn't just be battleplan. Yeah. I don't know the objective.


I mean, I don't want to be crass or crude or anything, but talking about tits, I mean. Once you get bigger tits, you know, I mean, yeah, you've been saying this a lot lately. I mean, look, may I just just the guys I've got huge cans already. Yeah. I don't know how much bigger they can get physically. Are they? Do you really want me to say the number?


OK, the show after it sounds like you don't want to. Well, it's a little. Can I have some privacy. Sure you can have privacy, but let me tell you, they're already heavy. They weigh we weighed my tits, remember. Yeah. But like three and a half.


What I'm saying is like you can almost see her nipples, right? Yeah. And like, that's cool.


People think that's cool. Right. I like I can't see your nipples. I don't feel like like you got no nose ring. You got no tats, you know. I mean. I know, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm trying I'm losing all this weight, I'm just trying to look hot for you like the Bible says, I got to get all the stuff together. It really hurts my back, babe, like I do politesse just to strengthen my that's that's that's why Piñera not an MP.


Your problem, not mine. That's right. What are you talking about, how much bigger should they get? I'm talking about like a fucking makeover, you know, like a like a cosmetic like go under the knife. You know, I mean, before we move, yeah. I mean, OK, well, what do you specifically what what would you want my my breast to get bigger like that?


OK, well, she's fucking perfect. So if you don't want to be perfect, I understand. But like, could you be like near that? And then those are enormously freakish.


And almost every guy around her is like, oh my God, wait a minute. Her name is the woman with the world's biggest tits. Now is this oh like a Guinness Book of World Records thing?


I got to say, I actually have a video in my own Valtierra that might challenge this lady's tits.


Can I show them to you? And I'm feeling I don't have a checking account available.


Balances twelve million six hundred seventeen thousand two hundred ninety dollars and fifty six. She's not wearing a supportive bra. Not at all, not even a bralette, which is what I wear. I imagine that her back hurts a lot.


I mean, you see me I've been hunched over for my shoulders. Always have. I'm trying to keep my tits up and to walk around like that, it's got to be painful.


Well, just keep it in mind that I want see bigger tits.


I want to get that throat tight and I want that woman to see a face full of models and piercings.


I'm just saying, dude, that's it. But you want me to be a totally different woman. It sounds OK. I mean, no. Like what? OK, well, hold on, just one throat tat, do you want me to get my breasts tattooed as well? Sure. What kind of tattoo? I don't know. Just get like, you know. I like that. Oh, my God. Uh, I would go a little more aggressive than her.


That's to chill. Yeah, that's bad. I see she did it right. Yeah.


Do you want me to get a for you look like a pig on the left, like a real dog on the left. And now. Yeah. Looks perfect. Hot Chick City way.


How long do you want me to click on that link to click on the link of that girl I'm kind of interested in.


She spent seventy thousand dollars. Wow. Do do you want me to get the chin like that.


No. She grew up hating how she looked. She now has over 600 tattoos and has undergone multiple body modification procedures to which she hated how she looked as like a cute little blonde girl.


It's why I felt it is so important to take ownership control. OK, and then is there. Yeah, that's what she looks like now. God damn. Wow. Oh, my God. Do you want me to get a word? I am out of cum.


I mean she looks OK, babe. You want me to get a word tattooed. Like tall. Yeah. Like post. Malone has like words. Yeah. Can I get the knuckles finally? I do want to scroll down.


I always wanted those she says in Brisbane. Sure. Oh my God. So wait, she. Hey, this is fair skin and blonde hair. Oh my God. So this is what how you want me to look? Not like that real pig there. Yeah, like that. She looks like shit.


Yeah. Scroll down. I yeah, you to fit in the crowd too well for her liking, she didn't like that. She had low confidence, I couldn't look people in the eye. Jesus, and now she can with all those face tats. Now when I see people pop back, when they see me, I feel good.


Jesus Christ.


Well, hold on. So what, you want me to get a throat tattoo? You want me to get face tattoo? Yeah. Yeah, I MoD's like.


What does this mean. What you mean like horns and stuff or like what do you think that she start. Oh my God. She looks great. All right. There she looks angelic. I don't know why she kept going. Yeah. Scroll a little more. Yeah.


That looks nice. Yeah I get it. I get what you're now for. Had. Seventy grand, so much for this oh, she split tongue, which is perfect.


Yeah, yeah, I don't think I can do that.


Easier to talk and lick things. Good Lord. And she had her eyeballs modified to. She had eyeball tests to sweetie. Oh, good. I mean, look, I want to stay married. She is she does she does look super hot, though.


Well, she's a beautiful, beautiful no matter what, because she is a pretty girl. Yeah, but I see what you're saying, that these tattoos and eyeball enhancements as totally enhance the whole overall. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.


And you know the top down. Now, do you think our children will be scared by my new body from body modifications.


Um, do I think you children I think if you just just showed up at once like that. Yeah. But I think if we do it slowly, which is like how she did it, this is a year long process. We're going to start maybe next week, you know.


A year, I think I'll take about a year to do all these changes, do you? Yeah, yeah, I'll do like the idea of starting with your forehead. Yeah, yeah.


It took her nine years. I'm sorry, but you want to speed it up and do it in a year. Yeah. OK, well I better get to work.


That's right. What are you going to do, what about your plugs? You're going to my fucking I'm suing him now. You are? I'm suing the doctor that did the hair transplant cost you, what, forty two thousand forty two grand down the drain? Look, it's not even going back for so fucked up.


Yeah. You spent hours doing that. Went to. Well. Um, if you can think of any mods you want me to do, I mean, I'm OK, consider them. You know what? I think I'm just going to I'm going to empower myself. I'm going to embrace who I am and read you some emails. So very, very hot topic in the mommy world was my use of philosophers. And then I would throw them next to the bed.


Yeah. And we asked you to sign to chime in and and surprising, surprising results. You guys, a lot of pro KPS.


I got to tell you, I've been blown away by this, like, literally because, you know, what happened. What happened is at first the first wave was all condemning Christina and it was all like that.


And I was just nodding silently and then, I don't know, like a day later, people were like, nah, the Buddha, like the boogers are way Groser, way worse or time.


I mean, I completely disagree. And also, like, I'm flicking, like, dry, you know, when you go and you're like, oh, it's like a dry bug here. I'm doing this not like wet hanging, like wiping the floor is irrelevant. That's not a real it's a big distinction. It's a burger is a burger, is a burger. No, a wet a wet bug is not the same as like dry flaky. Yeah, definitely not.


And that you're still I've seen you roll and you've done this thing.


It's like you're like this, you're like, oh there's something here and you pull the dry one, you just go like that.


Uh, I've seen you've seen me do that. Stragglers a little scraggly and then you do this for a long time and then. Oh and then you go back for seconds, you know, I make sure it's clean there.


But listen, so here's some pro. What's up Shamos. I'm just writing to let you know Christine is absolutely justified.


Thank you. With her tooth floss, her disposal method and Tim and the rest of you bugger flickers are completely torqued. As a fellow Messe mommy, I can assure you we have more important things to worry about. Thank you. Like taking care of the children. Thank you. Milking our kings and being fucking stupid. I tend to get dry mouth at night and being the water champ I am, I just toss my empty water cans and bottles right along with the occasional dry mouth lozenge wrapper.


When you're tired and already cozy in your bed, it's perfectly acceptable to wait until tomorrow to pick that shit up.


Your Honor, I implore you to find our queen. Don't stupid, innocent. And Ted, please don't. Fifty one fifty her love you guys. Keep in mind tight. Love your big titted animal, Amy.


Well, let's let's also mention that we put out a poll and over sixty thousand people voted.


And the question we asked was the debate, Tom and Christine, a debate of which of them has the grosser habit.


Is this as much as an even playing field as Christine thinks? Well, sixty percent of you said flicking your boogers in someone else's car. Fifty or sixty, sorry, as Groser, throwing your used dental floss on the floor next to your bed. Twenty six percent. And they are equally grossed. Twenty three percent. Wow.


Wow. What a year. For those of you wondering, is the absolutely alarming, appalling and frankly repugnant video of Christina doing what she does?


OK, I'm just sitting here tonight flossing and in bed. You want to.


There you go. See this.


Look at this shit. Oh, there it goes. I got to tell you, man, way I sent this, this was only intended for Nadaf. I did this just to upset him because he's been so upset by my flossing habit. I did. I sent this just to him. And then the next day he was like, I'm still thinking about your video. I'm still so upset by it.


So it's nasty as hell. I didn't realize that you have like a stepping mat from your bed stepping out, but you have like a rug or whatever.


No, it's a huge it's a whole roll rug. Yeah. So it's nice, by the way.


It's really nice.


And and she drops her dirty fucking plastic and it's like a shag like there's like it's somewhat it's better than a burger.


I get picked up the next day, I pick it up, I take it in the trash. The thing is like carpet.


You think you know who you're with. You know. I mean, I mean that's what I but when I saw it when I saw her do it the first time, I was just like.


And she was like, what, like, what did you do? She's like, Oh, I'll pick it up later. I was like, what?


I thought it was a bit like, there's no way this is real and that anyone just throws trash next to their bed and they're doing it for months.


Would you like to read some pro Tom? Sure.


Let's see what this I've been doing this for months and I pick them up eventually. That's what's wild. This is a new habit. It's a new habit. And it's my side of the bed. Tom, Tim doesn't even go over there. So it's my feet that are being, you know, dealt with here with the floss.


OK, don't throw shit in my life. I watch the heavy section of the live show and don't understand what these people are crying about. So a lady shit on a dude's face or pop the sister in her vagina. It's not that gross. But I have to say, hearing this debate is cringe worthy. It isn't even close. Uh, Flosse on the ground is hands down. One of the grossest things I have ever heard Christina say, Thomas Bougere flick is a common occurrence.


Everyone does that. So it's microscopic. No one sees it. But the floss thing. A girl. You are nasty as well.


Lewis Well, because just because everybody does the book or flick doesn't make it OK either. So she's saying that because a lot of people do it makes it OK. That's that's a poor argument on the frequency of something.


Doesn't make it OK. OK, Caprock. Christina. Hi, Atlas.


I want to side with Christine on this one. Tim doesn't even go on the side of the bed where the flagstick is and it gets picked up the next morning. However, Tim's boogers are lost forever when he flicks them to their final resting spot on Christine's car floor. Boogers are way more disgusting than a floss stick. I myself leave all kinds of garbage beside my bed and it gets removed every morning. Also, my wife doesn't go on my side of the bed as well.


Love the show. Can I tell you, I mean, I agree with you. I can't tell you something.


Yeah, I. I honestly feel like.


Like people like that, and now people like you should live in a shelter together, like that's that's the type of people who are like, well, yeah, I live in this hostel and like should have things are on the ground, like it's groped him.


Apparently they all agree with me because you lost in the polls. So there's more of us nasty ass people than you. Yeah. So solidarity to my nasty brothers and sisters out there. Thank you, Mommy. I'm glad that you had met a human being.


Let's cleanse our palates. I got to tell you something. I saw I saw this video yesterday and it was hard not to bring up, but I knew the show was recording today.


Got excited. Oh, I love that. I don't think I've laughed harder in an airport. Oh, shit. I've been watching this video.


I mean, I was shaking and wiping tears out of the bag.


OK, yeah. He goes up and down.


Up and down. Up and down. Now good. Oh yeah. Oh yes. Oh yeah. The movement there. Huh. Yeah. Wow. All right. Mr.. Relax that had for me. No. Oh there it is. Charged up now. No, no, no. Wow. Wow. I was on all about the back of my pants that all heliophysics time that this is an Amazon Prime, right?


Mm hmm. That's elder abuse, my favorite torturing is when she's like, oh, he's like, how about that, huh? I just I got to get she's like, huh huh.


He doesn't like he's like, there you go. Like when someone's giving you a horrible back massage.


You ever had a friend, he's like, you're going to love my back. Here you go.


And then they're like, oh, they're like, yeah, I just relax into it.


Yeah. Oh my God. Do he's killing this old woman. Oh my God. The movement there. Huh.


Yeah. Oh. Let's watch it again. Is she paralyzed now? So this is actually I saw a little longer version of this after this. It starts off and he goes, look at this. She's got scoliosis that has built up over a year. So he kind of shows you that hump. And he's like, yeah, this is years and years. And he's obviously seen her before. Down, up and down. Up and down.


Good. Oh, yes. Oh, yeah. Oh, good movement there, huh. Yeah. You see, she's terrified of.


Relax that head for God. Oh, God. Oh God. There it is. This can't be good. It's like she's dying right there. Yeah.


It's almost like. Oh, man. Oh, she's like she can't even talk.


She starts going all down the back story of my past that all healing takes time. That this is an Amazon Prime. Right.


Look at that.


That is so horrible. Got popped so hard that her fucking tongue went out on it. She was like.


Holy Christ. Well, also, when you go to the chiropractor at the airport, you just shake. Yeah, yeah. You're not supposed to go out after they crack you you get cracked all the time.


You never make those noises.


It's funny because I see her and I could relate to those feelings, but like I've never been like, oh yeah.


It's like she's going to cry.


Oh I have no trouble swallowing. Oh my God. Stop. Is that me right before you call me. Oh, wow.


It's almost like she's too afraid to tell him to stop. Yeah. Do you think she's just terrified at this point, the movement there, huh?


Yeah. Oh, the tongue is depressing. My God. It's just Christ. I mean, if I were him, I'd be like, maybe we don't put this video out.


I know, and she's so frail, she's like a bird, I just realized, too, that this is like God, my new favorite lane that I'm looking at.


It's like cracking old people, old people because of our abuse. I go to all the people.


I watch all the chiropractor videos like to get compressed. It's so soothing and they're never this funny. I'm going to look for these now.


You know what's funny is that looks like the gun. The therapy gun. Yeah. And he's like crunching it into this Firhill.


Oh, he takes time. And this is an Amazon Prime, you know.


I mean, he's, you know, like there's no muscle tissue for that thing to bounce up. And now it's just bone.


Yeah. So. What can I tell you, I like this one, too, and you know what, it makes me laugh like that rescue video with the guy, the spin and knowing that that was a 70 year old person in there makes it even funnier. Oh, yeah. There, huh? Yeah, so you said you were going to show me your crush on the show. Oh, my gosh. So, dude, I'm like deep into Kobrick High right now.


Yeah. And there's this I know I'm not going to give too much away, but and I'm kind of I'm I'm so this is a debate I'm willing to have with you guys.


Is this the guy? Hold on. Let me set it up. I'm a little nervous because I kind of I have a crush on one of the characters in Kobrick. He starts off as a nerd with a cleft palate that he had repaired. So he's got a scar. Right. So he's like this nerdy kid with a scar. There he is. And then the Cobra Kai sensei is like, what's up, lip? Like when he meets them and he's like, and all the kids are like, you're not supposed to make fun of somebody for their physical defects.


And he's like, bullshit, the world is not going to be nice to you. He's like, you know what you need? You need like a fucking cool. You need a facial tattoo or you need like a funky haircut. So people don't look at your scar, they'll look at the other thing. So the kid runs out crying. His name is Eli. He runs out of the dojo crying. And then he comes back a week later and he's got a fucking rad Mohawk and he's got a tattoo of a hawk on his back.


And now he's like the baddest karate motherfucker in the Cobra Kai Dojo. And I'm so about it, like I'm finding myself like I kept thinking, like if I was 15, this is my boyfriend. And then I'm like, oh, God, that feels really weird that I am like, am I into hock? Like, am I into, like, a 16 year old? And I Googled him and I'm like, OK, he's 21 years old in real life.


I want to be sure. Right.


Well, I'm not sending anybody dbms I'm not like actively pursuing anything. Yeah but. I'm like, am I allowed to I'm very conflicted, am I allowed to have a TV crush on Hawk from Kobrick?


Sure he's twenty one but he plays and then you say there were two. Well, then there's this other boy, Jesus Christ.


And the the show we'll know there's this kid, Robby, the kid that plays Robby is just fucking so hot. And if I were 15. Oh my God. I would have been this kid out.


So do look at what a stud this boy is. He's this guy, dude. He's got like that long skater boy here who Larry is there are you look how cute he is.


Usually doesn't have his mouth closed like he's one of those kids that doesn't shut his mouth very often like that him that's him. I mean he's twenty two and realized. Hey. I mean, if you're 15. Sure, yeah, you wouldn't take all that, like I said, don't message them, OK? I'm not going to Nadav back me up.


You like talk to as a character. Yeah. Do you think it was cute? You want to have a. Yeah, I wanted to I wanted to be his boyfriend.


That's cute. Yeah. Robbie doesn't close his mouth very often, but that's OK. He's still cute. Is his mouth open because he's a dope. Like in real life he's probably just stupid, you know. But that would be a high school crush right there. Yeah.


Like it would be between Robbie and hockey because you like that skater hair. Oh my God. And he's a skater.


Like, I love badasses generally. So it would have been Hogge with a Mohawk or Robby who's a skater, but Robbie's on like he's in me arguido, which is like the dork dojo. Like they're not cool. Miyaji those like nerds copacabana's we're like the cool kids are you know. I mean. Yeah. So I probably want to date hauk because he's like Korei. Cool, look, you've been gone, you're out of town and gone, I was gone three nights, those nights are lonely, babe.


I'm up watching Cobra Kai, you make it into this. No, no, no, not yet. Not yet. You don't spend so much time away, you know what I mean? Not yet.


That's what I'm saying. I'm not.


Am I allowed to masturbate to this? I think is the real question.


Yes. Really? Sure. Masturbate to whatever you want. Right. But they're playing underaged boys. But that's fine. That's a that's a fantasy. You're fine. I don't want to f underage. Do you want to go to a high school and bang a bunch.


It's a fine family, but when I picture myself liking them, I picture myself as a teenager too. It's totally fine.


Listen, I'm very conflicted. You have permission. You can do that, OK? Masturbate all you want. You never had a weird TV crush, film crush on anything weird. Of course, you know, I talk about where my mom is cartoon crushes. Did you ever have a crush on a cartoon growing up?


Not that I really it doesn't stand. I mean, like everybody would talk about, you know, like Jessica Rabbit and she was built for masturbation. Yeah. But I mean, no, I was more into the real thing, like my sister's friends, you know, nerdy.


And I finally got in a few.


But yeah, I didn't really do the cartoon thing. I never got into that.


And then there's a whole huge I understand that, like, anime is really big, but then there's like an anime porn world.


Yeah, I know that. I can't like it.


So blows me away that that I understand that being entertained like the entertainment, like the, the artistry and the storytelling, everything of anime. But anime porn, I'm like, you'd rather watch that than real people do it. And I can't imagine. I just I can't my brain can't get aroused by a cartoon.


What I'm talking about is like when you're you're young and you're like, gosh, I like I have feelings for Mighty Mouse. I was like, Mighty Mouse. Like, I'm really into I remember it was like a five year old, you know, when Alyssa Milano was here, I was like, I remember being a kid and being like, oh, my God. And then the blonde from Jay and your D what was the blonde Charles in charge?


Nicole Eggert was like Nicole Big was my absolute C like I think I saw Malana. I was like, wow, she's so pretty. And then I saw Egert and I was like, oh, blondes are way better.


And then you realize you're a blonde guy was a blonde, but her tits are a way too small and she needs body modification. Well now she needs like tat's I mean look how gorgeous.


Oh my God. When I saw that face and I was fucking like whatever eight year old or something, I was completely just transformed. I was like, oh, this is my. You knew you were heterosexual.


Yeah. Was there was blood pumping through your pina colada. Yeah. Yeah.


Now, Scott Baio, I thought he was cute. Chachi Well he was cool but I liked Fonzie better than Chachi. You know, I like the guys with some little bit swag.


Yeah. He's like he's like Kuhnen now. Yeah. Scott Baio. Yeah. He's fucking off the grid. There is the Fonz. I mean how dope is fond of the funny thing about Fonz's.


Now you know who Henry Winkler. And you see it. He's like the sweetest guy and you're like he's actually a great actor.


Yes. You know, yeah. He's a sweet guy.


Um, but Scott Baio was hot, too, you know, Michael J. Fox.


I had such a crush on Michael because he was on on Family Ties.


Oh. Yeah, there he is. Oh, you know, it's so funny, watching back to the future now is how petite he is. Like back then he was short your little and Ricky Schroder choices. Ricky Schroeder. Oh, my God.


I can see how he was a cool kid. Oh, it's such a crush on him.


It all changes, though, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But right now it's between Bobby and Hawk. Those are my two.


Oh right. But I was a little kid. I mean look at cute. Yeah.


There goes the Google. Thanks Nadaf. That was interesting. What I want that look that's the poster I had on my wall. Like the one for Tiger Baby corner left. Yeah. Like that. That's who Ricky Schroeder was. Oh look how cute he was. Yeah. You could cue I was like, you know, seven and I thought he was the shit. So, uh, but yeah, yeah, there you go. Do you want dinner, coffee?


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Well, I got to tell you, that video we are getting and I'm not kidding you here like a thousand big ticket animal submissions that's growing and we're comparing it down to a few because it's just over.


And then it would just be an episode of Big to them. So that's all. But here's some of the ones from this week. Everybody seems to be really enjoying it. I'm getting there. People are messaging me them, tagging me in them. And I keep getting feedback. They're like, we love the Big Ten Animal Challenge. Oh, it is really good. Here is Youcef and Stephanie. How's the food depicted?


An animal like you call me. Victor Danimal, I like when somebody is kind of you. Yeah, yeah, she cut off his chi. What's for lunch, anyway? He picked an animal, picked it up.


Yeah, that was for lunch, picked it up you.


That's fluctuating, right? Oh, my God, it's so much better with a British accent, so much more dignified. The challenge came way more.


Dick, what's for lunch, you big ticket items. She goes you call factually inaccurate. So she says, you know, she makes it sound intelligent.


What we're doing here, what's for lunch? Anyway, he picked animal. They did. Yeah, that was for lunch at. The conflict you. That's factually incorrect, incorrect, that's factually incorrect. I'm neither she nor.


Yeah, these two are buried at Cambridge.


Well, clearly, he's the one that listens Oxford. Yeah, I think she would be like, what? All right. That was factually incorrect. That's great.


Here's someone smarter than you. Tell me what you want to do. Victor Animal. Bakhtin. Said, OK, would you like to be called Bakhtin? I don't think that's a compliment. What's wrong with being called the victim of an animal basically depressed? Just large breasted, big tent, not big, big tent in and what the hell? That's not. It's not true. Yeah, I paid backhands my whole life, even before I was a little heavier.


He made a good point. He's like, I'm not calling you fat, saying you got huge your chance and you're also an animal. And that I know shit. Yeah.


So you want me in the meantime with Made and Bob. We had a little wire scramble, but then I said, draw your favourite farm animal. I drew you big to animal. I love you too. She was not having she did not like that at all. Well, maybe it's the angle. You're a farm animal, a big titted farm animal.


I think it's it's a very careful choice of how we present this. Yeah.


I mean, he's a little rough around the edges. I mean, you can tell. Right. But David and Bill, I'll bet David that was so good.


Yeah. I'll show you what I did for you. Like waiting. I drew you, you big titted Animal Farm.


Yeah. With with the pig.


With the pig next to the pig. All right. Here's Dan and Melissa.


You want to. During my balls, you're being treated in this way. What did you say to me?


I just I think I think some of my favorites are the like the incredulous. You know what? What did you call me?


Because here's the thing I realized. I'm not sure these women are used to being spoken to in this manner. Oh, it's quite clear that. Yeah. So when you when you've got it so frequently the way I do. Yeah. Just like whatever it's yeah. It's pretty funny. I've had three times because it's in my vernacular in the last I would say a month or two. It's funny you're making this point like I've been speaking to a woman and said dude and had them all three be like dude.


And I'm like, oh I'm just like, bro, I'm that way of speaking, you know, like but so like that's a soft version, I'm saying of being spoken to.


But hey dude like dude like oh I speak like okay.


So I can imagine that those women who, who jumped at me saying, dude, if I was like, hey, what's up you big to animal, they'd be like, I'm sorry. What. Yeah.


Thank you. Oh dictated animal.


I also want to say what I'm an animal, sometimes an animal, dude, she's so she's she's so much listen, that look is it's so much more anger than yelling.


Yeah, yeah. I mean, the seething quiet.


Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like he got a fucking talking to after this.


He might have had his fucking clothes cut up when he got through his closet. Like he might be like how come on. My socks have the ends cut off.


Like I mean look the risks people go yeah. Thank you Chris. Go through to get Chris and Chris and Melody. Listen, he did it for the show.


He loves you. Sorry, Melody. I'm sorry, Mel. Just a joke. Just so I could tell that he really upset you. Also, you do appear to have really lovely breasts. Those are big.


Yeah. And she drinks Pepsi, which is weird. I can Pepsi. There you go. Happy birthday to you, big boy. She didn't like that either. What she did not like that.


She liked like she liked half of that sentence.


Yeah, she was like, oh, happy birthday.


And then she it marinated. That's Ryan and Miranda. Happy birthday, Miranda. You big titted animal. Yeah. In front of friends and family.


Yes. Good point. Different. Not cool. Yeah.


Because that facility went like and she's like she's like, dude really my mom is sitting next to me. It's so fun. Thank you guys for making them and sending them in. I'm sorry. I get also get messaged. Why didn't you play mine. It's like I don't go like you guys go through them so please don't think that we are purposely not playing yours. They have to pare it down that's why.


All right, a lot of up and jamming out a lot of my spectrums for a while until you're suffering. I know that's not how it started.


And then the woman joins in.


I mean, I think the cookies are delicious. OK, put up baby on the OK. All right, baby, your disrespect. Do you like enchiladas? New target, No. One to kill. That goes 1980. All right. I've been listening to my speech jams, I got into a bunch of those. Yeah, of course. I've always been a hip hop head going crazy. We know that. And I've discovered that I actually like electronic house music.


Oh, that is unforgivable. And that's what I built.


I built a playlist and then they happened. Been I've been really cultivating that music.


I'm not about it. Listen, electronica. That's my tribe. That's Deep Eastern Bloc shit.


So what do you what do you listening to like.


Well, I stop I'm so embarrassed. I've always liked, you know, like a few gems.


Right. Like James Brown is dead.


I don't know what you're doing. But remember that one from the 90s. I know. But, you know, there's like a few like hit ones, right?


Like the you're like, oh, I like this song. Like Yeah. Yeah. Things like that. Or you'll be like. So there would be a few of those that I had in my phone. And what happens is if you listen, I think either on Spotify or Apple and you have a song that plays and it ends and you're not on top of it is playing like just one song, it'll go into that genre of music right out to play and be like, do you like this song and that song?


I think Pandora does like they all will just suggest music to you. So that happened to me when I was listening to a song deliberately and then it started playing a playlist and I got into all of it. And so I downloaded like five hundred songs. My God, I don't like this music at all, just so you know, yeah, although I do like that song, how do not like house house music.


It is so eastern Germany that one time I did not like how she got we were at at Rockit.


Remember when I worked there. Yes. And she was like everybody listened to the different genres of like American music there. Yeah.


She was so upset.


How come she was a German immigrant and she was like none of you dance to house.


So remember they shut the pacifiers. I can so see me there. Plus, I looked just like Claude van Stroke.


Doesn't he deejay that stuff? I don't know who that is. He's an electric daisy carnival. Oh, Christ. Don't tell me you're going to make me go to these now.


Mike, I have to wear glow sticks and stuff, cause there I am. Oh, my God. I'll tell you what, I will come to your electric daisy if you come to my house with me when the world comes back online. You won't come to our house and you're going to make me go to this nonsense. Well, OK, deal, OK, deal. It's funny, we also spoke to a neighbor of ours this morning who was like, Tom, I saw you.


I drove right past you. You saw my car and you didn't even acknowledge me.


And we were on a speaker phone call with her. And I go, oh, was he arguing with himself? And she goes, Actually, yeah, she was he was talking and pointing and stuff. And I go, Yeah, it's it's what Tom does. Tom talks to himself.


A lot. And it's true, it's it's been like that, by the way, for years. Twenty five years, yeah. When did you start arguing with yourself?


I don't know when I started, but I remember Charlie making fun of me in college. He would be like, what's going on, man? And I'd be like, he just went like this. Yes, you do. Yeah, you do, and it's funny, so I'll see you talking to yourself, I'll be on the other side of the kitchen. Yeah. And I will look over and over by the sink and you're just going, wait, let me get the that you'd be like.


Yeah, and I'll be like, is that a good you having a good chat? You fight with them, Tom. So what are you going over, because a ton of things. Sometimes it's jokes, sometimes it's like, so I can tell when it's a joke, because then you go because then you go, I can see you saying it like you do on stage, because you'll go, you have your hand and you'll go. Your eyebrows go.


It's a little more performance like, right? Yeah, and I'll be like, oh, he's working on material. OK, I got that one.


So there's performance. There's a lot of confrontation. Which let's start let's put a pin in that and get back to the raping somebody's eyeballs out last week, but OK, remind me to go back there, Nasab.


So who are you confronting? Is it these conversations you're planning on having later?


Sometimes it's sometimes it's like that. Yeah. Running through like what I want to say. Yeah. Sometimes it's, you know, it can even be things like show biz, things like, oh, I need to tell that person I'm working with this or that, you know, agent, you're like writer and I'm not going to do it.


And I feel like a lot of it's like and I don't I don't like that I'm not going to do it. Some of it is that you say no a lot. I know it's never you being like no. Sometimes it is. Sometimes it is. Sometimes I'm I'm trying to, like, draft how I want to say something. Like, it could be something that's even a compliment, you know, like how do I want to say this to this person?


So I'll run through it in my head. Yeah.


You even look, you know, the funny thing is my dad does it. And I used to laugh so hard at my mom imitating my dad doing it because she doesn't really funny impression that she was your father at his age. He just talks to himself. I'm like, really? I'm sorry about when I was a kid. She's like, yeah, he's driving.


And he's like and she said that she sits in the car next level.


She's like, Yeah. You know, like spooked out by his by his demeanor. Yes, yeah. Because he's doing like confrontations.


Same thing. You are the first time I noticed you doing that. We lived in the Rampart Division and we were at the elevator. Mm hmm. And we were waiting for the elevator to come. And you were going. First of all, you go, you look up, you go, you see it, yeah, and you go. I do I do look up, you know, when I look up, though, I look up on the creative ones, you see me look up, it's positive because that's how I also, like, pitch to myself, like ideas, jokes thing.


I want to start like telling the story in my head. Yeah. And I look up, so if I look up it's positive if I'm looking forward or down. Yeah. It's probably either confrontational or violent. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah.


Interesting. Speaking of violent, you dropped a bomb on us, the whole staff. We've, we've all expressed some concern. You threatened a man's life in the parking lot. Remember, what did you say that you're going to represent first of all?


First of all, let's just let's just lay this out here. I said something, I my mistake was sharing it here it was. People say crazy things or, you know, like that all the time to people like on the streets, somebody says something, you're like, go fuck yourself. That's basically what I did. I just happened to use more colorful language. Mhm.


So they, I just pulled in as the guy was pulling out and he chastised. I didn't say anything to him first. He said something to me first. What did he say to you. He's like he said something I didn't hear. So then I was out of my car. I said Roll your window down and I go, What did you say? And then he was like, you have to watch out when you're pulling in. If someone's pulling out, you know, like he was.


Yeah, he was chastising me for the way I pulled in. And then I said, how about I rip your fucking eyes out of your face?


And what was his reaction to the three rolled up his window. He drove away. Because is that considered a threat, like, can you get in trouble for that or are you threatening somebody's life? Yeah, I really don't know. Uh. You may not want to say that again to somebody. You're right, it could go really poorly for me, you know, I mean, it could also I'm like, I'm not even close to fully healed.


Yeah. What are you doing?


Yeah. So, like, if I were get in a fight right now, I wouldn't be good.


You know, at least wait until you're healed so you can it is illegal to make criminal threats. Um, yeah, but I didn't really threaten them. Oh yeah. Ripping up. I didn't say I'm going to I said how bout I have to write the wording.


I don't think the cops are going to care. Semantics on that. I think so. OK. And I didn't do anything to him, I just I just, you know, reminded him that. You know, bad things can happen, and did you go over it in your own silent conversation afterwards? Yeah, yeah. When I when I got out when I was walking around, I was playing that out in my head. Yeah. Like for most of them were like, oh yeah.


That that's pretty funny that you do that.


They say a lot of people talk to themselves.


I talk to myself a lot. Oh my God. Showers. Showers.


It's been pretty much if you had a camera in my shower it would be be like, well, that was a whole conversation for 45 minutes.


Yeah I do. I have all you do Naadam. You talk to yourself. Absolutely. Fully. Oh, by the way, congratulations. You reached your severely obese weight and you're halfway vaccinated.


Yup. I'm on the road to healthy.


Congratulations. Thank you. So now you're going to you're going to flip it around.


Yeah. Now I could finally I could get even healthier. You know, the floodgates of health have opened now and I could go on the track to weight loss.


Yeah, it's pretty cool.


Really excited about. And so when you showed up, did they say are you severely obese and did you have to go? Yes, I am.


No, they didn't work. No, they can't guess the reason that you're in there for you can't you're not showing up. And they're like, let me guess, severely obese. You're like, actually nailed it.


I have a respiratory disease. So that's bad.


They're just it's on the honor system that you are, in fact, severely obese. Right.


And I would like to say that I did stick to the honor system and that I made sure that I maintained by severe obesity and I got my first. This is awesome.


Great news. And also, Tom. Yeah, um, Nadaf mentioned earlier. So we're going out for a little YMCA dinner tomorrow night. Yeah. And Nadhum said he's going to wait until after the dinner before he starts his diet.


That's probably smart. Yeah, it's going to be my last day of good food, great food stuff. It's a staff dinner that we're going to. Yeah, yeah.


And it's and it's Asian food.


So it's it's going to I'm going to get even if there's a level past morbidly obese, I'm definitely going to hit it.


Yeah. Um. Oh we're so proud of you. Horrible or hilarious. Ready. I'm ready.


Tell me what you think. Okay. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah. I think she's got like a. Oh, Burki. I think he landed on his head. I don't like it, so not funny or I like it.


Horrible. I'll tell you why I like it. He deserves it. Yeah. Why does he deserve it? Because he's the one that was like throwing that kick. He's the aggressor. Shit. Yeah. It'd be like if that guy had his eyes ripped out of his head, he would deserve it.


You know, he started it started starts to shit. Yeah. Talk shit. Here we go. OK. Oh, I haven't seen. Oh, fuck. OK, that's terrible. I don't know what's up with that attire.


I didn't see it so fast. Oh, my God. No, that's not cool. That was fucked, but the motorcycle keeps going.


That's right. That's right. That's right. I agree. That's kind of funny, but that guy is I do not relate at all. Like, no, no, no. I don't like seeing people hurt. Sweetie, I'm a woman. Women are creators of life. You guys are the destroyers. I can't I just picture my children getting harmed or you. It's like. All right, all right.


This will make you feel better. I just. All right, all right, all right and left. Yes, the first three words this young man ever said on film. Thank you.


Yes, McConaughey here. And I want to welcome you to my YouTube channel. It's a destination where I'm going to share who I am, who I'm not, what I believe in, what I don't, what I'm doing, what I'm not doing, along with some approaches to life that I've found useful and constructive along the way, prescriptions in the art of living that have helped me navigate this rodeo we all live in. And even a bunch of bumper stickers that I've seen heard gathered and stolen along the way over my last 51 years here.


I've got to check in with him and I'm can I tell you I am on board. I love his his room is exactly what I imagine. He's got luchador masks in the background. He's got the bongo, whatever the fucking drum that is. He and his drum circle. I'll tell you, I like it. I'll tell you on it.


I've really taken a liking to this guy. Yeah. Seriously. Yeah. Me like the first time I saw him do something I was weird as shit. Yeah.


Weird fucking guy but like, you know, entertaining kind of but weird. Right. But now the more that I've seen from him and heard from him, now I feel like it's he's a very positive and it's this is his weird presentation. Like it's he's just strange and unique.


And, you know, he's super famous, which always I my theory is that always affects, you know, how you come at the world. But I think he actually I buy that he has good intentions. That's what I'm saying, saying see what happens at first as you go. I don't know what's going on here, like what's the agenda.


But ultimately, I do feel like he's a good guy, sane, so his weirdness becomes endearing. You know, I also think this is one hundred percent who he is.


Oh, it is. Keep the high and low. Yeah. This isn't an act. At first I thought it was an act. Yeah, it really is. And I like that he's trying to bring good things to the world, which in this day and age is very rare. And yet it takes more courage. Yeah. To be to spread joy.


And I love and love my buddy Sean said his book is really good. Really. Oh check it gave it to me.


I think he's so much fun. I like it.


It's going to be all killer, no filler with some raps and rhymes that can help you get back on time. Put a little reason to your rhyme, some food for thought with a simple why bring your funny bone. Don't be afraid to bend the knee and join me in the chase to be more me with your chase to be more you.


Now I was we really here to do this is his first YouTube video. Amazing. Yeah. This is the intro to his YouTube channel.


What's his subscription. That already has got to be. It's got to be wild. Right. He just did this like a week or so ago. I bet it's crazy. Let's see. He's that, what, five hundred thousand five hundred seventy in a week, in a week? It's amazing. Yeah. Yeah, well, he's definitely entertaining, he's he's already got how many videos are positive energy them to him.


But you know what? Oh, these are videos. It's like a playlist with other people.


But what if you click on his actual, you know, I mean. I like his videos, right? He's got a bunch he's got four or five up. Yeah, good for him, man. Welcome to my channel. What peace of mind like full podcast, too. This is like two hours others share of all of these. Are fundaments exciting. I like him, yeah, I'm I'm all about it, dude, I like weirdos, we're pro weirdos at your mom's house.


Hook em, horns, Tom, Hook, hook, those horns were moving to Texas soon, it's coming up soon. I know it's time to get our our shit packed soon. I hate packing. You know, me too. You could actually talk me out of moving if you just went like you really want to pack, I'd be like now.


All right. So just throw it all in the trash and start over. Yeah.


Um, I was brought to my attention that we need. A joint name, the way that Brad and Angelina, Brangelina, Jennifer, we need a joint name. Mm hmm. Now, I was thinking, thinking Tomatina Tahmeena. Chris Tommy, Chris Salomi. Some here, yeah, that was me. It all happened here. Yeah, I like those when those happen. Your mom's podcast at Gmail dot com subject line should say what? Joint name, joint name, joint name.


All right, give us your suggestions, give us your joint name. I'll take it. I want to point this out before we take our break here. Yes. So you remember Audio Bridge, Matt made this.


Yeah. This is the gene cube. Yeah.


OK, you haven't seen this yet. Now I saw this. That's him.


That's audio Bridgman. Oh, cool. And I don't even want to. I just just please just press play, it's up why I'm community audio abridgment here again. I've been thinking a lot about how much shit the dog gets for how bad is it Googling, and I realized, you know, the best way to.


Empathize with somebody is to experience what they're going through. It's what I decide to do is put together a website where we could all experience the process of Googling as if we were Nardil.


So let me show you how it works.


Let's see. This guy. All right. So if we go to Google, like in the, we have Google making it up and what happens is if you start to type. You see that it slows you down. You've got to take it at a certain pace. You got to take it at the pace. You get to put one letter in every two and a half to three seconds faster up.


So we have to kind of work our way through it slowly and surely. And then you can Google search and will actually perform an actual Google search for whatever you searched. So let's go back to a couple of other things here. Now, one thing that we do know is that there's one thing in the history of time that when the dog Googled it, he was quicker than anybody else. And that was when he Googled Drumline Moody. So on the site, you know, you you're stopped from, you know, Googling too fast.


But if you do search drumline, you can search it right away. No delay.


One other thing is, if you click on the logo here, it will take you to the SoundCloud of the Bangar by Grass Kingdoms, Davis, Google and. So I can confirm that Googling like Nadaf is about as infuriating as watching Google, you can experience it for yourself now if you go to Google like a I also got an idea of his Googling dotcom, which redirects there. And Nadaf, we all love you nothing but love. Tom may not love you, but the rest of us do.


And hopefully this brings us all a little bit closer to you and your experiences.


I mean, come on, that is brilliant. It's about looking for. I hope you find that diverse group looking for you. Find that shit you fucking kill, it doubles it down to. Hurry up and find that shit you fucking you, dude, are you abridgment doing that, though?


That is a really, really fantastic. So creative. Yeah.


And I'm so blown away that I don't know. How does he do all this stuff.


Yeah. I don't know how that guy should a talent. Thank you so much.


Thank you. Thank you. Even louder.


I mean you should be spent a lot of time doing that. I just everybody can experience Googling like a talk, you know, and it really is like that.


It really it do be like that.


Santic experience the the the slowness like. You mean like the delay because can you not type like did you ever learn how to type properly.


Could you.


I'm saying like, you know, when you go in typing class J k l and you don't do you type like this, you pack.


I mean I do pick one thing actually like another feature that would be great on it is because I do have sausage fingers. Is that every letter that you hit it like splashes around or whatever.


Oh yeah. Because that's definitely a big mistake that I make a lot. Yeah. And you're not like, like a big speller either.


Now I hate it now with that that's always been your, your weak spot in school.


Yeah. There's lots of there's lots of stuff that I, you know, that I don't know how to spell and. Yeah. Yeah. We shot out the audio bridge. All right.


Let's take a quick break and we'll be back in a moment. This episode of your mom's house has also brought to you by policy genius. Spring is springing as we speak. It's the perfect reminder to quite literally get your house in order. Why not get a head start by revisiting your home and auto insurance with policy genius? They've saved re shoppers up to one thousand fifty five dollars per year on home and auto coverage. Head over to policy genius Dotcom.


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I've been talking about it. I am hooked on Best Fiend. I love to play it when I travel because I've got the time. I love to sit on the airplane and just get lost in the games. I love the levels. You match three and then that'll get you scores. Or maybe you're trying to unlock a diamond, maybe you're trying to beat the slug. It is so much fun. I feel like a kid again. And it is it's just the best game.


And also it's not like so challenging that your brain hurts, but it's just challenging enough that you come back and you play and you play. And I know my five year old is into it because he saw me playing it on the airplane next to him. So the whole family is hooked best. There's something new today and tomorrow and every day after that, literally thousands of levels to play and counting. So if you ever get tired of solving puzzles, good news with best finds, the fun never ends.


Download Best finds free today on the Apple App Store or Google Play. That's friends without the ah best feeds.


And we are back and we're really happy to bring to you one of our friends, somebody that we used to see at the once popular Comedy Store.


And now he's sitting here with us.


He's the host of the Jeremiah Wonder's podcast. It's Jeremiah Watkins.


Hey, what's up? I'm so excited to see you guys in person. It's fun. It's fun to see people. Right. It's amazing.


It feels it feels different. I saw you in Addison and Addison stopped in. Yeah. You're headlining the weekend.


I was over at the club in Fort Worth. Yeah. Yeah.


It was a trip to see somebody in real life like I see you all the time. We used to see old time.


I know we literally run into each other at airports and random flights and stuff. Yeah, that's the world of comedians. Yeah. And now you're back and you're going to have a baby in a month. A month. We're on countdown did.


Yeah. Tell me I'm. So you're having a boy. Having a boy.


That's so exciting time. Pretty good right man. I did. My mom works. Did. Yeah it sure does. Yeah sure does.


I was just reminiscing before we start rolling on that last month having marital love. I loved it. And you did. And I did not love it. Oh I love.


Oh you like the last month of of I like, I like pregnant sex the whole time but really. Yeah. The more that you're like incapable of like doing things not moving just better.


Oh yeah. I like my women like that. That's right. Yes, does not move and we do all the work. Oh, yeah. Can I tell one story? Sure. Why did it out? If you think it's too personal. Go ahead. I was eight months pregnant.


I mean, we're talking the final countdown of just like pregnancy misery.


This is our first child.


And Tom and I are having trouble getting get get it.


And, you know, I'm saying, like, you don't it's hard to position bodies at that point. And we had both gained a significant amount. Yeah. I was also pregnant as we were leaving out. Yeah.


Report card like so we're super fat and I he's like, well, let's try the dog.


So here I am and I am fucking I'm fat and my stomach is huge and I'm in the dog and he, he's, you're doing it right.


And I remember I was like, babe, I can't, I can't like I couldn't hold myself up on my arms.


So fat, so happy. I don't remember really. And I was like, I can't I just I can't like it was too much weight.


And that's why I'm sure I came. So that's why I don't remember. If I hadn't, I'd be like, oh, I remember that fucking time. But I'm sure we figured it out. Yeah, we figured it out. But it was that last month I remember. Yeah it was.


You're in it now. You're coming all the time and it breaks all the time. Yeah.


It's actually they say it's actually good the closer you get to pregnancy it helps release the baby. Yes.


When we went we had a false alarm for our first kid and we went and saw the doctor and he was like, OK, go for a walk and then get busy. We were like, what?


And he was like, you know, you know, the contract. Remember how you made the baby keep doing that?


I was like, OK, what do you mean exactly? Yeah, I like how like we clearly fuck and the docs like get busy. Yeah. Yeah. Just say it and go home and fuck. But sex. Yeah. Go fuck her ass baby.




So are you weirded out at all. I mean I know she's hope she's not listening to this but she's ok.


She's super chill about this stuff. Yeah. We talk about it. I mean it has to be weird to see your wife get pregnant and bigger and like it doesn't it didn't obviously didn't slow you down one bit. Not at all.


She's been impressed with my still like desires for her. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like like she's been like stoked that I've been like, hey, I mean, yeah.


Because now you can buy snots freely and there's just you know, it's really it's. Yeah, yeah, yeah.


It's the best. Yeah. It's also you're talking about like the positioning. Yeah.


Because there's like different angles and stuff and some positions actually are even better than before.


And some ways I found because like you have to if it's hitting the penis head a little differently, like the the kind of the canal and mubanga and stuff because it's like certain weird angles that we wouldn't have ever done before.


So we're just we're figure.


I'll give you a heads up to since your first kid.


Right, boy. Like that first month after the baby is born, you're going to be fucking a lot of other chicks for like for that whole month.


I was like, your wife recovers. OK, um, or guys, and it's not good with or without nose rings, my so much better when they wear them, am I right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So much better. What's up? Nothing I didn't know we had an open relationship we never negotiated well, we got we're we're done now. I'm talking about back when back then the second kid to you did that, too.


Cool. Let's see here. All right.


Let's see what else we got. So, Jesus. Well, things happened.


So last week we were celebrating. This is like not a joke. We celebrated this lady who is armless and drives. Right.


When I was such a panel that started dropping more stuff, I tried to drop her off. She did not just gorgeous, like drink driving, half the problem. And this is how we got this legal case. I don't know a really good question, but I was just I really, truly I really know how to drive. I don't have I really, truly was in our house. And I was like, you know, if you can drive without arms, um, you know, it's like what like that's like the height of me being impressed, you know, with like, people are so adaptable this week.


Look at this video.


Oh, boy, this dude has no arms and he's fucking chopping wood. Dude, how rude.




How amazing is this? It's amazing.


So for those of you just listening, he's talking the acts under his neck and chopping logs of wood, and I think it's hard to hold a cell phone next to my ear for like more than two minutes.


I know this guy is just plowing away, playing the violin.


I saw this and I was just like, I can't believe I ever complain about things. No, it's amazing. I'm like, that's hard. And that's missing its resilience.


It is. I'm a human being.


I mean, how like his net calluses have to be so thick at this point. I'd just like just a beef jerky neck in sweat lodge. Amazing.


I can't even do that with my two little chicken. I can't believe it. Can you do anything with your feet? Like, can you do anything? I can pick things up with my toes. Yeah. I mean, I do that to turn on shirts. Yeah, sure.


I can jerk a guy off like things like that but like pinky toes. Yeah. Yeah. I make a pick some things up.


Can you pick the item. You pick up a pencil with just your toes. Yes.


Yeah. Prove it. Yeah. Did I do it. I do it around the house. It's my only fence. What are you talking about. Can you do it.


I think I could. I want to try this, I might spill it all over myself. Don't do it, don't do it. What are you going to do? Pick this up with my feet and try to drink it? No.


Why not? Because you'll get our couch all wet and our equipment OK. Yeah. Download our club it. OK, I was going to put I was going to put the mic out here.


But I don't know, what do you think I think pass. Yeah, I don't think you got electrocuted. OK.


I would rather I'll close it and I'll show you an example. Yeah, I do that. Close it and show me an example.


OK. Oh, you would have spilled he would have spilled everywhere, but how far it had gone on my face. Yeah. How far can you go?


You were almost there, huh? Is that as far as you could go? Let me see. OK, did you do sports? Ballet?


I mean, let's see. You do look like Pierce Perry right now.


We had a guy in here that can do something else with the bottle.


Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.


That's impressive. That is that was pretty good. I'm glad that you stopped me, though. I'm glad I did, too, because I really think it would have been a disaster.


Also, it would have been it would have made me feel real bad, like in in my head for like quite a while during the episode, like wet and then the couch. It's like you guys literally ripped the label off of the couch as I sat on it.


Yeah. Yeah. It is a brand new house. Nice.


It's really nice. Thank you. Yeah. Well, you did it. You did pretty well.


Tom's like I can't believe Jeremiah. Just how are you doing. No, I mean, yeah, it's impressive.


It's impressive that there's no way he would have done what he said he was going to do.


You're very long now. There's no way. I wasn't even close. Not even close. And here's the thing. I have too much confidence sometimes. And that was one of those moments you just saw.


That's a good trait for a comedian. Yeah. Not too good to have too much confidence all the time, but some of the time, because that's how you actually end up trying things. You take risks if you have some confidence, you know. Yeah, yeah. You're like I'm a go for it.


I really feel that my feet were going to just go in my mouth. You did. And then you're like, dude, I know how human bodies work. And I'm like, I don't know if I do.


I'm this has nothing to do with confidence. But I was extremely impressed. I didn't know when I did kill Tony. Like, I don't know how long ago you rippin on that sax. I was like, whoa.


Oh yeah. Yeah it. Oh yeah. So you were raised I mean, you played it as a kid. I started playing when I was like in third, fourth grade.


Third or fourth grade. Yeah.


And did you play all throughout like the rest of school and. Yeah I played through um like grade school.


And how much time would you spend. Typically in a week, let's say, I mean, it slowed down a little bit in high school, but like when I was really going at it, I mean, I don't even know how patient my parents had to be to hear.


I used to play outside in our backyard.


So your neighbors could get that. Yeah. Yeah. We lived on a busy street, though, so just like cars passing by and stuff. So it kind of masked it.


Or is it hours a day? Yeah, every day. Throughout the week. Like when I was diligent it would be at least an hour. A day. Yeah, well yeah. I mean the amount of times I've played the Pink Panther on repeat like as a kid, like I just. Yeah, yeah. It's a good jam.


You were playing the um what's the George Michael and the. Oh Careless Whisper. Yeah. That's great.


What. You do it live. It's fucking of me. I did that.


And Baker Street are the top to that request that you get. That's Baker Street.


How does. Oh yeah. Gerry Rafferty. Oh yeah. Yeah. I remember when you first nailed it, like when you could be like, oh I got it.


Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I felt good. Felt so good. I like coming in a pregnant woman.


Yeah. That does feel so good. Yeah.


It's awesome. Yeah. Doesn't matter.


I mean anybody who's never played sax that's the exact that's how I've heard it in the books I've read. I mean yeah I think Miles Davis said that first time like like coming in a pregnant lady. That's what I think about when I'm up there.


But that was so popular in the eighties.


I was like, oh yeah. The 80s movie had that.


Yeah. You touched on confidence and I would like you to view this, OK, if you so mind blowing happy would be so surprised when find out I have a man.


They only say that because I have misconceive and I got bored here and I don't have a whole lot of weave in my hair as if a man validates my existence and it'd be the same thing as who would get in relationships and be like, oh my God, why is he cheating on me? I'm so pretty. I got wab and I cook and clean. Yeah.


Because you're basically stuck. You don't know who you are, you lost and you spend your entire life trying to get picked and chosen. Pick and choose yourself. Hmm.


She, I mean she gets it. She gets. She does. Yeah. Yeah. I mean she could teach a Tony Robbins type class easily.


If I were if I were like her producer I'd be like, hey, make sure like through your class that your armpits are showing and you're you never put teeth in.


I didn't even notice the armpits until she comment at all.


Yeah, no, I did right away, you know. And you know what I've noticed?


I think she's great. I really you know, she's very inspirational. What I notice about chicks with armpit hair is they love to wear things that show off the armpit hair. Yeah, more so, you know what I'm saying.


Like, it's really annoying, but it's there's something really, uh, like attractive about somebody who just goes back. Yeah. She was just like waiting to get picked, fucking pick yourself swag. And you know what gives her that confidence?


Throat tats. Yep. Which is that's why I'm getting that. Yeah. Yeah. You're going to get it. I mean it was your idea.


No, I see it works. She's got a boyfriend. I want her to get a I want her to get tats. You're going to have a dude like that behind you at all times.


You get necktie, you just text and just like that guy. Yeah, maybe that's me after my hair transplant. Just long red hair. That's true. Died. Right. It's not red. I think. Green. Green. I don't know. I'm colorblind. I don't know if I can. Look, it's green. She's black. Kind of green.


She's OK. Yeah right. She's Swedish. Yeah. You see the topknots.


Yeah. Yeah. I thought she was great.


No I think she is more inspirational than Tony Robbins and in a way I love her handle even. Who is QandA.


Let me tell you. Let me tell you I am. Yeah. She's great tech talker. I liked her. So you don't you know where she was before and now. Yeah. Then I curate this one.


Is this one of mine. Uh, no, it is. Oh no I, I believe I said her and I've seen her at least.


OK, uh, have you seen every tick tock. Yeah. It's, it's really good lately. Yeah. Oh yeah.


Well there's the old new lanes all the time ok. But you know what? Nothing. You said you went to church like five times a week growing up. Yeah, yeah, three times a week. That's what really upsets me, is that it was that I said it's really upsetting. Can you take us through it?


Yeah. Thank you. I'm having flashbacks already.


I mean, I went once a week and it was mandatory and I hated it. I think the mandatory thing is a problem. As soon as you is like you're told, like you have to do this, that's one. Oh, yeah. You're like, oh, this is pressing hard. Wait, so you voluntarily went three times a week, you know, now.


So we would go Wednesday nights, Sunday mornings and Sunday nights. Wait, what's up with a double visit on Sunday.


You forget something there. Why are you going back. Yeah. Don't go. Do you leave your wallet there are lost and found a church here. What the fuck. Yeah that's that's just the way.


Take me through the like you wake up at what time on Sunday back then you would wake up at.


Dependent on if you did the early Sunday school before church, so sometimes you would wake up at seven or eight a.m. to get there by nine, nine thirty, OK, and then that would be the first, like more of the kids service.


I was downstairs. They had puppets and weird stuff like that. And then ten, ten, thirty would be the main sermon upstairs with the whole congregation with like old people, young people all in pews, sitting in a line and worshipping. And how long is that service? Probably hour and a half hour and a half.


Yeah. You're Christian. Yeah. Like what? Yeah. It was a Protestant Christian. I grew up. So wait, so service wraps up.


You've been there an hour and a half. Do you go out to eat? Do you go home? What happens after.


Well sometimes they have potlucks where you'll have lunch there right after like a lunch and kind of you and your friends and BTK, you guys are all kind of just chillin.


Yeah, just all chillin.


OK, and then so then you would eat like lunch around noon to one. You'd literally go home for a few hours and then the Sunday sermon would be at six p.m. So it becomes an all day event.


And so and your parents obviously would want like enjoyed this.


Yeah, my dad did that more than my mom for sure. My mom would be the one who would talk my dad out of having to make us go to war.


OK, yeah. Like on Sunday nights you'd be like, can we let the kids, like, stay in?


He's like, all right, I'll go.


Wow. Because even God rested on the seventh day. I know. Don't you guys need to as we do two days, maybe two days. And that's some serious shit. It is. I remember when I was in college, I went to college in a small town in North Carolina and there was the not Protestant but Pentecostal, Pentecostal, Pentecostal.


Have you ever been to one of those church service? No, but these guys would go because there were a couple of kids that were like in the plane sports. So I knew them just like from school. And one of them was like, oh, I went with so-and-so to church today, six hours no to church for six hours on a Sunday.


That's terrible.


The pews are so uncomfortable. We went to one of my buddy's Pentecostal church services one time and they spoke in tongues and did the whole thing. And they ran the aisles like worshipping. And it was you know, that's when I knew that it was it was a lot was my dad was like, oh, we don't have to go back there again.


Oh, he he even he was like, this is. And was it long as fuck to or not. Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah.


Because the whole thing when you're in Catholic Church you're just, you're just fucking you see, you see communion time, you look around and thought this is crap. Yeah. And then we would learn that like certain priests were short, you know, like and they would do like a 40 minute like service as opposed to like the long winded guy who loved to go on and on. And he stretching. Yeah, stretching.


And then it's an hour fifteen. Yeah. Come on man. Because for us as kids it was like, let's just wrap this shit up so we can enjoy Sunday. Yeah. Like a free day, you know. God damn. But going back at night is insane to me. That's, that's.


Yeah. You think you're done and then. Yeah. You go back, it's see what happened on Wednesdays.


Dude Wednesday would be like you have school. Yeah. But it would be early enough where like is it six, seven a.m. service. No, no.


That would be in the evening. It would be an evening sir. Oh an evening. Oh my gosh. It's like a Bible study is like kind of kind of thing.


Kids got to go to sleep early. So do you are you going to bed to you, to your I mean, I was I was going to bed at like I don't know, I like probably as a kid. Nine p.m. ten. OK, yeah. And your are your parents alive. So yes. How do they feel about you. I don't know. Just doing what you do and not being there.


An interesting case because they literally are nowhere. The the people that I grew up with as my parents, that's not them like at all. Like as far as like they've like opened up. They're like they're secular people. Now if you want to your parents are. Oh yeah.


Wow. They drink, they smoke weed. They changed.


Oh entirely. Oh wow. You changed them. They got divorced and I'll do it.


And suddenly not so good right there. Yeah. Yeah. They're talking about and lose them. Yeah. It's like that first month after the baby's born. It's a party bro. Dude it's crazy. Spring break.


Every day you go you just come in, you go your kids all right. And then you go back you later dude. Take care of it at the bars. That's what I'm going to do. Hey, can I hold that baby? I got to get a selfie risc later.


You get it. So you are doing it for the likes man. Come on. Yeah. So this pregnancy is all about it.


So let's go to. All right. Your parents get divorced and then that kind of resets them.


Oh yeah. Which I feel like, I mean I think they're both pretty aware. They both kind of I feel like had their midlife crisis at. The same time, Suy, so the comment he's making me, you build fake tents and stuff. I'm sorry, go ahead. I mean, you know, play has got to play, is what I'm saying. Yeah, so they had a midlife crisis at the same time. How do you know that?


Well, what were they doing or what? How did I know that they were. Well, midlife crises. Well, when you grow up a certain way, you know, your entire life and then you see the opposite, you know, something is not like what they going out to bars and.


Oh, yeah. Each other. Yeah.


I mean, I guess my my dad, when they were having like they're like marital problems and they were like separating. I don't know why my dad thought that I should be like his buddy cop, but he would take me and he's like, your mom's in a bar, let's go. Oh.


And he and we would be like staking out like, no. How old were you? This is in my teens. So you're like 14.


I'm like I'm like in high school at this point. I'm like, at this point I was like probably 15 or 16.


You're just sitting in the passenger seat. I literally like sitting in the passenger seat.


And I see my dad like like go on and get some snacks at least, man, where we find stay. Yeah. And they'd be like they were like separated at this point, but like there was still like obviously feelings there because they loved each other. They'd been together. And I remember them going to one bar and literally seeing straight out of a movie. She was dancing with this black guy like like grinding and stuff like that. And my my dad is is like, that's my wife.


No. Yeah. Separates him. And I'm like, why am I here? I didn't need to stay up late for this. Oh my God, Jeremiah.


That is trauma that is so traumatizing. I wonder. Holy shit. Oh that is what you're like. Yeah.


Oh I've never said I want to just let you guys crawl out of your own skin. I want to crawl out of my skin right now saying that out loud. I said it out loud. How did it unfold like that then she was like, what do you do it like?


Was it a whole scene? I mean, she'd been drinking. So she's like, yeah, I've got to go.


But it's like, you know, oh, my God, did he beat the shit out of her? No, no, no, no. There was never anything like that. I really considered that. He was like, oh, no, no, no, no. He did no show.


But they did they did get in like Meryl fights where they were like, call the cops on each other and stuff like that. But this is like kind of like white trash cans and stuff.


Yeah. Where, like, I remember my mom threw tomatoes at my dad once when they're in an argument.


My dad called the cops on her for for throwing tomatoes. Yeah. No, that's just like but that's the height of the passion you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.


Oh my God. You got to witness that right.


Yeah it was. Yeah. I mean I heard that. Was that the beginning of the. That was you said they were separated already when that happened. Yeah. They were, they were separated.


So how old were you when things started to fall apart in the in their marriage. Probably around 15, 14, 15. And then they got divorced when I was seventeen. Perfect. That's the perfect time.


Honestly, it happened. Yeah. Why not. I mean, horrible. No, I mean so that must mean they were miserable at least a few years prior to you being fourteen.


So essentially your whole that was when I started noticing was around when I was like fourteen. So you became aware but I became aware of it, but I don't know. Yeah, who knows. Like behind closed.


It makes me so sad that it's like you were almost out of the house. We almost made it. Yeah. Yeah. Like my sister.


Yeah, yeah. My brother. I have an older brother.


Younger sister I, I went to high school, went to a really small high schools and there was a kid in my class who.


His dad, his parents divorced like the week after graduation, like they just wait until the day and then they got divorced. What a graduation gift. I know, I know.


It's a nice sendoff, you know, and then the the opening card. Your mom and I don't love each other anymore.


And then next year, that next week, the mom got like a hundred thousand dollar car.


I was like, what the fuck? It was like her divorce split her off.


You know, we're never getting a divorce, just so you know, like you're you're in it at least until our kids are grown. Not fucking happening, Sagara, we're in it for life, you hear me? So I am not doing this shit to my kids, ever hear me?


What do we do not what do we do? Problems. Pretend like we're not. Oh, my God. Pretend like we're happy forever. We are happy, and that is that I really care. I just don't want my poor kids to be sitting on someone's podcast and we better start my scrum. I'm already getting implants, I'm already getting the chest had the neck tats you make making Jeremi uncomfortable, OK? He's our guest.


But see, how stoked are you that they got out of that church stuff? So now you have to go three times a week. Like, was that the blessing in the skies?


Well, yeah, I smoked meth with your dad and fucking. Yeah, I mean, I just did a podcast with my dad.


You did? Yes. I got to see this is it on your it's on Jeremi wonders. Yeah. And it's awesome because I asked him a lot of uncomfortable questions that I had always wanted to know and I asked him, my mom was his third wife.


Your mom was his third wife. Yeard.


So how old is he? And he's on his fourth wife. Now, I was about to ask you, did they remarry? Yes, they both did. And how are you how do you feel about their new marriages? I'm cool with it now. It took me a long time. Sure. Like, as as a comedian, I was trying to do material about it on stage. And I had a buddy who pulled me aside and he's like, hey, man, like just as your friend, like and as a fellow comic, like, I don't think you're over this yet.


And that's why it's not funny. Yeah. Because I was like, you know, when you tell comic is like bitter or angry when they're telling a bit and then like, it just reeks of that. You're like, oh, this person is still dealing with this.


So, like, once I got past that, now I can talk about it. That's fine. But like, there's a time where I was like, why is just bit partying like but it was because I was angry. The audience is like, oh, this guy needs therapy.


Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're real fired up about it.


Yeah, yeah, yeah. The podcast with my dad, he revealed that he lost his virginity to a prostitute and he comes from literally missionary parents. Yeah. He grew up in the Cayman Islands. So like he he dealt with like these polar opposites of his life too. And then, like, now I'm dealing with them in different ways, like with my parents and stuff like that. But, yeah, it's pretty interesting. So extreme.


Jeremi, they're showing knowing what little I do know of you, you know, I'm still on the surface and then we've only just scratched. He scratched a little bit and it's so extreme, like, yeah, there's a lot of extremes, four or five.


And then I am an extreme person just by nature. Like my like my wife knows that about me. Like I go for things a thousand percent or I'm like very like to your face, like, no, I'm not into that. Like I'll just tell you, like I try to be like I don't have a poker face that's like an ongoing joke that my wife and I have. Like if I'm with her family, whatever she's like, just can you particularly contend like you like try to act, you act all the time.


You're not acting right now.


I'm like, sorry, I'm just tired. Yeah.


That's a funny thing is that can happen like, you know, with family.


I kind of like I can't hide my emotions when I'm with family, I think because like when you finally take those layers off, you feel like you can be like yourself, like around your family, like that.


And then you let your guard down and then you realize like, oh, maybe I should try make an effort to be like slightly more polite or whatever. Yeah. Different situations or just retreat to your room. That's true to say.


I started taking naps like crazy and my wife caught on to it like when I was visiting her family. Yeah, I know that move. Oh dude, I was napping like crazy. I was so tired with a nap and then my wife caught on to she's like no more naps.


Oh my my own family when I visited there, like, you know, we've seen you here this week and I'm like, yeah. Rosemann Crazy.


Yeah, yeah. It's funny.


I'm the opposite when I'm around family, I'm so uncomfortable then I'm trying so hard to not show it like I think that's my life.


Yeah. Doing back flips to not feel and to not get hurt. Yeah, totally.


Yeah. So your but your parents are both remarried now.


They're both unhappy. Yeah they both. Yeah. They both found people that they both really love and yeah. It's a good situation. It's good man. Yeah. That's great. Yeah. That's intense. Intense. Yeah. It's, it's better than Armie Hammer situation.


You remember we um we read, we, we talked about him a few weeks ago and the story was if you don't know that AMI had deemed a couple people, they released his side only of the Dems, which showed that he had quite a cannibal kink.


Like he is like I want to bathe in your blood and which is in your open rib cage, like, oh, this crate, I want to eat you and cook your parts.


And then you're only seeing his side. There's a back.


There's clearly a back and forth kind of going on because Robert Paul champagne on the other side is just requesting everything. It's like going it's like going and going.


We're like, all right. And we kind of get to the point where it feels like essentially this is this guy's fantasy and we're like, oh, you know, it's his it's his kink. It's what he's into is like playing into it. But since then, we have learned that the LAPD are now investigating him. After a woman reported she was assaulted by him, so the sex crimes detectives of LAPD, WPRO took a report from a woman saying that she was attacked by him.


And so now his kink has been escalated to the accusation of actual sexual assault.


She's yeah. Uh, and, you know, he needs to go to church three times a week.


I think he's gonna the tick tock of the accusation.


It was so weird how one girl, though, one girl that she was like, I dated him and she's like 21.


And she did this whole interview talking about I'm worried. And then she's like showing photos of herself, visiting his family with with him. And like she spent Thanksgiving at the house. And like, I think you're just. Accuse him of any crime, she was just like he's bad, you know, like, uh, seems like you're just doing this for attention. Yeah. Are you bandwagon ing right now? That's yeah.


Cool to share sexual private matters with somebody.


I feel like they do that in a lot of those like documentary type things. Like with like I just watch the like the Britney Spears documentary and they've got like different with different celebrities.


They'll pull somebody from their past who literally has one photo with them. Yeah. And then they're interviewing them for like 20 minutes and they keep showing the one photo like, you know, them one summer camp or something, or they even show them like that's me over the shoulder.


No, the other guy gets me out of focus.


Yeah. Yeah. I don't think you really you stood in the same room. Right. But this is a serious accusation, you know.


Well, so he's he's really now he's legit canceled. Maybe we don't know. I mean, no, there's an investigation kind of uh, it was just it was a real crazy. That's so fucked up, though.


Like if you're sexting or sending your depicts or whatever and then some girl, like, outs you, I think that's just so uncool. Yeah.


I mean, to go after her and be like, damn fucking bitch, real ally over here.


You got a real one. Did ride or die over here? Yeah. I'm serious though.


I think I think it's aggression, dude. Yes. I think it's like happy national women's happy national women's history, whatever.


I do think that it's really bad.


Bitch. I've got a wop tat tat tat. So my Betsie got a tazi. I think that, I think that it's really tacky. Man or woman has any like. Sexual experience, dating experience or private experience, and they go, now I'm going to put it out for the public to think if the roles were reversed.


OK, let's say a guy did it to some actress, which it has happened in the past for sure, and leak naked photos of somebody, of course.


And then now it's actually really cool that people pile on to the guy and say, hey, take what? You've exposed her against her will. So why is there this double standard of.


Well, and it's also like look like to reveal.


A private thing is supertax. It really is. I mean, I don't know, it's like I tell a story about a date.


I always use a fake name. You know, you put somebody out. It's not it's not cool.


What about that guy we were talking about this weekend? The athlete? Oh, you can say him. That's public. That's that's what we didn't talk about the story.


OK, so kind of apropos, you know, about the Deshaun Watson story that's circulating around my ear. So Deshaun Watson is an incredible football player, quarterback for the Houston Texans. He made it known this this is a conspiracy behind the story. He made it known that he wants out of Texas, out of the organization, out of the Houston Texans organization, I should say, not just out of Texas, but out of this team.


And shortly thereafter, there have been there was a massage therapist said that he assaulted her and then a second and then a third and they filed lawsuits. Well, now it's up to 22. Those are pretty good stats, though.


Those are good numbers. I don't know what the pro football rating is for him for the year is. Whatever stat. How many completions?


Yeah. I mean, looks like if he's if he's 22 or 22, that's that's quite a completion percentage.


But there's like there's all these little like I only read it on when I was taking a shower the other day and it was a woman. Oh. Now is it up to the long shit he was reading for now.


And just for the record, Your Honor, I do condone women outing creeps that are assaulting them. Like, let's just be clear. Yeah. Yeah. Not just like, hey, we hooked up and here's the hookup. Yeah, that's different.


Yeah, it's totally fine out a guy that's able to pull up this story. Oh gosh. So. Yes, so now we're at. To see six more like right now. That's from an hour ago facing 12 sexual misconduct lawsuits, but one of the ladies said that he requested that she or one or two, that he massage her, that she massage his anus with oil, massage your little hole.


And 11 women felt the numbers keep going up. But, uh, yesterday was 22. So it's got to be.


Whoo hoo! And did they all want to massage his little hole? Uh, he would. So one of the earlier stories was that a woman was massaging him and he requested, like, his abdominals. And then he was like, all right, stop fucking around, you know, like get to the good stuff. And she was like, no. And then the story says that then he was like, no, give me oral sex. I was like, that's quite a leap.


Yeah. I'm like, touch my balls to suck it. But that's what the story said. And then multiple stories have said. What does it say here? While she was said to have pressured two women to perform oral sex during a massage in which. And which was said to have grabbed one of the women's buttocks and vagina. Yeah, look for the anus, but they ask that he rubs the lotion on his penis.


Yeah. Yeah. Which is so specific.


And I really admire the specificity odor, I'm assuming out. That's a good question.


And I got to say, as somebody who's followed the sport for a long time and I know how these guys take care of their bodies, it's not unusual to have, like, a really dry asshole and need someone to oil it up, you know, just happens again, though.


So, yes, game is your asshole.


Get scaly, slowly turning. I would not look for it in the article. I would search for it, you know.


Mm hmm. Right. Like if I were Googling that to make sure.


We how about Google the guy's name and then lotion on anus? I mean, anybody would do that by this point, like I would have done it fucking three minutes ago, like when we first brought it up.


I think we're all going to need another one of these. I got to get hard till I'm ready to come here, you guys demanded I like the word demanded she oil second MITSUSE.


OK, so let's make this text nice and big to female massage therapists have filed sexual assault lawsuits against the quarterback, but now let's say it was the flu, the plaintiff. Met her at the hotel, completely exposed penis. He's got it. I bet he's got a hog on him. I mean, definitely, you look at me in great shape.


He told her he gets hot easily, like, oh, that's a good one, like Dick Sahad because that's what happens. He kept aggressively redirecting plaintive towards his anus. That is such a fucking baller move, just grabbing my hands slowly.


And I get like, it's funny, too, because, like, you can picture like someone going like like towards your like here is like but to be like.


No, into my complete.


Yeah. Plan have to work on the inner part of his anus.


You're right. Is baby in. She ignored the request because it was odd.


I get get get get get. So she decided to work on. But how do you go. Like no get in my ass.


Well hold on though. I mean let's yoanna massage your little hole. This is the inner anus, not a muscle.


Maybe you're right. Maybe he needed therapy. He got more aggressive showing plans to go higher and higher towards his penis. She said no, he's confused because that is not where his glutes are located. I love the explanation. Wait, but those aren't your glutes.


Excuse me, sir, but your goal here, your glutes ended eight inches ago.


His penis was completely exposed. Oh.


Plaintiff begins to grow more and more uncomfortable and she's stopped the massage and she said she needed to leave. And then what does it say under that? Anything else?


That is so creepy to just have you have you're going to massage where where they tested you to see if you wanted more. I've had that where they massage and like, the knuckle like hits your balls. Yeah, you're like, yeah.


I keep asking if you've ever been prepositioned, prepositioned. Not like directly like do you want but more physical. Yeah. The physical just like yeah. I had a ball swipe happened once where I was like whoa oh.


But what country was she from. She, it was in Mexico. It was in Mexico. In Mexico. In Mexico. On the beach. Nice. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's a free pass if you're on the beach. Right.


Well she can't jrd on the beach that can offer. I mean is Mexico. Was it private. It was me.


Is Costa Maya now meaning like were you behind like some bamboo wall or. She had some Spanish word for a second. Was it private.


I like I don't, I don't know what that is. So she could not jayanti it was just a lucky accident that she maybe is lucky.


Maybe I got long balls. I don't know probably. And did that. No one said anything out of that. No, she just kept going but she did it a couple of times. Oh yeah. So she was testing you right. Maybe. Yeah.


But it was me I'm going to swallow. Yeah. Yeah.


It was me and other comics that were on the beach. We were doing the you guys were all together. We're, we did the Impractical Jokers cruise and that was the stop. West Coast of Mexico.


Are your friends next to you? Are you close in a private thing?


No, it was on the beach and that was accidental. She was shot multiple times. Yeah, but still otherwise. What are you to be like. Yeah. Yeah.


She's like OK. He said yes and she starts fucking and then your friends are like us too right everybody.


No I don't get boys flip over. Yeah. Yeah.


Everybody gets their, their deeds together out on the beach.


I don't think I can think of anything worse than laying next to my friends and getting like oh my God. Hey Bird, how's yours going. Let me see all that. Yeah.


Is that, is that every strip club that you're sitting, you're getting a lap dance but if you come that it's weird.


Oh Gurukul. Where are you going to go.


Yeah. I love hearing your voice when I do this but thanks. OK you come.


Oh man. You wouldn't jerk off with Burt. Fuck no. OK. Sure, guys do everything else, you'll find out on the next your mom's house, like that's our secret video. Yeah.


God, I've never had an inappropriate massage like like I don't think or anything like that.


No, because I've every time I have a guy, I am like, uh, until, uh. Well, last time I had a male masu, she was a fan. So it was kind of I know right away I'm like, well, this guy is not going to assault me.


Like, if he's a fan, right. Like, yeah, he's fat. He's not going to hurt maybe. Well, that depends how deep of venue are. You know what the most disheartening thing was, though, when, like, I was 23, 24 here in L.A., a friend of mine, I go to get a massage. When I go get a massage, great. We go in and they give you boxers like they give you they're like, you know, clean barbecues.


A Thai place. Yeah. Like Korean or something. And then like, OK, I'm in my room, he's in his room, walk out and he's like, pretty awesome, huh. And I was like, yeah, not bad. He's like. Got jerked off and I was like, what, he was like, your lady didn't jerk you off. I was like, No, he's like, oh, minded. And I was like, what are you talking about?


And then I was like, I felt so rejected. I was like, I didn't even come up. And he's like, Yes, you asked me.


And I said, yes. I was like, well, I must I must have no come vibes or something. Because I think it's because everybody's call me officer like, you know, like in public.


I worked at a restaurant and like the prostitutes and pimps would because it was like on a track.


What restaurant is it was on Sunset. So they would frequent it because of the track.


So they would they were street walkers and they would stop in and buy like lemonade and a snack. And when they would see me, they would go, Hello, officer.


You look like a square. Yeah. Yeah, I have the shortcut.


And, you know, yeah, they're like, this guy's a cop. Yeah, yeah. So I have a cop. Yeah. I'm not Jane his. Yeah, yeah, yeah.


Like he's he's a saint. He's the vice squad.


You know, you come to think of it, not nothing fun ever really happened to me, you know what I mean. I no one offered me cocaine really.


And I got offered cocaine like you know, saying like I like other messages, like is a Coke guy.


All right. This is this guy wants a massage and he wants to get high as fuck. Yeah. Yeah. Getting a Coke massage.


I don't know if I feel like that. I feel like you'd be like, is this over? You want to hang out or. Yeah, let's talk. Let's sorry.


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Hey, what's Groser? Your wife flossing with a philosopher and then throwing it to the side of her bed, like on her side of the bed, you live in the room, though, right? You share a bed?


We haven't shared a bed in years.


Yeah, I needed her then. I was like, oh, I'll see you in the baby's stuff when it's fully cooked. I shall see you again a month after your vagina is repaired.


Of course. Don't come back before then. Well, she your wife flosses on her side of the bed and then drops her floss on the floor and then she's like, I'll pick it up when I when I'm ready tomorrow. The next day. Yeah.


Or are you driving her car? And when you're like, what is that. You're like a little dreiberg and I take it sometimes scrag. No, go like that. Go like that.


And you flick the book down in her car. In her car. Fucking one of these in her car which is Groser.


I might have to say the bug. I'm sorry, I might have to say the book, because you can because you can press I know I'm right. I'm sorry, because you can clean up the Flosse way easier than a random microscopic bug that you're never going to find.


No, no. If you're shedding parts of your body, that's just trash. You can pick up the trash. I mean, it's gross, but.


It's gross, but a bugger is irretrievable and that shit is now in the fabric of my carpet on my car, he's putting boogers in my car.


At least what I'm doing is on my side. He never walks there. It's on my dirt, my filth.


It's on your side. OK, just sitting here doing my night lesson and I thought, you want to. You see this? Well, where it goes, do you Buerger video? No.


Well, it's next to the disdain in your voice. You looked at me like, no, sir. Well, we can do one. Not that hard. Yeah. It's also I can just imagine is this.


Oh, and you go like that and you're like, oh, they're mind. That's what lies. It's this is what I see.


OK, first of all, you're driving. You're me, I'm you. And then you go. Oh, shit, I got a good one. You go, I've seen you say that we got all this.


You go and then you go, what time in my life you go and then you look at you don't look at it.


And it's so much worse than the flustered what? It's so much worse. Don't you think it's close that because it's you and you're disgusting.


Maybe I find the frosting to be the most repugnant and repulsive. It's gross, but it's you at least know exactly where it is for me, for somebody who has slight OCD in some ways.


If I don't if I just don't know where it's at, it's then then you're like, oh, is this a landmine that I'm going to stumble upon?


Yeah. And it's my property, Jeremiah. It's like I'm not harming him by doing that. That's on my side of the story. And you can clean it up in the morning. And I do. And I do.


So when I next time I get up, I'll pick it up. But the bigger it's it could be anywhere as your car and I'm sitting in it's my car.


It's just more disrespectful, I think, than anything.


Do you do that in your car too or just or is it everywhere.




If there's something there, I mean, you know, now I look if I'm near a tissue, you know, I've seldom seen that happen.


I can't recall tissues all the time.


But if I'm driving and I feel it, yeah, I'll grab it and throw it out and you pick with your. Well you don't pick are you. You can be. Someone's going to tell me you don't pick what. Pick my nose. Yeah. It's too big to know. You never pick your nose.


I can't. I love pink. I don't want to you know you never pair fisting myself. I just never don't like you.


I just now know I'm a nose blah blah.


What have you feel big. You know you don't get it. I mean I don't think so. No. I will usually grab a tissue right now. I'm thinking I have something in my nose. What's wrong with you. Thermate tissue.


Yeah. Let's say in. You. Just use your finger, so much more gratifying to really get one. That's what you do. That's so boring. Yeah, it's no fun. What's your fun habit? Don't you do anything disgusting? Nothing gross.


Didn't I tell you I come in pregnant women? Yeah, that's right. That's all the time I like to clean my ears with cutups. That feels really good. I do that right after the shower and it feels real.


Have you seen sorry. The funniest video on the Internet today.


Oh no. On down. Up and down. Up and down. Good. Oh yeah. Oh yes. Oh yeah. Oh good movement there, huh. Yeah. I'm just dead. Right Mr.. Relax that head for me. Oh oh oh.


You just go, wow, look at her. She can't hold down the back. Wow, I made over my face that all healing takes time. This is an Amazon Prime, right?


That is horrible.


I thought he killed her. I thought it was ending after the first one. It's like, well, enter at your own risk. So she's the lamp.


Oh, how horrible.


She's like coming the words. She's like crying. Yeah. Oh, thank you for that. And then he's like the movement. They're good.


And I like it that you want some of this to carry you pretty good, huh.


Oh my God. I thought her head was going to come. Yeah, I thought it was just going to keep going after some of it.


Well, she looks so brittle. I don't think you should be doing that to her. And it shouldn't hurt when you do an adjustment. I mean, I've never gone out after the. I don't know. Not not at the prom.


This is different. He's.


The dog, I was like, does it hurt? And he goes, uh, sometimes I mean, yeah, it's I totally understand what she's going through because when you it's a very loud, absurd crack that you're hearing and you're like, I can't tell if this relieve the pressure made it worse.


So it's 100 percent for you, but you usually leave feeling better, right? I always leave feeling better.


Yeah, but it's a you know, it's pretty it's a pretty wild feeling to get cracked to that loudly.


It's so fun to try to adjust to you. Huh. When I went to adjust you, that was fun.


Yeah. Yeah. I haven't followed up on any of those free adjustments that you said you gave me at the office.


But next time I'm out of whack, I'll let you know when I pull the pipe out the metal pipe. Yeah, I started to write. I met him at his chiropractor's office and I like can I help adjust?


And the guy was like, OK, yeah.


Then he was like he called me later.


He was like, uh, I don't know if I to do that. We're not allowed to do that. He was like, I didn't know you were going to try. I thought, you're going to act like you're going to try.


So he's instructing you like to joke in your eyes like he's got a camera rolling.


And then I was like, oh, he was like, oh, oh, tell me. He felt exactly the same way.


You want to hear the suffering again. Oh my God. Her her thing. This is her here.


Oh you should never say that at the doctor. No. Look at the chiropractor.


Oh no.


Oh I mean she obviously was super fucked up though, you know.


Yeah. Her body. But life, she's so she's like, oh, poor girl right now. I can't stop. Please don't do that. I like that. I like the pain. Give it to me again.


Look at this. This is I thing. This comes from Scotland is what it says here.


Oh, I want to talk about the of. Oh, you know, when you're drunk, you just want to eat. I just want that one last oh oh oh right, right, right. Oh my God. Oh my. Oh, oh. Do you ever think like people. Oh, my God. This took a turn to get lost. Hey, what are you doing here?


Is this. Are you. I only want to watch Scottish drunk videos now. So much better there.


So you just get out of here. Yeah. You leave. You leave. That was it. That was a real shame. I didn't know that was NFL multiple times. Oh my God.


I also heard that your butt pops out of your jeans. That's a good that's a good push. Check this out. So she's not done. You think you think this joke comes back?


Yeah, I sure hope you know something.


I want to see Strong. Do play it again, how does it break exactly? It's probably the it's the combination of her holding on so tight and then trying to pull her off.


But she's not just gay. She's hungry. She is hungry. Oh, yes. Oh, it's all the way. Yeah. She's pulling the handle as hard to say.


I just want to just give it to me. It's cheaper than the glass that just broke on the ground.


Is that Kabab worth that door wage?


Khabab is maybe maybe they lose five dollars and how to just throw money at her face. Here's a shocking kabab. Yeah. Just give it. Get out of here. Nessy ANC. Get out of there.


Did you ever drink? You said you don't drink at all. Yeah. Yeah. You never have. No. When you do. Montreal. Yeah.


Especially like when you're like new faces and in that you go out oh you're out to like fucking three and you feel like the thing about Montreal is that it feels like you're in Europe. Like it. Yes.


It feels like you're so much further away and you're out and you're doing shows and you're through friends and it's like this whole environment.


And then you you get fucked up and you got to eat like you just you're looking for food and they've got just one.


And they got everything. Yeah, they have everything or whatever. The delicious Canadian poutine. And I love all kinds of stuff.


Pizza joints that are pizza joints. There's always a McDonald's that we'd get like ice cream out.


And so you want to say I want to say this happened to Joe DeRosa, where DeRosa and Kinnane and somebody and I think they were like they had been drinking a bunch and they went to McDonald's when you're like two or three a.m. and you get your McDonald's after drinking, it's like and I think it was DeRosa that had burger fries and drink and he turns to walk away. I think it was can I just knocked it all out of his hand whenever he goes.


Oh. I was like, that is the meanest, worst, but yet funniest thing you can do to your drunk friend. Yeah.


When they're like, finally I got the hot meal that McDonald's would close to clean randomly at like 4:00 in the morning. So if you didn't get there, the perfect, you're fucked and you're done.


Yet there's another woman out of sorts here. You ready for this one? Yes. Yeah, yeah.


It's so full of you. All these cock up, you give up here. But I'm the manager. I know.


I leave him. Leave him, leave him. Leave him, leave him. Be Slive him. She's ripping my cloth.


Can I say something? This woman can fight like I can. If you got into a scuffle with her, you might leave. Really fucked up. Yeah.


Leave him to come here. Yes. OK, well I was ok. This is all you've had that you've had.


This is a character I want you to say. Yes. If Christina gets a boob job. Yeah, I know. Right there. That's what we're looking at. Looking at. You've got to come with that attitude.


That's what I'm looking for. Well, can I tell you why I don't like kebabs? Why when I lived in England, this is your go to drunk food, kebabs and fish and chips, because the only thing that's open after you're done, the pubs have shut down so everybody would eat their kebabs super wasted in England and then vomit them into the streets. So when you'd walk home from the pubs, it's like puke kabobs.


But I was wondering where this was going everywhere. And that's why I do not I don't even fuck with kebobs because it's the smell of the kebab vans and then the vomit everywhere in the streets. It's fucking foul dude. And fish and chips. I can't eat them anymore.


100 percent kosher. Yeah.


I couldn't eat Applebee's Buffalo wings for a couple of years because I threw them up once through my nose. Oh.


And it was it was horrible. Forget it. Yeah. And those are good there. A good way.


Yeah they did great. Thank you. Thank you. OK, I don't need that.


Stop doing that. Everything, everything you do you need to come back. Get off here. OK, just taking off your clothes. The guy behind the counter. What did he say. Oh she broke that glass to.


Can you come down for everything.


You just got a cute outfit like Jumper. OK, yeah. Like Spring out. That's a nice new at the Gap. Yeah. Yeah. What. Can I tell you something. Yeah.


As it's so obnoxious to behave this way and part of me still goes just give her some food.


I know. Well just give her some food.


I mean if you're going to be like an animal you start throwing food at like yeah.


Just give her some goddamn holy shit you know.


Come back. Yeah. Take it back out. What is. What do you mean how was she alone. Oh she went on and on a writer.


Forget what they called.


Imagine being her like crunchy bread two days later. You know, she even remember the next day like two days later it was like you seen this video of you like what video of me?


This is the beginning of it. Yeah. Yeah, that sounds great. I'm so embarrassed. I can't believe. And they're like, oh, no, no, no. Wait till you damage the place though.


Now, do you think that she's the kind of person that justifies her actions, like after she watches videos?


I was fucking hungry. Yeah. Maybe I needed me a kabob. Maybe I needed my goal it right away. I mean, it's sometimes you have to go to diet conversations to get it for you. I think if she's drunk, she does that.


I think if she's sober, I don't see anybody sober because she's like, very nice.


I'd be like fucking. Last month I broke the fucking I didn't mean to break. It was an accident.


She's like, it's accidental. Then stop doing that. She said everything she said to me. See you, Jamie. Good to see you. Yeah.


Oh, she's taking off her clothes. And my question, why don't you don't do it? This is what she's saying. So what's the motivation here?


Do you hear me here? And I really love her outfit. I can't believe I got, like, that jumpsuit. I really did get one.


You get one like that. What motivates her to bring her tits out is that like give it to me. Give it to me. Will this make you give it to me? Is that what they told me?


Maybe now can I have a couple of. Yeah. Give me the Kabab now again. Which I had been like. Yeah, yeah of course.


But leave them out. Don't take that as a sign of disrespect. Oh, it's like, yeah, I think it's a sign of just me. It's like it's a different way of flipping people off. Yeah, it is an interesting way of doing it. I had pulling your dick out, like doing that. My mom moon somebody at a comedy show once at a comedy show at one of your shows.


No, wait, tell me what happened.


I was it was a it was a show back in Kansas City back home and the headliner that night, I wasn't even headlining at the time.


The headliner that night started getting into it with my mom because she was what she was like, kind of she was like kind of chattery kind of heckling a little bit.


Your mother, as you're featuring as I was featuring do that here and I just killed I just had a great set.


I'm feeling great. And then, you know, when you hear something backstage, we're like, no, that's not a familiar voice, is it?


Oh, that's not that.


He's not talking to my mom, is he? And then they start going back and forth. So then he does this thing where he's trying to joke with.


Her like to try to ease the situation. Yeah, but my mom is kind of besting him and kind of like like being funnier. Nice.


He calls me back to the stage now and says, handle your mom. He knows that's your mom.


Yes. He calls, are you mortified at this point, dude, it was horrible. I'm telling you right now, I would have physically assaulted my mother if she had done this.


I literally had to. So he called me back on stage. Yeah.


And I go, hey, I grabbed him. I just killed, by the way, I felt great about my support back home. I was probably 100, 150 people there. I go back out on stage, I grabbed the mic, I go. Hey, Mom, you're in the wrong here. Let him let him do the show and you know. Just calm down and let him do his thing up here. And then I walked off stage.


Oh, my God. It was you know, you might have the only story like this in this world.


Yeah. You know, I don't know that anybody else would tell the same story.


It was it was insane. And what was it like? OK, well, then when did she moon. Yeah.


But then she they were going back and forth and then then like he, he, I think he called her white trash or something at some point, which, you know, that's very common for white people to call each other out in Kansas.


This is not that big a deal. But then one of the other audience members started calling my mom white trash do and then they start going at each other. And then my mom owns the comic on stage. And it's kind of like an F you to the people who are against her. And then he called me out on stage and then I'm like, hey, can you show a little bit?


Was she hammered? Yeah. OK, yeah. How does it go. Like, I like what's the conversation like with you and your mom either that night or the next day?


Well, that night she's she was like, I can't believe you sided with him.


I mean, it's the next day, big apologies and stuff like, oh, she did, yeah, she she know. But the night you like, you can never come to a show again.


Well, no, but, you know, it's it's it's ironic. My my new special that's out. I filmed it back home in Kansas City. And the premise of the special is that they sat my family out front without telling me horrible.


So I have my mom and her new husband on one side of the stage and my dad and his new wife on the other side of the stage. And my mom ends up heckling me at one point in the special and I bring her up on stage, roaster a little bit. And then and then it's and then we have we share a nice special moment as mother and son. But like, do you like having family up front? No.


Yeah, I would have never in a million years as a comedian, as a club to to do that.


Why did they do it? I think she asked. And whoever like I always tell at least one member of the staff, like, hey, these people are coming tonight. They're on my guest list.


Make sure that we're prepared to see the special front. It's it's on Amazon Prime. Oh, we got a fucking plug. Yeah. What's it called is called family reunion.


Family reunion. It's on Amazon Prime. It's on Amazon Prime for rental. Now, for all the moms out there, it becomes free on April 8th. So you can just wait to watch it for free on prime on April 8th. Do it.


Watch the special You're Super Funnymen. Really, really fun. Yeah, she's so funny.


I remember when you said that. I remember one of the I mean, talking about it can start to get my blood pressure up.


When I did a show one time and my sister was like, I'm coming to the show with like a couple of friends. And I was like, OK. And this was a packed house.


This is already stressing me out. Yeah. This guy really caring about. Yeah. And so my whole thing is like the only thing is I don't say front row. I say don't be anywhere near the front lines. Yeah. I just want you in the front it. All right. OK, and I was like, that's the only thing I'm telling you and I get on stage, front row. And so when I got in and the friend, her friend started heckling man, right, and I was like looking at her and I got off and I was like, are you fucking stupid or something like, do you not understand what I what I meant by that?


And she was like, well, that's where they wanted to sit. And I go, but I told you, like, if you're coming to my show, I don't want you near anywhere front.


What part of that do you not work. I don't understand people. It's your place of business suit.


I, I, I had gotten her a room at the hotel I was staying at. I told him to cancel the room. I was like don't and also don't talk to me. Don't call me, don't text me, I don't want to see you.


And I didn't speak to her for six months. Yeah. I was like, you're a piece of shit for doing that.


Yeah. How do you ignore the one? Like, I'm telling you, the one thing that I don't want you to do and you do exactly that.


It was it was weird that the night because disrespectful that that the mooning incident. Yeah. The headliner later. And I talk about an awkward greenroom after that show because I have the rest of the weekend with them.


Oh my God, dude, he he comes back and he and I hate. So he ended up apologizing to me though and I, I'm like I'm really sorry on behalf of my mom that happened. But I'm like also though, like, dude, that was probably the worst situation that you could have put me in. Yeah.


Oh yeah. I should have handled it. Well, that's the thing. As a comic, I'm like, yeah, it's your house, make a joke of it or something, but like pull me back on the stage.


I'm, I'm, I'm like I'm like you put me in a rough situation to apologize. I'm sorry, man. Like I should. He's never done that and he definitely should not have done it.


And it's about like like who's responsible accountability for it sucks. It's just a bad situation all around.


Well, the funny thing is you bring that up. And I remember that what really pissed me off really pissed me off about it. Like what made me so upset with her is that my sister goes like when I was like when I kept spelling out, I told you this, how do you do? She eventually she called me to apologize that they did it. So I was like, no, no, it's on you. Yeah. She was like, I'm sorry that my friends and hold yourself accountable.


Yes. Stop saying I talk to you. You're talking to your son. Yeah.


She was like, I'm sorry. I want to apologize that my friends didn't I go, that doesn't work. Because you're not you're not saying you're sorry. You're saying that. Yeah. I'm sorry that someone else did something.


Yeah. I'm like, no, what you did was a big inconvenience. Yes. Sorry. Sorry about that.


No, no it doesn't. It does own it.


Got it. I would have I would have set her on fire that night if you'd given me if I can get this.


Why do people think it's OK to yell out at like I think a lot of times alcohol is alcohol. I think a lot of it is alcohol related. I think also. When somebody who I think this happens a lot at comedy shows who I found because I've had a lot of I'm very risky. I work off the crowd, I do a lot of improv in my act. And if somebody feels like they are the funny guy at work, they think that this is their shot to prove to their buddies or whatever that they're as funny as the comic con professional that they went to see.


Yeah. So they'll shout out something dumb, but then they end up most of the time getting eviscerated by the comic because that's what we do every night of the week. Yeah. Like but I understand that the average I get that. But my family's heckled me as well. My father.


It's crazy is crazy.


We've all been heckled by our own like.


And so I it was when I started hosting at the Laugh Factory, maybe 2006. So this is my big first gig in L.A. I'm I'm emceeing the Friday shows. It's a big gig. It's a big deal to a new comic. And so my dad brings all the Hungarians out to watch me.


Yeah. And I'm like, OK, real savages. And they're savage. Yeah, they're not normal.


And I'm like slamming on tables or drinking. Yeah.


Can and I remember I forget what the joke was that I told in my, in my and I'm the first comic mind you, on the AMC, so I'm setting the tone for the whole thing. Yeah. And I say I joke and he goes Yeah.


Right. So he wasn't drunk yet because I'm the first comic of the night unless he was drunk before he came in, which is possible.


Which is highly likely. Yeah.


But I remember the feeling of absolute betrayal. Yeah. Like this is my moment and part of it my dad is heckling.


Part of it is that the people I think what happens is they don't realize that like we have dedicated our artistic lives, like this is our job. And, you know, we've tried to to work at it to the point where you can have a show and people can come to it and like for them, they're like, oh, it's like someone like you just went up there and grabbed a mic and you're fucking around like, I want to fuck around, too.


This is fine. Exactly. It's like it's not having an understanding or respect for, like the show, but that only happens in stand up. It doesn't happen at a play or a musical or any other live performance.


Try to say exactly. But they see stand up and they're like, oh, I'm going to parties the funny.


Yeah, I remember I did that club that you had just done and one time it was like, you know, whatever. Ten minutes into my set where this guy was talking and I go, Hey man, are you going to do this? The whole show, like everything I say, you're saying. And he goes, This is how I have fun. And I go, Yeah, no one else is having fun. Yeah. So at that point, like, security came over and said something to him and he goes, I see him just he goes, but that's why I come to this, I come to this till I saw that he was playing hard to show.


He's like, he's like this is the fun part is to come to the show and talk to you. I'm like, that's not what I signed up for though.


The amount this what you sign, the amount of hecklers I've had come up to me after shows who were horrible during the show. Yeah.


Who are like, we did some good work didn't you. But I know you were a nightmare, but want you to die, die, die.


Don't you think as a parent like I'm sorry I'm still hung up on my dad heckling me, like if we were to see one of our sons up on stage. Is it isn't it the last thing in the world you would.


But you're saying that because you have such an understanding of how it works, you also love your sons.


Yeah, much like I want to go to my dad's office where he works. And as he was where I'd be like, you suck.


No, I would be in the corner just like probably and I'd probably shed a tear. And then if someone heckled my kid, I would pull a fucking Glock out of my pants. Yeah.


You know, and bludgeon them. Yeah. To death. I like your mom. I think that hers honestly, at the end of the day, comes from a supportive place. I know that she has to understand. She would understand because like she was all it's one of those things where she would come to my basketball games growing up and she would be yelling out stuff above all the other parents, like, that's my baby.


You let all that stuff. And I think that she, like, saw that that would get laughs and a positive response. So she would just start to try to do that at comedy shows, too.


And did that mortify you when she did it at your games growing up, like screaming louder than the other moms?


And because I know I kind of was able to laugh it off, I have like always been a very, like, outgoing person. And I'm like, but it was so embarrassing now.


I mean, slightly as a teenager, you kinda have to be like like that's my mom, you know. Yeah. You just want them to not be there.


Your parents like you want them to disappear for just quietly be there. Yeah.


Almost like a quietly be there kind of thing. Like where. It's like when it's done. I'm proud of you once it's done showing affection in that way kind of thing.


Don't embarrass me during the thing. Yeah. I had a I had a talk about the emceeing at the Laugh Factory. One of the early gigs I had was emceeing the Laugh Factory and my wife at the time we were dating. And I invited I invited my. People on the guest list to show up. And this girl who was a comic came and she said that she was my girlfriend and she told the staff that. And a comic said the comic told this just to try to get out of drinks out of the two drink minimum Jeremiah's girlfriend.


Oh, and my wife. Turns around and hears this because she's hearing this comic just be like, no, no, that that's that's my boyfriend up there like. So I don't I don't have to pay for drinks. And then my wife talked me out of choices like, do you know, this girl is I was like, yeah, I put her on my guest list and like, luckily my wife was chill about it. But like, this girl made a psycho move to just try to circumvent the minimum that they could choose a comic, that they could dump her.


Yes. And then I was that guy with the crazy girlfriend at the Laugh Factory is like, I'm not paying for drinks.


I'm his girlfriend. Holy shit. Meanwhile, my wife, she's paying for drinks is like this bitch. Yeah.


Yeah. I like to drink minimum. All right, here we go.


I mean, here I go.


All right, Christina, we have ready front and center collection of some of your thoughts. Let's see what celibates world. Good morning, my queen. Time to wake up, Christine, come on, I got your shower running for you. You want a back rub? OK. There we go, baby. OK, yes, I loved our date last night at the Olive Garden. Yeah, the food was amazing. Come on, I got your shower running for you, really struggling to wake up.


I'm downstairs cooking breakfast. And maybe after breakfast we'll go sightseeing. Yes. I love you too, my queen. I will see you downstairs. You enjoy your shower. Come on, baby. Put your feet on the ground and take off running. I'll see you downstairs. I really want him to get a C Pap.


There's no way he sleeps with one. And I feel like it would change his life somehow.


The creepiest thing to me was him using the phrase sightseeing, sightseeing.


You want to go sightseeing? Wait. I don't know why he slapped that fucking bad when he was, like, tired of you going back to sleep.


Come on, let's get fucking going. Well, who are these lazy bitches he's with? I mean, I wake up, you see me shoot out of bed, I get the coffee. I'm already on the phone.


I'm Christine. I'm here. The Christine. Yeah. They're obviously drugged from the night before.


Come on, wake up. Wake up. Uh, so he wants me to go to Propofol, still running through the veins.


So he wants me to go to work and then we'll go sightseeing after I put the showers running at breakfast. I mean, he's got a good start to the day.


I wish you he's got a good schedule, at least planned. I mean, do you even think I'm a queen above eighteen or what? You're making about anything. Don't make me breakfast.


I learned something new today. My mind. And I need you to. Is Nick Nolte on Take Time Out? What did he say? I learned something today. Women have menopause men due to our topic today.


Good. That's good.


I like that one. Come on. Didn't you like that one? Yeah. He picked a cool username. Do you want to read it? Yeah. What is the use of it. Oh is that like 70 numbers in it.


One of those guys is like, follow me.


Oh yeah, I'm a user. One six eight six four five nine one zero zero zero two seven four seven six.


Yeah. All right. Yeah, I'll take that later.


Hi, my name is Kendall Raymond Miller. I have bipolar sister Franny with seeing hearing things. I have. Sophistical Franni anxiety, depression, bipolar, one or two, she said that already exciting said already. Anything else you can think of? I got I'm not able to cope with any of it. I think I've been trying I've been trying not to kill myself for the last couple months. Was it for my husband? I would be dead by now.


He's the reason I'm living right now.


I just thought you like this. I just don't understand why this is happening to me. What the fuck? Would somebody please talk to me? Let me know how to cope with this, because I'm just about to give up. I go to sleep. I'm fighting to stay asleep. I'm fighting to stay awake. I'm fighting. It just ends right there, that's so frightening, I got bipolar disease, I got schizophrenia, I got a brain cut, I got a mole that looks like an Oreo crumb underneath my lip.


Those are the facts.


It was horrible stuff. It's horrible. That's talk.


Here's the talk that I think that's why a checking account available balances 12 million six hundred seventeen thousand two hundred ninety dollars and fifty six. Wow. Well, what do you think of those slobs? I mean, are those. Yeah. This is what you're thinking? That's what I'm thinking. That you're thinking, that's what he's thinking. That's what I'm thinking. Here's another one I found. I mean, I think you'll, like, can say something.


I don't think that schizophrenic bipolar to anxiety suicide is funny. I just like that you get really mad at it. Oh, thanks. It's like how I react to the horrible or hilarious. It's my horrible or hilarious. How about this one?


Those people keep asking me if I'm a Democrat or Republican. I'm like, bitch, I'm a fucking retard.


That's amazing. Yeah, that was amazing. Oh, there you go. Got that guy was pretty. That guy's pretty cool. That's great.


If you want to ask anybody else, the Indians ask, how did the pilgrims come back? They come with a pretty smile and they come upon the gifts. How do they take over this world?


That's one of hers. I mean, this guy, yeah, looks like he lives in the walls of a gas station. Yeah, he does does thankfully. He has a ticktock account though. Yeah, well, I mean, we get these treats. I mean, how did he figure it out?


It's pretty amazing to other people who like your tough fuck you your fucking pussy. Fuck man. Fuck you think it is your turf. Guess what, you're a pussy. You're a bitch. I just have a stake. I just have a chicken fried chicken. I say, but fuck man, I, I pay for everything. I deserve it. I'm a man. I take care of everything to all the people who are tough. Fuck your broadcast pussy bitch.




You know, real theme to today's talk, we got chicken and fried chicken fried chicken, and he deserves them on a Wednesday, Wednesday.


So Wednesday I can respect the guy who knows what he likes during different days of the week. I know there's some spicy about this guy.


This is a real spicy talk folder. I mean, is there some like. Well, palate cleanser is coming up. Well, this is listen, I have any more diabetes sociopaths, people that are going to kill themselves. I need a good palate cleanser for when I watch. I like that, you know, I don't know. I'm alive.


I don't know why I'm alive. I want to take my life. Any moment in the video is going to cut off halfway.


Did she live? I don't know. I don't think she's around.


She's still in thought. OK, OK. I mean, this is what's happening in the world, you guys. This is the zeitgeist. I'm just picking up what's on the pulse, OK?


We found out that they love this activity. When we were pulling Leo in a sled, when we put the rope down, camper came over and put the rope in his mouth and began pulling Leo. Leo will get pulls the well. And as you could see, he loves her. He loves to take a ride in anything. Leo loves getting pulled around. This is like our two kids essence.


I can't listen. I'm more and more in love with dogs. Every tick tock I watch it with dogs are just so they're all love. It used to be a cat person.


Never in my fucking life. And don't you ever say that he's just kidding it. Cats are OK, but dogs are just love.


They all use your dog.


OK, I want to get a wiener dog something. I grew up with different dogs since I love dogs. That's cool. Yeah. Yeah. Dogs are great love dogs. Yeah. So much.


Easy tips on how to live off grid step one by big ass camper. A small camper. That way nobody can kick you out because it's your home. You go out and you get property. Roughly an acre of land could go from anywhere from fifteen hundred to three thousand dollars. And then you only got to pay the yearly tax on that, which is cheap as fuck, rather than having to pay monthly 600 dollars to a thousand dollars rent.


OK, you say fuck the power company, go straight to harbor. OK, I'm done with this game.


I thought you wanted to know how to live off the grid. I'm going to go off the grid for real, but I'm going to look super creepy and suspicious with as a white guy with dreads. And you're going to know that as soon as you look at me that something is maybe not I'm not be right. So just to let you know, I have some great tips to go on, like getting solar panels for my acre that cost me a thousand dollars an acre for a thousand dollars.


Me come on in Alaska.


Yeah. Where I want to know. Good.


I mean, how many people want to get really off the grid. Uh, I have family members that are doing this.


What are you talking about. You have one but well not well of course that's the whole point. Nobody normal is like I'm going to do this.


Nothing is done longer. They might. Well, that honestly looks like they are losing them by. What's going on there, Tom? She's cutting the corn, but first, that's all I heard.


What is it that I could understand is the longer device, it's almost like they are losing and by something hallucinating.


Is that in Peru, it could be, she said, yes, she's cutting long corn, but first and then it cuts off one of these. You're really good at finding stocks that just end in the middle of something.


Hey, hey. It's a day in the life, you know. You're welcome.


You get a little slice of my account got banned. And because of that girl having everybody falsey turning my videos in and I have it, but not because they got me banned from Tick-Tock. Can you believe that girl going around the town? Fossilisation that I am a sex offender. She's a sex videos, got edited and stuff like that and got the voice. Nothing changed.


I hate your folder today. This looks like it could be one of my family members. Yeah, it really does in Iowa for sure.


It really does. He might be in Iowa speaking, she might be I'll be at the Des Moines. That's where my family's from. Des Moines last know, first week in April. I'm in Des Moines, Iowa.


Come out and see me saying I want children. I do not want no children.


Oh, my God. My uncle's a big county. You come out, come out first weekend and say, yeah, yeah, well, I made a decision.


I'm coming back on kickoff. I don't want no drama, no phone and drama. You kind of shocking to me. It's only going to be positive when I translate what's happening.


So somebody accused her of being a sex defender, she says on her last talk.


And so she swore off tech talk forever and then she decided to come back. But only if you guys remain positive.


Just be positive in the comments. Otherwise, I'm out of here. She's out yet. And you don't want that. You don't want her to be out of.


You know, this is cool. Have you seen her porno stuff? No. Yeah. No. Yeah, no.


Yeah, she's on only fans and I swear to God, go to her Twitter. How do you know. Because I've seen I've been tagged on because he's her only fan.


She's, she's, she's on Twitter naked. Do I swear to God. What's Nadaf.


Find her. Well, yeah, coming right up, that should take a our mind, you think you could find her and find her in two seconds?


Yeah. The it to the younger guy, Jesus Christ, God, OK. Find out. All right.


It's fair to say I'm a pedophile because my girlfriend's young is here's my anus. No, you faggots want to tell me this.


That's it. Yo, bars on the bars and that shit.


What's up? You find her no where we're looking for her username. OK, so what did you think in that room that was really cool.


Can someone explain to me what's wrong with white pride? Because I'm so proud to be white, like I am a white queen. I am a goddess. Look at these freckles. Look at this complexion. I'm loving it. I'm not hating anyone else because they're not white. I love your pigment to. But I'm proud of my I'm proud. I'm proud of the white people and something's wrong with that, but nothing's wrong with being proud. If you're black and you can be proud of your ancestors, you can say, I love black people.


You can say black people are the best. You can say, I hate white people and it's OK. But to have white pride, to display white pride on social media in today's world, you can't, I think, and also explain to me what's wrong with like, um, how do you need to explain?


I think she has blood on her T-shirt. Do you see that? Yeah, it's probably it's probably blood from not a white person and probably not. And I like how she snuck in the McDonald's slogan, I'm loving it in white.


That's how that's like like the top the whitest thing you could say a little more like startling and stunning that this is her speech because she's cute. Like it starts off like she's a pretty girl. And then she's like, it's good to be like, oh. She says she has that black girls confidence from earlier, but in the worst way possible. No, it's like following all the wrong things she's been.


I also feel like she seems really young and I feel like she might be parodying things that she hears around that house.


I think she's actually taking her learner's permit. Test. Yes. Ticktock. Video. Well, you know, it's funny.


She's going to be mortified of this video in a few years if she even gets employed.


It's always that's always white people's arguments. Yeah. Why can't I have white, like, racist?


People always say, why can't the go to N-word?


Yeah, you're like, just I can't be proud of my skin color to where are you? What are you afraid of. So calm down.


Don't worry about it. It's translucent. You can see my veins. Look at me. I'm so I've had cancer six times so. Right.


Oh yeah. Why are you ok? Shut the fuck up when cops ask questions.


See we got a new case today. Somebody didn't shut the fuck up. Cop said, hey, have you smoked cannabis today? And they said yes, about three hours ago. Guess what? That's going to lead to a fucking DUI maybe.


So this is an attorney. He has a tick tock account and he gives you pointers on when you get pulled over how to deal with the cops. Actually, quite useful.


And I really like him. I think he's. Oh, here she is. The account was suspended.


Oh, why was it suspended? Can't you do whatever you want? It has to do a Google search. That woman's stripper name.


Oh, that's her T-shirt as well as nothing to do with sex stuff like I'm just bad. I'm just bad. This is my Twitter quit bitch.


I even think about that top one. Tater cake, 54. Oh, my God, that's her. OK, to change the go to media.


Shut the front door, you guys. This chick's doing PR, I'm telling you. Yes, I saw it. No freakin way. I saw it. I bought like forty five video.


I saw it. You've got to be kidding me. No, I swear. It was all here's the thing, it's a lot harder than you think, really. Oh, yeah. Like what kind of stuff, Tom? She was sucking on her own.


That's pretty cool stuff.


But this is what I call the Froyo machine questions the script. These 25 words we're talking about begin with let's talk about this. Who is heavily influenced by a better call, Saul?


He's like, oh, yeah, what you do when that cop first comes up to you. And no matter what he says, where are you going? Where are you coming from? What's that smell? Good advice. Have you had you know, this is a high drug traffic area. Why are you sweating? Why are your eyes red? Why do you seem nervous? Those cops can ask anything that they want. And when they first come up on you, you want to say, why did you pull me over?


That's the first phrase of the script, because under case law, the cops have about seven, eight minutes to give you a traffic ticket unless they find other independent probable cause to further detain you. And they find that when you start yapping now, just because they pulled you over doesn't mean it's a traffic stop. Maybe your tires are low or something else is wrong. So why did you pull me over? Starts the clock ticking That's your Tip of the day.


And shut the fuck up. And cops ask questions.


Thought that's the best advice. Honestly, you know that if they go, you know, if you had a drink, you don't have to worry about if you've had a drink and you had it like, you know, at lunch or something. And now a few hours went by and have you been drinking? And you go, well, I had a drink at lunch. You're fucked, right? You just go, yeah, you're going to be.


Yeah. Doing the test.


What is shut the fuck up is it. You just don't answer the police or what's your answer. Definitely don't. I mean, I think you're not sharing any information that doesn't need to be shared. Kind of correct.


Yeah well I, I am I being detained.


I used to go through DUI checkpoints all the time on the way out to the ice house. They always have one set up right out there on like Friday nights. And I didn't change my route a couple of times. And I went through the same DUI checkpoint and different officers were trying to get me to talk myself into saying that I had lived there longer than six months because my tags were from Kansas still.


But somebody had told me they're like, make sure you say since your plan on keeping your Kansas tags for a while that you just got out here last week. Yeah. So every time and this cop, he came up and he's like, how long have you been here? Last week. He's like, really? When did you drive out? And then he started like trying to pressure me into saying, like, actually I've been out here this many.


So he give me a ticket, but I'm like, nah, this visiting then. Yes. Uh, just going to a comedy club out here, checking it out. And then I'm driving back to Kansas tomorrow. And then I did that for the first five, six years that I lived here when I got pulled over by cops. Yeah. Because they see out to say tags.


I can I saw that to with the tags like I get asked.


It's way cheaper for insurance back in the day. Like I used to have like eighty dollar insurance on my car. Like back in Kansas.


Yeah. It's 7:00 in the morning. I just wanted you to see how disgusting New Orleans is, because I know you have contempt for discussing this. Look how gross that it's 7:00 in the morning and what is coming out of this that it's disgusting.


It's onion rings. It's fried crab fried crab. That's what it looks like. A soft shell crab in his fucking murderer to me.


Bloody Mary Egan. Yes. It looks like one. It does kind of look like one. Yeah, but it's crab meat.


Throw up. Isn't that 7:00 in the morning?


It's always best to have women unsure where they stand with you. OK, sounds kind of harsh. I'll admit that. I love it. The reality is women are more attracted to guys if they're not sure about women. Hate uncertainty, and yet, strangely enough, they're attracted to it. Guys that are a sure thing. The typical nice guys, they lose interest. And we all know darn well once a woman knows that you're into her, she knows that you like her, her interest drops or in some cases, it disappears altogether.


Meanwhile, the guys they have to constantly wonder about, wonder if they like them, they're drawn to them. So they want to do those things. That's the bad boys do. That's why I say you don't pour your feelings out. The girls were your girlfriend. You let them dig it out of you. That's why you take your time to return their texts or phone calls. That way, you're not always available to her all the time. Go chasing after her, calling her all the time, texting all the time.


She has to constantly wonder people like her. And it's amazing the results. It sounds harsh, but that's just how it is. That's reality. It's good advice.


That's the reality. Keep these bimbos in the dark. Yeah. You got to make sure they're unsure because if they're too sure that they might not like you, then they're definitely not going to like he's right. Your personality is bad.


That's why I like him writing. Yeah.


Is that I don't know when he's coming home. Yeah. I don't know. Or if he's ever going. Is he going to call.


Yeah. Is he going to help with the kids.


I don't know. I don't want anyway. It's hot. Makes me feel great. Yeah.


Instability just gets weird. Just going to go right through. Thank you so much for coming today.


Of course the special is available on Amazon Prime Amazon Prime Family Reunion and yeah it's you can rent it or February or excuse me, April 8th, April eight comes available free on Amazon Prime. Free on Amazon Prime. And I brought a few Oh.


Gifts for you guys. Oh my God. Oh yeah.


Love gifts. Love gifts to have presents for me. Presents, uh, presents I got for you and the crew. I have these sacks has.


Oh yeah. Do. Yeah. They're pretty dough. That's nice. And then so thank you so much my associates.


I've got one for you and a couple of guys in there too. Thanks man. Um and then I got this on vinyl so if you want.


Oh shit. Yeah. Oh was the way to go. Yeah. You look like such a sweet boy.


Oh thank you. Yeah. I look at that, I'd be like I bet that guy doesn't come in a pregnant lady. Yeah. But then you find out a day that this is her, this is her house.


My beautiful mom is your mom. Yeah. That was the moment that was on stage there at the special.


Yeah. Oh that's really cool. It's wonderful. Congratulations man. Thank you. Thank you. I love you guys.


Just I really appreciate and you guys. I appreciate you guys. I'm your camera. Show your camera the.


There's this and then. The mommy picture mommy pulling her pants down and mooning the other. No, that was it. That was years before this.


But thank you, man. Congratulations. It's a big deal to put out an album. Thank you.


Yeah, I'm excited about it. It's awesome. All right. You guys know what to do. Check it out. Watch it.


Listen to it. And our closing song is Desex Ain't Cheating by Mr. Möbius.


A pixellated a big survey team. Dick Cheney, Dick Cheney, Dick Cheney. And the a big, big, big push. So what is a thickset. So what is the thing that's going to fix it? There's no question that things will get married before we get married. Women get married. They do get married. They do. They do. My my focus here right now. 30 minutes is utilizing your view of any serious. So I think something that is.


So what is a Texan, though, is a Texan has always said no one thinks it is not the way it is a Texan, that's the way it is a Texan. That's the way the Texan.


It's not fucking that bitch is not fucking it. And laying beside me and all that.


And I thought, OK, ok, ok, ok.